#and honestly it just makes me miserable

[avinox]

Nothing like waking up to your father yelling at you to study. Again.

[liebrenado]

@saimatsu-week Day 1: Chapter 1. "I'm sorry."

[skunkes]

can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate

i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!

Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao

And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...

I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

why is it so hard lol. how does anyone do this. how do people just Not Give In To The Demons. how does anybody do fucking anything without going fully insane. how.

[emotionalcadaver]

Having one of those days where I wanna delete everything I've ever written and crawl into a hole to hide for forever.

Don't worry, I'm not actually gonna. My brain is just being stupid.

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

Every comment thread on a news story about Hobby Horsing:

Boomer lamenting about how far society has fallen

People who were clearly bullies in high school/peaked in high school laughing at little girls exercising, using their imagination and having fun

Equestrians claiming it's not a real sport and that REAL horses are BETTER (sorry that people didn't grow up rich enough to afford horses and compete in elitist horse sports, Patricia)

GROWN ASS MEN MAKING SEXUAL COMMENTS ABOUT MINORS

Leave children/young adults alone to enjoy their hobby horsing.

And you know what? Even the adults. Leave them alone. It's just horse LARP and it's clearly an inclusive and welcoming community of creative (and usually neurodivergent) people so leave them alone.

[naamahdarling]

The nice thing about being an adult is that you can make your own appointments and schedule them for any time you want.

The bad part about being an adult is that you are able to cancel your appointments just because you don't want to go, which gets you off the hook in the short term but is only making more trouble for future you.

I think I deserve a lot of credit for the fact that I discovered I can cancel my doctor's appointment online, and yet I did not do this.

[bunnihearted]

regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p

[moeblob]

Third crime child is Shidou, thank you for the interest and reading my tags. He's the third.

@ladylolalilly thank you for being curious

[trashlie]

Continued dumb things that rattle around in my noggin at like, all times.

This is nothing new, of course; we have talked to DEATH how significant that moment of surprise is in the context of quimchee revealing that Nol likes a nice smile. But the additional context I enjoy is that we know by this stage the friendships Nol meant to be pretend were so real. We already can glean that Nol was very drawn to Shinae in a genuine way - both as a person he wanted to help but also as a friend he earnestly wanted to be friends with.

But, correct me if I'm wrong, this is the first time he sees her smile like that - at a time when she's clearly uncomfortable and miserable on the spot in front of so many people, without her comfort jacket, at an event he knows she's being forced to attend. And it's because of him.

Nol's whole thing is helping people, putting good back into the universe, trying to improve situations for other people. He's surely made Dieter and Soushi smile and laugh.

But here it feels SO loaded and significant. Shinae with her tall, dense walls. Shinae who has been so difficult to reach. Shinae whose friendship he genuinely wants, genuinely enjoys, despite how she tried to stay safe in her shell, in this uncomfortable moment laughing and smiling in such a bright radiant way.

He's a sucker for a good smile.

And he brought her that comfort.

I don't think it's necessarily an attraction thing as much as it's one of those very important bricks laid in their foundation. Nol doesn't in that moment consciously realize he likes Shinae. I think something just strikes him in that moment. That smile, that radiant joy, makes him feel something he can't identify.

THINK ABOUT IT. He's just come back from meeting Alyssa who immediately took off after Meg even though they haven't met in so long. Standing here watching Shinae endure an awkward, uncomfortable dance in front of strangers, everyone recognizes Kousuke - but not Nol. He's a stranger to his family's world, even to his girlfriend. He's just another guy in the crowd.

But there's Shinae, who sees him. The same Shinae who has taken notice of his scuffed knuckles. The same Shinae who, after the dance, immediately goes to him and asks about him.

It's no wonder he says this.

I think seeing Shinae at the formal, clearly against her will, is the moment Nol remembers what happens to people he cares about. He got invested, he sought her friendship, and even though he doesn't know why she's there, he's certain it's her proximity to him. Even before Sangchul, before the pool, Nol remembered the danger.

It's after this he gives Kousuke his word that he'll avoid Shinae, and I think that's why. He already had the intention of distancing himself. It was supposed to be fake and he knew it wasn't and that he doesn't deserve her friendship he put her in danger by showing interest. She had drawn boundaries, she didn't even really want his friendship it'd be fine.

But then he made her laugh. But then she spotted him when no one else did. Then she burst into that bright, radiant laughter because of him and he probably knew: it was too late. He screwed up and yet....

Nothing is okay everything is messed up but he puts on that mask anyway. For friendship. Because he needs to. For her comfort. So he can convince himself he can actually pull away. So he can convince himself it doesn't mean anything else.

So he can convince himself someone cares about him, that maybe something is real even if real means danger.

(But he can't and we know it and we watch it over and over. It's too late and he just can't stay away.)

[sysig]

Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)

[erdariel]

gotta love those days when even listening to random regular-ass songs about love and whatever makes you feel all lonely and doomed and lacking because you'll never have that and that means you'll probably always be alone

[spacejammie-eimmajecaps]

Had a doctor tell me quite sincerely this morning that my "life seems miserable" because of my health problems and it immediately made me think of the damn bitch you live like this meme

[duke-and-acceptance]

spent the day in the garden getting high, cranking tunes, drawing and sipping on home made lemonade.

[mainfaggot]

not killing myself this year or next year because I) I have so many outfits i need to wear (even though I'm afraid of going outside and i get panic attacks abt it sometimes) and II) i have so many coffee and tea concoctions to create and tell my beloved mewchiez about (even though I don't have any interest or energy some weeks) . despite it all. i must live for Fashion and Caffeinated Beverages

[transmasccofee]

tw description of dying by fire

can we talk about this. Can We Discuss This.