#blame kiss with a fist That song is everything in the world to me Ok

[cherry-shipping]

one of the (admittedly many) reasons i love love love LOVE my uf and ht self inserts i think is because all the shit i hate about myself is amplified with them and i LOVE them for it. theyre weird gross perverted overbearing annoying creeps who nobody really feels comfortable around. and its the BEST!!!!!!!!! like yeah they suck shit. they dont know anything and theyre genuinely disturbing and disgusting people. arent they just the BEST

[somebodycall911onabc]

Some post-4x13 Buddie because ummmm no to everything that just went down and whatever the hell they're doing with that promo. Pre-relationship Eddie introspection, guest-starring sleepy Buck and Chris (how often can I have these two idiots—Buck and Eddie, not Chris—wake each other up too goddamn early in the morning; the answer is infinite).

Eddie wakes up.

The world is a quiet, washed-out hum of static and dim light. He listens to his breath, in and out, in and out, as the room comes into focus. The rhythmic beeping monitor. The rough sheets over his chest. The hollowed-out numb of his shoulder where—

fuck. Where he’d been shot.

Eddie blinks open his eyes and grimaces. He’s probably doped to hell but his shoulder aches like forest fire, like a pain that will consume him and the whole world too, if he lets it. His head feels like someone pumped it full of air right up until the point before it bursts. He grits his teeth and gathers saliva on his tongue, carefully distributes it so that when he swallows, it will feel less like he’s ingesting a quart of sand. He knows this song and dance. He wiggles his fingers and toes and notes that remarkably, everything’s in working order. He wonders how often you can cheat death before that karma comes to get you.

Although he thinks Buck would probably go to bat for him, even against death himself. The heart monitor spikes as Eddie remembers with a vicious and cruel clarity Buck’s eyes on his as Eddie shuddered and collapsed. Buck’s wide, deer-in-headlights eyes, all that Eddie could see, just two pinprick pupils until there was nothing else, just the black, blank darkness.

Eddie tips his head to the side and opens his eyes, unclenching his fists, and nearly reels back when he sees Ana. She’s crumpled in the seat beside him, her chin resting on her collarbone, her long, dark eyelashes twitching against her cheek as she sleeps.

He closes his eyes and turns his head away.

But Ana’s a light sleeper. She was already waking up when he looked at her, roused from the shallow depths of unconsciousness by the change in Eddie’s breathing pattern, or something. His eyes are still closed when she croaks out, “Eddie?”

He looks at her.

“Eddie!” She says, raising her hands to flutter them over his chest, his face, his un-wounded shoulder. “You’re awake! You’re alive! Thank God,” she says, fervent. Like a prayer.

“Guess I’m just… lucky,” Eddie wheezes out. She smiles at him, eyes watering, and he gave the PG-version of his Silver Star story in her classroom but there’s no hint of recognition in her eyes.

“Either the luckiest man alive, or the unluckiest,” she says. “I’m pretty sure a lucky man wouldn’t be shot at quite so much.” She presses a kiss to his temple and Eddie has the horrible impulse to bat her away from him like she’s an overbearing aunt.

God, he’s an idiot. And it would take getting shot for him to realize it.

“What… happened?” Eddie asks, relieved when she leans back and settles into her chair.

“I’m not sure… I heard there was a sniper on the scene. The police think he might be targeting first responders, because how could this year get any worse?” When she shakes her head, her curls bounce in a way Eddie found appealing, once. It feels like a million years ago.

“Chris?” He asks, heart racing once more. She glances at the monitor and then back to him, offering a reassuring smile that does little to soothe his nerves.

“He’s OK. Buck’s with him.” Those three words calm Eddie instantly, like someone turning off an electric kettle, the worry bubbling up inside him simmering to a still. Because it means Chris is OK, and so is Buck. “I’m really grateful to Buck,” Ana is saying, taking his hand in hers, drawing his attention back to her. “It means I get to be here, with you.” She smiles at him like he’s fragile.

Wrong.

Eddie looks at her and doesn’t know how to tell her. How to tell her that the right thing would be for her to be at Chris’s side. That Chris always came first. Chris was the first and only priority. Chris was Eddie’s heart, raw and exposed, just like Bobby had said.

He looks at her and thinks about Chris’s smile, how he lights up the minute Ana walks in the room. He thinks about Chris confessing to him, quiet and anxious, that he’d asked Santa to find Mommy. He thinks about his parents telling him that the proper thing to do was to marry the girl carrying his child, even if he wasn’t sure he loved her.

Chris has been and will always be the most important thing in Eddie’s life. But Eddie’s starting to realize that even with a Northstar as good and perfect as Chris, Eddie didn’t always make the best choices. For himself, for Chris, or for their family.

“Can you call Buck, for me?” Eddie asks, brushing his thumb over Ana’s delicate knuckles. “If it’s not too late. I want to see my boys.”

She hastily bends down to pick up her purse and fumble her phone out, tell him it was fine, Buck had wanted her to call him as soon as Eddie woke up, anyway. He catches a glimpse of a “5” as she unlocks the phone and opens her contact list.

In the early morning, hospital quiet, Eddie can hear the phone ring on the other end of the line. Once, twice. Click.

“Hello?’ Buck asks, voice scratchy with sleep.

“Let me talk to him,” Eddie says, before Ana can get a word in. She hesitates, opens her mouth, but he holds her gaze until she extends the phone to him. Eddie’s hand is steady when he takes it from her.

“Hey,” Eddie says. Buck’s bleary-eyed, curls smashed to one side of his head, half his face obscured by a dark shape.

“Eddie,” Buck says, a ragged, relieved sound. He shifts, and Eddie hears him say, “Chris, Chris wake up, it’s your dad, Chris, he’s OK!”

And then there’s another face, pressing too close to the camera, so that Eddie mostly sees a nostril and some chin.

“Daddy!” Chris whoops, and Eddie smiles, and Buck pulls Chris back from the phone screen so Eddie can see him.

“Hey there, buddy,” Eddie says, “sorry I scared you.”

“W-wasn’t scared,” Chris insists, blinking rapidly because without his glasses, the world was mostly a multi-colored smudge. “I had Buck.”

Buck—who settles Chris’s glasses over his face with heartbreaking tenderness. Buck—who wraps an arm around Chris and scoots them back against the headboard so they can both see Eddie. Buck—who had clearly been sleeping in Chris’s bed, keeping him safe while Eddie was getting several pints of blood pumped into his body and shrapnel extricated from his shoulder.

“That’s good,” Eddie says. “Really good.”

“We knew you’d be OK,” Buck says. “Right, Superman?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause of your lucky charm.”

Eddie has to close his eyes against that. Chris is still so young, still Disney-innocent and honey-sweet, and Buck knew exactly what to say to calm Chris down. He knew Chris’s favorite bedtime story and the playlist Eddie made for him to help Chris fall asleep.

“That’s right,” Eddie chokes out. “My St. Christopher medal.”

“No.” Eddie blinks at that, at the stubborn line of Chris’s mouth. “Me. And Buck.”

Buck looks just about as surprised as Eddie feels.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“What?” Buck asks.

“What?” Chris asks, confused at their confusion. He addresses Buck. “Daddy said that I was his good l-l-luck charm. Because he loves me. A-and he loves you, so you’re his good luck charm too.”

Eddie isn’t sure if his kid is perceptive or just putting together ideas in the way only kids can. But it doesn’t really matter, because he isn’t wrong.

“Got me there,” Eddie agrees. “I must be pretty lucky, since I’ve got the both of you watching my back.”

Buck’s smiling a pleased, sunshine grin. The room is too dark and the connection is too poor, but Eddie would bet money that Buck’s blushing.

Eddie very deliberately doesn’t look at Ana.

“We’ll come visit as soon as the hospital opens,” Buck promises. “It’s good you called, because we should probably get going.”

To his right, Chris gives a huge yawn.

“You sure? I’m not going anywhere.”

“You think we’re gonna be able to sleep now that you’re awake? No way.”

“No way!’ Chris agrees.

“We’ll be there in fifteen. Twenty. Ten?” Buck looks down at Chris.

“Five!” Chris shouts. “The f-firetruck could make it in five minutes!”

“But we only have Buck’s jeep,” Buck says, pouting at Chris. “Definitely not a firetruck.”

“Fifteen,” Chris amends.

“OK,” Eddie says with a laugh that barely hurts. “I’ll see you soon. Thanks, Buck.”

“For what?” Buck asks, ruffling Chris’s hair with the hand that had been draped over Chris’s shoulders. “Be there soon.”

The call disconnects with the finality of a book snapping shut. He squares his shoulders (as much as he can while lying in an inclined hospital bed with a bullet injury) and turns his head to face Ana.

Her eyes are narrowed and hard, like ice over a troubled stream.

“So,” she says, slow and calm, “Buck?”

“Yeah” Eddie says. It’s all he can say. He can’t tell her how to be what he needs, what Chris needs. He can’t tell her to put Chris first like a reflex, like an instinct.

He doesn’t blame her. He isn’t mad at her. He isn’t even disappointed. He’s as shocked as anyone that he met someone who understood, immediately and profoundly, that Chris was Eddie’s world. Eddie had never counted on someone like Buck. And it was time he stopped running from that and accepted it for the undeserved, unparallelled gift that it was.

“I’m sorry,” he adds.

“Me too.” Ana takes her phone back with a snap of her wrist and drops it in her purse. “I’m going to go home.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, feeling a little guilty. He knows what it’s like to feel left behind, waking up with nothing but a note and the realization that you could never be good enough.

Ana gets to her feet and smooths the wrinkles of her blouse, and for a moment she reminds him so much of Shannon that he’s dizzy. The straight back, the self-posession, the tumble of curls swept over her shoulder.

He hopes Ana finds a love worthy of her, someone who will treasure her and believe her when she says, “sometimes our limitations let us know who we are.”

Because Eddie looked at the world like a challenge. He threw himself into it like the world might burn up tomorrow, but he would fight to the last breath anyway. He peeled away honorable discharge and may experience lifelong mobility dilemmas and we know what’s best for him and don’t you know how hard it is to be a single father like strips of old paint.

And Buck was the same way. Buck was I had to do it and didn’t you know Jim Abbot played baseball with only one hand and I’m in. You wanted us to bond, Cap. We might end up real close.

Eddie watches Ana leave, her heels clicking sharp against the tiled floor. At the door, she turns her head.

“I am glad you’re OK, Edmundo.”

“Thank you.”

And then she’s gone.

And then Eddie waits, anticipation mounting, for his boys to bring him home.

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 1/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp! I started this back in March. It was supposed to be a oneshot and then I realised it was 200 odd pages. Whoops! Another songfic based on music by Joji. This one is Gimme Love, which some of you would probably know, it was circling TikTok for a while. Anyway, more song fics to come!! I hope y'all enjoy! Stay safe in these crazy times!

TW: Mental health, panic attacks

1993

"OK, so you got your apple juice, your finger sandwiches, and grapes. And most importantly, you got your best outfit on. Ready?"

No. I wasn't ready. They were going to eat me up. I knew just by how the 3 bitches off to the side stared and laughed. One of them was swinging from the bus stop pole. It sounded evil, but I hoped she would have fallen over.

"No." I clung to my Mother.

"Brianna." She uttered. She was tired, already having dealt with this before leaving the house. And it didn't help that Grandpa only laughed instead of helping out.

"No!" I said louder, squeezing my tiny fists into her shoulders.

"Look. Everything will be fine. The day will fly in, trust me. And I'll be right here when you get off the bus later." Mom continued.

She gave me a kiss on the forehead and shook me off.

As she smoothed her skirt down, I stamped my foot in a huff. For me, this was the second most ultimate betrayal that had ever happened to me. My Mom was making me go to school. How dare she.

"I love you, girl. Be good and have a great day." Mom said before walking away. My gaze followed, feeling the faucet in my eyes turn on. I was prone to cry baby behaviour around this age.

Now that my Mom was gone, it was all game for the bitches.

"Awww, the little baby needs her Mommy." One of them cooed in her fake voice. "Didn't you know the pre-school bus picks up two hours later?"

"Yeah!" Another decided to join in, "And I bet that's not even your real Mommy."

"She is too!" I clenched my tiny fists at my side. This was half true. I was an adopted child, but to me, Roberta was the best Mother I could have ever asked for. And no one had the right to question that.

"No, she's not! Your real Mommy didn't want you 'cause you're ugly!"

"Yeah, look at your hair. It looks like a fur ball."

"And your clothes are obviously hand me downs."

I stamped my feet again. "That's it! I'm giving you the finger!" I flipped them off. I picked it up from Mom, from the many time's drivers pissed her off. When she'd warn me never to do that, I knew it had some sort of power to it.

But it did nothing. The girls just laughed even more. I had no defences; therefore, I was left helpless.

The bus pulled up, and I was last to get in. The girls warned almost everybody to watch out for the "girl with the weird hair".

I moved down the middle of the bus, my head moving from side to side, hoping to find a seat.

Everybody with a free seat either put their bags on the chairs or put their feet up. I wanted to snap, demanding that they let me sit. But the fear inside rendered me silent.

I was nearing the back, where the 3 girls sat. They smirked upon seeing my face, relishing in the fact I was on the verge of tears. All I wanted was to turn back, get off the bus and lock myself in my house.

But as if someone above heard my innermost thoughts, that's when I heard it.

"Do you need a seat?"

I looked towards the voice. And I froze. There she was, an absolute angel. She looked like a Disney Princess with her bright blonde hair and blue eyes.

I hesitated for a moment. But the bus began to move. So I sat down next to her.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey." Her eyes were observing me, looking me up and down. And I felt even more stunned. "You have funny hair."

"My Mommy says I have lovely hair," I replied in defence.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just never seen hair like that." The girl replied.

My hair wasn't even bad. I just had a massive head of untamed brown curls. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then again, I had never seen anyone with hair like hers. She looked like she had gone to a salon beforehand. "Your hair looks golden."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm Blair. My favourite colour is yellow, and I wanna be a singer when I grow up. How about you?"

"I'm Brianna. My favourite colour is pink. And...I wanna be a politician someday."

"What's a pola...polatichon?" Blair asked.

"A politician." I corrected her. "I don't know what they do. They just shout a lot. And that's what I want to do."

Blair had no idea what I was talking about, but she laughed anyway. And that made my heart skip a beat.

I felt something pelt the back of my head. I grabbed it, looking at the small rolled up bit of my paper in my hand. It was wet. I had just been spitballed for the first time.

Blair looked over her shoulder, and I did the same. It was the three bitches from the bus stop. They weren't even hiding their giggles.

"Not nice." Blair stuck her tongue out at them. Then, turning back around in her seat, she put her hand on mine. "Don't worry about them. I'm your friend, Brianna."

"Really?" My eyes brightened.

"Of course!"

As much as that statement had made my heart soar, how it made me feel like there was nothing to be afraid of…

It was the biggest lie I heard that day.

As soon as I got off the bus at the end of the day, I waved to Blair, unaware that she would be sitting with the 3 bitches the next day.

And then it went on for years, being that ugly girl with weird hair. And it didn't help that I needed glasses later in life.

But I wasn't completely alone. So let me tell you about Jujubee.

2020

"Hey, asshole! I'm pulling in there!"

Jujubee was hanging out the driver side window, flicking the indicator aggressively.

"Juju, can you just...not do that?" I asked, my eyes glued to my phone as I checked how many people had seen my Instagram story. It was a picture of the two of us, showing off our outfits that had been gifted from Alexander McQueen.

"And let that asshole steal my spot? Absolutely not." Jujubee protested. She flipped the guy off, only to receive the same gesture back at her. She wasn't prone to behaving like this. I usually found it absolutely hilarious how loud she could be.

Now, you're probably wondering - two well-dressed ladies in their Alexander McQueen outfits should be seated in the back of a limo, sipping champagne.

I wasn't a fan of limos. They only drew attention.

And with Jujubee hurling dog abuse at the other drivers, I was sure the attention would be on us.

But we made it to the event without any trouble.

Jujubee was hilarious, intentionally and unintentionally. I learned that all the way back on my second day of school. When it was clear to me that I wouldn't be friends with anyone else, I ventured off on my own, exploring the playground and looking for bugs. But, instead, I found her sitting alone in the sandbox.

"Leave me alone. I'm trying to dig to the centre of the Earth." She had said, blowing her shiny black hair out of her face.

I knew she would only reach the bottom of the pit, so I laughed, and I helped her dig. We had been inseparable since.

We grew up together, all the way through elementary, high school and college. And through those years, we had one thing in common - we were the weird ones. The kids who everyone bullied.

Ugh, I hated that word; bullied. It made me feel pathetic and helpless. Jujubee and I, however? We were far from pathetic and helpless. After all, how would we even be where we were if that was the case?

OK, maybe I was pathetic and helpless growing up. No, I was. I had just accepted all the name-calling, the shoving, the damage. Jujubee, on the other hand, would fight against it all.

But back to the current situation. We were now sitting at a table with the other project workers. Everyone was having a great time, and the event hadn't even really begun yet. They passed jokes around, talked about trials and tribulations, and I laughed along.

But I may as well have been alone as I was stuck in my own thoughts. How it was even possible, we were all gathered here for this moment.

I looked at Jujubee, sitting next to me, and felt an overwhelming need to hug the shit out of her. If it weren't for her being so encouraging, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"What's up?" She caught me staring.

I lowered my head for a moment, breathing a laugh out through my nostrils. I didn't want to get sappy with her, even though she deserved my gratitude. My best friend, my ride-or-die bitch. Lifting my head again, I smirked. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're on this team." I raised my glass to her before sipping the bubbling champagne.

"Proud of you bitch." Jujubee reaching over and squeezed my free hand.

I was proud of me too. Because, despite all of the shit I dealt with in school, here I was, the manager and director of this whole operation.

All of the hard work paid off - years of trials and tribulations, so many arguments and disagreements. We finally did it. We found a gateway to another world, a parallel universe, a portal in the middle of the space just waiting to be explored.

Of course, people doubted me. They said things like, "Well, it is a dream, all right." How could anyone blame them?

But here we were.

The speaker, Michelle, called me up onto the stage to receive a certificate, all encased in a glass frame. I exchanged air kisses with her and graciously took the award. Jujubee cheered me on as I stood up there, letting people take pictures.

And then came the obligatory speech.

I couldn't lie; I hated public speaking. It was always something I struggled with. But, I never backed down from one. I just liked to keep them short and sweet.

"Long story short, I had dreams, and I worked towards them. So, here I am, an example of the walking embodiment of success. And I thank each and every one of you, ladies and gentlemen. Have a great night."

Short and sweet. The crowd applauded.

Yes, I was told in the past that I'm arrogant, but I disagreed. I'd say confident. And there was nothing wrong with confidence. After all, there has been a stigma around that word. Doesn't it come from a sense of insecurity, the need to tear successful people down because you're afraid to strive towards your goals?

I deserved to feel this successful, for all those times I was laughed at and ridiculed. I look down on all those assholes and let them know that I made it.

I posed for pictures as I held my award, knowing they would be everywhere the next day; in the papers, magazines, the Internet.

This wasn't the first award I had received. I had a shelf full back home, along with all of my past badges. They reminded me that, once upon a time, I was just any other office worker with her yellow badge. And now here I was, the director of the project with my black badge working closely with the government.

I got off the stage and moved back to my chair. Jujubee rolled her eyes, but her smile remained.

"Where's the after-party?" I asked as the audience shifted their attention from me.

Sometimes I never understood how she put up with me. "Don't worry. I got us covered."

She wasn't lying. A few hours later, we were in the apartment of some other rich somebody. Music was bouncing off the walls, the speakers apparently on full blast.

The main lights were out, replaced with multicoloured LEDs dancing around the place. It was as if we were in our own private club.

Jujubee and I were in the crowd dancing, but because I was absolutely wasted, I lost her many times.

No need to panic, however. Jujubee wasn't a drinker. So she'd find me. She always did.

I really did feel sorry that she had to deal with all of my shenanigans.

"Juju, where the fuck are you??" I roared, not that it would do much. Midsummer Madness by 88RISING was blaring now. Starting to stress out now.

I grabbed a champagne flute as a waiter walked by.

"Brianna, I love the dress." A woman leaned over and shouted in my ear. I had met her before at another event, a fashion reporter if I remembered correctly.

"Thanks. It's Versaci."

As I said earlier, it was fucking Alexander McQueen. I was faded.

Somehow I ended up in the bathroom, throwing up all the alcohol I had consumed into the toilet. After I finished, I washed my mouth out, looked at my reflection and said, "Baby, you're a star."

And somehow, I made it back downstairs. I was searching for Jujubee but found someone else instead. And it was fucking Ed Sheeran.

"I love your new song." I lied.

"Which one?"

"The new one." I smiled. "Hey, Ed. You wanna be the first person to go through the portal?" I wrapped an arm around him.

He looked absolutely taken aback. "Of fucking course. My manager will be in touch."

I really hoped he was joking. Why the fuck had I even suggested it?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jujubee. My nerves settled, and I leaned closer to her. "Let's go outside."

I had no recollection of making it out to the balcony. The only thing I remembered happening before then was rambling to many strangers about how much I adored Jujubee.

A few other party attendees were outside too. I wanted to tell them how I didn't deserve Jujubee and that she was an angel. But she quickly steered me away.

I looked out over the city, a happy smile on my face.

"Are you having fun, baby girl?" Jujubee asked, using her favourite pet name for me. She sparked up a cigarette. I wanted to ask her for one, having gone from chain smoker to social smoker in recent years. But I was too distracted by the view.

"Yeah. I can feel it, Juju." I replied, looking at my hands. It was almost like I could actually feel it. The euphoric feeling of success running in my veins. "Good things are coming."

"Oh, I feel it too." Jujubee blew out the smoke and followed my gaze. "You know what? Your Grandpa was a great guy. And I know that he's proud of you."

My smile dropped. And I was silent.

I preferred to avoid speaking about things like this. Emotions weren't something I liked to deal with - another difference between Jujubee and me.

Just the year prior, we both went to see Midsommar. During the scene where the main character is having a breakdown on the ground surrounded by the Hargan woman screaming along with her, Jujubee was captivated. She looked almost like she wanted to scream along with them. And as she squeezed my hand and leaned over to me, she said, "I need someone to do that with me." I replied with a quiet, "Can't relate."

I'm not insensitive. I just feared emotions for two reasons.

1. They could be weaponised against me. And as much as I tried not to let the online hate get to me, I knew that if it ever became personal, then it would hit difficult.

2. The most important reason of all; a childhood full of breakdowns and too many emotions.

Jujubee nudged me. "You wanna go?"

I didn't want to. But I said, "Yeah. I'm...so drunk right now," and turned away from the city view.

"Can I be that annoying whore and ask if I can stay at your place?" Jujubee asked, taking my hand.

She didn't even need a reason. "Yes, you can."

We waded our way through the crowd, made for the door and left. And before I knew it, we were back at my place, lying in my bed. I loaned her a t-shirt to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in my Alexander McQueen. But Jujubee wouldn't let me.

We both lay there, facing the ceiling. I could already feel the oncoming suffering. Usually, I loved moments like these, when time became fluid, when I didn't have to worry about how I had even gotten home.

But my head was pounding, and the loud ringing in my ears was the cause. If I was bad now, I'd be dead by morning.

I could feel Jujubee's eyes on me, and I looked back at her. She was smiling, her brown eyes glimmering. "Almost there, girl."

Despite the pain I was in, I smiled back. I knew this whole thing, the thingy, the portal; it wasn't just my dream. It was hers too.

Fuck, I was hammered.

"Almost there," was all I could manage to say.

Jujubee turned on her side and treated me to some cuddly spooning. "OK, go to sleep, loser."

It was straining on my neck, but I kept my head turned, letting my eyes linger for a moment longer. God, I fucking loved that bitch. Nothing was ever going to come between us, and that made me the happiest.

I turned over, my back relaxing against her torso. Then, before giving in to my exhaustion, I checked my phone. The bright light made me squint at first. And the alcohol in my system didn't help matters.

I checked how many people had seen my story now. The number was blurry. So I aimlessly swiped notifications away.

But I stopped at one message in particular.

Blair: Hey Brianna! Long time no speak. I just wanted to say I saw pictures from your thing tonight. Congrats, girl! Look, I know you're probably super busy, but I'd love to have a catch up with you sometime.

"..." My eyes were wide. Now that was a name I hadn't heard in a long time.

1995

"Do you see Cassiopeia yet?" Juju whined.

I was trying my hardest to find it in the telescope. But the stars were all in clutters; there were so many. "No. I think I see the big dipper, though."

"Really? Let me have a turn!" Juju begged.

I pulled away from the telescope, allowing Juju her turn. Usually, I would have refused, only letting her use the scope after finding what I was looking for.

I really hadn't found the big dipper, but Juju bought it. "Wooooow. That's so cool."

"I know, right?" I smirked.

The backdoor opened, and Grandpa came out in his winter jacket, pj's and his signature slippers. "How many have you girls found now?"

He was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream. I cheered excitedly because Grandpa's hot chocolate was the best, and I'd fight anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.

"We found the big dipper. But that's it." Juju replied, sounding very much let down.

"Don't lose hope," Grandpa gave us our hot chocolate, "some are harder to find than others. I bet there are a lot more constellations out there that haven't even been discovered yet."

I sipped the hot drink, and I could feel it already warming me up. I was so tempted to take my gloves off and let the mug warm them up. But we promised my Mom we would stay wrapped up. "Do you think we could discover one?"

Grandpa took a seat on one of the old deck chairs. "Brianna, you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything is possible."

"One day, I wanna get into a rocket ship and fly away," I said, looking up at the night sky, imagining the scene in my head.

"Hey, Mr Caldwell, are there other people like us? Just looking up at the sky?" Juju asked, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

"That's an interesting question. I'd say yes, what with how nice the sky is tonight," Grandpa let his gaze trail up, the stars reflecting in his eyes, "But did you know, somewhere far, far away, there are two little girls who are exactly like you. They look the same, they talk the same and even have your names. And they are doing exactly what you're doing right now."

My brows knit in confusion, "what do you mean 'far far away?"

Grandpa looked down again, seeing how intrigued Juju and I was. "Let's just call it the other world. It's basically like our world, but...certain things are different. Like," he paused to think, "maybe cats bark and dogs meow. Or, maybe the sky is pink and not blue. Maybe you girls are actually older, and I'm the young one."

"Do horseys fly in the other world?" Juju asked with much optimism.

"Probably. I don't see why not." Grandpa shrugged.

I glanced up at the sky as if I would somehow just see it. Another world where life was somewhat better.

"Would my Mommy and Daddy have given me up in the other world?" I asked quietly.

Grandpa was silent. His lips were pursed, forming a tight line like there were words on the tip of his tongue that he knew he shouldn't say.

Juju hugged me from the side. I wanted to hug her back but didn't want to cry.

Her hold made me feel safe, so I offered her a half-smile.

Since my first day at school, when those cretins had tried to tell me Roberta wasn't my real Mom, it stuck with me. Yeah, I knew deep down those girls didn't know shit, and Roberta was the best Mother in the world, but I was only human.

As much as I loved my Mom, Grandpa and other family members, I just wanted to feel acceptance from my biological parents.

"Brianna, honey, whoever your family is in the other world, I'm sure they love you from the bottom of their hearts. Just like we do." Grandpa said. He extended his arms out, offering me a hug.

I didn't want it. But I knew I needed it.

That night, we didn't find any constellations. Not that it mattered. After my Grandpa went back inside, Juju and I were set on finding the other world instead.

And this interest went on for nearly a whole year.

It sounded dumb, but we would play games where we were our 'other world selves'. Juju lived in a house full of cats, and they were 'cutest cats in the whole country. So cute they won every pageant!'

And I lived in a huge mansion with my Mom, Grandpa, and my biological parents.

We collectively agreed that our other world selves were the prettiest girls in school, and we had tons of friends. We were so cool, we didn't even have to go to school.

Of course, this started a minor argument between us. Juju would always say, "how can we be the prettiest girls at school if we don't have to go to school??"

"Shut up, Juju! Anything is possible in the other world!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't make sense!"

All of it was so ridiculous. But we loved every minute of it.

I'll never forget the time we built a fort in the woods at the back of my house, and Juju stood under the archway and shouted. "I'm the queen of 'Other World'. Beware ye bastards who enter our domain!"

Then she got upset because she said a bad word and thought she had betrayed her parents.

A few minutes later, I fucked up.

"I, Brianna Caldwell, am the Queen of 'Other World'. I sit on this throne along with my best friend, Blair St Clair!"

Juju was even more upset now.

"Why is she your best friend?? I'm your best friend!" She began to cry.

"Jujubee, it's only pretend." I tried to reason with her.

"No, Brie-Brie. You're always talking about Blair! I know you would rather be best friends with her than me!"

"That's not true!"

"It is!" She wept. "She'll never be your friend, Brie-Brie. She doesn't even like you."

"Take that back!"

"No!"

My anger was bubbling beyond the boiling point. So I shoved her over. "Go away. Now!"

Juju ran off crying.

My teeth were grit, my fists clenched. For about 5 minutes, I stormed around the fort, screaming in anger and kicking the ground.

Mom was freaked out. She knew it was me screaming, so she came running. When she found me, she shouted at me for scaring the absolute fuck out of her.

This only pissed me off more. It took her 5 minutes to get me to chill out.

When I finally explained what happened, she told me it was OK and that we'd be friends again the next day.

It didn't help my mood, so she took me to the mall. It was a rare occasion for us to visit the place. We weren't the richest, what with Mom struggling to keep a job. She wasn't a lousy worker; someone else would just come along who was much more experienced. And without another parental figure to help out, it just meant not much money was being brought into the house.

But Mom decided we'd go to the toy store, and I'd find two dolls, one for me and one for Juju. I made sure they looked exactly like us. Well, considering the nice clothes and great hair, they were our other-selves.

And leaving the building, I was perched on Mom's shoulders, eating the biggest ice cream cone I had ever gotten, when I looked over at the jewellery shop. Two women were leaving the store, holding hands. They leaned in close to each other and kissed.

I just...stared as they smiled at each other, mesmerised by the adoration they so clearly shared.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Brianna, baby?"

"Why are those two ladies kissing?"

Mom cast a quick glance to where I was looking. "Oh. OK, first of all, don't stare. It's rude. But yeah, they're just two ladies in love with each other. That's all."

I looked away, just as she told me to do. "They're in love? I thought only boys and girls could be in love."

"I guess they're still telling you that in school, huh?" Mom quipped. "Well, I'll tell you this, but keep it on the down-low 'cause I don't want no parents coming and knocking on my door saying you're putting ideas into their kids' heads." She laughed. "The truth is; boys can fall in love with boys, and girls can fall in love with girls. You fall in love with whoever your heart tells you to, Brianna."

I nodded. "Uh, huh. OK, I understand." But then, it hit me. "Fuck."

"Brianna." Mom warned. She knew I was prone to sometimes spurting a few cuss words. But she only had herself to blame.

"Sorry, Mommy." And as we left the mall, my brain couldn't stop thinking about what had popped into my head.

Maybe, just maybe, I was in love with Blair.

My mind was taking me back to years prior, still in my first year of elementary school. It was coming up to Valentine's Day, and we all had to make a card for someone in the class. Bit of a weird activity for a bunch of kids who were more concerned if they were getting bikes for Christmas or not.

And I slaved over my card, making it yellow instead of the traditional pink colour, and drawing daisies all over it.

The message read, "You really deserve this. You're welcome." I've always been a poetic genius.

And instead of giving it to any of the boys, I insisted it went to Blair.

I had vague memories of that day. I only remembered her confused face as I handed it over.

I never received a card in return.

Of course, the other kids picked on me for it. But Juju had my back.

"You're all just jealous 'cause Brie-Brie's card is unique!" I remember her shouting.

But of course, they weren't jealous. This concept was foreign to them - a girl gifting another girl with a Valentine's Day gift. But then again, they just didn't know any better.

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter Six

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Ehm... 13 years < , I mean, is not that hard, but just to be sure.

Warnings: This chapter contains transphobia and the writer’s own version of dysphoria. This doesn't mean every trans person feels the same, but it is a possibility I wanted to share. Thank you.

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

CHAPTERS 

The beginning

Chapter one 

Chapter two

Chapter three

Chapter four

Chapter five

ONE-SHOTS 

Just a dance (Zoey x MC)

—————————————————————— 

Beck arrived home around two in the morning or so. They walked all the way to Belvoire, not caring about the cold, the dangers of the night, the strange people treating to appear… it didn’t matter, because they didn’t even notice it.

Poppy didn’t try to reach out either, she didn’t even go after them and Beck was thankful for it. Maybe they owe her an explanation, but right now, the only thing Beck wanted was to be left alone. The feelings inside their heart and brain were so many and with so different meanings that it felt like a whole honeycomb full of buzzing, noisy and altered bees without any rest.

They wanted Poppy...

But they didn’t deserve her…

But why…?

They were a human; they could be with her…

But sometimes, being human was not enough…

What kind of human was Beck...?

Beck was different from anyone.

They don't really belong.

They never did.

Therefore, they couldn’t have anything that was for people that did belong.

Otherwise, they'd be cheating the others…

So they didn’t deserve it.

And that’s the path they chose. A double-edged weapon. Being what they were it was complicated. The worse part isn’t being treated differently by people and, sure, that is awful sometimes. The worse part is the confusing shit one would tell to themselves sometimes.

There would be days when one is happy, completely sure, confident, ready to take upon the world. One felt invincible, one felt good-looking, one felt that every little thing and time invested into being happy was worth it, was the cure, was the thing they absolutely needed it.

Because it is.

But sometimes, one realized it came with a price. With mental confusion, with hollowness inside just because of something so banal to others that’s so precious to one. Sometimes, the dysphoria would knock at one's door to remind one that one is a Mr. Roboto. A Mr. Roboto who doesn’t deserve human things.

Beck didn’t even process when they arrived home, nor when they lay down on the couch, the gaze completely lost into the ceiling. Were they even blinking?

“Beck?... Is that you?” They heard Zoey coming towards them. But they didn’t care. At least not right now. They needed a time off.

But of course, Zoey didn’t read minds, so she kept walking, pajamas on, her curly hair falling effortlessly over her shoulders, a worry look impressed in the chocolate of her eyes.

“What are you doing here?” No response. Their mind was already back at the Club, feeling Poppy's lips moving perfectly along theirs. “Beck?... Are you alright?”

“No. I really want her, Zo… I want Poppy so badly…”

“Just tired.” They lied. How can one explain something like this to a human like her? Inside them all was clear, but it was a completely different world to her. Of course, Zoey didn’t buy it for a second. But she knew them, and she wouldn’t push it.

“Come to bed?” she asked, holding a blanket over her shoulders. Beck saw it, and it was just until that moment, a part of their brain felt connected to reality. Outside was freezing, and Beck’s body was cold, trembling for who knows how long.

“Y-yeah… I’m coming.” They managed to stand up, following Zoey through the living room, reaching shortly the door of their own bedroom.

“Beck?”

“Yes?”

“You do know you can tell me anything, right?” Beck stood still a while, asking for more information, an explanation. Why was she asking that? “I know something happened there, and I won’t ask you to tell me. I just wanted to let you know I have your back. Always”

And there it was. The reason why Zoey was the only person Beck trusted. But right at that moment, they couldn’t tell her exactly what was going on inside their heart. She almost begged them not to go to the club with Poppy, she believed that the strawberry blonde was onto something bad, and they couldn’t blame her. After all, Beck would thought exactly the same if it where any other person but them.

“I know, Zo… Thank you.” They said before walking into their room to throw themselves on their bed. Beck just wanted to sleep, to end that day. But it was impossible.

Her lips, her taste… her smell… her touch… everything. Poppy was completely inside their mind now, because that kiss felt heavenly good. It was like a real connection, like if Poppy really wanted them. But Beck was afraid.

Someone as beautiful as Poppy could have anyone she wanted, why would she be interested in them?

Why would she actually stayed with Beck?

Maybe it was just the moment, the song, the mood. Maybe it was just a one-time thing, a meaningless kiss she suddenly wanted to have. But even if it wasn’t, surely she soon would see that being with Beck was actually different from what she was expecting. Poppy would most likely get bored and leave them as soon as possible.

Maybe people back at Farmsville were right, maybe no real girl would ever be satisfied with them…

“Shut the fuck up, Beck.” They murmured to themselves. “You’re just being paranoid…”

Yes, that was true.

But, in order to avoid the pain, they needed to draw the line.

The far they stayed from Poppy Min-Sinclair, the better

~~X~~

“Thanks for walking me class, babe.” Zoey said with a friendly smile, stopping aside from her classroom door. “Are you sure you don’t want to join me? You love this class.”

“Completely.” They responded. “I have to finish my project for Professor Myra and I haven’t even started it yet because someone won’t let me a second to rest.” Zoey laughed playfully before pretending to be insulted.

“Oh, so now is my fault?” she asked, and Beck couldn’t help but give her a grin.

The last couple of days, Zoey and Beck had been doing basically everything together, even more than before. Zoey was continuously insisting them to join her in her classes when Beck had free time but not Zoey, to have lunch outside campus, she even managed to get tickets in first line to one of the first TBD concerts in New York, which was basically huge because Beck was a wholeheartedly fan of theirs, they even had a little crush on Kaitlyn Liao for a while.

Even The T had started to question the true nature of the relationship, which was something understandable, but neither of them was really paying attention to it. After all, why should they give any explanation to anyone?

“Yes! It’s basically your fault, Zoey Wade.” Beck laughed, they weren’t mad at all. Zoey was a very responsible girl putting the school first. Professor Myra's project it was basically an essay about the meaning of music according to Sulzer theory. Easy-peasy. That’s why it was the last one left.

“But… you can’t say you didn’t enjoy it.” She winked at them, flirty as always.

“Go to class, honey” The smile on their faces was huge, happy, trusting. Beck was feeling so lucky to have Zoey next to them. She was the best friend and artist they could’ve asked for.

“See ya later, then.”

“See ya.”

The corridors of Belvoir were huge, elegant, eccentrically decorated. While walking through them, Beck started wondering what was the original purpose of the building. It was always meant to be a school or somebody bought the property to actually live there? Beck looked around a little more, trying to find a detail who could give them a clue, but instead, the thing that caught up their interest, was a little, purple ad.

“Rock’s style band is searching for a lead singer…”

Beck stopped a little, rather curious. Reading the ad, Beck discovered a lot of basic information: they played alternative, rock pop, rock metal, among others, and needed a lead singer before the Battle of the Bands. They weren’t aware there was one of those things there in Belvoire.

Beck took the paper in their hand, interested in what they had to offer, and maybe ask for details later. But suddenly, the sound of high heels walking angry towards them caught their attention.

There, at the end of the hall, was the very Poppy Min-Sinclair. And she definitely saw Beck. They gulped, but stood still. They weren’t a full coward, if something was about to happen, let it be at once.

“Hey, tranny!” They heard someone yelling from behind. Confused and angry, Beck turned around, ready to deal with whoever was calling them like that with such a despicable tone, but what they got was not a conversation, but a fist right to their mouth.

The hit was so hard, it managed to make them wobble a little, only to be pinned aggressively against the wall by the collar of their sweater.

“I tolerate you being your disgusting self. But don’t ever dare to drag my woman into your shit.” A guy, a random guy was looking at them with repulse, with actually hatred. But Beck was used to it… They weren’t that impressed, so they chuckled.

“Funny, I don’t recall a complain from your mom.”  It was fine, as long as he didn’t hit them in the… Ow, the bad rib… Ok, that did hurt.

“Stay away from Poppy.” The random guy mumbled, making Beck see red from one second to another. “She’s mine.”

Who the fuck did he think he was?

Gathering strength, Beck managed to break the hold and land a punch right in the nose of the other one. Making him back down, blood falling from his face. The rage he now had made him let out a roar before lash out like a bull against Beck's torso, both of them falling to the floor. Again and again, his fist crashed on Beck’s face, but Beck turned things around, hitting the guy as hard as they could, until…

“What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?!” Beck felt a delicate yet strong hand reaching out for their shoulder, breaking the fight apart. Poppy was there, holding them tightly in a hug, looking at the guy on the floor completely infuriated.  

“Poppy… I can explain… I saw The T's photo and I...” that guy said, looking distressed.

“I don’t fucking care, Burnett!” she roared. “you little piece of shit! I will personally make sure you end up getting dragged to the deepest, darkest, nauseating place this world has to offer to animals like you!”

Surprisingly, Beck felt bad for that pathetic guy. They haven’t seen Poppy so angry, so fierce in a very scary-the-shit-out kind of way, ever. Everyone around that were watching, started to go away as faster as they could, trying to avoid any kind of confrontation with her, leaving the three completely alone in a university corridor, which was no little thing. Beck took a deep breath… or at least, they tried, but…

They couldn’t breath deeply…

They couldn’t breath without pain.

“You-you can’t be serious… Are you… are you really dating that?”

“I’m dating whoever the fuck I want! And they have a fucking name! Call Beck a That again and I'll make you life a living hell!”

Beck didn’t even notice her defending them. The sharping pain was too much to talk.

“As for you...” It was Beck’s turn. “How you dare to ditch me like that at the club!”

“Wait…”

“I don’t care what you have to say! You should’ve growth a pair and talk to me long ago instead of just avoiding me!”

“Poppy… wait…” They try once again, wanted so desperately to regain air to their lungs without her yelling them.

“You know? I don’t even know what I saw in you! You’re just the same as many of my…!”

That’s when Beck started to bend, holding the rib as an instinct to protect them, to make it stop hurting, the pain was fully showing itself on their face.

“Oh my God…” Poppy exclaimed, her angry attitude switched quickly to a worry one. Swiftly, Poppy's hands traveled to Beck's shirt, uncovering his body. A big, yellow bruise on their skin was slowly becoming green… purple at some places. “Shit… I’m going to kill you, Carleton!”

Oh, the bad rib…

“What is going on here?”

The sound of a familiar voice showed up, Professor Ina Kingsley walked in, maybe alerted by students or something like it, Beck didn’t really want to dig in.

“This fucking asshole attacked Hughes as a savage meathead!”

“Is Beck ok?” Ina asked right away, being aware about how the pain in Beck was bigger that Carleton's, who got away with some bruises and face cuts. “Think you can walk?”

“I'm fine…” Beck groaned. “… I just… I need to sit down a moment…”

“Miss Min-Sinclair, do you mind taking Beck to the nursing? I handle Mr. Burnett.”

“Come on, Farmsville. Lean on me.”

“No, I can manage…” The look Poppy throw them was so deadly scary, that them were paralyzed for a second. “O-ok…” Beck did as she told them, not wanting to face that kinda mortal gaze ever again.

But as the both started walking away, Beck turned to look at the guy who was now being taken to the Principal office.

And the deep hatred drawn in him was enough to know it: That guy wouldn’t stop there.

“Sweet… this all over again.” Beck thought, feeling actually insecure for the first time in all the time they had there.

“Poppy… I don’t want to go to the nursing.” They said, desperately needing to feel secure.

“Are you dumb? Of course I’m taking you to the nursing! Did you see that bruise?”

“Poppy.” Beck stopped immediately, looking supplicant into those honey eyes. Scared. “Please… I'll go anywhere but there…”

The strawberry blonde thought about it carefully; a battle was taking place in her mind, while she was reading the message written on Beck’s eyes.

Her rigid posture suddenly softened, as if she couldn’t deny anything to them… Maybe Beck wasn’t the only one with a soft spot for the other.

“Fine. Let’s go to my room.”

----

Next

[maryniss]

Without

Pairing: Terushima X Reader

Song: Line Without a Hook- Ricky Montgomery

Warning: Hurt/Comfort, Crying (i dont know what to say here, sorry:(

Hii! This is for  the lovely @that-one-poc-queer​ that asked me if I could write a fic for TerushimaxReader on this song. I listened to it and I’ve got no idea at first, cause the lyrics just send me some mixed messages that drive me crazy. And then an idea popped and nothing came on later. I decided I would write it, even if it is not what really good. I guess this is my first fic of this type and I dont think it turned out really good. But, here you go and happy reading! :)

Terushima practically collapsed onto the yellow sofa. He squeezed his eyes shut and stretched his limbs. Exams were horrible. University was horrible. Actually, what was he talking about? Society was horrible.

But, remembering that today you’ve got a short program at work and that you would be home in...He checked his phone. It was 17:45, so in less than half an hour he could spend a whole evening with his favorite person in the whole world. Terushima smiled. Maybe you could do something fun together or just cuddle and watch something. He didn’t care, as long as you were having a great time.

The boy slowly relaxed, staring at the blank ceiling. He wanted to do something special for you, to surprise you in a way or another. Should he cook something? No, he shook his head. The last time didn’t turn out well. Maybe he should just buy you something.  He just needed to get up...Terushima fell asleep before he knew it. 

It was dark when he woke up. The first thing he did was to check the time. 19:00. Did he not remember correctly? No, today you had a short program, he was sure.

“Y/n?” called he. Maybe you were already back, but you didn’t want to woke him up. Terushima got up fast and checked the kitchen. You weren’t there. His heart started pounding at an alarming quick pace. Neither in the bathroom. He opened the bedroom’s door and sighted, suddenly feeling very light. In the back of his mind, a thought occurred that something might have happened to you. Terushima chuckled.

“Hi, Y/n.” You were sitting on the bed, the blanket covering your body entirely. Terushima slowly sat down and snuggled next to you.

“How was your day?” You could feel him moving closer to you, and, as much as you liked when you two cuddled, you didn’t want him to see you right now. Because he would ask what happened. And you, you just couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him. And then he would blame himself, when, in reality, it was those stupid jerks that...that...your body shook at the thought g what had happened, without you having any control of it.

“Y/n?” Terushima inched closer. “Is something wrong?” You squeaked when  you felt his  hand closing around your body, pulling you closer to him, into a warm hug. The boy still couldn’t see your face, the blanket covering it. But, he would totally realize it  at one point or another. You slowly got up on your elbows, removing the blanket from you, still not facing your boyfriend. The room was dark, and you could hardly see a thing.

Suddenly, Terushima came to you, stranded your hips between his legs, his breath tickling your ear lobe.

“Are you sleepy?” You could hear your boyfriend’s smile.

“Mhm...yeah.” You finally managed to say something, congratulating yourself for not letting your voice crack. Just remember, he didn’t need to know abut it. It would just make him angry, and for what? 

His hand moved to cup your cheek and your stomach twisted.

“Have you been crying?” You swore internally. Your body felt dead and  hard to control.

“Y/n, look at me.” Tersuhima gently turned your face to him, his eyes gazing into yours. “What happened?” When you didn’t say anything, he adjusted your positions, so now your legs were around his hips. You looked at the floor, hair falling and blocking your expression. He tucked it behind your ear.

“Won’t you tell me? Please?” His voice made your hear sink. It was full of worry, almost trembling. 

“It was them.”

“Who, Y/n? What happened?” You didn’t dare to look him in the eye.

“They ambushed me. I think there were four of them.” You were whispering, and even for you was hard to hear.

Tersuhima suddenly pulled you to his chest, a surprised sound leaving his chest. He understood. Something bad happened to  you and he wasn’t even there. Was he such a bad person?

“Who were they?” You didn’t answer, not knowing what to say.

“They were those guys from the match, weren’t they? Those jerks.” Through Terushima’s mind started running images from this weekend, at the volleyball match. Even after he graduated high-school, he decided to continue playing it. You were there, too. At the match from Saturday, which their team won. The guys from the other one were some quality jerks. They slapped your ass with no shame, called you some weird pet names, even asked you for your number. And all that while Tersuhima was holding your hand. If it wasn’t you who told you that it wasn’t worth it, you would definitely punched them a good one. But,he didn’t think they’d come this far...

“What have they done to you?”

You shyly pulled your hair out of the way, revealing dark-purple bruises, that were covering your neck almost entirely.

“And they wanted to do more...But a police man happened to pass by and they run off.” Terushima couldn’t stop looking at your neck. He gritted his teeth. It was no time to be angry, even if he would love to punch the hell out of those jerks. He clenched his fists. No, no, no. He needed to calm down.

He suddenly got up, lifting you with him. You threw your hands over his neck and looked up at him. Terushima noticed you staring and shot you a smile, that, for whatever reason made you blush.

Your boyfriend put you gently onto the couch. 

“Choose a film, whatever you like. I am going to go make some popcorn and I will bring us some blankets.” You nodded, feeling much better. It wasn’t at worse as you thought. And you definitely didn’t mind cuddling next to your boyfriend while watching a movie and just...well forgetting about everything.

“Let’s say home tomorrow.” Terushima came back quicklier than you expected, holding a your favorite blanket, a surprisingly big bowl with snacks and some soda. 

“But, I’ve got to...”

“Screw everything.” His eyes showed you that he won’t take no for an answer. Personally, you really didn’t mind. It has been some time since you two could spend a whole day together, alone. It would be nice. Really nice.

The evening passed really quick. You fell asleep at the half of the movie. Terushima made sure to put everything in its place after getting you up from the couch to move you to the bedroom. There, he let you on the bed, but, you, not asleep anymore and having zero interest in doing so, pulled him next to you, kissing him before Terushima could protest. Not that he would have, of course.

“You know that you are an amazing person, right?” You placed your lips on the tip of his nose, making him chuckle.

“The most amazing, you say?”

“Yeah, but without me you are just lost.” You placed another kiss on his forehead, pulling him closer next to you. His response came almost immediately.

“Oh, I know that.”

***

Ok, so at the end i wanted to write a lil bit of NSFW  and sorry but i just aint in the mood. But, hope you liked it:))

[supergirl-fanfiction]

Hold On

Maggie Sawyer x Reader

Requested by Anon-

Maggie sawyer x fem!reader with the song hold on by chord overstreet

(Y/N)- Your Name

A/N- I hope its ok that I kept the reader gender neutral. Also my messages are always open if any of you need/want someone to talk to.

Warnings- Self-Harm, Blood, Mentions of Death, Panicking- Please let me know if you would like me to add anymore

Loving and fighting Accusing, denying I can't imagine a world with you gone The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of I'd be so lost if you left me alone

Maggie and you had gotten into another fight. She was jealous of Lucy and you were jealous of Alex. The both of you had thrown words at each other that were cruel and hurtful. Maggie had decided it was best to leave before you both took things too far. As she was walking around she felt herself begin to calm down. She regretted everything that she had accused you of and she knew you would be beating yourself up for what you had said to her. She knew that you would never cheat on her but sometimes she couldn't help but feel like she was going to lose you. That was honestly her biggest fear. She just couldn't imagine her life without you in it. You are her everything and without you she would be extremely lost. She let out a soft sigh as she turned around and headed back home. When she got to the door of the apartment the two of you shared she hesitated for a second before opening the door and walking in.

"(Y/N)." She called out into the apartment but received no answer. She began to go through the apartment and saw the light on in the bathroom.

You locked yourself in the bathroom Lying on the floor when I break through I pull you in to feel your heartbeat Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me"

She tried to open the door but it was locked. She knocked on the door but yet again she received no answer. She began to feel slight panic but tried to keep herself calm.

"(Y/N), babe? Please open the door." Again no response. She pounded against the door with her fist.

"I swear to god (Y/N). If you don't open this door in 2 seconds I am going to break it down." Even though Maggie was trying to stay calm the panic she was feeling had seeped into her voice. When she received no response again she busted the door open. The sight that greeted her caused her to freeze in shock. You were lying in a pool of your own blood. There were cuts covering both of your arms. She fell to her knees and pulled your body close to her hoping to feel your heartbeat.

"Baby! Please! Please dont leave me!" She begged you as tears began to stream down her face. She picked you up and immediately ran you down to her car. She turned on her lights and siren and took off towards the closet hospital.

Hold on, I still want you Come back, I still need you Let me take your hand, I'll make it right I swear to love you all my life Hold on, I still need you

"Please please please don't take them from me." She begged to whoever would listen.

"Just hold on alright baby. I can't lose you. There are so many things we haven't done together yet. So much we still have to experience. Just hold on baby please. I love you and I swear I will make this right. I need you to hold on though ok?" Maggie knew she wouldn't receive a response but she had been hoping she would.

A long endless highway, you're silent beside me Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin' Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones

Maggie kept talking, begging you to hold on for her and promising that she would make everything right. All that greeted her was silence. She had no idea how long she had been driving on this highway but it seemed as though it would never end. She felt like she would never reach the exit she needed. She began to feel as though this was all one huge nightmare and no matter how fast she drove she wouldn't be able to escape it.

"Please God if you can hear me please don't take them from me. Please don't steal the light from their eyes. I need them. Do you hear me! I NEED them! I can't do this without them!" Maggie began to scream. She could feel the shock creeping up on her again arm a chill began to settle in her bones. Yet she refused to acknowledge those feelings. She just needed to get you to the hospital and everything would be ok. The doctors would be able to save you and she would be able to make up for everything. It felt like hours later when she finally reached the hospital. She pulled up to the emergency doors and put her car in park not even bothering to  turn off the car before she was running to get you out of the car and running you into the hospital.

"PLEASE HELP!" She screamed as she ran through the doors.

They took you away on a table I pace back and forth as you lay still They pull you in to feel your heartbeat Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"

Nurses turned towards her and immediately rushed to take you from her. Maggie began to pace back and forth as she watched the nurses search for a pulse. She completely missed the look they exchanged as she was focused on your still body. She was begging for a movement no matter how small. The nurses put you on a stretcher and then they were off running taking you somewhere Maggie wasn't allowed to follow.

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME (Y/N)! I NEED YOU!" Maggie screamed as she was blocked from following you. The security guards and the other nurses looked at her with their eyes full of pity for the woman. The security guards took her to a private waiting room and the nurses asked if there was anyone that they could call for her. Maggie nodded her head and gave her Kara's information knowing that Kara would get everyone else and bring them here. The nurse let her know she would get a hold of Kara as soon as she could and left the room her heart breaking for Maggie. Maggie barely even acknowledged that she had heard her. As soon as the nurse was gone she buried her face in her hands and broke down completely. The force of her sobs shaking her whole body. She began to blame herself for this situation. She had been the one to start the fight because of her jealousy. She just wished she could turn back time. She would stop the argument from ever happening, that way she wouldn't be here right now. She wouldn't be having to deal with possibly losing the love of her life.

Hold on, I still want you Come back, I still need you Let me take your hand, I'll make it right I swear to love you all my life Hold on, I still need you

"Please just hold on (Y/N). Try your hardest to fight so you can come back to me. Just please don't leave me here alone. Nothing will ever be the same without you so just fight your hardest. Just please don't leave please." Maggie begged you even though she wasn't even in the same room as you. It wasn't long after that when Kara appeared. Maggie looked up at her when she heard her footsteps. Karas heart clenched when she saw the tears that were still falling from Maggies eyes. The pain Kara saw in Maggies eyes in that moment was familiar to Kara. It was the pain of someone losing their world. It was a pain she was familiar with. Kara didn't say anything she just walked over to Maggie and gave her the strongest hug she could without hurting the other woman. No words were exchanged between the two. There was nothing to say that would make this situation any better or easier. As the minutes ticked by all the other began to show up. Even then no words were exchanged. They all saw the state Maggie was in and knew no matter what they said it wouldn't make the pain the woman was feeling lessen.

I don't wanna let go I know I'm not that strong I just wanna hear you Saying baby, let's go home Let's go home Yeah, I just wanna take you home

Eventually after over 12 hours a doctor finally came back. Maggie stood up and looked at the doctor. Her eyes met his and she immediately began to shake her head as the tears started up again.

"No." She barely managed to whisper out.

"I'm so sorry. We did everything we could but the damage was too severe and they had lost too much blood." Maggie collapsed to ground. The scream that came from her shattered everyones heart who heard it. It was the sound of someone who had just lost everything they held dear to them.

"Please no! PLEASE! I NEED THEM! PLEASE!" Kara wrapped Maggie as tight a hug as possible. Everyone in the room was crying. They had lost not only you but they knew in this moment they had lost Maggie too. Alex talked to the doctor and found out what room you were in. She knew that Maggie would want to see you once she was able to stand again. After that the doctor left the room and everyone surrounded Maggie in a hug. Maggie eventually was able to stand with help from Kara. She turned to look at Alex and before she could even ask Alex told her where you were. Maggies jaw clenched as she tried to prevent more tears from falling. She knew she had to go see you. She needed to be able to say goodbye privately but once she saw you she would have to accept that you were truly gone. She would have to accept that the apartment you two shared would now be just hers. There would be no more early mornings together, no more pranks, no more lazy days, no more forehead kisses. She would never feel your arms wrapped around her waist holding her close after a bad day. She would never hear your laugh or see your smile again. She would never be able to cuddle with you and lay her head on your chest just to listen to your heartbeat again. There would be no more light in her life now. She hadn't even realized that she had made her way to your room while she was lost in thought. She bit her bottom lip as it began to tremble. She stared at the door for awhile before she worked up the courage to open it.

I don't wanna let go I know I'm not that strong I just wanna hear you Saying baby, let's go home Let's go home Yeah, I just wanna take you home

Your arms were wrapped to prevent her from being able to see the extent of the damage and she was grateful for that. She knew she wouldn't have been able to see the damage. She slowly walked over to you as tears began to fall down her face. She pulled up a chair beside you and sat down in it. She took your hand in hers. She didn't know what she was hoping for but all she felt was the coldness of your hand. She gripped your hand a little tighter but it just hung there limply in her own.

"(Y/N), I...why...please...I cant...I dont." Maggie was stumbling over her words. She took in a deep shaky breath before beginning again.

"I'm so sorry. I...please I'm sorry. I cant lose you. I cant do th..this without...without you. I don't want to let you go. I can't let you go. I'm n..not st..strong enough." Maggie began to sob as she rested her forehead against your hand. She couldn't do this. You couldn't really be gone. She wished that you would open your eyes. She wanted to hear your voice. She just wanted to hear you telling her let's go home babe. She needed to hear your voice telling her that you wanted to go home with her. She just wanted to be able to take you home, to hold you and listen as your heart beat strongly in your chest.

"I'll never love anyone again. Yo..you were m..my one and on..only. I'll never forget you (Y/N). Goodbye." She pressed a kiss to your forehead and then she left the room. She ignored all of your guys friends and headed outside. She looked for her car but didn't see it where she had left it. She then remembered that she had left her car running and figured someone had probably stole it or it had been moved/towed by someone. At the moment she honestly didn't care what had happened to it. She could replace the car and deal with any consequences that came with losing it. She couldn't replace you though. You were gone forever and she would have to live with that for the rest of her life.

Hold on, I still want you Come back, I still need you

[particularemu]

Kissing in the Rain | A Hwang Hyunjin Scenario

Word Count: 1338

Type: Pure Fluff

Author’s Note: Here’s some fluff until I can find the motivation to get some smut out. 

---------------

The world outside your little 1 bedroom apartment was still. There was no sound save for the glorious melody of songbirds as they flew around your complex. The birds’ song seeped through the crack of the open window, serving as a quiet alarm for the two of you napping on the couch. 

The songbirds tweeting failed to wake the long ebony-haired boy splayed on your couch. Hyunjin’s face was pressed into the red fabric in a sad attempt to block the daylight. Stray Kids had been working really hard on their recent comeback. This was the first real break he’s had in a while. He deserves to sleep until 3 PM. 

When the two of you woke up about 7 hours earlier, Hyunjin ended up giving you a quick kiss before dragging his heavy body out of bed to make breakfast. He ended up making ramen for the two of you, filling the bowl with a ton of noodles, green onions, and spinach, which was just about all you had in the fridge. 

The two of you instantly started to talk about various things — what he did during this performance, what a fan said to him at Hi-Touch, how Minho fell during practice and chased Hyunjin when he laughed. You loved to hear his stories. 

Nearly 15 minutes later, the boy ended up on the ratty couch your grandmother gave you, falling asleep instantly. You were kind of hoping to spend the day with Hyunjin, watching movies and talking more about his life, but you couldn’t blame the poor boy. Hyunjin looked exhausted. 

The boy was laying on his belly, arm flung across the arm of the couch in a semi-uncomfortable looking position. Hyunjin’s head was turned to the side, facing the back cushion so the light wouldn’t blind him while he attempted to catch some much needed zzz’s. 

You managed to nuzzle yourself between Hyunjin’s body and the couch, giving you a warm body to snuggle while you scrolled through the endless posts of a meme account on Instagram. 

Hyunjin shifted a bit in his sleep, long ebony hair falling in his face. You couldn’t help but giggle. You felt so lucky to be his, to be the person who gets to watch him sleep so cutely — well kind of. 

Though he still looked beautiful, Hyunjin also had a small string of drool running down the side of his mouth. Poor boy was out cold. 

His long arms tightened around your waist, a small sign that he was starting to wake up a bit. Your head naturally leaned closer to his chest. The sound of his heartbeat brought a smile to your face, the rhythmic thumping practically lulling you to sleep. 

“Lmmmmh yuh sur mu.” 

The sound of Hyunjin’s soft and sleepy voice got your attention. You threw your hand over your mouth, hoping it could stifle your giggles so you wouldn’t wake Hyunjin up. Was he sleep talking again?

“Mmm no I don’t wanna pet your cat.” 

You lifted your head to look at his face, giggling a bit when you saw his eyes closed. What on earth was he dreaming about?

You couldn’t help but giggle a bit as more words — neither Korean nor English — slipped from his lips. Sometimes, Hyunjin would put together some interesting phrases, but most of the time, he would speak gibberish. 

You’ve heard everything from a jumbled mess of words to “Something is watching us.” Needless to say, you didn’t get any sleep that night. When you told Hyunjin about it in the morning, he said he couldn’t remember what he was dreaming about. You were convinced your apartment was haunted for a while. 

Pit pat!

Your head immediately snapped to the window, smiling when you saw a handful of water droplets racing down the glass. 

You always loved the rain. When you were young, your best memories were of you in your rain boots, pouncing in the puddles with your friends. The love of rain followed you into adulthood, and you found it fun to drag Hyunjin for walks in the rain — with an umbrella of course. We couldn’t have the idol getting sick. 

“Hyunjinnie… wake up baby.” You shook the tall boy’s arm gently, hoping the soft shaking would wake him up from his deep slumber. 

You were wrong. 

“Hyunjin, let’s go out.” You shook his arm harder, smiling when he pulled your body closer to his. 

Hyunjin smiled, giving away that he was awake. “Noooo.” 

“Hyunjin, baby it’s raining.” You nuzzled your face in his neck, pressing soft kisses to his adam’s apple. “Let’s go walk.” 

“Mmmm don’t wanna.” Hyunjin mumbled, evidently still tired. 

“Please!” You whined, sitting up and straddling the boy’s hips. “You know I love the rain. Let’s do something, anything!” 

Hyunjin’s eyes opened when he heard you gasp, hands naturally shifting to rest on your hips. 

“Let’s go kiss in the rain!” Your hands fisted the thin fabric of his t-shirt. “I’ve always wanted to do that. Please? I promise we can just go outside and kiss and then we can come back in and nap if that’s what you want, just please do this one thing for me!” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but chuckle at your enthusiasm. He would much rather lay on the couch watching corny rom-coms, but if going out and kissing you in the rain would make you this happy, he couldn’t refuse. “Why not?” 

You hopped off his lap, throwing a victorious fist in the air, “Yes! Let’s go.” 

“Grab a jacket.” Hyunjin got up off the couch, dragging his feet as he slowly walked over to the coat closet. 

“No, there’s no time.” You pulled Hyunjin’s arm and practically dragged him outside. 

Any passerby would be confused at the two dorky young adults standing outside in the cold rain in just their pajamas. Hyunjin was wearing sweatpants and a white t-shirt while you were in shorts and a tank top. Perhaps Hyunjin had a point? It was kind of cold outside.

“Kiss me bad boy.” You smiled, wrapping your arms around Hyunjin’s neck. 

“Bad boy?” Hyunjin smiled, “you tell me all the time that I’m no bad boy.” 

“Hyunjin just —” you threw your hands up in the air. “Okay? Just be cool.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh. You were so into this, it was hilarious. “Ok fine. I’ll be cool.” 

Hyunjin’s hands grabbed your arms, leading them to wrap around his neck once more. He leaned forward, pausing once he saw your eyes close. 

During moments like these, he loved to pause and look at your face. He loved the way your lips parted ever-so-slightly, waiting for his lips to press against yours. He loved the way your cheeks would flush a shade of rose, the way your hands would shift around his neck, the way your body moved closer to his — he loved it all. 

Hyunjin leaned forward, closing the distance between you two, lips pressing against yours in the most delicious way. You could feel his hands rub up and down your back once before he linked his hands behind your lower back. 

The raindrops cascaded down your faces as you parted, eyes wandering down Hyunjin’s body. The poor boy was drenched. His hair stuck to his face, t-shirt sticking to his body, showing off his toned torso. 

A piece of you felt a bit bad for dragging him out in the rain when he was so tired, but you really wanted to try this. 

“Was it everything you dreamed it would be?” Hyunjin smirked, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he lead you back inside. 

“It was colder than I thought it would be.” You shivered, rubbing your arms with your hands in a sad attempt to rid your arms of the goosebumps that started to form. 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh. “I told you to wear a jacket!”  

[andyquhyn]

prompt list #4 (spotify version)

(based on my top 2019 songs from spotify, can be used as dialogue or just as ideas! also please don’t roast be about my songs rip)

Make It Alright by WILD: “Whatever we can get through is what makes us survive.”

Good Nights (feat. Mascolo) by Whethan: “We were perfect as fuck, making dreams about our lives up in the stars.”

Burn The House Down by AJR: “Way up, way up, oh no, we gon’ burn the whole house down.”

Only Got Eyes For Her by Ezra Jordan: “I’m going out my mind, thinking ’bout the one I should’ve never left behind.”

Passenget Seat (feat. Kora) by Clueless Kit: “You know this is who we are, this is what we do, driving in circles til’ we find something new, the only person I enjoy sitting in the car with is you.”

seasonal depression by mxmtoon: “We’re all just trying to get by, searching desperately for bits of blue in the sky.”

There’s Still A Light In The House by Valley: “When she crash, she brings a storm in, I kinda like the way it pours.”

RUNAWAY by half·alive: “I find that everything I am is everything I should be, I don't need to run away.”

Choke by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: “If I could burn this town, I wouldn’t hesitate, to smile while you suffocate and die.”

Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier: “Be still my foolish heart, don’t ruin this on me.”

Happy Man by Jungle: “It all could be different, time to do something new, I’ve given everything, I want to be a happy man too.”

Not What I Meant (feat. Lewis Watson) by dodie: “Will I have grown a little empire, or made a fucking mess?”

Be Mine by Ofenbach: “And if you wanna fight, let’s start the show, ’cause I want you to be mine.”

Sanctuary by Joji: “Not anyone, you’re the one, more than fun, you’re the sanctuary.”

Casio by Jungle: “When all your dreams are gone, and you’re still holding on, you waited far too long.”

Wildflower by Dutchkid: “I never knew that I could love like this.”

Arms Unfolding by dodie: “But here I am with arms unfolding, I guess it isn‘t quite the end, oh, partner in crime, I’m going to try to fall in love with you again.”

Preacher Man by The Driver Era: “I’m ashamed of the dark places I have been, fix my soul so I don’t lose a love again.”

prom dress by mxmtoon: “I keep collections of masks upon my wall, to try and stop myself from revealing it all.” 

Blame It on Me by George Ezra: “When I dance alone, and the sun’s bleeding down, blame it on me.”

Surround Me by LÉON: “Baby take me outside, kiss me in the moonlight.”

Work by Charlotte Day Wilson: “’Cause people come and go, but I think you should know, that I think this will work.”

Glory by The Score: “I’ll be written in the stars.”

Take Me With You by Wingtip: “Our hearts don’t break, they just rearrange.”

Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel: “You're the only one worth seeing, the only place worth being.”

Runaway Kids by HARBOUR: “We’re the runaway kids, let’s escape, we’ll get there some day.”

Monster by dodie: “Two ugly creatures, two sinister preachers, blind to the past, like a couple of monsters.”

Runaway Goliath by Mantaraybryn: “Are you just gonna stay in the shade when you were made for light?”

HandClap by Fitz and The Tantrums: “You’re like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar and gold, I want the good life, every good night, you’re a hard one to hold.”

Swim by Valley: “Swim with me, get to someplace better, I’ll be waiting on you forever.”

home ft WALK THE MOON by morgxn: “I’m going back home to the place where I belong, there’s nothing like it.”

arrow by half·alive: “I know that I can’t run forever, but I can’t stand still for too long, this heart is afraid to beat slowly.”

NASA’S Fake by Raffaella: “Jesus Christ, gimme a break, is there a pill I can take?”

Better Not (with Wafia) by Louis The Child: “You know it in your gut you’re healing, from every time that you’ve been hurt before.”

Side Effects by The Chainsmokers: “It’s 4AM, I don’t know where to go, everywhere is closed, I should just go home, my feet are taking me to your front door, I know I shouldn’t though, heaven only knows.”

All My Friends (feat. Tinashe & Chance the Rapper) by Snakehips: “My eyes are black and red, I’m crawling back to your bed.”

So Close by NOTD, Felix Jaehn & Captain Cuts feat. Georgia Ku: “Have you ever wondered if you loved me harder, where we’d be now?”

I’m Good by Wafia: “Finally got back everything I gave to you, every part of me that I left in your room, now I really don’t care what you do, or who you do it with, I really don't care, I think I just quit.”

dream of you by mxmtoon: “I had a dream about you last night, and you said your last goodbye, I woke up to wipe my tears, although I said I’d never cry.”

Colder Shoulders by Gabe Fleck: “I can’t hide from what is destined for me.”

Last Dance by Rhys: “Oh if all we ever had was an illusion, and if we gave it every chance.”

Send Them Off! - Whethan Remix by Bastille & Whethan: “I’ve got demons running round in my head, and they feed on insecurities I have.”

Bad Days by Chance Peña: “All I know is the weight on my shoulder won’t hold me down.”

Crimes by Gallant: “And honestly I can’t keep overlookin' all your crimes.”

Check It Out by Oh The Larceny: “I’m gonna light it up.”

It Ain’t Wrong Loving You by HONNE: “Don’t care what they say, I will have my way, ’cause it ain't wrong loving you.”

wish you were gay by Billie Eilish: “I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t wanna stay.”

my ted talk by mxmtoon: “I’m fooling myself over something I don't know.”

Never Been In Love by Will Jay: “I’ve never been in love, and it’s all good.”

I Believe in Us by WILD: “Don’t think about the fear that much, we’re gonna be alright.”

Pure Gold by half·alive: “Wait, for the tides of change will come.”

blame game by mxmtoon: “I put my heart into us, and I was the one to crack it in two.”

Genesis by Daniela Andrade: “But first I gotta let go of the things I tried to be.”

Save Me From Myself (with NoMBe & Big Gigantic) by Louis The Child: “So won’t you save me from myself right now, right now, ’cause I feel like someone else, somehow.”

You And I by LÉON: “But in my head, oh, you say, say you still want it, that you’re done with being lonely now.”

Blue Hundreds by Holy Mattress Money: “What’s electric more than two lovers?”

I Like (the idea of) You by Tessa Violet: “I like the idea of you, wonder how it’d be to love you.”

Green by Cavetown: “I hope you feel happy, that’s all I want.”

Superlove (feat. Oh Wonder) by Whethan: “I’ve been looking at your face, it’s dangerous, making me so goddamn crazy.”

She by dodie: “I;d never tell, no, I’d never say a word, and oh, it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt.”

Debbie by Your Smith: “What did you get me into? This always happens when I listen to you.”

Prophet by King Princess: “I can only think about you, and what it’s like to walk around you.”

Tell Me by Spencer Sutherland: “Tell me where your heart lies, and I know where your heart lies.”

Juice by Lizzo: “It ain’t my fault that I'm out here makin’ news.”

If I’m Being Honest by dodie: “Could you love this? Will this one be right?”

mime by Isaac Dunbar: “And now all I’ve got is broken bones and cheap skin to hold me.”

Maybe by half·alive: “Realize I’m at war in my own mind.”

Alps by Novo Amor & Ed Tullett: “I would break every inch of my love.”

Waiting for You by The Aces: “It’s getting frustrating waiting for you, I think you know what I want.”

Your Voice by Moira & Claire: “Your voice keeps playing inside my head like a song I can't get out.”

From Eden by Hozier: “Babe, there’s something tragic about you.”

Beige by Yoke Lore: “Let me go under your skin, and let me find the demon that drives those heavenly limbs.”

still feel. by half·alive: “Trying to recognize myself when I feel I’ve been replaced.”

Someone That Loves You by HONNE & Izzy Bizu: “Whoever said it was easy must have had it pretty good.”

Find Someone by A R I Z O N A: “Picking wings off of angels has always been my religion.”

Do It All The Time by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: “We’re taking over the world, a little victimless crime.”

Sick in the Head by Jackson Penn: “My love for you is deeper than the ocean.”

Boys by Lizzo: “Baby, I don’t need you, I just wanna freak you.”

bad guy by Billie Eilish: “Bruises, on both my knees for you.”

CAN’T GET OVER YOU (feat. Clams Casino) by Joji: I can’t get over you, and before I die I pray that I could be the one.”

Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) by Clean Bandit: “But as long as you are with me, there's no place I’d rather be.”

Chateau - Acoustic by Angus & Julia Stone: “Don't be scared of what you don't already know.”

Blue by Samuel Larson: “We swear that this is love, but we keep feeling smaller.”

Boys Like You by dodie: “You thought you could charm me, and, damn it, you’re right.”

Cherry Wine by Hozier: “Open hand or closed fist would be fine, the blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.”

Wait by NoMBe: “Let’s make it last forever, ’cause the night’s still young.”

Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart: “Been talking about the way things change.”

Human by dodie: “Will you share your soul with me?”

Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier: “That’s the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of.”

Show Me The Way by Penguin Prison: “I’ve never been anyone that I want.”

The Fall by half·alive: “I’d jump off and into your arms, but if I can’t trust the fall.”

I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers: “So now I’m standing on the overpass screaming at the cars, hey, I wanna get better!”

Work Song by Hozier: “No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.”

Talk Too Much by COIN: “Honey, come put your lips on mine and shut me up.”

Low by JR JR: “All the looks are saying, nothing in life is free.”

What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club: “I can tell just what you want, you don’t want to be alone.”

Burned Out by dodie: “I am burnt out, I smell of smoke.”

California by The Lagoons: “I’ve been on the run, just to get a moment with you.”

Radar (feat. HONNE) by Whethan: “Tight on my grip and I won’t let you slip away.”

ok ok? by half·alive: “Felt it rippin’ me apart, to find my place among the stars.”

[harrysdimplles]

of tummy aches and unicorns

or the one where Harry discovers something about the future in an unusual way

"Babe?" his voice sounded strained on the phone which got YN on alert, the manuscript she was making notes for being forgotten real quick

"Harry? Is everything alright? Are you ok?" they haven't seen each other for days now, both of their schedules a bit more hectic than they're used to, so, noticing how tired her boyfriend's voice sounds makes her heart ache.

"Yeah, love" if she closes her eyes she can see it: the way he runs his hand through his long locks, sighing into the speaker "I'm just fucking exhausted is all"

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now, no." there's rustling on the line, and then he speaks up again "Can you do me a favor? You mind going to Rosie's school for me? I just got a call telling me she's a bit under the wheater...."

"Sure!" she's out of her chair as soon as the words register on her brain, reaching for the car keys on the desk drawer, and the manuscripts she has to get back to her boss by Monday, the image of a blond little girl on her mind. "I think I can be there in 20 minutes top, I'm not sure if you have to let them know I'm coming"

"I put your name on her pick up sheet on the start of the school year...I should have told you that before, right? Asked you if that was ok... "

"Harry, breath. It's ok."

"Shit, shit, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be asking you to do this, I never thought I would have to... you have work and class tonight but my mom is out of town and it would take me forever to get there with the bloody traffic on this city..."

"Harry, I said it's ok. I wanna help, alright? I'll call you when I get her home so you can say hi, how about that?" Rosie's almost four now, and she and YN have been growing closer and closer for the year they have known each other, and she truly hopes the little one doesn't hate that it's her coming over, not her father.

She's really fallen for Harry, and she gets a little bit more enchanted by Rosie every time those giant green eyes look up at her...she wants this to work. Really, really do.

"You're an angel, did I tell you that?"

"Not today, you hadn't done that yet" she's chuckling when she gets in the car "I have to go now, dimples. I'll see you tonight, yeah?"

"It's a date. Drive safe, my love." he murmurs, and then the line goes dead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

YN gets to the infirmary of the giant building as soon as her legs will carry her, knocking on the half-closed door to get the nurse's attention.

"Hi, I'm YN. I'm here for Rosie?" the little girl snaps her head up when she hears her name, her curly hair in a bit of a mess, making a smile paint the woman's lips... Harry's the best father any kid could ask for, but his hairdressing skills...

"Oh right. The reception desk told us you were coming..."  the red headed woman is reading a file as YN enters the room, crouching down in front of the couch  Rosie's at.

"YN!" her name is the last thing the poor kid can say before she starts crying, launching herself at the older one "my tummy hurts, YN"

"I know, lovie. It's gonna be ok, yeah? We're gonna fix it" she wasn't expecting such a welcome, but she guesses feeling poorly must make Rose more clingy, just like her daddy. "We're gonna get you home in a bit, it's ok" she's caressing her back now, getting up with the tiny body on her arms.

"We're fairly certain this is just a bug that seems to be going around the school, but you should watch her anyway" the nurse smiles at Rosie when the girl waves at her for a second, giving YN her fairy backpack

"I'll do it. Thanks for looking after her" and then she's walking out, little fingers carding through the locks of her hair.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rosie fell asleep on the ride back, only opening her eyes long enough to be changed and take some strawberry flavored medicine, so YN had been working quietly on the living room floor ever since they got to the apartment, when she hears a whimper coming from the hallway:

"Hi darlin" her voice is low and she smiles a bit watching the way the girl rubs at her eyes over and over "does your tummy feel better?"

"No" she's fisting an old blanket Harry says she got as a baby when she walks over, unicorn shorts making her seem smaller "I'm hungry"

"Let's find you a snack, then" she hugs YN's leg when the woman stands up, something she does whenever they are out and she wants Harry to pick her up but won't ask "you wanna help me find everything?" Rosie's nodding her head when the woman sets her on her hips, heading for the kitchen in search of the chicken soup she made earlier, the one thing she can really make.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry only makes it home late, and he feels like the worst father on earth when he does as well: he talked to his daughter on the bloody phone all day instead of looking after her, made his girlfriend lose class and ended up fucking up the deal he was supposed to settle for his company anyway.

He pretty much hates himself when he walks out of Rosie's room that night, five songs and two bedtime stories in.

"She went down ok?" YN's rubbing the towel over her wet hair when he gets in, pulling of his tie as if the piece of cloth was to blame for his crappy day.

"Yeah" his arms pull her close when she walks by him, the first moment of relaxation he's had all day "Told me all about how you cooked, singed, and how much better  than me at coloring princess' books you are. Thank you, baby"

"No need to thank me, H" she pulls him down for a kiss then, slow and sweet, her hands  messing with his hair that's getting adorably long now "We had a great time, even if I hate that she felt sick"

"Really, thank you. You didn't have to."

"I know, but I want to" she says it firmly, like she knows he needs the reassurance. She probably does. "Don't beat yourself up, alright? She's not gonna hate you because you got stuck at work once, Harry"

"I can't let that happen again. I'm all she has, YN. She needs to know she comes first" knocking up a gold digger might be the worst mistake he's ever made, but the guy won't let it get to his baby girl. Ever.

"She does. You do everything, H. You're always there, and she knows it. You're her whole world. You're her hero... She loves you"

"How are you even real?" she feels more than hears the question, his mouth brushing hers. "How did I get so lucky?" then he's kissing her again, purring passion and need into the contact, wanting to let go of everything that's not her for a while.

As time goes by, he remembers the sleepy words Rosie whispered to him in the dark, wanting to know if he thought YN could be the princess of their story, the one they had to look for together, the one who would give them a happy ending.

He can't wait to tell her he thinks it's time to stop looking, after all.

[melyaliz]

Kissing under the fireworks while third and fourth wheeling

Fandom: Marvel / X-Men 

Prompts: “It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.” and “Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.”

Pairing: Peter Maximoff and Gemma D’Angelis (my oc) 

Notes: I have been struggling with writer’s block (among other things) so here is some fluff. Blame the writer’s block on the choppiness of it. I also didn’t know how to end it so I just of just did. 

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive​​

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

DONATE 

——--------------------------

“You ready?” Scott asked rubbing the back of his head as Jean looked inquisitively at the car. Peter waved from the front passenger seat with Gemma in the driver’s seat. Large smiles on both their faces. 

Never a good sign.  

“So this is a double date?” Jean asked getting inside the car scooting over as Scott followed her in. 

“No, we’re just third and fourth wheeling,” Gemma said pointing to herself and Peter who nodded fiddling with the radio. 

“You crazy kids need supervision” 

“You guys just wanted to get junk food and ride rides didn’t you.” 

Gemma laughed “the first one to puke looses” 

“Oh man you are so on,” Peter said pressing play on the cassette player. Pat Benatar blasted from the radio. “Love it a Battlefield” 

“As promised no Rock or Metal,” Peter said looking back at Scott giving him a thumbs-up. 

“Are these all anti-love songs?”

“If you call Thriller an anti-love” 

“This is why you're my favorite,” Gemma said before belting out the lyrics. Soon it became a singing match for who could get the loudest and most annoying. 

Scott sighed rubbing his temples. What was he thinking inviting Peter to this? Next to him, he felt a gentle hand take his. Turning Jean smiled at him, “this is perfect.” 

--------

“So, we are loading up on food, and then should we hit the rides or games first?” Peter asked as he watched Jean and Scott walk off toward the craft booths. 

“Actually,” Gemma said pointing toward the large barn that sat in the center of the fairgrounds, “I was kind of hoping to see the animals” 

Peter bowed holding his hand out “Lead the way” causing Gemma to giggle before skipping ahead. 

“Ok, but having the power to turn into a bunny would be the best.”

“Are you kidding me? What would you do? Hop on them to death.”

Gemma giggled at Peter’s disgusted face as she stroked the beautiful fluffy rabbit through its cage “You could sneak into any room unnoticed. And think of how fun it would be to cuddle. You would bring joy to everyone.” 

“I already do that, have you seen this face.” 

Gemma turned looking at him then back at the small ball of fluff. “Sorry, he’s still cuter,” she said nodding toward the little bunny. 

“Awww Come on Gems…” Peter said as they walked toward the goats, “You really think that little thing would be a better cuddler than me?” taking a few long strides he started walking backward so he could look at Gemma as they walked, “Because believe me I am a phenomenal cuddler.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” Looking around Gemma nodded toward a foot cart, “deep-fried goodness?” 

“I thought you would never ask,” Peter said dashing toward the cart, just a little faster than he should have. Gemma’s fingers twitched from the aftermath of the energy that he produced when he ran. Although she hadn’t been sleeping that well as of late, so a little extra energy could help. One of the perks of being friends with a speedster. He always had the energy to spare and when your power was literally sucking the energy from things it balanced out nicely. 

“So I couldn’t decide so I got one of everything,” Peter said turning to Gemma arms filled with food, “So what are you ordering?” 

“I was thinking deep-fried butter because… it’s deep-fried butter but the twinkie seems like a good idea.”  

“Why not get both?” 

“Yeah… I don’t have your metabolize. If I try and eat all that shit you’ll have to roll me out of here like Violet from Willy Wonka” 

“Ok but… now I want to see that.” 

“How about we watch the pig races instead?” Gemma said pointing to a sign.  “Seems fitting while we stuff our faces.” 

They sat there and watched all the races, betting on pigs and cheering so loud they ended up, very kindly, getting asked to leave. 

“I think screaming, suck my dick Peter, probably was too much for a family event,” Peter said laughing as they both walked off. 

“So lame,” Gemma muttered as she reached up to take another fist full of Peter’s popcorn only to hit air. Turning confused she saw Peter frowning down at her holding his bucket above his head.

“Excuse me.” 

“What?” 

“I didn’t say you could have my snacks.” 

“Wow, and here I thought we were friends,” Gemma said rolling her eyes starting to walk off leaving Peter standing there with his popcorn alone. Something Peter didn’t like. 

“Fine” the bucket hit her chest as she took another step stopping her. Dust slightly kicked up from Peter’s quick movements to get in front of her. Giving him a large sweet smile she took a handful of the snack. Gemma would NEVER admit it but Peter was so easy to manipulate. Just act like you didn’t care and he instantly did what you wanted. That boy needed all the attention. 

“Thank you, Peter.” 

“You’re welcome, Gemma.”  It was just the sun and all the sugar she had been eating, but for a moment Gemma felt slightly light-headed looking up at Peter’s smile. Those dimples and mischievous brown eyes. It was also all the fun that made her heart pick up just a bit as they stood there looking at each other. It wasn’t the way he had just said her name, or how close he felt at that moment. 

Nope, just the magic of the fair.

“So rides until we puke?” 

“You do realize I literally run faster than any of these.” 

“But do you hang upside down?” 

“I’ve run upside down.” 

Gemma tapped her chin as she got some tickets for the rides, “Not sure if that’s the same thing.” 

“Guess we’ll find out,” Peter said as he stood next to her in line for the ride. Both of them watching as the large pendulum looking machine swung. Both of them lost in their own thoughts for a few moments. “Are you going to be ok with this?” Peter’s voice was low causing Gemma to turn confused before realizing what he was referring too. 

Her powers.

“I… I didn’t even think about that,” she admitted biting her lip turning to the ride again as it slowed. She would have to make a decision quickly. “I think at least one should be ok.” 

Peter nodded, eyes forward, his hands in his pockets stance very relaxed. Gemma couldn’t help but smile at him. He had been concerned about her. Actually been really thoughtful. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” she said skipping lightly ahead letting the attendant help her into a seat.

“Nice shirt,” the kid said nodding toward her Metallica as he buckled her in. 

“Thank you, I maybe have snuck into their concert last year.”

“Sick, I have their second album in my car been jamming to it all week.”

“Oh, man Ride the Lighting is killer. That guitar intro just gets me every time.” 

The worker chuckled nodding as he pushed on her bar one more time to make sure it was secure.

“Hey buddy, you going to check the rest of us?” Peter’s asked waving toward the guy.

“Yeah sure man.” the guy said half-heartedly checking Peter before nodding toward Gemma and walking back to his station. Peter rolled his eyes and was about to say something to Gemma when the ride started. 

Peter was right about energy. The g-force, as well as the machine itself, had Gemma feeling slightly light-headed. Breathing she tried to focus, enjoying it rushing around her and trying to let it flow through her without capturing it. 

As the ride slowed she shook her head giggling feeling loopy. “Have fun?” the attendant asked as he unbuckled her. Gemma nodded eyes bright.

“Yeah, definitely a total rush.” 

The attendant reached to help her down when Peter came up next to him. “I got it, buddy,” he told him frowning as he took Gemma’s hand. His grip on her hand just a little tighter than the had to be.

“You feel ok?”

“Yup” Gemma nodded taking another deep breath, she knew her hands were buzzing but Peter was used to it after all their training sessions together. Hopping from one foot to another she let out another giggle the energy coursing through her veins. It was like a caffeine high, having all that energy rush through her. She felt like she could conquer the world while playing a guitar solo. 

“Let’s do another ride.” 

“You sure?” 

“Hell yeah!” 

So they did. 

And they kept riding on rides until Gemma couldn’t stand it anymore. Laughing and bouncing off the wall she needed to get away from it all. So they walked the entire fair just talking. Peter getting some chocolate covered peanuts and having Gemma toss them into his mouth. The crazier the catch the better. Soon he was jumping off trashcans doing backflips.  

That got them, once again, kindly asked to leave. 

So they continued on finding themselves on a small patch of grass away from the crowds on the outskirts of the fair. Both laying in the grass looking up at the ever-darkening sky. Raising her hand Gemma smiled as little sparks flickered across her fingertips.

“You doing ok?” Peter asked turning to her, she met his gaze nodding.

“It’s getting easier to control, thanks for asking Peter.” 

“No problem Gemma” 

Both of them just staring at each other, lost in their own thoughts. 

“I like it when they do that,” Peter muttered, his dark eyes studying Gemma’s blue ones as they flickered with energy. He knew it was a sign of her powers charged up, unsure of what to do with the excess energy she had gathered.

“What do what?” 

“You’re eyes” 

“Oh, shit are they.” She groaned putting her hand over her eyes rolling back onto her back.

“No!” Peter said pulling her hand away from her eyes, his body instantly above hers. “It’s so cool, don’t hide it.” 

She looked up at him realizing their position. Feeling the pressure of his chest on hers she felt her heart rate pick up. He was so warm yet, she felt a shiver go through her body.

“Thank you” the moment the words left her mouth Gemma winced, really? Thank you. What about, you have nice eyes too? Or, kiss me, please.

It was like he read her mind. His head dipping down lips capturing hers. She felt a thrill go through her stronger than any energy surge. Leaning forward she tried to chase the feeling only to have him pull away. 

“Uhh sorry I… should have asked or like…”

Gemma was too busy pulling him back by his leather jacket to listen to “come back” 

 He did so gladly

Kissing her softly and slowly. Savoring her taste as if he had never tasted anything so sweet. It was weird to think about seeing as he seemed to do everything else so quickly. Yet here and now, he felt so present. 

It was like magic as he deepened the kiss and then the fireworks went off. He pulled away smiling down at her with a huge grin. Bright rainbow lights flashing across her face as she looked up at him with the same smile. 

“Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.”

“Too bad it’s night” was the soft reply. Ever the smartass. 

“Well, you know what kissing at night leads too.” Peter winked leaning down again to kiss her. To his pure delight, he felt her smile against his lips. 

This is what he wanted, to make her smile and kiss her forever. 

“And you guys said we needed the supervision.” Peter let out a soft groan at Scott’s voice above them. Pulling away he looked up to see the young man looking down at them arms crossed across his chest. Jean trying not to laugh next to him.

“Please don’t tell me you guys didn’t get ANY action. And after Peter set up such a romantic mood for you two on the way over.” Gemma said making Peter snicker.

She would probably keep him smiling forever too. 

 -GET TAGGED!- 

Tagging: @royslittleharper​​  @the-shadow-of-atlantis​​ @coffee-randomness​​ @werewitchling @xx3fsxx @daisyboobear​​ @  @jason-redhood​ @hello-i-lovespiderman-blr @ocelysium @pinkwitch21 @tomhncharliep 

[songficsbyrissi]

Same Girl (T’Challa x Black Reader x Erik Killmonger? 😧)

Warnings: Swearing (of course), sexual content, slight fuckery, Reader is on some bullshit

“We messing with the same girl, the same girl She's the apple of my eye and my potential wife The same girl, the same girl Man, I just can't believe that we been messing around With the same damn girl.” - R. Kelly and Usher A/N: ok I don’t know what possessed me to write this but I wrote it 🤣 I know y’all heard the legendary song that is Same Girl which I know word by word by heart. Fun fact: I used to sing it all the time in my senior English class with my high school friend to annoy my teacher. Anyways, Reader is gonna be a fuckgirl in this oneshot so let’s get our ain’t shitness onnnnn.

*************

“Ahh my beautiful Y/N, I wish I could be in Oakland with you.” T’Challa sighed looking at you amorously through the screen of your rose gold iPhone. “But duty calls, love.” “And I completely understand. I’ll be counting down the minutes you come back to me, honey.” You replied as you lathered your body up with cocoa butter. You were fresh out of the shower when one of your boo’s T’Challa called you for your night calls. He was so sweet and loved to call you every night to hear your voice last. “I know you will. Good night, inkosazana.” You giggled at his pet name. “I think I’m catching onto your language. That means princess, right?” A bright smile came across his face. “Yes it does because that’s what you are. A princess.” You cooed holding your chest. “Aww you are such a sweetheart! Good night, handsome.” You blew kisses at the phone and hung up. You looked up to your door entrance to see your friend/roommate Isabel shaking her head at you. “Tsk tsk tsk.” She clicked her tongue in disapproval which caused you to groan and roll your eyes. “Bitch, what?” Isabel stepped inside your bedroom with her hands on her hips. “How are you going to be playing that man like that?” You waved her off and continued getting dressed. “Girl, I’m just having fun. No strings attached. Besides, we never said we were in a relationship so if I mess with other dudes, it’s not wrong.” Why should you feel bad? Niggas do it all the time. They always have multiple girls in their phone that they’re talking to whether they’re in a committed relationship or not. No one even bats an eye or condemn him for his actions. They find a way to blame the girls and call them stupid. When the roles reversed, it’s still your fault? “So you mean to tell me if African boo was to fuck another shorty, you wouldn’t be upset?” When you shook your head, Isabel snorted. “You are full of shit, Y/N. And you know it.” “Girl, why you all up in my pussy? I’m young and having fun. If I wanna mess with more than one guy, I can do that shit because I’m grown. Niggas be fucking with multiple girls all the time and y’all don’t tell them shit. I’m tired of the double standard.” You checked your other phone, a silver iPhone, trying to see if Erik, your other boo thang, hit you up yet. “Oh shut up. If you wanna be a fuckgirl, just own that shit. Don’t pull the double standard card. I know for a fact both of these niggas you’re fucking with have no clue they’re not the only ones. You gave them the impression that you’re their girl. Don’t lie. Shit, that’s why you got two phones.” She raised an eyebrow with a face that was daring you to lie. You put your hands up in defeat. “Ok, ok! But I never explicitly said I was their girl! They just assumed and I ran with it. T’Challa is a sweet, romantic gentleman but Erik is a hood nigga that treats me right and down to do some hood rat things. They’re everything I want a man but in 2 separate men. Why not date both?” Isabel shook her head for the hundredth time. “Your logic is fucked up but makes sense. Anyway, this shit is gonna blow up in your face. Everything that happens in the dark comes to the light.” “Girl please. I’m too good at this. I’ve got both of these niggas wrapped around my finger. The only way is up.” You smiled slyly as your phone lit up with a text from Erik. You ran quickly past her and went straight for the door, flinging it open. There stood Erik, in all his fineness. He’s wearing a white t-shirt, grey sweats and Nike slides, just like you instructed him to. “Hey Erik.” You leaned against the door frame biting your lip. “Hey ma. I missed your sexy ass.” He said stepping inside and kissing your lips. “Show me how much you missed me.” You whispered seductively causing Erik to throw you over his shoulder and march to your bedroom. You smirked knowing you were truly living your best life. **************************** T’Challa sat in his office attempting to get his work done but thoughts of you clouded his mind. Your smooth skin, beautiful face, beautiful hair, and lovely smile. Everything about you had him wanting more and more of you. He wanted to call you but it was the morning. He knew you liked to sleep in so he didn’t bother calling. T’Challa wanted to tell somebody about you but he would face too much judgement being a king and falling for an American woman. Suddenly, he knew who wouldn’t judge him. His cousin N’Jadaka who also went by Erik. “Ughhhh T, the resource centers are straight. I already told you this. When you gonna trust a nigga?” Erik groaned when he answered the phone. “Ahh N’Jadaka, I’m not calling about that.” T’Challa stated still in his trance. Erik raised an eyebrow as he started his black 2018 Audi. “You’re not? Then why you calling me?” “Because I have deep feelings for this woman I met in America. I had to tell you this. She is so wonderful, umzala.” Erik snickered as he drove away from your apartment building. “Ahhh shit. It’s about time. I was beginning to think your ass was gay.” T’Challa ignored his last comment. “Yes it is about time. I believe she is the one for me.” Erik snorted. “Shit I guess we really are cousins then because I’m feeling a shorty too. Tell me about your girl then, nigga. I feel like she’s white. If you ain’t gay, you seem like the type to like colonizer coochie.” “She is not a colonizer, N’Jadaka.” T’Challa pinched the bridge of his nose out of annoyance. He was beginning to regret calling him. “She is a beautiful black woman.” “Oh shit! She’s black?! And American?! Nigga, tell me more.” Erik pulled into the driveway of his home. He was even more intrigued, dying to know what black woman that wasn’t Nakia gave his “soft ass cousin” the time of day. “Yes, cousin. She is so beautiful. Her hair, her smile is just perfect. She dresses well and has a captivating body. She is funny and smart. A complete vixen. I met her in Oakland.” “Oakland? I might know her. What’s her name, cousin?” Erik turned off the ignition. “Ahh her name is so beautiful. Her name is Y/N.” Erik dropped his phone at the sound of your name. He began to sweat at his brow then laughed it off. He must be talking about another girl by that name but curiosity got the best of him and he had to ask. “Um, cousin? Do she live in a nice little condo and have a roommate named Isabel?” Erik laughed nervously and T’Challa’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Yes she does.” Erik shook his head in denial as he exited the car and entered his house. No, he couldn’t be talking about you. But how many bitches in Oakland are named Y/N with a roommate named Isabel? “That’s funny. My girl is named Y/N and has a roommate named Isabel too. That’s crazy.” Erik chuckled some more and sighed. “So what kind of car does she drive?” T’Challa sat up in his chair trying to understand what Erik was getting at. “A red Toyota. She told me it was a gift from her father.” “And she loves In and Out?” “......yes.” “FUCK!” Erik dropped his phone and paced his halls up and down. “THIS IS SOME FUCKING BULLSHIT! HOW THE HELL! YO! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!” T’Challa heard his cousin continue to yell curse words away from the phone. “N’Jadaka?” He called for him. “Are you saying you know her?” Erik picked up the phone in a haste. “Yes nigga I know her! I really knew her last night!” Erik sighed punching a wall. “We messing with the same fucking girl, T!” T’Challa shook his head as if his cousin could see him. “No. Impossible! This can not be!” Erik pulled the phone away from his ear and found a sexy picture of you that you sent to him. He sent it to the other man and waited. “Check your phone, T’Stupid.” T’Challa looked at the picture and dropped his phone just like Erik did earlier. “SHIT!” He shouted away from the phone angrily and continue to curse in Xhosa. He paced his office still cursing then picked up his phone. “We are involved with the same woman, N’Jadaka!” “Yeah. No shit. That’s what I said.” Erik sighed rubbing his face then slammed his fist on the table. “We gotta catch this trick!” T’Challa was confused. “Why should we play a trick on her? We must confront her in her indiscretions.” Erik sucked his teeth not knowing who he was more frustrated with. T’Challa for not knowing his slang by now or himself for assuming he did. “Man, just bring your ass to Oakland ASAP.” Erik hung up groaning and shook his head. “This nigga. Out of all the niggas Y/N could’ve played me with, she chose this nigga. That’s that shit.” Once T’Challa had his affairs in order, he hopped on an “emergency” flight to Oakland. Erik picked him up from the airport and they had a little staredown when T’Challa got in the car. Erik snorted shaking his head and putting his car in drove T’Challa squinted his eyes. “What, N’Jadaka?” “Out of all the niggas in this world, I was sharing pussy with your ass. This is some bullshit. Did you even ask her if she had a man?” “She said no. Did you?” Erik groaned gripping the steering wheel. “Yes and her ass said no. She told me she wanted my ass once she first saw me.” T’Challa hit his forehead. “She told me the same thing! What should we do?” Erik pulled out his phone smirking with a plan on his mind. He asked Siri to call your phone and you picked up with no idea you’ve been caught up. “Hi papi!” You cooed on the other line and T’Challa made a face of disgust, wanting to say something but Erik gestured him to shut up. “Yo what’s going on, ma? This is last minute but I wanna take your fine ass out to eat tonight. I hope you ain’t got nothing planned.” T’Challa was confused as to why Erik was making plans to go to dinner with your deceitful ass. Was he not ready to wring your neck five minutes ago? “I always got time for you, baby. Let’s meet at TGI Friday’s at 8.” You replied ‘This lying hoe.’ Erik thought but instead said, “Aight bet. See you at 8.” Once Erik hung up, T’Challa shot him a confused and frustrated look as Erik kept a smirk on his face. “Why are you making dinner plans with the woman who has been playing games with the both of us?” Erik glances at him chuckling. “Don’t worry, cousin. I got a plan.” In another part of Oakland, your dumbass was getting for this date you had with your boo with no clue that you done showed your ass and all the shit you’ve been doing is going to blow up in your face. But we’ll let you rock for now. Anyway, you get dressed in your grey ripped skinny jeans and white crop top. You purposely put on a crop top to show off your belly button piercing that Erik loves so much. You put on strapped sandals to show off your fresh white painted toes, which was every nigga’s weakness. Once your makeup was done, you admired yourself in the mirror. Shit, you might be able to get a third nigga looking this fine. You picked your braid out, fluffed it, and made your way out the door. “Don’t wait up for me, sis!” You smirked to Isabel who laid on the leather sofa watching Empire. “I’m most likely getting dick for the second night in a row.” Isabel shook her head with her eyes still on the TV. “You do you. Just know God don’t like ugly, sis.” “With that logic, God don’t like you, bitch!” You cackled exiting your condo and walking towards your car. You hopped into your Toyota and drove to the restaurant. Once you parked, you went inside and found Erik waiting in a booth facing you. You smiled strutting over to him and sliding in the opposite side of the booth. “Hey boo.” You leaned over to peck his lips and sat back down. “You gonna feed me good?” “Oh Imma be feeding you good, alright.” He bit his bottom lip seductively and you grinned getting turned on. “But first, let me introduce to my cousin real quick.” You sighed because you thought this was a casual one on one date but this nigga got you meeting his family now? Whatever. You’ll entertain it. It couldn’t hurt meeting his cousin, right? You looked up and your face turned stone cold as your heart picked up its pace. There was your boo, T’Challa, taking a seat right next to Erik, your other boo, in the crimson booth. They both looked at you with devious smirks on their faces and you gulped nervously. How the fuck did you not know the two niggas you were messing with were cousins? You are so fucked. “Nice to see you, Y/N.” T’Challa spoke slowly with a face that basically said “you’ve been caught, bitch.” “Um....” You were speechless as fuck. You’re pretty sure you had “dumb bitch” written on your forehead. You were beyond embarrassed and wished the ground would swallow you up. You were a good person, you didn’t deserve this.............okay, maybe you did. You did mess with two guys at once. “You see, Y/N. I’ve noticed that my cousin and I have a lot in common. We both speak Xhosa fluently, we are both right-handed-“ “We both ate your ass!” Erik snapped cutting T’Challa off. You scanned your surroundings praying nobody heard his loud ass. A couple of people looked at you guys and you hid your face in shame. Aww shit. T’Challa stared at Erik with a stunned expression. “I....I never ate her ass, N’Jadaka.” You peeked up to see Erik’s eyes widen and his mouth form an O as he pointed at you accusingly. “You......made me eat your ass?! And this nigga didn’t do it?!” Erik pointed his thumb at T’Challa. “Um, well, see, you, um, I, You-“ Erik mimicked you as he stared at you in annoyance. “Now you can’t speak English?! I don’t even be eating ass but I ate yours! Because I thought I loved you, girl!” “Ain’t nobody force you to do it!” You found your voice. As Erik continued being melodramatic to himself, T’Challa discreetly pushed Erik’s drink away from his and cleared his throat. “The point is, you have been playing the both of us which is unfair and hurtful, Y/N. I really had feelings for you. I thought I loved you as well. Do you care to explain yourself and apologize for hurting us when all we did was treat you so well?” T’Challa’s words made you realize you were a complete piece of shit. Both of them did treat you like a queen and what you did was fucked up. Your mama raised you better than this. You stared at both of them sadly and felt a huge weight on your heart. These two wonderful men that you had the nerve to play with like that. They deserve apologies. You opened your mouth. “Well, T’Challa, you see-“ You didn’t finish grabbing your purse and running out the booth. You were RUNNING RUNNING. You were deadass bolting to your car and got in quickly starting the ignition and driving off. You called Isabel on your phone and she picked on the second ring. “Yo.” “Bitch, they are fucking cousins! Cousins! T’Challa and Erik! They are fucking cousins and fucking found out I was messing with both of them! Bitch, both of them showed up to the restaurant!” You shouted even though you were completely out of breath. “Bitch, I got all the way caught up! Shit!” Isabel was laughing her ass off on the other line. You knew she was holding your stomach and tears were probably coming out. You sucked your teeth hard. “I TOLD YOU GOD DON’T LIKE UGLY! I WARNED YOUR ASS BUT FUCK ISABEL, RIGHT? YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO CLOWNERY? THE CLOWN COMES BACK TO BITE, YOU STUPID HOE!” She continued to cackle and you rolled your eyes trying to calm yourself so you don’t kill your roommate once you make it back in the condo. “I’m glad you entertained by this shit.” You replied sarcastically as you pulled up to a red light. Isabel continued to giggle and finally calmed down. “I don’t feel sorry for your dumbass. Now what did we learn?” She sung the last part. “I learned that......I gotta start asking these niggas about their families and shit. Now I know, the next time I’m fucking with two niggas at the same time, let me make sure they don’t know each other at all.” Isabel sighed deeply. “Y/N, I love you but you are dumb as hell.”

******************************

Lmao Y/N was out of there like:

Translation:

Umzala - cousin

Tags: @marvelpotterlove @dramaqueenamby @brianabreeze @blackpinup22 @cancerianprincess @brattywriters-anonymous @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @chefjessypooh @chaneajoyyy @ljstraightnochaser @airis-paris14 @vibranium-chakra @yourfavoritefavorite @nerd-lovely @slimmiyagi @purple-apricots @ohliyaxoxo

[fineappleonapizza]

Unexpected (Daniel Seavey)

uhm so I did a thing?? this is the first anything i’ve ever written so it probably sucks and im sorry but I figured if I wrote it, might as well put it out?? & I have a sequel in mind, so let me know if yall would be interested!

Description: When an unexpected day turns into an unexpected fight with an unexpected ending.

Warnings: Sad ending, cursing

Word count: 2,120

You fell into the couch as a sigh escaped your lips. Spending your spring break holed up in Daniel’s apartment was not in the plan. You were supposed to be spending time with him before your break was over and he had to go back on tour. You guys hadn’t been able to find a lot of time to talk lately, and you could tell that the long distance on top of the lack of communication was wearing on the both of you. So when he had gotten the call this morning about a studio opening up last minute and an emergency session being called and you were left alone, you were disappointed. You had tried throughout the day to get caught up on some homework or some work emails, but that hadn’t gone very well. Then you tried to find something to watch on Netflix or a video on Youtube, but all that was on your mind was the fact that you were supposed to be with your boyfriend right now and you hadn’t even heard from him in 8 hours. You understood he was busy with work, and part of you loved him for his constant dedication and drive, but the other part of you was stuck wondering why you were here alone. If this was maybe 6 months ago, Daniel would have taken you to the studio with him, or at least tried to facetime you or something during a break. You grabbed your phone from the side table and shot Daniel a text asking if he would be home soon, you were thinking or getting dinner and wanted to know if you should get something for him. Daniel responded saying he would probably be a couple of hours still and to just get something on your own, but that he would make dinner tomorrow to make up for missing out on the day today. You weren’t surprised, things like this had been happening for a while now, but that didn’t mean you didn't feel the pang of hurt in your chest. You grabbed a jacket and your phone and slammed the door behind you. This is stupid, you thought. Here I am in the middle of Los freaking Angeles on my spring break ALONE walking to who knows where to find something to eat because my boyfriend has left me alone all day and-

“Ugh!” You didn't even know anything around here that was that good, where were you going?! You dialed Anna’s number and hoped more than anything she answered so you could find some damn food.

“Hey Y/N, how’s it going?!”

“An, hi. How’s Portland?”

“It’s great, I always love coming home, it just feels different than LA, you know?”

Yeah, I know. “Yeah, I get you. Hey, I don’t mean to keep you from your friends, I was just wondering what some good food around here was? I'm on my own for dinner tonight.”

“Alone? Daniel is at the studio i’m guessing?”

“Yup.”

“Uh, well, there’s always In’ N Out. Langer’s is good. Egglsut, too. There’s a lot of places around the apartment complex, but those are more like snacks and things rather than meals.”

“Got it, thanks girl. Have fun!”

You found some place that sold chicken strips and ordered a mango smoothie and, after walking around downtown for a while, headed back towards the apartment. Thank God for GPS.

Daniel was sitting on the couch, already showered and changed, when you had gotten back.

“Oh. I thought you were supposed to be late tonight.”

He glanced up from his phone and smiled. “Session let out early, come here.” He pulled you down so your head was on his lap and his fingers threaded themselves through your hair.

“You could’ve called or something, I was out alone and I missed you.”

“I know, but I was tired and figured you were having fun exploring.”

“Not really… it would’ve been more fun with you.”

“Babe, I know. I wish we could’ve spent today together. I know you have to go home soon and then we’ll be back to only facetime and stuff, but we have this new song we’re working on and we have to put ad-libs on still, and with tour coming up we won’t have professional studio time, and it’s just crazy.”

“Mhm, that sounds like a lot.” You hummed as he stroked his fingers through your hair and felt your eyes begin to close. “I miss you D.”

“I miss you too, babe.”

“No, not like, being with you. But you. I miss you. Talking to you like this, and seeing your eyes light up when you're talking about new music or tour or some post you saw on instagram. I haven’t this you in months.”

You felt his fingers freeze in your hair as you spoke. “Babe, what are you talking about? I was telling you about a song last week-“

“For five minutes Daniel. And then you had to leave, said something about meeting the boys for dinner or something.”

“Listen, I know i've been busy lately and im sorry. It's just work and-“

“Yeah. I get it.”

“Y/N, what's wrong?”

“It just sucks. Like, I understand it’s your job and everything-“

He was upset, felt like he was being blamed and attacked. “Do you!?”

You sat up. Daniel hasn’t ever said anything like this to you before, and suddenly you were angry. All you were doing was talking to him about how you miss him and the toll his work is taking on you and he wants to get mad?

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, do you get it? Every fight we’ve had in the last like two months has been about my job, Y/N.”

“What?!”

“I mean, you say you understand, but then we end up fighting about something that comes back to my job! So, do you get it?”

“I try! I try my best, but not all of us can be worldwide superstars who live the life and have the job that you do Daniel!”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes it is. You don’t think I really understand and that I overreact to everything-”

“I never said that-“

“You did. That’s exactly what you said but not in those words.” You stood from the couch and bunched your fist as you walked to the kitchen. You were trying not to cry angry tears because what the hell? How did we get here? You heard Daniel sigh from the other room, and you turned around when you felt his presence in the doorway.

“Listen, I try to understand what you do. I really do. We’ve been dating for a year, and there are some things that I guess I still struggle with. But I understand that you’re busy Daniel. I know that your days are often hours and hours long, whether you're here in LA or off touring somewhere. I know that you don't always have time to talk and that you can't always be there for me when I need you. I understand how hard you and the guys work. I know how much the fans mean to you, and how much you love every single one of them. Tell me if I’m wrong?” You stared at him from across the counter and watched as he stood still. “Ok? So I try my best to understand your job, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job at that. But to explain why all of our fights lately seem to be about it? Because I don’t think you understand mine! I go to college full time! I have work and school and homework and clubs. I stress about making sure I’m on the right path for success and i'm fearing failure ever .3 seconds of the day. I may not do what you do, but I do have dreams that I'm working on too, ok!? And my boyfriend is gone all the time! Most girls get to actually spend time with and hug and kiss their boyfriends whenever they want- I don't get to do that. Instead I get to sit there and watch millions of girls fawn over mine, knowing that all it would take is one word from you and you could have any of them at any second! And I get hated on online by thousands of people in the world who I don't even know exist all because im dating this celebrity that they’re in love with. And the craziest part? We aren’t even publicly confirmed! Sure, everyone knows at this point, but that’s not really the point. I try to ignore that, because I know at the end of the day, it's just jealousy. But it still hurts, Daniel, to read that stuff about myself. Because I’m still that insecure girl deep down, and I-“

You paused to inhale a breath. You were rambling, and Daniel could tell you were mad.

“I-“ He paused too. The both of were silent for a while, standing across the room, staring at each other. Both of you were upset, mad at the other for making this seem like it was all on one person.

“You knew what you were getting into when you signed up for this.”

You blinked, slowly. With a shaky breath, you turned around. How the hell could he have just said that?

“When I signed up for this? I didn’t know dating you was another job I applied for, Daniel.”

“Y/N-“

“Usually, when two people start dating it’s because they like each other, Daniel! It’s not a job! And if it was a job, then it should be paying a hell of a lot more than a boyfriend who doesn’t even feel like a boyfriend anymore!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!?”

You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair. You were not supposed to be spending your spring break fighting with your boyfriend. How had this happened?

“Daniel, let's be honest. This is the first time we’ve seen each other in person in months, and we’ve talked even less than that! I’m not talking about little conversations here and there about nothing- we have those all the time. But I have those conversations with people I run into on the way to class! That’s my point! I don’t feel like we’re dating, I feel like you’re just a friend. And that breaks my heart, but you can’t tell me that you don’t feel the same, D.”

“I- I don’t- I thought we were okay.”

“I did too! But sitting here right now, I think it’s clear that we haven’t really been in that kind of a relationship for a while. We were so good at the beginning, and we just aren’t anymore. I love you, I still do, and I always will. Forever. But I think that maybe, for now, we should take a break.”

Daniel crossed the room, and the both of you grabbed onto each other with tears in your eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you.” His voice was laced with tears, and as you hugged, his body shaked.

“You won't. Ever. We can still be friends, Daniel. In fact, I need you to be my best friend. I cant lose my best friend and my boyfriend.”

“I love you. I'm so sorry.”

“D, this isn’t on you. It’s just not our time right now.”

“I know. But I’m sorry. I'm sorry I couldn’t be the boyfriend you needed, and I'm sorry that you have to read the things you do all because of me. I love you, and seeing you hurt hurts me too. I’m sorry.”

“Daniel Seavey, I love you. I don’t blame you for anything, and I never will. I need you Daniel, so I need you to get that stuff out of your head.”

“You can stay here for the rest of your break, and uh, uhm. We’ll figure out how to be friends, I guess.”

“Nothing's gonna change, Daniel. We’ve always been friends. We just won't do the kissing and the romantic stuff anymore.”

“Yeah. We’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be just fine.” As you pulled away from Daniel, you wiped a tear from your eyes. You didn’t want to let go, because the both of you knew when let go, it was really over. 1 year. So many laughs and kisses and memories, and it was all over now. Being friends would be what’s best for now, but the both of you knew it wouldn’t be the same. So with one last hug, you let go and headed to the bedroom and climbed into bed, where you cried yourself to sleep.

[sixx6ixxsixx]

You’re All I Need

Title: You’re All I Need

Pairing: Tommy Lee/ Nikki Sixx

Rating: M

Summary: After an... incident, Tommy worries that Nikki might show his violent side.

!!!!!!!!!!!! Warnings: Non-Con/ R*pe Mention !!!!!!!!

When you took my lips, I took your breath- sometimes love's better off dead.

When Nikki had first shown him the lyrics, Tommy had laughed. It was just a game to mess with her head, right? She shouldn’t have cheated anyway. Nikki wouldn’t do something like that for real, would he?

Nikki had been really into the girl he was with when he wrote You’re All I Need and that was enough to make him think up something so sadistic as a joke. Now they were here and Nikki was always telling Tommy that he meant more to him than anyone he’d been with before so how far would he take it this time? Would he still keep it all a joke? Would Tommy be able to stop him if he went further?

Tommy was sat on the edge of the bed, an old lyric sheet in his hands as the words went swirling in his head, waiting for the hotel door to open. He had to come clean. It wasn’t that Nikki would find out, there was no way of him ever knowing, Tommy just couldn’t take the guilt. He’d sooner take the beating... or worse.

Nikki had never hurt Tommy before, well, not since they’d started dating. They’d fought before but as soon as Nikki had realised how he felt, he’d never raised a hand to him again. He’d never even thought about Nikki getting violent with him. It wasn’t until he heard the song on the radio earlier, the lyrics hit home and left Tommy shaking.

Nikki meant the whole world to him, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for him. For some reason though, the night it had happened, he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He never asked to be followed out of that bar, he never asked to be shoved up against that wall, he never asked to be... Tommy felt himself heave at the thought. But he should’ve been stronger, he hadn’t been paraletic or anything. In that moment though, Tommy had lost all control. He had frozen, scared- more so than he ever had been before. He couldn’t fight back. None of that mattered to him though. All Tommy knew was that someone- not Nikki- had been with him and he didn’t stop them.

The door creaked as it swung open and Tommy dropped the sheet, Nikki looked tired. Maybe that was a good thing, Tommy thought. Despite the sweat pouring from him, Tommy shivered as he took a deep breath in. He stood up from the bed. Nikki threw his jacket on the floor and moved towards him. The ease in which he wrapped his arm around Tommy’s waist and kissed him made the younger man want to keep the secret forever. He didn’t want to give this up but Nikki deserved better than a cheat.

Tommy moved his face away, clenching the front of Nikki’s shirt in his fists before stroking it out straight again. He knew he was going red, he could barely breathe.

Nikki stepped back, “What’s wrong?”

“Nikki... I...” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t lose him like this. He never even wanted it, why should he lose everything he cared about over... it? “Please. I need you to hear me out.”

Nikki sat on the bed and patted a spot next to him gently. “You can tell me, I won’t hate you for it.”

Tommy looked at him, surprised. “You know?”

“I have an idea.” Nikki said simply, shrugging. “The sweats, the breathing, you’ve been distant for days. You can’t look at me and you jump whenever anyone moves too fast. I’ll support you through it. I should’ve seen it earlier. It’s an illness-”

“I’m not taking!” Though he wished he was. At least Nikki would understand that. He sat down beside him, trying to ignore the burning in his eyes. “Remember when I said I loved you? I need you to know I meant it and I still do.”

“I know you did, babe. Why... Why are you...?” Nikki didn’t know how to finish that, there was a lump in his throat and his mind was racing at a thousand miles an hour.

“I don’t blame you if you can’t let this go, Nik, but I need you. I fucked up. Real bad. I didn’t wanna but... I cheated.” Tommy barely choked out the last words. He was looking at the bed sheets and bracing himself for some kind of attack, verbal or physical.

He clenched his eyes tight, Nikki already hated him, he didn’t want to seem weak as well. Despite trying to seem in control, Nikki’s lightning fast hand movement had Tommy flinching and cowering. The impact never came though. Tommy felt a thumb brush against the back of his neck, urging him to look up. Giving in, he searched for Nikki’s eyes through the tears threatening to fall.

“The fuck do you mean “you didn’t wanna”?” There was no anger in his voice, only concern.

“I... He jumped me in an alley. I should’ve fought back harder, I know that, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything. I know it’s not an excuse but Nikki, I swear, I wouldn’t... I never even... Please.” The tears began to fall and words became impossible. He wasn’t afraid of Nikki or what he’d do- hell, if he thought about it long enough, he’d probably do it himself- he was terrified of losing him though.

Nikki began moving his thumb slowly against his neck as he shuffled closer, making sure he didn’t make any sudden movements. He put his other hand under Tommy’s and held it loosely. “Tommy... were you...? Because if you were then that’s not cheating.”

“I should’ve stopped him. I wanted to, I promise!”  The tears had turned into sobs now, his breath catching constantly and his words slurring. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Don’t you ever apologize for this.” He kept his voice low but he wanted nothing more than to scream. Not at Tommy, obviously. Nikki was furious at the universe and this piece of shit for hurting the one person he truly cared about. He wanted to tear the room apart and go and find him, end anyone who stood in his way, but Tommy needed him more. This was about him after all.

Tommy moved Nikki’s hand up to the other side of his neck and waited, if he was going to do anything, it would be now. And he did. Nikki moved his hands so they were flat against the sides of his throat and moved even closer. He used his thumbs to stroke along the front delicately before kissing him softly. No tongue, no teeth, just Nikki brushing his lips against Tommy’s for a few moments before stilling. He didn’t move away before talking, his breath crashing into Tommy’s face, calming him.

“This... It’s up to you how you deal with it but... but it’s never going to change the way I feel about you. It was an attack. You were attacked. It doesn’t change the fact I love you and it won’t change the way I love you.”

“Love you.” Nikki wasn’t sure if Tommy was telling him or just repeating after him but he nodded anyway.

“I love you.” He spoke clearer this time. Tommy dropped his head against Nikki’s shoulder and let the tears finish falling on their own. Nikki held him, whispering every so often how important and irreplaceable he was to him.

Sooner than they thought, the sun began to rise. Neither of them had slept but Tommy was finished crying, Nikki was still angry but he’d found a much better way to focus that energy. Tommy was his priority, he always had been but now he needed him and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to deliver.

Nikki was the first to break, Tommy had been laying on his bladder all night and he needed to get up. He was gentle, still afraid to make sudden movements, as he laid the drummer on the mattress and stroked his hair. “Be right back.”

Tommy nodded and smiled gently as the fingers brushed against his face. Part of him was sure he’d died last night and this was heaven. It was better than he could have ever dreamed of but what good had he ever done to deserve heaven? No, this was real. Nikki was just the best boyfriend he could’ve hoped for. He felt his eyes flickering closed, heavy and sore, he let them. Nikki was in the next room, he was safe here.

***

Tommy stirred gently under the sunshine slipping through the curtains. Instinctively, he rolled over to curl into Nikki but there was no one there. The bed sheets were cold. Everything came flooding back to him in one go and Tommy’s eyes shot open. He looked around with a desperation until he saw him. Nikki hadn’t left, of course he hadn’t, he loved him. He was sat on the bottom of the bed, one hand reached over to stroke Tommy’s leg and the other holding old paper. He tried to get a closer look.

“What’s that?”

“You tell me...” Nikki was quiet and held the lyric sheet up. “I thought you were jumpy last night because of the attack but you weren’t, were you?”

Tommy looked away. He was still so tired, every inch of him feeling like dust after days of carrying a shame that was never his to carry in the first place. “Nik... Please, my head’s just not ok right now. I was so scared of losing y-”

“You honestly thought I could hurt you? Kill you?” He snorted but it hardly covered the hurt in his voice. “You flinched last night. Was that because of this? Don’t even think about lying, Tommy, this is... Don’t lie to me now.”

Tommy nodded and moved closer. “You kept saying how much I meant to you. I know you wouldn’t but, last night, I was so ready to lose everything. I was falling apart. I’d have believed anything, it felt like I deserved anything.”

“And now?”

“I couldn’t doubt you. I can’t think of anyone else who would’ve seen it like that. No one who cares enough about me to actually see that I was hurt. Any other guy would’ve just got angry.”

Nikki put his head in his hand, “I’m supposed to be the one you feel safe with. I’m not supposed to make something like this harder on you.”

Tommy stroked his back with his finger tips. “Nothing was going to make this easier, not last night anyway. I’ve never felt like I’ve ever had someone worth losing before.” He rest his head against his back, listening to his heartbeat. “I’ve never felt like I’ve had someone worth fighting for either though.” He felt Nikki relax under his words. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

Nikki dropped the paper and turned to face him. “Promise me, you have to promise me, that no part of you believes in that. They were just dumb words to mess with her.”

“I promise.” The light in Tommy's eyes when he looked at Nikki was all the promise he needed.

“I couldn’t ever hurt you. Some days, you’re the only thing that matters. Even if you had cheated, I couldn’t hurt you. I’m blessed you ever looked at me twice, I’m not about to kid myself that we’re forev-”

Nikki was cut off by Tommy’s lips. He was much rougher than Nikki had been last night and he clung the fabric at the front of his shirt. “Yes, we can be. I don’t want anyone else. Nikki, no one could care about me half as much as you do and I don’t think I’d want them too. You never believe me but, really, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me- warts and all.”

Nikki began kissing back, he had no reply, he never did when Tommy spoke like that. Tommy didn’t mind though, he knew that silence was the next best thing to accepting the sentiment with him. He leaned back until he was laying down, Nikki still kissing him, trailing small pecks along his jawline while he lay nestled between his legs. Neither of them were going to pretend everything was alright, but they had each other and that was a start.

[deadwestrp-blog]

Minnie Lou Reeves aka Rattlesnake Louie Fields. Thirty—Five Years Old. The Outlaw.

Minnie was almost named Easter. After her mother. Who didn’t make it out of a hard pregnancy. Winter was coming. Food was scarce. And her mother had always been a frail woman with too kind a disposition for it ever to make sense why she had married her husband. Maybe that was why her father loved her so much. She was the cheery pink flower, blooming despite the sharp pain of the world. She loved him despite the blood on his hands. And he loved her. Swore to protect her. And fell short. But Minnie? Minnie would be his redemption. He knew nothing about taking care of a little brown baby but if he knew anything it was that she was the most beautiful, precious thing to come out of grief.

What her father had done before had always been a mystery to her. He would tell her stories of her mother, stories of adventure and friendship, stories of bravery. To Minnie, her father was a hero, not the villain, of every story. Parents make sacrifices for their children. To give them the best life they could. To give them a life that was better than theirs was. He had made a promise to Easter that they’d start a new life when the baby was born. That he’d find an honest job. That they’d be better people for their child. And he’d keep that promise. He’d try to. But just because you promised something, didn’t mean you could run from your past forever. There were consequences to all of your actions, some that didn’t turn around to come for you until after you decided you were a changed man. Minnie understood now why her father had been so suffocating. There was a variety of reasons. He had just wanted to keep her safe.

Of all the men her father cut ties with after she was born, one he refused to part ways. He wasn’t from around here — he was brown like she was with long black hair and spoke with a funny accent. She called him Tio Joaquin. Sometimes if the stars were in alignment he brought Minnie a jumping rope or a little sac of marbles. He and her father worked as carpenters together.

She was busy outside of their shop with a rolling hoop, curls forever unmanageable, humming a song of her own creation, letting it lead her wherever it would take her. The opening between two wooden buildings was perfect land for exploration. Place of hidden treasures it was, someone had dropped a marble. Yellow. It would be the first thing she’s “stolen.” Minnie remembers crouching down finger gingerly rolling over the smooth surface. A bit of green glass crunching under her shoes.

She was enclosing the marble in her small fist when everything around her erupted. She had heard gunshot before. But she had no time to question what someone might be shooting at before gagging as the neckline of her dress was yanked backwards. And suddenly Tio Joaquin had scooped her up with such force one of her shoes spiraled to the ground.

My hoop.

She wasn’t old enough yet to completely understand why Tio Joaquin had run so fast. Or why he and Tia Olall had to pack up what they could of her small cabin and move to a new small room of a inn for a while that Minnie liked far less. Or why Tio Joaquin had been insistent on teaching her how to shoot at tin cans. And hit one every time. And to never, ever miss.

She didn’t blame her father. To this day she doesn’t. It was the people who took him away from her. She was too young to understand that her father had taken something from them at one point. That her father might not have been the hero she thought he was. That maybe everyone in the story was a villain. That everyone was greedy. That everyone killed. At the time, all Minnie knew was that someone had stolen from her. Something invaluable. And that she was angry.

Almost three decades later, she still has the marble. Thus the murder of her father marked the second tragedy in her young life (first being the loneliness a child experiences having never known their mother, and that feeling of guilt that weighed down on her shoulders).

The third tragedy came much later in her life, and you know what they say about threes. She met her fiancé when she sixteen. They were engaged two years later. By twenty she had kissed her aunt and uncle goodbye, promising to write, having spent two years with Ezrah Reeves and his boys. They say women tend to seek out men who reminded them of their fathers. And Ezrah was no exception. He adored Minnie. She was his right hand. Not only that but his gang adored her too. She was sweet as cream, sure, but with a bite like no other. Not only their founding members fiancee but an asset to the team. They held her up on their shoulders like royalty. Drank with her. Played cards with her. And she was happy to cook their dinner because she was apart of the gang. She was one of them. She understood why her father and Uncle had been in the business of stage robbery for years. Not only was it lucrative, it was a community practice. They were a band of misfits, young, and tough, and beautiful and who wouldn’t take shit from no body no how. It was Ezrah who gave her the nickname Rattlesnake, having always painted her nails with venom. It was a precaution, more than anything, just in case she happened to not have a gun. It was Ezrah who gifted her her first horse, who she lovingly named Admiral. She had almost forgotten that her life wasn’t a fairy tale. Ezrah seemed so vividly like her hero. Until he was gone. And this time her Uncle wasn’t there to scoop her up and shield her from the horror that was watching someone bleed out in your arms. Or dragging someone across a dirty floor and into a closet hoping you didn’t leave a trial for anyone to come and find you, and put you away. She stayed with him until he died. Spent a lot of time in that closet, enough to think. To seethe. Then buried Ezrah in a shallow grave realizing that all this time she was thinking about things wrong. There were no heroes. Just shitty people who took. Took from her. And if she wasn’t a hero either, because she surely hadn’t been allowed her happy ending, then she must just be a shitty person too. And that meant she could do shitty things. Because that was how you survived. It didn’t matter how good you were, everyone was going to die one day. And before she kicked that bucket she had some work to do. Some people to punish.

By twenty-five she had created the character Louie Fields and his group of men called the Arkansas Five. Had built something of a name for himself. Had kept a list of anyone he could remember that took something from him, he’d pay a visit, and collect repayment in full. He had a community again. Even if he was living a lie. And maybe he liked the idea of leading wayward souls down the path towards claiming retribution. Everyone was angry about something and if they helped Louie, Louie would help them. This worked well for half a decade until one by one the Five dissipated. And Louie added more people on his list. It was a deputy by the name of Wyatt Clanton who killed Louie’s right hand Bass. A rival gang who took out Stiles and Billy… And so it goes. Nothing seemed to be ok anymore. But he wasn’t gonna cry about it. When has he ever? Now, it was just Louie, and had been for five years. Face plastered on bank doors and saloon walls for nearly a decade. And at this point in his life Louie figured it was easier to ride alone. Saint Clemens was just an easy target, routine. He’d be in and out. He’d evaded law ‘enforcement’ for years now; he knew he wouldn’t be caught. Like most decisions Louie’s made in his life, he would let the train take him wherever it was going to go. Which would have worked flawlessly until the train stopped. Janestown. He had never heard of this place in his goddamn life and he wasn’t about to let the sky fall now. He had work to do. And the connivence of knowing the sheriffs would be looking for a ruthless outlaw named Rattlesnake Louie Fields. And not a small woman by the name of Minnie Reeves.

Alright Janestown. Alright.

Hit me.

Skills

Constitution; Five.    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◇◇◇◇ Strength; Five.    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◇◇◇◇ Intelligence; Three.    ◆◆◆◇◇◇◇◇◇◇ Perception; Four.    ◆◆◆◆◇◇◇◇◇◇ Charisma; Three.    ◆◆◆◇◇◇◇◇◇◇ Luck; Five.    ◆◆◆◆◆◇◇◇◇◇

[imhereforbvcky]

Absolution - Part 3 (end)

Masterlist  -  Part 1  -  Part 2

Summary: Bucky must figure out how to live with some of his worst memories when he can’t shake one particular ghost from his past.

Prompt(s): Could you do a Bucky story inspired by Murder Song - Aurora?

Warnings: AAAAANNNNGGSSTTT so much angst. Ok, we’ve got swearing, nightmares, looks at Bucky’s captivity and the unpleasantness related to it, murdery sadness, I think that covers it?

Word Count: 2667

Author’s Note: Oh god. Okay. I just want to say… I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just am riding the angst train hard lately. Also I’m watching Iron Man 2 rn and have all kinds of Tony feels, so he’s going to be my supportive buddy, because I think he would get it to some degree, my poor iron baby with the squishy heart.

Italics are Bucky’s journal pages/memories. * I snagged this line from Winter Soldier #12 by Ed Brubaker

August 1

I had the dream again. The whole dream. It comes back to me again and again. Sometimes if I’m lucky I wake up and the whole memory doesn’t replay in my head like a broken record. When I’m lucky I don’t wake up with her voice in my head begging me for death, absolving me of the thing I could never ask forgiveness for.

Every time I wake up, I remember pulling the trigger.

She had been sick for days, I mean really sick. I told her every story I could think of just to keep her conscious. I asked her questions I already knew the answer to so I could gauge whether she was delirious. I begged her to eat but it was pointless, she couldn’t keep anything down. Eventually they’d taken her away. All I could do was worry about her, and do all the things she would have encouraged me to do to survive, hoping she’d come back.

She never did. Instead they came for me a few days later, shoved a gun in my hand and pushed me into a bright room. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that room now that I remember it again.

I blinked against the bright spotlights that somehow made the dingy cement seem to glow. Rooms like this weren’t unfamiliar to me. Rooms like these dominated my life here. It was where they filled my head with words that turned my body into a machine I didn’t know how to operate. It was where they tested the strength of those words with increasing cruelty. It was in rooms like these where my nightmares became a reality, or rather I became the nightmare

This time though, there was only a woman in the room, clearly another prisoner. She looked so incredibly frail. She was just skin and bones, and her skin had that thin ashen blue tint that’s almost always the calling card for death.

She looked at me and I will always be haunted by it. Though her heart still beat, and I could see her breathing, it was a ghost who looked back at me. A ghost with tired eyes that reflected only an immeasurable well of anguish.

Worse still, when her eyes flickered over me and she glimpsed the metal of my arm glistening under the harsh light and the dark metal of the gun in my hand she seemed… relieved.

“Bucky,” she rasped and stepped closer, a warmth gathering in the pools of her eyes. The second I heard her voice I knew it was her: the woman in the cell beside mine, my only companion and friend, my solace and sanity when this place and these people tried to take it from me.

I’d never seen her before, but she must have recognized me for the metal arm. I whispered her name when she moved even closer and lifted the cool metal into her own hands, those small hands that I’d only seen pushing through a drainage pipe in my wall to offer me support. I spun the metal hand over to hold onto her, not daring to lift my right because for a moment she looked comforted and the cool metal handgun I was holding at my side would surely bring an end to that.

“Test P2405 to commence in Chamber 4b.” A voice rang over the speakers. I looked around, spotting the theater of lab coats above with a row of guards, their rifles trained down on us.

“Bucky, listen to me,” she urged, her fingers sliding higher up my arm. Her hand tentatively settling on my chest brought my attention back to her face.

“Test subject: Winter Soldier,” the voiceover continued.

“This is a trial for you, not for me,” she sounded urgent, like this was the only thing that mattered to her on earth.

I only shook my head, refusing to accept the reality in front of me. I wouldn’t be able to do it. “They want me to hurt you.”

“I know, Bucky,” she soothed, “But you won’t. I’m already hurting, don’t you see?”

Her hands gripped my metal arm tighter and I forced myself to look at her again. I knew it was true. They’d hurt her the second they dragged her from her home and destroyed her village. Every time she left her cell meant more pain. She’d been brave and strong, and now here when she had no way out, she still used that pain to ease my own.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard the words begin to echo through the room.

“Желание. Pжaвый”

“It’s a gift Bucky,” she tried again when she heard the anguished growl from me, trying everything I could think of to hold it back, this monster they’d put in my head. “It’s mercy. You can… you can do it quick?” she asked, voice trembling, I looked at her despite the pain squeezing my chest and the knot in my throat. She was trembling all over.

“Добросердечный.”

Shit. I don’t know how they got so far so fast. I could feel a shift, it was happening despite everything in me screaming for it to stop. My voice was raw. I must have been actually screaming until I felt her ball her fists into my shirt and press herself even closer against me.

“Bucky, listen to me,” she urged, sounding stronger than I thought possible by the look of her. “I’m dead either way. You will be the one to suffer if you don’t do this, not me. Just--”

“You think I won’t suffer if I do this?” I asked, gripping her by the back of her neck, trying to be gentle with her, but needing to feel her, needing to feel something that wasn’t iron and ice. I needed to hold on to something soft and warm for as long as I could.

“Один.”

“You have to be the soldier, Bucky. That’s the best you can do for me now,” she was pleading with me, tears streaming down her cheeks now, “Be the soldier, be efficient, and let the blame fall on their shoulders.” Her eyes darted to the gallery of monsters before flitting back to me, pleading and sad. “Please.”

She kissed me quickly, clinging to me, needing her last memory to be something less ugly than the life we’d both known the last several years. I would have held onto her like that for a lifetime if I could.

“Грузовой вагон.”

I could only watch her breathing pick up pace, like she was struggling for every ounce of oxygen as my body shifted, releasing her and rising to a rigid position. I wish there had been any way to convey to her that I was sorry, that I didn’t want to do this, that I wished I could have protected her, but I was a prisoner in my own body.

“Mercy is a gift,” she whispered, closing her eyes against the harsh commands coming my way. Maybe she didn’t want to remember me like this. Maybe she didn’t want me to remember her fear. I can’t forget it though, she may have closed her eyes and stood as tall as she could in that weakened body, she may have given me permission and called it mercy, but I remember.

“Cолдат?”

“Я готов отвечать.”

“Убей bаша девушка.”

That’s the thing about being under mind control that nobody talks about… You’re still in there. Some small piece of you is awake… watching. Like being a passenger in your own body. You struggle to break free… but you lose… over and over again… you lose.*

I lost everything watching my body take an aggressive stance, watching my arms rise, gripping the gun with the familiarity of an expert and press it to her forehead. She was still so close. I don’t know if she was too afraid to move, or if she really didn’t care in the end. I guess it didn’t matter because she was dead in an instant when I pulled the trigger.

The worst part was watching her body crumple to the floor while I stepped back and handed the gun to a guard. I knew they were displeased by the tears on my face, but even in this state there was nothing I could do to stop them. There was no one else there to mourn her, to remember her, to scream at the injustice, to weep at the loss. And she deserved at least that.

She was my first kill as the Winter Soldier and I’ll never forget her. I’m unable to forget the awful things, but I make myself remember the good about her. She deserves that, too.

Three weeks later on another late frittata night, Tony had excitedly slid Bucky a large legal envelope with her name written in the corner in Tony’s small, efficient hand.

“I found your girl!” he told Bucky around a mouthful of egg and bell pepper. “But I gotta ask, is she…?”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed heavily, holding the package in his hands like it was a bomb that might set him off if he opened it too quickly or too roughly.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to chase this down?” Tony asked, skeptically. “I mean, I think we both know from experience here that her family might not want you--”

“Her family’s gone.”

Tony nodded, not quite sure what that meant. For all he knew they’d also met their end at the hands of the Winter Soldier, but that wasn’t the man before him. The man sitting at his counter was hunched over a relic from the past, pained and lost.

“This one haunts you, huh?” Tony probed gently.

“More than you know.”

Only days later the pair of dysfunctional Avengers wound up in a rented car from the mid 1990s driving through an endless sea of uncultivated fields somewhere in northeastern Europe, looking for a village that the world preferred to forget.

“I don’t think this is right,” Tony sighed, completely flustered that his technology had no record of their destination, nor of this road, if you could call it that. “There’s nothing back here but more dirt and grass. We haven’t even passed a potato in like, 5 miles, there are no villages here.”

“Not anymore,” Bucky agreed, “But we passed that oak tree by the river, this has to be right.”

“There are trees by every river, Barnes, that’s what they do.”

“There!” Bucky pointed to a small cluster of old buildings in the distance, the wood greyed with age and buckling under their own weight with rot.

He stopped the car and climbed out slowly, taking the envelope with him. He walked cautiously at first, with his hand outstretched over the tall wheat colored grass tickling his palm. Tony followed at a distance, for once, not saying a word.

Bucky ran his hands over the wood trim of one of the buildings, feeling the smooth worn grain of it, as he imagined her hands in this exact spot, at home, laughing as she chased down that chicken that had gotten loose. He’d told her about every detail of this place and he’d built a picture in his head, but this… was an echo, a skeleton of the life it once held.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, an overwhelming sense of loss taking hold of him, not just for her, but for all that HYDRA had taken from this place. The warm sun on his shoulders, and the rich earth at his feet reminded him with distinct potency of the magnitude of war.

He took another breath, memorizing the smell, earthy and simple: warm thick air, dry wild grass, cool black dirt. It’s what she should have smelled like, here, in her home, away from the harsh chemicals constantly in and around her body, the taste of blood staining her lips and iron hemming her in. It’s what she should have smelled like without the stench of HYDRA.

“Hey, I think I got something.” Tony’s voice was gentle, like he didn’t want to disturb a single speck of dirt.

Bucky walked over to meet him. In the apparent center of the abandoned village stood a series of boulders with names carved into them. He knelt in front of one of the stones and ran his fingertips over her name.

“You okay?” Tony asked.

Bucky nodded, unsure how to answer. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find here, but it was crushing to see her name on this stone, in a list of so many others. He wondered how many had gone with her to the same base in Siberia where he’d met her and how many had never made it past the walls of this small village.

A part of him was relieved. He was glad someone had remembered her, had grieved for her when he’d been unable, and had memorialized her like this. His own instability following her death had lead HYDRA to begin their crude efforts to clear his memory. He hadn’t remembered her at all before Wanda had begun digging in his brain to remove the triggers. Now he couldn’t get her out of his head.

“I just can’t let her go.”

“Goodbyes like this don’t happen overnight,” Tony suggested, squeezing Bucky’s shoulder. “If you’re hanging on to her memory, there’s gotta be something there you still need to work out.”

Bucky nodded, taking Tony’s outstretched hand and pulling himself back to his feet. Tony reached into his pocket and took out a piece of scrap paper and a piece of charcoal vine that he’d snatched from Steve and passed it to Bucky.

“What’s this?”

“How old are you?” He couldn’t resist the urge to tease a little, “It’s a rubbing, here.” He snatched the paper back and covered her name with the paper and pressed the charcoal against the engraved stone, brushing back and forth until her name appeared clearly in white against the black background.

Bucky stared at the paper in his hands, transfixed. It was small, and messy, the charcoal already staining his fingers, but it was her.

“Put it in your notebook,” Tony advised, “Be careful not to smudge it until Steve can get some fixative on it, that charcoal will smear, but it leaves a clearer print.” He patted Bucky on the shoulder harshly before turning back towards the car.

“You’ve done this before,” Bucky observed.

“You’re not the only one who’s lost someone.” Tony turned with a raised eyebrow. Bucky followed him back through the grass, smearing black coal across the edges of the page he still wasn’t ready to relinquish.

“Know what? I learned something pretty valuable on this trip,” Tony mused, talking over his shoulder as they meandered through the field.

“What’s that?”

“You’ve been holding out on me. I’ve been making us frittatas every night, but you can make some killer latkes!” He teased, and Bucky couldn’t help the laugh that burst from his chest. The last sound he expected to hear in a place like this, much less from his own lips, but it felt right, like this place had a life and a voice for even a fleeting moment before it returned to its solemn memoriam.“We’re trading off from now on.”

“I can live with that,” Bucky agreed. “It’s her recipe.” He laughed softly a long moment later, enjoying the idea. “After a few years we ran out of interesting things to say so I told her about my mom’s meatballs and how I never learned to cook and she told me how to make her grandmother’s latkes.”

“Latkes it is then,” Tony smiled, sliding into the car and propping his feet on the passenger seat, spinning the dated paper map in his hands. “Now how the hell do we get out of here? I think I’ve developed an arrhythmia from the lack of wifi.”

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[h-eckers]

Cherry Queen

A/N: I love Cheryl so much, I can’t explain how much I love her and I loved writing this. It may not be Shakespearean level writing but it’s Cheryl and so that makes it important. Also, I combined three separate requests for this because they all followed a similar story and I didn’t think you’d want to see me write the same thing three times.

Request(s): Cheryl and the reader are secretly together but in school they act like total strangers. the readers tells Cheryl that she’s done with being her little secret so they break up but when Cheryl sees a random girl trying to flirt with the reader she loses it walks right over to the reader and kisses her in front of everyone + Cher is afraid of falling in love with the reader so she shuts her out and ignores her and the reader gets hurt and becomes reckless then Cher regrets it and tried to make up for it + reader falls in love with Cheryl only to have her heart played by her because Cher doesn’t want anyone to find out about them

Word Count:3,611

Warnings: Teen/Underage drinking, parties, angst, swearing, yelling, humiliation/embarrassment and I believe that’s about it.

The hallways were always crowded in the morning, it was an inescapable reality that every day hundreds of teenagers would cram themselves into the building, pushing and weaving past others to get to their lockers, or their friends, and even (on occasion) their actual classes. This morning was no different and Cheryl strode through the hall, parting students like the red sea, she was the only person that didn’t seem to have to push and shove to get around, her path cleared itself as people scurried out of the way to avoid being caught on the underside of her Louis Vuitton’s.

“I heard Shaun Callaghan has a thing for you.” Ginger scoffed slightly, striding quickly to keep up with the redhead on a mission towards her locker.

“Old news,” Cheryl sighed heavily, as she opened the door to said locker, examining her face carefully in the small mirror hung inside, “he’s been crushing on me since I wore that black dress to class last year, I don’t think he tore his eyes away from my legs at all that day.”

“Speaking of people leering where they shouldn’t be…” Ginger said, a smug judgement in her voice that made Cheryl glance at her friend in order to follow her eye line. Across the hall their eyes locked, Cheryl’s breath catching slightly in her throat at the sight of the other girl, standing by her locker, seemingly enraptured by the cheer captain.

“I don’t blame her.” Cheryl breathed out eventually, as naturally as possible as she tossed her hair back over her shoulder, averting her gaze back to Ginger, “After all, I do look incredible.” She shrugged and Ginger simply nodded slowly in agreement, still watching the girl across the hall, whose attention had turned back to her friends after herself and Cheryl had broken eye contact.

“Do we even know her?” Ginger asked, tilting her head slightly as the bell rang through the halls and people started shifting towards their respective classrooms,

“Never spoken to her in my life.” The response was simple and chaste with an implacable kind of frustration, Ginger simply put it down to Cheryl’s natural irritability and thus, shut her mouth and simply wait; even that wasn’t the correct course of action. “Are you going to class?” She asked, arching a perfectly sculpted brow in questioning.

“I, uh, yeah. I just figured I’d wait for you.” She stumbled slightly over her words but regained her poise as quickly as possible so as not to embarrass herself in front of Riverdale’s Queen Bee.

“I’m a big girl,” Cheryl said slowly, turning back to her mirror to adjust her hair carefully, “I’m sure I can make it to class on my own.”

Ginger hesitated for a moment, attempting to find some coherent words to say back and coming up completely short. She didn’t argue further, but simply nodded slowly and moved off to follow the flow of the quickly dissipating crowd towards her classroom. Cheryl waited another moment, until the hallways was empty bar one person scrambling in late, she tossed her hair and held her chin up proudly, strutting off in the complete opposite direction of her class.

The room at the back of the building was practically always empty, there was a class in there maybe once a week and both girls had those class times memorised, not because they took the lessons, but because this was their rendezvous point when they needed one and this morning Cheryl had decided that they needed one. She arrived first, never having gone to class in the first place, and when she had found herself alone in the room she texted the other girl:

‘Rendezvous point NOW’ – Cherry Queen🍒👑

The response was almost instantaneous,

‘On my way xx everything ok??’ – Honey Bee 🐝

Cheryl didn’t reply, she simply sat on one of the desks and waited impatiently, her foot tapping against the floor in a rhythm that ended up matching a song that was stuck in her head. She wasn’t waiting long before the door opened and the other girl slipped in, smiling slightly at the redhead who stood as the other entered. “Hey, babe, you alright?”

“No, it’s not.” Cheryl insisted, her arms folded across her chest delicately and in a manner that was somehow threatening, or would be threatening to someone else.

“What’s wrong, princess?” She asked, her eyes full of concern as she moved towards the redhead.

“Y/N, you have to stop staring at me.” Her voice came out harsh, maybe harsher than she’d intended but she needed to get her point across. Y/N stopped, the worry faded instantaneously to be replaced by exasperation, a frustration of her own.

“Nobody knows anything, Cheryl.” She said slowly, she felt as though she’d said those words to her a million and one times, and in all honesty she probably had. The two of them had been dating for nigh on five months now and no one else knew. Not a single soul outside the two of them knew they even spoke to each other, to the world they were strangers, and to each other they were the world. Unfortunately, this conversation was frequent and it got more and more frustrating for Y/N every single time.

“Well they will if you keep looking at me like that!” She hissed back, manicured fingers tapping against her folded arms nervously.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake… I can’t look at you, anymore?” Y/N asked, her hands clenching into fists to relive some of the tightness that was creeping into her body. It didn’t work.

“Not like that,” Cheryl answered stubbornly, raising an eyebrow, “no one can-”

“No one can know about us, I know, you’ve told me a million times and I still don’t understand why.” She sighed, her fingers raking through her hair and pulling at the strands desperately.

“It just can’t happen.” Cheryl pursed her lips slightly, looking at the floor for a second, a horrid knot forming in the pit of her stomach and twisting and constricting like it was trying to stop her breathing.

“God, that’s not an answer!” Y/N snapped back immediately, “I know you don’t have a real reason, Cheryl, otherwise you’d tell me, but this is just a game to your, or maybe you’re worried that going public with me will upset your adoring fans, or maybe I’m a placeholder until something better comes along, I don’t know but whatever that reason is, just fucking tell me because I’m so sick of being your dirty little secret.”

“It’s none of your business why I don’t want to.” Cheryl huffed, her arms falling to her sides as her chest puffed out slightly in a display of what she hoped was dominance but honestly it happened when she held her breath.

“None of my business? It’s my life, Cheryl, and I love you and I want to be with you but this is asking too much. I’m not even allowed to look at you anymore? I can’t do that. I love you, and I can’t do that.” Y/N visibly deflated as she spoke, she was vulnerable, and suffering from everything she kept hidden, especially when she was so proud of her love.

‘I love you too.’ It could have been so easy. Those four words could have mended the divide, it could be the life raft that dragged them both to the surface and kept them both afloat to find a solution, but Cheryl was scared. She was terrified of loving this girl, this person who laid her bare and vulnerable and used her power over her to make her feel nothing but safe. This girl who would go to the ends of the earth to make her smile for even a fleeting second in a storm of thrashing tides. This girl who loved her back, unadulterated, uncensored and unconditionally. Being loved so wholly and so complete was foreign to her, and it set fear into the heaviness of her bones.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t do it.” The words left her lips before she could think more about it, before she could even consider otherwise, “We’re done.”

Y/N opened her mouth, to argue, or to plead, or to beg she didn’t know but it didn’t matter, the words didn’t come. All that came was a stinging at the back of her eyes and a pain in her chest like shed been shot at point blank range, she turned and left without a word. What was there to say?

The door slammed shut and Cheryl stood alone in an empty room, with an empty chest, and empty lungs as she forced out the pressure she’d been keeping in her chest, only to find in its hollowness that she could hear her own heart shattering inside of her, falling to pieces as the delicate fingers that had held it together walked away with the girl she’d hurt.

“I love you too.” She muttered into the empty room.

It could have been that easy.

It hurt. It hurt like nothing she’d ever felt and after a few weeks she’d expected it might fade but she stood in the crowded hallway with her head resting against the cool metal of her locker, her head throbbing violently every time she had a thought, heat flushing her skin so hot she was warm to the touch in such cold weather. This feeling had become familiar in the last few weeks, the feeling of a crushing hangover looming over her like a dark and oppressive personal rain cloud, but it was worth it, for the night before when the lights were so bright she could only see spots when her eyes closed, not Cheryl’s face, and the music was so loud that the redheads soft voice that stayed stuck in her head was drowned out, and the alcohol was so strong that the soft memories of Miss Blossom herself faded into oblivion, even if only for a few hours. Still, a few hours numb and swaying to bad music, was a relief from the hell she was living sober, memories of gentle touches and soft kisses still tingling her skin and taunting her cruelly.

The rest of the Riverdale High world buzzed around her like nothing had changed, because for them nothing had, and Y/N stood silently, with her head pressed against the cold metal to force away some of the unbearable heat in her face.

“What a mess.” Cassandra snickered softly, herself and the other vixens gathered around Cheryl at her locker, talking amongst themselves as they always did. Cheryl looked towards the girl for clarification and Cassandra simply nodded in Y/N’s direction.

“Don’t even start on her.” Kelsi scoffed slightly, the whole group turning to examine the girl apparently falling asleep on a row of lockers. “I heard she was at Lucas Brant’s party the other night.”

“The college guy?” Ginger asked disbelievingly and Kelsi nodded.

“Yeah, no one knows what happened but a few weeks ago she just stopped showing up to some of her classes, and as far as I know she’s been at like every single party since then.” She clarified, all of them staring at this hopeless girl across the hall who was barely even functional, let alone aware of their gawking.

“I heard she got kicked out of her biology lesson on Tuesday because she was still drunk from the night before.” Another girl piped up, all of them exchanging looks that sat somewhere between pity and superiority.

“What do you think, Cheryl?” Ginger asked, diverting the attention of all of the Vixens back towards their leader, “Are the rumours true?”

Cheryl gave a tight lipped smile, she hadn’t spoken to Y/N since the day she broke her own heart, and since then the two of them hadn’t even so much as looked at each other. Cheryl had actively ignored her, at first out of stubbornness, and then out of fear, and then simply because she had no idea how to reverse the damage she’d caused, now the only contact she had with the other girl was the stories that were relayed to her by her friends.

“Well let’s throw a party, and find out.” Her voice was commanding as always, and yet hidden and every day was destroying a girl she loved, and a girl she refused to look at. Now, as she finally stared at her, she was struggling to deny it. “This Saturday at Thornhill, invite everyone, including her, and we’ll see if the rumours are true for ourselves.”

“I’m not going.” Y/N sighed, looking up at her best friend from her position on her bed, half buried in blankets.

“You’ve been partying every single night for weeks and now you want to tell me that the one party I’m desperate to go to is the one you refuse to attend?” Kevin asked, jumping onto the bed beside her and crawling under the covers with his friend, snuggling up beside her.

“Will you kill me if I say yes?” She asked and Kevin laughed, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“Yes, yes I will.” He smiled deviously and she groaned loudly, burying her face in his shirt, ironically enough to escape looking at him, his face softened when she relaxed into him and he let out a long sigh, stroking her hair gently, “Speaking of, when are you going to tell me why you’ve been so reckless lately?” He asked gently and she just shook her head.

“I can’t.” She hummed, “I can’t tell you why I can’t either.”

“You sound just as frustrated by that as I am.” He pointed out and she nodded.

“Trust me, I hate it more but there’s nothing I can do, I just really don’t want to go to this party, Kev.” Y/N said, pulling away to sit up, rubbing the tiredness away from her face, she’d been in bed all day after the night before had ended late, she was hungover or left over drunk, she hadn’t had much the night before, the alcohol had started to lose its effect and the redhead was even invading her attempts for numbness.

“Fine,” Kevin huffed, shuffling back out of bed and standing, his arms folded indignantly across his chest as he smiled deviously, “but, if you don’t come tonight then you have to tell me why you’ve been like this. If you do come, then I’ll let you off the hook for telling me, just this once.”

Y/N looked into his eyes, trying to gauge his seriousness and unfortunately he seemed resolute, she groaned loudly, holding her arms out towards him so he could help pull her up and out of bed. “Help me up so I can get ready then.”

“So that means I don’t get to find out.” He sighed wistfully, it wasn’t a question, he knew the answer but still he would give her little nudges in the hopes she might finally spill what had been up with her lately.

“Not tonight.” Y/N smiled, skulking off to the bathroom to get ready, despite the pain in her chest just screaming to crawl into bed and stay there. Nevertheless, she wasn’t about to fight over anything with Kevin right now, she couldn’t deal with losing more than one piece of her fractured heart this century.

Kevin let it go, as long as she wasn’t dead somewhere he didn’t care.

By ten o’clock the party was in full swing, people were dancing, drinking, and grinding all over each other and Y/N was sequestered over in a dark corner in an old leather chair that made her feel like a bitter queen, staring out at a sea of happy people that she couldn’t relate to, it was such a disconnected feeling but she didn’t exactly want to be connected at the moment. It just led to heartbreak. She didn’t want to drink here, it wouldn’t make a difference, how could she forget the girl whose home she sat in, who spun and socialised around the dance floor in front of her like flaunting what she couldn’t have. Drinking wouldn’t help her forget what was right in front of her and so she didn’t try, the best she could do was avoid the eyes of the fiery redhead who’d put her heart up in flames.

“She hasn’t touched a drink all night.” Ginger moved to Cheryl’s side, smirking slightly as she grabbed the redheads arm and pulled her away from the dancing bodies. Cheryl followed willingly, her eyes flicking back to Y/N in the corner momentarily.

“At all?” Cheryl asked, tilting her head, “I guess the rumours aren’t true.” She sighed heavily, what would have looked to her friend like disappointment, but the truth was relief flooded her body at the knowledge that Y/N wasn’t driving herself into the ground. Her relief was short lived.

“Oh they’re true,” Ginger said, pulling her phone out of her pocket and unlocking it, “Darcy sent me this, he said he too it himself last week.” She handed over the phone, presenting a video that Cheryl was afraid to watch, nevertheless she pressed play, holding her breath for what she was about to see.

It was Y/N there was no mistake about it, she was dancing to loud and angry music on a table top in a dimly lit room, clutching the neck of a whiskey bottle, and sounded by cheering teenagers that the redhead couldn’t even recognise. This wasn’t her, or at least it wasn’t the person Cheryl had been in love with, but it was something worse, it was the person Cheryl had turned hr into.

“I wonder what sent her off the edge…” Ginger mused quietly over Cheryl’s shoulder, watching the video herself for the millionth time, “she never really seemed the type for this.”

“She isn’t.” Cheryl’s chest was tight, and there was a rage burning in the pit of her stomach. How could she let herself get like this?! It made no sense to her, as much of a front as she put up, Cheryl wasn’t exactly sold on being loved. What little love she’d ever received had come from her brother, and he’d been taken away from her, the last thing she wanted was to see the same happen to Y/N and so she broke things off. It had backfired, obviously, the pain shed caused manifested in recklessness that Cheryl could not abide.

Without explanation, she turned on her heel to face the direction of Y/N, rearing her speech in her head, what she’d say to the girl she still loved once she dragged her away from the crowd. The things shed scream at her for daring to endanger herself but every word she conjured fell entirely short when she caught sight of her, sitting in her chair and finally smiling at a girl who sat on the arm of her chair, her hand on Y/N’s shoulder, her eyes undressing Cheryl’s girl. It was wrong, entirely and completely unacceptable.

Her mind went blank.

There was nothing in the world that she had ever thought could demolish her fears or reservations so quickly but she had found exactly that in a strange girl’s hand laying delicately on her girl’s shoulder, like claiming ownership over something that would never be hers.

Cheryl could swear on her heart that red clouded her vision as she stormed over, every single thought in her head being one of seething jealousy, of a burning necessity to make it clear to everyone that Y/N wasn’t free game. She wasn’t up for auction.

She was taken.

“Cheryl?” Y/N asked, confused and unsure as her heartbreaker stormed towards her with a fire in her eyes she had only ever seen in the redhead when they fought or when they made love.

“Excuse me.” She hissed at the girl beside hers, making the stranger flinch out of the way, before Y/n could stand, or ask what the hell was happening, Cheryl crawled onto her lap, straddling her hips in the middle of her party.

“Cher, what are you doing?” Y/N asked, desperate for clarification as her eyes darted around a party at a standstill, every single pair of eyes in the room trained on them in waiting. Cheryl’s hands rested on her cheeks and brought her full attention back to the girl on top of her. The redhead glanced back up at the very shocked party goer to her side, who had been forced away from Y/N.

“This one’s off limits.” She snarled, ducking her head and connecting her lips with Y/N’s in a kiss that certainly wasn’t what you’d class as appropriate for public. Eveything feel off the earth in that moment, they were alone in that room and safe in each others arms, Y/N’s hands coming to her waist to pull her in closer. It was love, and it was passion, and it was endless apology without a single word. When Cheryl pulled back slightly, her forehead resting against Y/N’s carefully, she sighed into a room holding its breath in shock and confusion. There was a second of silence before a familiar voice rose above the rest.

“THAT’S HOT!” Reggie screamed and as soon as the words left his mouth the room erupted in to cheers, and applause, and an understandable mess of people yelling numerous variations of ‘What the fuck?’ and yet somehow the two girls sat unmoving, staring at each other, really seeing each other for the first time in weeks.

“Everyone knows.” Y/N said breathlessly. Cheryl chuckled back, running her thumbs along Y/N’s cheek bones delicately, kissing her again softly and quickly.

“I don’t think I care.”

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