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imlovethomassanders · 5 years

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All names the Sides and Thomas have called each other (As of “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

I rewatched the whole series to make this list (I mean I was going to anyways...)((I might’ve missed some okay but this is definitely most of them))

Logan

Teach (from Patton and Thomas in “The MIND vs. The HEART” and Patton again in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Teacher Dude (from Thomas in “The MIND vs. The HEART”)

Kiddo (from Patton on multiple occasions)

Mr. Gloomy-Gus Teacher (from Patton in “Growing Up”)

Pocket Protector (from Virgil in “Growing Up”)

Nerd (from Roman in “Making Some Changes” and “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning” and again in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness) )

Calculator Watch (from Roman in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″)

Erlenmeyer Trash (from Roman in “Fitting In”)

My hero (from Patton in “Fitting In”)

Specs (from Roman in “MOVING ON, PART 1/2″)

Sub-astute teacher (from Roman in “MOVING ON, PART 1/2″)

Buddy (from Roman in “MOVING ON, PART 2/2″ and “Can LYING Be Good” and also from Virgil in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Microsoft Nerd (from Roman in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Microsoft Turd (from Roman in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Drama Turd (from Roman in “Can LYING Be Good”)

Pat (from Roman when he mixed the two together in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Mr. Smartypants (from Roman in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Geed Squad/Squadless Geek (from Roman in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Pain in the Nexus Instruments (from Roman in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Dad (from Roman in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Egghead (from Roman in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Daddy (by Patton in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

No Funsen Honeydew...Doo (from Roman in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

L (from Virgil in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Iron Giant nerd (from Roman in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Stinky poo-poo side (real mature) (from Deceit in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

The tardy teacher (from Virgil in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

Dork/whale penis (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Nerdy Wolverine (from Remus and Roman in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Roman

Prince Dude (from Thomas in “Taking on ANXIETY”)

Princey (from all of them multiple times. It’s basically his name.)

Sir Sing-A-Lot (from Virgil in “Losing My Motivation”)

Sir Sing-A-Long (himself in Losing My Motivation” (he misspoke Virgil’s nickname))

Kiddo (from Patton on multiple occasions)

Prince Underarm Stink (from Virgil in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Slugger (from Patton in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Half-wit (from Logan in “Making Some Changes”)

Meta Knight (from Virgil in “Making Some Changes”)

Romano (from Virgil in “MOVING ON, Part 1/2″)

You malodorous scent-urion (from Logan in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Mr. Doodooface McGee (from Thomas to Roman playing Joan/Thomas’s boss in “Can LYING Be Good”)

Little Bratty Baby (from Logan in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Prep (from Logan in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Bud (from Thomas in “Crofters - The MUSICAL” and “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Daddy (by Patton in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Dr. Do-The-Most (from Virgil in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Your Honor (in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

The One and Lonely (from himself in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)(bby no)

The first most handsome prince in the world (from Patton in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness”)

Knucklehead (from Patton in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness”)

Brave, Handsome, Unbeatable (from Patton in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

The Prince (from Thomas in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Cain (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Roman lettuce (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Doofus (from Virgil in “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

Patton

Dad Guy (from Thomas in “The MIND vs. The HEART”)

Daddy (heh) (From Logan in “Losing My Motivation”)

Newsie-Hipster-Theatre Geek-Mark from Rent (from Roman in “Losing My Motivation”)

Pouty McSpecs (from Roman in “Sanders Sides Q&A”)

Cardigan-Clad-Clod (from Logan in “My NEGATIVE Thinking”

Softest Little Puffball (from Roman in “Fitting In”)

Padre (from Roman in “Fitting In”)

Happy-Pappy-Patton (given to himself in “MOVING ON, PART 2/2″)

Papa (from Thomas in “Can LYING Be Good”)

Buddy (from Thomas to Deceit disguised as Patton in “Can LYING Be Good” and then again this time to actual Patton in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

Popstar (from Virgil in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

JJ (from Roman in “EMBARRASSING PHASES”)

Dad (from Roman in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

Sssssssuck up (from Deceit in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

Honey (from Deceit in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness”)

Pleeb (from Roman in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

The Mayor of Much-kin Land (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Such a dad (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Bud (from Thomas in ”Putting Others First”)

Lilypadton (from when he turns into a frog in “Putting Others First”)

Little guy... or Big Frog (from Janus in “Putting Others First”)

Rosy-Cheeked Ribbeter (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Virgil

Emo Nightmare (from Roman in “A New Year of Lying to Myself...”)

Hot Topic (from Roman in “Alone on VALENTINE’S DAY”)

Big Guy (from Patton in “Losing My Motivation”)

Sunshine (from Roman in “Losing My Motivation”)

Kiddo (from Patton on multiple occasions)

My Chemically Imbalanced Romance (from Roman in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Negative Nancy (from Roman in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Jason Toddler (from Roman in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Jerky McJerkface (from Roman in “Am I ORIGINAL”)

Surly Temple (from Roman in “Growing Up”)

JD-lightful (from Roman in “Making Some Change”)

Dr. Gloom (from Roman in “Becoming a CARTOON”)

Marilyn Morose (from Roman in “Becoming a CARTOON”)

Fairest of them all (from Roman in “Becoming a CARTOON”)

Count Woe-laf (from Roman in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 1/2″)

Gloomy Goober (from Patton in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 1/2″)

My Dark Strange Son (from Patton in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″)

Poor little anxious baby (from Patton in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″)

Brad Pitiful (from Roman in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″)

Worry wart (from Thomas in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″)

Virge (given by himself in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″ and repeated by Thomas a few times, and called that by Roman in Flirting with Social Anxiety)

Friendo (from Roman in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 2/2″)

Panic! At the Everywhere (from Roman in “Fitting In”)

Sweet and Sour misunderstood Shadowling (from Patton in “Fitting In”)

My child (from Patton in “Fitting In” and “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Jack Smellington (from Roman in “MOVING ON, Part 1/2″)

My boy (from Patton in “MOVING ON, PART 2/2″)

Incredible Sulk (from Roman in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Charlie Frown (from Roman in “Can LYING Be Good”)

Buddy (from Deceit disguised as Patton in Can LYING Be Good”)

Shadowy but angelic songbird (from Patton in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Vomedy Central (from Roman in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Cute lil’ muffin (from Patton in “Learning New Things About Ourselves”)

Bud (from Thomas in “EMBARRASSING PHASES”)

Bat-winged cherub (from Patton in “EMBARRASSING PHASES”)

Bad boy (from Patton in in “EMBARRASSING PHASES”)

Trifling ass-sailant of my emotions (from Thomas in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness”)

One Angry Man (from Deceit in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness”)

Pleeb (from Roman in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

The Purp Man (from Thomas in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Tickle Me Emo (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Tiger (from Roman in “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

Gerard Gay (from Roman in Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

Captain Blunderpants (this may have been directed at Thomas? not completely sure. from Roman in “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

Bird Brain (from Roman in “Flirting with Social Anxiety)

Emo (from Roman in “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

Deceit Janus

Jack the Fibber (from Roman in “Can LYING Be Good”)

Slippery snake (from Thomas in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Slimy boy (from Thomas in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Harvey Dense (from Virgil in “EMBARRASSING PHASES”)

Dr. Trick-le and Mr. Lies (from Roman in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

A snake (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Scute-bellied Tyrant (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Reptilian Rapscallion (from Roman in ‘Putting Others First”)

Reptilian with scallions (from Patton in “Putting Others First”)

Subterfuge Specialist (from himself in “Putting Others First”)

Lord of the Lies (from himself in “Putting Others First”)

The actual snake on the plane (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

This morality-fighting snake on this metaphorical plane (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Faux-gan (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Snake (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Banana-conda (from Roman in “Putting Others First”)

Evil snake boy (from Thomas in “Putting Others First”)

Just a snake boy >:3 (from himself in “Putting Others First”)

Thomas

Tony (from Patton in “My True Identity”)

Kid (from Virgil in “Taking on ANXIETY”)

Son (from Patton in ‘The MIND vs. The HEART”)

Kiddo (from Patton on multiple occasions)

Our Little Guy (from Patton in “The MIND vs. The HEART”)

Darude Sanderstorm (from Joan in “Growing Up”)

Mr. Sanders (in “Growing Up”)

Mr. T (from Roman in “ACCEPTING ANXIETY, PART 1/2″)

Tom (from Roman in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Thomathy (from Patton in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Tommy Salami (from Roman in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Tomalomadingdong (from Patton in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Thomas the Dank Engine (from Roman in “12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS”)

Thomas Slamders (from Roman/Joan/Thomas’s boss in “Can LYING Be Good”)

Great man baby (from Roman in “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning”)

Sweetie (from Deceit in “Selfishness vs. Selflessness)

Pleeb (from Roman in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Dude (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Prude (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

B*tch (from Remus in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Dr. Seuss (from Remus in Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Grandpa (from Roman in “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

Sanders (from Virgil in “Flirting with Social Anxiety”)

The Duke/Remus

Bro (maybe? I can’t tell if Roman is singing bro or whoa in his bit in the song. From “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Your creativity (from himself in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Potty-mouth (from Patton in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Roman’s twin (from Logan in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

The unloved brother from the Genesis (from himself in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Abel (from himself in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

You bastard (from Virgil in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

Dukey (from Thomas and Roman in “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”)

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #for later #remus sanders #ts spoilers

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asktwoface · 4 years

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Christmas Confessions!

(Merry Christmas everyone! After a long time coming it’s finally happened. Many thanks to @ask-manbat!)

Kirk sat on the couch, waiting for Harvey to arrive. His stomach was in knots, but he had busied himself all day with minimal tasks to distract himself. He had made three cups of hot chocolate, and checked his watch, glancing at the door nervously. Around 20 minutes later, Harvey eventually arrived, scarf wrapped tightly to try and warm him up from the freezing weather outside. Stopping by the door, he took a deep breath before knocking twice. “Kirk? Open up!” He called out to his friend. Upon hearing his voice Kirk perked up at the sound, going over and opening the door for Harvey. “Hi! Hey- come in, you must be freezing. Poor dear...” he muttered, ushering Harvey inside. “I’ve made hot chocolate, on the side table by the couch” Harvey greeted him with a hug, before thankfully taking a seat inside the warm house and took a sip of hot chocolate. After a few moments he smiled warmly. “Thanks, Kirk. You’re the best.” He said softly.

Kirk smiled, sitting down next to Harvey and resting his head on the other man’s shoulder. “You’re too sweet, I’m not half as good as you, you know” He said gently, cuddling up to him. Harvey chuckled quietly, putting an arm around Kirk’s shoulder. “Oh, no Kirk. You’re twice as good as us, dear.” He said sweetly. They were wearing the goddamn fur jacket again, the scent of smoke and alcohol clinging to the fabric, clearly having had just came from their work. Kirk blushed at that, cuddling closer and enjoying the warmth of the coat. “Objection your honor, the jury is biased” He said quietly, turning away from Harvey. Harv snickered, wrapping their coat around Kirk’s shoulders. “Heh, maybe we are. You’re cute though.” He said bluntly. Kirk chuckled quietly, before responding “Only half as cute as you” he teased with a smile. “You know I love you” he added before realizing what he said. Harv looked slightly shocked for a moment, mentally trying to process what Kirk said. ”Ya.. love me?” He asked slowly, as if trying to confirm what Kirk said. Holy shit, did he actually mean it?

Kirk’s eyes widened and his blush darkened significantly as he realized what he had said. “I- you- uh... we- well, you see, I-“ he tripped over his words, thoroughly flustered. “Nevermind, ignore me, I’m just- I’m going to go clean the kitchen,” he said hastily, beginning to stand up. Harv raised an eyebrow, before quickly flipping their coin. Holding their breath, they checked the result. Tails. “Love ya too, Kirk. Go ahead, go clean.”He said incredibly casually. Harvey tried not to have an emotional internal stroke. Kirk froze. “You- you what?” He asked quietly, staring at Harv. “You- I- are you- is that a joke?” He asked, unbelieving. Harv chuckled, as Harvey blushed darkly, trying to find the words on how to respond. “Mmmmmmmaybe?” He said quietly, hiding his face, trying to hide his internal gay panic. Kirk felt his excitement die. “Oh. Oh of- of course, yeah. Just a joke...” he muttered. “I’m just... yeah” he said, sounding disappointed as he walked into the kitchen, the sound of dishes and cabinets soon filling the house. Harvey buried his head into a pillow, trying to work out how to make a coherent sentence again. Of course he loved Kirk. He just couldn’t work out how to explain it. “Kirk?” He called out.

“What.” Kirk called back, scrubbing a plate with much more force than necessary. “You can just- just relax. Do what you want. Enjoy yourself.” He said a tad more sharply than normal. Harvey felt rather hurt, definitely not enjoying the harshness of his vibes. “I-it wasn’t a joke. I-I really do love you.” He called, trying not to stammer too much. He was being dead honest. Kirk sighed. “No, no I get it. It was funny, very funny. Just... a Christmas joke. Because that’s what people do, they joke about loving people on Christmas, especially when they know that the butt of the joke has been in love with them for weeks!” He gradually got louder in that sentence until he set the plate down in the water and started to sweep. “It’s funny! Hilarious even!” He was trying not to sound hurt, he was failing .Harvey just.. sort of fell silent, not really seeing what he had done wrong. Had he said something wrong? “I’ve been in love with you for weeks, Kirk I am tryin to tell you that I feel the same and I would strongly like it if you came here so I can hug you?” He said awkwardly, just being straight up and blunt.

Kirk sighed, setting the broom to the side and walking to the living room. He hugged Harvey tightly, “I think I’m in love with you” he said quietly. Harvey hugged him back tightly, throwing their smoke scented fur jacket around both of them once more, before burying his face in Kirk’s shoulder. He took a deep breath, before whispering. “I.. think the feelings are... are mutual.” Kirk glanced up at him in shock. “You- do you really mean that? Genuinely?” He asked, amazed at his answer. Harvey looked down at his hands, nodding slowly. “...Yeah, yeah I did mean it Kirk.” He said quietly. Kirk smiled in disbelief, hugging Harvey tightly. “We- can- May I kiss you right now?” He asked Harvey nodded much quicker this time, leaning a little closer. “Go ahead.” He said swiftly. Kirk buried a hand in the other’s hair and kissed him deeply on the lips, humming happily. Harvey kissed back eagerly until he was breathless, before pulling away sharply. “Oh my god.. I love you.” He repeated. “You’re in love with a fucking mob boss.”

Kirk chuckled at that. “I’m in love with a mob boss and I don’t regret a thing” he said softly, playing with Harvey’s hair. Harvey smiled lazily, leaning into his touch. “Oh god I am absolutely the worst person to fall for but I’m so glad you don’t regret it.” He said affectionately. Kirk kissed at Harvey’s neck gently. “Oh? I really can’t think of any better person to be in love with” he teased. Harvey squirmed a little. He was very sensitive on the non-scarred side of their body. “I... in that case. U-uh.. are we.. you know. Datin’ now?” He asked shyly. Kirk blushed at that, looking up at Harvey. “I... would you like to? Is- if that’s what you’re comfortable with, I mean- I’d love to, but I- I don’t want to make you uncomfortable...” he mumbled quietly. Harvey silenced him with a swift kiss, meeting his eyes. “Consider me this asking you out, Langstrom. Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” He said with a grin. Kirk nodded quickly, ignoring the fact that his entire face was burning bright pink. “Yes, yes I- absolutely, I would love to” he said with a bright smile, kissing Harvey once again.

Harv let out an audible sigh of relief. ”Oh my fucking god finally you nerds admit it. Julius owes me two dollars.” He teased, blushing darkly himself but happy for Harvey. “You- oh hush, you” Kirk said, trying to hide how flustered he was. “Hah, gay.” Harv added hastily, snickering to himself. Tease his quite literal other half’s new boyfriend was now his priority: Kirk kissed him again, then went back to kissing the unscarred side of their neck. “You’re acting like you don’t love it” he teased. Harvey let out a soft, surprisingly high pitched giggle. He then covered his mouth, flushing out of embarrassment. Kirk glanced up at him with a grin. “Mm, sensitive neck?” He teased, suddenly seeming a tad more confident. “You and me both, dear” he said, running a hand through Harvey’s hair once more. Harvey nodded shyly, not knowing how to respond. He was finally getting the affection he had wanted for weeks and did not know how to respond. Kirk brought Harvey over to the couch, sitting them both down and going back to peppering Harvey’s neck and face with kisses. “You’re very lovely, you know that? Handsome, kind, smart” he continued to mutter compliments. He was more than happy to shower Harvey in affection, he was in a good mood. Harvey was blushing crimson at this point, his hair an absolute mess. “O-oh, thank you very much.” He said sweetly. Oh, if his workers could see him now. He’d never live it down. Kirk hummed, hugging Harvey close. “You know it’s true, dearest. You’re amazing, and I have to be the luckiest man in Gotham to have ended up with you” he said softly.

Harvey hugged him back tightly, whispering a flustered thank you. He didn’t know how to respond other than open his mouth and try to remember how to speak. “I-I thank you.” He stammered. Kirk smiled. “You’re welcome” he said softly, holding Harvey close. He was rather affection starved himself so he was trying to stay as close as possible, running a hand through the other’s hair. Harvey reached over and gently cupped Kirk’s cheek, kissing him very gently. He hadn’t been able to be so openly affectionate in a long time. “God you’re amazing..” Kirk blushed and leaned into the touch. “I- not nearly as amazing as you...” he mumbled, smiling softly. Harvey shook his head stubbornly. “Let’s say we’re equally as amazing then.” He said gently. Kirk nodded. “Sounds like a deal to me” he said, still blushing and looking away, this man was incredibly easy to fluster. Harvey just sort of laid on Kirk, happy to just be spending time with him, “I-is.. this a good Christmas present?” He asked quietly. Kirk nodded. “It’s perfect” he said quietly, kissing Harvey’s forehead. “I love you, you know” Harvey looked away embarrassed. “I love you too, dear.” He said softly. “God this is so sappy.” Kirk chuckled at that. “Please, I could make it much sappier” he teased.

Harvey smiled sweetly. “Hah, doubt.” He said cheerfully. Kirk grinned. “Would you like me to prove it, honey.” He said smugly. “Bring it sweetheart” Harvey teased, leaning closer. Kirk smiled, “If you insist, light of my life. Though I don’t think I could say anything even half as sweet as you are. You’re handsome and brilliant and perfect, and I cherish every second with you” he said, grabbing Harvey’s hand and kissing it lightly, going all out. Harvey crossed his arms, before draping an arm around Kirk’s shoulders and kissing his cheek, letting his voice drop into a purr. “Well that’s sweet, sugar but I think I’ve got to say you’re plenty sweeter than I am, and I would spend every second of my time with you if I could, my dear. I’m so thankful I met you, darling.” Kirk’s blush darkened significantly at that. “You- you have quite a way with words, my love” he said, trying to fluster Harvey but ending up becoming more and more flustered himself. “Awh, did I win then cupcake?” Harvey teased, before ruffling Kirk’s hair up until it was all messy and poofy. It was so fun to be finally able to do these things. Kirk hid his face in his hands, giggling quietly despite himself. “Nooo... you didn’t” Harv crossed his arms stubbornly, poking his tongue out. ”Heh, we totally won Jeksy.” He said smugly “hush!” He said, absolutely a flustered mess. Kirk buried his head on Harv’s shoulder. “I’m being bullied by my boyfriend!” He pouted, trying to hide his now burning face.Harv nodded being blunt. Yeah he was totally teasing Kirk. “Yeah, kinda.” He admitted. Kirk stuck his tongue out. “You’re so mean to me”

Harv pouted, looking rather apologetic. “Sorry, ya goddamn neeerd.” Kirk sighed. “I was- I didn’t mean it...” he muttered, moving away and sitting upright, fidgeting with his hands. Harv smiled before pulling him into a kiss. “I was just jesting, don’t worry sugar I know.” Kirk leaned into the kiss, obviously desperately needing the affection. “I’m still sorry...” he mumbled. Harvey hugged him close, gently patting his head with a soft yet sympathetic chuckle. “It’s okay dear” Kirk closed his eyes and hummed happily at the hair petting. “Alright honey, if you're sure...” he said with a soft smile. Harvey nodded, continuing the oh so gentle pats. God he loved this nerd. Closing your eyes he’d settle down a little. “Positive darling.” Kirk smiled, laying down and resting his head on Harvey’s chest. “I love you” he said quietly. Harvey smiled warmly. “I love you too.” He said sweetly, finally taking off his jacket and snuggling into it with Kirk.

#dentrom #long post #notes from the dents

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stardew-imagines-me · 5 years

Note

Can you tell us more about the highschool au? I ADORE your work btw

Thank you and of course!

Introduction

Due to rough circumstances, you were unable to keep living with your mother in the city, and had to move onto one of the many properties your late grandfather had owned. Luckily, your grandfather was a smart man and before passing, left you a large amount of savings you could live on for a few years. So that’s how you started your life in Stardew Valley.

Stardew Valley was quite a beautiful town. It wasn’t too big, with only a 100,000 residents, but big enough that it reminded you of certain parts of the city you had come from. Before leaving back to the city, your mother had helped transfer you in Stardew High school, or SDHC where you’d have to call home for the next 3 years.

Stardew high had roughly 2,000 or so students so you hadn’t expected to be noticed transferring in the middle of the year. How wrong were you.

12 special students had taken an interest in you since arriving, and your name became a hot topic around school when you were officially deemed the president of the gardening club the moment you entered. It wouldn’t have been that scary if those 12 students weren’t the most skilled, and popular kids in the school.

Many of them were top in the state, if not the country, for their skills while the others were basically school mascots with overwhelming amounts of school pride. There were only two modest and skilled students who hadn’t a huge part in spreading their name out there like the others and yet, they were still part of the special 12.

These two students were named Penny and Harvey; instead of taking part in clubs, they decided that doing more conventional things like studying medicine or tutoring stuggling students was way more important.

Penny is a very quiet girl; she’s got strong opinions but no voice, which is why she had denied presidency to the debate club her freshman year. Instead, she opted in tutoring students who are a little slower in other subjects — the kids she tutored often excelled after her sessions and wouldn’t need assistance any longer. She would’ve been valedictorian too but again, her voice wasn’t loud enough to earn her the position.

• Penny is a junior

• Penny is often found in the library reading, tutoring or helping the librarians organize shelves

Harvey is a very smart boy; deciding since a very young age that he would become a doctor and help the injured and dying. When Harvey wasn’t studying medicine, he would be in the nurses clinic learning world experiences and medicine measuring. The nurses don’t mind him being in the clinic during classes because he had already learned the material months ahead.

• Harvey is a junior

• He is known around school for skipping a grade and having the brightest future out of the special 12

Then there’s the skilled. The 5 students that had earned that named were naturally gifted kids that often used those to an advantage — they awed everyone when in action.

Shane of the cooking club. Shane is by far, one of the most aggressive and rude people you’ve ever met. But he has a gentle side to him as well. When faced in both cooking and baking competitions, he rises upon all his competitors with dishes that only highest of chefs could succeed in pulling off in such a short amount of time. He’s rude but his peers still adore him nonetheless.

• Shane is a junior

• He raises hundreds for the school when bake sales come around — everyone waits all year just to taste his molasses cookies or triple layer fudge brownies

Alex, star quarterback of the football team. Although Alex isn’t intellectually the most gifted, he is very skilled on the football field when he’s tasked with dodging, swirling and throwing the ball at all costs. He’s very handsome, and a little arrogant, but otherwise, a genuinely kind boy.

• Alex is a junior

• Alex is the high school sweetheart. He wins many games for his school, has been scouted by many different colleges already and has dyslexia

• He gets tutored by Penny when he has the time, Penny always scorns him for being late

Sebastian, the valedictorian. Now, when you think ‘valedictorian’, you see some scrawny nerd that studies constantly and stresses about everything. Well, Sebastian is a little special when it comes to that stereotype. The Stardew valedictorian comes to school in ripped skinny jeans and half combed bed head. He’s got piercings of all kinds, scars and looks that could kill. But he’s very gifted too. Sebastian has never gotten anything below 100%, hasn’t even missed a second of school and actively participates in school events even though he couldn’t give less of a shit about them.

• Sebastian is a junior

• Many kids know that Sebastian and Maru are siblings, but find it quite shocking when they are told that their parents also work at school

Maru, the president of the robotics club. Maru is a very gifted student, a common trait in her family. She’s actually the top student in the country for her engineering projects and robotics creations. She isn’t too fond of going out after school since most of her time is spent making blueprints or organizing competitions for her club, but can’t bare to see Sebastian mope at another pep rally by himself.

• Maru is a junior

• Her and Sebastian had actually created half of the computers in the computer lab. She put them together while he coded them

Leah, the art prodigy. You had actually heard about Leah before coming to a Stardew; her art being displayed in one of the most famous galleries in the world, but were surprised when you found out she had attended a generic high school. Her art is displayed across the banters of the second floor and one of her sculptures is the main piece of the school’s entrance.

* Leah is a junior

* Leah is quite modest about her art, and doesn’t like to talk about it if she isn’t currently working on another piece or really if a conversation doesn’t involve art at all

Then there’s the school pride mascots. The other 5 either deal with special causes, contribute to local communities a lot or are basically just popular.

Haley, the head cheerleader. Haley is quite popular not only in school, but worldwide too. At a young age, she had been scouted for a modeling agency that sky rocketed her reputation and displayed her beauty on many different products and billboards. It only made sense that she would also become head cheerleader for her winning smile and overbearing personality on the field.

* Haley is a junior

* Haley’s personality isn’t really a surprise once she’s done putting up an act. She’s kind when she feels like she can trust you, but otherwise, she bites harder than Shane at times.

Emily, the president of fashion club. Much like her sister, Emily had been scouted out by the same modeling agency, but quit a year or two into the gig to pursue her own clothes line she had been working on since the start. Often, her club is filled with envious kids who adore her modern works and fancy tailoring. She owns her own company, but chooses to graduate school before working on her career right away.

* Emily is a junior

* Emily and her club often make the costumes for Elliot’s drama club when play season comes around. Her clothes are put on display after being worn

Elliot, president of the drama club. Elliot had always had a passion for writing plays and directing them. He was also quite a phenomenal actor, and often attracted people who weren’t even attending the school to his plays. He was adored by the English teacher, no surprise, and had many people swoon over his looks.

* Elliot is a junior

* He’s a famous modern poet, but uses a pen name because he prefers to stay anonymous until he graduates

Abigail, founder one of the human rights club. Abigail is a strong willed girl who is often found preaching about human rights and leading many of the parades in Stardew Valley. She’s a huge supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and runs a women’s shelter during the summer. Her peers adore her and Sam as one of the most well known duos in the school for running courses about abusive relationships and drug abuse as an elective.

* Abigail is a junior

* When Abigail has free time, she usually makes positivity bracelets that students flash around outside of school for the cool aesthetic4

Sam, founder two of the human rights club. Sam is loud and has such an infectious laugther that it’s hard not to want to be around him 24/7. He participates in quite a bit of funder raisers for certain organizations he’s passionate about and volunteers at a few different preschools to play with the kids and teach basic life skills like stranger danger and saying no. He’s a loud cutie who gets asked out about 6 times a day.

* Sam is a junior

* Sam loves hanging out with Abigail and often helps around school when she’s busy

Farmer:

* You are president of the gardening club because the club had actually been falling apart and only a hand full of students were left since the president had graduated a year prior of you transferring

* What had brought all the attention on you was saving the school’s dying garden in only a week or two. The wilting petals had looked as if they were replaced with luscious, healthy flowers that everyone had stopped to look at at least once a day

* “It was the new kid,” You had heard your garden mates say proudly as they pointed over to you, “The new president, isn’t that neat?”

#sdv highschool au #sdv au #sdv bachelorettes #sdv bacholers #sdv imagines #sdv headcanons #sdv maru #sdv haley #sdv leah #sdv emily #sdv penny #sdv abigail #sdv harvey #sdv elliot #sdv alex #sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv shane

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rinnnyxr · 3 years

Text

Some of My Opinions -- Do you agree? More expensive doesn't always = better "Purified" water (like Aquafina) tastes weird Peanut butter and banana sandwiches are delicious Green tea is the best tea Vaseline is the best lip moisturizer There is potential for goodness in everybody It's okay for men to wear women's clothing and vice versa It's also fine for men to wear makeup "Gender roles" should be a thing of the past Donald Trump is a hateful, incompetent jackass Taylor Swift seems like a bitch in sheep's clothing It's really rude to try to convert others to your religion Tim Curry's Pennywise was more funny than scary But that's not a bad thing Speaking of Tim Curry, he's super handsome Many popular female musicians sound alike nowadays Altos sing prettier than sopranos Serial killers are fascinating Not everything Disney does is great Frozen was good, but a little overrated Snow is a huge inconvenience Harvey Fierstein's "Torch Song Trilogy" is an important LGBTQ+ film which everybody should see There are good and bad artists in every music genre There's no shame in enjoying boy bands There's no shame in enjoying any music, really And it's really mean when people do bully others about the music they like The Kingsman movies were surprisingly entertaining Action movies are usually boring They should make more movie musicals Some movie remakes are really good Picard was the best Star Trek captain Everybody deserves to feel beautiful Most new comedies aren't that funny Bill Skarsgard is actually kind of cute You're never too old for the things you love Amy Winehouse was truly gifted And it's a shame she wasn't able to make more music People are meaner online because the anonymity makes it easier Too many people use social media to spread hate Too many schools overlook bullying Taron Egerton is gorgeous You don't need to take classes to become a good artist Not every makeup trend looks good Old Hollywood actors/actresses are usually the most interesting Marilyn Monroe and James Dean are often seen more as icons than as actors But their movies are actually really good Rainy days are beautiful There might be less hate in the world if people would take the time to listen to, learn about, and understand each other

Scene Kid People have called you scene Your hair is dyed a crazy color/you have hair extensions You say rawr a lot You own bright colored skinny jeans You stand in moshpits at concerts You wear big bows and hairclips in your hair You listen to alternative, electronic and/or screamo music You like Hello Kitty, Invader Zim, Pokemon, or Happy Tree Friends You have an Instagram You take tons of selfies All of your friends are scene kids You take pride in being a scene kid You miss My Digital Escape You love accessories

Prep You shop at Forever 21, Abercrombie, Hollister, and/or Victoria Secret You go out drinking most nights You have a lot of money You have your own car You go to parties almost every weekend You have a huge group of friends You text all the time You avoid emos/goths/punks You do/did well in school and don't even try very hard You play sports/are a cheerleader You carry a purse everywhere You can't go anywhere without wearing makeup, perfume, and/or cologne You like romance movies You own mostly designer clothing/accessories

Nerd You are/were in your school band You get/got straight As You are/were in school clubs You have been class president and/or valedictorian You play WoW, LoL and/or D&D You wear glasses You wear braces You're good at math and science You listen to classical music or jazz Your parents pack/packed your lunch everyday You ride/rode the school bus You are/were on student council and/or yearbook staff You attend or wish to attend an ivy league school You cry/cried if get lower than an A on anything

Emo You pretty much only wear black You shop at Hot Topic Your hair is swept over one eye You only wear skinny jeans You wear black rimmed glasses You go to lots of concerts You only wear band tees You hate life You write in a diary and/or write poetry You have black hair You wear Converse a lot You have or want more than two piercings and/or tattoos You have tried to/wanted to commit suicide You take pictures of yourself from above

Music Freak You play more than one instrument You listen to many different genres of music You are in or have been in a band You are in a school band/orchestra You are in a choir You love musical theatre You love going to concerts You sing You watch talent shows like The Voice or America's Got Talent You've been the lead in a musical You're in plays outside of school You've played various concerts/gigs around town You want to be a famous musician You have a Facebook music page

Skater/Punk You can do many tricks on a skateboard You own a skateboard You own clothing from Element You play Tony Hawk games You are an anarchist You are an atheist You don't like preps You curse a lot You think emos are fags You listen to hardcore or punk music You are a non-conformist You have spiked up your hair or had a mohawk at some point You play guitar, bass or drums You spend your time at skate parks

Stoner/Troublemaker You get/got mostly Cs, Ds or Fs in school You smoke weed You drink beer You drink hard liquor You've snuck out of your house before Your parents don't trust you You've been in trouble with the cops You smoke cigarettes You're not a virgin You've done crack, heroin, ecstasy, shrooms, salvia, etc. You've been out past curfew when you were underage You've gotten suspended or expelled from school You dropped out of school You've vandalized public places/been kicked out of public places

How many did you get in each category? Scene Kid: 6 Prep: 4 Nerd: 4 Emo: 5 Music Freak: 4 Skater/Punk: 2 Stoner/Troublemaker: 6

You were born in the USA. You were born in Pennsylvania. You were born on Thursday. You were born in April. You were born on the 22nd of the month. You were born in the nineties. You were born in 1993. You are a female. You have an older brother. You had blonde hair and blue eyes as a baby. You had an afro and/or very curly hair as a baby. You are Jewish. You went to a religious preschool. You almost drowned when you were little. You had/have a pet dog. You had/have an aquarium of fish in your house. You had/have pet frogs and/or tadpoles. You watched Barney as a toddler. You watched Teletubbies as a toddler. You watched Mr. Rogers as a toddler. You watched Full House in the nineties. You watched Pokemon in the nineties. You played Pokemon [cards or Gameboy games] You had a teddy bear that you brought with you everywhere. You played with Barbies. You played with Polly Pockets. You had Pogs. You had Krazy Bones. You had an Etch A Sketch. You had your own pool. You had a big house with a big front and back lawn. Everything in your bedroom was pink at one point. You owned felt boards. You moved across country. You changed schools in elementary school. You live/have lived in Arizona. You were picked on/made fun of in elementary school. You always had birthday parties and invited at least ten kids. You own/ed a Nintendo 64. You own/ed Gamecube. You own/ed a PS2. You watched Lizzie McGuire. You were obsessed with Hilary Duff. You watched Even Stevens. You had braces when you were eleven. You got bangs/fringe in middle school. You were still picked on/made fun of in middle school but not as much. You were in band in middle school. You had highlights in your hair in middle school. You had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah. You've been to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. You play/ed the flute. You play/ed the piano. You've tried to learn guitar. You hate/d PE/gym class. You listened to Kelly Clarkson. You listened to Natasha Bedingfield. You listened to Aly & AJ. You watched Hannah Montana. You watched Drake & Josh. You watched Kyle XY. You changed your style in highschool. You were a scene kid in highschool. You wear/wore a lot of eyeliner. You wear/wore colored hair extensions. You wear/wore colorful skinny jeans. You wear/wore band tees. Your favorite band is/was The Used. You listen/ed to Coheed & Cambria. You listen/ed to Paramore. You listen/ed to Eyes Set To Kill. You listen/ed to Flyleaf. You listen/ed to Escape The Fate. You listen/ed to A Day To Remember. You were in marching band in highschool. You were in concert band in highschool. You were in choir in highschool. You hated chemistry. You take/took dance class. You went to a performing arts summer camp. You love to sing. You went to a winter formal dance. You went to prom. You had pet hamsters. You had pet hermit crabs. You stopped talking to your best friend at one point. You got your period when you were fourteen. You had your first kiss when you were fifteen. You had your first boyfriend/girlfriend when you were fifteen. You lost your virginity when you were sixteen. You've never smoked a cigarette. You smoke/d weed. You've never tried any other drugs. You don't like alcohol and only drink on rare occasions. You had acne when you were fifteen. Your skin is now very clear. You naturally had brown hair and green eyes. Your hair is naturally curly. You straighten your hair almost every day. You've dyed your hair dark brown or black before. You've cut your own hair before. You had a steady boyfriend/girlfriend for at least a year in highschool. You had your first broken heart in highschool. You've graduated from highschool. You go/went to a university. You live/d in a dorm room. You never talked to your room mate. You weren't a good student. You skipped class a lot in college. You majored in music. You were in your college band. You were in your college choir. You sing/sung in a rock band. Your band has gone on tour. You've recorded an album and/or EP. You've cheated on someone. You've dated someone for five years or more. You dropped out of college. You've worked at Panera Bread. You moved into your own place when you were nineteen. You got your first car when you were nineteen. You've dyed your hair an unnatural color. Your hair is dyed red. You have/had pet cats. You had a myspace. You have a facebook. You have an instagram. You have a tumblr. You have a youtube channel. You had AIM. You watched Dexter. You watch Vampire Diaries. You watch American Horror Story. You watch The Walking Dead. You watch The Voice. You watch/ed American Idol. You listen to mainly alternative rock. You've had a job for three years or more. You are a hostess. You work at a Mexican restaurant. You're a shift lead. You don't make as much money as you think you deserve. You are underappreciated at work. You've found "the one" And you lost them. You've become depressed. You want kids someday. You want to be a successful musician. You are twenty-three years old.

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mapnerdbloodbag · 3 years

Text

meeting Harvey Guillén, the dream: I have notes. I smile pleasantly, and use human words to hold a nice conversation about queer rep in speculative fiction. Other possible topics include the arts in public education, adorkable drama nerd memories, etc.

meeting Harvey Guillén, my probably reality: I screech something dreadful, like, ¨How the fuck?!? Are you so handsome?!!” and immediately burst into tears

0 notes

lovemarvey · 7 years

Text

lovemarvey ficrecs

Here are some of the marvey fics that I love a lot. I tried my very best to remember all the fics that I like and their storyline but I’m not really sure if I properly sorted the fics using the primary tags that I picked/used.

List sorted beginning from GA, Teen and Up, M then E. Includes word count. Sometimes followed by a note.

5+1 Things (All One-Shot)

Five Times Harvey Made A Fool Of Himself Over Mike, And One Time Mike Returned The Favour (GA; 982)

Five times Harvey witnesses Mike gets handsy, and one time he experiences it himself by mackietommo (GA; 2,710)

Five Times Mike Ross Was A Terrible Vampire and One Time He Wasn’t by ladyknightanka (Teen and Up; 3,591)

Call Me Maybe by malawi (Mature; 3,691)

Five Times that Zeus Almost Left this Mortal Plane, and Once He Did by accol (Explicit; 5,999)

Five Times Mike’s Phone Sort of Get Him Into Trouble and One Time It Really Doesn’t by Robin Gills (Explicit; 4,192)

Happy Stoniversary by Loyalty2WayStreet (Explicit; 6,068)

5 Times Mike sat in Harvey’s lap by necessity and one time he did it just because he could by unspoken0dreams (Explicit; 4,075)

A/B/O Dynamics (All are Chaptered Fics)

Lasso the Moon by itstheweekend (Teen and Up; 20,256)

Tattoo by Blue_Five (Mature; 28,094) – omega!Harvey

A Universally Acknowledged Truth by Attorney C (arh581958) (Mature; 35,048)

Imperfect Perfection by Skara_Brae (Explicit; 15,222)

Appetite by Skara_Brae (Explicit; 18,237)

Off Empire State Out of the Moon by tiptoe39 (Explicit; 22,862)

D/s Dynamics (All Explicit)

Belonging by gryvon (One-shot; 5,197)

Baby Blues by surrenderdammit (One-shot; 5,481)

Down by Bontaque (One-shot; 8,064)

Claimed by Skara_Brae (Chaptered; 9,634)

Possession by Xanthe (Chaptered; 36,469)

Apex by AvaKelly (Chaptered; 50,052)

Fall Into Me by Malawi (One-shot; 80,917)

needs must by thatotherperv (98,695)

Different Job AU – Fics where Mike and/or Harvey is/are not lawyer(s)

A Typical Monday by motherfleckers (One-shot; GA; 2,955) – poet!Mike

Everybody Pays As They Go by escribo (One-shot; Teen and Up; 6,669) – masseur!Mike

the thrill of hope by smartalli (One-shot; Teen and Up; 7,719) – teacher!Mike

76th & Lexington by wldnst (One-shot; Teen and Up; 12,882) – bookshop owner!Harvey; actor!Mike

Fly With Me by FarAwayInWonderland (One-shot; Mature; 2,939) – barkeeper!Harvey

Pizza And A Movie by Closer (Chaptered; Mature; 30,117) – pizza deliveryman!Mike

Grande Soy Triple Dirty Chai by friskaz (One-shot; Mature; 38,301) – barista!Mike

I don’t usually do this by bontaque (One-shot; Explicit; 2,990) – hooker!Mike

Like In Our Vows by team_freewill (One-shot; Explicit; 6,169) – accountant!Mike

To Please The Client by sal_si_puedes (One-shot; Explicit; 7,241) – rentboy!Mike with a twist ;)

Specter Ink by machtaholic (One-shot; Explicit; 8,003) – tattoo artist!Harvey

Animal Instinct by stetsonblack (Chaptered; Explicit; 12,740) – cute pet psychic!Mike

The Go To Guy by Closer (Chaptered; Explicit; 27,009) – private investigator!Mike

when our stars collide by tattooedsiren (Chaptered; Explicit; 52,279) – actor!Harvey; bookshop owner!Mike

Shackled and Drawn by batty4u (Chaptered; Explicit; 64,698) – boxer!Harvey

Fics Where the Boys are being Cute Dorks/Nerds (Both Explicit, One-shot)

Pwned by orphan_account (7,085) – Harvey is a secret gamer.

5U175 by Closer (26,409) - Harvey and Mike have internet alter-egos. Have a bonus 5 Things chapter after the main fic. NOTE: This is my favourite Marvey fic. :)

Fake/Pretend Relationship (All One-shot)

Limited Partnership by Pookaseraph (Teen and Up; 30,909)

a truth so loud by tattooedsiren (Explicit; 30,971)

whatever the question by tattooedsiren (Explicit; 44,160)

FLUFF! FLUFF! FLUFF! (Most are One-shots)

Harvey Ain’t No White Rabbit by TheGroupofOne (GA; 1619)

No More Trips by skyenapped (GA; 1,624)

Constant Knot by mockturtletale (GA; 1,907)

Trapped Sense of Elation by team_freewill (GA; 1982)

Just Older by nevergone (GA; 2,686)

Pretty-Handsome Kindergarten by flamyshine (Chaptered; GA; 17341)

Deprived Domesticity by Beautiful_lies_x (Teen and Up; 2,016)

The One Where Mike Cuts Harvey’s Hair machtaholic (cinderella81) (Teen and Up; 3,162)

Up Here The Blue Ones Fit by sal_si_puedes (Teen and Up; 3,515)

A little puppy in the big scary city by flamyshine (Teen and Up; 5,276)

The Marvey Chronicles by flamyshine (Chaptered; Teen and Up; 129,208)

Read My Mind by makingitwork (Mature; 2,464)

Mike’s favorite hideout by flamyshine (Chaptered; Mature; 12,193)

Jealous!Harvey

I’m Already Taken by lferna5 (One-shot; GA; 650)

The Puppy, the Five Frogs, and the Not-So-Charming Prince by triskadekaphobicnazi (Chaptered; Teen and Up; 19,916)

Til You Gave Out All Your Skin by mockturtletale (One-shot; Explicit; 8,082)

But I’ll be Yours If You’ll Be Mine by malawi (One-shot; Explicit; 6,556)

Kid!Fic

Friends? I’d Say Family by mockturtletale (One-shot; Teen and Up; 11,988)

Kitten!Fic (All One-Shot)

Habeas Corpus by smilebackwards (Teen and Up; 3,474) – Harvey turned to a kitten.

The Cat That Walked By Himself by Xanthe (Teen and Up; 8,737) – Harvey’s soul animal is a cat.

Cute and Much Quieter by rsadelle (Explicit; 1,455) – Mike turned to a kitten.

Marriage!Fic

Speaking of Happiness by machtaholic (One-shot; Explicit; 6,120) – Harvey and Mike are ‘contracted partners’ and they got married.

Angels and Demons verse

It’s a Battle Cry (It’s a Symphony) by butterflycell (One-shot; Explicit; 7,502)

Clumsy!Mike

Klutz (Or: Accidentally Mike) by Attorney C (arh581958) (One-shot, Explicit; 5,152)

Historical/Fantasy AU

Pillow Mint by Skara_Brae (Chaptered; Explicit; 11,589)

Humour (I’m not really sure if this is the correct primary tag for these fics. All One-shot)

Dolls (and action figures) by RC_McLachlan (GA; 6,916)

The Misadventure of Mike Ross, Unsuspecting Veela by fictionalcandie (Teen and Up; 4,707)

Excerpts From The Gospel of Harvey Specter, edited by Michael “Forever Awesome” Ross, 2011, 1st Ed. by RC_McLachlan (Teen and Up; 7,388)

Obviously Oblivious by leista (Mature; 6,954)

Hurt/Comfort

Nurse Fernandez by mskatej (One-shot, Explicit; 5,150) – Mike gets hit by Harvey’s car.

Fics Where the Boys go to an Official Work-Related Trip (Both Explicit, One-shot)

Just the Right Amount of Wrong by blackstar777 (6,681) – Harvey and Mike went to Las Vegas

The Trip by mskatej (9,194) - Harvey and Mike went to Los Angeles.

Porn with Plot (All Explicit, One-shot)

The Christmas Tie by FluffyGremlin (1,805)

Determined to Sweat by Juli (2,389)

Possessed by jonius_belonius (2,410)

Day in the Life of Mike Ross, Pet by Attorney C (arh581958) (2,608)

Strictly Ballroom by sal_si_puedes (3,046)

You’re Not Going Anywhere by Bontaque (4,395)

My Sweet Little… Puppy? by passionetxoxo (4,415)

Silk and Lace by Bontaque (4,874)

Mountain Man by machtaholic (4,929)

intrigue and accidents by Bontaque (4,973)

Madison Avenue by Closer (5,190)

Midwinter by Closer (5,346)

Preventative Measure by iamee (5,410)

Blonde by machtaholic (5,878)

Some Assembly Required by poppypickford (6,919)

Harvey Takes Note by FluffyGremlin (7,131)

That Sweet Spot by mskatej (8,949)

Harvey Specter Doesn’t Do Gay Panic by thatotherperv (9,520)

Come Again by mskatej (10,004)

Calamity of Casual Touches by bewarethesmirk (10,862)

All Bets by skyenapped (12,158)

Romance

All I Ever by nevergone (One-shot; GA; 4654)

How Not To Court Your Associate: A Handbook by mithrel (One-shot; Teen and Up; 2,236)

Comfort and Joy by eadunne2 (One-shot; Teen and Up; 3,456)

finding the way by smartalli (One-Shot; Teen and Up; 4,061)

I Wanna Hold Your Hand by VampirePam (Chaptered; Teen and Up; 5,427)

The Haunting of Penthouse B by Skara_Brae (Chaptered; Teen and Up; 8,497)

Continental Drift by townpariah (One-shot; Teen and Up; 12,419)

More Than Miles by nevergone (Chaptered; Teen and Up; 13,505)

Remember Sunday by youretheone (Chaptered; Teen and Up; 23,051) – This fic makes me cry every time I read this.

The Road to Happy by Sairyn (One-shot; Mature; 6,000)

Falling In Love by slowroad (Chaptered; Mature; 6,725)

if ever I was running by tattooedsiren (One-shot; Mature; 6,834)

Old Dog by batty4u (One-shot; Mature; 9,106)

Real Life Version by Hover (Chaptered; Mature; 17,620)

My Brother’s Keeper by Closer (Chaptered; Mature; 28,235)

something inevitable by tattooedsiren (One-shot, Explicit; 14,853)

by my side by tattooedsiren (Chaptered; Explicit; 18,633)

Just Ask And I Will Do by veritas_st (Chaptered; Explicit; 33,286)

Upside Down and Inside Out by mskatej (Chaptered; Explicit; 37,245)

My Guy by charmed4lifekaren (Chaptered; Explicit; 40,753)

In love with the teacher by Sauffie (Chaptered; Explicit; 111,143)

Honey Trap by SuzyQSmilesForYou (Chaptered; Explicit; 191,050)

Soulmates AU

Imprimatur by Closer (Chaptered; Explicit; 22,466)

Sentinel/Guide AU

Sentinels and Guides and Spirit Animals, Oh My! By LadyIantoJones (One-shot; Explicit; 6,696)

Serial Killer (Both One-shot; Explicit)

Homicide Love by copperbadge (5,308) – serial killer!Mike

Damaged by nevergone (6,254) – serial killer!Harvey

#marvey #marvey fics #marvey fic recs #marvey fan fiction #harvey x mike #suits tv fan fiction

2K notes · View notes

iv-kplpt · 7 years

Text

you steal the air out of my lungs

plot summary: au for charlie and oswald inspired by my fav movie - “red eye”. loosely inspired. she falls for a handsome friend of a friend. he turns out to be not who he claimed to be. she’s conflicted. there is some Sad involved. also, a man dies - actually, make that 2. basically i built another au with a lot of potential. i always wanted a batman universe without the batman. will be put on ao3 along with the collegeverse as soon as i write some more weird aus.

10k words. no explicit violence or sex. skyler hill belongs to @alan-of-all-trades and louise still belongs to my babe. thanks for letting me use them, i love you guys.

At first it was just a blind date.

It all began about three months earlier, when her friend set her up on a casual date with someone. Charlie had moved to Gotham about six months earlier, because her parents - renowned hotel owners, behind family-owned Crowne Continental suggested a change of surroundings might help her. They wanted to try and branch out a bit, and Charlie was tasked with overseeing Crowne Continental's first branch outside of New York.

Being a resolute person, she quickly found some friends in Gotham to hang out with during rare free evenings - a lawyer, two journalists and a secretary, all young, elegand and succesful; and in relationships. She actually befriended two couples - and they were absolutely wonderful, helpful and welcoming when needed and snarky at other times; but their pet names and lovestruck gazes felt a bit like salt to the wound of her own loneliness.

She was not on good terms with her ex-husband. Their - quick and ugly - divorce left her feeling scarred and disillusioned; but at the same time, she missed and craved the emotional intimacy of a relationship, the pet names, the feelings, the physical aspect. She missed being in love and she missed the feeling of someone being in love with her.

(She knew the world is not a loveless place. She still had people around to remind her of this fact.)

So when Louise - her lawyer friend, who was actually an assistant district attorney, working under Harvey Dent - offered to hook her up with a friend of hers Charlie didn't really mind.

"He's a decent guy." she assured her, when they were sitting in their favorite café, drinking iced lattes. "He's kind of... Obnoxious at times, but he's an old friend. He's a charmer, really."

"Alright, let's say I'm in. Is he handsome?"

"That depends on your definition of handsome, sugar. He's definitely not my type."

"Well, what does he look like?"

"Like an asshole." Louise replied instantly, laughing quietly. "Sorry. Me and Tommy, we go way back and after some time this became my default way of describing him. He's... Tall. Black hair, grey eyes... Kinda slim. I'm sure he's handsome in eyes of people who like the bad boy type, because that's his main aesthetic. And he's very committed to it. He's great at pretentious dishevelment."

"Did you just quote Robert Pattinson?"

"Maybe." Louise replied nonchalantly, taking another sip of her coffee. "But how would you know this in a first place? Been watching some interviews, Charlie?"

"I liked Twilight for some time." Charlie confessed. "I was totally Team Edward."

"Fuck, seriously? We're no longer friends, I was Team Jacob. But I guess... You might like Tommy, considering your shitty taste in men." Louise said with a smirk and Charlie groaned, almost regretting mentioning that in the first place.

"So, are you up for it?"

"Alright." Charlie agreed more enthusiastically than she planned to. "Set us up on a date. Just... Don't make it a coffee date. I'm starting to get sick at the thought of bean juice."

"Oh, you high maintenance minx." Louise sighed dramatically. "Fine. No coffee. It's a good thing he prefers tea anyway. When are you free?"

"I have a slow afternoon tomorrow."

"Perfect."

She took out her phone and - not taking her eyes off Charlie's amused face - called someone.

"Hey asshole." she said after a moment. "Are you free tomorrow? She said yes. What? Oh, sure. Hey Charlie, any location preferences?"

"Somewhere near Crowne would be perfect, I have a meeting in the evening-"

"You heard her, somewhere near Crowne. Mmmhmmm. Yeah. Sure. Don't be late. Fuck off. Bye!"

She hung up and smiled cheerfully.

"He can meet you at three at Aisha's. You know where that is, right?"

"I've been there a few times. They have great cupcakes there."

"Great, then you're all set. He says he's looking forward to meeting you."

"Does he know how I look like?"

"I told him you're pretty. And... Very red-haired. Is that even your natural color?"

"It is, actually. It runs in the family."

"You're a mutant."

"Aren't we all?"

*** The thought of - altough a casual and with no strings attached - her upcoming date with Louise's mysterious friend was making her slightly nervous and excited at the same time. She knew Lou wouldn't set her up with a complete douche - she had faith in the people Louise surrounded herself with. He was an old friend, after all; their relationship lasted for years for a good reason.

She was slightly late, when she arrived at Aisha's Teahouse - her previous meeting was longer than she planned and then she got lost on the way, because she decided to not take a cab.

The place was crowded when she walked in, her hair a mess and her cheeks red, thanks to the wind. She looked around quickly, trying to figure out if her date is already there.

"Are you Charlie?" she suddenly heard a voice; an elderly waitress was standing in front of her, resting her empty tray on her hip. "There is a young man waiting for you. There, in the corner."

"Thank you!" she replied, taking her jacket off and putting it on a rack. "Oh, I see him."

Tommy indeed was already there - in the far corner of the room, occupying one of the more secluded tables. He was reading something on his phone and only looked up as she approached the table; and during her short walk she had a chance to take a good, long look at him.

He was handsome, she decided. Exactly her type, if she even had one - if she was younger and still in her rebellious phase, she'd probably fall for him instantly, for his smirk, for his bright eyes and a small scar across the bridge of his nose.

"Hey." she said nervously. "Sorry I'm late."

"Not a problem." he said; he put his phone down and got up, looking at her and for a brief moment she found herself completely lost in his eyes and the first hints of crow's feet next to them. "I have to say, Lou's words didn't quite do you justice."

He winked at her, gently took her hand and brushed it with his lips, still looking her in the eye. She was almost glad her cheeks were red from the wind - it masked her blush a bit.

"She was right when she said you're a charmer." she said, as he pulled out a chair for her and she sat down, noting the faint scent of his - definitely not cheap - cologne.

(Her father was a connoisseur, and she learned the difference between the good colognes and the cheap stuff at a fairly young age. In fact, she was almost sure Tommy is using the same brand as her father.)

They ordered - classic Earl Grey and blueberry muffin for him, and Darjeeling and strawberry cheesecake for her - and she started playing with her fingers, staring at her palms and only glancing at him occasionally.

He was smiling every time she looked at him, his head tilted slightly to the side.

"So, Charlie... Who talks first?" he said finally. "You? Me?"

"Let's play rock-paper-scissors." she suggested and his face lit up. "The loser has to be first to introduce themself like a loser."

"Deal." he said, hiding his right hand under the table.

He lost and she took a sip of her hot tea to hide her smile.

"Let's see..." he said eventually, stirring his tea. "My name's Thomas, I've lived here and there, and I'm not related to the Gotham businessman named Thomas Elliot. I like... Dogs. Nerd stuff. Oh, and boxing. And color red." he finished with a smirk, glancing at her hair. "Now's your turn."

(His eyes on her felt rigt.)

"My name's Charlie, I'm from New York and yes, I am related to those slightly obnoxious hotel owners. I like..."

She paused for a moment, trying to find the right stuff to list (and to not impulsively say you).

"I like games. And good tv shows. Not soap operas though, those are unbearable. Red wine. Penguins. Lace."

"That's an interesting combination. Penguins? Really?"

"They are cute." she said defensively. "Also I watched Pingu a lot as a kid. Must have imprinted in my brain, or something."

"I'm not judging. Usually people pick cats or horses or snakes as their favorite animals. Not... Penguins."

"Yeah, well, I'm one of a kind." she said nonchalantly and he grinned and her heart skipped a beat.

"Then I guess I'm a really lucky guy."

They spent a nice afternoon together, once she loosened up a bit - Tommy really was a charmer. He was funny, attentive, great at compliments; and there was something in the way he looked at her, the way he tilted his head that was making her feel a pleasant warmth.

"God!" she said eventually, glancing at a clock and getting up. "I have to go, I'm going to be late!"

"Time flies when you're having fun." he stated playfully. "Now, before you go... Will I see you again?"

"If you want to." she said quickly, her heart beating surprisingly fast; she damn sure wanted to see him again. "But now I really have to go. I'll take your number from Lou... Oh, and next time's on me."

She - hastily, and clumsily - planted a kiss on his scruffy cheek and hurried outside, grabbing her jacket on the way out, her face burning red and her heart pounding.

Later that day, somewhere around midnight - as she was heading to bed, tired but pleased - her phone rang. It was Louise.

"Hey girl!" she heard her friend's chipper voice. "So, how was it?"

"It was... Alright." she said reservedly, not having the right words to describe her feelings - how she felt a connection and how Tommy was the first man in many months to make her blush and how he made her skin tingle.

"...just alright? I'm going to kick his ass."

"No! Fine, it was great. I like him, and I think... He likes me. And we'll see where it goes from here."

"That's better." Louise said with satisfaction. "Hit me or other girls up if he fucks something up though. We'll fix him up."

"Noted." she said, yawning quietly. "Sorry Lou, I feel like I'm about to pass out... I really need some sleep."

"Sleep tight! I'll tell the asshole he did well."

"Yeah, you do that. Night!"

The next morning she couldn't remember what she dreamed about, but she woke up with a smile on her face and her heart filled with a pleasant, soft warmth.

The next weeks were a long string of meetings and calls, mixed with occasional dates with Tommy. The initial chemistry she felt never faded away - he was still a delight to have around and he was still acting like her company's his favorite part of the day. They kept things as casual as possible, and slow - it took them ten dates and eleven weeks to actually talk about their plans for the future.

This time they decided to go for a walk in Gotham's most beautiful park - recently funded by a Cobblepot family, one of the cities oldest, most respected families. She never had a chance to see it and he claimed it's a must-see, especially during the sunset.

"So, I've been thinking..." he said as they were walking among the trees. "It's been some time. How do you feel about me?"

"What do you mean?" she asked carefully, admiring flowers planted next to the sidewalk.

"I very much enjoy our time together, Charlie." he said hesitantly, standing behind her as she crouched to take a closer look at a particularly eye-catching daffodil. "I think... I might be developing feelings for you."

She gasped quietly, as her heart - very literally - stopped beating for a moment and a sound of her own blood briefly filled her ears.

She absolutely, desperately wanted to hear him say that - but it was still almost shocking to hear. Almost surprising, even despite the way he looked at her.

It's been months since she divorced Harry, since she found out who he really is. Maybe it was time for her to give love another shot. Maybe Tommy - Thomas Elliot - was the right person. He was funny and nice and hotter than hell and always knew exactly what to say and she often found herself missing him. Maybe he was the right one for her.

She got up and turned around to face him and he was looking at her expectantly, hopefully, tenderly. He had his hands in his pockets and she absentmindedly reached out to take some pollen off the collar of his coat.

"The feeling's mutual." she said finally and she could see the relief in his eyes. "I... You make me feel something. And it's a good feeling. And I think... We should give relationship a shot."

"Can I kiss you?" he asked and instead of answering, she closed her eyes and leaned in, thanking herself for wearing heels that day; without them, she'd have to tiptoe to reach him.

The kiss felt right, it just felt right - and so did his hand on her back and another one in her hair.

"God, you're fun to kiss." he whispered eventually. "Why didn't I do it sooner?"

"Because you're a gentleman?" she suggested softly, her hands still on his arms. "I don't know."

He kissed her again, and again, and a few more times, before someone interrupted them - a visibly disgruntled, older couple, telling them to either get a room or stop being disgusting in public.

"They are probably right, you know." Charlie giggled as they walked away hastily, her fingers intertwined with Tommy's. "I want some ice cream."

"Everything for you, darling." he said nonchalantly. "Pick a stand. They're all good. I'd know. I've tested all of them."

"Are you an ice cream connoisseur?" she asked, trying to decide whether she wants sorbet or something with dairy or maybe something fancy.

"You could say that."

They got their ice cream and left; the sun had set and other people started to leave the park, only leaving silence and trash behind.

He walked her home that evening; and for a moment, for a brief moment, she considered inviting him upstairs, for some wine. They'd talk. She'd kiss him and he'd give in and they'd spend the night together; it'd be her first night with someone in long, long months.

But in the end, she ended up not inviting him. Instead, she planted a kiss on his cheek and he kissed the back of her hand, looking her in the eye, just like he did on their first date.

"See you around, darling." he said and one more time she considered kissing him properly - but she knew she wouldn't stop if she started.

(And as much as she wanted him, she also wanted to not scare him away.)

"See you." she said instead, turned around and entered the building, feeling like she's about to burst, or start singing and dancing, or both.

And that was the last time Charlie ever saw Tommy Elliot.

*** He didn't disappear without a trace, no. It was simply a matter of time - Crowne Continental Gotham's grand opening night was coming up and she was too busy with preparations. He understood - they still had texts and calls. She missed his lips and his warm embrace, but she kept telling herself that once everything is done and the hotel is officially open and the guests are gone she'll finally invite him over for dinner.

He actually called her twenty four hours before the party. She didn't feel as tense as she did during the last week; all the most important guests - the Waynes and the Cobblepots and the Kanes and the Hills and many, many other people - RSVPed already, confirming their presence. The catering was taken care of, and so were the decorations and even her parents told her to take a night off, to relax before her night.

(Of course, they were supposed to be there, as the original brand owners - but it was supposed to be her night.)

So, when her phone called she picked up without giving it a second thought.

"Hey honey." she said, closing her laptop.

"Are you free tonight?"

"I might be." she said flirtatiously. "Why?"

"Because I miss you, obviously. Also there's something we should... Talk about."

"Did something happen?"

"It's complicated. And I'd... Rather do it face to face."

She was worried for a moment, but he didn't sound sad or tense - so probably everything was fine.

"Alright. Where do you want me?"

"Aisha's?"

"I'll be there in thirty. See you!"

When she entered the - crowded, as usual - teashop she instantly spotted him, sitting at the same table as during their first meeting. He looked... Different.

His usually carelessly messy hair were slicked back and he was wearing a suit, instead of his usual, casual clothes. His sack-like trench coat was nowhere to be seen; and he looked damn good, but she was still a bit surprised by this change of image.

(He still had his bad boy charm to him though. He was still scruffy and he still had that scar she loved to kiss.)

"Hello, darling." he said, as she approached him. "You look beautiful."

"What's up with your clothes?" she asked, as he pulled out a chair for her.

"What, you don't like it?"

"You look... Different. It's not bad, just... Different."

"Serious clothes for a serious occasion." he said, ostensibly nonchalantly - but she could sense some gloom and seriousness in his tone.

It took them a while to get to the point, but eventually it happened. Tommy - a man she knew as Tommy, a man she started falling in love with, a man she fed ducks with, a man she wanted to introduce to her parents eventually - cleared his throat and she looked at him.

"Charlie." he said finally. "There's something... I need to apologize for."

(Hit me or other girls up if he fucks something up though. We'll fix him up.)

"What?" she asked calmly, nervously playing with a paper napkin, tearing it to shreds. "What happened?"

"I'm not Thomas Elliot. That is not my real name, my real identity."

His words echoed in her head, like a monastery bell in an empty hall. Her heart dropped and her vision became slightly blurry.

"Then who are you?" she asked finally. "And... Why have you been lying to me?"

"My real name... Is Oswald. Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot." he said calmly, looking at her apologetically and she laughed, shaking her head.

"That's impossible. I've met Oswald Cobblepot. He looks... Nothing like you."

"I'm not saying I'm the only Oswald Cobblepot in Gotham. No, the man you met - pale and short and polite to the bone - is my cousin. My father and his mother... Are twins. We're both heirs to the Cobblepot fortune." he said, weighting every word, not taking his eyes off her. "I asked him to not mention me. I told him... You don't know I exist."

"But why?" she asked faintly, suddenly realizing how tense the atmosphere in the teahouse was that afternoon. "Why were you lying to me?"

"Charlie, I assure you, this was the only lie I've ever told you. Everything I said... I meant it. Every word. And every kiss."

"But why?"

"I had my reasons. But... Does it change how you see me? Does it change your feelings for me?"

She took a sip of her drink, trying to think of a good answer. Tommy or Oswald, rich or not, heir to a fortune or an orphan - sitting in front of her was still a man she had feelings for. He was still the same person.

At least he admitted to his own lies.

"I'm not sure." she said finally. "Why admit to all of this now though?"

"Because..."

He reached out and brushed her free hand with his fingertips and she felt the familiar, electric tingling go through her body.

"Because I need your help." he said finally. "I need your help in killing someone."

"What?" she asked after what felt like a infinity, filled with surreal, palpable, thick silence. "What? What? What?"

"Your reaction is understandable." he said quietly, sorrowfully. "And I'm deeply, truly sorry for getting you tangled up in this mess. I swear it wasn't my idea."

"Is this a joke?" she uttered, not fully comprehending her situation. "T... Oswald. Is this a joke?"

"No. I am very serious, my darling."

"Don't call me that." she snapped at him and he winced and his eyes got darker. "What the fuck is going on, Oswald?"

"Do you want a long or a short version?"

"Doesn't matter. I'm not helping you."

"And yet you're still here." he said quietly, his eyes still on her and she almost felt uncomfortable under his piercing, burning gaze. "It's quite simple, really. I need you to move the main event to another part of the main wing. That's it."

"This is a joke." she stated suddenly, deciding to hold onto this possibility for as long as possible. "Right? This is just a fucked up joke. One that's going to almost ruin us, yes... But it's nothing that can't be fixed. Yes?"

"So you want proof. Fine. I can give you proof. Ever heard of the Penguin?"

Of couse she heard of him - who didn't? A mysterious, masked individual, who also happened to be world's most elusive and efficient assassin. Nobody ever saw his face and lived to tell the tale. Some said he was a demon; some said it was an inherited title; some said it was a series of very devoted impostors and that the original Penguin was long, long dead.

"I am the Penguin." Oswald Cobblepot said quietly. "Well, the current one at least. On my phone, I have a recording of me... Putting the mask on."

"How am I supposed to know it's not a replica?"

"Think about it, Charlie. Cobblepots are an old, very rich family... Our money didn't come out of nowhere. It all makes sense, you simply... Have to accept it."

"Accept it?" she repeated bitterly. "Accept what? That- that someone I loved had been lying to me for months? That a man I loved is actually a fucking hitman? That someone is trying to use me - again?"

"Darling..."

"Don't call me that!" she repeated, her heart breaking; she loved the way he said this word. It always made her feel at peace. "Please. Just... Don't."

"I am sorry." Oswald said and she covered her face with her hands to avoid looking at him. "I really, really am. Please... Charlie..."

"No." she said firmly, feeling... Almost empty.

(What she hated the most about this whole situation, was the fact it didn't feel half as bad as when she found out what was Harry really after. Harry kept lying till the very end; Oswald was being honest and open. It was fucked up.)

"I'm not going to help you kill anybody." she continued, her voice muffled by her hands. "What I am going to do though is to go straight to the police. Tell them everything."

"They're not going to believe you." he said quietly, his voice tense. "Nobody's going to believe you."

"Well, somebody's going to believe me."

He didn't say anything and she slowly moved her hands away from her face to look at him.

He wasn't looking at her anymore; his gaze was stuck on his own hands, lying on the surface of their table. He looked sad, really, genuinely sad. Resigned.

"What now?" she asked finally, feeling waves of inert calmness washing over her. "You just confessed to being the Penguin and I refused to help. What now?"

"What are you suggesting, d... Charlie?"

"Are you going to kill me?"

"I'd rather take my own life here and now than hurt you." he said quietly and oddly tenderly. "No, I'm not going to kill you. But I can't just let you go either. Not until you agree."

"But I'm not going to agree to anything!"

"But you have to, Charlie. You have to. Please." he pleaded. "I am not going to hurt anybody. But people I work for..."

"People you work for?!"

"People I work for... They don't have my morals, Charlie. They don't follow my don't touch the innocent principle. And they know you. And your family."

She felt the ice cold grip of fear tighten around her throat.

"What?" she asked slowly. "No..."

"Please." he pleaded. "Help me and I will get you out of this mess. They won't go after you if you help me. That'll give me a chance to fix everything. I give you my word."

"Your word is worthless, Oswald." she said impassively, feeling like someone dumped her insides in gasoline mixed with salt and sulfur. "It means nothing. You lied to me - fine. I'd accept it as some dumb test, to see if I like you or your name. I'd accept it. I'd move on. But this... No, Oswald. No."

She felt like she's about to pass out. She looked at him, trying to keep calm.

"Excuse me for a moment." she said, getting up. "I need to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

"You do that." he said quietly and she turned around and walked away. She knew he's following her with his eyes; and she knew there's no window in the ladies room. No escape routes. The only way out was either through the main door, or through the back door, accessible through the kitchen - both of them visible from where he was seated.

She felt trapped and terrified and sad and heartbroken and empty and oh god, she felt so many, many things at once, colliding, overflowing, confusing.

She stood by the sink, staring at her own reflection, her face a picture of shock and heartbreak and fear. She saw the drops of water stuck in her lashes. She remembered Tommy - Oswald, she firmly corrected herself - saying he'd kiss each and every of her freckles if he had a chance. She remembered looking at him and thinking they were shaped for each other.

All gone now, replaced with this bizarre knowledge of her partner being a hitman in need of her help.

(It wasn't all gone, but she muffled it, repressed it, hid it, locked it away. It didn't matter anymore anyway.)

As she was walking back to their table, a faint outline of a plan formed in her head. First she had to get away. Then... She'd figure something out, she was sure of it.

As she was right next to their table and as he was looking up, she grabbed a glass from the nearby table and smashed it on his head, spilling orange juice everywhere. Before anyone reacted, she turned around and ran out of the teahouse, frantically reaching for her phone. The battery was dead - because of course. She had a spare in her apartment; and she decided there's no time to try going to the police. She had to call her parents, she had to warn them. She had to get away. Figure something out. Figure out who on her guest list is Penguin's target. Warn them.

(She remembered his eyes when he first told her he's developing feelings for her. She remembered every kiss, every word. Was it all a lie? A ploy? A manipulation tactic? She hoped so. It would make hating Oswald Cobblepot so much easier.)

She got in the nearest cab, slamming the door behind her. The driver looked at her in the rear mirror; he looked amused. The plaque attached to vehicle's radio announced his name is Brian Thomas.

"Bad day?" he asked, as she nervously gave him her destination and asked him to be fast.

"The worst." she replied, rubbing her forehead with her palm; everything she felt was gone, replaced with weariness. She wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. "What's the absolute worst date you've ever been to?"

"He didn't show up." Brian replied casually and Charlie sighed, wishing this could be her problem as well. A simple case of being stood up; not... Whatever the hell was this.

"I can take you to a police station if your date tried something funny." the driver suggested, and she shook her head quietly, looking outside the window. They were passing soon to be opened hotel building; the sight of it sent a shiver down her spine.

"It's not like this." she said eventually. "He just made me... Uncomfortable. And now I just need some wine and a bath."

"Suit yourself. We're here. Hey, beautiful stranger." he said suddenly, as she was reaching for her wallet. "Can I get your number?"

"I'm sorry, Brian." she said tiredly, handing him a wad of cash; a tip to be remembered. "I'm sure you're a very sweet guy, but for now I don't think I'm in mood for anything. Maybe next time."

"Here's to hoping our paths cross again." he said cheerfully as she got out and closed the doors behind her.

She practically ran inside the building, not looking back at Brian, who only took off after the doors closed behind her.

"Good evening, miss!" the receptionist greeted her cheerfully as she hurriedly approaced the counter.

"Leslie, I need a huge, huge favor. There might be someone looking for me here anytime soon." she said quickly, looking at the attentive young woman. "Please don't let them in. Tell them I'm not here. Anything. I know you'll think of something."

"Naturally, miss. Should I call the police?"

"No!" she said with exasperation. "Please. No police. I have this under control."

"Take care, miss." Leslie said as she was disappearing inside the elevator.

She forgot where exactly she put her spare phone and it took her about fifteen minutes to find it, and then - with her fingers shaking - another five to take her SIM card out of her dead phone and put it into the charged one. She stared at her contact list, frantically trying to decide who to call first. She didn't have time to call every single person from her guest list, but she knew the victim is there. Was it Bruce Wayne? Was it Harvey Dent? Was it one of the Kanes?

For a brief moment she considered calling Louise, but quickly abandoned the idea. Louise was not to be trusted anymore. After all, it was her who set her up with "Tommy" - and other girls weren't much better either, considering "Tommy" was also their friend. Maybe they also worked for the same people as he did.

She decided to call her father first. His calm demeanor always helped her focus and she knew he'll think of something. Make everything right.

But neither her father nor her mother picked up. They were probably busy, or asleep; and they weren't picking up.

She spent the next few minutes sitting in the middle of her spacious living room, crying out of frustration.

As she was getting up - she wanted to go to her bedroom and get her handgun, just in case - someone's strong arm suddenly wrapped around her, tighthly pressing her arms to her torso. Someone's gloved hand covered her mouth, as she began to scream.

"Please don't scream." Oswald Cobblepot whispered into her ear, holding her tight. "I only want to talk. Please."

"Mmmhmmhmff!" she gurgled angrily, aggresively trying to stomp his foot; but it wasn't very effective, considering she took her killer heels off as soon as she entered her flat. Oswald sighed.

"Please don't make me tie you up, Charlie." he said tiredly, still holding her.

(She hated and despised the fact fear didn't come first. What came first was... Definitely not fear.)

"I'm now going to take my hand off your mouth and you are going to not scream bloody murder. Deal?"

She shook her head furiously and he sighed again and rested his chin on her head.

"I'm going to do it anyway." he muttered eventually and did as he promised; she was free to speak, but he still hadn't let go of her. "Oh. You're not screaming. That's nice."

"Let go off me." she said quietly, writhing in his iron grip. "How did you get in anyway?!"

"The back door." he said tiredly, letting her to much to her surprise. "And then the stairs. Your receptionist's unharmed and unaware."

"What now, Oswald?" she asked, deciding to put all of her eggs in one basket. "You have me. What now?"

"I told you, I'm not going to hurt you. I want to talk some sense into you."

"SENSE?!" she practically exploded. "Sense?!"

"Charlie..."

She was facing him and she punched him in the chest and he didn't even budge, looking at her with his tired, tired eyes. His hair were a familiar mess again and he almost looked like that man she had ten dates with.

(She still had to warn her parents. She still had to figure out who's the target.)

She turned around and ran into her bedroom and he followed her, not letting her lock the door behind.

"Charlie, please." he said as she groaned with frustration. "What do you want me to do, get down on my knees?"

"The chance to explain yourself was about five dates ago, Oswald!" she said frantically, as he came closer.

Her fingers finally found her gun and she pulled it out triumphantly. The gun was loaded, and she pointed it at Oswald, her hand shaking. "Don't... Don't come closer."

"You know what? Fine." he said, running his fingers through his hair, looking her in the eye. "I'm tired, Charlie. Shoot me if you want to. I probably deserve it."

He did drop down on his knees and looked up at the gun she was holding in her shaking, shaking hand.

"What are you doing?" she asked frantically, as he gently took her hand and guided it, until the gun was touching his forehead.

"Pull the trigger if you want to." he repeated tiredly. "Let's make a deal though: if you can kill me, fine. Have it your way. No one else will die and this will be the end of this Penguin. Someone else will take the mask. But if you can't... You will hear me out."

She was looking at him, her body trembling, her eyes wide open, her heart pounding, her breaths short and shaky. Could she do it? Would she do it?

(Harry came back to mind. How adamant he was in his lies, how his lies turned into threats. It was her parents who saved her that day.)

"I can't do this." she said eventually, her eyes filled with tears. "I... I can't. I can't kill you."

"Why?" he asked quietly, his eyes closed. "What's stopping you?"

(The way he looked at her, the way he kissed her, the way he laughed at her terrible jokes.)

"You said... You meant everything you said to me as Tommy." she said eventually. "Is that true?"

"It's painfully true, Charlie."

"What was first - me or the job?"

"You." he replied instantly, his eyes still closed. "You were first. If it depended on me... I wouldn't get you mixed up in all of this."

"Then why did you get me involved? Me and my family?"

"Because the person who ordered a hit had some very... Strict preferences. And people I'm currently working for... They are perfectionists. Everything has to go in accordance to our client's preference, otherwise... Otherwise someone close to me will pay the price for my mistakes."

He finally opened his eyes and looked at her and she felt her heart almost melt.

"So please, Charlie." he continued quietly, gently taking her hand away and the touch of cold leather on her skin made her almost drop her loaded gun. "Help me with this one thing. Help me keep you safe. And I.... I will take care of the rest."

(His words were a promise of a bloodbath and she hated the fact she believed in his promises of safety.)

"Fine." she said finally, putting the gun away. "Fine. Have it your way."

"Do you hate me now?" he asked, getting up and putting his gloved hand on her arm. "Please. I need to know."

"I'd love to." she blurted out. "I'm trying to. But I can't. I just... Can't."

"I'll make it up to you, somehow. I can... Disappear from your life forever, once this is all done."

"Just tell me what do you want from me." she said tiredly, rubbing her eyes with her hand. "Don't give me any details, just... Tell me."

"I only need you to move this thing to another part of the main wing, that's all. Move it to the Scarlet Lounge."

Her phone was ringing in another room. Her parents, probably.

"Who's the target?" she asked finally and Oswald sighed.

"Hamilton Hill."

"He has a family, Oswald."

"Who do you think ordered the hit?" he asked quietly. "Have you met his daughter?"

Of course she met Hamilton's daughter. Her name was Skyler, she was few years younger than her and was beautiful like a sunset and sharp like a razor. She was a brilliant young woman, on her way to becoming one of Gotham's best lawyers.

"She has her reasons. Very good reasons. Have you ever thought about what kinds of people Penguin kills? Corrupt politicians, abusers hiding behind their public faces."

"You're going to ruin my family's good name." Charlie muttered, once again feeling like she's about to pass out. "This is going to be a disaster."

"Skyler had the same concerns, that's why she insisted on not making it look like an accident. She's a thoughtful girl."

"Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll do it." she finally gave up, putting the gun away. "Oswald..."

"Yes?"

"Don't disappear from my life." she blurted out. "I... I don't know how I feel about you anymore, but please, don't disappear."

"I won't." he said softly. "Do you want me to go now?"

"Fuck, I don't know. I feel like an idiot now. I don't know."

"You're not an idiot, Charlie. You're an opposite of an idiot. You think on your feet, and you stalled me for hours. And I'm a professional hitman... Who might or might not be slightly blinded by his feelings."

"That's not a compliment a girl wants to hear, you know."

"And what do you want me to say? That you're beautiful? And distracting? And charming?"

"...for example, yes." she muttered and he smiled faintly.

"I can tell you a lot of sweet nothings and compliments, Charlie. But I'd rather do it over dinner and some wine."

"Are you... Asking me out?" she asked slowly. "After... All of this? You're asking me out?"

"Yes. I... I already made a reservation." he confessed and she smiled nervously. "At Lafontaine's. Two days after tomorrow."

"Fine." she said eventually and his face lit up. "I'll be there. Now... Can you please go? I have some... Calls to make."

She almost stopped him from leaving, actually. She almost kissed him and almost put his gloves off and put his hands on her back. She was feeling tired and yearned for physical touch, now that she knew what was really going on.

(Don't make me tie you up, Charlie.)

But instead, she saw him leave, closing the door behind him. She sighed. She rubbed her forehead, wondering where did all her emotions go suddenly.

(She never liked Hamilton Hill. He was a Republican, and a really far-right one. She knew his stances on various social issues; and sure, he was courteous and polite during their rare meetings, but he was still a disgusting man. And she wondered what exactly prompted his own daughter to order a hit on him. What was happening behind the closed doors of the Hill family?)

*** Hamilton Hill died at her party.

Everything was splending - nobody minded the fact everything was moved to another place, which she excused with some unforeseen technical difficulties that were previously overlooked. People hired to help were paid triple for the fact they suddenly had to move everything to another part of the main wing. Everything was great and her parents were so, so proud of her. She kept looking around, searching for Oswald - her Oswald, not his polite, short cousin - but naturally he was nowhere to be seen.

(She did some reading and apparently the son of Esther and Theodore had been absent from Gotham for a few months now. She kept wondering why exactly is he living a double life.)

"Charlotte!" she heard his cousin's voice behind her and she turned around to face the smiling, young man in a tux. "What a lovely night."

The shorter Cobblepot leaned in.

"I have a gift from my cousin." he whispered into her ear, sliding something into her palm. "He says... Thank you."

"Thank you, Oswald." she said calmly, hiding a small box inside her purse. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Oh, very. Your mother is absolutely incredible. Such grace!"

"I'm very glad to hear it." she said, glancing at the Hills over Oswald's shoulder. They looked peaceful, calm, happy. Skyler noticed her gaze and slightly nodded in her direction, quickly turning her attention back to her mother.

The Scarlet Lounge had a better view on the city, than the Golden Hall - one of it's walls was made entirely out of glass. Charlie could see almost everything from where she was standing - the stars, the river, the Wayne Tower, the mayor's office.

Hamilton Hill was standing there, alone, with a glass of champagne, staring at a city that wanted him dead.

She approached him with a glass of wine, wondering if everything had been just a bad dream. Nothing had happened so far; maybe Skyler called off the hit? Maybe it really was just her imagination?

"It's a beautiful night in Gotham, isn't it?" Hamilton said, not looking at her. "From here, it all looks so peaceful... So right."

"I have to admit, I'm growing quite fond of this city." she admitted, taking a sip of her wine. "It looks and sounds like chaos, but there is beauty in its pulse."

"It's a shame it's been infected with so much scum." he muttered and she rolled her eyes. "Bah. Life's so short. I wish I had more time to help this city shape itself into something truly beautiful, you know? I wish I had more time."

"Can't do, Hill." she suddenly heard a raspy, artificially modified voice behind them. They both quickly turned around - only to face the Penguin himself, to stare into his mask's black, lifeless eyes.

She had no idea how he got there unnoticed, but he did - and now the others were noticing something's going on.

"All debts must be paid, Hill." Penguin said calmly, completely ignoring mortified Charlie standing next to the politician. "And your debt is long overdue."

He pulled out a gun, and she scoffed at the sight of it. Of course he was using a silenced AMT Hardballer. He pointed his gun at Hamilton's face and everyone in the room froze in place.

"Turn around, Hill." Penguin ordered quietly and Hill mindlessly obeyed.

The hitman turned his head and looked at Charlie.

"You might want to take few steps back." he informed her in a polite, casual tone of voice. "So sorry to ruin your party like this... But you know how it is. Work is work."

Charlie slowly stepped back, unable to take her eyes off Hill's mortified profile. Penguin put his gun to mayor's head.

"Take a good look at this city, mayor. Take a good look at everything you almost ruined. And now... Goodbye."

He pulled a trigger and someone in the room screamed when Hamilton Hill's blood splattered on the glass in front of him.

Penguin slipped away in the ensuing chaos, and Charlie somehow ended up next to exceptionally calm Skyler, who was staring at her father's corpse the way someone else would look at a broken pen.

"I know what you did." Skyler said quietly, so quietly only Charlie could hear her. "Thank you."

"Things we do for love." Charlie replied equally quietly, glancing at Skyler. "Why did you do it?"

"I didn't do anything."

"I hope you won't regret this, Skyler."

"Oh, trust me. I won't. This is a childhood dream come true."

The tone of her voice told Charlie everything she needed to know about what was going on behind the closed doors of the Hill family.

When the police arrived - lead by a very disgruntled (who could blame him? Gotham's mayor just got murdered on his watch) Jim Gordon, accompanied with visibly stressed out Harvey Dent - Charlie came off clean. Her story about an overlooked technical problem in the Golden Hall miraculously turned out to be true; they found some issues with the water pipes. Nobody questioned Penguin's interaction with her - the elusive assassin was well-known for being a gentleman towards people who were not his targets.

"That's one hell of an opening night." her father muttered, downing a glass of whiskey and her mother sighed and shook her head.

"Nobody could foresee this." she said sadly. "Usually political assassinations are not on a list of possible problems."

"Bah! Political my ass." her father scoffed and Charlie turned her head away to hide her smile. "Democrats don't have what it takes to order a hit on anyone. Bunch of weenies."

(In his youth, Crispin Schiller-Aberdeen used to be an antifa activist. With age - and marriage - he softened down a bit; but it was a well known fact he sometimes still bails out anarchists and other young antifas out of prison.)

"A man is dead, Crispin." Eleanor said coldly, rolling her eyes and taking her husband's hand. "No more whiskey for you tonight, darling."

Louise showed up, tapping Charlie's shoulder.

"Charlie? A word." she said to her, and briefly turned her attention to Charlie's parents. "Louise McDonagh, assistant district attorney. Pleased to meet you. My superior needs to talk to your daughter."

She grabbed Charlie's hand and pulled her away.

"Does Dent really want to talk to me?" Charlie asked finally, after making sure nobody can hear them. Louise shook her head.

"No, but I do. I guess... I should apologize."

"Yes." Charlie said coldly. "You should. You could have warned me."

"There's no good way to warn anyone of something like this, you know. What was I supposed to say?"

"The truth!"

"Look, I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! I didn't know he's going to get this job! If I knew, I'd tell him to stay the fuck away from you!"

"This is all I wanted to hear, you know." Charlie sighed, awkwardly putting her hand on Louise's shoulder. "Look. I'm... Fine. I think my reputation's fine as well. A bit of a shocker... It might be a good advertisement."

"This is the most fucked up think I've heard this year. How is mayor's death a good advertisement?!"

"You know how people are."

"Fuck. You're right. Uh-oh." she muttered, glancing at her phone. "Turns out Harvey does want to speak to you. And he's... Not happy. Fuck."

"You can't expect him to be happy, considering what happened tonight. But don't worry, I'm sure his boyfriend will cheer him up." she said with a smirk and Louise snorted quietly.

*** Only after finally getting home - which happened after the dusk - Charlie opened a gift from her Oswald.

It was pearls; he gave her a pair of pearl earrings, and matching necklace and a bracelet. Attached to the bracelet was a note.

Once again - so sorry for ruining your night, darling.

She smiled faintly to herself, wondering what's going to happen between her and Cobblepot next. She was still shocked by his identity - she never expected her date to turn out to be a fucking Penguin - but she also felt... Excited. She felt a pleasant thrill.

(At least he was honest. And she appreciated this honesty more than she cared to admit. The man who kissed her was a killer.)

She wondered what's going to happen next, now that he abandonded his Tommy Elliot persona. Did it mean they're going to become something serious?

(She hoped so.)

Finally, their date night had arrived. He asked her to meet him at 6pm; and he even sent out a limousine to pick her up. It seemed like he's very determined to make their affair public - and she didn't mind.

Lafontaine's was one of the best restaurants in America, and the best one in Gotham. Some people waited for their reservations for literal years; but it seemed like all it took to get in was to have the right name. Like Cobblepot, for example.

Mere moments after she stepped inside Lafontaine's luxurious hall, she was approached by a chipper maître d' with a spring in her step.

"Miss Charlotte Schiller-Aberdeen, I presume?" the woman asked politely, and Charlie winced slightly, hearing the disliked full version of her name.

"Yes. This is me."

"Mister Cobblepot is awaiting you. Please, follow me."

Their table was in the middle of the well-lit room. She could hear smooth jazz playing quietly in the background, mixed with a quiet shimmer of the water from the nearby decorative fountain.

"Charlie, you look simply breathtaking." Oswald said as soon as he noticed her, tapping his finger on the surface of their table and getting up. "And those pearls... Look very familiar."

"Same can be said about your hair and cologne, Oswald."

"Ah, so it's working. Good." he said with a wink. "I have to be honest... I was half expecting you to cancel."

"It can still be arranged, you know."

"Don't." he said softly and she smiled, glancing at her hands. "How is... The aftermath?"

"Everything's under control... On my side of the bargain." she replied quietly. "And on your end?"

"I took care of everything." he said very seriously. "Just like I promised I would."

(She wondered how many people had died because of her. She wondered if he was covered in their blood.)

"So." he said in a more upbeat tone, "Let's switch to more pleasant topics. Such as all the compliments I owe you."

He looked at her tenderly and she tilted her head, wondering what happened to that almost broken man who put her gun to his head and told her to kill him if she wants to.

"Go on." she said eventually. "Just... Not all at once. Save some for later."

"Oh? Are you implying... There will be more?"

"Of course." she said softly, brushing his hand with her fingertips. "I still stand by everything I said, you know."

They spent a nice evening with wine and truffles and other fancy food. They talked; she told him about her divorce and in return he told her about his last ugly breakup. She almost forgot he's an assassin. She almost forgot she almost killed him.

(They didn't know they parents are in the same restaurant. It turned out Crispin and Esther used to be friends during their rebellious youths. They decided to have a double married date; and now were sitting not too far from their children, who were too busy with each other to notice their parents.

"Reminds me of our first date..." Esther sighed, looking fondly at the way her son brushed Charlie's hair away from her face. "We raised our boy well."

"You better." Crispin grumbled and Esther and Eleanor laughed in response. "He better be good for my girl."

"He's my son, Crispin. Of course he'll be good... Or I'll whoop his ass." Esther said archly. "But what about your child?"

"Oh, Charlie used to be a little hearbreaker!" Eleanor giggled. "But I think this is serious for both of them."

"Mmmmhmmm." Theodore said absentmindedly, watching his son. "I'd recognize those pearls everywhere."

"Let's give them some space though." Crispin suggested, taking his eyes off Oswald's face. "Now, let's drink to a bright future...")

He walked her home that night.

"Do you want to... Stay the night?" she asked hesitantly, as they were quietly standing in front of the entrance to her building.

"I don't know." he replied nonchalantly, brushing her palm with his gloved fingers. "Do you want me to stay the night?"

"Yes." she said almost instantly and he smirked. "You're not going to kill me, right?"

"We've been through this already."

"I just want to be sure."

"My father and his sister were also Penguins, you know." Oswald said quietly. "And look at their spouses now. Alive and well. And I assure you... Mom and uncle had both been in this exact same situation."

He brushed her hand with his lips, looking her in the eye, sending electric shivers down her spine.

"I won't hurt you, unless you want me to." he assured her with a wink. "So?"

"Stay the night." she said breathlessly, thanking herself from few hours ago for putting on some nice, lace lingerie.

They entered the building hand in hand, saying good evening to Leslie.

"Miss!" she called out to Charlie. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Leslie, why do you ask?"

"Well, last time I saw you you acted like you're running from someone..." Leslie said, visibly abashed and Charlie smiled.

"Everything's fine, Leslie. Your concern is very touching though. Have a good night."

"Yes, Leslie, have a good night!" Oswald repeated, nodding vigorously and winking at Leslie, who gasped when she realized who's that standing next to Charlie.

"She's going to tell everyone." Charlie muttered in the elevator, between kisses.

"Do you mind other people knowing? About us?"

"No, but I don't want any pesky journalists digging into my life."

She gasped when his hand crawled under her dress.

"I'll take care of them." he promised in a raspy voice and she sighed, wondering if he's going to bribe them or kill them. "Now hush. They're not important."

He made her forget about everything, for a night - the journalists, Hamilton Hill, her gun put to his head, her doubts. He made her forget her own damn name. All that mattered was his presence intertwined with hers, their breaths tangled together, his skin and her skin, her voice and his kisses.

He was still there when she woke up; he was asleep next to her and in that one moment, Charlie couldn't decide which of the three men - Oswald, Tommy and Penguin - is lying in her bed.

She decided she doesn't care. She loved him anyway; and something told her the feeling's mutual.

*** One week later Oswald Cobblepot was in Perth, Australia. He was visiting an old friend - of sorts. It was not going to be a friendly visit.

The man he was looking for went by many names, but he only cared about two of them - Harold Spencer and Alexander Krill. They worked together a few times years ago, but then went their separate ways - and Oswald hadn't really thought of his old coworker, until he learned what happened between Charlie Schiller-Aberdeen and her ex-husband; a con-artist, who first wanted to simply steal her fortune and run away, but - after being found out - attempted to kill her in cold blood. Charlie was saved by her parents's surprise visit; and she wasn't aware Oswald Cobblepot knew Harry.

Or Alex. Depends on who you ask.

He knew there are better ways to steal a girl's heart than to kill her ex husband who used her. He gave her pearls. He complimented her. Took her out on fancy dates, made her writhe under his touch. He was good at this game and he knew that - even despite a rocky beginning - his relationship with Charlie is secure.

Still, he felt like killing Alexander is just... A right thing to do.

(He considered calling it "one last job" - he knew his cousin has his eyes on the mantle of the Penguin. Maybe it was high time for him to step back and to live the way rich playboy should; no assassinations, just champagne, fancy clothes and his beautiful darling at his side. Yeah. It felt and sounded right.)

So there he was in Perth, where Krill had holed up, probably planning his next big scam. He was hiding in a crappy apartment complex - even though Oz was well aware his old co-worker can afford something luxurious.

He put his mask on. He fixed his tie. He knocked; he very much enjoyed the peculiar sound of a hand covered with a glove made out of expensive, high quality leather knocking on a cheap wooden surface.

Krill opened the doors after a while and he wasn't happy to see Oswald.

"Fuck, Penguin?" he asked, visibly disgruntled. "What do you want?"

"To talk. Let me in."

"Alright, but make it quick." Krill said, turning around and coming back to his shitty living room. "I have stuff to do."

"No, you don't." Penguin replied calmly, reaching for his gun. "And to be honest... You're not going to be doing a lot of things ever again, Alexander."

"What?" Alex asked with annoyance, turned around and froze at the sight of Oswald's gun. "Dude. What the fuck?!"

"One last shitty joke, before we part ways forever, partner." Penguin sad, tilting his head to the side. "Do you know what penguins eat?"

"N-no!" Alexander replied, his face a picture of pure fear. "What do you want from me?!"

"Penguins - among other things - eat krill." Oswald replied calmly. "Say aaaa."

Alexander Krill opened his mouth to scream and Penguin pulled the trigger.

The bullet was faster than his voice.

*** "How was your trip?" Charlie asked him a few days later, once he was back in Gotham and he dropped by to pay her a visit in her office. The business was booming, it seemed - Crowne Continental Gotham was filled with guests. It seemed like a recent death of the mayor that took place in the same building didn't discourage anyone.

"Perfectly uneventful." he said, deciding on not telling her the true purpose of his sudden trip to another continent. "My parents are hosting some fundraiser at out park in two weeks. Care to come as my plus one?"

"Does it mean you want to introduce me to your family?"

"Well, my cousin already knows you, and you met his parents... But I guess this might be a good time to tell my parents to stop trying to hook me up with Kate Kane." he said with a smirk and she giggled.

"Really? They tried that?"

"A lot of times."

"Well, I don't have any plans, so count me in." she said after taking a look at her schedule and he smiled lightly at the way afternoon light played with her red hair.

He noticed a small drop of dried up blood on his shoe; probably Krill's. But it didn't matter.

"I missed you." Charlie said suddenly. "Come on. Kiss me."

They kissed in her office at the top floor of Crowne Continental and he had blood on his hands and she still hadn't decided who does she really love; but none of this mattered. The Penguin gave up his title and all was good in Gotham City.

(In the other part of the town, Skyler Hill was watching the sunset with her mother. They were both dressed up in black. They were both relaxed and happiest they've been in many, many years. There were no regrets in the Hill Mansion. There were no regrets to be found anywhere in Gotham.)

#dc #telltale batman #ff #eng #oc #pinnguin

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dickganseywrites-blog · 7 years

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my kiddos valentines plans;

copying danni sorry about it.

ivy; dierks was on set so ivy spent the day with her roomies and she kissed cecily on the cheek and bought her a box of heart shaped chocolates lmao. jack sang to her and she fucking Loved It and she told him that dierks wouldn't mind sharing her today and that she was claiming him as her valentine (i'm so sorry). she didn't see will and was sad about it so she sent him a text telling him that she's upset she didn't get to ambush him for cuddles. she also sent conner and riley valentines cards each lmao none for u monty my dude. anyway she spent the evening with dierks, they probably went for a really nice meal and then went back to his for Other Things.

scotty; as we know scotty went a little overboard on donuts and was trying to see how many donuts it was physically possible for him to eat. how is that boy still in such good shape? the mind boggles. anyways he very unapologetically claimed laura as his valentine but he definitely shot eloise a cute, flirty little text. he tried to summon up the courage to text alfie and callum, too, but he chickened out. he definitely sent out texts in the morning to laura, lydia, evie, and all of the cheersquad (including alex), as well as one to christian too.

hazel; haze was definitely working and she had the best day ever handing over cutesy, loved up cupcakes and donuts and the likes to all her customers (though she was a bit baffled by the lovely gent who decided to order 96 donuts!). she got home and decorated cupcakes with ella, and also put up a cover of herself singing love story by taylor swift cos she's a fucking Nerd.

andrew; drew was on set flirting with everyone. he kissed lo. he kissed maggie and ember, too. dierks ducked outta that shit like there's no tomorrow, and he decided he'd just give emma a hug instead of pushing his luck. but he told her that she was pretty and tried again to ask her out on a date lmao.

amelia; AMELIA FLORENCE BARTEN WENT ON A FUCKING DATE WITH LEVI LOWERY

cody; lmao idk kit gave her chocolates and she gave kit a kiss on the fucking mouth lmao. she actually did not go drinking on this here evening, she sorta behaved which is boring. she doesn't give two shits about valentines tho.

darren; darren, you know fucking what i hate this dickhead. i hate him so much. darren spent a lot of time writing a Song for someone (danni don't fucking look at me), but he also sent taylor, james, brooke, bea, alex, rachel, finn, attie, mellie, and harper valentines cards. harper got the biggest card and he painted a god damn family fucking portrait on it, ferris included, because he's so ridiculous i actually hate him a little bit.

hero; hero was definitely working and she gave riley and foster valentines cards and was brave enough to even give riley a kiss on the cheek and a hug. she went to see greyson and brought him a card too, with extra cuddles and told him that she loves him. she wanted to spend more time with him but she had a date with calvin and she felt really guilty because she was worried about greyson, but there you have it. she also got hunter a valentines gift and sent bennett a text that took her 4 hours, 17 minutes, and 21 seconds to muster up the courage to send. she made audrey breakfast too but she didn't make a fuss or anything, she just wanted to do something nice for her bc she adores her.

billy; billy oh my fucking god billy spent the day pining after simon and then feeling guilty about it. he thought about julian a bit, but less than he did last year on valentines day. he's making progress. he wished simon (AND ALL OF HIS EMPLOYEES) a happy valentines day and then went to see how rhodes was doing. he checked on him probably more than he should have, and told him he loves him and then stole one of the cookies harper made for him. he spent the night cuddled on a couch with harry while watching valentines day and regretted it a little. eliana hid in her room because ew, romance.

jax; jaxy was evie's valentine and he decided not to send ronan a text because he's a chicken. he took evie out for a meal though and they stayed up all night watching movies and waiting for daisy to get back from her date so they could get all the details. at his apartment, of course, because he didn't wanna risk seeing ronan. which means oz was probably present for date talk, i'm sorry baby boy.

daisy; went on a date with reuben and had a great time. went back to jaxy's to tell her wee squad all about it, but she definitely stopped by kit's for kisses, cuddles, and her daily kit time. also it was shane's birthday so she didn't forget about that and she brought him a gift and gave him a cuddle and told him to get his shit together with mickey. sorry bout her.

jason; definitely gave caroline a card that said 'i pika-choose you' on it and he was really proud of himself. he gave her loads of cuddles, as always, and sent delaney, elsie, tara, annie, and wardo cute texts too. he didn't do much, though, and just spent the night teasing caroline probably.

lucy; lucy pined after bea a little, if we're being honest. she also sent james and marley long and soppy texts, but spent the night at home doing nothing.

henry; baby boy went birdwatching with wren and blushed and giggled more than is probably socially acceptable, he had a great time and has definitely bombarded riley today to tell him all about it.

indy; indy went out with justin, raegan, and colton, and spent the whole night feeling nervous and insecure. she told justin he's a dick more than once, but never in front of rae or colton. she also spent the morning kissing everyone and anyone that would have her, cuddled with mellie for a solid hour, and felt really guilty about leaving her. she definitely climbed into her bed once she got home though and told her to never ever let her leave the apartment ever again.

ronnie; ronnie spent the day contemplating making max proud by overcoming his fears and throwing himself into the fucking ocean after seeing the card taylor sent. he watched bend it like beckham but then he just felt worse because he's not dating james, he's not dating david beckham, and he's not dating jonathan rhys meyers either.

lizzie; lizzie thought a lot about conrad, a lot more than she cares to admit, and spent the day with richie of course. she wished conrad a happy valentines day too, and then kissed him on the cheek the next time she saw him. she knows angelica will never let her live it down, though.

katie; spent the day working and tried to say hi to holly but she didn't look best pleased so she decided against it. spent the night with her hons tho, and sent noah the soppiest valentines card the world has ever seen. she got a kiss from angelica and turned bright red but tried to act cool about it, and when a guy chatted her up while they were out she panicked and told him that she already had a valentine and hid behind seth. seth still doesn't know what happened, unless kevin told him because kevin nearly cracked a rib laughing at her.

cassie; cassie was carter's valentine but let's not pretend she didn't give so many cuddles!!!! she made noah pancakes (with extra syrup) and screamed when reuben told her about his date, and helped him pick out his outfit (he didn't ask, she just sort of got ahead of herself), and she made sure to text will and louis telling them that she hoped they had the most super duper valentines ever. she cried when dixie told her about their parents, i'm so sorry. and she sent a secret valentines card to kevin but you didn't hear that from me.

jess; jess pouted a lot and was mad that cassie got to be carter's valentine. he still has convinced himself that carter has a thing for her, and cassie's always talking about just how handsome carter is and even the jess wants to yell I KNOW!!!! in her face he doesn't. he just pouts.

isaac; noah sung to him and isaac pretended that he hated it. noah sung to him and isaac pretended that the flutter in his chest was just heartburn. noah sung to him and isaac pretended that the reason he couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day was because noah just irritated him so much. noah sung to him and isaac's cheeks were pink for the whole of rehearsal.

monty; MONTY PINED OVER RILEY AS PER FUCKING USUAL and had a mini breakdown to adam probably. he gave riley chocolates, and a card, and comics. as a pal though, as a buddy, as a friend. he wished shane a happy birthday too and was far more composed in doing so than he was during any of the time he spent with riley. it was a day.

rose; rose didn't do much. she was working and she kissed clarke, kenny, and harvey on the cheek, and that was that. she also teased kenny relentlessly about harvey but what's new there. then she went home and watched horror movies all night.

david; DAVID KISSED BENJI BECAUSE OF COURSE HE FUCKING DID. and he saw cecily at work and tried to dazzle her with a smile but she seemed a little alarmed and so he tried not to frighten her some more.

blair; went on a date with jimmy, much to robbie's dismay. she didn't mind, she got to spend the day with her fav boy and wellington's newest and cutest farmboy. she was really content and took a cute selfie of herself kissing jimmy on the cheek, as well as taking some pics with robbie because she knows how important memories are to him.

clarke; spent the day thinking about love and wishing that she wasn't such a mess. she bought beau some chocolates and told her what a great job she does, and she probably said something really heartfelt and soppy to rose, kenny, and harvey. she went home and waited for bailey to get back and she made her dinner.

barry; barry got flowers from ellis and tried to remain as civil and composed as possible. he smiled, thanked her, wished her a happy valentines day, and popped one of the flowers into her hair for extra measure. he gave all of his students one piece of valentines candy each, and took all of the cards he received home and stuck them into a scrap book lol. he kept ellis' flowers, too, and put them in a vase and is taking very good care of them, thank you very much. rudy and lola were with their mother so he spent the night alone and he sent caroline a text that he thought was 'cute' but it actually just said 'Have a good one x', so.

cedric; cedric may or may not have shed a tear or two when he saw the drawing from diego, but nobody needs to know that. he has it framed in his shop. he made origami butterflies for diego, and origami horses for nobody in particular. he's not sure why he picked horses, but they just sort of called out to him and now they're hanging from the doorway in his shop. he spent the night with all his pets, though. nothing special.

séamus; dixie wished him a happy valentines and so he had a really really good day. darragh wasn't around all day, probably off drinking and doing lord knows what. he laid low for the day, writing songs and missing home.

rory; kissed ellis and told her that she was his valentine, but he's rory so he went out and ended up stumbling in at 3am with some fella he met whose name he can't recall. a romantic, so he is.

mack; roy forgot it was valentines day and absolutely nobody was subtle in letting her know what they thought about that. she defended him, and defended him some more when he got upset about adam's card. he cooked her a mediocre dinner (no he didn't, he ordered chinese and pretended he cooked it), and got them a cheap bottle of wine (the man is Loaded, but he's a dick), and mack didn't stay the night. she told adam he's a dick but gave him a hug and a kiss and thanked him for the card, even though he's still a dick.

steven; steven didn't know what to do with himself so he just spent the day with his sisters, and sent sonny a text telling him he missed him.

caleb; caleb and becky went out for a meal and did cute couple things. it was nice, they had fun, and he didn't get injured.

jj; wee bab spent the day with mariana (his foster sister) and her daughter, he was working at a novel idea first tho so he saw taylor briefly and panicked and spilled hot coffee down his front. it wasn't cute. he and mariana didn't wanna go back to their house though so he took her and her daughter out and treated them to dinner. then he spent the night painting and drawing in his bedroom, as always.

teddy; TEDDY MET CARTER AND WAS SHOOK AND HUGGED A CUTE BOY. he also had the courage to ask ryke if he wanted to be his valentine bc carter told him that it's ok to ask a straight boy to be your valentine as friends. he was nervous but it was innocent so he figured it was ok. he also hugged wren a lot and he sent his mum a bouquet of flowers and a pretty pearl necklace, and told his parents that he loves them. he probably spent the evening hanging out with ryke though.

jensen; probably glared at lux a little bit while thinking about the fact that she's pretty and that's annoying and dumb. he's a child. he went to work and then hung out at the bar and that was it. he told sawyer she's his valentine, tho. no takebacks.

#things;

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The Down And Dirty History Of TMZ

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/the-down-and-dirty-history-of-tmz/

The Down And Dirty History Of TMZ

How a lawyer from the San Fernando Valley created a gossip empire and transformed himself into the most feared man in Hollywood, all by breaking a few long-held rules and, as rumor has it, lording over a notorious vault full of secrets.

For just $53, you can purchase a guaranteed front-of-the-bus seat on the TMZ NYC Tour. After stepping on the bus in the middle of Times Square, a TMZ-trained tour guide — handsome, blond, amiable Australian — will ask you and the rest of the bus if you’re a huge fan of the show. You’ll clap; the rest of the bus will roar in agreement. When a tanned, smiling face shows up on the television screen above your seat, you’ll be prompted to cheer for “our fearless leader, Harvey!” — and laugh when the guide promises to show you “all the places where celebrities party and bone and get diseases.” Here on the bus, you become one of TMZ’s people — the ones who’ve helped turned a gossip website into a $55 million yearly enterprise.

The TMZ tour gives the same experience of a generic Manhattan tour — the story of Times Square, which, in the guide’s words, “isn’t just home to 1,000 illegal immigrants working as Disney characters”; a quick turn through the Meatpacking District; a view of Central Park — only punctuated with landmarks of celebrity significance, introduced with TMZ’s trademark leering tone. While driving along Broadway: “Ladies, dry off your seats, James Franco’s on Broadway! And if you’re under 16 on Instagram, he’s probably tried to have sex with you!” While passing ABC studios: “Here’s the set of Good Morning America, where Chris Brown is known for his hits!”

Halfway through the three-hour tour, the bus stops in SoHo: To the left, there’s DASH, the Kardashian-branded store; to the right, you can backtrack to the loft where Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead of a heroin overdose.

These two attractions perfectly encapsulate two of the modes of coverage at which TMZ excels: the frivolous and the macabre, Celebrity Banality News and Celebrity Death News. But there’s a third TMZ mode, one that neither the tour nor the TMZ syndicated program can truly translate. It’s this mode that distinguishes TMZ from all other celebrity news sites — what gives it teeth or, more precisely, bite. It’s not the TMZ-employed paparazzi trailing B-listers at the airport, photos of hot celebrities at the beach, or mugshots of celebrity stalkers.

TMZ’s real engine — what defines its mission, what legitimizes it and sets it apart — is a unique and controversial mix of scandal mongering and investigative journalism. But it’s also that mode that some have claimed is responsible for acquiring a video of Justin Bieber telling a racist joke and, over the course of four years, not publishing it.

BuzzFeed spoke to nearly two dozen former TMZ employees, and it’s clear that Bieber’s tape was not the only near-priceless piece of dirt in the proverbial TMZ vault. (TMZ did not respond to multiple requests for comment.) According to these ex-employees, the sealed testimonies from the Michael Jackson molestation trial hide there as does footage of various celebrities — Bieber, Lohan, Travolta — behaving badly. The vault isn’t a secret at TMZ — even the lowest on the staff ladder have heard whispers of its existence. As to what goes up on the site and what stays vaulted, that’s a finer, more esoteric calculus — and one in which celebrities and their publicists have come to live in fear. As one source explained, “There’s no doubt: [Harvey] Levin absolutely changed the way celebrities function today.”

TMZ has been responsible for breaking the biggest celebrity scandals of the last 10 years: effectively ending a 30-year career (Mel Gibson), tarnishing golf’s most sacred idol (Tiger Woods), and puncturing the pristine image of celebrity royalty (Solange Knowles attacking Jay Z). But it’s not just celebs: In 2009, it caught a bank spending millions of taxpayer bailout funds on a lavish party (Northern Trust), and, via spin-off TMZSports, instigated the $2 billion sale of an NBA team by applying the same surveillance to a racist owner (Donald Sterling) once reserved for the Hollywood stars and socialites.

Before TMZ, the gossip landscape was predominantly characterized by what those in the industry call “blow job news” — tidbits and sound bites that flatter the egos and images of celebrities. But TMZ disrupts that. It trades in scandal, and revels in exposing the narrative for what it is: a story as fictional as the films and television shows in which these stars appear. It didn’t just revise the accepted notion of what “Mel Gibson” means. It immolated it.

In the first five years of its existence, TMZ became the new standard not only for scandal mongering and gossip gathering, but multiplatform brand dominance. But its quest to become the “future of entertainment news” seems to have leveled out a bit. According to Quantcast, unique traffic has increased just 11% over a two-year period (24.48 million to 27.23 million; compare to usmagazine.com, whose unique traffic has increased 156%, from 12.8 million to 32.8 million) and Famous in 12, a TMZ-branded CW series, was canceled after five episodes this summer.

In 2007, though, TMZ did indeed look like the future. And even if that status is less certain today, TMZ has been the most influential and important media organization of the last decade. It’s not in good taste. It’s brazen, proud of its gaudiness. It’s altered the way that news about celebrity is treated, spread, and consumed — and earned its place in a lineage, spanning from Confidential magazine to the National Enquirer, that turns “celebrity gossip” into serious investigative journalism impossible to ignore.

But TMZ’s remarkable success and reputation have come at a price, as the demand to acquire and “own” scoops while simultaneously catering to a demographic of untraditional (read: straight male) gossip consumers has transformed a rag-tag group of reporters invested in illuminating Hollywood hypocrisy into a cabal of ruthless, click-hungry, and aggressive TMZers with little journalistic training and a tolerance of misogyny, both within the workplace and on the site and television show.

TMZ is both better and worse than you thought it was. In the words of a former staffer, “We built a brand that turned into a monster that can run on its own.” It’s a well-oiled, money-making, gossip-generating machine. But has it compromised the mission that set it apart from the rest of the gossip industry?

To answer that question, we have to look closely at the story of TMZ — its founding narrative, its breakthrough, and, most crucially, its founder — the man for whom the bus of TMZ acolytes cheered so emphatically. Because as anyone affiliated with the site will tell you, the story of TMZ is really the story of Harvey Levin.

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FameFlynet (Travolta, Lohan), Handout / Reuters (Bieber)

Harvey Levin grew up, in the words of one former associate, as a “Jew nerd from Reseda, Calif.” — in proximity to the glamour of Hollywood, but definitively excluded from it. He was short, smart, and savvy, and spent his childhood observing his father, who owned a liquor store, attempting to avoid selling booze to kids with fake IDs, while the cops indiscriminately chose when to prosecute and when to look the other way. According to this confidant, this experience would motivate and structure Levin’s career, as he worked to expose the hypocrisy of those in power, whether they be the police, celebrities, or the various apparatuses that supported and sheltered them. He received a B.A. from UC Santa Barbara and a J.D. from University of Chicago, passing the California bar in 1975.

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KCBS

Levin taught law and briefly practiced it, but starting in 1982 began focusing on his media career: He had a legal radio talk show, a column in the Los Angeles Times, and law-related reporting gigs at KNBC and later KCBS, which is where he was working when the biggest celebrity scandal of the ‘90s broke: the O.J. Simpson trial. He was but one player in the larger industry that popped up around the trial and its aftermath, but he was skilled enough — and natural enough on camera — to win the role of host of the revival of The People’s Court. In 2002, he became the executive producer of Celebrity Justice, but the show only aired for three years.

In these pre-TMZ years of Levin’s life, the building blocks of the TMZ empire are all visible: the obsession with hypocrisy, the keen understanding of the law, the application to celebrity, the tireless ambition. Levin was intelligent, but more importantly, he was telegenic, with the smooth talk of the most practiced lawyer and the charisma of a television star. After Celebrity Justice was canceled, he began making regular appearances on CNN’s Showbiz Tonight, but, according to a confidant, he wanted something of his own — which is why he said yes when Jim Paratore, head of Time Warner-owned production company Telepictures, approached him with an offer.

Paratore had headed up Telepictures since 1992, putting in place a blockbuster slate of daytime syndicated programming (The Tyra Banks Show, The Rosie O’Donnell Show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show) along with primetime mainstay The Bachelor. But one of Telepictures’ longest-running and most reliable shows was Extra, an entertainment news program developed in 1994 to provide synergistic promotion across the sprawling Time Warner media conglomerate. In 2005, Extra had already been on the air for more than a decade, amassing a trove of old footage of celebrities, all ready to be recycled and exploited on the cheap.

Which is exactly what Paratore would have Levin do. When Time Warner merged with AOL in 2000, the idea was to use AOL’s internet muscle to exploit Time Warner’s media holdings. But the two companies had very different corporate climates, and struggled to foster the originally imagined cross-platform synergies. According to Jim Bankoff, then president of AOL (and current CEO of Vox Media), Bankoff hit it off with Paratore at a 2005 meeting between AOL and Warner Bros. executives designed to kindle increased collaboration. Paratore regaled him with stories of thousands of hours of unused Extra footage — the perfect candidate for an AOL collaboration. Neither Bankoff nor Paratore knew what, exactly, they wanted to do with that footage, save put it on AOL and establish a brand that was something other than “AOL Celebrity.” That vague, amorphous idea was enough to pique Levin’s interest.

Levin didn’t know anything about the internet and had no interest in cultivating a web presence. (Multiple sources confirm that even today, he still uses an AOL email address, and all tweets from his Twitter account are automatically generated.) But he’d have something approximating free reign — and the ability to mold the property into something to finally match his grand vision.

Plus, following the historic summer of 2005, gossip was percolating at an alarming rate. A cottage industry of blogs, almost entirely run by women and queer men wholly outside the industry, were exploiting that interest — most visibly Perez Hilton, but also D-Listed, Lainey Gossip, Pink Is the New Blog, Just Jared — all of which were proving, to the somewhat startled old guard of gossipmongers, that the future wasn’t in syndicated television or print, but online. Constantly updated, dynamic, with a strong authorial voice; snarky, immediate, and originating outside the carefully cultivated celebrity sphere.

These bloggers were defined by their outsider status — and their very lack of access — but that outsider status (and lack of capital) also proved problematic. Hilton, for example, was sued multiple times — more than once for copyright infringement. What these bloggers lacked was infrastructure and capital to expand and bolster their operations, all while keeping the same all-important outsider ethic.

Which is precisely what an operation housed at Telepictures, with the larger launching pad of AOL (which, in 2005, still boasted an amplifying power of 22 million subscribers), could achieve. Levin and Paratore brought along some staff from Celebrity Justice and Extra, including eventual TMZ personalities Mike Walters, whose father was an assistant sheriff in Orange County, and Evan Rosenblum. Rosenblum is son of former Warner Bros. television chief Bruce Rosenblum, and is also married to the daughter of People’s Court producer Stu Billett. The official staff eventually numbered a grand total of seven.

The site had a sketch of an overarching mission, but it still lacked a name — according to a former staffer, there’d been a discussion of “Crushed Candy,” but that was too girly. The name needed to be catchy, different, and, most importantly, short, so as to better facilitate views via the burgeoning mobile market. Someone pitched the idea to use “TMZ” — Hollywood shorthand for the “Thirty Mile Zone,” or “studio zone,” which historically delineated the boundaries for union-related rates within the industry and, in branding terms, connoted a mysterious sort of insider knowledge.

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The only problem? The URL was already taken by an electronics company that went by the name of Team Minus Zero. According to a staffer from that time, Levin called the owner up and offered $5,000 for the URL — but without revealing who he was or what, exactly, the URL was for. The guy jumped at the offer, but Levin, according to a source, also knew that if he showed up with the cash in his Porsche, the URL owner would immediately up the asking price. His solution: Borrow a staff member’s totally average car. Hand over $5,000 in cash. The URL — and the brand — was theirs.

On Nov. 9, 2005, TMZ wasn’t even in beta, but it got its hands on something too big to wait for the official site launch: footage of the aftermath of a car crash involving Paris Hilton, her then-boyfriend Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly, and Laguna Beach star Talan Torriero. Evidence of celebutante Hilton behaving badly was at a premium, but this was something bigger: The video showed the Bentley, driven by Niarchos, crashing into a truck, leaving the site of the crash, nearly hitting a bystander, and later, once police had pulled the car over, Hilton blowing a kiss to the officers and saying, “We love the police.”

TMZ sent an email blast to the far corners of the American media, describing the video and noting, at message’s end, “There is no evidence on tape that the police ever conducted field sobriety tests on the driver.”

It was a splashy debut, bearing the hallmarks (video footage, celebrity shaming, prodding the Los Angeles Police Department) that would make TMZ famous — even if no one knew what TMZ meant. But it was a start.

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TMZ Beta

When the beta version of the site went up in mid-November 2005, its identity was still unclear, packed with a scattershot mix of softball gossip (“Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Officially Separating”), trade news from a full-time industry reporter (“Can ‘Potter’ Save Hollywood from the Poor House?”), and true pabulum (“Stars Share Their Favorite Thanksgiving Memories and Plans: They’re Famous and They’re Thankful”).

The aesthetics that would go on to define the site are visible even then, albeit in slightly altered form: At first, yellow was the contrast color of choice, and would gradually transition to red, white, and black. The scheme (like both The Smoking Gun and the Drudge Report) is the inverse of pastel-bathed Perez, D-Listed, and Just Jared, as well as the cover schemes of People and Us Weekly. From the start, TMZ was working to cater to a market that it’s cornered today: male consumers, many of whom wouldn’t even consider what they were reading “gossip.” Today, 42% of TMZ’s readership is male; compare that to usmagazine.com (15%) and people.com (11%).

In these ways, TMZ bore a resemblance to another ideologically disruptive publication: Confidential magazine, which, over the course of the 1950s, exploited and amplified the anxieties of an American society very much in transition. Confidential’s style not only affected the rest of the gossip industry, but also catalyzed a radical reconceptualization of stars and the industry that had, to that point, served as the primary source of the American fantasy world — a description that could readily be applied to TMZ as well.

Because of laws governing the sale of “obscenity” through the mail, you couldn’t get a subscription to Confidential — it was sold, along with the other lowbrow publications, at drug stores and cigarette stands. No reputable company would advertise in it. But by 1955, it broke the record for single-issue sales, selling 3.7 million copies of its January issue. Confidential succeeded because it offered something novel, dirty, and unspeakably sexy: the truth, or at least some rhapsodic version thereof.

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Or so it promised, right under its title: “Tells the Facts and Names the Names.” It told the fact of Liberace’s homosexuality and named the name “Frank Sinatra” as the man who ate a breakfast of Wheaties in order to maintain his virility. A magazine like Confidential might have thrived during any decade, but the cultural climate of the ‘50s fostered a stream of anxiety-producing issues, including the Red Scare, the Kinsey reports, and increasingly fraught race relations. Dozens of publications were reporting on those topics, but Confidential pressed each hot button vis-à-vis Hollywood stars, politicians, and socialites. And it was able to — at least in the case of the most prominent and visible subjects — because of a significant change in the way that Hollywood managed its stars and their behavior.

The intricate history of the studio system’s production of stars is filled with manipulation, cover-ups, excised histories, and a gossip press willing to overlook it all as it behooves its own interests. In the 1920s, a series of star-related scandals threatened to expose the industry to government-imposed censorship; to avoid that fate, the studios and the press that covered them agreed to a symbiotic relationship in which one would provide a constant stream of material about the stars and advertising dollars in exchange for the implicit understanding that the magazines would not print anything that contradicted the studio line of stars as moral exemplars. If and when the stars did misbehave, each studio employed “fixers” to cover up the evidence (which included bribing cops, paying off mistresses, and arranging for abortions).

This symbiosis between the film and gossip industries was only possible because of the monopolizing control of the major studios, each of which operated as its own factory, acquiring the “raw” star material, signing them to long-term contracts, and controlling every facet of the production and management of their images, from their names to their dating lives. When and if the star acted out of bounds, he or she was completely beholden to the studio’s means of covering it up.

What happened in the 1950s, then, and what Confidential was able to exploit, was a disintegration of that system. The government-issued Paramount Decrees of 1948 forced the studios to divest themselves of their theater chains, effectively cutting off one of the major sources of income at the same time that the suburbs and television dramatically decreased the movie-going audience. The studios began to downsize, severely cutting the number of stars on contract.

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Richard Harrison Jack Clarity/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images

Many quickly co-opted agents and press agents to perform the image and career maintenance previously performed by the studios, but the system of image management was in flux and primed for a magazine to come and exploit its vulnerability. Which is precisely what Confidential’s Editor-in-Chief Richard Harrison did, using call girls, bellhops, and a vast assortment of tipsters to obtain information, relying on signed affidavits, private investigators, and twisty, punning language to avoid charges of libel and obscenity.

Harrison used candid photos and amateurish decoupage tactics to suggest what couldn’t be said; he manipulated headlines and punctuation to achieve maximum titillation. The aesthetic was all primary colors — bold, in-your-face — the exact opposite of the genteel, appealing aesthetic of the fan magazines to which he offered such a clear alternative in style, tone, and purpose.

Confidential was effectively neutralized in 1957 after a series of (ultimately unsuccessful) libel trials that exhausted Harrison’s resources. But the damage was done: With the “truth” about the stars exposed, it was increasingly difficult for the fan magazines to continue to suggest them as paragons of morality. Thus: the “scandalization” of the traditional gossip press — evidenced in the increasing reliance on paparazzi photos — that echoed Confidential’s brash approach.

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Which is all to say that TMZ has precedent and, more important, its tactics are nothing new. They’re accelerated for the digital age, but they’re operating on the same principle and profiting off the same impulse to excavate down to the deepest, “truest” level of the popular figures that surround us.

Harrison and Levin both developed a publication around their personalities and attempted to imprint their sensibilities as broadly as possible. Both were incredibly savvy about the law and the way to wield it in their favor; both relied heavily on the seemingly human impulse to trade secrets for money; both understood that secrets about race and sexuality, especially female sexuality, are the most effective ways to draw an audience.

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And both, it seems, were not above leveraging the contents of their figurative vaults: Harrison had ample evidence of Hollywood heartthrob Rock Hudson’s homosexual activity and was primed to publish it — or, in the Confidential style, heavy insinuations thereof — but Hudson’s agent, Henry Willson, arranged a deal in which Hudson’s image would be salvaged in exchange for information about the illicit juvenile delinquent past of another of Wilson’s clients, Rory Calhoun.

From this vantage point, it seems like an unbalanced trade, but Harrison knew what else he’d purchased with the deal: continual leverage, not only with Hudson but any of Willson’s stable of young, virile, seemingly very hetero (yet often homosexual) stars. He didn’t want exclusives or interviews with those stars — that wasn’t Confidential’s game. He wanted tip-offs from them. A tit for a tat; a secret kept for a secret told. It was dubious moral algebra, but it was ruthlessly effective and presaged the way TMZ has maintained power.

It’s not that there’d be no TMZ without Confidential; rather, the landscape of contemporary publicity is a palimpsest of all the crises and cover-ups that have come before. After the tumult of the post-Confidential years, Hollywood responded with the sort of iron-tight, exacting image control typified by Pat Kingsley’s immaculate management of Tom Cruise’s career before he started jumping on Oprah’s couch. The stars were contained, they went wild, and then they were contained again — until, that is, the internet and digital technologies sprung leaks in the once air-tight system of image management.

All of which was beginning to percolate in 2005–2006, both on the various independent gossip blogs and the nascent form of TMZ, which was beginning, ever so gradually, to develop a voice. The key, however, wasn’t specific content, but tone and philosophy. It wasn’t what TMZ covered so much as what it didn’t cover: no weddings, no red carpets — nothing, in other words, that had been managed.

As Levin was fond of telling his staff, “We don’t do agenda” — and those who tried to do just that (cowing to a publicist, hobnobbing with a star) would be put on notice. According to a source, when TMZ ran a Beyoncé story and Mathew Knowles called to get it taken down, it blew him off. When Knowles then called AOL, it also blew him off. And unlike other gossip organizations, whose content was predicated on future access to Beyoncé, it could afford to do so. (According to multiple sources, the only coverage TMZ steered clear of was anyone, like Ellen DeGeneres, involved in Telepictures productions; other Time Warner properties were, however, fair game).

TMZ had the freedom of an independent operation, the savvy of decades of investigative reporting, the connections of more than 20 years in the Los Angeles court system, and the backing of a major conglomerate.

It was terrifying. The celebrities just didn’t know it yet.

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ROBYN BECK/AFP / Getty Images

Because this was all before July 28, 2006, when Mel Gibson was pulled over in the early morning hours for driving under the influence. As former staffers recalled, at 11 a.m., TMZ received a tip concerning the arrest. No specifics; just, there’s something there. The official police statement was that he had been arrested “without incident.” Yet as Levin and his staff, which had grown to nearly 20, began to pursue the story, there were conflicting reports, and whispers of an anti-Semitic rant.

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Gibson’s booking photo after being pulled over in the early morning hours for driving under the influence on July 28, 2006. Wireimage

The police insisted otherwise: As Levin told Broadcasting & Cable in 2012, the police told TMZ, “You will destroy your operation if you put that up on your website, because it’s false.” But the staff pushed and pushed, eventually confirming the existence of an arrest confirmation through a copy of the full police report. “We sold our souls to Warner’s legal to get it on the site,” recalls one staffer. By 9 p.m., the report, including vivid descriptions of Gibson’s belligerence, the use of the phrase “sugar tits,” and his claim that “the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” went live. (Four years later, RadarOnline ran damning audio of him seething about wanting “Jew blood on my hands” — essentially scooping TMZ on threats purportedly directed toward Levin and snuffing out a potential comeback.)

With the Hilton footage and Gibson arrest report as TMZ’s two most visible scoops, it’d be easy to assume that its primary objective was simply finding incriminating footage. But again, according to multiple sources, TMZ didn’t go after Gibson just because he drove drunk, or even necessarily because he was an anti-Semite. It was because the police attempted to cover it up. According to several of his staffers at the time, Levin was driven to tirelessly pursue these scoops by a desire to dismantle the unspoken but elaborate system that exempted the high-powered and beautiful of Hollywood from the rules to which the rest of the world were held. Levin had spent nearly 30 years observing the system — cops, judges, prosecutors, juries — allow the beautiful, wealthy, and powerful to misbehave, sometimes with total impunity. TMZ was his opportunity to right those wrongs.

It’s an admirable philosophy. And it does, in some ways more superficial than others, remain the guiding ethos of the TMZ operation today. But even constant digging doesn’t mean that you’ll find anything dirty — slightly dusty, maybe, but not the sort of pay dirt that revises the way society thinks about one of its idols. There were subsequent scoops, but the site had to run content all day, every day.

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TMZ.com

Over the course of the fall of 2006, reader preferences (measured via clicks) helped hone the pointy, aggressive tone that characterizes the site today. The more vanilla, People-esque coverage of celebrity goings-on began to disappear. In its place: exclamation marks, puns, and dirty jokes. If before, TMZ had adopted the flat, journalistic tone of The Smoking Gun, then, over the course of 2006, it adopted the tone of a tabloid — especially when covering its own exclusives. A sampling of headlines: From Oct. 3, “Screech Sex Tape Partners — Exposed!!!” From Nov. 9: “Borat Lawsuit — High Five!!!” From Dec. 19: “Brody’s Looking Grody!”

That voice coalesced via multiple channels. Some of it was Levin’s — as a former overseer at AOL explained, he might not have understood exactly how the internet worked, but he absolutely understood how to write a headline. Headlines began to feature more puns, exclamation marks, and innuendo; content became incrementally harsher, meaner, crueler.

This shift had easily anticipated effects: First, several of those brought in to launch the site began to find the requisite compromise of their integrity increasingly troublesome. For one former employee, the last straw was when Levin demanded that a headline refer to a celebrity’s sister, who had a history as a sex worker, as a “whore.” Others, unaccustomed to Levin’s management style (described by one former employee as one of “constant screaming”) wearied of his constant antagonism and bullying. As the site grew, so too did the imperative to produce original scoop ideas. June 2009 brought the site its biggest scoop yet, breaking the news of Michael Jackson’s death, much to the horror of traditional news outlets.

Even before the TV show made the TMZ “morning meeting” famous, the staff would circle around Levin, standing at a white board, and go around the circle with their pitch/tip/idea for a story. Every employee was responsible for one; if someone took your idea before you did, you were screwed; after enough screwups, you were done.

In the early years of the site, the work day was punishing — staff was expected to be up and at a computer for East Coast hours (6 a.m. PT) and work well into the night; 14-hour days were the norm. The windows in the Los Angeles office were blacked out — “like working in a submarine,” according to one staffer — and during winter, a TMZer could easily go the entire day without seeing the sun. Low-level staffers were compelled to constantly hunt for leads, no matter how small, only to give it over and have someone else pen the story, with your investigative work wholly elided, a simple “TMZ Staff” affixed to the post. It was a highly alienating form of journalistic labor, and the turnover rate was high: Even a quick search of LinkedIn shows dozens of employees who stayed with TMZ for under a year; one source explained that dozens more would come for a one-week tryout and flame out immediately.

But Levin could afford turnover. Those who survived, thrived. And “preditors” (the industry term for producer-editors responsible for finding content) were easy to find and cheap to replace: They didn’t need journalistic training, they just needed wherewithal, ambition, and the ability to not take no for an answer. When they burned out, Levin would force them to hand over their source information, sometimes hounding them for weeks until they did. It wasn’t that this sort of schedule or leadership was a novelty in Hollywood, or even in journalism. But the combination of intraoffice competition and the shift to tabloid-style content gradually began to affect the office atmosphere — especially for women.

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Chris Polk / FilmMagic

If the filler kept the site filled with content, then the “exclusives” were what made the name pop — and, month by month, offered more and more legitimation. Those scoops, however, required hard, tireless work: staking out courthouses, following up on every call on the tip line, keeping friendly with bellhops and cocktail waitresses and hairdressers, and maintaining a reputation as the place to send a tip anywhere outside of New York.

Some of the scoops just arrived: Mike Walters, who had been with the show from the start, loved Vegas and spent a lot of his free time there. According to one employee there at the time, it was through Vegas connections, specifically cocktail waitresses, that TMZ gained knowledge of Tiger Woods’ myriad affairs months before the car crash that catalyzed his image implosion. Tipsters could be inside the legal system, inside an airline, or inside the celebrity family (Jackson and Lohan in particular). Everyone was a potential source, ready to be groomed and, if necessary, paid.

“Checkbook journalism” — paying for scoops — is, at least according to traditional American journalism standards, unethical: The truth should never be paid to come forward. These critiques have been launched at tabloids for decades, but money remains the most reliable form of obtaining material about celebrities.

“I have no problem paying,” Levin told Broadcasting & Cable in 2013, “but we hardly do it at all. If someone calls and says, ‘I have gone through court files in a certain city and there’s a big lawsuit in which you’d be interested,’ I don’t mind paying them for their work. But we have to verify every story that we do.” But that defense, according to former employees, downplays just how willing TMZ is to throw money at promising documents. It’s a critique often leveraged by the media; Mediabistro has lambasted “the overall operation’s reliance on cash payments for big stories.”

In November 2006, for example, a source came forward with the recording of the Michael Richards racist comedy routine. The source wanted several thousand dollars for the tape, and TMZ would pay it, but the source wanted the cash immediately — as in before-the-banks-opened immediately. Levin couldn’t write a personal check and allow the money to be traced back to him, and he, like everyone else, had a limit on the amount of cash he could take out in a single day from the ATM. His solution, according to multiple staffers working for the site at the time: Call every TMZ staffer and force them to immediately take out their ATM max and bring it down to the TMZ offices. The staffers were reimbursed, but the story highlights just what lengths TMZ was willing to go to obtain — and pay — a source.

Indeed, several investigative reporters who cover the Los Angeles courthouse speculated that TMZ has dozens of government employees on its payroll. These claims lack substantiation, but several scoops — including access to the evidence photos of Rihanna’s beaten face or footage of rapper The Game in police holding, which one misguided staffer purportedly attempted to pay for with a Telepictures check — suggest that those within the system do regularly send tips to TMZ. Although Levin, for what it’s worth, has promised, “I won’t do stolen documents, I won’t do medical records.”

TMZ scoops linked to government employees, however, have led to multiple wide-scale internal investigations. In 2010, longtime Los Angeles County Superior Court spokesman Allan Parachini was very publicly fired amid rumors that he had been caught accepting regular bribes from TMZ that intensified when, in 2008, he hired former TMZer Vania Stuelp to serve as his deputy. Parachini contested his firing, but the optics, especially when Stuelp lost her job in a series of layoffs and returned to TMZ, were damningly suggestive, but never substantiated.

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Chris Polk / FilmMagic

Levin’s claims concerning the intensive vetting and verification of scoops are, by most accounts, true. TMZ, with the sizable and highly suable bank of Time Warner behind it, simply cannot afford to be wrong. Which is why TMZ relies so heavily on assets: tangible proof that something did happen, that someone did behave this way. It’s not libel, after all, if it’s true.

According to sources, TMZ writers go back and forth with in-house counsel several times a day, exchanging a word here, extracting another one there, in order for a headline or post to pass the standard for libel and defamation set forth by the landmark Supreme Court decision New York Times v. Sullivan. And it’s worked: At the time of this writing, TMZ has never been successfully sued for libel or defamation. (Which is not to say its reporting has been infallible: The site retracted a 2012 story about Janet Jackson slapping Paris Jackson and claimed that Lil Wayne was being read last rites after an overdose last year.)

The reluctance to sue, however, is also linked to “The Streisand Effect” — a term used to describe the way in which attempts to cover up a secret ultimately end up publicizing it even more. Put differently, going to the police to stop TMZ from using a video, photo, or other piece of information becomes tantamount to publicizing that activity.

According to this logic, a celebrity would rather be in thrall to TMZ than have certain revelations of their private lives made public — a notion substantiated by Justin Bieber’s racist video. A look at TMZ’s extensive Justin Bieber archive reveals that on Jan. 24, 2011, the site published a year-old video of Bieber, taken at the approximately the same time as the racist joke video, phoning his mom to plead for permission to buy a helicopter. From that point forward, TMZ specialized in Bieber-related “exclusives”: on Feb. 6, an image of his Super Bowl cameo; on Feb. 21, Bieber phones into TMZ to talk about his much-anticipated haircut; on Feb. 22, TMZ publishes the first photos, heavily watermarked with the TMZ logo, of Bieber post-haircut. On May 13, exclusive details of his collaboration with President Obama to make a 9/11 orphan’s “dreams come true.” On July 11, exclusive video of Bieber and girlfriend Selena Gomez kissing during karaoke; on July 18, exclusive footage of them crashing a wedding; on Aug. 24, exclusive details of the “most romantic date ever” — a private dinner for two at Staples Center.

The list of exclusives extends for pages, suggesting a close collaboration between TMZ and Bieber’s management. According to TMZ, it chose not to post the video because Bieber “was 15” and “immediately told his friends what he did was stupid.” The statement does mesh with TMZ’s self-regulatory practices; as Harvey Levin put it in 2008, “Everybody has standards. That’s something that really matters to us and we deal with that every day. We turn down a lot of stories.” Maybe so. But as the trail of Bieber exclusives suggests, it might also get something in return.

TMZ also exploits a mostly untapped resource: the massive stream of court documents processed through the Los Angeles Court System. If you go to the ninth floor of the Los Angeles courthouse and know where to look, you’ll find the door to the “press room,” dingy, with an overpowering smell of old flop sweat, and stuffed with dilapidated vinyl couches, cheap office furniture, and ancient computers.

There’s a line of computers with various “Reserved for” signs tacked above, a room for the Associated Press, and another for TMZ, where a group of staffers scan every docket that passes through the court system. It’s through these staffers’ endless labor that TMZ is able to beat the rest of the industry to report who’s filed a restraining order, a name change, for divorce, or a suit against a star. This information isn’t hidden, and it’s not exclusive to TMZ — but the willingness to bankroll that labor ensures the branding status of “first.”

Owning the source — either by paying for it in the form of tips or paying the videographer who catches it — also sets TMZ apart from its competitors. Instead of relying on paparazzi — whom TMZ would have to pay on a sliding scale contingent on the quality/value of the material — with little, if any, sense of site loyalty, they hired their own paparazzi, some more professional than others. What mattered in the rough-and-tumble game of mid-2000s paparazzi, however, wasn’t skill so much as tenacity, which is why one of Levin’s hires purportedly came from the parking lot of a gas station, where he was hocking CDs with such persistence that Levin knew he’d make a perfect TMZ pap.

These paparazzi aren’t investigative reporters. Their only goal: Get celebrities on tape however you can without chasing them or breaking the law. They specialize not in photographs but video, no matter how unremarkable. In the early days, they’d set up shop at the hot clubs of the time (Pure, LAX) and simply wait for drunk celebrities to come out and engage them — which is exactly how TMZ nabbed the incendiary footage of oil and entertainment heir Brandon Davis calling Lindsay Lohan a “fire crotch.”

Back at the TMZ offices, an editor would be waiting to assemble the night’s footage into a sort of “greatest hits,” which would go up on the website in time for the East Coast sunrise. The “fire crotch” video was an anomaly — most footage was simply of celebrities walking, maybe stumbling, verbally (and not very cleverly) sparring with the videographer — but back in the mid- and even late 2000s, this sort of unmediated footage was a novelty. Granted, many readers, especially those relying on AOL dial-up, couldn’t even load it. But its existence punctured the celebrity myth not through the scandal of their words or actions, but the very banality of their existence. It was a quietly radical idea: Celebrities weren’t “just like us,” in fact, they were more clumsy, less intelligent, more boring.

The reliance on video also facilitated the development of TMZ on TV. Like Telepictures sibling Extra, TMZ was developed for syndication and, through an agreement with the Fox network of affiliates, pre-sold in an unprecedented 80% of American stations. Its first episode aired in September 2007; by month’s end, it had become the highest-rated new show in syndication, with a 1.7 household rating, second only to Entertainment Tonight in its genre. Today, TMZ is still second to ET — and regularly battles for the second place spot with Inside Edition — but remains, according to Broadcasting & Cable, dominant in the all-important 18–34 demo.

And it does it on the cheap, with production values that The Atlantic’s James Parker called “low-res, viral, shit-textured.” Each episode is composed of two overarching elements: paparazzi footage, which could be shot, edited, and added to the show right up to the last minute using TMZ’s cutting edge “instant production” and the now much-emulated morning meeting, in which the ever-expanding TMZ staff, seated casually at their desks, spar with Levin concerning potential stories.

In these meetings, Levin functions as a sort of hapless, middle-aged father figure who might not understand things like Google Glass, but knows the business better than anyone. And he’s been smart enough to surround himself with people whose vitality match and complement his own: Co-producer Charles Latibeaudiere, who came over from years at Extra to co-produce the show, is the voice of reason; Mike Walters and Dax Holt are the benevolent big brothers; the rotating carousel of young staffers are the whippersnappers fighting each other to say something clever enough to make the final cut. Even the lawyers get in on the mix, discussing which stories can be covered, how, and with what language. It’s all performative, of course, but the unmediated “reality” aesthetics make it seem like a window onto the “real” world of gossip production.

The main show may be the means through which most of America is exposed to the TMZ brand, but the site remains the central node for all of the properties, from the TMZ-branded tours of New York and Los Angeles to brand offshoots TMZ Sports, Dax Chat, and TMZLive. The TMZ team was the first entity to successfully transfer web content to television, illustrating a cross-media savvy and dexterity that has earned unreserved admiration within the industry. As New York Times media critic David Carr put it, “TMZ is one of the best written, best cast shows on television. There. I said it.”

Accounts of Levin suggest that he’s driven far less by a desire for personal fame and much more by a generalized, all-encompassing hunger: to be the best, to dominate the industry, to prove his naysayers wrong. He’s a man of extremes (in the ‘90s, he was overweight; today, he’s incredibly fit, doesn’t drink, sleeps four hours a night, and looks younger than his 63 years). Former employees describe him as a “mad genius,” “all fast-twitch muscle,” and “like he’s taking the blue pills in Bourne Identity.” And it’s that metabolism and bottomless hunger that’s manifested in the site: When people call it all-consuming, they’re both referring to its domination of its corner of the gossip landscape and the way it dominates the lives of its employees, including Levin himself.

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Yet in the quest for domination, TMZ itself has become a source of gossip. Back in 2010, a blind item began circulating via Metafilter concerning an environment of pervasive sexual harassment at “a

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/annehelenpetersen/the-down-and-dirty-history-of-tmz

#confidential #gossip #Harvey Levin #justin bieber #mel gibson #national enquirer

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