#and THEY. (points to carmy and syd) mean everything to me

[quaiids]

today i learned their ship name is chef’s kiss. im going to scream

[thebearer]

please can i request reader being carmy's taste tester? something sweet and cute please i love your writing

omg thank you so much!!!!! <3 yes! fluffy taste tester blurb ahead with carmen berzatto! just an inside look at his banter with you!

"Ok, taste this." Carmen gave a final stir to the pot on the stove, tapping it firmly on the side before reaching for the small spoon.

You swung your legs, contently perched on the counter beside him- well, not beside him bc Carmen was sort of a maniac in the kitchen, a little chaotic and bounding around when he got in his rhythm. You sat out of the way, but close enough to still watch him, how electric and excited he got cooking. It made your chest swell.

"What's this one?" You hummed, leaning forward while Carmen came towards you, one hand cupping underneath the spoon to stop spillage, the other holding the spoon delicately.

"Uh, same thing. Added the cream and shallots to it, might add those black cherries if it still needs some sweetness..." Carmen rambled out loud, his mind already whirring with what he could add next.

You smiled, placing your hand on his wrist gently. "I thought the last one was good. Perfect." You added.

Carmen gave you a look, pointed and a little playful. "C'mon, it's not perfect." He shook his head. "Too salty with the veal and the steak. Maybe if it was salmon or chicken, something a little lighter it'd be alright, but-"

You giggled lightly, Carmen cutting himself off. He flushed, shaking his head lightly at his own ramble, lips curling with your infectious laugh. "Just open up for me."

You unhinged your jaw, eyes on Carmen's while he guided the spoon into your mouth, free hand cradling your cheek sweetly. You let the sauce swirl on your tongue, really taste it like Carmen was always yapping that you should.

"Mmm..." You hummed, eyes fluttering closed, the blend of spices and creams and sauces all dancing in a melody on your tongue. You weren't a chef, not by any means. You could barely make eggs, but you appreciated that Carmen valued your opinion.

"Good?" Carmen's eyes lit up, tinging with excitement for your approval.

"Really good." You nodded, beaming at him. You held the spoon in your hand, grinning at him. "I was wrong. This is perfect."

"Yeah? You think?" Carmen's fingers tapped anxiously on your thigh. "Are you sure with the Wagyu? Syd's making these creamy potatoes with a sauce that's already kinda creamy like this. Fuck, I-I just think it needs something sweet ya know? To break up the flavor palette-"

"-Carmy." You cooed, jumping down to pad towards him lightly. You wrapped your arms around his waist, hands gliding over his back, rubbing the toned- tense muscles through the soft cotton of his shirt. He relaxed into your touch. "Just slow down. Add the cherries if you think that would be best, but whatever you decide will be best. You know that."

Carmen snorted lightly, shaking his head. "No, no, I don't." He muttered, face falling.

"You do." You hummed, running a hand through his hair, finger twirling around a curl. "You should."

Carmen felt the sides of his lips curls, the anxiety bubbling in his chest simmering down with a feeling of calmness at your words, soothed into your touch.

"Can you just... just taste it one more time, ok? And-And picture it with the steak." Carmen ran his hands sweetly down your arms, grabbing a spare pot. "I'll save some of this and add the cherries to the others, and we'll do the tasting tomorrow with everything and see what works."

You nodded, reaching for your spoon from before, dipping it into the sauce. Carmen turned around, eyes bulging gently. "Eh, eh! Hey!" He tsked, loud and startling you.

You stopped, staring at him in irritation. "What?" You huffed.

"Is that- is that a clean spoon?" Carmen's eyes flickered from you and the spoon.

"It's the one from before-"

"-Baby," Carmen gasped, like you had committed a federal offense- in his kitchen, it was. "I told you, don't dip a spoon in there you've had in your mouth! Fresh spoon! That's a health code violation, c'mon."

You rolled your eyes. "Carmy, it's just us."

"Ok, but-but, now you have your spit all in that."

"Doesn't the heat cook it out?"

Carmen scoffed, eyes rolling before pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, I-I can't believe you just... Now you got your germs all in my sauce."

"My germs?" You gawked, eyeing him carefully. "You don't want my germs now?"

"Not in my food." Carmen hummed, lips pressed to hide his smirk. He was a little wound tight, a little too strict about things he shouldn't be especially in the kitchen with you. He couldn't help it, and he was glad you found it amusing.

You scoffed loudly. "Please, Carmen. You act like we've never kissed before. You've had my spit in you all the time." You glared at him playfully.

Carmen couldn't help the blush he felt rising in his chest, heart hammering away lightly. "Yeah, but wasn't in my food."

"I think you'll be alright." You dismissed, setting the spoon down on the cabinet. Another twitch of his eye when there was a spoon rest right there.

"I hope so. Hope you don't have any germs-"

"-If I have any germs, they're yours." You eyed him knowingly, smug at the way he blushed.

"Watch it." Carmen pointed at you playfully, turning to wipe the counter with his rag, tossing the spoon in the sink. He waited a beat. "Get a clean spoon next time, please."

You laughed. "Oh my God, Carmen! You have literally eaten my ass before and this-"

"-Hey!" Carmen snapped at you through a feigned sternness that faltered with his glowing cheeks. You giggled, leaning back against the counter to watch him, all flustered and fighting a smile. "That's even more of a reason I don't want your germs in my food."

"More like your germs." You muttered, jumping back up on the counter, hips shuffling back to press your back to the cabinets.

"Easy." Carmen's eyes cut to yours, a stern look that had you flushing, tummy flipping with that familiar heat. "Don't get me distracted in here. I'll have you step out."

"Heard, Chef." You nodded exaggeratedly.

Carmen wasn't sure why he blushed hearing you say it, cock twitching behind his zipper at the words. "Get over here and help me stir this, please. Don't want it to burn. I'm gonna chop these cherries up."

[aestheticaltcow]

Two Months

Part 4 of the Six Months series MDNI 18+

Part 1: Six Months Part 2: The Night When It Went Wrong Part 3: The Aftermath

Carmy really fucked up, but maybe he can prove his worthiness and get his girls back.

Carmy sighed when his call went to voicemail after a few rings. He pushed a hand through his hair and listened to your voicemail message, “Hey baby- I just wanted to know if I could see Mia. I know you don’t want to see me, but I need to see her… if you could just bring her by the restaurant, that would be fine. I just want to hold my daughter. Uh- yeah. I’m sorry, I’m a fuckin’ dumbass. Please just give me five minutes to explain everything. Let me know. I love you.” he hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought about you and Mia. It had been a couple of weeks since he’d seen either of you, and he just needed his girls again. 

“Asshole. Sign here.” Natalie barked at Carmy as she entered the office with an ordering forum. She shoved the papers at him before crossing her arms over her chest. “Natalie, I get it okay. I fucked up. My wife kicked me out of our house, I’m living in a shitty hotel, and I haven’t seen my daughter in weeks. I’m not in the fucking mood to deal with your bitching.” Carmy replied, glaring at his sister. She rolled her eyes, “You turned out so much like Dad.” she laughed, yanking the documents back. Carmy huffed, “Fuck you.”

“Right back at you, Carmen,” Natalie said, slamming the door behind her as she exited the office. “You okay, Sugar?” Richie questioned softly, noticing the anger in her eyes. She rolled her eyes and pushed past him without saying anything; being in the same vicinity as Carmy was irritating. Whenever she saw his face, she thought of Mia and how Carmy had repeated their father's actions. Natalie sighed when she got into her car, “I’m sorry you had to hear that, baby… let’s go get your brother.”

~

“Hey, Carm- everything okay with Y/N?” Richie awkwardly asked as Carmy was doing prep for that night's dinner service. “What do you think fuckhead?” Carmy snarkily responded; Richie rolled his eyes and decided to match his energy. “Well, she texted Tiff asking for her DIVORCE LAWYER’S info.” he leaned against the counter with a shit-eating grin. Carmy slammed his knife down and pushed past Richie to go into the alley. “That was fucked up, kid.” Tina scolded as she exited the walk-in. Richie shrugged, “I was going to be subtle, but he’s being a little bitch.” 

Carmy closed his eyes, fighting back tears when Syd showed up for prep. “Hey Carmen, are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer. He shook his head and let out a puff of air, “Y/N’s gonna leave me- I fuckin’ deserve it, but I want my wife Sydney. She won’t even fuckin’ talk to me, but she’ll fuckin’ divorce me? It’s bullshit.” Carmy cried to her. Syd stood there for a moment to collect her thoughts. She swallowed before sitting down next to him and pat Carmy’s shoulder as she began to explain her point of view on the situation, “You fucked up, Carmen. But you love Y/N and Mia- just go. Go home. I’ll cover tonight. Go talk to your wife.” 

Carmy took Syd’s suggestion. He wasn’t sure if you’d let him in or even talk to him, but he knew he should at least try.

~

“I don’t know Natalie. I just… I mean- I’m gonna sound like a dumb bitch, but maybe I could?” you groaned into your phone as Natalie was about to answer the doorbell rung. “Hey Nat, can I call you back in a bit? Someone’s here.” you waited for her passive agreement and hung up. You put your phone in your back pocket and went to the front door. You felt your stomach flip when you opened the door to reveal Carmy standing in your doorway. He was an unshaven mess, with messy curls and dark circles under his eyes. “Carmen? What are you doing here?” you questioned, bracing the door, hoping it would prevent him from entering your once-shared house. “You’re divorcing me?” he asked on the brink of tears. You sighed, “I asked Tiffany for her lawyer's information- that’s all.” 

“Y/N, you can’t leave me without giving me a chance to make things right.” Carmy pleaded. You sucked your teeth, “Carmen, I really don’t want to talk about this right now… Mia’s asleep, but you can come in and say goodnight if you want.” you offered as you pulled your sleeves over your hands. Carmy nodded furiously, “I-I, ye-yes, please.”

Carmy stared down at Mia’s sleeping body. She was splayed across her crib in a green onesie with a pacifier to match. Carmy swallowed as he watched her legs twitch. “She doesn’t like sleep sacks anymore?” he asked softly. You nodded before answering, “She decided it was her own personal hell a couple weeks ago, so now she’s a big girl.” 

Carmy laughed softly and put his hand on Mia’s cheek. She squirmed and leaned into his hand, “I love you, princess.”

You walked Carmy out of the nursery and into the hallway by the front door, “Can we talk?” Carmy asked, trying not to burst into tears and lock himself in the nursery. You nodded, “Okay. What do you want to talk about?” 

Carmy swallowed. “I know you hate me, but I need to see Mia.” He took a quick breath before continuing, “Y/N, please don’t keep my daughter from me. I’ll give you whatever you want. I just need to see my daughter.” Carmy sniffled as he wiped his eyes. 

Guilt. When you saw the hurt on his face, you knew what you had to do. “Next time I need someone to watch her, I’ll call you.” you offered, Carmy grinned and thanked you before starring at you with the same love and admiration he always had. He turned to walk back to his car but stopped in the middle of the yard, “I love you. I’m gonna win you back.” he pushed a hand through his hair before shoving them in his jacket pockets. You rolled your eyes, “Bye Carmen. Drive safe.” 

~

The flu hit your office like a semi-truck. Everyone got sick, including you, and taking care of a sick baby proved more complicated than you’d thought. No one could help you, so reluctantly, you called Carmy to come be with Mia that night. He was over the moon but tried to play it cool, you saw it through immediately. It was sweet in a cheesy, trying too hard kind of way.

“Hey baby, I brought you pastina soup and Tylenol.” he grinned, handing you a paper bag, “Thank you, Carmen.” you were short with him. Carmy noticed but chopped it up to you being sick, “I can make you some tea.” he offered as you walked back to your bedroom. “I’m fine, Carmen. Please just watch Mia,” you said over your shoulder before closing the bedroom door behind you. You wanted to be mad at him, but it was hard when he was so thoughtful… and handsome. He cleaned himself up since the last time you saw him.

Carmy sat back on the couch, making funny faces at Mia. She squealed and grabbed the air in Carmy’s direction. “I missed you so much, princess.” he laughed as he brought her up to his chest; he rubbed her back as she tried to hug him. “Okay, let's check on Mommy and then make some dinner. Daddy missed his favorite sous.” Carmy explained as he got up. The two walked down the hallway, Mia babbling away as Carmy adjusted her in his arms. He bumped the bedroom door open with his hip and saw you peacefully sleeping. He stepped into the bedroom and grabbed the trash from your side table. Mia grumbled as the two of you exited the room; Carmy chuckled and kissed her temple. “I know, princess. I wanna snuggle with Mommy too, but she doesn’t feel well… and hates me, but we’ll figure it out.”

You abruptly woke up around midnight when you heard talking through the baby monitor. You stumbled out of your bedroom and across the hall to the nursery; the door was askew, and as you approached it, you more clearly heard Carmy’s voice. He was laying on the floor next to Mia’s crib, “My little Mia… I wish you could stay this little forever.” he whispered as he put his hand up to the crib gate. The sight alone made your heart yearn for your family to be back together. You knew what you had to do.

~

“And that princess is how you make scrambled eggs, the right way.” you laughed when you overheard Carmy’s cooking lesson. You walked into the kitchen and saw Carmy plating up scrambled eggs, “Hey.” you greeted as you got a mug from the cabinet. Carmy grinned in your direction, “Mornin’ baby. Feelin’ better?” 

“Feelin’ waaaaaaay better,” you started, “Thanks for coming over to take care of her. I really appreciate it.”. Carmy leaned against the counter, “I’m her Dad- it’s my job.”

“You’re a good one… I don’t know where you’ve been staying, but if you want, I uh- I made up the guest room if you want to come home…” you explained, “I feel like I’ve been keeping Mia from you, and that’s fucked up.” you rocked on your heels hoping Carmy wouldn’t assume this offer meant you wanted to get back together. He nodded immediately, “I would love that.” Carmy was giddy at the idea of getting to be with Mia every day again- it also gave him an opportunity to win you back.

It had only been a few days since Carmy had been back home, and he jumped right back into the daily hustle and went above and beyond what he usually did. Carmy changed his schedule and managed to do a lot of his restaurant owner duties at home so that he could be with Mia more. The house was clean, the pantry was stocked with all your favorite snacks, home-cooked meals, and a very happy baby, and it drove you crazy.

“I just- this man is driving me insane.” you ranted as you sipped your margarita. It was girls’ night out with Syd and Natalie. You were two margaritas in and deep in your feelings. “I should just forgive-” you were cut off by Natalie exclaiming, “NO! You can’t just forgive him, Y/N. He’s a fuckin’ idiot for even thinking about being with another woman. It makes all his ‘you make me a better man’ vows bullshit. Our Dad used to do the same shit to Donna all the time- and she just accepted it! Then he left her. I don’t want Carmy to do the same to you- he already fuckin’ started doing it.”

You were taken aback by Natalie’s ranting and raving; you’d known that Carmy had a difficult relationship with his Dad, but you hadn’t known the full extent. You looked at Syd, wanting her to weigh in on the situation, “Carmy’s an asshole, but he’s your asshole. He loves you. He loves Mia. I don’t know if he’ll do it again - if my partner pulled something like this on me, I think I’d hear them out.”

It was almost 10 when Carmy had finally managed to get Mia to fall asleep. He was exhausted after a long day, but when he’d gone into your bedroom to get the baby monitor, he couldn’t help but notice a satin black thong sitting on the top of the laundry hamper. He stared at the underwear for a moment before shaking his head. He wasn’t going to take his wife’s dirty underwear. Carmy walked toward the door before pausing and going back to the hamper. “I guess I am that guy,” he scoffed, grabbing the panties and putting them in the pocket of his sweatpants. 

Carmy lay in bed leaning against a pile of pillows, scrolling through the private folder on his photo app. “There it is…” he mumbled as he tapped the video before putting his headphones in. “You promise no one else will see this, right?” your voice flooded Carmy’s ears as he pushed his sweats off. “Of course not, baby.” he reassured you as your hands reached for his zipper. He watched as you bit your lip and unzipped his pants. Carmy groaned as he watched you give him a blow job. Carmy took the underwear he’d stolen from your bedroom and started stroking himself. The sensation reminded him of when he’d tease you before relentlessly fucking you into a crying mess. 

“Oh fuck-” Carmy exhaled as he felt his orgasm approaching. He swiped to the next video of riding him. Carmy salivated at the sight of your bouncing tits. You were moaning his name as your movements got more frantic, “Cream all over my fuckin’ cock, baby.” 

“That was a fun night,” you said startling Carmy, he dropped his phone before quickly covering himself with a blanket as you stood in the doorway. You giggled at his reaction, you were just going to ask how Mia was before going to bed but catching Carmy masturbating with your underwear… blame it on the alcohol but you wanted a taste.

“I uh- I didn’t hear you- hear you come inside.” Carmy stumbled over his words as you fully entered the guest room. “No need for you to be embarrassed, Carmy…” he watched with wide eyes as you moved around the bed to sit next to him on the bed. You sighed and pushed the blanket off his lap to expose him.

You pushed your hand up Carmy’s thigh, making him swallow hard. “What made you so hard, baby? Were you being a little perv… jacking off with my dirty panties… watching a video of me sucking your cock?” you mewled as you ran your fingers along his thigh. Carmy nodded as he stared into your eyes. You giggled and grasped the base of his length. He croaked as you started to stroke him, “You like that baby?” you asked cocking your head to the side, staring up at him. He nodded as he let his head fall back against the headboard.

Carmy whimpered as you ran your tongue along the bottom of his cock. You swirled your tongue around his leaking tip, making him swear under his breath. As you took more of him in your mouth, his whimpers turned to whiny moans. You pulled away with a pop. Carmy stared down at you, watching a string of saliva connect your lips to the head of his cock. “Does that feel nice, baby?” you asked as you returned to pumping your hand around him. “So-so nice,” he replied, touching your cheek. You smiled as you pushed it away.

“But, why should I suck your cock if you’re gonna let just any woman off the street suck it?” you asked. Carmy shook his head, “Only-only you, baby-y.” he shuddered.

“Only me? Tell me, Carmen, who does this cock belong to?” he was putty in your hands as you slowed your pace. “You, baby, only you.” he groaned, “Prove it.” you challenged.

Carmy buried his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly pressed into your entrance as you lamented at the familiar sensation. You held onto Carmy’s shoulders as he started thrusting his hips in a steady rhythm, “Hmm, Carmy…” you hummed as he hungrily kissed your neck.

“I don’t deserve you baby…”

Tag List @namjoons-crabssss @sl-ut @thottae @cuddlehye @prurose @1184p @chaoticfanficfanx @ok-boke @literatureluster @bxtchopolis @americanprometheuss @buckystwilight @earth-elemental18 @thebearlily @siren-melodies @thel0v3hashira143 @innercreationflower @unpoqu1todetodo @thehouseofevangelista @pizzaspirits @aleemendoza2425-blog @visualbutterflysworld

[zorrasucia]

Teach Me Tonight - Part 3

[Part 1] [Part 2] Part 3: [Deleted Scene] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Deleted Scene] [Part 8]

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit (5k)

Tags: Smut, Set sometime after the opening of The Bear, Porn with a little plot, Virgin!Carmy, Oral (M and F receiving), Phone sex, Dream sex, P in V sex, a sprinkle of SoftDom!Carmy at Reader's request, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

Summary: With everything you had heard earlier, it seemed like sex was another facet of his life where he wouldn't let himself just enjoy stuff. "I want to make you feel good too," you insisted.

It was a foggy day, the cold of Chicago promised a quiet afternoon with few customers. Sydney showed up at the store and invited you to family, saying something about a surprise for Carmy. You quickly closed up and followed her back to the restaurant. Most of the staff knew you by now; Tina cupped your face lovingly, Nat hugged you, and Richie showed you to your seat. Everyone was there except Carmy. 

"What's going on?" you asked Nat in a whisper. 

"He didn't tell you? Of course he didn't tell you," she rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "It's his birthday," she said simply.

"Oh!"

You felt a weight settle in your stomach. How could you not know? You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to hide your nervousness and stopping yourself from crying at the same time. 

"Oh, sweetie," Nat put her arm around you. "You shouldn't feel bad about it. He doesn't tell anyone. The only reason I know is because I'm his sister. We don't do presents or candles or sing because of all the- Well, you know," she gestured vaguely. You nodded. 

You didn't know the whole story but Carmy had let you know bits and pieces of his unstable childhood and the fraught relationship with his Mom, from way before Mike died.

"But Syd wanted to cook something nice for him and Marcus wanted to test a cake recipe, so," she shrugged. You managed a smile. "He'll be happy to see you," she squeezed you to her side.

"Okay, everyone start eating and act fucking normal," Richie bellowed. "We don't want the birthday boy to feel ambushed or whatever. We're having a nice meal, with our neighbor, and there's a random ass cake here for absolutely no reason, okay?"

"Your ass is random, man!" Marcus replied from the other side of the table, cutting slices of what looked like tres leches cake. Fak chuckled between forkfuls of salad.

Sydney had already started passing plates around, it was lamb and salad and it smelled delicious.

"Thanks for inviting me," you told her once she got to you. 

"I mean, you're practically family, right?" she smiled.

By the time Carmy appeared, you were all eating and talking, and he could sneak in and sit by your side almost unnoticed. 

"What's all this?" he asked, looking frantically around the room.

"They asked me to come over for family," you smiled innocently. "It's very good," you added pointing at your plate. 

"No, I mean-" he hesitated, his eyes kept searching for Nat. She was leaning against the door frame and when she saw Carmy, she put her fingers to the corners of her lips and pushed them up, to shape a smile. 'Be happy, okay?' she mouthed.

Carmy nodded, then looked down, a relieved smirk curving his lips. He tried to relax, leaning back on his seat and placing an arm behind your chair. He took the plate Richie brought him and started eating with gusto. 

"So, you know?" he asked after a while. 

"No presents, no candles, no singing," you repeated, knowing it would calm his anxiety a little. "I want to make a suggestion though."

Carmy turned his head quickly. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah," you smiled mischievously. "I think this cake should be like a staple at the restaurant. No way I'm waiting for your next birthday to have it again."

Carmy laughed. After his first bite of the cake he had to agree. "That's fire," he hummed. 

His face looked bright and lovely. Your hand didn't leave his thigh for the rest of the meal. 

You leaned against Carmy's side; he kissed the top of your head and sighed, burying the two of you deeper into the cushions of the sofa. It had been a beautiful day. With his arms around you, you asked him.

"Why don't you like presents on your birthday?"

"Uh- I'm not sure," he replied honestly. His fingers drew pretty shapes on your shoulder. "I guess if you're not expecting anything then you can't be disappointed, right?" 

"I get that," you said after a while. "I just think it's a waste that I sell vintage, and you love vintage, and you don't ask for presents, you know?" you added playfully.

He smiled. "I guess. I think I like it better when it's on a random day, for no reason at all."

"Yeah," you nodded. "Can I do something nice for you, though? Just because I want to, not because it's your birthday," you clarified.

He turned to face you. "Uh- Okay."

You disentangled from his embrace and knelt between his legs on the floor . He tilted his head in confusion. You smiled and grabbed a hair tie from your pocket, making a show of putting your hair in a ponytail. Carmy's eyes widened when your hands ran up and down his thighs, slow, sensual motions that sent shivers up his spine. 

"You don't have to-" he started protesting.

"I want to," you said.

It had come up a couple of times. You'd offer to reciprocate after he'd eaten you out and he would refuse, saying he would rather be inside you. With everything you had heard earlier, it seemed like sex was another facet of his life where he wouldn't let himself just enjoy stuff. 

"I want to make you feel good too," you insisted.

He seemed torn, one of his hands reaching to caress yours.

"You're absolutely free to say no. There's other ways we can have fun but don't say no just because you feel you don't deserve it, Carm. You do. I promise," you said earnestly. 

He bent over to kiss you fiercely. "Alright. Yes. Please," he said.

You moved slowly, undoing his belt and unbuttoning his trousers, watching the rise and fall of his chest as his breathing became more erratic. You pulled his trousers down, towards you, and started touching his thighs gently, raking your fingers through the coarse hair that went down his stomach, palming at the growing bulge over his boxers.

"Uh-" Carmy swallowed. "I have never- So if I don't last just-"

"Hey, it's okay," you reassured him. "Listen, if you last five seconds but you enjoy it, then I'm happy." 

He laughed at that and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll aim for six then," he quipped.

You removed his boxers carefully, his cock was already hard. He groaned when your breath touched his bare skin. You suspected he was right, he wasn't going to last, so you tried to make it worth his while. 

You started by kissing his head, licking the drop of precum in a quick flick of your tongue. It made him shudder with pleasure - and it made you feel powerful, the effect you had on him.

"Let me know if there's something you don't like," you said, your right hand closing loosely around his shaft. He nodded. He was hardly moving and his hands were fisting the cushions of the sofa. "You need to breathe, Carm," you reminded him, your voice had turned husky. You took one of his hands and placed it on your head, his fingers intertwined around your ponytail and you heard him exhale. "Good."

You leaned forward again, kissing around his head, making the kisses open mouthed as you went, letting him get accustomed to the feeling of your lips on him. Your hand started pumping his length, softly, no rhythm to it yet, more a caress than anything.

"You're going to fucking kill me," he rasped, his hand holding tighter to your hair, loosening the ponytail when he massaged your scalp. You moaned against his skin, which made him writhe his hips in return. 

You opened your mouth, taking the first couple of inches of him. You couldn't deep throat, but he didn't seem to mind- your hand was pumping and making up for the rest of his length. He moaned and it made your pussy tingle. 

"You sound so pretty, Carmy," you praised. He chuckled, out of breath. 

You licked the length of his shaft, wetting it enough to help your hand glide easier. You took him again, a little deeper this time, not far enough to make you gag, just enough that he threw his head back in pleasure, the veins of his neck visibly pulsing and his Adam's apple bobbing as he tried in vain to breathe normally. It was all quick gasps and the occasional groan. That was enough teasing, you decided.

You started going back and forth, the rhythm of your mouth echoed with your right hand, the left rested on his knee. He intertwined his fingers with yours, holding tight.

"Please, don't- don't stop," he begged. His face was downwards now, looking you straight in the eye, his pupils were blown and his mouth hung open. "It feels so fucking good. Please, please..."

You sped up, hollowing out your cheeks, moving your left hand so that you were sinking your nails into the muscle of his tattooed forearm. Your underwear was wet with arousal and the sounds he made weren't helping, you pressed your thighs together to get some relief and ended up moaning on his cock.

"Holy fucking shit," he gasped. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna-"

You felt him twitch inside your mouth, every muscle in his body growing tense. He groaned over and over, going quieter each time, letting go completely. Salt covered your tongue in spurts and you did your best to swallow most of it, a little bit of it fell down the corner of your mouth. You slowed down, pumping him until he pulled you off his softening cock, mumbling something about "so good" and "too much". His hand let go of your hair and cupped your face, his eyes were glazed over and blissed out, a loving look to his sweaty face. 

"So fucking good," he managed to say in an exhale. His thumb cleaned the drop of cum off your chin - so carefully, so gently that it warmed your insides. "You're beautiful."

You laughed in disbelief but then you remembered how gorgeous he looked when he emerged from in between your thighs, half of his face completely wet, a turned on blush on his cheeks...

He pulled you up on his lap and kissed you senseless, his tongue caressing your tired lips, humming contentedly into you. You were both a mess: him naked from the waist down, you with your hair completely undone and your underwear soaked.

"Best birthday I've ever had," he said against your lips, his forehead to yours. "Thank you." 

You smiled. "You're welcome. Happy birthday, Carmy." 

~

You had slowly gotten used to sleeping in a bed that smelled like Carmy. Whether it was at your place or his, even if the sheets on his side were cold they still had a hint of salt, smoke, and his expensive aftershave. 

"Get a fucking grip," you reprimanded yourself in a low voice. 

Call me when you get home? 

You sent the text before you could chicken out. He wouldn't leave the restaurant for another hour or so, so you settled on the hotel room bed, the unfamiliar cream colored covers suffocating, the sound of a movie on the TV only making you more antsy. 

When the phone rang, it was a little before midnight. You were comfortable and warm - and completely awake.

"Hey, you okay?" Carmy's voice sounded raspy on the phone. 

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just- I couldn't sleep and-" you chuckled without a hint of humor. It felt silly: it was an overnight trip, you were staying at a nice hotel, and you couldn't sleep because Carmy wasn't there. It was so fucking silly. "Never mind. I'm okay, it's late. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Hey!" Carmy stopped you from hanging up. "Talk to me. What's up?"

"Fuck," you looked at the ceiling. "I don't know. Nothing bad happened. Actually, the estate sale went great. Uh. This lady had a big collection of dresses, fifties and sixties, beautiful pieces. And shoes! Just tons of them, barely used, Gucci and shit."

"And you got them?" Carmy asked, you could almost hear him frowning.

"Yeah! It's all good stuff and I think it will sell well too."

"That's good," he said, his tone soothing. "So, what's wrong?"

"Uh- I don't know," you repeated. "I came back to the hotel and it was so- just so fucking quiet and it feels wrong, you know?"

Carmy hummed in agreement. 

"I get it," he said after a beat. "When I got here, uh, the apartment was very fucking quiet too. Creeped me out a bit."

You sighed. Maybe it wasn't so silly.

"It helps, though," you said after a beat. "Talking with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," you smiled. "How was your day?"

"It was absolute shit," he replied.

"Too bad I'm not there to fuck about it," you said. 

Sometimes, when Carmy's day was too bad to even talk about, you would fuck - hard and fast - and then talk about it. Hence, fuck about it. 

Carmy chuckled. "Yeah," you could hear him exhale as he fell heavily on the couch or the bed. "That would actually help a lot."

You bit your lip, feeling your stomach flip a little. "Um, Carm?"

"Mmm?"

"I know you said you hadn't been with anyone before me-" you prompted. "Does that mean you never had phone sex either?"

He coughed loudly on the other side of the line. You pictured him choking on his own cigarette smoke, a deep blush to his cheeks. 

"Sorry?" he asked after a moment.

"I mean that we can still fuck about it... If you want," you offered. "You know, you can say what you would like to do to me, or maybe tell me what I should do... That sort of thing."

"Uh," he hesitated. "I do- I'd like to try but I- I'm not good at playing pretend, you know? Never been, not even as a kid."

"If I do the talking? Would that be better?" 

"Maybe?" his voice sounded ragged but not just from coughing. 

"I've never, uh, taken the lead before but that would, like, even out the playing field, right?" you reasoned, your heart beating faster.

"What- what would that be like?" 

"I could tell you about the nice pajamas I'm wearing," you lowered your voice. "The blue ones?"

"With the shorts and the little bows?" Carmy asked. "You look good in those..."

You opened your legs, your free hand playing with the elastic of your shorts. 

"I wish you would take them off for me, Carm. I wish you would touch me like only you know how. I want your fingers inside me," he cleared his throat on the other side of the line. "Would you like to do that?"

"Yes," his voice was breathy, "I would, yes."

"I want you to do something for me, Carmy," you started teasing between your legs over the fabric of your shorts. "Remember when we first fucked? You closed your eyes and touched yourself to get hard again. Can you do that?"

"Yeah. Yeah," you could barely hear his intake of breath and it still made you shiver.

"You looked so fucking hot, I still think about it when I finger myself," you confessed. You could picture him clearly, the veins of his arms and neck bulging, his head thrown back.

"Shit..." he rasped.

"Can you hold the phone close, Carm? I want to hear you while you touch your cock."

"I want to hear you too... Ah, fuck!"

The sound made you curl your toes with anticipation. You got your hand inside your underwear and traced lines on your folds, caressing slowly.

"I'm already so wet," you said. "Are you hard for me, Carmy?"

"So fucking hard," he drawled and you moaned.

"What would you like me to do?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady. "If I was there, Carm, what would you like me to do?"

"Ri- Ride me," he managed. 

His breathing was a quick staccato that made your hand pick up speed, spreading wetness around your clit. You sat up on the bed, imagined Carmy underneath you, holding tight to your hips, your hands on his sculpted chest.

"How? How do you want me to- oh, God- ride you?"

"Just- hard," he groaned but it was a muffled sound, he was holding back. 

"Carm..."

"I want you to fucking wreck me," he blurted out.

If he felt like he had fucked up, like he had done something terribly wrong at the restaurant, he liked it to hurt a little, you knew that by now. Maybe the rhythm was punishing, maybe it was way too fast, maybe you denied him his orgasm for a while. Anyway, he was atoning. 

"I want you to touch you like I would, Carmy," you said. "Can you do that for me? Put lube on your hand, hold your cock tight, and go as fast as you can, okay?"

"Yes," it was barely a whisper. But suddenly you could listen - deep growls from way within his chest, rhythmic gasps that grew quicker and quicker. You struggled to catch up with him, your middle and ring fingers pumped in and out of you in tandem with his sounds. 

"Oh, fuck," he rasped. "I can hear it. Jesus Christ."

"It's not the same without you, Carm," you said honestly. Your hand was wet to the palm but you still wanted that fullness only he could make you feel. "I need you inside me, I need you."

"Oh, fuck!"

He got quiet for a second, then groaned a few times, your pussy clenching while he did. You were so close. He sighed into the speaker, relieved and spent - you wanted to be happy for him but you were still on the edge and desperate for release. You kept moaning.

"Have you come?" Carmy asked.

"Not yet," you managed to say.

"Shit."

"I'm close though. Just stay on the line, please."

You could feel it slipping out of your grasp. It wasn't enough to have him listen, you needed something to hold on to. You let out a needy whine.

He read your mind, and in that fucked out voice he said: "That was- holy shit- that was so, so fucking hot. You made me come and you didn't even touch me," you fluttered against your fingers. "Can’t believe you're mine. You're my good girl."

He had never called you that. That was it. The tension within you snapped and you could breathe again. Eyes shut and forehead to the duvet, you could almost feel Carmy's hands touching up your back, tickling at your sides. You let out a shaky laugh.

"Fuck, Carmy. Fuck," you repeated, something warm settling in your belly. 

"You okay?" he said. You had dropped the phone and you heard him far away.

You wiped your hand on your hip and settled back on the bed, tired and a little sweaty. You'd have to shower again in the morning but you found you didn't care right now.

"I'm okay," you replied when you could pick up your phone. "So okay. You?"

"So okay," he repeated with a chuckle. 

"Okay," you let out a big exhale. "Now tell me about your day."

~

You were at The Bear, it was late at night, the lights were dimmed down and there were no patrons. You turned around and found the place empty - ghostly and quiet. 

"Hello?" No one replied.

Now that you thought of it, you didn't know how you got there - couldn't remember, actually. But Carmy was suddenly there too, hands on his hips, wearing his pristine chef's whites. The blue of his eyes popped with the ambience lighting in a way that felt supernatural.

"Carmy," you called but he didn't move.

"On the table," he said brusquely, pointing with his head at the only piece of furniture left in the restaurant. There was no tablecloth or cutlery on it.

"What?" you asked.

"On the fucking table!" he yelled and you obeyed, sitting quickly on it, facing him.

"What's going on?" you asked.

He laughed - it wasn't his usual laugh, soft and floaty - it was a cruel sound, glass like. 

"What's going on, sweetheart, is that I'm going to fuck you, on this table, until you come three times," he said and it sent a shiver down your spine. "Or until you beg me to stop, whatever happens first."

You didn't say a word, you couldn't: he kissed you violently, biting on your lip and grabbing your throat. 

"Carmy, holy shit! Slow down," you pleaded when you parted to catch your breath. 

He stopped but only to spread your legs wide open, his fingers digging into your thighs forcefully, then going up your skirt. He leaned to whisper in your ear:

"You sure you want that?"

His voice was low, caramel like, delicious. You ran a hand up his chest, fisting white fabric, bringing him closer. 

"Good," he said. His fingers shoved your underwear to the side and teased mercilessly.

"Fuuuck," you whined as he made you melt in his hands. 

He was touching you just right, having you soaked and pliant so fast it left you dizzy. He thrust two fingers inside you and started pumping fast, his thumb circling your clit - you thanked your stars that you had showed him early on where it was. Your moans grew louder and longer.

"Are you gonna cum for me?" he asked but it sounded like an order. 

You nodded frantically. 

"Are you gonna let me bend you over this table, fuck your pussy as hard as I want?" 

"Yes, please, fuck," you whined. 

Just before the knot within you could unravel, the bright light of morning rushed through the window and made you squeeze your eyes and cover your face. And suddenly you weren't at The Bear, you were at Carmy's place, warm in his bed. It was Sunday, you remembered.

"Oh, fuck," you mumbled. 

Carmy was right next to you, twisting to face you as he woke up too.

The mornings you shared were few and far between, the occasional day off, the days when you had to get up early to take a train for a sale out of town... They were precious, you loved to see Carmy with sleepy eyes, reaching out for you from under the covers. You smiled and stared at him. 

"Morning," you said, feeling a little weird about your dream. 

"Mornin'," he slurred with his eyes closed. "You sleep okay?" 

"Uh-huh," you tried to sound casual. "You?"

"Yeah," you let him pull you in closer, his nose brushed the side of your neck. And his hard on brushed your thigh. 

"Oh!" your heart raced - the one thing that still remained from your dream was the wetness between your legs.

"Shit," Carmy covered his face with his hand. "I'll, uh, I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it."

You cleared your throat nervously. "Actually-"

You didn't know where to begin so you simply grabbed his hand and showed him how wet you were, even through your underwear he could tell. His eyes widened.

"Wh- What- Why?"

"Uh, I dreamt of you," you said simply. 

"What about?" he asked. You shrugged. "I mean, if you liked whatever happened in your dream that much, we could..." he let the offer float. He had that curious look about him.

You bit your lip. It had been good, so good. But it made you feel a little embarrassed about the things that you wanted, what they meant about you.

"We were- Well, you fingered me and- yeah," you hoped he would be satisfied with that. 

"Oh," he sounded a little disappointed but he obliged. "Sure, we can do that." 

He scooted closer still, his hand and the way he moved was gentle and sweet. And completely wrong. You took his wrist and stopped him.

Carmy looked up in concern. "Did I hurt you?"

You shook your head. "I'll- I'll tell you about my dream but promise me you won't laugh," you pressed your hands on his chest. He nodded solemnly. "Even if we don't end up doing it because it's not your thing just- Don't laugh, okay?"

"I won't," he promised. 

"Okay," you took a deep inhale. "So I dreamt that we were at the restaurant. We were all alone, it was late at night and you- Well, you told me to get on a table and that you would make me come three times," you blushed furiously. "You kissed me and you fingered me. You said you would bend me over on the table and fuck me hard. And then I woke up."

"Shit," Carmy said.

"Yeah."

"Was I- Was I different?" he asked. 

"You were a little mean."

"And you were into it?" nothing about his tone betrayed disgust or revulsion.

"I didn't think I would be, but yeah," you replied honestly. 

Carmy ran a hand through his hair and stared at you for a little bit.

"You know I'm not good at the pretending thing," he said and you nodded. "But I think I can fuck you on the table until you come three times."

You felt like you had the wind knocked out of you. 

Before you knew it, you were both naked, kissing in the middle of his kitchen, his hands under your thighs as he placed you on the table. 

"I'm gonna need you to keep count for me," he said, lowering to his knees between your legs. That was the last thing he said before devouring you.

You knew Carmy was competitive but you didn't know it would extend to a dream version of him. He became laser focused: his only goal was to be a better lover than dream Carmy, make you come undone faster and harder than he ever could. Without preamble, he hooked two fingers inside you, curling non-stop, making you gasp for air. His mouth worked tirelessly licking and sucking at your clit, getting satisfaction every time you pulled at his hair. In minutes, he had you bucking your hips frantically, trying to fuck his face. You screamed and heaved and cursed, grabbing to the edge of the table for dear life. 

"How many?" he demanded once he got up from between your legs, wiping his face clean with his forearm. His voice sounded rough and you could see a glimpse of the cut-throat chef he used to be back in New York. You felt the aftershocks of your orgasm go through you one more time. 

"One," you replied.

He grabbed your hips and brought you down from the table, then flipped you over. You heard the condom wrapper hit the floor, then, immediately felt his breath on the back of your neck as he lined up his cock to your pussy. He wasn't careful before and he wasn't careful now, going all the way inside you in a swift motion. It was pleasure and pain in even measures, it was exactly what you asked for. Your knees trembled underneath you but Carmy held you upright. 

"Holy shit," was all you could say before succumbing to the rhythm of his hips against yours.

It was slow, purposeful. One of his hands played with your nipples while the other pressed on your clit. It was too much. You took the hand on your clit and placed it on your neck instead, remembering the way Carmy had kissed you in the dream, holding you possessively. Your Carmy didn't press at all, he caressed the column of your throat with careful fingers, kissed the side of it with devotion. It made you melt onto the tabletop. The feeling of your bare chest on the wooden surface and the sound of his hips clapping against yours turned you on even more. It took you by surprise when you started fluttering on Carmy's cock, your release almost gentle, a series of soft needy moans the only outer indication that you had come.

When you regained your bearings, your cheek to the table and your ass up in the air, you said with an unsteady voice:

"Two."

One of his hands soothed down your spine, a silent question being asked: Do you still want to go on? Can you do one more? You reached for his hand and squeezed it, using the strength you had left to get off the table and turn to face Carmy. He was a sweaty mess, curls falling on his forehead, red in the face from edging his orgasm to give you three. You didn't think you could love anyone more than you loved him right then.

"Carmy."

"I'm here. I'm right here," he maneuvered you gently to lay on your back over the table, his eyes on yours. You hummed contentedly. He lifted your legs, placing one on each shoulder and giving you a shy smile - you realized he had actually read the sex book you had bought him as a joke. You giggled. He didn't do anything in half measures. 

This time, his motions weren't calculated and cold. The tenderness when he soothed your back and caressed your neck had bled into everything else. His hips stuttered every now and then, his fingers touched your ankles gently, and his eyes were fixed on you. It was perfect. 

"I'm close," you whispered, one of your hands playing with your chest, the other reaching behind you to the edge of the table. You felt weightless. "You can let go, Carmy."

It was all a blur: the swirl of electricity down your body, the beautiful sounds that you made together, and the feeling of him falling on top of you. 

"Shit! I'm sorry I'm crushing you," he mumbled on your skin, his arms flexing as he lifted himself up. You looked up at him and cupped his face, the post-coital glow and the morning light making him look angelic.

"Thank you," you said and he smiled. "It was good, better than I imagined."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Right then, your stomach growled audibly. You covered your face with your hands, mortified. He peeled them off and leaned to nuzzle against your cheek. 

"Pancakes?" he offered in a whisper.

You laughed and turned your head to kiss the tip of his nose. "Yes. Please."

[Deleted Scene]

[Part 4]

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

It's all in the side notes

I can’t believe why is not painfully obvious for everybody else too, it's like everyone notices everything around it except this huge elephant in the Sydcarmy room.

Let me explain:

The side notes on the script are what the actors play, not just the script itself. The subtexts, the nuances, the silences, all of that is indicated by the director and rehearsed over and over before shooting at least 2 takes of every single scene.

02X01 was about teamwork towards The Bear's opening, that's why the director opened and closed the ep with that, to make that point. The side notes were all about playing every single scene with a SOU, fast-paced dialogues, etc, because every second counts and that's why a clock was ticking on pretty much every scene.

When 02x02 ends with a close-up of Claire smiling after Carmy gives her the wrong number, that´s not the point the director tried to make, but that Carmy TOOK HIS FUCKING TIME in giving her the wrong number, he almost gave it to her in slow motion, meaning that as he was giving it to her he was deciding what he eventually ended up doing with the last digit. He was on the fence the whole time and ended up deciding to "cut her off politely" in a very Carmy way. That was a side note in the script (the speech rate and the "decide as you go", and "be doubtful first" part).

In 02x03, the Sydcarmy vs Clairmy battle really began and it continued throughout the whole S2, all side notes because the script was barely obvious about Claire until he said: "I have to call my GF" after passing the gas inspection. Notice a pattern here? Or is it just me?

02X04 was mostly focused on Marcus in Copenhagen and introduced us to Chef Luca, raising the question, on purpose leaving it as an unanswered question - that will probably be answered in S3- on whether Luca was talking about Carmy when he was talking about a chef that was way better than him and that inspired him to become the chef he is today and up his game as much as he could. In other words: Not Sydcarmy material. Except we buy into the whole SydMarcus shipping they tried to insinuate with the Facetime call, which I won't get into because I feel dirty even typing about it. How dare they? Is it because they are both black? WTF?!! Well, my point is this is probably the least Sydcarmy episode of the season and we need to make a mental note about who directed it.

02x05 This episode's arc is all about the script's side notes: "Who's Claire? / I'm saying goodnight!" is all about the intonation, not the actual words. This is the bridge of the whole Sydcarmy song, that's why it's mid-season. Notice something? I have...

02x06 The masterpiece, it's all about the side notes but again, super non Sydcarmy, it's just supposed to show us The Berzatto's background story so Syd is not part of the equation. Claire is, in a way that will later make a lot more sense during Omelette's panic attack, of course.

02x07 AKA: My favest, is also a non-Sydcarmy kinda ep. Is all about Cousin's arc. BTW: I 100% ship these 2 and I hope S3 brings more RichJess fluff and stuff:

02X08 is all about the side notes again and takes us right back into SydCarmy vs Clairmy territory. Carmy had to call his new GF after passing the inspection to give her the good news.

02x09 I shouldn't even have to say a damn thing about this ep. Other than pointing out the obvious: IT'S THE MOST SYDCARMY EP OF THE WHOLE FUCKING SEASON, TYVM!

All I'm gonna add is that Carmy is laying awake after having sex with her:

I already talked about the common blue light in this scene here.

I'm not even gonna get into his panic attack. I mean... Do I have to? Seriously?

Anyway...

Storer finally joined the ship Calo was sailing since the beginning of the season here and all the side notes in this script are HIS.

The cinematography is his, the music is his, and every line, because he co-wrote it with Sydcarmy CEO: Joanna Calo herself.

And so we arrive to 02X10 where Sydcarmy is eaten alive by The Bear but ironically enough the one who doesn't survive is the Clairmy team LMAO! Sydcarmy on the other hand keeps going strong (Ayo was promoted to co-star for a reason, she's no longer part of the cast, she's the female lead of the show now) and in S3 we'll get to see how exactly will that play out.

My point is: The director and then the editors in the ER with the EP's sign-off can change what the writers write if they choose to and the actors have to perform the side notes according to the director's instructions.

In this case, since Storer joined the Calo Sydcarmy ship as I previously mentioned and usually they co-write and always co-produce the seasons those scripts, side notes, musicalizations and editions ARE ALL THEIRS. Every time Calo touches something, she turns it into Sydcarmy gold, and Storer and her are on the same page. That's why most Sydcarmy eps of the season were hers or his or directed by both.

June can't get here soon enough.

[daysofyellowroses]

cake

richie jerimovich x reader, background syd x carmy| 3.0k | tw: nothing too major, smoking, drinking, language, sentimentality

🐻

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I'm sure.”

“But like..are you sure?”

You let out a sigh as you walked over to the vanity table, leaning down and looking into the mirror, smiling at Sydney and resting your hand on her shoulder.

“I'm one million percent sure. You look stunning.”

“But-”

“Stunning,” You held your hand up. “Just relax, today is supposed to be fun, remember?”

Syd nodded, taking a deep breath. 

“I know. Fun.”

“Good,” You smiled, standing back up straight and smoothing out your forest green dress. “I'm gonna run outside for a super quick smoke then I'll be right back.”

You grabbed your coat, throwing it on and heading out of the hotel room. You passed some other guests as you made your way out to the front of the building, giving them all a polite nod and smile. You had been so focused on keeping Syd calm that you didn't realize there were butterflies in your own stomach.

Once the fresh air hit you, you felt a little better. You took a seat on the patio, fishing your cigarettes from your coat pocket. There were some kids playing on the grass, a couple of other smokers standing by the wall and chatting.

“Oh, hey. Mind if I join you?”

You looked up and smiled as you spotted Richie, a coat thrown over his navy suit. 

“Of course you can,” You gestured to the chair opposite you. “Be my guest.”

You lit your cigarette as Richie sat down, closing your eyes for a moment and savoring it.

“Can I ask you something?” Richie asked, lightly tapping his fingers on the round table. “It's a little stupid but.."

“Ask me anything,” You nodded, sitting back and pulling your coat around yourself. “I'm sure it won't be stupid.”

“You're the maid of honor, right?” Richie asked, reaching into his pocket for a pack of smokes. 

“Right,” You nodded, raising a brow. “I am. And you're the best man.”

“Yeah,” Richie nodded, dropping the box in his hand down onto the table. “Never thought I'd see the fucking day.”

He lit his cigarette, sitting back and looking up for a moment.

“Are you..nervous, at all?”

You thought about it for a moment, flicking your cigarette and nodding slowly.

“Pretty fucking terrified, if I'm honest. I mean, I'm so thrilled that it's finally here and everything but..I am really not looking forward to having to get up and make a speech.”

“Same,” Richie nodded, rubbing his forehead. “I thought it would be easy but..it's hard to find the right words. You gotta be so..personal and funny and charming and it's..a lot.”

You tilted your head slightly as you took a drag on your cigarette, blowing the smoke off to the side.

“Your speech at the rehearsal dinner was amazing, you could do the exact same one and it would be great.”

“Nah,” Richie shook his head. “That was different..that was a smaller group, more relaxed..today is like three times as many people. I'm not great with rehearsed stuff, I prefer to just say what comes to mind but..I don't want to say the wrong fucking thing.”

You smiled softly as you sat up, looking over to Richie. You weren't super close, but you knew him through Sydney and from what you did know he seemed like a pretty decent guy, certainly funny and charming.

“Why don't you just write some notes for yourself?” You suggested. “Not a whole speech but like..some bullet points to hit. It will still be natural but with a little more structure to fall back on.

“Hm,” Richie nodded, looking up for a moment. “That might do it. Thanks.”

“Anytime,” You smiled. “It's what I've done. The last thing I want is to get up there and go blank.”

“You'll be fine,” Richie smiled, taking a drag on his cigarette and glancing over to the hotel. “Your speech last night was pretty great.”

You smiled to yourself, flicking your cigarette and looking up for a moment, the sun starting to emerge from the clouds. You sat in comfortable silence with Richie, the sound of kids playing in the background and birds chirping filling the air around you.

“I better get back,” You stubbed out your cigarette and stood up, wrapping your coat around yourself. “I'll see you later.”

“See you at the altar,” Richie nodded, covering his face after a moment and shaking his head. “Sorry, I didn't mean it like that..”

You laughed softly, looking over to him. 

“Don't worry, you have to take me up the aisle first."

Before long you were standing in the church entrance with Syd, her father, the other bridesmaids and the groomsmen, a nervous excitement filling you. 

“You look so beautiful,” You smiled at Syd, taking her hand. “I'm so proud of you.”

“Don't make cry,” Syd laughed softly, squeezing your hand. “I need some photos without tears in my eyes.”

“Okay everyone, places,” The wedding co-ordinator clapped her hands. “line up.”

“I love you, you got this.” You smiled at Syd, squeezing her hand before taking your place at the back of the line next to Richie. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” He grinned, holding out his arm. “Care to take a walk?”

“Oh I would love to,” You grinned, wrapping your hand around Richie's bicep. “though I don't think I have much choice, with Napoleon up there.”

At the front of the line the wedding co-ordinator was shooing everyone down the aisle, snapping her fingers for the next pair.

Richie laughed beside you, and you smiled as the two of you stepped forward, clutching your bouquet in your hand as you stepped into the church.

You had never been so grateful for waterproof mascara in your life, spending the majority of the ceremony in tears as you watched Syd and Carmy exchange beautiful vows. Occasionally you would catch Richie's eye and he would give you a reassuring smile, making you smile a little wider.

Once the reverend declared “You may now kiss the bride,” the church erupted into a sea of applause and cheers, whistles and whoops. You watched with immense pride as the newly married pair walked down the aisle together, flower petals being strewn over them.

The reception was held on the grounds of the hotel, billowing white marquees set up, covered with flowers and paper lanterns. While the guests mingled and drank champagne, the official pictures were taken, your cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so much. 

You cried again when Syd insisted she wanted a picture with just you and her, wrapping your arms around each other as the photographer snapped the photo.

When it was your turn to take a photo with Richie, Syd gave you a wink and you rolled your eyes with a grin, going to stand next to the older man and laughing softly as he held his arm in mid air, unsure what to do with it.

“Just wrap it around my waist,” You smiled, gently moving his arm before touching his back. “I don't bite.”

“What if I ask nicely?” Richie leaned in to murmur in your ear, making you laugh and your heart race.

Before long you had a glass of champagne in your hand and got to mingle with the guests, posing for some more casual photos and doing what felt like a million twirls in your dress.

When it was time for dinner, you were relieved to finally sit down and relax, trying to remember who had told you that the maid of honor doesn't get to eat because that was ridiculous. The food was obviously delicious, there was no way you were leaving it untouched.

After dinner, there was a little pause before the speeches, your heart starting to race at the thought. You took a long sip of wine, trying to calm yourself. Both Syd and Carmy made speeches, both of them sending you into yet more floods of tears.

When it was Richie's turn, you gave his arm a gentle squeeze before he stood up, watching him deliver a speech that was the perfect blend of emotional, personal and funny. 

“No pressure,” He grinned as he sat back down, handing you the microphone. “You got this.”

You stood up slowly, looking out to the large crowd and taking a deep breath.

"Hi everyone," You smiled, biting your lip softly. You introduced yourself, placing your hand over your heart and feeling it hammer under your touch. “I am also the maid of honor, and the most fortunate to also be Sydney's best friend."

You looked down to her and felt yourself relax as she smiled at you, taking a deep breath before looking back to the crowd.

"I am so beyond excited and proud to be here today with you all to celebrate Sydney and Carmen, the most wonderful couple."

There were loud cheers, and you found yourself smiling more.

"Syd and I first met in elementary school, the very first day of first grade. We were randomly assigned to sit together, and when she let me borrow her scooby doo pencil I knew I had found a friend. From day one she has been the most incredibly kind, loyal, smart, creative, funny girl, and my life would not be the same without her,” You glanced down to her with a grin and gently touched her shoulder before looking back. 

“She is so talented and driven, there's nothing she can't put her hand to. I remember when she told me she'd applied for the CIA, and how hard she laughed when I told her I never knew she wanted to be a spy," You paused as there was a flood of laughter, feeling your heart beat calm. "then the day came when she got her acceptance letter, we sat in my rickety old car, staring at this envelope until eventually opening it after about 56 hours, and when we saw she was accepted we started screaming and crying and hugging for another 56 hours."

You paused, looking over to Syd and Carmy with a smile. "But of course, we are here to celebrate Syd and her wonderful husband, Carmy," 

There was another round of cheers and applause, Richie whistling beside you.

“I remember when Syd told me she had started seeing someone,” You continued with a smile. “and I immediately knew who it was, it was honestly a relief that I didn't have to keep hearing ‘we're just friends’ because..come on,” You raised a brow with a grin, laughter ringing around the room.

“But I must say, I have been so privileged to see their relationship go from strength to strength, they are the most perfect couple I know, and to be here now celebrating their wedding is such a blessing,” You beamed, tears starting to sting the corners of your eyes. 

“As I said, Syd and I have been best friends for a long time now, and I can honestly say that Carm has brought out the best in her, from the first moment she told me about him I could see something new in her, a renewed drive and fire. They bring out the best in each other, they encourage each other to be the best they can be and lift each other up to new heights.”

You wiped your eyes, smiling as Syd reached up to touch your arm. 

“All you want is for the people you love to be happy,” You smiled, looking down to Syd and Carmy. “and I can safely say I have never known Syd to be happier than she is with Carm. If I had to give Carm any advice it would be..keep doing what you're doing, keep lifting her up and pushing her and celebrating her. And always, always, let her choose the movie,” You grinned. 

“I wish you both all the love and happiness in the universe, thank you so much for letting me be part of your lives, I love you both so much.”

There was a rapturous round of applause and you felt the tears flow freely as Syd and Carmy stood up to hug you. When you sat back down, Richie gave you a smile, gently touching your arm. 

“Aced it.”

A little while after dinner, the DJ set up and called Syd and Carmy up for their first dance. They both looked a little embarrassed as they made their way to the center of the dancefloor, but when the opening strains of Ella Fitzgerald's ‘Let's fall in love’ began, they wrapped their arms around each other and began to sway along to the music. He whispered something in her ear and she covered her mouth as she laughed, your heart melting at the sight.

As the dance floor began to fill for the next song, you turned to see Richie beside you, holding out his hand with a smile.

“Care to dance?”

“I thought you'd never ask.”

You fell into an easy rhythm with Richie, he spun you around and dipped you dramatically as you laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulled you back up. His hands settled on your waist, your eyes meeting. It felt natural, comfortable. 

The song ended sooner than you would have liked, leaving you standing there in Richie's arms, your heart racing. He was about to say something when you felt a hand on your back and turned to see Syd, pulling you in for a dance. You glanced back at Richie, mouthing an apology before turning back to Syd with a grin, the two of you singing along to ‘This Will Be’.

After you danced with what felt like every single guest, you slipped outside for a smoke, the lights from the marquee illuminating the perfect lawn. 

“Fun day huh?”

You glanced over your shoulder and smiled as you spotted Richie, walking over to join him. His jacket was gone and his tie was loose around his neck. 

“I've never been so happy while crying so much,” You laughed softly. “I guess that's just weddings.”

“Yeah,” Richie nodded, taking a drag on his cigarette. “Especially this one. I was starting to worry cousin would never propose.”

“Hm, I always knew he would,” You grinned, folding your arms and flicking your cigarette. “From the first moment I met him. I saw the way he looked at Syd and I could see wedding bells. You know when two people are just clearly meant to be together but they're too stubborn to see it?”

“Those two wrote the fucking book on it,” Richie shook his head with a laugh. “If I had to see them making puppy eyes at each other once more I was gonna clunk their heads together.”

You laughed, your hand sitting over your chest. 

“You would've had to get in line, I was first up to clunk them.”

You took a drag on your cigarette, looking up and blowing the smoke away before looking back at Richie.

“I never thanked you for our dance, earlier. Sorry about that, I wouldn't want you to think I didn't enjoy it..I haven't been dipped like that in a long while.”

“Oh yeah?” Richie raised a brow with a grin. “It was my pleasure.”

You smiled as met his eyes, a warmth settling over you. 

There was a call for everyone to head inside as Syd and Carmy cut the wedding cake, the two of them laughing as they cut into it, sharing a kiss that had the room filling with cheers.

Syd’s dad took you for a spin on the dance floor after the cake, you posed for more photos, drank more champagne and felt happier than ever.

As you made your way back into the hotel at god only knows what time, you felt pleasantly buzzed. A group of you stayed in the bar for a while, telling stories and laughing raucously. At some point you found yourself in Richie's lap, his arm around your waist, your head tucked into his neck.

As the group started to peel off, you found yourself walking down a hallway with Richie, your arm around his waist, his arm around your shoulders. All too soon you were outside your room, reaching into your bag for your key.

“Drink some water,” Richie told you, holding his hand up, pointing at you. “and get some rest.”

“I'll agree to one of those,” You smiled, lightly tapping your key against your palm. “Come on.”

You opened the door and walked inside, smiling as Richie followed you.

“I'm just making sure you have that water,” He insisted, going to the desk and picking up a bottle of water, pouring it into a glass. “That's all.”

“I know,” You grinned, watching him. “you're being very responsible.”

You accepted the glass that was handed to you, noticing that Richie wasn't exactly rushing out the door.

“Could you do me a favor?” You asked, smiling sweetly.

“Of course.” Richie nodded, looking at you with curiosity. “What is it?”

“Take this off?” You gestured to your dress, turning around and pointing to the zipper along your back. “I can't quite reach.”

“Oh," Richie murmured softly, clearing his throat. “Uh..yeah, let me just..”

You waited for a moment before you felt him move behind you, his hands carefully holding the zipper and easing it down. 

“That feels better,” You sighed softly, holding your dress to your chest as you turned back around, taking a sip of water. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” Richie murmured softly, his gaze darkening as he looked at you. “I..I should go.”

You felt a disappointed tension rise in you as Richie really did leave, leaving you alone in your hotel room. You half expected him to knock on the door the second he closed it but when he didn't you let out a frustrated sigh.

Taking your dress off, you hung it up in the closet before throwing on the silvery gray silk robe embroidered on the back. You removed your makeup, brushed your teeth, finished the glass of water and were just about to get into bed when you heard a knock on your door.

You put your robe back on before heading to the door, opening it and finding Richie standing on the other side of it.

“Lost my room key.”

You looked at him for a moment before you gently took his tie in your hand, tugging him forward.

“Don't worry, you won't need it.”

[unladyboss]

JUST CARMY

I'm always so confused about Carmy's behavior. Like the more I try to figure it out, the more confused I get. It's like what Ebra said about Mikey, he got confused by his behaviors. So I thought about it and realized that maybe I was confused because I'm SUPPOSED TO BE CONFUSED.

Because you can't reason out the behavior of an addict. I really think now that Carmy is a high functioning alcoholic. When I figured that out, my heart dropped and I looked at all scenes with different eyes. Hear me out. High functioning alcoholics are difficult to spot. They can maintain near normal appearance for job, family, friends etc, but it eventually catches up

1. The alcohol in the office . It's there always. Check the green bottles

2. Alcohol just at different levels

3. Carmy's mom is an alcoholic. It's rare for none of the kids not to be alcoholic. Mikey was a drug addict.

4. Maybe the reason Syd's dad hasn't met him yet is because he'd get outed. Syd's dad doesn't drink, possibly because he used to drink too much.

5. If Syd's dad used to drink too much it would explain, some of her attraction to Carmy. That codependent thing that occurs in families of addicts

6. Claire. I'm sorry I was mean about Claire but she was a big big clue. That's why Claire was brought in.

When she said she remembers Carmy and he gave her the wrong number, its possible that the past him also drank too much. I'm not too sure

However, she manages sad drunk people. Even though he doesn't drink in front of her and drinks pop. The clues were in front of us. Red cup party.

The insistence of Claire to track him down. Possibly a tool to help him see that he needs help. She manages him the whole time.

7. The anxiety

8. The ibuprofen for headaches

9. The insomnia

10. Everything in his life is pointing toward him needing help

11. He's going to Al-Anon meetings. We think it's just about Mikey but then the look of the meeting changes and he says it's three times a week so Al Anon may have switched to real alcoholics anonymous meetings

12. Mikey not wanting him to work at the bear, might be him knowing that Carmy would probably fall into worse things... Maybe he saw Carmy's own addiction and kicked him out

13. The tattoo. He knows alcohol is bad and can kill, not just because of his mom, but because he's doing it.

14. The mood swings. Screaming at people, anger, one minute mad, the next minute calm

15. All the Al Anon pamphlets he was reading. That wasn't just about Mikey. It was for him

16. Brain issues - wet brain. 'is that sound in my head?' When the alarm goes off. Cicero asks if it's not driving him crazy. He said he's used to it.

Is my hair on fire? He asked Syd

17. The fidgeting fingers. Withdrawal. Need a drink to stabilize

18. The disappearing, like into the fridge. Remember one time the Pepto was in there? The drink could be too if it's not in the office any more

Pepto usually near to the alcohol . Disappearing from the Bear. Just bailing on things in general.

19. The delusions seeing his old boss at friends and family and being inconsolable.

29. Panic attack.

The whole sydcarmy thing could be and probably IS happening simultaneously along with the high functioning alcoholism.

But this is mad serious.

30.I think they put JOSH in that last episode to show just how high functioning an addict could be, but that eventually the addiction will ruin things

31. Big hints at Claire's party

32. The chest pain, heart beating fast

This is so serious.

I don't think I'm wrong

We said the show runners were playing in our faces. I thought they meant just about Syd. It was probably them trying to show us THIS, but we were too distracted by SYDCARMY.

When I figured this out, I couldn't watch the sydcarmy interaction the same way any more.

This whole time he's probably been going through bouts of withdrawal and symptoms of that, along with relapsing.

I feel sick.

I HOPE I'm wrong, but I don't think so at all.

You guys. Talk me out of this. I need reassuring words right now.

[juey20000]

The Cub Chapter 1

Warning: Explicit Language, brief mentions of sex acts

AN: Hello, everyone; this is my first fanfic. I became OBSESSED with The Bear and Sydney and Carmey and had a little fanfic idea come up in my head and decided to write it. I'd rewatched both seasons and I hope I didn't make the characters too out of character. The story takes place 2yrs after season 2, and Nat has a 1yr old girl; criticism is welcome, but be nice, please. Also, I'm not going to write smut for this fanfic; all sex acts will be in past tense or implied; Im not that good at writing smut. So I've decided not to write any, but if I do change my mind I will put the proper warnings for the chapter.

Summary - It happened so fast, one minute they were trying out new recipes at Carm’s apartment and the next they were ripping each other’s clothes off. It’s been two years since the opening of The Bear, business has been doing good and they are still working on getting a star and Uncle Jimmy finally got his money back. Natalie had a little girl, Amy, who is one and a half and Sydney and Carmy had been secretly hooking up for a year. Everything was going great.. until Sydney’s period came late.

Sydney stared at the two pregnancy tests, one was negative and the other was positive; what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

She had been feeling off for a few weeks now, certain foods either tasted like shit or had her running to the bathroom, her breasts were sensitive and sore, and she’s been having this terrible mood swings which would cause her to snap at everyone from Tina, to Carmy, she even snapped at Natalie at one point.

And she’s been having these weird food cravings all week.

After she missed her period she finally decided to take a pregnancy test, her heart started racing all she can think about is how disappointed her father would be, and how is she going to take care of a fucking baby while working at the bear? How is she going to tell her dad?

How is she going to tell Carmy?

Her and Carm has been hooking up for a year and a half now, but they been careful they were using condoms and she was on birth control, how the fuck did this happen?

Three sharp knocks on the bathroom door snapped Sydney out of her thoughts. “Yo Syd, you good in there?” Carmy asked while trying to open the locked door. “And why is the door locked?”

She had spent the night at his apartment like she had done every other night since they started hooking up. Sydney quickly grabbed the tests and the box and bag it came from, “Um, yeah just let me, FUCK!” Sydney dropped one of the tests behind the toilet while she was trying to clean up.

Another knock on the door “Hey Sydney, you ok?” “Yeah” Sydney said while crouching down on the floor trying to reach the test, “I’ll be out in a minute I’m just not feeling well” Why the fuck did this fucking test had to fall behind the fucking toilet?  After a few good tries Sydney finally managed to get the test and put it and the second test and box in the bag.

She then grabbed the bathroom trash cans trash bag and stuffed the pregnancy tests inside, and walked out of the bathroom with the bag in hand. "Hey, everything ok?" Carmen said while eyeing the bag.

"Yeah, I'm- I'm just taking out the trash cause the trash was full so..." "OH yeah, you didn't have to I could take it" Carmen said while reaching for the bag. "No! " Sydney shouted while yanking the bag away from his grip.

"I mean, I'll take care of it; it's no problem," Sydney said nervously. "OH," Carmen said while recovering from shock, "So uh... give me a minute, and I'll drive us to work. Ok"

"NO, I mean, i-it's fine; I need to go to the store anyway." Carmen furrowed his brow and said to her in a confused tone, "The store?" "Yeah," Sydney said nervously, "I promised my dad I would get a few things for him before I went to work" "Oh, well, I can take you if you want." Carmen offered.

"No, it's fine." Sydney said, " I don't want to make you late, besides It shouldn't take me too long." "Syd, you sure? I don't mind driving you."

"No, it's fine, you go ahead." Carmen hesitated but left the bathroom. Sydney let out a sigh of relief and started to get ready.

It didn't take her that long to get ready; she quickly freshened up and left Carmen's apartment in a hurry, and arrived at the store. She brought a pack of Clearblue tests and took the train to the restaurant.

Her stomach was in knots the entire train ride, and she couldn't wait to get to the bear and take the tests. As soon as she got to the bear, she quickly bolted into the bathroom, barely saying a word to anyone.

She nervously opened the box and took out the test. She pulled down her pants, sat on the toilet, and peed on the stick.

BANG!

The door opened with a thud, and Sydney dropped the test in the toilet. "RICHIE!!!!!"

[november-rising]

The Bear: Season One, Episode Six Ceres - Last Train Home

As I said in my last post, John Mayer's "Last Train Home" has crossed my mind many times. I’m realizing now why this song means something to me. Original or Ballad, this song plays right after Tina talks to Richie who has reached his limits. 

Richie is feeling on the outside. He’s the old guard. Everyone is changing. Sydney and Carmen are “kids, you know. [...] This is a delicate fucking ecosystem!” 

Everything is coming to blows with The OG Beef, Carmen, Sydney, staff, new OG Beef…

It’s all changing. And, as he says, he doesn’t need this shit right now. The warble in his voice as he says this, pointing towards the building - it’s heartbreaking.

For Richie, the restaurant started to become out of sync when Carmy came ‘roud. It stumbled with Syd’s guidance. But it’s this point, right here, while venting to Tina, that Richie realizes that the “delicate ecosystem” has begun to evolve and stray from his (and Mickey’s) vision of the shop. What’s the point in staying if it can’t be like it’s always been? Thus, Ritchie threatens to quit. And Tina reminds him:

Yeah. Where is he going to go?

Then “Last Train Home” starts to play. It’s soothes the transition back into the "new" kitchen. To me, it is an intro into the start of a clear, functioning kitchen.

Sydney is running expo. The OGB Crew is responding with exacting attention and action. Carmen, as this viewer observed, didn’t seem so rushed. There seemed to be a breath moving through the kitchen. There’s not the pressure of urgency, in a matter of speaking. There is a flow within and between the staff. 

Carmen is focused on his craft, creating and executing dishes while Sydney orchestrates the flow. Unlike the Carmen in the flashback at the start of this episode, this time, he isn’t being directed or in awe of someone (something) else. He’s crafting something using his own staples, comforts, and tried-and-true methods. The chicken and peppers dish is homestyle just like Sunday braciole. He patiently (as one can) cooks this dish, passes it off to Sydney who clears the plate for service. Sydney evaluates, corrects and/or approves dishes. Her judgement is trusted.

All of this shows the process of purpose.

Carmen is making meaning while Richie is shown, time and again that he’s stuck. Richie is living in a past that Mikey carved out. He’s trying to find his place which is why, I think ,he called the cops on the homies eating sandwiches Syd made to keep the peace. This is the moment that led to the Season 2 Episode 1 basement conversation Richie has about purpose.

[jemgirl86]

All this The Bear Syd/Carmy shipping discourse unfolding on Twitter, Tiktok, here, and everywhere else has only reinforced what I’ve long since believed: the only people whose intentions I trust, in any fandom, are the handful of people I fuck with regularly. Watching this unfold the past few days has been downright comical.

Ship them, don’t ship them - that’s not the issue. The issue is that the reaction to the people that do ship them, from all kinds of fans, has been so aggressively over the top that I can’t help but shake my head. Let’s be for fucking real for five seconds. I’ve seen more pushback to Syd/Carmy than I’ve seen to Shuri/Namor, and Namor MURDERED SHURI’S MOTHER. And if you think there’s no overlap between those who hate one but support the other, you’re wrong lol.

See, stuff like that is why I can’t take y’all seriously when it comes to shipping. People swear up and down they like and respect these characters, then ship them with people who killed their moms. Or they swear it’s all about chemistry between two characters, but suddenly ignore chemistry if it comes in a package they don’t like. Hell, I don’t even think it’s about who folks think look cute together. No. At this point, I’m pretty sure most people are shipping purely based on who they feel most comfortable self-inserting with.

That’s why people don’t like Carmy/Syd. That’s why the idea of other people liking Carmy/Syd makes people so sick, even sicker than they usually get when a Black woman is involved in a ship. Not only is Syd Black, but she’s a little off beat and doesn’t take shit, and people hate when a BW character is written that way. A good deal of viewers didn’t even really like her during s1 (I remember the hateful tiktok comments vividly), so they cannot successfully self-insert with her, so they can’t deal with the ship. It has absolutely nothing to do with “let men and women be friends” or “let her be with Marcus” (don’t make me laugh, y’all don’t give af about them as a couple. When was the last time y’all cared about a Black couple of a show that was a “Black” show??? Besides, Syd doesn’t even like him like that, not now anyway), and everything to do with people not being able to see themselves as her.

I just… I wish people would stop fronting. Not just with Carmy/Syd, but with everything. I mean, I once said shipping Shuri/Namor was wild, and someone said I was antiBlack. I got so much shit, you would’ve thought I was talking about someone who didn’t kill her mom. Now, what seems more likely - that my Black ass is antiBlack for not liking a ship where one person killed another person’s parent, or that most fans of the ship only ship it because they want to fuck the dude that plays Namor and they’re using Shuri as a self-insert???? Lmaoooo. One day, just scroll through some of Shuri’s other ships, and I think you’ll be able to figure that one out. But it’s not just those two couples… it’s so so many.

Idk… it’s just so funny watching this Carmy/Syd ship be met with so much disgust, derision, and dismay, given all the shitty pairings nobody has a problem with. That’s why fandom culture needs to be honest about the fact that there are two kinds of shippers: those who ship because they really like a particular character, and those who ship because they really want to sleep with a particular actor, and the people mad about Carmy/Syd definitely fall into the latter category.

[vacationship]

Gif @chefkids

LONG POST

Ever since @sydcarmyfan posted (link below) about how the EXIT SIGNS may actually/also indicate Carmy's path to safety with Sydney (and not just a foreshadowing that he exits the business/Syd), I've been pondering this other third moment where there's an exit sign with Carmy and Nat. Overall, I see a dual meaning of the exit sign and the way it shows up in different scenes: When do we leave? When do we stay? Who do we leave? With whom do we stay? When there is trauma, this decision is often very confusing. The exit sign may be indicating that Carmy, in Syd's words, needs to decide. And Nat is subtly suggesting this as well (as @chefkids pointed out, below.)

I also connect the exit signs with the flight response, of the fight/flight (mobilize) and freeze/fawn (submit) nervous system responses. Yeah I'm back on my trauma stuff on this show but I can't draw a lot of precise connections on this post; I may need to do another one.

First, those other two exit signs:

In 1x8 the exit sign shows up half lit in the way back, a comforting scene of togetherness with the crew clearly showing that Carmy is safe and does not need to exit/flee/escape. All are happy and settled, calm and connected, laughing and joking.

In 2x1 with the exit above Sydney and Carmy's heads, while I agree that it shows that Sydney and Carmy have this potential to find safety with each other, it sticks out to me that the blaring alarm doesn't bother Carmy. He thinks it’s just in his head, and he's used to ignoring his inner alarms and going along with the others. An alarm stimulates the flight response: “make your way to the exit sign.” We know with this arc that Carmy ends up trapped in the fridge, and in this scene he says "we're trapped" when Syd says "we're dialed."

While Sydney ended up dialed with Richie and the crew in 2x9, Carmy ends up trapped because he doesn't listen to his inner alarm or instinct about Claire. The alarm in this scene may be warning Carmy (and us) that he's ignoring himself and going along with things. He is actually doing this with Sydney as well. He was devastated when she left, and so he is going along even though the pursuit of a star makes him feel trapped. Maybe that's why he later goes along with Claire instead (subconsciously), because it's easier and known.

Carmy's task is to learn to decide when to exit situations that are not good for him and when to stay and fight for who and what he wants. Staying is not the same as freezing, and it does not mean he his trapped.

So now this exit sign:

Everything about this scene feels visually intentional, from the way Carmy's finger is pointing up at the exit sign which hovers forebodingly in the dark, in contrast to the yellow cast around Syd and Nat (yellow being the past, I'll try to link the color study someone did.) Then there's the red ladder directly across from Carmy that Nat then blocks while wearing her green-blue jumpsuit, and the lighter green panel framing Carmy. The chefkids post that I grabbed this gif from was excellent, they say about Nat bringing up her pregnancy:

Natalie wanted him to hesitate leaving to drop off the permit, but she didn't want to say why. She's letting Carmy figure out his feelings on his own while very subtly looking out for Sydney's.

Every time something seems random it's actually so meaningful. Nat suggesting he is taking care of her around her pregnancy may be her trying to make Carmy look better in front of Sydney who is frustrated with him (you're just taking care of me, right? not running away?) She's also revealing to Sydney this family trait of care-taking and fixing: "no one asked you to" is what she says to Carm when he says he's going to fix the restaurant, and I can easily imagine her saying the same here: I didn't ask you to drive instead of me.

And a more meta comment with her character as a pregnant person is that he is actually better off nurturing what’s inside of him. Instead of exiting or fleeing with a different wrong person (which we the audience know ends up retraumatizing him) maybe pause and consider what’s really the safety plan: staying here and nurturing yourself/inner child/new beginning with the restaurant and Syd.

Instead of doing that, Carmy is pointing up to the exit sign, telling us that he is going to leave, and I see it as he is in a flight response with Claire, not just by delivering the permit with her that day but by engaging with her at all. It seems ironic that Carmy would go toward a person who represents his past and his family, when he's clearly triggered about his past/his family/his family's restaurant business that he is now revamping, but revisiting is not only a common way that we try to heal ourselves, it also makes sense that it would be Claire who he would flee with: she represented fantasy and mental escape (forms of flight) to him back then, and so he reverts to that.

Then there is the red ladder. Talk about a potent symbol, especially blocked by a pregnant woman. Ladders take us up, and Carmy is pointing up at that exit sign, almost but not quite at the ladder. Where does this ladder go? To the exit sign in the dark? Or to someplace different? Ladders symbolize ascension, progress, evolution, taking steps to reach a goal, initiation, passage of life/time or a lifespan, and pyschological or spiritual journey. Red symbolizes many things: energy, passion, sexuality, power, stop/go no further, among other things. There's biblical symbolism of a red ladder going up to heaven and a white ladder coming down.

The red ladder in this scene seems to be that Carmy's exit with Claire is not the path of true progress and passion that he could be on if he followed Nat and Syd. Nat is his older sister, and she's further along on the path of psychological health and life, doing/having what she wants--a good relationship, a family, an important role at the new restaurant--that we assume Carmy also wants, or we want for him. He certainly looks confused in the scene why Nat brings up her pregnancy (sister, what language are you speaking to me right now?) Nat blocking the ladder is saying she's on her ladder, but that Carm isn't currently on his ladder. And her words are asking him to stop (red) and think: why are you leaving right now? What are you doing? The yellow feels like their connection to the past as siblings and green like new growth. Is this it? I don't know. I feel like there's more/other interpretations.

But I guess I'm at a stopping point myself. Symbols are endless. What does anyone else think?

Thanks to these two posts that I saw on the same day, I kinda smashed them together, lol.

[caprisunr]

I might be completely off, or someone way ahead of me with their concise words maybe has written about this in a more eloquent way. Either way, because I haven’t really seen it being point out, only briefly by an user –and not exactly in the way I would’ve put it–, I feel the need to ACCENTUATE on the matter.

I’ve notice that throughout the story since the romantic interest came in, the different plan and set up style between Carmy and Claire vs Carmy and Sydney is painfully noticeable, which I think is extremely interesting when you see it from my point of view. When Carmy and Claire are together, it feels isolated and like nothing else surrounding them matters, whilst with Sydney ‘every second counts’ and Carmy has no choice but to confront what is there. Carmy (and we can see this in the last episode as evidence) has originally a hard time detaching himself from his trauma, arising from the fact that it makes him feel closer to his deceased brother and all he’s known. Claire, an element of his past and therefore his trauma, is just what he needs to feed into the illusion that he can rely on it. Whilst on the scenes where Carmy and Sydney, even those in which they’re alone with one another, are far from isolated. In fact, I would go as far as to say Sydney forces Carmy to ‘face’ reality and the ‘problems’ taking place, making Claire an opposite in terms of provoking an unconsciously avoidance of it to rely on that which he knows –which he doesn’t really, but I’ll get into it in a second.–

It links perfectly with the fact that Carmy never called the fridge guy, avoiding a task from his ‘problematic reality’ with Sydney that he put on hold because of Claire. It’s only when he gets locked up in the freezer, that his illusion of isolation with Claire disappears. This serves as a catalyst for him. I am inclined to think that Sydney and Claire represent two opposite ends of Camry’s consciousness. And it only reinforces how Sydney has romantic innuendo in his story, and not only one of admiration, alliance, and partnership –seeing as their relationship takes a very subtle turn that I hope haven’t been the only one to notice– showcasted at the scene jump from Claire and Carmy making out to Sydney’s three of swords tattoo and then it going back to the couple. Yikes.

Not to mention, from my point of view Carmy is cheating on his reality (Sydney), while creating an illusion that he’s made pace with his own traumatic past (Claire.) Therefore his ‘reality’ (Syd), feels betrayed (three of swords) about his irresponsibility and inability to keep his word and be true to himself. I think Claire and the freezer are both consequentially catalyst to him realizing his feelings and how he needs to set priorities (and heal) because –going back to him not really knowing Claire– he finds comfort in what he thinks knows. But we can see he actually is ignorant to a lot (like Mikey taking drugs.)

In conclusion, this only to say that Sydney is a reality he can’t ignore and it’s his present and future. While Claire encapsulates him in the past, and is someone who stops time, a getaway that allows him –unhealthily– to disconnect from everything.

Anyway. This is a bunch of words that probably mean nothing at the end of the day, I am just waffling and it’s 7am. This is probably the worst analysis I’ve done to date but I just wanted it to get it out there before I forgot.

[ofbrokendreams]

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. Part Three

Part three of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.

Part One

Part Two

Hit up AO3 for the full fic.

TW: cursing, discussions of sex, discussions of abuse, discussions of mental health, discussions of drug use, discussion of suicide, depiction panic attack, pregnancy (let me know if I missed anything)

TEDDY BEARS AND MATRIMONY

Syd’s looking for a new place the next day. Bigger, nicer, two bedrooms, better neighborhood maybe. Close to The Bear but a train ride into work isn’t a problem. 

Carmy let’s her do her thing. Just along for the ride at this point. Watching Syd handle this like she does their kitchen is incredible. 

She handles this new change in their life and he handles their restaurant. He feels more focused than he ever has. He thought he’d been at the top of his game in New York, with a psychopath (sociopath?) in his ear, but he was wrong. Standing in his own place, plating his own food and Syd’s, working with people who want to be here, who want to create and serve, its different. It’s better and it pushes Carmy to be better. To live up to the way people gravitate to him, listen to him, follow his lead.

They move into their new place (two bedroom, five minute walk from her dad’s) on a Monday. With a bunch of staff helping pack and move and follow the U-Haul. And he’d feel bad about it but they’re a family, and he has some qualms about “we’re a family” workplaces. But as Tina directs the chefs on where stuff goes “Follow Sydney’s labels, puta. It’s so easy.”, Carmy thinks it might be okay. They might just be a family. 

And nine months is such a long time.

But it goes by in the blink of an eye. 

And he’s never been a huge picture guy but he can’t help it now. Taking pictures of Sydney almost every day. Some of them together. Some of himself, which is…which kills him..but-

He tries not to think about it, not to freak out, not to lose it. But his father fucked off. Her mother is dead. She never got to know her and Sydney’s got pictures and some videos and stories and that’s all. And it’s not enough but it’s all he can do. 

So he takes pictures of Syd and himself and of himself usually at The Bear and videos of her too. And sometimes he just talks to his phone, voice memos in his notes app about all the shit in his head that he thinks might be important. That he’d like to know about his dad but doesn’t. Stupid shit like his favorite movie and why and if he has a favorite color and how he met his mom from his perspective. 

And he takes pictures of Nat and Richie. Of Uncle Marcus and Aunt Tina and when Sydney’s friends visit he takes pictures of them too. Of the small dinner parties they host sometimes on Monday nights. Of the walk from home to grandpa’s place. Of their family and their life. 

He wants to make sure if anything…if anything…their little Teddy Bear has something. Knows their mom and their dad.

It’s such a stupid nickname. Syd says it once, “They’re gonna be just a little teddy bear, Bear, just like you. Fucking softy,” she giggles and Carmy rolls his eyes almost out of his head but it sticks. It fucking sticks. 

They decide not to find out the gender and everyone wants something to call the kid and it’s Teddy, sometimes Teddy Bear. And Marcus asks over and over if they’re going to name them Teddy…really? 

Its cold, snowing when Syd rolls over one morning, belly getting bigger, Carmy does quick math in his head, badly, and it should be week nineteen he thinks. “We should get married.” Carmy says the second their eyes lock.

Sydney scoffs and rolls back over. 

They close four weeks out on a Saturday. 

Update their Instagram and put up a sign on the door. ‘Chefs are getting married, reopen tomorrow.’

They don’t mean for it to become a thing, but it does. They’re going to the courthouse then back to The Bear for a party with everyone. And it’s…it’s just family but then it’s Chef Terry and Luca’s coming in from Copenhagen cause he’s…important to Carmen and he’s…a friend (“Oh my god, yes, he’s your friend you are such a loser” Syd laughs at him when he asks if it’d be weird to invite him) and Sydney’s got friends, like real friends quite a few actually, and family, real family. And their building is to small for this but its okay because its still not to much.

He fights with Nat about Donna. He’s in a better place, he’s doing well, he can handle it, he wants her at the party. And Nat, of all people, is against her coming. She’s admit that Donna doesn’t come, and its Sugar and she gives Donna all the grace in the world but she won’t…she’s unwilling to let Donna ruin this day for Carmen and Sydney. So Carmy takes his big sister’s advice and doesn’t tell Donna until after they’re married on a brief and difficult phone call.

Bear: 9:38 am; you were right

Sugar: 9:40 am; I’m sorry Bear

Sugar: 9:41 am; I love you Bear

Bear: 9:42 am; I love you Sugar

Nat and Sydney spend a couple Mondays scouring thrift shops for wedding dresses before finding it. Its not a wedding dress, strictly speaking, but its white and it fits and its a little weird and lacy and pretty and when Sugar asks if Sydney feels like a princess, like a queen she nods and Sugar grins.

“The fuck is that?” Carmy asks one night when Sydney’s embroidering an SB into the corner of a new red scarf. The white thread stark against the silk wine color. Syd’s nose scrunches. “It’s my fucking initials, the fuck?” “That’s S-A, Syd.” She looks at him like he’s really stupid. And Carmy swallows. “Oh. Oh okay.”

More importantly, he didn’t think she’d want to like…Syd’s a modern woman and-and he’d assumed, like an ass. 

He’d never thought she’d want his fucking cursed name. To be a Berzatto…like him. To share that with him. It’s so shocking that he’s still thinking about it hours later. 

And that night when he wraps his arms around her waist, hand spread over her round belly he smiles into the skin of her neck. “Thank you Syd.” “Partners yeah?” “Yeah partners.” “Besides its a good name. I like it. And Sydney Berzatto sounds right. Sounds good.” “It’s-it sounds perfect.”

It’s just Sugar and Mr. Adamu at the courthouse. Sitting in the gallery. Sugar’s trying not to cry and Mr. Adamu’s not hiding his tears. 

The Judge is nice and the whole thing is quick. They vow to each other: Carmen Anthony Berzatto taking Sydney Aisha Adamu as husband and wife. 

Carmy’s never smiled this hard in his life. And Syd will make more fun of him for that then if he was a crying mess. And they kiss and they’re married. 

In front of God and country and family they’re tied, for forever, for as long as she’ll have him.

She keeps her ring on its chain around her neck, at her heart, it’s easier for work. Carmy does the same with the golden band she gives him. (And a few months after she gives birth they’ll be side by side at that stupid tattoo parlor getting the date etched into the skin around their ring fingers.)

Carmen waits for the anxiety to kick in. But when it starts he tamps it down quickly. Terri’s voice in his ear, “You deserve happiness Carmen. So does Sydney and if you make her happy then why deny that for yourself?”

The party starts in the afternoon when they arrive back from the courthouse. There’s cheering and hugs and pats on the back. Cicero- Uncle Jimmy claps him so hard on the back that Carmy almost doubles over.

It’s all hugs from Marcus and Tina and Ebraheim and Sweeps and Angel and Manny. And the freshman and they probably shouldn’t call them that but they sometimes rotate out and there’s always someone new so- 

Cousin’s got Eva, even though its Tiff’s day cause she somehow still likes Carmy, and she’s coloring with Mikey at a table and Carmy sits with them for a little while letting people come to him so he doesn’t get overwhelmed. 

They eat the excellent food their staff prepared for them. And Syd calls Richie a fucking idiot when he says he forgot to get Syd a bottle of sparkling grape juice. So she toasts with seltzer and shoots Richie a stink eye. 

Syd’s friends and family throw her a baby shower a few weeks before her due date. And it’s maybe the first time they’ve both been away from the restaurant on a Saturday. Even if it’s just for a few hours in the middle of the afternoon.

It’s teddy bear themed because of course it is. 

Tina threatens to turn off her phone if he doesn’t stop texting her to ask how everything is going. 

And then their home is filled with furniture boxes and baby clothes so small he can’t believe it, even though he’s held Mikey and changed his clothes before. And toys and books. And they spend a Monday painting the room butter yellow and it’s so happy and cheerful he wants to throw up. One wall is covered in photographs on the walls hanging from the ceiling on down to the floor, all the evidence of their life he’s taken waiting for his kid. And Sydney cries when he shows her the mural he’s been working on on the opposite wall of all the fruit he can think of. She curses him out for fucking with her hormones and they make love until the sun comes up.