#and even if my upper management doesnt get involved he still wants to fly out to see the store and talk w me

[mintedaisies]

i work at a sex store and i shot an email to a fantasy dildo brand that we carry asking them to make FTM strokers bc that would be bomb af and the guy who owns the brand emailed me back, told me he’s trans too, and made the brand specifically to make cool toys like that for trans people. he’s in the process of making fantasy ftm strokers literally RIGHT NOW. and he wants to visit my store and meet me in person. im PSYCHED

[dreamcorechild]

Kokushibo: "My Lord.. Maybe you should let me drive this time.."

Muzan: "Bah! You wont even manage to turn one single corner!"

Kokushibo: "Well you cant manage to pull up the brakes the last time when you took me to the shrine for my ceremony!!"

Muzan: "THEY DONT NEED TO KNOW!!!"

Akaza: "Maybe I can drive.. I just got my license a few weeks back-"

Kokushibo and Muzan: "HECK NO!!!!"

Doma: "Can I drive???"

[This shut everyone up, all given Doma the disgusted look on their faces which let him know that everyone just do not give a flying fuck about what he said. Doma walked backwards to the back side of the truck. Gyutaro and Ume hopped in, followed by Nakime and Akaza.]

Urogi: "Why can't I just fly to the suppose location instead of making my wings all cramped up?!"

Sekido: "Ughh.. Fine.. But make sure you don't fly off like a coward.. Cause this is a "Upper moon" trip and it involves all of us.. And it also means you as well!!!"

Urogi: "Oh don't fret big brother. I won't let you down!!"

Aizetsu: "I bet he's gonna fly off.."

Sekido: "Agree... Which is why I'm gonna tie his legs to the railings of the truck so he wouldn't do so!"

Urogi: "What was that big bro-"

[Muzan turned on the engine for his 1980's style pop rock truck. He put in his favorite record from his favorite musician. Kokushibo had no choice but to sit next to him, it wasn't because he wanted to deal with those at the back.. But he also don't want Muzan to crash in to something that he may have to pay for it.]

Kaigaku: "Gyokko can you please move your vase? Its weight and size are crushing my toes!!"

Gyokko: "Deal with it.. Gyutaro got the most spaces yet he refuses to share it with us."

Gyutaro: "Social space is more important to me.."

Kaigaku: "THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS OUT INTO A ACROBATIC SPLIT!!! YOU UNCARING BASTARD!!"

[Gyutaro quickly snapped his head at the two who were slapping him on the back of the neck in order to get his attention. He was on the verge of puncturing them with the tip of his blood flesh sickles. Ume ignored his tension and focus more on her make up.]

Gyutaro: "And with that. Your free living trail has ended my good friends."

kaigaku: "Wait-"

SMASH!!!!

Gyokko: "UAHHHHH!! MY VASE. YOU MOTHER FU-"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Kokushibo: "MUZAN! KEEP AN EYE ON THE ROAD INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON YOUR SHINY SHOES!!!"

Muzan: "I just don't want them to get dirty okay!!"

Akaza: "Is everything okay back there?"

Kokushibo: "Were okay.. Just a small mis-understatement from our lord and savior.. Who isn't really a savior but a total idiot."

Muzan: ".... You don't mean me, right?"

Kokushibo: "Of course Not- OF COURSE I FRICKING DO!!! YOUR RECKLESS DRIVING IS GONNA GET US KILLED AND WE MAY BE SENT TO THE DEEPEST PART OF HELL WHERE ANYTHING ISNT BELIEVABLE BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY!!!"

[Akaza sat down. Of course.. Dealing with more useless arguments that may be committed by powerful beings who have their screw loose on their inner brains. He pulled out a large jug of orange juice to keep him fed and purified. Doma read the label on the bottle. The label goes as follows.]

"Respect women juice."

Doma: "Eughh.. You still drink that?.. You know it wont help you gain more muscles and strength than me."

Akaza: "You should really drink some women respect juice if you wanna gain some love and respect around here.."

Doma: "Well, Do they have any flavors of feminine?"

Akaza: "No-"

Doma: "Then I kindly decline your offer."

Akaza: "Typical... You only like their inner fat and flesh... No wonder why you die in such an embarrassment way by a girl and some boar headed freak."

Doma: ".... It wasn't a pleasant ending-"

Akaza: "And to be rejected by the butterfly that you just killed-"

Doma: "I DONT WANT TO REMEMBER THAT AKAZA-DONO!!!"

Muzan: "EVERYONE ZIP IT OR I'LL TURN THIS TRUCK AROUND AND WE ALL GO HOME!!"

kokushibo: "I am not wasting this large ass ticket that has a limited date for it to be used!!"

Sekido: "Why do I even agree to be apart of this... I wonder how Urogi is doing up there-"

Urogi: "HELP ME... THESE BOZO'S ARE USING ME AS A KITE!!!!!!!"

Karaku: "Eughhh.. I'm bored.. Hey Muzan Jackson, are we there yet?!"

Muzan: "No. Not even for a few more minutes."

Karaku: "Ahh okay.... Are we there yet?"

Kokushibo: "Are you deaf or something.. He just said that were not here yet!!!!"

Karaku: "Sorry............... ARE WE THERE YET!?!?!"

BASH!!!!!!!!

Sekido: "You better shut the hell up Karaku or I wont hesitate to shove my entire Khakkhara down that foul smelling throat of yours!!!"

Karaku: "What do you mean by "Foul-Smelling" I brushed my teeth today!!"

Sekido: "WELL IT SEEMS YOU DIDN'T BRUSH THEM HARD ENOUGH!!!"

Aizetsu: *Crying Inside*

Daki: "Stop pushing me. Your gonna ruin my makeup!!!"

Nakime: "Can I at least have some space???"

[Muzan turned up the volume on his radio to shut off all the noises in the back, he looked up at the sign that lead them straight to the forest that contains mount Hellbeast as its main peak. He felt a huge sigh of relief that the pain of his ears now leaving his body. Kokushibo has the same reaction of excitement coming from him. Which isn't like him at all.. Muzan drove to the parking lot where he manage to park his truck in such elegant style.. He hopped out first so he can open the double doors for the others to fall out off.]

[Urogi collapse on the roof of the truck, panting aggressively to give him oxygen since free flying through the speed choked the air out of him.. He sliced the ropes of his ankles. Collapsing on the ground while others didn't tend to help him back up.]

Urogi: "Gee.. Such nice people you all are."

Aizetsu: "Oh. Sorry Urogi.."

Sekido: "Dont help him Aizetsu.. Let him suffer..."

[Muzan dragged the large ticket over to the counter where one of the park managers snipped it for all of them to enter through the inferno blazing wilderness. Muzan lead them in charge, adjusting his fedora hat and spinning around his retro style parasol. Kokushibo was in charge of maintaining the map. Akaza was in charge of making sure that Doma doesn't leave their sight because of his curiosity, to him, the job he was given wasn't valuable than working as a martial artist..]

Doma: "OOOOOOOO LOOK AKAZA-DONO. ITS A BUTTERFLY!!"

Akaza: "Wow. Good job. Its not like that there's any other butterflies that just went pass me... I bet that it could be your queen telling you to go on a diet."

Doma: "Wait.. SHINOBU IS A BUTTERFLY NOW!!! DON'T WORRY SHINOBU!! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM SHAPESHIFTING INTO THE SIZE OF A INSECT!!"

Akaza: "WAIT DOMA I WAS ONLY JO-... God dammit..."

Daki: "No wonder why all the butterflies are afraid of you..."

Doma: "Bleh... And It doesn't taste nice either..."

Kaigaku: "For once.. I hope it contains Poison to disfigure that hideous face of yours."

Akaza: "And make it swell up into a ball of mush..." *Chuckles*

Doma: "....You all are so mean to me!!"

Muzan: "For lords sake and mercy you all are acting like children. And we haven't even made it to the mountains yet...!! I'm starting to reconsider about your existence."

Kokushibo: "How nice of you My lord.."

Muzan: "Fuck off..."

[Daki looked at the mountain.. TO her fear and dread of having to climb up it with the others, she looked at her nails and energy.. It was depleting very quickly. Looking at the height makes her head wants to burn quickly. Gyutaro was using his blood sickles as ice pickaxes. Daki thought to her self.. For her amusement she can use Gyutaro as a boost to help her get through the large obstacle.]

Daki: "Brother! Can I have a piggyback ride!!"

Gyutaro: "Sure, I guess..."

Daki: (Yes!!!)

[Karaku watched them and their teamwork.. He looked at Sekido, taunting him to do the same to him.. Without him knowing that the response wont be as easy as what Gyutaro said to Daki. He crept up behind his older brother. Jumping on his back which surprises the anger emotion. He was urging to throw this lard of sweat ball of him within an instant.]

Karaku: "But Sekido, can I have-"

Sekido: "NO! FUCK OFF!"

Karaku: "You didn't even let me finish off my sentences!!"

Sekido: "I don't need to, I AM NOT A DEMON CARRIER!!"

Karaku: *Pouts*

Urogi: "Ahh don't worry Karaku. I can carry you with my wings. Just don't blame me if the claws on my hands are puncturing your flesh though."

Karaku: "I appreciate that.. But to me it sounds like your carrying me as bait."

Urogi: "Puhu! None of my brothers are foods to me.."

[The emotion of joy grabbed Karaku on the arms. He lifted him up to the skies, much to the others displeasing comments about them. Muzan panted for a moment. The heat mix with climbing was wearing him out.]

Muzan: "Uahh!! This isn't fair!!!!"

Kokushibo: "Suck it up then Muzan! You were the one who had the idea of forcing us to climb up this mountain in the first place!"

Muzan: "Well you were the one who introduce me to this!!!"

Nakime: "Eughh..If none of you guys stop rambling about how steep the mountain is then I won't hesitate to use my Biwa and send you back to earth so you can get killed by the sun again!!"

Muzan: *Gulps* ".... I forgot she can do that.... God so many bullshitting consequences that I can't undo from..."

Kokushibo: "Wow.. Didn't know that my lord could be scared of a single sun."

Muzan: "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ENGULFED BY THE LIGHT!!!!"

Kokushibo: "Indeed I dont..."

Doma: "Uahhh! Do all mountains have to be so high.. Just looking at it makes me wanna melt like a popsicle."

[Doma magically pulled out a ice shape sun bed, laying on it while using his bladed fan to keep him cool. The ice was lifting him up towards the highest peak on its own while The others just stared.. No criticism but their face tells otherwise. Urogi manage to get to the top in time for the clouds to disappear from their sight. Karaku saw the others struggling on foot which he gave out a relieving laugh from his lungs. He flipped the bird and stuck his tongue out at them with such tormenting manners.]

[thethespacecoyote]

A little late, but here’s Day 4 for @kyluxromanceweek with “Secret Crush.” More office AUs, because why not. 

Hux can’t help but scowl when he returns to his cubicle, fresh cup of coffee in hand, to find a little wrapped box sitting just in front of his keyboard.

He narrows his eyes at it, as if his stare could wither the sparkly red bow sitting innocently atop the shiny golden paper. It’s not the first strange gift he’s received in the past few weeks, and honestly? They’re starting to wear on his nerves.

He growls as he sets his steaming coffee cup on the desk and picks up the box, looking down his nose at it as he turns it over in his hands. Of course there’s no tag. Whoever is doing this clearly doesn’t want to be found out.

Hux shakes the gift, considering just dumping it in the trash and forgetting about it altogether, but instead he pulls at the red bow and slips it off before tearing into the paper. Beneath he finds a silky red box, a name Hux recognizes from the high-end grocery store he occasionally frequents scrawled in gold on top. He pries open the lid and wrinkles his nose at the fancy chocolates nestled inside—the kind of heavy, indulgent sweets that Hux hardly partook in. He scowls and stuffs them into his laptop bag, trying to put the gift far from his mind so he could get the afternoon’s work done.

Whoever thought it funny to play such a joke wasn’t going to get a rise out of Hux that easily.

The following day Hux returns from a trip to the bathroom to find a single rose, lovingly wrapped in red ribbon, siting in his mesh pencil holder. Hux frowns, plucking the rose out and peering around the wall of his cubicle to where Phasma sits at her desk, phone cradled against her shoulder. She shoots Hux a quizzical look, signing off from the call and setting it back in its cradle.

“What is it?”

“Did you see who left this?” He brandishes the rose at her, eyebrows furrowed. She glances at the rose for a moment, before smirking.

“You got an admirer?”

“Of course not,” Hux hisses, shaking the stupid flower. “Someone is obviously trying to make a joke out of me. Make me look like some kind of lovesick fool.”

Phasma laughs, turning around in her chair to face him.

“You know, most people would be happy to get free gifts, even if it was from a stranger.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Lighten up a little.”

Hux scowls, folding his arms.

“I’ll ‘lighten up’ as soon as I figure out who is doing this. I want you to keep your eyes and ears open next time I leave my desk, see if whoever they are shows themselves.”

“Yes sir,” Phasma taunts as he storms back to his cubicle, stuffing the rose in one of his drawers before getting back to work. He gets up to grab coffee , but to his surprise and slight disappointment no new gifts grace his desk, and Phasma tells him she didn’t notice anything.  

When Hux comes to work early the next morning, there’s a massive bouquet of roses sitting daringly in his chair.

The gifts only grow more extravagant as the days go on. A little gift bag filled with delicate macarons and rolls of fruit pastilles. More flowers, this time a striking bunch of black lilies. A half-sized bottle of Prosecco. A small porcelain figure of a cat—which, despite himself, Hux actually likes, and sits on the little shelf above his computer as soon as he unwraps it.

And still he’s been unable to figure out who’s responsible, or why they’re doing it.

He’s sure it must be a prank, but there’s no one in the office he believes would go to such lengths. These kind of gifts are expensive, nothing even the most dedicated would throw away on some silly joke.

Then why?

Periodically he considers Phasma’s suggestion, that he has a true admirer—but he isn’t exactly well-liked among his coworkers. He’s more than competent in his work but rather cold when it comes to socializing, not interested in gossip or debate with the rest of the office. Hux is the type to keep his personal life far removed from his professional life, disinterested in indulging his colleagues’ incessant need for small-talk.

He can’t imagine any of them wanting to become—romantically involved with him.

So maybe it really is a joke at his expense. Perhaps the entire office pooled their funds together, just to lead Hux on, make him believe anyone could ever be interested in him. Maybe they were just waiting for him to fall for it, so they could

Honestly, Hux can’t wait for the weekend, where he might be free of all this nonsense for two blissful days. He checks his watch as he returns from his lunch break, hoping the next few hours will fly by, so he can spend his time in the solitude of his apartment with his cat and favorite books.

But as Hux approaches his cubicle he stops dead in his tracks, lips parting in surprise at what he sees—not another bouquet of roses nor box of chocolates, but a besuited man with long, dark hair barely tamed back against his head.

Hux recognizes him instantly.

Ren, one of the upper managers that Hux rarely even saw in his department, though he certainly heard plenty of rumors about the man. He apparently came from a wealthy family, and Hux has heard grumblings that may have influenced his appointment. From the few times Hux has encountered him, he seems a touch too changeable for such a position, but otherwise he’d never given the man much thought.

Until now, when he notices the wrapped box in Ren’s hand, topped with the same kind of red ribbon as all the other gifts Hux has received.

“You’re kidding,” is the first thing to come out of Hux’s mouth, in a wholly unprofessional manner but he can’t hold back. He stares at the gift in Ren’s hands, then up to the man’s face, feeling a conflict of emotions roil in his stomach at the amused expression he finds there.

“Nope. Just really good at sneaking around.” Ren smirks, looking quite satisfied with himself. Hux frowns, heart fluttering even as his mind reels in denial.

“I thought this was all a joke…it’s not a joke, is it?” He asks, taking a step back. Ren’s face falls slightly, frowning.

“No? Why would you think it was a joke?” He fidgets with the gift, confident posture taking a slight hit. “Did you not like the things I got you?”

“I—that’s not—that’s beside the point,” Hux stammers, regretting the flush he can feel crawling to his cheeks. “But I didn’t realize anyone here would be…serious about me. Much less a junior manager.”

He’d gone through a list of suspects in his head several times and had at least considered Ren, but quickly dismissed the possibility. Hux can’t wrap his head around the fact that Ren was responsible for this all along—but perhaps he’d been just that good at concealing his feelings. Biding his time, plying Hux with little gifts and presents until he felt confident enough to confront him.

It’s a little endearing—which is not a word he ever thought he’d ever ascribe to someone like Ren.

“I’m serious. Very serious.” Hux takes the wrapped box as Ren holds it out to him. His heart beats a little quickly as he pulls at the bow, taking the little lid off. His eyes widen at what he sees underneath, lips parting in surprise.

Nestled in a bed of white silk are a pair of golden cufflinks, dotted in the center with a dark red stone. Truthfully they’re a little too gaudy for Hux’s taste but he’s still bewildered by the gesture.

Alright. It’s definitely not a joke.

Ren moves in closer, and as Hux inhales sharply he can detect the strong scent of his cologne.

“Wear them tonight?”

“Tonight?” Hux looks up, raising his eyebrow. “What’s tonight?”

“A date. Well, hopefully.” Ren shrugs, closing Hux’s hand over the box. “If you’ll indulge me.”

Hux balks, eyes widening at his audacity. His first instinct is to say no, remembering his plans of solitude and relaxation for the weekend, but—

—It has been quite awhile since Hux has been on a proper date, and part of him feels curiosity at just what further sort of pampering Ren has in store for him. After a moment’s hesitation he composes himself with a nod.

“I don’t have a car. You’ll have to pick me up.” Despite himself, Hux feels his heartbeat pick up in his chest. The grin returns to Ren’s face, looking excited as a schoolboy with a crush.

“Deal. See you tonight, Armitage.” And with an affectionate pat to the hand he turns away and walks away, leaving Hux to ponder over what exactly he’s gotten himself into this evening.