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radiocity · 1 year

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The L Word | S2E01

#the l word #shane mccutcheon #kate moennig #in a horrible mood but i still had the episode open from last night and laughed so hard at this awful outfit i almost briefly forgot #i actually love it in concept i just dont know what they were thinking with the random sidepieces for her hair which i think throw the whol #thing into this weird sort of disarray #but i love the short blazer sleeves ovr the shirt a lot also how weirdly unironed the shirt kind of appears #also the low jeans with the belt..? not crazy about the decor on the blazer tho #but i love the glasses forevr #but again i feel like her hair is so weirdly fried in this or maybe cked with hairspray #anyway im fine sorta #actually really funny to post this also after the last one bc she looked so good in that and so BAD here #soryr this outfit deserved its own complete commentary in tags but lookbook coming eventually #also im pretty sure her hair is like tied back in some sor tof way which also looks horrific #who did this literally whos idea was this #also sorry it was roiginally 4 but looking at them together i think it only needs 2

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mashmouths · 14 days

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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell

#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow #vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and #i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie #like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking #careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on #for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little #anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed #it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do #not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent #there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m #a post #do not watch this show #I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu #it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most #special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows #OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical #abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various #vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are #we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks

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milimeters-morales · 1 year

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I don’t really have the right words but i like the idea of Hobie doing quick checks for people’s safety without even really moving too much, as both a skill learned from his childhood and just a way he would be anyway. Like let’s say Gwen is calling him and she’s crying but sounds very detached. Hobie’s gonna do a quick mental checklist like this: (Injured? -> Alone? -> Aware? -> Show up -> distract as hiding weapons -> calm her -> check speech -> move location? -> check for injury) and it gets more complex as need be. He’d do this with all his friends and the people he helps in general, and it’s a quick and barely noticeable process unless he tells you he’s even doing that, which he usually doesn’t. I also like to think he was kind of doing this when he was talking to Miles on the way to meet Miguel, just very toned down (for him).

#like. you know how people keep you talking to keep you distracted and your body ends up giving away a ton of info like that #miles has a nurse mom and is so nursebug to me. so he can also do this but purely medical not mental health really besides do u wanna talk?#so he can pick up on what hobie’s doing sometimes #but yeah hobie does this whenever he thinks his friends are in serious danger of hurting themselves #and i think growing up the way he did (in the comics) really. made this urge to protect and check stronger but he keeps it leashed. which #is such an unhobie thing to do but there’s a fine line between control/not trusting and concern for wellbeing yknow #and he sees leashing the habit as the lesser of two evils really #anyway i realize how autistic this kinda looks. i was actually trying to achieve the opposite but yknow how it is with me #wait wait to clarify i don’t think miles is bad with helping with mental health i think he is just not as experienced/good at it as Hobie+#might be in his sorta cold hard truth learn to live with me way #hobie brown #spiderpunk #spider punk #m&m posts

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moomeecore · 1 month

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on that subject, obsessed with today when i was like "hey guys, can you two stop playing the jumping game for now because it's giving caden a headache" and my 6 yr old cousin is like "you mean 'me'. it's giving 'me' a headache, because your caden". it's like yeah man ur right. my bad . and then they stopped jumping. it was awesome

#the thing is like. the jumping hurt my headright away #but i let them do it for a while before they told them to stop. and then they did #and i think thats part of it too. for somw things you have to wait and let kids have whay they want for a while before swooping in and #asking for them to stop #so they dont feel super controlled #and like. as an autistic person I HAVE TO DO THAT ANYWAY USUALLY #there's so many adult people out there who i have to put up witj their noises because i KNOW if i ask for them to stop theyll get mad #or even on a lesser extent. like as an autistic person w my sorta issues. you have to a let a lot of things go that are genuenly painful #and stressful. bc if u ask people to do things too much they often get upset. even if theyre overall nice #same with kids #but with kids you get to ask them to stop way more and you get to ask earlier than you would with most adults #like. ill be trying to put up with somethinf and struggling and get to the ppont where im visibly shaking and stuttering and on the verge #of tears #and the mere request of 'could you turn the tv ofd #still gets whole ass adults telling me im entitled and bossy #meanwhile child will hear 'thats making me feel bad' and theyll hear that and theyll think about it #and often times theyll stop #and even when they dont they dont insult you!#and people still say little kids are annoying????#when i tell a little kid 'could you turn the sound off on the video game or take it to another room the sounds its making are upsetting me #they LISTEN.#adults have a strong tendency to #use the ironicallt imature logic of ' i like this thing. so it dosent matter if it is upsetting you. i like it so i want to have it. even #though we are in a shared space together. i wont change what im doing because i want to do the thing i like. and thats more important than #not upsetting you. because doing the thing i like makes ME feel good.'#like. litterallt this mindset is easily more promient in adults than small children 100% . on god #and its just about the most childish thing ever.#its understandable. but its immature #and with something this simple its silly people cant let that go. its not complex at all. its stop making noise it is hurting me. easy

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cuteniaarts · 24 days

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@katkastrofa, circa 40-ish hours ago: Hey, what if our newest bunch of OCs adopted a baby from one of the other brothel girls who knew she couldn’t afford to raise one? That would make for some fun shenanigans :D

Me, with a notoriously non existent sleep schedule, instinct of self preservation or concern for my poor wrist: Alright, bet. Watch how fast I can make you fall in love with this hypothetical baby >:)

Daneli as a gentle and loving caretaker-turned-adoptive-mother is something that can be So Personal, actually, and originally I was going to leave it at this quick sketch, but then I got carried away thinking about what this child will grow up to be like raised by this little gang of misfits, so…

Here she is!! A little older and so, so beautiful, I need more of her in my life immediately, she’s way too precious

And, because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t also add a sapphic element to this absolute cinnamon roll, a small crack ship that I’m only half serious about for when she’s a little older still:

All in all, we may be getting impossibly far from canon, but I for one already cannot get enough of sweet darling Kumisai <3

(I fully drew three pieces from scratch in 9 hours I cannot feel my brain or my hands anymore send help)

#my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #original characters #jinora #wow. nia drew a canon character? what is this?? who was I replaced by???#but joking aside. a small explanation for this crack ship #originally it was me editing my timeline and realising that Kumisai would be around 14/15 during book 4. the same age as Jinora #so my mind immediately went 👀👀👀 and I decided to go for it #since in sotrl I sorta implied Jinora had a gay awakening by watching Suiren. so.. why not go all out and make her another baby queer?#no offence to Kai. what they had was rather cute tbh. but it felt kinda out of nowhere and just added for the sake of parental drama #plus she was a young girl meeting someone her age for the first time. of course she got a crush #doesn’t mean she has to stick with it you know?#anyway. as for how they would meet. Midori could introduce them :D #Kumisai is Daneli’s daughter. who’s a friend of Summiya’s. who’s Zaheer’s sister. who’s Midori’s uncle. who’s friends with Jinora #and spirits know Jinora deserves to act her age a little more often. she has way too many responsibilities on her shoulders #so maybe Midori would think that a friend her age would do her some good #and don’t even try to tell me these two wouldn’t be absolutely adorable puppy crushing on each other. look how cute Jinora turned out here #might be the first time I’ve drawn her? not sure. maybe I did before but it was A LONG time ago. 2019 ish #but okay. enough rambling about Jinora. back to Kumisai #I don’t really have too many headcanons about her yet. but she’s probably rather happy and carefree #having a large support system as a result of being raised communally #I think she considers Daneli her mom and the others are her aunties. auntie Shezan in particular is a notoriously bad influence :)#and maybe one day she’d get to meet her bio mom. but only if that’s something both of them want. not sure yet #I feel like she’s rather disconnected from her water tribe heritage since everyone around her is Earth Kingdom. save Phailin who’s half FN #but she still has small hints of blue in her clothing. the colour matching her beautiful eyes. maybe she is curious about her bio dad a bit #since unlike with her bio mom no one knew him and can’t tell her anything. that’s bound to come as a natural curiosity at some point right?#maybe that can be part of her story when she’s an adult. trying to find her bio dad. but ultimately it doesn’t matter that much #because Daneli is her mom and the only parent she needs <3 I’m really just throwing out suggestions here to fill the tag space #kaaatttt come discuss all this stuff with me I waited all night for you to wake up >:) distract me from my grandma’s tv watching

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reinedeslys-central · 3 months

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when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again

and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing

but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder

and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it

smh this has to be the fourth time yet

#not that I don't love that fic bc I do #but also this is quite funny to me #have I made this post already? I don't remember #mdzs fic #time travel fix it #I love that tag #iceberg tags under see all #bc sm of the fandoms I'm in have such messed-up backstories that it works #it's funny. like for the media that doesn't have as dark backstories ttfi doesn't really make sense (although time loop might!!)#mdzs and st go perfectly with it as does hp (ew)#pjo not as much bc the big bad stuff (for the most part) happens much further down the line in canon than in the first few chapters #like. b99 and idk descendants of the sun or haikyuu wouldn't really work #ik it doesn't HAVE TO but I've also noticed this trend where ttfi is more common in fandoms where it's somehow plausible by the magic syste #haikyuu just does not have that magic system lol (for example)#whereas jjk? maybe. aot? probably not physically/magically but it's got such a messy timeline that at this point why not honestly #tbf the second time I read that fic I did get legitimately surprised by the plot twist #pjo #percy jackson #stranger things #atla? maybe. like it would be weird but still sorta plausible using spirit shenanigans #hp and mdzs by way of their 'hard' magic system side - wards/arrays and the like #pjo by the gods ig?? so kinda like atla with the deus ex machina and not exactly soft nor hard side of their magic systems #cinematic universes? depends but for the marvel ones it's plausible for studio ghibli idek man for kpop music videos sometimes.#not tagging hp lol #terfs dni #like literally if you've made it this far down my notes already if you're a TERF please just fuck off or block me or smth #anyway anyone know about monsta x?#they have time travel literally baked into their concept so I bet there's time travel fix it tropes over in that fandom #I don't really touch rpf these days so idk #if you have any good recs you can argue for I'd be willing to try them ig?

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dodecademons · 1 year

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Bottoms was good and funny. It's unserious and had some bloopers/outtakes at the end which I love about movies. The behind the scenes stuff. Is it weird of me to say I liked the violent parts? Something about bloody noses and lips just *chefs kiss* anyway there was like 7 people in the theatre and this older lesbian couple sat sorta close to me and i wont lie it made me soft and a little emotional. It was nice.

#just enjoy the movie and have a good time #it isnt groundbreaking or anything it's just silly and i liked that #not everything needs a statement piece ya know #Bottoms 2023 #Bottoms the movie #hope yall get to see it since it expanded to more theaters again #ruby cruz character hazel made me want to cradle her head and just protect her from all the bad #i truly did feel some sorta way about the blood parts #anyway #the older couple wanting to watch a movie with queer characters on the big screen because its a more recent thing #they were like 50s-60s #also the woman at concessions was flirting with me but the movie was starting so i got my icee and zoomed away

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talkorsomething · 3 months

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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length #but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this #middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl #i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know #how short that is. it might not look good so i worry #the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this #i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day #tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will #be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden #iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason #i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again #idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier #buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything #and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first #correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs #i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again #i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything #i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all #i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces #in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed #i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not #i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on

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tommygettingwrittenoff · 1 month

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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.

#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun #and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel #and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation #after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free #oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date #nah man. itll be fine #and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi #and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and #buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine #the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies #shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains #and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs #and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes #and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a #panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye #he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and #oh.

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13eyond13 · 10 months

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#so far in my sporadic picking away at various manga series i feel i have the weirdest reader relationships with JJBA and Attack on Titan #when reading JJBA i am not really that invested in the characters or even whats happening to them and yet i still never decide to dnf it #and i dont even know what it is that keeps me reading except that its just very unique i suppose?#such an odd combo of different things that somehow manages to eventually have its own sorta cohesive logic and charm #also the art is just fun. its ornate and goofy and macho and flamboyant and gross #but as soon as i put it down i stop thinking about it too #and dont feel like picking it up again for at least several more days #with attack on titan i found the art style mostly really bad at first ngl #it reminded me of awkward drawings a high schooler would make like the inconsistentness #of like there are good action poses here but the people also look weird ugly bland and stiff and the backgrounds are often so empty #idk i was feeling pretty blah about it but something about how starkly straight-forward the story is was interesting to me #where its literally exactly what you heard its just #theres a bunch of humanoid giants attacking our city #and we have to stop them. that's it #and also the awkwardness of the art style i find works extremely well when it comes to the titans #like they are genuinely creepy to me. and they do actually feel massive the way theyre drawn. and the mystery around them interests me too #anyways im like 60% through part 1 of jojo(also read most of part 4 a few years ago) and only on vol 3 of AoT #but yeah those are the 2 series i have the most mixed feelings about so far #wouldnt say i love or hate either of them but still also continue to want to find out more #13readsmanga #p

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cherry-shipping · 11 months

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one of the (admittedly many) reasons i love love love LOVE my uf and ht self inserts i think is because all the shit i hate about myself is amplified with them and i LOVE them for it. theyre weird gross perverted overbearing annoying creeps who nobody really feels comfortable around. and its the BEST!!!!!!!!! like yeah they suck shit. they dont know anything and theyre genuinely disturbing and disgusting people. arent they just the BEST

#cherry chats #i happen to love girls who are the worst ever. is the thing #when my ht/uf inserts make everyone around them uncomfortable and gross people out and when nobody likes them i think its so awesome and fun #they both suck so bad. theyre awesome #they dont KNOW shit they cant DO shit theyre weird nasty FREAKS #theyre overbearing and clingy and creepy and selfish and completely fucked in the head. and theyre everythinf 2 me #^____^#i love my fucked up little self inserts. they are so not okay over there #had a visual image of my uf self insert lighting they and sans’ bed on fire cause he annoyed them. lmfao #blame kiss with a fist That song is everything in the world to me Ok #btw speaking of which i should really give my most common self inserts nicknames #because going ‘my uf and ht self inserts’ every time is a pain #like. my trollsona although i dont talk about them much is a favorite too and their name is zairku Cuz troll names etc #and in my head i nicknames my horrortale guy 207 for. some fuckin reason #ermm. whadda hell do i call that underfell freak then.#……………… cherry???? bc thats qhat i used to go by way way WAY back in the day???#and it. SORTA fits the general uf aesthetic…..???#well. just like how 207 was a placeholder that just became their nickname i guess cherry would be the same #if i called them that as a temporary placeholder while i think of something else itd just end up being their name anyway. lol #okie dokie hehehee thats good then ^__^ i think ill add that 2 my pages when i get out of bed #which is. very soon bcuz i wanna smoke. so im goin outside. its -4° out

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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#concocting z0san fanfics in my head like its 2015 #and i mean with intention and not in the way that i have basically every day for the past 11 years. god i have such a weird relationship #with them. but i think i have a good idea. itll just take forever. its sorta sad and fucked up but in a pretty way i think #and itll probably be the most for me and me specifically thing ive ever writen #lots of info not a single person is asking for except me. bc im gonna use it to force myself to do research #and fill the dark winter nights. the shortest day of the year here is 2hrs shorter than where i spent the last 4 years #fucked up. its even shorter than the shortest day in ohio. anyway im writing this so i actually force myself to do it #and not just let it go. i only got 5hrs of sleep so well see how clear my thinking turns out to b #dosage on my meds went up last night. which is good bc my mood has wobbled back down as i kinda figured it would #but its ok. i think that lil blip of clarity was really good for me in terms of being like: oh ok i get y ppl want to live #which is an insane thing to say but there u go. if only i could get back to that and get my brain to shut thr fuck up #begone thoughts. i banish thee. weighted thoughts with bad intentions. my mind is filled with poison #and i well ignore it and write my dumb little story... and also work on the bullshit i actually should b doing hah #unrelated

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missshame · 11 months

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I hate studying I just wanna create stuff and see the world I hate how little control I have over my life

#Let's make it clear I know I'm lucky to get higher education and I'm grateful for it + knowledge can be the greatest tool #It's just that medschool is killing me and there's just too much stuff to learn and I'm struggling so badly with it that at the end of the #day it feels like I'm not learning anything and I'm completely dumb and uneducated #I'm not even a good student but it takes all my energy and even when I'm not studying I rarely have the energy to do anything #The only thing I sorta do consistently is working out because it makes my brain shut up for a while and it helps the muscle pain I got from #All the stress and sitting at my desk/working long days at the hospital #Anyway I love complaining sorry #I just feel like I had /have a very creative artsy nature and I'm really suffering from the lack of it like not in a I don't have enough #time for my hobbies and to relax #Which is already bad enough btw I don't think it should be considered normal for anyone to be too exhausted to do anything outside of work #But I really feel it in a I'm not myself anymore it's hard to move forward and build confidence and a sense of self while having a life so #far away from what you love and feel like you need + denying yourself what you desire the most can't be good to your brain let's face it #Anyway long story short first thing I'm gonna do when I finally get my degree is by me some drums learn the guitar and paint on the walls #And in the meanwhile Idk do I keep living this way? If I do will I go completely insane?#Or do gift myself the right to give up on the idea of being a slightly less bad student and do I say fuck it and start living my life now ?#Idk! Idddkkk !!!#Oh my god

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seilon · 1 year

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kinda wild how you can have almost every aspect of your life deeply intertwined with someone else for years and then have all of that thrown in your face when that person decides none of it meant anything and, in fact, was toxic and purge-worthy

#hahahaha it’s been a bad day #and I am spiraling and all around not having a good time #I keep looking at the bulletin board in my room that used to make me so happy to look at because of all the good memories on it and the #reminder of there being people who care about me and now it just sorta. does the opposite #most of it just makes me feel. dread.#he’s in almost every picture and 80% of the people in the pictures in general I don’t talk to anymore for one reason or another #mostly people who just drifted away because I’m absolutely terrible at staying in touch with people #like not in a quirky way. like actually actively ruins relationships for no reason level bas #but some of them are people who purposefully don’t talk to me anymore #found out recently about one of these people. it’s someone I’d been friends with for like 15 years. purposefully blocked me #I believe because of whatever bullshit my ex has told her. she never asked me about anything so whatever she knows is #heavily biased and probably warped #because I don’t have anyone advocating for me. lol #even my close friends- the extremely few I have- are ‘neutral’ on it. which. im gonna be honest hurts me quite a bit. I have no one who #truly condemns him for the way he’s handled (lack thereof) all this and bolstered all my trust issues in the process and has made me #constantly critical of my own intentions because I can never trust that what I do or say is manipulative or ‘unhealthy’ anymore and I don’t #think I’m an all around good person on top of that because of my low empathy and all that and etc etc etc. it’s really fucked me up #but yeah anyway. yeah. they’re still on good terms with him more or less (though not as close as I am but that’s partly just due to me being #physically close rather than in another city). and it honestly hurts me that they could actively be centrists here #like I. just. really don’t trust anyone anymore. how the fuck could I #uh. anyway. im not sure if i want to take the board down all together or just take off almost all the photos on it #not sure what’s more depressing #cause they’re both pretty bad lol. almost all my major good memories from the past five years have included my ex so they’re basically all #tainted and unpleasant to look back on now. really just wasted five years of my life for this #another reason I’m constantly contemplating my own intentions these days is because I have a lot of thoughts and urges that I’d never do but #that are. related to purposefully hurting others or myself physically or emotionally or both. like. every part of me wants to deck my ex in #the face but obviously I’d never do that. but even just the compulsion feels like a justification of his narrative/view of me as a person #like haha maybe I am a shitty toxic abusive manipulative bastard. maybe I do just deserve to be alone where I can’t hurt or think about #hurting anyone. it’d definitely be better all-around if I didn’t fucking exist. burden lifted. but you know.#not sure how im like this but also egotistical and self centered but alas here we are. anyway I’ll delete this soon sorry

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pyrotechnicdarts · 2 years

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avoiding school work by drawing my weird little warforged fighter and her wife(cursed sword)

#silver sentinel oleander #and whatever tf the name of the sword is. havent decided yet #the iron queen #my ocs #my art #they have a very fun dynamic and i wanna ramble abt it so bad #good god it is not at all a healthy relationship but it sure is interesting #its pretty much entirely based on how ollie was built to fight and serve and now sorta has a complex where she NEEDS to serve. to be useful #bc otherwise she feels so so so lost and without purpose #since the day she was forged she has only known how to follow orders; how to protect the crown; protect the city #and then accidentally finds an evil cursed sword that causes her to kill the royal family and the rest of the silver sentinel #and when she realises what happened she is terrified bc not only has she failed her sole purpose; she now has no purpose #with no crown to protect; no royal family to serve; what use is she?#so when she hears the sword speaking to her; offering her a new purpose; service to a new queen #she accepts without hesitation #and and and #and its so fucked up bc the sword will actively hurt ollie bc it is still an evil cursed sword #and ollie would just be like i was built to fight and bleed and die for the throne anyway. i would gladly give you anything #but also the sword is almost. seductive and possessive in the way she commands ollie. like saying shit like #‘oh my beautiful loyal soldier. they would seek to wrench me from your grasp- from your protection. we shall make them pay’#like its very queen + queen’s bodyguard but if the queen was. a talking evil sword #but also yeah they are just tge ps5 boy video

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lieutenantselnia · 2 months

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This is super random, but I've recently been watching more German movies (I really enjoyed the performances of some Downfall actors and wanted to see some of their other works), and like what the hell is it with 2000s German movies that there's way too often one entirely random scene with someone having their bare ass out😭😂

Of course it doesn't happen in every movie but still often enough that it's somehow noticeable? I'm not sure if it's more of a time or a country dependent thing, but at least in my perception I just don't feel like this occurs as often in more recent movies and series especially in those from the US (like, I feel I'd have noticed if it did because I'd probably be lowkey annoyed by it😂)

#or maybe the things I tend to be interested are just more targeted at all ages that's why I rarely don't come across it usually idk #I mean in some instances it it's actually sorta plot relevant (like in the final scenes of Napola for example) but in others it's so random #and I'm like ... couldn't you just have lifted the camera angle a couple degrees so we only see that guy from the waist up?#I just feel a little bad for the actors tbh😅 esp in those unnecessary scenes. I mean I guess they knew what they signed up for but still #this is all meant to be /lh to be clear - for the most part I find this literally just hilarious because it's such a random thing #not sure if my asexuality has to do with my perception either. I find it silly and roll my eyes at it but I'm not genuinely bothered by it #but aside from that watching movies because of specific actors can actually be kinda funny #because it makes you take a look at media you'd never have considered otherwise (which can be hit or miss)#like for example now I've watched some of the most random movies ever just because Justus von Dohnányi is in them #(<- he has my recommendation btw. not all of them were even good but I think he's genuinely fun to watch and also kinda adorable tbh)#it's also funny when you watch sth because of one actor and then another one you remember from elsewhere just randomly appears there too #like once I was like 'hey isn't that the guy who played Hewel in Downfall? oh and the one who played that one drunk guy is here too lol'#also idk why but I feel like Thomas Kretschmann is somehow everywhere lmao #I mean it's probably bc he's in a lot of international productions too but still. tbf he doesn't look bad at all #those two and André Hennicke are generally the ones I'm most interested in. maybe Rolf Kanies too #but tbh I feel like he just hasn't been in as many things? idk why though he was so good in Downfall #anyway I think I'm yapping way too much. I just like watching things and talking about them #and seeing actors having fun with their job while also being good at it is just really cool tbh #selnia talks

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