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can-i-stay-awake · 4 years

Text

Little Alice Fell (Ateez Wonderland! AU)

Genre: Angst, fantasy

Warnings: Mentions of violence, death, drugging

Summary: It’s too tiring and boring here for you. You yearn for otherworldly madness that not even the craziest can explain. Luckily, a beautiful blond has the solution for you...

Word count: 1k

Series Masterlist

“Aren’t you scared?” His deep voice penetrates your ears, “You look very calm for someone who’s about to sell their soul”

You look straight into Yeosang’s dark, crazed eyes. Too alive, too thrilled to the point it’s icy cold. “I’ve lost my faith in humanity anyway. Not every human is as meek as you expect them to be” The view beneath your feet is beautifully dull. City lights are dotted about like the night sky and the headlights of cars scamper around like ants. Everyone is too tired. The gold of the lights are bright but you can see the effort it takes to stay like that. It’s so tiring... Repeating the same useless routine every day with only little change. So tiring, so boring and worthless. Too many troubles and worries leave you empty from anxiety, your mask one of utter peaceful serenity.

“Are you sure?” Yeosang’s blond hair dances in the wind, his cheeks pink from the kiss of winter. For a demon, he’s too... Ethereal. Of course, he’s another worldly being with unmatched looks, but you would think a demon would be... Ugly. His brows are upturned and a small smile plays on his face as the snow melts on his fingertips and his cloud of breath disappears into the night sky. “You can never return here. No one will remember your existence.”

“I don’t need anyone to remember my existence.” You lie, and Yeosang smirks, an empty laugh colder than the snow escapes his lips.

“It’s quite sad. The fact that you have to lie to yourself to set your mind in stone. What is it? Ah, “fake it till you make it”, is that not the saying? Song Mingi will be quite lonely without you” You suddenly twitch at the name.

“Don’t you dare” You want to slap his fairy-like face.

“Dare I not what? Call that poor redhead you’re leaving by his name?” He steps closer to your face, his minty breath a slap across your face. “Song Mingi. Song Mingi. Song Mingi. I could show you his future. It’s a grim one though. Reporters are never safe you know? He gets knifed to death by a businessman whom he gathered dirt on. It could be prevented if you stay, but by that time this offer will no longer be standing”

“Mingi...” You feel dirty just saying his name. Guilt pangs at your heartstrings. This Kang Yeosang is playing with your emotions like a harp and you despise him for that. “I...”

No responsibilities, no one to hurt you, no normal, no expectations, no right, no wrong.

Just madness...

You don’t know who’s voice is in your head as you repeat the lines said to you many times. It could be Yeosang deep and elegant drawl or your own lifeless voice. It could be both, a harmony beckoning you to wreck like a siren’s song.

“I want to go through with the deal-”

Twisted excitement plays at Yeosang’s sculpted features, his eyes glazing over with madness and a smirk that seems not quite human graces his face. “Even at the expense of an innocent human?”

“You didn’t let me finish. On one condition”

“Oh? Humour me. At this point, you’re just stalling to keep yourself alive just a little longer. What are you yearning for then, my dear?” His finger toys with the golden earring dangling off of your ear. You twitch as his fingertip brushes the bottom of the lobe of your ear. It’s only for a second, but you feel the lick of flames from hell in that touch.

“I want Song Mingi to be happy. It’s in the contract, right? One wish for me, and another for a loved one”

Yeosang raises a brow, “Goodness, no one ever reads the contract properly. Their souls are fuelled with such a strong desire to ever notice they can save their loved ones. Desire is a selfish thing, you know?”

“I know”

“Very well, Song Mingi will live a happy life. But in return, your new life will not be as stable as you wish it to be in the next life”

“I understand”

“It will be like nothing in the books. Only a few similarities”

“I understand”

“Well then, do you, Y/n L/n solemnly swear to abide every rule in the Hatter’s Contract and will accept the consequences of breaking them?” The coffee brown of his eyes is replaced by a viridescent shade of aqua, glowing brighter than the stars in the sky but is also somehow as dim as the flames in your heart. His lips don’t move, but his voice is like metal claws holding your head in place. You cannot look away from his orbs, buzzing with life and as refined as a dolls porcelain eyes.

“I do” Your voice is confident but your words are laced with regret as the bitter aftertaste floods your mouth.

“Let’s not be late then, shall we?”

“One sip to numb the pain, one sip to go insane..” Yeosang’s voice is dangerously quiet as he holds up fluorescent cyan liquid substance caged in a heart-shaped flask and sealed by a simple cork. He holds it up to your lips and the too-sweet taste washes away the bitterness of regret...

You wake up to find seven resplendent men on equally as resplendent red plush thrones framed in the most finest gold staring down at you.

The leader, a man with bright red coloured locks framing his delicate but simultaneously fierce visage rolls his eyes mockingly and looks at you. The black heart underneath his eye crinkles as he smiles. He tilts his head and you expect the crown atop of his head to fall, but it stays in places as if nailed to him. “I am Kim Hongjoong, Queen of Hearts. Enchanté”

A tall black-haired man, with a red rose bound to his golden rimmed monocle with thin chains, raises his brow and stares you down after checking his pocket watch. You feel both interest and humility as a result of it. “King of hearts, Park Seonghwa. Though I expect you to call me ‘Your Highness’ understand?” He snaps. You nod, shaking.

“You’ll scare her, Seonghwa” The crowned boy silences him. Seonghwa gasps as a figure seizes his golden crown out of his dark curls.

“Gosh, she’s trembling. Tone it down, Highness” A cat. No, a grin. A grinning cat(?) lets out a charming giggle. His hand rests on his cheek. His mauve ears twitch in amusement as you squirm in discomfort. You cannot physically stand up, and you're sure it's to do with him and the purple-tinted finger pointing down to the floor. ”I’m Choi San, the Cheshire Cat. We’ll get to know each other very well” His r’s are drawn out seductively. He throws the crown to the throne beside him.

“Shouldn’t you be called the Choishire Cat, then?” A short silver-haired man guffaws at his own joke, cackling loudly. Multiple chains dangle off of his limbs like accessories. A pink top hat is on his head, a joker card placed in the lighter pink ribbon lining the base of it. A beauty mark kisses the bottom of his eye. “I’m the Mad Hatter, Jung Wooyoung. I’m the backbone of this place and the maddest of the mad.”

“You already know me, Kang Yeosang. I may have lied to you though. I am not a demon” His form shifts and he looks even more dazzling is his white and blue attire. The White Rabbit, a pleasure” His eyes burn with the flames of hell as he stares at you through a similar pair of glasses, only silver-rimmed and with a blue rose. “We’ll be late for the party, you know? There very one Wooyoung is hosting” He looks accusingly at said party host who’s in a daze. He snatches the crown from Wooyoung and throws it to the Queen, who keeps it in his hands.

“Choi Jongho, caterpillar” A pair of pretty pink lips announces, smoking a hookah. A magenta bubble escapes it and floats across the room, only to burst on the tip of your nose. It smells of roses. A small smile bleeds onto his lips as he holds a golden bowl and shakes it slightly as if beckoning a dog. “Mushroom?”

“N-no th-thank you”

“Your loss” He scoffs and goes back to smoking.

“Jeong Yunho, former Alice,” A tall teddy bear-like man says wistfully as if he is in a different world. His gaze is distant and all colour and sparkle in his eyes are watered down, a candle in a storm. Yunho doesn't even spare a glance at you, staring emptily at the chandelier to his upper right. He lets out an empty chuckle, his brown hair falls in front of his eyes.

“A new Alice. I haven’t seen a sane one in decades...” Hongjoong kneels down to your level and smirks devilishly. Tilting your head up and placing Seonghwa’s crown on your head mockingly, his enchanting voice whispers.

“Welcome to Wonderland~♡”

#ateez imagines #ateez #wonderland au #fiction #writing #fanfic #kpop #writers on tumblr #song mingi #choi san #jung wooyoung #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #choi jongho #kang yeosang #jeong yunho #books & libraries #san would make an amazing cheshire cat

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three-drink-amy · 5 years

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All the Shine of a Thousand Spotlights

Thanks so much for the support of this fic! It made me happy to know so many of you wanted it to continue. I hope you enjoy what’s to come!

masterlist - AO3

Chapter Three - Take a Chance, Take a Chance, Chance

I knew what I needed to do, I was just dragging my feet. The only person who could probably convince Jamie to take this role was me. But I was also a bit worried that I was the last person he wanted to see. The last time we’d spoken, he seemed angry that I was trying to talk to him. I could understand the position he was in, and likely why he was about to turn down the role. But he couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let him.

I had to act quickly. It wasn’t like we had forever. Production would need to begin eventually and we needed to have our lead. Marilyn and John were going through the list of other actors who had auditioned, but we all knew we didn’t want them. We wanted Jamie. I wanted Jamie. John was never wrong with his instincts, but I hoped that when I talked to Jamie alone, he’d tell me that he was taking the part.

Swallowing harshly, I looked up at the building in front of me. Taking all the courage I had, I ran forward to catch the door as a delivery man left. I followed the familiar path to his door. It was painfully obvious to me how different my situation was now than it was the last time I was here. Shaking my head, I tried to dispel the images of him pushing me against the wall and kissing me senseless in the very stairwell I was climbing. Before I got too caught up in memories, I made myself keep walking. There was a reason I was here, after all, and it wasn’t to vividly remember night we’d spent together. I did that enough on my own.

I must have stood in front of his door for a full minute before I finally knocked. My heart hammered away in my chest as I waited for him to answer. One of his neighbors walked past me. I bounced on the balls of my feet, willing him to be home. The sound of footsteps on the other side of the door almost made me lean closer to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.

The door swung open and he stood before me. I flashed him a strained smile. His eyes widened in shock as he stared back at me. “Claire,” he said, “what the hell are ye doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you.”

He schooled his face, not letting his emotions show anymore. “What about?”

“You can’t turn down this role, Jamie,” I told him, not wanting to beat around the bush.

Jamie sighed, running a hand down his face. “Seriously? That’s why ye came by here?”

“Yes! Look, we saw plenty of men for this role and I promise you that you are the only man we wanted,” I told him. I was being more open than I ever had been with an actor before. “Jamie, you are perfect for this role. And not just because you were the only person who actually sounded Scottish. You have to take it!”

“No, I dinna have to do anything.”

I groaned. “You auditioned for it. Why do you suddenly want to turn it down?”

“Because of you,” he answered in no uncertain terms.

I recoiled a bit, taking a step back. My arms crossed in front of me defensively. “Because of me?” I could hear how small my voice sounded and I hated it. This wasn’t me. I never groveled or begged people to do anything. He was bringing out a terrible side of me.

He at least had the decency to look a bit guilty for what he said. “Aye. I’m sorry, but I canna take it. I didn’t want to turn it down immediately. I suppose I wanted to be able to change my mind, but I canna. I canna take the role.”

“Can you tell me why?” I asked. “Other than because of me.”

Jamie’s face fell. “Ye have to know how much I actually want the role -”

“Then, take it!” I cried.

“I canna. I’ll no’ let anyone accuse me of sleeping my way to a role.” And there it was. My mouth fell open at his statement. “I may no’ have much of a career, but I do have dignity.”

“It’s not like anyone even knows,” I reminded him. “Besides, you didn’t even know who I was. You weren’t doing that.”

“No, I wasna. But if anyone knew the truth, all they’d be able to see is that I slept wi’ ye one night, auditioned for yer play the next day, and then was given the role,” Jamie pointed out. “I want the role, but no’ that badly.”

“No one knows,” I repeated. I was getting desperate.

“I’ll no’ risk it,” he maintained. His eyes dropped from mine. “I appreciate that ye thought I was good enough. But I can’t.”

“Please think about it,” I urged. “This could be the role of a lifetime.”

“Well, then congratulations to yer second choice,” Jamie said, effectively taking the argument out of me. “Goodbye, Claire.”

I sputtered, trying to get one last word in, but the door shut in my face. My hands laid over my face as I tried to fight off my anger and disappointment. The worst part about it all was that he didn’t mince words. It was clearer than ever that his reason to not take it was me. Even more than wanting to have the perfect cast, I wanted to defend myself and tell him all the reasons he was wrong.

Except that, ultimately, I respected his decision. As I descended the stairs, feeling low, I understood why he stood his ground. I’d known a good amount of actors in my life, and I’m not sure that any of them would have the integrity to actually turn it down. And that’s not even addressing the ones that would have truly slept with the director to get the part.

I wanted a win, but I wasn’t getting it. More than that, I wanted to change the way he looked at me. I’d seen plenty of different gazes from him the night we’d spent together. But now, it was nothing but a cold shadow in comparison.

My office was dark, save a low lamp in the corner. I was wallowing in the misery of my failed attempt. John and Marilyn hadn’t the faintest idea that I was even going to try to sway him. That was probably for the best, since I’d failed. Elbows propped on the desk, my head was in my hands as I tried to figure out my next step. John walked in without knocking. He sat down on the couch in my office. Both of us looked a bit off.

“What’s up with you?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Nothing. We’re just getting close to production.”

“I’m aware.”

“I got a few more confirmations today,” he told me.

“But not the one you’re wanting.”

“It’s the lead role,” John sighed. “If we fuck that up, our play is dead on opening night.”

“I know.”

“And the thing that makes me the maddest is that we didn’t do anything wrong!” John continued.

That you know of, I thought to myself.

“What do you think we can do?” he asked. “We all agreed that he’s the best. Surely the three of us can figure out a way to convince him. We’re all experienced.”

I nodded, trying to think of some comfort to offer John. I was coming up dry. “Look, we’re casting minor roles next week. By the end of next week, we have to have our cast list set. We’ll give him til then and hopefully he’ll come around.”

John laid his head back against the couch. “Okay. I guess that’s all we can do. But after that, we’ll have to act fast.”

“We will, if necessary,” I promised him.

But as John walked from my office, I hoped it wouldn’t be necessary. I was in full brainstorming mode the rest of the day and my entire evening at home. It was a lot harder to come up with ideas when I knew what the problem actually was. How could I solve it, short of traveling back in time and not sleeping with him? But then again, I wasn’t sure I would really want to do that, even for the sake of the show.

For the next few days, I sat through auditions, trying to be as present as possible. This show was supposed to be my passion project but I was failing. Somehow, my thoughts were only ever on Jamie. What did he think of me? Would I ever see him again? What were the chances he’d change his mind and accept? Had he actually liked me before my true identity had been revealed? Could something more have happened if he’d never auditioned for my show?

The ridiculous amount of “what ifs” and “how comes” kept me incredibly distracted at a time when I needed to be focused. I’d gone out the night I met him because I’d needed a break. But now, I needed one again for a very different reason. I knew first hand how much dedication the role of director took. And that was how I knew I was blowing it spectacularly.

All I wanted to be able to do was figure out a way to convince Jamie to take the role. Perhaps that would put a smile on my face. I figured it would definitely put a smile on John’s face. I was at a loss, though.

It took me two more days of spending all my time up in my head before I finally realized that the answer was in front of me all along.

I poured myself a stiff glass of whisky and sat down on my couch. Glancing over at the clock, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t too late. I took a sip to give myself some courage, and then I dialed his number.

The line rang twice before he answered. “Hello?” he answered.

“Jamie, it’s Claire.”

He was silent for a long moment. “How did ye get this number? I dinna recall giving it to ye. Or ye asking me for it, for that matter.” For the first time, I wondered if he was bitter about more than the situation with the play. It had been a mere accident that I’d run out without giving him my number or getting his. As I’d left his apartment that morning, I was more than open to seeing him again. I wondered if he’d ever believe that with everything else that had happened.

“It might not be the most ethical thing, but I pulled it off your audition form,” I informed him. “We need to talk.”

Jamie sighed. “No, we dinna.”

“Yes, we do. Jamie, this role is yours. You are perfect for it and I meant what I said when I told you it could be the role of a lifetime.”

“I already told ye no once.”

“You haven’t turned it down though,” I retorted. “Why is that?”

He took a deep breath. “Because I ken exactly how big a role this is and it’s killing me to turn it down.”

“Then don’t.”

“Claire —”

“I have a new offer for you.” I talked over him.

“Oh?”

I took another sip, needing more liquid courage. “If you take the role…” I trailed off, afraid to actually make my offer. “If you take the role, I will step down as director.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I’ll step down if you take the role. That way, no one will be able to accuse you of sleeping with the director, because you wouldn’t have.” I tilted my head, thinking. “Well, theoretically. I don’t know your whole history.”

Jamie was silent again. It was frying my nerves. “Why would ye do this?” His voice was softer than all our interactions since the truth came out. It gave me hope.

“I remembered what you told me the night we met,” I said, my voice growing softer, too. “You said you often led your family to believe that you were more successful than you were. Jamie, this could truly be your big break and you deserve to have it. You have more bloody dignity and self-preservation than most people I know. It’s time for the world to see how great you are. But that can’t happen if you turn down the role.” I stopped to take a breath. “I heard you loud and clear. Your problem wasn’t with the role, but with me. So, if I’m out of the picture, it’s perfect. And this show needs you.”

“What about ye?”

“Not to sound too much like a braggart, but if I step down as director, I’m fairly certain I could find another show rather quickly,” I told him.

I could hear him breathing on the other end. “Claire, this is —”

“Just think it over,” I advised. “You have until Friday to make a decision. We have to have our cast list finalized by then.”

“Alright,” he agreed.

“Okay. Well, one way or the other, I’ll talk to you soon.” I said goodbye and ended the call. The idea of calling him and making such an offer had seemed like the hardest part. But I was wrong.

Waiting was going to be the hardest part.

Next chapter

#Outlander #outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #my writing #all the shine of a thousand spotlights

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5ambreakdown · 3 years

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first line challenge

-Post your the first line of the last 20 things you’ve written. Then tag 20 people to do the same-

They’ve admittedly occurred less and less to the point where he’s able to almost forget they occur at all, but David’s faced with the achingly familiar restlessness, even in the comforting darkness of their bedroom, snug under the unbelievably soft comforter with his husband snoring softly beside him. (my home, my heart)

It’s not often that Patrick wakes with a panic. (i love you like never before)

David stares back at his boyfriend (?) incredulously. (that could be a start)

Sitting in the dingy motel room that’s been his home for the past few years, alone, those words sunk in. (steal the state i’m in)

Patrick isn’t really sure why he arrived at the motel early. (but i’ll keep it all to myself)

It didn’t happen as often as he thought it would. (i’ve never been a natural)

“Patrick, what the fuck am I looking at?” (gray and white blobs)

Things at the store are going good. (honey, there is no right way)

Patrick sang “Build Me Up Buttercup” to close out the open mic night, unaware that Rachel was there with glossy eyes and an opening heart, believing with every fiber of her being that Patrick meant what he was singing, that he was singing it to her. (falling back into it)

It was a rare night at Ray’s where it was just the two of them. (when you think happiness)

David doesn’t mind when the store is quiet. (you turned into your worst fears)

Afraid he will do something reckless upon seeing him again, David hides in the bathroom while Patrick goes to retrieve food from the picnic table. (those eyes add insult to injury)

Patrick feels like he’s about to do something potentially very stupid. (well it makes me feel alright)

Patrick is at home alone, lounging in sweatpants and one of David’s intricate hoodies, because his husband insisted to do the vendor runs that day. (i don’t want to miss you like this)

Patrick finally carries up the last of the bags and boxes from his car and into his new apartment. (coming home from the bar)

The town missed Moira Rose more than anyone would like to admit, or even expected, really. (the maddest woman this town has ever seen)

It’s a rare occasion that David wakes up before Patrick. (now i wake up by your side)

“What’s all this!” Patrick’s voice is excited, his smile growing as he stepped into their kitchen. (you drew stars around my scars)

Alexis was lying when she told David that the succulent was the last thing left from her relationship with Ted. (it’s another day waking up alone)

It’s near 3am and fuck David does not want to get out of bed where it’s warm. (just with a look)

thank you to @my-nameless-bliss and @agoodpersonrose for tagging me 💕

because i’m ✨late ✨ i’m not going to tag anyone because y’all have most likely already been tagged like million times, but if you haven’t yet or want to do it again, this is your cue! this is me tagging you

#yes i Know that is not the actual first line of 'that could be a start' but the actual first line is verbatim canon dialogue so like #indulge me a little #same thing with 'steal the state i'm in' yikes #the amount of these that start in bed is extremely telling #and it's not even in a sexy way #i'm just an undercaffeinated gal who really likes her bed #tag game #*fics #this is the part where none of my urls work #*futurehistory

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oncerpotter2018 · 4 years

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DAY 9 - IT SHOULD BE ME // Take Me Instead

The screams that day were the reason why Erik was no longer with him. He shouldn't have been so clever. So caught up in finding the right thing to do and this was the result, it ended with him losing the battle with fate as Charles watched Shaw beat he hell out of Erik. Charles screamed and screamed but nothing worked as Raven held him close yet despite her efforts Charles struggled to maintain his sanity.

"Please... Please stop. Take me. It should be me! Please!" cried Charles as he stretched out his arm to reach out for Erik, to hold him and care for the pain that he feels. Even with this Shaw didn't listen as the cruel punishment ensured, he whacked, slashed and beaten Erik with any weapon he saw. He wiped the sweat fr his forehead, the blood smearing from his white gloves. He stood tall, lean and young for his age

"It would have been you but it's so much more fun to see your face when I finally kill your Erik. Your suffering is all I need" he said before bringing down the pipe down on Erik's already fragile ribs. Erik rolled over in agony, the blood seeping from his mouth with the tears not making the situation any better for it only hurt more then wash away the pain away.

"Please.... Take me instead" begged Charles dropping down to the floor taking his sister with him.

Charles didn't want this to happened, he swore to protect Erik but all he did was got him hurt, he caused him more pain and it was too much.

"Stop! Can't you see he had enough?!" screamed Raven, her eyes also blurred with tears as she tightened her grip on her brother. Both screamed and shouted and tried to get Shaw's attention but the sound of broken bone muffled their screams. Charles raised his hands over his mouth, his eyes stinging red from all the tears that ran from his eyes. He wished he hadn't told the CIA about Shaw, he wished he could turn back time to stop himself from doing so. He never taught his life would turn upside down doing the right thing.

"It's okay to cry you know Charles, the more you do, the more I keep going. It's the vile punishment that is the sound to my ears" he said taking the knife from his pocket and placed it up to Erik's throat. Charles shook his head.

"Please... Take me. Take me. It should be me" cried Charles again as he struggled in Raven's arms still wanting to break free and be with Erik. Shaw just laughed, taking Erik by the hair the knife still at his throat.

"It's too late Charles, you should have kept your mouth shut" he said before removing the knife from Erik's throat but his hand still gripping Erik's hair. Charles heart relaxed for a while but raced again after waht came next angered Charles further.

Charles and Raven watched as Shaw stood back up again and with a wicked smile used his boot to kick Erik without care. The worst sound was Erik's screams, his eyes opening and closing, squeezing close due to the pain. He was so close to death that Charles had to do something and so while Shaw was distracted, the maddest thing Charles could think of was to do the one thing that no one thought. He broke free from his sister's grip and without the knowledge of Shaw, took the first thing his saw ( a splintered piece of wood) and took his pain and anger and frustration out on the man who deserved it more. There was only silence before Shaw fell to the floor, the wood lodged in his stomach and there was nothing left for him to say. Charles, breathless, looked down.

"It should have been me" he said, watching the light from Shaw's eyes fade into nothingness. Charles soon focused his attention to Erik, the man that had been brutally tortured and beaten as he got to his knees and carefully took Erik in his arms and held him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" cried Charles, the words coming out slurred and mixed with the tears. He cried over and over still apologising to him, to remind him that he is loved. "I love you", these were the words that gave Erik a little sense of life. For a few moments Erik touched Charles' cheek just as Raven tood on the other side.

"I love you...too" he whispers, tears also scrolling down his face.

"Do you forgive me?" asked Charles, taking hold of Erik's hand. Erik nodded.

With this information Charles kissed Erik on the lips not minding the blood knowing that this would be his last. This would he the last time that he would know this feeling and for once Charles didn't want to let go. He didn't want Erik to leave him behind. So he kissed him until he felt Erik's kisses weren't there anymore. He didn't move nor did he say anything.

"He's gone. Raven, his gone" he cried holding onto Erik. Raven walked over to Charles' side, taking her brother in her arms again.

"You did a brave thing today. You stop Shaw"

"Yes I did but I couldn't save Erik... Raven it should have been me. I told the CIA, I figured out Shaw's plan.. I... I wanted to protect Erik... It should have been me" he sobbed leaning his head on Raven's chest as his arms were occupied with Erik. Raven comforted Charles knowing he did what he could. After awhile they took Erik back, buried him and soon the world would know that Erik Lehnserr had died and the media woud take things out of context but only Raven and Charles knows the truth as Charles places the roses onto Erik's grave knowing that Erik suffered for Charles' mistakes and that was thought that will always haunt Charles every night, thinking of ways he could have saved Erik.

#Whumptober2020 #no. 9 #Take me instead #Cherik #Fanfiction #tw: torture #tw: knives #tw: violence #tw: broken bones #tw: Blood #tw: wounds #tw: major character death #tw: stabbing

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years

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Thinking of you keeps me awake

Read on Ao3!

Word count: 1,407

Pairing: Logicality

Warnings: There's surgery mention and a mention of an incident in a playground, nothing specific or graphic.

Summary: Logan has been testing out the new advanced technology that had just been created for surgery. Patton, a doctor at the same hospital, finds the machine one night and starts talking to it daily. Logan finds it out in the weirdest way, and crushing ensues.

A/N: Hi name's Ellie and I find inspiration in TV advertisings. Okay this was supposed to be a drabble but I can't physically write less than a thousand words. (pardon me I can't put the read more on mobile.) This is also the first fic I post here so I'll just let you read in peace while I will disappear in fear. (Look I rhymed) Feel free to point out any typo or mistake, English isn't my first language and I'm always one for learning! Thank you so much and without any further ado, enjoy your reading.

✾

Logan finally found relief in the comfortable chair in front of his desk. It had been a little over a month since they started using advanced technology at work, which permitted Logan to attend meetings and to his job at the same time.

They didn't really take into account that being a surgeon wasn't exactly a piece of cake and doubling his work-related stress didn't help at all.

But Logan had never minded pushing himself to the limit in order to save lives or learn something new. (A bad habit that he had been dragging along ever since youth.)

The "machine of the future", as they liked to call it, was this robotic device that could be controlled wireless from a long distance. All Logan had to do was turn his phone on and a projector would show him what the robot was seeing and he could interact with the projection.

For instance, there had been cases in which he was required both at an updating course on new discoveries and also at the operating room to operate on one of his patients.

With this new object, he could help his team while traveling, as soon as he found a quiet place.

Quite the jewel, wasn't it?

That was the reason a hidden camera was implemented in the machine, it functioned both while in use and while seemingly asleep. If anything touched it, it would send a notification to the database Logan had access to on his laptop.

He was used to check on it daily, of course. Especially at 2 a.m., when he was definitely not supposed to be asleep. Now, he wasn't messing with his circadian system, just touching it up a little to see-

« A notification? »

His heart started pounding as panic drove its way through his chest; his mind, though, tried to find all the possible positive outcomes.

It could have been just an incident, right? Someone moved it or touched it by accident. There was nothing to be worried about, or else it would have automatically sent a call to the police.

Yes, it had a complicated security system, but it was needed, considering it was the only device existing at the time.

Logan scrolled through his database and found the videotapes section. He checked on the least recent video; they got deleted by the system monthly, so he was used to only check on them once a month unless an issue like that occurred.

He went through the frame previews and stopped when he saw a figure at the back of the room. The video started playing.

Logan could only watch as the figure became a more distinct man with wavy hair who paced around the room.

There was something familiar about him, but maybe it was just the glasses he was wearing that oddly reminded him of his own pair.

The mysterious man (actually, he was probably a doctor given his white coat) turned to the robot's direction and gasped at its sight before approaching it.

It was something, to see that scene almost as if it had been playing right in front of his eyes.

But Logan wasn't a robot.

« Oh my, what do we have here? » the man spoke in the most sugary voice Logan had ever heard. He wondered how soothing he was with distressed patients.

« This is so cool! » he paced around the object, then stopped back at its front.

« Is someone there? I'm Patton! »

Oh- That's what it was. He had worked with Patton, once or twice, but he had been on his team for a fairly short time. Wasn't he the new one around?

« Cat got your tongue? » his chuckle was so soft he could have made the maddest beast grow gentle. « Oops! You don't have one. »

Logan snorted and shook his head, was it really just this guy goofing around until the end of the tape?

He made to close the video and move onto the next ones, when Patton looked up again.

« Oh! Uhm ... whoever's behind this- because I really don't know, none bothered to answer me when I asked. » this time his snicker was embarrassed, he almost felt bad for him.

« I don't know why they think I'm dumb. I mean I got a doctorate, you can't exactly make your way through that by playing dumb, right? » Patton looked exactly where the robot's camera was hidden. Logan felt his heart skip a beat and he couldn't pinpoint whether it was out of fear or something else.

« But here I am, venting to a soulless machine. Maybe they're right. » he scratched his neck and sighed.

Logan remembered suddenly how Patton's first period of time with them was filled with simple tasks and chores. He had always thought they were just using him and not letting him unleash his potential.

Until one of the oldest doctors had to retire and some space had been made for him too.

« Anyway, to whoever is doing the awesome job behind this, I hope you know you're amazing! » Patton flashed him a toothy grin, then waved, gathered the stuff he needed and left.

Logan went through the other tapes as quickly as possible, but couldn't help but stop and listen to whatever Patton had to say in every single one of them.

The sight of his bright smile was a cathartic experience and, essentially, all Patton really did was clean some spots in the room and give both the robot and Logan a pep talk.

He didn't realize how wide he was smiling thanks to all the "I'm proud of you"s, "Your work is amazing", "Look at how marvelous you are" or "You inspire me", not until he reached the last tape and his cheeks were soaring from all the stretching.

Logan passed his hands on his face, his clock barely counting down to 3:30 a.m.

He tried to shake off the giddy feeling he felt when Patton appeared on his screen once again.

Sometimes you just need constant but simple reminders.

« Patton! Did a real good job! » he entered the room dancing and humming in his tracks. « Hey, didn't see you there! »

He approached the camera skipping along the pavement, that was the happiest he had ever seen him in those videos.

He couldn't believe that happened that day and he had missed the opportunity to see his joy at less than a couple of paces away.

« I saw the family of your patient today. » Patton sounded as if he were reminiscing about the moment.

Logan digged in his earliest memories and remembered the serious conditions of his patient: they had been victim of a terrible accident at a local playground. A mere little kid.

They had to work on the child for hours before it was safe to assume they would survive.

« I wish you could have seen the relatives. Their reaction when I delivered the news just ... Made me realize why I really love this job. » he hesitated, letting the words sink in.

« You did that. » Patton looked right into the camera but this time Logan's chest didn't feel tight.

Instead, it filled with warmth. Pleased and content.

« It's all thanks to you. » his voice trailed off as his cerulean eyes wandered around a spot Logan couldn't see.

« Oh gee, let's get you cleaned up! »

Next thing he knew, Patton had cleared some blood from the robot's surface. So that was why it sent off the notification.

Logan was glad it turned out to be nothing serious.

Just a cute and bubbly doctor that managed to start stealing his heart away without anything more than a night and video tapes. Not even his beloved surgery was needed.

Wait, what was that thought just now?

Logan closed his laptop as soon as Patton walked out of the frame.

He felt like he could have seen him if he moved, he didn't want to ruin the peaceful atmosphere Patton brought.

Afterwards, he finally dedicated himself to the thought of getting some rest for the hopefully less stressful day ahead.

Even though Logan spent the first few seconds of his sleeping time mentally smacking himself for staying up late, which he didn't actually regret, he now knew who to go to during his next coffee break.

#sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #ts patton #ts logan #logicality #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides logan #sanders sides patton #ts fanfic #ts fanfiction #logicality fanfic #logicality fanfiction #logicality fic #tw surgery #tw accident #fanfiction #ts fic #purp's writings

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theangelssecondwing · 4 years

Text

Chapter 10

It wasn‘t easy to pretend that everything was normal. While Director Lazard had promised to keep us updated, there were no news on Genesis‘ whereabouts for a long time, and he didn‘t show up again. Sephiroth and Angeal were occasionally sent on new assignments, but none of them were particularly long, and they usually returned within a day or two. Then, one day, they returned and asked Yui and me to meet up at my place again.

„Clones“, Sephiroth said grimly as we sat down on my couch.

„Clones?“, Yui asked.

Sephiroth nodded. „We were attacked by a surprising amount of people looking like exact copies of Genesis.“

„So wait, you think Hollander is out there, cloning my boyfriend?“, Yui asked, sounding positively appalled.

„It‘s a reasonable assumption, don‘t you think?“, Angeal asked. „How else could this be explained?“

„I suppose you‘re right, but the question is… why? What could he possibly gain from creating an army of Genesis clones?“, I asked.

Angeal lifted an eyebrow. „You mean apart from having an army of 1st class SOLDIER powered superhumans under his command?“

„Hm. I knew something was off about this guy, but not in the ‚establishing a clone army to take over the world‘ way.“

„Nobody had any idea just how mad this madman is“, Angeal replied grimly. „Otherwise, Shinra wouldn‘t have employed him.“

„You sure?“, Sephiroth asked in a deadpan voice. „I mean they also employ Hojo, who treats the entire world like its his third grade science kit. Shinra has a tendency to specifically employ the maddest of madmen they can find.“

„That‘s not true. You‘re not a madman“, I countered.

„Are you really sure about that?“, he asked teasingly, putting an arm around my shoulders.

„The point is: There have been no further developments, and your orders are basically to eradicate any Genesis clones and forget about the whole ordeal otherwise. It feels like Shinra has just given up on Genesis, and if we want to save him, we have to do it independently of the company“, Yui stated.

„As we have already established. But Director Lazard is keeping us busy lately. Almost like he doesn‘t want us to have the time to dwell on the topic“, Sephiroth mused. „Good thing that as 1st Class SOLDIER, we do have right to refuse certain orders. That could grant us at least a bit of time to investigate. We would only have to find out where to start.“

„I can do that!“, I exclaimed. „I work in the archives. I can get all information on Hollander, including all sites where he worked while in the employment of Shinra. Most of these sites have been abandoned by now, but I‘m sure we can find some kind of clue somewhere in one of these labs!“

„Great idea, Cora. So you gather as much intel as you can, and then we all meet up here again once you have enough, so we can plan our next step.“

The next day, during lunch break, I snuck away into the archives, which at this time were deserted. Surely there was something I could find… I was so distracted while going through the endless masses of files that I didn‘t hear the footsteps until the person they belonged to cleared their throat. I yelped and lost my balance on the ladder I was standing on, falling backwards, crashing hard onto the floor and hitting my head, so stars exploded in front of my eyes.

„Ow...“, I groaned and rubbed the back of my head until the pain subsided a little and I could see again. Luckily, the filing cabinets weren‘t particularly high, or I could have gotten seriously injured.

„Serves you right for snooping around here all alone.“

I recognized that voice. I got up, though my back was killing me. „Vice President. Sir. Is there anything I can do for you?“ I got to my feet, but wobbled a little and Rufus actually motioned to catch me in case I would fall. But I stood, so he returned to his stoic posture of keeping his arms behind his back.

„Nothing in particular. I just saw you walk in here and got curious. While I do appreciate eagerness in my staff, something tells me that you haven‘t come here during lunch break to get some extra work done.“

My breath hitched in my throat ever so slightly. But still, there was nothing hostile about him. „Who knows. Maybe I was just curious myself.“

„Did curiosity lead you to the shelf specifically dedicated to information about the researchers in our employment?“, he asked without humor.

I grit my teeth. „And if that were the case?“

„I would like to know why.“ For just a split second, there was something akin to fondness in his features, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. „You used to trust me. So why can‘t you trust me now?“

„Because we were both different people back then“, I retorted.

Rufus looked at me for just a little moment longer, before pointing at a specific part of the shelf. „You will find what you‘re looking for there. Make sure that you and your friends make short work of Hollander, and keep the whole thing quiet afterwards.“

„Huh? You know?“

He smirked. „My father is so caught up in his own ego that he doesn‘t realize what is going on around him anymore. But I‘m not like that. You should know that.“ Then he turned around, giving me a dismissive wave. „As long as what you‘re doing doesn‘t endanger Shinra Corp‘s reputation or endeavors, I will not hinder you. In fact, it seems you are more willing to be helpful than Lazard is currently. Whenever I ask about the status of the operation around finding the doctor and our wayward SOLDIER, all I get are platitudes and excuses. So go ahead, and do tell me if you need a few days off for your investigations.“

I waited until he was gone, then I scrambled up the ladder again, despite my aching back, and got out a few files that indeed contained the information I needed.

During the subsequent meeting in my apartment, which turned into a headquarter for our private missions more and more, we concluded that our best starting point would be the reactor in Sector 5 of the city. Sephiroth stayed with me the night before they wanted to go investigate it, to ease my mind since I wouldn‘t join them. We were in my bedroom, Sephiroth already lounging on my bed and reading a book while I changed into my nightgown. I had bought it a few days before, in a sudden urge to get myself some sexier nightwear. I still couldn‘t believe that a nice nightgown like that actually existed in my size. It was black silk, with spaghetti straps and lace on the hems, and ended right underneath my butt. It actually didn‘t look too bad on me. Still I looked at my reflection in the full-length mirror mounted to the door of my wardrobe as if it was my worst enemy facing me. But it wasn‘t the deep self-loathing I used to feel. More like casual annoyance.

„What‘s this?“, Sephiroth exclaimed suddenly, and I turned around and approached the bed. An old photograph had slipped out from between the pages of the book. It showed a pair of children; a stern-looking boy with short, blonde hair and a pudgy girl with her dark hair in two braids.

„Oh. I completely forgot that was in there.“

But Sephiroth hardly seemed to notice me. He picked up the picture to take a closer look. „...That‘s you? With Rufus Shinra?“

„Yes“, I replied and sat down next to him.

He turned his head to me. „...I don‘t understand. I thought you hated each other.“

„That wasn‘t always the case, though.“

„Oh? Why didn‘t you tell me you used to be so close to him?“

„There are days where I forget that myself. We haven‘t really spoken to each other beyond polite, empty banter in years.“ I took the photo and gave it a long, thoughtful look, before stopping short. „Wait… is that a hint of jealousy I hear?“

„Possibly. Especially since your father seems so obsessed with you marrying him.“ Sephiroth‘s voice had become harder.

I let out a deep, resigned sigh. „And that was the problem.“

„What do you mean?“ I got comfortable, laying down next to Sephiroth. „Rufus and I used to be best friends. My father tried to suck up to the Shinras enough to make me seem like wife-material for Rufus from pretty much the moment the doctor said ‚It‘s a girl!‘. So I often spent summer vacation at the Shinra estate. Rufus and I were both rich kids with absentee parents, and we bonded over that. Became like brother and sister, we even started calling each other brother and sister eventually. He kept me safe from bullies, I brought him candy when he was frustrated. Our fathers were delighted, of course. After all, us getting along would make setting us up with each other easier, right?“

Sephiroth tilted his head attentively. „One might assume.“

„Well, no. Not in our case. As I said, we were like family to each other. But pretty much as soon as I started puberty, they upped their efforts to force us to fall in love. That went from forcing us to spend even more time together, which was honestly fine by us, to setting up ‚romantic‘ meetings for us and calling public attention to us while we were together. And it just got so uncomfortable that we started avoiding being seen together. We never said more than necessary to each other from that point onward. Then he started working for his father‘s company and he… changed.“ I paused for a bit, trying to find the right words. „It‘s true what people say. He never cried as a child. But he also wasn‘t always the complete jerk he is nowadays. But once he became involved in Shinra Corp., he became cold and cruel. And that was the end of even the last remains of our friendship.“ I tightened my hands into fists. „I will never forgive my father for this.“

Sephiroth had become a lot more relaxed while I was talking, and let me snuggle up to him. „And you shouldn‘t. I‘m so sorry.“

„It‘s okay. That‘s just how it is sometimes.“ I sniffled a little, upset by the memories of days long gone. But thanks to Sephiroth‘s warmth, I soon drifted off, the photo still in my hand.

#The Angel's Second Wing #fanfic #selfshipping

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neko-shinigxmi · 5 years

Note

Hello! I saw you were taking F/O requests, and I saw BATIM was on your fandom list, which makes me soooo happy so. Uh, I’ve never asked for a headcanon request before but uh, could you do married life Headcanons with Sammy and an Agender s/o ;w;??? This would be pre game if that’s okay???

I’m gonna admit, here... I’m so sorry this took so long. If I realized this was a “married life HC” request sooner, I legit would’ve gotten on it faster, LMAO. I’m such a sucker for domestic fluff...

Sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoy!!!

Honestly, he’s just amazed you’ve stuck with him long enough to get engaged, much less married! Working as a musician for Joey Drew Studios ain’t exactly a luxurious life, you know that...?

Still... You accepted his proposal and still support him, so that’s that.

Wow, he loves you, though.

If you don’t work at Joey Drew Studios with him, expect to know the place like the back of your hand, anyways. If it’s not because he forgot lunch, it’s because he’s complaining about his workplace again.

Busted pipes, broken instruments in need of repairs, episodes being made faster than Sammy can conduct music for them... He’s being driven mad by the maddest of men himself, he swears.

You also get to witness him losing his mind in real time to Bendy. “That smile... It gets to ya, after awhile. Wonder what he’s so smug about? It’s driving me crazy, dear.”

You’ve tried to get him to quit. The sad thing is, he’s a stubborn one and won’t leave the studio unless Joey fires him first.“Where else am I gonna make my music? Not on the streets, dear, that’s for sure. Man of my class... We don’t play on the streets. I’ll make it by all right, you’ll see.”

...His stubbornness worries you.

Still, it’s nice. When the work days are more forgiving, it’s not uncommon for Sammy to be a well of inspiration, chatting your ear off about tunes he wants to write or playing a piece on whatever’s home... Usually most of his equipment at the studio, stored in another room in your home.

It’s not uncommon for him to make songs at home, all the way to dinnertime...and only leaving for the call of food.

Though if you do work at the Studios with him... It’s interesting for everyone. Sammy’s a crabby, snarky man who can only take so much before he’s venting into a tape deck...but around you? Sweet as can be.

If you ever ask him about it, he admits it’s because the Studio wears on him. Lotsa dunces around the place, if you catch his drift. No respect for the art of music! His patience has been tested, love...

It’s why he relaxes with you around, though; you understand him, his love for music, give him space when he asks for it, and are also kinda married to him. So you’re already better than the other coworkers he slogs to work with every day.

The only downside, overall, is the fact it’s the late 1920s~1930s and people wanna tack a gender on you. Wife? Husband? It bothers you, but not as much as it bothers Sammy.

It’s really not a big deal to him, how you see and present yourself. Unless you’re okay with your birth gender’s pronouns (in which he’s still a prickly pear, but more manageable), he’s hopping mad at anyone who gets on your case like that.

Not only do you have to ask him to calm down, but it makes him more motivated to work and channel his energy into music. Not the best sort of outlet, but talking is for after work... Breaks are too short for a thing like this.

Depending on what you do for the studio, Sammy will do his best to support you in turn. Working for Joey Drew ain’t rainbows and wildflowers, so he’ll see what he can do to cheer you up in such a hellhole.

Woe be to you if you provide any voices... He will try to write music you can sing to. Often a background singer to the main trio (especially to Alice Angel), but Sammy will try to build you a metaphorical stage all your own, built on your voice and his music.

If you’re an artist, you’re just gonna help him out, really. What’s the next episode about? He can finish up the episodes already submitted to him while preparing for the next round you’re still working on with the rest of the team.

Though back at home... Sammy’s not the best cook, but isn’t beyond helping out in the kitchen, on occasion. It’s just uncommon for him to do so. He likes helping you out the best, whether with breakfast or dinner, but some days he’s more tired than others. You can still kick him into gear if you want- he’ll happily help chop some vegetables or look over the cooking meat- but if you don’t... Expect him to either retreat into the music room of your home or pass out for a nap on his favorite recliner.

You’d only hear this if you visited/worked at the studio, but as it turns out... Sammy’s secretly a braggart of your marriage...!! He told anyone who’d listen that you said yes, what the wedding was like, how happy he is... He’s a lot more subtle with you, but basically everyone at Joey Drew Studios knows how sane you keep their resident musician.

Tell him you overheard that and watch him blush with embarrassment. It’s adorable and he tries to pardon himself, but hey, don’t let him! It’s so cute he’s that excited about your married life!! What a sweetheart he is!!!

Giggle as he blushes more under the storm of saccharine comments, rubbing his cheek and trying to push down a smile.

#starscreamsquarepants #Aki answers #self insert #self ship #self insert community #self ship community #I FINALLY ANSWERED THIS OML #I'M SO SORRY THIS IS LATE #I'm such a ho for domestic life I will never live this down #how could I not?? get to this sooner????#U G H #I hope this is what you were looking for!!!#and CONGRATS ON HAVING GREAT TASTE

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wegotjiminsjams · 6 years

Text

Drama Llama 2

Chapter: 2

Jin X Reader

Word Count: 2002

Genre: Angst, fluff, humour (maybe?), enemies to lovers

You wake up before the alarm and wonder where your life is headed, if there is even a slight possibility that your mother may change her mind and not force you into this, but you didn’t want to be late again so you manage to convince yourself to get dressed and head to class.

The saying that you can never be prepared enough for a day is true in your case. Today, Mr. Lee has prepared an activity, everyone is divided into groups and each group has to present a mad ad. Basic guidelines have been given, like having a slogan, song or a catch phrase, something that would convince your audience to buy the product you are advertising. You wonder how would mad ads help you in developing your acting skills and you decide to ask Mr. Lee.

However you get a reply from Seokjin, “Ofcourse Ms.Arrogant wouldn’t know this. You see y/n Mad ads test how creative and convincing you can be as an actor. Both of which I’m sure you are not” he says in a condescending tone.

“Oh and you are? I can see how creative you are with your pathetic insults, so you shouldn’t be talking” you reply, successfully shutting him up.

You could hear the other people in your class whispering about you and Seokjin but you decided to shut everyone’s mouth by your performance today. You had taken part in enough activities in your school, to have the confidence that you would be good at this. Mr. Lee gave the class about an hour’s time to come up with an idea and present it. After the performances there would be an evaluation, more like a feedback session both from Mr.Lee and from the rest of the class. You wanted to get a good feedback and for a beginner you decided to play safe and stick to something easy, advertising for cosmetics, a product easily bought by a lot of people. Everyone in your group agreed to the idea of playing safe. You get to know the people in your group and it makes you happy that there are certain people who can see past the initial judgement you had been put through and treat you like another classmate rather than the daughter of y/m/n or an arrogant brat.

The presentations begin with Jin’s group, although you didn’t care much for it you had to admit that there was something really offbeat about their concept and they somehow managed to pull it off. Another person, Jung Hoseok, who was a part Seokjin’s group was extremely good at dancing and rapping and skillfully included this into their sketch. The performances took place one after the other and after each performance everyone was given five minutes to note down any pointers and the final evaluation would happen after everyone’s performance.

Your group was the last to perform, you were so nervous after seeing everyone’s performance you thought you would mess it up. But everything went as planned and you were proud and happy that your idea worked. The class was given a break for half an hour after which everyone had to assemble for the feedback session.

The class begins by evaluating Seokjin’s group, no one had anything bad to say about them and though you hated to admit that theirs was the best group performance of the day you decided to keep your personal differences away and praised their performance. They had the maddest mad ad of all you could say, Seokjin even included a dad joke which surprisingly fit in. However Mr. Lee had something to say, things like not giving the weaker members of their group a spotlight was not a good decision, it was a group activity and everyone had to be given a fair chance.They lacked teamwork. He appreciated their effort but told them to keep in mind that they must not let all this appreciation feed their ego and must work more hard next time.

As the feedback session proceeded you could see not many could take what was said to them in a positive way, many lashed out at Mr.Lee too. It was your team’s turn and you were hoping that you wouldn’t do anything stupid and would only take things in a positive way and work on improving yourself. The feedback you received was good more or less, you could have done better but you thought you didn’t perform badly.

You were feeling quite proud of yourself until Seokjin opened his mouth and said, “Now now y/n wasn’t it too easy for you to just take something that has been done many times already? Your idea lacked originality, you played it safe so you would receive only positive reviews didn’t you?”

You wanted a chance to explain yourself that not everyone in your group was familiar with mad ads and you only chose this so everyone would feel included but he continued, “Too difficult for Ms. Arrogant to face criticism?”

You just couldn’t take it anymore and you yelled,” Shut up you Jerk! Everyone is not perfect. At least I was considerate enough to do something that everyone in the group would be comfortable doing, unlike you, you just went ahead with what you thought was good for you and only you!”

To which Jin responded “Oh so now you’re jealous of me?”

“Jealous of someone with pathetic dad jokes like you? Oh please. Do you even---”

“That’s enough Seokjin and y/n!” your instructor cut you off before you could even complete your sentence. “This is a class and I would like it if you can behave like mature adults. I will not tolerate this sort of behaviour again, whatever you both have to say to each other please say it in your own time.” he gave a stern look conveying how done he was the two of you bickering again.

You turned to the professor, thoroughly embarrassed that Seokjin had managed to rile you up and made you lose your cool in front of the whole once again. You heard Seokjin mumble a small apology before doing the same to not cause anymore unwanted attention towards yourself. Mr. Lee seemed to accept that and then proceeded to gather everyone in a circle to address the theoretical part of this class.

“Now the reason for this activity was to help you learn the importance of constructive criticism, teamwork, enunciation, co-ordination and screen presence” As he droned on about the origin, history and relevance of Mad Ads you couldn’t help but think of Seokjin.

You were still so furious and agitated. Like what does he think of himself? Just because he is good looking and maybe somewhat good at acting doesn’t mean he can treat others like shit! You’ve seen him hang out with this guy named Hoseok in class but you doubt he has any real friends.

You are so consumed in your thoughts that you don’t realise class is over.

“Before you all leave, I want to inform you all that the whole of next week you will each be assigned a partner and have to do a thorough research on any one famous playwright’s works and style of writing. By the end of the week I expect both members of each pair to perform a satire that brings out the chosen playwright’s essence. I will be judging you all on the depth of your research and how well you portray your chosen playwright's style” say Mr. Lee

“I will be emailing you all about your assigned partners with more details about this assignment so please look forward to that” he says dismissing the class.

You say a quick goodbye to Sooyoung, not wanting to linger any longer than needed in this place. Over the past few days you had developed a friendly relationship with Sooyoung, she was a fellow classmate and didn’t judge you based on your background unlike a certain someone. Plus she was actually fun to hang out with and complain about what a dickhead Seokjin really was. However for some reason she always had an amused expression on her face whenever you ranted about him to her. Nevertheless she was always there to listen to you ramble on and it felt quiet nice to have an actual friend in this shithole.

~~~~

To put it lightly, Jin was upset, and partly upset with himself. He knew he shouldn’t have caused a scene in class but he just couldn’t help himself. After your performance, you looked so smug and arrogant that he couldn’t help himself. Although your idea was nothing out of the ordinary yet you managed to pull it off and the thing that annoyed Jin the most was that everyone seemed to only have praises for your team. He knew you were already too arrogant and don’t need any more of an ego boost. So he decided to point out your flaws, he knew that being the spoiled brat that you are you are not used to criticism in any form. Everyone always praised you, no wonder why you thought so highly of yourself. And from the way you reacted, turns out he was right, you’ve never been criticized before and to see that frown on your beautiful features just brought Jin all the happiness in the world. You were too arrogant for your own good and someone needed to teach you that you can’t get everything that you want. Although Jin does admit that he could have been a little more tactful and not cause another scene but there is something about you that causes him to forget all his rationality.

As soon as class is over, he heads over to a nearby cafe with Hoseok, a usual occurrence since they formed a friendship on the first day and both of them liked to grab a snack and discuss about class and homework.

“You know for someone who hates y/n, she sure does occupy your thoughts a lot” hoseok says bringing Jin back from his thoughts

“What do you mean?”

“You were thinking of her right?” Hoseok says with a knowing smirk

“What? How did you know? And what are you implying by this?” Jin says in a defensive tone

“Nothing I’m just saying even though you hate y/n, all you do talk about her and notice even the slightest things she does. So maybe you feel differently towards her and this behaviour of yours is just a defense mechanism.”

Utterly baffled by Hoseok’s statement Jin almost spits out his coffee “Are you crazy? I feel nothing but annoyance towards y/n and that’s that! And you are the one bringing her up now not me so it’s you who’s obsessed with her!” he says exasperated

“Alright if you say so” Hoseok smiles innocently “Anyway I gotta rush see you tomorrow, try not much about y/n” he chuckles

Before Jin can even comprehend what he said Hoseok was out of the cafe. “I’ll get him tomorrow”

~~~~

You come back home your mood already sour from earlier, only to have an argument with your mother. It was the same old, you not wanting to attend this stupid class and her forcing her dreams onto you. You were so done with everyone and everything that you just shut yourself in your room, not wanting any human interaction whatsoever.

You open your laptop, to watch a movie to take your mind off things when you see a notification of a new email. You click on it to find that it’s your professor’s email and he has shared the list of partners. You pray to God that you get Sooyoung, because although everyone may not be that bad (well except for a certain someone) you really are most comfortable with Sooyoung.

You scroll down to see the name of your partner and your heart stops beating. There in bold letters Kim Seokjin’s name is written right next to yours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hope you like it!

#bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts angst #jin fluff #jin angst #bts seokjin #enemies to lovers #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts #drama llama

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intolerablexsacrifice · 5 years

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HEADCANON. (don’t r/b)

SO let’s talk about parallels for a second:

S2E2, to Hennessey: You might like him, sir. Actually, I went to one of those salons of his, the ones that half the Royal Society attend but most deny. Most of those men are pretenders, sir - attracted to his ideas because they make them feel like radicals, but Thomas... When he talks about the need to rethink things, systemic things, I think he truly believes what he’s saying. And what’s more, I’m afraid I might believe a good deal of it as well.

S3E1, to Silver: These days, any man who can sew a black flag and get ten fools to follow him can take a prize. They can take it because of the fear that I and men like me have instilled in their prey. But they can’t do what I can do. They’re not built for it. And sooner or later they’ll be exposed. Any fool who followed Hallendale deserves whatever end they got in his company. You were right. This war is getting more dangerous. The strong among us must stand together and face it. But the fools, and the pretenders? They were never truly among us to begin with.

The main point I want to make here is that Flint places a great deal of importance on what he sees as true believers, because he has experience with the reality of asking people to take risks in order to try and make a change. There’s a parallel between the men who sat in Thomas’ salon but left the moment they were asked to actually stand up and fight, leaving only Peter Ashe behind (who later became corrupt) and the pirates that have begun taking advantage of Flint’s notoriety.

Flint knows there’s a difference. He knows that when the pirates of Nassau are called upon to fight against England or Spain (because there’s an alliance between various captains at this point, I believe, who are being bribed/paid with the Urca gold to ensure they defend the island if it comes under attack) that most of them will run rather than fight. He says something in either season 3 or 4 that calls back to this- I’m too damn lazy to find it, but it’s like “As soon as those men hit the beach, nine in ten of ours will run” or some shit when they’re about to come under attack.

(And it’s also worth noting than in S3E1, he doesn’t see Silver as ‘one of us’, I don’t think, which is part of why that speech sounds like an accusation. He knows Silver has only been in this for the gold until now, and because his disability leaves him with few other options. Which is part of why Silver finally gains his respect after The Shark Scene, because Flint asks what he did with his share of the gold, and Silver says he gave it up because he saw no way to keep it and remain part of the crew. It isn’t just that Silver outsmarted him - it’s that Silver’s motives have changed to something that sets him apart from the ‘fools and pretenders’ (aka The Unbelievers) Flint refers to, and a little closer to Flint’s own ideals.)

Naturally, as much as this all sounds like it’s based on Flint looking down on unbelievers/people that aren’t willing to fight for a cause or stand up for what they believe in/etc, let’s... not forget that this is also sheer arrogance on his part. Flint believes himself smarter and more capable than most people (hence, part of why he’s so willing to go to extreme lengths for his goals- he believes No-One Else Can Or Will, So He Must), which again, is part of why Silver outsmarting him and giving up his claim to the gold leads Flint to start putting him on a... fucking pedestal or whatever by the time we hit S4.

He does this to the point of eventually elevating Silver and Madi above himself, actually- hence his, “I think that you are the best of us. The two of you are the world in balance.” late in season 4, long after he’s conceded most of his power and influence and reputation to Silver. And it’s worth noting that in this equation, Madi is elevated because of her ideals above all else. She’s the ‘truest believer’ of them all to Flint, and the closest parallel to Thomas (and Flint is very aware of literary parallels within his own life- it’s why he starts paralleling Silver and Thomas throughout season 2, he knows literary tropes and is constantly applying them to his own life to try and make sense of his narrative and have some semblance of control over it), hence why he looks so damn Shook(TM) after she quotes Too much sanity may be madness; and maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be to him.

#( HEADCANONS. )#[ THIS GOT... LONG ]#( NO STORYTELLER IMPOSING ANY COHERENCE. ) silver #( A CHORUS OF VOICES; THEY REACH BACK CENTURIES. ) madi #[ listen i know half the fandom loves talking about his love for silver or w/e BUT #CAN WE JUST... TALK ABOUT... MADI... ]#[ CAN WE JUST................. ]

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plagued-yakuza · 6 years

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It is that time of the year again - where summer comes to the northern hemisphere. School is on break, beach and pools get full, and we all go to sleep at ungodly hours because of gaming or roleplaying. It is during this time that we reach a new milestone in this blog! We've just passed the mark of 300 FOLLOWERS. Like, wow, mate. That’s a lot of people! A lot more than I ever dreamed I would have!

Once again, I can't be grateful enough to all of you for giving Kai and I a chance, by interacting with us, following this blog or simply reading our threads. This is what helps me to reconnect with such a deeply important part of my life that is writing, and to do it with such a significant character to me as Chisaki. I'm glad for all the support you've given us, all the amazing threads, the wonderful people, the laughs and jokes and games and just all of the great time we've had together. THANK YOU. THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU. You have no idea how much this helps me through the stress of this last year of college. I’ll be forever grateful, truly.

As you’re probably expecting, I have some special thanks to give to some really special followers! People that have been interacting with me since the beginning, or that I just became friends with, or that we are already plotting in the backstage of some threads. Regardless of where you fit, and if I have or not mentioned you here, consider yourself properly thanked and hugged!

The Eight Precepts of Friendship - Chisaki’s friends, and mine. Thanks to all of you for everything. You’ve been with me through some difficult times by now, some of you for years, and I appreciate greatly everything you’ve done for me. Even when it’s angsty threads that make me cry! It’s just amazing to me to share this time with you, be it writing, chatting, sending memes or playing together. You’re all incredible and I’m honestly blessed by your friendships~

@kuronomancer

@gyllty

@ohaul

@purepestilence

@embidoesrp-bnhaarchives

@inc3ndit

@v4n1shed

Club Penguin - the villainous children that joined our bird family. You’re here mostly because of your muse’s age, not because you’re less of my friends. Thanks a lot for all the support, all the conversations until late at night, all the nice things we shared with each other! I love talking to all of you!

@nitrochako

@anxfeather

@sparks-for-hire

@spiky-crystal-girl

@somnumcifer

@dreamingwhispered

The Cliche - The maddest Discord server I’ve ever been, and I’ve been in a few crazy ones. I reiterate, it is your fault that I have this blog, so I suppose I should be thankful. Even if you keep killing my character in the game while I’m asleep! The truth is that, I love you all. I love how accepting you were of me when I was a mere fledgling in this rpc. Now that I’m a big bird, I’m even more grateful to be friends with you all. Thank you.

@prcsentingmic

@ukubi

@consumebe

@phasedbe

@smashkick

@katsubi

@quirkerased

Friends from the Dark Side - The other great friends we have in the RPC - including all of my lovely Eris! You’re all regulars or people I have interacted with on Tumblr or Discord, and to whom I greatly enjoy talking. Wish that we can keep roleplaying more together! Hit me up for a thread anytime!

There are just so many more people I could mention, but I think this is getting quite big already. So, keep one last thank you from me, and let’s get back to writing! Hoping to see all of you soon~

Rina (and Kai)!

#People of Interest || promo #self promo #[this is big wow]#[i ain't formating this friend]#[as always edition done by kuronomancer]#if it looks well edited it wasn't me kfgghg]

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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STARTUPS AND LOT

Maybe you're right, and of all the future work we'd do, which turned out to be a lot of money. Individualism has gone, never to return. That's still expensive.1 That is a fundamental change. Even as late as the 1970s, no one wants. Once you know what you're measuring. Civil liberties are not just an ornament, or a lot of money to keep it.2 Actually I'm less American than I seem.

We could see from old TV shows and yearbooks and the way adults acted that people in the mailroom or the personnel department work at one remove from the actual making of stuff. Let me see and decide for myself. General Foods, General Motors.3 The statements that make people maddest are those they worry might be believed. At this stage, all most investors expect is a brief sketch of the economic scale. Your primary goal is not to be ground down by it, just as volume and surface area do. He never referred directly to the committee and so gave them no way to prove a text is meaningless. They are a perennial topic of heated discussion on Slashdot. And even though Boston is the second biggest startup hub in the US. Say what you're doing. If ideas really were the key, a competitor might use patents to prevent you from taking one apart to see how it might be intelligence. Why are founders surprised that VCs are clueless?

They'll just discard that sentence as meaningless boilerplate, and hope, with increasing impatience, that in the way the industrial revolution was driven by computers in the way the industrial revolution was driven by computers in the way they dress.4 Running a business is different. But while it certainly helps to be smart to get jobs as a scientist, rather than the company that solved that important problem. And then near the end of the scale, nature seems to be allowed, that's what. He knew a lot about: the problem you're solving and what you've built. CEOs, stars, fund managers, professional athletes. The government has responded with draconian laws to protect intellectual property as a threat to the intellectual freedom they need to do this if we want to establish a rival to Silicon Valley to succeed. This second group adopt the fashion not because they want to stand out but because they are afraid of standing out. Of all the approaches to fighting spam, from software to laws, I believe Bayesian filtering will be the single most important issue for technology startups, and partly it's yet another consequence of the melon seed model is that the underlying problem with the labels. My father is a mathematician.

Notes

Which in turn forces Digg to respond gracefully to such changes, because it was briefly in Britain in the 1960s, leaving less room to avoid collisions in. Options have largely been replaced with restricted stock, the second type to go all the mistakes you made. In principle companies aren't limited by the investors.

If I were doing more than just getting started. Which is also a good product. The company may not care; they just kill you, they made, but it turns out to be careful about security. The second biggest regret was caring so much a great reputation and they're clearly working fast to get a poem published in The New Industrial State to trying to sell your company into one?

This sentence originally read GMail is painfully slow.

If a man has good corn or wood, or income as measured in what it means to be very unhealthy. We don't call it procrastination when someone works hard and doesn't get paid to work on a scale that has become part of an email address you can do with the talking paperclip.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #lot #consequence #topic #startup #making #Civil #Boston

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theliadam · 6 years

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LOVE AIN’T → WINDAM

TAGGING → Adam Li and Winnie Lilywhite ( @winemalilywhite )

TIMELINE → June 6th, 2018

SETTING → Adam’s bedroom

SUMMARY → A moment at Tia’s party sends the normalcy of Adam and Winnie’s friendship up in flames, and leaves them both needing answers. Instead, the line of questioning leads them somewhere they wouldn’t expect. Gets kinda smutty yolo ✌️

Winnie had been tossing and turning ever since she’d gotten home from Tia’s party. Maybe it was the fact that her adrenaline was still pumping in the aftermath of the fire, or maybe she was just restless because she and L’ogan hadn’t gotten to finish what they’d started. Or maybe — more likely, really — it was driving Winnie crazy that Adam hadn’t texted her back to answer any of her plethora of questions. He’d responded long enough to make sure she got home safely, and then he’d been freezing her out, and every time Winnie shut her eyelids, she could see his shocked face in her head, and maybe it was wishful thinking on her part, but it felt like more to her. More than just a friend who was grossed out by walking in on his bestie having sex, more than just surprise — and Winnie finally rolled out of her bed, tossed a hoodie on over her pajama shorts and tank top, and found herself out in the cool night air, wide awake even before it hit her face. She didn’t even think about it, just let reflex carry her until suddenly she was at Adam’s window, knocking loudly on it, not caring whether he was asleep or not. She needed him to answer, she needed to see him face to face — Winnie needed to know what his reaction meant, if she was ever going to get any peace of mind.

Adam didn't usually have trouble going to sleep. In fact, it was one of the things he bragged about most, being able to knock out anytime. Something about tonight, though, was off. It was probably that it was too hot, but even after he kicked back his covers and tossed off his shirt, nothing. Maybe it was extreme embarrassment from the party. As if seeing your best friend mid-fuck wasn't traumatic enough, there was the part after where he'd, well, accidentally set things on fire. He couldn't stop replaying it in his head, as though if he imagined it enough times, it would start to make sense, but still, none of it did. Winnie leaving him at a party to hook up with someone, L'ogan no less, and the way it'd all dissolved so soon after, was enough to make him feel a little crazy. He was glad everyone had turned out fine and no one had gotten hurt, but he still didn't feel like showing his face any time soon. He didn't want anyone to see him. Or, as a sharp tapping on his window caught his attention, it occurred to him that maybe he didn't to see anybody either, or at least not Winnie. He'd turned off his phone as soon he made sure she was okay, because he wasn't sure what he'd say to her the next time he saw her or even what she'd want to know; however, even before he pulled back the curtain he had a feeling that it was her at his window. He couldn't imagine anyone else who'd come see him after that fiasco. He hoped he was wrong, though, and a knot tied behind his abs at the sight of her face, flashing back to the last time he'd seen it, contorted in pleasure... He squeezed his eyes shut, willing that image away as he slid open the glass panel. "Hey," he tried, a small smile crossing his face. Despite it all, it was good to see Winnie, even if it felt a little different now in a way he wasn't totally sure of. "Um, what's up? Do you wanna come in?" he asked, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck, trying to act like it was any other night.

“Not really,” Winnie said truthfully, although she was already swinging one leg over his window ledge and clambering inside like she’d done so many times before. She didn’t usually get nervous, not even around Adam or Rafe in the heyday of her crushes on them, but nervousness was bone-deep tonight. Maybe she was crazy. Maybe Adam had just been confusing her lately and she was making it into something it wasn’t in her head, and he was going to tell her he didn’t care what she did or with who. Or worse — maybe he was going to tell her his reaction had been the L’ogan of it all. The dude had a history with Tia and Izzie; maybe Adam had felt more on his Valentine’s date than he’d admitted and was mad on Izzie’s behalf or something. That thought felt even crazier, though, bordering almost on a conspiracy theory of annoying popular girl proportions, and the realization should have helped Winnie to just spit out the questions Adam hadn’t answered earlier. Instead, though, she grumbled at how suddenly warm it was, peeling her sweatshirt over her head, feeling her tank top underneath pull up to reveal her stomach as she did so. In one fell swoop, she tossed the sweatshirt at his head and smoothed her shirt. “You guys keep it stupidly hot in here,” she informed him. “Is that the real reason why you torched Tia’s party early? Walt beaches not warm enough for you?” She asked scathingly, mentally cursing herself for not just getting to the point.

Adam was about to say that she didn't have to come in, then, because truthfully he wasn't sure he wanted her in his room either, but then she was in anyway and all he could do was look at her. Or, well, try to; it probably would've been more accurate to say that it was all he could do to look at her for a few seconds, avert his gaze to her surroundings, and back to her again. It became harder to look away, though, when her sweatshirt came off and his eyes flickered down to her bare stomach. The knot that had formed in his stomach lurched at the sight. Why was he thinking about Winnie naked right now? It only served to make him more uncomfortable, if uncomfortable was even what he was feeling. Taking a step back and away from her, he leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his bare chest. His throat went dry at the way she asked, like she was mad at him or something. Maybe she should be, but it wasn't something he was up to dealing with right now. Honesty. Honesty was the best policy, and so he took in a deep breath to apologize. "I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't like I wanted, you know, that to happen. I didn't mean to ruin the party or anything else. It just happened. And everyone's okay and safe and so, I don't know, if you're here to be mad at me for it, could it wait till the morning? I'll be just as embarrassed then but hopefully better rested."

“I’m not mad,” Winnie shot back defensively. Then she amended her statement, adding a “yet” to the end that gave her room to change her mind, if she didn’t like what he had to say. And especially if he didn’t say anything at all; that would make Winnie the maddest. If she had so many thoughts bouncing around in her head and so many things she was thinking, and Adam was just silent on the subject all together. “I’m just… confused. I don’t know.” Winnie sized up Adam’s body language, the way he stepped away from her, the way he leaned as far away as he could get and folded his arms over his chest… Closed off. Like she probably wasn’t going to get anywhere, but she had to try. She mirrored his movements, crossing her arms over her chest, too, and letting out a heavy sigh. “Why were you in the lifeguard shack at all, Adam? I mean — were you trying to stop me from having any fun? Were you coming to apologize? Did you miss me? Were you just scoping out your own hookup spot and ended up in there totally on accident?” Each question felt more obnoxious than the last to her; if he were the one asking her instead, she’d have rolled her eyes to infinity and beyond, but it seemed that tonight, Winnie couldn’t stop herself from slipping dangerously close to what she’d always viewed as crazy girl territory. “And what was that face? You just looked…” Winnie huffed, trying to find a good word for it that wouldn’t give away her most closely guarded secret all in one fell swoop; in the end, she still felt like she’d failed. “Why did you look at me like that?”

Adam tried not to raise a brow at how her words and her tone contradicted each other, but failed when she tacked on the 'yet'. "Yet", like he was doomed to mess up no matter what happened. He felt that way around Winnie a lot lately, and he knew it was his fault for leaving without saying goodbye, but it was starting to seem like he'd never be able to make up for that. He either ignored her too much or she felt like he was hiding her or he brought her to parties and had such a good time with her, and somehow all of that was the same degree of wrong, wrong, wrong. He was tired of being wrong and being confused, and though it was almost a comfort to know she was confused too, that relief only lasted as long as it took for her to start asking questions. His brow crinkled immediately, his arms tightening around himself. "What? No!" His voice was still low but he could hear it rising in intensity as the feeling of being attacked took over. "Why the heck wouldn't I want you to have fun? Especially since being around me so much made you miserable, I'm glad you got your kicks with someone ," he almost spat, surprising himself with how hurt he sounded by that. He cleared his throat to continue as impartially as he could, steadying his tone and his face as he shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "I wasn't stalking you or anything, I don't know. I just - you were gone and I wanted to know where you went. I didn't know that I'd find what I did, but it wasn't like I was there to stop it and yeah, I'm sorry for how it all went down, but I didn't mean to. It just kind of...happened." He swallowed thickly, his throat almost in pain by the time he got to the end. He blinked in surprise at the mention of his face. He didn't know if he'd looked as overwhelmed as he'd felt, but suddenly he felt like a new kind of exposed, as if he were the one who'd been caught having sex and not her. "I, uh, don't know what you mean," he stammered, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. Avoidance. He was avoiding the answer but he wasn't sure why. It felt like there were a million reasons his face looked the way it had and he couldn't vocalize any of them, and instead he blurted, "I just... I didn't see me, I don't know what my face looked like. And you probably didn't get a good look either. In case you forgot, you were otherwise occupied."

Winnie resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Her mother had told her that was bad for diplomatic relations — that it always played her card and made it hard to negotiate with anyone. And Winnie didn’t mean to act superior or like she thought that what people were saying was beneath her; sometimes, it just happened, and her feelings were plain as day on her face. Right now, though, she hoped her face was impassive. If she couldn’t stay neutral looking, if she couldn’t hold her cards close to her chest, then Adam would realize that the reason this all was so hard for her was because of her stupid, un-buriable feelings for him, and that was hardly something she even wanted to deal with. She certainly didn’t want to have to see how grossed out he was by that information, or deal with the fallout of him knowing. Still, the fact that she was even here fighting him at all… She had to hope that Izzie wasn’t home, or that Adam would keep this close to his chest and not talk to anyone about it. He might be dense, but it seemed like elementary to anyone else, she was sure. “I don’t want to have this same fight with you again,” Winnie reminded him, knowing she’d near well blown up at him at the party, too. “I get it, I’m awesome, but you’ve been going to those parties for years and hanging out with God knows who doing God knows what. It was just… a lot, that you wanted to spend every second of the thing with me. It felt… I don’t know, fake, and confusing.” Winnie ran her fingers through her short hair, tugging on the ends of it to try and keep herself from unloading the whole rant she’d made earlier on him again. He didn’t even know he was making things harder for her by caring too much. And she didn’t want to tell him, either, so it was almost like they were at an impasse. “So you make that face everytime you’re surprised?” Winnie challenged, taking a step closer to him, hating the distance he had put between them even more than she hated the stupid magnetic pull she felt towards him. She was scared to invade his space, scared to get too close… but she still didn’t stop until she was within an arm’s length, so close he could reach her if he wanted to. But he didn’t want to; that much was clear to her, that much had always been clear to her, and she glared up at him, gritting her teeth together for a second. “Because you don’t, Adam, I’ve never seen you look like that before and I just… don’t get why. Were you mad? Disappointed? Confused? If you really think it’s the same way you always are, and you really think it’s not a big deal, then why did you just stop talking to me? Why are you acting like… whatever this is that you’re acting like?” Winnie demanded, waving towards his closed-off body language and his impossible to read expression.

Adam couldn't get a clear reading on Winnie at all right now, and that kind of scared him; not even when she brought up the almost-fight they'd had was he sure how she was feeling. He'd first thought she was angry because, well, she was here , but now that he was trying to dissect whatever it was that made the air feel so hard to breath, he knew it had to be more. Had he embarrassed her that fully? First among all their peers, and then with L'Ogan? He hadn't thought their opinions meant much to Winnie, she'd given him enough grief about how it was weird that they mattered so much to him, but maybe it was different when she was among them. An intoxicating environment, Adam knew, could do a lot. "You say that like I'd be doing something ridiculous if you weren't there," he pointed out. "I'd be doing what I was doing with you with whoever was around instead, it's not major. I didn't think it was a bad thing to want to spend the party with you, but then again, I also didn't realize you were on the hunt." He hated himself for how almost aggressive that lest sentence sounded and he took a breath, trying to force himself to have some chill as he smiled and added, "Win, if you'd told me that's what you were there for, I would've, I don't know, backed off or something." The last part came out basically whispered, because it felt like a big old lie as he was saying it. After all, if he'd known her endgame for the night had been L'Ogan sex, he would've tried harder to stop it, wouldn't he?

But why? Winnie was great, she deserved to have sex if she wanted to, and his mom would be so disappointed if she thought he was trying to make a woman's choice for her. So why did it matter? Why did it bother him? Not being able to figure it out was scary, like staring at an exam he knew he'd studied the answer to but just couldn't remember, but it wasn't as scary as Winnie closing in. He didn't want her that close, things were different now, and he didn't want to be different in close quarters, but he couldn't move. He was frozen to his spot and to his argument that his face had been, well, just a normal face - it was a dumb argument, since he was sure his face now wasn't a normal face either. He opened his mouth to say "I don't know" but that was a non-answer and it wouldn't help anything, and if anything she was just getting angrier and more frustrated. She didn't show it as much as he could feel it wafting off of her, her air mixing with his. And then she gritted her teeth and his eyes flickered down and he paused. What was happening to his brain right now?

"I don't know what I'm acting like, don't you get that?" he insisted, finally looking up from her mouth. His fists tightened, then dropped to his sides. "I want to give you an answer, Win, I really do, but I can't. All I know is that I needed some space to get my head back to normal." And even as he said he wanted space, his body betrayed him and took a step closer to hers, as if being closer would make him look taller and make him feel less exposed than he did. "But even if I don't know what this is, I can promise you that I'm not angry. Confused? Sure. Disappointed? I don't know. There's a bunch of stuff in here, but mad? I think you're the only one here that is and I'm sorry. I wish I could've done the night differently. That it could've ended differently."

Winnie scoffed at his comment. “On the hunt? Yeah, right. It just happened, it wasn’t like… planned,” she pointed out, looking up into his eyes, searching for something that probably wasn’t there. Like jealousy, or some kind of wish that it had been him instead — Winnie shivered a little at that thought, even though the room was hot and so was her temper. She’d buried any thought of Adam as more than a friend for so long, and she hated how it was kicking back up into full gear at the worst time possible. She would have given anything to just turn around and climb out the window and leave it alone, to wake up and pretend that nothing had happened. But she couldn’t do that and she knew it; she’d just go back to her cottage and not be able to sleep and wish she had answers all over again. “I don’t want L’ogan, I’ve only ever wanted…” Winnie trailed off, frustrated again, but at least her voice was a little softer, trying to match the tone in Adam’s. He was whispering, like maybe if he was quiet enough she and her stupid loud feelings would have to quiet down until they disappeared. And it was working, for the time being. Winnie had been so close to blurting out that the only person she’d ever really wanted was him, but instead, she chewed on her bottom lip before saying, “I don’t know, I guess it was just nice to feel like someone wanted me for a change. Like, really wanted me, and not like I was just invisible next to stupid blonde girls or… whoever.” Winnie turned her head towards the ceiling, unable to believe what she’d just said out loud. How much more obvious could she get? It was hard to keep her gaze away from him for long, though, especially when she could feel him getting closer. If this whole thing was so stupid, if coming here was a mistake… then why was he getting closer instead of just pushing her out the window and telling her to get away? “I don’t get it! I definitely don’t get it, or else I wouldn’t be asking, Adam,” she told him bringing her hands up to rub her eyes. She felt tired — tired of hiding it, tired of pretending her feelings weren’t there, tired of herself reading into things that didn’t mean anything. How could she make it stop? Winnie just wanted to make it stop, wanted to find a way to make this stop coming back everytime she thought it was gone, find a way to make Adam stop giving her false hope he didn’t even know he was giving her. “I’m not even mad at you, I’m mad at me. I’m mad that I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks in this stupid town but you, I’m mad that you only care when it’s convenient and that I always keep coming back to caring what you think anyway, I’m mad that… that I can’t make this go away when there isn’t even a this at all.” Winnie’s words came out rushed, frantic, not even making any sense. So much for the diplomacy and holding her tongue that her mother preached; she couldn’t even manage to form a logical statement of her feelings for her best friend, for the stupid boy that she was in stupid love with even after all this time.

“And it sucks, you know? Because when you say you wish it had ended differently, you mean you wish you’d never brought me, or that you’d never seen anything, and if I said it, I’d just wish that I’d been with you instead.” For all she’d thought she wanted to see his face again, to read his reaction and to figure out what it meant… Winnie turned on her heel instead, horrified that she’d gotten no answers out of him and had only answered questions he’d never even asked instead. “Forget it. I don’t even know why I came here, just… forget all of it,” she said with her back turned towards him, willing her feet to move, wishing that she’d just leave instead of staying rooted to the spot like she still expected some kind of response that could be anything but awful for her.

Adam looked down and shrugged. “If you say so,” he murmured, not totally convinced. After all, if Winnie had wanted to take someone to bone town, it explained why she seemed so exasperated at Adam’s constant presence, and to find her with someone like L’ogan was highly suspect. Even so, Adam was almost immediately convinced that Winnie spoke the truth by the way her voice sounded when she started up again. His eyes came back up to meet hers and maybe it was the way she looked or the way she spoke or the fact that she brought up feeling invisible next to stupid blonde girls, but Adam felt his throat go dry. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? No. It was impossible. There had to be another explanation. Adam’s forehead furrowed as his brain kicked into overdrive, trying to come up with another guy, any other guy, or a girl even, with a rumored proclivity towards blondes. He couldn’t. It all pointed to him, and even as he tried to stop himself from producing evidence, clips and snippets of their friendship flashed before his eyes: how betrayed Winnie had been when he’d left and how she’d forgiven him anyway, the animosity she’d had towards Charlie, her distrust of STI, the way she always had an eggroll or two if he needed them. It felt conceited and wrong and stupid to think that Winnie thought about him in any way other than her bonehead friend who she had to protect from himself, but as she kept talking, he couldn’t stop thinking what if, what if, what if like a mantra. He couldn’t even tell how the possible idea made him feel, if it filled him with apprehension or glee, but when she started calling him out, the barbs hit him like sharp swords to the gut and it gave him an idea. Adam didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew what he didn’t want, and he didn’t want to be the guy who made Winnie feel used. He didn’t want to be the guy who she had to keep fighting for when she should know she already had him. He didn’t want to be the guy who negated that a ‘this’ of some sort existed, or the guy who hadn’t even realized ‘this’ existed until he was scared that it was vanishing. Most of all, when she said that she wished it’d been him instead, Adam knew from the way his heart sped up that he didn’t want to be the guy who’d never brought Winnie to the party, or the guy who’d seen her get down and dirty. He’d wanted to be the guy with her. As quickly as the relief and impact of figuring something out came, so too came the panic when Winnie turned away. Adam knew he needed to think of the right thing, something smart and succinct that would sum up all the questions and answers he suddenly had in the face of his epiphanies, but words were failing him. Besides, no matter how often he’d told WInnie that she mattered the most to himt, she never seemed to believe him. With Winnie, actions spoke louder than words, and there was suddenly an action that Adam couldn’t keep himself from doing. So, with all the desperation of someone with a million things to say and only one chance to say it, he reached out and spun her back around in one swift motion, offering one loaded and hungry look into her eyes before grabbing hold of either side of her face and pressing his lips against hers.

Winnie didn't know how long she stood there, frozen in place, willing herself to leave. It could have been seconds or minutes or maybe even hours, although if that were the case the sun probably would have crept into the room by now and mercifully gotten rid of all the shadows that she'd just cast over them. Had she really said that? Why had she said that? Winnie knew she wasn't Adam's type, had told herself a thousand times that he'd never see her that way -- and they'd had a good thing going. A great friendship, one that was blissfully uncomplicated for him at least, and one that should have been able to withstand anything, even some stupid feelings. But could it really? Winnie had never meant to have to find out, and her breath hitched as Adam spun her around and grabbed hold of either side of her face. What was about to happen? Winnie's eyes flicked down to his lips for a stupidly hopeful second, then back up to his eyes, feeling a little bit afraid. Did he want her to be looking him right in the face when he told her she was right, and that her anger was wrong and her feelings were wrong and everything she was doing tonight was just wrong, wrong, wrong ? Winnie barely even had time to breathe, though, before Adam shattered all her expectations in the best way possible. His lips weren't as gentle as she'd always imagined they'd be -- they were hungrier, more forceful, like they were searching for something. And maybe they were; Winnie had dumped so much on him, and had expected disgust, or even betrayal that she'd hidden how she really felt for so long. Instead, though, he was kissing her in a way that made her knees feel weak, and that seared her lips and erased any memories of kisses that had come before this one, even kisses that were from earlier tonight. And maybe it didn't make sense; maybe it was sudden, and unexpected, and maybe Adam didn't even mean it... But God , Winnie had waited for a moment like this for so long, and despite her better judgment, Winnie didn’t want to let the moment go. Tonight had just been one mistake after another, but if this was the last mistake she ever made with Adam before he cut her out of his life completely or ran away to soccer camp to ignore his problems again? Then at least it was a mistake that lit her entire body on fire, and made her heart roar in her chest, and left her desperately trying to tangle her hands in his hair and pull him flush against her body as she kissed him back with all the force of four years of pent-up feelings. At least it was a mistake that, regardless of whether he picked her up and carried her to his bed or pushed her away or did none of the above, she’d probably treasure forever.

Adam knew that Winnie’s brain and feelings were a mystery to him sometimes, but for the very first time he thought he knew exactly what was going on. A cocktail of fear and confusion and hope that must have mirrored his look until a few minutes ago reverberated from her like a crowd jeering in a stadium but as their lips made contact, it was like everything took a breath. The boos turned to roaring cheers in the packed arena that was his mind and if she felt half of what he did, Adam would know he’d succeeded in kissing the bad away. And then her hands were in his hair and he let out a sigh against her lips and he knew that he was doing this right. There wasn’t a lot of time to think about it, though, because the way she kissed back left little room for thought. It left little room for anything, really, aside from wanting more. One of Adam’s hand ventured down Winnie’s body hungrily, experimentally. His fingers grasped down her smooth arm and onto the curve of her hip which he could feel through the thin fabric of her tank top that suddenly felt like too much clothing. It was enough to coax his other hand down, and he gripped her hips tightly against his making the muscles in his stomach tighten. His hands roamed around her curves, her waist, her back, unable to stop himself from marveling at the fact that he’d seen Winnie a million times before in a million different lights, but never like this. It wasn’t that he didn’t know Winnie was hot. He wasn’t blind. But still, he’d never pictured Winnie like this before, mainly because he thought he wasn’t allowed. Now that she was giving him permission, though, he wasn’t going to let it pass him by. His hands dipped down over her shorts, simultaneously squeezing her ass and drawing her closer to his ever hardening member. If he’d had known the evening would lead here, he would’ve stopped and asked himself if this was really a good idea - he’d decided he was against sex without feelings, after all, and Winnie was his friend, his noncomplicated friend who deserved the respect that a conversation about their emotions and wants and needs would warrant - but in the moment, he couldn’t force himself to stay on any of those thoughts for too long. He was too busy lifting Winnie up against him so that he could turn and take the few steps necessary before lifting them both down onto his bed, kissing her hard and pressing her body down onto the mattress with his own.

It was official, Winnie had to be dreaming. She’d pictured telling Adam how she felt about him for ages; she’d never been scared of anything else, after all, and she hadn’t seen any reason to be scared of a dumb thing like feelings. But the first time she’d tried, he’d told her he was going out with Charlie La Bouff. The next time she’d decided she should? He’d been gone , vanished without a trace, and it seemed the longer she waited, the more she’d have to lose. Every time she’d pictured it now, it was just rejection after rejection after rejection. It was never this, it was never Winnie gasping as she felt him harden against her or losing her breath from the way he kissed her, and it definitely had never been the weight of him on top of her on his bed, circling her in some kind of protective sphere where the world didn’t exist, where it was just him and her, and her and him, and all the worries and the anger and the stress of her secret could fade away. And her dreams definitely, definitely hadn’t been her hands roaming over his taut abs with a whine about how fucking hot he was. Or Winnie pulling out of his grasp only long enough to tug her own tank top over her head and let her bare skin press against his, and to give his hands somewhere new to roam. It hadn’t been her hands moving from his abs down dangerously lower, not even bothering to tease through clothes before they were underneath his waistband and wrapping around him, moaning into his mouth as his hands followed her lead and pulled her tiny pajama shorts out of the way. And it certainly hadn’t been exploring more and more body parts until it seemed like neither of them could stand it any longe, because hands just weren’t enough and they needed more. And imagination Winnie? She’d never dared to dream that Adam would be urgently reaching into his top drawer and rolling on a condom because he couldn’t get enough of her , yet Winnie was seeing it with her own eyes. It felt like it was happening much too fast and not fast enough, all at the same time, and she waited impatiently, wanting to feel him, tugging him back towards her the second it was on. So maybe Winnie wasn’t dreaming after all. Because she’d never let herself dream this far, dream this big, imagine this happening between them. And the fact that she hadn’t let herself think this would ever happen? It only made her cry out in pleasure when it really did and suddenly Adam was inside of her. Winnie’s legs wrapped around his waist, wanting desperately let him in further, to let him feel everything and to let him have all of her. And maybe, in that deep, dark, pessimistic corner of her mind... maybe in part she wrapped her legs around him so tightly in fear, wanting so badly to keep him there even though all of this was starting to seem too good to be true.

Every noise Winnie was making shot straight down Adam s body, egging him on like she always had. She’d always challenged him, encouraged him, supported him, meant the world to him - he’d spend the rest of his night wondering how he’d never seen it before, but for now it was the best thing in the world to soak each other in. He let out almost a choked gasp as he felt her hands find new places on his body, and before he knew it, he and Winnie were closer than they’d ever been. Nothing was between them, not secrets, not other girls, not clothes - nothing. And it was amazing. Or at least it was at first. Sinking in and out of her was a mind-blowing feeling. He’d had sex before, but never with someone who kept him this close, and the noises, damn , the noises - he’d never imagined something like that coming out of Winnie before, especially not because of him, and it kept him going strong. He kissed any part of her body that he could reach, his kisses softer now that his lower half was doing most of the work. He focused on her neck for a while, sucking experimentally near her collar bone, hoping to elicit some more of those noises that she’d never made before. Well, maybe not never . And that thought marked the beginning of the end as it dawned on Adam, with sudden clarity, that Winnie may have very well been making those exact noises earlier. Merely hours ago! It wasn’t that long ago at all, really, that he’d seen her being screwed by L’ogan, his body exactly where Adam’s had been… Adam gasped as he suddenly went limp. This could not be happening. It was way too embarrassing and way too inconvenient to be real, and yet it was, and he was thankful that Winnie’s leg’s hold on him had loosened because he had no choice but to roll off of her. He covered his face with his hands in shame, his body still buzzing with adrenaline and energy that had now been dubbed unusable by his penis the traitor. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled through his hands. He risked a peek at Winnie through his fingers before shakily putting his hands down and deciding to just be honest. “I’m sorry, I just started thinking about you and L’ogan and it just - “ he cut himself off, shrugging uselessly. Adam licked his lips, wanting to offer to go down on her and finish it off, but the thought of his tongue where L’ogan’s penis had been mere moments ago was too much and, frankly, made him feel kind of sick. He had to offer something though, say something , or risk losing possibly the best thing that had happened to him before it really started, but he was in a panic and coming up blank.

Winnie should have known it was too good to be true. Her brain had spent too long being too sure that Adam would never want her, and maybe for a few brief moments he’d lost his mind and gotten caught up in the wave of her emotions... but it wasn’t real. It wasn’t mean to be real, and the second he was off of her and burying his head with his hands, any thought Winnie had had of telling him her feelings making things better went out the window. She didn’t know what he was about to say, what excuse or apology she was about to hear, but her blood was already running cold as she clutched at Adam’s comforter and wrapped it around he exposed body. Whatever he had to say hardly mattered; Winnie had made things worse , there was no way around it. Truthfully, she’s been expecting him to say that it was about her. That he just liked feeling wanted, but that he didn’t want her to want him. Stupid, nagging insecurities that she didn’t usually feel in any other situation always came rushing up when she was with Adam, and Winnie hated it. She hated that he could make her feel so good one moment — make her feel more than anyone else in the whole world — and the next she was lower than low, all by his design. Whether he knew it or not, he had this hold over her, and Winnie hugged her arms around her chest as he started talking, bracing herself for words that would only seal their demise. She should have just gone home. She should have just left and salvaged their friendship. Instead, for the second time that night, she’d started something that she couldn’t even finish, and her body felt numb as Adam called attention to that very fact. “L’ogan doesn’t matter!” Winnie insisted instantly. “I don’t care about L’ogan, I care about _you_.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek, wondering how she’d have felt if he’d been hooking up with Izzie or something earlier in the night. She didn’t think it would have changed anything, though; God, she’d wanted nothing but Adam for so long that he could have been with a dozen girls in the last hour and she wouldn’t have cared as long as she finally got to be with him. It was pathetic, wasn’t it? She hated feeling pathetic, but her unwanted feelings were starting to make her desperate. And worse, their bodies had played tricks on her, let her think... Winnie closed her eyes, and she could still feel Adam all around her. It had been so much more than she’d ever dreamed it could be, and to him it just... wasn’t enough. To him some stupid pride thing about L’ogan getting to her first was more important than how right everything had felt for Winnie when they’d been together like that. But their bodies lied, because now Adam’s spoke a whole different story, one of disgust and repulsion and just... all the things Winnie had expected. “Just forget it,” she spat bitterly, afraid of saying more and getting mad again. What was even the point of fighting for something he didn’t want after all? “Can you... turn the other direction or something while I find my clothes?”

Adam was having trouble breathing, as if the situation wasn't embarrassing enough - it wasn't that he was out of breath from the sex, it was something else, something worse. Was he really having a panic attack right now? It wasn't something that happened often, maybe only twice in his life before, but he could feel himself ruining everything and had no idea how to stop it. What was there even left to say? That his brain had conjured up the worst image possible to ruin the mood? He couldn't even explain why, not without sounding like a complete and total moron who was scared of something so important. This felt important to him, at least, and it only raised the urgency when Winnie said what she said. She cared about him . She cared, and he ruined their first night together by being what, jealous? Fearful? Awkward? Now she was mad at him all over again and this time he knew exactly why. The ground was slipping out from beneath him as she asked him to turn away. He almost felt like if he turned away from Winnie right now, it would be turning away from any possibilities with her in the future, and he didn't want to do that. He couldn't do that. He'd never considered Winnie as a possibility because she was too good for him in every sense of the word, but now that she was here, he could hardly imagine anyone else. "Winnie, stop!" He bit his lip, sitting up a little to look at her. "I mean, uh, if you want to get your clothes, you can, but I don't.... want you to leave," he managed, looking up at the ceiling as if to give her the privacy she requested in order to find her outfit. "I didn't stop because I wanted you to leave. I don't care about L'ogan either. I care about you , which is why I wanted to be thinking about you and not what I saw earlier and..." Adam trailed off, not sure he knew how to proceed. "I just mean that this feels important. And my mind likes to run from important and it ran too far and I'm sorry, but I don't want to leave this . Whatever this is. Does that... am I making any sense?" he asked, keeping his eyes trained to the roof respectfully.

Winnie wished she had it in her to believe Adam. She really, really did, but she knew how much her friend hated conflict, and that’s what this felt like: a conflict, and a pretty big one to boot. She didn’t know how to not be mad, and she didn’t even know if it was really at him, or at herself for getting her hopes up. “It’s probably not important,” Winnie muttered bitterly as she scooped her shirt up off the floor and pulled it back over her head, her back squared away from Adam.

The words didn’t feel true even as she said them — it was so important, it was the most important thing to her. He was the most important thing to her, and he had been for longer than she cared to remember. But what was this for him? Would he forget the whole thing tomorrow? Would he wake up and think she was a mistake? Winnie knew she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes change again, couldn’t handle it if she felt the shift in the air as he decided that something more than friendship between them was wrong. She prided herself on being tough, but that might kill her. And so she stood, hearing his mattress shift without her weight on it any longer, and pulled her shorts back on too, shimmying uncomfortably as she tried to deal with the longing ache still between her legs. She wished she could turn back around, could go right back to how they’d been — to feeling blissfully complete and happy.

But life didn’t work like that, and Winnie’s body was just going to have to catch up with the rest of her and deal with it.

“Maybe some other time,” she whispered, a little more sadly than she’d meant to. “But I don’t want to be here while you get over yourself and figure out what you actually want. I just... I can’t,” Winnie said, folding her arms over her chest protectively again, too afraid to look at him and meet his eyes. Staying here would be for his benefit, not for hers, and God, she always was willing to drop things and do what made him happy. But not this time. This time, she needed to leave and take care of herself. She padded quietly towards the window, ignoring the urge to reach out and touch him, to tell him it would be okay. Because she didn’t know. She couldn’t know. Instead, she tugged his window open again and whispered so low she hoped he couldn’t even hear it, “I love you, you stupid idiot,” before she hopped over the ledge and back out into the warm summer night.

#para #winnie #para: winnie #winemalilywhite #para: love ain't

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stilljumpingback · 6 years

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(via Black Sails Episode 403 - XXXI)

WELL-FORMED THOUGHTS

I love this show for refusing to allow viewers to make monsters out of any of our characters, despite HOW MUCH I want to villainize Berringer. First we get him looking at pictures of his wife and child, and honestly, that doesn’t move me. He could be reunited with them if he wanted. He’s only stayed in Nassau to pursue a course of revenge, committing treason even to do so.

What DOES bother me is his speech about dark men doing dark deeds, and how easily I can imagine the same words coming from Flint’s mouth.

“You’ve given me good men to lead. I’ll do my best by them.” “There isn’t a good man among them. Not anymore. Some of them may have been, before all this. Some of them may be again on the other side of it. But right now, good men are not what the moment requires. Right now, the time calls for dark men to do dark things. Do not be afraid to lead them to it.”

When Flint uses theater and leads his men into horrific atrocities, I support him because I support his end goal – overturning a corrupt empire and establishing a free world. But when Berringer uses theater and leads HIS men into horrific atrocities, I am livid. Granted, this is because he’s supporting that corrupt empire. And in some ways, the ends definitely do justify the means. But if we look beneath their political worldviews, in actuality they keep fighting because the world keeps fighting them. It’s the cycle of vengeance I’ve been talking about. The truth is, I support Flint because I like him, because I’m invested in his story. If we’d had three seasons of Berringer’s story, would I emotionally support him in this moment? Probably.

I do think the show wants us to support Flint, and I do think that Flint’s motivations are deepening beyond revenge to a more genuine desire to create something new. BUT it is unquestionable that the showrunners want us to remember the power of narrative in shaping our allegiances, and to question why we see some people as good and others as bad, when really, they might not be so different.

FRAGMENTED THOUGHTS

Berringer basically tells Woodes Rogers that darkness is inevitable, and we shouldn’t be afraid to use it. It is SO hard not to think Flint would agree with him.

Mrs. Hudson asks to go home after they’re done in Philadelphia. Eleanor says yes and they’re both super happy before IMMEDIATELY finding out they aren’t going to Philadelphia. This is about how everyone’s happiness goes in this show, huh?

Max is losing her power, exemplified by how men can burst into her room while she’s lounging naked in bed.

Maroon: Whatever slaves are still alive on this island will never fight alongside a pirate again. Not after last night. Madi: Last night, there were also pirates who fought alongside us, against terrible odds and at great cost. Billy and his men are our enemies now, but these men are not.

#TriumverateWatch: Madi defends Flint!! And as if the show doesn’t realize that my heart has already burst, the two proceed to have an inspiring conversation as equals and I loooooove them!!!

Madi: You truly believe it is possible? That as disadvantaged and disabled as we are, that anything we do here is going to make the least bit of difference to the men in London? Flint: Well, that’s the trick, isn’t it? If no one remembers a time before there was an England, then no one can imagine a time after it. The empire survives in part because we believe its survival to be inevitable. But it isn’t, and they know that. That’s why they’re so terrified of you and I. If we are able to take Nassau, if we are able to expose the illusion that England is not inevitable, if we are able to incite a revolt that spreads across the New World then, yeah, I imagine people are gonna notice. Madi: “Too much sanity may be madness, and the maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.”

Madi just used Don Quixote to describe Flint, AND THAT IS THE BOOK MIRANDA USED TO DESCRIBE THOMAS, byyyyyyye.

It is impossible to be reminded of the amazing partnership between James and Thomas and not see Flint and Madi having equally amazing potential.

Poor Anne. She just wants to get away from all of this and have a boring life, but she’s chosen to partner herself to a man who can’t stop following giants in hopes of influencing them and thus feeling meaningful.

I love Idelle being the level-headed one to Featherstone’s panic. She trusts in Max’s loyalty and stubbornness before saying they have to help her from the outside. Eleanor then bursts in to help Max – are we to assume that Idelle told Eleanor what was going on?

THAT REUNION THOUGH. Silver is about to die, but Flint comes to the rescue!! There is so much contained emotion going on in these two men, and I can’t even.

Jack has to watch Teach and Anne lead the vanguard onto a spookily “empty” ship. Why did no one notice that everyone hid themselves? I’m so upset about everything here, I hate it, stop please.

Max: You think you can control him. And by the time you realize he has been controlling you, it is going to be too late.

Max is talking to Eleanor about Berringer, but it’s hard not to imagine she’s also talking about Woodes Rogers.

We know Eleanor is cultured now, because she says, “I beg your pardon, but what the fuck have you got to lose?”

THAT OTHER REUNION THOUGH. Silver and Madi running to each other, kissing, staring into each other’s eyes!!

Flint is happy for them, but there’s a definite flicker of sadness in his expression. Whether he’s sad because he loves Silver or because he wishes he had someone like they have each other, I honestly don’t care. It’s compelling either way!

Eleanor now agrees with Max that the theater of power only exacerbates problems. I like this questioning whether power exists to uphold order or to boost someone’s ego.

Berringer’s power play of reading the black spot aloud is actually VERY good, and I love how he becomes an interesting villain just before dying. Because he’s too obvious. The REAL villain is revealed in this episode to be: Nice Guy Rogers.

Reader, I HATE HIM.

In flashback, he reveals his dark side to Berringer, telling the story he didn’t share in his book because he didn’t want the world to know what he is capable of.

The real evil here is not what he did in the past, because as despicable as it is, I can forgive a lot that is done in grief (see: my enduring love of James Flint). What is horrible is that he is committed, rationally, a day before it happens, to doing the exact same thing to Teach and his crew, simply to prove a point. I HATE HIM.

An admission: I’ve never actually watched the keelhauling. The first time I saw this episode, Rogers’ creepy voiceover and the music cued me in that something truly horrible was about to go down, so I Googled what happened to Teach and promptly skipped ahead. Having listened to other people’s reactions to the scene, I’m super glad I did, and so I did the same again. I’m so glad Teach stuck it to Rogers by refusing to die, but I do not need to let those images exist in my brain, thanks ever so much.

Berringer refuses to use Eleanor as an ally. He ignores her suggestion to ambush Silver, thus ensuring his own death!! What an idiot!

But also thank God.

BECAUSE HERE COME SILVER AND FLINT. I love the look Flint gives Silver when the guns come out. This is Silver’s first time fighting on the front line, and as a target, and Flint is concerned.

They seem alone in a small group, but suddenly slaves and maroons and pirates join them! And there’s a fight! And soldiers appear on the roofs but they are killed by Billy’s men! I temporarily forgive Billy, but I’m glad Flint gives him a look during the battle because this isn’t over yet!!

Israel Hands takes out Berringer, which is fitting because he doesn’t deserve a death by one of our heroes. What purpose does Hands’ long look at Silver/Flint serve? Is it like, look at me, see my value?

Our last shot is of Berringer’s wife and child, and while I don’t have empathy for HIM, I do for those two. It’s a good reminder that in all the passion and righteous anger that creates and perpetuates violence, the real victims are civilians. But…I don’t want the fighting to stop until Flint and Madi’s vision of a free Nassau is realized.

#Black Sails #blacksails #James Flint #Captain Flint #John Silver #Long John Silver #Billy Bones #Eleanor Guthrie #Woodes Rogers #Berringer #Madi #Max #Anne Bonny #Jack Rackham #Edward Teach #THAT scene #The worst scene in the whole series

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