#and i do think it was a detriment to gorgug to not see them feel anything besides happy or Regulate Emotion

[allthecastlesonclouds]

not to go crazy about these tags but you just simply must say more on the thistlesprings as italian i’m obsessed with that

I OF COURSE WILL I WILL PUT IT UNDER A CUT THO BC IT GOT LONG

i do mean italian american because that is what i know. and also slightly catholic italian american but. yeah.

alright so it did first strike me with the extended family. i do believe that the vision that the sphinx showed gorgug in the forest had some amount of truth to it– everyone else's did, and wilma and digby are very much the idea of "we don't need anybody but each other! :D"– and so, therefore, what's the reason the extended family isn't in wilma's and digby's lives? misguided kindness on both ends.

the thistlesprings (extended) have prejudice and boy howdy the italian grandparents i know. they try and they cook and they have their laws but also they have their beliefs. my (italian, catholic) grandmother called unitarian christianity a cult and tried to stop my (jewish) aunt from marrying my (catholic) uncle in front of a rabbi (that meme of "i consent" "i consent" "i don't!"). it's giving "all they know is wrong and they must change but you cannot change them without being hurt." We cannot accept people of other beliefs so you cannot let anything else in to prove us wrong, all under the paper-thin veil of wanting to protect.

and wilma and digby are such contradictions. they're so, so self-sacrificing, and yet they'll fight the whole world. they have a tank (wonder what happened to that lawn mower, actually...), for gods sake. they care so much about their boy but they also left their families at the drop of a hat? there simply must be more but also the self-sacrificing and yet horribly defensive... they are trying so hard because they know what they want and they are willing to do anything to get it but they would prefer to not fight extensively. but they do, because they over-corrected from their upbringing, and gorgug doesn't have the solidest of ground at home to rely on.

there's also just the gnomish/orcish culture mashup of focusing so much on food. i love food so much guys. you reach out and share those dishes with others– if you're having an event, you best bet you're getting up crack of dawn and making a multi-course meal that anyone and everyone can enjoy. the frosty fair folk festival being right up w+d's alley– of course it was, it was bonding. especially the as-homemade-as-we-can-get-it. never met an italian american who prefered canned sauce or preshredded cheese over homemade. that shit is as fresh as it gets.

there's also the dramatic family gatherings where everything goes wrong. why did gorgug see basically his entire extended family. i know that. the grandchildren are in the basement playing twister or some shit and the parents/grandparents/in-laws are Hashing Shit Out. there is a veil of politeness until 5 year old is gone and then it's a Shouting Match. gorgug saw "Digby and Wilma [are] having a fight with a lot of other gnomes. [He knows] that [he has] aunts and uncles and grandparents and stuff like that." that was Moonar Yulnear or some shit and stuff Went Down. Everyone was there. the cousins were in a tire swing or something but the extended family was there.

point 5b actually both sides of the family know each other. why do italian americans know either nobody or Everybody In Your Life and Their Life and The World Actually.

they just. they have so much (misguided) care and they mean so much to me. and do you think that any side has tried to reach out or has it just been years and years of blame game, of they'll never accept him and this is just how it is and how could they destroy themselves and how could they destroy something good. it all feels very italian american to me. homegrown experience gone sour because you want to thrive.

[irisbaggins]

This episode, and the topic of rage and anger is oddly topical for me today. Specifically, another fellow student and I discussed our ADHD, and how we both, independently, sometimes trigger anger/rage on purpose to help us finish tasks. How, whilst we both don't like being angry and the loss of control that sometimes follows, it's an incredibly motivating emotion that's really useful sometimes. Especially in academic settings, when you have to sit down and write yet your brain refuses to do it. We both have done the same thing; engaged in an environment that will purposefully trigger a rage so we can be productive. Anger and rage, when utilised productively, can be an incredible motivator.

And to bring this over to Junior Year, I find Porter's speech to Gorgug in this episode (Vulture Clash) to be true. It rang incredibly true for me. Rage feels good, sometimes, but it's an incredibly useful emotion in certain situations. Yes, it can be a detriment in some, but others? It can be productive, helpful, motivating. It's also why, I think, we see such a shift in Porter's attitude as well; he was pushing Gorgug. Specifically, attempting to make Gorgug stand up for himself. The first scene in Freshman Year that occurs on campus grounds is of Gorgug being mistreated, and apologising for standing up for himself. Gorgug has a habit of trivialising the harm done to him, and of never protecting himself. By consistently attempting to needle Gorgug, Porter was - in a rather fucked up way, admittedly - attempting to challenge that part of Gorgug, to get him to fight back.

Porter, whilst being a Barbarian and loving his rage, also seems to understand what that emotions truly means. He's a multiclass! He has spells, he has things that would clash with rage! So, to hear him speak of rage as a tool, as something that can be good, when aimed at a target, it makes sense. Especially when he finally gets Gorgug to admit why he's uncomfortable with his rage.

As someone who has struggled with anger and rage their whole life, I find myself often uncomfortable with it. I see so much of myself in Gorgug and his relationship with anger, which makes this episode so important to me. Especially when I had a conversation about rage and its utility mere hours earlier. Gorgug was scared of his anger, specifically what he lost by giving into it. By being in a rage, Gorgug can't cast spells, can't help his friends protect themselves with magic or gadgets. He would only be able to protect them with his body, which has failed him before. He couldn't find the usefulness of rage, until he did. Until he was pushed into anger through the events that happened at the Fair, until he let himself be angry about Porter's treatment of him. And then, he's told that it's okay to be angry, that it's okay for him to be angry at the way he's treated. It's okay for him to be angry. Anger can be useful, but also, sometimes it's nice to be angry.

However, anger should not be your only emotion. Porter signed the MCAT, which was not only a promise he made, but I believe also a reminder of the fact. Porter approved of the Artificer classes, meaning Gorgug can multiclass into Artificer. A class he cannot - currently - use rage in. Rage is useful, another tool. Now, Gorgug needs to find the balance that is required of him.

And I for one cannot wait to see where this goes.

[titanias-stolen-shoes]

Crossing Paths: Part 12

Summary Here || Read on AO3

~

The tarot shop the girls told her to go was near the Golden Gardens, but further west on the outskirts. Garthy had no control here and even though they were respected, it was much worse to be caught unawares.

They were all in/on the van in an alleyway close to the shop. Tracker and Kristen were on the top presumably to keep watch, but they were more concerned with each other. Ayda knocked on the hood, grabbing their attention. Tracker lit up and jumped off the roof, holding her arms out for Kristen. In her time hanging out with them, Ayda learned that while Kristen was a dancer, she wasn’t very dexterous.

The door slid open and Adaine poked her head out, smiling at Ayda and making way for Fig who jumped out after her.

“I’m not going to lie, I already feel better having you here,” Adaine said.

“Do I look intimidating?”

“Well, yes,” she shrugged. “You’re nearly Gorgug’s height with all the muscle. Only someone who knows you wouldn’t be nervous.”

“Now with Tracker and Ayda with us we’re gonna be just fine,” Kristen said, grinning. “Now we can go into the shady tarot shop.”

The shop was across the street, barely noticeable between an adult video store and adult clothing store. The windows were blacked out the only way to see was through the glass of the door, but the lighting inside made it difficult. Ayda somehow doubted they would be put off by all of that—they were all quite tough from the stories they’d told her. No, it wasn’t that. It was the people that stalked around the place and energy that was coming from it was almost palpable. There was a reason Garthy steered clear of the west side and now she knew why.

They crossed the street, trying not to herd together like scared animals. Fig was the best at looking like she didn’t care. Tracker and Kristen were arm in arm so they didn’t look off. Adaine, on the other hand, looked anxious and stuck close Ayda’s side.

A bell rang softly as they opened the door, filing in. The hairs on Ayda’s neck started to stand on end and she felt hot—like heat was surging through her though she didn’t know why. Though she’d never been to a tarot shop, it almost exactly like she’d imagined. Crystals and candles and plants littered around the tables and shelves. One wall was dedicated entirely to books on the craft and another on different decks of cards. It looked normal, but it felt wrong. Like something was just one degree out of place.

At the back of the store was a table with a young woman sitting behind it, her golden cardigan draped loosely over her shoulders as she stared at her phone. Her eyes flickered up for a moment, taking in the five of them and going back to what she was doing, calling out: “Feel free to look around as long as you’d like. My name is Penelope if you need anything or want a reading.”

Kristen, Tracker, and Fig broke off toward the books while Adaine and Ayda went toward the wall of cards. Amazingly, all of them were different: different sizes, different designs, different themes.

“I forgot to ask: what were Kristen and Trackers cards?”

“The High Priestess and The Moon. The Priestess kind of makes sense since Kristen used to be a prominent figure in her church.”

“Used to be?”

“Yeah her parents basically raised her to be the next one in charge, but they’re all wildly homophobic so she dropped them a few years ago when she realized. That realization also coincided with her realizing she was gay so, win-win I guess.”

“I see. Kristen is stronger than most.”

“Well,” Adaine shrugged, turning over a bright colored deck of cards and putting them back. “Having unfortunate parents is kind of a theme between us. Tracker got kicked out when she was thirteen for coming out. My parents were emotionally abusive my entire life and Fig has had identity issues since she found out the dad she grew up with wasn’t her biological dad freshman year. And Gilear didn’t really make it better by all but disowning when he found out. He’s better now, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt her.”

Behind them Fig let out a loud laugh, snickering at something Kristen said. Looking at the three of them, you’d never know. Never known that their lives held a deep level of sadness that they each had to overcome. Fig was so confident in herself, so charming and charismatic—Ayda would have never guessed she had such insecurities.

Before she could respond, that feeling of wrongness hit again and she turned. Penelope was standing behind her, a smile plastered on her face. “Do you need any help?”

“We’re fine, thank you,” Adaine said, going back to the cards. Though her tone was easy she was standing still, hand resting on her necklace and jaw clenched.

“Are you sure? You’ve been standing here for a while.”

“Actually,” Ayda said, saving Adaine from having to talk anymore. “I would like to have my cards read.”

The smile dipped a little, the change almost too small to notice. Almost.

“Come right this way and I’ll read your cards for you.”

They went to the table, Adaine following on her right and Fig suddenly materializing on her left. Penelope sat down in front of them, shuffling a deck of cards. “Do you have any specific questions you’d like answered?”

“No.”

“Just a general reading then.” She stopped shuffling and set the deck in the middle of the table. “Knock three times and take the first three cards and lay them out in the order you drew them.”

“Why don’t you just do it?” Fig asked. Though Ayda couldn’t see her, by the tone of Fig’s voice she knew Fig was being patronizing. “What’s the point in doing it this way?”

Penelope smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Well, it helps knock away any energy from my shuffle so it’s true to her and not tuned to me. Knock three times, please.”

Ayda knocked three times then drew the three cards, laying them out. Penelope flipped the first one over. “Judgement. You’ve been holding onto something. And it hurts a lot—almost too much to say. But you’re learning to move past it and you can trust that the person you are becoming is one you’ll be proud of.”

From the shelves, Kristen and Tracker walked over, huddling around Ayda. Penelope flipped over the middle card. “Two of Coins, reversed. You’re passive when you shouldn’t be. Holding a neutral stance will not help and may only be detrimental. If your help is actively needed, then give it.” She flipped over the last card. “Death. Change is coming in a way you won’t be expecting. Something big will happen to you—good, bad, or neutral—and you will be changed for it.” She looked up at Ayda, eyebrow raised and asked, “Anything else?”

Ayda wasn’t sure what to say. Before she read her letter, she wouldn’t have cared much either way. She didn’t really believe in it, though she assumed there was some manner of truth to it. But now that she knew just how much of magic was real, the reading made her nervous. Her life had already changed so much in just a week and half how could it change even more?

“No,” Ayda said, standing. “Nothing else.”

Penelope smiled again and this time something did reach her eyes as they landed on Fig. “Would anyone else like their cards read?”

“No,” Fig said. “I think we’re good.”

“Yeah, we just wanna buy these two books.” Kristen held up two books, one covered in stars and constellations and the other was pitch black with a crescent moon on the front. Neither of them had titles or author names on them.

“Are you sure those are the ones?” Adaine asked.

“Yeah,” Tracker said. “We just kind of… know. These are the ones we want.”

“I can check you out right over here then,” Penelope waved them over to the counter while the rest huddled near the table.

“There’s something about her I don’t like,” Fig muttered quietly. “There’s just something about her that feels off.”

“I agree,” Adaine said. “It’s the shop too. It’s not a bad place, but I don’t feel safe here.”

“I don’t read people well, but there’s something about the way she smiles that’s off putting,” Ayda said. “And—” She paused, cocking her head to the side. “It smells like nothing in here.” While she knew that wasn’t the entire reason why, that was a big piece of the puzzle. Despite all the candles and plants and incense, there was no scent except for the faint smell of cigarettes that came in with them.

As soon as Kristen and Tracker were done with their purchase, they left, careful not to seem too eager. At the van they said their names (Kristen Applebees and Tracker O’Shaughnessey) and their books flew to each other with such force it was like an explosion as light filled the van. It lit up with stars and moonlight as a small galaxy folded in on itself until in a burst of light and a single ticket lay on the ground.

Kristen moved first, picking it up then snorting, holding it out for the rest of them to see. A one-person ticket to an art museum in Elmville with a name written in neat script: Adaine Abernant.