#and i think merrill's smart enough to see their hearts are in the right place. so she appreciates it

[flashhwing]

i hate when characters are written out of character in fics unless it's people making anders and fenris be nice to merrill. i think that's good mischaracterization actually

[elvhenamie]

Reunited - Fenhawke fluff

So myself and the lovely @becauseofthesesouls​ / @unknownjenmun​ have done a bit of Fenhawke fluff, hope you enjoy! After a long day of adventuring, where is the place Hawke wants to be? Well, first, with Fenris, but second, in the Hanged Man with a drink in his hand... Gathered in the familiar dinge and dirt of the Hanged Man, Garret Hawke and his friends howled in laughter around a table of Wicked Grace as Merrill yet again showed complete lack of understanding to Isabela's insistent flirtation against the innocent Elf. Hawke stumbled back from the bar with a round of drinks, and when he sat down, he more fell down, ending up half on Fenris' lap, grinning at the white-haired elf. "Oooooh hello handsome!" Hawke grinned lecherously through slurs. Fenris turned to the other man and put his cards down on the table, turning to Hawke, looking unimpressed.

"You're drunk, Hawke", he pointed out the obvious. "Don't you think you've had had enough for one evening?" he continued, his voice a bit softer as he reached out to stroke the man's hair briefly, forgetting for a brief moment they were not alone. "Absolutely not!" Hawke grinned, "Especially when I'm sitting next to the most handsome man in the room!....Besides me." Hawke grinned widely, taking another deep swig of a drink "You're definitely had enough", Fenris retorted with a small smile and shook his head, taking a sip of his own drink. "I see not even all the alcohol in the bar is enough to diminish your confidence..." "Oh it increases his everything." Aveline replied to the situation distastefully, sipping her drink far more measuredly. "Everything?" Fenris asked and arched his brow, looking at Hawke thoughtfully. "At any rate, I'm out", he suddenly said and revealed his cards. "Oh baby!" Hawke replied, suddenly hugging at Fenris, "I'll win for you." he grinned "My hero..." Fenris retorted dryly, though despite his sarcasm, leaning into the hug. "But even more than victory, I'd appreciate it if you just finished the game quickly. It's a long walk back to Hightown, and I think you need to get into the bed", he muttered more quietly. "Oh come on do you have to always spoil the fun?" Isabela asked, grinning as Hawke leaned on Fenris with a complete lack of subtlety, her eyes dancing mischeviously between the pair, only recently reunited. "The last time Hawke was this drunk, we were attacked by a gang", Fenris pointed out, before leaning to whisper into Hawke's ear. "And who says the only way of having fun is playing Wicked Grace?" Hawke's eyes went wide and he grinned. "On second thoughts....maybe my delicate flower is right...I'm pretty tired...and we all know Varric has won this round." He chuckled, as Fenris narrowed his eyes and took a hold of Hawke's scruff. "Your what?" he asked, his voice dangeously low. "What part of me exactly is delicate?" "Your pretty eeeeyyeeess" Hawke grinned, to which Isabela choked a laugh into her drink. "Definitely drunk", Fenris sighed and finished his drink, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks. "Shall we then?" Hawke just nodded, making puppy dog eyes at Fenris before he stood and sketched the most elaborate bow he could without falling over, although he almost did, leaning heavily on the warrior beside him. "Adieu, Adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow! Later guys!" he grinned. "You'll see them tomorrow, Hawke", Fenris pointed out, though did make his own farwells to the group as well before helping Hawke out of the tavern. "Perhaps I should just drop you on youe uncle's place, that is closer", he said teasingly. "NnnooooOOOOOooooo!" Hawke whined miserably "Why not? Didn't you say you were tired?" Fenris continued to tease Hawke, but then kissed the man's jaw softly. "Mmmm...You don't wanna take me back to Gammy-Wammy's..." Hawke pouted, eyes dramatically widened. "No, I don't", Fenris replied, starting to walk towards the Hightown. "But I do want to get you into a bed." "Oh I'll bet you do." Hawke grinned, to which Fenris quickly rolled his eyes. "To sleep, Hawke", Fenris huffed. "I don't think you'd be up for much more in your current state." "I resent that remark!" Hawke declared as the ascended the stairs out of lowtown to the square, now empty and cool for the time of night. "You won't probably even remember it in the morning..." Fenris muttered, looking around the empty square. "I resent that remark too." he pouted as they went through the streets, nearing both their homes. "I'm sure you do, Hawke", Fenris replied with a small, fond smile. "You should come home with me." Hawke grinned "I will, but only to make sure you actually find your bed", Fenris retorted. "Aww come on....don't be a spoil sport!" Hawke teased, grinning lecherously. "I'm not, I worry about you", Fenris said quietlly. "Oh..." Hawke faltered as they reached the door to his Estate "See? You can barely stand", Fenris sighed, wrapping his arms around Hawke's to support him. Grumbling good naturedly Hawke wrapped his arm over the elf's shoulders as they made their way inside, the Dog making a gentle woof at their return Fenris reached out and petted the dog briefly, hoping the animal would be smart enough not to start barking. He doubted Hawke's neighbours would appreciate that. "Are you able to get upstairs, or should I just leave you on the couch?" Fenris asked. Hawke suddenly looped his arms around Fenris' neck, hugging the man tightly. "I worry about you too..." he mumbled suddenly, and without context. "Why? I didn't drink nearly as much as you, that's obvious", Fenris frowned. "I worry about you always." Hawke told him, and at that, Fenris was quiet for a moment, looking at Hawke with an unreadable expression. "You don't have to worry about me", he finally said with a soft voice. "I do....I want to." Hawke told him. There was no sarcasm, and even the smell of alcohol couldnt detract from how much he obviously meant what he was saying, "We... should get you in bed", Fenris said quietly and turned his head away as he felt his cheeks blush, his heart starting to beat a bit faster. "Fen...I care about you. You..." he trailed off, seeing Fenris's tension. "And I care about you, amatus,” came the reply, “but I am capable of taking care of myself", Fenris pointed out gently, turning to look at Hawke. "Sorry..." Hawke mumbled lamely, loosening his grip on the other man before dropping his arms all together. The Dog whined up at him and Hawke glowered. "No that would not help." he replied tartly to the animal, who scoffed at his owner and lay his head back down onto his paws. Fenris tried to keep his expression neutral, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes, already missing Hawke's arm around him. "You don't need to be sorry", he said quietly. "I care about you so much....I thought you'd never come back..." Hawke muttered suddenly. "Hawke..." Fenris started, stroking the man's arm briefly. "If you want to talk about it again... we should wait until you are sober..." Hawke pouted but he nodded grumpily, staggering slightly towards the stairs. If Fenris didn’t want to talk, then he wouldn’t. "Hawke..." Fenris started, but suddenly didn't know what to say. "Will... you be alright?" Hawke looked back at Fenris and his eyes seemed heavy, tired with years as well as weariness. "I hope so..." he chuckled weakly "Hawke... is there something the matter? Something you haven't told us, told me?" Fenris asked hesitantly. "I’m...I’m tired Fen. I just...I missed you so much." He finished lamely "Is that really all?" Fenris inquired, moving hesitantly closer to Hawke. "I wanted you back." he continued, peeling back layers of worry to his lover. "We've been through this", Fenris sighed, leaning against the handrail. "I thought you had forgiven me." "I have!...but...maker I missed you..." Hawke smiled, feeling in his voice and tears stuck in his eyes. "And here you are...in my house." "Of course. I will always be here if you need me Hawke",Fenris said what he hoped was reassuring tone, smiling slightly. "Stay." Hawke suddenly said, almost interrupting. "You mean, over night?" Fenris asked, his eyes widening a little. "Please..." Hawke murmured. Or forever...stay always... he thought, though didn’t say it...not yet. "I... suppose I could stay. But I seriously suggest you go to sleep instead of getting other ideas." "I just want you with me." Hawke replied, hands raised in surrender. "I can do that", Fenris nodded, smiling a bit more brightly. Suddenly Hawke sighed letting out a breath he didnt know he'd been holding as he took Fenris' gauntleted hand in his before there could be a change of heart, leading him upstairs. Fenris looked down at their joined hands, feeling his heart beat against his chest. "Thank you, Hawke", he said quietly. Hawke raised an eyebrow, looking at Fenris over his shoulder as he opened the door to the bedroom Instead of clarifying, Fenris merely stepped into the room and took out his sword, placing it to rest against the wall. Hawke smiled moving back and beginning to strip off his armour. "Want me to help you get undressed?" Hawke asked with a wink "If that is your wish", Fenris chuckled as he started to remove his gauntlets.*If?* Hawke thought to himself, almost chuckling. He was already topless and came over to Fenris, taking his hand into both of his, and slowly beginning to unbuckle the mans gauntlet. Fenris stopped what he was doing, letting Hawke to remove his gauntlets instead. "I see you're very effecient in removing your clothes", he noted jokingly to the dark haired mage, who chuuckled in answer. "I can be. Or I can do it slowly..." he dropped one gauntlet to the floor and took his other hand. "Really appreciate it..." he smirked, eyes running over Fenris’ skin. "As do I..." Fenris murmured, running his free hand down Hawke's chest. Hawke hummed lightly as he unbuckled Fenris' chest plate too, smiling with a warm expression beneath the flickering shadows of the fire place. Fenris reached out to take the other man’s belt off, running his finger over Hawke's family crest. "Hmmm" Hawke let out a shaky breath that he couldn’t help, allowing Fenris to reach around his back, sliding his hands up the elfs tanned arms as he did. Fenris shivered slightly as Hawke touched the markings that twisted up his arms, leaning closer to the man and pressing their lips together into a gentle kiss. "Fenris..." Hawke murmured between their lips as he cupped the warrior's cheeks in his hands, kissing him before leading him over to the bed. "I won't wake up with you gone, will I?" he asked. Fenris let out a heavy sigh at the question, looking at Hawke sadly. "I'm sorry... I should never have left. If I hadn't been such a coward..." he muttered, ashamed. "Just say you wont go now." Hawke half-begged...for the reassurance of them both. "I won't. As long as you’ll have me, I won't leave." "You'll be here a pretty long time" Hawke chuckled, smiling with relief as he drew them both under the covers. "Perhaps I don't mind that", Fenris retorted quietly, reaching out to stroke Hawke's cheek. "Good." Hawke muttered, pulling the man close and resting his head on Fenris's, planting a kiss on the elfs white hair as Fenris relaxed and closed his eyes, starting to nuzzle Hawke. "You are the only person in this world I belong to willingly", the former slave murmured fondly. "And you the only man more handsome than me." Hawke chuckled, unable to resist the comment. "I highly doubt that", Fenris retorted with amused tone. Hawke chuckled too, kissing his forehead again, and pulling him closer, tangled in sheets and limbs together. "I love you, Hawke", Fenris murmured sleepily, his voice barely audible. Hawke's eyes shot open again for a moment, then he let them slowly slide shut as a tear rolled down his cheek, unseen. "I love you too." Fenris didn't open his eyes, but his smile widened as he pressed himself more firmly against Hawke’s body, as the two knotted their legs together in sleep.

[loquaciousquark]

5th Harvestmere. It is Properly Blustery at last

Sebastian’s singing voice is unfairly beautiful. Went to services this morning (he told us last week at WG he was cantoring) and enjoyed every minute of it. Classical training can only do so much—I proved that myself, to Mother’s consternation—and sometimes you just can’t help but appreciate raw natural talent.

Damn. I was trying not to think about

Varric told us this morning he’d heard a rumor about a ship waylaying a trading vessel out of Rivain last month. The captain was calling herself the Queen of the Eastern Seas.

She hasn’t tried to write me either, so I don’t know why it stings so much. Maybe because I know she could find me if she wished, and she...wishes not to, apparently. And I…

I don’t think the post delivers to Queen of the Eastern Seas. Especially not without a forwarding address.

15th Harvestmere. Chilly enough to break out the ugly sweaters

Orana’s been here a year tomorrow. She thought I’d forgotten—aha, but I hadn’t! Untrusting woman!

Had all her favorites for dinner—light meats, fresh fruit in tartes, and grilled slices of red potatoes in a vinegar sauce. Dessert was a flat chocolate cake thing that Bodahn makes only on very special occasions. Well, if Orana’s not special, I don’t know what is.

I got her a new lute. I don’t know if I should have, but she doesn’t know when she was born, not even the season, and there aren’t nearly enough opportunities the rest of the year for proper gift-giving. Not to mention her old one’s a half size too large for her (accursed merchant), and one of the keys won’t hold its place for tuning. The new one has ivy scrollwork on the neck that made me think of her. Strong at the root, even if the leaves look fragile.

One of Orana’s friends, a woman who helps out in Jean-Luc’s shop, came by for dessert as well, as did Tomwise, and an elf woman I recognized from Lowtown but couldn’t place the name of, and her little daughter. Toby naturally took the girl’s entertainment as his number one priority, which helped, and then all Orana’s friends and Bodahn and Sandal sat around just...having a very lovely conversation.

I hadn’t even realized she knew all these people. Bodahn was the one to invite them all.

I excused myself after a while, just to give them some privacy. I think I made the little girl nervous. I wish I could explain to her I belong with Tomwise a thousand times more than I belong with Lady Forsythe and the glittering errata.

Then again, I’m the one importing strawberries out of season and serving chocolate cake on hand-dyed porcelain. Flames, at this point I wish I could explain it to myself.

Later, almost midnight

Orana came and found me after all her friends had left. She asked if she could play something for me in thanks—I told her the lute was out of my gratitude, not meant to exacerbate hers, but she just gave that little smile that tells me she’s about to do whatever she wishes anyway, so I lit a few candles and she sat next to me at the window.

I don’t know what it was called. It was Tevinter and strange and sad, and she hummed a little in harmony as she went, and I wanted to cry without knowing why.

She said her father had loved that song. She said he and the other cooks used to sing it in groups in Hadriana’s kitchens, but she’s forgotten the words.

I wondered…

Mm. I wondered if Fenris would know the words, and Orana shook her head and smiled and thought it was unlikely, that what she knew of Danarius’s household offered very little of Napocan folk songs.  

She said she’d heard of Fenris in Minrathous, that Hadriana talked of him sometimes, and that once Danarius had stopped to see his apprentice and Fenris had come with him. She’d seen him through a crack in a balcony and been frightened by his face.  

She hadn’t recognized him at first, that day in the caverns among the iron cages. It hadn’t been until that evening, when he’d come to pace in my foyer, that she’d known him for who he was and who he belonged to. She’d been afraid already, and then I’d come home and Mother had taken her upstairs...

She said Mother had been kind. Even when she’d broken that vase of chrysanthemums—and I’d forgotten about that—Mother had only been patient. She said sometimes that made it worse in the beginning, but she’d understood Mother better by the end.

I burned to ask her if she’d seen Fenris leave that night, but couldn’t bring myself to get the words out. It didn’t matter the answer, anyway—it all would have hurt the same.

Why do happy occasions always make my heart ache the most?

17th Harvestmere. Cold

I forgot my nameday. It was the fifteenth, the same day as Orana’s party. I was so busy planning her day I forgot, and it hadn’t once crossed my mind until Fenris came by this morning.

He had a book. A volume on Aristone’s treatises, annotated by the elvhen mage Daliari, bound in black leather and with a blue ribbon for marking my place.

He said everyone else planned to give me something at cards tonight, but he—implied as obliquely as possible—wasn’t certain if I’d like it and didn’t want me to have to pretend to be pleased if I wasn’t.

I am very pleased.

23rd Harvestmere. Someone piled up leaves from the street right outside my door and Toby has been, in a word, romping

Thinking about Bethany today. Thinking about Varania, too (whether or not she exists), and Karl, Anders’s old lover, and Sebastian’s family, and the way people can leave without warning and that’s--that’s all there is to it, and you’ve only the Maker’s hope you said everything you needed to before it happened.

I keep remembering I never told Mother I liked her hair, the way she’d started wearing it. What a small thing to keep wrapping thorns around my heart.

Aveline mentioned Wesley the other day as well. An offhanded comment, because Fenris stepped in something sticky coming into the Hanged Man and Aveline (apparently) once walked barefoot into a whole cask’s worth of sour beer Wesley had spilled once. I haven’t heard her say his name in years. I wonder if that’s time’s influence, or Donnic’s.

I am infinitely tired of watching the people I love lose.

Satinalia! 1st Firstfall, and I can’t see a thing through this damned mask. Also it’s bitterly cold outside

Merrill’s already pattering through the kitchen (which means I need to get downstairs immediately before I end up with flour all down the stairs again) but a quick note before I go: next time I offer to host Satinalia feasting, don’t let everyone pre-drink at the Hanged Man first.

Later

New inkpen! Finer point than I had, lovely, a black lacquered ironwood courtesy Varric & Merrill, sneaky sneaky. Av gave a little book of hymns with Sebastian who wrote a decida de dedion dedication in the front. Ha! I can spell. I can spell better than most poeple. Except Varric.

Anders forgot it was Sat. Bought drinks for the whole group in apology & two more bottles to bring to my place. Laughed while he did it but didn’t drink & he def. can’t afford it. Memo: large donation next week, anon. Get V to drop it off via runner. Get the urchin with the whistle. Set the whole street awake if he sees a templar lurking

something is banging outside

He liked his scarf, though. Fereldan colors & part of the Anderfels skyline along one hem. Orana’s idea, smart as flames. Too bad he’s pathologically attached to those feathers or I’d have that paper-thin coat out in half a heartbeat

Merrill was trickier but liked the mittens & Av showed her the stitching on the inside, Dalish for heart & memory. I need to be craftier so I can stop leaching gift ideas off everyone else

Maker’s blood & bone this room will not stop spinning

Av, Seb, V & I all went in and got Fen a complete collection of Mader’s works. Historical/slightly fictionalized/encyclopedic thing. Eight volumes. Dry as bones but for flashes of brilliant humor & then you realize he’s just sarcastic as the Void. Plus rather decent Marcher history from Steel Age onward. Not flattering of Tevinter either. Seems perfect for him.

Fancy leather bindings, all in dark leather with rainbow bookmarks. Not all rainbow themselves. The first is red, next orange, etc. F couldn’t carry them all at once so they’re downstairs waiting for multiple trips

What is this banging

[There is no heading for the next section. Instead, there are large, red stains across the side of the page, as if the writer’s hand had not been washed prior to taking up the pen.]

Burn these smugglers! Now I’m drunk and bloody and my ear is cut and Fen is downstairs kipping in the guest because the Crimson We wa Weavers have death wishes & jumped him for coin

Stupid

especially right outside my house, went out and he had all but three down even swaying worse than Gamlen the morning after payday

laughed when I got two down with lightning, & he looked like a masterwork painting since he still had on the elvhen godshead mask. Fen’harel. Lyrium was glowing and made the eyes light from the inside, and his grin was wolfish as anything I’ve ever...

Now there are bodies in my leaves and no one will get them until morning

Damned inconvenient

17th Firstfall. Stairs to Lowtown were iced over today and one of the people who take the palanquins up and down the stairs broke a leg

Varric told me about a mummer’s show last night in Lowtown. He, Aveline, and I went--invited the others but Anders & Merrill were busy and Fenris said he might but never showed.

Varric didn’t tell me it was about me becoming the Champion. Fighting the Arishok, all that. They made him a monster. Grotesque, I mean. His face was purple and scarred and twisted, and I killed him with a sword as tall as Anders.

The audience loved it. They cheered when the Arishok died, and the woman playing me spat on him before kicking his body into the harbor.

I told Varric if I ever read something like this in any of his future books I’d never take him anywhere with me ever again.

20th Firstfall. Ice has melted and now everything’s soggy as spring

Apologized to Varric yesterday. I know he’d never write anything like that mockery, and it wasn’t fair to take my irritation out on him.

It was a ten-copper mummer’s show, and the lead had papier-mâché armor. There’s only so much self-righteous indignation I can manage at one time.

Absolutely sent the company an incensed letter, though. Enjoy ten pages of detailed, annotated corrections, you limp little eels.

30th Firstfall. Snowing lightly today, just enough to make everything slick

Had a letter today. No signature or heading, postmarked Brandel’s Reach. The corner was torn off and the whole thing smelled like salt. “Hope everything’s well there. Still alive. That’s all.”

That’s all.

Six months and that’s all.

19th Haring. Merrill brought a basket of snowdrops and she, Orana, and I covered the great room in garland. Damned lovely

Braeden asked me to marry him. He had a ring made of gold and sapphires and a pair of delicate lace gloves that are too small for me. He said these last months together have shown him I am more than capable of becoming a lasting partner in managing his life and his lands and he’s sure he can make me happy.

I asked him what my favorite color was. He didn’t know.

5th Wintermarch

She died a year ago today.

Fenris came and had dinner with me. We didn’t talk much, and afterwards we went to the library and were quiet there, too. He let me doze on his shoulder when I couldn’t sleep. He left around second bell, when I told him I would go to bed even if I couldn’t manage the dreaming.

Of all the painful anniversaries between us, this one is my least favorite.

21st Wintermarch. I’ve begun needing green -- this winter’s lasting longer than some of Lothering’s, or maybe that’s just because there’s hardly been any snow

I’ve had a terrible cold since Firstday. Orana and Bodahn have kept me bundled in fur & up to my eyes in hot soup and I think I’m finally on the mend. My throat’s so sore I sound like a tenor, though.

Went out to Sundermount last week with Merrill, Varric, and Aveline. We skirted the Dalish camp out there because Merrill didn’t want to speak to Marethari, but I saw her face at the aravel sails peeking over the hills. I’d give a thousand sovs to never see her look like that again.

30th Guardian. Wet and cold and grey and there’s smoke in the winds off the forge down the way

Didn’t mean to leave this so long, but I lost you, journal! Forgot I’d taken you along on a trip up to the farther reaches of the Wounded Coast, and then when I got back I tossed the bag to the side and didn’t think twice about it for a month until Orana started making faces at the smell of iron and brackish seawater. And lo and behold, what should be tucked into the bottom of the bag but a handful of dog biscuits (Toby is thrilled) and you, dear journal, your pages a little worse for the wear but still holding their binding perfectly well.

Naturally, I have nothing to say. The Crimson Weavers have been rooted out from the city and Cullen is now obliged to leave Pelarie’s sister with the family necklace. Something I can check off my list as Champion of this blighted city. Luck dictates I must have one success eventually.

I did have to go by the Gallows the other day to deliver a packet of herbs to Sol. The templars didn’t stare so badly this time, but I know the blonde one with the mutton chops would have killed me if he could. I’m not so far from pitched battle to not recognize death in a man’s eyes.

17th Drakonis. It warmed just for a day as if to tease, then went right back to the chilly damp drizzle. In like a lion, out like a lion, a very wet lion with a soggy mane

I’ve been itching dangerously for a few weeks in the absence of life-threatening peril, so I’ve been taking myself down to Anders’s clinic. It’s cruel to say, but there’s enough death there (and risk of death) to keep my blood at bay, and Anders needs the help besides. There’s a rash of pox going around (ha) and while it’s not too bad for most, the fever can take the very young and very old in a matter of hours.

Anders is getting thin. Reminder: have Orana put some of those turnovers in the basket next time. I’ll fatten him up if I have to tie him to the kitchen chair.

A pair of boys came in to the clinic day before yesterday. Brothers, it looked like, one ten and the other maybe seven or eight. They said they had no one else when I asked. The little one had the pox and was scratching himself to bleeding; the other had the dimpled scars on his neck and arms but no fever left.

I wish I could heal like Anders. He’s so talented at this sort of thing. I can’t even fathom how he can reach inside and feel for the wrongness, then just--pull it out as clean as anything, like separating ink from water in a thin line. Bethany could do that too, when she wasn’t afraid of it. She could sense the source of a cold from across the room and have it halfway to mending in two breaths.

I haven’t the talent like that. Father called me a hammer, once, and he wasn’t wrong, and since Anders was asleep I had to use what I could to heal this boy, which was -- well, me.

He left better than he came in, at least. The fever was gone and the open poxmarks were healed over, but he’ll have scars all down his arms for the rest of his life. Anders would have had him looking fresher than a newborn babe and sent him off with a lolly. 

He’ll live. Why am I not satisfied?

1st Cloudreach. Cold

I didn’t want him to just live. I wanted him to be as he was before this sickness touched him, healthy and whole and without the memories of all the pain. 

Funny. You’d think I’d have learned by now. If six years of friendship with Fenris has taught me nothing else, the memories make you who you are.

[theharellan]

It’s been three years, and I fucking love Solas. Someone help me.

Are you ready for some unabashed Solas love? I sure am.

So three years today I was coming to the end of my first playthrough of Dragon Age: Inquisition. I’d already made a blog for my Inquisitor Cadash (before the game came out, to open up after I beat it), and that was all I was expecting to make.

Then, some bald elf grabbed her hand and helped her close her first Breach. I’d kept up with Inquisition news, and Solas seemed cool, interesting enough. I wasn’t really expecting or prepared for how much I’d come to love him. By Temple of Mythal I’d made a Solas blog, and when I finished on the 22nd I made the finishing touches, and here we are!

I wanted to spend some time talking about what I love about Solas, since there’s a lot of negativity about the character. Rping him I know that kind of negativity (not even criticism, which he very much deserves, just negativity that often completely ignores vast swathes of characterisation) can get very tiring to read and humour. Yes, I know he’s trash, let me tell you why I love him, both in spite of and because of those qualities.

Without further ado, welcome. Welcome to my disorganised rambling essay/list of why I have been writing this loser for three years now:

What first drew me to Solas was his experiences as a Dreamer. I majored in history as an undergrad, one of my favourite things as a historian was reading and reviewing primary sources. You find the truth in them, but only one person’s version of the truth. When Solas spoke of dreaming, he spoke to that knowledge: that history is never one story, and that at Ostagar Loghain could be  hero and a villain at the same time. Both were valid readings, and both were memories that deserved to be remembered. Having a character who spoke to the history nerd in me was very special, I won’t lie.

As the game continued, Solas totally revolutionized Dragon Age lore for me? Even before it started to become obvious that he was more than just an elf who liked napping. Before Solas and Cole the Fade wasn’t a particularly interesting part of the world for me, but how Solas explained the personhood of spirits really affirmed what Dragon Age 2 had started to explore with the nature of Justice/Vengeance and Merrill’s banter.

It was some really beautiful world-building, to slowly pull back the veil (ha) and reveal that our perception of spirits in early games was really misguided.

And once it became obvious he was something more than what he wanted us to think (I had guessed he was related to Fen’Harel- although I had assumed it was something along the lines of Felassan since I had finished TME just before DA:I) it got even better? In DA:O elf lore didn’t really grab me like the dwarves or qunari, or even the mages. DA2 improved with Merrill, and then in DA:I Solas took what Merrill had granted us and ran with it. The lore he introduced was what made me elf trash, honestly. Before I was just kind of like... elf recycling? I loved Merrill, but wasn’t all that interested in Dragon Age elf lore as a concept. Now I am 100% trash and I will rot in this elf garbage dump until the universe ends.

His and Sera’s perspective on the Dalish really jerked me out of the perception of Dalish elves being Perfectly Fallen Elves, which had never been true, but their flaws are much more muted in DA:O and it took several playthroughs before I could really begin to wrap my head around how their behaviour towards Merrill only made matters worse. By listening to Solas and also Sera’s perception of them, it made going back and replaying early games more exciting, as I could see the seeds of issues DA:I would eventually explore. It’s why I enjoy DA:I so much because, imo, it compliments the lore of DA:O and DA2 so well for the most part.

And the lore he eventually brings to Elvhenan? Fantastic. Like I said, I had read TME beforehand, so I was already aware Elvhenan had issues, but revelation that the Elvhen gods were never gods, that their empire was not the perfect thing we had been led to believe? As much as DA:I played up the high fantasy angle more than DA:O and DA2, that revelation was very much a dark fantasy trope, and it fit perfectly with the overall tone in the series whereas before Elvhenan had seemed a little out of place. Empires are shitty by nature, and it was good to see the elven empire was no exception.

All these revelations are, to some extent, introduced or expanded upon by Solas. So I connect a lot of my love for the lore to him, and as a result I’m fond of him for that reason. I’m going to move on, though, because I’m like 800 words in and I haven’t touched upon him as a person lmao.

This one article that I won’t really touch upon for too long, namely because I couldn’t read it all, compared Solas to a fedora-wearer, which is a characterisation that drives me batty. Because Solas is a SJW, for better or worse. He can very easily identify problems in society, and people, and has no problem talking about them, even when it’s inappropriate.

He cares, he cares deeply. He cares even when it’s against his best interests to care.

If you take him with you through the Hinterlands (and beyond) you’ll find he approves when you help people, even people he might disagree with. Should you deliver a flower to Senna’s grave, and invoke Falon’Din’s name when you inform her widower, he approves. He approves even if he knows the Elvhen gods are false, and knows Falon’Din would not spend a second thinking about this poor man’s dead wife.

He cares when you choose to sacrifice the Chargers, and reinforce to Iron Bull that his worth lies only in the Qun. And if you choose to save them, he cares to reassure Bull that he is not a beast, but a person, and an intelligent one.

And whatever your relationship with him is, by Trespasser he decides he cares enough to save you. Even if he thinks your Inquisitor is so terrible he comes close to comparing them to the evanuris (especially Inquisitors he’s unfriendly to who claim to be chosen) he still decides that the south deserves better than what the qunari will give him. Trespasser was not a smart move for Solas, all things considered. He could have pulled out of the south, or left the Inquisitor to die without explanation. But he explains, because he cares enough to know he owes them that much.

None of this excuses what he plans, but how much he cares in spite of what he feels he must do is compelling.

I think one of the most telling things is the stories Solas can recount for you. When you ask him for stories, he tells you tales of Ostagar, or mighty battles, but the little moments he recounts for you are some of my favourite examples of what Solas finds important in the world. Dwarves seeing daylight for the first time, a qunari baker rebelling in a subtle way only she will know. This guy walks the Fade, and could in theory see every moment in history that people might kill to see, but instead comes across a memory of a woman baking and thinks “this is important.”

Stuff like that is, to me, demonstrative about how much Solas is about the people. He has a lot of growing to do when it comes to his perception of... well, everyone, but despite all of this he still does see wonder in really tiny moments. These are things you don’t often see, especially in jaded immortals, and it’s one of my favourite things about getting to know him.

Speaking of Solas’s perception of the modern world, let’s talk about it. It’s flawed as all heck (especially  at the beginning of the game), but it makes total sense.

Waking up in a world where there’s essentially one less dimension, or perhaps half a dimension where there used to be a whole one? That’s not the sort of thing you just get over. Of the ancient elves we have met, all of them have expressed similar struggles. Abelas doesn’t recognise a Lavellan as Dalish, and Felassan only begins to see them as people towards the end of Masked Empire.

That Solas’s perception (that any of these characters) is able to evolve is impressive, imo.

I’m not saying he deserves to be praised for coming to recognise people as people, in case you’re wondering. What I love here is that Solas, that every ancient elf thus far, is allowed a very real reaction to an impossible situation. And what I love is, for as much as the fandom likes to paint him as stubborn, he is more capable of evolving than people give him credit for.

Of all the things to admit you were wrong about, admitting you were wrong about the entire population of Thedas is a pretty big thing to admit. It’s why I do have hope that Bioware will grant him at least a bittersweet happy ending. It’s clear, especially if you befriend him, he does not enjoy what he feels must be done.

And you may ask “then why do it?” to which I usually reply: the name of ‘traitor’ would suddenly be worthy of him, at least in his eyes, if he just turned his back on those he has worked for literal centuries to uplift. So many people try to convince Solas he’s wrong by... telling him what he’s doing is bad, which. It is, but he knows. Put that energy towards showing him how his rebels can live the life they were supposed to get after the evanuris had been toppled, and then, I think, people would start to make some headway in redeeming him.

Often when protagonists are redeemed it is with an appeal to the heart, and not the head. You appeal to their better nature. With Solas I believe redemption lies not in appealing to his better nature, because in a way he’s already using it. Instead, redemption for Solas will come from showing him that his heart is right, but it is his head that is the problem. Hopefully that makes sense? Show him that his people matter, and can be given their freedom, and then a happy ending may come after.

I could go on and on and on about everything I love about him, but I’m realising this is getting long, so maybe dedicating a mini-essay to every character trait was a mistake. I’m going to throw out a couple more, and try to wrap things up!

I love how angry he gets in banter. I’m someone who gets mad when I argue with people about social issues, especially when I otherwise had/have respect for that person, so hearing Solas get legitimately frustrated when arguing with Iron Bull is very relatable for me. I love that he’s allowed to be angry, and allowed to be right, even while being wrong about so much else.

I love his sense of humour, and his laugh. I love that as much as “Chuckles” is considered to be (even by the game) an ironic nickname, one of the first potential lines from him is him snort-chuckling about Varric being involved with the Chantry (at the first time we hear the nickname Chuckles, I believe).

I love that he loves spirits. I love that no matter what path you choose for Cole, he loves and supports Cole. I love that he understands spirit Cole is as much as a person as human Cole, and both are good and worthy of loving, even if Cole is going down a path he cannot fully relate to himself.

I love his lapses-- be it where he comes out looking something of a fool (setting his pants on fire) or just being a nerd in love on his romance path. He’s smooth, but he stumbles.

There’s so much more I could go into, honestly? His fashion sense, his relationships with each individual member of the Inquisition, the tenderness he is capable of, but I’m pretty sure this is getting too long to be worth reading. I may do a part two sometime (maybe next anniversary??) but for now, I hope everyone who somehow managed to read all of this has a better understanding of why I care so much for Solas, and why I’ve been writing him for four years.

I have no idea how many thousands of words I’ve written for Solas over the past 8,133 posts, but I do know this: I love how there’s still things I haven’t been able to explore in my prose, and I love that you guys will be here to explore them with me!

Thank you everyone who has stuck with my Solas for so long? Even after my mental health issues forced me to take a very long hiatus, I was surprised and touched by how many stuck with me. You’re all wonderful, and I hope you have a nice night!

If you could please refrain from any Solas negativity in comments or tags, I’d appreciate it!

[thejourneymaninn]

What are your top 5 DA ships and can you tell me why?

Hi there :) Ok, thiswas a tough one…so here it goes:

1) Fenders

Ok, this one’s easy, Fenders is my all-time favourite DA ship. Both characters mean a lotto me, and I love what they could be together. They truly are more alike thanthey think; there is just so much potential.They have a lot in common, not just when it comes to similarities in theirrespective pasts, they also have similar struggles with self-worth, a desperateneed to be loved (while at the same time being afraid of it); they both feelvery deeply, are stubborn and blunt to the point of being rude and althoughthey express it in different ways, even their sense of humour is similar. In away, they are both giant dorks. They could have a lot of fun together, and Ifeel the parallels in their backgrounds could help them understand each otherin a unique way – if they manage toactually listen to each other. Because yeah, their in-game relationship is(mostly) horrible; they start off on the wrong foot, and it only goes downhillfrom there. While there are some banters where one of them tries to reach out,they keep misinterpreting each other’s intentions, until they are so set intheir ways that there’s more or less nothing left but lashing out. Some oftheir behaviour makes sense for theircharacters/situation, but in many cases, Bioware played it up to ridiculousextremes, to the point where it’s rivalry at all costs, with the two of them beingreduced to mouthpieces for Templars/mages. Which is extremely frustratingconsidering the story spans over seven years (you know, general “let’s pitoppressed people against each other” frustration aside). I find it very hard tobelieve that in all that time, they never manage to have even one non-hostile,genuine conversation. They could have done so much more with these two; there’sso much wasted potential, and I love exploring all the ways things could have gone. I love charactersovercoming differences, realizing misconceptions and how much they have incommon, and one of my favourite things istheir bantering dynamic intact but turned affectionate, still poking each otherwith dry humour and fond teasing. Also, thesetwo teaming up would be a nightmare for their friends - they’d be unstoppable.

2) Fenhawke

Funnily enough, as much as I love Fenders, I didn’t evenconsider it as a pairing the first time I played DA2; I completely fell in lovewith the Fenhawke romance. I don’t read that much fic about it these days, butit’s still a close second. Seeing Fenris heal and grow, taking back his life -there’s a power to it that I just can’t resist, and the dynamic with a Hawkewho truly supports him, listens to him and takes him seriously is simplybeautiful. I love the way he reacts to Hawke, his shy little giggles and jokes, how he comes to trust Hawkedespite never having known friendship or love – and most of all, I love that heallows himself the time to heal. I know some people dislike the three-yearbreak in the relationship, and the distress he’s in after his memories cameback truly is hard to watch, but that he takes a step back and says “no, thisis too fast, I’m not ready for this” is actually one of my favourite things aboutit. I also really like that he doesn’t immediately move in with Hawke, becauseas beautiful as the romance is, they are some “you are my only friend and themost important thing in my life” tendencies in the dialogue that have thepotential to be really unhealthy, which makes the fact that he has come tovalue his independence enough to realize that and try to take precautions especiallyimportant to me. Also, the fucking puppy eyes. They shouldn’t be so effective,but the way he looks at Hawke, his face is just so expressive…there’s just somethingabout Fenris that makes me want to see him happy and loved.

3) Merribela

I just love their dynamic, everything about their banter,from Isabela teaching Merrill cheatingand body shots to Merrill’s excited questions about Isabela’s life as a pirate,and I love that Isabela is so protective of Merrill, but that she is alsopretty much the only companion whorespects her and realizes how smart and capable she is. They have such abeautiful relationship, and I really wish Bioware had made them canon. I knowthere’s Carver/Merrill and Fenris/Isabela instead, and I actually do reallylike those pairings too, but there’s something about Isabela and Merrill thatjust really stands out to me. Both of them are such wonderful, complexcharacters, and both tend to be underappreciated by their friends; Isabela isconsidered selfish and shallow, while Merrill gets waved off as naïve andstupid, none of which is even remotely true. But Merrill and Isabela supporteach other, without judgement, and cometo understand each other despite coming from very different backgrounds. I justwant them to see them together, happy and in love, sailing away and shankingpeople.

4) Handers

I am not that fondof the in-game version of the romance, mainly because it’s pretty obvious Biowaretried to frame it as a tragedy - which to be clear, I don’t think it is at all.As far as I’m concerned, the fact that Anders has his own convictions and goalsand Hawke is not always his numberone priority is what makes it one of the best romances there is; it’s notsomething Anders needs to apologise for,it’s exactly how it should be. I also firmly support the Chantry boom, and needlessto say, any Hawke I ship with Anders is fiercely,uncompromisingly pro-mage and would have gladly blown up the chantrythemselves. And I just love Anders realising that, that Hawke truly supportshim, that they will stay with him - he can’t believe it at first and it’s so heartbreaking, but it also makes it all the morebeautiful when it turns out that yes, he is loved, he does deserve it, mages are people, they deserve to be free andsomeone believes in that as fiercely as he does. So I might not be that happywith how the romance is treated in game (among other things, Anders doesn’teven get an endgame kiss unless you rivalmancehim, which: no, absolutely not), but when it comes to fics, I loverevolutionary couple Anders and Hawke running off together, freeing mages and giving the Chantry all the middlefingers, because Anders was right, and he deserves to be loved by someone whowholeheartedly, 100% supports his cause.

5) Zevran x Warden

Turns out the top four were pretty easy, but I really hadtrouble deciding on the fifth. There was some strong competition, in particular, Isabela/Hawke or Leliana/Warden,but I’m gonna go with Zevran/Warden here because as my very first DA romance, Zevranwill always hold a special place in my heart. While I generally prefer theatmosphere and group dynamic of DA2, I absolutely adore his character andromance arc, and I just want him to be happy, travelling/livingwith the warden, murdering crows, knowing he is loved.