#and i remember seeing photos from her dms where people would wish her death or threaten her more openly if she went ahead with her speech

[scorpion-flower]

Hey, wanna see something really disgusting?

Go to Nerdeen Kiswani's stories on IG (@nerdeenk) to watch multiple videos of Israeli zionists openly celebrating the death of Palestinian civilians (especially childrens') openly admitting in interviews that they want to see Arabs die and photos from her DMS where people taunt her and tell her "Hey, remember that 18 month old baby we burned?" as well as "Go back to where you came from you dirty pig".

But remember, media wants you to believe that Palestinians (and all Arabs tbh) are uncivilized and that Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East *clown noices*

[kicksaddictny]

Kicksaddict Sneakerhead PROFILES Interview Series: @CakedaGawd

After a long Hiatus, we’ve returned! Our popular Profile series has been requested almost on a daily basis (Thanks for the tweets, dms and emails). We were even threatened! (Thanks by the way).

Cake The Gawd! This one was so much fun. Tap in.

Where are you from? Brooklyn, NY born in Crown Heights raised in East Flatbush.

How long have you been collecting sneakers? I was introduced to sneakers in 1991 but I started collecting for myself in 98.

What’s your favorite sneaker and why? Air Jordan 6 Infrared. It's the shoe Michael was wearing when he won his first championship, and to me just it’s just the most beautiful Jordan shoe to date! The silhouette is unmatched, it is timeless, and no matter how many times it is retroed I will buy it!

Besides your hometown, what is the best city for sneakerheads that you know of? Why? I would say LA 100% !! It is a vibe out there. I am part of a sneaker group and 75% of the people in there are from LA. They really about the culture they know their shit and they are fresh as fuck too.

Do you collect just for collecting or do you collect and rock? I collect and rock. That is why I double up on certain shoes.. Some kicks you gotta have for store and show but some you just have to rock them!

What sneaker got you into the sneaker game? I cannot pinpoint one thing, it is so many things. It was Music, my parents introducing me to Nike, my older cousin, basketball, the dope boys around the way, and my 3rd grade crush and her cousin who both had Aqua 8's. (LOL) I cannot just say 1 thing because they all had a significant part in it.

What are your thoughts on these fake celebrity sneakerheads? I hate them all! All of these dudes just get perks, some of them do not even know the shoes. That shit really gets under my skin. Showing off shoes that they get and not even knowing the name or numbers of the shoes, creating their own names. Shit is sickening. S/O to the Sneaker Gawd Wale !

How do you feel about the Off white collabs? I liked the first round of the collabs. With the Presto's, Air maxes, Blazers, and Jordan 1's. I think after that it should've been left alone. But I can respect what they are doing over there. I just won my first pair of Off-White's with the Lot 50 joint.

If you could wear only one sneaker for the rest of your life, what would it be? Air Jordan 3 Black Cement. Yes 6's are my favorite of all time but the Black Cement 3's just go with EVERYTHING!

What advice would you give as far as storing and preservation of your sneakers? Wear your kicks man. I store and rock! I get it, wanting to save shoes but putting them away and never rocking them, when you finally do ya it’s separating and crumbling. In order for your kicks to last they gotta be worn anyway. Unless you're truly just on some collecting only for show vibes.

What is the most you’ve ever spent on a pair of sneakers? $900... I was able to land Black and Red and Royal 1's from 2001 together. A friend of mine had them and said he couldn't think of anyone else. I had literally just started my new job. A chunk of my first check went to that pick up.

Have you ever waited in line for a pair of kicks? I waited in line once in my life for shoes and swore I would never do it again. It was for the 2001 True Blue 3's. I waited online at like 7 in the morning at Kings Plaza. LMAO I said this will never happen again. I didn't have the patience for it. I do not know how ppl used to do that shit or camp for kicks. I was there for 1 hour and I was like this is ridiculous.

You're also a photographer, how long have you been taking photos? I have been taking photos since 2011 but officially became a photographer in 2013.

How do sneakers play a role in your photography? That is a great question because I didn't want the 2 to mix at all. Because I'm a scenery and landscape photographer. But I got into photography because of sneakers. No offense to anyone but a bunch of these  "influencers" get on IG with their DSLR cameras, take some on foot shots and call themselves "Photographers". 90% of them do not even understand lighting. I didn't wanna be one of those guys because I actually live this and study it. But recently I just started letting it be that and owning it. I am nice with this photography shit when it comes to sneakers. I have a deep connection with shoes and I love incorporating that into my art. I thank my wife for that. I told her I don't wanna be just another sneaker photographer and she said to me who said you have to be ?! I took that and ran with it. Off-White just recently featured some of my pictures on their Instagram.

I remember you saying you're a sneaker enthusiast, what is the difference between that and a sneakerhead? An enthusiast really studies sneakers. Sneakerheads just love sneakers like it ain't really about the history and all that for them. They just love shoes because it is cool and makes them feel good. Us Enthusiasts are invested. Things matter like knowing years of a shoe. For example, an enthusiast would look at a pair of Jordan's like Taxi 12's, We know Michael wore those in the 1996 - 97 season, but we also know that Martin gave away a pair on his show for the Christmas episode to the kid who had holes in shoes. They are tied to iconic moments. A sneakerhead may love Bordeaux 7's because they are dope looking shoes. Where for me it's that Michael Jordan wore those in a video with Michael Jackson and Kris Kross in the 92 Jam video. MJ and MJ in a video with Kris Kross, do you know what that did to my childhood?! Give you one more example that is not even Michael Jordan related. Piggy backing off of Kris Kross,The Patrick Ewing’s were one of my favorite kicks growing up besides seeing Pat play in them one of my favorite Hip Hop covers of all time is "Totally Krossed Out" and Kris Kross is wearing both colorways. So you see what I mean there is so much tied to it with being an enthusiast. This is just my opinion though some may not agree so don't shoot me! (Ha)

From the time you started collecting up until now, would you say that the sneaker game changed for the best or the worst? I have been collecting for 20 plus years now. I have seen the game at it's best, I have seen it die, I have seen it revive, and now I am witnessing the death of it again. The sneaker game is disgusting right now, and I honestly do not think it will ever recover. It really saddens me. It is a popularity and money contest right now.

Does pricing affect your collection? Hell No! And I hate that some people are trying to make this the norm. IDGAF if you paid $500 - $2000 for a pair, It doesn't mean shit.  The narrative is getting outta hand.

What does the word “Hypebeast” mean to you? Hypebeast is a person that only buys shit for status and popularity. They cannot form their own opinion about shit. They have to wear and cop items based on what every celeb is wearing or whatever these Social Media "Influencers" are saying is hot! It is not only sneaker related either. N*ggaz were hypebeasting for PS5 last year..

What are your thoughts on the females in the sneaker game? They are the best! I wish we had a Sneaker union and it was only run by females! The men in this game are annoying and so over the top. It is so bad that they feel the need to compete with women. The men get shoes just to show off to one another. Like what type of shit is that? The females are cool. I had a dude on twitter tell me women don't know the value of a shoe let alone about the shoe. The men feel like they always gotta try to shit on the women. The women are just trying to be part of the culture and enjoy it. And they shouldn't have to try to be part of something that is open to anyone who is willing to be invested and understand the culture.

Any advice for a young kid coming up in the sneaker game? Wear what you like! Respect the game and the people who have been doing it before you. Because this new generation of sneakerheads are little entitled dicks. No respect whatsoever!! I don't care about Travis Scott shoes. Without Jordan being who he is Travis wouldn't have a Jordan silhouette to collaborate with! Same with Off-White. These silhouettes were here before these guys. Say know your history and pay homage!! BUT STAY humble.

See I follow you and I'm loving the way you include your daughter in your work, what does that mean to you? Man, it is beautiful!!!! Without even trying she is invested in the culture. Both photography and shoes. Myself and my wife are both heavy into photography, art, music, sneakers, and clothes. My daughter is into all the same things but we are letting it be her own experience. We are not forcing anything on her. We want her to enjoy being a child and whatever things she picks up from us along the way is just a bonus. But I love shooting her, and I love when she asks myself and her mother "do we like her fit". It is truly a blessing man!

All photos by CAKEDAGAWD

Follow : https://twitter.com/CakedaGawd 

https://www.instagram.com/whatsinthesyrup/

[skippyv20]

PH title

Hi everyone. The beauty of a democracy is that everyone is entitled to voice their own opinion and I would fight for that right as have may before me including those from the Commonwealth. Yes, there are some people who shout for PH and MM to lose their title - but even if the DM on-line garnered 25,000 comments to this end it is only the population of a medium sized town - what about the rest? There is a significant majority who either support HM silently or do not care one way or the other. HM will be dammed if she takes the titles and dammed if she does not it would seem - jumping in too quickly will unleash a string of racist comments or cries of ‘victim’. There is an agreement in place already - just because one side has 'apparently’ broken this does not mean that both sides should - HM is acting with dignity by waiting.

Regarding her conduct over Diana - HM did all she could to support both her son and his wife through this difficult period (I am old enough to remember the marriage, the divorce and Diana’s tragic end). Diana was no angel where her marriage was concerned and nor was Charles - however HM always did what she could for William and Harry, including risking her reputation to support them at Balmoral when they learnt of their mother’s death, rather than returning to London as many thought she should. HM might be guilty of (very occasionally) putting her family before duty but only in very extreme circumstances and, in my opinion, this makes her human and gives her the compassion to be a good sovereign.

I have yet to understand why people are so swayed by what is put in the media - papers are a business and exist to sell content to make money; they provide what their readers wish to see and comment upon. Even supposedly respected papers like the Times and the Telegraph still have to make a living and will follow the trends to gain readership. As far as I can see there is still no solid evidence that PH is in the US or even that MM is in the US; More and more comments in the media are suggesting holograms. photo-shopping and body doubles to maintain the facade - just because it is in the media (papers, TV and radio) does not make it true.

Thank you so much.  Great post😊❤️❤️❤️❤️

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 19

Master: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: A little violence (kinda) and a lot of feelings

A/N:  HOLY SHIT I AM SO SORRY! I had no intention for this to take over a fucking month. But Endgame fucked me up so hard (in the best way, I think I earned those hurts with the shit I write here lol) and just life, in general, has been NUTS (also in a really good way).

I honestly cannot thank you all enough for being so goddamn patient and supportive while you waited for this chapter. Some folks have to deal with really demanding and dickish followers but I’m over here getting asks and DMs of y’all wishing me well and shit. HOW AM I THIS LUCKY?!

I hope y’all like this one.

Tags are open!

Post Snap: Wakanda

Shock settles cold and heavy over Natasha’s shoulders.

Her gaze has been on the blank screen of her phone for an unknown amount of time. She’d tried to call… but all communication had been cut off, Wakanda locking itself away… A knock from the door behind her causes her to jump, sending the phone clattering to the floor.

“Sorry,” Bruce’s tone is cautious. “The jets almost ready.” They needed to get home… She knows people need them but…

“I can’t.”

“Nat… we have to-”

“No. I have to find her Bruce…”

There’s pity in his eyes, “Natasha… the odds…”

“Go,” Steve’s voice comes from the hall, rough and low. She steps out holding his haunted expression. A set of keys sail in her direction, “There’s a bike you can take outside…” Steve pauses, taking a shaky breath before continuing, “Outside Bucky’s place.”

A touch of warmth fills her chest. He already knew what she’d need to do. Her fingers curl around the keys. “Thank you.”

The moment she’s outside of Wakanda’s protective barrier she tries to check for the message… still, she can’t get through…

A scream threatens to rip her apart. She may be able to make it through the end of the goddamn world… through watching members of her small family fall to ash… But she would not survive losing you… not again.

October 2009

“Fuck!” Natasha bellows slamming her fist against the wall.

Months of searching… this had been their last lead. It came up empty. She was supposed to be the best and yet she couldn’t find and save the one person she cared the most for… not even with the resources and blessing of S.H.I.E.L.D…

They’d given her everything she could need. Everyone from Secretary Pierce to Fury throwing their weight behind this, pulling strings no one would even fathom pulling with governments and low lives alike and still not a sign of you. It was as if you’d simply disappeared.

“I’m sorry, Nat…” Clint lays a comforting hand on her shoulder, she shrugs him off.

“We missed something. There’s gotta be… something…” her voice cracks as he takes her by the shoulders.

His sad eyes break something in her, “There’s not, Natasha. She’s… she’s gone.”

“No,” her voice is thick with restrained tears. “She wouldn’t-”

He shakes his head, “I don’t… I don’t think it was a choice… But someone…” Nat shakes her head like a child denying a very obvious truth.

“Clint-” A sob slips out before she can catch it.

He tugs her into his arms, crushing her against his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

That’s it. A guttural sob rips from the deepest parts of her being and her knees give way sending them both to the floor. All she can think is how you’d feel this emotion with her, how you’d understand everything without her having to speak a word…

Slowly her sorrow is replaced with a cold rage. Someone took you from her. They likely caught wind that you’d turned your services over to S.H.I.E.L.D. and thinking you’d give something away… They couldn’t even leave her a body, couldn’t even give you dignity in death.

“We’ll figure out who did this, Natasha.” Clint may not be you but he knew her well enough to read her. “We will.”

Of that, she had no doubt.

-

They never did though…

Fury assigned her to Stark because she was best suited but also because he felt the distraction of deep cover would help. It may have but… Being Natalie Rushman reminded her of your night in Tokyo… There was nothing she could do to escape your memory.

Thankfully it hadn’t lasted long. In less than a year she was back to just being Natasha, back to the Widow, working every job she could. The more exhausted she was the less she felt how hollow she was. The more her body ached the less she missed your touch.

When she stared down a horde of alien invaders she thought that just maybe this was it. She’d go out fighting and save some people in the process. If there was another side well, she hoped you’d be there waiting.

But it wasn’t the end. Somehow they’d pulled off the impossible.

By that point, almost five years had passed. Natasha still missed you on a level that felt impossible to truly convey. But there were days that the ache was less than it had ever been. It wasn’t moving on per-say but it was something like healing.

At the very least now she had the distraction of Steve. She could make him a project. She’d never have the life or happiness she wanted but maybe she could help him find his footing. Maybe one of them could have a chance at happiness, at a life.

There was something she related to in his detachment. She supposed the loss of just about everyone and everything a person knew could be similar to the void you left. So many times she thought of telling him about you, hoping that he’d feel less alone in his pain but… He was a man from the ’40s… She wasn’t willing to risk losing a friend over dated prejudices.

Turned out she should have given Steve Rogers more credit.

When she heard the ballistics on the bullet that killed Fury her blood ran cold. It was him…

So many things had crossed her mind then. Not a single one of them had been that somehow she’d find you because of this.

She’d been so wrapped up in the aftermath of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s demise that she didn’t have time to look at the files she’d released. Thankfully Clint had her back and had been scanning them the moment they’d hit the web.

Just after she’d settled into the tower he showed up looking like he’d seen a ghost.

Fear gripped her. Had she exposed Laura and the kids in her haste to topple Hydra… had she sacrificed everything-

“I found her.”

For a minute the words rang hollow and meaningless.

“Found who?” Steve asked from his spot on her couch.

Clint said nothing, just held her gaze until his shot inevitably hit its target. “I think she’s alive, Nat.” He hands you a file.

With trembling hands, she turns the pages. Scarcely breathing. Steve says something but Clint hushes him.

As the words on the pages soak in she thinks she may vomit. Experiments, tests, torture… kill missions… Riots you’d incited at their command, dignitaries dropping from what appeared to be brain aneurisms. Little subtle things she should have looked for and then the last report… February 2014… nine months prior.

Natasha’s knees give out and she hits the hardwood with a thud. They’d had you for five years…  Her breath stills.

No.

“Natasha!” Clint kneels in front of her, Steve stands at the ready behind him.

Pieces rapidly click into place. All the subtle ties to Hydra since the very moment the two of you met and they meant one thing. My fault. All my fault. They wouldn’t have gotten to you if it weren’t for her. You wouldn’t have let your guard down. You wouldn’t have trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. You’d had a feeling about them from the start but she’d been convinced you were just being overly cautious.

“Nat…”

A raspy breath sucks into her lungs so fast it almost hurts. “I did this.” She breathes out.

“No. No, you fucking did not.” Clint grabs her shoulders, shaking her.

“I did. She wouldn’t-”

“If you don’t shut the fuck up with that I’ll slap you,” she sees Steve shift in the background. “You didn’t do this. They did this and we will get Y/N back.” She says nothing, just stares at a hair on Clint’s shirt, numb. “Do you hear me, Natasha?!”

Slowly her eyes meet his. “Do you hear me?” His tone level now.

“Yeah,” weakly she nods.

-

This was the last base that could possibly be hiding you. The last little flickering ember of hope. With cell after cell empty or filled with rotting bodies, that ember was fading quickly.

Natasha thought when the inevitable realization that you were gone hit her she’d go mad. Screaming, tearing her hair, the full Linda Blair. Instead, she feels… nothing. Not the calm detachment she’s used to but a nothingness so deep she wonders if it’s actually what death feels like.

“Natasha,” Sam’s voice crackles in her comm, “one floor down from you, south side. We think we got her.”

Tingles creep up her spine, feeling electric against her scalp. She won’t believe it. Won’t hope. All Sam and Steve had to go off of were old photos… Who knew what they’d done to you… Natasha ran faster than she ever had in her entire life. The slightest chance that you could be alive was all it took to drive her forward.

Honey. That’s all she wanted to hear in your rich accent. “Please,” she breathes out to anything that would hear her as she sprints down the hall toward where the guys waited. “Please give me her.”

“Where!?” They’re standing before a glass wall and part as if on cue.

The figure slumped on the floor beyond the glass isn’t the woman she remembers. There are bones where once ample curves had been, supple skin replaced with dull bruised flesh, thick hair traded for thin scraggly locks, pink lips for cracked grey things. Honestly, she couldn’t even tell if the person in there was alive.

A small sound ekes from Natasha’s mouth before her hand can fly to cover it. Why had she dared to hope?

Clint’s warm hand settles on her back. She doesn’t know when he arrived or how long she’s been staring. “That’s her, Nat…” He says it like she really doesn’t know like you aren’t a part of her very soul. She’d know you… she’d always know you. But were you-

Your head rolls on your shoulders, a groan sounding through unseen speakers. Natasha’s breath stops. -Alive.

“Hey,” your voice is cracked, low, and hoarse but still… it really is you. Clint grabs her hand tight. “How about you pieces of shit bring me some water?”

Still very you. Unable to wait a second longer she rushes to the door. Desperately she tugs at the handle, clearly locked.

“Rogers, a little help?!”

“Are you sure Nat? We don’t know if-”

“If. I know that if you don’t help me open this door I will break your super-powered body in ways you can’t even imagine.” Every word drips with conviction.

Steve holds up his hands in surrender. With a swift tug and a touch of effort, he pries the door open.

Your head rolls in the direction of the door, “About fuckin’ time. Was beginning to think y’all were just gonna-”

Eyes Natasha has missed for far too long fly wide open. Instead of the joy and love, she was hoping to see, terror floods your features.

“No,” your voice is barely a whisper. “God no please, no.” You bury your face in your knees, covering your ears with your hands, “I’ll do anything you want… don’t make me do this, not again, please. No.” Your body trembles, rocking back and forth.

Natasha doesn’t even hear Steve and Clint warn her to hold back as she kneels before you, tugging your hands from your head. Caution a long forgotten skill. This is you. You need her.

“Baby, it’s me. It’s ok. Look at me, feel-”

“Don’t, please don’t.” Your head shakes back and forth, “They lied, whatever they promised you is a lie. You won’t win, just go. Go. I can’t… I-”

“Y/N,” she tilts your chin up. Red rimmed, fearful eyes, gaze at her. “It’s me.”

“No. Leave, they’re gonna make me… just go. Go now. Tell ‘em I’ll do whatever it is, just leave… please… don’t make me do this…”

She shakes her head, “Do what? Baby, I-”

“Go!” You roar. Behind the word is something else. A force so strong it knocks the wind from Natasha’s chest. “Get out!”

She can’t breathe, her heart begins to trip over itself. Panic, terror, pain, all combine making her brain misfire in every direction. A low keening rises from you, with the sound the emotions become more and more pronounced. Natasha can’t even reach her concern for you anymore, there’s only this, this inescapable feeling of pure fear. Curling into a ball she tries to focus.

Slowly you rise, looking down at her. When her eyes meet yours she’s struck by how black they are, the pupils so huge they seem to take up more space than your irises ever did. They look… inhuman. For a second it quells the suffocating fear.

“Please…” Desperately Natasha reaches up for you, silently begging you to know her, all of her, in that way only you can. Instead, your hand slowly lowers, aimed for her head.

This is fine, Nat thinks, eyes closing. Strangely, she’s at peace with the thought that if she died here, by your hand, at least then you’d feel her, know she came for you even if she was too late.

The distinct crackling of electricity followed by a thud beside her meets her ears. Breath begins to fill her chest as her heart slows. Something happened to you… A new sense of panic breaks her from the stupor she’d fallen into.

You’re unconscious, one of Clint’s shock arrows stuck to your back. Vaguely, Natasha is aware of the shuffling feet near the door. Someone grabs her shoulders. Logically, she knows they’re helping her up but she isn’t operating on logic. Without thought, she blindly lunges at this faceless person. Flesh contacting flesh with an effective smack.  

Ignoring everything and everyone else she crawls to you ripping the arrow off your limp body tugging you into her arms. With every ounce of strength, she has she clutches your back to her chest. Your head lolls on her shoulder as she presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I’ve got you,” Natasha whispers against your skin. “I’ve got you. It’s ok. It’s gonna be ok. You’re gonna be ok, baby.” Tears burn the backs of her eyes, pricking like a thousand needles. She refuses to allow them to fall. Tears won’t help you.

“Nat?” Clint’s voice is level like he’s speaking to one of the kids. “Nat, we need to get her some help. Will you let us do that?”

Clarity dawns. Her eyes scan the room to find Steve rubbing his neck. It was Steve who she’d lashed out at. “St… Steve?”

“I’m ok,” his smile is weak but he’s sincere. “Will you let me carry her?”

The thought of letting you go… but Clint was right. Your skin feels clammy, your breath shallow… scarily so… Natasha nods and he cautiously approaches, not wanting another fist to the throat.

Steve lifts you from her arms like you weigh nothing. Despite his bulk, he’s so gentle, ensuring you’re supported properly. Clint and Sam flank her, making sure she’s steady on her feet before trekking to the jet.

Immediately Sam begins hooking you up to oxygen and a saline drip. He says something about your oxygen levels and heart rate that doesn’t sink in. All Natasha can do is stare at you, horrified and amazed in equal measure that somehow you’re back with her. Somehow after all these years, she has you again.

-

“This isn’t fucking necessary, Tony!” Natasha shakes with rage.

“I think all present parties would disagree.”

Her eyes desperately scan the room for backup but even Clint averts his gaze.

“I don’t know if you blacked out back there but all of us damn near flipped shit when your girl in there did. She’s a bomb and we have no idea what the trip wire is. Until we know exactly what’s going on we need to control the environment she’s in.” Tony collapses in a chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t like it either, Nat but he’s right. We have to play it safe. For her sake as much as ours.” Clint looks so tired…

She shakes her head, “She… she won’t know she’s safe… that-” I’m here… Natasha can’t finish the statement though because she knows that’s part of the point. Seeing her had set you off.

“We’re gonna have to keep her partially sedated for at least a few days anyway, Nat.” Sam offers a half smile when she glares at him. “The withdraws from whatever they had her on will be rough, it’d be cruel to keep her fully conscious while she goes through the first part of them. She’ll come to slowly so the change doesn’t shock her.”

She knows Sam’s right. They’d had you on some sick mix of heroin and other chemicals for longer than they knew. It was the perfect combination to keep you desperate and pliable without harming your mind, leaving you an effective weapon for them.

But when she looks at your unconscious form through the view screen she just wants to hold you. Truly it feels as though her whole body is aching to wrap around yours. She wants to be the first thing you see when you wake up but… they took that from you both.

Sam wraps an arm around her shoulders, “I’ll make sure she knows she’s safe, Natasha. Promise.”

-

Post Snap

The rain had slowed but that only meant that cold could settle in. That kind of cold that makes your insides ache.

You can’t bring yourself to move, all you can do is focus on the pain and what it reminded you of…

November 2014

Your whole body throbbed with pain. A deep, aching, hungry kind of pain. It was familiar but you weren’t certain of it until your stomach clenched.

Without ceremony, you lean over the side of the bed and heave, nothing but bile burning up your dry throat.

After you refused to kill the woman they sent you should have known they’d do this. It never took very long for withdrawal to set in and the last time it had been enough to break you… They’d send her in soon enough… And Natasha’s face or not you were fairly certain you’d end her life if it meant stopping the pain.

Anyway, it wasn’t Natasha… Hell, sometimes you wondered if there ever was a Natasha. Maybe your brain, in hopes of surviving, crafted some fantasy to comfort you…

You heave again, abdominal muscles screaming from the effort. “Fuck,” you groan, wiping your cracked lips on your arm.

It’s not until you collapse back into the bed that you realize you’re in a different cell, and this bed… well, it’s possibly the most comfortable thing you’ve felt in years. Interesting tactic for them to take.

The door opens cautiously. A dry laugh tumbles from you. Even if you wanted to attack whoever was on the other side you don’t have it in you. It’s strange though, caution isn’t usually their style.

Slowly a man with a kind smile comes into focus, a tray in his hands. He’s not in uniform, just plain street clothes. Your head cocks to the side, trying to put these pieces in place.

“Hey, thought you may want something on your stomach. Better than heaving up nothing.”

You say nothing, eyes narrowing. Focus, Y/N. Read him, come on. But your brain isn’t in the mood to obey you.

As he approaches, instinctively you curl into yourself. Thoughts of other men, other cells, flash rapidly through your mind setting your heart to thundering. The familiar feeling of your chest splitting open begins but you fight to maintain control. If they thought you attacked him…

The man clears his throat shaking his head a bit as if to fend off a fly. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Slowly he sets the tray of food at the end of the bed. “You can tell if I’m lying right?”

He extends a hand just close enough for you to reach. For a long moment, you just stare at it, confused, trying to work out what the trap here is. It’s always something there’s always something. But maybe if you played along they’d give you want you needed to make the aching stop. Fuck, you just want it to stop.

Hesitantly you let your fingers graze the back of his hand.

Quick as though you touched a hot stove you withdraw. Bad idea. You couldn’t control it. So many images tumble in your mind. Faces, names, voices. A small sound comes from you as your hands grasp your head, trying to keep it from flying apart.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Are you ok? Can you open your eyes?” Sam, his name was Sam, is kneeling beside the bed looking up at you with earnest eyes.

Slowly things come back into focus and you know one thing for certain. He’s not lying to you. This Sam, whoever he may be, does want to help you. You don’t trust him, he could be being used, but it’s been a long time since someone was near you that didn’t mean you harm.

“I… it was too much at once…” Your body relaxes a touch, “Thank you, Sam.”

There’s that familiar flash of surprise before he responds, “Wanna tell me your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Good to meet you,” his smile is true. “Think you can eat something?” Blankly you stare at the trey, the thought of eating making your abdomen clench. “If you can eat a bit I can give you something that’ll help with the pain.”

Saltine crackers had never looked so appealing and horrifying all at once. Taking a deep breath you scoot down the bed and pick one up with a shaky hand.

The salt explodes on your tongue as though it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted. Your stomach growls demanding more. In an instant you’re reaching for another cracker.

“Take it slow,” Sam smiles brightly as he pulls up a chair close enough to be personable but not uncomfortable. “If you’re feeling hungry that’s a good sign. Means your system is getting closer to being clear.”

“What’d they have me on?” You ask before taking a deep drink of water.

A muscle in his jaw ticks, “It was a cocktail. An addictive one.”

You didn’t really need the details, nor did you want them in all honesty. Knowing wouldn’t change anything. One thing you did want to know…

“Where am I?”

Sam holds your gaze, clearly weighing his response carefully. “Somewhere safe.”

“That’s a shit answer.” Your hands shake as you sip the oversized mug of broth. It’s hot and stings your chapped lips a bit but you nearly groan from the taste.

“True.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’re in New York. With people who want to help you. Can that be enough for now?” His sincerity hits you, a warm wave of emotion, unlike anything you’ve felt in so long.

You’re too tired to fight, “For now.” The half-empty mug clatters to the trey as it slips from your hands. Mindlessly you itch at your arms, every nerve feels like it’s tingling, almost enough to drive you crazy.

Sam stands, crossing the room. Your eyes follow him as he places his thumb on a pad causing a small door to open. “This will help that.” He holds up a vile and syringe.

Fear chills your over-warm body instantly. However, your eyes light on your arms, scratch marks red and irritated, and despite the food, everything still hurts… badly. Plus, who gave a fuck what you wanted. He may be kind but you were still in a cell, still a prisoner.

Habitually you hold your arms out. With a gentle touch, he grips your wrist, locating a non-ruined vein and injects whatever new concoction these helpful people have for you.

As it works its way through your blood the aching does quiet some, your nerves stop their incessant tingling. A deep sigh escapes you. Whatever it was it felt good. You’re not sure if it’s the drugs, the food, or just soul-deep exhaustion but your eyes flutter and you sway.

“Here,” Sam grips your shoulders, guiding you to the plush pillows. Suddenly you see a flash from him.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“For what?” Through your half-lidded eyes, you see his confused expression and feel just a touch of fear.

“Your friend. Riley. I’m sorry.”

He looks away, clearing his throat. “Thanks.” When he looks back his eyes are glassy, “Get some rest, Y/N. I’ll check back in on you soon.”

-

It had been six… no seven days… They blurred together into one purgatorial haze.

Natasha hadn’t left the observation room off your cell the entire time. Sleeping on a cot next to the viewscreen just to feel closer to you… when she slept that was. But after Sam had assured her that his exchange with you earlier was an excellent sign she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes open. That little touch of relief better than any sleeping pill.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out but a sudden cry instantly pulls her from sleep.

You’re still in the bed, very much unconscious, but… You’re thrashing, so much so it’s hard to tell if you’re not seizing. The only thing convincing her that you’re in the grips of a terrible dream is the cries of terror filling her ears. Then…

“Natasha!” Your desperation and pain feel like a bullet straight through her heart. A red light flashes in the observation room, the others are coming, she has to get in there now before anyone can stop her.

“Natasha! Don’t!”Clint’s voice barely hits her ears as the door to your cell slams shut behind her.

For a moment she can’t breathe or move. The air of your cell is thick, swamp-like with your emotions. Taking a deep breath she gathers herself.

With effort, she focuses on every good memory she has of you, every happy moment, every safe tender night and… love. She pulls that core emotion around her like a cloak hoping it will somehow reach you.

“Get out of there, Natasha!” Tony’s voice is harsh through the speaker. She ignores him, almost to you.

A scream accompanied with a wave of abject terror and images of a lab almost send her to her knees. She doesn’t falter though, tears stream down her cheeks, her body shakes but still, she moves toward your thrashing form.

Slowly she lowers herself onto the edge of the bed, laying on her side. Her arms wrap around you, pinning your arms. Her legs do the same around yours holding you steady.

“No!” You screech as your head flings back. She barely avoids the hit.

She’s not feeling the fear you’re pumping out though, not anymore. All she feels is relief. It springs from some part of her she had forgotten about. You’re in her arms, the ache she’s felt for years quieting.

“Y/N, you’re dreaming baby.”

“Natasha, no!” You sob as an image of her own bloody body slams into her. She just holds you tighter.

“That’s not me. I’m right here. I’ve got you, Y/N.” She feels a shift in your body. “Do you hear me? Focus on my voice baby… Come back to me, Y/N… please.”

You gasp, “N… Natasha…”

“That’s right.” You’re no longer thrashing so she slides her hands to grasp yours. “It’s me.” Natasha keeps her mind focused on all those good memories that got her from the door to the bed. Focused on the love she feels for you.

A thick sob bubbles from you causing your torso to shake. You try to turn in her arms and panic grips her, remembering your reaction in the base.

“Keep your eyes closed ok? Can you do that for me?”

You nod and she helps you turn to face her. You’re so gaunt, so clearly battered, but somehow still so fucking beautiful to her.

A trembling hand releases hers rising to find her face. Natasha hears the speaker click, but her free hand shoots up, signaling them to shut up. Your fingers lay gently on her cheekbone, from there they slowly trace her features stopping on her lips.

In a movement as natural to the both of you as breathing you pull one another even closer, your lips fitting together perfectly.

Natasha nearly cries out with joy at that long forgotten warm feeling of love that always flowed form you when your lips met hers. It was thick and golden like-

“Honey.”

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree​ @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade​ @5aftermidnight @jeromethepsycho @marvel-randomness @daniellajocelyn @katecolleen​ @yanginginthere​ @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2 @alphalesbianwolf @sxph-t @marvelb00kwolf​ @itsqueenofchains @demonlover87​ @firegoblet01​

[fallen-imagine-angel]

A New Beginning

Notes: So, this is a bit different from my usual! This is not a reader insert and is just my take on Peter meeting Morgan for the first time. As always, my asks/DMs/submit box/tag list is always open so feel free to drop in anytime. 

Summary: Peter meets Morgan for the first time.

A New Beginning

Requested?: Yes, @missjockey101 : “Peter meeting Morgan properly?”

Word Count: 1,238

Warnings: ENDGAME SPOILERS!! so don’t read if u haven’t watched it. Also, it’s very fluffy with a bit of angst sprinkled in.

There’s a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it, Aunt May.” Peter opens up the door, a quizzical expression on his face.

“Peter Parker.” Pepper smiles sadly.

“Oh-- Peter, who is this?” May walks in, smiling at the new stranger at the door.

“Hi, I’m Pepper. I...was Tony’s wife. I’m here to talk to Peter and to formally invite the two of you to Tony’s...um, Tony’s funeral.” Pepper stumbles on the last word, not wanting to bring light to the tragedy that plagued them not too long ago.

“Right. Come on in, do you want some coffee?” May gestures for Peter to open the door to let Pepper in.

“That would be great, thanks.” Pepper sits down on the couch. Peter quietly sits across from her, playing with his fingers in his lap.

“So...is the funeral the only reason you came?” He strains, trying to keep from crying again. He had shed so many tears on the man already, and he wanted to stay strong in front of his widowed wife.

“No, actually. I came here because you and Tony were very close. After the snap, he told me that you were the son he never had. He was truly devastated, and you were the main reason he tried to reverse the events of the snap. He wanted you back, Peter Parker. So, that being said...I needed to let you know that you have a sister.” The corners of Pepper’s mouth slightly turn up. Peter’s head shoots up, shock covering his face.

“I-I have a sister? Where is she-- can I see her?” He breathes out quickly, standing up and grabbing his coat. May walks in with three cups of coffee and sits down.

“What’s going on?” May looks lost.

“If it’s alright with you, Ms. Parker, I’d like to take Peter to the Avengers Compound to meet Tony and I’s daughter.” Pepper takes a cup of coffee and quickly downs the entire thing. She’s quite tired, after all.

“Yeah, that’s absolutely fine. Tell me when you’re on your way home, okay, Pete?” May smiles and ruffles Peter’s hair, setting the cup of coffee in his hand. He smiles widely and hugs May, thankful for everything she’s done since he got back.

“Thank you.” He whispers and lets go of her, running out of the door as Pepper follows behind.

“We’ll be back in a bit.” Pepper smiles and closes the door behind her.

Pulling up to the Avengers Compound, Peter is beyond jittery.

“Will she like me?” He asks suddenly, worry etching into his features.

“She’ll love you, Peter. I know it.” Pepper sets a calming hand onto his shoulder. He slowly calms down.

“We’re here.” Happy turns around and gives the two of them a small smile.

“Thanks, Happy.” Pepper and Peter say in unison. As soon as the car stops, Peter jumps out and runs to the door.

“Peter!” Shuri rushes to Peter and hugs him tightly.

“Shuri!” Peter grins, hugging her back. The two teens pull away and give each other sad but reassuring smiles.

“Hey, Shuri, do you know where Morgan is? Peter is here to see her.” Pepper walks up to the two of them.

“She’s in the living room area, watching some TV.” Shuri smiles and wishes the two well before walking back to her brother, punching him lightly in the arm.

Pepper leads Peter to the living room area. He stops as soon as he sees the small figure on the couch looking up at a large TV screen. Pepper stops next to him, giving him a small glance.

“Mommy?” Morgan turns around upon hearing the footsteps, seeing her mom and a random boy. She ducks behind the couch cushion when she sees Peter, only shyly peeking her eyes above the cushion after a few seconds.

“Hey, Morgan. This is your big brother.” Pepper introduces Peter to the young girl.

“Hi, I’m Peter.” He can’t help but let a few tears roll down his cheeks as he smiles at her. She’s a striking image of Tony.

“How come I didn’t see you before?” Morgan looks at Peter with skepticism and curiosity.

“He was one of the people that got erased before daddy defeated the bad guy. Remember, I told you about them?” Pepper explains.

“Oh. Yeah.” Morgan nods her head slowly, coming up from behind the couch cushion fully.

“I’ll leave you two to talk for a little bit.” Pepper smiles and leaves the room. Peter slowly walks to the couch and sits down next to Morgan.

“So you’re my big brother?” She tilts her head to the side, eyes shining with intelligence.

She’s definitely Tony’s daughter, Peter thinks.

“Yeah, yeah I am.” He smiles. In the blink of an eye, Morgan is hugging Peter tightly.

“I’ve never had a big brother before!” She laughs, finally showing a smile. Peter smiles back, one of the first smiles he’s shown that hasn’t been out of sadness.

“Well, I’m here now.” He ruffles her hair slightly as she pulls away from the hug.

“Do you want to watch TV with me?” She gasps, handing him the remote. He nods.

“I’d love to.” He browses the channels with Morgan as the two continue to talk. And for once since Tony’s death, he’s found peace.

“Pepper?” Peter asks on the way back to his apartment.

“Yes?” She hums, looking up from her screen to look Peter in the eyes. He glances down slightly to see that she was looking at an old photo of her, Tony, and Morgan together.

“Why did you introduce me to Morgan as her big brother when I’m not?” He asks.

“Because she just lost her father and she needs a big brother to look up to now. Plus, as she grows up she’ll realize that you’re not related by blood but by relation and it won’t make a difference after she’s grown up with you. plus...I was hoping that, if it’s okay with May, the two of you could stay here, in the compound, with the rest of us? We could use Spider-Man around here.” Pepper proposes, raising an eyebrow.

“If May says yes, then I’m in.”

Five years later

“Peter!” Morgan launches herself onto her big brother. By this point, she knew he wasn’t actually her big brother, but she didn’t care. He pretty much was.

“Hey, Morgan. Have you seen May?” Peter laughs and twirls her around.

“She’s in her room. I set up heroes for us to play whenever you’re ready, though.” Morgan grins as Peter sets her down on the ground.

“Yeah, of course, I’ll be there in a second.” Peter ruffles her hair and she runs to her room to wait to play with Peter.

“Peter?” May rounds the corner, a smile playing on her lips.

“Hey, Aunt May.” Peter hugs her.

“How was the mission?”

“Good. Tiring, but good. Shuri completely disoriented the guy by the time I could get him with my webs.” 

“I’m glad you’re back safe. Pepper is making dinner as a good job for the team, so I’ll call you and Morgan down when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, May.” Peter starts to walk toward Morgan’s room.

“Oh, and Peter?” May calls out. Peter turns around.

“Yeah?”

“Tony would be proud of you.”

“Thank you.” A soft smile appears on Peter’s face. Things are okay now, and they’re going to stay okay as long as Peter has any say in it.

[bewaretheundead91]

Put That Phone Down

Audrey Jensen X Y/N

A/N: It’s a little cheesy, but I hope you enjoy. I’ve been having a hard time getting myself to write lately and I apologize. This is a little fluffy and cheesy. This fic is basically about Audrey and her girlfriend hanging out. I apologize if the writing is a bit weird. Idk. I didn’t want to post this, but it’s done. have a good night.

Music that inspired this update: Lost Kings - Phone Down ft. Emily Warren

You sat on the edge of Audrey’s bed with your phone in hand, everyone had become more obsessed with their phones over the year, more than the usual and with good reason. Mainly since your friends were getting anonymous texts that usually lead to a death of another friend or information about it. In anxiety you kept your phone above a 50% charge at all times just in case you were to receive another text or a call from a distressed friend. Today after school you were spending time with your girlfriend, it was a friday and plans were up in the air. Audrey was moving around in the background. The room suddenly gets dark as she slides the curtains close over the large windows that exposed most of her room to the world. Little slithers of light sprinkle through out the room. You lazily plop down on to the bed and hold your phone up to eye and start to scroll through the usual social media pages. Brooke had posted another selfie with perfect makeup, Stavo another drawing, Emma had posted a photo of a leaf made with steamed milk in a coffee, and Noah had posted a photo of a horror movie poster that had just been added to the side of the theatre Audrey worked at. They all seem to be distracted from what was happening in town, but there you were anxious for more of it, more signs, more ways to solve who the killer was.

Audrey unlaces her boots and takes them off and kicks them to the side. She walks over to her dresser and pulls out an of cut off muscle tank top and sport bra to change into for comfort. She looks over her shoulder at you and shakes her head. The fact that her girlfriend was lying on her bed scrolling through her phone was annoying her. “Are you seriously still on your phone?” Audrey asks, but you are barely paying attention. The next social media outlet was up, what videos had everyone posted? “When I actually have my girlfriend all to myself, she is on her phone. Hey Y/N!” You scroll through short videos peers and friends had posted and didn’t really feel like watching them. Had anyone posted anything on the recent murder to the BookFace? What were people saying about your friends? Lately you were on edge and needed to be up to date about what people were saying, you had to comment back to anyone spreading lies. Audrey sighs loudly, she pulls her black t-shirt off of and throws it across the room, toward your direction and then places her hands on her hips. She was just standing in her bra and jeans, body facing you. You don’t look up, not even the shirt tossed across the room got your attention, you were still fully immersed in whatever you were looking at on your phone. “The Brandon James killer isn’t going to text you, Y/N,”  Audrey grunts, then looks down at herself still half dressed. She sighs loudly. “Really? Y/N? I’m almost naked here and my dad isn’t home. Noah isn’t calling me and Emma is happily at work. Brooke is out with Stavo tonight.” “Audrey did you see the new drawing Stavo posted earlier? The graphic novel is really coming along,” You say finally speaking, but not hearing what she had just said. “I still don’t know about it though, It seems like a bad idea. They can’t just use everyone’s pain for profit.” “Yeah I saw it,” Audrey says placing her hands into her hair and glaring at her girlfriend who still didn't have any interest. “Can you put your phone down. What so important?”   “Give me a second I’m texting Brooke about meeting up tomorrow,” You say lying. “She wants me to help her pick out a dress for some fancy dinner Stavo wants to take her on.” “Fancy dinner huh?” Audrey says throwing her arms up trying to catch your attention. “Something I can’t even take my girlfriend on. Mainly because she’s too busy on her phone.” Audrey unclasps her bra she throws it to the ground and crosses her arms over her chest. The girl on the bed still didn’t look away from her phone. The short hair girl clears her throat loudly trying to break up the quiet room, minus the small tick sounds coming from your phone produced out of typing a text. Audrey turns around and pulls on a sports bra and then the tank top. She rolls her eyes at the missed opportunity of being intimate with her girlfriend. Next she unbuttoned her black jeans and pulls them down exposing the boxer like underwear she wore beneath it them. The ones you liked, that rested on her hips so nicely. She yanks the tight jeans off her ankles, balls them up, and tosses it to where she had thrown her shirt. She stood there in her underwear. “So are you more into your phone than your girlfriend?” Audrey says walking over towards the bed. She gazes down at the girl who’s phone screen had illuminated her face with a blue glow. It was a harsh glow. “No,” You say casually and then press your lips together tightly. “I love my girlfriend.” Audrey snatches your ankles and pulls you down toward her quickly. A loud shriek escapes from your mouth. Your legs dangle off the side of the bed and she leans forward pressing a hand on both sides of your body with a glare on her face. “Still finding that phone more interesting?” Quickly she snatches the phone and gently tosses it to the other side of the bed near her pillows. “Not anymore!” “Audrey come on!” You shout trying to reach for your phone. “I was in the middle of something…” “Like I said earlier, my dad is not home and all of our friends are busy and all I wanted you to do was to put that damn phone down. I was even half naked a minute ago,” Audrey’s face heats up and curves into a smirk. “But you were waiting for a DM or a text from the ghost face killer…” “Half naked?” You tilt your head looking up at your girlfriend. It definitely had been a while since the two of you had been intimate. Circumstances never gave you and Audrey the chance to really be alone until now. How could you have missed that? “I wasn’t waiting for a text…I was distracted by the usual social media sites that everyone is on.” “Sure you were,” Audrey says. “I would like to say we are pretty safe at the moment and we haven’t received a text or contact in how many days? It’s been a while.” Audrey slips between your legs and rests against the bed, you wrap your legs around her hips to pull her closer. She peers down at you biting on her lower lip. “Want to get naked again?” You ask goofily and started to laugh. “As romantic and cute as that was, I don’t know, I think I want to check my phone. I just remembered Emma sent me a text and I never got back to her,” Audrey hops out of your grasp and stands up. You furrow your brow and sit up onto your elbows getting angry, even though you knew there was no competition between you and Emma there was still a tinge of jealousy present surrounding Emma and Audrey’s situation. Audrey smiles and jumps back on her bed and on top of you.  Her hands find your side and start to tickle you. “I think the text can wait.” “Audrey stop!” You laugh turning onto your side. “Oh my gosh!” Audrey’s face lights up with the reaction she was getting. It made her happy to see you happy. Then the mood changed, Audrey’s lips press against yours and you open your legs so Audrey could rest on top of you comfortably. Her hands bring your legs around her waist pressing you firmly against her and your hands fumble to the exposed skin at her sides from the tank top. She deepens the kiss, moving her head to the side and timidly slipping her tongue in. You break away to gently suck on her bottom lip. She moves her hands up to the edge of your sweatshirt. “You’ve got to be burning up in this thing.” Audrey says catching her breath and looking down at the oversize sweatshirt you were wearing. “It is a bit warm in here,” You say sitting up and trying to pull it off. You grab at the thick fabric and start trying to get you arm’s out of the sleeves. Your girlfriend starts to chuckle watching you struggle. It would have been cute if it was for a different situation, but you were trying to be smooth. You get one arm and Audrey starts to finally help you with pulling the other arm out. The both of you pull it off of her head exposing the lacy bralette underneath. “I wish that would have been a bit sexier…I could just die of embarrassment.” “You look sexy with that messy hair,” Audrey whispered. She closes in and presses her lips to yours, then speaks again. “Very sexy.” “Oh yeah?” You run a hand through her short hair messing hers up. “Yes.” She whispers. Audrey leans in presses her lips to your neck, she trails kisses down to your collar bone, you rest your head back enjoying the sensation of your girlfriend being so close. She trails them between the open space of your bralette slowly making her way down  the center of your chest. Her phone starts to ring interrupting the two of you, making her try harder to keeping your attention. Your girlfriend rolls over on the bed flipping the position where you were on top of her locked between her legs. Her arms wrap around you pulling you close and keeping you there. “I wish to have you this close always.” She whispered. Audrey wasn’t a romantic, but romantic phrases fell from her mouth from time to time, reminding you that she wanted you and needed you. Circumstances made your girlfriend worry and you worried too, any member of the Lakewood 6, would worry. “If I could, I would, babe,” You say smiling down at her, you press light kisses  on her forehead and cheeks. There were tears of anxiety forming in the corner of your eye. “I’m not going anywhere.” “Don’t say that,” Audrey turns her head to the side and stares at your phone near by. “You can’t know, not with this anonymous ass on the loose killing our friends off.” “Like you said,” You press your lips to her cheek. “We shouldn’t get too caught up in this, I’m going to stop being obsessive with my phone, okay, I wont think about the ghost face killer.” “I just want time with you where we aren’t worrying about what could happen,” A tear trails out from the corner of her eye. And it was rare for Audrey to cry. “What could happen to you, Emma, or Noah. I don’t like being obsessed with the possibility of being contacted by the killer.” “Hey,” You said gently. “Then let’s not think about it okay, for now it doesn’t exist. Not while we have this free time to ourselves. We can sleep, we can kiss, we can do more than just kiss, or just breath, but just stay close to me.” Audrey faces you again, she rises up onto her elbows and presses her lips to yours. Then her shirt was off and she was in her sports bra, your shoes are kicked off, and pants shoved to the floor. You could smell her skin and feel it against yours, causing chills to constantly grow and disappear. Her hands were in your hair and legs tangled with yours. You lie on your back breathing hard, with your head resting against one of Audrey’s pillow with your girlfriend sprinkling light kisses across your stomach and around your hip bone. Interrupting the silence your phone rings making you jump. “Ignore it,” Audrey’s voice was a whisper against your skin. “Just this once.” You ignore it and stretch your arms down toward your girlfriend and pull her back  up toward you. You quickly kiss her placing your hands in her wild hair, her lips were swollen from kissing too roughly. The phone stops ringing and the kisses transition into something wild and passionate with Audrey’s hands sliding around your back and gripping at your shoulders. She trails kisses from the corner of your mouth down toward your jawline and finds the small little sweet spot located right beneath your right ear that gets you every time. Suddenly your phone starts to ring again and you quickly grab for it. Audrey nips at your neck and breath hitches at your throat before you get the chance to say hello. Her hands begin to trail down toward your hip. Audrey was doing everything she could to distract you. “Don’t answer it,” Audrey begged. “Our time remember.” “They called twice so it might be important.” A devilish look spreads across Audrey’s face as you slide your phone up to answer the call. Her hands trail down lower. “Hello?” You ask breathily. “Hey Y/N,” It was Emma. “Are you with Audrey?” “Yeah,” You answer as casually as you could, then turn away from the phone in reaction to what Audrey was doing. “She’s here.” “I need you guys to come by the cafe, it’s important. I called Audrey’s phone, but she didn’t answer. I’m going to call Brooke and Stavo. You guys can get ahold of Noah right?” “Yeah,” you say tilting your head back. Audrey’s mouth was on your stomach again. You glare at her. “Stop it Audrey!” “Is everything okay?” Emma asks. “What is Audrey doing?” “Yeah,”  You say furrowing your brows. “She’s fine, more than fine.” Audrey sits up and snatches the phone away. “What’s up Em?” Audrey asks irritated. “You’re catching us at a bad time, we…” “Oh god…” Emma starts to sound flustered. “I’m sorry…I just need you guys to get to the cafe as soon as possible. A body has been found.” “We’ll be there Em.” Audrey hangs up the phone and runs a hand through her wild hair. “So what is it?” You say getting off the bed. Quickly you pull on your undergarments and a pair of jeans. “What did Emma want?” “They’ve found a body,” Audrey gets out of her bed and starts getting dressed. “I knew this couldn’t last long, they want us to be miserable and I just wanted your attention this night.” “Hey now,” You say pulling on your sweatshirt and then walking over to your girlfriend. “I’m still here, we still have our time together, another body has been found yes, but it wasn’t one of us as sickening and sad as that sounds. We’re still alive.” “I just want to be normal, I want to spend time with my girlfriend and things to be normal, how much do I have to beg for this,” Audrey asks. You wrap your arms around her and pull her in close. “This isn’t living.” “But we are still alive,” You smile hiding the fact that you were terrified. You pull her in tight and breath in deeply. The scent of her skin was always a comfort for you. “Let’s go, but one thing, you’ve got to stop giving and start receiving.” “What do you mean?” Audrey was confused, she grabbed her car keys. “I know you were trying to keep me distracted just now by giving so much,” You say. “I’m grateful and it was amazing, but come on dude let me give.” “Okay,” Her face moves into an embarrassed expression. “I’ll start…receiving…just stay off your phone will you?” “Will do babe.” You bring her close and give her a peck on the cheek.

[pinkfatprincess]

Mistress part 1

I think it’s time to share my experience in my blog. I don’t have much followers anyway so I know it’s safe and the people involved in my story don’t have names.

This will end as another entry which I will laugh about in about a year or so (or sooner please!).

 So let me tell you about how I ended up where I am now and how I plan to get out of this situation.

 Let me take you back on my 33rd Birthday. Last year when I turned 33, I’ve accepted the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life. I planned to take a sperm donor ( I have a list of friends who offered so I know I will have a good selection of donors). I enjoyed being single, I worked hard, got that promotion and became a Second Vice President in our office in 2 years of being with the company. I’d like to think that at my age, it’s quite an achievement, especially in our company where most of the people with the same rank are aged 35 up. I have a hobby, I cook and bake. I have a few friends who I treasure and of course a family that loves me dearly. In short – I am contented and happy.

 I’ve always been a sheltered person, my hobbies include reading books, watching movies, baking, cooking, shopping and I avoid outdoors at all cost. However, my team wanted to try scuba diving as our team building activity and they convinced me to go out of my shell and be bold! I fear the water, I am scared of boats. I liked the ferry ride in London and Japan because I still see the land and it was a river. Open sea scares me to death though because I don’t know how to swim and I can think of a lot of ways that the boat ride will go wrong. Anyway, after a lot of convincing they managed to inspire me to be adventurous and try outdoors. On that day I saw a picture of one of my college friends where he was free diving. The last time we saw each other was in 2003?? 15 years ago but he added me as friend on FB and he’s been an avid liker of my pictures. Since he was a college friend, I did not have any malice and sent him a DM to check where he free dived. He was very enthusiastic with his reply and I remained casual. The following day, he tagged me on some of the free diving courses available in anilao. He sent me private messages and had a little chat. I remember him briefly saying “Try mo Maam, maaadik ka. Para may maaya din ako next time” and to be honest I didn’t mind that offer because we don’t know each other well. He greeted me on New year’s day and we got to chat a bit. Then he started commenting on my photos and liking every single one of it. I know he is making papansin and I ignored. But then again a friend of mine said, try and flirt. Who knows he’s your match. So I tried to be nice, replied to all of his messages, he flirted a bit and reciprocated and he said he wanted to invite me once he is back in Manila (he works in a ship). I did my research, checked if he is married or in a relationship and didn’t see any trace at all. So I said – YOLO timmy! Flirt away!

 He started to get sweet, told me he was happy we reconnected. He should have met me earlier so we would have been happy sooner. He invited me to go to the beach when he return so I thought he was asking me out. Since I had a beach trip coming up with friends to Surf – I extended the offer to him and boom – he accepted. He was so excited, can’t stop talking about it for days. He was upset that his flight got delayed and he almost did not make it. He kept on updating me of his whereabouts, what he was eating, sending photos of his auntie and what he has been doing while waiting for boarding. He arrived on Feb 28 around 10 pm. His family picked him up and dropped him at a motel near Pasig. I was asleep at that time because we are due to leave 3AM on March 1 and when I woke up I saw a couple of texts and missed calls asking if we are pushing through. I said yes and picked him up and he met my friends. It was the biggest effort a man has made for me. Imagine – he was away for 6 months and instead of meeting his family he went on a beach trip with me and my friends. Needless to say, that weekend started everything. He was so sweet, so thoughtful, he treated me like a princess, a gentleman and fun to be with. We talked about a lot of things and I asked him directly if he is married or if he is dating someone. He said NO without batting an eyelash. So I said – that’s good looks like this is the one.

 After Baler, we went on a date to Tagaytay. We spent the whole day together. We had lunch, coffee, movie and we talked for hours I wished for the day not to end. We made the most out of the day as I was leaving for Bangalore that Saturday. You know what’s funny? I liked how he wasn’t using his phone at all the whole day. Not a single glance on his phone. He even left it on my car (he owns a car but it’s at home so I drive for him) and did not text at all. One of the reasons why I liked him – he is not on his phone and I know I have his undivided attention. At the end of the day, we held hands and I know we have a mutual understanding.

 I was in Bangalore for two weeks, he’s been good in texting me, telling me his whereabouts and reported everything. Another thing I liked about him – because I didn’t have to ask. He tells me everything and sends me pictures of what he is eating and where he is going, Trust me when I say that he earned my trust big time. Last Friday that I was in Bangalore he was so fuzzy and I think he is drunk. He wanted to tell me something so I said it can wait when I return to Manila. He arranged for a date that Monday. March 26.

 That day, he picked me up from work. We had dinner and went to Estancia to have coffee. We talked for hours until 1 am and in the parking lot, we stayed in my car to talk. Then he confessed something. He said he is married. He said they are processing the annulment and he left her in 2015 because she cheated, she is manipulative, she is after his money and his house. Imagine the hate I developed for that girl I didn’t know because of how much I trusted his words. He gave me an option to wait til he sorts his annulment or we can try because he is worth it. God, I remember how he said those words. He looked so sincere with tears in his eyes saying all he wanted is to be happy and he is worth it. You know what, I had a little thought why I should go on with it.

 1.       Effort wise – he really have a tremendous amount of effort to woo me

2.       Quality time – he finds time to talk to me

3.       He reports to me wherever he goes and whatever he does

4.       So trustworthy –he is honest

5.       He is family oriented – provides for his family

6.       He sounded like a victim on his last relationship, so broken and fooled by a girl and I thought he deserves all the love he can get

7.       He cares for me, he is thoughtful, gentleman and I feel that he really loves me

 The only downside is he is married but they are not together anymore and annulment as on the way so I thought hey – you both deserve a chance to be happy so I went with it and became a couple. The following day we went to Tagaytay overnight. I don’t want t give you details but boy this man wanted to get me pregnant. I mean so soon? Well he knows how much I wanted to become a mom and so I said why note. He said I love you too and he was the first to say it to I guess I had the power in the relationship?

 I guess I don’t have to say much about our relationship but it was all too good to be true in April and May. He even asked me to live with him and it took me time to decide. I finally agreed to live together by June 28 because I really want to get pregnant. I am not getting any younger. Mind you – we both agreed that this is a secret relationship. My mom didn’t know that I was technically a mistress. It’s funny I hate my father’s mistress and here I am becoming one of them. Needless to say – I defied my logic and forgot my values. Shame on me.

 During the course of our relationships, I learned to adjust and avoid arguments at all cost. I don’t ask where he goes, I don’t pry, I get jealous but I don’t confront because when he is being confronted he gets angry. Should have been a red flag but I was too blind. I don’t ask for his plans, I go with the flow. I give him space even if it means I am miserable. I spend most of the time. He met all my friends. He met my family. When my friends and family asked him if he is a womanizer or if he is married – he can answer them straight without flickering of his eyes and I know this should alarm me but I just let it go.  I tried to be the best GF and not nag. I know I did and He knows that.

 June at Bohol when I started to feel something different. He was on his phone most of the time, he brings his phone inside the CR and he bought extra two shirts (small in size) for his sister despite buying another set a day ahead. While packing, he packed the shirt separately so I asked him why? Before sleeping I asked him if he has someone else. He got angry and flipped on the other side of the bed while I was crying miserably through the night. I know there is someone else. If he lied and tell me there was none – I will believe him. But he did not have the guts to lie so I know there was something.

 I mentioned earlier that he asked me to live together, I am done with the preparations and we are ready to move but he said we will try it for a month, he will stay on weekends and he will move around August. I let is pass. I am miserable on my own at the condo and he never committed to when he will show up. On my birthday, we celebrated with my mom and at home but I feel so empty and I know something is wrong. He went away that week (July 9) and during that week I cannot reach him. He wasn’t telling me where he was. July 12 was the worst. I cannot contact him. I was worried but he texted at night saying he is home. The following day there was no text so I asked what is wrong and he said he feels something different. He feels pressured about me already. When I asked what did I do, he said nothing is wrong. He is the problem and I need to give him time. My heart was broken that day, knowing he is drifting apart and all I did was adjust for him and make sure he doesn’t get mad. The following day he surprised me and came to the unit. Then it’s all forgotten.

 July 27, I was browsing his page when I saw a girl who commented on his picture. It was flirty, I know because I am a girl too. I checked her out and guess what I saw a photo of them together. I was shaking. Let’s call her J because I have to talk to her and I need to have a reference. So I asked what is with them. He said none. He even put the blame on me because I was snooping and he said it’s not good to be jealous. I said it’s not an issue if he was honest on his where abouts. Anyway I know something was up but I let it go. However, I need to protect my self and I started drifting away from him too. Since I want to have a baby, I wanted to get it done sooner. I asked if he wanted too  - he said yes and wanted it to be with me. So I decided to go on IUI – artificial insemination. He had his sperm analyzed and found our he had low sperm concentration. He had a condition called oligozoospermia and this is a fertility problem for men. We were asked to do it at certain days but he was very uncooperative. I said just donate the sperm and I will not hold you accountable on anything. We had the procedure but the collection was really really low. I knew he *ucked another girl before the procedure. It was toooo low if he was abstained for two days. I spent 50k for this procedure including his meds and never asked for a single cent.

 I guess I have to skip the other details but August was a tough month, he was sweet one day and grumpy the next. There are days where he is missing and cannot be reached. I know we are losing it and we are on the brink of a break-up. Then I prayed, I said if the baby will be given then he is for me. If not then I have to let go. Then it happened. I wasn’t pregnant. I got my period. He knows it’s his fault. I have no problems with my reproductive system and the doctor was blunt that his low sperm count is a problem. That Sunday, something pushed me to message a girl who keeps on liking his status. I know he will be mad because he doesn’t like that but that moment, I am prepared to lose him. However, I am prepared to know the truth. The girl said nothing is going on between them. I don’t believe her. Well maybe she is telling the truth but I did not believe her. Funny she thought I was someone else and named a girl. I ignored that because I was told by (my asshole bf) that someone keeps on creating a fake account to ruin his reputation so I ignored all invites and made my profile super private.Oh and I remember, his wife messaged me but I ignored it but had to come clean to my mom in case his wife makes a scene. I told him about it and said don’t entertain anyone because someone is purposely ruining his life and I pity him for a bit. By the way, the reason why I messaged this girl (let’s call her A) is because someone message me calling out all the names of the alleged women of by asshole BF. That’s why I messaged A.

 Anyway, the following day, I felt guilty for reaching out to A and apologized to him. I wanted to talk but he is not replying so I decided to go to the dorm he stays at and talk to him. He said don’t go and I will be wasting my time but I guess it was the best decision in my life. I went to the condo and found out he doesn’t live there. He stayed for a while in April but never for a long time. So I called him and asked where he stays and he just brushed me off. Imagine – I’ve been dropping him off on that condo for almost 5 months. So where does he live??? I decided to go to his hometown in Tanay and drove at night while raining, crying all the way and scared of what I will find out. This was September 3. I saw his brother and he said he isn’t there. And  they have an emergency. His father was hospitalized. The moment I got home to the unit (with my mom there) I decided to message the girl that A mentioned. Let’s call her T.  Little did I know that I will discover the biggest lies in human history and I was so amazed by how deceiving this guy is. I have no words for my discovery.

 ·         T and P have been together since April 2017. She helped pay the lawyer so he can get annulled. He said the say thing – he is married, she was manipulative, she cheated and she was after the money.

·         She pays for almost everything

·         When they fight – it always seems she is at fault

·         He was on MIA from March 1 – 14  this year and that is because we already started dating. That’s why he isn’t using his phone he turned it off not only to earn my trust but to hide from T

·         April 2-9 he was at KL with T and they had a good fuck trying to get her pregnant too. She went to the OB thinking it was her problem. It was only me who had the guts to have him tested

·         During this time, P said he was in Batangas with his sick grandma (rest in peace Lola) and he even texted me saying the chickens are noise. Lying that way – is so sick

·         June when she just stopped talking to the gilr – july when he blocked her. Yes she may be jealous but it’s because P is such a womanizer and a liar

·         We were at Anilao on April 28 – he sent a picture to T saying he was with friends but he was with me

·         May 19 he was also with me at Anilao – he sent the pictures to T and he said he was with his friends