#and a second date at a major family event doesn’t scream no pressure

[coderooster]

Buck coming out but not specifying his sexuality is so important to me. Like, I know they’ve confirmed he’s bi, but he’s not gonna 100% know that after the couple days it’s been since his revelation. His whole view of himself has changed, there’s no way he kissed Tommy and went yep I’m bi always have been always will be. The fact they showed this and had Buck say yeah, look I don’t know what I want BUT I know I want it with a guy is perfect, because he’s still working it out and often times I think queer arcs in tv are very much like here’s a character here’s their sexuality enjoy, but allowing Buck the chance to explore with Tommy without putting any labels/pressure on it is so refreshing and a lot more realistic.

[goldenkwilde]

wait, is that KITTY WILDE? they kinda look a lot like SYDNEY SWEENEY, don’t they? i heard the TWENTY-ONE year old is known as the SOCIALITE around mckinley. it seems like they auditioned to be in THE TROUBLEONES which is so lame? people at campus have said they’re BEAUTIFUL, but don’t be fooled since they’re also CRUEL. rumor has it, you can find them at CHEERIOS AND CELIBACY CLUB when they aren’t belting show tunes. their entire vibe revolves around AN IMMACULATE SOCIAL MEDIA FEED, ICE-COLD EYES THAT CAN FIND AND EXPLOIT YOUR WEAKNESSES WITHIN SECONDS, THE PERFECT CHERRY RED LIP GLOSS but no one pays attention to that here in ohio.

HEADCANONS

All of Kitty’s life has revolved around being perfect. Her father was an extremely successful entrepreneur, and her mother was your typical trophy wife, so Kitty was expected to be the immaculate trophy daughter. She largely took it in her stride, and her mixture of familial wealth, inherited ruthlessness, and the most devastatingly beautiful face her small town had ever seen was the perfect concoction to be mutually adored and feared throughout her adolescence.

(Sexual assault TW) When Kitty was eleven years old, she was assaulted at a sleepover by her friend’s older brother. Being generally maladapted to deal with her own emotions, as well as wrestling with a lifetime of religious shame, Kitty never breathed a word of it to anyone, choosing instead to pretend that it hadn’t happened and enacting her indirect revenge on her abuser’s sister. She tells herself that it’s fine and that she’s moved on, but the truth is that she’s never been further than a chaste makeout session, and it’s not because of the cross she wears around her neck as armour.

Despite this, Kitty has a reputation, and not one that most people would be happy with. It doesn’t bother her though, and she’s never found herself in a situation feeling pressured to engage in any activities she wasn’t enthusiastic about- not that any guy who valued his face remaining intact would ever try to pressure her. She’s never attempted actual dating; her romantic involvements have been sporadic and commitment-free, despite some genuinely trying otherwise. Any desire for a relationship is spurred on by her image than any genuine feelings.

The need to be perfect still permeates Kitty’s entire existence- at least, that is, the need to appear perfect. She wakes up at 5 am every morning to complete her 18-step skincare, haircare, and makeup routine as well as squeeze in an hour at the gym before class. Her flawless GPA has never wavered for a moment, despite a manicured Instagram feed that shows her at every party within a 20 mile radius of Lima, occasionally also taking private flights to LA and New York for more exclusive events. Kitty’s life is the stuff of legends, but you’d be hard-pressed to hear her describe herself as ‘happy’.

BASICS

full name: christina “kitty” elyse wilde pronouns: she/her nicknames: k hometown: sun valley, idaho birthday & age: october 7th / 21 years old relationship status: single sexuality: straight, but not narrow occupation: student at mckinley arts college sports/clubs: cheerio, celibacy club glee club: the troubletones major: fashion design

CONNECTIONS

hunter clarington: turns out you can't have the most insane hots and sexual tension with someone like that without eventually catching feelings. kitty's never been very good at being a girlfriend but for hunter? she's damn sure gonna try.

quinn fabray: the candle on kitty's altar bears the holy image of quinn fabray.

marissa gardner: kitty tortured her in high school. still does every now and then.

kurt hummel: the most unlikely pair at mckinley, but he's one of the few people in her design classes that don't make her want to scream

dottie kazatori: kitty’s charity case, but she’d be lying if she said she felt total disdain for the girl.

ryder lynn: you know when you break up with a situationship because he chose a catfish but then six months later you trauma bond and are now friends?

madison mccarthy: madison's most common reaction from kitty is an eye roll but what kitty would never admit is that they're friends.

sugar motta: sugar cheered her on while she poured sand over aaron tomson's head in kindergarten. they've been joined at the hip ever since.

sebastian smythe: friends, but if you ever see a knife in kitty’s back, check sebastian’s kitchen drawer first.

jeff sterling: when kitty joined sterling silver she’d hoped for a slightly more chilled-out frontman.

open to any other ideas for connections!

[marvelfansince08love]

hi laurennnn. how about soft platonic!wandanat (like wanda and nat are in a relationship, reader isn't) taking care of the reader (who they've kinda taken under their wing) after she did something really stupid on a mission? i hope that makes sense

Happy WandaNat Wednesday!!! 

Title: Breathing Again

Word count: 3k 

Pairing: WandaNat x Platonic!Reader 

Warning: a little sad, some fluff 

A/N: Minimal editing so I do apologise! Mysh (mouse) Myshka (little mouse) 

Gif owner @diegclila <3

For Alexis x @canarypoint

Breathing Again 

The first thing you noticed was the pain, that sore aching pain that reached all over your body as you tried to adjust to the bright light as you awake, groaning at the sensitivity of your eyes that stare back at the white light. Your gaze flickers around the dark room trying to gather your senses, blurry outlines begin to focus as you notice a familiar figure curled up on the chair beside the bed you’re lying on. You swallow and lick at your dried lips. 

“Wanda,” your voice rasped and croaked as you gained the tired witch’s attention watching her rouse to the sound of your voice. She moves quickly from her position once she notices you awake, her hands tentatively brushing your hair from your face as green eyes take in the almost healed bruises and scrapes that scatter across your skin. 

“Shh sweetheart, here drink some water.” she instructs softly, her voice hushed as she moves to grab you a glass of water from the side table. She tilts the glass to your lips slowly allowing you to take in the cold liquid sighing in relief as you quench your dying thirst. Turning your head you watch her frantically move towards the door calling for someone as you frown still unsure of your whereabouts, she rushes back over to you and smiles reassuringly. 

“What happened to me?” you ask, the events still a blur as you try to remember pieces of the mission. It was supposed to be a simple rescue job until an old rival of Tony’s decided to show up and stir up trouble causing the mission to go sideways, a second explosion had gone off close to where you were helping civilians escape out of the wreckage from the first hit unaware of the possibility of a second wave of explosions.

Wanda sits on the edge of the bed, her hand rubbing soothing strokes across your bicep. Watery eyes lock onto your own as you see her struggle to gather her words, before her gaze drops to her lap. 

“You were almost out of the building when the second explosion went off, Nat tried to get to you she was screaming for you to retreat but you were too stubborn for your own good,” she pauses, as she raises a scolding eyebrow at you but her eyes remain soft and full of relief at seeing you awake and breathing; living. “There was a cry for help just south of the building and as you got them out the explosion hit and you- you tried to use your powers to deflect the force but you weren’t prepared for it and-” a sob escapes from her throat as you struggle to sit upright tilting your head to gain her attention again. 

“I’m okay Wanda,” your words make her look up almost instantly, a small sad smile gracing her lips. 

“Barely, we were told that your chances of coming around-” “Y/N!” Tony’s voice cuts off Wanda’s as he races in with a woman dressed in a white lab coat, her badge indicating her profession. She moves swiftly towards you shining a bright light in both of your eyes making you squint at the harshness, your body still coming around from what feels like a million years of slumber. 

“Nice to see that you’ve come around, Y/N. I’m Doctor Jones, I’ve been looking after you while you’ve been here. Do you know where you are?” she asks, as if routine. “I uh- yeah. The hospital right?” you mumble, not overly confident with your answer. She smiles kindly at you as she nods in confirmation. 

“That’s right and while we have been able to keep you stable, you’ve been through some major trauma alright so I need you to take it easy for me while we go through some routine check ups okay? Do you remember what happened to you?” she continues to ask questions as she checks over your vitals, moving with such ease and experience as Tony remains quiet next to her but still hovers close to the good doctor who seems to be irritated by his lack of personal space. From the expression on her face this isn’t the first time Tony’s been pestering her while you’ve been out, you frown at that thought. 

“How long have I been out for?” your question makes them freeze, as Doctor Jones for the first time pauses as she writes on your chart, eyes flicker from one another. Wanda licks her lips as she looks away seeming to struggle with answering your question making you turn your attention to Tony. His shoulders slack as he stands a few inches away biting at his thumb nail.

“Two months and three days,” his words make your eyes widen as the machine next to you begins to bleep loud and fast.

“Two months!” you exclaim, your breathing becoming more erratic as you feel your chest tighten. Wanda seems to finally snap out of her tortured daydream as she focuses on your anxious form, her lips shushing you, her hands cupping your jaw as her thumbs brush across your cheekbones. 

“Y/N. Listen to me, I need you to calm down okay?” she instructs, taking a deep breath in silently asking you to mimic her actions. A familiar routine that you’ve both done ever since your first anxiety attack after your first mission with the team. Her soothing efforts seem to work as Doctor Jones informs you that all your vitals seem to be all stable and that once you have been medically reviewed, you can be discharged home back to Avengers Tower. 

Once the Doctor had left, Tony finally joined you and Wanda by the bedside sitting at the foot of the hospital bed. The pair caught you up on the past two months reassuring you that not a lot had changed, the lack of Natasha’s name didn’t go unnoticed by yourself though. 

“Wait, what happened to Natasha?” the two share a look at the mention of the redhead assassin. Tony pats your leg and smiles softly. 

“She’s fine, Kid.” he reassures, but Wanda’s distant look does nothing to calm your worries.

Since joining the Avengers you have become close to the assassin and the witch that sits beside you. The two had been dating for a while before you joined the team and became somewhat like mother’s to you, your mentors. Peter has Tony and you, well you had the two most badass women on your side. Moving away from your parents to live with the Avenger’s had been difficult at first, still trying to control your powers as well finding a way to fit into an already established team was hard but Natasha had been nice and warm towards you, teaching you the basics in hand to hand combat as well as weapons training while Wanda had taken you under her wing in the power’s department, having some power over certain elements yourself made you bond instantly with the witch. You had never been close to your parents, your abilities instantly labelling you as an outsider to them and the rest of your family but since being with the Avengers and having Natasha and Wanda look out for you, you finally felt a sense of belonging. 

Biting your lip, you nod trying to convince yourself of his words.

***

Walking slowly into the shared common room, you allow Wanda to guide you gently into the living room space where some of the team wait impatiently for you. Peter spots you first, smiling brightly as he takes in your tired form. Jogging over to you, he gently takes you into his arms and squeezes lightly.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he whispers, you squeeze your eyes shut to hold back on the tears. The realisation of just how close you were to losing your life becoming more prominent as you squeeze him back ignoring the pain that creeps up around your body at the tight pressure. 

“Me too,” you whisper back, before pulling away and greeting the others. Your heart tightens as the emotions from the last two days start to surface as Thor is last to greet you, his gentleness surprising you at the usually strong and mighty God who doesn’t realise his own strength at times. As they step away to give you some room to settle down on the sofa, you can’t help but look around for the certain redhead. Wanda notices your search as she comes to sit next to you, the guys moving towards the kitchen to help prepare for dinner which only heightens your suspicions knowing that Steve is the only one allowed to cook in the kitchen after the last incident that involved the microwave, pop-tarts and Thor. 

“Wanda, is Nat okay with me? Doesn’t she want to see me?” your voice leaving her no room to dodge your questions. She brushes a lock of your hair behind your ear as she searches for the right words. 

“Nat is fine, Mysh. Of course she wants to see you, she just- after the doctor told us that you might not make it through, Nat kinda retreated into herself. She would sit for hours at your bedside, I was the only one besides Clint who could get her to eat and sleep. I only managed to convince her to come back here a few days before you woke to get some proper rest,” she pauses, as tears build in her eyes. “Y/N, you have to understand one thing about Natasha. She has always been taught that love is for children, that in itself closed her off to any kind of personal relationships with others even after leaving the red room. Since meeting Clint and then being here with us, she’s been able to let go of that old notion and genuinely open up to the possible idea of love and friendship, to me, to the team, including you, Little Mouse.” she grins as she calls you the familiar nickname that Nat gave you after you started training with her. 

“Is she here? I’d like to talk to her,” you murmur, suddenly feeling the need to apologize to her for not listening to her during that mission but most of all needing to reassure her and see her for yourself. Wanda nods as she leans forward pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“She’ll be in your room,” she informs you, a knowing look passes through her green eyes as you nod. You stand and head for the elevator that leads to the private quarters before pausing and quickly moving back to Wanda briefly wrapping your arms around her chest from behind leaning your head against hers for a moment. 

“Thank you for looking after me,” you mumble, she pats your arms and smiles. 

“Go and see Nat,” are her only words, making you salute her mockingly as she laughs. 

***

Taking a deep breath in you allow yourself a moment as you take in the familiar hallway to your bedroom, observing the picture frames on the wall. Frames showing yourself with the couple on your birthday, cooking with Wanda and Peter in the kitchen and one from your latest sleepover with the two, face masks in place as you pull silly faces. You notice your bedroom door ajar as you peek through the gap noticing Natasha’s figure curled up on your bed as her shoulders remain rigid and stiff as she faces away from you.

“Wan, I’m not in the mood-” 

“It’s me,” you cut in, watching her become tense at the sound of your voice. She quickly sits up from your bed and faces you, her face stoic as her blue eyes take in your form. Moving further into the room you decide to crouch in front of her placing your hands onto her knees. 

“It’s me Nat, I’m home.” you whisper, fidgeting in place as your nervousness begins to take over. Her hands tentatively reach your cheeks cupping your jaw as her eyes assess the fading bruises. 

“I am so angry with you,” she murmurs, her voice betraying her words as fear remains evident in her voice. Your lips twitch as tears begin to build in your eyes. 

“I know and I’m so sorry I should have listened to you-” 

“Damn straight you should have. Do you know how scared I was when I finally got to you? You were so pale and you wouldn’t wake-,” she trails off, as she continues to take in your face. 

“Natasha I know I scared you-” 

“Scared me?! I have never been so terrified in my life Y/N, do you understand how important you are to this team, to Wanda.. To me! I know how frightened your parents were when we told them, they threatened to have you transferred to the hospital back at home and for us to never see you again.” you try to interrupt to explain that you understood but she continues, the emotions from the last two months finally surfacing. 

“You may not realise this, but we care about you... so much, Y/N. At first I was so angry with you for being so darn stubborn and not listening to me,” she confesses, standing to her feet as she begins to pace. You stand as well stepping back to allow her room to let out her frustrations folding your arms across your stomach. 

“Nat, I understand how reckless I was okay? I’m sorry I don't know what else to say right now,” you murmur, suddenly regretting the decision to do this now as you begin to feel lightheaded. The day’s events slowly creep up on top of you as you close your eyes for a second trying to steady yourself. Natasha seems to notice your swaying state and reaches forward wrapping a protective arm around your waist, guiding you towards the bed.

“Are you okay, Myshka?” she asks, worry evident in her voice. “Lie down,” she instructs softly, making sure the pillows are plumped behind your head. You look up shyly at her feeling the dizzy spell surpass slightly. 

“Will you stay with me? Since I pretty much slept for two months I’m scared that when I close my eyes I’ll-” 

“I know, Kid. Scoot over then,” she bumps her elbow against your shoulder as she comes to lie next to you. Facing each other, you can see the conflict pass through her blue eyes as she brushes a thumb across your cheek, capturing an escaped tear. 

“If you need to sleep, you can. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” she promises, watching as your eyes slowly start to close on command. Natasha continues to watch as your lashes flutter, a small smile spreading across her lips. 

“How is she?” Wanda’s voice whispers from the doorway, Nat turns her head towards her girlfriend, her eyes softening. 

“She was feeling a little woozy but I think she just needed some rest,” she explains, Wanda moves forwards and kisses Natasha briefly keeping her head close to the redhead for a moment. 

“And how are you, my darling?” Natasha shrugs, turning to face you again as Wanda moves to lie on your other side smiling warmly as you seek her out even in your sleep, cuddling into her side. 

“I’m doing okay, just knowing she’s here and safe it’s like I can suddenly breath again you know.” Wanda nods understanding her brief sense of loss and grief for you, the uncertainty of whether you would wake again still lingering. Natasha’s eyes rest upon your sleeping form as she continues to open up to the witch. 

“I may not have the privilege of carrying a child but she gives me hope, that I can be that mother figure and not screw it up with my own past traumas,” Wanda smiles, as she glances down at you. 

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” 

“Just so you know she is grounded for the next three years,” Natasha’s vows, although the teasing glint in her eyes shows she only half means it, making Wanda chuckle. 

“I think you’ll have to get in line because her parents are on their way here,” Wanda informs, squealing as you suddenly sit upright, eyes wide at the mention of your parents.

“Shit! My parents!” you exclaims, groaning as you hold the side of your head feeling a sudden headache coming on, Wanda pats your back in sympathy.

 “Don’t worry, Mysh. We’ve got your back,” 

“Speak for yourself,” Nat mutters, grumpily. You turn your head to face her, a pout in place knowing it’s never a good sign when Natasha sides with your parents. 

“Have already told you how sorry I am?” you ask, innocently making Nat grin mischievously. 

Two weeks later

“One large pizza for the still grounded teenager,” Wanda teases, as she enters her shared living room with Natasha holding two boxes of pizza.

You turn your head from your sitting position on the floor as the smell hits your nose, wiggling your fingers towards them as you reach out for the top box. Sticking your tongue out at the avenger for her comment, you open up the lid and take a big sniff humming in delight at the greasy goodness. 

“I’m going to forgive you for that comment. The pizza saved you this time, Maximoff,” you warn jokingly at the brunette as Natasha comes to sit next to you on the floor, her back leaning against the sofa. Wanda places a few slices onto her plate before curling up onto the single seat, her eyes full of fondness as she takes you both in, watching as you slap Nat’s hand away from your pizza slices. 

“You guys know we have a couch you can sit on, right?” she teases, as you and Nat shrug stuffing the slice into your mouths eyes focused on the television. 

“Come on, babe. Don’t be boring and join us,” Natasha entices, her eyes full of mischief as Wanda scoffs shaking her head. 

“You both eat like animals. I’ll stay over here with my half of the pizza thank you very much,” she huffs but the glint in her eyes shows her amusement. 

You all continue to munch happily on the cheesy slices as you and Natasha make ridiculous comments about the reality TV show that plays on the flat screen making you both laugh. Wanda smiles fondly enjoying the peace and the very normal atmosphere;  being a well known superhero with many enemies makes moments like this rare so she remains quiet, that small smile playing on her lips as she observes her two favourite people in this rare domestic bliss knowing there’s no other place she’d rather be. 

Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers @natasharomanoffswife @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

[sainedeparam]

okay so: one book and one song for 7 oc's your choice and why!!!

Flor i am so sorry because this took me forever to answer 😭😭😭 i really had to think about what fit best and i ended up changing the “one book” to “one quote from a book” since i struggled with that but here we go. Under the cut because it ended up being too long akshsjsksl

One Song

Tate Cerati • Believer by Imagine Dragons

First things first // I'ma say all the words inside my head // I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh-ooh // The way that things have been, oh-ooh // Second thing second // Don't you tell me what you think that I could be // I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea, oh-ooh // The master of my sea, oh-ooh

No thoughts, just vibes with this song. I don’t really have a reason why I chose this for Tate other than vibes. It just felt so… him, if that makes sense.

Brynn Delvaux • Born Ready by Zayde Wølf

I don't believe in no devil // 'Cause I done raised this hell // Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh // I've been the last one standing // When all the giants fell // Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh // I won't shiver // I won't shake // I'm made of stone // I don't break // Start me up // Open my eyes // Turn me loose and you'll see why // I was born, born ready // I was born, born ready // Staring at the pressure now // I won't quit, not backing down // I was born, born ready // I was born, born ready

I like powerful women. The type of women that are feared by everyone. And this song best describes the kind of vibe I was going for when playing her route in WTNC.

Ryder Vesta • Centuries by Fall Out Boy

And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name // 'Cause I was only born inside my dreams // Until you die for me, as long as there's a light // My shadow's over you 'cause I am the opposite of amnesia // … // Some legends are told // Some turn to dust or to gold // But you will remember me // Remember me for centuries // And just one mistake // Is all it will take // We'll go down in history // Remember me for centuries // (Hey yeah, oh hey, hey yeah) // Remember me for centuries // We've been here forever // And here's the frozen proof // I could scream forever // We are the poisoned youth

In my head this is a Villain Theme Song and he’s cocky enough for this to fit him. And this is also to implement the fact that Ryder could never really become a Vigilante, let alone a Hero. Even if he’s dating a Hero, he will always will be a Villain and I love that for him.

Amaris Voight • Control by Halsey

I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head // They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead // And I've grown familiar with villains that live in my head // They beg me to write them so I'll never die when I'm dead // I'm bigger than my body // I'm colder than this home // I'm meaner than my demons // I'm bigger than these bones // And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me" // I can't help this awful energy // God damn right, you should be scared of me // Who is in control?

I was listening to this song while I was thinking about what I wanted to do for Amaris’ future. There is sort of a complexity of whether this means her talking to the citizens she’s meant to protect, her talking to Nathaniel + Areum or just her talking to herself. You can’t just have the amount of power she does while not being able to fully control it and not be wary of her.

Kavan Vekany • Stronger by The Score

Set me on fire // Set me on, set me on fire (whoa, whoa-oh) // I'm still alive // I'm still ali- I'm still alive (whoa) // Bet you didn't think that I'd come back to life // Higher, faster, everlasting // Bet you didn't think that I'd come back to life // Higher, faster, never-crashing // Bet you didn't think that I'd come back to life // Stronger // (Stronger, stronger, stronger, stronger) // Bet you didn't think that I'd come back to life // Stronger // (Stronger, stronger, stronger, stronger) // Bet you didn't think that I'd come back to life // I do this with conviction // I write truths and never fiction // My disease is what you fed // I can't stop with my ambition // Like a missile on a mission // I'm a force that you will dread-ead

If The Exile was a series or movie, I can envision this song being played while at the end of Chapter 3, or maybe Chapter 4 since that’s when we maybe talk to Syfin + Trystan + Our Family.

Benjamin Blackwood • My Demons by STARSET

Mayday, mayday // The ship is slowly sinking // They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling // They're all around me circling like vultures // They wanna break me and wash away my colors // Wash away my colors // Take me high and I'll sing // Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay (okay, okay, okay) // We are one and the same // Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away (away, away, away) // Save me if I become // My demons

This is just basically him asking for help, I just haven’t decided if I want this to be romantic or platonic in terms of he’s asking for help from.

Kai Morgenstern • Lovely by Billie Eilish & Khalid

Thought I found a way // Thought I found a way out (found) // But you never go away (never go away) // So I guess I gotta stay now // Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here // Even if it takes all night or a hundred years // Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near // Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear // Isn't it lovely, all alone // Heart made of glass, my mind of stone // Tear me to pieces, skin to bone // Hello, welcome home

Kai and her complicated one-sided relationship with the supernatural world. There’s a reason why she has a really high Resistance Stat.

One Quote

Tate Cerati • Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz

“Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder.”

This ties to the moment he found out the truth about Daphne, and Alex. How everything just shattered for him in the blink of an eye. It also ties to other events, like finding out what happened to his mother and during the battle when Daphne dies trying to save him. It's just him not expecting an outcome that would destroy his life, in a sense. The kind of outcome where he has to live with that knowledge knowing there is nothing he could have done to change it.

Brynn Delvaux • They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera

“Sometimes the truth is a secret you're keeping from yourself because living a lie is easier.”

I headcanon that she had her suspicions about what Hunters really were. I mean you can't really be that strong and still be human. But keeping it to herself and not investigating further was better than to face the truth because being just like the kind of creatures she was taught to hunt was too much for her to handle. Even after she learns the truth during the story she is still in a bit of denial.

Ryder Vesta • The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

“Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. 'I'm okay' we say. 'I'm alright'. But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can't get it off. That's when you realize that sometimes it isn't even an answer--it's a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.”

I told you about what his childhood, and how he came to be working for the Phoenix Organization, so this fits into him questioning Phoenix and his upbringing. Trying to figure out whether what he was told about his parents abandoning him were true or not, and thinking about what he would do if it weren't. The slow process of finding the truth, thinking that he's okay until it hits the point where he realizes he's actually not okay and not knowing if he is actually strong enough to go against the person he was loyal to.

Amaris Voight • Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz

“Sometimes, you do things and you do them not because you're thinking but because you're feeling. Because you're feeling too much. And you can't always control the things you do when you're feeling too much.”

Every decision she made after waking up were based on feelings so they are a bit questionable even if they're not exactly bad, like not reaching out to Nathaniel and Areum. But it also fits in terms of her abilities. She has sort of learned how to use her abilities and has trained in order to be able to control her powers but she still doesn’t know the extent to what she can do so sometimes when she’s feeling too much, she can’t really control her abilities and the outcome of that is not always pretty :(

Kavan Vekany • The Burning Maze (The Trials of Apollo, #3) by Rick Riordan

“Pain is an interesting thing. You think you have reached your limit and you can’t possibly feel more tortured. Then you discover there is still another level of agony. And another level after that.”

After reading the new update, this just fits him so much. Everything he had to go through after [redacted], especially whatever they did in order for him to not be able to fully transform anymore? He’s known pain like never before, and you know it’s bad when even i think it’s too much lmao.

Benjamin Blackwood • Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

“He was not happy. He was not happy. He said the words to himself. He recognized this as the true state of affairs. He wore his happiness like a mask and the girl had run off across the lawn with the mask and there was no way of going to knock on her door and ask for it back.”

He grew up thinking that there was only one way of doing things, his father’s way. It never really hit him until he got older. For the majority of his life he just kept on doing what he was told because he thought it was the right thing to do and because he wanted his father to be proud but he was never truly happy. He never stopped to think about that feeling until later on.

Kai Morgenstern • They Both Die At The End by Adam Silvera

“I've spent years living safely to secure a longer life, and look where that's gotten me. I'm at the finish line but I never ran the race.”

My favorite girl, who hates life in NMC and being a Keeper in general. She wasn’t exactly “safe” or “cautious” when doing things before the events of kotsam but her life was never in danger, she had everything she wanted. And then, in the form of one car crash and almost being killed, he future just went down the drain and in the span of 2 years (so far) she has had so many near death experiences. She’s just so tired at this point.

[carvedinitalsmoved]

AGE  14  :     sent  to  juvie  for  the  last  time,  finishes  school  &  does  his  best  to  stay  out  of  trouble. AGE  16  :     gets  out  of  juvie  on  parole  &  competes  in  the  first  season  of  total  drama : island,  team  killer  bass  before  teams  are  disbanded  ;  places  4th.      relationship  with  courtney  callahan  is  started  during  the  show. AGE  17  :     off  parole  from  juvie,  in  a  relationship  with  courtney  callahan  &  competes  in  the  second  season  of  total  drama : action,  team  screaming  gaffers  before  teams  are  disbanded  ;  wins  the  season.     confesses  his  love  for  courtney  after  her  return  &  her  attempt  to  make  him  jealous  in  the  princess  challenge,  get  back  together  before  the  finale,  where  they  both  agree  to  make  compromises  to  make  their  relationship  work. AGE  18  :     a  gap  in  competing  for  total  drama.     duncan  &  courtney  go  on  a  victory  holiday  &  getting  their  matching  tattoos.     the  world  witnesses  the  on  &  off  again  relationship  of  the  couple  over  the  next  year,  unknown  to  the  world,  courtney  had  discovered  she  was  pregnant  &  had  an  abortion  without  telling  duncan,  when  he  discovered  what  had  happened,  it  caused  a  huge  rift  between  them,  exaggerated  by  the  media  getting  involved  and  spreading  rumours  about  real  events  that  were  happening  between  them  like  the  petty  fight  over  the  racoon  or  duncan  spending  more  time  with  gwen. AGE  19  :     in  an  attempt  to  try  &  keep  his  relationship  with  courtney,  he  agreed  to  sign  up  to  compete  in  the  third  season  of  total  drama : world  tour,  however  unable  to  handle  courtney  &  gwen’s  constant  bickering  &  chris’  bullshit,  he  quits  the  show  &  manages  to  stay  hidden  from  chris  as  he  tours  with  his  band  up  until  london,  where  gwen  &  courtney  find  him  &  manage  to  trick  him  back  into  the  competition.       once  back  in  the  competition,  chris  informs  that  because  of  his  breach  of  contract,  he  will  have  to  do  everything  chris  tells  him  to  do  &  uses  the  incentive  of  keeping  courtney’s  secret  about  the  abortion  private  to  keep  duncan  from  rebelling  against  him  again  as  he  uses  duncan  to  stir  up  drama  in  the  competition.     it  was  chris  who  pushed  duncan  into  cheating  on  courtney  with  gwen,  making  sure  that  someone  would  catch  them  &  get  the  drama  he  wanted  for  the  show.     he  also  made  sure  that  duncan  stayed  with  gwen  by  continuing  to  blackmail  him  with  courtney’s  secret  &  that  he  couldn’t  break  things  off  with  gwen  until  she  decided  to  end  it.      in  the  end,  he  places  5th  in  total  drama : world  tour  but  is  completely  disconnected  from  the  show  &  his  cast  mates. AGE  20  :     aside  from  making  a  cameo  appearance  on  total  drama : revenge  of  the  island,  duncan  gets  another  year  off  from  the  show,  where  he  continues  to  spiral  after,  drinking,  sleeping  around  &  partying,  not  exactly  being  the  best  boyfriend  to  gwen  unless  cameras  were  around,  going  back  to  doing  petty  crime  &  not  getting  caught,  arguing  with  his  family  &  just  acting  out  like  he  had  been  before  he  went  to  juvie. AGE  21  :      forced  by  chris  to  come  back  for  the  fifth  season  of  total  drama : all  stars,  originally  being  placed  on  the  villainous  vultures,  but  he  continues  to  spiral,  acting  out  of  character  with  everyone  around  him,  unable  to  take  the  pressure  from  chris  &  being  around  gwen  &  courtney  who  are  getting  closer  whereas  he  is  getting  further  away  from  everyone  around  him,  especially  after  being  switched  over  to  heroic  hamsters,  no  one  believing  him  about  mike / mal  &  not  long  after  that  gwen  finally  breaks  up  with  duncan.     in  an  attempt  to  still  prove  his  villain  status,  he  leaves  the  team  during  the  challenge  to  destroy  chris’  cottage,  not  even  caring  that  much  if  he  was  caught  in  the  blast  but  escaping  in  the  last  few  moments.     due  to  the  fact  that  he  wasn’t  in  the  right  frame  of  mind,  he  believed  he  was  going  back  to  juvie,  but  as  chris’  cottage  was  private  property  &  he  was  over  eighteen,  he  instead  is  arrested  &  will  be  going  to  prison. AGE  22  :     trial  is  done  &  duncan  is  sent  to  prison  for  destruction  of  private  property  for  at  least  three  years.     whilst  in  prison,  duncan  has  the  worst  time,  the  son  of  police  officers  &  a  reality  tv  star,  he  is  treated  extremely  badly,  often  the  target  for  several  forms  of  abuse,  fights  that  get  so  bad  that  he  has  had  his  eyebrow  piercing  ripped  out  leaving  him  scarred.      he  picks  up  a  drug  habit  in  prison,  using  a  contact  to  get  him  cocaine  to  help  him  not  feel  much  &  numb  any  pain  he  was  feeling.      it’s  whilst  in  prison,  he  gets  a  diagnosis  for  his  bipolar  disorder.    his  dad  also  refuses  to  visit  for  majority  of  the  first  year  in  prison.     however,  courtney  comes  to  visit,  in  an  attempt  to  get  closure,  the  two  of  them  start  a  friendship  &  she  begins  working  with  his  mom  to  get  him  out  sooner  than  his  three  year  sentence.      during  this  time,  he  gets  all  the  green  hair  removed  to  avoid  any  further  attention  being  brought  to  him,  in  an  attempt  to  stay  out  of  trouble  &  get  out  as  soon  as  he  can.      during  his  prison  time,  his  brother  edward  and  his  fiance  have  their  first  and  only  baby,  a  little  girl  named  harley. AGE  23  :     still  in  prison,  but  his  mom  &  courtney’s  work  has  paid  off,  his  sentence  had  been  shortened  to  18  months  due  to  his  good  behaviour.     however,  five  months  before  his  release,  his  mom,  eliza  trueheart  is  shot  &  killed  after  answering  a  domestic�� abuse  call,  duncan’s  dad  starts  to  visit  him  in  prison  just  before  his  mom’s  death  &  the  two  start  repairing  their  relationship  but  his  dad  doesn’t  want  duncan  to  know  about  his  mom  before  his  release  to  avoid  him  losing  his  release  date.     once  he’s  out  of  prison,  he’s  told  about  his  mom,  sending  him  into  a  depression  but  luckily  has  courtney  by  his  side  who  helps  him  through  it  &  gives  him  a  place  to  stay  ;  the  two  still  aren’t  dating  again,  but  they’re  definitely  more  than  friends. AGE  24  :     duncan  is  repairing  his  relationships  around  him,  his  dad,  his  brothers,  friends  from  both  his  time  in  juvie  &  total  drama  cast  &  of  course,  his  relationship  with  courtney.     which  he  very  nearly  destroyed  again  when  she  had  caught  him  using  cocaine  not  long  after  the  new  year,  but  with  her  help,  he  goes  clean  &  after  an  extremely  violent  fight  with  chris  when  he  had  gatecrashed  a  party  with  the  total  drama  cast  &  some  time  spent  at  his  parents’  cabin,  he  checks  himself  into  a  rehab  facility  to  go  completely  clean  &  sober  for  at  least  90  days.     whilst  the  romance  between  courtney  &  him  had  been  rekindled,  it  wasn’t  until  after  his  time  in  rehab  that  they  actually  started  their  relationship  properly.     he  is  working  as  a  personal  trainer  to  keep  him  moving  &  focused,  enjoying  helping  others  stay  healthy  as  he  earns  his  qualifications  to  become  a  qualified  tattoo  artist. AGE  25  :      edward  &  amelia  get  married,  duncan  is  one  of  the  groomsmen. AGE  27  :     full  qualified  tattoo  artist,  with  plans  to  start  up  his  own  business  &  during  this  year,  he  proposes  to  courtney. AGE  28  :     now  married  to  courtney,  honeymooned  with  a  little  world  tour  in  an  attempt  to  make  new  memories. AGE  29  :     birth  of  his  first  son,  zachariah  duncan  trueheart. AGE  30  :      opened  up  his  own  tattoo  studio. AGE  32  :     birth  of  his  second  son,  frederick  stephen  trueheart,  &  only  daughter,  tristan  eliza  trueheart. AGE  48  :      stephen  trueheart  passes  away  in  his  sleep. AGE  54  :     diagnosed  with  atrial  fibrillation.      throughout  his  life,  he  had  suffered  through  many  dizziness  &  lightheaded  spells,  mainly  put  down  to  shock,  in  his  withdrawals  or  low  blood  sugar  when  he  had  been  a  personal  trainer.     could  be  a  result  of  his  abuse  of  alcohol  &  drugs  during  his  teen  &  early  twenties  years. AGE  57  :     passes  away  suddenly,  due  to  complications  with  his  atrial  fibrillation.

[chasekimberly1994]

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[moonraisedsunchild]

Fear is a hell of a drug

One of the things i mentioned @coffee-randomness and i am using the prompt thing. It has 1 and like 51.

There is a bit of cursing.

~

“I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.” Hansa mumbled as she did her best to shrink down more. She had her back to a corner and was sitting with her knees drawn to her chest. Her chest felt heavy and like her heart was being squeezed. Jason had found her minutes ago and he looked unsure on how to help her.

She could feel the cold trail of tears on her face that made her want to duck down and hide her vulnerability from the world. Three days of no sleep and a canister of fear toxins had her jumping at every shadow while she did everything she could not to scream at the things that appeared before her eyes.

She was pretty sure she had escaped Batman’s notice when she had helped out on a patrol three days ago. She had kept the gas from dispersing to civilians but accidentally ended up inhaling a majority of the gas herself before she slinked away to her apartment where she had shacked up for the three days.

“Well,” Jason commented quietly, “that explains why you were silent for three days” he continued as he knelt nearby but didn’t move closer. He frowned hearing her whisper “your not real. Your just trying to get to me again. Get it over with.”

Jason didn’t move to touch her even though he wanted to. He could see her heart hammering just by the movement of her body which was still if not for her hammering heart and her rapid breathing. The last thing he wanted to do was startle her into an offensive mode. An out of control Azure Riptide was something that was a big fear for Hansa.

“Come on! What are you waiting for!” Hansa yelled at him and she started fidgeting as she grew agitated. He could spot her nervous tics as well as the signs she was edging toward some sort of anxiety attack from lack of sleep and the constant vigilance her paranoia demanded.

Jason would secretly admit he was a bit out of his element here. He just wasn’t sure how to help but he knew three people that would know something. He pulled out his phone before grudgingly calling Tim’s phone. Tim had known Hansa longest, knew her best, and knew a thing or two about anxiety. Whether he knew how to help Hansa was to be seen though.

Tim’s phone was answered with the question “you find her?” And Jason would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so serious. “I found her at her apartment. She is not doing too hot. Fear toxins and a lot of it apparently. Enough to make Hansa look a minute away from cracking under the pressure” Jason told him and heard Tim swear before there was a sound of movement on the phone.

Jason glanced at Hansa and saw that she looked the smallest bit less on edge from the little she could probably hear of Tim’s voice. “Jay, I am heading your way. Just try not to move or anything if you can help it. You might set her off by accident” Tim told him and Jason scowled but gave a sound in agreement.

The only movement Jason allowed himself was to go from kneeling to sitting. Hansa’s eyes follow the movement but he can tell that she isn’t seeing him so much as her mind is twisting his movements into something threatening. He sees her muscles tense as if she will spring in seconds.

She makes an almost choking sound from how dry her throat is and likely meant for it to sound threatening. She has always tried imitating wolves and bears but hasn’t been successful yet. Jason feels his throat tighten making it hard to swallow with how useless he feels right now.

Before Jason has too much time to be upset with current events, Tim carefully enters Hansa’s apartment carrying a bottle of raspberry lemonade. Tim moves so he is walking from behind Jason. He doesn’t want to make her feel threatened if she has to split her attention between two different spots.

When Tim gets closer, it is obvious that his presence relaxses Hansa the tiniest bit. She still is acting like a coiled rattle snake but she looks less like she might suddenly go for someones throat. She’s calmer but less than Jason thought she would have been by seeing Tim, who had been a close friend to her since she got a scholarship to Gotham Academy, which made Jason feel better and worse.

“Hansa, here’s some of your favorite lemonade.” Tim said as he leaned over and gently set the bottle a few feet from her. Her eyes followed the movement almost suspiciously before she croaked out “promise?”

Tim held back a smile. He was pretty sure that Hansa would take that as a threat if he did. “Pinky promise” he replied and held out his hand with his pinky by itself. He didn’t expect her to do the same but it gave her the reassurance enough for her to reach out and take the bottle.

Hansa took a sip while keeping her eyes on them but they could see she seemed to like it. Hansa started drinking eagerly and by the time half the bottle was empty Hansa started getting drowsy. She made a distressed sound and Tim walked over. He sat down before pulling Hansa into his arms to soothe her as she struggled to stay awake.

“I’ve got you, you’re safe now.” Tim told her softly. “Jason and I will protect you. You just get some rest now so you’ll feel better.” Tim continued until Hansa was asleep in his arms with a frown on her face.

“What did you do?” Jason asked looking suspicious. “The lemonade has a bit of some sleep medicine in it. Not enough to taste but she’s always been sensitive to medicine like that.” Tim explained.

“It would have taken hours or even days to get her calm. She’s been like that for three days. She is probably lucky to be alive and probably did it through force of will” Tim continued before he and Jason stood up.

Tim held Hansa out for Jason to carry as he knew Jason would want to hold his girlfriend to reassure himself that she was okay or at least would be. Tim leads them from her apartment and locks the door behind them before heading to the car he came in.

“We should get her checked out at the cave. To make sure that when she wakes up, she won’t be under the influence of the fear toxins.” Tim told him and Jason nodded before moving to seat Hansa in the backseat. He had come over on his motorcycle thinking that Hansa had just gotten caught up in a game or a book.

~

The drive over was quick before both boys got Hansa out of the car and onto a bed in the cave. There had been some arguments between Jason and the rest of the family about the identity nonsense until Jason exploded yelling at them.

“Hansa knows all our identities and has for years. She is Azure Riptide and has been close friends with Tim for years. So what, now that she’s dating me she suddenly isn’t trustworthy!?!” Jason had shouted stunning a few of them.

They had wanted to blindfold her but both Tim and Jason vetoed the idea knowing that Hansa would momentarily freak out thinking she had gone blind. Alfred’s arrival down in the cave distracted both boys for a moment but the moment was just long enough for Damian to tie Hansa down to the bed.

Jason noticed and started fighting with Damian over it. “You mentioned she is a restless sleeper. She could mess up the IV.” Damian said to explain. “That is a horrible way to do it. Hansa won’t even need the gas to freak out about this.” Jason argued.

“Yeah, tying her down like that will give her an anxiety attack. She gave herself one once by imagining something like this. Like i get the reason but this isn’t the way to do it.” Tim said in agreement with Jason. It was a bit weird to be agreeing with him but that was what they got with Jason dating a close friend of Tim’s.

~

Once things had quieted down, Jason and Tim sat next to Hansa’s bedside. They weren’t expecting her to wake up but she seemed to stir. When she was awake enough, she focused her eyes on Tim before saying “That was a dick move. Thanks though, Asshole.”

Tim gave a small laugh before he said “Pinky Promises can be broken if the need is dire. You told me that.” Hansa gave a half hearted glare before shooing him so she could talk to Jason before she fell asleep again.

“Pretty stupid of me. Trying to deal with being gassed alone. Sorry” she told him looking regretful as she sat up. She might not remember everything about those three days, having probably repressed most of it, but she could tell that whatever had happened had hurt or at least really upset him.

“Yeah it was stupid. You could have died.“Jason grumbled and Hansa grabbed hold of his hand that was near hers as of he had been holding hers before she woke up. "Sorry you saw me like that” she apologized and Jason gave a scowl.

“You stupid fuck, I was worried and useless. You saw me as a threat. Tim all but waltzed in and you were fine with him.” Jason said sounding angry though she couldn’t tell who he was angry at.

“Jason, don’t you get it? I am not afraid of you but of what you could do. You could break up with me, leave me, hate me, reject me, and a bunch of other shit.” She explained looking almost sad that he didn’t realize that.

“Tim has been my friend for years. i won’t lie there was a time near the beginning, i wondered if we could be more, but it wouldn’t have worked out. there are things i fear he could do too but most of them are the same as my fears of you.” She continued and raised an eyebrow when she saw his free hand curl into a fist before clenching.

“He and i have talked about them before though. I know they are still possible but he has been there when i needed him so my mind trusts him a bit more. That isn’t saying i don’t trust you or am not already half in love with you.” Hansa says urgently trying to get him to hear her.

“Loving someone gives them a lot of power to hurt you and that scares me shitless” Hansa says with a teary laugh. Jason had seemed to jump to attention hearing her say those things. He seemed to be watching her intensely as if trying to read her which wasn’t very hard as she was still half asleep and looked a bit delirious.

“Go back to sleep, dipshit. I’ll be here when you wake up fully rested.” Jason told her giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Hansa gave a small fond smile before she laid back down while still holding his hand. She drew it close to her chest as she slowly felt herself drifting to sleep. Jason sighed unclenching his fist before using the hand to lightly run his fingers through her hair.

[milehighcity-rp]

“I’m from New York, therefore I’m just naturally interesting.”

Name: Jamie Stessin

FC: Alex Gaskarth

Age / Birthday: 29 / 19 October 1987

Job: Owner of Patterson’s Boutique

Apartment: 606

Personality traits:

+ Creative, Empathetic, Innovative, Witty

- Cynical, Difficult, Fickle, Neurotic

tw: abuse, mental illness

There are only a few things about his birth that Jamie is sure about. The first, is that he was born on June 19th, 1987. The second is that he was born at the Community Hospital in Los Angeles. The remainder is shrouded in mystery: he doesn’t know what his birth mother wanted to name him, or even if she wanted to name him at all. You see, Jamie’s birth wasn’t a happy or planned—but a major accident. His birth mother worked sporadically as a topless dancer, and had conceived Jamie during a tryst with one of her random johns. It isn’t known what sort of pressures Jamie’s mother was under, but she wanted nothing to do with her child. She signed away her rights, and after spending only a couple nights in the hospital, she left against medical advice, disappearing into the night.

Jamie was cosigned into the hands of the state almost from the beginning, and an adoption agency was assigned to the case in hopes to find him a loving home. It didn’t happen immediately, and because of this, Jamie was eventually placed into the foster care system. He doesn’t remember very much of his time in the care of the state, because he was very young. He has fuzzy memories of numerous other children and the pale gray walls, but that was about it. Jamie is glad he doesn’t remember very much about it, but at the same time, he also wasn’t there very long, because he was almost six months old when Jamie’s life changed for better and for worse, and his adoption by the Stessin family was finalized.

The Stessin’s were a fairly normal family from St. Louis, Missouri. Gavin Stessin was a doctor who had his own private practice, while Irene Stessin was a stay at home mom. With two older sons under their belts, the Stessin’s had wanted to add a third to their family, but had been unable to conceive naturally. This was how Jamie came into their lives. Jamie can’t remember the first time he laid eyes on his parents—to him, they were his parents from the very beginning. There was a lot of love in the Stessin household, and Jamie learned early on how special he was to the whole entire family. His parents weren’t the type to keep secrets and hide documents up in the attic. No, as soon as Jamie was old enough to ask questions, his parents did their best to explain that he was adopted. He was not brought into their life the same way as his older brothers, but he had been brought to them nevertheless and that was all that mattered.

The Stessin’s lived in Glendale, a middle class neighborhood in St. Louis. Because of this, Jamie was free to do as he pleased. His childhood was happy, and is filled with memories of riding his bike up and down the street, playing catch in the yard with his dad, and large birthday parties thrown at the local park. Jamie was an outdoorsy kid. He loved to be outside and it was almost impossible to get him inside sometimes. But he could also be an incredibly sensitive and broody child, and one of his very first passions was drawing. He loved to draw—color, paint, sketch. No matter what the form, he loved to do it. What would later turn into his interest in fashion began as a child: he loved the way fabrics felt and looked, and he was definitely guilty of being the type to yank at his mother’s jewelry when he was especially young. When he sketched, he tended to draw all sorts of outlandish things, unaware that he was designing clothes. Obviously they weren’t things that could be practically created or even worn, but it showed that even early on, Jamie was entranced by creating things.

But the happy times didn’t mean that Jamie’s life wasn’t without it’s troubles. Even as a young boy, he parents described him as sometimes difficult to deal with: a happy smiling boy that could turn into a screaming monster at the drop of the pen. No one knew it yet, but things would only get worse as Jamie got older: Jamie’s birth mother had dealt with a myriad of mental health issues throughout her life, and Jamie was predisposed towards his own issues. Indeed, despite having been placed into a happy and normal family, it didn’t negate the fact that Jamie would face his own struggles and traumas as he grew up. One of these traumas would occur fairly early in Jamie’s life. When he was eleven, Jamie was finally able to join the local youth baseball team. He was so excited about it: Jamie loved getting to play baseball with his friends, and often his entire family showed up to watch him play. He always had a lot of fun, but most of all, Jamie worked hard to impress his coach. The coach of the baseball team worked hard to make sure the team succeeded, and all the boys liked him. The thing is… the coach seemed to like the boys, too. He took a particular interest in Jamie, and while part of him liked the attention he received from the older man, part of it made him uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Sometimes Jamie can still feel his hot breath, stinking of liquor in his ear. This continued for over a year, but things ended when the coach committed suicide shortly after being arrested for molesting another boy on the baseball team. It was only once he was gone that Jamie worked up the nerve to tell his mother what had happened. His mother looked at him—it wasn’t disappointment, but it was something else entirely. It just make Jamie feel sick to his stomach: dirty and used. A new coach eventually replaced the old one, but Jamie dropped off of the baseball team. His parents enrolled him into therapy, but it didn’t seem to do much good. From that time forward, Jamie wasn’t the same happy little boy he had been before. As he withdrew into himself, Jamie focused more on more on his drawing. What had been a hobby transformed into a way for him to cope, creating clothes and designs to escape the miserable world he was in.

As Jamie grew up into a teenager, his moods became more difficult to handle. While he did his best to cope with what had happened, it wasn’t easy. On top of a therapist, his parents hauled him to see a revolving door of psychologists and psychiatrists before they finally settled on a pair that seemed to know what they were doing. The psychiatrist diagnosed him as suffering from depression and suggested medication. Jamie’s mother was concerned at first, but she had also noticed how her happy son had transformed into a black pit of despair, constantly worrying and anxious about the littlest of things. She eventually relented and Jamie was placed on a low dose of an antidepressant and a tranquilizer. It was the beginning of Jamie’s journey with medication: but at first? It was positive. He began to notice the darkness lifting, and his mood improved. He was no longer a nervous mess, and after having spent a year and a half being home schooled, he was ready to give public school a second shot. His parents enrolled him at Webster Groves, the school which both of his brothers had attended. While Jamie had always been incredibly close to both of his brothers, things were definitely strained in the aftermath of his molestation. Jamie always felt like the lesser of the three of them—while his brothers were incredibly outgoing and still managed to enjoy playing sports, Jamie felt broken to them. While the medication did help him adjust, Jamie wasn’t sure he would ever enjoy playing baseball without thinking about what had happened. It was easier to just give it up completely. He enjoyed going to sporting events and dutifully went to his brother’s football games, but being on the field just made him anxious. But instead of grieving the loss of what might have been, Jamie focused on his artistic pursuits. He continued to draw, and even joined the art club. But aside from drawing, Jamie was interested in making what he created come to life. He had always been interested in fashion, but the idea of actually designing clothes himself seemed even more cool. With the money from his part-time job at a local diner, Jamie invested in a sewing machine and began teaching himself by making alterations and taking things apart to stitch them back together. Jamie devoured magazines like they were snacks—not just fashion magazines, but others, too. He loved reading Kerrang and seeing some of things people wore on the front covers.

Jamie was a natural. It wasn’t exactly the manliest hobby to have, but being in front of the sewing machine or cutting fabric actually calmed him. He would even do small alterations for his mother, who to her embarrassment had no idea how to sew. While Jamie was nonplussed about having such a hobby, deep down he sometimes felt silly for having an interest in what might be considered a girlish thing. As he grew into puberty, more than ever, Jamie felt the need to reassert his masculinity—not just because of the trauma he had suffered, but also due to the fact that he felt broken. While his brother’s were getting on with their lives—meeting girls, going on dates, and doing all the other sorts of things that most teenage boys would die to be doing, Jamie had no interest in any of it. Girls were just fine: Jamie thought they were great, even. But that spark just wasn’t there. It took Jamie a long time to come to terms with his sexuality—and even now, there is still a hint of resentment. He sometimes wonders if he hadn’t ever joined the baseball team as a young boy, that perhaps he would have had a normal life like both of his brothers. But that didn’t mean that Jamie’s teenage years were lonely. He wasn’t unattractive and found plenty of willing suitors. If he was looking for sex, that was easy enough. It was the actual emotional connection that Jamie found hard to forge. He’s not necessarily needy for affectation, but he is quick to respond physically. It’s much easier to fuck someone than to open up to them emotionally. Jamie came out to family when he was sixteen. It wasn’t a terrible experience: it wasn’t as if they weren’t supportive, but he can’t remember them completely happy about the relevation. His mother gave him the same weird look she had given him whenever he had told her that the coach had been touching him.

Yet somehow, Jamie managed to get on with his life. He graduated from high school without a mark, and finally seemed to be moving past everything that had happened. He was still on medication—there had been some adjustments, more of this, less of that, this instead of that, but everything was stable. He was also still seeing the trio of specialists, but he felt better about his life than ever. He was designing small pieces of clothes on his own, and had even been accepted into the Parson’s School of Design in New York City. But there is no way everything could be so perfect without a twist, right? Exactly. It was around Jamie’s graduation that his mother began to have her share of health issues. She had issues over the years—headaches, dizziness, fatigue, a loss of balance, but it had always been chalked up to something minor and she was sent on her way. It was the summer after Jamie’s graduation that the family finally received confirmation of what was wrong: Jamie’s mother had a brain tumor. Because of the location of the tumor, it was deemed inoperable—but everyone was confident that it could be treated with chemotherapy. Jamie was at a loss, and debated putting off college, or even attending a nearby school instead, but his mother wouldn’t hear of it. He would go to school and he would go to school now. She would be fine and she would see him over the holidays. Jamie agreed, and with a tearful farewell he departed for the next chapter in his life in New York City.

His mother was right. He saw her against at Thanksgiving, and at Christmas. In New York, he truly thrived. This was a city of artists and bohemians. And on top of that lofty label, it was also the gayest fucking city in the whole entire world. For once in his life, Jamie felt at home in his skin. There were no bad dreams or worries. He truly felt as if he had come home after a long vacation. He loved attending Parsons, too, and felt like he was really getting a chance to hone his skills. When he wasn’t in class, he was doing his best to get out and explore the city with his group of artistic friends. There was even a part of him that felt like he might take up baseball again, if only for fun. But everything came crashing down Jamie’s sophomore year. It was April, and he received a frantic message while in the middle of one of his practical exams. His mother had passed away. It hit Jamie like a tidal wave. He had spoken to her just in the past weak, and while things had gotten worse, the doctors had remained incredibly optimistic that chemotherapy was the way to treat it. But now none of that mattered. His mother was dead and there was nothing to do about it. Postponing the rest of his finals, Jamie returned to St. Louis to attend his mother’s funeral. It was heart wrenching. All the work he had done to bury the emotions he and to move past what had happened ten years ago seemed all for naught. Jamie began sullen and withdrawn in the aftermath of his mother’s death. The specialists tried everything—more therapy, more medication, different medications—but nothing ever seemed to have an effect. Everything culminated towards the end of the summer. Instead of returning to Parson’s for his junior year, Jamie voluntarily committed himself to the Metropolitan Psychiatric Center in St. Louis. It wasn’t that something happened, but even at his lowest and most irrational, Jamie knew that something had to be done.

Jamie ended up remaining at the psychiatric hospital for three months. It was grueling and difficult, especially in the beginning as they attempted to stabilize him and rework his medication regimen to find something that would work for him. Aside from meeting with a therapist and having one on one sessions, Jamie also partook in group therapy. It was painful to deal with some of the things that had been bothering him in the wake of his mother’s death, but it was helpful to be around others that could understand where Jamie was coming from. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel as if he was making things up. It was during his treatment at the hospital that Jamie was formally diagnosed with having post-traumatic stress disorder. It was hard to face the fact that he was actually suffering from something, but at the same time, it was good to be able to give his suffering a name.

Jamie went back to New York after he was released from the psychiatric hospital. He father wanted him to remain nearby, but Jamie was adamant to get on with his life—after all, it was what his mother would have wanted, right? He picked up where he had left off at Parsons, having deferred a semester to seek treatment. Despite returning to the city, Jamie was still careful to be mindful of the fact that he had a chronic mental illness. It sucked, but for the first time in his life, he took it seriously—taking his medication diligently, attending appointments when required, and even attending group therapy with others who suffered from PTSD. Like when Jamie had first been put on medication, he slowly but surely noticed a difference in his outlook. He was once more able to embrace the city that truly felt like his home. He threw himself into the work for his degree, picking up a summer semester so that he would even be able to graduate on time. The Parsons school had done good for Jamie’s talents, honing his natural talent into a skill that was out of this world. By the time he graduated in 2009, Jamie had found a position working for a small fashion house. It wasn’t Zac Posen or Dior, but it was definitely a start.

Jamie’s position at the fashion house was menial at first—he spent the first year decorating the studio and designing accessories. But he was eventually allowed to submit designs for collections, and soon he was recruited into the actual position he had dreamed of doing—designing clothes. Maybe his work wasn’t getting shown at fashion week, but the fact he was actually able to put clothes out there that people enjoyed and bought—that meant a lot to Jamie. Jamie remained at his position at the small fashion house until 2015 when it was forced to close it’s doors due to financial issues. It was sad, but Jamie at this point in his life was able to cope with what had happened. He also felt like it was time to make a change—with his designs Jamie had made a bit of a name for himself, and he had several offers not only in New York, but across the country too. One offer was the most enticing—it came from an old flame who lived in Denver. They had endured an off and on relationship, but he had always been supportive of Jamie, even after the relationship ended. He suggested staking out on his own. It wasn’t New York, but the idea of going out on his own was incredibly intoxicating. Jamie agreed and he moved out to Denver. With financial backing from his friend, on top of his own savings and a loan from his father, Jamie plans to open up the first Stessin Boutique in Denver, Colorado.

[abeautyofgirls-blog]

New Post has been published on https://www.abeautyofgirls.com/5-fool-proof-signs-youve-found-a-good-partner/

5 Fool Proof Signs You've Found a Good Partner

“When you know, you know.”

Those words may seem corny to some of us, stupid to others, but to some it may just make perfect sense. Being a girl in this generation, there’s an unspoken pressure to be in a relationship. Why are men seen as “tied down” when they’re in relationships, but when women are single, they think they can’t lock down a man so there must be something wrong with them? Ladies, snap out of it.

First things first, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. In fact, every girl should experience a majority of her young life alone. No, not a loner who doesn’t have any friends. We’re talking free of romantic commitment. A lot of beautiful things can come from being single, including building strong bonds with your friends, making selfish decisions, and really understanding what you want in a partner. You can still date, and flirt, and enjoy yourself, but don’t tie yourself down to just anyone.

That is the key takeaway from this. Wait until you’ve found a good one. But how do you know if they’re a good one? There seems to be a lot of contradicting opinions out there on what makes a strong relationship. You’re constantly receiving different pieces of advice from your friends, your family, strangers on the internet, etc. How do you know if those red flags are real warning signs or if it’s you just “being picky”?

The best advice? Be damn picky!

No one can tell you who to date, who makes you happy, and what to do in a relationship. But these are five fool proof ways to tell if you found a good one.

Are they the one? That’s up to you. But be picky until you can check off these boxes. Don’t settle for less because life is too short and your time is too valuable to be wasted in unhappy relationships.

1. You feel confident in your own skin

Nothing is more important than your confidence. Now, it’s rare that anyone is super comfortable in a relationship right off the bat. However, you’ll know rather quickly if they make you feel good about yourself or not. You may not be into super romantic gestures or corny texts throughout the day, but every girl deserves to feel beautiful. It’s damn hard to feel confident all the time, especially when it’s just one of those days where you feel ugly and bloated and wonder how anyone could look at you and find you attractive.

What you’ll come to learn is how appreciative you are to have found someone that says ,”hey, you’re cute” when you haven’t showered for three days because you’re binge watching Criminal Minds. Or someone that says “you’re beautiful regardless” when you say you feel chubby and need to go to the gym. If the person you’re with doesn’t make you feel confident enough to walk around with your bra on, wearing baggy sweats, and hair full of dry shampoo… they don’t deserve you.

2. They aren’t afraid to talk about the future with you

By the future, i’m not just referring to getting married and having lots of cute babies. It all depends what stage in your life you are at, so this will be different for everyone. What remains the same is they aren’t afraid to commit to you. They talk about “what ifs”. They don’t become socially awkward when you make a comment about what a good parent they would make or avoid talking about meeting the family for the first time. They don’t change subjects when you talk about an event coming up next year that you want to go to together, or hide you from their friends.

Regardless of the extremity of the conversations, it shows commitment. It shows that they aren’t in this just for kicks. What they see with you now is real enough to talk about a potential future. If you’re with someone who refuses to talk about where they see your relationship in 6 months, a year, 5 years, they’re probably not ready to be in a serious relationship. If you want those conversations to be made, don’t wait for the wrong person to finally come around, and don’t force them to be ready when they’re not. The right one for you will be on the same page and you’ll know it.

3. The thought of cheating on them makes you sick

Some people may find this extreme, but it’s important. It’s tough living in today’s society being so wrapped up in idolizing celebrities with unrealistic lifestyles and being immersed in pop culture that thrives on vulgarity and shock factor. Why has it become “out of style” for guys to remain faithful to their girlfriends? Infidelity has become something we’re accustomed to and it’s absolutely horrible.

That being said, temptation is out there. Not just for one sex, but for any normal human being. You’re not in the wrong for finding other people attractive, you’re not a horrible person for accepting a drink from a nice guy at a bar, and you’re not insane for having a weird little crush on your boss when you’re already in a happy relationship. What you’ll find to be the undeniable factor that you’ve found the right one, is the thought of acting on these impulses and giving into a second of satisfaction physically seems impossible. Your mind changes when you’ve found someone that potentially hurting completely replaces any sort of temptation you may have acted on at a different point in your life.

When you find someone who you can’t hurt, then you know they’re a good one.

4. Your fights are few and civil

These days you’ll hear people advocating that fighting all the time is normal because you love each other or you’ll see someone trying to argue that nasty fights are a sign of a passionate relationship. Of course, no relationship is going to be flowers and rainbows all the time and it’s very important to be able to overcome hard times with your S.O. But please stop and take a good hard look at what you’re fighting about. If you have to justify the validity of your relationship with “passion” because you fight so much, get out now.

You should be with someone who doesn’t start an argument with you every day over a like on Instagram, or someone who boils your blood so much you can’t express what you’re feeling without getting into a screaming match. A fight every once in a while is okay, some even say healthy. But you shouldn’t be fighting often, and when you do, they should be civil. You shouldn’t be forced to tears from hurtful comments, or dealing with someone who damages your belongings when they’re mad, or god forbid someone who gets physical with you.

No relationship is perfect and there will be disagreements, but anyone who says fighting all the time is healthy, hasn’t found the right person for them.

5. Your values align

In the end and after all the glitz and glam, a good relationship starts with aligning values. Going along with some of the same ideas as point number 4, you and your partner are allowed to disagree on things. Whether that be as simple as how cold you want the AC when you sleep or as important as your religious backgrounds, all these things should be discussed but shouldn’t be deciding factors in your relationship. What should be most important are your morals and your values.

Do they look at the world in the same way as you do? What kind of household do they want to raise their kids in? What are their beliefs on the things in life that are most important to you?

These are the questions you should be asking. In the end, being with someone who sleeps with the heat on may seem like something out of a nightmare… but if that person’s values align with yours and you’re morally on the same page, you can work through the small stuff. Your right person will align with you, and you’ll be thankful that you found them.

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[themomsandthecity]

My Mom Lives Upstairs: How 3 Generations Came Together Under 1 Roof

My Mom Lives Upstairs: How 3 Generations Came Together Under 1 Roof: If you had told me three years ago that my mother would be living on the second floor of the duplex my husband and I owned, I would have called you crazy. At the very least, I would have served you with a healthy dose of side-eye, which is what I gave my realtor when he tried to show my mom a condo three blocks from our house. The thought of having her within a three-minute walk seemed too close for maintaining a healthy relationship. That was then. Now, with a toddler who is swiftly approaching the terrible twos, I am grateful for her proximity and how it has strengthened our relationship. Shortly after my mom moved into her condo, which was then a satisfactory mile-and-a-half away, I became pregnant with my son. When I went back to work, she was there as our "granny nanny." Leaving my little one for eight hours was a challenge I wasn't quite prepared for, but luckily I knew that my son was in the hands of someone who loved him. I got to watch as my mom blossomed into a grandmother. ADVERTISEMENT That first year wasn't without its hiccups and challenges. Since my husband and I were already using her energy during the day, we were hesitant to ask for any additional babysitting. It became clear that one of the hardest parts of her helping us was the constant back and forth between the two apartments, especially over the Winter. When the couple who rented our spare upstairs apartment decided to move out, our family talked about my mom becoming the new tenant. Of course, we had our reservations. The last thing I wanted was to feel like I was 15 again. I had grown used to the freedom of adulthood. If I decided to spend all day in my pajamas or I went out late with my girlfriends, I needed to know that my mom would refrain from judgment. Even though I keep a fairly clean house, she's still cleaner than I am. Sometimes she'll straighten up toys or fold laundry and I have to tell myself that she's doing it to be helpful, not because she thinks I can't maintain my home. I can't be a sensitive teenager with every perceived slight. For this situation to work, we had to think of it as two homes under one roof, not one big house. Setting boundaries, such as knocking or texting before the other person came over, were imperative. Babysitting requests would be given with as much notice as possible and would be limited to two hours. The biggest rule that we both agreed to is that each person has the right to say "no." If she doesn't want to babysit, she can say no. If we just want a quiet family dinner, we have the right to say no. Neither one of us wants the other to feel obligated to do anything, since obligation can so often lead to resentment. Through being honest about our fears and coming up with some solutions, we've created a living situation that works for us. One major adjustment we made was that my mom would stop being the primary caretaker during the workday. Taking care of a large and rambunctious toddler became a little too much for her on a regular basis. With the knowledge that she would move in upstairs, I felt comfortable taking time off of work to be with my son. I've become a stay-at-home mom, which has helped alleviate the pressure on my husband, who works from home, and on my mom, who now gets to just be Grandma. With her living upstairs, there are benefits I had never thought of when she had her own place. At least once a day I'll look at my son and ask if he wants to see Grandma, and with breakneck speed he'll run for the door and happy scream until he's climbed the stairs to her place. These short, sometimes just-20-minute visits give us a chance to catch up, while my son gets a change of scenery. We all play with toys, read books, and talk about our day as a family. Her living so close has allowed us to develop what we call "nanny camming," where she puts him on the video monitor while he's sleeping. These nanny-camming events allow her to stay in the comfort of her apartment while my son is safely monitored from his own room, and for his mommy and daddy to have some time to themselves to take a walk or go on an actual date. Additionally, since she is just a text away, she's also there for those times when I just need a 30-minute break to think, unpack the groceries, or be alone. This situation works because we each have our own space and that autonomy would be jeopardized were we living in the same apartment. Although she is closer than I had ever imagined her being, I still don't think either of us would be comfortable living in the same home together. By maintaining space, respecting boundaries, and listening to each other, I can honestly say I've never regretted the decision to have my mom come to live above me. Having a kid changed my perspective on a lot of things, which was to be expected. I was not prepared to become one of those people who brags about living close to their parents, but here I am: proud that my son gets to say his grandma lives upstairs and for me to acknowledge that my mom and I are closer in more ways than one and closer than ever before. Related: 14 Definitive Reasons Grandparents Are the Absolute Best 7 Ways to Befriend (and Deal With) Your Mother-in-Law 30 Things That Grandparents Should Never Do http://bit.ly/2jDodhW