#and everything is just snapshots and there’s so few of them relative to the amount of life i’ve lived

[bornonthelake]

pro tip: do not listen to time’s blur on vinyl unless you are ready to bawl your eyes out it’s too much

[fishmongeringstudies]

five: the ballad of the goose-girl

once upon a time there was a goose who wanted to become a man. or there was a man who wanted to become a goose. or there were both, or there were none, or there were many of the same spell. once upon a time there were ten thousand geese and they wanted to go south. why? because it was too cold up here, they said. too far from the equator. too lonely.

one of the geese was called jorge. jorge had been assigned the role of miserable family caretaker with an inferiority complex from birth but a brief spell of rebellion in their teenage years led to their official disengagement from the role and subsequently, the adopting of a new one. jorge was a philosopher. their favorite philosopher was kant. they had never read any kant because geese can't read.

dimitri could read. dimitri was a goose but there was, how do you put it, something a little off about her. sometimes dimitri woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, her blankets kicked to the other end of the room, babbling about microeconomics and the supply-demand curve for cross-continental flying gear. dimitri was in a mad, one-sided love that consumed her body and soul, but this wasn't that bad in the broader scheme of things because this gave jorge, who couldn't read, something to do.

sometimes dimitri would read jorge poetry. dimitri had memorized every book of poetry in the main branch of the national library when she made a stopover there in her youth and could now be called upon to recite almost any poem from memory, as long as she didn't hate the poet. for example, dimitri hated sylvia plath. no matter how much jorge begged and pleaded with her as they flew over the skyscrapers of new york, the masses of writhing trees and open fields dotted with cows and sheep and death, she would not change her mind. 'please,' jorge would say while they stopped to rest on the fender of some college student's beat-up honda civic. 'read me a poem. any poem.' 'you mean,' dimitri would say, taking a drag from her cigarette. 'read me a plath poem.' 'that's not what i said,' jorge would respond defensively, because jorge was the kind of goose that assumes the world is out to get them no matter what and sticks their head in the gift-horse's mouth and then screams down its gullet for five minutes. finally, dimitri would laugh. 'that's what you mean.' then the conversation would end.

one day dimitri and jorge got separated from the flock. this was not unprecedented, as dimitri had been lagging behind for a few days now and jorge, being her designated attendant, had stayed with her. but it was just as frightening for jorge as it had been the first time, fifteen years ago when dimitri had pitched out of the sky halfway across philadelphia like an anvil and jorge had found her sprawled on the fender of some sad person's fucked-up lamborghini, looking like an angel in a bad insurance advertisement. it was always the fenders. dimitri had a thing for fenders.

dimitri also had a thing for letting her long, healthy history of communication problems fuck up her relationships with other geese, a habit she had picked up in her youth alongside smoking, lying, and reciting poetry. she was doing all three of the latter as they circled around the deserted shopping complex a fifth time, the sun a blurry white spot a few feet beneath their heads. 'did you know,' said dimitri, a cigarette clamped in her beak.

'no, i don't know,' said jorge.

'asshole. i haven't started speaking yet.'

jorge observed the setting sun with a detached kind of panic. 'yes you have.' they brushed something out of their eye with their wing. the smoke from dimitri's cigarette kept getting into their eyes. it was making it hard to concentrate on not being sad. 'you said 'did you know.''

'that's not the important part.'

'then what is the important part?'

'the important part is-'

south meant many things to many creatures. depending on who you asked and what time of the day it was when you did, you might get anything ranging from 'the southern tip of malaysia' to 'nineteen-seventy-five'. right now, in this particular snapshot of time, south meant the following things. for jorge, it meant freedom. for dimitri, it meant-

'-is that every shopping mall is a little haunted.'

jorge was unimpressed. most things were haunted to some degree or another. it was a very old world and the people that lived in it were all very broken, but that didn't stop the broken things from wanting to hang around, even after their ribs had cracked open and their lungs were smeared with soot. they told dimitri as much.

dimitri cleared her throat, which was hard to do while lying and smoking and flying in a circle around a deserted haunted shopping complex but otherwise feasible for a geese as competent as her. she turned to look at jorge, the trickle of her gaze sliding over their white, wind-tossed body like a cool hand over a flame.

'what i'm saying is let's spend the night there.'

;

once upon a time there was a goose named dimitri who was in a mad, requited love that consumed her body and soul. her partner was a poet, of course, because all geese want to fall in love with a poet, but here's the catch. jie ting never told dimitri which poems were about her. dimitri spent years trying to coax the confessions out of her, making her breakfasts in bed, bringing home cute little mice with their tails tied up in butterfly knots, kissing the spot where her wing met the curve of her body with the kind of reverence worshipers reserve for the day they meet their creator, but jie ting was stubborn and beautiful and kind and dimitri could never bring herself to do the truly horrible thing, to walk into her study and crack open the journals she kept those intimacies in. in spite of this, well, this thing between them, they were happy. they puttered around making cups and plates out of wet clay. they told stories about their cousins who had gotten lost in rain forests in the amazon and streets in taipei. every year they made the long journey down south, and then flew back up in the spring. and then jie ting died, and then there was no one left to coax anything out of.

the doctors said there was nothing dimitri could have done for her. for every million perfectly preventable deaths there are two to three freak accidents, faultless failures, broken vessels. and for every broken body on the pavement, trampled by cars bigger than the both of them combined, there was a broken heart.

dimitri closed up their old haunt in the woods. she broke all the mugs and gave all the bones back to their grieving micey relatives, who were horrified, and then angry, and then sad. then she flew all the way down to singapore and learned every poem in every poetry book they had in the national library, a looming glass building in the heart of the business district, and dragged her battered body all the way back up north, through miles and miles of snow-kissed nothing, and then jorge returned home in the spring with the rest of the good ones, the ones who weren't fucked in the head, who still had hope to speak of.

she can teach me poetry, thought jorge.

they definitely went to a liberal arts college, thought dimitri.

neither of these things are true. but neither are the stories that led them to each other. a lie canceled out a lie and after the dust had settled and dimitri had recovered from the ghost of death on her shoulder, they found each other standing right where they had started out, on opposite ends of the same crooked street.

;

the perfume store smelled like sixteen layers of hell distilled into a single bottle of wine that had been left to ferment for a few millennia and then smashed in a pool of vomit but it was the only place that wasn't so overgrown with vines that jorge could clear out a place for dimitri to lie down. they did so with an efficiency that startled even themselves, brushing dust and old receipts aside with one wing and spritzing the whole place clean with the other. dimitri was then coerced into the little sacred spot, though she was deeply reluctant and jorge was deeply embarrassed about the whole thing. desperate times call for desperate measures. when there are two geese and one perfume store and nineteen shades of bergamot and lavender, one learns to quieten their demons.

the funny thing about geese is that they are about sixty-percent neck and forty-percent everything else and yet a goose lying sideways occupies two hundred percent of the previous amount because geese are conceited like that. dimitri took up more than enough space on the shelf in the perfume store from hell, but with a little maneuvering she was able to make enough space to pull jorge down beside her. the funny thing about geese is they have very big egos, and very small dreams.

'imagine i am your mother,' said dimitri, waving one wing idly in the dark. 'singing you a lullaby as you drift off, packing your lunchbox for school, turning out the light in your bedroom.'

jorge's eye twitched. 'huh? i will not,' they said. 'that's disgusting.'

'oh. you think i'm disgusting?'

'no, that's not what i mean-'

'-but that's what you said.'

'-i said the idea of you as my mother is disgusting.' jorge hid their face in their feathers but their beak was too long and stuck out in a highly noticeable manner, therefore ruining the effect altogether. they grumbled to themselves, then spent a few minutes contemplating the fifteen feet of nothing that lay before them. a field of snow, ash, or flowers. darkness could be whatever you wanted it to be. that was part of the appeal of closing your eyes.

'hey,' they said.

'mm?'

'why won't you recite a plath poem?'

the sound of something soft against the wall. dimitri was brushing the flat of her wing along the wall behind her, over the faded labels and the peeling tiffany blue paint. 'because i can't.'

'but you know them, don't you,' jorge pressed.

'i do.'

'then?'

'how old are you this year, jorge?'

'old enough to read depressing poetry.'

'but not old enough to have fallen in love.' she withdrew her wing from the wall. it came away caked in dust and old memories. rich, gold-kissed families with kids in little bow-ties, babies forgotten in well-lit dressing rooms, the occasional stabbing. 'am i wrong?'

jorge bristled behind her. 'what does love have to do with this?'

'because,' dimitri mused, and jorge felt every sound that she made in their chest, where the heart was working furiously to keep blood circulating without end. 'all poems are love poems.'

'you know,' said jorge.

'i don't know.'

'good. you shouldn't.' jorge curled themselves tighter, so the two hundred percent became a hundred and ninety-five. 'i'm going to sleep. good night.'

;

once upon a time there was a goose who would do anything for her lover and then that lover died. once upon a time there was a goose who was really good at literary analysis, so good she could have taught at harvard if she hadn't wanted to be closer to her lover, who worked in non-profit and spent most of her time abroad, and then her lover died. once upon a time there was a goose. and she knew a lot of poetry. it was the last thing she did for jie ting, with the gray-dusted coat and the heather eyes. do geese have heather eyes? fuck it. this one did.

once upon a time there was a goose who really wanted to go to a liberal arts college, but their dad gambled all their savings away on a business venture which went bust moments before the big cash-out and so the college fund became a college black hole, a college financial aid form which procured miserably few sympathies from the financial aid office, a college nothing. this goose was really quite smart, though they couldn't prove it to save their life. but the other goose knew. the other goose wasn't as smart. she'd just had more money. and worse luck.

this isn't a love story. in this story there are no love stories because in some languages every story is a love story, and if everything is something then there is really nothing, no takeaway at the end of the parable, no shard of glass in the sand. imagine you're walking along the coastline in a white dress made from diamonds and you step on that shard of glass. there goes your foot. what will you do? the world is ending.

in the morning dimitri wakes up first. she touches jorge's forehead with the tip of one wing, then the flat of it, then the side. there's a bar of sunlight coming in through a gap in the moth-bitten blinds and it falls across jorge's face in rivulets of gold-leaf, liquid wonder. she watches them sleep for a few minutes, their chest rising and falling and trembling with all that infallible youth, with the faithless determination of someone whose body has grown older but whose soul has stayed as faultless, as clueless, as divine. if god were a goose it would be jorge. says who? says dimitri, who has god's number saved on her phone.

once, a few months ago, she wrote a poem. this she read out to jorge, while they were flying over the rooftops of san diego, each word falling out of her mouth like stars, like things she should have really kept to herself and in the safety of untouchable darkness and yet jorge was looking at her. she was reading this poem and jorge was looking at her and it wasn't the kind of look you gave someone you found by the side of the road, someone who had helped you with your college apps and tied your tie on prom night. it was the kind of look you gave an angel you wanted to pin to the sheets.

'is this poem about someone?' asked jorge, who was for all their cluelessness and cruelty, quite terribly perceptive when one wanted them least to be.

panicking, dimitry dropped her cigarette. she shook her head. 'no.' she shook her head again, for emphasis.

once, dimitri had a fit of coughs so bad she passed out right there in the lobby of that high school. the doctors said it was her lungs. her friends said it was the cigarettes. jie ting, who was long dead by then, said it was the heartbreak. put it back together, said the ghost of her dead lover. you can put yourself back together. maybe i don't want to, dimitri said, a sheaf of papers falling out of the pocket of her coat.

once, she didn't go south. she went up north in search of forgiveness, and when jorge arrived in the spring, they were as lovely as she remembered them being while she had gotten nowhere. still stuck in place, spinning in slow circles, watching god die on a white-gold stage. still mourning.

'i'll write you a poem,' jorge said the other day. 'to thank you.' for being the first person. for being the first person ever.

'don't bother,' she told them.

'i'll do it anyway.'

'i won't read it.'

'you will.'

once there was a goose and another goose and they were all lovely and sad with long, elegant necks and hard, sharp beaks for cracking things open but all they ever did was crack themselves open, like if you hurt yourself enough times you could make the world give you back what it had taken away. but that's not how it works. you know this. you know this, don't you? dimitri? dimitri?

dimitri's still in that old perfume store. she's leaning closer and closer to sleeping beauty, with the lanky limbs and the merry-go-round smile, and she's whispering something, though she'll never tell you what and you'll never get the chance to ask, she's breathing like the air's made of glass. sea-glass. have you ever seen the ocean? she'll take you one day. your name is jorge and you're asleep. you're being kissed on the mouth by a very beautiful person. she's going to die.

but all living things die eventually, you counter. you don't get it. you are missing the point.

that's fine. miss the point. keep sleeping. the moon pulls away from you the way some people pull knives out of bodies, like she can feel every inch of distance she puts between yourselves in her chest, where the heart is working furiously to keep life alive. she pulls away and it hurts her, you know. did you know? you can fall in love twice. you can fuck yourself up twice. there's always room in the cupboard for more ceramic mugs. she made you one. she'll never give it to you. you never asked.

that's your first kiss. and your second, and your third, and as you grow older the kisses will meld together into this looming memory of touch, sensation, heat, softness, girls, girls, girl. girl with the cigarette between her teeth. girl with the sharpshooter eyes, the gunmetal laugh. girl walking you home, girl flying you across the starless city, girl singing you a lullaby when you're eighteen and the world hates people like you who give life everything you've got and have the audacity to think it'll listen.

girl walking out of the perfume store. girl stepping into the half-light. girl leaving you behind.

or maybe it's the other way around. this way you will be able to catch up to the rest of the flock, this way you will make it to the other side of the world before winter gets its hands around your ankles. she's giving you an opportunity. take it. i said take it.

south means a lot of things depending on who you ask. for jorge, it's freedom, new skies, sunsets drenched in whiskey. for jorge it's the second best thing about being alive. for dimitri, it's death.

once upon a time there was a goose and their name was jorge. once upon a time there was a goose and her name was dimitri. in another version of this story they meet each other before the accident and the hospitals and the house in the woods, the financial crash, the long, cruel winter. in another version they kiss with their eyes open, their hearts unspooling around the confession, the truth, the sacred thing that lets people be happy with each other. in another version of this story jorge says read me a poem and dimitri says i'll read you something sweeter, and then she reads them a love poem.

in this one, one goose dies, and the other keeps flying.

A smile fell in the grass. Irretrievable! And how will your night dances Lose themselves. In mathematics? Such pure leaps and spirals - Surely they travel The world forever, I shall not entirely Sit emptied of beauties, the gift Of your small breath, the drenched grass Smell of your sleeps, lilies, lilies. Their flesh bears no relation. Cold folds of ego, the calla, And the tiger, embellishing itself - Spots, and a spread of hot petals. The comets Have such a space to cross, Such coldness, forgetfulness. So your gestures flake off - Warm and human, then their pink light Bleeding and peeling Through the black amnesias of heaven. Why am I given These lamps, these planets Falling like blessings, like flakes Six sided, white On my eyes, my lips, my hair Touching and melting. Nowhere.

05.25.21

[hesesols]

of soap suds and broken dishes

Summary: There will never be a right time for some conversations. In which Rukia has some exciting news to deliver and the timing is ... less than ideal. 

Rating: T

FF/ao3 

x

Chapter 1: Timing Is Everything

Her hands started shaking even before her mind processes the gravity of the situation.

The plus sign on the pregnancy test stick is staring right back at her and no amount of heavy breathing; thigh-pinching; fervent prayer that this is all a bad dream she's ten seconds from waking up from; is going to change that.

She gulps.

Ichigo.

Ichigo needs to know.

She needs to tell him and part of her is scared shitless of what he's going to say.

She doesn't tell him.

It's not intentional on her part- at least for the first few days after she found out.

It just slips her mind sometimes about her new condition and then there's the fact that she could never seem to find the right time to tell him. This doesn't feel like the sort of thing that is light enough to be shared over the breakfast table or when they're cuddling in bed with their bedclothes on, mind switched off, body wrapped around each other.

Outside these hours, their lives are bound to the vigorous demands of the mundane world and its limitations. Time is finite in this world. Him with his busy university classes and lab sessions, her with her odd shifts at the local coffee shop and double-life as a seated officer of Gotei 13 meant that dinner is sometimes take outs and pizzas served on cheap plastic plates, wine in everyday mugs, excuses they make to ignore the presence of the growing pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

That there are mornings when Ichigo will jump out of their bed with a curse and start throwing on wrinkly clothes from the day before, screaming about how he's late as he shuts the front door with a bang that's loud enough to rattle the whole building but not before he rouses her, barely awake and squinting from the brightness with a goodbye kiss.

That there are nights when she will come back after a week-long stint in Soul Society and the ache of separation hits her more than she would care to admit but Ichigo leaves the light on. He greets her with his pretty eyes and hungry kisses and they'll spend that morning and the next in bed, making up for the lost time in the coil of their needy bodies.

This is a snapshot of real life for the two of them living together in relative anonymity in the Human World. She loves Ichigo and he loves her. Society has come a long way since feudalistic times and what Nii-sama doesn't know won't hurt him.

.

Take away the Shinigami aspect of their lives- the crazy out-of-this-realm misadventures they get swept into, wars between worlds waged and won in the span of a summer holiday, the battle scars adorning their bodies and they're literally as normal as their next door neighbours, human and barely out of their twenties, trying to find their place in this strange cruel world, somehow made warmer with Ichigo's hand in hers.

Being with Ichigo just makes her happy- happy enough to live in the now and not think ahead. She doesn't want to ruin what they have, doesn't want to upset the resemblance of a normal life she's constructed and cocooned herself in within the confines of their tiny apartment.

They haven't even talked about the future in so much as to where they would live after he graduates from college. Springing this on him just seems cruel- cruel when his life is only just beginning, about to take flight and she's gone ahead and done the unthinkable to clip his wings.

What if he's disappointed?

.

What if he doesn't want the baby?

.

The last thought renders her physically sick. Sud-covered hands reach instinctively for her baby bump that's barely showing.

For now, anyway.

.

Give it a few more weeks and he's bound to notice something. He's not that dumb (or at least she hopes he isn't). There are only so many times she can say no to the casually-offered beer and wine or mumble something along the lines of that time of the month to disguise the however many trips to the bathroom before he catches on.

.

.

.

"I'm home."

The sudden noise makes her jump and she loses her grip on the slippery half-washed dinner plate. It clatters to the floor, broken.

.

Shit!

.

Swearing comes entirely second nature when she cuts herself on the edges.

"Rukia?"

"In here," she calls out to him, holding the cut finger under the running water. Truth be told she's more upset about the broken plate- there were four in a set with matching bowls and now they're one short- than her injuries. The cut doesn't even look deep and the bleeding is bound to stop soon.

"Let me see."

Ichigo seems to think otherwise as he unceremoniously drops his bags and the heavy groceries by the door, eyebrows furrowing deep as he crouches down next to her, inspecting her wound.

Though calling it an inspection may have been a stretch.

He barely even glanced at it before he's hollering at her to stay put while he grabs the first aid kit.

"You're being ridiculous! It's just a cut!"

He should know better- what with his experience of violence and theoretical knowledge as a future physician. She's been through worse. They both have. Cuts that are deep enough to see gaps of bones in between, torn ligaments, broken bones, ruptured organs, a fist through the stomach- the memory makes her shudder now more than ever. He shouldn't be fussing over her for a flesh wound that barely registers on her scale of pain.

But he doesn't let go of her hand and merely grunts when she calls him a fool for making a big deal out of something as trivial as this.

"It'll heal quick. I don't s-"

She hisses, surprised by the sudden sting of antiseptic over broken skin. His gesture is uncharacteristically apologetic when he presses a kiss to her knuckle.

.

It doesn't make sense.

She's suffered much, much worse in her line of duty. He knows she has and she has survived, grew stronger and thrived. With every cut and blow that aims to knock her down, she rises up, bloodied and valiant to meet the next challenge. Yet she doesn't think she has ever seen him quite so serious, cleaning her cut and dwarfing her hand in his like she's soft, fragile like glass and twice as likely to break. Lord knows that she has never been neither of those things.

"I'm sorry. We don't have any bunny plasters but Yuzu left some Hello Kitty plasters in the first aid kit the last time she restocked it for us and I think you'd like them- why are you crying?"

Tears.

She can't remember the last time she felt them running down her cheeks. Have they always tasted so salty?

Through the burn of them, she sees his panicked face. His fists clench tight and grip at her as he holds her- shuddering breath and all, waiting for her to still and quiet so she can tell him who to hurt and who to maim.

This idiot!

Look at what he's reduced her to- this teary-eyed walking bundle of hormones who tears up because her boyfriend/baby daddy gave her some Hello Kitty plasters when she cut her finger.

"I'm pregnant, you dolt."

Ichigo wears his heart on his sleeves and the vulnerability on his face- the sheer multitude of emotions- shock, awe, joy, love, above all, love- when he absorbs the impact of the news and embraces his new reality is enough to make even a hardened warrior like her choke on the waterworks.

His eyes widen and the grip on her tightens as he presses her deeper into his embrace.

"H-How long?"

"It's early."

She thinks she's barely passed the sixth week mark.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to!"

Her hands fist at his clothes. She has lost count of the number of times when she wanted to reach for his hand under the covers as they spooned against each other and whisper it soft and slow into the night and put it to rest.

But every time she wants to open her mouth and speak, doubt makes her swallow those words whole because-

.

What if this isn't what he wanted?

.

This isn't something that they've planned for and she is too in love with the tranquillity of the moment, the peaceful look on his face, smiling at her- like she makes this life worth living for, to even consider ruining it. Is it wrong for her to think that the news can wait for another day if only to make tiny beautiful moments like these last a little while longer?

"…There just doesn't seem to be a right time to tell you."

He deadpans, "and you think now is the perfect time for us to have this conversation?"

There are soap suds in her hair, dirty dishwater stains on the front of her shirt. He has dark circles under his eyes, stinks of alcohol sanitizers, looking tired like he hasn't slept well for days. In the background is a precarious mountain pile of dishes to be washed waiting in the sink, shattered pieces of a broken dinner plate on the kitchen floor that still needs to be swept away.

Them in the comforts of their own home- the very essence of their domestic mundanity stripped down to the bones- messy, loud, less-than perfect; but at its heart, once the initial embarrassment of her housekeeping skill or the lack-there-of passes, is love.

.

She sighs, resting her forehead against his chest. "This is all your fault. This would have never have happened if you listened to me when I told you it's your turn to do the dishes."

"You could have waited?" he challenges, "You know class ends early for me today."

Rukia rolls her eyes as she informs him rather drily, "We ran out of clean plates two days ago."

Laughter rumbles low and throaty from him, his heartbeat thrumming steadily from his chest- a symphony strung along with bits of heart and soul, hopes for tomorrow that sooth her.

When the laughter dies, he buries his face in her hair, soaking up the warmth of her tiny body with his. He holds her, drawing lazy circles on the skin of her bare arm, tentative as he asks.

"Rukia. Were you afraid that I'd be disappointed? Or angry?"

She squirms in his arms, ashamed almost when she tells him, "A little of both."

A snort followed by a fond exasperated "Idiot. I love you and I promise to love you and to love our child forever and always and-" his breath catches, his world whirling, and he's looking at her like she's made of starlight and moon dust and- "you're carrying our baby!"

The hard lines on his face soften, his hands clearly shaking and the disbelief from the happiness that threatens to leave him in tears as he presses kisses to her- "We're going to have a baby."

The heat of his open palm is reassuring on her still-flat stomach. She smiles, mirroring his joy, and keeps his hand there, holds it in place with her own.

"We're going to have a baby."

.

There is never going to be a right time she realizes.

But that's ok.

It's ok if he's there with her, holding her hand through it all. As long as he's there with her, she thinks, she is brave enough to do anything. They can take on the world and be none the wiser for it.

He is her rock and he grounds her. Now more than ever when her soul feels light enough that she just might float away.

.

.

"As far as your brother is concerned, this baby is conceived immaculately. Agreed?"

She snorts and kisses his forehead. As if Nii-sama is the person he should be worried about!

Clearly her absentminded idiot is forgetting about his overly enthusiastic father and the man's over-the-top antics and flair for drama during the bi-monthly Kurosaki family dinners, scheduled to happen sometime this week.

Rukia humours him anyway. He'll catch on soon enough.

"Agreed."

FF/ao3

Reblog, review, like or comment or even ask to send some love my way  :D

[tbvsgrohe]

How to explore a SERP feature strategy with STAT

Posted by TheMozTeam

Your organic result game is on point, but you’ve been hearing a lot of chatter about SERP features and are curious if they can help grow your site’s visibility — how do you find out? Our SERP Features dashboard will be your one-stop shop for everything feature-related.

If it’s the features in your space that you’re after, you’ll have ’em. The number of keywords producing each feature? You’ll have that, too. The share of voice they’re driving and how much you’re owning? Of course, and more.

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how you can use the dashboard to suss out a SERP feature strategy that’s right for your site.

1. Establish viable sites and segments

For context, let’s say that we’re working for a large supermarket chain with locations across the globe. Once in the dashboard, we’ll immediately look to the Overview module, which will give us a strong indication of whether a SERP feature strategy is viable for any of our keyword segments. We may just find that organic is the road best travelled.

Clicking through our segments, we stumble across one that’s driving a huge amount of share of voice — an estimated 309.8 million views, which is actually up by 33.4 million over the 30-day average.

At this point, regardless of what the deal is with SERP features, we know that we’re looking at a powerful set of keywords. But, because we’re on a mission, we need to know how much of that share of voice is compliments of SERP features.

Since the green section of the chart represents organic share of voice and the grey represents SERP feature share of voice, right away we can see that features are creating a huge amount of visibility. Surprisingly, even more than regular ol’ organic results.

By hovering over each segment of the chart, we can see their exact breakdowns. SERP features are driving a whopping 188.2 million eyeballs, up by 18 million over the 30-day average, while organic results are driving only 121.6 million, having also gained share of voice along the way.

We’re confident that a SERP feature strategy is worth exploring for this segment.

2. Get a lay of the SERP feature landscape 

Next, we want to know what the SERP features appearing in our space are, and whether they make sense for us to tackle.

As a supermarket chain, not only do we sell fresh eats from our brick-and-mortar stores, but our site also has a regularly updated blog with delectable recipes, so we’ve got a few SERP features already in mind (can anyone say places and recipe results?).

But, if for some strange reason our SERPs are full of flights and jobs, maybe we’ll move onto a segment that we can have more impact on, and check in on this one another time.

Daily snapshot

To see what we’re working with, we head to the [Current Day] SERP Features chart, make sure every feature is enabled in the legend, and select SoV: Total from the dropdown, which will show us the total share of voice generated by each feature appearing on our SERPs.

Right away we know that the top two share of voice earners are directly in our wheelhouse: places and recipe results. What are the odds!

Carousels and knowledge graphs — features that we have little or no control over — might be next on the list, but the ones trailing them aren’t far behind and are winnable. So, we’ll pick our favourite five — places, recipes, list snippets, “People also ask” boxes, and paragraph snippets — to build strategies around, and make sure only they appear on our chart.

Since food and food-related activities tend to be heavy on the visuals, it wouldn’t be wise for us to neglect images and videos entirely, so we’ll also enable them just to creep on. (We’ll think of recipes and AMP recipes as one, and make a mental note to look into an overall AMP strategy at some point.)

Our [Current Day] SERP Features chart now shows how our chosen features stack up against each other in terms of share of voice. Apparently, videos have such a small impact that they don’t even warrant a bar on the chart.

Over time

But, before we ride off into the sunset with our SERP features just yet, we still need to do a little more research to see whether they’re a long-term relationship option or a mere flash in the pan.

To do this, we look to the SERP Features Over Time chart, take the SoV: Total metric with us, and select a date-range wide enough to give us a good idea of their past behavior. Ideally, we’d love to see that they’re making continual progress.

At the very least, they appear to have a pretty stable presence — no questionable dips to be seen — which means that we’ve got ourselves some dependable features. Cool.

3. Know how many keywords you're working with 

Now that we know which SERP features will help boost our site visibility, it’s time to see how many keywords that each feature’s strategy will revolve around.

So, back to the [Current Day] SERP Features chart we head, switching our metric to Count: Total to get the exact number of keywords that produce each result type.

This changes our view rather drastically — video and image results now take top billing. Of course, we’ll remember that despite their apparent popularity on our SERPs, they have very little sway.

As far as the result types that we care about go, “People also ask” boxes and places appear for most of our keywords, and more keywords to optimize for means more time and effort.

We’re absolutely tickled pink to see that a relatively small number of keywords are responsible for producing all that recipes share of voice — this is the feature we’ll probably want to start with.

To get these groups of keywords, we’ll simply click the SERP feature icons along the bottom of the chart and voila! We’ll see a filtered view of them appear in the Keywords tab, allowing us to create individual tags for them. This way, we can monitor them more closely.

Now we can perform some SEO magic.

4. Chart your daily progress against general trends 

As we optimize for our various SERP features, not only can we track our progress, but we can keep an eye on the general happenings of features on our SERPs.

We’ll use modules in the Share of Voice: SERP Features panel for these quick health-checks, customizing them to show only our chosen SERP features, which will make unearthing these insights even easier.

SERP trends

The Top Increases/Decreases module shows us that places, PAAs, and paragraph snippets have gained the most share of voice on our SERPs. The metric for each feature tells us exactly how much movement has been made between the current day and the segment’s 30-day average.

In other words, the overall health of the features we’ve put our lot in with is doing well. And snagging one of them could mean more share of voice than we’d originally anticipated.

Only videos have taken a slight hit, but since we’re not interested in them, we’ll breathe a sigh of relief and pat ourselves on the back for putting them off to the side.

We’ll keep an eye here to make sure that our features continue to trend up on the SERPs.

Personal gains

But how are we doing?

The Your Top Gains/Losses module tells us that our hard work is paying off for places packs. Not only has this result type grown in influence on the SERPs in general, but we’ve managed to increase our share. Woo!

And while we’ve only made a smidgen of improvement with recipes, it’s still better than the none we had before.

Unfortunately, we appear to have lost some ground with our featured snippets. Did we fall out of a few? Did they get bumped down the SERPs because of other, more relevant features? Are snippets just super volatile in our space? We’d be smart to do some investigating.

And finally, since our biggest growing SERP feature for the day isn’t necessarily what drives most of our site visibility, we’ll take a quick peek at the Your Primary Source of SoV module to see who our SERP feature superstar is.

As it happens, out of all the SERP features that we own, places are giving us the most visibility as well.

We’ll watch the needle to see if we keep making gains — we’re currently only owning an estimated 1.7 million views out of an available 60.5 million — or see whether another SERP feature appears here, usurping places as our top earner.

5. Keep track of ownership over the long-haul 

Daily progress reports are great, but we’ll also need a running tally of our successes (and failures) to help us zero-in on when and why things were (or weren’t) working for us.

To do this, we’ll go to the SERP Features Over Time chart, set our metric to Count: Owned and our date-range to whenever we’re curious about, and see how the number of keywords with features that we own has been trending during that period.

Looking over our first month of optimizing — we were doing a great job of increasing our appearance in paragraph and list snippets until recently. We’ll have to look back at what we were up to on September 14 and see if we can replicate our success that day in order to dig ourselves out of our current hole.

Our spot in places results have at least held steady.

Go get 'em, tigers! 

Now that you know how to explore a SERP feature strategy, what are you waiting for! 

Want more info or a personalized walk-through of what you saw here? Say hello and request a demo.

What SERP feature strategies are you keen on exploring — tell us below in the comments?

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[xharmonizer98x-blog]

7 Secrets of Wedding Photographers

Wedding picture takers are close by about each snapshot of your big day. They're snapping without end at your most private minutes: your first look at the individual you intend to be with always, your grin as you're at long last marry, and your underlying advance onto that move floor. However, what amount do you truly think about how they work—and for what reason they're so costly?

1. THEY WISH YOU'D ASK FOR THEIR HELP.

Particularly with regards to the timetable for the huge day. "I'd include more opportunity for photographs," says Gina Cristine, proprietor and picture taker with Gina Cristine photography in the Chicago territory. Ordinarily, the lady of the hour and husband to be expect the picture takers simply need 15 minutes for family photographs, she says. Yet, those family photographs could without much of a stretch take 30 minutes, in light of the fact that a relative is continually absent. "We have to ensure we have enough time, and that we're not hurried and feverish," Cristine clarifies.

2. THEY ALSO WISH YOU ACTUALLY ASKED ABOUT EXPERIENCE …

This separates the beginners from the experts, Eva Ho, proprietor and picture taker for Eva Ho Photography in Chicago, says. Her ideal inquiry: "How would you manage XX circumstance?" Ho clarifies that since each wedding is one of a kind, you have to discover a picture taker that is ideal for you—and getting some information about experience will enable you to settle on that choice. It will likewise enable you to comprehend the reason you're enlisting an expert wedding picture taker, as opposed to somebody who just fiddles with photography, for your enormous day.

3. … AND ABOUT THEIR STYLE.

Jason Brown, proprietor and picture taker of J. Dark colored Photography in Chicago, says couples dependably get some information about his cost and his accessibility. Be that as it may, he adores it when the discussion swings to his general style and approach, and they become more acquainted with him as a craftsman. "At that point we can comprehend in case we're a decent match," Brown says. "Not a great deal of customers go there, and I wish more customers would get some information about my methodology."

4. Don't hesitate TO ASK WHY THEY CHARGE AS MUCH AS THEY DO.

Indeed, wedding picture takers may charge a couple of thousand dollars for what appears eight hours of work. Be that as it may, they additionally met with you on many occasions previously the wedding. What's more, do you understand how often you messaged? At that point there's the altering procedure. Those photographic artists put a lot a larger number of long stretches of work into those photos than you at any point envisioned. Additionally, that camera gear wasn't free (and it should be overhauled each couple of years). Stacy Able, an Indianapolis-based wedding picture taker with Stacy Able Photography, says she adores it when couples inquire as to why she charges so much, since it offers her the chance to truly clarify everything that goes into shooting a wedding.

5. THEY'RE WATCHING YOUR CHEMISTRY.

At the point when the couple first observes each other at their wedding and they unwind right away, it's an indication that they're going to last, Cristine says. "They truly appreciate the day together."

"I shoot 20 to 30 weddings per year, and I can tell when a few has extremely extraordinary science," Brown says. "It's the point at which they're in a state of harmony with one another and when they're carefree with one another." Once in a while, however, there's the lady of the hour and man of the hour who aren't generally into one another, and don't generally hang out at the wedding. That is a warning—just like the couple who are stressing unendingly over everything being impeccable amid their wedding rather than essentially unwinding and making the most of their enormous day, Cristine notes.

6. THEY LOVE THE PHOTO BOOTHS JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

Indeed, the nature of the photos in there may not be absolutely astounding, however those photograph stalls are so much fun. Furthermore, they even help the picture takers carry out their responsibilities. "Amid the gathering, we go around and take authentic shots, however it's difficult for us to get a gathering shot since individuals are moving,""We like to realize that the photograph corners are there."

7. Be that as it may, THEY DON'T LOVE THOSE TABLE SHOTS.

Going from table to table to intrude on your supper and make you present for a photograph is the most exceedingly terrible piece of shooting a wedding, Ho says.

8. WHEN IT'S TIME TO POSE, LOOK AT THEM, NOT AT ANYONE ELSE.

At weddings nowadays, everybody is taking pictures with their telephones, and it's inspiring increasingly hard to go after the consideration of the lady of the hour and man of the hour. In the event that wedding picture takers don't get those key shots, nonetheless, they've fizzled at their employments. So take a gander at them when they have the cameras up, not at the telephones.

9. When THE WEDDING IS OVER, THEY AREN'T DONE.

Being a wedding picture taker is an all day occupation, and photographic artists work about each day of the week, composes photographic artist Lauren Lim on  a site committed to everything photography. At the point when not really shooting weddings, wedding picture takers are altering photographs, meeting with customers, making photographs, sending solicitations, and promoting their business. What's more, since it is a business, all things considered, they're additionally managing the bookkeeping end of things.

"You are currently the clerk, the bookkeeper, the advertising office, the visual creator, the client administration office, the secretary, and practically some other title you can consider, "There's a perilous fantasy that drifts around proposing that [wedding photographers] just need to work one day of the week and they make huge amounts of money."

In actuality, wedding picture takers work a typical five-day week, in addition to gatherings and commitment shoots in the nighttimes, and weddings on ends of the week. They are the absolute most diligent individuals you'll ever meet.

10. PHOTOSHOPPING ISN'T EASY.

Numerous individuals will request that picture takers make them skinnier, taller, more youthful—and to include individuals into photographs, Able says. However, she clarifies, "Individuals don't understand what that involves." Yes, she can do that. Only not for each photograph.

11. Disregard TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IT DOES ON PINTEREST.

Pinterest is inspiring truly irritating to wedding picture takers, and they're tired of attempting to re-make what you saw there. Spoiler alert: It never resembles the ideal shot you saw on there. Odds are, that was a rare shot or an anomaly of nature. That picture taker got fortunate on the grounds that their groomsman happened to be an Olympic athlete and could be flipped or something. Not going to occur at your wedding.

12. IT'S HARD TO PAY THE BILLS.

Since weddings are regular—a great many people get hitched among May and September—many wedding picture takers end up out of work from October to April, as indicated by "Nothing unexpected that that makes it hard to pay the bills," Lim composes. "You can either endeavor to make enough in the wedding season to get yourself through whatever is left of the year, or discover approaches to continue acquiring cash when the weddings stop." That may incorporate shooting photographs for occasion cards and taking pictures for birthday parties.

13. THEY USE A BLEND OF PHOTOGRAPHY STYLES.

Wedding photography is a mix of various sorts of photography—frequently utilized all at a similar occasion. "We're a mix of an item picture taker, a narrative picture taker, and design picture taker," Brown says. Capable concurs, saying she may utilize scene photography, candid wedding  photography, and even full scale photography to catch a wedding.

14. Remaining FOCUSED IS KEY.

Wedding picture takers need to remain rationally and innovatively sharp for a truly lengthy time-frame, Brown says. Capable notes that they likewise manage a huge number of difficulties, including climate that can change in a moment and definitely influence lighting. "You must be gifted at altering rapidly on the fly," she notes. What's more, she includes, the weight is elevated since you have restricted time to catch incalculable minutes.

15. Now and then, THAT'S SCARY.

"Each wedding may have a totally unique dynamic, and you don't have the foggiest idea what you are strolling into," Able says. At times, you can venture into an extremely tense circumstance, and different occasions, the state of mind may be affable party. You never know. "There is a sure dimension of stage trepidation as you must be on your best diversion for 12 hours," she says. "Each work day for us is somebody's greatest day of their lives."

16. THEY DON'T LIKE COPYING OTHER PHOTOGRAPHERS.

picture taker with  Photography in Chicago, despises hearing the feared inquiry: "Would you be able to make my photos look like … " That's since she has her very own style and her very own touch, she says. "They more often than not need pictures they like re-made precisely," clarifies. "[But] every picture taker has their very own style and voice and most, such as myself, will in general bashful far from late patterns and approach each wedding in a one of a kind way."

17. WHEN IT'S OVER, STOP BUGGING THEM FOR THE PICTURES.

Ask them once, and after that trust that the procedure will occur. Your picture taker ought to disclose the procedure to you, and most will take around 4 to about a month and a half, Brown says. "Trust the procedure," he says. Since he's hitched himself, Brown sees how passionate you are and that you are so eager to see those photographs. However, the picture taker needs time to alter them, and in the event that you continue irritating him, it gets irritating.

[hermancharley]

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[townshade6]

Recommendations on How to Take the Perfect Photos with the Android Cellphone

If perhaps you are doing work with the most advanced Android cell phones, including the Pixel 3 or Galaxy S9, well then one of the best photo cameras in the marketplace is currently inside your pocket or purse. You are prepared to begin taking the family shots at special happenings which will carry on forever. Then again no matter the expertise of your sophisticated mobile phone, only just aiming and snapping shots at the backdrop is not the best way to capture lasting remembrances. The same requirements apply to smart phone photography as they do studio pictures: a tiny amount of staging will go far. Have a beat just before clicking the shutter switch and use a number of of the following tips to help to make your mobile phone-shot snapshots seem their best. You’ve discovered this before, however it requires repeating since it makes an mind-blowing difference: make certain the photo camera continues to be when you are capturing a picture. I can’t tell you total number of moments I have snapped and strolled to keep up with a group or something of the sort, only to be dismayed later on by fuzzy outcomes. Your Android phone could be super fast at starting up the camera software (double-press the energy button of all to immediately fire it up), but it can’t make up the photo if you aren’t still while acquiring it. It is truly a good idea to get into the behavior of looking into what you actually snapped before going on. You would not always require a tripod in this point in time to have a still photography, though it really helps elicit the most effective outcomes. Additionally, there are mobile phone camera mounts for standard-sized tripods if you are already tricked out in video camera items. At the same time, specialized products are extraordinary for taking group photographs. Leaning the mobile phone against a wall structure or an object is also another technique of the trade when you’re in a bind. How to Get the Greatest Photo Editing and Enhancing App Android applications are certainly powerful enough to handle developing raw image types of file made by DSLRs, so many of them can definitely deal with editing and enhancing a photo taken by a smart phone. Free software programs like Google's Snapseed, Polarr, and Adobe Lightroom will appeal to tinkerers and those who consider themselves the “family photographer.” For those who opt for the appearance of filtered photos, applications like VSCO present over 100 kinds of shaded flair, in addition to a Color Story, which has among the best filters for offering to an Instagram target audience. Each of those apps are free to use, though they offer in-app purchases to unlock a few of the popular aesthetics. If you’d rather not pay much to make your photos appeared aged, KujiCam is certainly unapologetically fun to use, as well as your digital pictures can look like these were taken in another period. If you do screw up a picture and the instance has came to pass, use an app like TouchRetouch to go in and take off an out-of-place fingertip in the uppermost spot. Don’t leave out the editing and enhancing functionalities your cellphone does originally. Google Photos comes pre-loaded on almost every flagship Android device and will be offering quick editing tools, including a small number of colored photo filters, a crop option, and the ability to modify common components like the color hue and publicity. (Google Photos offers automatic backup for your photos and videos, so make certain to take benefit of that, however you lose all of your important experiences next time your smart phone drowns in a children's pool.) Samsung and LG’s particular gallery apps likewise deliver light editing choices along the same lines. In case that you’re feeling bold, you might even like a few of the digital “stickers” included on Samsung’s Galaxy and Note mobile phones. I love just a little sultry light. A few candle lights and a few dimmed bulbs will be the perfect method to transmission to your friends that the home is certainly a comfy one. This sort of lighting is normally horrible for images, on the other hand, and although your cellphone’s maker promised you among the best low-light pictures, gorgeous gatherings aren't the place to check out this case. Do not be shy to include a little bit of light whenever the scene demands it. You rarely have to pay for anything extra; just remove the top on a nearby lamp or other equivalent and place it in front of your subjects, next to you if you are the shooter. Additionally, avoid overhead lamps and lights. Just as much as recessed lighting looks great in person, it’s not good on video camera. (There is a explanation why personalities use shades the minute they are indoors, where there is frequently overhead light.) This same lamp cheat helps dissipate these sorts of lighting circumstances and makes everyone in the picture seem glowing and bright. Your android’s flash can perform the very same thing in a bit, nevertheless stay away from it as most of your light supply, as it could make your party look beaten up. Alternatively, you might use a relative’s mobile phone flashlight as a directional light beam of sorts by flashing it at the position you wish people’s faces to be illuminated. It can contribute to some actually awesome lighting effects. Think you are some of the blessed ones to have the Pixel 3’s Night time Sight upgrade? Be sure you’re using it when the circumstance demands it, for example inside museums or poorly-lit historical buildings. This functionality is coming soon to older Pixel devices and comes in the standard Android photo camera app, from the same screen in which you can quickly switch between panorama setting and so on. On LG and Samsung phones, a comparable option is buried in the Pro or Manual settings. In cases like this, you’ll want to do a bit of tweaking to the photo camera configurations to get the type of picture you want. You don’t have to become a camera professional to gain access to this, because so many companies give live previews so that you can observe what the result will look like after a bit of adjusting. For finest results, keep everything on Automatic except for the shutter speed, that’s where you’ll see the genuine difference in how much light camera can take in. Not to mention, don’t neglect to lean it against something as the shutter is open up or you’ll finish up with a fuzzy photo. Face setting is one of those defacto regular features that nowadays shows up incorporated with every advanced smart phone. It’s like panoramic mode, except that you are going to work with it more regularly since it gives pictures a bit of a high tech look. You don’t need to utilize it to snap photos of individuals, either. This works equally well for pets, plants, or any additional interesting target. My favorite thing to accomplish with Portrait mode, if I am having a selfie or taking a photo with friends I have not heard of in over a decade, is to utilize it against a simple background. A bare side wall is perfect for headshots, although a flowery wall structure adds a little bit of flair. I love the imitation “studio look” of the sorts of photos, and you will get very creative utilizing the lamp-light technique in a living room. If carried out appropriately, the consequence of your Portrait mode could look as sophisticated and sleek as if taken on school picture day, and they could even be photos worthy enough to slap over a bundle of holiday greeting cards in the next year. Finally and indeed the most plain piece of professional suggestions on any list here, you should not neglect to wipe your camera lens before taking a picture. The mobile phone is totally capable at this stage in the process to capture a high-resolution picture of the people you care for, but it won’t mean much if the camera glass is dirty with face grease and several other different debris. Even if you possess a case on with a camera covering, wipe that section clean on the inside and out to make sure that your shots remain excellent. Just in case your one camera is your cellphone, you should always carry the microfiber towel or a bundle of camera-cleaning wipes. Purchase them in large amounts and store them everywhere: in virtually every travelling bag you utilize and every single vehicle you ride in. Photographs are typically worth a hundred words if they’re discernible, and any time you paid out upwards of this great deal on the latest mobile phone, therefore it should certainly produce photo frame-worthy photos.

[kentthewolf]

20 Life Tips You Must Know Before It’s Too Late

Life is an excursion of exciting bends in the road, pinnacles and valleys, mountains to ascend and seas to explore.

All kinds of challenges. Happy occasions and miserable occasions.

However, life always progresses ahead.

Regardless of where you are on the excursion, here and there, you are forging ahead — and that is the thing that makes it so radiant. At some point, you're addressing what in heaven's name will actually cause you to feel upbeat and satisfied.

What no one actually advises you, however, are all the little things that come along with “growing up.”

1. A great deal of people are frightened of utilizing their creative mind.

They've disengaged with their internal identity.

They don't feel they are "imaginative."

They like things "simply the manner in which they are."

2. Your fantasy doesn't generally make a difference to any other individual.

A few people may take interest. Some may uphold you in your journey. However, toward the day's end, no one wants to think about it, or will actually think about your dream as much as you.

3. Companions are comparative with where you are a major part of your life.

Most companions just remain for a while — generally regarding your present interest. Yet, when you proceed onward, or your needs change, so do most of your companions.

4. Your potential increments with age.

As individuals get more seasoned, they will in general feel that they can do less and less — when truly, they should have the option to accomplish to an ever increasing extent, since they have had the opportunity to absorb more information. Being extraordinary at something is an every day habit. You're not "conceived" that way.

5. Spontaneity is the sister of creativity.

On the off chance that everything you do is to follow precisely the same schedule each day, you will never leave yourself open to snapshots of discovery. Do you recall how spontaneous you were as a kid? Anything could occur, at any second!

6. You fail to remember the value of  "touch" later on.

When was the last time you played in the rain?

When was the last time you sat on a walkway and took a gander at the cracks, the stones, the earth, the one weed developing between the concrete

Do that once more.

You will feel so associated with the fun loving nature of life.

7. The vast majority don't do what they love.

It's actual.

The "majority" are not the ones who carry on with the lives they once dreamt of. furthermore, is because they didn't fight hard enough in order to get it going for themselves. What's more, the more seasoned you get, and the more you glance around, the simpler it becomes to accept that you'll wind up the same.

Do not fall for that trap.

8. Many quit perusing books after school.

Ask anybody you know the last great book they read, and I'll wager the majority of them react with, "Goodness, I haven't read a book in quite a while."

9. Individuals talk more than they tune in.

There isn't anything more strange to me than hearing two individuals talk "at" one another, neither one is tuning in, however trusting that the other individual will quit talking so they can fire up once more.

10. Imagination takes practice.

It's interesting the amount we as a general public acclaim and worth innovativeness, but appear to do as much as possible to forbid and control imaginative articulation except if it is somehow or another profitable.

In the event that you need to keep your imaginative muscle siphoned and dynamic, you need to rehearse it on your own.

11. "Achievement" is a relative term.

As children, we're educated to "go after progress."

What does that truly mean? Accomplishment to one individual could mean the inverse for another person.

Characterize your own Success.

12. You can't change your folks.

A dismal and troublesome truth to look as you get more seasoned: You can't change your folks.

They are what their identity is.

Whether they approve of what you do or not, at some point, no longer matters. Love them for bringing you into this world, and leave the rest at the door.

13. The individual you have to face every day is yourself.

In your youth, it seems like you need to satisfy the whole world.

You don't.

Do what satisfies you, and make the daily routine you need to experience for yourself. You'll see somebody you genuinely love gazing back at you each day on the off chance that you can do that.

14. Nothing feels as good as something you do from the heart.

No measure of cash or accomplishment or outside approval will actually replace what you do out of pure love.

Follow your heart, and the rest will follow.

15. Your latent potential is straightforwardly connected to how well you know yourself.

The individuals who know themselves and boost their qualities are the ones who go where they need to go.

The individuals who don't have any acquaintance with themselves, and evade the difficult work of searching internally, live life by default. They come up short on the potential to make a future for themselves.

16. Every individual who questions you will consistently return around.

That kid who used to menace you will come asking for a job.

The person who would not like to date you will get back to you once they see where you're going. It generally happens that way.

Simpply focus on you, remain consistent with what you have faith in, and all the skeptics will in the end come requesting help.

17. You are an impression of the 5 individuals you invest the most energy with.

No one makes themselves, without help from anyone else.

We are all identical representations, etched through the reflections we see in others. This is anything, but a game you play without help from anyone else. Work to be encircled by those you wish to resemble, and as expected, you also will convey the very things you appreciate in them.

18. Convictions are comparative with what you seek after.

Any place you are throughout everyday life, and dependent on who is around you, and dependent on your present yearnings, those are the things that shape your convictions.

No one clarifies, however, that "convictions" at that point are not "fixed." There is no "good and bad." It is all relative.

Find what works for you.

19. Anything can be a bad habit.

Be attentive.

Once more, there is no "right" and "wrong" as you get more established. A way of dealing with stress to one could be an approach to unwind on a Sunday to another. Simply stay mindful of your propensities and how you invest your energy, and what propensities begin to increment in recurrence — and afterward question what they are used to in you and why you feel constrained to rehash them.

Never botches, always lessons.

As I stated, know yourself.

20. Your motivation is to be YOU.

What is the significance of life?

To be you, every one of you, generally, in all that you do — whatever that means to you. You are your own maker. You are your own advancing work of art.

Growing up is the acknowledgment that you are both the model and the artist, the painter and the picture. Paint yourself anyway you wish.

[s-c-i-guy]

Colliding Neutron Stars Could Settle Cosmology’s Biggest Controversy

Newly discovered “standard sirens” provide an independent, clean way to measure how fast the universe is expanding.

To many cosmologists, the best thing about neutron-star mergers is that these events scream into space an otherwise close-kept secret of the universe. Scientists combined the gravitational and electromagnetic signals from the recently detected collision of two of these stars to determine, in a cleaner way than with other approaches, how fast the fabric of the universe is expanding — a much-contested number called the Hubble constant.

In the days since the neutron-star collision was announced, Hubble experts have been surprised to find themselves discussing not whether events like it could settle the controversy, but how soon they might do so.

Scientists have hotly debated the cosmic expansion rate ever since 1929, when the American astronomer Edwin Hubble first established that the universe is expanding — and that it therefore had a beginning. How fast it expands reflects what’s in it (since matter, dark energy and radiation push and pull in different ways) and how old it is, making the value of the Hubble constant crucial for understanding the rest of cosmology.

And yet the two most precise ways of measuring it result in different answers, with a curious 8 percent discrepancy that “is currently the biggest tension in cosmology,” said Dan Scolnic of the University of Chicago’s Kavli Institute for Cosmological Physics. The mismatch could be a clue that cosmologists aren’t taking into account important details that have affected the universe’s evolution. But to see if that’s the case, they need an independent check on the measurements.

Neutron-star collisions — newly detectable by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (LIGO) and Virgo detectors — seem to be just the thing.

“This first [collision] gives us a seat at the cosmology table,” Daniel Holz, an astrophysicist with the University of Chicago and LIGO who was centrally involved in the new Hubble measurement, said in an email. “And as we get more, we can expect to play a major role in the field.”

In an expanding universe, the farther away an astronomical object is, the faster it recedes. The Hubble constant says how much faster. Edwin Hubble himself estimated that galaxies move away from us 500 kilometers per second faster for each additional megaparsec of distance between us and them (a megaparsec is about 3.3 million light-years). This was a gross overestimate; by the 1970s, astrophysicists favored values for the Hubble constant around either 50 or 100 kilometers per second per megaparsec, depending on their methods. As errors were eliminated, these camps met near the middle. However, in the past year and a half, the Hubble trouble has reheated. This time, 67 stands off against 73.

The higher estimate of 73 comes from observing lots of astronomical objects and estimating both distance and velocity for each one. It’s relatively easy to see how fast a star or galaxy is receding by looking at its “redshift” — a reddening in color that happens for the same reason the sound of a receding ambulance’s siren drops in pitch. Correct for an object’s “peculiar velocity,” caused by the gravitational pull of other objects in its neighborhood, and you’re left with its recessional velocity due to cosmic expansion.

Historically, however, it has proven much, much harder to measure the distance to an object — the other data point needed to calculate the Hubble constant.

To gauge how far away things are, astronomers build up rungs on a “cosmic distance ladder” in which each rung calibrates more-distant rungs. They start by deducing the distances to stars in the Milky Way using parallax — the stars’ apparent motion across the sky over the course of the year. With this information, astronomers can deduce the brightness of so-called Cepheid stars, which can be used as so-called “standard candles” because they all shine with a known intrinsic brightness. They then spot these Cepheid stars in nearby galaxies and use them to calculate how far away the galaxies must be. Next, the Cepheids are used to calibrate the distances to Type Ia supernovas — even brighter (though rarer) standard candles that can be seen in faraway galaxies.

Each jump from one rung to the next risks miscalculation. And yet, in 2016, a team known as SH0ES used the cosmic distance ladder approach to peg the Hubble constant at 73.2 with an accuracy of 2.4 percent.

However, in a paper published the same year, a team used the Planck telescope’s observations of the early universe to obtain a value of 67.8 for the current expansion rate — supposedly with 1 percent accuracy.

The Planck team started from the faint drizzle of ancient light called the cosmic microwave background (CMB), which reveals the universe as it looked at a critical moment 380,000 years after the Big Bang. The CMB snapshot depicts a simple, nearly smooth, plasma-filled young universe. Pressure waves of all different wavelengths rippled through the plasma, squeezing and stretching it and creating subtle density variations on different length scales.

At the moment recorded in the CMB, pressure waves with particular wavelengths would have undergone just the right fraction of an undulation since the Big Bang to all reach zero amplitude, momentarily disappearing and creating smooth plasma densities at their associated length scale. Meanwhile, pressure waves with other wavelengths undulated just the right amount to exactly peak in amplitude at the critical moment, stretching and squeezing the plasma to the full extent possible and creating maximum density variations at their associated scales.

These peaks and troughs in density variations at different scales, which can be picked up by telescopes like Planck and plotted as the “CMB power spectrum,” encode virtually everything about the young universe. The Hubble constant, in particular, can be reconstructed by measuring the distances between the peaks. “It’s a geometric effect,” explained Leo Stein, a theoretical physicist at the California Institute of Technology: The more the universe has expanded, the more the light from the CMB has curved through expanding space-time, and the closer together the peaks ought to appear to us.

Other properties of nature also affect how the peaks end up looking, such as the behavior of the invisible “dark energy” that infuses the fabric of the cosmos. The Planck scientists therefore had to make assumptions about all the other cosmological parameters in order to arrive at their estimate of 67 for the Hubble constant.

The similarity of the two Hubble measurements “is amazing” considering the vastly different approaches used to determine them, said Wendy Freedman, an astrophysicist at the University of Chicago and a pioneer of the cosmic distance ladder approach. And yet their margins of error don’t overlap. “The universe looks like it’s expanding about eight percent faster than you would have expected based on how it looked in its youth and how we expect it to evolve,” Adam Riess of Johns Hopkins University, who led the SH0ES team, told Scientific American last year. “We have to take this pretty darn seriously.”

The 67-versus-73 discrepancy could come down to an unknown error on one side or both. Or it might be real and significant — an indication that the Planck team’s extrapolation from the early universe to the present is missing a cosmic ingredient, one that changed the course of history and led to a faster expansion rate than otherwise expected. If a hypothesized fourth type of neutrino populated the infant universe, for instance, this would have increased the radiation pressure and affected the CMB peak widths. Or dark energy, whose repulsive pressure accelerates the universe’s expansion, might be getting denser over time.

Suddenly, neutron-star collisions have materialized to cast the deciding vote.

The crashing stars serve as “standard sirens,” as Holz and Scott Hughes of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology dubbed them in a 2005 paper, building on the work of Bernard Schutz 20 years earlier. They send rushes of ripples outward through space-time that are not dimmed by gas or dust. Because of this, the gravitational waves transmit a clean record of the strength of the collision, which allows scientists to “directly infer the distance to the source,” Holz explained. “There is no distance ladder, and no poorly understood astronomical calibrations. You listen to how loud the [collision] is, and how the sound changes with time, and you directly infer how far away it is.” Because astronomers can also detect electromagnetic light from neutron-star collisions, they can use redshift to determine how fast the merged stars are receding. Recessional velocity divided by distance gives the Hubble constant.

From the first neutron-star collision alone, Holz and hundreds of coauthors calculated the Hubble constant to be 70 kilometers per second per megaparsec, give or take 10. (The major source of uncertainty is the unknown angular orientation of the merging neutron stars relative to the LIGO detectors, which affects the measured amplitude of the signal.) Holz said, “I think it’s just pure luck that we’re smack in the middle,” between the cosmic-distance-ladder and cosmic-microwave-background Hubble estimates. “We could easily shift to one side or the other.”

The measurement’s accuracy will steadily improve as more standard sirens are heard over the next few years, especially as LIGO continues to ramp up in sensitivity. According to Holz, “With roughly 10 more events like this one, we’ll get to 1 percent [of error],” though he stresses that this is a preliminary and debatable estimate. Riess thinks it will take more like 30 standard sirens to reach that level. It all depends on how lucky LIGO and Virgo got with their first detection. “I do think the method has the potential to be a game changer,” said Freedman. “How fast this will occur [or] what the rate of these objects will be … we don’t yet know.”

Scolnic, who was part of SH0ES, said his team’s tension with Planck’s measurement is so large that “the standard siren approach doesn’t need to get to 1 percent to be interesting.”

As more standard sirens resound, they’ll gradually home in on the Hubble constant once and for all and determine whether or not the expansion rate agrees with expectations based on the young universe. Holz, for one, is exhilarated. “I’ve dedicated the last decade of my life in the hopes of making one plot: a standard siren measurement of the Hubble. I got to make my Hubble plot, and it is beautiful.”

[we-legodesk-lawfirm-things]

The essential signs of an expert and authentic bail bond company/agent

Getting caught up in jail makes a person feel helpless and trapped! It is especially true if they haven't committed a crime. Sometimes, people get caught up in a legal hassle because of other's fault or situational issues. Their loved ones will want them out of jail at the earliest. And the best way to approach this is by applying for bail. Today, there are expert bail bond companies and agents in every region. It is necessary to conduct research before joining hands with a company or agent. Nobody needs to see somebody they care about to go to prison. By turning into a co-endorser, you can help your companion, cherished one, or relative during their court procedure and get them out of prison as quickly as time permits. Truth be told, a co-underwriter is required to ensure the bail bond is good to go, and your assistance could be instrumental in the respondent's discharge. Read Also: Different Types of bond in India What is bail? Basically, bail implies the transitory arrival of a suspect in any criminal offence who is anticipating court preliminary in the wake of paying the bail bond. It gets pertinent after capture and gets viable from the snapshot of the capture. An offence is any demonstration or oversight made deserving of law for the present in power. At the point when a suspect is captured, his announcement is taken on record and individual data, for example, his name, origination, present private location, date of the birth, calling, address of the family, portable number, charges documented against him are noted. The cop may likewise survey the past criminal record if any in the police headquarters and request his fingerprints to document an argument against the blamed. Read Also: Overview on Employment Bond - Indians Don't Know A bail is of 2 structures Customary bail-applied under Sections-437 and 439 of Code of Criminal Procedure. Customary bail is conceded to an individual who is as of now in the police care of an offence or when there are charges on him of submitting the equivalent. Expectant bail-applied under Section-438 of Code of Criminal Procedure. Expectant bail is applied in a condition where there is the dread of the capture of the individual by the police. Along these lines, regardless of whether you are wanting to co-sign a bail bond or expect somebody to co-sign for you, this article is here to assist you with understanding the entire procedure all the way and help you to settle on your choice – quick. It is often challenging to choose the best bail bond company or agent! However, when you keep in mind a few signs, the process becomes slightly easy.    1. Knows the legal processes and jargons If you sit and talk about bail to a police officer, you might get completely confused. It's because the policeman will speak in legal terms, which might be difficult for you to understand. Also, there are a few fraud policemen who try to confuse the defendant's family to take out money from them. If your bail bond agent or company makes you aware of the same, you know that you've chosen a trustworthy company. Also, it indicates the company or agent is aware of the legal processes and use of the necessary legal jargon to get the bail process sanctioned from the court. Would you be able to Cover The Cost Of Bail? The greatest issue many faces with bail is its expense. For some, the measure of cash it expenses to rescue themselves or a friend or family member is basically an excessive amount to deal with. You would prefer not to burn through the entirety of your reserve funds on rescue just to get of prison and have no cash. Furthermore, you'll feel surprisingly more terrible if a friend or family member takes on the frequency over the top expense. Fortunately, the bail bonds framework exists to assist you with escaping prison without spending more than you have to. A bail bondsman will work with you to post bail, that way you or your adored one can escape prison without taking care of the whole expense of the bail bond all alone. Less Risk With A Bail Bondsman The bail bonds framework exists to guarantee that respondents show up at their court dates and other court-commanded appearances. At the point when you pay bail, you'll get a discount on your bail instalment when the respondent shows up at all their court dates and other booked appearances. However, on the off chance that you pay all alone, there's the potential you'll lose most or the entirety of your cash if something turns out badly with the court appearances. When working with a bail bondsman, you'll have substantially less hazard with regards to your bail instalment. A bail operator will post bail for you in return for a level of the complete expense. In California, bail bonds offices charge a 10% expense for their administrations, helping you or a friend or family member escape prison for a small amount of the all-out bail cost. Extraordinary Bail Bonds Agents Will Support Your Needs Any bail bonds specialist can assist you with escaping prison, however, an incredible bail bonds operator will go well beyond with regards to your necessities. Searching out a bail bondsman can be a troublesome procedure, particularly on the grounds that you'll need to discover somebody quick, however, make certain to chat with two or three distinct offices to get a feeling of what they can offer you. Some bail bondsmen will do the absolute minimum, and won't be happy to haggle with you with regards to deciding the guarantee you'll have to offer so as to make sure about your bond. Be that as it may, an extraordinary office will comprehend your requirements and work with you to make the bail procedure as simple as could be expected under the circumstances. Extraordinary bail bonds organizations have tied all through the equity framework in your general vicinity, and may even have the option to assist you with making sure about a legal advisor for up and coming court appearances.

   2. Charges the correct amount Even though there are bail bond maximums and minimums, every company charges 10% of the defendant's family. If your bail bond company or agent charges the same, you are in safe hands. There are bail bond agents who charge less than 10% and then compensate for the same through hidden costs. That makes the defendant’s family pay more for the bail than they can. The amount Does Bail Cost? About Bail has incorporated a rundown of the suitable bail security premiums by the state to fill in as an asset to represent how a lot of bail costs in each state. The sum that bail operators are permitted to charge changes by state and guidelines. On the off chance that you are hoping to discover what each state sets as a rate, look no further. So what amount does a bail bond cost? Uplifting news, if the individual captured appears at court the appropriate response is truly basic. The bail security charge, otherwise called the security premium, is a non-refundable expense you pay to the bail bondsman. By posting the full bail sum for you the bail operator is facing a money related challenge. To make up for that hazard you pay the bondsman a little level of the all-out bail sum. Consider it enthusiasm on an advance that you settle in advance. What rate do you settle in advance? You may believe that the bail premium would be unique in relation to an organization to an organization. This really isn't valid. While there may be little contrasts, bail premiums are really controlled by the legislature. This prompts most bail premiums being the equivalent regardless of which bail operator you pick. For instance in South Carolina, the bail premium is quite often 10% of the absolute bail sum. In the event that your security is set at $5,000, you can hope to pay a non-refundable bail security expense of around $500. On the off chance that the respondent appears for a court that is the finish of the exchange. What is a Bail Bond Premium? A bail bond premium is a fragmentary sum paid to a bail bondsman as opposed to covering the whole bail sum as set by the court framework. In many cases, individuals can't cover everything of bail and use a bail attach to free their friends and family. For the settled upon bond expense, the bail bondsman accepts the accountability of the bail sum and ensuring that the respondent shows up. Who sets the Bail Premiums for States? In many cases, bail premiums are set by resolution or by the state's Department of Insurance. A few states don't set a particular most extreme bail premium however require a bail securities organization to have an endorsed rate on the document that isn't "over the top, deficient, or unreasonably unfair." There are likewise various states that don't permit private bail. You should experience the prison frameworks for bail in the no bail states.    3. Shares about the legal procedures Usually, the legal processes don't stop when the bail gets sanctioned. There's also a bail hearing process and court appearance dates. An expert bail bond agent updates their client about the same. If the crime is severe, the bail bond amount is likely to increase. An expert bail bond agent or company will inform the same to the defendant's family. It will help them have practical expectations and manage their funds adequately as well. The bail bond agents also guide people concerning a lawyer if required. These are the signs of an expert bail bond agent or company! If you keep these points handy, you can arrive at an informed decision. Read Also: Alimony Laws in India and Alimony Meaning At the point when an individual is captured he is taken to the police headquarters to record the case. The police headquarters where the suspect is taken is the one which practices purview over the region where the suspect dwells. You should take the assistance of a criminal legal advisor for your bail matter. Bail in the event of a bailable offence So as to get bail in a bailable offence, the suspect needs to submit Form-45 allowed in the Second calendar to the court wherein his case is being heard. The bail can't be allowed without the court's endorsement. Bail if there should be an occurrence of a non-bailable offence At the point when the suspect is blamed for submitting a non-bailable offence, he needs to present a similar structure as above under the watchful eye of the Court wherein his case is being heard, be that as it may, giving of bail is on the prudence of the court as it were.

   4. Professional and round the clock availability Once your loved one is in jail, only the bail amount can set them free. Hence, the bail bondsman or company must know the relevance of their job. That's what will make them professional. If you have made an inquiry with a bail bond company, check whether the company replies in time and fast, with useful information. Also, the bail bond company needs to work 24/7. If the company fulfils these two pre-requisites, you can count on the same. To know more about this, you can check out Castle Bail Bonds - Dayton.    5. When can bail be denied/allowed Bail can't be denied except if the offence charged is of the most noteworthy extent and the discipline of submitting it is passed by law is of outrageous gravity. Bail can be denied if there is an opportunity of the candidate impeding with the observers for the indictment or in any case dirtying the procedure of equity. Bail can be denied if the past record of the denounced who is applying for bail especially has an awful record which recommends that he is probably going to submit another genuine offence while on bail. Bail can be precluded if the course from claiming equity would be forestalled by the individual who looks for bail for the present. Bail can be denied to a charged in the event that he has been recently sentenced for an offence culpable within any event 7 years detainment, life detainment, and capital punishment or potentially has been recently indicted on at least 2 events in cognizable offences. Read the full article

[farmandrancher]

The Future of Livestock Farming

A cow lazily swishes its tail at a persistent buzzing, but the drone maintains its station hovering above the herd. The images it collects are analyzed with data from the animals and an array of sensors around the farm. A few miles away, the farmer acts on the information and decides to move the herd. Virtual gates open in an invisible fence and the drone emits a signal that stirs the animals into movement. Such futuristic cattle farming is not so far away. Farming animals for food raises complex questions. Livestock’s versatility makes them central to the survival of millions of people in marginal areas. Meat and dairy are excellent sources of protein, vitamins, and minerals, and when managed correctly livestock contribute to important ecosystem functions such as soil fertility. But there are concerns over the industry’s sustainability. Meat is a relatively inefficient way to produce calories. Livestock use up about 40% of global arable land to deliver 20% of human calorific intake: the ratio is 12 calories of chicken for every 100 calories of grain; beef is 3 to 100. However, while livestock consume around one third of all cereal production, 86% of their plant diet comes from grass, leaves, and other foods humans cannot eat. In this way, it’s argued, livestock positively contribute to food security by making the inedible, edible. As the debate continues, so does demand. Over the last thirty years, meat and dairy consumption has tripled in low and middle-income countries, largely driven by rising prosperity and urbanization. This growth is on top of already enormous demand in developed nations: the average American consumes 222lbs of meat per year. With global demand forecast to increase a further 80% by 2030, this could place a severe strain on our ability to feed a growing population with earth’s limited agricultural land. The world’s 1.4 billion cattle, plus billions of pigs and chickens, already occupy two billion hectares of grasslands, of which some 700 million hectares could arguably be used more effectively to grow crops that can be eaten directly by humans. One potential solution, unless we all become vegetarians, is to make farmed animals more productive. The average farm animals may not be meeting their genetic potential when it comes to production; but techniques and technologies are being developed and deployed to close that gap and keep meat on the menu.

Farmers have always striven for efficiency. For millennia they have selectively bred animals to increase their inherent resilience and productivity: in the USA, dairy cows produce four times more milk than 75 years ago. With genome sequencing, artificial insemination, and embryo transfer, science could soon bring some animals to peak productivity. Supporting this is better nutrition, improving an animal’s conversion of feed into protein. Adding natural enzymes and organic acids increases the digestibility of feeds, enabling animals to draw more nutrition from a greater variety of poorer plants. It also supports a healthier gut making them less susceptible to disease. A growing understanding of animals’ precise nutritional needs is producing feeds tailored to optimize their energy, protein, and vitamins while improving overall wellbeing—better yields and healthier herds.

At the heart of most people’s vision of future farming is technology, and the drones, sensors, and wearables of precision farming all contribute to greater efficiency. Drones are increasingly used to monitor the health and productivity of both animals and the land they graze. Able to operate over vast swathes of difficult terrain, a drone fitted with infrared sensors and multi-spectrum, high-definition cameras can send real-time images of herds and flocks. This helps farmers to quickly and easily find lost animals, identify newborns, and diagnose sickness in herds and individual animals. Equally, drones show the condition of pasture, informing decisions on moving animals for food, water, or safety. It may even be possible to teach livestock to follow a drone like a high-tech, long-distance sheepdog.

Drones will be just one of many digital inputs feeding information back to the farmer. 3D cameras at water troughs can accurately assess an animal’s weight and carcass grade for optimum yield, while also identifying possible illness. Thermal imaging cameras in the cow shed can detect the inflammatory condition mastitis that reduces milk production, and camera systems in chicken sheds can monitor thousands of individual birds to spot the behavior changes associated with many poultry problems. Smart collars and wearables could one day monitor everything from fertility to health, with E-tags clipped to the ear constantly measuring body temperature while Bluetooth-enabled sweat strips send reports on sodium, potassium, and glucose levels. Even a cow’s breath can be analyzed for signs of nutritional problems. Armed with the ubiquitous smartphone, a farmer can use apps for on-the-spot diagnoses such as detecting metabolic diseases in cows and pigs from just a few snapshots.

Livestock farmers have been early adopters of robotics, and rapid advances are being made in everything from automatic feeders to herder bots. This technology is more than labor saving: automated milking robots enable cows to be milked according to their individual biorhythms, improving their health and yield. At the same time, robots are capturing vast amounts of information. All this digital data will synchronize with farm management software to provide the farmer with an overview of the health of a whole herd as well as specific actions for individual animals. An extension of this is cybernetic grazing that uses GPS and animal-mounted collars to measure the height of grass and move the herd to fresh pastures by opening and closing virtual fences defined by stimuli based on sight, sound, or shock. Not all improvements are high-tech. Silvopastoral systems, where animals graze among shrubs and trees with edible leaves or fruits, produce more milk and meat as well as being better for the animals and environment. In Colombia, planting the shrub Leucaena with pasture grass increased protein by 64%, while elsewhere it is credited with higher milk production. One of the most radical possibilities for meeting our future needs is cellular agriculture – growing animal-based protein products from cells instead of animals. Growing meat in factories resembling breweries would cut out the need for feed, water, and medicines while freeing up valuable agricultural land. The science and the economics are still being worked out, but it could make a valuable contribution to meeting the challenge, since it seems that the desire for meat growing, not going away.   BY JON HEGGIE Read the full article

[frostedpetticoat]

11 Smart Ways to Save Money

Photo by Helena Lopes from Pexels

We’d all like to have a little more cash in our bank accounts, but when it comes to getting it, we usually look at our salaries, and wonder how we can get it bumped up a little. While there are ways to get a raise -- and is, indeed, recommended to ask at certain points -- it is not actually the best method. The best way is to reduce the amount that you spend. It’s much easier to keep the money that you have, rather than trying to find more of it. In this blog, we’re going to take a look at a bunch of ways you can save your cash -- and the good news is that none of them will lead to a lifestyle that’s less fun or enjoyable than it is now. 

Photo by ELEVATE from Pexels

Happy at Home

People who are content to stay in their house, rather than go out, end up spending less cash than those people who are forever out on the town. Just think about how much money you spend when you’re outside, compared to when you stay in (which is effectively free). This isn’t to say that you should stay in all the time, but just acknowledges that it’s a problem if you have to go out because you’re bored in the house. So look at investing in your property a little. You’ll be more inclined to stay in and watch movies if you have comfortable seating and high-tech entertainment options. 

Cut the Cord

But talking of entertainment options, it’s important that you avoid going overboard. You’ll want to have some options, but you’ll end up spending a small fortune if you have a comprehensive cable package and subscriptions for all the online streaming sites. So instead of blindly subscribing to everything, think about what you really want to watch (and how often), and pick a budget-friendly option. It would be cool to have access to every channel, but the reality is that in those circumstances you’re paying for a lot of stuff that you will never watch. 

The Right Packages

And your entertainment packages isn’t the only monthly bill that you should take another look at. Are you paying too much for your internet and cell phone packages, for instance? If you blindly took the first deal that you came across, then the answer is probably yes. Many people end up using nowhere near the full potential of their internet and cell phone allowance. Instead of paying for expensive phone coverage, look at smarty PAYG instead; with that, you’ll only pay for the data that you use. For your home internet, look at your actual needs -- some people overpay because they want the fastest internet, but if you're just browsing the web and streaming videos, then it’s probably not worth it. By scaling down a little, you could end up saving 30% or more on your monthly bill. 

Daily Expenses

Many people are pretty good at keeping those big expenses under control, but then take their eye off the ball when it comes to the daily expenses that can quickly add up to a pretty penny when multiplied by a few weeks, and into a fortune when multiplied by years. You’d always think twice about signing up for a subscription that costs you $100 a month, yet many people routinely spend that amount of money on takeout coffee each month and don’t even think about it. And that’s just coffee -- if you add takeout lunch into the equation, that amount can double. And the most amazing thing of all: people aren’t even aware that they’re spending this cash. Get a snapshot of where your money is going, and you might be surprised at how much these relatively inexpensive daily expenses add up to. Challenge yourself to limit those costs for a month, and your bank balance will look much healthier.

Going Out

We talked earlier about setting up your home so that you can have a good time without spending the money that’s always needed when you go out on the town. But no matter how great your property is, there’ll be times when you just want to venture out with your friends and have a good time. If you’re not thinking about the correct approach to these nights in, then you could reasonably spend much more than you’d like: enough to undo the progress you’ve made elsewhere, in fact. You don’t need to spend a ton of cash to have fun out on the town! If you want to enjoy a meal with your loved ones, look at going for lunch rather than dinner -- it’ll be around 30% cheaper. And it’s always worthwhile keeping your eye out for the cheapest bars in the area/ones that have promotional deals. 

Having Fun

Ever wake up and have a hankering for a day of fun? Sure you do, we all do. Alas, most fun things cost money, right? Well, not really. While it’s more than possible to blaze through some cash when you’re having a good time, it’s not as if it’s a prerequisite. It costs little to visit a local state park, for example, and they can be just as enjoyable as anything that you would pay large amounts of money to do. In the city, it’s worthwhile finding a good website/magazine that lists all the goings-on around town. Even small cities usually have a long list of free events and activities to do, especially during the spring and summer. 

On Your Travels

People seem to think that traveling is an inherently expensive activity, but this is not the case. There are plenty of ways to keep costs to a minimum. The main things that influence how much you’ll spend will be where you go, when you’re going, and what you’re happy to do when you’re there. You’ll spend a lot more in Paris during the height of summer, than you would in Prague during early spring, for example; and you could reasonably argue that visiting Prague would be even more fun. Other good tips include avoiding any overly touristy areas of a city, and booking accommodation with a kitchen; you’ll save a fortune if you can avoid eating every meal in a restaurant. 

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok from Pexels

Shopping Finds

You can’t avoid spending money; you can only hope to make smart decisions when it comes to your purchases. Take buying items such as clothes, tech, home products, and so on. There are just certain things that you’ll need if you’re going to enjoy your home and be a functioning member of society. But it doesn’t have to cost you the earth! Instead, look at waiting for sales, conducting research to find the best deals, and buying second-hand. There’s no reason to pay full price for anything, ever. 

Write a Shopping List

A significant portion of your monthly budget will go on food shopping. But if you’re not writing a list and making conscious decisions when you’re in the supermarket, then you’re almost certainly spending more money than you need to. For one, we’re terrible at making shopping decisions when we’re in the store. Second, we always underrate the genius of supermarkets. They carefully position products to make them more appealing to customers, hence why you probably always leave with items that you didn’t intend to buy. Even the brand of product influences how much you spend -- could you switch to a less famous but equally good brand for some of your items? Surely. 

Getting From A to B

There are some expenses that are unavoidable. You can avoid buying a coffee each day, sure, but you can’t avoid paying to get to work. However, as with most things, there are ways to reduce the amount of money that you spend on getting from A to B. Is it cheaper to drive some of the way, then use public transport the rest? If there are toll roads and expensive parking waiting for you in the city, then the answer will be yes. You can also save money by changing your driving style to help reduce your MPG (miles per gallon), which will create longer gaps between trips to the gas pump. 

Remember to Stay Disciplined!  Finally, remember that the number one thing that influences how much money you save will be your discipline. That you can save money in virtually all areas of your life is not the hard part; the difficulty lies in actually doing it. You have all the information you need, but can you overcome the desire to, say, go to an expensive restaurant rather than preparing a meal yourself? A good way to practice discipline is to break it into small chunks. Don’t plan to live frugally for the rest of your life. Just try it for one month. It’ll be easy to achieve when you know it’s only a matter of weeks, but when you see how much money you’ve saved, you’ll likely be inspired to keep the frugal train rolling for a little longer.

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[avaalons]

Chris Evans Fic: His Girls Episode 4 (Young & in Love Part 7)

Just a snapshot from the future to go after this!

Young & in Love

Part 1: Beard & Glasses & Pushed Back Hair

Part 2: At Some Point

Part 3: The Dogs Aren’t Allowed Upstairs

Part 4: His Girls Episode 1

Part 5: His Girls Episode 2

Part 6: His Girls Episode 3

***

Scott had come through for his niece and had picked Annie up, shouldering numerous bags of the colossal amount of stuff she needed just to spend a few hours with her uncle. Scott had, at least, been thoughtful enough to buy an identical car seat to the one you and Chris had purchased, figuring that being the closest relative would require Annie to be in his car from time to time, and he had been right.

You watched from an upstairs window, not wanting your current state being witnessed by anyone else, as the brothers loaded Annie’s bags into the car, followed by Annie in her carrier. You felt a pull in your stomach as you saw Chris lean in through the car door, over where Annie would be, no doubt checking and rechecking the fixtures, pressing gentle lips to her forehead, telling her to be good for Uncle Scott and that he’d see her in a couple of hours. You could see it all in your mind so clearly and you desperately wanted to get to a place where you could be doing it yourself.

Chris closed the car door softly and walked around to the back where Scott was pulling the trunk closed. Chris’ face held a pained, concerned expression and you knew the turmoil you must be causing him. Scott wrapped a hand over his shoulder before pulling him in for a one armed hug. Chris held himself tense for a moment and then relaxed into Scott’s arm, clearly needing the comfort. Scott ruffled Chris’ hair and pulled him back, holding him at arms length and, judging from Chris’ nods, Scott was giving him a pep talk, the younger of the two needing to take on the role of big brother at this moment in time.

You watched as Scott’s car crunched away down the gravel drive, Chris standing sentient with his hands in his pockets until the vehicle had disappeared from view before turning and heading back inside and you prepared yourself for the truths you were going to have to tell.

***

The next few hours exhausted you down to your very bones. There was so much, so much you had been bottling up inside you that letting it all go now was like exorcising a malevolent spirit and you were a shell at the end.

You talked, you confessed, you cried and shouted and paced. But Chris was there throughout it all. He wanted nothing more than to help you and you knew, rationally, the only way he could do that was if you let him in on what was going on inside you.

He shed his fair share of tears too. When you admitted just how much the trauma of the birth was playing on your mind, he confessed that he’d never been so scared in his entire life as he had been watching you slip in and out of consciousness. When he ran you a bath and went to help you undress but you jerked away from his touch before he could get to the hem of your oversized sweater, he was stunned, eyes wide and processing your reaction, for a tiny moment before he placed a hand over his mouth and you cried together.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,’ you had pleaded over and over again as he gathered you into his arms, bunching the sweatshirt material desperately in clenched fists.

‘Don’t apologise, baby, your reaction just shocked me a minute, that's all. You are so beautiful to me and it kills me that you can’t see it, that you're not comfortable enough even to undress with me.’

‘I want to be able to,’ you sobbed, ‘I just… I can’t even look at myself in the mirror right now, I don’t know if I can let anyone else see.’

His solution was to put extra bubbles in and let you get yourself settled in the bath under the clouds of pure white foam before he came in and lowered himself into the warm, fragrant water behind you. He knew, perhaps even better than you did, that small steps were required. You leaned against his chest, breathing in the intimacy and his love and letting it knit you back together from the inside out. He listened as you shared more, telling him sheepishly how you’d treated Lisa when she’d been to visit. He soothed you, insisting it wasn’t your fault, that his mom understood.

It was harder, however, to tell him about those feelings of jealousy that had consumed you, and the even darker thoughts that had crept in, the visions you had of doing something that harmed the baby, all so clear and vivid that you were completely lost in the consuming fear that you would end up hurting your sweet, innocent child. You explained how you were so full of fear and anxiety when it came to Annie, you weren’t sure if there was room for love in your brain. You had tripped over the words, hating yourself when you heard them out loud, admitting these thoughts and feelings that you were sure weren’t normal, that made you some kind of monster.

But still, Chris listened to it all, finally understanding how difficult the past few weeks had been for you. His fingers ghosted your skin in the water throughout all of your confessions and he never once made you feel like you were a bad person. He never recoiled his touch, he didn’t even so much as suck in a surprised breath. He was calm and nurturing and helped you get everything out into the open, allowing you to pour your burdens on his shoulders, allowed you some cathartic release.

'How are you not disgusted with me?’ You eventually asked him, wondering how much more he could take before his perception of you was changed irrevocably.

'Because I don’t have all those feelings of guilt that are distorting the way you view yourself. I look at you and still see my beautiful, strong, intelligent partner, who just happens to be struggling with the aftermath of a traumatic event and coping with a lot of change and upheaval in her life. I love you and what you’re going through right now, that isn’t wholly you. It’s part of you, sure, and we need to figure out the best way to help you feel like you’re controlling it rather than it controlling you, but it isn’t everything that you are. You’re still you, I promise. I did some research into this type of thing occurring after having a baby.’

Your lips curved up into a smile. He was incredible and somehow managed to pinpoint the root of all the worries and guilt you’d had over the last few weeks.

'Oh? And what did you find?’

'That post-partum depression affects somewhere between ten and fifteen percent of new mothers. That the timeframe differs depending on severity, mental health prior to giving birth and, of course, the support and treatment sought. But most importantly, it is almost always temporary and whatever you need throughout this process, I’m going to be right here, okay?’

You nodded, your eyes filling again. Somehow it felt a relief to hear the words, to have a name given to it. Post-partum depression. Now it wasn’t an unexplained force tearing up your life, but a condition, an illness, that had a name, a list of symptoms, decades of research and lots of suggested treatments. Of course, you needed to seek professional help before you could be sure, but you already felt like this was a tangible thing you could grab hold of and deal with.

You knew then, lay there with Chris in the bath, surrounded by him, that this was the hardest thing you would ever go through in your life but that if Chris was here by your side, through it all, then you were a true partnership in every sense of the word.

***

Scott brought Annie back a few hours later and Chris left you to get dry and dressed while he went to help Scott bring everything into the house. You reclined on your bed, feeling wrung out and weary after your intense afternoon. But there was hope too, now, mingled in with your worry. Chris had helped set the wheels in motion to finding that hope and pulling it out of the darkness you had been living in.

You heard him padding softly up the stairs, the thuds of Dodger’s paws behind him, and when he carried Annie into your bedroom, you immediate response was to flee. Your legs tensed, ready to spring over the side of the bed, your hands tensed against the sheets. But then you remembered that he wasn’t going to leave you, that he would stay right here and you forced yourself to stay where you were as he approached, Annie making her snuffly, gurgling noises, happy to be in her father’s arms.

'Okay then baby girl, here’s Mommy,’ Chris spoke gently into the silence of the room as he lowered himself on to the bed next to you. He didn’t try to pass Annie to you, or even really draw attention to the fact that she was there. He just held her, sitting next to your still tense body, but relaxing with every second that went by. 'Want to watch a movie?’

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. Dodger did a few turns in the middle of the bed before settling down, wedging himself between the legs of his humans, resting his head on his paws and watching Annie with interest.

'I think it’s your turn to pick,’ Chris handed you the remote, giving you something to do with your hands.

You selected some action film that you’d seen before but was an easy watch that didn’t require too much brainpower. As the movie played, you found yourself casting glances at Annie out of the corner of your eye. She was fast asleep, pink and soft, and nestled quite contentedly against Chris’ chest. Her little Cupid’s bow mouth was pulled together and you could see the gentle, rhythmic movements of her body as she breathed.

'That pout is all yours,’ you heard Chris’ voice. You looked up quickly at the sound, having not realised your studying had been noticed. He was smiling down at her but switched his gaze to you when he sensed he had eyes on him, 'Isn’t it?’

You nodded, your throat feeling as though it had seized up. You stretched out an index finger tentatively towards one of her tiny hands. Time, and your breathing, halted as your skin connected with hers. Her fingers reflexively opened at the touch and, on instinct, clamped around your finger. You heart drummed against your chest and the rushing sounded in your ears but you were motionless, fighting the feeling with everything you had.

You glanced up at Chris quickly, for reassurance, and you got it. His eyes shone, his face relaxed, and you realised he wasn’t anxious about this at all. He thoroughly believed in your ability to be a mother. He wasn’t concerned that you would hurt her or were unable to look after her. It was all coming from you. It was a revelation.

You leant into his side and curled your legs towards his, never taking your finger away from Annie’s hand. Dodger shifted with you, resting his head on your knee, working with his master to help keep you relaxed. You could feel Annie’s light grip contract and relax as she tested out the feeling in her sleep.

Chris’ pressed his mouth to your forehead and then spoke words of encouragement, the vibration of his deep whispering dancing across your skin.

'I’m going to be okay, aren’t I?’ you asked, looking up into his face.

'Sweetheart, look at you. Look at what you’re making yourself do after just one afternoon of sharing your worries. You’re going to be just fine, trust me.’

You stretched your neck up to kiss him, your lips carefully pressing to his, trying to pour all your appreciation into it.

'I love you,’ you whispered when you broke apart, your foreheads resting against each other, 'And Annie.’

'I know baby. We love you too. So much.’

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #292

“Notch in disguise, Servers Get Real”

[Notch] Emerges from the woods - Oh crap..... it's night.

[CP] - I have fireballs and you have a fucking shield

[Notch] Repositions Cp so he's facing over Notch's shoulder- You watch my back, I'll run for it.

[CP] - Oh joy

[Notch] Takes off at a dead run and starts huffing and puffing quite quickly-

[CP] Snickers a little-

[Notch] Pushes himself harder and breaks a little bit of a sweat-

[CP] Digs his claws in a little from being bounced around-

[Notch] Doesn't feel it as much through the thick jacket-

[CP] Blasts a zombie-

[Notch] Rests for a moment in the pool of light outside Steffan's house before rushing off again-

[CP] - Sloooooow

[Notch] Keeps running and there's a distinct irregularity to his breathing-

[CP] - You're not sounding good~

[Notch] Gets a stab of pain and makes a sharp noise-

[CP] - Relax, Doc will have potions

[Notch] Runs a bit farther and then stumbles, clutching his chest-

[CP] Perks a little-

[Notch] Staggers a few steps and then falls down completely. He's gasping for breath and the mobs catch up to them-

[CP] Launches fireball after fireball- Come on, surely you acquired healing abilities from ONE of us

[Notch] Takes a small wheezing gasp and passes out, suddenly despawning

- /Player Notch was killed by [scramble of numbers and letters] system error/ -

[CP] - Shit!- Is already preparing to be barraged by the others.  He takes off towards Notch's house

[Notch] Sits up in his own bed with a pained groan- Shit! Cp! - He grabs a sword and heads back outside to save the cat-

[CP] Is weaving between mobs, occasionally hearing an explosion behind him-

[Notch] Makes his way back as fast as he can and wades into the mobs, he's renewed from hitting his bed and his shield flickers as he's trying to fight and focus simulatenously-

[CP] Bursts into sight, setting mobs alight-

[Notch] Grabs him and takes off running for the closest structure, which is the village gates-

[CP] Still launching fireballs-

[Penut] See's him coming and fires arrows into the mobs to cover their escape-

[Notch] Darts into the gate and collapses against the inside of the wall, wheezing painfully-

[Penut] Sir...

[CP] - He's just being an idiot

[Penut] But... You lost your hair? And why are you so heavy?

[CP] - Because he's created a mess in the real world

[Penut] Looks skeptical- Shall I fetch someone?

[Notch] Starting to get his breath back-

[CP] - Doc if you can find them

[Penut] I wouldn't know where to look....

[CP] - Either spawn or desert

[Penut] Looks nervously out into the dark- But.... the mobs...

[CP] - Then get one of the damn skeleton guards

[Penut] Yes sir! - He takes a bone out of his inventory and smacks it several times on the wooden gate-

[Ruby] Rides up majestically with her sash flowing in the night air.

[CP] - Get this fucking idiot to Doc

[Ruby] Chuck chuk to her horse and it leaps with a bony clatter over the fence. She scoops up Markus and grabs Cp as well before jumping the gate again and riding off into the night-

[CP] - Fucker you didn't need to grab me!

[Ruby] Frankly, I just felt like it. You're soft. - the horse clatters down the hill and heads for the castle-

[Notch] The... desert...

[Ruby] Got it.

[CP] Growls and considers just jumping off-

-The skeletal horse pounds out into the desert and slows to a stop at the sight of the pile of sleeping dragons-

[CP] Fireballs a creeper-

[Ruby] Lets Notch down and he leans against the horse unsteadilly-

[CP] Jumps down as well and considers fireballing Doc-

[Doc] Is snuggled as close as xe can be to Deerheart and their tails are entwined.

[CP] - Well?  Go wake them up, I'm bound to just send them running

[Notch] Manages to walk over and just thumps on the sand next to Doc. - Deerheart... would... keep them.... from bolting...

[CP] - Yeah but you're already over there

[Notch] Wheezes some more-

[Ruby] Pushes Cp off the horse with a mean snicker-

[CP] Hisses at Ruby-

[Deer] Stirs a little-

[Ruby] Flips Cp the bird and rides off cackling-

[Deer] Opens an eye- Notch?

[Notch] Deerheart... My chest hurts....

[Deer] Quickly nudges Doc awake-

[Doc] Snurrrk blink blink- Notch?! - Xe raises up a little and then shrinks back at the sight of Cp.

[Deer] - Notch needs your help, urgently

[Doc] NOTCH! Why do you...? What happened?!

[CP] - He's in trouble~

[Doc] Examines him- Why are you wearing my clothes..? And what happened to your hair? Oh dear... you're? You're glitching? - Xe throws down hir command block - It's all that damn weight!

[Notch] Painfully hikes up his shirt-

[Doc] Shoves a paw against it - Don't look, any of you.

[Notch] Closes his eyes-

[Deer] Closes her eyes but keeps her head pressed up against Doc's side as support-

[Doc] There's a crackle around hir claws and xe skims off the extra fat. There's horrible moment where bone and organ is exposed and wobbles unpleasantly in the waning moonlight. The dragon takes the glob of pixels and quickly lays a single thickness from it back over the wound, whip stitching it awkwardly around the edges.

[Notch] Lets out a pain-filled moan and then sliumps again, near fainted-

[CP] - You done yet?

[Doc] Yes. Poor Markus. You did right bringing him to me.

[Deer] - Why was he carrying so much weight?

[CP] - Because he's in trouble irl

[Doc] And the invisible hair?

[CP] - He has to look like how he did out there, but Flux didn't want to completely deprive him of his hair

[Doc] Well that was nice of her. I presume he'll tell me the rest when he's feeling better. It was nice of you to accompany him as well.

[CP] - Didn't have much of a choice- Tosses the flash drive at Doc- Now fix everything!

[Doc] Picks up the tiny drive between two claws- What's this?

[CP] - A clean version of the snap shot, straight from the mainframe

[Doc] Oh thank goodness! -Xe plugs it in and starts typing furiously-

[CP] Waits tail swishing-

-There's a crackle as the update settles in and the option to shift forms reopens, also the iron golem outside Lie's house comes to life and shuffles aimlessly towards her garden.

[Doc] Shifts gratefully and turns to Deerheart and hir child expectantly-

[CP] Is human and very much naked- FUCK!

[Doc] Eyebrows up-

[Deer] Shifts back to human and hugs Yaunfen who is still sleeping-

[CP] Flips Doc off-

[Flux] Felt the correction to the snapshot and take her midst form to reform next to Notch-

[Doc] Makes a quick copy ofMarkus's brown shirt and black pants and tosses them to Cp - high water mark is better then naked

[CP] - Fuck you I'm not wearing these!

[Notch] looks rough but is conscious - Flux...  

[Flux] - Shhhhh, I'm here

[Doc] Somehow I don't think my clothes would fit any better. - Xe picks up Yaunfen- Come on, get dressed and grab your father. It's dark out here and I don't feel like dealing with mob nonsense

[CP] - Fine, give me a minute- He teleports home briefly and comes back in his own clothes

[Doc] Heads into the shrine-

[CP] Just drags Notch along-

[Deer] Follows them in-

[Doc] goes in and down into the kitchen, through the hall and the gold room and into the lab

[Notch] Groans as he's pulled

[Doc] Cp be careful dammit, I just stitched the whole front of his torso

[Flux] Prepares a bit of her magic to help Notch-

[CP] - So?

[Doc] Scowls at him before laying Yaunfen in one of the recovery rooms and tucking them in.

[CP] - I mean the amount of pain he's in is nothing compared to what he's about to go through

[Deer] - CP you're making no sense

[Doc] Why would he be in more pain?

[CP] - He has to go irl

[Doc] Oh... well that's worth it in the long run.

[Notch] Ugggh....

[CP] - No, like he has to go, now

[Doc] Oh! Am I being volunteered to sit with him?

[CP] - I dunno

[Doc] You know, you could take a turn...

[CP] Stiffens a little- Why me!?

[Doc] Why not? Lie and I went last time. And Lie sat for me and Markus sat for Lie.

[CP] Groans- Fiiiine, where are we taking him

[Doc] Just use the bunker again. It should still be relatively clean and it's already full of Lie's flowers, including the healing ones.

[Notch] I don't care... lets just get it over with...

[Flux] - Then I'll go as well

[Notch] Looks at her lovingly - Thank you...

[Doc] I'll go fluff the pillows and stack the larder then. - Xe takes a small running start and breaks open a portal to the space-

[CP] Calls out mentally for his wife and lets her know what's going to be happening-

[Lie] - Be safe and no murdering

[CP] - Not even a little?

[Lie] - Not funny

[Doc] Can be heard bustling about on the other side of the opening-

[Deer] - Flux, are you sure about this?

[Flux] - Consider it an experiment, so we'll know how you might respond

[Doc] Is setting up extra beds and turning on lights, testing the pipes and whatnot-

[CP] - You done over there!

[Doc] Is packing the fridge- Just about!

[CP] Grumbles-

[Notch] Holds his hand up- Cp... will you help me through? I saw how Lie faltered...

[CP] - Why not get Doc to help you?

[Notch] Because I asked you.

[CP] Scowls a little- Fine- Takes Notch's hand and pulls him up

[Notch] Leans on him a little and eyes the shimmering portal with trepdation. - I never thought I'd feel so much dread about just being in reality again.

[CP] - Yeah yeah, whatever, let's go- He starts heading for the portal

[Doc] Comes back out and offers an elbow to Flux.

[Flux] Takes the proffered limb-

[Doc] Walks her through, spinning on one heel to catch her on the other side-

[Flux] Gasps and shudders as reality begins closing in on her-

[Doc] Reaches out for her-

[Flux] - This...  This is so strange

[CP] Get's Notch to a bed-

[Doc] Helps her to a bed - I'm shocked you're concious....

[Notch] Goes limp as the pain hits him and passes out-

[Deer] Watches worriedly from the other side of the portal-

[Flux] - I don't think I will be for long- Her complexion is growing paler

[Doc] How do you feel?!

[Flux] - Weak, but not in any sort of pain

[CP] - That's not right...

[Doc] That's extrordinary! I wonder why? - Xe looks up at Deerheart hopefully-

[Deer] Looks at the divide between the two dimensions, she's a bit scared to cross the line-

[Flux] Slumps a little, her breathing picking up some-

[Doc] Pulls out the command block and slides her hand onto it, trying to get a bead on what's happening.

[Flux] The part of her putting off the most signal, is the part which is already physical, the flash drive around her neck-

[Doc] It's the flash drive... you already have a physical part! It's just mechanical!

[Deer] - Then that means...

[CP] - The servers may just transition faster than the rest of us...

[Doc] Color me relieved, and color you... weirdly pale? - Xe's really watching what's happening to Flux.

[Flux] - I think I need to lay down...

[Doc] Just lay back then- Guides her down on the bed-

[Flux] Looks over at Notch-

[Deer] Watches, nervously biting her lip-

[Notch] He's fast asleep-

[CP] - Well?  Are you just gonna leave the way open?

[Doc] Looks at Deerheart, wondering...

[Deer] Looks at Doc and speaks quietly- I'm scared...

[Doc] I was too. - Xe gets up and walks to the hole. Letting hir mate see the wealth of details in hir physical form, and raising a hand to brush the glittering clear surface between the two dimensions.

[Deer] - But what about Yaunfen?

[Doc] I'll go back and forth, and TLOT and Steve will help, they always do.

[Deer] - But how will being out here affect my powers?  What if I start changing things without even realizing it?

[Doc] I don't know. But that would be amazing.

[Deer] Tentatively reaches for Doc's hand-

[Doc] Reaches out as well and opens hir arms for Deerheart-

[Deer] Steps through and shivers, pressing in close to Doc-

[Doc] Sighs against her- My love...

[Deer] - I agree with Flux, this feels so weird

[Doc] You look amazing though. - Xe runs hir fingers through her hair- I would have never guessed it would be simpler for you....

[Deer] As Doc runs hir fingers through Deer's hair the strands seem to separate into thinner pieces-

[Doc] It seems to be, seperating?

[Deer] - I feel woozy...

[Doc] Guides her to a chair- I want to show you something-

[Deer] - What is it?

[Doc] Draws her attention to a computer that's raised in the center of the room with a faraday cage around it and trailing wires - It's one of the nodes that holds the server. Not all the time, they're constantly switching. But it always has a copy.

[Deer] - That's our home?

[CP] With an irritated sigh closes the opening-

[Deer] Jumps a little as the passage is shut-

[Doc] Sort of, yes. It's a back up.

[Deer] Is started to tremble- I feel like there are waves going through my skin...

[Doc] Waves? Do you think sitting near the computer will help at all? It's part of you in the same way as Flux's flash drive-

[Deer] - I don't know, but we can try

[Doc] Scoots the chair with her in it closer so she can touch it if she wants.

[CP] Goes and sits on some boxes-

[Deer] Carefully touches the node- I think...  I think I need to rest...

[Doc] I'll get another bed- Xe pulls one out of the creative and sets it up next to the computer-

[Deer] - Thank you love

[Doc] Gives her a kiss. - You're welcome. - Xe stares at her- You are so beautiful. I am struck dumb by it sometimes.

[Deer] - Smiles- You should go back, explain what's going on to the others

[Doc] I will, and let Yaunfen know that mama is going to be okay. Should I bring you anything?

[Deer] - No, I think I should be okay

[Doc] Stands up - okay then. Cp?

[CP] - What?

[Doc] Do you need anything? I presume you'll be bored.

[CP] - Nothing you could provide

[Doc] That was kinda mean...

[CP] - What else do you expect?

[Doc] Sighs- I keep hoping. - Xe makes another portal and goes out, closing it behind them-

[CP] Settles down to wait everything out-

[Doc] Judging that it's probably morning outside, xe goes to check on Yaunfen-

[Yaunfen] Is snuggled deep under the blankets-

[Doc] Types in the chat while watching over them- Hey Lie? Deerheart went out too.

[Lie] Sleepy response-

[Doc] Settles down on a wool block to doze and wait for the others to wake up-

-Le little time passes-

[Yaunfen] Jumps on Doc- Mada!

[Doc] -wha! Oh! Good morning sweetie!

[Yaunfen] - I want cookies please!

[Doc] We'll go to the kitchen then. - Stands up gently and offers a hand-

[Yaunfen] Takes it and looks around- Where Mama?

[Doc] Starts walkign them- Well you know how I can enter the real world? Where our buddy Markus came from?

[Yaunfen] Nods-

[Doc] Mama went out there. She's going to be able to go in and out like I do.

[Yaunfen] - And me?

[Doc] Nods- Yep. You'll get your turn. - Helps them up the gold room steps.

[Yaunfen] - So why is Mada here?

[Doc] Well I have to take care of you! I'm going to be going back and forth a lot for several days at least.

[Yaunfen] - Oh...  Will you bring me treats?

[Doc] You can have anything you want- Xe kisses the child on the forehead- You just have to be good when I leave you with TLOT and Father Steve to check on your mom. Deal? -  They enter the kitchen and xe heads for a trunk.

[Yaunfen] - Okay!

[Doc] Gets out some cookies and offers them fanned out like cards, there are multiple kinds.

[Yaunfen] Carefully selects only the best of the cookies, at least, by their judgement-

[Doc] Puts the rest away apart from one, which xe munches on thoughtfully-

[Yaunfen] - Will you take Mama cookies?

[Doc] I think I will. What else do you think I should take her? She'll likely be a bit bored.

[Yaunfen] - Games!

[Doc] There's actually already a stash of boardgames in the bunker from last time.

[Yaunfen] - Can we play them?

[Doc] Has a vision of them playing on either sides of a portal- Tell you what, I'll make copies next time I go out and we can play then. We'll get Lie too since she knows all the irl rules.

'[Yaunfen] - Okay!  And Big fire will play too?

[Doc] That's a toss up... he likes playing with kids, but not doing fun things around me. If he's unwilling we'll play with TLOT and Steve. We could even ask Crim and Splender if you want. Willow, Ashe and Oak might also be willing depending on the game.

[Yaunfen] - Okay!

[cargopantsman]

Signy: Vengeance and Filicide

I started this one by copying (almost) all of Signy’s lines/notable moments in the saga. And then realized that in the relatively vast expanse of the narrative in chapters 2 through 8 (Finch translation btw) Signy gets very little “screen time.” And as such, I actually found it rather powerful to see her part put together in one fell swoop. So bear with me on this, I’m leaving everything below as I compiled it.

Also trying a read-more tag... I know mobile tends to not like those...

A Snapshot of Signy “Their eldest was called Sigmund, and their daughter Signy. They were twins and in every way the best looking and the most remarkable of King Völsung’s children, though, indeed, all of them were outstanding, a fact long recognised, just as the Völsungs have long been famed for their autocratic inflexibility of purpose, and for being far ahead of most people, as old stories tell, in knowledge, attainments and in enterprise generally.”

“[King Völsung] was favorably disposed to the idea [of Signy marrying King Siggeir], as were his sons, but she herself was against it, though she asked her father to decide about this as he did about other matters concerning her. And the king thought it advisable for her to be married, and she was betrothed to King Siggeir.”

“Signy now spoke to her father: ‘I don’t want to go away with Siggeir, nor do I feel at all warmly towards him, and my gift of second sight which runs in the family tells me that this business will result in a great deal of misery for us, unless this marriage is speedily annulled.”

“That same evening, Signy, King Völsung’s daughter, came to ask her father and her brothers to have a private talk with her. She then said that in her opinion- it was also King Siggeir’s own! - Siggeir had got together a large force that was invincible- ‘And he means to break faith with you. So I beg you,’ she said, ‘to get back to your own country immediately. Get hold of as large a number of men as you can, then return and get your revenge, rather than walk into this trap, for you’ll find no lack of treachery in him if you don’t adopt the plan I desire you to.”

“Then Signy wept bitterly and begged not to have to go back to Siggeir.” … “So Signy went back…”

“Signy discovered that her father had been killed and her brothers captured and sentenced to death.”

She-wolf episode here.

“And we are told that when the elder son was ten years old, Signy sent him off to find Sigmund so that he could help him, should he wish to make any attempt to avenge his father.”

“The next time Sigmund and his sister met, he said he seemed no nearer to getting a man, even though the boy was staying with him. ‘Then seize and kill him,’ said Signy. ‘There’s no need for him to live any longer.’ And that’s what he did.”

Repeat 1x.

“He killed the boy at Signy’s bidding.”

Body swapping and twincest.

“Before sending her first two sons to Sigmund, she had submitted them to the following test: she sewed their tunics on to their arms, stitching through skin and flesh. They stood up to it badly, and screamed as it was being done. She did the same to Sinfjötli. He did not flinch. Then she stripped the tunic from him, so that skin came off with the sleeves, and she said that this would hurt him.’

Robin Hood and Little John running through the forests....

“Then he [another young son of Siggeir and Signy] ran back into the hall to his father and told him what he had seen [Sigmund and Sinfjötli in hiding]. .. Now Signy heard what they said. She stood up, took both children and went into the outer room to [Sigmund and Sinfjötli] and said that they ought to know that the children had given them away- ‘And I think you had better kill them.’” [Sigmund, this time, hesitates. Sinfjötli does not. At all.]

“And while [the serfs] were busy covering over the mound [which held Sigmund and Sinfjötli] with turf, Signy came up with an armful of straw [containing a chunk of pork and also the sword from Stabby McOne-Eye the Murder Hobo]. She threw it into the mound to Sinfjötli, and told the serfs to conceal this from the king.”

“[Sigmund] told his sister to come out and receive from him every consideration, and high esteem, meaning in this way to make up for what she had suffered [for roughly 27 years at this point].

‘You’ll know now whether or not I have remembered King Siggeir’s killing of King Völsung against him!’ she answered, ‘and I had our children killed when they seemed to me all too tardy in avenging our father, and in the shape of some sorceress I came to you in the forest, and Sinfjötli is your son, and mine. His immense vigor comes from being King Völsung’s grandson on his father’s as well as his mother’s side. Everything I have done has been to bring about King Siggeir’s death. And I have done so much to achieve vengeance that to go on living is out of the question. I shall now gladly die with King Siggeir, reluctant though I was to marry him.’

Then she kissed her brother Sigmund, and Sinfjötli, and walking into the inferno she bade them farewell, and thereupon she perished there with King Siggeir and all his men.”

Vengeance and Filicide Revenge is, I’m guessing, going to be an ongoing theme here, so what constitutes revenge in the old Viking, or possibly slightly pre-Viking, society? If one person kills another the family of the victim is entitled to compensation, which can come in three varieties:

Weregild: An economic payment of either currency, valuables, livestock or land commensurate with the societally agreed upon value of the victim. Blood vengeance: The murderer is executed. Outlaw: The murderer is banished from society and whatever happens, happens.

This is pretty clear cut as long as the death is not part of a battle in war or that it is not an instance of kin-slaying.

Kin-slaying in most societies is a big no-no. Family members "are caught between irreconcilable duties: to extract vengeance on the one hand and to honor the bonds of kinship on the other hand." [Lindow, John (1997) Murder and Vengeance among the Gods. Baldr in Scandinavian Mythology.] Even Óðinn had to take a moment when Baldr died to figure out how vengeance was going to be had. In a parallel of this, Óðinn goes off and knocks up the giantess Rindr, rushes the birth, and after being alive for one day (apparently enough time to learn how to crawl, walk, brandish a longsword), Váli slays Höðr. Because, supposedly, if Óðinn himself took vengeance on Höðr, Óðinn would then have to take vengeance on himself for kin-slaying. [Margaret E. McKenzie (2012) Filicide in Medieval Narrative: A Dissertation]

Interesting point here is that, even amongst the gods, a vengeance killing apparently does not wipe the slate clean. While, by law, a society cannot punish one for exacting a warranted revenge, it doesn’t seem that no one is restricted from taking revenge on the avenger as well.

So Óðinn gets out of having to directly avenge Baldr by having a half-brother take the blood. In this case we can surmise that uncles and half-brothers are distant enough to commit a kin-slaying without bearing the complications thereof. (I have absolutely no source for this thought and it could be wildly erroneous.)

The slaying of children, particularly by, or at the behest of, a parent wasn’t as big a taboo as outright kin-slaying. Leaving infants or small children out for exposure was not unheard of in these times, though it was frowned upon. [MacKenzie 2012] But a parent killing their own, young, child seems to somehow skirt the complications of invoking a need for revenge upon the murderer. Two of these filicides happened to boys that were near the age of majority (at least by Icelandic standards at the turn of the millennium, which was about twelve years old). The next two to be slain were probably significantly younger yet given the descriptions of them at play in the hall. So perhaps being children and not yet adults in some way puts them outside the law in regards to reprisal just as they are too young to participate in legal matters on their own.

A Profile of Signy Given the few direct references we have to work with regarding Signy, it is difficult to figure out who she would be as a person and not a plot device. When reading the saga in its complete text, she is thrown in the background so often that it is easy to dismiss her as cold-hearted, as the stereotypical “disposable” princess that is there only as a political pawn.

But considering what a daughter of Völsung, the greatest warrior and king in the history of Hunaland, would be like within the confines of the family, it wouldn’t be hard to surmise that she had a happy enough, comfortable enough upbringing. “The Völsungs have long been famed for their autocratic inflexibility of purpose, and for being far ahead of most people, as old stories tell, in knowledge, attainments and in enterprise generally.” She would have had a sense of duty of course, but also education and, with a valkyrie for a mother, no small amount of initiative of her own. That she defers her will to her father’s on matters says less about Signy as it says more about King Völsung, who from a young age was successful in war and kingdom building. Despite my earlier jibes at the man regarding how he handled the voyage to Gautland, we are supposed to take from this saga that King Völsung is a powerful, forceful figure that commands respect and oozes leadership, even among his own children no matter how “remarkable” and “outstanding” they may be.

Arranged marriages, as repulsive as we may find them nowadays, were how international politics worked then. Signy would have known this and while she may not like the prospect, her respect for her father, her sense of duty to the family, to her position, and her own pride would not let her back down from the proposal.

Of course this changes shortly after the marriage itself, whether it was purely based on kynfylgja alone or a few other factors grouped in with that for brevity, as Signy very much does not want anything to do with this. While the saga thus far has been lacking in emotional flare in the telling of the characters thus far, it does say something that against a tremendous respect for her father, despite her proud duty to her family, she asks to be released from this arrangement. Someone like Signy, daughter of an Óðinn blessed king and a valkyrie, would not do this just because she doesn’t want to be with Siggeir. Even when her family arrives in Gautland and is about to be betrayed and slaughtered, when Völsung confirms he will not back down from this fight as he never had before, she asks again to be released from the marriage.

“Then Signy wept bitterly and begged not to have to go back to Siggeir.” Völsung responds, dutifully as ever, “Of course you must go back to your husband, and stay with him, whatever happens to us.”

If ever Signy is to be described as cold-hearted, it should only be considered in this moment, where we see the most emotionally filled line in the saga to this point in six words, that Signy’s heart has broken. We know the Völsungs are defeated and she is doomed to be with Siggeir for the rest of her life, but on the other side we should consider that if Völsung had defeated Siggeir and killed him, if Signy would have had to prepare herself to follow him to Valhalla. If that custom were valid for the era and place of this episode, then Signy is facing the end of her life, either literally or metaphorically.

As Hamlet learns from his father’s ghost that his death was due to “something rotten in Denmark,” we can easily see Signy slipping into a similar despair, depression, and trauma induced madness. For whatever reason she must sit idly as over the course of nine nights she loses nine brothers. Imagine how long those days must have been, how sleepless the nights?

With only the consolation that she has her twin brother escaped and hidden in the forests does she have one small hope in the world for her true family. So she spends days as Siggeir’s wife in Siggeir’s hall surrounded by Siggeir’s men and bearing Siggeir’s children all while hating him, his country, his kingdom for leaving her alone in the world. Vengeance becomes the only road to hope. That Siggeir dies and Sigmund can be free to rebuild their legacy.

Her sons are Siggeir’s sons, but they are half Völsung. So perhaps they can be instrumental to avenging King Völsung. Women were not supposed to take up revenge themselves according to the old laws, but they could readily incite it. [Andersson, Theodore M. and William Ian Miller. (1989) Law and Literature in Medieval Iceland] Even if she were to entertain the idea of slaying him herself, she would then be in a position of being kin-slayer. Though she may disregard her own life even at this early point, it could damage the family reputation.

She subjects her first two sons to a sadistic test of having their tunics sewn to their flesh. This appears to be an intentional sadism, perhaps as a post traumatic symptom, transferring her hatred of Siggeir to these children. It is extraneous since there’s no reason to believe these boys would not have been raised to be warriors in accordance with Germanic tradition. Furthermore, despite that “they stood up to it badly, and screamed as it was being done,” she still sends them, in turn, to Sigmund anyway. This is a cruelty, clearly done with a sociopathic, methodic coldness which could suggest that these children lived their entire lives with a stony mother that from day one made every conscious effort to quell any maternal warmth she may have had for her children lest she lose focus on her goal, her vengeance.

That she also so casually permits the murder of her children by Sigmund should also put us in mind of her resolve to attain this revenge. Beyond the initial shock value of a mother saying ‘Then seize and kill him. There’s no need for him to live any longer,’ it stresses that, for Signy at this point, there is only one reason, need, to be alive and that is to see Siggeir’s death. This point may have held more weight in the time the saga was written. While we modern reader’s tend to focus on the children as actual living humans succumbing to a murderous mother, ‘some scholars have argued that children in medieval narrative exist merely to aid in the plot; in that way, they lack agency and are considered more as objects than as people’ [MacKenzie 2012] and a contemporary listener to the saga may have likely just been impressed at Signy’s single-mindedness in avenging her legendary father.

The drive to this end becomes more apparent when Sigmund and Sinfjötli have entered Siggeir’s hall and are hiding in a side room, waiting to strike. Another son of Siggeir and Signy discover them when a toy has rolled away from him. It isn’t until after Siggeir has been warned of intruders that Signy gathers up both of her young sons and brings them to Sigmund to be dealt with. Being so close to the end, with “the wolves in with the chickens” so to speak, Signy sees these children as obstacles. They are not needed for Signy’s purpose, Sinfjötli is clearly capable of being the avenging son/grandson. At this point Signy may know her life will not extend much beyond Siggeir’s and has no notions of ever being able to be a good mother for these children. Having the blood of two sons already on her hands, what’s two more?

A side note here on Sinfjötli; Signy has yet to reveal his incestuous origin, so effectively we witness him committing full-brother kin-slaying.

Finally, after escaping capture in which Signy has returned Sigmund’s sword to him, Sinfjötli and Sigmund return to Siggeir’s hall and, apparently able to just saunter up and set a ton of wood down, light it on fire.

Signy gives a final monologue, her only goal in life having been accomplished. ‘And I have done so much to achieve vengeance that to go on living is out of the question. I shall now gladly die with King Siggeir, reluctant though I was to marry him.’ Which shouldn’t be too surprising. With everything she had endured and done in the course of 27 years, over half her life; in losing her family, being trapped by duty with the betrayer of her family, in being a cold mother, and a cruel one, dismissive of her children’s very lives, you can’t blame her for being done with vengeance and with life.

[one-true-houselight]

Monday means Writing

This is an essay I wrote in response to the assignment ‘What is Theatre to you?” (Names taken out for privacy.”

What is Theatre? I sit in the laundry room of my dorm trying to write a paper about theatre that isn’t painful to read. I slowly go back in my memory; I stand in my workplace at 3am, trying to say goodbye to a second family. I cower on a staircase in the same place two years prior, frozen by fear. I explain to someone that I can, in fact, operate a drill. In fact, I do that at my high school for five years. Three years before that, I sing the only song I know on the karaoke machine from the expansion stage a long forgotten middle school parent built in our cafeteria. I learn to coil cables and test microphones as a excitable eight year old in my church. I finally shut up as an egotistical kid at the end of a drama camp in Hawai’i. These are the defining moments of what I have become, and what I’m still becoming, because of theatre. Theatre is my life. It has shown me my strength, it has taught me my limits. It has given me a reason to live, which I have needed. And these snapshots of my life scratch the surface of explaining how this art does that. I lived in Hawai’i for three and a half years. In that time, I learned how to ice skate, saw an erupting volcano, learned and promptly forgot bits and pieces of both Hawaiian and Japanese, and interacted extensively with a community theatre organization. That community theatre was called Honolulu Theater for Youth, or HTY for short. My family did everything from watching shows to attending workshops; from helping renovate their theater space to, and here the story really begins, signing me up for acting camps. Now, it would be easy to expect a story of me taking to it instantly, and finding a new passion in this wonderful thing called Show Business, capital S capital B. This is not one of those stories. I was a short six year old and a horrific diva. I wanted to control everything, I didn't want to play the games. I am grateful I am writing this paper because it is proof that those instructors were imbibed with the grace not to literally murder me. But then why do I even bring up this camp if it did nothing to interest me in theatre? Because it taught me something later down the road. We were doing a final ‘performance’ (read: played improv games) for the parents at the end of the camp, and one of the things we did was play a game called ‘statues’. This game involved staying quiet and still. We had played it many times over the duration of the camp, and it was the bane of my existence. But for this performance, I actually settled down and played. And I enjoyed it, amazingly enough. And though I cringe every time I look back at this time in my life, I can still see that the things I experienced with HTY have stayed with me through the years; I remember plays about the Korean War, about Hawaiian cultural legends who became my cultural legends. I saw my first parodies and satires here. And all this is why when I got back into theatre, I decided I want to eventually open my own community theater. I want to reach people through this art form I love the same way HTY reached me, and have reached thousands of other people. This wasn’t the spark, but it was the fire starter you put in to keep the fire burning once that spark does come along. After we moved to Virginia, we quickly found a nearby church that had fun music and nice people. I was eight, and though I liked church, I was usually pretty antsy. After a few weeks of watching the sound guy set up each week (we sat right in front of the choir area), he came up and asked if I wanted to help. I excitedly hopped up, and started learning stuff. I learned how the channel on the box the mic plugged into corresponded to the channel on the board, how to sound check (making many counting jokes in the process), and what all those darn knobs do on the board. I promptly forgot most of that last one, but the sound guy (whose name is Gerry) was always happy to explain. I got to take home a dead cable and practice coiling, which I enjoyed an inordinate amount. And I still do. This was my first experience in tech. And even though I retained at most 50% of the information, that means I retained 50% of the information about sound. It gave me confidence to go into other situations and say “Hey, I know sound basics”. It was an environment where it didn’t even occur to me that being a girl had anything to do with what I worked on. And I continued to help with sound at that church for over 10 years, even after I became part of the choir I so admired. Lessons I learned from that badly placed sound board still come back to me. I made friends with the adults that helped Gerry. It reminded me that small stuff like coiling a cable could be relaxing and even joyful. It acted as another fire starter for when theatre would become a part of my life. In sixth grade, I thought I was going to play soccer in the spring. So my dad, a track star back in the day, convinced me to try out for track in the fall. Shockingly enough, when I refused to run a mile and could barely breathe after the events I actually did attempt, I was cut from tryouts almost immediately. And I have never been more pleased with rejection in my life. After that, my mom convinced me to reluctantly try out for A Christmas Carol. Fast forward to that spring. After A Christmas Carol, I did Suessical Jr., which was wonderful. At the after cast-party, someone pulled out a karaoke machine, and I volunteered to go first. I got up there and started reading through the song list. And I knew none of them. Until I got to one a friend had introduced me to not four months prior; “Fireflies” by Owl City. I picked it, because I love that song, and started singing. A bunch of people who had become my friends over this show started clapping with beat, and sang all the responses. And in that moment, I knew that this is where I belonged. I had moved four times in my life, so I was used to things in life not lasting. But this was different. Even though I knew I wouldn’t be friends with all of them, I would be friends with some of them for a long time. And everything about theatre worked for me; the show, the performing, the jokes. It was an intersection of everything. It was here where I started to remember HTY, and see what I could do for people. And I have always remembered singing “Fireflies” with those people as the true spark of my love for theatre. I have been woodworking with my dad for many years. I helped build stuff for my sixth and seventh grade shows, as well as just around the house stuff. Lowes was a wonderful place for me. Still is, I suppose. I started going to set builds at my high school the spring before I started attending. And my skills definitely improved over the years, as skills are apt to do. And it was these set builds that helped me realize how much I enjoy tech. There was something about working for hours and creating something that sat with me for longer than acting ever did. But it also started showing me more important, concrete lessons. I learned to know my strengths, when it was good to learn, and when getting things done was more important. I learned when to insist I knew how to do something, and when to not fight that battle. Especially the latter. It’s hard, when you feel like any sign of weakness is a betrayal of yourself and your gender, to let it go when it isn't an issue. And I didn't learn it completely in any sense of the word. I still haven't completely learned it. But those Saturdays were where I learned a lot about myself and the people I was working with in high school. The summer of my junior year, I had accepted a job at my Tae Kwon Do place as a camp counselor for some ungodly reason. I was only scheduled to work the month of August, which is why when my dad asked if I want to do another camp in August I initially said no. He explained that a friend of his tagged him in a post from a local theater we had attended a couple of times. This theater, the Hylton Performing Arts Center, was starting up something called ‘Tech Boot Camp’; a week long thing where you were taught technical theater by the people who work there as technicians. And to sweeten the deal, after the camp you were allowed to volunteer at their shows. My parents finally convinced me to skip a week of work to do this, saying it would help with my goals and be a good experience. This right here is what English teachers call foreshadowing. But I’ll get to that later. Anyway, we start the first day on intros and lights. Which means going up to the fifth floor tech level and the follow spot booth. Fun Fact about Erika <last name>; I am afraid of heights. <Unparliamentary language deleted> terrified. So I hung back in the follow spot booth, and prayed fervently as we walked along. Then we got to another set of stairs. Another woman and I could not continue, so one of the counselors stays with us. Then everyone went downstairs, and I couldn't move. Eventually, the same counselor brought me down the elevator and calmed me down. Throughout the week, I pushed myself to confront the heights with help from all four counselors. By the end, even though it was one of the best experiences of my life, I was convinced I would not be invited back. But the main production person came and specifically said they wanted me back because I had been so engaged, and another person said that they too were scared of heights, and that it was ok. And this camp wasn’t where I learned any lessons, or where I found a new love or passion. Those came later. But it shows a starting point, and it is important to my journey in theatre to see this stop. A little over two years after that camp, I am a paid employee. Those four counselors, along with all the other HPAC production and other staff, are my best friends and a second family. I learned so many things, a mere fraction of which was stagehand related. I have conquered a list of anxieties and fears longer than a cue-to-cue rehearsal. These people helped me decide to seek help for my clinical anxiety, and did everything they could to help ever since then. No activity has helped me more with my self-confidence and esteem. No group of people has taught me more about friendship and family. This was the first place I wanted to go after I reported my parent’s abuse, and it was a haven whenever I needed it. I figured out a lot about myself, and it was (and is) where I could start rebuilding a person I could look at in the mirror. It showed me how much I fit into theatre, how I really could make it in this world. And now I have a gaggle of brothers and sisters who will always be there to lend advice, make a joke, or just listen. I could write pages about this, but I think it is summed up best by how we parted before I came to Tech. It’s 3am. I hug every single person as they walk out, sharing a quick whispered conversation. Until it is just me and the counselor who helped me at camp, the man who was the first to adopt me, who is one of the only ones who knows I might not be alive the next day, who knows everything about me like they all do. And we both stand there, trying not to cry. Tech theatre, like I mentioned above, is an almost magical intersection of many of my complexities. It requires a lot of movement, which is one of the ways I deal with my anxiety. It is ever-changing, and yet still has constants and rules and stuff I can organize. There is always new stuff to learn, and people who can and will teach it to me. It lets my strengths be used, and it lets my limits be set. I have learned to not be a diva, to find the little things I can do, to find families, to do what I can the best I can, and that there is nothing I can’t do if I want to do it. I feel that tech is the best way I have to help people, and I am thankful for all the experiences that have helped show me that. I am excited to keep learning. I am glad I have stayed alive, and theatre is a big reason that is the case. And now, as I sit in the lounge (the laundry long done), I hold back all the emotion from these recollections. I store it, and use it to fuel my journey into the unknown.

At the end I included a note about how I’m getting help for the mental health issues discussed here so I didn’t worry my professors.