#it was 2015. yeah fair. but i do think i get it now. teenage years are hard and theres a certain part of that hardness that i love. things

[isabelguerra]

i dont have an actual name for it but depressed college au is probably one of my favorites. i dont really care for the adults in paranatural and thinking about how the activity club/others might grow up and continue their lives is so much more interesting to me

[lilatreus]

im new to the ac fandom and i didnt know there were any books should i be reading them?? or are there certain ones that i absolutely need to read or would i be okay if i skip them?

Yeah it’s okay to skip them if you want! They’re mostly there to give some more insight on some of the characters. If you want to read them but you don’t have to money to buy the books, you can read them here. I actually have all the books already on paper copy so I would definitely recommend buying them if you really enjoy them.

There’s also some comics and graphic novels about them too which I have included in on the master list. They actually follow the modern storyline of you want to read up on that. If you want to read them just do readcomicsonline. They have them all, only watch out for ads.

Anyway here’s the master list, it’s pretty long won’t lie:

The books, in order of strictly historical events:

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey by Gordon Doherty (2018)

Basically this books gives the canonical story to assassin’s creed odyssey following Kassandra around Greece. If you had the “best” or good ending from the story then you’re probably going to be upset with the book. I actually liked it and if you were ever confused about the game then this is definitely for you to read.

Assassin’s Creed Origins: Desert Oath by Oliver Bowden (2017)

This book takes place years before Origins. It follows Bayek who a teenager at the time. We learn how Bayek and Aya start their relationship and it kind of explains some of the side missions that talk about Bayek’s past. If you love Bayek and Aya’s relationship you will love this book.

[ insert for whenever an ac valhalla book is written ]

Assassin’s Creed: The Secret Crusade by Oliver Bowden (2011)

This book is the one I’m currently rereading, so it takes place with the father of Marco Polo talking about Altaïr’s life. It talks about his—Altaïr’s—dad within the first few chapters, events that happened in the game, and then what happens after. It gives more insight on what happened between the events of ac one and the little bits of scenes we see in ac revelations of Altaïr in game. If you want to know how Maria and Altaïr got together you’ll like this book it’s very sweet and I love how smitten Altaïr was. If you love Atlmal (Altaïr and Malik) you’ll also like this book but it will crush you.

Assassin’s Creed: Renaissance by Oliver Bowden (2009)

This follows Ezio through assassin’s creed two. Literally just the book version of the game. Does talk about how Ezio and Cristina got together and a few of the memories you get to play in Brotherhood are in this book. I like it. It pretty much follows the game exactly so if you want to skip it, you can but still a really good book that I recommend reading.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood by Oliver Bowden (2010)

Follows the plot of the game. It’s pretty similar to it as opposed to a few differences. While I like this book, I will always say the game is better than this book entirely. Still, it’s pretty good and explains a lot of plot.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations by Oliver Bowden (2011)

It explains why Ezio is doing what he does in the game. Why he’s there and what is reasoning is. You get a little small bit about Claudia but that’s it. Ezio does, in book, visit Leonardo on the last few days before the artist dies :( that’s pretty much it. Only some minor differences to the game. If you’re looking for something about Desmond, you won’t find it in this book.

Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag by Oliver Bowden (2013)

I’ll be honest I only read this book once so my memory is pretty poor on it but from what I can remember it’s about Edward and Caroline and how they got together. And then there’s something about Anne Boney and Edward towards the end I believe. Kind of explains his backstory from the little scenes we’re shown in the game I think? (Correct me if I’m wrong on this one but I’m certain that’s the gist of it).

Assassin’s Creed: Forsaken by Oliver Bowden (2012)

This one was the first assassin’s creed book I read. Now fair warning: if you do not like Haytham Kenway, I strongly advise you to not read this book. It is all about Haytham until the final few chapters and then Connor takes over the book once you’ve killed him in game. This book explains how he (Haytham) came to be apart of the Templars and how Edward dies. It talks about his relationship with Ziio and how he built the Templar order up during the seven years war. I’ll be honest it was okay when I first read it because I was like 11 and the only other thing I had read was like just percy jackson. Looking back on this book though, it’s not that great. I do not like Haytham at all so I, personally, would not recommend this book. I went in reading it expecting for it to be about Connor and I was very disappointed and upset that it wasn’t. So you can skip this book if you like because the only thing it does is give insight to a lot of what Haytham does.

Assassin’s Creed: Unity by Oliver Bowden (2014)

This is my favorite book. This is about Arno reading Elise’s diary after she passed. There’s little bits where Arno writes in here and there throughout the novel. It’s pretty sad I won’t lie. Explains how Elise grew up, what she did during the parts where we didn’t see her in game, and talks about how she felt during the parts where we did see her in game. Basically at the end of the book it’s Elise asking Arno to please help seek unity and stop the war between the Templars and Assassins.

Assassin’s Creed: Underworld by Oliver Bowden (2015)

This book follows Jayadeep Mir, also known to us as Henry Green. There’s two parts to this book. The first part takes place six years before the events of syndicate and you get to really learn about the twin’s father and then the second part takes place during the events of the game. It talks about Evie and Henry’s relationship during the second part and it’s pretty good!

There are no books about assassin’s creed chronicles (ac China, India, and Russia) if you’re wondering why they’re missing :(

The comics:

*most of these take place during the modern storyline I’ll try my best to explain when they come in and how it adds up to the new our modern storyline at the end

Assassin’s Creed the Fall

There’s three issues with this it’s just a graphic novel honestly. Takes place with the main character from AC Chronicles: Russia

Assassin’s Creed the Chain

Graphic Novel sequel to the Fall

Assassin’s Creed Brahman

Written by the same people who wrote The Fall and The Chain, however this focuses on Arbaaz Mir who is the main character from Assassin’s Creed Chronicles: India.

Now from what I’ve seen, correct me if I’m wrong, but the templar and assassin comics pretty much take place around the same time.

Assassin’s Creed: Trial by Fire

Assassin’s Creed issue #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Assassin’s Creed Templars: Black Cross

Assassin’s Creed Templars issue #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Assassin’s Creed: Setting Sun

Assassin’s Creed issue #6, #7, #8, #9, #10

Assassin’s Creed Templars: Cross of War

Assassin’s Creed Templars issue issue #6, #7, #8, #9

Assassin’s Creed: Homecoming

Assassin’s Creed issue #11, #12, #13, #14

Assassin’s Creed: Uprising

Common Ground Vol 1: issue #1, #2, #3, #4

Infection Point Vol 2: issue #5, #6, #7, #8

Finale vol 3: #9, #10, #11, #12

Assassin’s Creed Reflections (pretty much a stand alone I would say, focuses entirely on past assassins but canon to the templar comics).

Reflections 1: modern story focuses on Otso Berg historical story focuses on Ezio where we learn Ezio is implied to have hooked up with the woman who in the Mona Lisa painting.

Reflections 2: same thing for modern story but now Otso is looking into Altaïr’s story. We get to see Maria, Altaïr, and their son Darim.

Reflections 3: Otso is now looking into Edward Kenway.

Reflections 4: Otso looks into Connor and we see him with his daughter. It’s super cute this issue is my favorite.

Last Descendants

The Last Descendants (Novel)

Locus: issues 1 - 4

The Last Descendants: Tomb of the Khan (novel)

The Last Descendants: Fate of the Gods (novel)

Assassin’s Creed: the French Books (these have all been translated into english and theyre all graphic novels).

These books I would say to skip. If you want to read it you can, however the modern storyline has been said to no longer be canon anymore. The historical storyline however is still canon but not actually necessary to the plot of anything.

Cycle 1

Assassin’s Creed 1: Desmond

Assassin's Creed 2: Aquilus

Assassin's Creed 3: Accipiter

Assassin's Creed 4: Hawk

Assassin's Creed 5: El Cakr

Assassin's Creed 6: Leila

Cycle 2

Assassin’s Creed: Conspiracies

This takes place during WW2

Vol 1: Die Glocke

Vol 2: Project Rainbow

Cycle 3

Assassin’s Creed: Bloodstone

This takes place during the Vietnam War. A follow up on Conspiracies.

Vol 1: book one

Vol 2: book two

The last two I have listed (Conspiracies and Bloodstone) are canon to the comics’ modern storyline as well as the historical. Cycle one is not. They’re both graphic novels. Also I want to say that I have not read these two yet so idk if I’ll be allowed to recommend them but they’re there. I have no idea where they’re placed in terms of modern storyline bc these two are very confusing seeing as they originally were canon then told they weren’t and now they are again.

Other comics that I really have no idea where to place but they do exist if you want to read them:

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (mini series)

Four issues for this comic takes place following Aya and her journey. You get to see what happens with Cleopatra. I personally really like this comic you get some lore on the Brotherhood and Aya so it’s good. Read this after the video game. (Pretty positive it takes place after the game events but before the DLC: hidden ones)

Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla: Song of Glory (mini series)

There are three issues in this. Haven’t read this one yet, however it focuses on Eivor. Read this alongside the video game.

Okay so for canon timeline purposes here is the exact order of everything I’ve listed and where they fall in for strictly the modern storyline:

1 The Fall and the Chain (also called subject four which is just the two of the books into one)

2 Desmond’s story

3 Brahman

4 Assassin’s Creed: Trial by Fire 1 - 5

5 Assassin’s Creed Templars: Black Cross 1 - 5

6 Assassin’s Creed: Setting Sun 6 - 10

6 Assassin’s Creed Templars: Cross of War 6 - 9

7 Assassin’s Creed: Homecoming 11 - 14

Assassin’s Creed Reflections (stand alone don’t have to read if you don’t want to but if you do, read along side the templar stories.)

8 Assassin’s Creed Syndicate modern storyline takes place here

9 Assassin’s Creed: Uprising

10 Origins modern storyline starts here and continues for assassin’s creed odyssey and valhalla*

*If you’re confused as to why Juno isn’t in the game plot anymore the comics explains it. Ubisoft has completely moved her story to the comics entirely and in doing so completely finished the story.

[imagine-that-100]

Holiday | Part 1 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’ve been friends with Alex Turner and the other boys from Arctic Monkeys since you were 13. You never for a second thought that Alex would release a song about you though. From late night phone calls and almost constant texting and teasing, you’ve managed to stay close with him over the years. When a pact is established and a holiday is arranged, life seems to be treating you very well. But a month in LA will either make or break you.

Word Count: 13.2K

A/N: Okay so here it finally is. The start of my first Alex series. There’s going to be a minimum of 10 Parts to this series and I really hope you all enjoy it. There’s nowhere near enough Alex content on this platform as there should be so I hope this helps. The majority of the series is set in 2015 and I hope you’ll enjoy reading this as much as I have writing it. Let me know if you want to be tagged. Taglists are always open. Thank you for reading x

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| MASTERLIST IN BIO | 

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You’d been good friends with Alex Turner since you were 13 years old. Being stuck in school and then doing the same boring GCSE’s made it really easy to become friends with people in your school that you never really spoke to before.

Becoming friends with him was an easy process. You both got on with each other like a house on fire and your friendship groups also mixed really well, meaning that in school and after, you spent a lot of time together.

You’d say you started to fancy him during your Music lessons in school. Especially in Year 10 when he came back after Christmas dedicated to learning how to play the guitar and it seemed like literally nothing else mattered. You, being a naive teenager, put it down to you fancying musicians and not that it was anything to do with Alex himself.

Well, that was what you told yourself multiple times to get over it but it sort of just stuck. Your crush came and never really went away. Especially when you started attending parties with him and you fell deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.

The laughs and the innocent looks and the dirty jokes just made him perfect and you found yourself wanting to hang around with him, Matt, Andy, and Jamie more and more.

So, when you had the excuse to start seeing them more at their gigs, you rarely passed up the chance. The first time you went to one of their shows, you were apprehensive to say the least. Just because you had no clue if Alex could sing or not.

He would always refuse to sing in school and to be fair, you didn’t blame him. You rarely sang in front of anyone. Not even your friends. You only sang properly at home, in the shower, or at concerts.

So, when you got to The Grapes to watch Arctic Monkeys’ first gig, you were anxious.

You knew their music would be good because you’d heard Alex play the guitar and over the years, he’d become amazing at it, but you’d never heard him sing. So, when he started singing up on the stage, you were blown away.

His voice was heavenly to say the least. 

It was innocent and gruff at the same time and their music was honestly something you wish you could listen to all the time and no that wasn’t just so you could listen to Alex’s voice all day. Well that was part of it, but you actually enjoyed the music as well.

You supported their music every step of the way and you became really good friends with the boys because you were always there watching them. You were there from when it was just a room with a few friends and family, and you were there when there were real crowds attending just for them.

You were there for everything.

This meant that when you attended various house parties with them, it was never weird when you were spotted in their presence instead of your other friends. If you were honest, they were easier to get on with than your group of girls. There was no bitching with the boys, and you found them much easier to party with.

No drama, just the drinking and it was great.

The parties with them were some of your fondest memories from your younger years and you loved thinking back to them. One of your favourite memories was at a house party a week or two after their first album had been released.

This particular party was memorable because you’d finally persuaded Andy to take part in a drinking game with you and the other boys. Andy was usually never one for games but you’d managed to twist his arm this time.

You were in some guy from high school house and he’d got a drinking game out, which you and the boys took over. It was one of those games where you had to throw a magnetic bottle top at a board and wherever it landed, you had to complete the task it said.

The options were like, ‘Down your Drink’, ‘Take a Shot’, ‘Drink with a Buddy’, ‘Assign a Shot’, ‘Everybody Drinks’, ‘Pass’, and ’Throw Again’. So needless to say, you were pissed by the end of the game, let alone the night.

When you got drunk, you became clingy. So, whilst with your friends it meant that you hugged the boys a lot and didn’t stop chatting. You were by far the drunkest out of your little group because they kept using you as the ‘drink with a buddy’ and ‘assign a shot’.

You vaguely remembered hugging Matt for ages that night until he passed you over to Alex where you would didn’t stop chatting his ear off. Thankfully he was fucked as well and chatted to you a lot too.

“Alex I’m so proud of you” You said as you flung your arms around his neck and pulled him into you for a hug.

Alex chuckled at your words before asking, “Why?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him and moved yourself back a bit so you could see him again. ‘God he was tall’ You drunkenly thought.

“Because you’ve got like a number one album and you never stop. You’re just so good” You smile.

“Nice to know you only think were ‘good’ Y/N/N” Alex chuckled at your drunken truths.

You pouted at him, “You know I didn’t mean it like that”

Alex laughed at you before motioning for you to jump on the kitchen counter, so you’d be a similar height to him. You did so with his help, your head spinning a bit before your eyes settled back on Alex who now stood in front of you in the busy kitchen.

“You know you’re like my best friend, don’t you Al?” You asked him.

“Yeah I know. You know you’re one of mine, right?” Alex asked you with a smile, looking at your drunk eyes trying their best to stay focused.

“Am I actually?” You asked him and the shocked voice surprised Alex.

“Course you are. Can’t forget my music buddy, can I?” He asked you, referring to what you called each other back in high school.

You again threw your arms around him and pulled him towards you. You started chatting pure shit with each other after that and Alex stayed with you and entertained you.

He stood close, still in-between your legs with his hands resting down on the counter either side of you.

You chatted like that for at least an hour and you ordered Alex to make you more drinks, which he happily got you before returning back to his previous position. You both completely occupied the others attention and it wasn’t long before you were back to talking shit.

“So, you ever gunna write a song about me Al?” You grinned before taking a sip of your drink, leaning back against the cupboard behind you.

“How do you know I already haven’t?” Alex smiled cheekily at you before taking a sip of his own drink.

Your eyes went wide and you quickly swallowed your drink so you could ask, “Oh my god, have you really?”

“Maybe” Alex smirked at you before keeping his lips pressed tightly together so you couldn’t see his smile. But you didn’t have to see a smile to know the truth, you could see the amusement in his eyes.

You lent forward and put your hands on his shoulders. “Come on, you have to tell me”

“No, I don’t” Alex chuckled, shaking his head before taking another drink.

You weren’t having any of that though. “Nah come on. Which one is it off the album?” You pressed on.

“It’s not on the album” Alex told you.

“The EP then?” You tried again but you just made Alex laugh.

“Not on there either” He grinned.

“So is a new one?” You asked getting excited.

Alex shook his head smiling and told you, “No, I wrote it about a year ago”

“So you’re just never gunna let me or anyone else hear it then?” You pouted and tried not to laugh upon seeing Alex’s drunken gaze try and stay focused.

“No one” Alex grinned before picking up your drink and pushing it to your mouth to make you forget about the subject. But you never did.

The boys had taken off around the UK which was amazing for both them and you. You never imagined at the age of 20 that they would take you on tour with them, but they did.

You didn’t think they were being serious when they initially asked you. But you, Alex, and Matt had become so close the past 7 years that they just said they still wanted you there at every gig.

You remembered them asking you just after Whatever People Say I Am came out and you couldn’t really believe it. It was about a month after that party and you were honestly shell shocked by their offer.

���So, Y/N, you coming with us or what?” Matt asked you, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Coming where?” You asked with furrowed eyebrows and watched as he took a seat next to you in your lounge.

“Around the country?” Alex smiled at you from his seat opposite you.

“On tour” Matt confirmed, and you looked between them in complete shock.

“Don’t even joke about that. It’s not funny, don’t rub it in my face that you get to go places” You pouted.

Alex smiled at you with a cheeky grin and said, “Good thing we aren’t joking then, ain’t it?”

“You’re actually being serious?” You asked looking into Alex’s eyes. You could usually tell when he was lying and this time you really hoped it wasn’t a joke.

“Yeah. There’s a spare bed on the bus and we want you to come with us” Alex smiled at you genuinely.

“Really?” You asked, your eyes getting brighter by the second.

“Yeah. Why’s it so hard to believe? You’ve literally been to every gig the past four years so can’t leave you behind for this” Matt said pulling you into a hug from the side.

“I’d love to come” You smile at them and then moved over to your other sofa to hug Alex when Matt released you.

You were so lucky that their heads hadn’t grown too big since they’d become really popular and you were glad you got to experience their first UK tour with them.

The only difficult bit about it was watching Alex slowly slip away from you and fall into the arms of a few different girls. But that was okay it was bound to happen, because you weren’t going to tell him how you felt.

Despite the flirty jokes that went on between you and the boys, you wouldn’t act on anything with Alex because you valued their friendship so much. You also didn’t say anything because if you said that you liked him on tour with him, it would have been really awkward when he rejected you to get with the celebrities he could now get.

But that was okay. And when he started going out with Alexa the following year, that was okay too. In fact, you were happy for them, really happy.

You moved on with your life and watched the boys grow bigger from a bit of a distance. Not because of your feelings towards Alex, but because you didn’t want to be known as the Arctic Monkeys groupie all your life.

After the first UK tour, you’d gone back home and got yourself a job that you loved before you went back and finished uni. You were happy and had even settled down yourself with someone you’d met at a pub one evening out with the girls.

You’d obviously kept in contact with the boys as they toured everywhere and saw them whenever you could. But unfortunately, they weren’t home often so it was a rare occasion when you saw them.

You always bought tickets to see them in Sheffield and every single time you got scolded by the boys because they didn’t want you paying for your tickets when your name would always be on the guest list. But you were happy just being on their PR list, where you got free copies of their music in the post the day that something new was released.

You never wanted to scrounge off their fame and you never would. No matter how famous they became.

You loved Favourite Worst Nightmare and Humbug when they came out and you also loved Suck It And See. To be honest you knew you’d love anything they would ever do because you loved your boys and would support their music until the day you died.

And despite both of you being in relationships, you would always find Alex attractive. Not that you would do anything to act on it when you were with someone or if he was, but you could still admire from a far and you don’t think your friendship with them would ever die.

That’s why you didn’t think it would matter when you phoned Alex up just after AM dropped.

It was 00:34 when you called him up. You couldn’t not do. You were so shocked and just needed to quickly chat to him, just to tease him if nothing else.

You smiled as the phone rang because you knew what you were going to say as when he picked up the phone. You also knew that his reaction was hilarious because it always was when he got embarrassed.

“Y/N?” You heard Alex answer and your smile immediately came back to your face.

“Hey Al, you good?” You asked him in a very happy tone.

“Yeah I’m fine... Are you...?” He trailed off and you let out a little giggle.

“I’m great thanks… I just wanted to ask you a quick question” You asked then put a hand over your mouth to stop you from laughing.

“Right…” You heard him say and you could tell he knew what was about to come.

“Do you like writing songs about me?” You laughed.

“Fuck sake” Alex groaned.

You let out a small laugh at that before you carried on teasing “No I love it. I’m just wondering, did I happen to forget that we shagged, or do you just want the boys to think that we did?”

You couldn’t believe it when you heard Knee Socks.

You literally had to play it over again a few times because you knew it was about you. Or the knee socks bit definitely was anyway.

You giggled thinking about it. That used to be your look. You always wore knee high socks around your house and all of the boys had seen you in them multiple times.

From the age of 16 to 19 you dressed like that all the time. Knee socks, skirt or shorts and a top of your choice. That was you and no one from school could say otherwise.

Yeah other girls wore them in school, but they would change out of them immediately when they got home. You however would keep them on and make outfits to go with them.

You even went as far as getting different coloured ones for when school finished so you didn’t have boring black ones on all the time. It was your style and you’d made it your own.

Friends would even shout you over in the street because they knew it was you because no one else wore them, or they rarely did.

The knee socks were once upon a time your defining feature.

In the summer you often went out like that and you literally knew the day Alex was referencing in the song. You’d all gone to the park for drinks with your big group of friends and one of them tipped your drink down your front.

Obviously younger you couldn’t have a stain on your top, so you bothered Alex to let you borrow one of his tops because you knew he lived the closest to the park. And he did actually let you and so he should have because he was one of your best friends.  

You remembered walking with him to his house and he gave you his sky-blue Lacoste top to wear because nothing else was clean. You remember you keeping it for quite a while afterwards too, until one particular day when you invited a few friends round and Alex called you out about wearing it until you gave it him back.

“Y/N can you not?” Alex sighed down the phone and you could practically see him holding the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed as you spoke to him.

“No Alex I love it. I’m just wondering how long you’ve wanted to shag me because I tell you what Al, you can grab the scruff of my knee socks whenever you’re back home” You teased him and it was allowed because you were both single again now.

About 4 months ago he’d called you and told you the news that him and Arielle has split up. And whilst you were sad to hear about his breakup, you were excited you could once again exchange the flirty banter with him that you used to do all the time.

“Don’t tempt me Y/N, I’m only a few hours away” Alex called your bluff.

You smiled at hearing him saying that. “Ooo Baby come and get me” You groan down the phone.

“Y/N” You heard him say and you could tell he was torn whether to try to joke with you or start a normal conversation.

“Al I’m just joking… It cute. It’s a really good song. I’m glad I’m still a muse” You smile remembering back when he teased you saying another song was about you, but he never told you which one it was.

And you knew it wasn’t this song because after Suck It And See came out you asked him about it again and he said he’d already put it out. So, you knew it was either on Favourite Worst Nightmare, Humbug, or Suck It And See but you never found out the exact track.

You heard him chuckle down the phone at you and you joined in. You thought you would take the conversation away from you joking and said, “Alex in all honesty I fucking love this album so much. I can’t wait for my copy”

“Do you actually?” Alex asked you like he genuinely didn’t believe what you were telling him.

“I really really love it Alex. I think it might be my favourite one” You told him honestly.

“Well if you think that, we’ve smashed it then, haven’t we?” He said and you could practically hear his smile.

“You really have Al, it’s so good. I’ve been waiting for it all day” You spoke candidly.

“You could have rung me earlier I’d have sent you a CD or something a few weeks ago, instead of it coming tomorrow. I never even thought” Alex told you, but you cut him off

“No, no, no. You know how much I like the build-up for your music. You know I love it when you release new content and I’m still privileged I’m on your mailing list” You told him.

“Do you really like it that much?” Alex again had to ask still not quite believing you.

“Yeah I love each and every song. They’re so good... Well I haven’t listened to the last one yet but I’m sure it’s great”

“I Wanna Be Yours?” He questioned.

“Yeah that one. I sorta just had to skip Knee Socks back to the beginning a few times and wait for my jaw to peel itself off the ground” You grinned.

“I’m sorry. I should have pre-warned you or asked if it was okay” Alex sighed worriedly.

You shook your head, even though he couldn’t see you.

“No, you don’t. You can sing about whatever you want. I was just confused because I swear, I wouldn’t have forgot shagging you of all people” You teased again.

“Yeah, no, that was something we never got around to doing Y/N” Alex confirmed down the phone.

“Disappointing” You sighed with a smile.  

You heard Alex’s chuckle before he said, “There’s always time Y/N/N”

“Very true Al. I’ll go and buy some knee socks for you, let that kink of yours resurface” You carried on, your grin never wavering.

“Don’t get me excited Y/N, I’ve gotta go sleep soon” Alex attempted to match your humour, but you were too shocked by what he said to carry on the joke.

“What do you mean you’ve gotta go sleep soon? You’ve just released a fucking album you should be out partying” You asked very worriedly.

You used to be out till morning light on album release nights. You were both getting older but Jesus, you at least thought he’d still go out for that.

“Y/N/N I’m twenty-seven. I’m an old man now and besides I’d get fucking mobbed” He told you.

Since he’d cut his hair, the band we’re getting a lot more attention and you were fairly certain that they would be getting a lot more after this album. Alex had been telling you about the crazy fan encounters that he’d been getting on the build-up to the album drop and you were honestly scared for him sometimes.

But that didn’t mean he shouldn’t celebrate the release of his new album. So, you shook your head as if he could see you and said, “No you wouldn’t they will all be at home listening to AM”

“That’s a shout actually Y/N but if I’m honest I’d rather just chat to you and get in bed” Alex told you and it made you smile.

“Ooo Al, getting me into bed was easier than you thought then. Wasn’t it?” You played with him.

“Fuck off” He chuckled again.

“I’m just joking Baby, you can get that sweet spot whenever you want” You giggled to him, your sultry tone coming through though.

“Y/N/N” He sighed at you. It was more of a groan really though.  

“Alex” You say grinning.

“You’re not getting away from this one. You wrote another song about me, and I’m fucking, buzzing. And the fact you wanna fuck me... Alex get yourself back home now” You continued on to say, the smile never leaving your face.

“Can you not?” Alex chuckled.

“Why? You getting all excited? You wanna know what I’m wearing?” You tease.

“What was your favourite song Y/N? Apart from Knee Socks” Alex promptly changed the topic of conversation but you could hear the smile in his voice.

You giggled and said “Smooth” before you continued on to having a really nice conversation with him about the new album.

“Can I be honest with you” You asked him.

“Course you can” Alex told you.

You drew patterns on your blanket as you said, “It will probably change but, I think my favourite song wasn’t on the album”

“So it was a B side?” He asked.

You nodded, when though he couldn’t see you, “Yep. You wanna guess which one?”

“Nah I’ll just let you tell me”

“Boring” You giggled before you told him the song, “Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You”

“Thought you’d like that one” Alex said, and you could almost hear his teasing smile through the phone.

You smile and say, “You know me well”

He then told you about how he came up with the ideas of a few different songs and some of the funny stuff that happened whilst recording. You chatted for ages about all different things to do with the album and about how you were excited to see them on their tour.

But obviously, the conversation went back to Knee Socks on a few occasions.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked because you’d ignored his last question and he could tell you’d gone on speaker phone.

“I’m just looking at the lyrics of Knee Socks” You grinned trying not to laugh.

“For fucks sake Y/N/N” Alex sighed.

“Sorry Al, I��m just intrigued” You told him as you read over the lyrics.

“Just ask me then you don’t have to google it” he tells you.

“Nah this is more fun...” You trailed off as you carried on reading the second verse.

You read over the lyrics with a smile on your face as you heard Alex groan through the phone.

“Oh right. Thanks Al” You say sarcastically, rereading some of the lyrics hidden in the verse.

“Oh no, what now?” Alex asks you.

“I was a stranger in your phonebook you were acting like you knew, ey?” You asked him about it.

You would have never classed yourselves as strangers, even when you did lose touch for a year.

“I meant that I hadn’t spoken to you in ages. It was literally over a year Y/N, you can’t deny that” Alex said, and it was unfortunately the truth.

Both of your lives took over and you didn’t really speak to each other apart from the obligatory Happy Birthday text. Both of your lives took over. You with your job and Alex with touring and then writing Suck It And See.

Messaging and managing calls with differing time zones proved to be difficult and the fact that they didn’t have any social media meant that you lost touch. But thankfully you got back in contact with each other at the beginning of 2011 and your friendship became a closer one.

“Alright then fair enough but… What do you mean that you had nothing to lose?” You asked him but then it was just stereo silence from the other end of the phone.

That was until it all suddenly clicked into place in your mind.

“Oh” You said in shock.

“Oh Alex” You said in a flattered tone with a grin on your face the entire time. You only noticed that he wanted to shag you from the chorus lyrics, but this was a great new find.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but back in like 2011 when you randomly phoned me in the middle of the night for the first time in a year... I was your booty call wasn’t I...?” You smiled as you heard silence on the other end of the phone.

“I remember phoning you back the next day and you were back here” You start to explain remembering the day well. He was back in Sheffield and you were so excited.

“You were back home, and we met up despite you being horrendously hungover... That was when we started chatting again... But all this time you were just back in town and you wanted to shag me, didn’t you Alex?” You explained and questioned, all whilst having a big grin on your face.

“Y/N” Alex said in a gruff voice, trying to stop you from going on.

“Don’t Y/N me, answer me question” You said in an amused voice.

“Maybe” Alex reluctantly said, and you could tell he wanted to die.

You lay back in bed and closed your eyes in disappointment at yourself. You sighed, “I’m never putting my phone on silent again”

“Why?” Alex asked you with furrowed eyebrows.

“I could have shagged you Alex and I missed the fucking call” You said getting annoyed at yourself and you accidentally let that annoyance slip into your voice.

“What, you would have actually said yes?” Alex asked you in disbelief.

“Erm yeah. Next time phone me until I pick up please” You smiled. If he was once open to it, you didn’t need to hide it as much now.

“Y/N I was sad and alone. You wouldn’t have wanted to shag freshly dumped me” Alex told you in a sombre voice, but you flipped it back around.

“Aw Al, if you were offering how could I have said no?” You cooed him.

“Y/N I can be at yours in a matter of hours say the word and I’m on my way. I’m at the top of my game now” Alex says sitting up in his bed.



“As tempting as that is, you literally told me ten minutes ago that you had a dozen interviews tomorrow and I’m sorry, but I need this album to do well because I want more albums in the future” You said reluctantly.

In all honestly you couldn’t believe you were turning Alex Turner down. The guy that you’d fancied since you were 15.

“Next time then?” Alex asked you optimistically.

“Next time” You giggled.

You probably stayed up chatting to him till around half two. At which point you were eager to listen to the last song on the album and you could tell Alex was tired.

You said your goodbyes and promised to text each other soon.

The next few days you obviously had the album on repeat. Trying to learn all of the different lyrics and the vibes each song gave off to see which one was truly your favourite.

You were out walking around Sheffield town centre with your earphones in when you decided you wanted to do a bit of shopping. You hadn’t treated yourself in a while, so you thought you’d have a browse and see if anything took your fancy.

And needless to say, when you saw a certain item of clothing you stopped dead and knew you had to buy it.

They were white knee-high socks that had two blue rings around the top of them. You immediately picked it up and then went on the hunt for a sky-blue top that you could wear just to take the piss further.

Thankfully after the millionth shop you found a long body one in Primark. You couldn’t afford a Lacoste one despite you really wanting to buy one, but you couldn’t justify it just for the joke and unfortunately you did give Alex his back all those years ago.

You then went home to try on what you once would have worn all the time. The top was a lovely colour and came down to just above your mid-thigh which you loved.

The socks though. You had forgot why you loved these types of socks so much. They were so comfy and just from being in that outfit you were warm. And extremely comfortable.

You thought you’d take a picture of yourself just for the sake of it. But you then decided you were going to post it on Instagram, so you wanted it to look good. And you already knew you were going to send it to Alex, so you wanted it to be funny anyway.

You sat on your bedroom floor which you made sure was tidy before posing for the camera set on timer in front of you. You thought you might as well pose for it too despite half your face definitely being cut off because of the camera angle.

You tilted your head up and bit your lip in a seductive way just to take the piss out of Alex further. You bent your knees up so you were almost hugging them but angled them to the side so your blue top could still be seen by the camera.

You made sure that the scruff of the socks could be clearly seen, and you even decided to pretend to put them down. You pulled the blue top over your booty shorts, so it looked like you were just wearing the top as a dress and it looked like you were wearing nothing underneath.

This obviously meant that your thighs could be seen too, and you made sure that they looked what you deemed to be good before you settled on one picture in particular.

The picture left just enough to the imagination. The socks looked amazing and if you were honest with yourself you thought your thighs did too before the sky-blue top covered the rest of you.

The top was baggy, but you still loved the way it looked in the picture. You were also biting your lip in a way that drew the attention of whoever would look at the picture and your hair was messily around your shoulders, and it looked as if you’d been up to no good.

When you were happy you put it on Instagram with a slightly edited caption. You thought you’d be smart and change the lyrics a bit just to tease Alex a bit more.

I’d have never stopped you getting hold of the sweet spot by the scruff of my knee socks.

It was risky but you loved it. You didn’t care what the fans thought. They had been speculating about you and Alex since the early days of the Arctic Monkeys because you attended loads of their gigs and obviously hung around with them before and after.

They thought you were going out with Alex for a good year before he went public with Alexa. You and Alex just laughed and joked about the whole thing though despite you secretly wishing it was true.

There had been multiple times in between then and now when people speculated about the both of you online again. You and Alex just ignored it and had a laugh about it.

When Alex was single Matt always used to refer to you as Alex’s girlfriend which made the whole group laugh. More speculation had even happened at a Last Shadow Puppets gig a few years back and you knew it was about to happen again but you didn’t care.

You really couldn’t be arsed anymore. Once you even told a paparazzi that you were going out with him just to make the guy piss off. Thankfully Alex didn’t care and just laughed about it because you were both single at the time and no publishing ever came out about it.

All the speculation and the fact that you used to post about them a lot meant that you gained a lot of followers on your social media which you didn’t really mind about anymore. It used to bug you that you felt like you needed to make everything perfect. But at one point you just posted whatever you wanted, not caring what people thought anymore.

You’d become sick of thinking that every picture needed to be perfect before it went up and you’d grown tired of wondering if your pictures would get more or less likes than the last. At the age of 25 you thought ‘fuck it’. The likes didn’t matter.

Especially now at 27 you just didn’t care.

You were ready for the speculation to hit again as you clicked post. Alex had broken up with Arielle about 4 months ago and this was bound to get some people talking but despite still fancying him you just wanted to tease him. The newfound information that he fancied you, or at least at one point he thought that you were good enough to shag, had given you a confidence boost.

You received a fair few hundred likes in the space of half an hour and some of the comments made you giggle. It still felt weird getting that many likes despite the fact you’ve been getting them for years.

However, you heard nothing from Alex when the picture had been up a while. So, you decided to copy the link to the picture and send it him.

You sent the link with a message following which said:

Just gunna leave this here for you Turner, enjoy xx

Alex saw the message later on that day. He could see that it was an Instagram link and he got curious.

When he clicked the link, it opened up the Monkeys Instagram as that was the only profile he currently had on his phone. The image opened up after a few seconds and Alex’s jaw fell open.

He was glad no one was around him and that he’d finally reached his hotel room. He was sat down on the end of his bed and studied the image for a few minutes.

Alex thought you looked fucking stunning. And stunning was putting it nicely, he thought you looked fit as fuck. The picture was one of the sexiest things he’d seen.

From your ruffled-up sex hair to you biting your lip. To the way you were teasingly pulling on the scruff of the socks and the way the long top covered what Alex was itching to see.

He thought you looked good back in the day wearing his top but fuck, you looked amazing now. Even better than he remembered.

He couldn’t stop looking at your thighs which he wanted to grab and pull you towards him. If only you were dressed like that in front of him.

Needless to say, Alex liked the picture and he didn’t care that people would see that he’d done it on the Monkeys account. They didn’t need to know he’d done it because he thought you looked beautiful, most of the fans knew you were friends anyway.

But he wished that he hadn’t just flew back to America.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After that night you and Alex started chatting properly. Alex obviously joked with you about the Knee Socks picture you posted, and you couldn’t help but laugh about it from time to time.

You came to see the boys on their AM tour and because they didn’t have a home gig on this tour, you went to their Manchester show. But it was one of their best gigs you’d ever been to, so you didn’t mind having to travel.

Alex and the lads had invited you out for drinks with them after the show which you of course agreed to. The night was filled with laughs and a good catch up until about 4am when they had to be back at the bus to go on to wherever else they were touring.

When you got back to the bus to send them on their way you gave each of them a huge hug. You hugged your Cookie first and he gave you the biggest hug.

“You guys were amazing tonight. I’m gutted I didn’t get the time off to follow you down to London” You said as you hugged Jamie goodbye.

Once you let go, Nick took your attention up. “Well you’ll have to spend more time with us another time” Nick said before hugging you from behind and picking you up off the ground.

You squealed laughing as he span you around. Your mind already dizzy from the alcohol, meaning that this just made it worse.

Nick put you down and let you go before your mind caught up. You knew you were headed for the ground, so you reached out to the leather jacketed man in front of you.

You grabbed onto the front of his jacket to keep yourself up right and Alex’s arms immediately went around you to steady yourself.

“Steady on” Alex smirked down at you.

“Sorry Al” You giggled in your tipsy state.

“I know I’m good lookin and all but there’s no need to faint” Alex said before securing his arms tighter around you and pulling you into a big hug.

“Fuck off” You chucked, hitting him over the back of his head as your arms circle his neck.

You gave him the biggest hug and savoured the feeling of his arms tight around you. “You’ll have to come and stay with us up in LA sometime” Alex said before letting you go.

“Oh my god I’d love that. I bet you’ve got a big house haven’t yous” You said looking between Alex and Matt.

“Big’s an understatement” Jamie chuckled.

“Try a massive fuck off mansion with a pool” Nick added, and your eyes went wide.

“You have your own pools?” You asked and both Alex and Matt nodded.

“Fuck yes I’m coming. Holiday at Helders house” You said as you jumped into Matts arms.

“Yesssss” Matt grinned as he hugged you tightly.

And that was the holiday planned. The AM tour was finishing globally near the end of 2014, so the trip was decided for the summer of 2015.

You’d seen the boys at a Leeds festival in between and you and Alex had started speaking to each other even more frequently. Whilst on tour, you spoke on the phone at least twice a week as you really didn’t want to bother him but when the tour finished you spoke more often.

But there was always constant texting between the two of you.

It was March 2015 when you and Alex were on the phone to each other and you received the most amazing news.

“So Y/N/N, looks like you’ll be staying at mine instead of Helder’s this summer” Alex tells you.

“What? Why?” You asked completely confused.

“Jeez you don’t need to sound so pleased” Alex said in a sarcastic tone.

You scoffed at that and scorned him, “Shut up I’m still excited, I’m just wondering what changed?”

“Well I’ve just had some news… And what the hell Matt told me to tell you anyway…” Alex said leaving you hanging.

“Alex spit it out your scaring me. Is Matt okay?” You asked him, your voice full of concern.

“Oh yeah he’s brilliant, in-fact he’s having a baby” Alex told you.

You gasped, “You’re joking?”

“Nope it’s due in October” Alex chuckled.

“Oh my fucking god” You say getting all excited. But then the tears started forming.

“Why the fuck am I crying?” You chuckle wiping the happy tears from your eyes.

“Awh Y/N. You feeling a bit broody” Alex cooed and teased.

You wipe away a stray tear as you say, “Shut it Alex, I’m just so happy for him”

“Yeah same” Alex admitted, and you chatted about Matt and just life in general for a while.

The conversation later travelled onto the both of your love lives and you both told each other openly. Since you’d last seen him, you’d had a 5-month relationship that didn’t end on the best of terms and Alex told you about different people he’d been seeing.

He told you that after his split with Arielle back in May 2013 he just couldn’t really be bothered to find someone else and be hounded by the press again. Despite that, Alex did have a few shorter relationships with people who weren’t in the public eye.

But Alex told you he was starting to get tired of looking for people who liked him for him, and not his status.

You smiled sadly at that. “Same Al… I feel for you though. Everyone knowing who you are and watching your every move. I don’t know how you do it”

Alex let out a laugh at that. “What do you mean? We’re still going out with each other, aren’t we? Especially after the Knee Socks photo way back when” He chuckled.

“Oh yeah I forgot about that. We’re like 9 years deep now aren’t we and 3 scandals later. Both so us having serious relationships whilst still with each other” You laughed.

“Yeah that’s the one. Maybe we should just throw a curveball and do it, considering we’re both hopeless on our own” Alex suggested.

You shrugged your shoulders despite him not being able to see you. “I’d be down for that. Been trying to get someone to do that pact with me for years” You admitted.

“What pact?” Alex asked and you could hear the curiosity in his voice.

“You know the one that if your both single at thirty, you get together and eventually get married and all that jazz” You explain to him in brief terms.

“I mean yeah let’s do it” Alex says and you’re pleasantly surprised. He continues on, “I could see you over here making me my dinner every night”

“What makes you think I’d come over there and I wouldn’t make you come back home” You tease.

“The fact that we both hate the rain at home and it’s always warm and sunny here. And you know... the fact that I’ve got a pool” Alex argues, and you smile. He knew you too well.

“Good point, well-made Turner” You chuckle. “Yours it is. But you can fuck off if you think I’m making the food every night” You laugh.

“Fine I’ll make it Monday to Wednesday, and you can do Thursday to Sunday” Alex purposes and you smile.

“Fine by me, because Saturday is takeout night and I can make a mean Sunday Roast” You chuckle.

Alex chuckles too, “I’m liking the sound of this already” and you giggle.

“I love how we’re planning this already” You admit.

Alex agreed with a laugh, “Same”

“So, you up for it then? If we’re not with anyone when I turn thirty, we just fuck it and get with each other” You purpose.

You only said when you turn 30 because you knew Alex was older than you. You’d allow him a bit more time to escape a future with you, despite you craving one with him.  

“I’m in” Alex confirmed down the phone and you smiled.

“We’re so funny” You giggle.

“We are”

“Ah well at least I know you can take care of me Al… You can sing me to sleep” You smile.

Alex chuckled at that. “I thought you were going to make a joke about money but if all you want me to do is sing to you Y/N/N, that should be easy”

“I’m offended you think I’d be with you for the money” You scoff. “I remember letting you have twenty quid back in the day because you wanted a takeout and I never saw any change. Don’t even think you gave me a chip”

“Well I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy you a takeout when you come over” Alex says, and you giggle.

“Thanks Al” you chuckle. “Do you want me to bring my knee socks with me too? Get you excited for me being your wife in a years time” You tease.

“Please do. God I’ll pay for you to fly out today if you bring yourself in some knee socks” Alex teases.

You let out a loud laugh at that. “You know I’ve got meetings all this week. You can’t be tempting me with offers like that”

“I just want you out here sooner rather than later Y/N/N” Alex tells you and you can hear the smile in his voice.

You chuckle and say, “I’ll be out there before you know it. In my knee socks. I promise”

~*~*~*~

And because you think your hilarious, you actually do get on the plane to LA in knee socks.

You got on the plane in some plain black knee socks with your black and white converse on. You also wore dark blue denim shorts because you knew it would be really warm over there.

On your top half, you wore a black and white stripped baggy top that you knew you wouldn’t get too warm in and you wore a black and green flannel top open as a jacket over the top. You would more than likely remove it when you got off the plane and tie it round your waist.

Your flight took off early afternoon in the UK and you knew the time difference would be a problem so you deprived yourself of sleep the night before so you could sleep on the plane. You were hoping to get your body into gear for LA’s time zone.

And you were thankful that you did before you spent all but 2 hours of the 14-hour flight sleeping. Which was over double what you usually slept each night. When you got to LAX the time was 7pm and you couldn’t wait to see Alex and Matt.

Alex was going to be picking you up from the airport thankfully, so you didn’t have to get a taxi to his house that you had no idea if it was right or wrong. As soon as you stepped foot off the plane the heat hit you and you immediately took your flannel shirt off and tied it around your waist.

You texted Alex saying you landed and that you were headed to boarder control. You got a text back saying that he would be ready and waiting for you which made you smile.

When you got your suitcase, you made your way out to where everyone was being greeted by people. You looked around the impressive airport in hopes to find one of your closest friends.

And he wasn’t difficult to spot in the busy airport. In fact, he stood out like a sore thumb.

Your man was wearing a white top with his leather jacket over the top with blue skinny jeans. He also had on some boots that you had no doubt costed a bomb and he wore those iconic Aviators.

His hair was jelled up like it was the 50s and if you weren’t so excited to see him you would have probably admired him for longer. He looked gorgeous but you just wanted your old friend back in your arms.

When you saw him, you started jogging over to him and you saw the smile on his face as you made your way over. Alex knew how excited you were, and he was actually surprised you weren’t fully running his way.

The real surprise came when you reached him and jumped into his arms. Your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms wrapped around his neck.

The speed at which you came at Alex threw him a little which almost caused him to lose his balance. So, to save the both of you his arms went around you to keep you upright and against him and once steady he gave you the biggest hug.  

“Hey” You greeted him in an ecstatic voice that rang down his ear.

“Hey Y/N/N” Alex said into your ear in an equally happy tone and he hugged you the tiniest bit tighter. He’s missed you so much.

You stayed in his arms for a minute longer as you pulled back a bit to see his face. You smiled when you saw his glasses were slightly wonky because of your greeting and you corrected them for him before placing your hands back on his shoulders.

“I love the glasses” You smirked at him, knowing he would get your little joke.

You made jokes on the phone about him probably wearing them to bed, because he wore them inside all the time. You’d seen his interviews so you knew he couldn’t escape the truth of your statements.

You felt Alex’s grip on you move to underneath your legs to keep you up, but you smiled when his finger quickly ran over the top of your socks.

“I like these” Alex smiled at you and you giggled.

“I thought you might” You smiled at him before returning back down to the ground again.

You grabbed your suitcase that you had previously abandoned and started following Alex to wherever you needed to go. You were clueless.

You had no idea where you were headed. Even after you dealt with leaving the airport, you had no idea where Alex’s house was or what it looked like, but he assured you it was nice.

You followed Alex through the busy airport and you both made small talk as you made your way to the car park. He took your suitcase from you as you got to the carpark and you thanked him as he pulled it towards the black Range Rover that you assumed to be his car.

“This one yours?” You asked him smiling.

“Yep” Alex confirmed, and you chuckled.

“I remember you always wanting one of these” You smile as you watch him unlock the car and open the huge boot.

Alex smiles at you. “Well you know me. Creature of habit” He said as he lifted your case into the boot like there was nothing in it. He’d definitely been going to the gym. The Alex you once knew complained about PE but he’d just made that fucking heavy suitcase look like it was empty.

“You brought everything you own?” Alex asks you as he shuts the boot.

“No” You pout as you walk around to the door and Alex follows you. “I left the settee at home” You joke and Alex laughs.

You look to the car door your about to open and get into but then realise you’re in America.

“Fuck” You say, and Alex laughs again as you make your way around to the other side of the car.

“You sure you don’t wanna drive?” Alex teases you.

You smile but flip him your middle finger and he grins as you get into the car next to him. You look around the expensive car and your staggered by how much room there is.

“This is amazing” You say looking at everything and running your fingers over all the buttons near the door handle.

“Sick innit?” Alex smiles looking at you getting all excited before he connects his phone to the car and immediately The Strokes start playing.

You aren’t shocked at all by this and smile. “Glad to see you’re still you Al” You smile as Alex starts to pull out of the parking space.

On the drive Alex asks you all sorts of things like what your flight was like and he wanted to know everything from back home. You of course tell him, but you’ve got questions of your own for him.

You ask about the rumours about him and Miles because you just can’t help yourself despite knowing they weren’t true.

“No, you bitch, you’re causing more shit because your sending tweets out saying we’re cute all the time” Alex scorns you but his smile shows that he’s not actually bothered.

“It’s not my fault you’re horrendously cute and close with each other. I ship it Alex, I would’ve been happy if it was all true” You tell him honestly.

“Well it’s not so you can chill about the whole Milex thing or whatever you called us” He chuckled as he drove.

“Okay okay” You laugh but after a minute you realise something.

“Wait how did you know I tweeted about you? You don’t have twitter” You asked him with furrowed eyebrows.

Alex laughs at that before saying, “You really think I don’t have twitter Y/N? That’s adorable”

“Oh my god, what’s your handle? Let me follow you right now” You say getting your phone out of your pocket.

“Nope” He shakes his head. “It’s a secret one for a reason. Don’t want anyone finding me on it and I know what your like. You tag Matt in everything” Alex says, and you gasp.

“Wow. And I thought we were friends” You shake your head with a laugh.

“We are. But you don’t need my Twitter or my Instagram to be my friend” Alex says but you just gasp.

“You’ve got Instagram too?!”

After the shocking revelations wore off and him not telling you anything, you were finally excited to see where he lived. When you were about 5 minutes away Alex told you and you got yourself all excited.

He’d been keeping it a secret from you for months so you could experience the excitement when you got here. He already knew you would love it, but he knew you were going to be completely shocked.

Alex always was himself when he came back. He had to remind himself that it was all real and that it was actually his.

“You ready?” Alex asked you as he turned a corner and he had to stop at a barrier, and he said ‘Hey’ to the guy in the booth.

You were so confused but the guy let the barrier up and you were once again driving down the road.

“Do you live in an army base or something?” You asked him.

Alex immediately laughed and shook his head, “I believe they call it a gated community”

“Fucking hell Alex how big’s your fucking house if you have guards for all the houses here?” You asked.

“You’ll see” Alex chuckled, and you looked at the houses you passed as you moved further down the road.

“This one coming up is Miles’” Alex points in front of you and you look around and your completely shocked.

It was huge and that was an understatement. It looked like a 5-bedroom house at least and as far as you were aware Miles didn’t have a girlfriend or anything, so it was baffling that he had a house that big all to himself.

But you shouldn’t have been so shocked because when Alex pulled up outside his own house a few minutes later, your jaw was on the ground.

Alex stopped the car in front of the house so you could still see it and you were in complete awe. It looked like the houses that you saw in films where all the mega rich people lived.

It was mind-blowing to you that your Alex Turner, from high school, lived in a house like this. But if you could afford it, you definitely would be living in this sort of lifestyle too.

You honestly couldn’t believe he lived in a house like this all alone. It was stunning.

You could see that the house was one of a modern style. The different stories of the house could clearly be seen from the entrance and it looked like it was at least 3 stories high and it seemed to have loads of balconies. Everywhere you looked there was something new and something that you wanted to explore.  

“Fucking hell” You said breathlessly.

Alex chuckled looking at you. You looked like he must have looked when he first saw it. Jaw agape and in complete shock.

“Do you actually live here?” You turned your head to look at him with wide eyes.

Alex laughs and nods at you and you slap his arm. “And you haven’t invited me over before?! Alex I could live here and never see you it’s that big!” You say and Alex nods.

“I told you that you could come whenever you wanted” He reminds you.

“I didn’t want to interrupt you, but I didn’t know you lived in a modern castle. I can’t believe you didn’t show me this place” You said as your eyes were still fixed on the huge house.

“Do you wanna have a look around?” Alex asks grinning at you and you nod very enthusiastically.

“Right let me put the car away first and then I’ll give you the grand tour” Alex says as he grabs the fob that opens one of three garage doors.

When he drives into the garage though you’re once again shook. He has a convertible white Audi in there and a fancy looking red sports car. 3 more cars could easily fit into the room though.

Your jaw is once again on the ground as you ask, “Are these both yours too?”

Alex nods to you and you very cheekily ask, “How much money do you actually have?”

“Too much” Alex tells you before you both get out of the car.

You are still astounded by the other cars and looking around the garage whilst Alex gets your turquoise suitcase out of the boot for you. You walked to meet Alex at the back of the car and grabbed your case from him.

“I’ll get it” He insists but you shake your head.

“Nah it’s okay I’ll feel like I’m going into the Love Island villa” You laugh.

“You been watching it?” Alex asks you and you nod.

“Yeah have you?” You question, very intrigued by his answer.

“Course. Do you not remember watching it years ago? We were all at yours watching it. That’s when I got my Lacoste top back” Alex recalls.

“Still fuming you wanted it back” You laugh. “But I got a banging tune out of it so I can’t really complain”

“Right come on. We will go in the front way so you can get the full experience” Alex smiles before pressing a button on the garage wall and the door starts to slowly close.

You both walk up to the door and Alex gets his key out and opens the door for you. He allows you to walk in first and the whole place astounds you. As he shows you around your flabbergasted by everything you see.

It was all modern and open plan with really nice furniture, and everything was mesmerising. There were so many things he showed you and each room that you went in left you in awe.

It turns out it was a 6-bedroom house with 4 different floors. In the basement was a cinema room that could easily fit about 20 people on the huge but comfortable sofas in there. In the basement Alex also showed you a room where he kept most of his guitars.

He had explained that it had originally been a huge wine cellar, but he would have never filled it so to make a better use of the space he had the room converted. In there was at least 30 guitars in there which were all stunning to look at and you definitely wanted to play a few of them whilst you were here.

On the ground floor were all the usual things, except they weren’t usual, they were huge. The kitchen was massive and had two of everything. You saw no need for Alex to have 2 fridges, 2 freezers, and 2 ovens when he lived on his own.

Through an archway the kitchen led to the lounge and dining area, which was all open plan. The lounge had 2 three-seater settees which were at a right angle towards each other. They both looked towards the 60-inch Smart TV which was just as lovely as the rest of the place.

The other side of the sofas was a pretty big dining table with an abundance of chairs around it. It looked like something you could have a massive dinner party at, but you were more about eating in comfort, so you usually ate your tea on the settee.

The wall of the entire back of the house was sliding glass doors which showed off a beautiful view of LA and a massive pool. When Alex took you outside you were actually astounded.

The pool was amazing and even though it wasn’t really dark yet, you could see the lights were already illuminating the water. Around the pool was a really nice stone patio with a few sun loungers on either side of the pool. There was some really expensive looking garden furniture on the patio too.

There was a really nice BBQ area and Alex also pointed out to you what land was his. The whole thing shocked you. So much of it was his.

The garden was huge, and it was beautiful. Everything looked so fresh and the pool looked really modern. The view of LA from the house was also incredible.

Alex showed you the other rooms that filled out the ground floor. There was a laundry room that was probably the size of your bedroom back home and a downstairs toilet too. Other smaller rooms filled out the floor too and you were just shocked by how beautiful everything was.

Just in-between the lounge and the dining table were some sleek marble stairs which led upstairs to the second floor. Up there were all the bedrooms and a few bathrooms. Alex showed you his room and you loved it.

It was very him. He had loads of vinyl and books on shelves, a record player and a few guitars lay around. There was also a desk in there, and he had a king-sized bed which had really nice navy blue covers on.

But he then showed you his en-suite and you were once again shocked. The shower was fucking huge and so was the bath. The bath could probably fit 3 or 4 people in it if you tried hard enough.

You said that you weren’t staying on the whole other side of the house to him, so you put your suitcase in the room down the hall from his. You didn’t have an en-suite, but you had a bathroom just across the hall.

Alex then showed you the third floor which was just as impressive as the rest of the house. The third floor was split into 3 different sections. The largest was the music room which was to be expected. In there was everything any musician could possibly want.

There were a few more guitars that you recognised from the various times you’d see him on stage. There was a drum kit, a few bases, some recording equipment and a lovely black grand piano.

You had to sit down and play a quick tune on it. You loved playing the piano and you always had. Ever since you were taught how to play in high school you carried on teaching yourself after school too and you were pretty good.

One of the other sections was a home gym which you of course knew Alex now loved doing. Almost every time you spoke to him on the phone, you’d interrupted his gym session or even stopped him from doing it.

One wall was purely glass which had a stunning view of LA and you could see the lights of the city sparkling in the distance as the light faded. You didn’t particularly like going to gyms back home because you didn’t like to exercise in front of a load of people but with a view like that you could easily see yourself getting lost in your work out.

The final room Alex showed you was his office. You thought it was more of a library really though because of one of the walls was entirely a bookshelf.

The whole house was stunning, and you felt the need to lie down after it was all done. However, Alex kept you busy.

“Your surprise is downstairs” Alex informed you as he put his phone away.

“My surprise?” You questioned with a smile.

“Yep just for you” Alex told you and he led you back down to the ground floor.

As you came down the stairs into the lounge and dining area, you saw someone else you’d not seen for a very long time.

You hurried past Alex and jumped into the arms of another one of your long-lost best friends.

“Matt” You said throwing your arms around his neck.

“Hey Y/N” You could practically hear him smile as you both started swaying into the hug because you didn’t want to let each other go.

You then thought about his baby and started to tear up because you were a complete softie. “I’m so happy for you Matt” You said trying not to fully cry.

“Awh thank you Y/N/N” Matt said understanding what you were talking about.

You squeezed him tighter and said, “I’ve missed you so much as well”

“I’ve missed you too” He chuckled.

“I’m so happy for you both though. What date is Breana due?” You asked.

He told you the date and you hugged him even tighter. “Y/N are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m just so happy for you” You said before letting him go.

“You’re gunna be a daddy” You said almost crying.

“I know” Matt chuckled putting his hands on your shoulders making sure you were okay.

“Are you excited?” You asked.

Matt nodded, “Yeah, and scared and nervous but I’m so excited”

“Good you should be. I’m a little bit jealous of you I won’t lie” You told him honestly.

“You want a baby?” He asked you. It’s not something you’d ever really chatted about before, but he was intrigued and so was Alex who was listening in.

“More than anything in the world, why do you think you’ve got me crying?” You said wiping yours tears away.

“Awh Y/N/N” Matt cooed you and hugged you again. “I didn’t know you wanted kids that much”

You got your emotions under control again and told him, “Yeah I really do. That’s why I get morbidly depressed after every breakup because the chance of kids gets further away”

“Aw don’t worry. Everything will sort itself out. You know I didn’t know Bre until all the videos and look at where we are now” Matt recalled, and you nodded as you let go of him.

“Yeah that’s true. I’m still so happy for you both though” Hopefully life would sort itself out for you.

Matt was about to say something to you until the sound of a phone loudly rang and took up his attention.

He pulled the phone out of his pocket and says, “Speaking of” and he shows you Breana’s caller ID on his phone.

“I’ll be 5 minutes” He informs you and you nod before you turn around and see that Alex is sat down on the settee that’s facing the wall of windows.

He’s sat with one arm across the back of the sofa and you take a seat about a foot away from him. You sit so you are looking towards him and you start asking him questions about the house that he happily answers.

You were asking him really boring things and he told you the equally boring answers that were interesting to you. He told you things like he had cleaners come in every 2 weeks to clean the place because he still couldn’t stand doing housework. He washed his clothes and cooked and that was about it.

But Alex moved the conversation back onto you.

“Your hair’s so long now” Alex noticed as he picked up a strand that lay near his hand and twirled it round his finger.

You smiled at his action and nodded, “Yeah I thought I’d grow it out. I just kept on looking at our old school pictures and I was like I want my hair like that again”

“It looks good. Suits you” Alex complimented with a smile before letting your strand of hair fall back over your shoulder and onto your chest.

“Are you saying I didn’t suit my short hair Al?” You teased.

“What? No, it looked great. All I’m saying is-“ Alex started stumbling over his words.

You giggled to yourself but quickly saved him, “Alex, chill out I’m just joking. Thank you”

“It’s alright” He said calming himself down a bit.

You smiled and asked him, “You know what I miss though?”

He looked to you and raised his head slightly waiting for you to tell him.

“I miss your long hair” You almost pouted at the thought of your friend with his long, wild hair. The fringe really was something back in its day.

Alex let out a laugh at your comment and you smiled at him.

“It’s never going back like that. It was awful” He shook his head at you before running his other hand that wasn’t resting on the sofa through his hair.

“Aw no it wasn’t. It was dead cute” You giggled.

“I do like what you’ve got going on now though” You carried on to tell him.

“Very Clark Kent” You smirked trying not to laugh as you reached up to twirl the small curl that hung over his forehead.

“Fuck off” Alex smiled pulling his head back and pushing your hand away.

You thought you’d annoy him further like you used to. You got on your knees on the sofa quickly leaning closer to him and both of your hands found his perfect hair and you hastily messed it up.

“You bitch” You heard Alex say in an annoyed tone but when you looked down you could see the smile on his face.

When you looked at him though Alex made the most of you temporarily being distracted and he grabbed your wrists and pulled them down from his head.

You grinned at each other, you waiting to see how he was going to retaliate. After a second of stillness Alex brought both of your wrists into one of his hands and with his other, he aimed for your hair.

You hastily pulled yourself backward trying to return to your seat on his large sofa, but he was having none of it. The now messy haired man pulled your wrists towards him and you almost fell against his chest with a small yelp escaping your lips.

His fingers ran through the roots of your hair and messed it up completely dragging it over your face, almost like he was trying to suffocate you with it. When he stopped, you laughed and shook your head trying to pull free from him, but it proved difficult with his tight grip on your wrists.

“Alex” You screeched giggling and his laugh could be heard too.

You blew the hair out of your face and shook your head as you lent back away from his free hand. You managed to get your hair to part again and you could finally see and breathe.

“You’re annoying” You chuckled at him.

Alex laughed “Now you know how annoying you’ve been for fifteen years”

“Fuck you” You said pushing against his chest, but he just laughed at you.

“You can if you want” He smirked in a playful way that you were now only used to down the phone.

“I would but I don’t know how I feel about this newfound kink of yours of holding people down. And besides Matt’s in the other room” You joke with a grin.

“Well we’ll have to wait until he goes home then won’t we” Alex returned with a playful smile tugging you slightly closer.

“Alex” You squeaked with wide eyes.

You never expected him to be this forward with you in real life. You fucking loved it though.

“What? You’re the one that’s all sexual with me on the phone” He chuckled and pushed your bound hands against his chest.

“Fame has changed you Turner” You smile shaking your head slightly at him. You hadn’t flirted with him like this in real life since like 2006.

“You haven’t changed a bit” Alex smiled and once you smiled back at him, he released your wrists from his grasp.

“Jesus you dug my watch into my skin” You said before you eased your watch up your wrist a bit more.

“Look I’ve got a red mark now” You said showing him the skin that had been pressed down underneath your watch. It was quite funny because a circle had been pressed into your skin and its outline was pretty clear.

Alex took your wrist again, you thought to inspect the damage, but he said, “What’s this?” He traced the small black line that ran the whole was around your wrist.

“One of my tattoos and your gunna shoot me for it” You tell him before taking your watch off.

You rubbed the slightly red skin and then showed him the inside of your wrist which was the main part of the tattoo. You’d gotten the AM that came up at the end of the Do I Wanna Know video tattooed onto your wrist about 3 months ago.

You’d saw someone else do it online and loved it, but you decided to make the line go all the way around your wrist which sort of made it look like a bracelet. You got it because AM was your favourite album and the boys were a huge part of your life and you never wanted to forget that.

Alex took hold of your wrist again and gasped, “You didn’t”

You giggled and said, “I did”

“Why?” Alex chuckled shaking his head as he traced the AM line on your wrist.

His actions tickled slightly as you said “Well it’s my favourite album and your music means a lot to me. And I’ve wanted one for a while and this one was perfect”

“You’re crazy” Alex smiled as he carried on inspecting your wrist.

You laughed at that and shook your head, “Do you like it?”

“Yeah it’s lovely I just can’t believe you’ve done it” Alex told you smiling looking back to you.

“Well you make really good music and you’re my favourite band, so a little fan dedication can’t hurt” You added to try and validate your actions.

“It’s on your wrist I bet it hurt” Alex smiles your wrist still in his.

You laughed at that and nodded, “Tickled a little but it was worth it”

You then added, “Now I can be reminded of you all the time Al”

“Don’t know whether to say lucky or unlucky you” Alex chuckled looking back down at your wrist. Still tracing the line.

You smile, “Definitely lucky. My best friends aren’t too far away now”

“That’s a cute thought” Alex chuckled.

“I am cute. What can I say?” You joke and Alex laughs just as Matt comes back in and smiles when he makes eye contact with you again.  

As Matt walks back over to you, Alex asks him, “Have you seen what she’s done?”

“What’ve you done now?” Matt chuckles looking towards you before you show him your wrist.

He looks from your wrist back up to you and says, “You didn’t”

“I did” You chuckle.

Matt laughs and shakes his head before saying “You’re an idiot” as he sits himself down on the other sofa.

“No, I’m not, I just like your music Matthew” You whine with a smile.

“We know you like our music; you didn’t need to get a tattoo of it” He tells you shaking his head at you.

“Oh, sorry Dad” You chuckle. “Getting into the role already I see”

At that Alex burst out laughing and Matt shot you both his middle finger.

You spend the next hour chatting away and you make them fill you in on everything. You loved a bit of gossip and the fact that theirs sometimes included other famous people was something you lived for.

Alex had kept you up to date on most things over the years on your various phone calls, but nothing beat a good face to face catch up. You’d really missed the boys you’d grown up with and you were beyond happy you could spend more time with them whilst you were over.

And you ended up having a great evening with them to. A perfect way to start off a holiday you’d never forget.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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(Sorry I don’t know why some of them didn’t work)

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

[cecilspeaks]

176 - The Autumn Specter

Lips are the toes of the face. Welcome to Night Vale.

[spooky theme song]

It’s Halloween again, Night Vale, my favorite day of the year. As a kid, my mother used to dress my sister Abby and I in homemade costumes and take us door to door, vaguely threatening our neighbors until they gave us candy. When I was a teenager, I got a little old for trick-or-treating, so I started going to haunted houses with my friends. A lot of those haunted houses were kind of predictable with all their chain saw killers and Victorian ghost children singing nursery rhymes, who would follow you home and sing by your bed for months afterwards, but they always got to me. I loved the emotional rush of being scared. I still do. Of course, I don’t go out much to haunted houses, but I still love good old fashioned scary stories. I thought today would be a great day to share some of my favorites with you. I had my new intern, James, put together a few spooky tales that are perfect for putting you into Halloween mood.

But first, let’s have a look at the Community Calendar. This Saturday night at the New Old Night Vale Opera House, is the annual costume gala. This event is the Opera House’s largest fundraiser and one of the most prestigious costume contests in the region. A panel of judges will be on hand to determine the best costume at the ball. Last year’s winners were Joel Eisenberg and his partner Danny Jimenez, who dressed in a tandem outfit of a stegosaurus. I was there, listeners, and it was impressive! The creature was so realistic-looking. The craftsmanship of the costume was top notch, but listen, I have to confess I’m always more into high concept creativity rather than realistic details when it comes to costumes. Like I remember the 2015 gala, when Amal Shamun came dressed up as the concept of ennui. She made herself 12 feet tall, dressed in a taupe long coat, and created a constant drizzling rain inside the ball room. Anyone who looked at her got super sad and wanted a hug. But Joel and Danny’s stegosaurus was fine.

Sunday afternoon is the fall craft sale in Old Town Night Vale. An inscrutable maze of stalls showcasing the finest products from our town’s artisans. There will be cultural events for children, like finger painting classes, puppet shows, and a visit from the Autumn Specter. The Autumn Specter returns. It comes to collect its crops, with its great and sharp sickle. [creepily] It will harvest every ripe soul in Night Vale, the Autumn Specter is hungryyyy! It is Octoberr and it is timme to feeeeeee-duh.

Hey James, this Community Calendar doesn’t seem right, it’s just a bunch of stuff about the Autumn Specter. Also this font size, what-what is this 32 point? That’s just much too large. And it’s printed in red ink and that is a waste of our color toner, James. Eww, eww! This red ink is still really damp. OK, plus there’s nothing about start and end times of the craft fair, or anything about the food trucks, like if the Autumn Specter is hungry, surely it wants some falafel or Korean barbeque or tacos. James, could you just redo this story? James? James? [clears throat] Well, listeners, I don’t know where James went. Um, I can hear him breathing, but I don’t see him anywhere. Yeah, it’s fine, let’s just get onto our first spooky story.

[static, old-fashioned music] One quiet moonless night, not long ago and not so far away, a teenage girl sat in a house that was not her own. It was the home of Tony and Sheila McDowell. The girl was their babysitter, and she had just put the two young McDowell children down to sleep. The girl watched TV alone in the dark living room, only the bluish flicker of a scary movie illuminating her face. The phone rang abrupt and loud, startling her. She raised the receiver to her ear. “Hello?” she said with a slight quiver. “Have you checked on the children?” came a raspy voice. The babysitter ran quickly upstairs, opening the door of the kids’ bedroom. She flicked on the light, and there they were, fast asleep. She went back to her movie, but the phone rang again. “Haave youuu checked on the childrennn?” came the same voice, only more sinister. The babysitter again hurried upstairs, opened the door, turned on the light, and saw the children still asleep. The caller called again and again and again. “Have you checked on the children?” The babysitter, so scared, barely able to move, hung up the phone before the voice could finish its repeated query. When the phone rang once again, she answered and shouted: “Stop calling me!” But this time, it was a different voice. The person on this occasion said: “Ma’am, this is the police. We’ve traced the call. The call is coming from inside the house. Get out, get out!” The babysitter panicked and started to run, but then she remembered: she never called the police! How would they know to even trace the call? So she crept fearfully upstairs to the children’s room, and the phone was ringing again, the clamoring bell igniting her fright. And she cracked open the door and she saw- She saw the young McDowell boy and his little brother hunched over a phone and giggling! They were pranking her, and she felt relieved but embarrassed. And she told them to stop fooling around and go to sleep. And they all shared a good laugh.

Let’s have a look now at traffic. [papers rustling] Um.. OK, well I don’t seem to have a traffic report from intern James. Also James isn’t here right now, because I sent him out to go pick up lunch a few m- Oh, hey James, James, James, James – wait, why are you standing in the control booth? You were supposed to go get lunch and also I’ve asked you a couple of times not to wear that burlap bag over your head. I mean yes it looks great, with the Jack o’ Lantern face drawn onto it, I mean the mouth is a bit lopsided and the eyes are a tad uneven,  you know kinda flat and emotionless, but all in all it’s a cool look, but it’s decidedly not allowed in Station Management’s dress code. Oh, you’re holing a knife, too! So did you get- did you already get that lunch then? Well if that- if that’s the case, you don’t need to cut my sandwich in half, I’ll-I’ll take it whole. And also I need that traffic report, thanks. James? What are you waiting for, the Autumn Specter to do it for you? [chuckles] Hop to it! James?

[clears throat] Well, while James is working on that, let’s get back to my favorite spooky Halloween stories. This one isn’t a story so much as a fun Halloween game. The legend of Bloody Mary.

According to the lore, if you turn off all the lights, and stare into a mirror, repeating “Bloody Mary” three times in a row, she will appear and tear your face off! I’ve never tried this because I don’t own any mirrors, but my husband Carlos conducted this very experiment in his science lab. He said he darkened the room and repeated the name and nothing happened for a long time. But then a figure of a woman appeared, silvery gray and shimmering, and she approached Carlos slowly, her hollow white eyes never blinking. She brought her face only inches from Carlos and said: “Are you for real?” And Carlos said yes, he was indeed – real. And Bloody Mary said: “OK because this time of year, I just get a bunch of giggling, screaming teenagers, and I’m really tired of ripping off their faces for no pay whatsoever!” And Carlos gave her some resources for starting a union and she thanked him and she offered to tear his face off in exchange for the consulting, but Carlos said no, he liked his face, and wisher her luck. Night Vale, pay your malevolent spirits! They’re overworked especially around Halloween. And a 20 per cent gratuity for poltergeists, phantasms, revenants, and ghosts is standard.

And now for t- what the, oh you- [papers rustling] Wait, OK. You know, I thought intern James had handed the traffic report to me, but this is just a piece of parchment with a 9-pointed star seemingly drawn by a finger dripped in blood. And then there are a series of ancient runes scrawled around the outer edges. Now I took runic in college. I mean, most of my friends took Spanish as their language, but I thought living here in the American Southwest, it would be more useful to study ancient Scandinavian and Germanic alphabets. And from what I can make out, these are a message about the return of the Autumn Specter. Ugh, alright. OK. I love that intern James loooves Halloween and whatever this the Autumn Specter is. In fact, James is still in the break room right now construction a sacred totem out of ash tree branches and twine. He’s been muttering to himself all day in a language that I don’t recognize, and the only words I can understand are “Autumn Specter”. But I still have neither my traffic report nor my lunch! Wait, do you think James is… Naah, put it out or you mind, Cecil.

Let’s tell another spooky Halloween story. There once was a beautiful young woman who wore a green ribbon around her neck. She won the affection of a handsome young man. They fell in love and one day the boy asked the girl why she always wore a green ribbon around her neck. She would not tell him. One day the man and the woman were to become husband and wife. In her white bridal dress, the woman still wore her green ribbon. The man asked her on their wedding night if he could untie the green ribbon, but even on the  most intimate of evenings, she said no, and he respected her answer. But he longed to know what she was hiding behind the ribbon. Through the years, the man asked the wife again about the ribbon, but she never removed it, nor answered his questions about it. She only warned him that he would not like what he saw if she were to remove it. He asked less and less, but his curiosity grew and grew. And they became old, very old, and they knew their time left was short. The man asked one more time: “My dearest wife, love of my life, tell me that I may remove the green ribbon from around your neck.” And the old woman said: “My adoring groom, here in our room after all these many years, yes you may. But I caution you, as I have many times before, that you shall not like what your eyes behold.” The man hesitated, but finally reached his weakened, wrinkled fingers to the green bow along her nape. And he tentatively pulled the ribbon, and suddenly it unfurled, falling from her neck, and the man gasped. Upon her neck was a series of ornate letters spelling out “GOTH LIFE”. The woman said: “I got this tattoo in high school but kind of outgrew it and it’s super embarrassing.” And the man replied: “It is for sure weird, but also pretty cool. I like it.” And she never wore the green ribbon again.

You know, listeners, I’d love to bring you that traffic report, but right now, um, I’m facing something much more urgent and more dire. My studio door has opened on its own, and as I turned around, I could see down the long faintly lit corridor of our offices. And at the end of the hallway stands a figure, and he wears a Jack o’ Lantern mask, his head crooked to one side like a dog asking a question or like a hanged man, or both. And it is intern James, and he holds a long knife and he walks, he walks slowly toward me. And he is speaking at first in a mutter, but now louder, a strange shout in an obscure tongue like a magician casting a wicked spell, and he is moving much faster toward me, like a limping run, and his blade is raised high, and James is not an intern, Night Vale, bu the Autumn Specter itself come to reap my soul!

But before he does that, Let me take you to the weather.

[“Welterweight” by Nels Andrews. https://nelsandrews.bandcamp.com/]

So. During the weather, I went to human resources and requested a file on intern James. Oh I’m fine, by the way, and James is not the Autumn Specter, but I’ll get to that. So I found a copy of James’ résumé and cover letter for the position of radio station intern. His application was originally submitted in 1845. “That’s almost two centuries ago!” I exclaimed, but according to HR, they’re pretty backlogged on the intern apps. “What are you gonna do, we get to them when we get to them,” they said from the bottom of their abandoned well. Paperclipped to James’ application was a wrinkled and yellowed news clipping from the Night Vale °Daily Journal, and the article says that James died on Halloween night in 1849 when he was hit by a train. I then went to the hall of public records and found that our radio station was built in 1950, atop the very train tracks where James met hi send. James’ soul has been wandering the halls and offices of our radio station ever since. For all James ever wanted was to be a radio intern. To serve the listening community, to lift high the voice of journalistic truth. And it was his death that led to the shutdown of those train tracks and the eventual construction of a new station home, and the building we still use now. So I was wrong about James. He was an intern, after all, and not a malevolent Halloween spirit.

But I was right that the Autumn Specter had come for me. For when I turned to see James running down the hill, I did not notice the Autumn Specter behind me, with its bony hands and scarecrow mouth, and I did not notice its soul reaping sickle, which it had raised high above its oversized head and stick thin body. And James had given his life for the building of our radio station, and in death, gave his soul for the very same cause. And James threw himself upon the Autumn Specter, and he tried to stab the Specter’s neck and chest, but it-it- it did nothing. And the Spectre pushed James aside and then turned its black coal eyes upon me. And it raised its curved blade once again and swung! I tried to duck, but was too slow. And just as the sickle’s edge reached my face, James dove in front of it and vanished in a burst of white flame, as he was struck. And the room was empty and the Autumn Specter was gone too.

To the family and friends of intern James, he was… an OK intern. Not always on  top of his writing deadlines, but he literally sacrificed his soul for our radio station. I can’t bring you a traffic report today, but I will live to bring you one tomorrow.  If we find a new intern. And HR tells me that we have hundreds of candidates, although  most of them are not yet aware that they are candidates.

Stay tuned next for our new cooking competition show, “Flay Bobby Flay”.

And as always, Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: The road to hell is paved with cobblestone. It’s super bumpy, not at all comfortable, and really bad for your car’s suspension.

[burningdarkfire]

tagged by @saturdaysky​, thank you! always very happy to talk about writing 🤠

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

36 on ao3, with many others left in the past on livejournal or ffnet

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

162k. it’s kind of a shame it doesn’t have the majority of my pre-2011 output as i never ported over my top four or five longest fics. i would’ve loved to see some genuine lifetime totals!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

9 on ao3 (critrole, nier, hetalia, overwatch, trc, voltron, no. 6, star wars, tiger & bunny). if you expand trc to include anything clamp and throw in code geass then that covers everything i’ve ever published, though homestuck is by far the fandom i have the most WIPs for despite never finishing a single one and deserves a shoutout

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

take my hand / take my whole life too: critrole, 9k, how essek and caleb’s relationship evolves through touch

blue sky, warm sun: critrole, 3.5k, six mornings caleb wakes with essek

dark night, bright stars: critrole, 3k, six nights caleb spends with essek

kitty love: star wars, 1.5k, kylo ren forms a bond with hux’s cat millicent

the walls kept tumbling down: critrole, 2k, caleb spontaneously visits essek after a hard day

commentary and further answers are below the cut!

spots 1-3 on the list are gladly accepted, given that i also think they’re some of my best and most broadly-appealing shadowgast. kitty love gets its spot despite being pure, pointless crack because it’s for a huge fandom, which is fine and fun but i don’t have a lot of personal attachment to it

the walls kept tumbling down is a surprise! it was a self-indulgent “i want a fic exactly like this to fix my mood and instead of digging through the internet for one i’ll just make one up” that i only worked on for a couple of days. i’m glad it clicked for other people!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i always try to respond to comments, although sometimes a week or two pass by before i can find the energy to sit down and do it

admittedly comments have gone unanswered during months or years when i’m not writing fic and then it feels too awkward to a) go back and respond, and b) respond to any further comments on the fic even if they come in when i’m active. so instead those comments haunt my ao3 inbox forever (oops)

i do appreciate every single one though, and there are some comments that i go back to read if i need a pick-me-up just because they were so nice 😊

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’ll link my no. 6 fic forgive me because it still dominates my top fics in terms of hits despite being 387 words long. i wrote it in 2011 in less than half an hour, if i’m remembering correctly, and there are a few clever bits in it that i’m still quite proud of

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t usually write or read “pure” crossovers but i do like fusion AUs where characters from one work are imported into the setting of another work

but it’s fandom-dependent. critrole has been an outlier in that i can count on one hand the number of AU fics i’ve read and liked enough to remember. some of my favourite canon-adjacent fics veer off wildly, but they’ve still got their roots in the universe

i’ve published 17 critrole fics myself and they’re all canon-adjacent. i’m only now working on my first fusion-type AU 🤷‍♂️

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i have one distinct memory of receiving criticism on a fic. in hindsight, it was constructive and pretty fair, but i was a young teen and so it still haunts me

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do!! and i’m excited about it because it’s fairly new to me!

i write to the characters, and what kind of relationship i think they’d have, but it’s probably true that my interests tend towards certain relationship dynamics

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, actually! this was about about a decade ago so sadly the details have been lost in the haziness of memory and the inaccessibility of ffnet. i tried to dig it up last night but couldn’t find it again 😔

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don’t ... think so? my current roommate and i tried co-writing when we were teenagers but none of that got published. it’s possible i’m forgetting something from my livejournal/early tumblr days because i remember doing a lot of ask games and challenges with other writers and fandom friends

now i’m just an introvert who avoids invites to discords because i feel like i simply Do Not Have Time so 🤡 not sure it’s anywhere on the horizon

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

i used to have shipping walls and pairing lists until 2015 or so but i have since accepted that i am changeable like the wind. my interests come and go!

i am a multi-shipper though as a general rule. i’ve never had such a loyalty to a pairing that it would bother me to pair one half with someone else, and i also don’t care at all whether or not a ship is canon. it’s just about what’s interesting!

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i’ve had remarkably sequential focus for my critrole fics and finished nearly every idea i’ve had so far. however, this ACME AU is testing me lol and i’ve spent so much time on it that my list of other ideas to write is only getting longer and longer. nothing is abandoned yet, because not much else has even been started, but i am starting to sweat a little

15) What are your writing strengths?

i love my writing style! i value simplicity and clarity: no flowery descriptions, easy words, few similes, little variance in sentence structures, etc. it can vary, based on my mood or the characters i’m writing, but i like doing more with less

i’ve spent years working at my own style and it is so satisfying to read something i wrote in 2011 and feel how familiar it still is while being able to pick out what i would change

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

recently, it’s been plot. if it can’t be conveyed by 2-4 characters talking to each other then i don’t know how to do it anymore 😭 i’m most invested in emotional resolutions, but it’s probably a good idea to have things happen sometimes!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i really do not enjoy this when it’s used as a “character quirk”. this includes nicknames, common phrases even if they are spoken that way in canon, and .. everything, really, that’s in a different language

i’ve spent a lot of time in spaces where it seemed widely agreed that doing so was not welcome, and i’ve had considerable fandom “culture shock” reading critrole fics. there are plenty of reasons to have caleb speaking “zemnian” or to emphasize his accent, and those reasons don’t need to be lofty or deep, but i do think there should be a reason beyond “haha this guy says ja instead of yeah”

i promise, absolutely pinky swear, that i don’t judge anyone on an individual basis for doing this. it seems to be a deep-seated fandom trend in this case and i just wish it wasn’t

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

tsubasa reservoir chronicle (trc) all the way back in 2010. tsubasa, my beloved, how you changed my life 💕

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

i like different ones for different reasons, but the top contender might be such is the endlessness for nier automata. it’s a vampire/werewolf enemies-to-lovers fusion AU where i put 2b and 9s in an original universe of mine that i wrote about a lot when i was a teenager

i feel like i did a spectacular job of adapting the universe for nier and i thought i conveyed a lot about the world in a relatively short number of words (the entire fic is just under 5k). i’ve considered more than once that i should use this version of the universe going forward because i enjoy it so much!

-

thanks again for the tag, sky, and i’ll leave this open to anyone else who wants to try as i think most of my mutuals have already been included. don’t be shy about tagging me in your answer if you take my open invite as i love reading these! 💖

[damn-behzinga]

Happy Hours

summary - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour Podcast.

warnings - talk of drugs, alcohol, teenage pregnancy, illness and death, swearing, my terrible writing

Part two of After Meeting A Little Early

masterlist  -  request here

Ethan talking on the happy hour podcast

"So I wanted to talk about your wife and son if you don't mind?" Jack asked.

Ethan nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"So when did you have your son and how old is he? How did you meet your wife? What's the story?" Jack questioned

"So, my wife and I met in secondary school and then we went to the same college. We became a thing in year eleven, and we didn't plan to go to the same college but the college did our courses. I studied games development and web design and she studied criminology with psychology and forensics." Ethan explained.

"Woah!" Jack exclaimed. "You were so young!"

"Yeah and we had both turned seventeen and we found out that she was pregnant." Ethan swallowed, he always got nervous talking about his son and his teenage pregnancy, people reacted massively and changed their opinions in seconds.

"Wow, so you were literally teenagers when you had him?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, so Ben - my son - was born October 2012." Ethan nodded. "He's eight this year and I don't really show him on camera. There are those odd few moments where I do take a video with him but I did decide that whether he wants to be in videos is his decision. Kids are fucking brutal nowadays and I don't want him getting wrapped up in shit like that." Ethan explained.

"That has to of been very difficult for you. How did each of your parents take it?" Jack asked.

"So, y/n's parents kicked her out and haven't spoken to her since. She talked to her grandparents and siblings still but not her parents." Ethan explained.

"Holy shit!" Stevie exclaimed.

"My mum let her move in with us which I don't think I'll ever be able to thank her enough for it. My mum was nervous but when I said we chose to keep him, my mum wasn't necessarily happy, but she was accepting and questioned me to make sure we were ready." Ethan said.

"That's a smart move though. I rate that!" Jack said. "She's protecting you!"

Ethan nodded. "Yeah, yeah."

"So, you were doing YouTube at this time as well right?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah. I was doing three videos a day and full time at college." Ethan explained. "I was getting about an hour of sleep plus a nap every night and it fucked me up. I had met Josh, Tobi, Simon, and JJ at this point and I decided to not to tell them about Ben until a month before we met in real life."

"Why is that?" Jack asked.

"To be honest, I was scared," Ethan stated. "I was scared people weren't gonna be accepting of my early parenthood, you know?"

The other men let out noises of the agreement as Ethan nodded.

"So, how did they react?" Jack pondered, watching Ethan carefully.

"They all accepted it but they didn't meet him until he was three and it was a big situation because this is my son and my best friends and I wanted them to be comfortable around one and other." Ethan coughed slightly. "Yeah, now Ben refers to them as Uncle. It's amazing."

"That's well sweet!" Stevie chuckled.

"Oh my God, who's his favourite?" Jack exclaimed quickly.

"Um, he loves JJ and Vik." Ethan laughed. "He and JJ have a handshake but when Ben is in a room with anyone, the first person he goes to is Vik. He always gets Vik to play with his toys."

The other men awed.

"I will say," Ethan said. "The boys are lifesavers. A few weeks before Ben's seventh birthday, it was the hardest month of mine and y/n's life. Y/n lost her Nan, her granddad got ill and because of y/n's parents we weren't allowed to go to the funeral so we never got to say goodbye." Ethan swallowed. "Even more, y/n lost her job and everything was just hitting us. The boys set up an entire birthday party for Ben and paid for everything and got him presents. Honestly, me and y/n cried of happiness that night when Ben got to bed."

"That's bullshit. No offence but that's still y/n's family, they could at least have let her go!" Jack argued, and Ethan just nodded not saying a word. 

"God, I couldn't imagine that all happening especially in the same month." Stevie shook his head in disbelief. 

Ethan nodded and swallowed. "We got married that same year. We had been planning it that year and we were fortunate for y/n's granddad to come along because he was really ill at the time. We got married in the beautiful garden and I had the men as my groomsmen. Y/n had Freya, Talia, Katie, her sister, her two friends from college, and Sarah. Ben was stood next to us whilst it happened and he was a ring boy."

"Thank you for inviting us by the way." Jordan smiled.

"It's alright, mate." Ethan grinned. "We were gonna have family and the bridesmaids and groomsmen and that was it. We decided that we wanted everyone to come because everyone has had some role in our lives. Thankfully everyone committed to the no filming rule, we did get it filmed but we only released a few clips from it."

"Beautiful ceremony by the way. Where did you go on your honeymoon?"

"We went to Bora Bora which is gorgeous by the way."

"Lovely!" Stevie nodded.

"Honestly, I found out you were a dad before I actually met you and, I'm not gonna lie, I was worried about the fact you were a dad and whether you were gonna be a good one but I met you and realised, you are a good dad and you'd do anything for your son," Jack explained.

"Many people believe that!" Ethan chuckled. 

Jack nodded and continued. "You and y/n are the best parents I've ever met and, when I came down just to see everyone, it was nice because everyone was out for dinner and you bought Ben out with you. I am not exaggerating when I say he is the most polite and smart boy I have ever met. He started talking about animal facts and asking if I knew that Baloo from the fucking Jungle Book - or whatever it's called- was a sloth bear!"

Ethan laughed. "He gets all his brains from his mum honestly. Not me at all! I got fucking suspended from school a few times."

The men all laughed as Ethan took a sip of his water.

"Honestly, you should be proud of your son and y/n. You are some of the best people and parents I know!" 

Ethan blushed and smiled softly. "Thank you, that means so much more then you can imagine."

---

"So you said you were going through a hard time in 2015. What was y/n's reaction to that?" Jack asked.

Ethan took a deep breath and said. "So, Ben was turning three that year but it was a few months before his birthday. I was stupid, doing drugs and drinking way too much. It was a dark period in my life and y/n had come up to me and basically said, 'get your shit together, Ben and I are staying at my sister's and will stay there if you don't quit by the end of the month'."

"Fucking hell, y/n don't take shit!" Jack laughed.

"Yeah, but fair enough. I was putting my needs before our own son's which is fucked and I wasn't thinking right." Ethan explained. "About three weeks into her being gone I had got rid out of all alcohol out of my apartment and weed and whatever. I took a train up to y/n's sister's house and I told her that I got rid of all the shit and she came back that day. We went out to dinner and that was the moment where I realised how much y/n benefited my life."

The other men awed and Ethan chuckled.

He was grateful for everything you had bought into his life. There was never a dull moment with you and Ben by his side.

[paths-of-my-childhood-candid]

Lover Conquers All

By: Mark Sutherland for Music Week Date: November 4th 2019 issue (published online on December 13th 2019)

She’s the world’s biggest pop star, but despite her global success, Taylor Swift is also the music industry’s greatest advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights. And, with a ground-breaking new record deal and a bold new album, Lover, she’s not about to stop now. Music Week meets her to talk music and business...

Around this time of year, the Taylor Swift anniversaries come at you thick and fast. Nine years since her third album, Speak Now, every note of which was written entirely by Swift, hit the shelves. Five years since she released her mould-breaking pop album, 1989, and went from the world’s biggest country star to the world’s biggest pop star overnight. Two years since her Reputation record saw her become the only musician to post four successive million-plus debut sales weeks in the United States. And so on.

But today, Swift’s mind is drawn further back, to the 13th anniversary of her debut, self-titled record, and the days when her album releases weren’t automatically accompanied by mountains of hype and enough think-pieces to sink a battleship. Her journal entries from the time - helpfully reprinted as part of the deluxe editions of her new album, Lover - reveal her as an excited, optimistic teenager, but also one with a grasp of marketing strategies and label politics way beyond her years, even if she was reluctant to actually take credit for her ideas.

“It always was and it always will be an interesting dance being a young woman in the music industry,” she smiles ruefully. “We don’t have a lot of female executives, we’re working on getting more female engineers and producers but, while we are such a drastic gender minority, it’s interesting to try and figure out how to be.”

And, of course, when Swift started out she was, as she points out, “an actual kid”.

“I was planning the release of my first album when I was 15 years old,” she reminisces. “And I was a fully gangly 15, I reminded everyone of their niece! I was in this industry in Nashville and country music, where I was making album marketing calls, but I never wanted to stand up and say, ‘Yeah, that promotions plan you just complimented my label on, I thought of that! Me and my Mom thought of that!’

“When you’re a new artist you wonder how much space you can take up and, as a woman, you wonder how much space you can take up pretty much your whole period of growing up,” she continues. “For me, growing up and knowing that I was an adult was realising that I was allowed to take up space from a marketing perspective, from a business perspective, from an opinionated perspective. And that feels a lot better than constantly trying to wonder if I’m allowed to be here.”

In the intervening years, Taylor Swift has released six further, brilliant albums, growing from country starlet to all-conquering pop behemoth along the way. She takes up “more space”, as she would put it, than any other musician on the planet: a sales and now - having belatedly embraced the format with Lover - streaming phenomenon; a powerhouse stadium performer; an award-garlanded songwriter for herself and others; and a social media giant with a combined 278 million followers across Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (which would make the Taylor Nation the fourth most populous one on earth, after China, India and the US).

But her influence on music and the music industry doesn’t end there. Because, over the years, Swift has also become a leading advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights, in a digital landscape that doesn’t always have such matters as a priority.

In 2015, she stood up to Apple Music over its plans to not pay artist royalties during subscribers’ three-month free trials (Apple backed down immediately). She pulled her entire catalogue from Spotify in 2014 in protest that its free tier was devaluing music, sending Daniel Ek scrambling to justify his business model. When she returned in 2017, it was a crucial fillip for the streaming service’s IPO plans.

More recently, her ground-breaking new record deal with Republic Records contained clauses not only guaranteeing her ownership of her future masters, but also ensuring Universal Music will share the spoils of its Spotify shares with its artists, without any payments counting against unrecouped balances. And when her long-time former label boss Scott Borchetta sold Big Machine to Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings, taking Swift’s first six albums with him, the star publicly called out what she saw as her “worst-case scenario” and stressed: “You deserve to own the art you make”. She may yet re-record her old songs in protest.

In short, Swift has, for a long time now, been unafraid to use her voice on industry matters, whether they pertain to her own stellar career or the thousands of other artists out there struggling to make a living.

All of which makes Swift not just the greatest star of our age, but perhaps the most important to the future development of the industry as a more artist-centric, songwriter-friendly business. Hers is still the life of the pop phenomenon - she spent today in Los Angeles doing promotion and photoshoots (or, in her words, “having people put make-up on me”) as Lover continues to build on huge critical acclaim and even huger initial sales. But now, she’s kicking back with her cats - one of whom seems determined to disrupt Music Week’s interview by “stampeding” through at every opportunity - and ready to talk business.

And for Swift, business is good. The impact of her joining streaming, and the decline of traditional album sales, may have prevented her from posting a fifth successive one million-plus sales debut, but Lover still sold more US copies (867,000) in its first week than any record since her own Reputation. It’s sold 117,513 copies to date in the UK, according to the Official Charts Company.

Even better, while Reputation - a record forged in the white heat of a social media snakestorm over her on-going feud with Kanye West - was plenty of show and rather less grow, Lover continues to reveal hidden depths. Reputation struck a sometimes curious contrast between the unrepentant warrior Swift she was showing to the outside world and the love story with British actor Joe Aiwyn that was quietly developing behind closed doors, but Lover is the sort of versatile, cohesive album that the streaming age was supposed to kill off.

It contains more than its fair share of pop bangers (You Need To Calm Down, Me!), but also some gorgeously-crafted acoustic tracks (Lover, Cornelia Street), some pithy political commentary (The Man, Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince) and the sort of musical diversions (Paper Rings’ irresistible rockabilly stomp, the childlike oddity of It’s Nice To Have A Friend) that no other pop superstar would have the sheer musical chops to attempt, let alone pull off.

“Taylor’s creative instincts as an artist and songwriter are brilliant,” says Monte Lipman, founder and CEO of Swift’s US label, Republic. “Our partnership represents a strategic alliance built on mutual respect, trust, and complete transparency. Her vision is extraordinary as she sets the tone for every campaign and initiative.”

No wonder David Joseph, chairman/CEO of her long-time UK label Virgin EMI’s parent company Universal Music UK, is thrilled with how things are going.

“Love Story was a fitting first single release for Taylor here - she’s loved the UK from day one and has engaged so much with her fans and teams,” says Joseph. “She really respects and values what’s going on here creatively. To see her go from playing the Students’ Union at King’s College to Wembley Stadium has been extraordinary. Taylor is an artist constantly striving for perfection, and with Lover - from my personal point of view, her most accomplished work to date adore working with her and whilst it’s been more than 10 years this still feels like the start.”

And today, Swift is keen to concentrate on the present and future. She has a starring role in Cats coming up (and a new song on the soundtrack, Beautiful Ghosts, co-written with Andrew Lloyd Webber) and, after a spectacularly intimate Paris launch show in September, festival dates and her own LoverFest to plan (UK shows will be revealed soon). Time, then, to tell the cats to calm down and sit down with Music Week to talk streaming, contracts and why she’s “obsessed” with the music industry...

Unlike with Reputation, most of the discussion around Lover seems to have been focused on the music... Absolutely! One of the ideas I had about this record, and something I’ve implemented into my life in the last couple of years is that I don’t like distractions. And, for a while, it felt like my life had to come with distractions from the music, whether it was tabloid fascination with my personal life or my friendships or what I was wearing. I realised in the last couple of years that, if I don’t give a window into distraction, people can’t try to look in and see something other than the music. I love that, if you really pour yourself into the idea that an album is still important and try really hard to make something that is worth people’s attention span, time and energy, that can still come across. Because we are living in an industry right now where everyone’s rushing towards taking us into a singles industry and, in some cases, it has become that. But there are still some cases where clearly the album is important to people.

Does it matter that some new artists won’t get to make albums the way you always have? It’s interesting. Five years ago I wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal and said, maybe in the next five years, we would see artists releasing music the way that they want to. I thought that each artist would start to curate what is important to them, not just from an artistic standpoint but from a marketing standpoint. It’s really interesting to see different release plans, if you look at what Drake did and then what Beyoncé does, incredible artists who have really curated what it is to drop music in their own way. We all do it differently, which is cool. As long as people dropping just singles want to be doing that, then I’m fine with it, but if it feels like a big general wave that’s being pressured by people in power, their teams or their labels, that’s not cool. But I do really hope that in the future artists have more of a say over strategy. We’re not just supposed to make art and then hand it to a team that masterminds it.

Were you worried about putting an album on streaming on release day for the first time? Well, there are ways that streaming services could really promote the [whole] album in a more incentivised way. We could have album charts on streaming. The industry follows where they can get prizes. So you have a singles chart on streaming services which is great but, if you split things up into genre charts for example, that would really incentivise people. It’s important that we keep trying to strive to make the experience better for users but also make it more interesting for artists to keep wanting to achieve. But I really did love the experience of putting the album on streaming. I loved the immediacy, I loved that people who maybe weren’t a huge diehard fan were curious and saying, ‘I wonder what this is like’ and listening to it and deciding that they liked it.

You’d resisted streaming for a long time. Have you changed your mind about the format now? I always knew that I would enjoy the aspects of streaming that make [your music] so immediately available to so many people. That’s the part of it that I unequivocally always felt really sad I was missing out on. There wasn’t ever a day when I woke up and I was like, ‘Oh, I’m really glad that multitudes of people don’t have access to my music!’ So I always knew that streaming was an incredible mechanism and model for the future but I still don’t think we have the royalties and compensation system worked out. That’s between the labels and their artists and I realised that me, to use a gross word, ‘leveraging’ what I can bring to cut a better deal for the artists at my record label was really important for me.

How big a factor were things like that in you signing to Republic/Universal? That’s important to me because that means they’re adopting some of my ideas. If they take me on as an artist that means they really thought it through. Because with me, come opinions about how we can better our industry. I’m one of the only people in the artist realm who can be loud about it. People who are on their fifth, sixth or seventh album, we’re the only ones who can speak out, because new artists and producers and writers need to work. They need to be endearing and likeable and available to their labels and streaming services at all times. It’s up to the artists who have been around for a second to say, ‘Hey guys, the producers and the writers and the artists are the ones who are making music what it is’. And we’re in a great place in music right now thanks to them. They should be going to their mailbox and feeling like they’ve got a pension plan, rather than feeling like, ‘Oh yay, I can pay half my rent this month after this No.1 song’.

Did you have more creative freedom making Lover than on your previous albums? In my previous situation, there were creative constraints, issues that we had over the years. I’ve always given 100% to projects, I always over-delivered, thinking that that generosity would be returned to me. But I ended up finding that generosity in a new situation with a new label that understands that I deserve to own what I make. That meant so much to me because it was given over to me so freely. When someone just looks at you and says ‘Yes, you deserve what you want’, after a decade or more of being told, ‘I’m not sure you deserve what you want’ - there’s a freedom that comes with that. It’s like when people find ‘the one’ they’re like, ‘It was easy, I just knew and I felt free’. All of a sudden you’re being told you’re worth exactly, no, more than what you thought you were worth. And that made me feel I could make an album that was exactly what I wanted to make. There’s an eclectic side to Lover, a confessional side, it varies from acoustic to really poppy pop, but that’s what I like to do. And, while you would never make something artistic based on something so unromantic as a contract, it was more than that. It was a group of people saying, ‘We believe in what you’re making, go make what you want to make and you deserve to own it too’.

You’re obviously not happy about what’s happened at Big Machine since you left. But will the attention mean artists don’t find themselves in this situation in the future? I hope so. That’s the only reason that I speak out about things. The fans don’t understand these things, the public isn’t being made aware. This generation has so much information available to them so I thought it was important that the fans knew what I was going through, because I knew it was going to affect every aspect of my life and I wanted them to be the first to know. And in and amongst that group, I know there are people that want to make music some day. It involves every new artist that is reading that and going, ‘Wait, that’s what I’m signing?’ They don’t have to sign stuff that’s unfair to them. If you don’t ask the right questions and you sit in front of the wrong desk in front of the wrong person, they can take everything from you.

Songwriters are in dispute with Spotify in the US over its decision to appeal the Copyright Board decision to boost songwriting royalties. Do writers need more respect? Absolutely. In terms of the power structure, the songwriters, the producers, the engineers, the people who are breathing magic into our industry, need to be listened to. They’re not being greedy. This is legitimately an industry where people are having trouble paying their bills and they’re the most talented people we have. This isn’t them sitting in their mansions going, ‘I wish this mansion was bigger and I would like a yacht please’. This is actually people who are going to work every single day. I got into writing when I was in Nashville and it was very much like what I read about the Brill Building. You would write every day, whether you were inspired or not, and in the process I met artists and writers. Somebody would walk in and someone would say, ‘Oh, he’s still getting mailbox money from that Faith Hill cut a couple of years ago, he’s set’. That’s not a thing anymore. Mailbox money is a thing of the past and we need to remember that these are the people that create the heartbeat that we’re all dancing to or crying to.

You were clearly aware of music industry machinations from a young age... Reading back on the journal entries, I forgot how obsessed I was with the industry as a teenager. I was so fascinated by how it works and how it was changing. Every part of it was interesting to me. I had drawn the stages for most of my tours a year before I went on them. That really was fun for me as a teenager! A lot of people who start out very young in music, either don’t have a say or don’t have the will to do the business side of it, but weirdly that was so much fun for me to try and learn. I had a lot of energy when I was 16!

Are you doing similar drawings for next year’s LoverFest? Definitely. And that’s why it’s still fun for me to take on a challenge like, ‘Oh, let’s just plan our own festival’. Let’s create a bill of artists and try and make it as fun as possible for the fans. I’m so intrigued by what that’s going to be like.

Finally, when we last did an interview in 2015, you said in five years’ time you wanted to be “finding complexity in happiness”. How has that worked out? That’s exactly what’s happened with this album! I think a lot of writers have the fear of stability, emotional health and happiness. Our whole careers, people make jokes about how, ‘Just wait until you meet someone nice, you’ll run out of stuff to write about’. I was talking to [Cats director] Tom Hooper about this because he said one thing his mother taught him was, ‘Don’t ever let people tell you that you can’t make art if you’re happy’. I thought that was so amazing. He’s a creator in a completely different medium but he has been subjected to that same joke over and over again that we must be miserable to create. Lover is important to me in so many ways, but it’s so imperative for me as a human being that songwriting is not tied to my own personal misery. It’s good to know that, it really is!

[meandmyechoes]

Something I wrote May 8th, 2020 02:44 about Rebels that I forgot to publish. But actually contain a lot of context for how I feel about reusing Ahsoka in general. I formally apologize for every ill will I had for Rebels Ahsoka’s design.

hot take: I don’t like Rebelsoka. Yeah, as if you can sum up my opinion like that.

Why I don’t like her is a really petty and subjective bias, so I am not being fair.  The real problem I have with Rebelsoka was mostly my personal lack of enthusiasm in her art style and early on her role was... replaceable. Her unique place is as an ex-Jedi, which is why I’m glad and more accepting when they turn her story away from the Rebellion to focus on Jedi Business. Her early lines in Rebels was... delivering information that could easily been given to another rebellion officer. And it felt off to switch from that unsure teenager to this full-blown wise mentor.

With everything, the final verdict is of course, Rebelsoka is amazing. In the end the potential outweighs my complaints. Yeah, information feeder, cryptic vocabularies or poor cosmetic choices can be forgive in exchange for awesome duels, delightful mentoring and GOSH THAT ANGSTY “ANAKIN”. not that i hope we see more ahsoka stories but i hope we see more ahsoka stories you know. more than that 45 minutes of it ◔̯◔

As a TCW traditionalist, of course that was my definition of Star Wars. Bitter of replacement was a common feeling in the year 2015, but I’m also reasonable enough to expect a major stylistic change with Disney’s acquisition. So all in all, I am glad we at least have another show instead of none at all.

Even though I dropped out, I was there for Rebels in the beginning. If nothing, I learnt from Clone Wars not to underestimate a Season 1. Yes, no one from the Ghost crew captivated me the way Ahsoka did, but I liked them all equally. It was an enjoyable show when I judged it as an exposition and sanely do not compare it to the finale that Clone Wars was building. So Ahsoka coming back at the end of Season 1 really put me in a difficult place, when I thought I could move on to this new family, having accepted her departure.There were rumours, but I kinda expected her to set off the S2 premiere instead. I was also spoiled of that very last minute of revelation. Anyway, when she came back, and I heard Ashley’s voice, I just broke into tears. It’s literally a resurrection. I also couldn’t believe, that I actually get to see Ahsoka again in my life, and that she is suddenly so mature and wise.

It was difficult for me to adjust for two reasons: the art style and her maturity. I guess now I could put myself next to Anakin in 709 describing how I felt meeting Ahsoka again. I also really hated her art style in Rebels initially. She was... streamlined? had slick skin, but her lekku stripes are jagged, and i never get to see how her lekku grew into the shape they are now. and her whole facial patterns are different too?? and she actually doesn’t have clear sky blue eyes anymore? but somehow has deep purple eyes? and just all around no-no with the art style when it first came out. The style wasn’t an issue when you don’t have the my favourite as a veteran character for comparison. (say you don’t see me complaining about Hondo that much but didn’t they do him dirty) Even though I had no problem with her outfit or headdress, it’s just not my favourite of hers. and the fact that they’re forcing me to watch a cartoon character lined with age! and how tired she looks, with wrinkles! and pouches under her eyes! don’t do this to my poor daughter! let her stay happy and carefree as a 14-year-old 5ever! (18-year-old me holding an angry PTA sign)

It also closed a book on however I want her to be. stupid war in the stars making me accept canon. I would’ve been content with her just leaving and staying alive, when every fan set out on her dying before RotS. Yeah maybe she threw her entire ‘life’ away but at least, she’s not, dead you know. And seeing her thrown into another war, threw herself into another war, I wan’t sure I could handle that. The grief, the guilt, the regret, the sight of not seeing her standing by her family again. (good lord Filoni gave us the Rex and Ahsoka hug ;_;) I just want her to stay happy and carefree in my head okay?

and that constant battle of wanting to see more of your favourite character but also level enough to not want her to steal the spotlight form a promising new cast? and the lowkey distrust towards Disney that they brought in Ahsoka to trick more audience into a less-popular show? as a fake-ass apology? Are you suppose I’m ever gonna forgive you for cancelling Clone Wars even though you brought back its characters and basically made a TCW sequel? Are you asking me to overlook the damage, done to both TCW veteran characters AND Rebel’s originality if you don’t do it right? And when they really don’t give us much Ahsoka mid-season it was kind of.... *deflating high-to-low 7-note crescendo* If Disney is actually giving us “what the fans want”, it’s because we damn well deserve that apology without ever needing to forgive, less alone thank. 

So anyway, I did dropped out of Rebels after the Season 2 finale. A bit of real world reasons too because I was getting busy in college and I have Rider, an all-year-round show to fall back on. So i just totally turned away from Star Wars in general after March 2016 where it was dead dead for Clone Wars. I caught up a bit of S3 but never finished it, and I’ve been on and off trying to do it to recover from TLJ but it didn’t feel enough (+ plus real busy irl)

I only even found out Ahsoka the White on social media and was utterly confused. Not sure if it was the best decision creative-wise then, and frankly hand’t given much thought since. But I definitely don’t mind Ahsoka Not Dying. I think I have more questions directed to this girl in person on her life and fashion and spaceship choices more than anything. You just sort of reached a point where like god let them rest. 

I only wrapped up the series before I saw Walkabout. And there was like a 3-month gap since I started rewtaching late January after ep9. But I ran through the last season in 2, 3 days? It was really good. I didn’t expect it focus on just one planet, but the plot was good, even though the primary enforcer villain monkey just looks meh. Somehow strangely, the character I grew attached to is Kallus. You know, he is not in the main cast whatsoever so he really may not die? And the whole time as the finale draws closer I just was on the edge of my seat hoping none of my faves die. (Yeah the only mistake that finale made was sacrificing Gregor. not nice Dave.)

And the epilogue was amazing. The resolution again subverts expectation in a good way and gave us what’s plausible but not expected. And I love how the show actually balanced warfare and lore. The mythological episodes border on fantasy fairy tales but it still suits my taste. The balance is actually better done here than on Clone Wars. In a show titled Clone Wars, you kind of expect it to be about Clones and Wars. But Rebels connected the spiritual journey of the characters to the wider warfare. They needed the Force to train and guide them to their victory. And this prominence of the Force as a plot element and narrative influence is something I found missing in the later seasons of the Clone Wars (6 not withstanding).

The show made me genuinely escalates in loving these characters and gave us a well-rounded, complete Star Wars experience. It’s not my favourite, but it’s definitely a good show. 

[sadaboutniall]

something about you;

introduction | masterlist | tag | wattpad

Seventeen. April, 2015.

‘Hey, has everyone got a minute to talk?’

Harry pokes his head around the corner into the dressing room and Niall, who had been lying back on the couch scrolling aimlessly through Twitter, nods, kicking his feet down off the couch to make room for Harry. On the other side of the room, Louis picks up the football he’d been kicking at the wall, and Liam puts his phone down, too. It’s still a little weird, being a foursome—Niall always finds himself feeling like someone is missing. 

‘Great show tonight,’ Harry starts, taking the spot Niall’d cleared for him. They’re in Dubai, the final show of this leg. Ahead of them the boys have two months free before kicking things off again in Cardiff. Niall’s already thinking about sleep. 

‘Was sick, yeah,’ says Louis, skeptical already. ‘Have you got something you actually want to say, or?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Harry sits up straight, runs a hand through his hair. It’s getting way too long and Niall keeps finding random strands of it all over the place, but it suits him, at least. ‘I just feel like—well, I feel like things are going really fucking brilliantly for us right now.’

‘Okay…’ Louis doesn’t look convinced. Niall bites back a laugh. 

‘I mean, we’re on top of the fucking world’ Harry runs his hand through his hair again. ‘And I just think… wouldn’t it be a better idea to quit while we’re ahead?’

-- 

The sun is rising in Dubai and Niall is drunk. After Harry’s suggestion—which seemed more like a decision he’d already made for all four of them, really—he and Louis went out, just the two of them, to celebrate, to mourn. They did shots high above the city, in some exclusive sky bar that looked identical to every other exclusive sky bar Niall’s done shots in over the past few years. They screamed over loud, thumping music and Niall made out with a stranger in the lounge in the back for a little while, letting her kiss down his neck while the room spun around him. They held up their drinks and cheersed to what they lost, to the impossible, beautiful, improbability of the last five years. They stumbled into a cab as the sun began to peek over the horizon, Louis reeking of smoke and alcohol, Niall feeling like the entire world was about to fall out from under him.

And now he’s here, lying on his back in the middle of a massive bed in an indistinguishably expensive hotel room in an indistinguishably expensive city that just happens, this time, to be Dubai, staring up at the ceiling. He can’t help but think about the fact that his entire life is over. 

He doesn’t know what comes after this, if anything. He doesn’t know what’s left for him, if anything. Harry’s got a solo career in the pipeline, Niall can tell that much, and Louis is the best songwriter he knows, and Liam has a better voice than Niall could ever dream of having. There won’t be space for all four of them, plus Zayn. There won’t be anything left for Niall. 

Slowly it dawns on Niall that this could be it for him—that he’s already lived his best years, that it’s all downhill from here. He peaked as a teenager and wasted it all, completely unaware. He’s going to have to live the rest of his life thinking about what he lost. 

Niall bolts upright in a sudden burst of nausea, sure he’s going to throw up all the alcohol in his system. He makes it to the bathroom in record time but relief doesn’t come—instead he hunches over the bowl on his knees, forehead pressed to the cool porcelain to keep himself from overheating, for what feels like hours. He dry heaves a few times, his body convulsing painfully and, eventually, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes from the physical effort of it all. His heart hammers like a thunderstorm and every move feels like running a marathon, every breath like a pathetic triumph. 

Eventually his knees protest painfully and he forces himself to stand up, one hand on the sink for support, the other holding his throbbing head. Body prickling with heat, oversensitivity, pain, Niall makes his way back to the massive bed and strips down. Lying on his back in the middle of it once again, he realizes belatedly that he’s just had a panic attack. 

He wonders if the rest of his life is going to be like this. 

It takes him a few moments of wallowing in self-pity to realize what he’s feeling. It hasn’t happened to him in a few months, and he wasn’t expecting it now, of all times. Now, when his entire life is falling apart. Now, when nothing is working and he needs to come up with a Plan B that he’s never had. Now, when he feels like the world is ending. 

All he wants to do is call Isla. 

In the logical part of his brain—which feels like it’s quickly dying—Niall knows he shouldn’t. He knows this isn’t fair. He knows Isla deserves better. 

On the emotional side, he doesn’t give a shit. 

He gropes around the bed for his phone, finds it buried under the folds of the duvet, and dials. He doesn’t let himself think about what he’s doing. 

‘Niall?’ Isla sounds a million miles away. Belatedly, Niall realizes that she is. ‘Are you okay? What’s going on?’

‘Happy birthday,’ he says. Talking makes his head spin. 

‘My birthday is in January. It’s April.’ Isla sounds annoyed, and Niall hears a door open, then close, on her side of the world. 

‘Yeah, well, I didn’t call you then so I figured I’d tell you now.’

‘Are you drunk?’ The sound of a faucet turning on. 

‘A bit,’ Niall admits, closing his eyes. He wishes he had it in him to get up and close the blinds, too. ‘A lot.’

‘I can tell,’ a click, Isla turning on an electric kettle. ‘Thank you for the birthday wishes, but we probably shouldn’t be doing this.’

‘Why not?’ Niall turns his head, presses his cheek into the pillow to block out some of the rising sun. 

‘Well, for starters, it’s four in the morning in London,’ says Isla, and Niall feels a pang of guilt, on top of the anxiety. ‘And my boyfriend is sleeping, so.’

‘Right,’ Niall slurs, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. ‘Sorry to wake him.’

‘It’s not that,’ Isla’s pacing around her kitchen, Niall can tell from the sounds of the floorboards underneath her. She sighs. ‘Sorry I said it like that. That was shitty of me.’ 

‘S’alright. You’re not wrong.’

‘Where are you? You sound a mess, are you somewhere safe?’

‘Yeah, Dubai. I’m in my hotel room.’

‘Is it not, like, seven in the morning in Dubai?’ Niall can hear Isla pouring the kettle. He wonders if she’s making one cup or two. ‘Why are you drunk at seven in the morning?’

‘Not gone to sleep yet,’ Niall says around a yawn, his heart rate finally starting to settle down. ‘Went out last night.’

Isla hums, and Niall can imagine her, the way she curls in on herself when she’s got a fresh cup of tea, holds it against her chest to breathe in the warmth. He thinks of her on the couch, in a flat he’s only seen tiny pictures of on Instagram, phone sandwiched between her ear and her shoulder, wearing that Derby jumper he gave her a century ago. She says, ‘it was a good night, then?’

‘No,’ Niall admits, without even thinking about it. ‘We broke up.’ 

‘Oh,’ Isla coughs a little, then: ‘I didn’t know you were seeing someone. I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘No, no,’ Niall shakes his head into the pillow, even though she can’t see him. ‘Not seeing anyone. The band.’

‘The—what? The band broke up?’ 

‘Yeah,’ he doesn’t have it in him, he thinks, to explain the stupid hiatus idea right now. He’s so fucking tired. ‘But don’t say anything. We’re not announcing it yet, like.’

‘I won’t,’ Isla promises, but Niall already knows she would never. He lets her carry on: ‘Maybe it’s a good thing, though. You deserve some time to rest. You could work on some golf stuff, or write your own music, even?’

‘Dunno that anyone wants to hear my own music.’ It feels okay to say it to Isla, to let it out of his racing mind and into the space between then. He knows she won’t throw it back at him. ‘Dunno where I go from here.’

‘I’m interested,’ says Isla. Niall hears her slurp at her tea on the other end of the phone.

‘You’re interested in everything I do.’

‘Not true. I really don’t give a shit about golf. Like, at all.’

Niall laughs, and it’s a shooting pain behind his eyes and in his head, but he feels better for it. His mouth is dry, and his stomach is starting to grumble. He thinks he might be feeling a bit more human. ‘Maybe if you gave it a shot.’

‘Don’t want to, if I’m honest. Maybe you should give going to sleep a shot.’

‘S’why I called ya,’ Niall yawns again. ‘Talk to me about law or something. Bore me to sleep, Boyne.’

But Isla doesn’t answer right away. Instead, Niall hears the phone jostling, muffled speaking, a deep, tired, masculine voice. He hears his own name, a quiet sigh, retreating footsteps. Bile rises in his throat again.

‘Sorry,’ Isla’s voice is full volume again. ‘Listen, Niall, I should go. It’s really late. Or early, whatever, and you’re drunk. And this is… we can’t keep doing things like this.’

‘What do you mean, doing things like this?’ There’s a flame of aggression in his stomach—not aimed toward Isla, but toward Jack, who he’s sure is the reason she’s hanging up so quickly. ‘We haven’t spoken in ages.’

‘I know, I know, but. This… this thing, Niall. Always coming back to each other. We’ve got to move on.’

‘I’m not—’

‘I’m sorry, Niall,’ Isla sounds small. He thinks of her, back in school, stressed about exams and uni. ‘I shouldn’t have picked up. Take a sleeping pill and make sure you drink a load of water. You’ll feel better in the morning.’

‘Isla—’

‘Whatever comes after this, it’ll be the right thing for you. You’re brilliant, Niall, you really are,’ he can hear Isla standing up, moving the phone away from her ear. ‘Sleep well.’

She hangs up. 

--

Fourteen hours later, Niall wakes up. He has a headache, a dry mouth, a sore chest, and one, singular text.

Isla (9:49am): Let me know when you wake up so I know you’re okay. You’ll be grand. Xx

He flips his phone over, screen pressed into the mattress. He needs to take a shower. He needs to eat. He needs to get laid. 

He needs to fall out of love with Isla.

####

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join the taglist here

[bananaofswifts]

Around this time of year, the Taylor Swift anniversaries come at you thick and fast.

Nine years since her third album, Speak Now, every note of which was written entirely by Swift, hit the shelves. Five years since she released her mould-breaking pop album, 1989, and went from the world’s biggest country star to the world’s biggest pop star overnight. Two years since her Reputation record saw her become the only musician to post four successive million-plus debut sales weeks in the United States. And so on.

But today, Swift’s mind is drawn further back, to the 13th anniversary of her debut, self-titled record, and the days when her album releases weren’t automatically accompanied by mountains of hype and enough think-pieces to sink a battleship. Her journal entries from the time – helpfully reprinted as part of the deluxe editions of her new album, Lover – reveal her as an excited, optimistic teenager, but also one with a grasp of marketing strategies and label politics way beyond her years, even if she was reluctant to actually take credit for her ideas.

“It always was and it always will be an interesting dance being a young woman in the music industry,” she smiles ruefully. “We don’t have a lot of female executives, we’re working on getting more female engineers and producers but, while we are such a drastic gender minority, it’s interesting to try and figure out how to be.”

And, of course, when Swift started out she was, as she points out, “an actual kid”.

“I was planning the release of my first album when I was 15 years old,” she reminisces. “And I was a fully gangly 15, I reminded everyone of their niece! I was in this industry in Nashville and country music, where I was making album marketing calls, but I never wanted to stand up and say, ‘Yeah, that promotions plan you just complimented my label on, I thought of that! Me and my Mom thought of that!’

“When you’re a new artist you wonder how much space you can take up and, as a woman, you wonder how much space you can take up pretty much your whole period of growing up,” she continues. “For me, growing up and knowing that I was an adult was realising that I was allowed to take up space from a marketing perspective, from a business perspective, from an opinionated perspective. And that feels a lot better than constantly trying to wonder if I’m allowed to be here.”

In the intervening years, Taylor Swift has released six further, brilliant albums, growing from country starlet to all-conquering pop behemoth along the way. She takes up “more space”, as she would put it, than any other musician on the planet: a sales and now – having belatedly embraced the format with Lover – streaming phenomenon; a powerhouse stadium performer; an award-garlanded songwriter for herself and others; and a social media giant with a combined 278 million followers across Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (which would make the Taylor Nation the fourth most populous one on earth, after China, India and the US).

But her influence on music and the music industry doesn’t end there. Because, over the years, Swift has also become a leading advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights, in a digital landscape that doesn’t always have such matters as a priority.

In 2015, she stood up to Apple Music over its plans to not pay artist royalties during subscribers’ three-month free trials (Apple backed down immediately). She pulled her entire catalogue from Spotify in 2014 in protest that its free tier was devaluing music, sending Daniel Ek scrambling to justify his business model. When she returned in 2017, it was a crucial fillip for the streaming service’s IPO plans.

More recently, her ground-breaking new record deal with Republic Records contained clauses not only guaranteeing her ownership of her future masters, but also ensuring Universal Music will share the spoils of its Spotify shares with its artists, without any payments counting against unrecouped balances. And when her long-time former label boss Scott Borchetta sold Big Machine to Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings, taking Swift’s first six albums with him, the star publicly called out what she saw as her “worst-case scenario” and stressed: “You deserve to own the art you make”. She may yet re-record her old songs in protest.

In short, Swift has, for a long time now, been unafraid to use her voice on industry matters, whether they pertain to her own stellar career or the thousands of other artists out there struggling to make a living.

All of which makes Swift not just the greatest star of our age, but perhaps the most important to the future development of the industry as a more artist-centric, songwriter-friendly business. Hers is still the life of the pop phenomenon – she spent today in Los Angeles doing promotion and photoshoots (or, in her words, “having people put make-up on me”) as Lover continues to build on huge critical acclaim and even huger initial sales. But now, she’s kicking back with her cats – one of whom seems determined to disrupt Music Week’s interview by “stampeding” through at every opportunity – and ready to talk business.

And for Swift, business is good. The impact of her joining streaming, and the decline of traditional album sales, may have prevented her from posting a fifth successive one million-plus sales debut, but Lover still sold more US copies (867,000) in its first week than any record since her own Reputation. It’s sold 117,513 copies to date in the UK, according to the Official Charts Company.

Even better, while Reputation – a record forged in the white heat of a social media snakestorm over her on-going feud with Kanye West – was plenty of show and rather less grow, Lover continues to reveal hidden depths. Reputation struck a sometimes curious contrast between the unrepentant warrior Swift she was showing to the outside world and the love story with British actor Joe Alwyn that was quietly developing behind closed doors, but Lover is the sort of versatile, cohesive album that the streaming age was supposed to kill off.

It contains more than its fair share of pop bangers (You Need To Calm Down, Me!), but also some gorgeously-crafted acoustic tracks (Lover, Cornelia Street), some pithy political commentary (The Man, Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince) and the sort of musical diversions (Paper Rings’ irresistible rockabilly stomp, the childlike oddity of It’s Nice To Have A Friend) that no other pop superstar would have the sheer musical chops to attempt, let alone pull off.

“Taylor’s creative instincts as an artist and songwriter are brilliant,” says Monte Lipman, founder and CEO of Swift’s US label, Republic. “Our partnership represents a strategic alliance built on mutual respect, trust, and complete transparency. Her vision is extraordinary as she sets the tone for every campaign and initiative.”

No wonder David Joseph, chairman/CEO of her long-time UK label Virgin EMI’s parent company Universal Music UK, is thrilled with how things are going.

“Love Story was a fitting first single release for Taylor here – she’s loved the UK from day one and has engaged so much with her fans and teams,” says Joseph. “She really respects and values what’s going on here creatively. To see her go from playing the Students’ Union at King’s College to Wembley Stadium has been extraordinary. Taylor is an artist constantly striving for perfection, and with Lover – from my personal point of view, her most accomplished work to date – her songwriting has gone to a new level. I adore working with her and whilst it’s been more than 10 years this still feels like the start.”

And today, Swift is keen to concentrate on the present and future. She has a starring role in Cats coming up (and a new song on the soundtrack, Beautiful Ghosts, co-written with Andrew Lloyd Webber) and, after a spectacularly intimate Paris launch show in September, festival dates and her own LoverFest to plan (UK shows will be revealed soon). Time, then, to tell the cats to calm down and sit down with Music Week to talk streaming, contracts and why she’s “obsessed” with the music industry…

Unlike with Reputation, most of the discussion around Lover seems to have been focused on the music…

“Absolutely! One of the ideas I had about this record, and something I’ve implemented into my life in the last couple of years is that I don’t like distractions. And, for a while, it felt like my life had to come with distractions from the music, whether it was tabloid fascination with my personal life or my friendships or what I was wearing. I realised in the last couple of years that, if I don’t give a window into distraction, people can’t try to look in and see something other than the music. I love that, if you really pour yourself into the idea that an album is still important and try really hard to make something that is worth people’s attention span, time and energy, that can still come across. Because we are living in an industry right now where everyone’s rushing towards taking us into a singles industry and, in some cases, it has become that. But there are still some cases where clearly the album is important to people.”

Does it matter that some new artists won’t get to make albums the way you always have?

“It’s interesting. Five years ago I wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal and said, maybe in the next five years, we would see artists releasing music the way that they want to. I thought that each artist would start to curate what is important to them, not just from an artistic standpoint but from a marketing standpoint. It’s really interesting to see different release plans, if you look at what Drake did and then what Beyoncé does, incredible artists who have really curated what it is to drop music in their own way. We all do it differently, which is cool. As long as people dropping just singles want to be doing that, then I’m fine with it, but if it feels like a big general wave that’s being pressured by people in power, their teams or their labels, that’s not cool. But I do really hope that in the future artists have more of a say over strategy. We’re not just supposed to make art and then hand it to a team that masterminds it.”

Were you worried about putting an album on streaming on release day for the first time?

“Well, there are ways that streaming services could really promote the [whole] album in a more incentivised way. We could have album charts on streaming. The industry follows where they can get prizes. So you have a singles chart on streaming services which is great but, if you split things up into genre charts for example, that would really incentivise people. It’s important that we keep trying to strive to make the experience better for users but also make it more interesting for artists to keep wanting to achieve. But I really did love the experience of putting the album on streaming. I loved the immediacy, I loved that people who maybe weren’t a huge diehard fan were curious and saying, ‘I wonder what this is like’ and listening to it and deciding that they liked it.”

You’d resisted streaming for a long time. Have you changed your mind about the format now?

“I always knew that I would enjoy the aspects of streaming that make [your music] so immediately available to so many people. That’s the part of it that I unequivocally always felt really sad I was missing out on. There wasn’t ever a day when I woke up and I was like, ‘Oh, I’m really glad that multitudes of people don’t have access to my music!’ So I always knew that streaming was an incredible mechanism and model for the future but I still don’t think we have the royalties and compensation system worked out. That’s between the labels and their artists and I realised that me, to use a gross word, ‘leveraging’ what I can bring to cut a better deal for the artists at my record label was really important for me.”

How big a factor were things like that in you signing to Republic/Universal?

“That’s important to me because that means they’re adopting some of my ideas. If they take me on as an artist that means they really thought it through. Because with me, come opinions about how we can better our industry. I’m one of the only people in the artist realm who can be loud about it. People who are on their fifth, sixth or seventh album, we’re the only ones who can speak out, because new artists and producers and writers need to work. They need to be endearing and likeable and available to their labels and streaming services at all times. It’s up to the artists who have been around for a second to say, ‘Hey guys, the producers and the writers and the artists are the ones who are making music what it is’. And we’re in a great place in music right now thanks to them. They should be going to their mailbox and feeling like they’ve got a pension plan, rather than feeling like, ‘Oh yay, I can pay half my rent this month after this No.1 song’.”

Did you have more creative freedom making Lover than on your previous albums?

“In my previous situation, there were creative constraints, issues that we had over the years. I’ve always given 100% to projects, I always over-delivered, thinking that that generosity would be returned to me. But I ended up finding that generosity in a new situation with a new label that understands that I deserve to own what I make. That meant so much to me because it was given over to me so freely. When someone just looks at you and says ‘Yes, you deserve what you want’, after a decade or more of being told, ‘I’m not sure you deserve what you want’ – there’s a freedom that comes with that. It’s like when people find ‘the one’ they’re like, ‘It was easy, I just knew and I felt free’. All of a sudden you’re being told you’re worth exactly, no, more than what you thought you were worth. And that made me feel I could make an album that was exactly what I wanted to make. There’s an eclectic side to Lover, a confessional side, it varies from acoustic to really poppy pop, but that’s what I like to do. And, while you would never make something artistic based on something so unromantic as a contract, it was more than that. It was a group of people saying, ‘We believe in what you’re making, go make what you want to make and you deserve to own it too’.”

You’re obviously not happy about what’s happened at Big Machine since you left. But will the attention mean artists don’t find themselves in this situation in the future?

“I hope so. That’s the only reason that I speak out about things. The fans don’t understand these things, the public isn’t being made aware. This generation has so much information available to them so I thought it was important that the fans knew what I was going through, because I knew it was going to affect every aspect of my life and I wanted them to be the first to know. And in and amongst that group, I know there are people that want to make music some day. It involves every new artist that is reading that and going, ‘Wait, that’s what I’m signing?’ They don’t have to sign stuff that’s unfair to them. If you don’t ask the right questions and you sit in front of the wrong desk in front of the wrong person, they can take everything from you.”

Songwriters are in dispute with Spotify in the US over its decision to appeal the Copyright Board decision to boost songwriting royalties. Do writers need more respect?

“Absolutely. In terms of the power structure, the songwriters, the producers, the engineers, the people who are breathing magic into our industry, need to be listened to. They’re not being greedy. This is legitimately an industry where people are having trouble paying their bills and they’re the most talented people we have. This isn’t them sitting in their mansions going, ‘I wish this mansion was bigger and I would like a yacht please’. This is actually people who are going to work every single day. I got into writing when I was in Nashville and it was very much like what I read about the Brill Building. You would write every day, whether you were inspired or not, and in the process I met artists and writers. Somebody would walk in and someone would say, ‘Oh, he’s still getting mailbox money from that Faith Hill cut a couple of years ago, he’s set’. That’s not a thing anymore. Mailbox money is a thing of the past and we need to remember that these are the people that create the heartbeat that we’re all dancing to or crying to.”

You were clearly aware of music industry machinations from a young age…

“Reading back on the journal entries, I forgot how obsessed I was with the industry as a teenager. I was so fascinated by how it works and how it was changing. Every part of it was interesting to me. I had drawn the stages for most of my tours a year before I went on them. That really was fun for me as a teenager! A lot of people who start out very young in music, either don’t have a say or don’t have the will to do the business side of it, but weirdly that was so much fun for me to try and learn. I had a lot of energy when I was 16!”

Are you doing similar drawings for next year’s LoverFest?

“Definitely. And that’s why it’s still fun for me to take on a challenge like, ‘Oh, let’s just plan our own festival’. Let’s create a bill of artists and try and make it as fun as possible for the fans. I’m so intrigued by what that’s going to be like.”

Finally, when we last did an interview in 2015, you said in five years’ time you wanted to be “finding complexity in happiness”. How has that worked out?

“That’s exactly what’s happened with this album! I think a lot of writers have the fear of stability, emotional health and happiness. Our whole careers, people make jokes about how, ‘Just wait until you meet someone nice, you’ll run out of stuff to write about’. I was talking to [Cats director] Tom Hooper about this because he said one thing his mother taught him was, ‘Don’t ever let people tell you that you can’t make art if you’re happy’. I thought that was so amazing. He’s a creator in a completely different medium but he has been subjected to that same joke over and over again that we must be miserable to create. Lover is important to me in so many ways, but it’s so imperative for me as a human being that songwriting is not tied to my own personal misery. It’s good to know that, it really is!”

[otp-armada]

So, as of tonight, we're approaching the end. 

It seems as good a time as any for a bit of reflection.

I know what I've wanted to see for Bellarke for the longest time- the established couple route.

I wanted all the admissions of love. I wanted every kind of kiss imaginable. Each type of hug and cuddle. All the intimacy of a long, domestic life. Tackling issues as a couple. Coming home to each other at the end of a hard day's work. Date nights. An engagement. A wedding. Surprise pregnancy announcements. Delinquent hijinks throughout it all. Raising their four kids, watching them grow up. A perfect kind of chaos making up the Griffin-Blake household. Spoiling their sixteen grandkids. A peaceful life that allows for celebrating all their milestones and all their quiet moments, just because they can. Growing old together. 

I have wanted every lovely canon-compliant scenario our talented fanfic writers have dreamt. 

If I lived in a fantasy world where I could have a 24-episode Bellarke epilogue of a complete life filled to the brim with endless love and friendship and family and peace, I would treasure it with my whole damn heart. 

But we don't live in that fantasy world to have such a gift.

In the months since August 4th, I've reconciled my hopes with Jason's measured pacing. And I won't say there isn't value in the route Jason has opted for. I don't want the show to end. But if six seasons of war sound taxing to me, God knows how exhausting it feels for the characters who endured it. As bleak as the show can be, it's never been shrouded exclusively in doom and gloom. There have been bits of light peppered in. I hope for them to achieve a peaceful, fulfilling life. Though Jason may have put them through the wringer, I think he wants the same for them too. Because of what they've had to endure, not in spite of it. Maybe it's my wishful thinking. But I can't bring myself to care. I'm going into the final season with hope, and there's nothing anyone can say to stop me. It is the year 2020. We could use a good dose of hopefulness. 

So it's not that I'm not ready to see the story come to a close.

No, it's that I'm not ready to see Bellarke's love story end, particularly not without the illustrated details above.

But you know, who's to say I won't be satisfied with Jason's ending? With every fictional work lies the risk of a disappointing ending. But this show has made a habit of surprising me, as far back as early season one. 

I started The 100 back in late 2015, early 2016, sitting at my dining room table, casually Netflix surfing on my tablet for something to fill the time until my regular programming came back from hiatus. And I happened to catch a title sparking my memory of a CW tv spot promoting its upcoming third season. With nothing else inspiring interest, I quickly gave in to impulse. 

I may be one of the few viewers drawn in by the pilot episode. I mean, I knew what network I was watching. My entertainment selections at the time usually either revolved around teenage protagonists or appeal to the demographic of a younger audience, so The 100 was right up my alley. I expected- and didn't mind- a fair bit of cheesy campiness. 

I tend to appreciate levelheaded, kindhearted characters, so I immediately liked Clarke, Wells, and Abby. I liked Octavia, the newly-freed, spontaneous, loveable renegade. I liked Jasper and Monty, our young, quirky goofs. And I liked Finn. There. I admit it. A few exchanges with our beloved Ark princess and the epithet of the foolhardy, charming heartthrob slash alleged romantic bad boy hero hoodwinked me. By contrast, I fell into the narrative's trap of initially hating our seeming antagonists- Murphy, Kane, and *cries in shame* Bellamy. I enjoyed the moral quandaries brewing on the Ark among the adults- the struggle between Abby and Kane was of great intrigue to me. It was probably the best storyline of the episode. But when Jasper took a spear to the chest, and I responded with, "WTF?! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW?!?," I knew this show had reeled me in. No hesitation in letting the next episode play. Not a thought of stopping it there. 

Bellarke's transition, inching from political rivals to partners as their new world becomes increasingly more dangerous, as they recognize they need to rely on each other's strengths is *chef's kiss.* In six seasons, Day Trip remains one of the most masterfully done episodes this show has done, in my humble opinion. Taking the golden princess and the rebel king and peeling back the layers of both characters to expose their muddled greys. The meeting of two previous extremes slashing at each other's weak spots for superiority. Compromise derived from compassion and care. Strength in unity.  I started Day Trip as mostly indifferent to Bellamy and ended it loving him. 

When the characters turn light and dark and back again, throughout this winding story with its twists and turns, I've overturned previous impressions of almost every one many times for better and worse. It only became more prevalent when I began lurking in fandom and reading metas. If nothing else, the narrative has kept me on the edge of my seat, wondering what comes next. 

So, yeah, lots of surprises in this show. Good ones, I think. And I expect, quite a few more in its final season.

The season 7 trailer was spectacular. One of the most eye-opening lines for me, "...the last war mankind will ever wage." Because that's the dream, right? For humanity to learn from its errors and do better. Is violence what they do, or is it who they are? Have they truly learned nothing after all this time? I guess we'll find out. But I'd like to think Jason hasn't taken his characters on this evolution for the moral of the story to be the latter. In all the excitement, I convinced myself to conduct my first series rewatch. I'm not embellishing when I say the instant I saw Clarke in the opening sequence, the nostalgia welled up in my eyes. 

Who would have thought a story of 100 teenagers dropped from the sky into hostile territory would evolve into this? Temporal anomalies? Wormholes? Other worlds spanning the universe? A chance to save Earth before the bombs, possibly? Incredible. Our babies have all grown up, and their stories have come full circle.

84 episodes down. Only 16 episodes to go before the show is off the air forever. I will be metaphorically chewing my nails to the nub for Bellamy and Clarke's fates, but, I don't know about anyone else, I want to enjoy every second we get before its gone.

I won't spiral into a panic each time Echo is in the vicinity of Bellamy. Or Bellarke is temporarily separated like in every previous season. Or Jason breathes or whatever other source that causes mass hysteria in this fandom. I exist on the fringes of this fandom, but I have stood here long enough to have ascertained that it is overpopulated with too many Chicken Littles. I've never been more grateful to not have to deal firsthand on the front lines with the antis. Because if there was ever a time to enjoy the show instead of agonizing over whatever new development fandom considers just cause for panic, that time is now. 

[modernsocialmediaau]

who are you

February 28, 2015 2:30pm

" Lauren? " a woman's voice rang, it's like some type of dream. In Lauren's point of view, she's coming back into consciousness

" Lauren? " the voice adds again and Lauren finally opens her eyes which she immediately regrets seeing that she had a big ass flashlight pointed at her.

" There we go. " she chuckles and moves the flashlight out of her eyes, her oh so delicate eyes.

" Alright, so I assume you haven't been eaten all today? "she challenges

" You assume right, "

" Well, I recommend you eat and stay in here for quite a while. " she orders

" Will I get to perform tonight? "

" I advised you not to, but if you feel better then yes, and may I ask? " she pause and Lauren nods

" Is there something else on your mind because fainting should not be caused for only missing a couple of meals, at best you should've just been light headed. " she quizzes making Lauren nervous

" Aren't you a doctor? " Lauren tried to change the subject

" Yes, but I'm also a mother." she smiles

" I don't know. "

" I've got two teenagers living in my house, fasting usually comes from mood swings and mood swings often are due to love interest. " she hums

" Wha---whaa, " Lauren nervously chuckle

" So, mood swings and fasting check and check, who is the love interests?."

" Doc I really don-"

" Lauren humor me, okay. "

" No, I'm just-I have something in mind. " Lauren sighs knowing that she would not let go of the topic

" Which is? " she smiles

" I have a crush on my friend who iced me out of our friendship for awhile because of what some fans thought of us and she was pursuing this boy. But-well I think I might be even in love with her. Which makes me sick because all she ever did to me was break me but here I am telling you that I love her " Lauren covers herself with a pillow. Awaiting for her response but when Lauren removes the pillow she's simply waiting for Lauren.

" I know I'm not your mom but I've had my fair share of love affairs and if you don't let whatever you are feeling out willingly it'll find its way out.  " Lauren can't believer how easily she is able to confess this to a random person but not Ally and Dinah.

" Yea but out of the 7 billion people why her? "

" Alright what seems to be the problem? " she requests

" Well for one thing I'm not gay and neither is she. "

" So you're afraid of confronting her and your own sexuality. "

" Yes. "

" And the idea of keeping this big secret is making you anxious and paranoid. Which causes stress levels to go up. Now it all makes sense. "

" What do I do? "

" Tell her. " she simply said implying as if it were that easy

" Ugh. " Lauren quickly sits up and suddenly Lauren feels the familiar feeling of uneasiness and imbalance

" Sit down Lauren. " she grabbed my fore arm and guided me back onto the couch

" I can't. " I said

" You're also afraid of rejection, since you've gone through it before. But the thing is none of this will get easier. Not only will you're emotions take over, they will speak for themselves. "she smiles giving Lauren that mom smile

" Okay, so how do you advise I tell her? "

" Just be honest with her and don't drag it along. "

" What if we're not friends after? I can't exactly go another year of her ignoring me," Lauren anxiously rubs her wrist, and her anxiety comes back all over again

" You girls have gone through a lot, and besides it's not like she can quit. "

" Ok. Thank you Dr.-"

" Jacoby. " she smiles and begins packing her stuff

" Thank you. " Lauren replies

" Remember stay hydrated and eat. And if and I mean IF you feel better by the time of the show, go perform you're little heart out. But don't over do it," she asserts before leaving the room

Lauren wonders how much she's missed out on. She picks her phone up from the table and see's that it was already 3. That's when she realizes she's missed 3 hours worth of work.

Fuck.

Lauren decides to sit up but didn't feel good being up so high, so she lays back down. Lauren establishes to take a little catnap listening to music with a water bottle to her chest.

" Lo? " Camila whispers, but Lauren frankly didn't believe its her and decides to ignore her.

" Lauren? " she repeats herself and this time Lauren believes it is her

" Hey Camila. " Lauren croaks

" Do you feel better? "

" Yea, " Lauren weakly smiled

" Are you gonna perform tonight o-"

" Hell yeah I am. " she chuckles

" You are one bad bitch Lauren Michelle. " Dinah jokes making everyone laugh.

" Are you sure? " Camila interrupts the groups laughter and changes the vibe to a much serious one

" Sure about what? " Lauren questions taking the plate Normani is handing her

" Mhmmm, mac and cheese. " Lauren hums

" About performing tonight. " Camila repeats

" Yea she said I could, I just can't over do it. " Lauren laughs

" Girl you always over do it, " Dinah sasses snapping her fingers

" We all do, " Ally adds

As the girls eat and chat, Lauren see's a message from Will wondering if she can quickly go to the stage for a quick sound check. Lauren stands up, and excuses herself but Camila stops.

" Hey where are you going? " Camila worries

" I have to go to sound check. "Lauren laughs grabbing a water bottle, her phone, and throw outs her trash.

" Are you gonna be okay? " they announce in unison

" Uh yeah I think I'll manage. Meet you guys back here in 2 hours. "Lauren laughs rolling her eyes

" 2 hours it don't take that long. " Normani answers

" Yea but I also need to do make-up and buy a couple of things from Rite Aide. " Lauren responds

" Text me when your going to Rite Aide I need a couple of things too. " Normani winks and Lauren questions it but still nods her head.

Lauren leaves, the girls and scrolls through her phone as she is walking through the back. Will walks in front of Lauren stopping her in her tracks.

" Hey Will what's up? " Lauren is shock but also puts her phone down.

" The doctor said to be careful okay. " he reminds Lauren not wanting to have another panic attack

" I know,"

" Here Lauren, " the sound guy hands her, her ear piece and mic before carrying on with the sound check

" Thank you. " and we carried onto the sound check.

--

Lauren leaves the make up room and sends Mani a text letting her know she is ready for their trip to the convenience store.

As she waits for Normani she scrolls through her instagram or twitter to see if they made it public that she isn't feeling well. Thankfully it was a simple tweet from the Fifth Harmony twitter account, following up with another assurance.

@FifthHarmony One of the girls, had a bit of an accident backstage. We'll keep you guys posted

-Will

@FifthHarmony  And we're back everything is fine see you guys tonight

-Normani

" Hey sorry, " Normani runs into Lauren leaning up against the wall, while catching her breath

" Why are you running? "

" The girls and I got bored during dressing stuff so we played tag. " she simply answers as if it's a typical day in fifth harmony world

" Okay, well the Rite Aide is only around the corner so it won't take that-"

" Are you okay? " Mani interrupts

" Huh? I already told you guys. " Lauren chuckles and they start walking towards rite aid

" Lauren why did you faint? " she brings up

" Because I was hungry, "Lauren answers

" But that's- "

"I hadn't eaten since yesterday Normani it happens. "Lauren asserts not wanting to walk about this conversation anymore.

For the rest of the walk it was it was pure silence, until a fan would stop us for autographs and pictures . But other than that it was pure silence. It's not because I got sick of the topic of me, but it's just I'm tired of the constant pity being thrown at me. I am fine, I was hungry and stress.

" So I'm gonna tell Camila, " Lauren confesses making Normani trip on her feet and fall

•••

" What Mani? What did I do to her? I want to fix it. " Lauren cries

" Lauren I don't think you get it. " Normani sighs caressing Laurens head trying to calm and comfort her hurting friend.

" She's not talking to me what's not to get Mani? What? What did I do to her for her to just ignore me like this. " Lauren continues begging and pleading for answers.

" Wha- "

" You aren't doing anything wrong! " she interrupts pulling her

" But- "

" No! Listen to me? I don't know what's going on with her, but I sure as hell am positive you did nothing wrong. 3 months Lo I've watched the whole thing unfold and you have not done one thing wrong. " Normani explains bringing Lauren into another comforting hug but this time Lauren felt her tears on her shoulder. She began to cry with Lauren.

" Why? Why is she ignoring me. "

•••

" What? " Normani chokes while sitting on the floor

" Yeah, I think it's best. " instead of answering Lauren she stands up and picks her up

" Alright calm down. " Lauren smile

" When are you gonna do it? " Normani questions

" I don't know, probably when we get to Ft. Lauderdale. "

" Why there? "

" Well one I'll be near family so I won't feel alone. "

" You'll never be alone girl, " Normani sighs in relief giving Lauren a side hug

" Thanks Mani, and secondly I think it would be nice to see Luis plus I know he'll just have the right thing to say. "

" Exactly, and hey if you want me to be there I can be. "

" No I think I'd be best if I do this by myself. "Lauren smiles and continued to shop. It took 3 people for Lauren to finally decide to tell Camila, well a year of ignorance and 3 people. Lauren hopes that this all goes well, but it's still very much in faiths hands and its in the universe. Lauren has come to the conclusion where she doesn't need Camila to tell her she feels the same way or anything like that, she just needs the freedom.

[har-rison-s]

STRANGER THINGS 3

Here will be my thoughts and wonders on the new season of Stranger Things. I have watched it all, so beware: SPOILERS AHEAD.

I will probably add more to this as time goes on and when I watch it again, but that's just the usual me :)

So.

The start - honestly, I thought it was a random lesbian couple kissing. Mike's hair is really long.

The thing about Mileven is I think they became a couple because everyone just assumed they would. The two could have stayed friends or at least have a slow burn. I really wanted to see the moment they became a couple. Call me blind but I need that speaking-out-your-emotions moment between them.

Anywhose, I can't with these teenage boys. They're so tall! They're so grown! Their noses are so big! Their voices are different! Wow. I just... I can't believe they've grown so much. I'm proud :> and I actually feel like a mother or a sister. It's like... Almost like Harry Potter, but not quite, I watched them grow up. And it's silly, because I don't even know them, but uh... Yeah. That is, that is truly something. They're growing.

I expected Hopper not to be completely okay with Mike and El, that was funny, but predicted. 

Looked like, to me, that Joyce isn't worried about Will as much as she was in the first two seasons. Yeah, he's not missing, but like, what about season 2, then? She said herself “when he's away from me, it's like i can't function anymore”. Where was that in season 3??? She didn't even ask him where he was, where he was going, at what time he should be home. I know it's summer, but like, Joyce, I love you, but where's your stress? :D

Max and Lucas. “i spend quality time with my girlfriend” “i've dumped him like 5 times” Their relationship wasn't at all visible this season. Where was it? Where was the worry? After each serious 'happening' they didn't have a moment of running to each other “are you okay?” or hugging or crying in each other's arms. If they were broken up, when was that? If they're not, then... well, where's the relationship?

I understand that may be because Mileven is made the big deal out of this season, which I don't particularly like. Like... I don't know. It seems like they're the most important to the show, but I don't think it is. 

And okay.... Will is the only one that doesn't have a girlfriend/partner. But what was that “it's not my fault you don't like girls” (or something like that) about? What the hell, Mike?

Or, better yet, was that the directors' or writers' attempt at telling the audience that Will is gay? Couldn't have found a better way? That whole... thing has flaws, I don't know. If he's gay, cool, I'm happy, but you could have found a better way to introduce that.

Actually, when I started watching ST, I honestly thought Will could be with Eleven. Like, that they would share feelings for each other and maybe never speak of them because they don't understand them, but uh I guess my sorta ship won't sail. I'm not mad, it's just what I thought. 

I was really afraid they'd make Robin Steve's love interest, which I wouldn't have liked. I didn't like Robin at first, but I found she's a lot like me, so I dropped the dislike. But uh, yeah, that bathroom scene was nice. AND, Steve didn't mention a threesome or turning her straight, which would be totally stupid and likely of another show to do. But it just proves more that Steve is a total sweetheart. I love.

Also, did anyone else find Robin's actress looking A LOT, A FUCKING LOT, like Lucy Boynton? In the trailer I thought it really was Lucy.

I actually feared that Dustin's girlfriend would have turned out made-up, cause that would be really stupid and they'd make him look like a stupid character, which he is not. And I love that. Would love to see Suzie more. 

Billy Hargrove. Boy, oh, boy. Listen, I really like him. In looks and in him, the character that he is. Yes, he's a big cliche, but well... What can I do?

It's very strange that there was no fighting between Max and Billy, only when he was trying to get out of the sauna. As if the whole relationship they had in season 2 didn't exist. But, then again, I can assume Billy isn't starting any fights or drama with her because Max intimidated him in the end of season 2. That's my only guess.

I didn't really cry when he died, I just felt sad cause... his character could have evolved, he could have become a better person if they hadn't killed him off. Or, he could have survived and realised his wrongs and that he needs to change, and then hopefully, in season 4, he would be a changed man and we would see him with a girl fooling around in a meadow or on top of a hill. (maybe that could be me)

I really liked that they showed Billy's childhood and the reason why he was violent and why he had anger issues. Actually, it looks like almost everyone in the show has anger issues. Hm.

Russians. Man, they're everywhere. From 2015, I've disliked that Americans make Russians villains. Not because I would like Russians or anything like that, they fucking evaded my country and countless others and kept them to themselves for almost a decade. To say I hate Russians would be an understatement. But it's just become a big cliche to put Russians in the villain role. I'd love to see them for once playing some secret good guys.

Since, thanks to my calculations, it is the year 1985 in Hawkins in season 3, it means it's a year until Chernobyl. Hear me out. I know, I'm a big fanatic of Chernobyl and its show, but it would just make a big plot to somehow involve Chernobyl. Before I checked the timeline, I thought it was 1986 in season 3. But, no. I just wanted a somehow mention or even a plotline with Chernobyl in ST. I just wish for it. There's no need, but that would be really cool. Chernobyl + Upside Down + Demagorgon? Yeah man.

Joyce is a bad-ass.

“I dump your ass” man was I laughing.

Max and Eleven spending time together was so cool! My girls!! I like Max a bit more than El, but that doesn't mean I don't like their friendship. I love it, I love them. I love how Max was caring for her and they were doing girl stuff together. I love that.

The scene where Mike tells El that he tried to buy her something nice, but only had 3.50 in his wallet - wow. That's a nice representation of us teens struggling in the modern society :D

Why didn't we see Max grieving her brother after his death? Yes, she cried when she saw him die, but afterwards... Idk, man. Was it because he was abusive and was never a brother to her? Could be. Was it because they never had a sibling bond? Probably. But it would have been nice to see a funeral for Billy AND Hopper, at least one scene. Nop. No funeral. Just like Nat's.

I wanted Max to tribute her brother in some way. Not sit in her room, maybe his, maybe going through his stuff or something. I don't know, but something should have been done.

Alexei! Smirnoff! Man. I liked him, I really did. I'm so sad he was shot. But it's weird that no one noticed a bleeding man in the middle of a fair. 

Murray could have talked in Russian better, but I guess if he's not fluent, well, then... Please learn the pronounciations better if next season's going to be with Russians, as well.

Honestly, at the very end, I expected to see other subjects (like El, Kali) shown in some way. I actually expected them to be in season 3. But where are they? Did y'all just forget about them? That they could be alive, living their lives, somewhere? That was missing.

I honestly want them to keep Steve single. That would be okay for me.

Hop dying. Man... that was really hard. I mean, I cried during the half of the last episode, of course. But Joyce lost him. His coworkers lost him. Eleven lost him. Poor baby. 

I was so broken when they were all saying goodbye and crying. Not just tears. FULL ON CRYING. BITCH ME TOO.

That's all I think. At least for now. 

[redheadnamedabigail13]

Taylor Swift: Music Week Magazine

November 4, 2019

Around this time of year, the Taylor Swift anniversaries come at you thick and fast.

Nine years since her third album, Speak Now, every note of which was written entirely by Swift, hit the shelves. Five years since she released her mould-breaking pop album, 1989, and went from the world’s biggest country star to the world’s biggest pop star overnight. Two years since her Reputation record saw her become the only musician to post four successive million-plus debut sales weeks in the United States. And so on.

But today, Swift’s mind is drawn further back, to the 13th anniversary of her debut, self-titled record, and the days when her album releases weren’t automatically accompanied by mountains of hype and enough think-pieces to sink a battleship. Her journal entries from the time – helpfully reprinted as part of the deluxe editions of her new album, Lover – reveal her as an excited, optimistic teenager, but also one with a grasp of marketing strategies and label politics way beyond her years, even if she was reluctant to actually take credit for her ideas.

“It always was and it always will be an interesting dance being a young woman in the music industry,” she smiles ruefully. “We don’t have a lot of female executives, we’re working on getting more female engineers and producers but, while we are such a drastic gender minority, it’s interesting to try and figure out how to be.”

And, of course, when Swift started out she was, as she points out, “an actual kid”.

“I was planning the release of my first album when I was 15 years old,” she reminisces. “And I was a fully gangly 15, I reminded everyone of their niece! I was in this industry in Nashville and country music, where I was making album marketing calls, but I never wanted to stand up and say, ‘Yeah, that promotions plan you just complimented my label on, I thought of that! Me and my Mom thought of that!’

“When you’re a new artist you wonder how much space you can take up and, as a woman, you wonder how much space you can take up pretty much your whole period of growing up,” she continues. “For me, growing up and knowing that I was an adult was realising that I was allowed to take up space from a marketing perspective, from a business perspective, from an opinionated perspective. And that feels a lot better than constantly trying to wonder if I’m allowed to be here.”

In the intervening years, Taylor Swift has released six further, brilliant albums, growing from country starlet to all-conquering pop behemoth along the way. She takes up “more space”, as she would put it, than any other musician on the planet: a sales and now – having belatedly embraced the format with Lover – streaming phenomenon; a powerhouse stadium performer; an award-garlanded songwriter for herself and others; and a social media giant with a combined 278 million followers across Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (which would make the Taylor Nation the fourth most populous one on earth, after China, India and the US).

But her influence on music and the music industry doesn’t end there. Because, over the years, Swift has also become a leading advocate for artists’ and songwriters’ rights, in a digital landscape that doesn’t always have such matters as a priority.

In 2015, she stood up to Apple Music over its plans to not pay artist royalties during subscribers’ three-month free trials (Apple backed down immediately). She pulled her entire catalogue from Spotify in 2014 in protest that its free tier was devaluing music, sending Daniel Ek scrambling to justify his business model. When she returned in 2017, it was a crucial fillip for the streaming service’s IPO plans.

More recently, her ground-breaking new record deal with Republic Records contained clauses not only guaranteeing her ownership of her future masters, but also ensuring Universal Music will share the spoils of its Spotify shares with its artists, without any payments counting against unrecouped balances. And when her long-time former label boss Scott Borchetta sold Big Machine to Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings, taking Swift’s first six albums with him, the star publicly called out what she saw as her “worst-case scenario” and stressed: “You deserve to own the art you make”. She may yet re-record her old songs in protest.

In short, Swift has, for a long time now, been unafraid to use her voice on industry matters, whether they pertain to her own stellar career or the thousands of other artists out there struggling to make a living.

All of which makes Swift not just the greatest star of our age, but perhaps the most important to the future development of the industry as a more artist-centric, songwriter-friendly business. Hers is still the life of the pop phenomenon – she spent today in Los Angeles doing promotion and photoshoots (or, in her words, “having people put make-up on me”) as Lover continues to build on huge critical acclaim and even huger initial sales. But now, she’s kicking back with her cats – one of whom seems determined to disrupt Music Week’s interview by “stampeding” through at every opportunity – and ready to talk business.

And for Swift, business is good. The impact of her joining streaming, and the decline of traditional album sales, may have prevented her from posting a fifth successive one million-plus sales debut, but Lover still sold more US copies (867,000) in its first week than any record since her own Reputation. It’s sold 117,513 copies to date in the UK, according to the Official Charts Company.

Even better, while Reputation – a record forged in the white heat of a social media snakestorm over her on-going feud with Kanye West – was plenty of show and rather less grow, Lover continues to reveal hidden depths. Reputation struck a sometimes curious contrast between the unrepentant warrior Swift she was showing to the outside world and the love story with British actor Joe Alwyn that was quietly developing behind closed doors, but Lover is the sort of versatile, cohesive album that the streaming age was supposed to kill off.

It contains more than its fair share of pop bangers (You Need To Calm Down, Me!), but also some gorgeously-crafted acoustic tracks (Lover, Cornelia Street), some pithy political commentary (The Man, Miss America & The Heartbreak Prince) and the sort of musical diversions (Paper Rings’ irresistible rockabilly stomp, the childlike oddity of It’s Nice To Have A Friend) that no other pop superstar would have the sheer musical chops to attempt, let alone pull off.

“Taylor’s creative instincts as an artist and songwriter are brilliant,” says Monte Lipman, founder and CEO of Swift’s US label, Republic. “Our partnership represents a strategic alliance built on mutual respect, trust, and complete transparency. Her vision is extraordinary as she sets the tone for every campaign and initiative.”

No wonder David Joseph, chairman/CEO of her long-time UK label Virgin EMI’s parent company Universal Music UK, is thrilled with how things are going.

“Love Story was a fitting first single release for Taylor here – she’s loved the UK from day one and has engaged so much with her fans and teams,” says Joseph. “She really respects and values what’s going on here creatively. To see her go from playing the Students’ Union at King’s College to Wembley Stadium has been extraordinary. Taylor is an artist constantly striving for perfection, and with Lover – from my personal point of view, her most accomplished work to date – her songwriting has gone to a new level. I adore working with her and whilst it’s been more than 10 years this still feels like the start.”

And today, Swift is keen to concentrate on the present and future. She has a starring role in Cats coming up (and a new song on the soundtrack, Beautiful Ghosts, co-written with Andrew Lloyd Webber) and, after a spectacularly intimate Paris launch show in September, festival dates and her own LoverFest to plan (UK shows will be revealed soon). Time, then, to tell the cats to calm down and sit down with Music Week to talk streaming, contracts and why she’s “obsessed” with the music industry…

Unlike with Reputation, most of the discussion around Lover seems to have been focused on the music…

“Absolutely! One of the ideas I had about this record, and something I’ve implemented into my life in the last couple of years is that I don’t like distractions. And, for a while, it felt like my life had to come with distractions from the music, whether it was tabloid fascination with my personal life or my friendships or what I was wearing. I realised in the last couple of years that, if I don’t give a window into distraction, people can’t try to look in and see something other than the music. I love that, if you really pour yourself into the idea that an album is still important and try really hard to make something that is worth people’s attention span, time and energy, that can still come across. Because we are living in an industry right now where everyone’s rushing towards taking us into a singles industry and, in some cases, it has become that. But there are still some cases where clearly the album is important to people.”

Does it matter that some new artists won’t get to make albums the way you always have?

“It’s interesting. Five years ago I wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal and said, maybe in the next five years, we would see artists releasing music the way that they want to. I thought that each artist would start to curate what is important to them, not just from an artistic standpoint but from a marketing standpoint. It’s really interesting to see different release plans, if you look at what Drake did and then what Beyoncé does, incredible artists who have really curated what it is to drop music in their own way. We all do it differently, which is cool. As long as people dropping just singles want to be doing that, then I’m fine with it, but if it feels like a big general wave that’s being pressured by people in power, their teams or their labels, that’s not cool. But I do really hope that in the future artists have more of a say over strategy. We’re not just supposed to make art and then hand it to a team that masterminds it.”

Were you worried about putting an album on streaming on release day for the first time?

“Well, there are ways that streaming services could really promote the [whole] album in a more incentivised way. We could have album charts on streaming. The industry follows where they can get prizes. So you have a singles chart on streaming services which is great but, if you split things up into genre charts for example, that would really incentivise people. It’s important that we keep trying to strive to make the experience better for users but also make it more interesting for artists to keep wanting to achieve. But I really did love the experience of putting the album on streaming. I loved the immediacy, I loved that people who maybe weren’t a huge diehard fan were curious and saying, ‘I wonder what this is like’ and listening to it and deciding that they liked it.”

You’d resisted streaming for a long time. Have you changed your mind about the format now?

“I always knew that I would enjoy the aspects of streaming that make [your music] so immediately available to so many people. That’s the part of it that I unequivocally always felt really sad I was missing out on. There wasn’t ever a day when I woke up and I was like, ‘Oh, I’m really glad that multitudes of people don’t have access to my music!’ So I always knew that streaming was an incredible mechanism and model for the future but I still don’t think we have the royalties and compensation system worked out. That’s between the labels and their artists and I realised that me, to use a gross word, ‘leveraging’ what I can bring to cut a better deal for the artists at my record label was really important for me.”

How big a factor were things like that in you signing to Republic/Universal?

“That’s important to me because that means they’re adopting some of my ideas. If they take me on as an artist that means they really thought it through. Because with me, come opinions about how we can better our industry. I’m one of the only people in the artist realm who can be loud about it. People who are on their fifth, sixth or seventh album, we’re the only ones who can speak out, because new artists and producers and writers need to work. They need to be endearing and likeable and available to their labels and streaming services at all times. It’s up to the artists who have been around for a second to say, ‘Hey guys, the producers and the writers and the artists are the ones who are making music what it is’. And we’re in a great place in music right now thanks to them. They should be going to their mailbox and feeling like they’ve got a pension plan, rather than feeling like, ‘Oh yay, I can pay half my rent this month after this No.1 song’.”

Did you have more creative freedom making Lover than on your previous albums?

“In my previous situation, there were creative constraints, issues that we had over the years. I’ve always given 100% to projects, I always over-delivered, thinking that that generosity would be returned to me. But I ended up finding that generosity in a new situation with a new label that understands that I deserve to own what I make. That meant so much to me because it was given over to me so freely. When someone just looks at you and says ‘Yes, you deserve what you want’, after a decade or more of being told, ‘I’m not sure you deserve what you want’ – there’s a freedom that comes with that. It’s like when people find ‘the one’ they’re like, ‘It was easy, I just knew and I felt free’. All of a sudden you’re being told you’re worth exactly, no, more than what you thought you were worth. And that made me feel I could make an album that was exactly what I wanted to make. There’s an eclectic side to Lover, a confessional side, it varies from acoustic to really poppy pop, but that’s what I like to do. And, while you would never make something artistic based on something so unromantic as a contract, it was more than that. It was a group of people saying, ‘We believe in what you’re making, go make what you want to make and you deserve to own it too’.”

You’re obviously not happy about what’s happened at Big Machine since you left. But will the attention mean artists don’t find themselves in this situation in the future?

“I hope so. That’s the only reason that I speak out about things. The fans don’t understand these things, the public isn’t being made aware. This generation has so much information available to them so I thought it was important that the fans knew what I was going through, because I knew it was going to affect every aspect of my life and I wanted them to be the first to know. And in and amongst that group, I know there are people that want to make music some day. It involves every new artist that is reading that and going, ‘Wait, that’s what I’m signing?’ They don’t have to sign stuff that’s unfair to them. If you don’t ask the right questions and you sit in front of the wrong desk in front of the wrong person, they can take everything from you.”

Songwriters are in dispute with Spotify in the US over its decision to appeal the Copyright Board decision to boost songwriting royalties. Do writers need more respect?

“Absolutely. In terms of the power structure, the songwriters, the producers, the engineers, the people who are breathing magic into our industry, need to be listened to. They’re not being greedy. This is legitimately an industry where people are having trouble paying their bills and they’re the most talented people we have. This isn’t them sitting in their mansions going, ‘I wish this mansion was bigger and I would like a yacht please’. This is actually people who are going to work every single day. I got into writing when I was in Nashville and it was very much like what I read about the Brill Building. You would write every day, whether you were inspired or not, and in the process I met artists and writers. Somebody would walk in and someone would say, ‘Oh, he’s still getting mailbox money from that Faith Hill cut a couple of years ago, he’s set’. That’s not a thing anymore. Mailbox money is a thing of the past and we need to remember that these are the people that create the heartbeat that we’re all dancing to or crying to.”

You were clearly aware of music industry machinations from a young age…

“Reading back on the journal entries, I forgot how obsessed I was with the industry as a teenager. I was so fascinated by how it works and how it was changing. Every part of it was interesting to me. I had drawn the stages for most of my tours a year before I went on them. That really was fun for me as a teenager! A lot of people who start out very young in music, either don’t have a say or don’t have the will to do the business side of it, but weirdly that was so much fun for me to try and learn. I had a lot of energy when I was 16!”

Are you doing similar drawings for next year’s LoverFest?

“Definitely. And that’s why it’s still fun for me to take on a challenge like, ‘Oh, let’s just plan our own festival’. Let’s create a bill of artists and try and make it as fun as possible for the fans. I’m so intrigued by what that’s going to be like.”

Finally, when we last did an interview in 2015, you said in five years’ time you wanted to be “finding complexity in happiness”. How has that worked out?

“That’s exactly what’s happened with this album! I think a lot of writers have the fear of stability, emotional health and happiness. Our whole careers, people make jokes about how, ‘Just wait until you meet someone nice, you’ll run out of stuff to write about’. I was talking to [Cats director] Tom Hooper about this because he said one thing his mother taught him was, ‘Don’t ever let people tell you that you can’t make art if you’re happy’. I thought that was so amazing. He’s a creator in a completely different medium but he has been subjected to that same joke over and over again that we must be miserable to create. Lover is important to me in so many ways, but it’s so imperative for me as a human being that songwriting is not tied to my own personal misery. It’s good to know that, it really is!”

@taylorswift @taylornation

[anifangor]

What We Lost Ch7

“What We Lost,” an Animorphs and Miraculous Ladybug crossover fic. [Can also be found on AO3 under the same title, penname anidiwa136.] Character and species guide, timeline (with ML episode spoilers, if any), and other notes can be found in the doc here: http://bit.ly/2EpntHr . Tumblr tag is “MLA What We Lost.”

Summary: Marinette never expected it to be this way. She was only fifteen at the time and was supposed to be stressing out over school and crushes. Not this. Definitely not this.

She was a collège student, not a hero. She wasn’t supposed to be part of the Earth’s only hope in a war.

Spoilers: None

Content Warning: N/A

Notes: Aaaaaand we’re back after over two year hiatus!

Chat: Adrien

November 22nd, 2015

I had recognized the bright light almost immediately. I wanted to open the door and see what Ladybug looked like immediately, but Plagg had suggested I waited, to give Marinette a chance to adjust to the new look.

So I had waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And… waited.

According to the clock on my phone, it had only really been about ten minutes, but it had felt like I was waiting for hours before I finally decided I was going to open the door.

“Marinette, are you—”

I stopped before I was even halfway through the door. She wasn’t there.

“Maybe she went home.” Plagg suggested. He flew towards the drawer I had reluctantly designated as camembert storage, phasing through and returning with another chunk of the disgusting stuff.

“She would have said something. Besides, there was only one flash of light, so she couldn’t have detransformed,” I countered. I walked over to the couch, hoping she had left even a note on the table. Her purse and textbook were still on the table, along with the now empty box from Elfangor.

Wait…

I looked over and noticed a panel of the windows was now open. Of course! She must have decided to explore in her new suit.

Which meant… I would have to search for her, potentially all over Paris.

I groaned.

“Plagg, claws out!”

There was no sign of her over an hour later. On one hand, at least I was getting more practice running around on building rooftops. On the other hand, where the hell was Ladybug?

Times like this, it would have been awfully nice if my magical companion was available to give me advice. Or if there was this sort of vibe that drew me towards Ladybug. If we were like the soul mates of superheroes, shouldn’t there be something that directed us towards each other? Maybe there was some sort of gadget in our uniforms that let us communicate to each other, that would be extremely helpful. I’d have to look into that eventually, because wandering around Paris looking for Ladybug was going to get exhausting real fast.

I stopped on a rooftop, trying to figure out where she could have gone. She wasn’t in the immediate vicinity, which was interesting considering I had left the house only about ten minutes later. She must have gotten a hang of rooftop travel pretty fast to have gone outside of visible range that fast.

Think, Adrien, think. Maybe she went to the Eiffel Tower to see the view? No, too many people… Maybe…

Alya’s, of course! She had mentioned Alya was trying to get her to go visit the construction site to try to get an article done for her blog. If she could find Alya, she could probably figure out what she knew without having to explain to her how she got home without passing through the construction site. There was even a chance that Alya would know what happened to the dead Prince’s ship—there hadn’t been any news about it all day, so someone must have covered it up.

Hopefully she wasn’t trying to talk to Alya straight up. She and Alya were best friends, it was very unlikely that Alya wouldn’t be able to tell it was Marinette right away. Of course, I didn’t know what her outfit looked like, but unless her Kwami gave her an outfit that covered 99% of her… Well, it would probably be extremely easy to figure out her secret identity.

But enough musing. It would be extremely helpful if I found Ladybug before she found Alya.

Ladybug was pacing on a rooftop across from Alya’s home when I found her. She looked like she was heavily debating something with herself, and couldn’t decide which action made more sense. I watched for a minute before joining her on the roof.

“Hey Bugaboo~” I greeted as I landed a few feet behind her.

She flinched, turning around suddenly as if she hadn’t expected someone to be there. Though, in all honesty, not many people roamed Paris via rooftop anyway.

It took her a bit before she finally replied to me, her eyes looking me up and down as she took in my outfit. Her eyes stopped at the cat ears resting in my hair, only moving away when she realized the thing the wind was moving behind me was my tail. Her mouth twitched, stuck halfway between surprise and amusement. “Adrien?”

“Chat Noir,” I corrected her. “I see that someone was a little excited to spread their wings,” I circled her as I spoke, trying to see if there was anything to her outfit other than spots. “Though it doesn’t appear that you actually have any…”

Ladybug blushed deeply behind her mask once we were facing each other again. “I… I just felt this urge to be free… I just acted on impulse. I’m sorry for not telling you first.”

I flashed her a bright grin. “It’s cool. When I first became Chat Noir, I was feline the same. It was such a pawsome feline.”

Her eye twitched at the puns. “Feline is a bit of a stretch there,” She commented. “Do you always make this many puns?”

“Kind of? I’m not used to doing cat puns though,” To be fair, there were only so many the internet could suggest before it starting getting repetitive. “Anyway, are you planning on trying to talk to Alya dressed like that?”

Ladybug tensed up at that, stammering as she tried to figure out how I knew. Her eyes glanced over to Alya’s building just across the street, answering her question, and her shoulders slumped, eyes downcast. “I… don’t know.”

I offered what I hoped was a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Still feeling guilty about lying to her?”

She didn’t answer for a bit, but she didn’t shrug my hand off either. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, uncertain. “While I was running, I… I realized how much Alya would love this. She loves superheroes, and she would be so excited if she found out that I was Ladybug. Imagine her journalism career. She’d be getting probably the biggest scoop Paris has had in years and she wouldn’t even be out of collège yet.”

“And she’s your best friend.” I supplied the unsaid thought. She nodded hesitantly, looking back at me. “Normally, I would say to tell her, but…”

“But Tikki said we can’t.” She finished.

I gave her a weak smile, knowing that it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. I patted her shoulder before taking my hand back. “Come on. If we hurry, Nathalie won’t even realize we left.”

Ladybug gave one last look at Alya’s home. Her mouth parted ever so slightly, as if she wanted to tell me something, but she shook her head and whatever words lingered were now gone.

“Okay. Let’s go, Chat.”

Things were quiet for a few minutes once we returned to my room. We didn’t transform back to our civilian selves right away, and Ladybug looked uneasy again. I had sat down on the couch, but she had started pacing almost immediately.

“…Is something bothering you, Bugaboo?”

She paused pacing just long enough to make brief eye contact, averting her gaze with a small frown. “Won’t we… get in trouble with the Kwami?”

It didn’t sound like that was what she really wanted to ask.

I shrugged, leaning back into the couch further. Probably best not to press. “Plagg already knows. He’s not too happy about it but we can’t change how we got the Miraculous. I’m sure your Kwami will understand too,”

“Tikki,” Ladybug provided the Kwami’s name for me again. “I… I guess…”

“Do you want the room alone when you change back? So that you can tell Tikki in private?” I didn’t really want to leave the room, but things might go smoother if Tikki didn’t immediately see me or Plagg there.

Ladybug hesitated, but nodded. “Yeah. I’ll try not to take too long.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady~” I teased as I stood up, laughing a little at the blush that overtook her entire face. “No sudden flights this time, all right?”

There was a small embarrassed noise of confirmation as I once again walked into the bathroom. I changed back, sighing softly as I once again became Adrien Agreste, the normal teenage boy, and Plagg appeared nearby. A bright light from outside shone from under the door, and I inhaled sharply, ignoring whatever it was Plagg was saying, waiting to hear from Marinette that she was ready for me to come back out.

Things would be okay, I told myself.

We could do this.