#and blindly choosing based on which vibes called to them

[romanceyourdemons]

it’s hard to believe that killing yourself in front of your disciple and making it explicitly clear that you’re doing this because of them is the miracle cure their incredibly fragile mental health has needed all along. that’s because it isn’t! in fact your disciple is developing a weird new way of suspending your body between life and death through terrified worship as we speak 👍

[bow-woahh]

Heal me after hurting! Any commentary!! Pleaseeee!

“Director’s commentary” on HMAH:

To start, this was meant to be a short-ish sick fic with some hurt/comfort vibes but nothing too angsty. However my some sort of demon took over my body and decided that it was going to be an in depth look at their broken relationship and Catra’s mental health (being a Catra-centric fic), showing her at some of her lowest points (intentionally mirroring the canon in some ways) and the internal conflict she faces on a daily bases, as she tries to maintain the healthy habits and take on the advice she’s gained from therapy. And of course I also highlight Adora’s perspective and how she felt at the time of their breakup and after it, but we pretty much only find out in tandem Catra, so every chapter another piece of their breakup and how that affected them is uncovered. (Rest of the post under the cut because I’m extra and have much to say)

As one can clearly tell, if I am not stopped I will literally not stop talking about this fic, so I’m gonna choose out one of my favourite moments and give a bit of context on that. This part is from chapter one, and usually when I refer to it I call it ‘The Feet Scene’:

It’s thirty two minutes in when Adora’s foot finally brushes against Catra’s, and it’s light and could have easily been an accident, but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels wholeheartedly intentional, like it’s meant to have an effect. Initially, Catra’s breath hitches, and her foot instinctively moves back, Adora’s foot being ice cold and Catra’s being warm from the heat of her blanket (it has always been like that, hot and cold, yin and yang, polar opposites balancing each other out). Then, exhaling, eyes still on the tv screen, she blindly moves her foot closer, as she tries to find Adora’s again. Clearly, it isn’t ignored, and it’s hard to with all the low level rustling it causes amongst the otherwise silence and voices of Élio and Oliver. This time, her foot just barely taps Adora’s, and she has to fight the urge to recoil from the near icy temperature. She taps the front of her foot, eyes still forward, biting the inside of her cheek, time ticking by slowly as she waits for Adora to accept the absurd invitation. To think this is the first real contact they’ve had in months is—

Adora’s foot moves closer to Catra’s, accepting her touch, and she nudges it a couple of times, as if trying to make a point. Catra looks over to see her wearing a grin on her face, and she’s positive it’s not because of the movie. In retaliation, she presses into her foot a little more, with more pressure, being more bold and when she glances over, she can see Adora’s smile has faltered, which makes it hard not to smirk in triumph. Not backing down from the challenge though, Adora tries once more to get a reaction out of her, rubbing back and forth on her heel a couple of times, and it’s impossible to ignore, so Catra turns to face her, eyebrows raised in a rendering question. It’s only once Adora turns to look at Catra too that both grins are washed away and replaced with—

While Heal Me After Hurting was in no way comedic or funny or intended to be…I do remember reading this and just laughing at how ludicrous this was; how I actually wrote (And kept it in) my fic; and how I felt like this is something that Catra and Adora as #1 disaster lesbians would totally do. So, although there’s an element of absurdity which Catra does point out, this whole interaction was meant to be a baby step, a piece of hope, in the mess of a first chapter where Catra is mostly extremely volatile, not to mention how this moment acts as a starking juxtaposition to events covered later on in the chapter. Yeah, there was a lot going on. 

Most importantly however, I think it highlights Catra breaking her walls down a bit, despite everything and how she currently feels pretty ambivalent towards Adora. Adora extended her hand (or her foot) and Catra reached for it, as a way to say ‘I do still care and I do see you’. It’s kind of reminiscent of the innocence of holding hands with your crush in the back of a movie theatre for the first time, and the thrill and giddiness you feel with it. Only, they run into another wall when they finally acknowledge what they’re doing with more that two brain cells and they both share this look, which is initially Catra being like “what the fuck are we doing?” But then, Adora looks at her and they both share this realisation of: “Oh my god…what are we doing? We haven’t talked about anything and now we’re doing this.” Then the overthinking kicks in, and in a way they both feel like they’ve crossed a boundary, Adora more so, causing her to be more reserved which then worries Catra immensely as she instantly thinks she did something wrong, when in reality, they’re both hot messes. 

Thankfully, Adora doesn’t reel in completely, and the sudden dip in the somewhat friendly atmosphere isn’t destroyed, and from that interaction, Catra not only lets her defences down slightly, but also learns (even if she doesn’t immediately realise it) that Adora really is trying to amend things, and that there is still hope there, which causes her to soften up a bit.

Oh, and the high-key competitiveness is not to be ignored, as it wouldn’t be Catra and Adora without them being weirdly competitive over everything they do. I imagine in the early days of their relationship and when they were younger that they would be oddly competitive about things — like their first kiss definitely happened as a result of one of them teasing the other. Because of the fact their teasing was often so non platonic, that was also another thing which definitely contributed to the “oh fuck” moment.

Last thing I want to mention before I end this hell of a rant was the inspiration for this, which is fairly obvious, as Catra literally compares their moment to a scene in Call Me By Your Name, and coincidentally they’re watching it! The moment in the movie is much more subtle and sudden, Oliver touching Élio’s foot under the table at a dinner; in the book however, there is much more detail and you read it play out, and specifically Elio’s reaction to it, which very much mirrors Catra in this situation, and I just thought that was pretty neat. So I decided it could work here, obviously with a shift in dynamics and lot more tension of course, and I’d like to think it worked well!

Okay, I had so much fun writing that (too much), thank you for the ask! If anyone else wants to send me an ask similar to this, feel free to, and here’s a link to the post if you’re baffled on what this ask even was: director’s commentary ask

Also if you’re reading this post (you deserve a medal) and is completely confused to what fic I’m talking about, here’s the link to it: Heal me after hurting 

(:

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

So this’ll probably be a multiple part submission, but again it’s the “ISTJ 4w5” anon here with more info about myself for better typing. Sorry it took so long to get back, I was out of town. So I read your post about what information is helpful when typing so I’ll do my best. Basically, I’ve gone back and forth with all different types, trying to find my best fit. A friend of mine who’s pretty knowledgeable about mbti was the one who suggested I may be ISTJ for a few reasons: I usually (1/?)

think everything through at least a little-as I’ve gotten older I’ve become a lot more spontaneous and adventurous about things, I love new experiences too-but even with these things I still think about how I’ll get it to work, what the possible repercussions will be, exactly what I need to do to accomplish things, etc., so Judging would make sense for my personality. I do actually do tons of research on most things beforehand, sometimes I’ll get lazy and “just do it” but I almost always (2/?)

go into something with at least a little foreknowledge. I also make decisions with my head, so for that reason it seemed like it made sense for me to have thinking as my dominant judging function, because I always choose the most logical option/what will yield the best result, sometimes based on what has worked in the past. But I’m not against new suggestions, because I look at what will work the best or yield the best result as I said before. But I will lean towards things that have worked(3/?)

before if they seem to be the best solution. I didn’t think I could be a Thinking dominant because for me there’s no way I could have inferior Feeling, which is why the stackup of a Perceiving function followed by Thinking and Feeling made sense-because I always check in with my values/feelings before making a decision but always rely on objective logic first-which I’ve heard is a staple of Te vs Ti subjective logic. But if I completely disagree with the morality of a choice I won’t do it.(4/?)

Basically, I’ll always find a way to make things work unless it’s absolutely impossible. Im pretty stubborn. I’m dependable and if I say I will do something I always do it. I have a good memory and I remember minor things my friends or people in my life tell me for a long time, just little details. I always need details when someone is telling me a story, or relaying something that happened, because I like to know specifics and analyze them. I strictly adhere to external logic when analyzing(5/?

(Im starting from where I think I left off bc tumblr wasn’t sending them) But if I completely disagree with the morality of a choice I won’t do it. Basically, I’ll always find a way to make things work unless it’s absolutely impossible. Im pretty stubborn. I’m dependable and if I say I will do something I always do it. I have a good memory and I remember minor things my friends or people in my life tell me for a long time, just little details. I always need details (6?/?)

and specifics and analyze them. I strictly adhere to external logic when analyzing things too, like my conclusions need to match up with the objective logic I use. I’m not much for rules or traditions like most ISTJ stereotypes go, but stereotypes are just that and aren’t what’s important to look at when typing. I have certain traditions that I appreciate but I’m almost always open to an adventure or new experience. I like the idea of making new memories as well, and I love learning new things.(7/?)

Idk how much of the last asks even sent, ugh. Anyway: I’m aware of my surroundings; I mean I can get lost in my own world or distracted like anybody else but my mood is heavily influenced by my environment. I get “vibes” from an environment and just kind of feel like they’re good or bad. Oftentimes a “good” vibe will be something that invokes a positive memory or experience, but it can also just be because it’s pleasant in some way. My comfort is important to me and I like to be in touch (8/?)

I can be spontaneous, but I’m not reckless because I always think things through at least preliminarily. I just believe in seizing the moment and making the most of an experience, so I love “adrenaline junkie” activities. Usually that’s an Se stereotype, it’s something I can relate to but I wouldn’t call myself impulsive because I analyze pretty much everything. I just have noticed that I can be more adventurous than my Se dom friend, which is interesting. But it’s all about how one thinks.(8/?)

For the zillionth time my tumblr was acting all wack and idk how many parts of my ask sent, so let’s hope they did... I’m aware of my surroundings; I mean I can get lost in my own world or distracted like anybody else but my mood is heavily influenced by my environment. I get “vibes” from an environment and just kind of feel like they’re good or bad. Oftentimes a “good” vibe will be something that invokes a positive memory or experience, but it can also just be because it’s pleasant somehow(8?/?

My comfort is important to me and I like to be in touch with my 5 senses, always. I often pick up on details other people miss but I can be as oblivious as anyone else on a bad day. I would consider myself a fairly intuitive person, but definitely not an abstract iNtuitive-type. Im just pretty perceptive about things, it’s something those close to me always tell me. I get senses or vibes from people when I meet them, and I’ve had plenty of experiences where I’ll get a certain vibe from (9/?)

mom sometimes, but that could be due to maturity. I used to think I was an iNtuitive, but I realized I am actually most likely a sensor who was mistyped thanks to bad descriptions due to intuitive bias. I know the only real difference is Sensing focuses on the here/now and the past, drawing on resources and memory, and using concrete, linear thinking, likes details and being in touch with surroundings, etc. I really dislike abstract thinking and I always need practical real life examples (10/?)

applications in order for me to care. I like the abstract symbolism in art, music, etc. And in that sense I like to determine what the real meaning is. So I don’t hate abstractions but they’re not my favorite, so an Ne weak spot in that department would make a lot of sense for me. I just hate abstract theories on things that have no real use or meaning to me. I also know that an “I” type doesn’t always mean one is a true introvert because it’s all about functions, but I’m almost positive I(11/?)

am one because I’m definitely an introvert and my primary thought process is always done internally. I’ve done so much research on mbti and enneagram, which my friend also thought could be due to wanting to discover my true identity, which I’ve heard is an enneagram 4 thing. Discovering my identity is very important to me. Obviously I’m not an expert, I’m just a person who wants to understand themself and has researched and read a lot to be able to do that (12/?)

There’s definitely parts of personality theory that I don’t know, but I definitely know more than anyone else I know personally in my life, it’s kind of become a hobby I guess. I just really want to know my type, not to flaunt it like some badge of honor for being a super “rare” or “cool” type; I want to know so I can grow as a person and understand myself and how I think and make decisions so I can see my reasoning and improve myself. Anyway I hope this info helps, I love your blog (13/14)

and thanks for taking the time to read all this horrific mess. (14/14)

---------------------------------------

I wrote a much longer response but it was very piecemeal as these came through.

In short: my guess would be SFP, either ISFP or ESFP.

Reasoning: I think in your attempts to avoid intuitive stereotypes you fell into a whole lot of stereotypes about Se that led you not to type as using it even though you seem very clearly a high Se user to me. You don’t provide many specific examples, ironically enough (eg: a lot of people say they get vibes, but there is a difference between ‘I regularly guess information about people that they are shocked I could figure out’ and ‘I can tell when people are sad sometimes’ and people use ‘vibes’ for both), so Ti vs. Fi is more difficult as you don’t really provide examples of your logic and there’s a lot of tautology. That said your motivations for MBTI as true identity (which...it is not your true identity, please do not think of any personality theory as such, they’re all generic archetypes of your identity) seem more in line with Fi as do some other things. Some observations:

-most people think their actions through to some extent. Some more than others but even spontaneous Ne and Se users have like, a thought and don’t just leap blindly. You don’t really provide an example here of your planning or your adventurousness.

-”I make decisions with my head” and “I always choose the most logical option” are actually signs to me that you don’t have a great sense of self-awareness. No one always chooses the most logical option unless they’re a robot. We all do irrational things sometimes, and honestly, how do you even decide what’s more logical in a lot of decisions?

-while it is true that Te uses objective logic and Ti uses subjective logic, people are very bad at telling which they use - which isn’t a judgment on them or you, but it also means that if someone says “I use objective logic” it doesn’t really mean anything. You need to tell me what decisions you make that are objective.

-If you have moral stances but do things that completely contradict them...then you don’t have moral stances, you just say you do. So this is tautological.

-Lots of people can be stubborn; dependability is more stereotypically judgers but I’ve met some exceptionally reliable perceivers; it’s a learned skill that smart people learn to develop regardless of type.

-contrary to stereotype, while some Si-doms do have a great memory (I think mine is better than average) plenty don’t; the capacity to remember details is more sensing because of the detail-oriented nature.

-similar to the objective logic statement it would be helpful to understand what you mean by external logic.

-being always open to an adventure or new experience is not really likely in high Si users until they’re pretty old. I mean, I am as discussed in the midst of a bunch of new experiences and while I’ve moved and started new jobs/school a few times and am used to it I am still kind of constantly fighting the urge to just hide in my new apartment (not having wifi in it is ‘helping’). The fact that you also are an adrenaline junkie is really not typical of Si-doms at all.

-Finally: introversion. Your writing style strikes me as extroverted. You don’t provide examples. I would need to know more about what you mean by “your thought process is internal” because like, that is what thoughts are - internal. Extroverts still have a full inner monologue.

My guess is you’re a type 4 ESFP who is in the midst of tert-Te development and so you are currently identifying very strongly with logic and productivity. However, it’s also very possible you’re an organized ISFP; my ISFP sister is one of those. As mentioned a lot of people realize that being flaky isn’t really a good look; a lot of SFPs are also very practical (high Se) and place a high value on reliability as a moral trait or identity trait. I find the nature of Fi and Ti is such that it’s really hard for people who use them to always know which one they use because they’re so subjective by nature; high Fi users often see their moral decisions as logical and high Ti users often see their logical decisions as also moral (unless they are of the edgy, “I have no morals” sort).

[hellyeahomeland]

Me again with more Carrie and Saul. can you elaborate on how it’s different between them? You say it’s evolved but I don’t see how. Things have happened to Carrie especially, but I don’t really see how their relationship has changed at its core. Maybe Saul treats her more like an adult but even that’s debatable imo. I don’t mean to be argumentative for argument’s sake but... (continued...)

Cont… can you give concrete examples of how the development has played out on screen so I can understand it & hopefully S8 better. Specific scenes and what how they weren’t just individual scenes but changed the relationship going forward. Much appreciated! Oh and one more thing re: Saul and Carrie, sorry I forgot. Can you also venture a guess what it means in practice? What do you think will happen between them that will feel like closure or catharsis or something that’s expected of a show’s final season and perhaps finale as well?

Note #1: this became a lot longer than I expected (sorry, you asked!). Beyond what I’ve written, I challenge you to go back and watch these individual scenes. I’ve chosen ones from each season to illustrate the full arc of their relationship. Observe the differences in Claire and Mandy’s body language, in their facial expressions, in their discomfort, in the shared trauma of what’s come before. It’s deliberate writing and deliberate acting. Shorter version of this post is here, from April 2018.

Note #2: I chose almost exclusively scenes of conflict to represent the evolution of their relationship because I believe that conflict drives change. 

PROLOGUE:

To understand the Carrie and Saul relationship, we’ve got to understand what their relationship was before we met them. From what we know, Saul recruited Carrie, straight out of college. He saw in her something special and unique, something that didn’t come around every other day. She was gifted but she was also alone. She had no partner. She was socially isolated from her family and from the world (he didn’t yet know of her mental illness). This was an advantage of sorts. It meant she could give herself more and more to the work, same as he did. Remember this is his Achilles’ heel: whenever they call, he picks up. He doesn’t know how not to. It destroyed his marriage. But he molds her in his image. He teaches her, he raises her, the way a father would his daughter. He brings her up. Their relationship melds the boundaries of teacher/student, boss/employee, mentor/mentee, and father/daughter. It’s personal, and it’s deeply intimate. 

This is what we are given before the pilot and it’s what we’ve grappled with for nearly eight years: his attempts to harness her gifts–often to her detriment–and her simultaneous resentment of him for it and unwavering yearning for his approval. 

Key Scenes in the Carrie and Saul Canon:

#1: “What happened to the Saul Berenson that trekked the Karakoram?”: Much of the season one conflict between Carrie and Saul comes from her three thousand miles an hour suspicion of Brody and him being like “whoa slow down pls.” He is the first person she tells of these suspicions and he essentially shoots her down, causing her to go rogue. It’s here where the lines become blurred between boss/protege and father/daughter, because the way in which he chastises and punishes her feels awfully familial. 

So when Carrie finally reaches a breaking point in “Blind Spot” (the original Carrie Mathison Appreciation Episode), we feel that as though a family is breaking up. It doesn’t matter that she comes crawling back to him, just an episode later, remorseful. 

Carrie underlines just how much Saul has changed: in her words, from the man who “did three months in a Malaysian prison” (HELLO???? repeat: he raised her in his image) to a pussy. We understand that Carrie and Saul are both outsiders in the CIA. We understand that Saul is still grappling with his former employee David Estes bring promoted over him. While Carrie truly seems to not give a fuck, Saul keeps in line. He says “yes, sir.” He advises caution. None of these are inherently bad qualities but in this scene we come to understand that what drew Carrie to Saul was not his caution, his yin to her yang, but his daring and bravery and “FUCK THE CIA” mentality (there’s a reason why that line is in this episode too). 

#2: “You don’t know a goddamned thing”: This scene is now famous for lines like “you’re the smartest and dumbest fucking person I’ve ever known” (he’s not wrong) but this scene is actually one of the more important ones ever on this show, and I still maintain that t“The Choice” is the mos important ever Homeland episode. As to why this scene itself is significant in their relationship, I’ll allow Jacob Clifton to explain:

Saul is one thing only, and his love for Carrie comes out of the idea that they are the same. And he’s right. But because she’s giving up herself to something he can’t, it looks like they are not the same. It looks ugly to him. He fights it like an addict fights recovery, striking blindly at her softest places because can’t stand the change in vector: Her madness is only acceptable as long as it’s useful; her self-abnegation is only positive so long as he can understand it.

I bolded that last sentence because it’s almost shockingly predictive of future seasons. We can hem and haw all we want about Saul’s relative rightness about Carrie leaving the CIA for Brody being a terrible decision, but the truth is that he would have done it regardless of who Brody was. He would have done it if she’d left with Quinn, with Jonas, with Otto, with Estes, with anyone, or all by herself. I don’t actually believe that Saul wants Carrie to be miserable. I just think he doesn’t care. I think he sees her gifts, her “saving the world” (to be totally Mandy Patinkin about it) as a more profound and upright calling than, for example: having a family, being a mother, having an integrated and whole personal life… the list goes on. 

But the moment when Carrie tells him she doesn’t want to end up alone her whole life, like him, is probably the first great fissure in what was until then a generally even relationship. It establishes her desire for… something beyond everything he’d ever shown her (she literally turns down the greatest career opportunity ever for THE DUDE IN THE SUICIDE VEST… and like, did we ever consider that wasn’t really about Carrie loving Brody so much but more about how much she really didn’t fucking want to be Saul????). She threatens his control and he strikes her at the knees. 

#3: Literally all of season three: It’s difficult to choose a single scene in season three to encapsulate just how much Carrie and Saul’s relationship this season was changed but let’s just discuss the overall arc:

Saul and Carrie come up with a plan to lure out Javadi (i.e., Iran) since they know he’s partially responsible for the Langley bombing. In their shared plan, Carrie will pretend to be crazy in front of the Senate and the press so that she seems vulnerable to the influence of a foreign power. Coolness. 

Except Saul changes the plan in the middle and: 

Publicly blames the Langley bombing on Carrie

Outs Carrie’s sexual relationship with Brody on national television 

Has Carrie committed to a mental institution for four weeks with little to no contact with the outside world

Sics Dar fucking Adal on her when she gets out of the mental institution in order to maintain the cover

The scene at the end of “Game On” where Carrie comes to Saul’s house and tells him the plan has worked is devastating to watch. I don’t think it was entirely clear at the time just how much Saul’s plan had strayed from their shared vision until Carrie tells him, through tears, “you should have gotten me out of there, Saul. You shouldn’t have left me in there.” He doesn’t say anything in response. When she tells him it’s too hard, she can’t keep going, he offers her some tea. It would be funny if it weren’t so fucking sad. 

Again: 

Her madness is only acceptable as long as it’s useful; her self-abnegation is only positive so long as he can understand it.

Season three was all about that: about the lengths Saul would go with Carrie’s own illness, and how far along she’d left herself go too. Javadi literally makes a speech about it.

Now, Carrie wasn’t forced to do any of this (well, except the mental institution, that was extremely forced). We see at times how desperately she craves his attention and approval: in “Tower of David,” when she pleads with her therapist to give a good report back to Saul; in “The Yoga Play,” where he berates her for getting involved in Brody Family Drama and tells her she’s ruined everything and ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT THAT NOW CARRIE (god, the father/daughter vibes in that one are nauseating); in “Still Positive” when she calls him, triumphant, after having arranged the meeting with Javadi and he’s like “oh yeah by the way we lost you for a few hours there.” 

(This doesn’t fit into the above theme but the scene at the end of “One Last Thing” when Carrie tells him in order for any of this shit to work they have to trust each other is one of the most interesting and important scenes of the whole season, simply because it implies one easy truth: they don’t trust each other. And what a change that is from earlier seasons.) 

And yet, he needed her for it all to work. Saul may have been the mastermind of the entire clusterfuck of season three (better on rewatch than you would think!), but without Carrie literally every step of the way, it would have gone up in flames. She lured Javadi to America with her 95%-based-in-reality mania. She convinced Brody to go to Iran knowing it would almost certainly end in his death. And then she went straight along to Tehran knowing she’d probably have to witness it all. 

The end of season three is super interesting in their relationship because I believe in my gut and in my soul that Carrie still resents Saul for convincing her to convince Brody to go kill himself. I really believe this. Again, she wasn’t forced. She did this of her own volition. But he planted the seed in her head, and I think some part of Carrie–likely equal parts rational and irrational–blames him for it, even as she mostly blames herself. 

I won’t even mention Saul’s complete un-acknowledgement of Carrie being nine months pregnant in the last half of “The Star” but Saul basically ignoring Carrie’s child for four years is more significant than we give it credit for.

#4: “Escape or die. I promise.” The season four relationship between Carrie and Saul is interesting because it upends their previous dynamic. Carrie and Saul were always outsiders in the agency, but now he’s actually on the outside and she’s ascended, more an insider than ever. Also, I know part of it was grief, and again this is not an absolution, but where else do we think Carrie learned her casual disregard for human life? I’m just saying, season four came after season three. 

So anyway, when Carrie promises to Saul that he’ll kill him before letting him be re-captured by the Taliban, we almost sort of believe her. She nearly killed him once before (wanna know the quickest way to get me from 0 to 1500 words on this show? mention the end of “From A to B and Back Again.” but actually don’t please).

The middle episodes of season four–Carrie nearly killing Saul, reneging on her promise to kill him, and then tearfully saving him from himself–are extremely moving. And they cement the arc of that entire season, of Carrie ascending where Saul had fallen. “The student becomes the master” (or the Drone Queen, rather) and all that jazz. Her journey to save her soul coincided with her journey to save him. Is that coincidental? Saul stopped being Carrie’s moral compass around the time he lied to her and had her committed. But just as Carrie is finding her way amid the chaos and fog of war, Saul is making backdoor deals with Dar fucking Adal to turn a blind eye to Haqqani’s reign of terror so that he could go and be the CIA director again. 

Saul preached idealism and goodness and morality in an increasingly terrorized, dangerous, chaotic world. He raised her in that image. She strayed, but was finding her way back to it. In those final moments of season four, that betrayal is complete. She detaches from him. And their relationship is forever altered. 

#5: “There’s a line between us that you drew. Forget that. There’s a fucking wall.” Oh, season five. This is getting really long so I’ll try to be succinct: Carrie and Saul’s relationship in season five is about her being in mortal danger and him being like “lol good luck….. NOT.” Ok, it’s only like that for an episode. 

How do they come back from the damage done at the end of season four? I think the answer is that they didn’t. They’re not healed from it. Parts of Carrie don’t trust Saul, and parts of Saul don’t trust Carrie. There are the surface elements of course: Carrie went and found a cool life in Berlin, riding bikes and wearing balloon hats and such, working for a man whose ideals often stood in direct counter to the CIA’s. In effect, she basically went and did the opposite of everything Saul had ever done. That this all comes in a time of real upheaval in Saul’s personal life (Mira divorced him, he’s literally fucking a Russian mole) only makes his ego more volatile. 

And then we have The Landstuhl Conundrum. I’m calling it this because it doesn’t yet have a name but I’m referring to the moment when the doctors say that they can’t wake Quinn from a coma, because if they do he will probably die or have irreversible brain damage. But Carrie and Saul believe he has valuable information about a terror cell that he’d eagerly share after coming out of said coma. Honestly!!! This show is extremely ridiculous sometimes. 

Anyway Saul is like “what would you want me to do if it were you lying there,” implying DUH she’d have him wake her. She says she can’t speak for Quinn. Well apparently she can, because she wakes him. Cue the irreversible brain damage, the almost-death. 

Later Saul comes to see her and Quinn at the hospital and asks how he is. “Not great,” she replies tersely. He tells her he didn’t come here to fight with her. 

Resentment City: Population of 1. I’ve actually beat this drum for a few years, but I still think that Carrie harbors resentment toward Saul for coercing her into waking Quinn. First Brody, then Quinn. This isn’t meant to absolve Carrie of blame. She convinced Brody to go to Tehran because she believed in that mission. She woke Quinn because she believed in that mission. But I do think that Saul gave her a nudge and I’m not 100% convinced that without his influence she’d have made the same choices. When we talk about Saul teaching Carrie, about him mentoring her… and then we talk about Carrie having no regard for human life, of choosing mission over man, time after time… how much of that is her nature and how much is him nurturing her toward that outcome? 

#6: “Maybe I don’t like the idea of you worrying about me.” Season six is spectacularly dull on many fronts, and the Carrie/Saul relationship is not the centerpiece. The evolution of their relationship after Berlin has taken the shape of something like season three. Saul needs Carrie’s help, she’s in no position to give it, he coaxes her with some terrifying outcome If She Won’t, then she agrees, and things still Turn Out Shitty For Her. 

Ultimately I think this season highlights that whatever difficulties they now have working with each other, whatever trust issues they both still harbor, at the end of the day it is ALWAYS Carrie and Saul Versus the World. That’s always what this story has been (though this is extremely different from their relationship being the same as it’s always been), and it’s what the show comes back to after Quinn’s death. 

He still cares about her. She tells him not to, he’s not her fucking father. This is one of the great complexities of their relationship: Saul often does coddle her the way a father would a daughter, but he’s a firm believer in tough love and all the forms that can take. 

Again, I don’t think that Saul wants Carrie to be miserable. I also don’t think he wants her to happy. Her personal fulfillment and well-being is just entirely secondary to her role in his own mission of Whatever The Fuck. I mean I guess his mission is for the world to be more peaceful and better but like… y’know how Thanos thinks that killing half the universe’s population will help with the suffering caused by overpopulation? I’m not saying Saul is Thanos. But they’re both deranged males! (Also, if y’all don’t think Saul would Gamora Carrie right up outta this dimension if it meant fulfilling his life’s mission then please let me sell you this Homeland lamp!) (But honestly, I’m not saying Saul is as bad as Thanos.) (Do not send in asks about this.)

#7: “You’ve given me a hard time these last few years.” Season seven takes the post-Berlin foundation that season six built and adds some new interesting layers that are like a weird inversion/combo of seasons four and five. Carrie’s more on the outside than she’s ever been and now Saul’s the one who’s gone to work for the enemy. 

Still, no matter whatever shit has gone down between them, it’s still Carrie and Saul Versus the World. The show highlights some key ideas in the last three episodes. First, it fully acknowledges that whenever Saul comes calling, Carrie will always answer. Remember how he said this was his Achilles’ heel? Remember how in that same episode Carrie said she was going to be alone her whole life? Remember how Saul raised Carrie in his image? These callbacks are not evidence of stagnation of their relationship; they’re references to its elemental core. 

Second, the show finally has Carrie acknowledge the… um… storm of shit Saul has put her through while also fully copping to the extreme codependence of their entire relationship:

I’ve not come all this way in that fucking plane and in my life to fail in that mission when I know I can succeed. You’ve given me a hard time the past few years. I’m in, I’m out, I’m all over the place. I am not all over the place now. I’m here and I’m all in, and I need you to say yes. 

She pledges her devotion to the mission (above all else). She acknowledges Saul’s hot-and-cold nature with her. And then she says SHE STILL NEEDS HIS APPROVAL because–say it with me–they are in an extremely! toxic! relationship!

In a nutshell, the evolution of the discord in Carrie and Saul’s relationship started with him putting her life at risk in service of the mission. And now we’re at a point where she fully fucking volunteers for the task! In my heart of hearts I think a non-zero part of Carrie is doing it so he will love her more. Did I mention they are in a codependent relationship? 

So where do we go from here?

If you are still reading, congratulations! That’ll teach you to ask me a question about Carrie and Saul! Actually, about five questions were asked. The last–what will happen in season eight that will feel at all like a catharsis–is not one that I’ve actually thought that much about. 

I think I’ve made a case for Carrie and Saul’s relationship being the soul of this show–its mangled, twisted soul. The truth is their relationship is toxic. They are both their best and worst selves with each other. Like family, they know what buttons to push, and where to strike to make it hurt the most. 

What catharsis looks like in this relationship depends a lot on how you see this relationship. For example, it would be cathartic for me for Saul to die, but that will almost certainly not happen. It would be cathartic for Carrie to strike out on her own–finally–and attempt some type of fulfillment. Also very unlikely. 

If I had to guess about what the end of this story will look like for them, it’s probably with Carrie dead. Probably on a mission Saul convinced her to believe in. 

Saul’s been alone his entire life. He will never be less alone because Carrie is alive. I guess that’s the prison he has to live in. And then maybe she’ll finally be free of hers. 

EPILOGUE:

The above is a reading of their relationship that is quite sympathetic to Carrie, obviously, and quite unsympathetic to Saul, also obviously. You will probably disagree. Gail has written very interesting stuff on how the dynamic of the Carrie/Saul relationship is most like handler/asset. I think that is a very astute perspective and there are definitely aspects of it but I think the relationship more resembles the trope of found family: she is the daughter he never had and he is the stable father she never had, and they will both ruin each other. Fin! 

[ainchase]

hi

wao I havent

been doing much on this blog or any other blog for a long time

I just wanted to quickly really quickly address something that popped into my head and ... something that I am reminded of almost daily.

I actually ... sort of cringe at the thought of calling any of my posts as “elsword theory” even though I jokingly say it or... even tag my posts as elsword theory (I do it anyway cuz I have no idea what to call them sometimes) because (with the actual definition of the word theory aside)

I don’t just write out rambles of AU and “hey what if” blindly (unless they’re explicitly stated so); I list out observable facts that you yourself can check out in the game, but with clarifications or corrections that NA or other servers might’ve mistranslated on since I can read/understand Korean and... probably know more about the lore and overall game story than .. like... I don’t want to make a wrong assumption here but more than most of the people who are just paid by the words they translate and have 0 interest in what’s going on in the game... 

I’m judging that based on some of the translations of descriptions I’ve found on the NA side; some of them are a mistranslation 

Example: the very last epic quest of Solace’s Fortress arc; where it says Solace handed Elsword a sword when in fact it’s actually Solace aiming his sword AT Elsword

or they’ve added extraneous details that were not in the Korean original 

Example: ... Ain’s character creation screen description of Arme Thaumaturgy where it says he is merciful to those in need when Korean original don’t have that. Not even remotely close to anything like that. What the hell NA 

Or they just omitted several points for the fluidity of the sentence 

Example: few words in transcendence quest descriptions which I believed were vital to understand the meaning of the cryptic descriptions. 

It’s okay, the original Korean isn’t exactly well-written in the first place; sometimes you’re forced to trim off the fat to get to the core when translating into English......

WITH THAT SAID

I list facts and bring your attention to parts of the game that you might not have noticed or cared too much about and link those parts together to create an overarching explanation for the plot of the game thus far.

Facts are facts whether you choose to believe them or not.

I think of myself as an Elsword lore fanatic more than a theorist cuz I just get a weird vibe calling myself a theorist (even though the entire discord server is named after it lol) because I feel like if I was a theorist I’d be churning out click-bait-y posts for the sake of getting attention lmao

In fact, I’ve written more summaries/educational stuff more than speculations and theories. It’s such a weird concept. What am I? idk

And please, I don’t consider myself better or smarter than any of you (unless you really are dumb) just because of the shit I write; I just choose to spend my free time staring at in game texts and lore. I also... have a library (metaphorical library, not an actual library) that I’ve compiled over the... few months, just organized data of in game texts and character information that I can easily access.... This is just my hobby.

That was a weird, long and unnecessary rant. Have a nice day.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE

I’m going to start on my Elsword is a Rock post soon; I’ve written one in Korean and it was well received on the Korean forum :o

[pokeheros-drama]

“Hey Taavi, your religion shouldn't be an excuse to be a hateful piece of shit. Form your own opinions rather than use the opinions of some outdated discriminatory text. You're 19 years old for fucks sake.” I don’t take offence when stuff is said about me or to me. But I will take huge offence when you disrespect my religion. So better watch your tongue. You don’t have to believe in it, or even support it. But do not disrespect it. Now I don’t blindly follow my religion. That’s stupid. I do form my own opinions. Plus my opinions are forever changing. Improving. Because I understand I might be wrong. Prove me wrong and change my opinions (without the mask of anonymity). But I agree with most of what my religion says and that’s why I follow it. Also I’m not hateful. I don’t hate anyone. I might not support everyone and everything but that absolutely does not mean I hate anyone. “Being homophobic isn't an opinion, but go off.” I’m pretty sure you guys don’t even read my feeds and just complain about them. I never said it’s alright to be homophobic. I might not support something but that does not mean I’m against it. I’ll treat everyone the same way regardless of whatever they choose to believe In or whatever they believe their sexuality is. I respect everyone the same way. Name one person I disrespected because they were of a different religion or sexuality. I’ll respect everyone as long as they respect me. I won’t support everyone and their choices. Yes. But I also won’t judge or disrespect anyone based on those choices. All that feed said was I was of the opinion that homophobic people, which should not exist but do sadly, don’t deserve the witch hunt you guys go on every time you find one. “lmao gtfo Taavi 🤣🤣 you really tryna be a good guy by going the “i understand where you’re coming from” route and kissing your own ass. 🤣You know why people won’t make the effort to get to know you and experience “one of the best users” that you humbly call yourself? Because your public presentation makes you look like an arrogant, horrible person who has a very problematic way of thinking and honestly, who wants someone like that around them if they are not like that themselves? 🤣 i think people are right to dislike or even hate people only by judging the behaviour that they CHOSE to show to the public. So if you’re so bothered (you will claim that you’re not bothered but it is very clear that you are, as you posted in here and make feeds about this blog) by people talking bad things about you on here, maybe you should try to work on yourself and give people a reason to see you in a less negative light 😘 just a random thought from a lurker 👀✌” I honestly don’t even wanna bother with you so I’m just gonna comment on the last part. I know my public presentation makes me seem like a jerk. And honestly I’m perfectly fine with it. If anyone is go a like me they can like me regardless of that. Otherwise it’s up to them. I have a problematic view of things? Yeah right. Sure my opinions are different then most no doubt. But that’s not the problem. The problem is you guys are so stuck up on your opinions you aren’t even willing to open up to anything else. I at least am willing to hear others out. Prove to me my opinions are wrong and I’m willing to change them. The problem is you guys have differentiated it into black and white. Someone is either good or someone is bad. Well there are grey too. You guys just ignore the greys. I have always said and will say again. I don’t take offence of whatever anyone says To me and about me. But I am bothered if someone messes with or disrespects my friends, or religion etc. No denying that. Oh and the reason I write about this blog in my feeds and all has nothing to do with it bothering me. It’s all because it’s fun. And I’m replying to these posts because I want people to see my POV too. I am working on myself to be a better person. And not just seem a better person. “Hey Taavi, pro tip. If everyone you meet sees you as a jerk, maybe that means you are one! Maybe that means you're the problem actually. Plot twist we didn't just randomly select you to hate on, we hate you because you're openly a bigoted piece of shit. You don't get to try and pay us to shut up with your giveaway. We will not let you sweep this under the rug until you show that you have changed.” I’m not even gonna answer the first part cause I’m tired of answering that. You again didn’t read that feed and just came to a conclusion so again not worth the effort of answering. I’m not trying to shut up anyone with that giveaway. You can say all the shit you want. All that giveaway was meant to do was raise everyone’s mood a little. And I’m definitely not asking to let it slide. Oh and yeah. I ain’t gonna prove I’ve changed. Because I haven’t. I’m still of the opinion that no one, not even transphobic people, deserve the witch hunt you guys start whenever someone says mildly different from your POV. “I believe Taavi made this 1 feed about how he offered to help a woman carry water because she looked to be struggling. She didn't give him a nice response. Basically the feed was him not getting why (some) women are like that. Vibe was slightly sexist. I wanted to comment but felt it was too much of a hassle so I didn't. Bringing it up now because I feel that feed describes him. He thinks a certain opinion and asserts it publicly in a way that there should be no debating he could be wrong.” Wow. Just wow. Anyways we have another major case of not reading shit and just jumping to conclusions. All that feed said was I’m saddened by the condition of the world we live in, in which a barely 13-14 year old Girl has to be afraid of a person offering help. As far as I remember There was no opinion stating there. No one said she was in the wrong. I understood why she it and that’s why I didn’t insist anymore. I do state my opinions publicly. But never once have I ever said that I can’t be wrong. I’m always saying “prove me wrong and I’ll change my opinions”. ~~~~~~ Love Taavi

[topicprinter]

Amazon FBA courses have been all the rage lately, with lofty promises of a lucrative digital nomad lifestyle. There are hundreds of courses to choose from, but 3 stick out from the crowd. It might be due to their high price tag, or maybe its the individuals behind the course. Either way, you cant scroll through any Amazon forums with seeing these courses being discussed. So I went ahead and took all 3 of them. I didn't really intend on dong a review, I just got them so I could learn. I started my journey 2 months ago and today my first product arrived, with 2 more on the way :D Here is my in-depth video review:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD58vSR2Pv4 I will also post the script for the review here in case you prefer not to watch the video at work, or you dont want to use data :) Please keep in mid that the punctuation might be weird because I write my scripts how I talk as opposed to proper English lol. I have fully completed all 3 of these courses. Now full disclosure, I did not pay for amazing selling machine, I had a friend lend me all the videos and files for it. It is however asm 7, so its the newest version. I would also like to add that before taking these courses I knew NOTHING about amazon FBA. Nick just told me how much he was making, so I jumped right into tanner course. So I have have the complete beginner's perspective on this. lets get to it. FIRST UP, Amazon Seller mastery.Price: $498 USDTotal Watch Time: 2 hours 11 minutes= $3.80 per minute So tanners course is the cheapest of the 3, but it is also the shortest. He’s had many successful students come through, including youtuber james bowen. However this course really just skims the surface. There are a total of 5 modules, but I felt like they were all bare bones. Especially as someone who knew nothing about amazon FBA, I finished the course with a bunch of questions. For example, module 2, titled “suppliers and shipping” only contains 2 videos, totaling just 14minutes. To be fair, after finishing that module I felt like I knew all there was to know on suppliers and shipping and I thought “seems easy enough”, it wasnt until I actually tried contacting suppliers that I realized I was still in the dark for some aspects. Overall, tanner does a good job at teaching the material. Its very obvious that he knows what hes talking about and he instructs pretty clearly. That being said, you can tell the production and time spent editing was cut short. He doest cut out beginings or ending of the videos, and some mistakes that could be edited out are just kept in. It feels like he was just winging it for the most part and didnt have too much of the structure pre-planned. Theres even a part where he’s talking about shipping terms, and he straight up says “you can just google what they mean”. Now yes, thats fine and its common sense if you’re making any regular youtube video, but it wouldn’t be that hard for him to google it first and then provide a PDF for student resources. And finally, this might not bother you guys, but for me me it was a little annoying.. None of the videos in the course were captured in full screen. His window was always minimized, so you could see his desktop background. Again not a huge deal, but for a $500 course it just didnt float my boat. So lets get on to Kevin Davids Amazon ninja materclass. Price: $1,250 USDTotal Watch Time: 9h 50min= $2.12 / Minute So Kevin’s course is much pricier than tanners, but as you can see its still a better value per minute of actual content. He also gives you the option to buy each module separately. Now I do like the idea behind separating the modules, but it causes a little bit of overlap for someone that has the full course. What I mean by that is, in some modules, he’ll re-explain some things that he already covered in a previous module. Im sure hes doing it to cover the bases just incase someone bought the module separately, but when you’re watching them consecutively, it just leaves parts to skip. Kevin also has a little underwhelming video production for a 1200 dollar course, some videos his cam is way too big and actually blocks important information. In this clip hes talking about the display ad on the right side, but you cant even see it because its under his webcam. However other than that the visuals arent bad at all. The biggest issue I had with this course was that it wasn't totally sequential or chronological. Yes the modules are in order from product research to facebook marketing, but the content in the modules were all over the place. They werent following (for lack of a better word).. A storyline. Thats actually one thing I liked about tanners course. He starts with the lockpick set and carries on the process for that product in a good step by step order. That being said, Kevin does do long videos to end every module that kind of put the pieces together, but overall its like has all these superb bircks of information on a topic, and then it just all goes into one bucket as opposed to laying them out piece by piece. Now lets get on to what I love about kevins course. First off, and probably the most important. Its loaded to the brim with super insightful information. He goes a lot into the actual mindest or thought process behind what he does and why. And what I like even more is that he doesnt just say “you should do this or do that because im the master”. His vibe is more open ended, like “this is what I suggest you do based on all my experience, but dont blindly take my word for it” which I appreciate. The course is also very practical and inspiring, he doesnt have any fluff, and he’s a great communicator”. On his site he says its the only course you’ll ever need, and I cant say hes wrong. He goes way beyond Amazon in the later modules. Covering in depth facebook ads, instagram, getting onto blogs, and even virtual assistants. With the Ninja Masterclass I’d say the pros heavily outweigh the cons, and its the only course I really refer back to when I run into problems with my new FBA business. But before I crown the champ, I have to talk about the biggest course of them all. Amazing Selling Machine! Price: $3,500Total Watch Time: 36h 53m= $1.58 / minute Now of course I left the big fish for last. Amazing selling machine is longest running and most expensive one of the 3 of courses, and probably of all fba courses in the world. Along with the video lessons, ASM has huge events every year with tickets ranging from $400 to $750. But lets talk about the videos. With nearly 37 hours of screen time, it is definitely a lot to take in. I believe the actual course makes you watch it throughout 8 weeks, but since I just had all the video files already, I decided to binge it. Now I did not watch all the coaching calls, but I finished all the other modules. And I do have to say, compared to the other two, these videos are very dry. They provide lots of info, but they do so with text. I’d say 50-60% of the videos are taken up by this blue screen with white text. As opposed to just showing the practical stuff, they have a lot of fluff. They spend a few minutes before every video explaining everything thats going to happen instead of just diving straight into it. Now you might be thinking “well that makes it great for notes”, but they already provide all these bullet points in the form of PDFs. And thats honestly what bugged me most. Every single video had a pdf to accompany it, which is great, but the guys in the video were just reading off of it. Its almost like they wrote an awesome amazon FBA book, and they’re just reading it to us, instead of a cut to the chase kind of course. Here you can see the PDF, and beside it the video. Its line by line. Now that may be appealing to some people, but for me it was just filler. With tanner and kevin, it felt like you were learning from a friend or mentor, With mike and Rich, its more of a classroom vibe, less passion more rules. And that another thing, their rules or guidelines are very firm. Unlike kevins who i said leaves it at “this is what I suggest, based on experience”. ASM is very much “this is what you need to do to be successful. Use the ASM criteria”. With all that said, there’s still brilliant content inside. The most surprising to me was their product research, being new to FBA, I really thought that jungle scout was the only way to do solid product research. However in ASM they use DS quickview, and a method that heavily relies on a products BSR. While it seems like a little more work than using jungle scout and 999 track, I thinks good to see another perspective on product research, and its something I will add in the future just to be extra sure on my products. They are also the best when talking about having a sequential or chronological order. Its VERY beginner friendly with everything laid out nice and neat. I would even say that you could jump into the ASM course without ever using a computer before, thats how comprehensive they get with their explanations. However the one thing that separates ASM from all the rest in my opinion his how they give you actionable steps at the end of every video. Just like homework. The intention is so that you actually follow along with them as they go to ensure you get results. Of course this can be hard if you dont actually find a product after the product research module. But like I said it was designed to be dripped throughout 8 weeks, not 8 days. So what would I suggest? Well I can starting as a beginner, I feel like I definitely got my degree in FBA after all these courses. They all have a different and unique spin to them, and all of them offer their own little gold nuggets that the other doesn't. However this is just like goldilocks, One of them is too little, one of them is too much, and the other is just right. So, with all things considered, I would have to give the crown to Kevin Davids Ninja MasterClass. Its not the cheapest per minute, but its the most practical, It doesn't have the most content, but it cuts the fluff, and id say he gives the greatest perspective on incorporating amazon into your everyday lifestyle. He talks about how gets great product ideas outside of amazon by just being more observant or talking to people. And its that outside the box thinking that I think sets a good seller apart from a great one. His course actually dives deeper into the facebook and marketing side than ASM does, he could have almost sold that as a separate course. He also has the best tricks in terms of keywords and ranking. As for me, I started watching these courses last month, and today I have 3 products on the way. I can't confirm yet if the products are any good, but one of them gets in tomorrow, so we shall find out soon and update you guys once sales start coming in.