#and also . . . shan/narou (jk)

[ashmacg]

Headcanons & Coffee: AU[ish]...SasuSaku becomes two-sided and Sasuke isn't as surprised as he thought he'd be.

DISCLAIMER: this is a headcanon. Why so seriousssss? This isn't meant for the SNS analysis girlies/gays/theys; such folk might vomit if they proceed expecting canonicity. Gospel of Thomas folks, not John.

READER'S NOTE: Headcanons and Coffee is a play on "Cars & Coffee" and is meant to be a casual, lighthearted post series where I put out headcanons that range from canon-conjecture to the crackest of crackships. I may or may not consume coffee or caffeine from any source while writing these.

Sasuke is so gay he can't even hide it. Established.

Naruto is such a people pleaser he would be skittish about a serious intimate relationship with Sasuke even if Naruto were honest with himself. Sasuke comes to understand this, but he's got many other reasons to pledge his undying loyalty to this particular Hokage and not necessarily to any other. Their dynamic doesn't change.

Sometimes soulmates just doesn't work out the way you want it to, and can't be salvaged. Sometimes the sort of 'cooperation' you want is the one you decide against, and as much as that can be awful, it's still valid.

And then, after a few years in therapy, Sakura seems strangely upbeat and lighter on her feet. Sasuke notices her hair is cut shorter, and...has she been spending more time in the gym or training ground? Wait, is she wearing high-impact sports bras all the time now?

What Sasuke doesn't know is that Sakura reintegrated Inner by being honest about what Inner had formed from—namely, any behavior of Sakura's that didn't square with demure Shinobi-World femininity...or, like, with femininity in genderal. The strict standards of behavior imposed by Sakura's mother combined with a misogynist society and bitchy Mean Girl bullies to cause Sakura to compartmentalize a bevy of personality traits—traits that didn't actually form a separate consciousness, but rather were the real consciousness, a very strong-willed one, hidden behind a palatable proxy. Inner is, and has always been, closer to the complete, authentic Sakura.

Every so often, Sarada calls home from a long mission on Hawk-Signal or Ninjagram or whatever E2EE secure messaging/calling platform is available to allow her to speak freely during the Nara Administration, considering that Sarada walks a fine line between military operative and subversive insurgent bc Boruto. Anyhoo, Sarada one day notices that her mother sounds like she has a cold. "Oh, it's nothing, don't worry about me; it's silly how silly you're being"...but Sarada really starts to wonder the next time she calls, because it's starting to sound like laryngitis or some other awful thing affecting the larynx. Her mother is starting to sound just a little bit like Grandpa Kizashi. As Sarada goes back to her mission and spaces out a bit, she realizes her mother was using the pronoun boku. How odd.

Sasuke begins to suspect something is up the next time he's home, a few months after he noticed the haircut. Sakura's manner is different, and he's got this strange sensation just being around her. Sasuke never found her attractive and vigorously resisted even platonic intimacy or familiarity, but something makes him want to do things differently now. Thank Sage that Shikamaru doesn't know Sasuke well enough to realize that Uchiha-san has defected, so being home more now of all times isn't an issue. So he confronts his wife. Because the Naruto/Boruto IP is not itself without comedy, of course Sarada walks in the door about the same time, hollering to her mother about whether the voice issue has cleared up. Awkward convo ensues, but the point gets across.

Well, ya see, Sakura realized a very specific thing about why Inner was Inner, and somehow Konohamaru had sensed it as an Academy student:

Fortunately for Sakura, their daughter stakes the interpersonal aspects of her character on being open-minded, and his husband starts spending a lot more time in the village—partly to learn from the foremost queer philosophers of the Leaf (who used to be his two biggest fans in the Academy, and one certainly still is) that sexuality isn't as clear-cut as many people would assume—partly because neither is gender, and language tends to keep our thoughts/feelings boxed in where they don't quite fit.

Fortunately for Sasuke, damn Sakura's a hot guy after a while. And he picked up his dad's humor and Sasuke is feeling very awkward that his diaphragm decides to get jumpy when Sakura says certain things. And sometimes Sasuke's chest gets tight when other things Sakura says indicate they're cultivating a greater emotional awareness not only of themself but also of others, and of him, too. The thing about Sakura that Sasuke hated the most is falling away with the insecurities that used to be toxically protective. This is...um...good. Yeah, this is a good change.

Fortunately for Sarada, it's a helluva lot better to have two dads at home rather than one miserable mom. And if it's better for her parents to be gay[ish] men[ish] than a straight couple, then how could there be anything really wrong with that? Maybe Sarada can convince Boruto to stop moping and ask Mitsuki out already.

Happy Pride, Konoha.

Also, fortunately for Ino, she finally understands what her type is (queer masc folk of any AGAB) and gets an opportunity to expand her mental healthcare practice when Sakura convinces the hospital board to set aside funds for a gender clinic. We (and Ino) stan an NB trans man who leverages male privilege if he has to for the advancement of gender affirming care.