#and always remember to take a break and spread love ❤️‍🩹

[racingheadfirst]

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[joeyquinndrabz]

It’s not fair- Joseph Quinn x Reader

Not been proof read

Authors note!!!!! Please note that this imagine might be a tough read for some, it touches heavily on death and working in a care-home in lockdown. Massive thank you to any health workers who were at work during the pandemic, you’re all hero’s and deserve more than you were given. If anyone needs a chat then know I’m here and willing to listen ❤️‍🩹

A 12 hour shift had turned into 20. You’d been rushed off your feet and left on your own to care for 14 residents, all in need of your assistance. There was one resident in particular who needed your help the most, Barry. He was 78 and covid had spread to the loveliest man you’d met. Starting at the care-home when you were 16, you’d met your fair share of elderly residents but Barry was the longest resident your care home had ever had, so obviously, there was a soft spot for him that you couldn’t deny. He’d joined on your 18th birthday, 10 years ago. He was quick to sing you happy birthday and compliment you on your smile, he told you it reminded him of his wife who’d sadly passed a couple years prior. Barry had dementia, but he always seemed to remember you. And Joe.

Joseph had come to bring you your lunch at work once, you’d been together since school so the other residents knew him and often stopped him for chats n cups of tea. But, Barry had been an actor in his younger days so Joe had taken a slight favouritism towards him too. You’d often come into Barry’s room to find Joe already there, chuckling as Barry would reenact some of his old dialogues. It was a special bond and Barry had become a mentor for Joe and his career, and a massive part of your lives. So hearing him struggling to breathe was the last straw for you.

“999, what’s your emergency?” The call holder spoke patronisingly down the phone.

“I need an ambulance, now! One of my residents has been whooping all night but he can’t breathe now. He can-“ You held the bridge of your nose and let out a deep breath, a poor attempt to stop yourself from breaking down.

“Has he had any painkillers?” The lady over the phone was starting to wind you up at this point.

“Are you taking the piss? Of course he’s had painkillers. Look, his temperature is 38.7 and his blood pressure is 45. I need a fucking ambulance.” You were desperate and on your own. Your patience was thin and your body was at the brink of collapsing.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to calm down. As I’m sure you’re aware we’re under high demand right now, an ambulance should get to you at some point tonight but in the meantime I need you to keep him comfortable and-“ Your patience had gone. You screamed down the phone and threw it to the other end of the room.

Full PPE on and tears running down your face, you had one job to do and that was to keep him alive. “Barry my love, Im here, Im here.” There wasn’t much you could do in that moment and you both knew that. There was a horrible feeling in the room that you both knew what was coming and there was no stopping it. “Y/N” He gasped. “Hey hey hey, try and take some big deep breaths for me Barry. In and out, slowly. There you go, more of that Barry you’re doing so well.” His breathing had calmed down but his emotions hadn’t. “You and Joe, you’re my family. I know I’m gonna die love, please let me say goodbye.” Barry was wailing and you were sobbing, his wife was the only person he had left before she passed and in a way you were his family. And he was yours. “Barry you can’t die, I won’t let you.” You sobbed as you held his hand tight. “It’s ok love, I’m gonna be with my wife. I can tell her all about you both. I just wanna say goodbye.” His eyes were still pouring but the mentioning of his wife had brought a smile to his face. You were at a loss for words but knew that you would do anything in your power to give him what he needed in this situation. “Okay, okay I’ll ring him.” Your hands were shaking as you pulled out your phone and unlocked your phone. “Can you do that video calling thing?” He gasped out. “Seeing both your faces would bring me great comfort, I can die happily sweetheart.” His words only made you cry more, you were a state and looked one too. A massive mask was covering your face and due to the lack of funding, your ppe was a bin bag so your unwashed hair was on display. If anyone was to see you they’d assume you’d been through the wars. Your thumb pressed FaceTime as you tightened the grip on Barry’s hand with your other, scared of letting him go.

Joe soon appeared on your screen and his face went from confused to mortified. “Oh my god darling what’s happened?” He’d shot up out of bed and, in true Joe fashion, had start to frantically look for his keys. “No no, sit back down please. I don’t have time to explain everything right now and I’m sorry but-“ You’d chocked up and Barry’s heavy breathing was slowing down. “Barry, Barry isn’t well and he wants to speak to you before he goes to sleep.” You couldn’t get the words out, the thought of not seeing Barry everyday was too much and it was obvious the grief had already passed to Joseph. His eyes began to water and his mouth started shaking. “Joe.” Barry muttered, his eyes were closing and your sobs were no longer in hiding. “Joseph im warning you, this might be too much.” You squeezed out mid cry. “No baby please, I need to see him.” Joe bit his lip and tears began to leak. Seeing you in this state was hard enough but knowing Barry was dying next to you was heartbreaking. You turned the phone and heard a gasp from Joe, he wasn’t expecting the sight he’d been shown. Barry was on the edge of death and there was no coming back from it. “Joe my boy, I need you to promise me something.” He was gasping at this point and it was taking everything for you not to tell him to save his breath, scared he was going to pass sooner if he spoke too much. “Anything Barry, anything.” Joe was crying too, his lip was still clenched between his teeth but it wasn’t helping. Nothing would. “Look after her for me, I wanna know you two are gonna stick together when I’m gone.” Barry’s eyes were shut and his hold on your hand was getting weaker with every word. “Of course I will, I won’t let anything happen to her. And I’ll love her until my last days I promise you Barry, you’ve got my word.” Barry smiled and opened his eyes to meet the ones of Joes over the phone. “You’re gonna go far kid, I’ll be watching.” Barry shut his eyes and you knew it was time to get off the phone and leave Barry in peace. You turned the phone and neither of you knew what to say, Joe shook his head and covered his mouth to stop the sobs from getting louder. “I’m coming to pick you up.” This time you didn’t argue. You nodded and knew it was time to say goodbye. You ended the phone and held Barry close until you no longer heard his laboured breathing. He’d gone.

Slowly getting up from the wooden chair, you turned to see Barry laying lifeless in the room you’d learnt to love. The scrabble box was still undone from the last game you’d played with him, due to social distancing rules Joe couldn’t play in real life, but you found a way to play with him over the phone and it was enjoyable for all of you. The door of Barry’s room opened and you looked up to see your manager, shocked at the sight she’d walked in on. “He’s gone.” You whispered, eyes faced towards the floor. “Oh Y/N.” She walked in and held you tight. “Isn’t this against the rules?” You questioned as you sniffed into her shoulder. She pulled you back and pushed your hair out of your face. “So are 20 hour shifts darling, go home. I’ll sort the rest out”. You nodded and headed for the door, stripping yourself of your PPE and showering in the staff room before heading out the entrance. Joe was waiting for you like he said he would, cigarette in hand and he was visibly tired. You walked up to him and he was aware of what was about to come out your mouth. “Did he fall asleep?” He squeaked out. “Yeah baby he’s fallen asleep.” You nodded before breaking down. His arms enclosed as he held you tight, your head buried into his neck. “It’s not fair Joe, it’s not fair.” You wailed. “I know baby, I know.” He cried into your hair. “I failed him.” You pulled back and Joe took in your appearance. You looked broken. “Oh my darling, there’s nothing you could’ve done. He’s not in pain anymore and his last moments were spent with the person who distracted him from it all. You did everything you could.” Joe was wiping your tears as you reached up wipe his. “I made him a promise and I’m sticking to it. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you my love, let’s get you home yeah?”

“I love you Joseph Quinn.”

“I love you too Y/N L/N”