#and he loves drama channels you don’t fool me baby

[thewinchestah]

ok but my mind keeps coming back to those 7 years. To me alastor was clearly topside being a menace to society on earth and there are a few thing that are living in my mind rent free now

1) how long took him to commit his first murder when he tuned in to modern radio stations (those who cut the song in the middle, have the tacky sound effects and go THE BEST RADIO SATION, THE ROCK STATION ETC)

2) his stance on podcasts. I know from his beef with vox that he knows what they are and thinks they are bootleg radio shows BUUUUUT

3) I’m sure he knows everything about what went down on the frenemies podcast and has insane beef with trisha paytas. Hell he might even caused the insane beef that killed the podcast!

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Previously On Supernatural Season 3, we had a really rock solid trio of episodes to kick us off right, so what does SPN do next? It’s gonna lay the groundwork for some spicy character development that may or may not pay off by the end of the season. Let's find out!

To be honest, I felt the next three episodes just sort of plateau? There’s enough nuggets in these three eps - “Sin City”, “Bedtime Stories”, and “Red Sky at Morning” - that it does feel like they’re setting up for something big but it’s taking too much time. If the season had been longer, I don’t know that I’d be complaining, because there’s SO much potential introduced with these character developments, but I know it’s gonna get cut off at the knees in the very near future. 2021 Me has been trained on what to expect from a short season, so half of my brain wants to give the show slack for Unexpected Circumstances, but the other half of my brain is shouting YOUR NOT DRIVING THE BUS FAST ENOUGH, YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE LINE IN TIME!!!

And that’s maybe unfair because there really are some great nuggets in here. We’ve got “Sin City”, which is Dean’s episode. I mean, they’re ALL Dean’s episode, but this one more so than the other two in this post. Dean gets trapped with a demon who turns out to be...kinda...nice? In kind of a Stockholm Syndromey way I guess? She let’s Dean in on the fate that awaits him when his year long contract is up and it is NOT great. This isn’t the first time we see that there’s more to the demons than SPN has shown us in the past (hello, Ruby), but it is the first time Dean chills out enough to actually have a conversation with one. Dean doesn’t really get it, like he’s still not interested in getting out of his deal, but the fear gets planted, it just needs some time to grow. Oh, also, the Colt Ex Machina is back in action, so that's important.

This dumb bitch thinks he can fool us with that devil-may-care side glance but he caaaan't

But then we get “Bedtime Stories”, the Sam episode, where Sam learns...to let go? That’s the point of this episode right? It’s about letting go of someone before that person becomes too toxic and dangerous? At least, that’s the lesson that Dean wants Sam to take away from this case. But Sam will NOT learn this lesson, so instead he tries to cancel Dean’s deal by killing the crossroads demon who wrote it. Spoiler Alert: it doesn't work.

And then we get “Red Sky At Morning”, which opens and closes with some heavy emotional baggage, but then is stuffed full of fun. Like, this episode ricochets wildly in terms of Feelings, but then that’s probably what we should expect from SPN. I mean, what show have I been watching for 3 seasons now?

Fun Facts guys: I’m a tired Millenial, and swapping DVD discs was too much work so I switched over to watching this season on Netflix and GUESS WHAT???? THESE EPISODES COME WITH A SUICIDE WARNING!?!?!

They're not wrong.

And like, if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about this season I don’t know WHAT will. Cuz Dean is absolutely suicidal and I am surprised (??) I guess (???) by how much the show acknowledges that. Or I guess, surprised by how much Netflix acknowledges that. It’s something that I did not...pick up on the first go around on season 3, possibly because I was 19 and I was an idiot and found this sort of emotional vulnerability to be endearing. Listen, I know there’s a lot to be said about the producers of the show making...umm…poor decisions in regards to character developments? But if the target demographic of this show was anything like me - and I suspect they were - then the viewers were also...probably...responding inappropriately to some of those character developments. And here’s the thing - I’m looking at this from 12 years in the future, with 12 years worth of real life drama that makes the heavy handed melodrama of television feel...well, heavy handed. Maybe irresponsible? Certainly a little uncomfortable. Big Me is having A Time confronting Little Me’s taste in TV Characters. It’s one thing to have a kink, Little Me, it’s another thing to romanticize suicidal depression.

And hey, I can’t deny that the character development for Dean makes sense. I actually appreciate that the show is thinking through the world and the relationship dynamics that they’ve built and the toll that these misadventures are having on their main characters. These episodes all get bookended by Impala Fights where Sam keeps pushing Dean to give a shit about his own life and Dean responds with an inability to care. That’s just where he is right now, and I get that. We’re early in the season still. But how will the rest of the season handle this? I honestly can’t remember but I also don’t want this to be a throw-away issue that they use to remind us that Dean’s supposed to die at the end of the season. I’m prob gonna come back to this throughout the season because I ~just~want~this~show~to be~repsonsiblllllleeeeeeeeeeee.

Lol, I know, that’s a lot to ask from the CW.

ON TO MORE FUN THINGS!!

Sam is gettin’ reeeeeallll bitchy in these episodes and #1, I love it, Bitchy Sam 5Ever, but also #2, was this supposed to be the sign that Sam was going darkside? Like, he’s snarky, he’s angry, he’s not pulling any punches and that could just be him reacting to his brother’s situation but it could also be….you know...him...becoming slightly...evil? For instance in “Sin City”, he kills the two demons who kidnapped Dean without even thinking. On the one hand, this is the Winchester MO, they kill demons, that’s their job, but on the other hand, Dean is actively telling Sam to stop. Same deal in “Bed Time Stories” - Sam kills the crossroads demon in cold blood (or maybe viscera). Again, we could blame this on instinct - the Winchesters were brought up to do exactly this - but 1) Dean keeps telling Sam not to and 2) that’s not Sam. This show spent 2 seasons telling us that Sam is the Good Brother, the White Hat, the Touchy-Feely One. This is not the Touchy Feely Sam who reasons with ghosts and falls in love with werewolves. Like, everyone else sees it too, right? Also, he is usually very nice to everyone but he is a REAL BITCH to Gertrude in “Red Sky at Morning.” Like, come on, Sam, she just wants to have a nice time. She is OLD. You really think she’s got what it takes to climb that tree?

Honestly, how tall are this lady's heels?

I know that there was a plan for Sam to start Turning in this season before the show’s episode order got slashed due to the Writer’s Strike. And man, I really would have liked to have seen this play out. Like, first season Sam is the Innocent, right? He’s our stand in for the viewer in those first few episodes and then he’s revealed to be kind of the only thing that went right in the lives of both John and Dean, so Baby Must Be Protected at All Costs. The fact that John ultimately lets Sam go off to college and doesn’t contact him for the next four years says to me that on some level, John felt the need to preserve that innocence, that kind of untouched quality Sam has. Dean is very similar - whenever Sam gets too into the job, Dean calls him out on it. So in the second season when we find out that Sam might be evil, it’s a real punch in the gut, for Dean most of all. But then the show admittedly got bored with that storyline and it didn’t really go anywhere. So whereas Dean has personality in SPADES that fluctuates and changes and develops/maybe just gets more intense as the show goes on, Sam remains that kind of blank slate that the viewer can put their face on. Except now we’re in season three, and if you’ve bought into this show, then you’ve bought into it, so the audience doesn’t need a Blank Slate Sam anymore. And if you start with Sam the Innocent and then introduce the idea of Dark!Sam and then just leave that concept hanging, then isn’t this sort of like Checkov’s Evil Sam? If you introduce Evil Sam in the first act you really ought to deliver on Evil Sam by act three, right? Wouldn’t that have been A+ and Wild? Wouldn’t that have made Sam’s arc and emotional struggles over the previous seasons have more weight?

Will this be resolved in later seasons? Maybe. I’m gonna be honest, this is the last season I watched all the way through and seasons 4 through...like, 8 were real touch and go for me. I know that Sam ultimately is revealed to be a vessel for??? The devil??? And Dean is ultimately revealed to be a vessel for??? Michael??? And then the two of them???? Fight to the death???? Point is, season 5 got weird guys and I’m not there yet.

Back to more fun things! You know what guys?? I think I ship Dean and Bela. I’m...almost ashamed to admit it? Like, I remember Little Me watching this season and just dumping on Bela, I HATED her, but this time? I am 1,000% On Board This Ship. Like, there is an alternate universe somewhere where these two got a spinoff show that ran for 6 seasons and I watched EVERY episode. And then, like, 5 years after it ended, they rebooted it with Dean and Bela’s grown up daughter as the lead and the whole OG cast makes cameos over the three seasons it stays on the air and it’s amazing. I’d own both shows on DVD.

What I like about Bela this time around (and again, I am WILDLY surprised about this development), is that she can dish it just as hard as the Winchesters can. Like, every line Dean throws at her she holds up a mirror to say, “Oh yes, I know the Kettle is black, but what color are you, Pot?” and I’m just continually thrilled. She is also just as damaged as Dean is but somehow channeling it into a healthier way? Like, she’s true Chaotic Neutral, which is not necessarily healthy, it’s just healthier than Dean. Or maybe it’s just that she’s better at managing it. In either case, they are HOT MESSES and I love it. I just love it. I know I complained about shoehorned romances but Ackles and Lauren Cohan just totally crush it in every scene and when Dean walks down the stairs all She’s All That in “Red Sky at Morning”, I yelled at the screen OMG just BONE already!!!!! And then like, 5 seconds later, Bela literally says “We should really have angry sex,” and it was probably the most vindicating moment I’ve had on this ride so far.

I just think they're neat!

WHY did we cancel her? WHY?? I don’t want to believe it was the Wincest again, so I’m gonna pretend that it wasn’t, but it was definitely fans. According to Kripke, Bela gets the axe at the end of this season because of the fan hatred of her. Now, I’ve already admitted that I personally held a grudge, but good Lord, what was wrong with us, as a Fandom? To be fair to me (and all of us), would we have felt differently if we had not been introduced to Jo a mere season earlier?? I'm gonna say yes. Although I had misgivings about Jo the first episode we meet her, by the end of season 2 I was certainly on her side. Working through season 3, I am remembering that, when we were introduced to Bela, I was immediately FURIOUS because WTF, WHERE’S JO? SPN just introduced to her. They just settled on a love interest for Dean and the writer’s just got me on board with that. Now they’ve completely done away with both that character AND that dynamic and you want me to get on board this NEW thing? And be excited about it??? So I'm gonna blame the love-interest-whiplash, combined with the fact that Little Me related my own personal self more to Jo than to Bela, that made me hate Bela in the first place. When you look at how quickly the show abandoned one character to introduce another character, it makes sense why fans got mad, but I’m also mad that we continued to hate Bela when she turned out to be such an A+ Frenemy. It makes me want to shout at the writers through the time void COMMIT TO A FEMALE CHARACTER YOU JAGWEEDS.

What’s wild watching this show now is just how Male it was, especially considering its audience was already skewed heavily female by this point in the series. If you made this show today, I don’t know that you could do that. Today, there’s a real push for balanced, diverse casts in programming, especially in sci-fi/fantasy and young adult. I think if SPN had started in 2021, they would have introduced the Harvell’s or Bela up in season 1, and that introduction would have been much more intentional. The benefit of having a shorter episode count as the standard is that there’s less of the “throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks” approach. Looking at it from 2021, reading snippets of interviews from Kripke, that’s definitely what they’re doing with the side characters in these seasons and you can feel that in Jo and Bela. A shorter season means that the storytelling has to be tighter, it can’t wander, so every decision has to be a load-bearing decision. On the other hand, one of the down sides of having a shorter episode count is the exact same thing - less room to throw stuff, less room to experiment. Heck, Bobby was technically a character they threw at the wall and he didn’t just stick, he became a tentpole character of the series. The only side character that actually made it into the series finale even!

So how much room should we be giving our television programs? I think it depends on the show, honestly. I think you have to decide up front if you want space to experiment, or if you have one, tight, compact story line that’s gonna drive viewers from episode 1 right through the finale without giving them the chance to catch their breath. You have to make the decision, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop making one style of show in favor of the other. Just because we’re in the Age of Streaming doesn’t mean there isn’t room enough for both.

[artificialqueens]

Beyond My Wildest Dreams Ch. 4 (Nina West/OC) - multifandomgeek

Nina is known for being kind. The Miss Congeniality of all Miss Congenialities, people have been saying. Not that she would ever acknowledge that and discredit the title of the queens that came before her and are just as amazing and kind and important as her, if not more. But she loves it, and sometimes has to check in to make sure she’s not getting a little cocky about it.

Of course, she can be shady too, if she’s not too worried about the public eye. Especially a few drinks in and with a couple of minutes to think about it. She can also be mean and resentful when she’s hurt like any other human being on this planet. But that’s part of her as a person, not her as a brand, and people don’t see it that often. Which is good, if a little scary. After all, even if she’s loud and clear about not being perfect, sometimes it seems like people see her that way, and that’s just too much pressure to keep up with.

But that’s a thought for another day. Today, as she pretends not to see Vanjie and Brooke with their heads together whispering in the corner of their shared dressing room, Nina tucks a triumphant smile on the corner of her mouth and doesn’t think about being kind at all.

She’s playing with them, pretending to have a secret that’s not really a secret so much as something she wants to shout from the rooftops. She’s acting that way to have a bargaining chip. Maybe that’s not the best way to treat your friends but she couldn’t help herself, but it’s way too much fun.

The bargaining thing came as an idea to have both Brooke and Vanjie’s collaboration on the Big Project (that still doesn’t have a name). Kevin had mentioned how much buzz it would generate if they could have them together, not only at the same time but at the same place. He had said it as a passing thought, but Nina was well aware of the power of the thirsty fans and her gears were already working on making that happen.

Of course, making money while playing with your friends’ feelings was more than morally questionable, but it was for charity. Besides, she had a feeling they were still fucking on the side, maybe when the alcohol was running high or maybe even when they were both dead sober, and she wanted in on that secret. So it was a matter of hitting two birds with one stone. Two lovesick birds, to be precise.

In any case, the project wouldn’t be happening for a while, at least by the end of the year. She didn’t really know exactly, Kevin had the schedule. Nina was sure Brooke and Vanjie could sort their shit until there, or at least brace themselves to have a friendly interaction about their past relationship by then. In any case, having that exclusive content could be the key to a huge bump on Nina’s audience, and even if Brooke and Vanjie months from now would be fine with that, she needed Brooke and Vanjie from right now to sign the deal.

Honestly, though, she didn’t think it would be that easy to play with them. She didn’t even have a plan, just the fact she was acting a little more cheerfully than usual and maybe got away to call Kevin so nobody would pry on their conversation earlier in the evening already had Brooke all curious and frustrated that Nina wouldn’t say anything. Next thing she knew, she was conspiring with Vanjie about it.

Nina liked seeing them liked this. Fucking or not, the relationship they had now was way better than the official one they had before. They were too intense back then, now they were lighter and laughed more. It was refreshing.

After they all performed and de-dragged, they found themselves waiting outside of the club for a van to take them to their hotel. They were a big group, with assistants, local queens, staff, and friends waiting with them to catch a ride too or just to milk their time with the Ru girls until the very last minute. Vanessa was chatting with a group of people, her voice always the loudest. Brooke was having a cigarette and listening to another queen.

Nina had been talking with everybody, but she decided to pull a little stunt. Vanjie would catch an early flight she didn’t know when she would have the chance to talk to both of them again. She excused herself pointing to her phone and took a few steps outside of the group. She called Kevin but acted like she was answering a call, making sure to be right at the line of sight from both Brooke and Vanjie.

“Hey, baby, are you done with work?” asked Kevin in a sleepy voice. They had been officially dating a little over a month, and the pet names still got to Nina every time.

“Yeah, did I wake you?” she said, keeping her voice down but not hiding the foolish expressions that must be coming to her face.

“No, not at all,” lied Kevin, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” said Nina sighing. “Listen, if I start to sound crazy all of a sudden it’s because I’m trying to fool Brooke,” she said hurriedly. She noticed on the corner of her eye that Brooke perked her neck at her and was making her way to Vanjie. Nina kept talking, not reacting.

Kevin chuckled on the phone. “I love this mysterious boyfriend schtick, it’s so Disney Channel.”

“Very on brand for me,” said Nina, chuckling too. She noticed two people coming closer to her and schooled her posture not to change. “I can’t though, I don’t want them to know,” she said seriously to the phone, despite Kevin’s laughter on the other side. She paused for effect. “I know, I’m sorry, but I think it’s too much for them right now,” she continued in an apologetical tone, “they pretend to be fine but they’re really sensitive people! I don’t wanna hurt them!” She turned as she talked so she would have her back turned at the two queens, who were now so close Nina was sure they could hear her even if she whispered. She sighed dramatically. “I won’t, I’m sorry but I won’t, not until they prove to me that they’re fine. Besides, if they’re keeping secrets from me why can’t I keep secrets from them?” she finished with a little bit more truth than she meant.

“Ooh, I think you forgot you were pretending, there,” said Kevin, still laughing.

“Shut up,” said Nina, not able to contain a chuckle herself. “Anyway, I-” She turned then, jumping slightly at seeing Brooke and Vanjie behind her, keeping up with the act. “I’ll talk to you later,” she said to the phone.

“Ok, bye,” said Kevin, knowing what it probably meant and disconnecting.

“Hey guys,” said Nina with an adorable smile. She was having so much fun. “Why are you creeping up on me?”

“Why are you sneaking around and keeping secrets is what’s really the question,” said Brooke, crossing her arms and squinting.

“It doesn’t seem like much of a secret to me,” said Vanjie. She clearly wasn’t taking it so seriously, probably treating it like a game, something fun to pass the time with friends rather than a mystery or a friendship-issue like Brooke. “Nina has a boyfriend,” she said matter-of-factly, putting a hand on her hip.

“Why don’t you just say so, then?” asked Brooke, turning to Vanessa.

“Didn’t you hear her? She thinks we can’t handle it because of our own drama with each other,” said Vanjie.

“That’s stupid,” dismissed Brooke.

“What did you just call me?” said Vanjie.

“What? No! I-” Brooke fumbled to apologized.

“I’m just playing with you,” said Vanessa, immediately smiling wide and giving the blonde a playful push. Brooke rolled her eyes and smiled too.

Nina was just watching them like a tennis match. She had to make a move, though, or it would all be in vain. “I’ll tell you if you promise to be part of a project I’m putting together,” she challenged.

“Deal,” said Brooke immediately.

“Ah, ah, it has to be the two of you, together,” said Nina, pointing at them.

Vanjie looked at her suspiciously. “Why do you have to trick us into it?” she said, now with both hands on her hips, “is it porn?” she asked with a gasp.

“What?” Nina yelled, laughing loudly. “Who do you think I am?”

“Well is it?” asked Brooke.

“No! Jesus! It’s just a regular livestream, a youtube livestream! I’ll explain it to you better, but it’s a huge project we’re putting together for charity. It would be an hour-ish live with fans making questions and stuff, you can do whatever you want, do each other’s make-up, something like that. But if we can have you two in the same room, we all know the audience would be crazy.”

“How do you make money from that?” asked Brooke.

“It’s gonna be an event, you would be promoting some exclusive merch we’ll be selling, and also there would be a few things you would use just so we could sell later, like shirts, props, stuff like that. We’ll sell the live itself too, the video file in HD,” Nina was trying to checklist all the things that went into it as she talked. “Also, there’s gonna be a place for donations and the super chats, where people pay to have their questions more visible so they make sure you answer them. You can also sign things or make things if you want, like painting or customize stuff, that’s up to you, whatever it is it becomes a collectible and people want to buy it. I don’t know if I’m forgetting something, I can send you an email with the details, but that’s basically it.”

“What if they ask us to do something we don’t want to?” said Vanjie.

“You don’t. It’s just a live, not slavery,” responded Nina.

“It doesn’t sound that bad,” said Vanjie, considering, “I mean, we could probably just stand there and talk about tacos and people would already be going nuts, the crazy motherfuckers. We’re in!” She declared with finality.

“What, I don’t get an opinion?” said Brooke.

“You already agreed before she even told you what it was,” said Vanessa laughing.

“I was going to agree too, just to be clear,” said Brooke, “You didn’t have to play games to get us into it, Nina.”

“Thanks, guys!” said Nina, hugging them. “I know I didn’t, but it was so funny!” she said, apologetically, earning a eye-roll from Brooke and a scream from Vanessa.

“Well, what is it then, spill it,” said Brooke, excited.

“Yeah, what’s the T, mama?” said Vanjie.

“I have a boyfriend,” said Nina, shrugging and giggling. Vanessa threw her arms into the air and walked around, making the two of them burst into laughter.

“Call me Vanessa motherfucking Holmes!” she shouted.

“Who is it?” asked Brooke, but Nina didn’t have time to tell, they were called to head inside the Van. She ended up talking about Kevin already in Vanjie’s hotel room while she packed for her early flight. Brooke was surprised to learn that it was the same guy they had talked about months ago, while Vanessa said she already suspected so. The ended up waking Kevin up again so the two of them could harass him through facetime.

Nina was so happy she didn’t even remember she wanted to ask about the status of Brooke and Vanjie’s relationship. She supposed it didn’t really matter, after all. She really felt like they were happy, and maybe it wouldn’t be very congenial of her to be another person probing them about it, they certainly had enough of those. She wanted them together for the project because it would be better for the project, it was a capitalist’s decision.

As a friend, she wanted them to be okay, to be successful, to be happy, to be whatever they wanted to be, individually and separately first and foremost. She couldn’t help but root for their love when she saw them interacting, but that could remain safely hidden inside her head. She had her own love story now, anyway. Her own little compilation of moments and kisses and smiles to go through and think about in her free time.

Now that pride was over, work should get little less intense, and her days at home a little more frequent. She was looking forward to that, for more than one reason, but for one more than the others. A nice and steamy green-eyed reason.

Andrew: Jamie says I’ll be in Columbus next Monday!

Kevin: Don’t tell anyone but I have your schedule printed on my fridge <3

The three little words Nina felt like saying next would have to wait to be said in person.

Tags

nina west, oc, fluff, branjie on the background, beyond my wildest dreams, multifandomgeek

[sodamnprctty]

look how far we’ve come, my baby

rating: g

tags: fluff, introspection, reminiscing 

words: 2.2k

summary: after the ii show in la, dan and phil have a little heart to heart over pizza

read on ao3

Fans scream with surprise as red and white confetti explodes from cannons at either end of the expansive stage. Phil shoots a giddy, knowing look down at Dan from atop the piano as they harmonize the end of their catchy closing song.

They each give a small bow when the song finishes for the second time that night. They run to the very front of the stage to wave frantically at their audience, shouting thank you for coming’s and we love you’s all the way to the fans in the very back of the crowd.

Passing Dan on his way to bid farewell to fans he had yet to thank, Phil catches a glimpse of Dan’s infectious grin and the slight gloss that covers his brown eyes. He feels a tightness in his chest that he knows he’ll have to contain until they are back in their hotel room. Pride.

They run back towards the white grand piano, still waving as the platform pulls them away from their endlessly adoring audience. As the screen lowers to conceal them from view, Phil lets out a breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding and Dan takes his hand in response.

Phil’s eyes trail from the familiar, sweaty hand gripping his up to meet his boyfriend’s face, which is still turned towards the theater. Dan’s eyes are shining like Phil had only seen a handful of times before and he looks the slightest bit stunned. It’s an expression that signals to Phil that Dan is genuinely proud of himself, astonished at the life he has created.

Phil stares for a while before bringing Dan’s hand up to his mouth and placing a gentle kiss on the soft skin covering the back of it. Dan breathes a shaky breath in and brings his face into Phil’s full view. His face is wet with sweat and tears and his wide smile reveals crinkles in his eyes and dimples in his cheeks. His eyelashes look even longer and darker than usual thanks to the water in his eyes and Phil thinks it might be the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

_____

Dan places the key card into the lock and pushes the door open with his left hand, his right occupied with holding Phil’s. They are greeted by the recognizable smell of a fresh hotel room as they drop their luggage near the foot of their beds.

“I’m gonna hop in the shower,” Dan alerts his boyfriend, “D’you wanna call for pizza?”

Phil nods happily. “What kind?”

“Whatever you want,” Dan raises an eyebrow, “as long as you get all the dips.”

Phil grasps at his chest in mock offense. “I’m hurt you would think I could possibly forget!”

“You are such a drama queen,” Dan fonds, leaning into Phil clumsily for a kiss. He feels his boyfriend’s smile against his own and hopes this warm fluttery feeling in his chest lasts forever.

Dan sighs when he enters the bathroom. The sweet surreal feeling of a night that is sure to be retold for years to come lingers in their hotel room. Cliche as it is, Dan feels like he’s living in a dream. His heart is full and his smile everlasting, knowing every move he has made and is yet to make tonight will remain a permanent memory for him and so many others.

Dan lets the steaming water run down his face and hold his curls to his forehead. He hadn’t felt this way after the big Hollywood show during their first tour, and he can’t quite place what’s changed.

Perhaps it’s the heightened honesty of this show. It being different every night makes him feel even closer to his and Phil’s viewers, with whom he had never connected in this way before.

Perhaps it’s the thinner veil he and Phil have placed over their relationship over the past few years. The shameless flirty banter littering nearly every upload, the little fond affirmations they were no longer compelled to edit out. The feeling that the fans had caught on, and the fact that he felt perfectly okay with them knowing. More than okay. Comfortable, even. It felt infinitely more comfortable than just five years ago, and that made him so damn proud. Proud of himself, and proud of Phil.

Phil. It always comes back around to Phil. Dan often wonders what his life would be like if he hadn’t relentlessly tweeted at his favorite youtuber all those years ago, before “youtuber” was even a word. He wonders if he would have finished school, if he would have been stuck at a job he hated. If he would have ever fallen in love with anyone else.

He couldn’t imagine sharing this life with anyone but Phil. Mainly because this life is entirely due to Phil. Phil, who encouraged him to start his Youtube channel in the first place. Phil, who reassured him his videos were good enough, that he was good enough. Who always reminded him how much he meant to him. Phil, who gave Dan the foundation he needed to finally learn how to love himself.

_____

“Thank you,” Phil shoots a grin at the courier as he scoops the towering stack of food into his arms.

Phil sets the boxes on the tiny hotel desk before meeting Dan on the bed. There’s a fresh bed right beside him, but tonight is too damn special for them not to cram their long bodies and copious amount of food onto one mattress. There is no way Phil is putting any distance between himself and Dan tonight.

Phil sinks into the plush of the duvet and brings his pyjama-clad legs under him to match Dan’s position.

“Before we eat, there’s something I want to tell you,” Phil exhales, sounding slightly more formal than he had intended.

Dan visibly sits up a little straighter. “Okay…” his voice wavers worriedly.

“Don’t be worried,” He places a hand on Dan’s knee, giving him a reassuring smile. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m super super proud of you.”

Dan rolls his head back in relief, the dimple in his cheek revealing itself to Phil. “I know that, you idiot.”

“No, Dan, like… like sincerely. Doing the show with you tonight made me think about how much we’ve grown and … and how now is so different from when we could hardly even do a YouNow together without feeling…” Phil had way too many emotions about this night to form them neatly into words.  “... I dunno…”

He lets out a nervous, breathy laugh and scrubs his hand down his face. Why is it that, after almost nine years together, he still manages to make a bumbling fool of himself?

“Scared?” Dan finishes, looking down at his own hands. The dimple in his cheek had become deeper and his voice cracks like he might cry.

Phil feels his pulse quicken. He really hopes this is a happy cry. He grabs Dan’s hand and runs his thumb over the smooth skin there.

“Dan?”

“How do you do that, Lester?” a light, high pitched laugh escapes Dan’s lips. “How do you always know exactly what I’m thinking?”

“What d’you mean?”

Dan is still looking down at his hand, now being caressed by Phil’s. The corners of his lips lift the tiniest bit. “I was thinking about it when I was in the shower, like, how much everything’s changed and how far we’ve come and all. It’s like everything we’ve always wanted is coming true and it makes me so so happy, and… proud.”

Phil’s heart does that flippy-over thing it does when Dan gets sentimental. Or when Dan does just about anything.

Phil brings his free hand up to his boyfriend’s cheek, “I actually wanted to thank you for that. For getting us to this point where it just feels… good. Comfortable.”

The way Dan nudges into his palm sends the familiar feeling of fuzzy fondness into his chest and stomach. Butterflies.

“Thank me ? You’re absolutely ridiculous. This was definitely all your fault”

Dan laughs that breathy laugh again, and lifts those pretty brown eyes to look into Phil’s. He can hardly take it. How does this man get more gorgeous every minute?

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Dan,” Phil insists, taking a more serious tone and dropping his hand from Dan’s face.

“I mean, you’re the one who finally convinced me to do this,” Phil gestured up to his hair, “You’re the one who made me feel confident enough to start being more myself, you know? You said I didn’t have to be, like, AmazingPhil all the time, and now look where we are. You wanted to be more open with our audience and you…”

Phil braced himself for the utterly mushy thing he was about to say, “You made me feel brave enough to follow you.”

He wipes at the newly-fallen moisture under Dan’s eyes. They were going to a really lovey-dovey place tonight, and Phil liked that. It felt right.

“This is so stupid,” Dan wipes his hands over his face and rubs them dry on his pyjama bottoms. “I was gonna thank you for everything but I didn’t wanna be too cheesy.”

Phil laughs. “You think that wasn’t cheesy? You must have a really high bar set for cheesiness, Howell.”

Dan giggles at his attempt to lighten the mood.

“Y’know…” Phil starts, “you could still do that.” He pokes Dan’s side with his elbow playfully. “Like, thank me for everything or profess your undying love to me or whatever.”

Dan shakes his head and chuckles. “Later, the pizza’s getting cold.” He shoots a cheeky look at his boyfriend, “Priorities, Phil.”

_____

They rearrange the food boxes on the bed for a proper Insta story post. They had to commemorate this night, they knew the fans would be expecting some sort of celebration on a night like this.

Phil pulls his phone from his pocket to record the story, fixing his hair and straightening out his glasses before hitting record.

“We are celebrating finishing the LA show-” he starts, expecting Dan to complete his thought.

He does so cheerfully, “the only way we know how!”

Phil flips the camera to show the food they ordered what feels to be years ago, way too much for two people.

“Yaaas” he hums as he pans the camera to display the two pizzas, two boxes of sides, and, of course, Dan’s dips.

“Yaaaaaaassss” Dan repeats after him in a goofy high-pitched voice. Phil can’t help but giggle as his heart fills with warmth.

Phil leans to the side to place his phone face down on the side table, the rest of the night is just for them.

_____

“So…” Phil voices through a mouthful of pizza before swallowing, “Your little speech.”

“Oh! Right” Dan straightens his spine and clears his throat. He puts on a dramatic voice, “Sir Philip Lester, to whom I owe-���

“Daaan” Phil groans.

Dan giggles, wiping his hands with a napkin. “Fine, fine. I was thinking about what my life would be like if I had never met you, I mean, yeah, you’re the one who got me to start Youtube in the first place, but even more than that… If not for you supporting me through, like, everything ,” he draws out the word for emphasis, “I wouldn’t be the person I am now, and I doubt I’d even like myself if it hadn’t been for you liking me first.”

“There you go again, not taking credit! You’re the only person who could make you love yourself Dan, not me.” Phil refutes reassuringly.

“It isn’t about taking credit!” Dan blurts.

Phil’s eyes widen in surprise at his shift in tone.

“Sorry,” Dan softens, “what I mean is… I guess it’s both of us. Dan-and-Phil, y’know? We’re only in the place we are now, touring the world being the fullest versions of us we’ve ever been because we’re Dan-and-Phil… Does that make sense?”

Phil reaches out for his boyfriend’s hand, careful not to spill the dips they have precariously sat on the duvet. “Of course it does. Like, everyone came tonight to see us, together . They say it all the time don’t they? We complete each other, Dan. Two halves of a whole idiot.”

Dan giggles and pushes Phil’s knee away from him. “Hey, this whole idiot made a pretty amazing life for ourselves though, haven’t we?”

“I’d say so,” Phil sighs, allowing himself to get lost in those big brown eyes he loves so much.

They’re deep like chocolate, and they always just look so kind. So warm and inviting. Phil follows the light splattering of freckles along his cheeks down the bridge of his nose to see those soft pink lips turned upwards into a fond smile. He could melt.

“Booo,” Dan drones, snapping Phil out of his trance.

“Booo,” Phil nods in agreement.

Together they clear the mostly-empty boxes of food off of the bed, ultimately deciding to sleep in the cleaner bed tonight for lack of crumbs and greasy residue. They climb into bed, Dan tucking himself snugly under Phil’s arm and nuzzling into his chest. Phil places a kiss into Dan’s soft curls. Bellies full, they drift to sleep ready to take on the world the way they do best: together .

[felicityb-reviews]

Experimental SHINee - Feature Spotlight

Hello babies, and welcome to the next Feature Spotlight in the SHINee Spotlight series!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and today we're gonna be taking a slow drive through SHINee's more experimental era. This era in SHINee's career actually features my first SHINee comeback (Dream Girl, dahlings), so I am The Most Excited™ for this FSL!! It feels like Dream Girl dropped ten years ago, rather than just five, but I guess that's what K-Pop does to you.

And in case anyone is wondering why I'm going in reverse chronological order, it's because 1of1 and Misconceptions of Me are my favorite SHINee albums.

Era Spotlight

So, I cheated. I really should have featured from DxDxD in this list instead of ones from FIVE, but I don't really like DxDxD!?!??! It's literally my least favorite SHINee album, sis. FIVE, to be frank with you all, fit more in line with the '90s 5HINee era, but it also fits in this experimental era pretty well.

The name of the game here is experimental, folks. SHINee must have gotten a little bored after they decided to go RnB again after LUCIFER. The bulk of the songs on this list were released in 2013, a year that SHINee really pushed the boundaries of who they were as a group, and I almost kind of miss it. Granted, I loved the maturity in sound they came back with on Odd and 1of1 (the former more than the latter, tbh), but this experimental phase was just a fun time to be a SHINee fan. This list includes songs from both Misconceptions albums, the Everybody mini album, and the previously mentioned Japanese album FIVE.

Spoiler (Misconceptions of You ~Dream Girl~)

Gurl... SHINee was not fuckin' around with us with Spoiler.

Spoiler is a song that Jonghyun wrote incorporating all the song titles from the Misconceptions series in the lyrics. And sis, I was like, "This is cute, or whatevahs!!" when he spoiled the tracklisting for Misconceptions of You, but when Misconceptions of Me dropped and we found out he spoiled that too?!?!?! My wig wasn't just lopsided, she was free floating in space.

SHINee really fucking Did That™ with Spoiler, sis.

Spoiler sounds like someone took Sherlock, and turned her into a vampire. Spoiler is Sherlock's darker and more seductive older sister. It's kind of interesting how they kicked off the Misconceptions series with Spoiler, a song that starts out like their previous title track, but with a dark twist. It's almost like they were making a statement, sis. This SHINee is New and Improved™ SHINee. This SHINee is Upgraded™ SHINee. SHINee 2.0, if you will. We snatched you with RnB/Funk, we snatched you with EDM, and now we're gonna snatch you with both. Enjoy!!

Symptoms (Everybody)

I imagine sex feels like what listening to this song feels like.

Symptoms is an eletro-RnB song that sounds like it was snatched right from the Billboard Top 40. Which doesn't surprise me, because it was produced by the Underdogs (who also produced EXO's Overdose, another song that's dripping in that Top 40 sound from the time). Symptoms is a song that starts out loud and proud; it gives you Drama™, and it gives zero fucks about it. She looks at you without a care in the world and says, "My name is Symptoms, what did you expect!?!?! A cutesy pop track?!?!?! Boi, if you don't get!!"

And mind you, that's what I love about ha.

I fucking love a SHINee song that gives us all the bells and whistles, because they really don't have to. Look at Odd Eye - she's as stripped back as it gets for RnB midtempos, but SHINee still Shine Bright Like A Diamond!! But here's the thing - these dramatic ass niggas love songs like these. You can't tell me these SHINee boys don't love a beat with all the bells and whistles; the way they always come correct on songs like these says it all.

Become Undone (FIVE)

Speaking of songs that lack bells and whistles, Become Undone is not one of them. You'd have to be a Fool™ to think a song titled Become Undone on a Japanese record could be a toned down track.

These types of songs are usually the most dramatic.

Become Undone is an angsty song. She's a song I can see playing during a scene where an anime protagonist has to make an extremely hard decision. Like, intentionally stepping into a trap to save your friends, or deciding between saving your loved ones or the world (don't look at me like that, you guys have seen Sailor Moon).

The main star of the show here is the chorus. That's true of most pop songs, but especially so for Become Undone. She features The SHINee Specialty™ (their ridiculous ability to blend their harmonies together like fuckin' buttah), the trap beats presented in the verse kicked up 10,000 for Maximum Drama™, and orchestral stabs that tie everything together. Become Undone has one of the most emotionally satisfying choruses I've heard in a pop song. Sis, I'm literally the INTENSIFIES meme listening to this song, it's just so good.

I'm really glad that groups like SHINee have had the pleasure of working with a Japanese team to release music in Japan, because it allows them to play with their sound in a way that they can't in Korea. And that's not to say that SHINee haven't played with their sound in Korea (this FSL is literally on the era they experimented with their sound the most), but there's certain sounds and textures that are specifically J-Pop in feel, and it's really cool to see a group like SHINee tap into that.

Orgel (Misconceptions of Me ~Why So Serious~)

Okay sis, now we're actually bringing it down a notch. Not for long, but I figured y'all could use a break, even if it's short lived.

Orgel is a song that's quite similar to Odd Eye in the fact that it's SHINee driving the song with their vocal performance, and the beat is going along for the ride. Orgel also features a melody that sounds like a something you'd hear in a music box, and while that motif is quite overused in pop music, it doesn't make Orgel feel played out. It's just a really pretty song from five really pretty boys.

Orgel is a really neat song, because even though SHINee are driving the song with their voice, they're really not doing a whole lot on the beat. Their vocal performance on Orgel is subtle in the same way the beat is (or rather, as subtle as these boys get), but they still stand out. It's an interesting experience, sis.

Queen of New York (Everybody)

Now this is A Song™, sis.

Queen of New York feels very lounge cafe, sis; she's very "let me sip my expensive coffee drink while I read the latest copy of Cosmo or OK! Magazine". Queen of New York is also very much something the drag queens are voguing to at the local gay club. Miss Queen of New York is a woman of many moods, okay?!?!?!

Queen of New York was a very fun surprise, because I don't think anyone was expecting a song quite like this on the Everbody mini album. She's very edgy, but in a way that you don't expect songs described as "edgy" to sound. Queen of New York has a very polished feel to her, but there's a dirtiness to her that you can't tame. She's a proper Upper Middle Side woman, but she's not afraid to take a walk on the wild side. She's not afraid to show you how to get down, and I just love that so much.

One Minute Back (Everybody)

This is also A Song™, babes.

One Minute Back is grungy, sis. She's not a proper Upper Middle Side woman, she's a punk rock/biker girl with a flair for the dramatic. Ain't nothin' polished here, ladies!! Well, SHINee's vocals are pretty polished, but that's a given. I've never heard a SHINee song where the vocals weren't produced to a T.

But despite that, Ms One Minute Back and Ms Queen of New York are happily married!!

One Minute Back, like Queen of New York, was a song I was pleasantly surprised to hear on Everybody. One Minute back has such grungy verses, but then the chorus and the bridge are so Funky and so SHINee. BUT THE TWO DIFFERENT VIBES BLEND TOGETHER LIKE IT'S NOTHING!! It's such an aurally pleasing experience, you guys!! The reason I compared One Minute Back to Queen of New Year is that they're both marry these two moods to amazing results. I mean, Queen of New York doesn't fully commit to the grunginess, but there's enough of it lying below the surface that it's worth mentioning.

ABOAB (FIVE)

Ms ABOAB is a Bad Bitch™. She's a Boss Bitch™. She has no time for your games, boo. Ms ABOAB is a brazen ElectroFunk number that makes no apologizes.

If SHINee wanted to make a record like Everybody for the Japanese market, ABOAB would have been the title track/lead single. Miss ABOAB is spicy. She's seductive. Miss ABOAB is full on club bounce, and I McFucking L O V E when SHINee do those kinds of songs. There's just something so sexy about them working that club vibe, sis. I lowkey wasn't ready for ABOAB, but she really didn't care. She mesmerizes with the way she flits between emphasizing her Funk and Electro elements.

And that damn drop with the horn line... BITCH!! My wig has been compromised.

Runaway (Misconceptions of You ~Dream Girl~)

Runaway is another ElectroFunk track, but brighter and poppier in a way that contrasts ABOAB quite nicely. It's no less fun and club ready, tho.

Runaway is mainly driven by a punchy synth stab and SHINee's very fun usage of their vocal harmonies. While Miss ABOAB would whip ha weave in ya face if you ever tried to talk to her, Miss Runaway would make silly faces at you and coax you into doing silly dances. I, always and forever, wanna see SHINee in concert, but I especially wanna see Runaway and ABOAB performed live, because they always do these types of club ready tracks Just Right™.

Hitchhiker (Misconceptions of You ~Dream Girl~)

Because God Knows^™ these boys can't not give us a track that channels the very essence of MJ and his weave.

If Spoiler was too gimmicky of a sequel to Sherlock for you, then Hitchhiker is your song. Hitchhiker, to me, sounds like the perfect representation of this era in SHINee's discography - let's take what we already do well and marry it to a whole new palette of song styles/textures, and see what sticks.

And lemme tell you somethin' - Hitchhiker sticks like fucking glue. Remember what I said about SHINee loving the bells and whistles that comes with doing over the top songs?!?!?! That's in full effect here, sis. Hitchhiker is anthemic as all fuck, and these boys ride that beat like they were made for it. And to be completely, I have no doubt in my mind that they were.

Nothing to Lose (FIVE)

So who else was expecting to get something hella grungy like Natalia Kills' Break You Hard or Seventeen's Clap with how hard that guitar was filtered?!?!?! I can't be the only one here.

Nothing to Lose bait and switches us with that dark n grungy guitar riff, because the majority of the song is rather bright n poppy. But I really can't be mad, because I rather liked the way they transitioned the darker sections into the brighter ones. And Nothing to Lose is pure octane fun. It's kind of a hard song to hate, because it gives zero fucks about how cutesy and cheesy it is.

There's also a rather nice helping of Funk thrown into the mix, but I'm gonna pretend that that had nothing to do with much I like this song. Even though it's what makes me like it the most.

Punch Drunk Love (Misconceptions of You ~Dream Girl~)

Punch Drunk Love channels Love Like Oxygen like SHINee's producers were in the studio intentionally trying to produce a sequel to the song. And if you know anything about me, you know that Love Like Oxygen is literal auditory C R A C K for my black ass. Punch Drunk Love also sounds like SHINee's writers held a seance and channeled MJ's spirit when they were writing the song for the boys.

And y'all already K N O W I'm here for that shit.

Punch Drunk Love is the SHINee Five™ on autopilot, sis. SHINee will never not know how to come correct with a Funk song, and it warms my heart. The attitude, the harmonies (THE BUMBACLOT HARMONIES), the overall feel of the song; SHINee gets it right. If you ever needed a pickmeup, then put on SHINee's Punch Drunk Love, and thank me later. This is another song that is unabashedly cheesy, but gives absolutely zero fucks about it.

Isn't it beautiful!?!?!?

Evil (Misconceptions of Me ~Why So Serious~)

Evil can be summed by in two words - Drama and Killer Harmonies.

That's technically three, but you know what the fuck I meant.

Evil is SHINee at their most dramatic. I remember Shawols losing their collective minds at the fancams from the concert performances where they wore blindfolds.

Yes, you read that correctly. These dramatic ass motherfuckers were performing on stage with blindfolds on. They were, more than likely, see through blindfolds, but never doubt SHINee's collective love of the Drama™. They absolutely would dance completely blindfolded.

Evil starts out slow, but I very much doubt that many of us thought the song was gonna stay that way; SHINee were just building the atmosphere (read - creating the perfect environment to torch our weaves). Evil has an almost musical theater vibe to it, except not nearly as cheesy. Evil is honestly a one of a kind experience that we all need in our lives at some point.

Especially because SHINee were on their harmonic A game the day they recorded Evil. When the drums drop out and it's just the orchestral stabs with their voices?!?!? Fuckin' magic, ladies.

Like A Fire (Misconceptions of Me ~Why So Serious~)

We all Know™ Like A Fire, because of that one performance where Jonghyun, Kibum, and Jinki were having a contest to see whom tf could be the most extra (to be honest, I'd say Kibum won, based purely on the fact that I didn't even know he could wail like that). But Like A Fire stands firm on her own by being a wickedly good Funk song.

(Sidenote - I'm about 90% this list has more Funk tracks than my '90s 5HINee FSL, and I want you all know that that was not on purpose. I wont be changing it, but I swear it wasn't done purposefully!!)

Like A Fire, like Punch Drunk Love, is SHINee on autopilot. I don't know what else to say about this song. It's just so Classic SHINee™, sis!! The verses have a more somber, minor tone to them, but the choruses transition (maybe that's a modulation, I'm not Musically Advanced™ enough to make that call) into a killer major groove that is just so beautiful to listen to. I don't know anyone who doesn't like this song. Liking Like A Fire is a requirement for being a Shawol (especially a Shawol of color). If you don't like Like A Fire, you're invalid.

I need to say something about these harmonies and ad libs, tho. Did the producer of Like A Fire tell the SHINee Boys™ to go HAM the day they were laying down tracks for Like A Fire?!?!?! Did they mean for the harmonies and ad libs to get this over the top!?!?! I'm not complaining, I just wanna know. Because the harmonies and ad libs, especially, are so ridiculous!! I love every second of it, but sometimes it K I L L S how extra this song is!!

Diamond Sky (FIVE)

The first time I ever listened to this song, I cackled like a banshee at how extra that intro was, because it's so SHINee. It's so dramatic, and it suits SHINee to a T. I was expecting the verses to be some Final Dragon type shit, or somethin'!!!

Diamond Sky is pretty standard fare for a J-Pop song, imo. It doesn't stop me from loving SHINee's take on it (and it shouldn't stop you), but it's worth mentioning; SHINee + J-Pop = Love. Like I mentioned above, I'm glad that SHINee were able to continue releasing music in Japan, because this is a style of music that suits them well, but would not do well in Korea at all.

Diamond Sky feels like the theme song for a magical girl anime. The twinkly pianos, complemented by the strings and electric guitar give it an air of grandiosity that would have made it a perfect theme or insert song for Sailor Moon. If they had added a modulation at the end for Maximum Drama™, I'd have lost my shit.

Close the Door (Everybody)

Firstly, if you haven't watched the SHINee World IV performance where Jinki tap dances to Close the Door, I'm judging you. Our sweet dubu leader did not bless us with such beauty and grace for you to ignore it!!

Secondly, Close the Door is the cheesiest love song I've ever encountered in K-Pop. It's got the romantic sounding keys, the strings, it's in 6/8 time (perfect for a waltz, babies), the lyrics are so sugary sweet, and the chord progressions utilize mostly major chords. And you know what, I absolutely fucking love it. I'm a cheesy Romantic Gay™, and I fucking love this cheesy ass love song. It's just so aurally pleasing, especially since these SHINee boys all have voices that blend together amazingly when they harmonize. Sue me.

Sleepless Night (Misconceptions of Me ~Why So Serious~)

SHINee ballads are a wonderful, amazing thing, you know?!?!? Especially when they don't give us the typical classical ballad, but go a little left field into something jazzy or RnB. Which is what they do with Sleepless Night.

This week's playlist features a lot of songs that are extremely over the top, sis. And I mean, we've discussed this; these SHINee boys love the drama of it all. But they also love lowkey songs like Sleepless Night. You'd be able to tell if they didn't with a song this stripped back and bare. Sleepless Night is literally the SHINee boys (and their amazing harmonies), a piano, and some strings. And it's fucking amazing. There are quite a few songs from SHINee that I want to experience live, but I think Sleepless Night tops the list. Well, that and Wish Upon A Star, but I'm sure I'd cry my fucking eyes out listening to that. I mean, I might cry my eyes out to Sleepless Night, but there's less of a chance there.

I've accepted that I'm a boring bitch who lives for a good ballad (the amount of ballads I've had to listen to for my RRUs has definitely proven this), but there's nothing quite like a good SHINee ballad, sis. There ain't never been a SHINee ballad that I didn't like.

And that's all for this week's list, loves!! Please tune in next week for the next era in my SHINee Spotlight series, Contemporary SHINee ver.2!! And don't forget to tune in Wednesday for my next Review Roundup, featuring songs released this week!!

Love you, guys!!

[anysathyrah]

17 -3

holy shit does anyone watch seventeen’s performance at dream concert? I do!

before I started praising seventeen all over again, I want to whine huhhuhuhuh. I recorded their performance for the whole 12 mins and turns out it doesn’t have any sounds. worst 12 mins for me. thought I want to keep it for some other time. hmmm I’m dwelling.....

plus these babies went back and forth from dream concert to cho yong pil’s concert. and mingyu have schedules tomorrow. huuuuu...

also. WTF IS YOUR STAGE SLIPPERY, DREAM CONCERT? yeah sure, the forecast is unpredictable. BUT HELL DO YOU HAVE TO FORCE NCT TO MAKE THEIR PYRAMIDS WITH SLIPPERY FLOORS? i’m sorry, this is unrelated, but I’m mad of the slippery stage, rain is no big deal, but I’m deadass not satisfy.

okay I just saw Shua’s professionalism after slipped on stage. I’m angry.

OKAY NOW I SEE MINGYU FALL ON HIS FACE DURING JUST DO IT. WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!

ranting. 끝

this last part of 17 post, we’ll talk about music and performance, shall we? since seventeen is known as self producing idols, I’m happily to explain in my own way. hik hik.

Self producing idol is seriously big deal. To start, seventeen is mad eof 13 members in 3 different units; Hip Hop team, Vocal team and Performance team.

these teams, I guess they were formed before debut, during Like Seventeen project? these teams, I think is one of a kind concept, like their rings. yeash.

Hip Hop team

S.coups, general leader and leader of Hip Hop team, following Vernon, Mingyu and Wonwoo. here’s to my bias. Hip hop team, they basically in charge of raps, check out Check In, but don’t ever think that they couldn’t sing. Heck I kill those people who says that can’t sing! Listen to Lean on Me and Trauma. Those three songs are my favs for Hip Hop team, and watch out for Mingyu’s vocal in Trauma. No kidding. Having a Vernon also a bonus, because he could make sexy English raps hahahahhaha. plus they have their own style of raps. I like that when they perform, they didn’t stick to their demos or their recorded song, always improvise and adlibs, which I really enjoy jamming with Hip Hop team.

우리 마지막이 언제일지 알지 못하더라도 행여 무슨 일이 생겨서 보지 못하더라도

Even though we don’t know When our last will be Even if something happens And we can’t see each other

내게 Lean On Me - 3rd Mini Album, Going Seventeen

Vocal team

Woozi, the small kid there is the leader of Vocal team, following closely Seungkwan, Jeonghan, Dokyeom and Joshua. here’s also lies my bias. Obviously in charge of vocals, personally I like Seungkwan’s voice the best. well he’s my top list in my bias list, so...... Even so, our Boo can rap too haaahahha. Check out Caratland 2018, where they switched the team’s song and vocal team got the hipp hop team song to sing rap. Favourite songs? Well actually I liked ballad songs and almost all of the vocal team song hit home. But personally, Pinwheel struck me the most. Woozi made the song based on his dreams. How cool is that???

그래도 울지마 슬플 거 같지만 희미하게 남아 있는 너를 위해오는 길을 잃어

But don’t cry It may seem sad But I’m here For you

오래 걸린대도 돌고 돌아 내게 다시 찾아와주면 돼 먼 훗날이라도

Even if you get lost And it takes you a while Come round and round back to me Even if it’s far ahead in the future

바람개비 Pinwheel - 2nd Album, Teen,Age

Performance team

Hoshi, our little hamster is the leader of performance team, followed by The8, Jun, Dino. Staying true to their names, they’re in charge of dancing. before anything else, please check out Lilli Yabbay, or 13 Month’s Dance. THAT’S AN ART! here’s also to my bias. okay, everyone is my bias. No, don’t tell me that they can’t do anything but dance. WRONG. Hoshi can sing and rap, he sung in Highlight, he rapped in BooSeokSoon’s unit song. Dino, the rapper of this team and sometimes he raps for Seventeen’s songs. Jun and Minghao can asdfghjkl sing, so never argue. Favourite song for this team? Highlight and Lilli Yabbay. But Swimming Fool is also catchy. Oh, and this group always made remixes for their title song to make as their dancing video, check out Mansae Concert Ver in their Youtube channel.

’m like a bird 날아갈게 네 목소리 들리는 곳 어디든지 In the air 어디서든 우리 마주하는 이순간

I’m like a bird I’ll fly wherever I can hear your voice In the air Wherever we are When we face each other

Highlight - 3rd Mini Album, Going Seventeen

other notable songs like Just Do It - BooSeokSoon unit: consist of Boo Seungkwan, Lee Seokmin (Dokyeom) and Kwon Soonyoung (Hoshi), My I - China Line which is Jun and The8, Bring It - Hoshi and Woozi, Rocket - Vernon and Joshua and so on. One thing about these guys are even jokes can sometime become serious. BooSeokSoon unit came from their predebut days where Seungkwan, Dokyeom and Hoshi are the funniest triplets in seventeen, therefore their song is kinda cheesy and funny, China Line, well, they’re from China, Bring It, a song Hoshi and Woozi made because Carats matched them as HoWoo watch, and English line huhuhuhuh I freaking love Rocket. Another infamous song was Hurricane by Hoshi. It was actually first seen in their One Fine Day *I’m not sure whether it’s the Yeoseodo or Japan series* as a joke by Hoshi to Wonwoo. Suddenly, during Diamond Edge, Carats were suprised to see a joke become a reality. 

Yeah the stars are looking Straight down on us 우주는 끝이 안 보여 Yeah Ima build a rocket Ima build a rocket 구름 뚫어 번지 launch it Yeah got me singing like

Yeah the stars are looking Straight down on us I can’t see the end of the universe Yeah Ima build a rocket Ima build a rocket to pierce through the clouds Countdown launch it Yeh got me singing like

Rocket - 2nd Album, Teen,Age

kim mingyu, keep safe huhuuhuhu

Yeap. they’re that TALENTED. Now, here comes the part where they deserved self producing titles.

The production of Seventeen’s music are mostly done by Seventeen themselves. Woozi produced their songs single-handed, with the help of their favorite Bumzu hyung. ever heard Downpour by IOI and Happy For Now by Baekho of NU’EST? you cried? yeah, blame Woozi. besides producing and making music, he also create lyrics. those a-shockingly meaningful lyrics especially for those suckers for meanigful things, Woozi gotcha.

이제 그만 다 그칠까 이 빗물도 내 눈물도 비에 젖어 추위에 떨고 싶진 않아요 정말 언젠간 너무 차디찼던 빗물이 따뜻한 눈물이 되어 흘러내리겠죠 괜찮아요 금방 지나갈 소나기죠

Will it stop now? These raindrops, these tears? I don’t want to Get wet with rain And tremble with cold Some day, the cold rain Will become warm tears And fall down, it’s alright It’s just a passing downpour

Downpour - I.O.I, co-written and produced by Woozi

Other members also help in lyric making. Rappers write their own raps in all of their song, there will be at least one or two members for each song. because they have Joshua and Vernon, their lyrics also contain english words and also good grammars hoot, I mean you know how sometimes English words makes no sense in some Korean song, but seventeen done it pretty well heee 

Do you ever watch Don’t Wanna Cry dance ver? or Thanks choreograpy? Amazed by it? Say thanks to Hoshi and Dino. again, staying true to their name, Performance team Hoshi and Dino really outdone themselves. They choreograph their own dance routines, with the help of their dance instructor, creating a masterpiece, just watch Lilli Yabbay or Thanks. I personally loved the part in Thanks where they lifted our Boo hehhe. Also, all 13 members are so good in dancing! KIM MINGYU! Breaking the myth of tall guys can’t dance. He’s so  SHOCKINGLY HANDSOME WHILE DANCING.

but i’m still mad the fact the slippery stage of dream concert make him fall on his face :(

nowadays people are hyping about how Seventeen are able to open Cho Yong Pil’s concert, which is an honor, because Cho Yong Pil rarely invite guest. This recognition, after Seventeen won the 3rd part of Immortal Song, the legends special, seriously, they’ve got the highest score among all performers and the one and only boy group idol performing. Wow, I’m actually too proud that I couldn’t even express this properly. They even pushed away their schedule to seize the opportunity of meeting the legends.

The recognition they’ve gain today, yesterday and tomorrow. Seventeen is growing.

Another thing I liked about Seventeen is their passion. Seventeen always get to make remix of top songs in the year end music show, including girl songs. Even though it’s a girl songs, they managed to slay it. Even the covers and collabs. No. 1 by Boa, the cover they made at MAMA 2017. The superboy group Pledis combined with NU’EST W, making Heaven in ㄴㅇㅅㅌ and Carats heart. wow, the synchronization is no joke.

as I mention before, I like ballads, soft sweet tunes. So almost all vocal team song, I love all of them. But there’s this one particular song I really like to listen, this is the song, proves, that all members can sing. You just have to listen to them yourself. no, I’m not lying. just go and listen to it.

마지막이란 말 하지 마 영원히 무슨 일 있어도 우린 늘 그렇듯 웃음꽃 피워요

Don’t say it’s the end Forever Whatever happens, just like always Our smile flowers will bloom

언제 어디에 있어도 함께하지 못해도 우린 늘 그렇듯 웃음꽃 피워요 그대 미소에 봄이 돼줄게요

Whenever, wherever Even if we’re not together, just like always Our smile flowers bloom I’ll be the spring to your smile

웃음꽃 Smile Flower - 3rd Mini Album, Going Seventeen

We also have to mention collabs and OST. Currently, only Seungkwan and Dokyeom have their OST. Oh Vernon also. Seungkwan sang Kind Of Love for Mother, Dokyeom and his I am First for Tempted my fav drama and Vernon, with one of Pledis Girls now in Pristin Sickness. I swore, they’re the death of me. Dokyeom and Seungkwan song manage to make me cry though. Q&A, sung by Woozi, Vernon, S.coups and Ailee. BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL AILEE. It turns out that Ailee once trained with Woozi and S.coups, so they’re already close. Woozi also made a few touches to Ailee songs, well. Friendship goals. Talked about friendship, I like DIA’s Chaeyeon with Mingyu in Inkigayo hik. 

내가 먼저 사랑한다 말할걸 너를 사랑하고 있다 말할걸 이제와 또 이렇게 후회하진 않았을텐데

I should’ve told you I love you first I should’ve told you I’m in love with you Then I wouldn’t have been regretting right now

내가 먼저 I am First (Missed Connection) - Dokyeom, Tempted OST

I’m getting lazy. better wrap this up. 

Today’s recognition, I think it’s a great deal, a great comeback after their struggle during predebut. I mean, they deserve everything they have today, yet still being humble. these sweeties still cry for something meaningful. all these recognition sometimes I forgot that they’re just like me, teenage and living carefree with feelings, therefore whenever it’s raining and they have to perform, even though they say it’s okay, carats would freak out if any of seventeen members slipped and fall. Seventeen are too lovable, you see. Seventeen loved Carats as much as Carats loved Seventeen. me too. to be honest, I had a really tough weekend and with Seventeen songs I found my peace, really. The fact that they’re too close to me, really help. 

so here’s my confession: I love you, Seventeen, so much. Even though I never met you, but you’re so close because you keep an eye to Carats. Very warm, very sweet, all thirteen members of Seventeen. I want to grow old and remember you as my booster. Thank you. I love you.

뻔하디뻔한 이 말을 내가 이제서야 꺼내 보지만 뻔하디뻔한 이 말이 전해는 질까요 yeah고맙다 고맙다 또 고맙다 뿐이지만 기다림까지 그리움까지 우리 추억까지

These typical words I’m only saying them now But I hope these typical words will reach youThank you, thank you, that’s all I can say Even all the waiting, the longing And all of our memories

고맙다 Thanks - Special Album, Director’s Cut

WOW such a long post. I spent solid two hours on this. I should get an A+ if this subject were an essay hahah. I was planning to watch A Poem A Day, so I’ll wrap this nice and sweet.

so yeah. this is the mark, the end of three long post of seventeen. okay today is seventeen, I’ve done this to vixx and exo and any other groups, just maybe not here in my blog so hahaha

I love guys who made my days happy. 

stan seventeen. stan talent hik.

okay have a good evening. good night. love ya.

180512

[tramsstudyblr]

Korean (& Korean-related) Favorites

To boost my own motivation to continue studying Korean. Here’s a couple of lists of some of my favorite things. (under a cut because otherwise this will be too long!)

Favorite youtube channels (language resource related):

All things Korean (Only been making videos for about a year, but has a lot of really informative videos both in regards to language but also culture)

Talk To Me In Korean (They have so many videos + a whole website, of language resources. Everything from grammar to pronounciation, and miscellaneous other topics. Also they have been producing a ridiculous amount of content these past 6 months on their youtube channel, so it can be a bit overwhelming/daunting, but I really recommend this channel)

Learn Korean with GO! Billy Korean (a lot of grammar lessons, as well as general advice and reccomendations for studying, videos about culture. Has a livestream every sunday where he does an indepth lesson on a grammar subject. Splits everything into beginner, intermediate and advanced learners. Has a new series of videos for beginners. Also practice videos for intermediate and advanced learners)

K-waterbottle (not really a language resource as such, but he explains korean memes)

There are a lot more channels out there, Billy Go has two videos recommending other youtube channels. But I haven’t gotten around to checking them out.

Favorite youtube channels (other):

영국남자 Korean Englishman/Jolly (In theory they could I guess be used as a language resource since they have subtitles that are both in English and Korean. But mostly, they are entertainment. English guys introducing Korean food and culture, also Ollie is trying to learn Korean, and that is frequently hilarious. They are super funny and I adore their channels.

Some South Korean vloggers I follow to:

planD플랜디

Mejoo and Cats

냥숲nyangsoop

댕은Daengeun

수린 suzlnne

이욜 eyol

하루한끼 one meal a day

Favorite variety shows:

The Great Escape (Three seasons of a group of Korean celebrities taking on the most ambitious elaborate escape “rooms” you’ll ever see. The budget for this show must be astronomical. Its one of my comfort shows actually, I love this show. Its funny and delightful)

New Journey to the West (My most favorite variety show. I love and adore it! Group of Korean celebrities, dress up, travel to places [though for the most recent seasons been confined to Korea for various reasons] and play games. Its a heartwarming as well as funny show, and the castmembers feel like they are family. Some of them have actually worked together for almost 20 years, including the producer, so they really do have a familiarity with each other, but even the newer kids are welcomed in the family). It also has spin-offs!

Kang’s Kitchen (The cast get to run a restaurant, with all the ups and down. It’s a bit more serious as they really do focus more on doing their best instead of being funny, but they still do manage to be funny, no the least because of the ways they mess up. Its actually even more heartwarming and a comfort show for me)

Various shorter spin-offs, featuring different pairings of the cast on their youtube channel 

(one of the writers on NJTTW is also a writer on the drama Hospital Playlist, so there are also videos related to that show on this youtube channel, but I haven’t watched that drama so idk much about them) 

I Can See Your Voice (Okay, so the synopsis of this is a bit... iffy I know. But the actual show actually manages to be geniunely uplifting at times, despite it. The general idea is that, celebrity guest, along with an expert panel have to guess who in a line-up of complete strangers, are the tone deaf and the talented singers. And everyone in the line-up then gets to perform. And I know it sounds like its just a set-up to laugh at the people who can’t sing. But all of the tone deaf performers just seem so game for it and getting to perform on stage on TV must be a powerful incentive. I started out just watching it for specific guests, but then the last two-three seasons I watched all episodes regardless of guests, because of the interviews with the people participating, its very refreshing after mainly idol/celebrity focused things I’ve watched, to listen to ordinary people and their stories)

Favorite K-drama:

(disclaimer: I have a bad habit of starting to watch a drama and then quitting before I’ve watched all episodes. But I do have a few I finished!)

Memorist (I finished this one recently. Crime drama with a lot of twists [some more expected than others] I appreciated it for its focus on plot and not really having a explicit romance angle since I wanted to watch something for the mystery. Anyway it was really quite good and entertaining)

Because This Is My First Life (I love love love loved this drama! A romance I could really get invested in)

It’s Okay That’s Love (You ever watch a kdrama that deals with mental ilness in a way that isn’t wildly offensive? This one is actually pretty good)

Moonlight Drawn by Clouds (I love this drama. Or do I love the way this drama played out in my head more? Tricky question. It’s a great drama either way [though the one in my head is slightly better].)

Favorite Korean Movies:

Masquerade (2012)

The Good, The Bad, The Weird (2008)

Jeon Woochi The Taoist Wizard (2009)

Parasite (2019)

Spellbound (2011)

The Handmaiden (2016)

The Man From Nowhere (2010)

The War of Arrows (2011)

The Grand Heist (2012)

The Merciless (2017)

Train To Busan (2016)

#Alive (2020)

Assassination (2015)

Secretly Greatly (2013)

The King and The Clown (2005)

Favorite Korean Music:

(I will not link to youtube music videos because then we’ll be here for an eternity and this will never get done. But I will list some songs) I got into kpop/kvariety all of this two years ago, but I was for some reason mostly drawn to groups that had been around for some time.

Groups

Block B (Don’t Leave, Yesterday, One Way, A Few Years Later, Toy, Her, Jackpot, Very Good, Movie’s Over, Be the Light, Romantically, Mental Breaker, Walkin’ In The Rain, Like This)

Winner (Millions, Ah Yeah, Remember, Well, Raining, Movie Star, We Were, For, Air, Fool, Love me Love me, Island, Really Really, Immature, Baby Baby, Don’t Flirt, Color Ring)

Sechskies (Road Fighter, pom saeng pom sa, Come to Me Baby, Couple, Yegam, Heartbreak [original and remastered versions], Reckless Love, Round & Round, Something Special, Smile, Backhug, Drinking Problem, Be Well, Vertigo, It's Been A While, Sad Song, Three Words)

Super Junior (Make You Smile, Ahora Te Puedes Marchar [okay so neither of those two is in Korean, but I love them!], Animals, One More Time, I Do, This is Love, Stars Appear, Islands, Evanesce, Bonamana, One More Chance,)

Buzz (Thorn, Tree, Coward, My Love, Don’t know Men, The Love, The First Summer in 8 years, Just One, Travel to Me)

Dreamcatcher (Chase Me, Good Night, Fly High, You and I, What, Deja Vu, Scream, R.o.S.E BLUE, Boca)

Speed [Sadly disbanded before I even found them, but I spent like a week obsessively watching every youtube video of them performing Don’t Tease Me. And after listening to some more of their songs I found I liked them] (Don’t Tease Me, Pain the love of heart, One Day, It's Over, That's My Fault, Luv Ya, Never Say Goodbye, Why I'm Not)

Miss A [sadly also disbanded before I found out about them] (Hush, Bad Girl Good Girl, Only You, Good-bye Baby, I Don't Need a Man, Breathe)

Solo

Park Kyung (of Block B. He has like 10 solo songs, I love them all and are by far my most played songs. So I could list all of them, or just leave it at this)

Kassy/케이시 (Listen to This Song[seriously, do listen to it, its so comforting], True Song, Tock Tock, The Day Was Beautiful, Story of Nightfall, When Love Comes By, Let it Rain)

Eun Jiwon (of Sechskies [and many variety shows]) (I'm On Fire, Hooligan, Same, Hate, Worthless, Trauma, 8t Truck, Never Ever, Adios, While Buzzed/Fuddled)

Bonus (random songs I like)

Park Hyoshin - Wild Flower

Park Hyoshin - Snow Flower

Sejeong - Flower Way

Twice - What Is Love?

Crayon Pop - Bing Bing

Vixx - Error

Zico - Human

Zico - The Language of Flowers

Zico - Being Left

Zico - Balloon

Wonder Girls - Why So Lonely

Wonder Girls - Nobody

Seventeen - Clap

BTOB - Way Back Home

g.o.d - The Story of Our Lives

g.o.d - A Funny But Sad Day

Gaho - Start

Lee Hi - Breathe

Urban Zakapa - I don't Love You

IU - Love Poem

Crush - Beautiful

Ailee - I Will Go To You Like The First Snow

J-Walk - Frappuccino

Melomance - Gift

I could probably spend another week or two adding songs to this list, so lets cut it short now.

[captainschmoe]

I Will Survive [Beta] - Chapter 7: No More

[A/N: This is the point in the story where I start to realize that I, at best, barely know what I’m doing. Go me?]

[Summary: In which literally every one of Sean’s friends makes an announcement, then there’s a nightmare.]

[Previous - Next]

Sean didn’t feel any kind of intro would be an appropriate one, so he just cut to the chase. “So, there’s been something really freaky going on, and... I didn’t want to talk about it with you guys at first. But now it’s reached... It’s come to a point where I’d just be endangering all you guys if I didn’t talk about it. So... here’s the deal...”

“So over on Jacksepticeye’s channel, he made this character called ‘Antisepticeye.’ He’s basically this evil- He’s literally this evil demonic thing that lives inside him. Eh, heheh...” Felix gave a nervous chuckle at how stupid that sounded. “But, like, if you heard the news recently about that girl in Oregon who was turned to stone, that’s Anti. That was him.”

“Because that happened to me, too. Here, let me show you my phone real quick...” Mark scrolled through the messages, finding the photo that was sent to Jack. He held it up to the camera for everyone to see. “So this is a text I sent to Jack. I didn’t actually send it, but it’s there. That’s my dead, stone body on the ground. That exact thing happened to me. Now I did manage to get out of that situation, and I would tell you guys how you can get out of there, too...”

“...but as you probably know from the news story, that girl didn’t come back like Jack and Mark did. And it’s the-” Marzia hiccuped in incoming sadness. She tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. “It’s the same with his girlfriend, Signe - Wiishu. She’s gone, too, and she hasn’t come back.”

“And it’s terrifying. I mean, I’m proud of Jack for actually being able to hold it together as well as he is, and being able to talk about this, ‘cause... If I had to watch something like that happen to Mary, or Layla...” Ken sighed, gritting his teeth. “Think I’d lose my goddamn mind.”

“I don’t know what’s next. Or who’s next. I don’t think Jack knows, either.” A moment of silence in the black as Cry attempted to gather some thoughts. “I’m just at a complete loss for words right now. I’m just...” He sniffed. “I want nothing more than for them to come back and for everyone to be happy again.”

“It’s obviously possible for them to come back, if Mark and Jack could come back,” Amy said. “I believe we can get Signe back. I believe Alyssa’s family can get her back. I don’t really want to think about the possibility that they might not, but I guess...” She drifted off. “What can I do?”

“I mean, if there’s anything I can do that would bring them back, anything at all, I will absolutely do it. I’m scared, I’ll admit it.” Bob gazed off-camera towards the ground for a moment. “I just really want to be there for Jack, because it’s the right thing to do, and because I want to, and because I know he’d do the same for me if I was in that situation.”

“We just want Jack to know that he’s not alone in all this. Jack, if you’re watching this... You’l never be alone. You’ve got us, you’ve got all your other friends, you’ve got your community-”

“Yeah, we’ve always got your back!” Dan piped up.

“Always.”

“It’s ‘cause we love him.”

“Yeah.” Arin chuckled. Sappy, but true.

Wade shrugged and rubbed his eyes. “...eh, I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point. Like, I know everything’s so cheesy and cliched, but it’s true. It’s really true. And I really want to put my effort first and foremost into helping him. The videos can wait.”

“So Jack and I will obviously not be making any more videos for the time being. I’m really sorry, but I’m sure you guys understand? This is all very overwhelming, as I said.” Well, no shit, Robin. “I’ve said this probably a dozen times in this video already, ut it’s really important to me to be there for him, and try and help him... not lose his sanity, I guess?”

“And I know all you guys will be there with him, too. Like one big supportive family!” Ethan grinned. “So yeah. That’s about all I have to say about it, I don’t really know how else to end this video, so I’ll leave you with- oh.” His eyes widened and pointed off-camera somewhere, and his hand came up to his stomach. “Uh... Guys? I’m feeling kinda-”

The screen cut to black. Static sounds filled the speakers, growing in intensity and even ignoring any efforts to turn down the volume. Eardrums felt shattered. And then came the silence, broken only by the sound of Anti introducing himself.

“Sorry to say, h͝e͢'͘ş ģone.”

A still image, covered in wavering glitch effects, of Ethan’s petrified body lying on the floor replaced the black, with Anti’s disembodied voice narrating over it.

“Slowly but surely, I build my community. - Right under your nose t̡ḩiş ͢whole̢ t̢i̛me! - Oh, poor little Ethan... I di͠dn͟'͠t want͠ to do this. - I d͟es̸er͜ve better! - I nev̡e͟ŗ wa͠nted to do this. And yet you! - N̶ev̸er e҉v͜en͜ kne̸w͝... - You’re the ones who d͟r̡o̸ve me͟ this far!

“And here you were all wor̴ried about Jack’s ot͞h͘e͏r͡ ͟e̡gos...” Anti snarled at the word. “Well, don’t fret now. They’re aaalll safe and sound... with͝ ̷m͏e.” A giggle rang through. “I’m sure your be̢lovéd͜ 'blue boi’ will enjoy the c̸o͜m̷pany, too... - And his f̸ri͡end͜s.”

The screen cut to black again, and in typical Anti fashion, he gave one last one-liner:

“Oh, S͢͞ea̛ǹ̶͝... If you only knew...”

I want to be as happy as I used to make Them.

“I blame Mark,” Felix said, sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his head in his hands. “If I die, it’s all his fault.”

“You’re not gonna die, you drama queen,” Sean retorted. “I survived. I’m still surviving. Look at me.” He, too, felt the worst headache and tinnitus he could have ever imagined. He was honestly surprised that he could ever hear Felix at all, let alone normally.

“Still blaming him for this massive migraine.” He put on his best - honestly, worst - Markiplier deep voice. “‘Hey, Jack, Felix, go watch Ethan, it’ll blow your fuckin’ minds!’ Yeah, sure. My mind wants to be blown, all right. ...Goddammit.”

Sean snorted at the unfortunate word choice.

“Shut up! You know what I meant! My head’s gonna explode!” Felix lay down, curling up into a fetal position. “I’m just gonna lay here and hopefully either get better or more likely die.”

Sean sarcastically rubbed his back. “There, there, poor baby.”

“Everything’s spinning. Your voice is echoing. Tell my family I love them.”

Oh, yeah, he never did tell anyone else about Echo yet, did he?

“Hey, Felix?”

“Yeah? You wanna say your last goodbye?”

“No, something else. It’s gonna sound kind of stupid.”

“I’ll take a stupid eulogy.” Felix twisted around to face him. “Go for it.”

Sean rolled his eyes and leaned back against the headboard. He sighed. “So the last two nights I was visited by this... person, I guess? In my sleep. They don’t have a visible body, it’s just a voice, but we’ve been talking. They seem nice, they’re called Echo.” Felix nodded, continuing to listen. Hadn’t made fun of him yet. Well, it wouldn’t be the most ridiculous thing to have been told in the last couple of days. “They told me they want me to kill Anti.”

Felix narrowed his eyes. “Well, no shit, I hope so.”

“I don’t know how, though. I don’t even know if this Anti, like, follows the rules I made for him, or if he’s different somehow. I don’t know how to get rid of him, or how to undo everything he’s done...”

“Well, are you gonna see Echo again tonight? Maybe you can ask them.”

“Hopefully.” If I can sleep. He wasn’t so sure having a stone Signe in the house would do any good for his ability to get some shut-eye.

Felix seemed to catch on to Sean’s distant staring, as he reached out to his back and gave it a series of light taps in an awkward attempt at comfort; he didn’t even properly meet Sean’s eyes until he pulled his arm away. Still a nice gesture on his part, one that put the briefest and subtlest of smiles on Sean’s face. He added, “You can have Edgar and Maya sleep with you if that helps.”

“Nah, I move too much in my sleep. I’d probably crush them.”

“They don’t have to be in bed with you. We can put their little beds over there.” He pointed to a spot a few feet away from them.

“Mm, I guess that works. Thanks, Felix.”

“No problem.”

“You gonna be alright?”

“Eh, I’m feeling a little less shitty. Still gonna lay here for a bit if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Sean pulled the blanket over him before leaving him alone, intending for it as a silly little “there, there, poor baby” joke, though Felix seemed to genuinely take it for what it was. Despite never showing it well to anyone aside from Marzia and the dogs, Sean knew he was a softie deep down. Maybe he’ll just leave him here and take the guest room himself.

A whole bunch of them!

Anti could practically taste infection in the group of teenagers - all of them! - down by the lakeside. What a convenient little haul; he could just drown them without the need to fool around infecting them first, and without any leftover kids screaming for help. Not that screaming would do them much good. What was the help going to do? Exorcise them back to life? Please. All screaming would accomplish for them would be to piss him off more. God, he hated screaming.

It hurt seeing their faces turn from confusion to awe to horror as they watched their idol - who should have been nowhere near their location - become who he really was. But it was a hurt Anti was willing to put up with if it would lead to his ultimate end goal. Besides, if he hadn’t before, he definitely crossed the event horizon now. He already went too far down this rotten path - might as well embrace it.

Ah. And the spontaneous conversion of another he’d met and spread his plague to recently, judging by the small, pleasant tingling he felt coursing through his nerves. Better get back home and guide all of his new citizens to the hub before anyone realized his host was missing.

“Echo?”

“Sean!” Echo sounded panicked.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s getting worse. Anti’s...” They were sobbing, hiccups interrupting them. “Anti’s just getting more and more people, and he’s infecting more people, and they’re dying, and-”

“Okay, settle down, little buddy.” Sean instinctively reached outward in front of himself, feeling a bit stupid when there was no person, no body in front of him to touch and comfort. “Listen, we can get through this. Right? You seem to know a lot about Anti, right? Can you tell me how we can stop him?”

Echo sniffed. “You ju- You just need to work with the community and Robin and promise that you’re not going to acknowledge his existence anymore.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s why he exists. You made him, you can destroy him. I can’t.”

“Well...” Jeez, destroy him? That’s a... strong word choice. “Isn’t there another way we can beat him without ‘destroying’ him?”

“You think he deserves to live?”

Sean bit his lip. “I mean, I understand where you’re coming from, but I’d really rather not...” No more Antisepticeye ever again? Like, ever? They could never talk about him ever again? And he’d be permanently dead? They literally have to murder someone who has a mind of his own now? Sure, Sean got it. He’s done horrible things. Emotions are high. Shit’s scary. But was that really the most effective solution? The more Echo demanded Anti’s death, the more Sean’s brain wanted to resist. He didn’t want to accept murder as the first solution, even against someone like Anti. There had to be another way. There just had to be. “...I’d rather not just outright kill him if I don’t absolutely have to.”

“Well, you absolutely have to,” Echo replied rather coldly. “He will not stop otherwise.”

“Well, what about Signe and Ethan-”

“I’ll make sure you get all your friends back!” Echo started panicking and shouting again. “Just trust me! Sean? Sean!”

“What’s wro- aah!”

"Stay with me!”

Sean fell. How and where, he didn’t know, but he fell.

“Sean!”

The dusty, cobwebby back corner of the closet I get shoved in is the most empty and lonely place in this universe.

All of his friends are surrounding him, glaring at him. Gazes of anger, disappointment, and despair - a clear indication that they aren’t his friends anymore. There are a few spaces in the semicircle they’ve formed around him, and a few faces he looks for but doesn’t see - Signe, Ethan, Mark...

He knows where they are.

A strange yet familiar dark figure walks past him from behind, walking the semicircle and scanning its members. They stop at Felix. “This one,” they say, grabbing him by the shoulder, conjuring a shadowy set of handcuffs and locking his wrists behind his back, and walking him to Sean. Felix says nothing, nor does he even resist. He looks at Sean with eyes pleading for him not to harm him. Sean wishes he could oblige.

“Let’s go,” says the dark figure. They lead Sean and Felix up a series of staircases through a set of double doors behind them. They’re a sterile white with black railings, and the occasional smattering of worn paint and rust providing the only iota of color. They go up past the first floor. Second. Third. They never stop at any of the landings. How high does it go again? Sean looks up and tries to see, but the figure and Felix are leaving him behind. Too many for his poor legs. Pant, pant.

Finally, after far too many landings, they reach their floor. Seven flights, he’d counted. Right. Sean’s legs are rock-hard, compressed, aching, searing. It’s a miracle they didn’t crumble away into a dozen pieces each yet. There is a door with a shiny black lock, which the figure opens using their own finger as the key.

Inside are Signe, Mark, and Ethan, who, upon seeing the three of them enter, immediately line up in a row in front of Sean - Mark visibly struggling and stumbling to do so - dropping to their knees and gazing up at him with weariness that pangs his heart. Dribbling maroon wounds dot their bodies.

And now it’s Felix’s turn to join them. The figure shoves him to the ground, and turns to Sean with shining white eyes - no visible face - expecting him to make his move. Felix struggles to stand up on his knees, the handcuffs holding him down. No one helps him.

Only now does Sean think to look down at his hands. Long black nails dripping ichor replace his nails. His skin is marred with scars of varying degrees of freshness, some deep red, others stark white. Spots of blood stain his chest.

He doesn’t need any more information.

“Give ‘em a good smack,” the figure requests. “Hard as you can.” Their eyes narrow, and are practically targeting Sean like lasers. There’s a price to pay for defiance. Sean must obey.

He makes it quick. Doesn’t even look at his face as he does it. Felix winces and grunts as the cuts rip across his cheek. Trying to keep his cool. But there’s so many more waiting in line after him...

Next is Ethan, who already has a line of four puncture wounds in his throat and is bracing for impact. He still yelps as Sean rakes his face. Sean cringes, too. That yelp makes it so much worse. What did Ethan do? What did any of them do to deserve this?

Then Signe. She, too, has punctures in her throat, as well as a large blood splotch on her stomach. There are tears welling in her eyes.

He hesitates.

“Go!” booms the figures voice.

Smack.

Oh God, why did I do that? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, oh God, she’s crying...

Okay. There’s just one more. Mark. Scarred with punctures and a stomach wound. There’s another one, he remembered. From when he stabbed him from behind.

Ugh, Mark’s looking at him like he wants him flayed alive...

Just get it over with...

Mark flinches but doesn’t make a peep, seeming used to this by now. He still glares at Sean. Not so much of active viciousness and aggression, but more that of a long-standing hatred ingrained in his soul.

I’m so sorry, guys...

The figure is drinking in the ecstasy released from the four of them. Their lack of a face makes it impossible for Sean to see how they truly feel watching him destroy the people he loves just for another hit. It’s the same reaction as before, despite Sean harming more people. The figure has been building as much a tolerance as a dependence. More, more, more, it’s never enough to satiate them for long. What happens when Sean goes through the whole crowd? Does he have to keep slashing everyone over and over again for the figure’s high? Or will even that fail to be enough? Is it even worth hurting them this much just so he can be fed and watered? Especially since Sean is going to die somewhere down the line anyway, no matter how well he’s being taken care of?

He doesn’t want to live like this anymore.

But he has no other options...

“That will be all.”

The figure disappears without a trace, leaving Sean alone with these people once so near and dear to him. They still are, he still loves and cares for them, but the feeling is hardly mutual. None of them want anything to do with him anymore. They’ve disowned him by now. The loneliness crushes his soul into dust and suffocates him with it.

Why me?

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND August 2, 2019  - LUCE, THE NIGHTINGALE, TEL AVIV ON FIRE, THE RED SEA DIVING RESORT

There are some really good movies out this week, and I want to shine a bit of focus on some of the limited releases before getting to the bigger releases.

First up, there’s Julius Onah’s LUCE (NEON), starring Kelvin Harrison Jr. from last year’s excellent Monsters and Men as the title character, a well-liked African-American high school student who seems to have it all together. His adopted parents, played by Naomi Watts and Tim Roth, love their son and are willing to give him the benefit of a doubt when one of Luce’s teachers, played indelibly by Octavia Spencer, finds something in Luce’s locker and tries convincing his parents that maybe he’s not the perfect son.

This film deals with the difficulties of being an African-American student in modern times and the expectations put on you. In Luce’s case, he was adopted after being rescued from an African war zone by his adopted parents, and they think he can do no wrong. When Luce’s teacher finds something in his locker, she thinks he’s putting on a front and fooling everyone but her.

Luce reminds me quite a bit of HBO’s Big Little Lies, a series I absolutely loved, because it’s about the interactions of these characters and their differing viewpoint on what’s happening. It also reminded me of the remarkable work done by Todd Field in his two movies, particularly In the Bedroom.

The performances all around are fantastic, making me think that this could work just as well as a play*, but there are some nice surprises in there like Andrea Bang as Stephanie Kim, a fellow student who might have been involved in an assault. I would not be remotely shocked if Spencer gets another Oscar nomination for her role in this (which ends up being far more complex a role than the one she played in the thriller Ma), but the entire cast and the way Onah tells this story is equally riveting.

What’s especially good about Luce is that it’s likely to start a lot of conversations, hopefully between white and black viewers, but it’s just one of the better adult dramas this year, and I’m sure Onah* has a strong future ahead if he keeps making movies like this. (Note: I feel a little silly because when I wrote this I didn’t realize that the movie was indeed based on a play and that Onah had directed The Cloverfield Paradox which went straight to Netflix.)

Rating: 8/10

Jennifer Kent’s THE NIGHTINGALE (IFC Films) is the follow-up to her 2014 horror film The Babadook, which is thought to be one of the best horror films of the past decade – and I’m not going to disagree with that sentiment.

The Nightingale is a very different movie, a period revenge thriller set during the days when Australia was caught in a war between its indigenous people and the British army. In this environment is Aisling Francisoci’s Clare, a young Irish ex-convict who has been bought into service by an Army officer (Sam Claflin), who will not release her after she fulfills her duties.  One night, her husband and baby daughter are killed, sending Clare on a path of vengeance. Along for that journey is Baykali Ganambarr’s Billy, an indigenous tracker who knows that being black means he’s just as at risk of getting murdered as Clare.

This is not the groundbreaking follow-up some might be expecting, but it’s still very good, and it proves what a talented filmmaker Kent is, both with the screenplay that’s authentic to the times and the way she directs

I think what surprised me most about The Nightingale was how pretty boy actor Sam Claflin is able to play a complete slimeball, which is very much against the characters we’ve seen him play before. This is as much a testament to Claflin as it is to Kent for realizing he had it in him.

Some people might try to sway you off seeing Kent’s film due to the violence, which includes brutal rape, but honestly, I’ve seen far worse from male filmmakers like Lars von Trier and Gasper Noé, and in this case, it’s keeping with the way women would have been treated during these times.

I don’t think The Nightingale will be for everyone, especially those who first became fans of Kent’s from her earlier venture into horror. This is a tough and serious drama that still has genre elements, but it leaves a lasting imprint on you, not always in a good way.

Rating: 7.5/10

Lastly, I want to draw special attention to Sameh Zoabi’s TEL AVIV ON FIRE (Cohen Media), a witty comedy set in modern-day Israel where a Palestinian soap opera filled with dysfunctional characters becomes the center of a conflict more bizarre than the one in the Middle East. It stars Kais Nashif as Salam, a consultant on his uncle’s show who gets stopped at a checkpoint by a soldier Assi (Yaniv Biton) who doesn’t like the way that the Israeli soldier is portrayed on the show. He offers Salam a few tips, and Salam’s uncle and the show’s primadonna star like them enough to promote Salam to writer… except he relies on Assi to help him with that duty.

The movie definitely veers into the world of the absurd as Assi has to contend with his wife (an avid fan of the series) and Salam is trying to reconnect with an old flame, all the while dealing with the tense situation between the Israelis and Palestinians in the region.

This movie mainly surprised me because I didn’t go into it expecting a comedy, so when it proved to be particularly witty and entertaining, I was glad I made the effort to see it.

In fact, I had a chance to speak with Zoabi last week, an interview I’ll be running soon, but I wanted to share a few tidbits from it now.

“The comedy decision was more of a natural progression as my voice as a filmmaker,” he told me. “My first feature was a comedy, and I went to school here at Columbia University and did my masters here and did my BA in Tel Aviv, which is interesting because in Tel Aviv, I studied mostly European cinema more than American cinema, so the arthouse world is more prominent in the studies there. Then you come to the U.S., and it’s a totally different business, which is entertainment. I always felt like it was interesting if you could find your voice in the middle where you can be talking about something important, but still entertain at the same time. I think gradually I realized while watching the news and the media all the time, it’s always the fighters and the victims, and there’s nothing in between, which is a daily reality that I grew up with, which is that people are funny. People don’t wake up in the morning and think, ‘Oh, my God, today I’m going to go kill five, six people.’ They wake up in the morning and they still have to do [everyday] things. These are the characters that never make it to the big media. I grew up with comedies. People in my village, my town, my family, they never talk about serious things. It’s almost like every third line has to be a joke. I always said that if I want to talk about these issues and I want to present the reality closer to what it is, I think humor is an essential part of it. It comes really natural. Once I look at a situation, it’s almost like back home when I tell my friends a serious story, everyone is waiting for the punchline. It’s not an effort. It’s something you grow up with.”

“As a writer, you evolve of course, and hopefully you get better from one film to the next, but the voice of it has always been there, and I love the creation of comedy, because it brings people together in different ways.”

“For this film in particular, it cannot be done without a comedy, because it’s all about stereotypes,” he continued. “It’s about how Palestinians see the Israelis and how Israelis see the Palestinians. The best way to deal with it is a comedy, and the seriousness comes from the soap opera.”

“I actually grew up watching more soaps than films. I grew up two TV channels, and my Mom controls the remote, so we always had to watch soap operas. Years after, with all these satellites and millions of stations, there’s more soaps in the Middle East – from Turkey, from Syria, from Lebanon, Egypt. When I grew up, we only watched Egyptian soap operas, and this soap opera in my film is almost an homage to one that was very popular about an Egyptian spy who comes to Tel Aviv. I changed the narrative and made it a woman, but what’s interesting is that when I was writing the film, I was home with my Mom watching one of her soap operas, and she was crying at a moment when I was laughing, because of the overacting. I asked, ‘Mom, do you really believe this?’ and she goes, ‘What? The movies you make are better?’”

I’ll have more from this interview soon, but if you have a chance, do check out Tel Aviv on Fire, which opens at the Quad Cinemaand the Landmark 57in New York on Friday.

Of course, the big movie of the weekend is gonna be Universal Pictures’ FAST AND FURIOUS PRESENTS: HOBBS AND SHAW, and I’ve written quite a bit about that over at The Beat, including my interview with writer/producer Chris Morgan and a box office preview. My review will be live later on Wednesday. Not sure what more I can say about the movie… I enjoyed it!

I’m also excited that A24 is expanding Lulu Wang’s THE FAREWELL nationwide this weekend after it broke into the top 10 last week. I’ve been meaning to see it again myself and probably will this weekend, but it gets my highest recommendation, especially if you want to learn more about Chinese culture and traditions than you may have been able to get out of Crazy Rich Asians. Even though this one also stars Awkwafina, it’s a very different movie and it’s a very different, more dramatic role for the actor, and I wouldn’t be shocked if she’s in the Oscar (and Indie Spirit) conversation at year’s end.

LIMITED RELEASES

Opening in L.A. this Friday at the Landmark Nuart and in New York at the Quad on August 9 is Garret Price’s Love, Antosha, co-produced by Like Crazy director Drake Doremus, which is about actor Anton Yelchin, who was at the peak of his career when his life was cut down suddenly in a bizarre accident. This is a really sold documentary that’s quite heartbreaking, and I want to write more about it and hope to soon…

Opening at New York’s Film Forum on Wednesday is Stephen Wilkes’ doc Jay Myself (Oscilloscope), a film about photographer Jay Maisel, whose six-floor building The Bank on Bowery and Spring Street has been wrapped in mystery until the filmmaker is given access just before Maisel’s planned move after selling the building.  It will open in L.A. on August 18.

One movie I had heard about out of Sundance but didn’t have a chance to see was Britt Poulton and Dan Madison’s Them That Follow (1091), which has an amazing cast that includes Oscar winner Olivia Colman, Walton Goggins, Alice Englert, Kaitlyn Dever from Book Smart, Jim Gaffigan, Thomas Mann and more. It takes place in the Appalachias in a community of snake handlers run by the Pastor Lemuel Childs (Goggins) as his daughter Mara (Englert) is getting ready for her wedding day when a secret is revealed about the church.

Lots of odds and ends after that, mostly low-profile stuff really …

Claudio Giovannesi’s Piranhas (Music Box Films) based on the novel by Gomorrah writer Roberto Saviano stars Francesco Di Napoli as a 15-year-old who lives with his mother in Naples in a neighborhood ruled by the Camorra mafia, although he has dreams of leaving, something that gets him involved with selling drugs.

Latin American filmmaker Mariano Llinás’ 14-hour epic La Flor (Grasshopper Films), which premiered at last year’s New York Film Festival, will open at Film at Lincoln Center in New York on Friday. It’se a “love letter to the history of cinema” filmed on three continents in six languages with the director making appearances to explain the structure. I just don’t have 14 hours to see this so I probably never will.

Adam Dick’s Teacher (Cinedigm) stars David Dasmatlhcian  (Ant-Man) and veteran comic Kevin Pollak that follows the downward spiral of DastMalchian’s high school English teacher who is trying to protect his students from bullies while challenging a wealthy patron in the community.

The other movies opening this weekend are Fred Grivois’ 15 Minutes of War (Blue Fox Entertainment), starring Alban Lenoir and Olga Kurylenko, based on the 1976 hostage crisis when Somali rebels kidnapped 21 French children; Sara Seligman’s crime-thriller Coyote Lake (Cranked Up),  Zach Gayne’s States (Indiecan Entertainment) starring Alex Essoe; and Diane Krueger’s psychological spy thriller The Operative (Vertical), directed by Yuval Adler.

I don’t know much about The Grateful Dead: Meet-Up at the Movies 2019, which is taking place on Thursday, August 1, although apparently, the entire Giants Stadium concert from June 17, 1991 will be screened.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Netflix’s big release of the week is RED SEA DIVING RESORT, a dramatic thriller based on true events starring Chris Evans, Haley Bennett, Michael Kenneth Williams, Alesandro Nivola and more. It deals with the true story of a group of Ethiopian Jews who are seeking refuge from the warlords in Jerusalem, so it’s up to Evans’ Israeli special agent Ari Levinson to find a way to get them out of the country. He does so by having the Israeli government lease a rundown tourist spot in Sudan, to where the Ethiopian refugees can be brought by Michael K. Williams, as the man dedicated to saving them all.

Levinson has to deal with a lot of pushback from the government, including his handler played by Sir Ben Kingsley, but he puts together a crack team of Mossad agents (including Bennett and Nivola) to make this operation happen.

I wanted to like this movie more, due to it being based on an inspirational story, but it’s tone is all over the place, sometimes to the point of ridiculousness, and bouncing back and forth from the serious to the frivolous is not something that works in this case. I just don’t think Gideon Raff, who both wrote and directed this, is a very good filmmaker, and he’s made a fairly bland movie that’s so inconsistent, it’s hard to get

It’s a shame, because this seems like an important story to tell, but when you compare it to something like the recent Hotel Mumbai… or even Terry George’s Hotel Rwanda … it’s obvious why this isn’t getting theatrical distribution.

Rating: 6/10

Also, Cindy Chupack’s Otherwood, starring Angela Bassett, Patricia Arquette and Felicity Huffman will stream starting Friday. They play three friends who are feeling forgotten on Mother’s Day, so they drive to New York to reconnect with their adult sons. (How come MY mother never has done this??!)

Also, it looks like Dear White People is back for its third season, and though I haven’t seen it, creator Justin Simien is a good dude, who I used to work with in his film publicity days, so check it out! (In other words, do as I say, not as I do.)

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Opening Friday is the Metrograph’s retrospective on Czech New Wave filmmaker Luraj Herz called “In and Out of the Czechoslovak New Wave.” This continues in the tradition in the past year of rep theaters getting into the Czech New Wave, and the series includes the filmmaker’s 1978 take on Beauty and the Beast, his 1981 film Ferat Vampire, and then next week, it will screen a restoration of the filmmaker’s 1969 film The Cremator. Also Friday, Metrograph will begin screening a new 35mm print of Joan Tewkesbury’s Old Boyfriends (1979), starring Talia Shire, John Belushia, Keith Carradine and Richard Jordan. In preparation for the release of Nanfu Wang’s excellent new doc One Child Nation, the Metrograph is also showing her previous two films, Hooligan Sparrow on Saturday (with the filmmaker doing a QnA) and 2017′s I Am Another You  on Sunday.

This week’s Late Nites at Metrograph is John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness from 1987, while Playtime: Family Matinees  will screen the 1953 monster film The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, which was a huge influence on the making of the original Godzilla.  “Pier Paolo Pasolini: A Future Life Part II” concludes this weekend with screenings of 1970’s Notes Towards an African Orestes and Pasolini’s collaboration with Godard, 1963’s La Ricotta, which will screen with three Godard shorts, all in 35mm. Rob Nilsson’s 1996 film Chalk will play a couple more times before the weekend, as well.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Forum continues its amazing Burt Lancaster series with Atlantic City and Luchino Visconti’s 1963 film The Leopard on Wednesday, plus John Cassevetes’ 1963 film A Child is Waiting on Weds. and Thurs. 1983’s Local Hero screens on Friday and Saturday and more, as the series continues through August 6.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Tarantino’s movie is still mostly showing Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood for the next few weeks, and it’s also mostly sold out, but the Wednesday matinee James Bond movie continue today with On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969), George Lazenby’s only movie as Bond, but a good one nonetheless. The weekend KIDDEE MATINE is Disney’s amazing Mary Poppins (1964), and then Monday’s matinee is John Waters’ original 1988 musical comedy Hairspray.

AERO  (LA):

It now looks like the EGYPTIAN THEATRE will shut down for renovations but the Aero is back, taking up the “Highballs and Screwballs” double feature series with My Man Godfrey  (1936 )and Danger (1946)on Thursday, followed Friday with a double feature of Billy Wilder’s 1950 classic Sunset Boulevard and Preston Sturges Sullivan’s Travels (1941)… the latter two are in 35mm, the first two as DCP. Friday’s midnight movie is the original Child’s Play, and then Saturday, it’s back to “Highballs and Screwballs” with the Oscar-winning It Happened One Night  (1934) and Ida Lupino’s The Hitchhiker  (1953). On Sunday, the Art Directors Guild brings Woody Allen’s The Purple Rose of Cairo  (1985) with production designer Stuart Wurzel in person.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Apparently, the IFC’s usual series are back… or maybe the theater finally decided to add them to its website because it looks like this began back in early July, and I didn’t see any of this on the site before this week. Anyway, I’ll try to get over the fact that I missed most of July with the August offerings. Weekend Classics: Staff Picks Summer 2019 will screen James Gray’s Two Loversthis weekend, while Waverly Midnights: Staff Picks Summer 2019 will show Stephen Chow’s Kung Fu Hustle and Late Night Favorites: Summer 2019 will show… for the 5,000th time… Ridley Scott’s Alien. (There must be a lot of demand since this seems to show at the IFC Center every month.) Also, “Abbas Kiarostami: A Retrospective” continues over the next few weeks with two more panels by film critic Godfrey Chesire and Jamsheed Akrami this Saturday and Sunday.

FILM OF LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

“This is Cinema Now: 21stCentury Debuts” concludes on Wednesday with double features of Neighboring Sounds (a fantastic Brazil-set doc) and João Pedro Rodrigues’s 2000 film O Fantasma, as well as a double feature of Eduardo Williams’ The Human Surge and Helena Wittman’s Drift.  This week’s free double feature on Thursday is Todd Haynes’ Velvet Goldmine (1998) as well as Alex Ross Perry’s fantastic recent film Her Smell with a reception in between! And did we mention... it’s FREE?!

BAM CINEMATEK(NYC):

BAM’s series “We Can’t Even: Millennials on Film”  continues this week with Beach Rats, The Bling Ring, Tangerine, Greta Gerwig’s Oscar-nominated Lady Bird, David Fincher’s The Social Networkand the Edward Snowden doc Citizenfour, basically movies from the last ten to fifteen years that appeal to Millennials. On Saturday, the “Beyond the Canon” series will screen Haifaa Al-Mansour’s Wadja, along with Wim Wenders’ 1974 film Wind in the Cities.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

The “See It Big! 70mm” series is a bit of a knock-off of what Lincoln Center did a few years back, but some of the same movies will be shown including Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, as well as Alfonso Cuaron’s Roma, plus more in the coming weeks. Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie, will screen every afternoon from Thursday to Sunday as part of its “Summer Matinees: Fantastic Worlds” series. (While there, also check out the Jim Henson Exhibition!)

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

New York’s downtown (and downstairs) arthouse will show the 1966 political thriller Torn Curtain in 35mm on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This week’s Friday night midnight movie is Tommy Wiseau’s The Roomfrom 2003.

Next week, we have a bunch of wide releases including Paramount’s Dora and the Lost City of Gold, the horror anthology Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, the female-driven crime thriller The Kitchenand more.

[nyangibun]

Little Wolf: Part V

@jonsa-countdown

PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV - AO3 LINK

PART V: SONGS

January 10, 2016

“I feel like a frozen watermelon,” Margaery complained. She had a protective hand over her engorged belly and another one pressed over her eyes.

It was a typical frosty winter, no different than the last. Snow blanketed the rolling hills and mountaintops, driving most of Winterfell and its neighbouring towns indoors. The temperature had dropped into the negatives late last night. Sansa had come over to watch over Margaery, while Robb, Jon and their team traveled further north to help search for missing hikers. Every year, there was always a couple who thought they could brave the Scottish weather, and every year, the Fire and Rescue team would have to go out and save them. Sansa didn’t want to think badly of people she didn’t know and who were probably already scared beyond their wits, but every time it happened, it was her brother and her friends’ lives on the line and it angered her that there were people that foolish.

“I can heat up a hot water bottle for you.”

Margaery removed her hand, blinking at Sansa, and smiled. “It’s okay. I’m not that uncomfortable yet. Give me a few months though and you might just have to move in. God knows your brother is useless.”

Sansa chuckled. “Robb tries, but…”

“He’s easily distracted?” Margaery snorted and shifted so she could lean against the sofa. “I know. Trust me.”

It had taken awhile for Sansa to warm up to Margaery when they first started dating three years ago. The brunette was kind and sweet, but Sansa always had the underlying sense that she never said what she meant. This proved to be true the more Sansa got to know her, but Margaery was an ambitious woman in a male-dominated world. She learned a long time ago that in order to succeed in life she had to keep her cards close to her chest; otherwise men will try to undermine her at every given opportunity. Sansa could understand that. In fact, learning to steel oneself away from the world was a lesson she had learned all too well, and that had been the defining moment in their friendship. Knowing that about Margaery made Sansa like her infinitely more, and knowing Sansa understood made Margaery more open to her as well.

But being close to Margaery Tyrell-Stark also meant the woman was as shrewd as ever in reading her.

“What’s going on with you and Jon?”

No holding punches; just blunt interrogation.

Sansa resolutely kept her eyes glued to the tv. “We’re friends.”

“Don’t. You can fool Robb, but c’mon. Friends don’t eyefuck each other from across the room.” At Sansa’s groan, Margaery made a triumphant little noise. “Indulge a pregnant woman.”

“Jon is Jon, Marg. I don’t know what you want me to say,” she sighed, already feeling exhausted with this conversation. It was one Jeyne brought up quite frequently, and even Theon at one point, but that was a drunken awkward conversation she’d rather forget. “He’s…”

“Your perfect soulmate?” Margaery supplied. She squealed with laughter when Sansa kicked her foot. “Okay, fine. You’re friends. Do you want something more?”

“No,” she answered a little too quickly. “After Petyr, I just…” She hesitated. This was something she hadn’t ever told anyone before, not even Jeyne, but maybe it was time to confess. “The thought of anyone touching me makes me feel dirty and I don’t want to feel that way about Jon.”

Margaery’s hand slipped into Sansa’s. She squeezed lightly. “You know it’ll pass, don’t you, Sans? That feeling will go away.”

“When?” she demanded. “When will I stop looking over my shoulder and imagining his face there? Because it hasn’t stopped and I just – Jon means too much to me, Marg. I can’t let this taint him the way it has everything else in my life.”

“So, he’ll wait.” Her friend looked at her with such sincerity in her words it made Sansa’s heart ache because it simply wasn’t true.

“And I’d be a bitch to ask him to,” Sansa pointed out. “Jon deserves better.”

“Better than you?” Margaery snorted. “There’s no such thing, babe.”

Thankfully, Sansa was saved from replying when the door burst open. A swirl of snow swept into the house, as Robb and Theon carried a limping Jon over to the adjacent sofa. Sansa immediately stood up, panicked and worried. Jon’s face was contorted in pain.

“What happened?” Margaery asked. She wiggled, but then decided standing up was too much of an effort for her. “Are you alright?”

Jon sighed. “Slipped. It’s nothing.” When Sansa moved towards him, he put up a hand, his smile fond but tired. “Sans, I’m okay I promise.”

She rolled her eyes as she settled on her knees to take a look at his leg. “Where does it hurt?”

“We already checked. Nothing’s broken, but he probably twisted his knee, the prick.” Her brother had his arms crossed over his chest. The Robb Stark sign of abject displeasure. “We told him not to be a hero, but he just had to go and do it anyway.”

“What did he do?” She glanced towards her brother, whose eyes betrayed his anger. He was just as concerned as her.

“Their knapsack got stuck on the side of a cliff with their cameras inside. Apparently, it had a year’s worth of photos.” Robb didn’t sound impressed, and neither was Sansa.

“So you decided it was your job to save it?” she demanded of the man before her. Jon had the good sense to look regretful. Sansa still stood up and smacked his shoulder. “You numpty.”

He caught her hand before she could pull back and circled his fingers around her wrist. “I’m sorry, Sansa.” Jon’s eyes looked earnest, but he also looked like he was more sorry for worrying her than getting injured. “Hey, forgive me?”

She pursed her lips and shook her head. “No.” Sansa turned back to her brother and friends. “I assume you brought him here so I could drive him home?”

Theon looked sheepish. “His flat is on the opposite side of town. We just figured you’d want to since you two are –”

Margaery kicked him harshly in the shin, causing Theon to yelp loudly. She smiled sweetly back. “Since you two are such good friends.” She turned her smile onto her husband. “Robb, honey, can you help me up the stairs? All this drama is making me sleepy.”

It wasn’t the most subtle save, but Robb was all too eager to please his pregnant wife, so he nodded and quickly went over to help Margaery up.

“Let yourselves out. Night!” she called as the two disappeared up the stairs.

Theon rubbed his leg and sighed. “My cue to leave too. Call me tomorrow, Snow. And uh, sorry, Sans. Bye.”

As the door clicked shut and the voices of Margaery and Robb disappeared behind their bedroom, Sansa sighed, running her free hand through her hair. Jon laughed and tugged her towards him. “Don’t,” she said. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I’m fine,” he emphasised. He still had his hand wrapped around her wrist, soothing the worry that he was in any danger tonight. “There was a moment when I thought that this might be it,” he admitted quietly. He watched her carefully as he spoke. “It was a split second truthfully, barely worth mentioning, but in that second I thought, ‘god, I can’t die. I still have to take Sansa to the Chelsea Flower Show.’”

Sansa laughed. “Really? That was what you were thinking about?”

“Yeah,” Jon smirked, as he dropped her hand and leaned back against the sofa, a picture of ease. “I can’t disappoint my favourite girl.”

Warmth bloomed in her chest, the kind of unbidden hope and affection she didn’t want. Sansa stepped away. “We should get you home. It’s getting late.” If Jon noticed the abrupt change, he didn’t comment on it. He merely nodded and stood up shakily on one leg. Sansa immediately went to shoulder his weight. “Are you sure you shouldn’t go to A&E?”

“If it doesn’t get better in a couple days, I’ll go. Will that make you feel better?”

“Make it twenty-four hours.”

“You got it, Princess Sansa.” He bowed his head and tugged on the end of her hair like he always did when he thought he was being cute. Sansa snorted. Together, they half stumbled their way to her car.

Once they were on the road, Jon began to fiddle restlessly with the car radio. He changed channels so many times Sansa was two seconds away from hitting the brakes and throwing him out into the cold. Finally, he stopped, a bright smile pulling on his lips.

“I love this song.” He turned his whole body so he could look at her. “My mum used to sing it to me, but she’d replace ‘girl’ with ‘boy’.”

“With your curls, Snow, you could easily have passed for a girl,” Sansa told him, winking.

He laughed and shook his head. “Actually, people used to think I was a girl. Mum said I had such a full head of hair as a baby that people just assumed. I guess it didn’t help she dressed me in pinks and yellows all the time.”

“I bet you were a cute chubby baby.” And she bet he had the rosiest cheeks and the sweetest eyes. Oh, how she would have loved to see baby pictures of Jon. Unfortunately, the fire that took Lyanna’s life had also taken a good chunk of Jon’s childhood. So many memories lost in the ashes.

Jon shrugged, adorable little spots of pink on his cheeks. He didn’t say anything for awhile, but then suddenly in an incredibly off-key pitch, he started to sing. “Well I guess you’d say, what can make me feel this way?” He leaned forward. “My girl. Ooh, talking about my girl. My girl!”

“Jon Snow, you are absurd.” But even so, Sansa couldn’t help the laughter bubbling through, as he continued to sing loudly and very badly. He even made hand gestures. And she was embarrassed to admit that every time he pointed at her when he sang, ‘my girl’, hundreds of little butterflies flapped their wings excitedly in her stomach.

For the first time in months, as she sat here driving in the middle of the night with Jon singing beside her, Sansa felt free and unburdened by life’s realities. In this very moment, nothing could touch her. Not her past; not her insecurities; not even the knowledge that this was likely all there would ever be between them, because it didn’t matter. Jon was her best friend, the one person she counted on to always be there for her, and that was enough. She didn’t want or need any more.

May 14, 2017 - Present Day

It was getting warmer. The weather report said there would be a heat wave soon sometime at the end of May, which worried Sansa. She didn’t want Chloe to overheat. From all of the books she’d read about parenting, that was dangerous for a child as young as her. At the earliest opportunity, Sansa headed out to buy Chloe a fan for her room. It wasn’t hot enough yet for there to be a fan, but she wanted to be prepared in case the heat wave hit a week or so early. Weather reports weren’t always accurate after all.

Only half of the shops were opened this early on a Sunday. The first two stores she went to didn’t even sell fans yet, and by the fourth, Sansa’s irritability was at an all-time high, so of course that was the exact moment her arch nemesis at work decided to call after her from down the street.

“Sansa, dear, it’s so nice to see you!”

She grit her teeth and forced a smile onto her face. “Melissa, hi. It’s lovely to see you too.”

“We’ve missed you terribly at work,” the dark-haired woman said in her false dulcet tone. Sansa loathed her. Melissa Ferretti had been eyeing her job for the past year. It was one of the reasons why Sansa had such a hard time going on maternity leave at first, but in the end, Chloe always came before anything else. Still, she hated Melissa.

“I miss everyone there too,” Sansa said politely, hoping she sounded more sincere than she felt.

Melissa smiled broadly. “When do you think you’ll be back? I hope it’s soon.”

She very well knew that Sansa was taking close to a year off. She wasn’t going to half-arse raising Chloe. If she needed to, Sansa would rather quit her job than neglect her little wolf. “I can’t say yet. Chloe is still adjusting, so we’ll have to see.”

“We?”

It had been second nature to her for the past four months to refer to Jon and her as a ‘we’. She forgot most people still knew her as Single Sansa. She should tell Melissa that Jon was simply her co-parent and platonic housemate, but the surprise in her eyes made Sansa feel a little smug.

“Jon and I,” she said casually. “Actually, he’s with her right now and I promised I’d be home as soon as I’m done with my errands, so I’m afraid I have to run now. We should catch up sometime, Melissa.”

Sansa gave the other woman a perfunctory hug and quickly sped away before Melissa could start asking questions about who Jon was. “Okay, um… I’ll see you around!” Sansa heard from behind her. The smile now on her face was anything but insincere; it was perfectly self-satisfied.

After another ten minutes of wandering through town, Sansa finally found a sizeable fan and began her journey back home. The storm from a month ago appeared to have cleared Scotland for summer. The grass looked brighter and the sun more prominent even on cloudy days. She had lived in London for four years, but being down there had only cemented her love for the north. People up here were kinder, more generous with their feelings and there was a sense of community here that London lacked. Most importantly, this was home. Growing up, that had never meant much to her, not in the way it did for the other Starks. Sansa had always felt different, a runt in a pack of wild wolves. She left for London in the hopes that the dreams she harboured as a child would come true – glittering lights, new adventures and all the culture and art she could digest. In the end, Sansa found only heartbreak and an aching desire for home. Winterfell would always be where she belonged. Small as it was in comparison, it was the best place she knew, and driving through the hillside now towards her small little house, Sansa had never been more sure she made the best possible decision. If she hadn’t come home, she never would’ve had those last precious years with Robb and Margaery.

Pulling up into her driveway, Sansa noticed the window was open in Chloe’s nursery. Jon must be up. She hadn’t expected him to be awake yet. He got home at nearly three in the morning last night after what she presumed was a very late shift. She heard him stumbling about in the dark for a few minutes before his door shut and then silence. Late night shifts for them usually meant harrowing rescues and a part of her longed to speak to him about it, just to make sure he was doing okay, but they hadn’t really spoken much since that incident in town. She knew she didn’t have a right to be angry with him. Jon hadn’t done a single thing wrong except greet an old friend. It was Sansa with the problem, but confronting it seemed too complicated. It would only bring up things neither wanted to talk about right now.

Sansa left the fan on the floor in the lounge as she made her way up to Chloe’s nursery. The door was ajar, his voice drifting to where she stood frozen at the top of the stairs.

“I've got so much honey the bees envy me. I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees. Well I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way?” Chloe giggled loudly, clapping her hands together, and she heard Jon’s responding chuckle. “That’s right, lil’ wolf. It’s you. You’re my girl. My favourite girl.”

Tears welled in her eyes. A part of her still thought of Chloe as her niece and resisted the idea of calling her Sansa’s daughter, but not for Jon. The moment he found out in the will what Robb and Margaery wanted, Chloe was his. And that became so crystal clear to her now. She was his daughter. It wasn’t Chloe Tyrell-Stark any longer. It was Chloe Snow-Stark. She was as much apart of Sansa’s family as she was apart of Jon’s.

And whatever happened in their past, they owed it to Chloe to figure out, as complicated as it may be. Sansa needed to move forward.

[recentanimenews]

The Struggle to Avoid Doom Begins in My Next Life as a Villainess!

  A fresh season starts anew, with a variety of new shows to partake in. One show that I've been waiting for is none other than My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! If you know me, this choice is a no-brainer, since otome games are totally my jam. If you're into such games, or even just regular visual novels, I'm sure this will be right up your alley, as well! With that being said, let's dive right into this recap of the first episode.

  **SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 1 AHEAD**

Our villainess is the cute, charming, and wealthy heiress, Catarina Claes... wait, did I say "charming?"

  Whoops, my bad. There's nothing charming about this attitude at all! I feel sorry for those poor maids trying their best to get Catarina ready for her day. Our story begins with our bratty heroine throwing the biggest baby fit over the color of her bow. It had to be PINK, but the maids only had ready what Catarina herself had previously selected. C'mon, girl, the blue goes with your outfit better!

    Luckily for the maids, Catarina's dad walks in and serves as a distraction from the bow drama. He also brings a very important guest: the third prince of the kingdom, Geordo Stuart.

    Oh... she fell in love at first sight, didn't she? Well, as Geordo is talking about the beautiful flower garden as they stroll by, Catarina is more preocuppied with making sure she doesn't let his arm go. She's totally smitten!

    As they walk on, they cross paths with Geordo's younger brother, Alan. He's not as approachable as his brother; he frowns at the pair before heading out. Don't worry, we'll get to know this guy better later on.

  What we should be worrying about is what happens after.

    Catarina dashes after Geordo when he walks ahead, and she takes a very nasty fall that causes... a HUGE change in her life!

  Catarina's life begins to flash before her eyes... or wait... Is this her life or someone else's?! Moments from her birth, to her climbing trees, to being chased by dogs begin to fill her mind as she remembers it all. Just what is going on here?

Meet our real main character, the Catarina we'll be spending the rest of our time with; a girl who got deep into her hobby of games and spent an entire night playing an otome game called "Fortune Lover." The next day, she woke up late for school and ran into the street... you can guess what happened there.

Our unlucky main character died at the tender age of 17. And now she's a wealthy heiress in another world?! Going from climbing trees and playing otome games to royalty... that's quite the change!

    The following day, Geordo checks up on Catarina to see if she's okay, only to discover that she has a nasty scratch on full display right on her forehead. She suggests that it's no big deal and it was totally her fault for running around, but that won't fly with Geordo. High society won't think too well of a scar where everyone can see it, which might affect Catarina's chances of getting married. Should she even be THINKING about marriage at that age? Being a noble is not as freeing as Catarina thought, and as she's thinking about how she misses her previous freedom, she unknowingly agrees to Geordo's wedding proposal.

    Yup. Good luck, kiddo!

  Her parents are completely ecstatic about this engagement, wanting to go all out with celebrations, but all Catarina wants to do is go to sleep. Relatable! 

    It's hard to get excited about being engaged to an 8-year-old boy when you're a teenager trapped in a child's body. Her being engaged to Geordo... something about this situation sounds oddly familiar. In an otome game she was playing before, there was an evil noble girl engaged to a prince due to an injury on her head... Huh?!

  The heroine of the game is a commoner named Marie who gets into the magic academy due to her possession of the incredibly rare light magic. The romanceable guys are Geordo, Alan, Keith and Nicol... Wait, GEORDO and ALAN?! We know them!

Then there's the villainess... Catarina Claes. What kind of fate does she meet in some of the game's endings, though? In Geordo's Good End, after tormenting Maria to a cruel degree, she is stripped of her rank and gets exiled. What about the Bad End? After trying to attack Maria with a knife, Geordo protects Maria attacking Catarina and she ends up dying... Exile or death? There is no good ending for Catarina Claes in this story!

Panic ensues as Catarina begins planning on how to avoid a terrible end as she lives her life in this new world. How about she calls off the engagement? Nah, that would cause a huge uproar and would manifest another Bad End! How about not bothering with the whole magic academy business? Then she wouldn't run into Maria and no such doom flag would appear? Oh, but... it's the duty of everyone who has any sort of magic to attend the academy, so that's out of the question.

Alright then, how about she doesn't bully Maria at all? That could work, but... the Geordo she knows from the game is a total schemer; he might make Catarina look like the scum of the Earth in order to be with Maria. Things aren't looking too good!

The important thing is to stay alive right? Why not train to use the sword to have combat skills at the ready and also brush up on magic? That way, even if she gets exiled, she can make a living with magic. Take that, doom flag! Do your worst! 

And so, Catarina began her sword training and studying up on magic. She had the brillant (is it, though?) idea to do gardening to converse with the earth in order to boost her magical power. I'm not sure that's how this works, Catarina, but you do you.

In the midst of her... garden training, Geordo shows up to formally ask her to marry him! What timing! Catarina's mother faints at the sight of gardener daughter, and Geordo laughs at her magic training attempt. Breathing a sigh of relief that she didn't make Geordo mad, she unknowingly (AGAIN) accepts Geordo's proposal when that was the opposite of what she wanted to do. Good job once more, kiddo! 

Even with her sword and magic training, things are still progressing just like in the game. But Catarina won't give up; she's going to live out her life and not die young again! And just as she thinks that, her dad calls out to her to meet her new brother, Keith, who's also one of the main love interests in "Fortune Lover." Another doom flag to conquer?!

Keith is a distant relative who had a rough upbringing due to being a son of a mistress; he was bullied by his siblings pretty often. In "Fortune Lover," even after the Claes family took him in, Catarina also bullied him on the daily, which caused him to hole up in his room most of the time.

Keith eventually grew into a shallow playboy who fooled around with countless girls to bury that loneliness he grew up with. But when he meets Maria, he ends up falling in love for real. Funny how it always ends up that way in otome games...

  But what about the endings?! Well, as you can imagine, if Catarina interferes with Keith and Maria, she either dies or is exiled. What should she do in this case? Well, if Keith isn't lonely or bullied, that doom flag is done for; Catarina won't meet her doom! Time to give Keith lots of attention as a loving older sister!

    Catarina shows off her veggie garden, some fishing spots and her impressive tree climbing skills. Wait, did I say "impressive?" She fell right off the tree and landed on Keith, so she needs to maaaybe stop the tree climbing. Or anything that has her falling.

  Nice thing about Keith being around: new sword practice buddy! He's been helping Catarina brush up on her sword skills to avoid that pesky doom flag. While the garden is great and all, it really isn't doing much to increase her magical skill. Hm, isn't Keith skilled at magic too?

    He sure is! He's able to make a dirt doll and have it move by pouring magic into it. All Catarina can do is... make a dirt clump. She has a lot of catching up to do!

  When she begs to see a bigger version of this, Keith hesistantly complies. And he was right to be hesitant because the first thing Catarina does is RUN RIGHT INTO IT. This girl is an expert at leaping into danger's arms!

    Of course, this ends in Catarina being bedridden again. How many times will this happen?! She's fine, thankfully! And so is Keith, but... Keith locked himself up in his room refusing to come out. Keith's magic is powerful and he can't really control it that well yet; there was an intance in which he accidentally injured his brothers while trying to use his magic. If he locks himself away, he can't hurt anyone, and he'll make sure it stays that way.

  Unfortunately for him, Catarina wasn't gonna have that happen.

    She breaks down the door with an AXE (where did she get that from?!), and faces him with full determination! There is no way she was going to let him be barricaded like this, after all, that would lead to a Bad End! They make amends with a promise to always stay together, which I'm sure slayed that doom flag far away from Catarina's fate. 

    But while one doom flag goes down, many more will surely pop up! Which doom flag will be the next to challenge Catarina? We'll find out on the next episode of My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!. What an excellent start to a very promising show! We'll be back this Saturday as episode 2 airs to see Catarina conquer more doom flags.

  What did you think of the first episode? Will Catarina escape her doom flags? Let us know in the comments!

  Catch My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! every Saturday at 10:30am PST / 1:30pm EST on Crunchyroll!

  ----

Nicole is a frequent wordsmith for Crunchyroll. Known for punching dudes in Yakuza games on her Twitch channel while professing her love for Majima. She also has a blog, Figuratively Speaking. Follow her on Twitter: @ellyberries

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[cjlotus92-blog]

Momma

Wrote this when my mom was sick and still alive. She passed on Dec 4th 2016. Miss her like crazy, need to write but haven’t been able to find the words. 

What the fuck am i going to do when i loose you, I only choose you, who am i to turn to? so used to running to you when times get bad, when i'm feeling sad, steaming mad, all the people be gunning for the door, except me, i stop, going to drop, staring at the floor, no tone, all alone, this aint no joke, how am i to cope, don't use dope, nope, afraid to choke, to long being broke, who the fuck i'm going to turn to when i loose you,  cuz momma you the only one that makes me glad, you the only one who knows me, shows me what loves supposed to be, with you it aint no fad, there aint no fee, its free, you always been the glue, no matter if you had the flu, you keep this family stuck together, your like a feather, flying no matter the weather, similar to a treasure, tucked away, cuz you know we are just pieces of a puzzle, fuck i'm going to need a muzzle, before i guzzle a million words, then spit them out, no doubt, kick and pout, scream and shout, now its like the sky aint blue, this crazy world aint got no clue, momma what am i to do, i cant fill those shoes, you know i cant down these booze, can't mirror those fools, who will lose, drinking a bottle called twister, not me, cuz, even when things change quicker, i'll always protect my sister from any strange mister, brother takes care of the rest, dont put him to the test, even with a vest, this got me praying, not playing, thinking of you crying, worried about dying, dont matter if i get a blister, never letting go of this rope, bleeding, still having hope, even with this poke, dreading the arrival of the cart, to take my heart, so far away, no car can take me there,time ticking, by and by, feeling like its not a tie, no more, if we loosing, there will be no more cruising, there will be a fight, it will be tight, not light, just right, so fast, you in a cast as i pass, never last place, better fear my face, try and meet my pace, can't get a taste, guaranteed not teasing, just pleasing, still fearful, need to be careful, i aint firing, my thoughts are tiring, even when my babies start crying, never quit trying, still not hiring, maybe tearful, struggling to be cheerful, what the fuck, how is this fair, quick i need a chair, dying, please, doc tell me your lying, dont' you tell me my momma aint got time for flying, shes been wishing for Disneyland, please lord give me a hand, i just want to make her dreams come true, wouldn't you, she aint through, i hate this shit, cancer can suck a fucking dick, because without my moms i dont have a fucking lick, she makes everything click, not a temporary wick, but a permanent tick, i dont want to be stuck here flicking through these channels, sitting in my flannels, looking for all my manuals, chasing these memories, begging for heavens key on bended knees, in ten degrees, please, these hospitals better step up, before people catch up, what happened to that fountain, that fountain of youth, maybe built in a booth, these pharmaceuticals keep promising open curtains, instead they flirting, but whos counting these mountains, pretending like they have a miracle, forgetting to be lyrical, but in reality, the claims lack duality, all these mother fuckers care about is flipping profits, faking dockets, stealing pockets, stripping electrical sockets, can't fit light bulbs, clipping guys balls, acting like they have some big ideas, playing like we could be near, maybe it clears, wait, patients, please have no fear, they don't care if shes a wife, don't care about cutting her with that knife, promising life, the only topics these fat cats care about, is the ones that wear us out, let me tell you some facts, we definitely will not be a door mats, for companies to wipe their feet, we aint a piece of meat, for we the people will wear our tatts, cock our hats, carry bats, fuck it, we know what truly matters, not tatters, so don't try and flatter us, or our intelligence, because if so, we will construct a tall fence, full vision, with complete precision, constant offense, not playing, that shit will be intense, you'll be looking for defense and when you think you about to win, we gonna push you into a full spin, 360 degrees, giving you fleas, while you pay the legals fees, please, what you need to understand, is my momma is part of my clan, a full crew, who knew, i have already started a plan, consulting with the man, the only one who lives upstairs, don't care who stares, he can cure nightmares, turning water to wine, healing the blind, please lord, i'm knocking on your door, i am praying for you to rewind, all these fucking tumors, make them old rumors, so my family can get back to good humor, because what the fuck am i to do, i can't loose you, momma, you taught me to dream for good luck, work to make a buck, you always taught me well, picked me up when i fell, i guess this is me saying, what i want to tell, is this amazing story, the opposite of ordinary, its about this leading lady, who can never be shady, which i confess, she's past all life's tests, and i am blessed to have always been able to call her mom, we spent time on prom, shopping, crafts, tasks, making it last, she is never stopping, even when she was mopping, the messes her kids created, she has never hated a single soul, she would always share her bowl, providing to any person who was thirsting, hydrating the world, one tiny drop at a time, spent every dime, there is no line, helping others, buying them covers, supporting true lovers, teaching all kinds of mothers, the definition of good, she has never minded, which neck of the woods you stood, if she could, she would, man, she has always cared, acting never scared, always being strong, never doing wrong, loving all no matter how tall, even if they fall, all we have to do is call, thats all, she never asks for much, just to keep in touch, try not to fuss, or cuss, too late, she knew it, she went through it, my momma always knows, the tricks, to solve problems, she can bake cakes, not fakes, picnics at the lake, not matter what it takes, fulfill your desires, make fires, change tires, spot liars, sew for days, in a maze, get you out of a daze, give you praise, raise you up, amaze, its a permanent phase, remove any main stains, she tames, no games, even when dealing with lames, who want to blame and frame, they get ate up by her flames, cuz she was born to command her land, blonde hair, blue eyes, big heart, street smart, old school classy, but new school sassy, totally cool, morally smooth, even likes to groove, when she moves, skip bo master, u better go faster, never embarrassing, no comparison, with or without drama, she will always be my momma.  I love you mom.

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