#and i was juts blown away by how much... better your writing gets treated in other corners of the fandom

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

Hi!! This might be a silly question and I’m definitely not trying to be rude but I was curiously if you’re still writing Lethe? I only ask because you’re captain of the prongsfoot ship these days and I know that losing interest in an old ship can put the breaks on a fic. No pressure either way, I’m just curious!

Hii! Thanks for the message anon, I appreciate it. And no issues with the question at all.

Honestly, it's not about the ship - I'm generally a multishipper and have no issue writing several dynamics at once, and Jegulus will always have a soft spot in my heart. It's more about the fandom. The Jegulus fandom had lots of... issues, when I was working on Lethe, both with some of the readers and within the writers themselves. It did not feel like a community, which is what I'm looking for in fandom before anything.

I wish I could be one of those people who says "i only write for myself", but if that was true, i would just keep my drafts unedited in my doc storage. But I polish and publish them because I enjoy feedback and interaction. The Prongsfoot fandom provided that like no other HP corner I was in, both when it comes to feedback on my writing and interaction between authors here and on Discord. It feels nice, people get along, people support each other, and it makes me want to write more for it.

Lethe is a story I care about very deeply, I have tons of future chapters and scenes written ahead and so many things planned that I can not wait to get back to <3 So I will finish it either way at some point because I've put too much effort and thought into that story to leave it unfinished, but without that sense of community it just might take much longer.

[ramix-the-red]

A Shoulder to Cry On

Hey it's ya boi back at it again writing fanfic for an obscure fandom and a ship that's not even that popular in that obscure fandom. Not satisfied with just Code Vein's Louis/Cruz, I had to go even further beyond into obscure self-indulgent shipping fic that like two people will ever read. I was very into Closers a while ago, and I recently got back into it due to the server migration (RIP Enmasse). I decided to play through the new character Mirae's story for the event rewards, and while my expectations were low, I was instantly blown away, and her storyline quickly became one of my favorites, if not the favorite, and her relationship with Soohyun just makes me melt.

It's gotten to the point that I've actually started putting their names into Google Translate and trying to look up content for them, and I still haven't had any luck. I think this might actually be the first piece of fanfiction for this ship in existence which is simultaneously empowering and depressing. I don't expect this piece to get much attention, if any, but I hope whoever reads this enjoys it.

Ao3 Link Here

Soohyun Min leans against one of the various rock faces jutting out of the ground in the Purification Ops Center. It’s strange to think how less than a month ago he was studying up on UNION operating guidelines and trying to fill out his resume to apply as an intern, and now here he is, in the External Dimension, working alongside the Alpha Queen. And all because he went out on a crazy, stupid, near-suicidal trip into a garbage heap of an island in search of his missing sister.

And the craziest thing about it all, is that the legendary Jisu Seo isn't even the most significant meeting he’s had since he arrived on and escaped from that hellish island.

Mirae steps out through the portal, looking a little worse for wear, but much better compared to her previous expeditions against the Contaminated Phase Force. At first, the fights against the Contaminated Dimensional Monsters took a huge toll on her, and it had taken the combined efforts of himself and Suji Jeo to get her to take a break and recover. But over time, as she'd grown more accustomed to fighting against the beasts, and as he'd developed strategies for her to use against them, the Purification Ops had become much easier. The Alpha Queen herself had mentioned several times how unusually adept Mirae had become at facing off against the creatures in such a short span of time.

She takes a seat next to him on the floor, setting her scythe down beneath her legs as she brings her knees up to her chest, and he greets her with a warm smile.

"Great job! You beat your previous record that time," he informs her, reviewing the data on the mission he'd been recording on his tablet.

Mirae's lips quirk up into a small, proud smile at his praise. "How long did it take me this time?"

"Only two minutes and thirty-two seconds, a huge improvement over last time. I think you're really getting the hang of fighting against Yod," he tells her.

The Dimensional Monster known as "Yod" had been Mirae's biggest hurdle when she'd first started participating in the Purification Ops. The creature's intense power and it's odd, unpredictable attacks made it a very difficult match for Mirae's more direct fighting style, and she'd even been forced to retreat during her first fight against it, but now she could handle it almost as easily as the rest of the contaminated creatures. Mirae's growth never ceased to amaze Soohyun. Despite never having to face any real challenges until just recently, she'd acclimated quickly to the life of a Closer, and was growing stronger with each passing day. Even if she wasn't officially a Closer yet, he had no doubt that Inspector Celine would pass along her approval soon enough. UNION would have to be crazy to pass up a chance to have someone as amazing as Mirae in the fight against the Dimensional Monsters. He only hopes he could climb the ranks as quickly… the thought of someone else being assigned as her administrator while he's still an intern just doesn't sit right with him.

"It's all thanks to you, Soohyun."

He's broken out of his thoughts by the sound of her praise, and it catches him off-guard.

"H-huh? What do you mean?"

She smiles at him, resting her head on her knees as she gazes up at him. “It’s thanks to your advice that I was able to get this far. You helped me against the Island Lord, against Syrphid, and against all of the enemies here, too. You’re really incredible.” He has to clear his throat and look away before he can answer her, and wow he really hopes his face isn’t as red as it feels right now.

“Soohyun? Are you okay? Your face is really red, are you feeling sick?” she asks, sitting up as she reaches a hand out towards him in concern.

“A-ah! Yes, yes, I’m fine! No need to worry! J-just nerves, that’s all,” he says, waving her off in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture, but really only serves to make her worry even more.

She pouts with a huff as she puffs her cheeks out. “...You’re a bad liar, Soohyun.”

He chuckles nervously. “Ah, sorry. It’s just that… well, you’re the one who’s incredible. You’ve only started seriously learning how to use your Phase Force very recently. Back when we met on that island you fought like a novice, and now you’ve already gotten stronger than some Closers with years of experience,” he says, staring off at the strange darkness of the external dimension. “I really mean it, Mirae. You’re extraordinary. You probably don't realize it because you don't have any context for how strong you are, but you should be proud of yourself. I’m sure you’ll become a great Closer soon. Who knows? Maybe one day people will talk about you the way they talk about the Alpha Queen!” Now it’s her turn to blush at his praise, and he feels a hint of pride at the fact that he’s managed to at least turn the tables somewhat. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long as she quickly manages to turn things back around on him. “Maybe. But you’re just as extraordinary, Soohyun," she says, with a smile that warms his heart, in spite of how cold it is out here in the Purification Ops Center.

"Ah, well, it's not like what I do is that special," he responds, clearing his throat nervously as he tries to meet her gaze, which is a lot harder than it should be right now. "I'm just training to be an administrator. Anyone else in my position could do what I did, really."

She shakes her head. "No, I don't think so. Back on the island, I never thought about how to fight, I just did what came naturally to me. I didn't consider things like strategies, or traps, or defense, like I do now. But you taught me those things, even after we'd only just met. I think that's pretty incredible, too. And…"

Soohyun stiffens as he feels Mirae rest her head on his shoulder.

"You told me… that a Closer and administrator are like family, right? They cry on each other's shoulders and help each other, right?"

He nods. "Yeah, that's right. If a Closer's job is to save people, then it's the administrator's job to save their Closers."  

She smiles. "That's special, too. Talking with you… feels like being with Haneul. I feel safe, like I can tell you anything. If that's an administrator's job, then you're really good at it. So… be more proud of yourself."

Mirae hesitates for a moment. " I wouldn't want anyone else as my administrator ," she whispers.

Soohyun feels his chest swell with pride and joy, as a feeling of comfort and warmth courses his through his body. "Thank you Mirae," he says. "I feel the same way. I wouldn't want to work on a team without you, either."

He doesn't say, " I wouldn't want anyone else to be your administrator."

But he thinks it.

The two of them stay in silence for a while, not moving from their spot. With the latest Purification finished, they have plenty of time to rest, so he's confident they won't be disturbed. At least not unless Suji Jeo comes over to find them and ruins the mood. She'd probably throw a fit if she found them in a position like this.

Soohyun breaks out of his trance when he hears a strange noise coming from Mirae. One that sounds like a mix between a grunt of effort, and a pained whimper.

"Mirae? Are you okay?"

She nods against his shoulder, still not having moved from her spot as she buries her face against him. "Mhm…"

He purses his lips, before asking again. "Are you sure? Is something the matter?"

She's quiet for a few moments. "...You said that a Closer cries on their administrator's shoulder, right? Can I cry on yours?"

"Well, I wasn't really being literal, but if you want, sure."

"I'm… trying to cry," Mirae says.

"Oh…" the realization dawns on him. "That's right… you told me before that you had trouble crying, right?"

"When my brothers and sisters died… when the kids from the island, when Ara died… even when Haneul died… I still couldn't cry," she mutters, burying her face deeper against the fabric of his shirt. " Is there something wrong with me?" she whispers, so quiet he's not even sure if he was meant to hear it.

"No. No, there's nothing wrong with you, Mirae," he says immediately. Soohyun raises a hand, and begins running it through her long white hair in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. He feels her posture relax against him, so it seems to work, and that's all the motivation he needs to keep doing it.

"What you're feeling is perfectly normal. There are a lot of cases like yours," he tells her.

"Really?" she asks, a tinge of hope in her voice.

"Yeah. A lot of victims of trauma like you have to numb themselves to the pain in order to cope. In a case like yours, it's perfectly normal not to cry. If you could… you might not be able to stop," he tells her, his voice soft.

"Then… it's okay for me not to cry?"

"Yeah, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with you, Mirae, you've just been hurt. A lot. It's like an illness, it just needs to be treated," he says, still running his fingers through her hair.

God. This girl doesn't belong out here. She shouldn't be fighting monsters and risking her life after everything she's been through. She should be in therapy, recovering from the horrendous amount of suffering she's been forced to endure. She should be going to school, like a normal girl, she should be enjoying all of the things she never got to experience. She should be healing.  

Maybe he should get in contact with his brother, and try to see if he can pull some strings, but…

No. She wouldn't want that, even if he offered it. He knows that. But still…

Soohyun's never been the type to be jealous of Phase Users. Sure, every kid who grew up in Busan wanted to be the Alpha Knight, but by the time he was old enough to know he didn't have Phase Force, he was already mature enough to accept that. Instead, he decided to throw himself into his studies, aiming to become an administrator and help in his own way. But now…

He wishes he could be the one with Phase Force, so that he could rip apart the people who did this to her.

He wonders when and why he started having such violent thoughts, and the conclusion he reaches worries him.

"Soohyun?"

Her voice snaps him back to reality. "Yes?"

"You said that this feeling is an illness… does that mean there's medicine for it?" she asks, with a twinge of hope, tilting her head up ever so slightly with those puppy dog eyes of hers.

He smiles at her, and nods. "Yeah. There are medicines that can help you, but like on the island, they won’t cure you by themselves, they’ll just help you manage it. What you need is to speak with a doctor who’s trained to treat that kind of thing,” he explains.

“...Can you help me?”

“Well… I’m not a licensed professional or anything. But if you ever need to talk, I’ll be here for you,” he says. “As your… administrator.” Mirae smiles as she closes her eyes and nuzzles up against him. “Thank you…” she whispers. “That’s good… there's no one I trust more."

A moment later, she slumps down and falls on his lap, and he goes stiff as a board.

"M-mirae?" He squeaks out.

Upon closer examination, he sees that she's merely fallen asleep. It seems the fight with Yod wore her out more than she'd let on. It's probably for the best that she gets some rest.

However, this leaves Soohyun with a conundrum. He could try to move her and leave her to sleep someplace else… but that would involve waking her. Alternatively, he could just let her rest where she is… which would involve staying in this rather awkward position. Not only are his legs starting to fall asleep, but there's a very distinct possibility that Suji will actually murder him if she sees them like this.

It'd probably be best for everyone involved if he just wakes her up and leads her over to the resting area, but…

Oh man, he's got it bad .

With a sigh of resignation, Soohyun closes his eyes and leans his head back against the cold hard stone he's resting on. He decides it's best if he tries to get some sleep, and soon enough, it finds him.

When the two of them wake up a few hours later, his legs are very, very sore, Suji Jeo is very, very mad, and it was very, very worth it.