#i dont plan for staying here for so long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

racingheadfirst · 1 year

Text

.

#i dont plan for staying here for so long #and neither do i plan on going back to my main twitter acc anytime soon #just for this bit and sharing some music earlier because i miss doing it hehe ☺️#i will be having my exams next week then i am free for about two months or so~#i was planning to go back for funsies on my upcoming break but ... we shall see honestly #i am not updated with what has happened and i am being so serious 😅 i don't follow updates & news anymore unfortunately #it's nobody'a fault i have just been in a bad place and just not in the right headspace i think but i will be fine~#... have nothing to say except that hope everyone (well if anyone is reading this im crying) is taking care of themselves #and always remember to take a break and spread love ❤️‍🩹#it's been great lovelies see you whenever miss you lots #i am still available here (lies honestly i legit dont remember this app existed) and on my side twt acc so dont ever hesitate to say hi! ☺️#take care beloveds!!!!! ily #pls live laugh love yes!#beytalks

4 notes · View notes

mormonforgetmenot · 12 days

Text

I love being queer and I love being a mormon, but there are times when I'm just so tired.

#im really glad i found queerstake because i definitely would have left the church by now if not #i can't believe i went that long without any kind of community #i just guessed that there were other people like me because i couldn't possibly be the only one #but i hadnt met anyone yet who was queer a member and was planning to stay and i just felt so alone in this #i was actually on the verge of leaving and giving up when i stumbled across a post #i dont even know how it could have possibly crossed my path it was so random i really think god put it there because there is no way #especially in the moment i needed it that badly #it was just a part of a liveblog from a general conference that was especially rough on me and i saw the queerstake tag #because like. i dont want to leave. why should i have to i like it here i dont want to leave just because people dont want me here #and i just really want to be there and hopefully be fully out one day so that queer kids in the church can see me and know they aren't alon #but there are times when im just so bleh and tired and sad #vent #tw vent #queerstake

65 notes · View notes

carcarrot · 24 hours

Text

you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces

#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well #considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all #in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story #yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount #and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops #but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me #i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative #which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career #im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation #:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long #but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is #anyway . im taking it well

11 notes · View notes

doctorweebmd · 4 months

Text

i love the comments on the latest chapter of the path to paradise where people are like 'akutagawa leave those crabs alone!'

because that's something I do

literally traveling the world's oceans, harassing all of God's crustaceans

for example took a weekend trip with my partner for our 6 year wedding anniversary a few days ago and spent a solid multiple hours searching for and harassing crabs

here is photo evidence of the largest and most in-chargest one I found:

#i love crabs a lot what can i say #you can't tell from the picture but this dude was like baseball-sized #more proof that in a past life i was one of those mentally ill victorian ladies that got sent to the seaside for their 'health'#i love the ocean a lot. i still feel viscerally ill when i think about moving back to my home state #its a beautiful place and there's nothing wrong with it #but i would miss being so close to the water.#(i have to find a real job in like six months or so so we've been talking about where i should apply)#we really want to stay in the city we live in now but there's no jobs (for me)#as is often the issue about highly populated and nice west-coast cities #its oversaturated with people that want to stay #which ends up being an issue because you have no bargaining power and they pay shit (relatively)#also like. say what you will. but i hate weather #if i could live forever in a place that never snows i'd be perfectly happy #our parents also really want us to move back to our home state #we dont plan on having kids but i do feel guilty being far away from them for so long #sorry i'm gonna unleash some 'personal' posts today because i just have to type some stuff out to think it through #i have like 3 followers on here so i'm not too worried lmao

8 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

Text

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

10 notes · View notes

her-canine-teeth · 6 months

Text

back to you by flower face (reupload)

#yellowjackets #jackieshauna #mitos incredible life #mine art tag #hope it STAYS this time goood #anyways. I still think the allie part is funny sue me #when i was like 'omg im gonna edit the whole album' it was party bc I knew back to you was in there and I was like 'that song is #SO jackieshauna that it doesnt even matter if all the other songs arent'#dont know anymore bc it was so long ago and im not very far with the whole. js: tsiyw - n thing #(im at maybe bc today familys here bc easter)#if somebody wants a specific song edited to them hmu btw #i do have like. many ideas (for jackieshauna at least 6 from what I remember‚ 1 lottienat n general yj some)#and thats just the like sorta planned out ones. So Idk if I will ever like edit more but PROBABLY bc im nothing if not. other ppl #(sincerly hope that doesnt make sense)#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water

5 notes · View notes

halloweendeity · 16 days

Text

.

#horrible awful no good very bad day #apparently last night the apartment below ours caught fire and we were out of town #and we didnt find out til several hours later from our neighbor who had to track me down on facebook- we didnt hear a thing #from the apartment in any official capacity until like? 10 hours after the fire?#anyway we rushed home supremely early from a friend trip that was like #meant to be very good and fun #anyway so we rush home because no one can tell us if our cats are okay #and they were but our whole apartment is supremely smoky and all of our possessions are extremely smoky #and we cant stay there or let the cats stay there because of the smoke and soot and particles it just doesnt feel safe #so now im in my partners familys house which is like #fine but its full of people and i dont feel fully comfortable and i cant fully relax and and and and and etc etc etc etc #and tomorrow i have to wake up early and go over there and find out what if anything the complex plans to do about it and how long its gonna #be until we can come back safely. or more likely get more noncommittal answers and be unsure #and i dont know how long i can stay here and be normal #AND to top it all off i paid like 60$ to go to an aquarium i didnt even get to go to . but yknow. all of my friends got to !#and like im happy for them but no one was excited as i was and now i get to ruminate on how everyone got to do the fun thing i love #while i was stuck doing 17 loads of laundry and bathing the soot out of my cats fur in someone elses house #certainly it could be worse and im glad my cats are fine and im glad its just smoke damage and not yknow. Burn damage #but im having a sad little pity party anyway because i was supposed to have an amazing beautiful day ending in a relaxing evening #in my own home #and now i have to cope with all of this instead. all i want to do is cry #and also like. im scared we will have to move #but im also scared we wont... because like #i think it was a gas issue. and knowing that that happened in my building? and also knowing how much landlords love to halfass #repairs and everything else #i just dont know how safe i will feel there #even if they tell me its fine #anyway sorry for the tag vent post again my old ways will never die #ghost posts

2 notes · View notes

tamagotchikgs · 5 months

Text

i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh

#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡#[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear]#i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised #but like. i always just wanted them to like me #i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to #have my back for once vs everything else #i remember such a specific moment right #and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had #and they ended up talking before we left #the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me #& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this #n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be #better #and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face..........#and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it #i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have #a chance #maybe they do like me #like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them #and then she did it again #and again #but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed #for years n years #my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover #and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home #always just wanting to escape #to living through bad things outside of it too #just piling on top #from 6-16 #and i kept going back

5 notes · View notes

ingrid-marie · 8 months

Text

i think all i want is a place where i know i will live for many years to come. to not worry about the next step and next move. just a place to root myself fully.

#i keep sitting in this half furnished apartment looking at the empty spaces #thinking its not worth to do anything with it because we dont know how long we will stay here for #(also the apartment is way too big for the two of us. we dont need this much space)#with this being said i think i have come to the realization that i do want to move back to stockholm #ive been so homesick since after christmas. i miss my family and my friends #so the plan is to maybe move back after summer? and hopefully buy (!?) an apartment that we will truly call our home for many many years #me talking

3 notes · View notes

freebooter4ever · 1 year

Text

.

#OH BOY #so i finally called grandma and told her i lost my job #i have been putting this off bc of the shame and once you tell one member of my italian side the entIRE FAMILY knows #But she managed to hit me back with even worse news #A family member has bone cancer and it sounds bad #Like my grandma callyerdogs off started refusing food at the very end of the cancer #And it sounds like he's starting to do that #Everybody is spending entire days in the hospital it sounds very much like with what was happening with grandpa #i dont want to go into details #Anyway on top of this my childhood bff is getting married in atlanta at the end of august #So i was going to visit grandma at the same time #And now she's being like no no no theres no need to come and im like GRANDMA PLEASE lol ;_;#And by lol i mean just for once could my family not be so fucking stubbornly self reliant im crying and begging over here #The tentative plan is to fly to pittsburgh after atlanta instead and stay with my dance buddy #and then i can be like look grandma im already here its a four hour drive i will see you in four hours #and stay for as long as they let me and then fly back from the burgh #But needless to say this is all a mess and i need to make actual plans SOON #:(#Im looking up flights the cheapest way would be to book a round trip ticket LA to atlanta and then a round trip atlanta to the burgh #Is this a bad idea? Does anyone else have experience doing this? Like for an extra 500$ i could do a three city ticket but that seems silly #I guess the problem would be if a flight got canceled or delayed but if i get travelers insurance for the flights #thats probably still less than the 500+ extra it would cost to do a three city trip #The other option is driving from georgia to the burgh which ive done once when going to florida with chezzy and family #So i know its a 13ish? Hour drive but i also know i can do it lol #I think the gas + car rental would cost more than the flight tbh #But i also love road trips

8 notes · View notes

skrunksthatwunk · 10 months

Text

not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine