#and I’ve got a strong stomach I’ve been chopped up plenty times myself

[mycological-mariner]

My brother’s just left. Not feeling great bout it, perla because yes he’s my brother and I’ve missed the fucker, mainly because he’s just left with an infected leg.

Couple of days ago he had to change the dressings on it. And I’m thinking it’s a cut or a nasty scrape like he’d said. So, as Im cutting squares of bandage (already kinda sus for a cut), he rolls up his pant leg and There. There is a chunk of flesh missing. Boy had a hole in his flesh and was like “Just a cut that got a little infected, no worries!” YES WORRIES. I HAVE MANY WORRIES WHY IS YOUR FLESH GONE, WHITE BOY????

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE,BLOOD Vol.01 Sakamaki Ayato [TRACK 9+10]

Original title: 痛みの中で & 極限の吸愛 (デスエクスタシー)

Source: Diabolik Lovers More, Blood Vol. 1: Sakamaki Ayato [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Midorikawa Hikaru

Translator’s note:

Track 1+2 ll Track 3+4 ll Track 5+6 ll Track 7+8 ll Track 9+10

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TRACK 9: AMIDST THE PAIN

*Rustle*

“Come on...Open your eyes. Keep them only on me, ‘kay?”

Ayato continues to kiss you passionately.

“Mmh...Nn…”

*Smooch*

“I won’t make it hurt...It’ll only feel good…”

You frown.

[00:31] “Aah…? You’re scared regardless? Hahaha. It’ll be over before you know it once the pleasure kicks in.”

You continue to protest. 

“What if you won’t be able to walk anymore, you ask? Good question...Then, I’ll just carry you ‘round instead, Chichinashi. Mmh...Nn…”

*Smooch*

*Rustle rustle*

[01:06] “...Ah. Hah...Fuck...This is startin’ to get seriously dangerous...I’m havin’ a hard time findin’ the strength to twist off your leg as well...Damn...Whatever...I’ll just suck from whichever spot I can reach…Haah...Right. Hahaha...This place might not be half bad…”

*Rustle rustle*

“I haven’t bitten you here yet, have I? ーー Your heart. I’ll give you my fangs here.”

*Cling cling*

*Sluuuuurp*

“I’m sure it’ll be scrumptious…”

You seem skeptical. 

[01:57] “Aah? You wanna know if I can even plunge my fangs inside your heart? Fool! I’m gonna thrust them in really deep. Fortunately, I should just barely be able to reach it even with these chains holdin’ me back. If it turns out to be impossible, there’s still the option of twistin’ off your leg regardless. However, I don’t think that’d be enough to calm my anger, so I’ll chop off your hands as well.”

Your eyes widen in fear.

“Hahaha…”

You beg for his mercy.

[02:35] “What? Don’t start cryin’ already when I haven’t even done anythin’ yet. It’s hella annoyin’...I’m sure it’ll feel amazin’ when I suck from your heart. I’m sure you’re happy as  well. Not only do you get to experience pleasure, but you’re given a chance to offer something precious to the man you love. You might just rank up from bein’ just prey.”

*Rustle rustle*

[03:06] “Hahaha...You’re shiverin’? Don’t worry. You won’t die even if I suck blood from your heart. Well, it’s fine if you’re scared. Just scoot a lil’ closer. I’ll hold you in my arms. Not that you’re particularly soft or cozy to the touch.”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Here I come. Just entrust everythin’ to me. Relax, and accept my fangs.”

*Rustle*

[03:44] “Exactly...Just like that...I’m goin’ straight for the heart.”

Ayato latches down.

“Hahn...Nn...Hah…Keep still!”

*Cling*

“Succumb to me...and don’t resist!”

*Sluuuurp*

“Mmh...Nn…”

*Gulp*

[04:18] “Hah...Haah, haah...This is bad...What’s with this taste? ...Fuck! Hahn…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Haah, hahn...Mmh…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Hahn...Nn...Nnh…”

*Gulp*

[04:46] “Mmh…Haah, haah...Dammit...At this rate...I might just tear apart your heart with my fangs...But still...I can’t stop…”

*Rustle*

“Hahn−!”

*Gulp gulp*

“Hah…! Chichinashi...You don’t mind, do you?”

You tell him it feels good.

“Hahaha...Exactly. It’s amazin’ for me too…I also feel as if I’m ‘bout to melt...Hahn...Mmh…”

*Gulp*

[05:34] “...Haah? Harder? Hahaha! You damn nympho! Don’t come cryin’ to me afterwards if you lose your mind for real. Hahn…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Hahn...Mmh…”

*Rustle rustle*

“Hahー! Mmh...Nn…”

*Gulp*

[06:08] “...Shit...My stomach’s on fire...I don’t know how to describe this sensation as it coats my tongue...Haah…”

*Rustle*

“The one thing I can say is that your blood really is the best...and somethin’ very special to me. Haah, haah...Exactly...Give me more...More!!”

He continues drinking your blood.

“Hahn…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Mmh...Nn...Hah...Hahn…”

*Gulp*

“Hah…!”

*Rustle*

[07:04] “Oi! Don’t go faintin’ on me now! We have to get rid of these chains to escape this place. It might hurt, but you can push through it, right? ...I’ll give you another intense one. I’ll thrust my fangs all the way in at once, so you won’t be able to feel anythin’ but pure bliss. Okay?”

You nod.

[07:35] “Here it comes...I’ll pierce you even deeper…”

*Rustle*

“Ughーー!!”

Ayato bites you aggressively.

*Gulp gulp*

[07:55] “Hahn...Nn...Don’t thrash ‘bout…! It makes it difficult to suck! Hahn…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Hahn...Nn...Mmh…”

*Gulp*

“Nnh…”

*Gulp*

[08:12] “Hah...Don’t worry...We’re almost there...Just focus on feelin’ my fangs…! Hahn...Mmh…”

*Gulp*

“Hah...Mmh...Haah…”

*Gulp*

“Nn...Nnh...Hahー! Hahn...Haah…”

*CLING*

TRACK 10: THE ULTIMATE BLOODY LOVE (1) ( DEATH ECSTASY)

“Haah, haah...Ugh…”

*Cling cling*

“With this...We’ve finally been freed from these vexin’ chains, huh? Hahaha…”

*Smack smack*

“Oi, Chichinashi. You still alive?”

You whimper.

[00:20] “Hahaha...Guess you no longer feel the pain. Seems like the pleasure was just too intense, you can’t even respond. Oi, Chichinashi. Look this way.”

*Rustle*

“Your face’s a mess.”

You ask him about the chains. 

“Haah…? The chains? They came off. It didn’t hurt, did it? Even though realistically speakin’, the pain should have been almost unbearable. Hahaha…”

*Cling*

[00:54] “Ah, speakin’ of which...Reiji did mention once that people lose their ability to experience pain when pushed to their utmost limit. However, I guess the same can’t be said ‘bout pleasure, huh? Humans are seriously fascinatin’...Actually, this might not be a human thing...Chichinashi, you’re the only one who is like this. You’re such a funny chick…

[01:26] Anyway...You’re covered in blood, huh? Well, guess that’s to be expected. You’ve lost all strength in your body as well. Still, while I don’t feel as worked up as before, I’m still thirsty. The fun has only just begun...Thanks to those guys, we’ve got plenty of time on our hands as well.”

*Cling cling*

[01:56] “Hehehe...Guess I should be grateful to them for that at least. ...Say, Chichinashi. We’re in no rush, are we? For starters...It’d be a shame to let this blood gushin’ out go to waste, so I’ll drink it all up.”

*Rustle*

“The heavy scent of your blood…is nearly makin’ me choke… I can’t get enough of it…Haah...It’s makin’ my head spin…”

*Rustle rustle*

[02:31] “Haah...I can’t...The smell is too strong...It seems like it’s meltin’ my brain...Haah...I can’t...think...straight anymore…”

*SPLATTER*

“Fuck...My body’s goin’ numb...Chichinashi...Show me your leg...Haah, haah…”

*Rustle*

[03:10] “Hahaha...Ahahaha! I’m sure this must be quite the horrifying sight from an outsider’s perspective. A blood-covered human female and a Vampire, entertwined in each other’s embrace while bathing in a pool of even more blood...Mmh…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Mm...Nn…”

*Sluuuurp*

[03:46] “Hah...It’s fulfillin’...How do you feel, Chichinashi? I bet you’re happy? I’m covered in your blood from head to toe.”

You fail to reply, merely whimpering in response. 

“I guess you’re too happy, you’re at a loss for words? Hahaha...Guess I can’t blame you. I’m sure you’re strugglin’ to even breathe after losin’ so much blood. ...Ah, from the wound...What a waste.”

*Sluuuurp*

[04:29] “I can’t let it go to waste...Mmh…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Nn...Nnh…”

*Rustle*

“Just lappin’ it up with my tongue doesn’t do the trick. I’m sure you feel the same? You want to feel my fangs even more, don’t you?”

*Rustle rustle*

[05:00] “Oi, Chichinashi. Gimme some sort of reaction. ...Did you faint? Come on!”

*Smack smack*

“Fuck…! Guess it can’t be helped. I guess this might wake her up…?”

Ayato bites you.

“Hahn...Mmh…”

*Gulp*

[05:26] “Haah...No use, huh? Did she lose too much blood after all? Hahaha...But I still haven’t had enough. I’m beyond parched...Mm…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Mmh...Nn…”

*Rustle*

“Hahn...Mmh…”

*Gulp*

[05:59] “Hahー! ...Even if I were to suck you dry, I’d become thirsty again soon after. Hahn...Mmh…”

*Gulp*

*Sluuuurp*

“Mmh...Nn…”

*Rustle*

[06:22] “Hah...You finally gave some sort of reaction, huh?”

You mutter something.

“...Aah? What didya say? Speak a lil’ louder!”

*Rustle*

“Fuck...What a pain…”

He leans in close.

“What’s wrong? What did you say?”

You repeat yourself.

[06:49] “Haah…? You want me to kiss you? ...Haah, fine. Didn’t I tell you earlier? I’ll kiss you as many times as you want. Although as you can see, you’ll end up covered in blood as well as a result.”

*Cling cling*

[07:11] “Haah, haah...Well...I guess you don’t give a damn ‘bout that right now. Now that we’ve walked right into their trap, we can’t turn back time, no matter how much we struggle. In that case, we might as well…”

*Rustle*

“Go as far as we can, pushin’ ourselves to the very limit.”

He kisses you.

[07:47] “Hah...Nn...Chichinashi...Stick out your tongue...Yearn for me...Just like I do for you. Mmh...Mm…”

*Smooch*

“Now that we’ve come this far...You can no longer escape me, Chichinashi...Mm…”

*Smooch*

“You can’t even get out of here without me. ...Right. Should I just tear off your arms as well? Hahaha...Mmh…”

*Smooch*

[08:48] “...Seems like you’re quite into this as well, huh? Yeah...Just like that...Crave me...More and more…! Let’s show those guys exactly what kind of relationship we have...You are my prey. Forever. A special one too at that. Right? ...Come on, lemme suck more. That’s the only way we can enjoy ourselves down here. Besides, I’m still thirsty...Hahn…”

*Sluuuurp*

“Mm...Nnh…”

*Rustle*

[09:41] “So sweet...Haah...More…! I need more…! Hahn...Mmh…”

*Sluuuurp*

*Gulp*

“Hah...Nn…”

*Rustle*

[10:00] “I won’t let anyone else have you. Understood? Exactly. Even if you were to die right now, you���d still belong to me. Mmh...Nn…”

*Gulp*

“Nnh...Nn…”

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) 吸愛 which is pronounced ‘Kyuu-ai’ is a word often used within the DL franchise, which actually doesn’t exist in the Japanese language. It’s a combination of the characters for ‘to suck (blood)’ and ‘love’. It’s meant to refer to sucking one’s blood as a metaphor for showing your love for someone. I’ve always translated it as ‘bloody love’ myself in the past, so I will again for the sake of consistency.

[1stunseeliefaelass]

Darksiders Arthurian Tales Revisited

Chapter 26: Hauntings Ancient and New

"To be honest...I want to protect the ones I care about. And my Mama calls our home a tavern, but it's really a brothel. My Mama and the girls mean a lot to me, they were there for me when no one else was. Seeing the abuse some of those girls endured....just made me want to protect them. Mi familia." Arn tells her after some thought.

"That's a very honorable virtue you have. I hope you get to see your family again." Anna replies taking his hand.

Arn feels a warmth he's been missing for a long while. Course then his stomach interrupts that for him. He turns bright red as Anna giggles at the massive growl that comes from it. Luckily their food comes on down soon enough. Anna begins savoring her meal of lamb chops happily, whilst Arn enjoys a juicy steak inside broth. Arn's eyes widen as he savors the first bite, before he begins devouring it quickly. He stops halfway into it though as Anna is holding back the urge to giggle again. That and he can sense a possible boot about to be thrown his way. So he cleans up his manners and begins eating slowly like Anna is doing. He then chooses to pay for the meal to be a gentleman, since he has money from his arena winnings. Anna is thankful but decides to pay for a dessert for both of them to share. A pretty hefty ice cream sundae clearly made for two. Anna gets all giddy each time their spoons come close. Arn then gets an idea and asks if she'd like a bite of the ice cream flavor on his side. Anna nods accepting it, and lights up with delight as he spoon feeds her the bite. Her ears flitting to and fro to Arn's own delight. He's then surprised by Anna doing the same for him. His tail pops out and wags a little bit as he accepts the bite, then her smile makes his ears flit as hers are doing. Anna sees his tail is out and decides to reveal hers too, feeling comfortable enough around him. Oddly enough, it's got a cream colored tip that looks a bit like a heart. Arn can't help but comment on it.

"That is kinda cute."

Blushing a little Anna tells him, "Really? I used to get bullied for it."

"At least you have some color. Mine is just black.", Arn says raising his tail to show her.

"The guys who teased me probably would've liked you. They were all for solid colors, and compared me to a fox."

"I likely would've made them eat their words. Plenty of girls I knew had pretty fur colors." Arn states with conviction.

"Really? Shame we only met today. Would've enjoyed such a sweet protector."

Arn chuckles before saying, "And I probably would've liked having such a beauty for company, a f-friend even...if n-not more."

Anna giggles and blushes hard, "You really think I'm pretty?"

"Yes. Y-you're pretty. B-beautiful even!" Arn quickly shouts in extreme nervousness before holding his mouth shut.

Anna is surprised by that proclamation of course, "Oh wow....that's...gotta be the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Arn flattens his ears and tucks his tail as he gets a bit more embarrassed, "I'm sure there's been other people who t-t-t-thought so."

"Actually aside from my parents and family, not really. Although.....if you're saying that....does it mean that you like.....that I'm your....eh uhm......you know your....c-c-crush I guess?" Anna inquires shyly as her own ears flatten too.

He is silent for a while before he finally replies, "I guess so."

Nergal suddenly comes up asking, "Do you wish to have a bit chardonnay, brandy, or bourbon? Or maybe a nice shot of gin? Or maybe you two lovebirds....wait sorry no... would you two adolescents like some absinthe?"

All of sudden Esmie pops in, "Oh no you don't amigo, get over here."

"I'm sorry but I'm assisting." Nergal explains before she jumps up and grabs him by the ear.

As the two begin bickering a bit, Anna glances at Arn before motioning away from the area. She then finally whispers to him as he doesn't get it.

"Let's get out of here."

Arn gets a moment of realization before quickly nodding and vacating with her right away. Esmie doesn't notice they're gone until Nergal chuckles a bit to himself.

"Wait....where did they go?"

"My work here is done." Nergal states before turning to walk off with Esmie still on his ear.

"Usted hijo de puta!" Esmie shouts before smacking him across the face, to no reaction whatsoever from him.

"Hmhmhmhm....That won't do much good. Now let's get going so that the couple can enjoy themselves. And also....kindly remove yourself from my ear. I'm not into rabbit foot bling." Nergal simply tells her.

"Oh calla ojete." Esmie tells him annoyed before letting go finally.

Nergal just laughs at her, "Question? Do you have anyone in your life? Aside from your son, any other man in your life?"

"I do not. As a businesswoman, I lack the time most other ladies have. It would benefit Arn to have a male presence in his life sure, but the regular bounty hunters from the local guild would likely do just fine. They're all good men, the lot of them. Although that Sygr fellow is.....actually nevermind. Forget I said anything." Esmie explains.

"So are you into giants yourself?"

"Shut. It." Esmie tells him a bit miffed.

"Already pushing buttons? Hmm, usually it takes longer. Perhaps what I said wasn't appropriate then. Maybe Sygr just reminds you of someone. You did say your friend, Arn's Father Argus, was a demon didn't you?"

"Watch it."

"Just how close were you two?" Nergal asks her, knowing full well what's coming.

Esmie about goes into her full form, but just as quickly holds back. Placing her hands on a nearby bench as she takes a few deep breaths. Finally she looks back at Nergal when she's absolutely sure she won't explode, "It's none of your business, not a story for you. Now leave it be."

"What kind of nightmare happened with you? Do tell, I'm rather interested. You tell, I tell. Simple enough?" Nergal questions her sitting down on that very bench.

"Argus and I were always friends. It never went further.....although I sometimes wish it did. I enjoyed his company, his personality, and even his appearance. But I knew better than to be a homewrecker. So when Argus began speaking of Clawdette, I let him have her. I never once got in their way, even viewed Clawdette as an older sister of sorts. She was tough, no nonsense, and while somewhat feral she was still caring. I was never jealous of her, not once. Their deaths both hit me harder than I care to admit. I kept it hidden from Arn as he grew, but I couldn't hold it together forever. Not all the time. You've no idea how many times I drank myself stupid over them. Or how much worse it got after Arn was taken away from me. I try to be strong, only to end up back in the pit."

"What's that like? The pit? I've never been in it, at least to my current knowledge."

"When I say pit, I mean depression. That feeling of just pure emptiness. Like nothing has meaning. That feeling that keeps you up at night, the feeling you get that ensures you don't want to leave your bed in the morning. You just become so indifferent to almost everything and everyone. You stop paying attention to what's around you. You wallow in your own self pity, pain, suffering, or whatever may have brought you to that ever swallowing pit of despair."

"Well then, I guess I was born in this pit." Nergal responds simply.

Esmie gets a shocked expression and immediately questions, "How is that even possible? To be born into perpetual depression?"

"Try being born without the capability to express emotions properly. With them being distant or none existent at times. Them being overbearing almost difficult to handle. To have a need that you know will never be fulfilled. Knowing someone loves you, but you cannot love them back. But you must try, or else your purpose is no longer necessary in your eyes. Or seeking someone's approval, that you'll never get. I dunno if that's a pit but, it somewhat fits your description."

"Sounds like a mix of that and borderline sociopathy. Course I could just not know you well enough yet. You said you knew someone loves you at least, even if loving them is damn near impossible. So do you perhaps have the ability to express things like compassion or empathy?", Esmie inquires calmly.

"Based on what I can remember, compassion is an interesting emotion. It's....it's hard to describe. To feel remorse for something that is insignificant or is that incorrect?"

"You're way off. Remorse is to put it simply, feeling bad for something you have done. Compassion is just being kind and the ability to be that way. Giving kindness for the sake of it and for the sake of others. Sometimes even yourself to feel good for the day." Esmie explains.

"Ah I see....I have found I can be kind. At least according to the woman I share a bed with. If you count tree roots as a bed anyway." Nergal states before noticing Esmie's weird expression, "She's a Dryad."

"Oh ok, now I get it. But Dryads can read others extremely well, better than most demons I daresay. If she says you're kind, then surely she's correct. Does she tell you you're anything else? That you have certain things to you that you may not notice?"

"She tells I'm often cold and distant, and yet warm and close. It's very strange. I'm a very messed up individual by your standards. I need to go find some food of my own now though. Why don't you think upon the Sygr situation, I'm going to a tavern and probably going to make a man question his drinking problems." Nergal explains before walking off.

Esmie is unsure of what to make of the situation but decides to consider how being with Sygr might pan out for her. Where as Morgen and Death have finally returned for the books she requested. As expected, there was precious little. In fact the 'book' itself, was incredibly small and shaped like a heptagon with a seven pointed star etched on the front cover for a design. The cover was simply a darkened leather with pages that looked extremely old. Even the language it was written in baffled Morgen.

"I'm sorry miss, but this is all I could find. I'd have told you it's contents if I could read the language. But it's not one I know." The elder pixie librarian told her.

"It's quite alright. I half expected there'd be nothing. Oh well, we'll just bring these back to our carriage for now. Thank you...oh and of course here's money to replace their vacant spaces."

Death then picks up the heavy box of spellbooks and other books in general and heads out to drop it off at the carriage. Morgen stays behind to pay for it all of course. Then she joins Death outside.

"Sorry to make you do that heavy lifting. Hopefully you're healed enough after every...."

"Believe me I'm fine."

Morgen then looks back towards the old path and shudders, "I severely doubt those guards are though."

"Yeah but we likely would've had to kill them ourselves if they weren't hollow statues now. Let's just be glad we were spared an unneeded fight. So I'm guessing the language of the book is unknown to you as well?"

"I've looked through it, and I can't say I recall it's meaning. I feel like I should know what it's saying and yet I don't." Morgen expresses a bit discouraged.

Death pauses as he's tying the box down and gently places a hand under her chin. He then lifts her face up, "Hey now, don't get discouraged. Perhaps it's part of your memories, and you just haven't reached that part yet. So what if you don't recall? Memory is rarely perfect, sometimes it's even wrong all together. Now...where is everyone?"

"Thank you Death. And I don't know." Morgen replies looking around a bit confused before continuing, "Maybe we could just rest in the carriage for now? Wait until everyone is back."

"Or perhaps we could actually do something else around the village for a bit. A simple walk perhaps?" Death suggests offering his arm.

Morgen snickered softly but wrapped her arm in his, "Look at you being all open to enjoying social activities Mr. Antisocial."

"Said Ms. Social Butterfly, who wanted to rest in the carriage for the rest of the day." Death points out.

Morgen rolls her eyes as Death chuckles a bit. They walk past the tavern Nergal's in and notice a man looking very much drained. Then a few more are seen as they pass it by. They decide to avoid the tavern for now and focus on enjoying the walk together. Course they do stop for a bit of dinner as well. Morgen mostly tells Death a few of the nicer stories about her childhood as he listens intently. Course she does eventually coax him into telling a few stories himself. Such as any about how he met his friends and a few regarding his family members. Ultimately the two enjoy each other's company.

Arn and Anna meanwhile had decided to go see the secret place Anna mentioned before. After following an ancient looking pathway with ivy and other plants covering it, Arn saw it. A ruined castle like fortress that had clearly seen a battle once. One that was a massacre from what he could gather as he observed the skeletal remains of knights around him. What he didn't expect, was that he only saw knights of Uther's kingdom. No other combatants' bodies lay around there. Either none of the enemy died, they were each other's enemies for some reason, or something different happened. Arn briefly thought he could hear the sounds of the men's battle cries and deaths in the air around him.

Anna's voice suddenly pierced through to him, "Hey Arn, you ok over there? You kinda spaced out for a second."

"Yeah I'm fine.", Arn replied before focusing on her and avoiding the skeletons.

The two then began to enter the ruins proper. Arn found the fact that there were more skeletons inside to be VERY disconcerting. Course Anna came up to him and held his hand.

"It's ok, they're not gonna come to life I promise. They never have. Yeah they're a little scary at night but they're just remains...right?" Anna told him with a bit of nervousness.

"Well let's not try to disturb them. I get the feeling they didn't die peacefully.", Arn says even wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

Anna blushes after a slight jump but quickly tells him, "Yeah uhm...let's not disturb them. The main building is my favorite place, it's got lots of interesting things in there."

"Right." Arn responds as she guides him to the main building.

The two then enter and the foyer holds many hallways that have been ravaged by both fires and time. Anna only leads him down the main one though, as it's the least cluttered. It leads to massive double doors and the two find ancient stairs behind them. They manage to hold up surprisingly, but Arn is still nervous about it as they go up. Finally at the top, Anna pulls him by the hand to a specific room. On the door of it are many intricate designs pertaining to the moon, night sky, and stars. The name plaque that was once on it was broken off at the intial, an M. Inside the room was a gorgeous bed that looked WAY too pristine for such an derelict place. In fact, most of the room looked to be in mostly good condition. Aside from occasional broken small items across the floor. Arn also sees a portrait that's torn in a specific place, lifting the torn part up, he sees an eerily familiar face.

Anna notes his reaction and comes over, "Something wrong?"

Arn shakes his head and drops the torn piece, "Nothing...just an old painting."

"Right. Well I guess the white haired lady is very pretty huh? I always wonder who she was. She always seems so happy in that portrait with the other knights. Do you think she had a good life? Or do you perhaps think more cynically than me?"

"I don't know...but she does look very happy." Arn states simply.

He does smirk a bit however. Knowing that despite everything, Morgen still has days when she smiles just as brightly.

Anna of course picks up a nearby book and hugs it, "This is her journal, at least I think it is. I know you're not supposed to read them, but....it's been such an inspiration for me. I wish I could've met her. Everyone always says she was a kind woman when I ask them. That she was always willing to help those who needed her. While not as good in fight as her fellow knights, she'd use her magic to defend and heal all she could."

Arn thinks for a minute before saying, "You speak of her like she was your role model."

"She is in a way. Do you wanna see her armor? It's still all nice and shiny. It's in this walk in closet over here." Anna asks as she hurries over to the doors.

Arn follows her and is in awe with her when he sees it, "Looks like it never saw a day of wear."

He feels however in the back of his mind that something is amiss, but can't quite place it. Instead he looks upon the set in more awe. The designs are as intricate as they come, which makes sense given that Morgen is a princess. The theme surprised him however, white and silvery blue for the colors with unicorn styled ornaments on it. Hanging off the pauldrons were tiny white unicorn horns on thin chains. The helm of sorts had a short unicorn horn attached to the front, the horn itself being cresent shaped. Aside from those decals, were moon and night designs mixed with scenes of unicorns that looked straight out of vintage paintings. Little do he or Anna know however, that a certain spirit has been stirred by their presence. Anna however keeps Arn busy so they remain oblivious as he approaches the room slowly.

"Her armor is just so beautiful, I'll bet when she wore it she was even more beautiful as a result."

"I'm sure she would...Anna...I have something to say..." Arn starts to say when he suddenly notices something in the armor, a reflection behind them of a figure. He suddenly shouts, "Get Behind Me!", drawing his long knife and putting Anna behind him to face the figure.

They find a ghostly knight before them who asks them two simple questions, "Why have you come? What do you want with this place?"

"What's it to you?", Arn responds making sure Anna is safely behind him.

"I once lived in these halls. I served the lady whose room and closet you're currently standing in. I defend this place even in death from intruders who would do harm here. So I will ask once more, and once only. WHY HAVE YOU COME AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The knight booms down at them.

Arn growls before he finally answers, "We didn't mean any harm. We were just looking around, nothing was taken."

"You will leave then, now. I see no reason for you to remain in this place of death. Nor do I see why you..." The knight explains before pointing at Anna, "...need to keep coming back here after tonight."

Anna protests of course, "Uh please....I've never taken anything. I always leaves things where they belong."

"Yet you continue to VIOLATE the privacy of my fair lady. Something she valued highly above most things aside from her duties to this realm."

"She inspires me! I never meant any harm! I love her story and if anything looked too personal I wouldn't read it. I always skipped those more personal bits." Anna pleads.

"Your intent may not have been bad. But I cannot let this slight go. I can only forgive it if you leave and never return. There's nothing here for the living, not anymore."

Arn however has his own two gilt to give, "What do you know of your lady? What she has become?"

"Who are you to ask me that? A child of wolf and....something else. Something....older. Far older than me."

Arn grits his teeth, "Watch what you say ghost."

"I have no obligation to you. I'm already dead so your threats mean nothing boy. Besides, even a young wolf from the arena is no match for the dead. Especially a knight who has disciplined himself in combat when compared to a savage gladiator."

"I WARNED YOU!" Arn shouts before charging the ghost.

The knight sighs before simply grabbing him by his head. With this act he slams Arn into the ground once before releasing him, "That will be your only warning child. Leave now while I'm still in a decent mood. I won't harm you further so long as you follow my instructions."

Arn gets up and growls before going to charge again. Anna however grabs his arm, "Stop it. Let's just go.....even if it means....I can't come back anymore..."

Arn notes her voice cracks and sees her beginning to cry. He relents, but tells the knight, "This is not over. You will see reason yet."

"And yet you failed to until just now? Believe me. There's nothing left to this folly. Just leave." The knight replies simply.

Anna then leads Arn away to leave the area, whilst the spirit remains in the room. His lonely vigil ever present, even in his demise.

Arn hugs Anna as they walk away outside, "I'm so sorry Anna. It's probably my fault he's being so harsh to you. But I promise I'll make sure you can keep going back there whenever you wish."

"How....how can you promise that?" Anna inquires as she sobs.

"Let's just say, I know somebody he'll have to listen to." Arn tells her.

"About what he said....the knight. What was he talking about?"

"Uhm....well you know I'm Werewolf. But the other part of me....it's something even scarier. I don't want to discuss it, but a lot of people hate the race my Father came from."

Anna looks at him sadly, "Oh. That sounds pretty shitty of them."

"People have good reasons to hate the race. But not everyone in the race was or is a bad person. At least Mama says my Father certainly was always better than his kin usually were."

Anna finds herself confused, but ultimately continues to question him, "What about the other part? Where he compared you to a gladiator?"

"I was in.......the arena...until recently. I was captured as a child....and forced to fight most of my life. Fighting at an early age has its privilege....and its price." Arn tells her reluctantly.

Anna looks horrified, which Arn expected, what he wasn't expecting is why she was horrified, "How much have you suffered?"

"More than I care to describe Anna. Anyway, can we...change the subject at least? Please? I really, REALLY don't like talking about this. Lot of bad memories from that place still haunt me." Arn implores of her.

"Oh of course. Sorry to bring that up."

"It's ok. You deserved to know. I kinda owed you for getting us kicked out of there." Arn replies.

"I don't blame you Arn. It wasn't your fault. I should've known I wouldn't be welcome." Anna tells him softly as her tears slowly begin to dry.

"Now let's go talk to that person I think will talk some sense into him."

Esmie soon spots the two and immediately hurries to Arn, "What happened niño? Why is your nose bloody?"

"I'm fine Mama, just a grumpy old ghost. I need to talk to Morgen about him in fact. Where is she?"

"On a walk with Death. They're actually nearly back from what I can see. Why don't you head back to the carriage. I suspect we'll be leaving soo.."

"Mama please, just a bit longer. Besides, it may take a while for Morgen to help us out." Arn protests to her.

Esmie sighs at him, "And what could she possibly need to help you with niño?"

"The ghost that apparently fucked up my nose. He's guarding the place we were at and is being an ass. Especially in regards to Anna. I promised I'd help her continue to be able to keep going back to her favorite place. It's really important to her Mama. Please."

Esmie thinks silently for a moment before hearing Death question her, "Why is it that Arn looks like he was hit recently?"

"Arn actually has something to tell you and Morgen. It involves the thing that did this to him." Esmie explains simply, to Arn's relief.

"Really? Well out with it then, what happened?" Death asks.

"A ghost is haunting the ruins Anna brought me to. He was pissed off and has banished Anna from ever going back. But the ruins should have significance to Miss Morgen, and the ghost knight claims he served her. So I figure maybe he'll listen to reason if Morgen talks to him." Arn tells him.

"Was he vengeful?"

"I don't think so. He only bashed me into the ground once, and I.....kinda...was a.....a dick....I deserved it." Arn admits rubbing his neck.

Death facepalms, "What did you do?"

"Charged at him because he provoked me."

He then sighs, "Of course you did."

Morgen inquires of Arn however, "You said he was a knight, correct?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Pray tell, why banish Anna when it was you who attacked?" Morgen asks calmly.

Anna then timidly steps forward, "I sometimes g-go into an old room there....it has a journal t-t-that I'm guessing is yours.....I'm so sorry for reading it. It just inspired me so much."

Morgen pulls the young girl into a hug as she begins crying, "Easy there my dear. Granted I'd not recommend reading anymore journals. But I do not mind that you read mine. In fact, I'm glad those dismal pages inspired you in some way. Is this really why he's denying further entrance?"

Anna can only nod and sniffles a bit. Causing Morgen to gently stroke her head in a Motherly way. Death can tell by the look in her eye, and on her face, that somebody is getting a stern talking to now.

"You're actually going to talk to that spirit?" Death questions her.

"Yes. For her sake and the sake of others who may go there. The only beings I don't want there, are anyone that would steal from it or cause harm to the place. We're going."

Death sighs to himself, "I suppose I better come with you then. Just in case either his spirit, or someone else's has a vengeful moment."

Morgen nods and lets Death follow her. They come along the path and Death soon begins to feel the agony of many dead beings. Clearly a battle had taken place and he sees just how right he is when he and Morgen reach the fort. Morgen walks around the bodies a bit lost looking as Death starts hearing the voices of those who died in the battle. Course he knows he wouldn't normally hear it unless the area was haunted. He then finally goes over to Morgen as she's examining a body.

"Are you alright?"

"I knew these people...all of them....they fought...and....d-died...for me that day..." Morgen tells him with a crack in her tone.

Death helps her up from the ground before gently holding her, "You don't have to be here Morgen. I'm sure Arn and the girl will understand given your connection to the tragedy here."

"It was MORE than just a tragedy. This was a MASSACRE. All because I was spending more of my time here than at home. Away from HIM." Morgen says with a bit of anger mixed into the sadness.

"You say that as if you believe it's..."

"It WAS MY FAULT!" Morgen shouts at him.

Death remains calm though, knowing full well how overwhelming a haunting can be on someone within it's radius. Mentally, physically, and even emotionally. He gently strokes Morgen's head and tells her, "This wasn't your fault. These men chose to defend you, because you were WORTH saving. Because you ARE worth saving."

Morgen looks up at him in surprise and goes to reply before someone else speaks up, "He is right my lady. I knew the risks, we all did. Even those who survived this horror knew. Only very few of us did. I and those who remain upon these grounds never doubted you. The Reaper speaks true, you are and always were worth saving to all of us."

The two look upon the ghostly knight and Morgen asks him, "Tell me...how long have you remained here? How long has it been since we last spoke....Sir Alphonse?"

"Not yet long enough for you to have forgotten me it seems." Alphonse tells her simply.

"Your voice is as distinct as I recall it to be. As are your manners with guests it seems."

"You're speaking of the boy and girl from earlier?"

"Yes, I am. I can understand you wanting to defend me and any of my things that remain here. But I cannot let you bully or harm people. Especially those under my protection. Besides, the girl Anna doesn't strike me as ill intended. She can keep coming here if she so chooses as I see it. Do I make myself clear on that?" Morgen states authoritatively.

"Transparently your highness. Forgive my transgression, I only meant to keep your secrets as just that, secrets. I remember how important privacy was to you."

Morgen only sighs, "I forgive you, but I will say that I'm at least trying to work on telling people things that need to be said."

"Good. Perhaps you'd like to see what remains here? And take what you were unable to?" Alphonse asks her.

"I suppose I can. Assuming either of us can carry it all."

"As I lived to serve you, I can aid you in this as well my fair lady. No offense to your companion of course." Alphonse states.

"Pardon?" Death questions him.

"I would assume she chose you for companionship given the way you held her a moment ago. Not to mention the way you spoke to her."

"I....uh.....fair enough." Death says awkwardly.

"It seems I'm right to assume then. Given your reaction. Anyway, just this way, and be mindful. The place is old enough to be falling apart because of more than just unrepaired, burnt wood."

"Hmm, well lead on." Death replies with Morgen following alongside him.

Morgen is amazed at how well kept her old room appears aside from a few fallen objects, "How is this room so pristine?"

"A certain....'pest' who keeps coming back. And no I don't speak of the girl."

"There have been other visitors?" Death inquires.

"Yes only a few though. Usually the villagers will leave flowers on occasion to commemorate all we did for them. It's...always a good sight everytime they hold their memorial festival too. So I don't bother the villagers usually. I only got cross with Anna because she was reading your journal and learning secrets of yours. However, there is one man I keep tryng to turn away. He always comes by every few nights hoping I'll miss him. Occasionally he does escape my notice, with some small 'trinket' or two as well."

"That explains why you were so quick to judge Anna. Even so, would I know this person?" Morgen inquires.

"You would. One of your 'suitors' from some years back."

Morgen facepalms next, "I THOUGHT I made it VERY clear as to why I called things off between us."

Death then looks at her shocked, "Wait let me get this straight, you have an ex?"

"Yes. I had hoped he got it through his head though."

"Clearly not if he's sneaking in here and making off with your property." Death expresses with a bit of sarcasm to his tone.

Morgen shakes her head in annoyance before walking out of the room for a moment. Course she hears something that annoys her even more once she's out the door. With her eye twitching, Morgen seeks out the source of the noise. Only to find a cloaked figure coming through a window down the hall.

"Aleyn, what are you doing?"

The figure freezes a bit before turning around slowly, "Morgen? Is that you?"

"Who else would I be Aleyn?"

"I don't know that ghost that hates my guts?"

"Gee I wonder why he would hate you. There a reason you keep coming here to take little things I own?"

"You never came back until now. I suspected you never would after what happened. I had hoped you wouldn't either." Aleyn tells her before freezing again.

"Excuse me?"

"Look Morgen maybe we could talk about it more in a place that isn't haunted by an angry ghost?"

Morgen eyes him suspiciously for a moment, but finally tells him, "Fine. But you're helping bring what's left of my things here to my carriage. And if you say a SINGLE WORD against my current companion, you'll be walking home instead of 'talking privately'."

Aleyn laughed nervously, "Right....heheh...wait you've moved on?"

"I have. What of it?"

"Oh eh...nothing....something to talk about in our private talk later."

Morgen gets suspicious of him all the more but lets him follow her. When he and Death see each other, Death gives a judgmental stare whilst Aleyn gulps.

"Ha-have you come to take his soul?" Aleyn asks nervously pointing at Alphonse.

Alphonse facepalms, "Can I kill him now?"

"No, he's useful for now. Besides I can't afford to make anymore enemies. Having Uther's ire is bad enough." Morgen says.

"So it's true? You ran away from home again? Is it also true that you took Arthur as well?"

Morgen nearly defends herself but Death speaks up, "Her Uncle got her and Arthur out whilst I was rescued by Barrcus. A far better Father to her than Uther ever will be. And given you seem to have sympathy for Uther, does that make me the better man of the two of us?"

"Watch your tongue you son of a whore! You don't know her like I do!"

"Says the man who probably has her underwear tucked away in his bedroom, among other little things of Morgen's. Stalker much?" Death says sarcastically.

"How DARE you? I would NEVER do something so uncouth as to take a woman's undergarments."

"Then what did you take? It had to have been small enough for your shrimpy arms to carry." Death inquires smirking a bit.

Aleyn growls before saying, "That's none of your business."

"Maybe not but it's certainly mine." Morgen tells him firmly.

"Ah....uhhhh....right....well your perfume...some of your make-up that you rarely ever wore....I NEVER WORE IT MYSELF!" Aleyn quickly replies nervously.

"Uh huh. What else?"

"I actually found the wedding dress you would've worn to our wedding and...."

"OK HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! You are NOT about to tell us you do some fucked up role-playing involving that dress are you?" Death asks sounding concerned.

"NO! Now if you DON'T MIND I shall explain. I just keep it around my home as I figure you probably won't want it. Or if you ever did, I'd have it in pristine condition for you." Aleyn admits.

"Aleyn, you've no reason to keep it. Sell it or give it away. I never liked that dress anyway. Uther picked it out and it just....didn't suit me."

"You looked like a goddess in it."

"A goddess about to raped by Zeus himself maybe." Morgen retorts sarcastically.

Death actually laughs and questions them both, "Just what did this dress look like? I must know now. Just to sate my curiosity."

"Are you sure Horseman? I remember that eyesore way too well, personally I'd rather go through my death all over again than see Morgen walk down the aisle with that HORRIBLE 'dress'." Alphonse states firmly.

Morgen reluctantly shows him with her memories and Death laughs even more, "Hahahaha! I didn't think you could refine sexuality.....Hahahahahahahaha! Seriously seeing that dress reminds me of The Great Gatsby!"

Morgen snickers at that, "Come to think of it, I think it was around the twenties when Aleyn and Uther found that dress." She can only laugh as Death nearly hits the floor.

Even Alphonse laughs with them before Aleyn defensively asks Death, "Well then BARBARIAN, what would YOU have her wear? What wedding dress could you see her in?"

"Technically it's bad luck..huff haaaah...to see one's bride before the wedding...huuuuuuh ahhhh...so I can't really imagine it...now can I?" Death says sarcastically as he catches his breath.

"Cut the sarcasm and just answer damn you!"

"Fine then if you insist that much ya creep." Death tells him a bit annoyed before answering, "If I must give an opinion, sure I could see her in a strapless. But honestly a silvery blue would absolutely make her pop with beauty. She's called the Moon Witch is she not, why not make her rival the moon itself on such an occasion? It would definitely give the saying 'I love you to the moon and back' quite the new meaning I'd say."

Morgen's eyes light up at Death's words and she shyly inquires, "So does that mean you...?"

"Yes."

"I didn't even fini..."

"You didn't need to. I've heard similar questions before. Trust me, I know what you were about to ask. You wanted to know if what I said means I find you as beautiful as the moon, if not more so. Am I correct?"

Morgen blushes, "As always, you're perceptive."

"Heheh..It seems I've been lacking in that department with the romance side of things though lately. If anything I say things by accident." Death admits rubbing his neck with a chuckle.

Aleyn only groaned before muttering, "At least I actually tried and KNEW what I was saying."

Death growls briefly in annoyance before saying, "At least I can learn. The question is can you?"

"If you two are quite done measuring each other's dicks, the lady will likely need help removing her things from here." Alphonse told them both in equal annoyance.

He then grabs them both by their heads and tosses them into the room, "There, now they can do it themselves."

"Gladly, once we have a list." Death expresses simply as he gets up.

Morgen comes into the room to make a list onto a crystal. She only grabs one thing from inside the room, a tiny ornate chest. She then hands the crystal to the gentlemen to collect everything. Death naturally tries to be civil about it so they can be quick about it. Only for Aleyn to volunteer to carry everything.

"Look I'm done with the whole being stupid can you just...NOT?! Like please...THINK."

"I'm not doing anything but volunteering my help." Aleyn protests.

"Genius, she gave us an inventory crystal with a list on it, to put the stuff into it. It's really not that complicated. You don't have to do any heavy lifting. You're not impressing..."

"Just SHUSH. I can handle this, I WILL handle this in fact. Now what's the first thing?"

Death sighs shaking his head, "The contents of that chest there. Again you don't have to carry...."

"Shut up damn it! I said I'll handle this."

"Ok, fine. Have fun with that. I'm going to do the practical thing in the meantime. Let me know when you're done being a moron."

"Excuse me young fellow..."

"Y-young? EhEH...ehAH! Your stupidity is obviously showing itself." Death tells him sarcastically yet again.

Aleyn grumbles to himself as he tries lifting the chest, or dragging it. Death meanwhile goes about to room to collect what he can. He starts with a few small things around the room, then moves onto the wardrobe. He collects everything in there with ease whilst using the crystal's magic. Course he does pause a moment to observe her armor set.

"I have to ask...why?" Death inquires of Morgen after coming back out from the wardrobe.

Morgen notices him pointing and comes over to see what it is this time. When realizing it's her old armor she's looks at him with her eye twitching ever so slightly, "And what exactly is wrong with it?"

Death, sensing this probably should've been saved for later cautiously responds with, "I just want to know what was going on while this was being made. It looks fine, but it's....so ornate. It looks like it belongs more in ceremonies than it does on the fields of battle."

"I am a mage more than a swordswoman admittedly."

"STILL. That's....a LOT of detail for a set used in battle. Even for a mage. Usually mages want armor that isn't heavy. I mean look at me, I don't wear heavy plate very often, if ever. I don't even wear chest plates usually. The most armor I have is my kilts, which occasionally come with plate. Either way, the way I fight and cast spells requires that I'm able to move. So I need to accommodate myself by using armor that gives me more mobility. Though I wouldn't recommend not wearing anything up top. I only do so because I can get away with it through my healing ability." Death tells her before chuckling a bit towards the end.

"Bare in mind that ONE I am a Princess, and TWO, that Uther was the among those who wanted to see my design ideas BEFORE it was ever made. You can probably imagine some things got added in."

"Right. Anyway I know a place that makes far better armor for combat and for mages. We'll have to go there later. After all this madness. For now shall I keep letting that one dig his own grave or shall I just put the chest in the crystal?" Death states.

"Please do get it into the crystal. Before he passes out due to lack of oxygen."

"Heh, may be a little late for that. His brain already lacks a little bit of it." Death says laughing a bit before Morgen's slight glare shuts him up. "Oh come on I was just kidding."

[moodyandmoonyeyed]

Don’t You (Forget About Me)

Category: Stranger Things Characters: Lucas Sinclair, Max Mayfield, The Party Word Count: 4728 Summary: Part 16 of Stories from Summer - “Recreating a cheesy moment from the movies of ‘85″

[A/N]: I’m so incredibly proud to be a part of this collaboration and also, bet you can’t guess which movie I picked (spoiler: it’s unfortunately not The Goonies).

“I bet I can drink this faster than you can,” Max goaded as her and Lucas made their way out of the convenience store and back into the heat. The sun was beating down on their faces, already melting the slushies they had just purchased giving only their fingers any respite with the cold condensation covering the plastic cups.

The summer of ‘85 was proving to be another brutal one. The party had been living in cooler weather for so long that they forgot just how hot mid July could be. Of course, they all preferred it to winter, when it was harder to ride around everywhere and they had to be bundled up in coats and scarves, but still. Anyone who spent more than two minutes outside knew that it was best to stay in air conditioned buildings for as long as possible.

Everyone that was, except for Max. Growing up in California, she was used to higher temperatures and anything below 75 sent her running for a jacket. It always made Lucas laugh and shake his head at how absolutely stubborn she could be when it came to the weather. If she thought it was cold, there was no point in arguing with her because she’d never let up, and while her points never made any real sense (like the time she tried to convince everyone that her hair was frizzier that day because it reacted badly to the cold), her conviction was so strong that you thought for maybe a few seconds she could be telling the truth. But Lucas loved being right and hated losing just as much as the redhead so at this tempting offer at proving who was best, he couldn’t stop the small shiver of adrenaline that ran through him.

“I highly doubt that,” he replied, taking a big slurp and revelling in the feel of the ice traveling down his throat, relieving his body of heat for just a few seconds.

“Well let’s just test it out then,” she said, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and turning to face him, hand on her hip and determination settling on her face. Her eyes were squinted in the bright sunlight but he could still make out a glimmer of the same thrill that was probably rushing through her at the prospect of a winner takes all game.

“Okay...what are the rules?” he asked, always the logical one.

“Easy enough, whoever finishes their slushie first wins.” Max rolled her eyes at his total ridiculousness over the small things. She loved the guy and all (in a 100% friends but we happen to be dating sort of way), but sometimes he was too much.

“Well yeah, but like...if we’re gonna make it a bet then we need to decide what the loser will do,” he explained, exasperated that she hadn’t caught on to what he meant.

This one stumped her. She hadn’t really thought past just poking fun and seeing if he would actually race her in drinking the cold beverage, probably resulting in some serious brain freeze and a deliciously cold stomach ache. “How about...winner’s choice? Like...when I win I’ll decide then what I’ll make you do,” she decided, smiling at the triumph she could already feel tingling in her fingertips.

Lucas let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah right. First of all, I’ll be the winner at the end of this, just you wait. I’ve done this plenty of times with the others (not necessarily true) and all of them have yet to beat me (definitely not true),” he boasted, clearly proud of himself with his shoulders back and chest puffed.

Max rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile at the boy in front of her. Sometimes she wondered how they managed to hang out at all without constantly ripping into each other. They always seemed to be betting or bickering or full on fighting about something. But then Lucas would do something like offer her half of his candy bar in the middle of the spat or just look at her with clear adoration in his eyes or do what he was doing now and just not back down and it would remind her that she was best friends with him because no matter how bad the argument got, it never affected their relationship, and it was always fun.

“Second,” Lucas continued, clearly not realizing that Max was deep in thought about him, “I’m not going into this blindly, oh no. I wanna know what I’m getting myself into before I decide whether to put my fate in your hands,” he pointed out, crossing his arms.

“If you’re so sure you’re going to win then why be bothered by it at all?” she poked. They had started walking again, back to the park where they had left their friends, because clearly this was going to take some convincing.

Lucas let out a string of sputtering noises, not knowing how to rebuke the notion that he was at all in fear of losing.

“Got you, didn’t I?” she laughed, squinting up at him. The sun was hitting his skin in a way that made him look like he was glowing with sunlight himself and her next breath stuck in her throat with how stunning the sight was. Unfortunately, it also meant she didn’t see the uneven sidewalk in front of her and the toe of her vans caught on the ridge, jolting her forward. She could see it now, the hospital visit and the stitches, and the tension at home from it all, and that thought knotted her stomach tighter than the anticipation of the actual pain she knew she’d be feeling.

As she closed her eyes and accepted her fate, she felt someone’s hand grab her arm and stop her just inches away from pummeling into the pavement, and pull her back to her feet.

“Are you okay?” she heard Lucas ask, worry lacing his voice.

Max chuckled with relief and nodded, trying to shake the nervous tears out of her eyes before looking at him. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said a little breathless. “Thanks.”

His shoulders relaxed with the release of the tension he had been holding in them and he smiled, squeezing the hand he was still holding. “I’m just glad you didn’t spill your slushie. How else was I supposed to beat you?” he joked.

“Ha ha, very funny. Although I guess I will pick a less severe punishment for your eventual failure. Y’know, for saving my life and all.” She motioned at the ground and carefully stepped over the crack that had almost sent her skidding.

“Oh, how kind of you.”

“I know. I’m a real peach,” she laughed, smiling up at him with a huge, fake grin.

“But seriously, we have to decide on actual things,” he pushed as they finally reached the park.

“How about…” she looked around at everyone else that was there to have fun, pushing kids on swings and running around in games of tag or kicking a soccer ball back and forth in the grassy field next to the slides. Her eyes clicked on the party, and more specifically El whos ears seemed to sparkle in the bright summer light. The young girl had just gotten her ears pierced the day before and she loved pushing her hair back to show off the tiny gold hearts with small rhinestones set in the middle, making it clear to everyone that she was incredibly proud that she got to do normal things finally. This gave Max an idea. “How about if I win, you have to pierce your ear,” she smirked, turning her back to their group and looking him straight in the eye.

She saw Lucas visibly gulp, but as no one would (technically) be getting hurt and nothing embarrassing could potentially come to fruition through the small act, she knew he wouldn’t be able to back down. He solemnly nodded and cleared his throat. “Deal.”

“Okay, but what about if you win?” she asked, realizing that there was real merit in knowing what you were getting yourself in to. Maybe he was rubbing off on her after all this time.

He put a finger to his chin in mock thought and took several large looks around the playground, obviously trying to keep her in suspense for as long as possible.

“If I win, you have to cut your hair,” he decided with a smirk of his own.

“What? No way! That’s way more drastic than getting your ear pierced,” she complained, anxiety filling her stomach.

“Except I’ll be going through physical pain,” he argued, subconsciously tugging at his earlobe, already feeling a phantom sting. “Plus, you’ve been talking about doing this all summer; you just haven’t worked up the guts to do it. Technically, I’m going easy because I’m giving you something you already want.”

“Except that I haven’t done it because I don’t want to do it, obviously,” she said, voice a little hesitant in the sort of lie. It was true, she had been thinking about cutting some of her hair off. It was just so hot and while she enjoyed the heat, the humidity wasn’t her favorite and it was sending her hair into frizzy messes. Every morning was a twenty minute struggle to untangle all of the knots that formed overnight, and she figured it’d be easier to manage if she chopped off a few inches. But she was still entirely scared of having it done, and wasn’t sure she was okay with it being forced on her.

“Well?” Lucas pestered, tapping his foot in impatience.

She let out a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes, sticking her hand out. “Fine,” she grumbled. After all, she was asking him to stick a needle through his ear.

He let out a whoop of laughter and shook her outstretched hand before finishing their way back to their friends.

“What’s all the cheering for?” Mike asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion. With these two there could be all sorts of shenanigans about to go down.

“Oh nothing,” Lucas said in a fake blase tone that clearly meant something was up. It didn’t take long however for his face to contort with impish glee as he cackled out their plan to the party, and Max was suddenly terrified of just how competitive this kid was.

“Calm down, Stalker, it’s not that serious,” she half-laughed.

“Oh it’s very serious,” he said almost solemnly.

“Well you might as well do it now before the slushies finish melting,” Will pointed out to the two of them. In all of the thought and worry that went into planning the bet, neither one of them had realized that the sun had turned their drinks to almost complete liquid. This boded well for both of them since it’d be easier to suck down, but it also struck a stronger note of fear in their hearts since they knew the competition would be neck-in-neck.

“Are you ready?” Dustin asked.

Lucas and Max both nodded, turning to face one another, cups raised and straws ready as if they were about to have an actual fight.

“Would you like to do the honors, El?” Dustin asked.

The girl nodded vigorously, always thrilled to be included in any crazy schemes the others got themselves into.

“On your mark,” she started, just like she had seen them do for races at the Fourth of July picnic the Wheeler’s had held. “Get set.” She paused for maximum effect, before filling her lungs with enough air to shout loud enough for the whole park to hear, “GO!”

Max and Lucas jumped at the volume of the word before shoving straws in their mouths and slurping at the syrupy ice as fast as they could. Neither of them paid attention to anything other than the task in front of them and the prize they both thought was just in reach.

“Go, go, go!” Will shouted with glee, a huge smile spreading over his face. It had been months since the Mind Flayer incident but he still felt the need to cherish each moment he spent with his friends, scared that the monster would come back for him.

“Honestly, I hope Max wins,” Dustin debated with Mike. “How funny would it be to see Lucas get an earring,” he laughed. He had gotten over his initial resentment to the two of them being together and was enjoying just having Max as another friend to nerd out with.

“Yeah but if Lucas wins we can all finally stop listening to Max complain about her hair,” Mike griped, rolling his eyes. Things were definitely better between the two of them but they still got on each other’s nerves and argued all the time. Not the way that Lucas and Max did, with some weird layer of affection filling each battle of wits they had, but more like how he and Nancy argued. Like you could say whatever you wanted but at the end of the day it didn’t matter because you were bonded for life.

“I’m too scared to look!” El exclaimed, covering her eyes but peeking through her fingers. There was such a thrill coursing through her veins just in being out in the open, surrounded by strangers, and having a real moment with her friends. It was days like these that El wished she could just borrow one of Jonathan’s cameras and take all of the pictures so she’d never forget a single second. She had spent so many days locked in the lab and then locked in the cabin, worried that she’d never get to experience these things that when she did, she was filled with a sense of dread of forgetting them, and she hated that such happy memories were always tainted with fear.

Eventually, the last slurps were heard and Max threw her cup to the ground, raising her hands in victory as she saw that Lucas had bent over, hand to his head, the drink too cold for him to handle.

“Whoo hoo!” she screamed, running around the small group in victory laps. “I told you I’d win, Sinclair!”

Lucas was still bent double, now in just as much shame and defeat as pain, but no one could see that he was still smiling at the ground, happy for his girlfriend. “Congratulations, Mad Max,” he choked out, finally straightening up and pulling her in for a hug.

“Stop being mushy, Stalker, I just beat your ass. Let me celebrate,” she groaned, shrugging him off and continuing to run around shouting out her own accolades.

The rest of the group just shook their heads in laughter, not wanting to end Max’s happiness any sooner than it really needed to, while Lucas just stared on in admiration.

Finally she put her hands to her knees to take some deep breaths, winded from the running and screaming, but a smile was still plastered across her face and she couldn’t stop the elated chuckles from escaping every few seconds. “Oh wow,” she breathed heavily. “I really thought I wouldn’t win there for a second,” she admitted shaking her head in awe at herself. “I like started to choke at one point and thought that was the end but...wow,” she continued, taking deep breaths every few words. “Whoo,” she said, finally straightening up and whipping her hair into a ponytail to get it off her sweating neck. “Hey, now I don’t have to cut my hair!” she claimed gleefully.

“Ha ha, Lucas has to get his ear pierced,” Dustin mocked, pointing at his friend.

“So when are we gonna go do this?” Mike asked, a look of excitement on his own face. He had to admit this would be fun to watch. “The sooner the better right? Otherwise you’ll just overthink it. Do we know anyone who can pierce ears?”

“I can do it,” Max said.

“Um no? I’m not letting you stick a needle in my ear, no thanks,” Lucas denied quickly, backing away in slight fear of her.

“Oh c’mon. I did it for a couple of friends back home! It’s not that hard. We just need ice, some rubbing alcohol, and a needle. Well and an earring,” she explained, ticking each thing off on her fingers. “We’ll just head to my house now. No one’s home anyway so we’ll be fine.”

The others all cheered and started to head towards their bikes, ready to watch the bet be carried out, but Lucas lagged behind, wanting to put this off for as long as possible. He was glad that Max had won - he always loved it when she got so excited she couldn’t contain it - but he had to admit that he was really scared of this. He was terrified of needles and honestly thought he was going to win himself which is why he had agreed to the bet in the first place.

Max fell back into step beside him and grabbed his hand, knowing that he was having second thoughts. “You don’t have to do this, y’know. It’s just a dumb bet. I probably wouldn’t have ever cut my hair anyway if you had won,” she laughed.

Lucas shook his head. He may be scared but he was more stubborn than that and wouldn’t fail to see this thing through. “No. We shook on it, I have to go through with it. I’m just...a little nervous is all,” he admitted, a blush creeping up on his face, adding to the heat of the day.

“I get it. The buildup to it was the worst. I hated it, especially since I don’t even wear usually earrings anyway, which is why I’m offering you an out. We can make another bet if you want,” she amended. “I’ll even let you win this time so you don’t have to lose twice AND get your ear pierced,” she said.

“Max, I’m serious. I’m gonna do this because I said I would. I’m a man of my word,” he joked, poking her in the side.

She chuckled some more and stopped to wrap her arms around him in a hug.

“Thanks,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure what she was thanking him for exactly, but it felt right to say.

“Isn’t it too hot to be hugging like that?” Mike called out to him, straddling his bike with El behind him.

“Like you have any room to talk, Wheeler,” Max called back, rolling her eyes.

They made it to Max’s house in record time and ten minutes later they were all piled in the bathroom. It was a tight fit so Dustin and Mike were in the shower. Being the taller two of the group (or at least of the ones that weren’t getting their ears pierced) it was the only logical place to stand so El and Will could see too.

Lucas was perched uneasily on the toilet, hands tapping against his bouncing legs, letting out huge breaths every once in a while.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Will asked, placing a hand on his shoulder in concern.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be fine. Just don’t like needles,” he muttered, another pang of anxiety hitting him in the gut.

“Found it,” Max said, finally entering the bathroom herself, all of the necessary items in tow. “Okay, this is probably gonna bleed a little, but I promise it’ll only hurt for a few seconds,” she reassured Lucas, making sure that he looked her in the eyes to see she was being serious.

“How would you know? You had yours professionally done!” he said, fingers knotting together.

“I told you! I’ve done this on plenty of people and they’ve all said it only stings a little bit. Plus, it’s not like the pain is different just because of the method. Don’t you trust me?” she asked, giving him a playful glare, and cleaning the needle with a rubbing alcohol wipe that she had found in the medicine cabinet.

He sighed. “Of course I do.”

“Well then stand up!”

Lucas got to his feet, albeit a little unsteadily, and gripped the sink for support.

“Okay. I’m gonna use the ice cube to numb it, and then I’ll poke it through. I’ve brought you the least ostentatious earring of the one’s my mom has bought me throughout the years,” she said, holding it out for everyone to see.

It actually wasn’t the worst. Just a small gemstone that plenty of people would find completely normal for him to wear.

He nodded and took one last breath before screwing up his eyes so he wouldn’t have to watch any of this going down in the mirror. The room was filled with a palpable tension and everyone was on the edge of their seats. Or they would be if they had seats.

Max took a deep breath of her own and put the ice to his ear lobe, holding it there for a count of what would have been twenty seconds if around 13 Lucas hadn’t started complaining that it was cold and he had already suffered one brain freeze so couldn’t they just hurry this up? She nodded even though he couldn’t see it and after three more seconds, threw the cube into the sink and stuck the needle through.

The next few moments went by in an odd paradox of slow and fast. It couldn’t have been more than seven seconds but to Lucas, the pain of the needle felt drawn out for so much longer and his shout caused everyone to cover their ears, including Max who was still clutching the bloody needle. It threw everyone into their own oblivion’s of climactic anticipation and relief, and they held their hunched poses for just a little bit longer. Through the stinging in his ear, and the burn of tears in his eyes, Lucas realized he was on his own for this next part and steadily as he could, picked up the earring and fitted it into place in the new hole Max had created in his lobe.

Finally, his heart started to slow down and the pain in his ear started to ebb. “Okay. It’s done,” he announced.

One by one it seemed, the party drew their hands back to their sides and stared at Lucas’s new reflection in the mirror. There was still a small trail of blood trickling down his neck, but also a sort of prideful gleam in his eyes as if to say, ‘someone else come at me.’

Silence filled the small, cramped bathroom for several minutes as everyone revelled in the culmination of a crazy bet, and they all knew, this was a story they’d carry with them forever. Sure nothing eventful had truly happened, but just the wave of emotions and the atmosphere that almost sparked with the thrill of a summer adventure made this one a permanent memory.

Several hours later, after El had broken the bubble they had surrounded themselves in with an extremely giddy ‘well I like it’, and everyone had laughed, and they carried on over to Lucas’s house so he could get a fresh shirt, and they could play video games and while away the rest of the sunlight, Lucas and Max were sat on the curb outside, as the sun started to dip below the horizon.

“I can’t believe you actually did it,” Max laughed, looking at the reflecting stone that sparked off of his ear.

“Honestly I can’t believe I did it either,” he admitted, a sheepish grin settling on his lips.

“You’ve always been brave like that,” she muttered, ducking her head to his shoulder and placing a soft kiss there.

“Well, thanks,” he said, a shiver running down his arm. “You know you’re pretty brave too,” he told her after a few seconds of staring at the sun.

She laughed sardonically at herself. “Please. I told you, I wouldn’t have gone through with it if you had won.” She ran a hand through her hair, tugging at the ends that were still mercifully in place. After today and the fear of maybe having to actually say goodbye to some of it, she knew she’d never cut it now.

“I think you would have,” he told her, pulling on a strand hanging in her face.

“You have a lot more faith in me than I do myself then,” she said, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her chin on them.

“No seriously. I think the relief of not having to do it is making you believe you never would have done it. But I got my ear pierced, and I think you would have cut your hair,” he explained, poking her arm.

She looked over at him and watched the way the sun turned his eyes a more milky brown than usual. A slow smile crept along her face as well as a blush and she had to bury her head in her arms to keep it from being noticed. Sometimes she couldn’t handle just how much she felt for Lucas.

Maybe it was the summer or just that her feelings were growing stronger, but each day her stomach did more flips and filled with more butterflies of anticipation for the future. She didn’t know if they’d always be like this, but something about the endless days and the constant sun and the merriment of everyone around them had her believing that maybe it could be.

Summer had always been Max’s favorite season, but with Lucas by her side, she knew she was beginning to only feel the true joys of what it had to offer her. It was a time of endless possibilities and hope and fun and everything that a young relationship should be. After the demise of her parent’s marriage, Max was sure she’d ever feel that way about someone, all ideas of princes and fairy tales immediately dashed from her dreams. And maybe Lucas was no Prince Charming, more like Prince Asshole usually, but everything about what they had was special in it’s own way.

“I should be going,” she said, finally pulling her head from her arms and realizing that the day had quickly descended into darkness.

“Yeah, alright,” Lucas said, standing up and holding a hand out for her.

“Thanks,” she said, brushing off the seat of her shorts and grabbing her skateboard from the lawn beside her.

She studied him for a few seconds before deciding something. “You know...El says she likes it, but I don’t think it’s my favorite. Maybe I picked the wrong thing,” she chuckled, head cocked to the side. It didn’t necessarily look bad, but it didn’t suit him well either. Lucas was always a person to do everything for the look of things. Every adventure they went on was clearly laid out and designed with a careful attention to detail all on Lucas’s part. The matching bandanas he had gotten them all and the army tools and war paint. This earring just wasn’t living up to its potential of everything that was Lucas.

“Yeah I was gonna take it out before bed anyway,” he laughed, pulling at it. It had started to itch and he wasn’t sure how sleeping with it in was going to go. He took it out and picked up Max’s hand, placing it in the palm and wrapping her fingers around it. “Always remember me,” he joked, as if this were some sad summer ending and they’d never see each other again.

She rolled her eyes and pecked him on the lips before remembering the moment in ‘The Breakfast Club’ where Molly Ringwald gave Judd Nelson her earring. A sly and somewhat cheesy grin spread on her face and she took an extra alcohol wipe out of her pocket and wiped the earring down before placing it in her ear.

Lucas immediately knew what she was referencing and shook his head at her antics. “You’re so weird, Max Max,” he laughed.

“You’re not too bad yourself, Stalker,” she said, shooting him one last grin before hopping on her board and speeding away.

About halfway down the street and in the last little bit of light provided to them, Lucas saw Max throw her arm up in the air in a fist pump.

[ @freshxbloom ] [ @strange-thangs ] [ @maplestreet83 ] [ @martiegalwrites ]      [ @partwayhappy ] [ @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold ] [ @janeswheeler ]        [ @cstlebyrs ] [ @formerlyjannafaye ] [ @jane-el-hopper ] [ @themikewheelers ]    [ @elizabthturner ] [ @the-proud-princess ] [ @itcouldbendoritcouldbreak ]           [ @scottsclarke ] [ @the-most-beautiful-broom ] [ @hannahberrie ]                        [ @dancingskygreen ] [ @mileven-and-contemplation ] [ @eddieksgazebos ]        [ @mikeswheeler ] [ @jopper-chopper ] [ @earlgreyteagirl ] [ @mikeswheelers ]      [ @michael-hearteyes-wheeler ] [ @stevemossington ] [ @thezoomermax ]           [ @bubblynancy ] [ @mothersnail ] [ @writer-lia ]

[c-rankin93]

SHE'S NO YOU - Background + Ch.1

As promised, it's here! ###PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE READING THIS FIC!!### A/N: This book is based in 2016, in New York City. Finn is CEO of his own company, and his Ex-wife Rae is a Senior Architect at her Friend Chloe's Company. Together, they have Two beautiful children, Josh who's 7, and Ruby who's 6. Both in there mid-30s, thry despise each other after an ugly divorce. They are both very family oriented, both with plenty of Siblings. I wanted a different twist to my MMFD fic, especially for Finn.  Rae (32): Linda (65) & Karim (50) (step-dad to all siblings), Robert (38) + family, Julian (35) + son, Mark (34). Rae + Siblings: dad passed away when Rae was 6 months old. He wasn't very loving, and died a lonely man. - Finn (35): Gary (69) (Finns mum non-existent) & Veronica (58), Natalia (31) + family, Daniel (25) + GF, Mika (23), AND FINALLY FINNS LAST BROTHER IS... ARCHIE! (33) Just to explain Finns family... Finns mum and Gary had a small fling before he started dating Veronica. Finns mum Julie turned up with a 3 month old baby boy claiming it was Gary's (this point he was seeing veronica). She gave Finn to Gary and took off with a wad of cash.. never to be seen again. Finn calls Veronica ma, and is the only mother he has known. Together Gary and Veronica had Archie, Natalia, Daniel and Mika. (DNA tests confirm Finn is Gary's son) - SO much information to take in, but I thought I'd give you a bit of information about everyone. Chloe, chop, archie and izzy will have aperences in this book but I wanted this to focus more on Rae and Finn!! As always ignore my grammar mistakes and spelling! Not too good at editing. --- CHAPTER ONE - DIVIDE --- "Kids hurry up, your father will be here any minute now" I yelled up the stairs whilst I finished organising their weekend bags. It was a constant battle to get them moving after 6pm. If it wasn't to go to the toilet or get food, I swear my childen wouldn't shift away from that idiotic TV. "Josh! Don't forget to pack your inhaler this time" I called over my shoulder. "There's no freaking way I'm dropping that off again" I mumbled to myself, thinking about the awful scene. He called me lousy mother for not packing it, and I called him a dick for not double checking it was there. Yep, it wasn't a Rae and Finn 'chit-chat' without a smidgen of abuse thrown around. Verbal abuse, of course. He wasn't a violent person, but a slip of his tongue could pack a punch. "Got it mum" Josh smiled. His spiderman onsie was a little big for him. It had been flying off the shelves when I walked into Target a few weeks ago. I grabbed the closest one, running away from the dog pile mother's had formed in the Isle. He looks adorable, and turns out they are his favourite pj's. Bonus! "Good. Now can you please tell your sister to hurry up and brush her teeth whilst I finish getting ready" I cooed. When he turned around, i cheakily patted his bum. I chuckled at the little scowl he gave me. It always reminded me so much of his father, it was honestly heart breaking. The little facial expressions he gives you, and them chocolate brown eyes were everything. Joshua did make me miss the man that tore my life apart, just that little bit more everyday. I went to the mirror, trying to ignore the small argument that was going on from the upstairs bathroom. Currently, (by the sounds of things) Ruby is giving her brother another ear full about using her princess toothpaste; very expensive toothpaste may I add. Even at the age of 6, I could see my little girl becoming a diva. I re-applied my nude lipstick, smacking my lips together for effect. Then straightened out the skirt of my black dress, making sure there were no wrinkles. Lastly, I tussled the soft curls in my hair, and deemed myself acceptable for the rest of the population. It was already 7:25pm, and I had a company dinner at my one of my families restaurants. It was still a 20 minute drive by taxi (if the traffic was good), and at this rate I was going to be late for the 8pm start. Between the kids messing around upstairs and Finn's tardiness, my frustrations would soon boil over. I say 7pm, he comes 30 minutes late. Of course, I couldn't expect anything better from the deceitful man. "Mooooom, do we have to go to dads? Can't I just come with you?" "Ruby we've been over this four times-" I sighed. "But-" "No! It's your dad's weekend and your going to spend time with him honey. He loves you. He wants to spend time with you" I ran my fingers through her curly brown hair that was a complete mess on top of her head. Another thing for him to complain about I guess. "I love daddy too. I just wish she wasn't there all the time". I couldn't help but awkwardly drop to my knees in front of my little girl. I lifted her chin and kissed her plump cheek, this seemed to become a annual accurance everytime she was set to spend every second weekend with Finn or even the two school pick ups he did on Tuesday and Thursday. I couldn't stand the bitch she was talking about as much as the next person, but I couldn't tell a 6 year old that. It sadden me that she felt this way but the one time I tried to express that to my ex-husband, he went off on another crazy rant about slandering his girlfriend to our children. It nearly caused us another day in court.  "You need to tell daddy that" I stroked her cheek and got to my feet just as the bell rang. "I don't want him to be angry with me..." she sniffed. I could see my daughters eyes glisten with unshed tears. As a mother, you never want to see your children cry, doing everything in your power to make them happy. This unfortunately was something that I couldn't help fix, without world War 3 breaking out in my living room. "Baby he would never get mad at you. Now go get cleaned up and hurry back. I'll go let daddy in" she nodded, headed back towards the bathroom whilst I went towards the large wooden door of my town house. "Finally" Finn grumbled as I opened the door. He stood there in his work clothes, since it was a Friday night I understood why. He looked as dashing as always in his suit and tie. I was glad he went for the light colours today, normally it was always red and black. He looked handsome. As always. "Well hello to you too" I mused sarcasticly. Leaving the door open, I didn't even wait for his grunt reply and just simply went to the kids suitcases. "Everything is packed. Josh now has two puffs of his inhaler at night as well as in the morning, just until his completely over this small cold he can't seem to shake. Doctors aren't worried but it's just for precaution". "Why wasn't I notified about this doctors appointment Rae! I'm his father I should of been there" Here we go again. "I did call your office, your mobile was busy..." I slipped on Joshua's jacket on his shoulders, not even bothering to acknowledge Finn whilst I talked to him. "I left a message with your assistant-girlfriend whatever. If she didn't give you the message then it's not my problem". "RUBY, HONEY. HURRY UP OR MOMMY WILL BE LATE" I called just before I heard the pitty patter of her feet. "Hey dad" Josh cuddled his dad once i finished buttoning up his jacket. They had always had a strong relationship, it's something I've admired. From birth he cared more about his father's soothing voice then the women that carried his little body around for nine months. Not that I cared, I was glad that their relationship was so close, I always had my little boy but Finn had his mini me. You could tell that made him proud. "Hey buddy, how was school?" A genuine smile radiated Finn face. He crouched down so he was looking up at Joshua whilst he talked about his day, and how Mrs. Thorne gave him a gold star of his creative writing story.  "Hi daddy" Ruby's timid voice sounded off when she walked towards her brother and father. They both didn't notice, so I didn't feel the need to acknowledge it either. Another kick to the stomach, as a mother. "There's my beautiful little girl! Have you been keeping mom and joshy on their toes" he grinned picking up ruby's little body and giving her a squeeze. "Well Joshua has been using my toothpaste again..." I left them to talk by the door and ordered a taxi. I looked at the time again as I slid on my coat, and grabbed my bag off the kitchen counter. 7:40pm. I was definitely going to be late for the dinner start, but I new they wouldn't be ordering food til at least 8:30pm. Thank God. "You two go to James and he will help you guys get into the car" he nodded to his driver who stood waiting. "I'll grab your suitcases and meet you there. I just have to talk to mommy, Ohkay?" They both nodded, then gave me both a kiss goodbye. Trotting off towards James yelling Hello as they got situated in the car. I waved towards James and smiled, he had once been my driver when Finn and I were married, he was a lovable old chap that use to talk my ear off. I miss our little chats. "Where are you going?" The question didn't come across one, more of a demand to tell him why I was dressed up and heading out on this rare occasion.  "Work dinner. Not that it's any of your business..." I couldn't help but flush at our proximity. This was probably the closest we had been in years, and that was only because he was standing directly in my way. "Your little boyfriend not taking you out I see, how disappointing". He smirked watching the anger build within me. He knew I was a ticking time bomb, I always have been. I can't help that I take after my mother in that aspect but he has no right talking about Greg and our Relationship. Yes, we have both 'moved somewhat on'. "Excuse me! What does Greg have to do with this Finn" I sneered. "What about your girlfriend where's she? Spending all your money on another boob job?" Shit. Why did I have to open my big, fat mouth. He fed me the bait, and I took it. "Liv is actually at her sister's house if you must know. Tonight it's just the kids and I" I relaxed when he didn't scream back at me. It was still weird to watch his demeanor go ridged, and know I was the one to cause it. "And if you must know-" I fucking knew he would have more of an input. "I quite like Liv's tits the way they are, firm and perky. Unlike someone I know, maybe you should get yours done". "You mother fu- how dare you fucking body shame me! These 'saggy' tits of mine fed both of your kids for nearly two years each, giving them the best start in life. You asshole" His face was stoic, but I could see in his brown eyes there was a hint of underlying sadness- regret even. "Rae I didnt-". "Get out!" "Wait-". "I said get out of my house Finn. Now! Before I grab our kids out of that car. How dare you treat me like that". I was too mad to cry, too angry to even care anymore. Even though Greg and I's sexual relationship wasn't as active as I hoped, I knew for a fact he liked my body. After two kids, who used my body like a factory I was proud I managed to maintain my weight for once. No more late night snacks, and unhealthy foods. I didn't want to go back to my former obesity stage, high school was not kind to me. He grabbed the suite cases with a sigh and headed for the door just as the taxi pulled up. No more words were exchanged. We both knew it would damage this non existing relationship more. -- There's chapter one... I hope you liked it. And there will be more too come. If you want to be tagged just tell me. If not, it's all cool bro :) @lily-pop-2 @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus

[oovitus]

Weekend Reading, 4.8.18

I feel as though I’ve been talking a lot about the weather lately, but it’s been so unpredictable that it gives me and fellow New Yorkers plenty to say. It was mild and sunny last weekend on Easter Sunday, which made Monday morning’s rapidly accumulating snowfall a surprise. It was balmy on Friday, and it’s in the thirties now. Go figure.

My internal and external state seems to be ebbing and flowing with similar lack of predictability. My emotions have been all over the place this week: anxious one day, sad the next, perfectly at peace eight hours later. Last spring Maria shared with me the phase “emotional weather,” which stuck with me, and it feels particularly apt right now.

My body has been going through similar highs and lows: I’ve woken up on at least three mornings this week certain that I was fending off another cold; I’ll spend a day or so with a tight, dry throat and stuffy nose, only to wake up feeling sort of OK the following day.

I feel more clearheaded and less exhausted today than I have in a while, which I’m thankful for, but it’s been a long winter of being run-down. My sleep was thin and fitful throughout the holiday season, and January was marked by a lot of digestive turbulence—a stomach bug followed by the old pangs of IBS, which lasted for weeks. Throughout that time and since then it’s been one sniffle after another, and I’m moving into the time of year where it’s often hard to separate seasonal allergies from colds.

These are all small physical complaints, but in the aggregate they can feel tiring. They also drudge up an old feeling, which is discouragement—even disappointment—when my health isn’t robust. This was a big part of my own experience of orthorexia: panic and frustration whenever I experienced physical ailments, followed by desperate dietary tweaking in order to “fix” what was wrong. Back then, it never occurred to me that food wasn’t the root cause, that stress or sheer chance (running into the wrong microbes at the wrong time) might be more likely explanations of why I didn’t feel well.

Looking back on this, I realize that I was suffering from the same impulse toward control that had characterized anorexia. Orthorexia involves food and dietary habits, but for me, its truest kinship with other disordered eating was the intense desire to make my body behave. In this case, good behavior didn’t mean remaining a certain shape or weight, but rather being optimally healthful all the time.

Anorexia recovery asked me to befriend my body, to recognize its inherent value and to respect it no matter the shape. Getting over orthorexia meant letting go of the idea that my body could sustain peak performance without moments of fatigue or vulnerability. It included the recognition that vitality isn’t a steady state; it looks different from person to person, and it ebbs and flows and shifts and changes, just as we do.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t strive to be healthful and feel well. When I recognize the signs of illness or exhaustion, or when I suspect that my physical state is mirroring deep stress or discouragement—soul-sickness, I sometimes call it—I do my best to nourish and care. In these moments, I’m grateful to my body for giving me a signal that something’s “off.”

There are times, though, when chronic malaise or getting sick still registers as a trigger to the controlling and compulsive parts of my brain, still makes me feel that something is fundamentally wrong with my body. In these moments, it’s important for me to call upon my recovery tools of compassion and self-acceptance. I need to resist judging or labeling my body and instead ask myself what it’s communicating to me. And I do my best to remember that health exists on a complex and fluid spectrum, rather than a rigid scale.

Early last week I felt dissatisfied with my body for being susceptible and drained. Today I feel grateful to it, because the sniffles and pangs have encouraged me to take a look at areas, both physical and emotional, that I’ve been avoiding. It gives me food for thought and a roadmap for self-care as the new week begins.

Wishing you all clear lines of communication with your body as we move into spring. Enjoy this week’s crop of recipes and reads.

Recipes

I love the sounds of this beautiful, thin-crust white pizza. Eva tops it vegan garlic béchamel sauce, roasted tomatoes, crispy kale, and seitan: a perfect mix of color, texture and taste.

I make grain salads with so many different whole grains as a base, and I sometimes forget that rice can be one of the best and most toothsome options! I’m super excited to try Cathy’s simple, springy rice salad with shiitake mushrooms and asparagus.

I love the lentil + roasted carrot combo (there’s a salad version of it in Power Plates), and I’m all over Danielle’s lentils with roasted carrots, asparagus, and fresh herbs. Hearty enough for cool weather but full of spring energy.

Speaking of roasted carrots—and also of roasted cauliflower—Shelly’s couscous salad with creamy tahini is calling my name loudly. I need to add chopped dates to salads more often.

For dessert, Kasey’s decadent and beautiful coconut raspberry layer cake.

Reads

1. A new study shows positive associations between vegetable consumption and healthy blood vessels in older women. Researchers in the study, which is reported on by Health Day here, used sonograms to measure the thickness of female participants’ carotid arteries. The artery walls of women who ate the most vegetables were about 0.05 millimeter thinner than those who ate the fewest—a potentially significant difference, since a 0.1 millimeter decrease in carotid wall thickness was linked to a 10 percent to 18 percent lower risk of stroke and heart attack.

2. One of the most timely debates in healthcare is whether or not aggressive and widespread screening may do too much harm along with preventive good. I go back and forth about this, sometimes feeling certain that more information is better, sometimes agreeing with those who say that over-diagnosis substantially mitigates—and perhaps even outweighs—the benefits of many new technologies. This article provides a brief look at the controversy.

3. As that dialog continues, the value of prevention remains as strong as ever. I really like Christy Brissette’s five steps for reducing cancer risk, which feature selecting a plant-based diet and lowering red meat consumption as numbers one and two. I also appreciate that Brissette acknowledges the vital importance of social cohesion, flexibility, stress reduction, and taking pleasure in food.

4. I related to many pieces of Rachel KallemWhitman’s Medium piece on traveling and eating disorders, including what it’s like to have a fundamentally complicated relationship with travel because you’ve got stuff—anxiety, compulsions, whatever—that make changes to routine a major challenge.

The older and father away from anorexia I get, the more I can relate to her most recent sentiments about traveling: “…I feel accomplished. And content. I traveled and I enjoyed it — like everyone else seems to — and while I’m happy to be home I’m not resigned to stay still forever.”

5. Other things I relate to: nearly all of Sara Benincasa’s humorous and self-aware reflections on getting into meditation (also, getting past codependency).

On that note, wishing all of my fellow Greek Americans a very, very Happy Easter Sunday. I’ll be carting some of my favorite vegan avgolemono to my mom’s soon. And I’ll be back in a couple of days with what may be my last comfort food recipe of this winter season.

xo

 The post Weekend Reading, 4.8.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 4.8.18 published first on

[gardencityvegans]

Weekend Reading, 4.8.18

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I feel as though I’ve been talking a lot about the weather lately, but it’s been so unpredictable that it gives me and fellow New Yorkers plenty to say. It was mild and sunny last weekend on Easter Sunday, which made Monday morning’s rapidly accumulating snowfall a surprise. It was balmy on Friday, and it’s in the thirties now. Go figure.

My internal and external state seems to be ebbing and flowing with similar lack of predictability. My emotions have been all over the place this week: anxious one day, sad the next, perfectly at peace eight hours later. Last spring Maria shared with me the phase “emotional weather,” which stuck with me, and it feels particularly apt right now.

My body has been going through similar highs and lows: I’ve woken up on at least three mornings this week certain that I was fending off another cold; I’ll spend a day or so with a tight, dry throat and stuffy nose, only to wake up feeling sort of OK the following day.

I feel more clearheaded and less exhausted today than I have in a while, which I’m thankful for, but it’s been a long winter of being run-down. My sleep was thin and fitful throughout the holiday season, and January was marked by a lot of digestive turbulence—a stomach bug followed by the old pangs of IBS, which lasted for weeks. Throughout that time and since then it’s been one sniffle after another, and I’m moving into the time of year where it’s often hard to separate seasonal allergies from colds.

These are all small physical complaints, but in the aggregate they can feel tiring. They also drudge up an old feeling, which is discouragement—even disappointment—when my health isn’t robust. This was a big part of my own experience of orthorexia: panic and frustration whenever I experienced physical ailments, followed by desperate dietary tweaking in order to “fix” what was wrong. Back then, it never occurred to me that food wasn’t the root cause, that stress or sheer chance (running into the wrong microbes at the wrong time) might be more likely explanations of why I didn’t feel well.

Looking back on this, I realize that I was suffering from the same impulse toward control that had characterized anorexia. Orthorexia involves food and dietary habits, but for me, its truest kinship with other disordered eating was the intense desire to make my body behave. In this case, good behavior didn’t mean remaining a certain shape or weight, but rather being optimally healthful all the time.

Anorexia recovery asked me to befriend my body, to recognize its inherent value and to respect it no matter the shape. Getting over orthorexia meant letting go of the idea that my body could sustain peak performance without moments of fatigue or vulnerability. It included the recognition that vitality isn’t a steady state; it looks different from person to person, and it ebbs and flows and shifts and changes, just as we do.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t strive to be healthful and feel well. When I recognize the signs of illness or exhaustion, or when I suspect that my physical state is mirroring deep stress or discouragement—soul-sickness, I sometimes call it—I do my best to nourish and care. In these moments, I’m grateful to my body for giving me a signal that something’s “off.”

There are times, though, when chronic malaise or getting sick still registers as a trigger to the controlling and compulsive parts of my brain, still makes me feel that something is fundamentally wrong with my body. In these moments, it’s important for me to call upon my recovery tools of compassion and self-acceptance. I need to resist judging or labeling my body and instead ask myself what it’s communicating to me. And I do my best to remember that health exists on a complex and fluid spectrum, rather than a rigid scale.

Early last week I felt dissatisfied with my body for being susceptible and drained. Today I feel grateful to it, because the sniffles and pangs have encouraged me to take a look at areas, both physical and emotional, that I’ve been avoiding. It gives me food for thought and a roadmap for self-care as the new week begins.

Wishing you all clear lines of communication with your body as we move into spring. Enjoy this week’s crop of recipes and reads.

Recipes

I love the sounds of this beautiful, thin-crust white pizza. Eva tops it vegan garlic béchamel sauce, roasted tomatoes, crispy kale, and seitan: a perfect mix of color, texture and taste.

I make grain salads with so many different whole grains as a base, and I sometimes forget that rice can be one of the best and most toothsome options! I’m super excited to try Cathy’s simple, springy rice salad with shiitake mushrooms and asparagus.

I love the lentil + roasted carrot combo (there’s a salad version of it in Power Plates), and I’m all over Danielle’s lentils with roasted carrots, asparagus, and fresh herbs. Hearty enough for cool weather but full of spring energy.

Speaking of roasted carrots—and also of roasted cauliflower—Shelly’s couscous salad with creamy tahini is calling my name loudly. I need to add chopped dates to salads more often.

For dessert, Kasey’s decadent and beautiful coconut raspberry layer cake.

Reads

1. A new study shows positive associations between vegetable consumption and healthy blood vessels in older women. Researchers in the study, which is reported on by Health Day here, used sonograms to measure the thickness of female participants’ carotid arteries. The artery walls of women who ate the most vegetables were about 0.05 millimeter thinner than those who ate the fewest—a potentially significant difference, since a 0.1 millimeter decrease in carotid wall thickness was linked to a 10 percent to 18 percent lower risk of stroke and heart attack.

2. One of the most timely debates in healthcare is whether or not aggressive and widespread screening may do too much harm along with preventive good. I go back and forth about this, sometimes feeling certain that more information is better, sometimes agreeing with those who say that over-diagnosis substantially mitigates—and perhaps even outweighs—the benefits of many new technologies. This article provides a brief look at the controversy.

3. As that dialog continues, the value of prevention remains as strong as ever. I really like Christy Brissette’s five steps for reducing cancer risk, which feature selecting a plant-based diet and lowering red meat consumption as numbers one and two. I also appreciate that Brissette acknowledges the vital importance of social cohesion, flexibility, stress reduction, and taking pleasure in food.

4. I related to many pieces of Rachel KallemWhitman’s Medium piece on traveling and eating disorders, including what it’s like to have a fundamentally complicated relationship with travel because you’ve got stuff—anxiety, compulsions, whatever—that make changes to routine a major challenge.

The older and father away from anorexia I get, the more I can relate to her most recent sentiments about traveling: “…I feel accomplished. And content. I traveled and I enjoyed it — like everyone else seems to — and while I’m happy to be home I’m not resigned to stay still forever.”

5. Other things I relate to: nearly all of Sara Benincasa’s humorous and self-aware reflections on getting into meditation (also, getting past codependency).

On that note, wishing all of my fellow Greek Americans a very, very Happy Easter Sunday. I’ll be carting some of my favorite vegan avgolemono to my mom’s soon. And I’ll be back in a couple of days with what may be my last comfort food recipe of this winter season.

xo

  [Read More ...] https://www.thefullhelping.com/weekend-reading-4-8-18/

[oovitus]

Weekend Reading, 4.8.18

I feel as though I’ve been talking a lot about the weather lately, but it’s been so unpredictable that it gives me and fellow New Yorkers plenty to say. It was mild and sunny last weekend on Easter Sunday, which made Monday morning’s rapidly accumulating snowfall a surprise. It was balmy on Friday, and it’s in the thirties now. Go figure.

My internal and external state seems to be ebbing and flowing with similar lack of predictability. My emotions have been all over the place this week: anxious one day, sad the next, perfectly at peace eight hours later. Last spring Maria shared with me the phase “emotional weather,” which stuck with me, and it feels particularly apt right now.

My body has been going through similar highs and lows: I’ve woken up on at least three mornings this week certain that I was fending off another cold; I’ll spend a day or so with a tight, dry throat and stuffy nose, only to wake up feeling sort of OK the following day.

I feel more clearheaded and less exhausted today than I have in a while, which I’m thankful for, but it’s been a long winter of being run-down. My sleep was thin and fitful throughout the holiday season, and January was marked by a lot of digestive turbulence—a stomach bug followed by the old pangs of IBS, which lasted for weeks. Throughout that time and since then it’s been one sniffle after another, and I’m moving into the time of year where it’s often hard to separate seasonal allergies from colds.

These are all small physical complaints, but in the aggregate they can feel tiring. They also drudge up an old feeling, which is discouragement—even disappointment—when my health isn’t robust. This was a big part of my own experience of orthorexia: panic and frustration whenever I experienced physical ailments, followed by desperate dietary tweaking in order to “fix” what was wrong. Back then, it never occurred to me that food wasn’t the root cause, that stress or sheer chance (running into the wrong microbes at the wrong time) might be more likely explanations of why I didn’t feel well.

Looking back on this, I realize that I was suffering from the same impulse toward control that had characterized anorexia. Orthorexia involves food and dietary habits, but for me, its truest kinship with other disordered eating was the intense desire to make my body behave. In this case, good behavior didn’t mean remaining a certain shape or weight, but rather being optimally healthful all the time.

Anorexia recovery asked me to befriend my body, to recognize its inherent value and to respect it no matter the shape. Getting over orthorexia meant letting go of the idea that my body could sustain peak performance without moments of fatigue or vulnerability. It included the recognition that vitality isn’t a steady state; it looks different from person to person, and it ebbs and flows and shifts and changes, just as we do.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t strive to be healthful and feel well. When I recognize the signs of illness or exhaustion, or when I suspect that my physical state is mirroring deep stress or discouragement—soul-sickness, I sometimes call it—I do my best to nourish and care. In these moments, I’m grateful to my body for giving me a signal that something’s “off.”

There are times, though, when chronic malaise or getting sick still registers as a trigger to the controlling and compulsive parts of my brain, still makes me feel that something is fundamentally wrong with my body. In these moments, it’s important for me to call upon my recovery tools of compassion and self-acceptance. I need to resist judging or labeling my body and instead ask myself what it’s communicating to me. And I do my best to remember that health exists on a complex and fluid spectrum, rather than a rigid scale.

Early last week I felt dissatisfied with my body for being susceptible and drained. Today I feel grateful to it, because the sniffles and pangs have encouraged me to take a look at areas, both physical and emotional, that I’ve been avoiding. It gives me food for thought and a roadmap for self-care as the new week begins.

Wishing you all clear lines of communication with your body as we move into spring. Enjoy this week’s crop of recipes and reads.

Recipes

I love the sounds of this beautiful, thin-crust white pizza. Eva tops it vegan garlic béchamel sauce, roasted tomatoes, crispy kale, and seitan: a perfect mix of color, texture and taste.

I make grain salads with so many different whole grains as a base, and I sometimes forget that rice can be one of the best and most toothsome options! I’m super excited to try Cathy’s simple, springy rice salad with shiitake mushrooms and asparagus.

I love the lentil + roasted carrot combo (there’s a salad version of it in Power Plates), and I’m all over Danielle’s lentils with roasted carrots, asparagus, and fresh herbs. Hearty enough for cool weather but full of spring energy.

Speaking of roasted carrots—and also of roasted cauliflower—Shelly’s couscous salad with creamy tahini is calling my name loudly. I need to add chopped dates to salads more often.

For dessert, Kasey’s decadent and beautiful coconut raspberry layer cake.

Reads

1. A new study shows positive associations between vegetable consumption and healthy blood vessels in older women. Researchers in the study, which is reported on by Health Day here, used sonograms to measure the thickness of female participants’ carotid arteries. The artery walls of women who ate the most vegetables were about 0.05 millimeter thinner than those who ate the fewest—a potentially significant difference, since a 0.1 millimeter decrease in carotid wall thickness was linked to a 10 percent to 18 percent lower risk of stroke and heart attack.

2. One of the most timely debates in healthcare is whether or not aggressive and widespread screening may do too much harm along with preventive good. I go back and forth about this, sometimes feeling certain that more information is better, sometimes agreeing with those who say that over-diagnosis substantially mitigates—and perhaps even outweighs—the benefits of many new technologies. This article provides a brief look at the controversy.

3. As that dialog continues, the value of prevention remains as strong as ever. I really like Christy Brissette’s five steps for reducing cancer risk, which feature selecting a plant-based diet and lowering red meat consumption as numbers one and two. I also appreciate that Brissette acknowledges the vital importance of social cohesion, flexibility, stress reduction, and taking pleasure in food.

4. I related to many pieces of Rachel KallemWhitman’s Medium piece on traveling and eating disorders, including what it’s like to have a fundamentally complicated relationship with travel because you’ve got stuff—anxiety, compulsions, whatever—that make changes to routine a major challenge.

The older and father away from anorexia I get, the more I can relate to her most recent sentiments about traveling: “…I feel accomplished. And content. I traveled and I enjoyed it — like everyone else seems to — and while I’m happy to be home I’m not resigned to stay still forever.”

5. Other things I relate to: nearly all of Sara Benincasa’s humorous and self-aware reflections on getting into meditation (also, getting past codependency).

On that note, wishing all of my fellow Greek Americans a very, very Happy Easter Sunday. I’ll be carting some of my favorite vegan avgolemono to my mom’s soon. And I’ll be back in a couple of days with what may be my last comfort food recipe of this winter season.

xo

 The post Weekend Reading, 4.8.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 4.8.18 published first on https://storeseapharmacy.tumblr.com