#and and the whole you dont think you deserve to be saved? destiel thing with braime

[crowcoven]

someone end my suffering I’m thinking of a braime/lannister fam supernatural au and it went from a silly little idea to me eyeing a google doc because the idea is GROWING

[finaledenialist]

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!! 

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no. 

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true. 

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I  am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity. 

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal.  And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn. 

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

[davidjenkins]

hey guys i’ve been keeping a list since november of the amount of times destiel has gone canon since there seems to be some confusion i thought i’d share it. i’m @ 5 canons rn. lmk if i missed anything and/or if u think one of these doesn’t count

EDIT: i've gone in and moved some things around, i’m also in the process of adding links to my sources

times destiel has gone canon

1. November 5, 2020 - 15x18 love confession (link)

2. November 25, 2020 - dean loves cas back pero solo en español (y yo a tí, cas) (also can we talk abt how cas says me importa todo el mundo y fue por tí: i care about the whole world FOR YOU) (link)

3. December 11, 2020 - 15x18 script leaked (still beautiful, still dean winchester) (cas pulls dean close) (there are so many gems in this script) (link)

4. December 12, 2020 - spanish voice actor guillermo rojas confirms dean’s reciprocation in the original directing of 15x18 (link)

5. December 28, 2020 - 7x02 script leak, dean’s ‘loving, heart-wrenched eulogy’ (link)

not canon content but still fucking crazy

- December 6, 2020 - LOTS of info arose this day, some new some old, thank you @destielintheimpala for compiling all this stuff!! (check out their post here)

5x04 script leak of cut scene of endverse!cas ‘the only thing i think we have left, dean and me, is each other’ (link)

7x17 the line ‘part of me always believed that you’d come back’ wasn’t in the script but was in the promo. perhaps heller jackles ad libbed?? (link)

also from 7x17, script leak of cut scene from when dean tells cas he walked out of the river to fix it he says ‘cause i never stopped wanting to fix it either. so we got something in common’ awwww (link)

CONFIRMED that dean was supposed to say i love u to cas in the iconic 8x17 but they changed the line to ‘we’re family’. i would include this in canon but its super old news (link)

9x22 script leak of deleted where cas’s heaven,,, is filled with pictures,,,,, of dean naked,,,,,,,,, (this was also confirmed by misha in 2014. they’ve been robbing us for years) (link)

10x14 deleted scene ‘all in a desperate effort to save your boyfriend’ i think crowley’s jealous (link)

10x23 deleted scene where dean dreams that cas is his ‘admirer’. this was also backed up by a script leak of the scene. dean’s face ;( (link)

- December 19, 2020 - the c*w erases all traces of spn from its website, app, and youtube page. why stop at bi erasure when u can just erase the entire fucking show? (would link but i literally cannot because the c*w deleted all of it askdjfha)

- December 26, 2020 - 10x23 deleted scene. winchester derangement syndrome. utterly wasted, shattered at the altar of winchester (link)

- December 29, 2020 - WELCOME TO MUSICAL THEORY BITCH!!!!! we r back @ 15x18, cas’s theme plays thru the confession, combines with dean’s at the goodbye to make a beautiful reprise of the two of them together, then fades into only dean’s as dean is left alone. i am in so much pain the composer is a genius and deserves a raise this is so beautiful (this super talented person took the music underneath the confession scene and made it into a beautiful piano piece)

- January 8, 2021 - after various rumors of dean and benny being in a relationship and their falling out being a break up (hi leaked scripts) ty olsson (slur) confirms canon deanbenny in s8. we love bi dean in this house. also this means that all of purgatory, benny had to watch his BOYFRIEND spend and entire YEAR looking for his ex. this is why cas and benny hated each other so much (link)

- January 13, 2021 - gay icon dj qualls saying ‘hi hellers’ and unfortunately saying that dearth isn’t canon BUT he brought up cheerleader jensen which is the best jender AND HE ENDED IT WITH I DONT THINK ANYTHING WAS GOING ON WITH DEAN AND GARTH BUT I DO THINK THERE WAS SOME ROMANTIC SUBTEXT W ANOTHER CHARACTER OK BYE we love queer cast authority on heller theories (link)

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[katymacsupernatural]

Hotel California Chapter 19: Coming Together

Dean Winchester x Reader

1600 Words

Story Summary:After an unfortunate incident at work, you take a couple of days for yourself, planning on staying at the nice restaurant at the edge of town. There you meet a handsome green eyed man who comes to your rescue when you’re visited by a ghost.

Catch Up Here: Masterpost

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read and commented, or liked this story!! It means so much to me!!

"Dean!" You screamed as Bill came crashing through your room, heading straight for you and Dean. His lip was bruised, the cut coming open again as he smiled cruelly at you and Dean.

"So this is why you didn't want me to touch you. You're his slut." He said, just as Dean turned around, effectively placing you behind him and away from Bill's attack.

"You Son of a Bitch! Nobody calls Y/N that and lives to tell about it!" Dean growled, just as Bill reached him. Bill might have been bigger, and bulkier than Dean, but Dean had plenty of experience fighting things, and he had more agility. As Bill tried to tackle him, Dean reached out with one hand, shoving the older man into the wall.

"Y/N, stay in your room." Dean ordered, before striding over to where a startled Bill was shaking his head. Leaning down, he picked Bill up by the collar, before slamming his fist into Bill's face. Over and over again, Dean punched Bill, until his face was beaten to a bloody pulp.

Coming out of your room, you carefully moved to Dean's side. "Dean, stop! He's gotten the message. He's not worth it" You told him, but it was your gentle touch on his shoulder, not your words, that had Dean dropping Bill to the floor. The man groaning in agony.

"Get out of here. And if you ever come close to Y/N, you won't be so lucky next time. Do you understand me?" Dean growled, and Bill nodded, cowering in fear. You didn't blame him. You had never seen Dean so angry, so malicious, his face in a furious frown as he stared down at the beaten man.

"She isn't worth it anyways," Bill muttered, before running out of the room.

Dean turned to you, before crushing you into his arms. Everything seemed to melt away, his words at the hotel, your pain and fear caused by Bill. Nothing mattered except being in Dean's arms, both of you comforting each other.

It could have been hours, or moments later, you weren't sure, before Dean was pulling away from you. It was then you were finally able to glance around your small apartment, wincing at all the damage both fights had caused.

Almost every piece of furniture you owned was broken, or sliced, or smashed beyond recognition. Your door was hanging off it's hooks, and a confused Sam stood in the door frame. Dean noticed where your attention had gone, seeing his brother standing there.

"I..um...I saw her boss leaving here. He looked pretty beaten up. Do you want me to follow him?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head. "No, I think he learned his lesson. But you could help me and we could try to clean up Y/N's apartment."

Sam nodded, moving into the already cramped space, heading into the kitchen, no doubt looking for trash bags. "Leave it." You insisted, stopping him, and Dean, who had just started to stand up and join his brother.

"What?" He asked you, as you carefully stood up, your body still sore in places.

"Sam, can you give Dean and I a minute please?" You asked Sam, and he nodded, before heading back out the door.

As soon as he was gone, you sat down on the couch, the only piece of furniture that was still in one piece. "Listen Dean, thank you for coming to my rescue. You don't know how much it means to me. But you don't have to do anything else. I can clean up. You can head back on the road with your brother, and forget about me. I understand," You spoke calmly, even though saying the words brought a pang to your chest.

"What? I...uh..." Dean stuttered, at a loss for words.

"Dean, I remember what you said back at the hotel. How could I forget?" You said, the last bit under your breath. "And I'm glad you took time out to help me. But I'm not expecting any more."

Dean started pacing in front of you, kicking the broken lamp out of his way, as he ran his hand down his mouth, acting frustrated. Finally he stopped, right in front of you, pulling a battered chair over so he was eye level with you. "Y/N, about that conversation in the hotel. I want you to know that if I could take it all back, I would. In a heartbeat."

"Dean, I...," You started, but he stopped you.

"No Y/N, I just need you to listen right now. Please. Then you can talk all you want afterwards." He pleaded with you.

Nodding, you sat there waiting, your hands tightly clasped together, your heart beating furiously, waiting to hear what else he could hurt you with. Your heart was already in a million pieces, laying at his feet. What was the worst he could do.

"I've never felt as strongly for anyone, ever, as I felt for you. Besides Sammy, but he's family. And it scared me. I wasn't sure what to do, but seeing you almost die at the hands of that ghost. It made me realize I would rather push you away then see you get hurt because of my job. I could handle knowing you were out there, somewhere safe. But I couldn't handle knowing you might die, because of me," he told you, his eyes full of unshed tears, his voice cracking at the end. "But then, you were still hurt, and I wasn't here to protect you. I pushed you away, to keep you safe, and I even failed at that."

"Dean...," you started, but you weren't sure what to say.

"Listen, I will understand if you want me to walk through that door, and out of your life. I was a complete jerk, and I don't deserve your forgiveness. But, if you think you can forgive me, maybe we can try to make this work,"  He pleaded with you, before staring down at his hands, waiting for you to kick him to the curb.

You couldn't believe how fragile, and how torn up Dean looked as he sat in front of you. A man who was usually strong, and so sure of himself and what he was doing, sat broken in front of you. Without a second thought, you slid off of the couch, sliding to your knees in front of him, before wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. At first you felt him tense up, surprised at your touch, but then he leaned into it, wrapping his arms as tightly around you as they would go.

His head came to rest on top of yours, and the two of you stayed that way, content in each other's arms. Then you pulled back, and looked up at him. "Dean, what you said to me back at the hotel, it hurt. I've spent the last week licking my wounds, hurting beyond belief. Thinking I wasn't good enough for you, that I was just another one of your stupid flings. And then Bill shows up, then you, and now my whole world is thrown upside down once again."

"I know, and I will do whatever you want, need me to do, to make it right. To make it up to you." He pleaded, his summer grass green eyes wide and apologetic.

"I just need to know. Is this true? Are you saying this just because you feel bad that I got hurt again? Or is it because you truly care for me?" You asked.

"Y/N, I love you. I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you in that hotel lobby, and when we rode up in the elevator together. And I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you," he promised you.

"Okay." You answered simply, watching relief flash across his face. "I love you too Dean. But what do we do now?"

He stood up, pulling on your hand until you were standing with him. "Now, if you agree, we will pack up whatever you want, and you can come live with us in the bunker. Y/N, you'll make one hell of a hunter. That is, if you want to. If not, you can do whatever you want, I won't hold you back."

"I'd like that. It felt right, trying to help people, to save them from Monsters. I would like the chance to fight by your side." You told him.

He pulled you to him, in a tight hug. "How did I get so lucky to fall in love with such an amazing woman. Thank you so much for being understanding. I wouldn't have known what to do if you had kicked me out the door."

"Well, if you pull something like that again, I might. But how about for now you get your brother back up here, and help me pack. I can't wait to see your bunker." You said, excited at a chance at a new life with Dean by your side.

Dean/Jensen Tags:@acreativelydifferentlove @a-girl-who-loves-disney @akshi8278 @anokhi07 @aubreystilinski @bebravekeeponfighting @colette2537 @crusadedean @deanwinchesters-impala67 @haelyn @fangurllife99 @ikeneasul11 @its-not-a-tulpa @just-another-winchester @msimpala67 @lenaabs @love-charmer-sketch @ria132love @ruprecht0420 @shadowhunter7 @sizzlingbearpolice @sleep-silent-angel @sortaathief @superseejay721517 @thesaneone @torn-and-frayed @wonderfulworldofwinchester

Hotel California Tags:@abbessolute @brentismeiamhe @catchingshadows-blog @classy-sassyandsmartassy @deansgirl215 @dramaqueenrolf @earthtokace @feelmyroarrrr @fullmetalavatar54 @georgialouisea @helpmeyouassbutt @iamabeautifulperson18 @icequeen6666 @imascio08 @imma-winchester-addict @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @kbl1313 @lessons-of-red @-lovepeacenhope- @mina22 @musicistobeheard-blog @myloveforyouxx  @nevaeh-potter15 @obsessivecompulsivespn @peaceloveancolor @pilaxia @rhapsody-in-flannel @rosie21395000 @sizzlingbearpolice @spnfangirl1965 @sunskittlex @superwholock1983 @tmccarney @tjwinchester @walkerbex98 @wolfmoon8269 @yes-this-is-doggo

Forever Tags: @16wiishes @4401lnc @amanda-teaches @andreaaalove @angelsandwinchesters @artisticpoet @atc74 @be-amaziing @bemyqueenofdarkness @bohowitch @brooke-supernatural16  @brunettechick @camelotandastronauts @captainradicalpassion @chelsea072498 @clairese1980 @captainemwinchester @createdbybadappreciation @darthdeziewok @destiels-new-girl @donnaintx @dont-you-dare-say-misha @dslocum89 @duckieburns @docharleythegeekqueen @emmazach @emilicious-7 @emoryhemsworth @ericaprice2008  @essie1876 @generalgoldfishldrm @goldenolaf25 @growningupgeek @hms-fangirl @imboredsueme @internationalmusicteacher @ithinkimadorable-67 @iwriteaboutdean  @jayankles @jbbarnesgirl @jensen-gal @just-another-busy-fangirl @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son @keelzy2 @li-ssu @littleblue5mcdork  @lowlyapprentice @luciferslucille @mellowlandrunaway @mogaruke @my-squirrel-and-moose @nanie5 @newtospnfandom @oneshoeshort @percussiongirl2017 @pilaxia @pizzarollpatrol @plaid-lover-bay25 @rosegoldquintis @roxyspearing @samanddeanmyheroes @sandlee44 @shamelesslydean @sillesworldofwriting @sgarrett49 @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @spnbaby-67 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @spnwoman @sunskittlex @superbadassnatural @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels @teamfreewill92 @thebikiniinspector @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @tmccarney @totallovelesson @tunadean @vvinch3st3r @wildlandfox @winchesterbrothers-inc @winchesterxtwo @winchester-writes @worldwidehansum @zombiewerewolfqueen

[tinkdw]

Hey Tink I still dont get the whole Amara and Cas thing in S11, I still think they were sorta trying so hard to connect Dean to Amara, even when Mildred mentioned his heart pining for someone else all I could think was writers probably meaning Amara (don't get me wrong, I'm a huge Destiel shipper), I know you might've explained it before, can you link me to ine if your metas about that?!

Hi!

My friend you have come to the right place I LOVE AMARA’s ARC.

They didn't “try so hard to connect Dean to Amara”, it was purposefully done that she was set up as the ANTI CAS. She establishes a forced bond on Dean which is beyond his control and desire, she is trying to take away his agency though it’s not through bad intentions, she thinks she’s helping (WAVES AT ALL THE ANGELIC/JACK/PARADISE PARALLELS). In theory he cannot say no to her, that’s iterated again and again, yet he does, and every time it’s because of CAS, his chosen bond. This is set up right from the beginning.

As soon as Amara is set up as a love interest for Dean she is paralleled to Cas. IMMEDIATELY. Before this even she tells Dean that he REPRESENTS HUMANITY while we get a scene between Metatron and Cas interspersed with it TO REMIND US THAT METATRON SAID THAT CAS IS IN LOVE ... WITH HUMANITY. 

She then proceeds to use Cas to get to Dean and it works.

Then she only contacts Dean through touching Cas’ heart and when Dean hears the word “Angels”.

Dean goes and puts himself in harms way with Amara to save Cas.

Dean reconciles Amara and Chuck through distinguishing familial and romantic love and what she actually wants.

Amara tells Dean that something is stopping him from having it all, what he wants and that she will give him what he needs.

Even the Amara shaped love monster and the ‘wise woman’ Mildred know Dean’s heart.

Then Amara resurrects Mary, enabling Dean to follow his path to self acceptance and starting to believe that he deserves good things, that he is allowed to have what he wants and coincidentally starts giving Cas mixtapes, telling him he is devastatingly handsome, worrying about him unashamedly and outloud for 6 consecutive episodes and acting like hunting husbands then worried husbands all season.

*Nothing to see here*

Here’s my long meta’s that I wrote that were some of the first things I ever wrote on tumblr so be kind :p

Screw it here, just have freaking all of them! 

Main ones on Amara:

Amara and season 11 overall just don't work without Destiel

Chuck/Angels expose Cas’ feelings for Dean and desires and Amara/humans expose Dean’s feelings for Cas and his desires

Mary is the best mother figure they could wish for

Dean and self worth in season 12: also has my spec for s12 finale in here

My season 12 finale spec and confirmations which is relevant to Amara through Mary 

My shameless post about all the speculation I made that was right at the end of season 12 because jeez, it was amazing, I loved it, they’re doing what we desperately want them to do for the characters and I’m so extremely ecstatic!!!

Other meta on Amara:

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/162480211512/justrandomspnstuff-tinkdw-amara-mary

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/162241871880/so-what-does-cas-want

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/162322674652/misanthropicphilantropist-frecklesandfeathers

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/163247589917/in-11x18-when-crowley-is-telling-cas-to-kick

I JUST REALLY LOVE AMARA’s ARC OK!

[katymacsupernatural]

Undeniable Heat Chapter 69: A Shoulder to Lean On

Jensen Ackles x Reader

1100 Words

Story Summary: You’ve just gotten a job as one of the makeup artists on the set of Supernatural. Nervous on the first day, you become completely awkward, winning the affection of the divorced Jensen Ackles. You try to fight your desire for him, but he thwarts you at every turn. Will you be able you separate work and play, or will you let Jensen win?

Catch Up Here Masterpost: 

As soon as that door slammed shut and Jensen was out of sight, you wanted to call out to him. To tell him you were being stupid. That you needed him by your side, now more than ever. But it was too late. He was gone, no doubt angry and upset at you, driving another stake into this already shattered heart of yours.

“Damn you Brad.” You whispered. Brad had ruined your life years ago, and now it looked like it was happening again. But this was partly your fault. Turning Jensen away because you felt broken. A shell of the person Jensen had fallen in love with, and you couldn’t handle him seeing you like this. You just hoped that as soon as you were back on your own two feet he would forgive you. If it ever came to that.

A tear slipping down your cheek, you hastily wiped it away as the door opened. Hope blossomed in your chest, wondering if Jensen was coming back, but it was soon dashed when you saw Jared’s unsure smile as he slipped inside. “Hey there.” He spoke softly, coming to stand next to your bed.

“Jared, I didn’t expect to see you here.” You spoke softly, your throat parched. But in truth, you really hadn’t expected to see him. Not after you almost literally pushed his best friend out the door, and out of your life for a while. No matter how much it hurt your heart at the same time.

“Why the hell not?” He grumbled, narrowing his expressive hazel eyes at you. Pulling the chair up, he sank down, his knees crackling with the movement. “Y/N, you’re like a sister to me! You’ve been through hell, and I needed to see for myself how you’re doing.”

Tears welled up in your eyes at the emotion in his voice, the amount of love he shared with you. You felt as if you didn’t deserve it, with all the turmoil you had brought into their lives. “Because I’m broken, and everything close to me gets ruined. Because I pushed Jensen away.”

Reaching over, he grasped your hand, squeezing it before pressing a kiss to the top. “I know Brad messed with you, and I don’t expect you to snap out of that automatically. But Y/N, you’re not broken. You’re one of the toughest people I know. To go through all of that, and have the strength to shoot him before he killed Jensen? You aren’t broken. You’re hurting, and it’s going to take some time to heal. But you will, I know it.”

“But how?” You whispered, a tear slipping down your cheek. “My whole life has been turned around once again. Brad is dead, but that fact hasn’t seeped in yet. I just keep remembering what happened at the cabin, how I couldn’t wait for Jensen to come and save me. Knowing he would. But after time Brad broke me down, and his thoughts keep repeating in my head. I know they’re not true, but how do I get past that?”

“You lean on us.” Jared answered simply. “You fight it with everything you have, remembering the good things in your life and not the stupid ass remarks that Brad came up with. You let me help you, and I hope you let Jensen back in. Because he’s sitting out there, hurting more than I’ve ever seen him. He wants nothing more than to help you, and being pushed away ripped his heart in two. I understand you thought you were doing the right thing, but have you ever thought having him here with you would help?”

“I knew I made a mistake the moment I sent him out. But I flinch at every touch, and I keep seeing Brad’s hand ready to hit me. I didn’t want that to happen when Jensen tried to hold me. I thought that pushing him away would give me time to settle my emotions. To come to grip with everything that’s happened, and hopefully he’ll still want me when I feel partially home once again.”

Sighing, Jared reached up to brush hair back from his face, frowning when he noticed the subtle flinch you couldn’t help. “How about this?” He offered. “I go back out there and let Jensen know you just need a day or two to yourself. Nothing more. Promise him that you will be safe. That you will come recuperate in my guest room.”

“Jared, you don’t have to…” You tried arguing, but he shook his head.

“No, for this to work, we need you somewhere that Jensen trusts. He’ll feel better if you’re with me.” Jared insisted. “You’ll sleep, recover, and in that time hopefully you will remember that you were never the broken one. That was Brad and his crazy ideas. Then, you’ll hopefully be ready to go back to your life with Jensen.”

“Are you sure?” You whispered, amazed that you had such good friends to take care of you. “I don’t want to come between you and Jensen. I could find another place. Maybe a hotel room or…”

“Nope, it’s settled.” He told you, a smile taking some of the bite from his words. “The doctor said you should be good to go home tomorrow. As long as it’s bed rest for a couple of days. So, I’ll come pick you up, and we’ll call it a sleepover at my place. Gen will even be there for company.”

“I’d like to talk to Gen.” You answered. “Since my other friend is…”

Just thinking about your other friend, the betrayal, the horrible ending to her life had a sob escaping your lips. “I don’t know why she did it. Why she thought she had to turn on me. Her husband wouldn’t have been blackmailed enough to ruin his career.”

“Sometimes we just can’t understand people.” Jared shrugged his shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to witness her death.”

“It was horrible.” You whispered. “I still see it, when I close my eyes. Even if she did turn on me, she didn’t deserve that.”

“And that’s how I know you’re not broken.” He announced as he stood up. “Anyone broken wouldn’t be crying for a dead friend, a friend that did them wrong. You’re just hurting. But everything will work out in the end.”

Forever Tags:  @16wiishes @amanda-teaches @andreaaalove @angelsandwinchesters @anxuanpham @artisticpoet @atc74 @babydanixox @bambinovak @bea789 @be-amaziing @beltz2016 @benjerry707 @bish-its-me @bohowitch @boxywrites @bradygabrielle-blog @brooke-supernatural16  @brunettechick @buffytheangelslayer @camelotandastronauts @cantsleepian

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@hollandisstilinski @hunterpuff @iliketowrite02 @imboredsueme @impatient-witch @inlovewithbja @iriyelle  @ithinkimadorable-67 @iwriteaboutdean @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @jayankles @jenna-luke @jensen-gal @juatanotherbandgirl @just-another-busy-fangirl @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son @katelynbkool @keelzy2 @likesiriusly @linki-locks11 @li-ssu 

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(Other Tags Will be on reblog!)