#and also i'm starting to feel like i never really wanted to replace caleb in the first place

[nikatyler]

fuck it more raleb because i have never made a single decision in my life

[scrapyardboyfriends]

It was not his decision. The producers said they wanted a shocking twist and that they would be killing him off for a big new story to kick off. He was quite teary talking about it when interviewed.

Anonymous asked: Rishi was axed :( Bhasker said on a TV interview this morning the producer rung him up and told him they were killing him off for a big story and a big surprise.

Aww that's sad that he was axed, especially because Bhasker seems like such a nice guy who really enjoyed the job.

Thinking about it more, I'm really of two minds about it all.

On the one hand, I can commend them for actually making a real decision and taking a risk like this rather than just killing off characters whose actors have quit. I can also commend them for managing to keep this quiet so that it was actually a shock death despite the heavy foreshadowing in the episode.

And I said before, they haven't really known what to do with Rishi for years and without Priya too, he's definitely become more of a spare part but at the same time, he's a more relevant, less dull character than say Harriet who they also axed. And with the story at hand and Jai's impending guilt, it's definitely a death that will be more meaningful than some others. And I think in that sense, it's potentially a good risk to take.

On the other hand, the story to get there is...meh. I mean I've seen it pointed out that this is like the fourth or fifth time they've gone for the whole I'm not your dad it's my brother story and that's totally true. We had Cain be Zak's and not Shadrach's. We had the whole Adam is James's son and not John's and the really stupid story with Amelia being Daz's and not Dan's, which was extra irrelevant. So it's really just an overdone story at this point, which is pretty par for the course with the terrible trio. But it also just feels even more cruel to the characters since they then killed Rishi off without any resolution and I'm sure Jai's guilt over all of this will be exhausting to watch. It sort of feels like shock for shock's sake and cheap drama. It depends on what they do with it.

I can commend them on wanting to build up a non Dingle family, but I feel like this whole story has been rushed and a bit short sighted. Everyone immediately knew the brother twist and that Suni would be Jai's half brother. But like imagine if they'd brought Suni months ago and used him in the Nicky story instead of Ally. We'd have seen Nicky sort of reluctantly start something with Gabby and then meet Suni and hit it off with him and it would be clear that something was happening between them and we could have gotten the gay reveal before the Caleb reveal so you would have been intrigued why he would continue this relationship with Gabby and that would make the Caleb reveal more interesting. Plus we could have really seen the Nicky/Suni relationship develop as part of a larger plot and then try and work things out after it all came out rather than Ally just immediately exiting stage left never to be seen or heard of again. And then we wouldn't have immediately suspected that Suni was Jai's brother.

I don't know. I just think there were ways to rebuild the Sharma family without it having to be a paternity twist. And if they then bring in Suni's dad or Suni's sister than it really does feel like they just cleared out one set of Sharmas (Rishi, Priya, Nikhil) and replaced them with another (Amit, Suni, Nisha) and that's not really building up the family.

Ah well...at least I like Suni as an addition so far. There's that. But I'm sad for Bhasker and I'm not exactly looking forward to Jai's impending grief and guilt spiral and I really hope they don't do to Jai and Laurel what they did to Leyla and Liam after Leanna's death. I want Jai and Laurel to stay together and I don't want anyone to relapse please. We can touch on it, but I can't deal with any more drug storylines for quite a while after the Leyla debacle.

[kookies2000]

Clones

You know, I've been thinking back on the Ducktales series finally. As some know, I'm not a fan of Webby being a clone for reasons that it feels meaningless. Then it had me thinking, Hunter from The Owl House is a clone yet I feel something for him. And I thought I would write my thoughts on it.

Webby

First thing's first, Webby. Look, I know they had to squeeze in a Weddy and Huey story in one season and that's hard. No time and a lot of story to tell. And the show did a decent and great job at it. But my one big issue is Webby being a clone of Scrooge. My issue isn't with Webby being a clone but a clone of Scrooge. To me, that doesn't mean much. So Webby turns out to be a clone of Scrooge…… and? Why should we care? Many say it's because she's now Scrooge's daughter but wasn't she already treated like Scrooge's daughter? Scrooge loved her, cared about her the same way any good father loves his daughter. We got episodes about their relationship developing. It was already established that Scrooge loves Webby. So what was she being a clone of Scrooge supposed to add? It didn't develop their already developed relationship except making them biologically related. Was it relevant to the plot? Yeah, F.O.W.L got the papyrus. But couldn't Bradford use Huey? He already had Huey in his grasp. Huey was fully convinced that Bradford wanted to help and was willing to do what he said. So why did he need Webby? I feel like Webby being a clone of someone else would've been more effective. Like her mother? Maybe Beakly had Webby under wraps because she lost her daughter to F.O.W.L and F.O.W.L was creating soldiers through cloning. So she rescued Webby. Then Webby would have this moment of thinking if she can live up to her mother's legacy. Maybe her mother could've been a S.U.S.H agent or she was just a really good daughter to Beakley. And Webby now feels more pressure on being the perfect replica of her mother for Beakley. Or it didn't need to be complicated like that. Maybe something simple like just being a clone of a F.O.W.L agent. She would have an identity crisis of not knowing who she's a clone of and that she was gonna be used for evil. Maybe she is evil and she thinks back to any past mistakes she made. But in the end she can be who she wants to be. She creates her own story and is her own person. But no, she's fully content with being a copy of her idol. She's happy she's blood related to the Mcduck Clan even though she was already part of the family. It just added nothing in my eyes to her character.

Hunter

As for Hunter, wow where do I start? So we already knew he was a clone with the hints the show left us. But of who was the question. When we learned he was the clone of Belos brother it was a huge impact. Why? Well, one reason I believe why is because we never officially meet Caleb. We only saw pictures in Belos memory. And all we know is that Belos killed his brother for falling in love with a witch. And I feel like that mystery adds to our love for this twist. It also means something different to some characters. To Belos, this clone is a reminder of the brother who betrayed him. His determination and pride of trying to create the perfect brother. And it hurts him whenever his brother betrays him. To Hunter, this means that Belos is a murder. The same man that raised him and he loves killed many Golden Guards before him. He is a copy of someone Belos made disappear. And to Luz, her view on Hunter didn't really change. She still sees him as a good guy and a friend. *cough* brother *cough* To Darius, at first he saw Hunter as just a brat who replaced his mentor, someone he loved dearly. This copy of his mentor is taking the name of The Golden Guard for granted. Later, when Hunter proves he can think for himself, Darius sees him as someone his mentor would be proud of. And he cares for Hunter like his own son. Not only is there a mystery to Hunter being a clone but it means something different to different characters. And there's tension if the others find out. Hunter is scared that if Willow and Gus find out, they'll see him differently. There's just a lot of layers to Hunter being a clone. One thing that I think The Owl House had was pacing. They didn't reveal that Hunter is a clone at the very end and he accepted it right away. They revealed it in the middle of season two and they're letting it sink in for the audience. They're letting us see Hunter's process of accepting this new reality of his. He's scared, nervous, and curious. He's studying on Grim walkers and talks to Luz about his thoughts of being a clone. We see how he feels and what he thinks. The pacing is definitely done very well in The Owl House. I should also add the parallels of Hunter and Caleb. Hunter has Luz as his new sibling figur, and Gus too. He has what Caleb didn't, loving siblings. And then the fact that Belos killed his brother for falling in love with a witch. So….. who's gonna tell Belos about Willow?

Conclusion

Basically, Hunter being a clone has a lot more meaning to it than Webby being a clone. The pacing was better, the impact, the emotions, the pain and comfort. It was all there and done beautifully. This isn't to say that ducktales failed. I still love that show like crazy, flaws and everything. It's just that I feel like they fell flat with Webby. Like they could've done more with her story.

[houseaeducan]

what do the family dynamics of your hawkes look like and how are they different or similar? (inspired by the ask meme sibling question!!)

Omg thank you for this question. Much to unpack with these guys in all directions. Not sure where to start so I'll go hawke by hawke i guess (this post got so long so I'm putting it beneath the cut lol)

Caleb - GOD OKAY. caleb is my canon hawke so i have the most thoughts about him so this is about to be a mile long. caleb has a massive eldest daughter but a boy complex that primarily dates back to an incident as a child where he blames himself for his father almost being caught by the templars, but also only been reinforced over the years of trying to protect bethany and then stepping up as basically the head of the family after Malcolm died. i know Malcolm is supposed to have the same basic personality as hawke but my Malcolm in all worldstates except camillas (will get into that later) primarily has the blue/green personality and is like. a generally pretty upstanding guy who didn't want this life for his children but also knew there wasn't really any choice if he and his children were going to be free. he didnt want to raise his sweet eldest son to feel like he needed to be Protector of the Family but like. what else was he going to do. if Malcolm died or got captured by templars someone had to be ready for that. and as a result caleb has always kind of hero-worshipped his father and is constantly measuring himself against what he feels like Malcolm would have wanted him to do.

and that extends into caleb's messy relationship with carver, because if Malcolm saw caleb as his replacement, then caleb saw carver as his. and in a lot of ways it makes sense he expected the same from carver that he did from himself: they're both boys, both non-mages, both two-handed warriors, I even hc they both take after the hawke side of the family physically while beth takes after the amell side. but caleb expecting so much out of carver also makes carver resent him, and when carver tries to confide in him about how much he hates having their lives defined by magic, caleb takes it as like a personal betrayal against the family and doesn't want to engage with it. (also the girl carver had a crush on had a crush on caleb which was so unfair and unbearable for poor carver). it's not like he's mean to carver or anything, but he's definitely not understanding in the way he could be and this isn't something that hits until carver dies. which sucks and is something he's going to feel guilty about forever :/

he has the pretty typical hawke relationship with leandra i think. he wants his mom to like him and he knows she loves him but. its hard sometimes. leandra is hard to deal with and when she's disappointed in him it's another reflection of the way he feels like he's failing his father. and then BETHANY he loves bethany and by the end of things she's the only family he has left. after a lifetime of doing everything to protect her seeing her become a grey warden is honestly agonizing bc she's so miserable and there's nothing he can do about it but it gives bethany the space to work through her negative feelings about all she's been through and i ultimately think she comes out better for it

catherine - my og hawke :) i think her dynamic with Malcolm and leandra wasn't unlike calebs but just wayyyyy less intense bc catherine is simply less inclined to take things So Fucking Personally. from an early age she learned sometimes you have to stab some guys to protect your family and its fine. that's just how it is. i don't think she and carver were super close but they had a pretty classic older/younger sibling relationship. they loved each other and bickered and cat never took carver's shit too seriously bc he was her dumb kid brother. catherine was also really protective of beth tho and when she went to the circle and then liked it there she took it PERSONALLY. bethany is actually probably her most fucked up and strained relationship in her family and out of all her companions. she loves her sister she would do anything for her but she also feels unbelievably betrayed that bethany is happy in a place she worked so hard to protect her from. they work it out eventually but i genuinely don't think they're on speaking terms for like another 5-10 years post da2

cassian - cassian hawke love of my life is a huge sweetheart but is frankly pretty self absorbed at the beginning of his story and really just did Not internalize any of the family pressure my other hawkes did. he's a talented mage who took malcolm's instruction seriously and is very nice to his mom and so managed to get through his whole childhood with a very nice relationship with his parents. i think he and bethany had a pretty solid relationship but were never close despite being honestly very similar people in many ways. the carver relationship was TENSE bc carver was wildly jealous of cassian (cassian is nice in a way that makes everyone like him, he's better looking so the girls all had crushes on him, he was always in good shape despite not needing to be as a mage, he got more attention from their father because he was mage, he was even just naturally good at magic and Malcolm was always commenting on it) and cassian just never really got why carver acted the way he did with him. their relationship does actually improve as its put through the test in kirkwall too (and as cassian gains more perspective on the world and has his arc) and they end the game friends

calliope - rebellious streak a mile wide. she never did blood magic while Malcolm was alive but she was always asking questions pushing the boundaries of what she was allowed to do and it worried the shit out of him. she was good though, and their relationship was overall positive, but he was always warning her about the consequences of going too far. i don't think leandra was as attuned to that honestly, and it wasn't something Malcolm ever brought up to her because he didn't want to worry her. calliope was always pushing back against leandra and challenging her when she felt like she was wrong but at their core they both had a lot of love for each other. and cal LOVED bethany. would have and probably did kill for bethany. and bethany loved calliope a lot albeit in a "that's my crazy older sister” kind of way and was terrified when she realized she had started doing blood magic. that caused some fighting between them but honestly cal just never took bethany's objections particularly seriously. the carver relationship is more complicated bc they never got along and calliope was such a bitchy older sister to him. and carver knew EXACTLY what cal was even if he wouldn't say it. frankly cannot rlly blame him for joining the templars. there is still a lot of love there though, and as much as they might fight with each other they wouldn't hesitate to defend the other if they were in danger

camilla - PLAY DADDY LESSONS BY BEYONCE. so malcolm in this worldstate had the red personality just like his daughter and also had the same expectations for camilla that caleb internalized just. more intensely. my read of Malcolm (in all world states) is that despite being an apostate he still has a very conventional circle educated philosophy of magic and (in this worldstate) i think impressed hard on bethany, as well as carver and cam, the importance of highly disciplined magic, the importance of being an exceptional mage who didn't make mistakes lest the results be dire). this translated into cam being pretty brutal when it came to protecting her family but also having a very critical outlook on mages despite coming from a family of apostates. she loved and admired her father for being a strong, disciplined man, and also hated him sometimes too for condemning them to a life on the run. she wanted her mother to love her soooo bad and I'm sure she did but leandra just never responded to her intense, easily angered daughter as well as she did to sweet little bethany. cam got along with both her siblings like. fine. growing up. they fought sometimes, they played sometimes, she wasn't particularly close with either as teens. carver's death is hard on her, but not like leandra's is years later. she finally gets the validation she always wanted from her mother at the moment of her death and its AWFUL. it sends her down a spiral -- leandra was killed by blood mages, who camilla has always hated, and of course she finds orsino's note in quentin's lair. the circle is complicit in blood magic, probably all the mages around her are as well. they all as good as killed her mother. she and bethany almost patch things up in the legacy quest, but when orsino uses blood magic in the final battle, camilla is certain that bethany is a blood mage too and has betrayed their mother, betrayed their father, betrayed her too and lets Meredith kill her. yoinks

[dreamylyfe-x]

Your trevor meta is making me realize how weird it is that the writers and cast were so insistent that mickey wasn't coming back, because I don't think theyve ever really known what to do with ian's story without him. They put him in these lukewarm relationships and tell us they're so much better and healthier, but then have ian straight up admit that he still loves mickey and nobody else has made him feel the same way. How do they set that up and then have him go back to trevor? They set up ian moving on with "I'm not that person anymore" and follow up with season 8. It's like okay...who he is now is gay Jesus? Lmao. He's always been the shows forgotten middle child and after they wrote mickey off "for good" they could have taken him in a million directions but they chose one so shitty it basically made cam leave lmao. Sometimes it feels like fan insistence kind of forced mickey back but in actuality, the seasons where he's gone just hammer home that he was always the inevitable end to ian's story. So bizarre how little the showrunners understand their own story sometimes.

Ok. I’m going to be a little more Doylist here than I usually am, because we’re talking about what the writers are thinking. And I’m also going to take this opportunity to share this fascinating article from the AV Club in 2016: When Fan Engagement Goes Wrong. Everyone beware, it contains significant spoilers for The 100. But it’s also largely about Gallavich, the fact that online promotion of Shameless leaned hard into the popularity of the couple, and were up against it when Noel left. I’ll quote: 

“[Supervising Producer Shelia] Callaghan’s choice to be honest and straightforward when engaging with fans is admirable, and yet also on some level futile. She can’t tell them exactly why Fisher chose to leave, she is (logically) unwilling to spoil future storylines outright, and she can only speak her own mind as part of a collaborative process over which she holds only some influence. So while many fans respect her effort to maintain the connection to this now marginalized community, others attack, reinforcing that attempting to manage these situations is a full-time job that no one has been properly trained for.” 

This article links some tweets and the one I find the most interesting is this one:

“But the actor left.  So...what to do? Have them just break up?? Felt way less true to me than a forced separation!” 

That tweet is from Krista Vernoff, who wanted to convey that they tried really hard to come up with what they do with Ian now that he’d lost Mickey. And I’m sure they did try really hard. And.... People hated it. Mostly. 

Here’s what I think, based on what I’ve read and the interviews I’ve seen, on deleted tweets and Tumblr rumours and YouTube clips: The show didn’t want Mickey to leave the canvas. At all. Noel wanted more money. The show could not come up with both that money and the money they needed for everyone else. The show let him go. And hoped they could solve the creative problem their budgetary problem had dumped in their lap. 

I actually think Ian’s story in season six is decent. I miss Mickey, of course. I find the last scene with him really painful -- but it’s not painful because the show is trying to diminish him. They write and then cut together a scene where Mickey is DEMONSTRATIVELY still deeply in love with Ian. He’s carved his name in his chest. He is looking at Ian like he’s the most beautiful creature ever given breath. And Ian can barely meet his gaze. They tell us Mickey is being sent away for 16 years but when we see the last of Mickey Milkovich in season six I think “God, this is so sad. They love each other so much and this is so fucked up.” 

I do NOT think “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together.” 

The show always knew what it had with Ian and Mickey. They leaned into it promotionally. They gave meaty storylines to the characters, particularly given that Ian was the fourth lead on a family dramedy built around six children. John Wells replaced Aaron Sorkin on The West Wing. He knows how hard it is to follow a phenomenon. 

The more I think about it, honestly? I don’t think they tried. I think they knew that they couldn’t bring in Mickey Milkovich, the sequel in season six, so they brought in Caleb. And maybe they meant for him to be a LITTLE more viable than he was... but I think there’s a pretty good chance they were just throwing something at the wall to see if it stuck, while being fully aware that the important storyline in season six was getting Ian from despair to a fulfilling career. Caleb was just there as a catalyst. 

Season seven if more interesting, because Trevor is brought on and it’s very much... “Hey, let’s do something new. Let’s bring on a transmasc character and put him into a relationship with Ian and explore those complications.” 

“Great! Put it up on the board!” 

“Also. Let’s call Noel Fisher’s people and see what we can work out because we can do better with Mickey’s send off and people are yelling at me on the street about it.” 

Quite honestly, these are not equal tasks for his writer’s room. You have one story -- Create a whole ass new character. The only thing we know is that he’s trans. Figure out the romance from there. You have six episodes to get them together as an established couple. 

Then: Bring back the well-established and beloved character for an epic romantic two-episode arc where he reunites with his true love and they run away together and then ultimately realize it cannot be, and say goodbye and it all feels like I Will Always Love You should be playing in the background. They actors worked together for five years. They have a great professional partnership. They like working together. They have a ton of history so there’s lots of juicy subtext. The longing and sexual tension comes pre-established. See what you can do. 

HOW do you make both those things work out so that they are equal? You need lightening to strike. And that already happened on How I Met Your Mother. They squandered their good luck and now there is none left for Shameless. I do not disparage Elliot Fletcher at all when I say that for Trevor and Ian to really work he’d have had to have come with scorching chemistry with Cam, rich material that really gave them a good opportunity to build rapport between the characters, and A wizard standing by to cast spells in the wings. They had SIX episodes, a pretty average connection between the actors, and the “these are the LGBTQ+ people in your neighbourhood” scene. 

I just can’t believe that someone with as many years of TV writing under his belt as John Wells has expected that to work. He hoped the Trevor story might be good, and was certainly going to break some ground in terms of telling trans stories. And the Mickey story was going to be the highlight, because he knew people wanted it and he also knew that they’d had something pretty special to start with. Which is why people were yelling at him at Comic-Con. I DO think he hoped it might placate fans a bit. But... he wasn’t going to completely close the door on Mickey this time, either. 

So... I don’t really think the show every intended to write Mickey off “for good”. I think they wrote him off “for now, and we’ll see what happens...” -- and they did that with Karen, Shelia, Jody, Steve and Fiona, too. They only brought a few of those people back... They brought Mickey back three times. They ended Gallavich FOUR times. Noel is in ever season except eight. I don’t think they wanted Mickey gone -- but I KNOW the fans also made it pretty hard for them not to know his value, so absolutely I think that played a role. But when you create something people love and you get that lightening in a bottle like they did with this story, I think writers are always going to be excited to get that back. They like praise! They like people to be excited about their show. And Gallavich was always one of the things that got people excited about Shameless. 

I think they also wanted Gay Jesus to be a great story. But that’s why the lightening in the bottle is so valuable. You can’t just get it anywhere. 

[wreckofawriter]

Amplified Emotions

Word count: 2,184

Warnings: None

Request: Hi! How about a Newt x reader where WCKD sends up a serum that makes emotions WAY stronger, the gladers don't know what it is so reader volunteers to test it, but she has a bad crush on Newt, so anytime she feels any emotion it's amplified by an extreme amount. They first notice it when she gets REALLY mad at something super small and meaningless, then she starts bawling when Chuck gets a paper cut, then she can't stop following Newt around and blushing. Ends with a kiss?

A/n: I dont really like how this one turned out but whatever

You sat staring at the blonde boy across your breakfast, he sat a table away laughing with Jeff and the other med-jacks. A strand of his dusty blonde hair hanging in front of honey brown eyes. His pink lips curved into a bright smile.

     “Yo, y/n, you awake?” Minho asked waving his hand in front of your face.

“Uh y-yeah sorry. Just tired.”

“Well you better be ready for today, your gonna run the C section and then meet us up towards D.”

“Got it.” You sighed breathing in the humid thick air which would for sure make today's run sweaty and gross. You stole one more glance at Newt before standing and dumping your empty plate in a wooden bin.

So far no one had caught on to your feelings and that was a good thing. You had always been good at hiding feelings and you weren't very emotional at all. You also knew that if your crush was exposed to one gladder, the rest would know in a matter of hours.

You trudged down to your hammock grabbed your pack and walked to the opening of the maze waiting for Minho. Once he arrived you began to run. Your mind filled with images of blonde hair, brown eyes and the sharp jawline you have grown to love. When you met up with Minho and Caleb you listened to them banter a bit about the maze before you reached the glade a few minutes before sundown.

As you walked in you saw the whole glade clustered around the cage. You ran up to the crowd pushing your way to the front to greet the greenie.

What you saw shocked you. A young boy who couldn't be older than 12 sat in the cage.  You had never had a boy that young before come up. His face was pale and his eyes wide as his forehead beaded with sweat. Gally was currently in the cage, unsuccessfully trying to get the kid to calm down.

“Gally!” you shouted, “back off.”

He stepped back as you jumped down into the cage landing with a thump as the cage rattled around you.

“Hey kid,” you started trying to keep your voice calm. “You're ok just come with me and I'll get you out of this hell hole surrounded by idiots.” you smiled.

“Where am I? What's going on? How did I get here?  And who are you?” He gasped.

“Look I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer you when you come out here, ok?”

He seemed to calm a little bit, standing and making his way toward you.

After showing around the kid you now knew as chuck you went to see what was up with Clint, you hadn't seen him since breakfast.

“Hey Clint,” you said as you walked into the medical room. You furrowed my eyebrows as you saw, Alby, Minho, Zart, and Newt along with Clint and Jeff clusters around something.

“Oh um hey y/n.” He said glancing up at you then back to the group who had all turned around.

“What's up?” You asked walking closer. You caught a chemical sent as you neared them.

“We have a bit of a problem,” Alby spoke up, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Oh, what is it,” you asked peering into the box they were surrounding.

“ Well whatever these are came up in the box and we aren't sure what they are used for.”

“There's no label?” you asked as you examined the dozen or so syringes in the box filled with a red liquid.

“There was nothing,” Newt said. You tried not to let the gaze he held on you quicken your heart but you had no such luck.

“Maybe we should get someone to test it?” Zart suggested, his blue eyes scanning the reaction of the crowd. Alby bit his lip, Minho shrugged and Newt looked up in shock.

“No way!” He exclaimed, “what if it's dangerous?”

We all turned to Clint and Jeff wanting an explanation.

“Umm, I think that Zart is right,” Clint suggested, earning an agitated scoff from Newt.

“ Newt, it could be a new and improved cure or something to help us get out.” Alby agreed, nodding.

“Alright,” Newt sceved, “then who is willing to try it?”

Everyone went silent scanning the room. You sighed, “I will.”

Newts eyes went wide. “No way!”

You huffed, “Newt, I'm the least important in this group, if I die or something I can be replaced, but the leaders,” you gestured to the group, “cant.”

“Are you saying you're expendable.” Newt gasped.

“No just more expendable than you. Plus who said I was gonna die, it will probably do nothing.”

Newt started at you opened his mouth as if to say something then turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. You sighed and turned to the rest of the group sticking out your arm.

“Let's do this.”

When the liquid felt its way into your bloodstream it felt warm and fuzzy then ice cold then just gone. You waited for everyone's eyes wide in anticipation.

“You feel anything?” Minho asked eyebrows raised.

“Nope.” You answered.

“Ok maybe it was just a dud, just take it easy for a while ok?” Jeff said

“Got it.”

The day went on somewhat normally that was until Chuck got hurt. By hurt I mean he got a tiny cut from a knife while helping the slicers. You're a usual small bit if empathy was suddenly magnified and you felt your self sobbing. Chuck along with everyone else stared at you as you choked out more sobs. It wasn't just that though when Caleb through a cheesy pick up line at you, you got so infuriated you slapped him. But that wasn't even close to the worst of it.

When you saw Newt your heart felt like it was going to fall out of your chest and your breathing became heavy. You felt your self flush bright red as he neared you. It didn't help that he ran his hand through his extremely soft locks and it definitely didn't help that he had taken off his shirt while working showing his perfectly sculpted abs shining with sweat. You swear your soul left your body when he approached you.

“I still can't believe you took that bloody stuff.” He muttered as he stood in front of you. You could function. You just stood there. Your eyes trailing over his body your checks growing warmer and warmer. You gulped.

“Look I'm sorry I stormed out I just didn't want you to get hurt” Newt continued unfazed by your behavior.

You just stood there mouth open staring at him blushing more and more feeling your hands grow clammy.

“Hey, are you ok?” Newt asked concern flashing his face.

“I'm f-fine” you managed to stutter out. Still gaping at him.

“You look flushed, are you sick? Did that shucking thing do something to you?” He stepped toward you leaning his hand on your forehead checking your temperature. His touch shot sparks through you as you leaned into his touch. “Y/n we should go to the med-hut your burning up.”

“I'm ok,” you said feeling your heart die as he pulled away from his hand.

“Alright just tell me if you feel sick ok?”

“Got it,” you said dreamily.

“See you at dinner.” He said walking away.

“Yeah,” you said quietly.

The rest of the day you spent following Newt around. You watched him work while pretending to be busy preparing something or fixing clothes. You would blush profusely when he neared you and you would feel yourself fall into his brown eyes at his mere glance. At dinner you found yourself falling into Newt as you watched him laugh at Monhos stupid joke. Just watching him you felt so in love. The infatuation of him grew within you and you couldn't not be around him. As you watched him you suddenly felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Uh, your staring,”  Chuck said.

“No, I'm not.” You countered your eyes still trained on the brit a few tables away.

“You're still doing it.” He pointed out.

“Shut up” you muttered

“You like him don't you?”

“No, I don't”

“ Then why are you still staring at him”

“Look he's just super hot ok?” You bit your lip.

“Ewwwww. He is not.”

“He so is” you swooned. All of a sudden he and Clint started towards you.

“We'll just test it out ok?” Clint whispered

“I just feel bad.” Newt answers.

“Hey, Newt.” You said in a haze.

“Hi y/n.” He greeted awkwardly

“Hey so y/n, how are you doing,” Clint said sitting opposite you.

“Good.”

“You're not sad at all?” he asked raising his eyebrows.

“ No why?”

“Well, you can't run tomorrow,” Clint said.

“What! Why!?” Your disappointment turned to sadness and sadness to despair. And you were bawling again.

“I swear, I have never seen y/n like this, she had never even batted an eyelash at something like that before that shucking serum,” Newt said as he wrapped a gladly accepted arm around you.

“So I guess it amplifies feelings?” Clint said as you three walked back to the med-hut.

“Yeah but that still doesn't explain why she gets all blushy and mushy around me.” Newt pointed out.

“Actually it does,” Chuck smirked.

“W-what?” Newt looked confused.

“Yep, bet she was just really good at hiding feelings before this.” Clint chuckled.

“You're trying to tell me she likes me?” Newt asked.

“ From a medical standpoint, it is the only answer.” Clint jeered

“Shuck face,” Newt muttered but he still could feel the blush creeping up his neck.

The next day you woke with a pounding headache and memories of yesterday flowed through your brain. Then you remembered Newt, watching him, blushing, ruining the perfectly good act you had kept up for almost a year.

“Shruck, shruk, shruk shruk!” You yelled anger pricing through your stomach.

“You okay y/n?” Jeff asked.

“I'm fine” you groaned.

“You can't run today.” He stated waiting for a reaction.

“Whatever that shit wore off ok.” You groaned.

“Sorry about that. By the way, Newt is looking for you.”

You groaned again, “How marvelous.” You drawled sarcastically.

“I think he's in the gardens,” Jeff said

“Thanks” you stood up your warm feet meeting the cold floor of the med-hut. You tucked in your shirt and did your best to calm your disheveled hair as you made your way to the gardens.

When you saw him your heartbeat quickened and you felt yourself grow nervous.“Hey Newt!”  You called with all the courage you had left in you

“Hey y/n, I'm guessing that bloody thing wore off then?” he said walking toward you

“Yup” you answered halfheartedly.

“Well umm,” Newt scratched the back of his neck stopping a few feet in front of you. “Clint said that judging from the symptom it like amplified emotions or something?”

You felt crimson wash over you. “Uhh yeah, it did. And listen I know this is gonna be really awkward now and I'm sorry but I guess you told me not to take it.” You laughed dryly.

“Why would it be awkward?” Newt questioned

This time you just stared at him, “Uuuhhhh ‘cuz you know I like you.”

Newt grew red, opening his mouth closing it than saying, “Who says that it will be awkward.” He took a step toward you when he did.

“Like everyone is going to make it awkward you know, plus bow everyone is going to pick on me because of it and you will get teased too.” You pointed out trying to get him to see the facts, “when someone likes someone who doesn't like them back and everyone knows it tends to get awkward.”

Newt sighed, “y/n, for being so smart you really are dumb sometimes.”  

“Newt, I don't get it why would-”

“Bloody hell,” Newt muttered before leaning forward and placing his lips on yours. The kiss was sweet and soft, his lips danced on yours gracefully. You could taste a bit of salt and strawberry from Newt's lips. He placed his hand on your waist as you moved your hand through his blonde hair.

You pulled away gasping for air, face flushed and lips swollen.

“I like you too shrunk face ” Newt whispered placing his hand on your face. You giggled.

Your moment was interrupted by a large sigh of annoyance. You both turned to see Minho his pack on his back, holding yours.

“I'm going to have to deal with this every day aren't I?” He muttered although you could see him smile a bit.

“Shut it.” You groaned grabbing your pack and kissing Newt in the cheek. “See you later.”

“Bye y/n” he sighed. Before he pulled you back in for an actual kiss making you drop your pack and raise your arms around his neck as you he slid his tongue into your mouth.

“Ewww guys come on.” Minho groaned. Earning a certain finger from you.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ro & Ali

Ro: Hey! Tess has declared the hospital a no-go zone without saying any more, are you and the baby okay? Ro: I'm really worried Ro: Just hoping that you're both doing well Ali: I'm fine, we're both fine Ali: Don't worry Ali: There's just been...unexpected drama that needs to be dealt with Ali: but its not physical complications, both of us in good health Ro: Oh thank god! I've been praying since I first heard you two were off limits Ro: Anything I can do to help? Ali: Oh God Ali: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Ro Ro: No need to apologise you've been very busy and had much more important things on your mind Ali: There's every need, but also, more than every chance that it won't mean or do anything Ali: I've got to tell you something and its going to change everything and I'm Ali: Well, you'll see how I could not regret or be repentant for anything more Ro: Ali, you're scaring me Ro: What's wrong? Ali: Fuck Ali: Shit Ali: Sorry Posy Ali: There isn't any way to break this easily, ask Caleb, and that's why the 'rents have kept you all away because its so surreal and a mess Ali: but, the baby Ali: its white, Caleb isn't the Dad Ro: Oh Ali: and I know who it is, there's only one person it could be and believe me when I say he is the LAST person I would ever want it to be Ali: it was once, and protection was used and so many other circumstances that now just sound like excuses from someone who's trapped into their worst betrayal Ali: its Drew Ali: I don't know what to say beyond apologising 'til my final breath Ro: Wait....what....no Ro: You're not saying what I think you're saying Ro: What I just read Ro: Because that can't have happened, it wouldn't have Ali: It did Ali: shouldn't have but it did, I did Ali: it should go without saying that you weren't together but how can it now, and I know it does next to nothing to make it better Ali: and I wasn't with Caleb either but these things don't matter now, to anyone, I know Ro: I can't believe this, I don't want to Ro: When was this? Tell me that he didn't come back to me as though nothing had happened Ro: And you didn't just let it happen Ali: Me either Ali: but its happening, and its too late to change it or stop it Ali: He did Ali: I did Ali: I don't know why, I had reasons I convinced myself were right and the best for you but Ali: I'm just a coward Ali: I'm so sorry that my fuck ups are flaws have encroached on and tainted your life Ali: more sorry than I am able to show now, with all this between us Ro: How could you?! Ro: You should've told me Ro: In your silence I was continuing to tell him everything Ro: Give him everything Ro: Not to mention you. We don't have secrets Ali: I don't know, I truly don't Ali: I can shout good intentions from the rooftops but look where we are, and I wasn't ignorant of the old adage beforehand either so Ali: it happened when I believed, you too, that you were over for good Ali: I didn't think he'd come back...then your last birthday happened and I Ali: I didn't say anything, because by Uni, I thought he'd be gone again, and it could really be over, or he'd fuck it up himself Ali: I didn't want to be part of the fuck up, it was beyond cowardly, I know Ro: Don't you understand how little the timing matters? He was my boyfriend, the first, and I loved him Ro: I would never date any of your exes Ro: Sisters don't do that, Ali Ro: It's bad enough that you did, but to never say a word about it until your hand was forced Ro: It's the lowest Ali: I know Ali: I know Ali: Is there anything I can do? Ro: How could there be? You betrayed me Ali: But we're sisters Ro: Are we? Ro: Even Bea wouldn't do this Ali: It was a mistake, a stupid one that lasted 15 minutes if that Ali: Please Ali: Please I don't want to throw away everything we have, all that time, over that Ro: That makes it worse! You don't even feel anything for him Ro: It didn't mean anything to you but you still went ahead with it, despite knowing the consequences for us Ali: It wasn't like that, it didn't just happen because I could, because I was bored or whatever else Ali: it might not have been love but it wasn't that Ali: I was at my lowest, Caleb wasn't being a Father, nevermind a partner, I had two babies on my own and Junior was so...difficult Ali: I was alone and scared and drunk and then Drew was just there Ali: and willing to console Ali: It doesn't make it right, of course, but I would never just do it with no reasoning at all Ali: I'm not looking to be excused or forgiven, not immediately but please give me some hope because I can't lose everyone over this Ali: Please Ro: I don't have anything to give you Ro: I have no doubt you were feeling as bad as you say and I'm sorry for that, but I can't offer you any consolation. I need it for myself Ro: Of course Drew was willing, we've all known that for a long time, but I was just as certain, until now, that you'd never cross the same line Ali: I'm not asking for pity, just the chance at redemption Ali: not today, but one day Ro: What exactly do you expect time to change in regards to this? I already know that Drew didn't love me, perhaps ever, but you were supposed to Ro: You've broken my heart Ali: I won't speak for him on anything, especially that Ali: I do Ali: You can love someone and still manage to hurt them beyond repair Ali: If only love protected us from that Ro: Ours did, for me Ro: Do you know what it's like being next to you? I told myself it didn't have to matter because you never saw me as less than, protected me instead of making a fool out of me Ro: But here we find ourselves Ali: You aren't less than! You never have been, you're incredible Ali: I didn't do this to make you look any sort of way Ro: To who? You've treated me precisely how he also chose to, like I don't deserve and can't handle the truth Ro: Whatever you meant I feel ridiculous, worse than Ro: I've never felt as if I'm just one of many stupid girls in a row until now, for all of Drew's faults Ali: Would you have listened to me? Ali: Because, you knew, you KNEW Ali: and why is my betrayal worse than his Ali: just because it was par for the course from him Ro: Because he isn't my sister! Ro: He'll never matter as much as you Ro: I knew what I meant to him, and I thought I knew what I meant to you Ali: It didn't change what you mean to me, I didn't think of it in reference to you Ali: Obviously, and that was clearly a horribly selfish and cruel oversight on my part that I can only say sorry for again and again Ali: but he isn't you, and he was never good enough for you Ali: however wrong it so obviously is in hindsight Ali: to me, it didn't even touch on you and us and what we have Ali: you're so much more than him, deserve more Ali: again my mistake for thinking HE would be decent enough to leave you alone after Ro: There's what you say and there's what you did Ro: If I deserve so much, why would you do this to me? Ro: Why wouldn't you tell me that it had happened, more importantly Ro: It would have been my choice what happened next with him Ro: Not his Ali: Okay Ali: I did it because I thought it'd mean you stayed broken up, and he'd leave you alone Ali: but of course, you're right, it SHOULD have been your choice Ali: I didn't have any right to try and take that from you, into my own hands Ali: I was just...sick of him treating you how he did Ali: but I only made it worse Ali: of course I did Ro: Yes, well....on that point I can relate Ro: Does he know about the baby? Ali: Yes Ro: And Caleb? Ali: He's gone AWOL Ali: obviously he saw it wasn't HIS but, he didn't give me time to explain the rest Ali: trying to get hold of him stll Ro: Would you like me to start searching? Ro: I won't tell him anything obviously Ali: Oh Ro Ali: it would mean a lot if you could, not just for me if that's off-putting but for him and his family Ali: he doesn't have to speak to me if he's not ready...as long as he's safe, it would be good to at least know that Ro: I know. He deserves to know as soon as possible and it's highly unlikely Drew will be putting in any leg work himself besides running in the other direction Ro: It's safe to assume that was his reaction anyway Ali: Agreed. Ali: That was pretty much the gist, yes. Ro: I know where he'll be too, another safe assumption, if you'd like to get in touch with him as well Ali: That's okay, I think he said all he has to say Ali: If he changes his mind, he knows where we are Ali: Got no right to ask but are you going to talk to him? Ali: For you Ro: No Ro: I can't Ali: Understandable Ali: you don't owe him that, as much as you owe me nothing too Ali: If its any consolation, he's not being logical at all currently so I don't think you'd get any sort of answer from him, even one you don't want to hear Ro: He's rarely logical Ali: Indeed Ali: Well, now you know, I'll leave you alone Ro: How? Ro: You can't go to Caleb's which means we live in the same house Ali: I know but I'll go in with Rock or take the sofa Ali: I promise I'll give you space Ali: and then, we'll both be gone, before too long... Ro: With a newborn? No. I'll go and you can go back to pretending I don't exist Ali: Ro Ali: Please don't Ali: Did I really make you feel like that? Ro: You didn't and that's why it hurts so desperately, because I clearly don't exist to you as a actually am, and I never knew Ali: That is NOT how I feel Ali: What you're taking from this and what you think it means about you Ali: is not what I think, or anyone else Ali: I know I can't make you believe that, I wish I could Ro: It doesn't matter, as you've said, we'll both be gone soon regardless Ali: but not forever Ali: we're still family, we always will be Ro: You've got a growing family Ali: They don't replace you Ali: There's room for us all Ro: I wish it was that simple Ro: That I could be the eager aunt I was at the beginning of this conversation Ali: but you were my sister first Ali: even if you can't be that Ro: I know Ro: But sometimes I can barely remember a time when Drew and I weren't tangled together and I thought I'd got my head around us being apart before discovering that you're complicit in us both being ripped apart and staying together Ro: I honestly believed nobody could or would ever come between us Ali: you and Drew? Ali: but Ro- Ali: he was never faithful Ali: I just don't understand why you stayed with him Ali: so much happened before this Ro: You and I. We're so connected Ro: And yet you'll never understand Ro: I'll never be able to explain it Ro: We have such different eyes on the world, don't we? Ali: Oh Ali: But I WANT to Ali: and I will always try Ali: I always have, haven't I? Ali: That has to count for something Ro: It does and I hope it will continue to do so, if I can figure out how to get across to the 'there' Ro: It's not even your fault, that's what makes it impossible to deal with, that it's just another of my faults Ro: I thought I'd have a fresh start approaching but how can there ever be one now? Ali: You are the last person who's to blame Ali: it isn't at all your fault, not in any sense or in anyone's book but your own Ali: and you're just not right there Ali: the blame lies at mine, and Drew's respective doors, no one elses Ali: I'm just sorry I couldn't keep the rest away from you all too but Ali: She's here, the baby is here Ro: Don't you see that it is my fault, though, because I couldn't kill the part of myself that didn't need him, no matter what I tried it was never quite weak enough for me to walk away instead of back Ro: It's my fault that I was stupid enough to believe that he wanted to be around me, with me, so I let him in, constantly, keeping him around instead of letting go Ro: So there he stayed and here we are Ro: There isn't going to be a goodbye any more, he's in your lives and therefore mine, forever Ro: I don't know what to do with the idea of that Ro: Especially once the illusion of him has been utterly shattered Ali: Well, he did want you around, he must've, whether or not that was in the way he sold it to you, not for me to say but as much as he (and I, not absolving myself here, just talking about his role in it all) did lie and cheat, it doesn't mean everything he did, everything you experienced with him, was a deception or wrong Ali: and I know that that fact is harder Ali: that it would be easier to discredit it all, instead of having to sort through everything yourself and second-guess and categorise, working out what it was, what it means for you and who you'll be Ali: Heartbreak is akin to grief in so many ways you don't fully understand until you're there Ali: I don't think I've truly been there 'til now, either Ali: He plans for it to be a goodbye. Ali: I would prefer it if he would get himself together and could be in her life, as much as I don't want him in MINE forever either Ali: but he has no plans as of right now, quite the opposite. Ro: We can't let ourselves believe that's the thing he'll choose to abide by Ro: For her more than us Ro: Can I see you, both of you, I mean Ali: Yes Ali: Of course Ali: You always can Ali: Don't bring any of the others yet though, please Ali: Not even Mum and Dad know the full story, just that she's white and Caleb is gone Ro: I won't, I promise, it just doesn't seem right, or real, that we're all alone Ro: This scattered Ali: I feel the same Ali: Deserved in my case but it doesn't stop it being terrifying and just Ali: Horrible Ro: Deserved in both of cases, but I don't want to be scared as well as everything else and I don't wish it on you either Ali: Agree to disagree but I call a ceasefire Ali: At least from me, and I'd advise for you too, if only so security doesn't throw you out Ali: Insult to injury when you're very much within the right and your right Ali: Thanks, Ro Ali: You're too good, and I've never been more appreciative of the fact than now Ro: Okay Ro: No, I've never been good enough Ro: You and I both know that Ro: But I'm still here Ali: One day you'll feel different, and see yourself how I see you Ali: but for now Ali: Me too Ro: I'm leaving now Ro: Anything you need me to bring before I slip out of home? Ali: I'm pretty catered for but could you bring a nightie, please Ali: I'm wearing one of Caleb's baggy tops and Ali: yeah Ali: Now I just feel wrong Ro: Yes, sure Ro: I understand Ro: Can I still bring the baby's gift or will it simply add to the feeling? Ro: Not technically for you so Ali: Exactly Ali: If you still want to, I shan't deprive the little one Ali: already enough bad energy she's having to contend with at my expense Ro: We should do a cleanse or something Ro: I know it's been a while since we did anything of that sort but Ali: I'd like that Ali: I need that, in fact Ro: Okay Ro: I can't pretend to feel differently myself Ali: It'll be a starting point for some much needed healing Ali: Not a miracle but Ro: I hope so