#and i ended up passing them up bc i wanted this one
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all sides of you!
the five love languages rin shows to you
itoshi rin x reader: fluff, hcs/drabble, not proofread, likes n reblogs are appreciated <3
words of affirmation
- at the beginning, i think hes a lot more averse to saying romantic stuff so its more of in a long term/after months of dating
- mainly leaves sticky notes/passes notes during class/at home with what he wants to say ar rhe beginning
- after a while tho, he’ll try to at least praise you/compliment you irl then slowly tell you he loves you (altho rarely at the beginning)
- has a bunch of scribbled notes he never passed to you all filled with confessions/ things he wants to say that he eventually says at the back of his closet in a box (because he thinks its sentimental)
- a lot better at expressing his feelings and can say them without freaking out internally or stuttering before giving up and calling you a mean nickname to neutralise the compliment
- believes in a speak not tell but he knows communication is key so he’ll try his best so bear with him
- slowburn moment for this but its 100% worth it when he comes home from competition and all he can say is repeatedly whisper i love u into your ear as he pulls you closer into his embrace
physical touch
- again, at first hes a bit touch averse / awkward with hugs/kisses but after a while of dating..
- 100% super clingy esp after coming back from competition/bllk : his hands have to be somewhere on your skin, doesnt matter where hes not picky
- has to sleep with you, hugging you like youre his plushie (drools a little too btw)
- links pinky when you guys walk together doeznt matter where “you’ll get lost” excuse except his entire face goes pink at the touch of your hands
- really likes kissing your neck, he thinks its rlly cute when he can hear you & esp if it leaves a mark :p
- has piggy-backed you before even when youre not lying about your shoes hurting or being tired to be carried by him
- enjoys being babied ngl like he loves it sm when you pepper his face with kisses while he just lies there or when you comb his hair with your fingers: he feels like hes in heaven esp after stressful days
quality time
- tries to see you everyday : either through school/going to yours/his house, dates, or even facetime call
- calls you every night when hes overseas btw and during breaks he’ll try to text you back n reply to your messages
- the type to make up excuses just to hang out with you like “oh i need to get new shoes, come with me” even though he has 2038839 different pairs and then have to huy another one because he cant be caught (you can tell)
- wld go on “study” dates where he just stares at you 3/4 of rhe time and actually doesnt finish any of his “assignments”
- has gone on hangouts where both of you just chill in silence n rlly likes it because theres no pressure to do anything and its kind of calming/relaxing esp after having to deal with teammates n whatnot during work
- wld watch you play games/do anything while he sits beside you, just enjoying your company even if he craves a little more but thats alright by him
acts of service
- lowkey such an act of service guy like even pre-relationship even if he makes excuses for him bc hes trying to be #idgaf
- the type to rush to your home with meds/food/everything if you text him youre sick after missing school
- i feel like. he just kind of enjoys the peacefulness of like cleaning and would do it whenever hes stressed (ignoring the loud music he listens to)
- would bring your necessities sometimes, and ends up at some point lending a hairtie to reo (he has a pack of hair ties bought for you at all times)
- anytime he goes out to get food/on the way home, he’ll always get a portion of what youd like just in case, and doeznt mind just eating it as leftover if you dont want it
- has a notepad on his phone on your favourite orders (drinks, meals, desserts etc)
- if youre forgetful, he’ll text you to remind you : whether that be to attend events/eat lunch at proper times/buy something
- would go back to the store if he didn’t buy what you wanted/if you wanted something else without any hesitation as long as it makes you smile even if he doesn’t admit it
- would learn how to take pictures for you on his own accord : you didn’t even realise until one day you pass him your digicam and suddenly he was an expert photographer compared to just months ago when. you started dating where his hand was blocking the camera
giving gifts
- has a matching necklace with you at all times and its his lucky charm and he’ll 100% kiss it before a game / when he wins the game
- shared wishlist on online stores except he stalks through yours and buys them for you randomly to surprise you
- if you have something spoiled/doesnt work as well, doesnt matter if its a home appliance/jeans that don’t fit etc, he’ll buy one for you without any hesitation when he goes out/on his phone
- gets you trinkets/keychains/stuff that reminds him of you including any sanrio/anime/designs you like / even your favourite food ie. chocolates/candies/chips from different countries he goes to for matches
- would notice if you wore his gifts or not and try to buy more things that you like more ie. if you like silver accessories more, he’ll buy more of those
- even during school days, he would 100% blow his money on arcades if you like to play claw machine/those rhythms games and watch you play and sometimes if you don’t get it, he’ll try to get them after his football training for you and pass it to you as nonchalantly as you can the next day
- always buys matching things: that bracelet he bought you? yup he has an exact pair in his drawers, feels its more meaningful and intimate
- if you ever ask for anything, just know he’s willing to give you that and the whole world and even the whole galaxy
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#itoshi rin x reader#rin itoshi x reader#rin x reader#itoshi rin fluff#rin.<3#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#bllk fluff
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wait wait wait ok literally after i saw that jon the teenage manager post i automatically searched for your blog bc its been a while and then to see that you were the one who posted it. good stuff.
BUT it also made me think about this idea i had a while back that i want to pass on to you if it tickles your fancy, about jon, who works at some super frilly brunch place to make ends meet and sansa and margery who frequent, either because its cute or because they're hungover and its the closest place to them. maybe its open super late/early and they just always end up in there after/during a night out.
anyways, always a pleasure to be lurking on your blog!
sometimes when people send me prompts, they sit in my inbox for years before I finally get inspiration. Sometimes I get a prompt and it immediately slaps me across the face and won't leave my brain. That's what happened with this one.
Anon, I didn't do a frilly brunch place, I did fast food instead because that's the idea that came to me. Hope you like it!
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so i've officially gotten the job!!! 🥳🥳 i start NEXT WEEK
#cytherea.txt#gonna be real tho the australian economy is in fucking shambles everyone's “hiring” and nobody is actually HIRING#i keep on thinking man i'm soooo glad i had a pension and stable housing during this process#bc this took a full MONTH it was literally the first job i applied for#i ended up applying for like a dozen jobs heard back from five of them and two of THOSE gave me automated interviews...#and i ended up passing them up bc i wanted this one
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One wedding and three funerals
Background paintings under the cut
#tomgreg#succession#tom wambsgans#greg hirsch#shiv roy#roman roy#kendall roy#yeah no im not tagging everyone thats too much#this is me going 'how much implications themes and symbolism can i fit in one painting'#yes i gave rose shivs haircolor. if we ever find out how she looks like and its not like this im just gonna pass away i guess#but yeah i hope yall connect the dots#i put waaay too much thought and work into this. i was googling pictures of all the actors as kids just for reference (sigh)#honestly kinda wanted to make tom and greg link pinkies as like. a pinkie promise. but that was too hard to draw in this angle#at least not without obstructing the view of the ring which is important to see so ya#my fave is actually the tomshiv wedding pic i went off with that. i love them... they should have run away to become sheep farmers fr fr#anyway im so glad im done with this UGH!! finally i can draw smth else without being like oh noooo i need to finish this#i see a lot of you wondering why there is no portrait of logan but one of ewan#it's bc the placement of the painting represent their standing. logans portray would not hang next to the stairs#his present portrait hangs at the end of it. all the way up at the top. alone and withering away#basically the picture you see underneath ewan to the right? its where toms parents would be. the right side of the wall is tom and gregs#and the left one is the roy siblings theirs. since they grew up rich rich. and tom and greg didn't#but ya thats why ewan hangs here and logan does not :)
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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🎃 -- halloween . . . terror is trending !
the witch of ramshackle, the guardian of diasomnia's longs...auburn.
this card is an sr. (vignette 1) (vignette 2)
summon: i wish malleus and lilia would have though to ask me if they could use my residency as their halloween set-up...
groovification: did you see diasomnia's set-up!? i can't believe they built all of that so fast!
set to home screen: let's go see everyone else's displays! i know they put lots of effort into them.
home transition 1: grim no, you can't eat that--! ugh, thank you for reigning him in. he doesn't know when to stop sometimes.
home transition 2: you know, i thought it would be kind of hard to take this seriously since it's a bunch of teenage boys, but they actually pulled this off.
home transition 3: i saved up some money and bought some candy for my friends. i put extra in some of the bags...hey, don't guess who those bags are for!
home after login: i'm not good with horror! these boys get way too rowdy during this season...i need to have a girl's night with on my own to recharge...
home transition (groovy): which display was the scariest..? give me some time to think it over!
tap home 1: you know...this purple is kinda cool! i think it looks good on me, hehe.
tap home 2: you want me to take your picture? oh, of course! what kind of angle do you want?
tap home 3: your costume is so cute! it really clicks with your dorm's theme, ehehe.
tap home 4: i don't know how our housewardens do it...they're kind of amazing. i think i would get overwhelmed with all of this. eh!? what do you mean i'm technically a housewarden too!?
tap home 5: if you want to find me tonight, don't look into the library. i've avoiding idia shroud like the plague.
tap home (groovy): those degenerates who only care about their magicam accounts have gotten on my last nerve...don't tell anyone i said this but i hope malleus zaps them.
#🐙! auburn's yuusona <3#i still need to replay the halloween events because i dont remember them at all#but i think this one and part two are different?#isnt the first one cute nd shit and then the second one is when yuu gets “kidnapped” at the end of halloween?#and so they have to go into the spectral realm to make sure halloween passes?#ok the memories are coming back kinda JDSJJSDJSD#SO IN MY TIMELINE#MY YUUSONA WAS DROPPED INTO TWST BEFORE HALLOWEEN#and yk halloween week is super fucking hectic#so she was a WRECK since she was still getting used to everything#but it also meant she got to spend time alone#yk...until she met ace and deuce#since shes obviously super upset/homesick but doesnt want to cry in front of everyone bc ew???#she goes to find a secluded place to cry for a while#and thats when ortho found her and tried to comfort her#she goes out on snack runs at night sometimes and one night she recognized ortho and went over to thank him#and THATS when she met idia for the first time#cue her trying to make conversation and him doing his irritating mumbles under breath that people CAN HEAR#so gets increasingly more annoyed and fed up with him and remembers him as the guy who made her night worse by assuming things about her#so my yuu meets the shroud brothers pretty early on in game#ANYWAYS.
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🎃 -- halloween . . . terror is trending !
the witch of ramshackle, the guardian of diasomnia's longs...auburn.
this card is an sr. (vignette 1) (vignette 2)
summon: i wish malleus and lilia would have though to ask me if they could use my residency as their halloween set-up...
groovification: did you see diasomnia's set-up!? i can't believe they built all of that so fast!
set to home screen: let's go see everyone else's displays! i know they put lots of effort into them.
home transition 1: grim no, you can't eat that--! ugh, thank you for reigning him in. he doesn't know when to stop sometimes.
home transition 2: you know, i thought it would be kind of hard to take this seriously since it's a bunch of teenage boys, but they actually pulled this off.
home transition 3: i saved up some money and bought some candy for my friends. i put extra in some of the bags...hey, don't guess who those bags are for!
home after login: i'm not good with horror! these boys get way too rowdy during this season...i need to have a girl's night with on my own to recharge...
home transition (groovy): which display was the scariest..? give me some time to think it over!
tap home 1: you know...this purple is kinda cool! i think it looks good on me, hehe.
tap home 2: you want me to take your picture? oh, of course! what kind of angle do you want?
tap home 3: your costume is so cute! it really clicks with your dorm's theme, ehehe.
tap home 4: i don't know how our housewardens do it...they're kind of amazing. i think i would get overwhelmed with all of this. eh!? what do you mean i'm technically a housewarden too!?
tap home 5: if you want to find me tonight, don't look into the library. i've avoiding idia shroud like the plague.
tap home (groovy): those degenerates who only care about their magicam accounts have gotten on my last nerve...don't tell anyone i said this but i hope malleus zaps them.
duo magic: malleus, we have to protect ramshackle! || i assume that mean you're giving me permission, yes?
#🐙! auburn's yuusona#i still need to replay the halloween events because i dont remember them at all#but i think this one and part two are different?#isnt the first one cute nd shit and then the second one is when yuu gets “kidnapped” at the end of halloween?#and so they have to go into the spectral realm to make sure halloween passes?#ok the memories are coming back kinda JDSJJSDJSD#SO IN MY TIMELINE#MY YUUSONA WAS DROPPED INTO TWST BEFORE HALLOWEEN#and yk halloween week is super fucking hectic#so she was a WRECK since she was still getting used to everything#but it also meant she got to spend time alone#yk...until she met ace and deuce#since shes obviously super upset/homesick but doesnt want to cry in front of everyone bc ew???#she goes to find a secluded place to cry for a while#and thats when ortho found her and tried to comfort her#she goes out on snack runs at night sometimes and one night she recognized ortho and went over to thank him#and THATS when she met idia for the first time#cue her trying to make conversation and him doing his irritating mumbles under breath that people CAN HEAR#so gets increasingly more annoyed and fed up with him and remembers him as the guy who made her night worse by assuming things about her#so my yuu meets the shroud brothers pretty early on in game#ANYWAYS.
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Can we agree on a shared clothing size system. I ordered a bikini bottom on eBay (cause I found the top here but the bottom was sold out, uncommon size bra girlies know how hard it is to find a bikini that fits AND in a color you like) and it was marked as a size 10 and since the store was in the UK I thought that must mean it was a UK size 10. So off I go converting to EU sizes and yes UK 10 is a EU 38/M so great my size!!
But it arrived today and NO it was apparently a AU 10 which is NOT a EU medium but a EU small! I got this shipped all the way here for it to be too small bc size conversions needs way more research than I thought! Can we have a shared clothing size numbering system please!
#this has been a whole struggle bc at first a Norwegian web shop DID have the bottoms I was after#so I ordered the top from one web shop and the bottom from the other shop cause none of them had both#I get order confirmations to my email#two weeks pass I get the top but no shipping notice on the bottom#SURPRISE they didn’t have the bottom after all but THAT mail ended up in spam for some reason!!#so I went on eBay to order instead and managed to get the wrong size#can’t imagine it’s easy to return so I guess I’ll order ANOTHER#this may not seem like such a big deal but when it’s really hard to find bikinis in your size AND a nice color that isn’t black or neon#well#I want us to have an international clothing size number system please#but we can’t even agree on metric systems so I guess not#it’s the fantasie swim in Persian Rose if anyone’s wondering
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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one of these days i need to sit down and write out the lore i've thought up for kuroba's youkai au bc i went a lil wild with it.
#it also acts as a precursor for their denki mystery au so i really should have it written down somewhere#quick crash course in the tags let's go :#it's set in medieval japan and starts in what later becomes akatsuka village in denki mystery#kuroba ( they're named kuroha in the au bc that loan word wouldn't exist at the time ) is living as an apothecary in akatsuka village#they're accused of being a katawaguruma in disguise after one of the village encountered one with their face the night before#they're almost executed by the villagers in a pine grove when karamatsu comes to their rescue#( the kodama are pretty fond of kuroha & were making a huge fuss about the situation so he decided to help )#kuroha wants to track down that youkai w/ their face & clear their name so kara offers to help them#he tells them that he's just curious about humans and doesn't want to pass up the chance to learn more through them#but he's clearly got ulterior motives for going along with them#so they end up traveling together to track down the rest of the brothers and figure out what's the deal w/ that katawaguruma#( and learn the truth behind how the sextuplets became youkai in the first place )#THAT'S THE SET UP!! i have a lot of more plot details thought out but it'd be too much for the tags#someone bully me into writing this out ( and finish designing kuroba's youkai au look )#okay i need a nap after work see ya'll in a sec 😭#mj rambles
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just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.
#a sock speaks#local construction#fundamentally I lack the confidence needed to be a writer or a teacher#on the one hand I can't brazen my way out of this by pretending to be confident. I need to actually have the knowledge and skills I claim.#on the other hand I can't just say I'll be confident once I have more knowledge and experience. I have a master's degree!#I want to get more school but more school on its own will not fix this#I've let opportunities pass by because I was depressed. I didn't see how I could be enough for them.#or I was too tired (because I was depressed)#but sometimes it's bc I'm not sure if trying would make things better or worse (that one's on the OCD more than depression)#it makes sense that I lack confidence because of inexperience. but I can only gain experience by going for it. doing things badly is good.#it makes sense that I'm scared to face criticism. I've faced my whole community against me.#I've been stuck at someone's house debating scripture for hours with a migraine and no food. I think that was mildly traumatic for me.#but in most cases I am physically safe and the physical fear is irrational. I can work on this with some gentle exposure therapy.#but I need to bring together the effort to organize my thoughts and the bravado to hold my ground in an argument#and I can only build up this confidence with practice. I need to write. I need to do public speaking.#I'd need a platform for speaking (I'd hate to do a podcast or vlog but it'd be good for me)#but I should write! why am I not writing more? I need to write. writing is the way forward#several years ago I was in such deep despair with life that in order to survive I told myself#that I just had to survive. I didn't have to achieve anything or prove myself in any way as long as I stayed alive#and I went to grad school in Georgia not because I saw a path to a career in biblical studies but because school made me want to be alive#(extremely bizarre case of grad school not being the problem. I know.)#I know I missed a lot of benefits I could've had if I'd been mentally healthy when I went. but it's okay because it kept me going#I can go back to school or not go back. do biblical studies or do something else. I don't have big expectations for myself#but as my mental health improves it occurs to me that I COULD do more if only I believed it was worth the effort#I don't need to fear failure when the alternative was not even attempting it#I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.#I'm thinking I might start a newsletter or blog or something. some Bible stuff and some church/social commentary. just kind of open ended.
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i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back
#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡#u've been warned#i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl#but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter#any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible#it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7#its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic#i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit#but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school#ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other#i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever#i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else#i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with#<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point#be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me#i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak#i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always#comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers#sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad
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looking up info on keloid scarring is so helpful. thanks man I didn't think of trying that one
#well actually that kind of is relevant bc ive been trying to find more info abt tattooing keloid prone skin#which is effectively opting to wound urself. but everywhere is just like if ur keloid prone ummm. Don't do it 👍#theres not enough known abt keloids to predict if theyll be triggered or not by the healing process like it depends on so many things#i mostly get them from acne scars. but they dont always immediately appear sometimes its weeks or months after#n once u get them theyre permanent. treatments for them have a 100% rate of recurrence n will grow back bigger if u try to excise them#and they cant be tattooed over like other scars bc they dont hold ink n the irritation can cause them to get bigger too#it depends a lot on the tattoo artists skill/experience ig like u have to know Exactly how deep ur tattooing + how the wound will heal#bc if healing triggers keloids. well ill just end up with permanent scarring instead theres nothing i can do if it happens#which honestly might still look cool but its unpredictable bc they tend to extend past the original wound. n it wouldnt scar uniformly#urgh. i should probably talk to a gp n an actual tattooist abt it. i could ask to get like a rly small tattoo to test how my skin reacts#pointless thinking abt rn anyway cuz im not gonna get one any time soon i have some other shit to sort before that#but it would be so frustrating if i cant i have so many tattoo ideas i do rly want them.... :-(#ah well whatever.. im just procrastinating doing shit i need to crack on bc i cant spend another entire weekend doing nothing#after a month n a half of being on meds i feel like theyre becoming less effective. my task paralysis n focus is getting worse again :(#like its taking more and more effort its been rly noticeable at work. hoping its just bc of general mental health or poor sleep or smth#and not that im building tolerance or smth bc man. what else can i even do if that happens#this is gonna make me miserable to think abt so lets go do smth else!#at least i woke up feeling tons better today 💪💪💪 storm passed baby#.diaries
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tbh syzoth and ashra is nicebut i do feel the need to make it a little more agonizing to watch
#like uhh even as the years have passed and syzoth is coming to fully accept his family is gone#hes still holding them very dear to his heart#so i think hes afraid of crossing that line into caring for another person#1. because he feels guilty about moving on esp bc he still feels somewhat responsible for what happened last time#and 2. relating to the first reason- hes afraid as soon as he gets comfortable again and cares abt someone#something WILL happen again and hell end up allowing yet another loved one to be hurt or worse#he thinks hes already lucky enough to have friends and to have people accepting him now. so he SHOULD be content with that#but pushing his luck any further and wanting more will just end in disaster#uhm. anyways this has been a alucard mk rant hope u enjoyed.....#mortal kombat#<< tagging cause i just wanna keep all my posts related to that in a little thing
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The meower
#Queued... technically March 23rd?#I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz#either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total#well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!#Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong#Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !!#Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic#atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK?#I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig#I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later#Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho#and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab#ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho#ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE??#augh soo many cool things.....#Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana?#ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too?#I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC??#I started it and got abt one page done on the plane#I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk#Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all?#I hope soooooooooooo#Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE??#i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^#Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U#queue drop#weather report#WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT
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i dont have an actual name for it but depressed college au is probably one of my favorites. i dont really care for the adults in paranatural and thinking about how the activity club/others might grow up and continue their lives is so much more interesting to me
#i started reading this comic when i was 15? i think? and now im recently 23. i cant really say i relate or want to relate to 12 year olds an#y more. and yeah i prefer a lot more nuance and complexity when crafting+ reading stories#but when your protags are 12. well. yeah pass#pnats adults are fine but the kids are the ones i have any actual emotional interest or compulsion towards#so when i write something that might be less 'yippee whimsical wacky adventures' and the options are spender and zarei. again theyre fine bu#t i dont really care enough about spender and zarei#but i still want to write about adults you know. BEING 12 was hard enough you could not PAY me to go back into that headspace#honestly thats actually why most of wizard au takes place in their later school years#like you know those aged up mob psycho 100 aus. where mob is like a fireman and ritsu is an english major and theyre not exactly having epic#adventures anymore but theyre coming into themselves etc. god. thats the stuff 2 me#i used to hate aged up aus as a teenager bc i thought it was the author/artists excuse to put kids in weird situations. and idk considering#it was 2015. yeah fair. but i do think i get it now. teenage years are hard and theres a certain part of that hardness that i love. things#like growing up [from a 17yo perspective] and people you love going to college and trying to find yourself and dealing w friends and fear#for the future. THOSE are the kind of teen stories i like reading about. but when you start getting tired and mellowing out and things that#come with the end of college and grad school and growing up [from a 22yos perspective] is similar. but its more somber. youre older now#when the protagonists become people. thats what i like#wizard au is fun as a huge intense magical adventure project but depressed college au is just like. where i can project.#drinking an entire pack of mikes hard lemonade by myself and lying on the floor talking to friends about how im scared and pushing myself#towards a career that i love but dont know i can achieve. friends leaving. getting an apartment for the first time. and the second and#the third. that feels better when i can sit down and go 'okay. someday isabel will do this too. i might not understand. my friends might not#understand. nobody could understand and i could be alone. but max woke up with a hangover today and i know what that feels like' etc#idk just feels better. taking your favorite characters with you while you go through things. by which i mean#'taking my favorite characters and making them go through things'#you want them to be safe and happy and having fun. i want them to feel fear. we both know what we want from fiction and treasure each#depressed college au#dcau
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