#and guillermo would leave

[bottombaron]

we dont talk enough abt how Nandor actually wanted Guillermo to be a vampire the whole time 😔

[fuckingguide]

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And the shapes that you drew may change beneath a different light, and everything you thought you knew will fall apart, but you’ll be all right | Nandor the Relentless + Constellations by The Oh Hellos

the thesis of this video can be boiled down to this: Nandor is, fundamentally, a man who is struggling to cope with the realisation that while he has stayed the same for years, the world around him has been changing without his say so. he clings to what he's always known - for example his image as a relentless warrior - and the boxes he's put people in, without realising that these things don't quite fit him anymore. and when he does start to make an active effort to make a change, despite having every good intention, things rarely work out for him because, often, what he's seeking out in new places, he actually already has. all he needs to do is look around himself and see things in a new light to realise it.

(this vid only uses footage from the first 3 seasons btw, you don’t need to be caught up with the latest eps to watch it)

[dont-offend-the-bees]

So I know that bit of Guillermo twirling in Nandor's cape in the ep 6 trailer is probably the show finally doing that joke from the movie about vampires having to model clothes for each other because they can't see their reflections.

But personally I think it'd be adorable if Nandor was looking for a cape that specifically won't drown Guillermo because he wants his best man to match him

[strawberrychapstick14]

there should be a schitts creek and wwdits crossover specifically so moira rose and laszlo cravensworth can out pronounce each other

[phiatheox]

I sort of hope that for exit interview Guillermo's leaving isn't intentional but rather he's been kidnapped, perhaps by a group of vampire slayers using him as bait to lure the others, or by the council who are going to kill him because he shouldn't exist. I hope that the interview part is him believing this is the end, and I hope the vampires come and rescue him as a reversal of the end of season 2.

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

Colin's YouTube channel is the BEST I keep reading through the comments there's so many gems

[pansyofthesouth]

What if Nandor's secret (bad) is that he took the goth boy to AL Quolnadar and made him a vampire :D?

[darkanimas]

Tagged by @mickeysjones for my 6 favorite movies thanks bestie :)

I'm also cheating and adding 3 more because I cannot leave any out and I love them all like my children equally 💜

The Haunting

Anastasia

Shaun of the Dead

Ever After

The Neverending Story

Silent Hill

Pan's Labyrinth

Crimson Peak

Alice in Wonderland (1999)

I tag: @drownedxvalkyrie @virginbutstillahoe @sockos and anybody else who wants to play!! :)

[bottombaron]

it’s a small thing, but while I was working on the Transmogrification Explained Part 2 I caught something that I thought was interesting enough to share.

At this point (see below) at the end of the finale, after the ceremony, all the housemates go into the fancy room and Nandor says something about playing Parcheesi right before he takes a brief moment to comfort Guillermo the tiniest bit.

Right afterwards however, instead of doing as he said he would and follow everyone else into the fancy room, he heads right, down the hallway, most likely going straight to his room.

All the nonchalance and dismissal and ‘hey, let's pretend everything is fine and back to normal now!’ talk is a feint. Nandor doesn’t go into the fancy room to take comfort with the group and deny that anything important happened, and since he told Guillermo to clean up Derek before sunrise (something I thought was odd at the time because why would it matter if Guillermo left it until sunrise when everyone would be asleep anyways), he knows Guillermo won’t follow him.

Nandor is choosing to be alone after all this. It’s a very neat little character bit that is easily overlooked within the noise of the episode. While the tone at the end of the ceremony looks like everyone is moving back to square one and blatantly ignoring the seriousness of the situation to do something as banal as a board game, the actual actions of the characters show that there really is devastation amongst them. Guillermo’s obvious, but Nandor’s is hidden with a line that distracts us from noticing that he actually retreats from everyone and hides away.

It really makes me wonder what Nandor did after everything. Used the time to get himself ready for bed so Guillermo couldn’t wouldn’t have to do it when he got back? Sulked? Had a tantrum? Went into his treasure room to read Guillermo’s thank you card again and again?

oh and another little thing: Guillermo and Nandor are the only ones who still have their robes on after the ceremony, and actually end the scene still in them. All the other characters almost immediately took them off after the lights went on.

having them the only two that still wear the robes feels so significant to me. like they’re still in this ritual between them. Or, if the bondage rope part of it comes into play, they are still tied to each other. There’s definitely something to be read here, with both Nandor keeping the rope-cape on and pretending like he was going to follow the others but going to his room instead. Whatever it is, one thing’s for certain to me: Nandor is Not Okay after the ceremony.

[noonvoid]

.

[fiovske]

Hi!! I finally got around to watching the new wwdits and when I finished I thought back to that post u made about nandermo. I still love the ship and all the characters, but admittedly now CANNOT imagine them going for that. It kinda feels like it went from nandermo b-plot went to "guillermo recognize ur worth and get urs" b-plot. Even w the comedy interspersed, the grief hit me (tryna be vague in case u haven't seen it), so I'm hoping fandom kinda takes a cue from the show and realizes that what they want isn't always what the show needs.

yeah like, i enjoy nandermo as the other guy but as much as the season geared towards showing how pathetically obsessed w Guillermo nandor is, it also showed how terribly Guillermo needs take all the money he embezzled and get A Life.

i lowkey feel like its not going to happen bc a) main cast needs to stick together in one location for story to happen? b) Guillermo thriving outside of the vampires, as much as he needs it, would bring the show to a close ig?? bc man memo u've been chasing this becoming a vampire dream and its not only ruined years of ur life its FULLY ruining ur life still so... get that cash and get the hell out of dodge!!

[mollspeak]

truly believe if someone threw angel in the wwdits polycule for a week it would fix him

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Coming Out

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: some explicit language, mention of an unsub hurting Emily 😱, vague insinuations of homophobia, mostly fluff on fluff, feat. loyal himbo Derek Morgan Word Count: 2k

Summary: Emily gets injured on the job, and all she really wants is you, her girlfriend. But she's not out to the rest of the team yet. Can she be vulnerable enough to share that part of herself with the team? Can she be vulnerable enough to let you take care of her? Takes place at the end of S3.E2.

Emily dabbed at her head and winced, checking her watch to see if it had been long enough to take more pain medication. But despite getting clocked with a plank of wood, she was glad to be on the jet, glad to be back with her team because they really were starting to feel like her team. Who was she kidding? She loved her job.

According to the pilot, the team would be landing at Quantico in a little over an hour. Emily grabbed her phone, discreetly shoving it into her pocket, before heading to the back of the plane. She needed to call you, but the rest of the team didn't know about you yet. Hell, the rest of the team didn't even know she was gay. It felt too personal, and she'd been hurt by people's reactions–people she loved and trusted deeply–too many times. She played her relationships and her sexuality close to the vest.

Reid tapped Emily's arm as she passed by.

"Oh! Are you going all the way to the back?"

Emily tensed. "Yep."

"Could you bring me a Sprite?"

She felt her shoulders relax, and she patted Reid on the arm. "Sure."

After knocking on the bathroom door to make sure that truly no one was around, she called you, her voice hushed as she rifled through tiny airplane soda cans, looking for Reid's Sprite.

"Hey, Em," you said, your voice bright.

"Hey," she said, a goofy smile spreading across her face. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing much. Saw a street rat earlier. I named him Guillermo. I think he's on the prowl for a girlfriend."

Emily laughed, covering her mouth.

"How was Milwaukee?" you asked.

"Good. Really good. We got the guy. We're on the plane now."

She could nearly hear how smug you were through the phone.

"You're glad you went back," you snickered, relishing in being right. She'd sworn that it wasn't a big deal, that it'd be easy to get another good job, but you knew her heart was with the BAU.

Emily sighed. "I am. You were right."

"You're gonna stay?"

"Looks that way."

"I knew it!" you crowed. "I'm glad. You're too good at your job to quit it."

"Thanks, love. Listen, Y/N, can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course! Anything."

Emily winced, touching the swollen bump on her head. "We land in about an hour. Can you pick me up and stay at my place tonight?"

"Wow." You drew out the vowel, milking the fact that Emily needed you for once. "You missed me that much, huh?"

"Well, yes, of course, but... I, uh... I kind of have a concussion?"

Your tone shifted immediately from smug to concerned. "What?! Why?! What happened!?"

"Unsub hit me with a plank of wood," she admitted reluctantly.

"Jesus Christ, Em! Are you okay!?"

"I'm fine, baby, I promise," she reassured you. "I just got a little banged up, that's all. But I'll need you to wake me up every few hours and make sure I'm cognizant."

"I think I have some soup in the freezer," you observed, your voice far away. You'd put her on speakerphone to rifle through the cabinets. "And I have a thermometer. I don't know, do concussions cause fevers? I've never had one."

Emily shook her head, smiling. She loved that your first response, always, was to take care of her. Emily was not used to being taken care of, and she didn't let many people do it. She certainly wouldn't let many people see it either. But she let you.

"No thermometers needed. Just you and your car and more you when we get home."

"You got it. When did you say you land?"

"In about an hour."

"Okay. I'll leave in a few."

"Oh," Emily added quickly. "And you're cleared to drive into Quantico. They know the car you drive and they've got your ID on file. Just show it to them at the gate."

You paused. "Well, that's a little Big Brother of them."

"I gave it to them a few months ago. Just in case you ever needed to come by. Sorry, I should've told you."

"It's okay," you decided, pulling on a jacket and a beanie. "It feels kind of badass to be on Quantico's list."

Emily laughed, almost excited to have a concussion because it meant you'd be snuggled right up to next to her for however long it took to get better. 48 hours at least.

"Alright, baby," she finished, Reid's Sprite in hand. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Bye, love."

Emily wiped the grin off her face before returning to the cabin with Reid's Sprite–it'd look suspicious if she was too happy coming back.

An hour later, the team was going their separate ways in the parking lot, waving goodbyes and slamming car doors under the buzzing lights.

Emily leaned on the wall outside the building entrance, relishing the crisp night air.

"You need a ride, Prentiss?" Morgan asked as he walked out, used go-bag slung over his shoulder. "You shouldn't be driving" He pointed to her head.

"No, that's okay," Emily waved him off. "I've got– uh... someone's... picking me up."

Fuck, she thought. The concussion was not helping her ability to lie well.

Morgan stared at her suspiciously.

"What?" Emily laughed, trying to act normal.

"Why are you acting shifty?"

"I'm not!" she protested.

Morgan smirked and waggled his eyebrows. "Do you have a secret boyfriend?"

"What?" Emily said, laughing a little too forcefully. "No!"

He crossed his arms and waited. "You're seriously not gonna tell me?"

Emily leaned against the brick wall, rubbing her forehead. On the one hand, she was tired of keeping you–and herself–a secret. And if anyone was going to be supportive of someone on the team getting laid, it would be Morgan. But on the other, did she really know that much about him? She didn't know his religious background. Sure, he'd defend a gay victim, but that was his job. This was personal.

Emily sighed before replying. "I have... I have a secret girlfriend."

The silence felt like it lasted hours, stretching between them until Emily was sure the chasm would never close again, and that with just a few words, just by being herself, she'd ruined any chance of a friendship with Derek Morgan. It wouldn't be the first time. It probably wouldn't be the last.

Morgan seemed to think deeply before leaning against the wall next to Emily, turning to look her in the eye.

"Prentiss, why didn't you tell us you were gay?"

Emily was afraid to look at him, but when she did, her heart soared. He looked at her with nothing but love and respect and appreciation, no hint of hatred or disgust. If anything, he looked sad that she'd waited so long to tell him.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I don't always get a good reaction."

"Well, you know nobody on this team would have a problem with that, right? Hell, Garcia'd probably hang pride flags everywhere."

"I know," Emily nodded. "I just... I don't think I'm ready yet. For everyone to know. Soon, though."

Morgan nodded, then thought for a few minutes before asking, "Is it serious?"

Emily chuckled. "Being gay? Yeah, I'd say so."

Morgan shoved her shoulder gently, mindful of the day's injuries. "No! The girl! How long have you been seeing her?"

"A little over six months."

"So, it's serious."

Emily grinned. She was glad to have someone to talk to about this. She'd held it so close for so long. She wasn't used to having anyone to tell about you. Maybe Morgan could be that person.

"Promise not to tell the others?"

Morgan put his hand over his heart. "Promise."

"I'd marry her tomorrow if she'd let me."

"Wow." Morgan raised his eyebrows, smiling lightly. "Prentiss is in love," he said, teasing her.

Emily fought a wide smile, but lost in the end. "Oh, shut up. And don't tell anyone. Especially her."

"Your secret's safe with me," Morgan reassured her. And she could tell he meant it. Emily trusted him, she realized. She trusted him to be a good friend, to keep her secrets. She trusted him not to out her to the rest of the team. He'd let her go at her own pace when it came to telling the others.

"She better be amazing," Morgan added. "I don't know how anyone could be good enough for you."

Just at that moment, a pair of headlights crept slowly into the parking lot, hesitant and unsure. It had to be you. Emily stepped forward and waved a bit, then turned to Morgan.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" she said.

"Not with that head, you won't," Morgan observed.

You put the car in park next to the curb and leapt out of the driver's seat, hurrying over to Emily.

"Oh my god!" you exclaimed, anger and concern washing over you. "I thought you you said you were fine!"

You gingerly touched Emily's face and pulled her head down to examine the butterfly bandage above her eyebrow.

"Look at this," you grumbled, more to yourself than anyone else. "It's already bruising." You glared at the butterfly bandage. "Did a doctor do this or you? If it was you, I think we should clean it with rubbing alcohol at home."

Morgan looked absolutely delighted, both because you seemed like a delightful person and because Emily was beet red at being observed with you.

"Y/N, I'm fine," Emily said firmly, grasping your fingers in hers and removing them from her face. "This is my colleague Derek Morgan. Morgan, my girlfriend, Y/N."

You looked Morgan over and immediately decided you liked him. Mostly because you could tell that he really cared about Emily. But also because he looked mischievous, like he'd tease her. And if there was anything you loved, it was teasing Emily. You shook his hand enthusiastically. "It's really nice to meet you," you said. And you meant it.

But you didn't have time to chat with Morgan tonight. You were too worried about Emily.

"You don't look fine," you argued, looking to Morgan for backup. "Does she look fine to you?"

Morgan grinned at Emily, raising his eyebrows. "She definitely looks like she could use some TLC."

"Oh, and she'll get it alright," you assured him, opening the passenger door for Emily. "Shall we?"

Emily bent gingerly to get into the car, and you were careful to guard her head from the ceiling.

"Derek, it was really nice to meet you," you said, shaking his hand one more time for good measure as Emily rolled down the window, staring bullets at Morgan.

"You too, Y/N," he said, looking over your shoulder at Emily. "I hope you all have a very marry evening."

Emily pointed at him aggressively behind your back, mouthing, "SHUT. UP."

"See you, Prentiss," he called as you pulled away. He laughed and called out, "I hope it's a real honeymoon from work!"

Emily's hand shot out the window, flipping him off.

Later that night, your alarm buzzed and you blinked awake. You forgot for a moment that you were at Emily's, but her strong arms wrapped protectively around your waist were enough to remind you where you were.

You turned slowly to face a sleeping Emily, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Em. Hey. You gotta wake up, honey."

She groaned, placing a hand on her head.

"Sorry," you grimaced. "Gotta make sure your brain's alright."

"My brain is fine," she growled.

"Oh, yeah?" you joked, checking the time before shaking a few pills into your hand from the pill bottle on the nightstand. "Who am I, then?"

"The love of my life, Whitney Houston."

You laughed, which made Emily laugh, too. But she quickly doubled over in pain, groaning.

"Here, take these," you said gently, handing her the pills and a glass of water. "It'll help."

She took the pills obediently and lay back down.

"You know," you said, pulling up the blankets to make sure they covered Emily's shoulders. "I may not be Whitney Houston..." You wrapped your arms around her and drew her to you, and she burrowed her head into the space between your neck and your collarbone.

"But I think I'm a close second," you finished, running your fingers rhythmically through Emily's hair.

She sighed contentedly, pressing into you, then moving one of your arms to wrap it more tightly around her.

"Why are you so good to me?" she asked, quiet. You couldn't quite tell if it was a joke or serious, but you'd reply the same either way.

"Because I love you, you nerd."

She leaned up, planting a kiss underneath your chin. "I love you, too."

Within minutes she was conked out again, and you were setting another alarm, ready to do it all over again in a few hours.

[ineffably-human]

The day Guillermo slaughtered a theatre of vampires, Nandor looked up and actually saw him. 'My name is Guillermo de la Cruz' burned like a silver knife in his brain. And that's the day Nandor started rooting for him.

Making him a bodyguard, insistent that's what he was. Watching him so carefully. 'Push back. Break the rules. Talk about yourself. I can't do it for you. If I do it for you then you've already lost.' Guillermo slapped him and his eyes lit up. Guillermo fought him, and he only wanted more. Guillermo said 'I can kill you whenever I want, I choose not to,' and it's what he was waiting for.

Nandor stands at the train station, feeling awake for the first time in months as he considers all the variables. The normal bite won't be enough, not for a Van Helsing. He'll have to drink someone right away, just to be sure. Will it feel the same for him, to hunt a human the way Nandor's watched him hunt a vampire? Maybe if they do it together. Maybe there's a lot that Guillermo can do very easily, if they do it together. Maybe there's a lot Nandor can do, very easily, if-

(...he's not coming. Well, familiars have balked at less.)

--

It's such a genuine surprise when he reappears. Why everything happened doesn't matter, exactly; Guillermo doesn't fight to get any of it back. He's so angry, so ready to leave, and by all rights Nandor should let him. But all he can feel is the instinct to stop him. Perhaps if he has actual love in this house, something to fill the void... Maybe there's one more thing Guillermo can do for him before his exit.

It's a strange year. Guillermo is not in his service, so much as he's a friend charged with service. His mind is so pulled in different directions - raising the Colin-creature, helping at the club, buying his gaudy new clothes that aren't vampire-like at all. Talking on the phone, sometimes in the other language he speaks, sometimes in secret whispers Nandor doesn't try to figure out.

If Guillermo doesn't want him to know, then he doesn't. He can't begrudge him a life outside this house anymore. It's like Guillermo has remembered how to be human.

Maybe he has. Nandor takes him to fight, wants to see that fire in his eyes again, but Guillermo only wants peace. They never talk about him becoming a vampire. Guillermo doesn't ask once. At the wedding, Guillermo promises to always be there when Nandor is afraid. Nandor wonders what 'always' means to him.

When he meets Freddie, things click into place a bit. Nandor is happy for him, truly. Suspicious, of course - this is a stranger in their home, one who clearly doesn't know their secrets. But such a kind and engaging stranger. And intriguing, like a little secret corner of Guillermo Nandor has never been able to reach. Nandor has been so lonely lately, he keeps getting everything he wants and yet he's lonelier than ever -

Nandor fucks up. Nandor fixes. Or does his best, anyway.

Guillermo goes to London one day, comes home with a look in his eyes like something broken. They don't talk about it.

Guillermo is back to dusting. He sits beside Nandor and smiles, placid and friendly. 'So, what's next?' But he doesn't ask. And Nandor can't ask it for him. That's not how this works.

--

And suddenly, Guillermo is a million miles away. Suddenly, Guillermo would rather be anywhere than with Nandor.

He talks about being a vampire for the first time in a year, but there's a strangeness to it. A wariness. When they laugh at the idea, he doesn't push back. There's no fire.

Something is wrong, honestly wrong, but Nandor can't bring himself to think about it seriously. Guillermo still runs from even the thought of their orgies. (So it can't be what he's thinking of, can it?) Their first big crisis as a household in a while, their bodyguard is nowhere to be found. (Is he a bodyguard anymore? A familiar? A lot more like Laszlo's familiar, these days...)

'I'm not going to be around forever.' Well, fine. He can survive that. He's survived far worse, and so has Guillermo.

And Guillermo is not just here right now, but is alive right now - wonderfully, blessedly alive - and Nandor won't be forced to think about his death for a while yet.

The one thing he knows for sure is that Guillermo would never do anything to hurt him, to hurt any of them. And maybe that's why it never worked out. You have to do so much more than survive, to be a vampire.

-- When everything that happened becomes clear, when his rage fades to anger fades to acceptance, there's still responsibility. Responsibility to his familiar, responsibility to his friend.

And when Guillermo's heart is too full, and spills over whatever bloodlust he had, Nandor wishes he were surprised. Guillermo has iron in him but it's been forged into a shield, after all this time. There are no little leftover bits Nandor might have helped him shape into a pair of fangs.

Guillermo can feed a family, or defend one, or defend himself. But he won't kill unless he has to, and his own survival - or his own happiness - is not a 'has to'. Fine. Guillermo has fought for him. Nandor can fight, too.

His own anger still needs a more constructive place to go. So he looks at Guillermo's wretched sire - who never even wanted to be a vampire, and then made a vampire so thoughtlessly. Who hasn't come to see Guillermo, who couldn't figure out how to help him, who doesn't even know that he's in pain.

Nandor drives a stake into the heart of a vampire. And it feels good.

Maybe now, he can also be angry at himself a little less.

[veryintricaterituals]

We need to talk about queer representation in What We Do In The Shadows

I'm just going to say it: for a show that claims to have great queer representation I sure haven't seen a gay couple in five seasons.

(The closest they've come is with Freddy and we all saw how that turned out)

Okay, I've been thinking about this for a while and I honestly don't love the discourse but fuck it. We need to talk about queer love and queer representation on wwdits and how it's not great.

Let me begin by saying that I love this show, I do, it's my favorite and I adore it and I am not going to stop watching it. But the internet holding it it as the be all, end all of queer representation needs to stop. We need to take off our heartshapped glasses for a second and think critically.

Now I'm not saying it's homophobic because it's clearly not, but a beacon of queer representation and love it is not.

Yes, it has its moments and when they come they are incredible (Guillermo's coming out episode my beloved). But if we stop and think about it for a second it becomes clear that same sex love in the show it's not treated with the same respect that straight love gets. And it's time to aknowledge that as a fandom.

It's 2023 and we don't need to be living off scraps or jokes made at our expense anymore. The times of Supernatural or Sherlock are done. But in wwdits we are, a lot of the time, the butt of the joke and not always in a good way. I'm begging you to think for a second about why the jokes are supposed to be funny, think of Laszlo and Nandor, or Laszlo and the Baron, or Nandor's guy wives... the joke IS that it's gay, there's nothing else.

And you know what? That could be FINE or it would be if they commited and treated gay love with a little bit of respect but they don't, not really. Show me queer love, stop just talking about it and SHOW it.

Or at the very least when you do show some semblance of it (looking at the season five finale, season three finale and a lot of other moments) don't immediately undermine it with articles about the power of friendship, it's the least you can do. We are just asking to be more than a joke.

It's like a reverse of what happened in Supernatural where after so many homophobic jokes it just turned kind of gay, it feels like after so many gay jokes with zero commitment behind them wwdits is starting to feel kind of hurtful.

I'm not saying they should have Nandor and Guillermo get together (though they should), I'm saying that after five seasons we should at the very least have seen a couple of the same sex treated with the same respect and love they've shown Laszlo and Nadja, Sean and Charmaine, or hell even Colin and Evie.

All I'm asking is for the show to make us more than just a joke or they're just going to end up circlying around and not looking great, and after five seasons it's starting to happen and I'm worried it's going to leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth by the end.

[lovelytsunoda]

the man with the hex // liam lawson

summary: he stayed to hand out candy but actually just wanted to make out. unfortunately, hungry kids won’t wait to ring the doorbell.

pairing: liam lawson x female! reader

warnings: allusions to sex, liam is a horny teenager, very suggestive but no smut, reader gets baby fever real fast and liam has a dirty mouth. I am incapable of writing anything wholesome about this man, apparently.

"jesus fuck!"

"y/n y/m/n y/l/n, watch your language!" her mother shouted from the kitchen

next to her on the couch, liam snickered, pulling her closer. guillermo del toro's 'cabinet of curiosities' was playing on the screen, and y/n had been jumpy throughout the whole episode.

y/n was a gentle soul. she preferred cozy mysteries, and humorous action thrillers as opposed to straight up horror. sure, the pillars of the slasher genre were wonderful films (she's first in line to see any new 'scream' movie), but she did not do well when she was genuinely scared.

"sorry, mom!" she shouted, resting her head against liam's shoulder. "liam has bad taste in movies."

"it's one episode!" the kiwi laughed. "i'm sorry, you can pick the next movie."

y/n rolled her eyes, getting up from the couch to hug her parents goodbye. she and liam had agreed to stay in that night, allowing her parents to go to an annual charity event thrown by one of her fathers friends. her sister was at a party, and as someone who had a quiet, peaceful life and wasn’t always invited to things, y/n was extended a chance to stay at home.

of course, learning that they would have the house to themselves, liam was all too quick to tag along, for less than wholesome reasons. while y/n had planned a couple's movie night, complete with matching hotel transylvania costumes and a stack of scooby doo movies, wheras liam had planned to get her to scream in more ways than one.

y/n got up from the couch, her nylon-clad feet skidding across the hardwood as she went to hug her parents. "bye guys, i'll see you in the morning."

"have a great time, mr. and mrs. (your last intital)!" liam shouted

"no funny business with my daughter, lawson. and no drinking." her father scolded, pointing his finger towards his daughter's boyfriend.

"dad! we're adults, i think we can handle ourselves." she laughed, giving her father a hug before her parents went out the front door.

she closed the door behind them, leaving it unlocked and the jack-o-lantern on the front porch turned on before backtracking to the kitchen and refilling the candy dish she and liam had been snacking from.

"you'll have to keep an ear out for the front door, but other than that, do you want to put beetlejuice on when this is over?" she suggested, bringing the candy bowl back over to the couch and curling into her boyfriend.

"i dunno, your parents are gone, i kind of hand something else on my mind." liam grinned, one hand trailing up her thigh.

"oh yeah?" she purred, maneuvering herself into liam's lap, poking his nose before kissing him softly, her blue lipstick smearing against his skin.

liam cupped her face with his free hand, his other arm going around her waist to pull her closer. she hummed contentedly as she nestled her body into his, taking his top lip in between her own.

“your lipstick tastes good.” liam remarked, lips ringed in the dark blue cosmetic. “like blue raspberry.”

“you’re such a dork.” she giggled, brushing an errant blonde hair out of his face before kissing her lover again.

liam moaned into it, feeling himself grow harder every time that her thigh brushed over his crotch. she was driving him wild, the end of cabinets of curiosities forgotten as they made out like teenagers.

the doorbell rang, startling them both as they jolted on the couch. y/n pulled away from liam, wiping the smudged gloss from her swollen lips before getting off the couch and reaching for the bowl of cadbury chocolates across from her.

“trick or treat!”

there were three kids standing in the doorstep, each dressed as a different superhero as they held pillowcases out in front of them as she dropped handfuls of pocket sized chocolates into the bags.

“you kids have a great night.” she chirped, waving not just to the kids, but to the parents waiting on the sidewalk before slipping back into the house.

she left the plastic candy dish on the front bench, a grin on her face as she went back to the living room. liam hadn’t mailed from the couch, one hand over his eyes and the other clutching a throw pillow over his crotch.

“seriously, liam?” she laughed, reaching for the tv remote. “come on, we have to be aware of our surroundings. little kids are going to be knocking on the door all night.”

liam groaned. “sounds like hell to me, babe.”

she shook her head, grinning as she used the remote to navigate over to the amazon icon to rent ‘beetlejuice.” she was just about to hit rent when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

“liam!” she shouted, giggling as he nuzzled his cold nose into the tender flesh of her neck. “you know you’re just gonna get interrupted again, right?”

“don’t care.” he hummed, pressing kisses up and down her throat. “babe, we finally have the house to ourselves and I am so fucking horny for you right now.”

she giggled, extracting herself from liam’s hold to teasingly bend down near the coffee table, placing the realtor back on the glass top. at the sight of her skirt riding up over her orange and black nylon tights, the lacy hem of her panties visible through the nylon as she bent over, the kiwi could hardly contain himself.

especially when there was another ring of the doorbell.

this time, liam offered to get the door, almost dropping the candy bowl as he tried to get the door open, shaking hands unable to grasp the doorknob as be tried to get his breathing under control.

“woah, are you liam lawson?” one of the kids shouted, his voice echoing through the street. “I watched you on tv last week!”

despite himself, liam laughed. “right on, kiddo!” he held his fist out for a fist bump, kneeling to the kids level. “hang on just a second and I’ll get my girlfriend out here to take a picture of the two of us, yeah?”

“you seem cheerful for a man that didn’t want to hand out candy.” y/n chuckled from the doorway. “come on then, pass me his iPod touch or whatever and I’ll get the best fan pics he’s ever seen.”

the kids eyes lit up as liam moved to crouch next to him, matching his height almost exactly as y/n snapped a few pictures.

“your girlfriend is really pretty.” the kid said, giddy as he took his iPod back. “are you guys going to get married?”

liam laughed heartily, tactfully avoiding the question as he asked the kid what his favourite part of the race in qatar had been, dropping a handful of cadbury chocolates into the mummy shaped bucket.

once the kid was gone and the door was closed, he wasted no time in pulling y/n close and sliding his hands up her dress.

“someone’s eager. if anyone should be exited after watching you interact with kids, it should be me.” she giggled, kissing his cheek.

her lipstick was dry now, and liam found himself slightly disappointed that it didn’t leave a mark.

liam raised an eyebrow. “oh, yeah? so in addition to making you scream my name tonight, should I fill you up with my cum? start practicing for when it’s time to get you pregnant?”

she nodded eagerly, wishing for nothing more than liam pressing her up against the foyer wall and taking what he wanted. what they both wanted.

“fuck.” liam breathed, his breath warm on her skin. “you’re really hot when you have baby fever, you know that? and that kid wasn’t even a baby, he was like five.”

“shut up and kiss me, lawson.”

but just as liam leaned in, the fucking doorbell rang.

he cursed, throwing his head back in a groan as y/n gave him a sympathetic smile. she picked up the candy bucket, dutifully opening the front door and greeting the horde of kids who had chased each other up the driveway and around liams bmw.

while her back was turned, distracted by handing out candy, liam reached his breaking point, scrambling to find a piece of paper and a pen.

please take one handful each, and ring the doorbell if bowl is empty. we are home but enjoying a scary movie night and my girlfriend is jumpy :)

when y/n turned away, closing the door behind her, liam was quick to grab the bowl, whisking it away to the kitchen and ignoring his girlfriends confused look as he practically overfilled the bowl, taking on the sign and leaving it on the cast iron bench outside the house.

“now, where were we?” he grinned, pulling her in for a kiss. she broke out into a smile, knowing exactly why liam had done what he did. “that bowl is almost full, it will keep the kids occupied for a very long time.”

“what if someone takes the whole bowl? what then?” she giggled, playfully teasing her lover, hands gently rubbing at his shoulder blades.

“then I’ll buy your mom a new one.” he decided, paying the matter very little attention as he swept his girlfriend off her feet, carrying her bridal style towards the stairs. “now, my fair maiden, you bedroom awaits.”

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