#and i’d have to gain so much weight for my collarbones to not be touchable
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i genuinely feel like i look fatter than i did when i was 5 kg heavier
#:)#every single part of my vody is ROUND#my face looks like a basketball#my arms look like logs#you can see my fat butt fron between my legs??? like from the front????#i keep bodychecking for bones but it’s all a lie bc i can SEE that i am so fucking big#and i’d have to gain so much weight for my collarbones to not be touchable#so it’s a stupid bodycheck#i keep touching my ribs and i have a roll on my stomach when i stand in a certain way#and it makes me want to die#wish i could be disordered in peace and lose weight for real again#these past two weeks i have gained 2 kg and i want to DIE#i keep telling myself it’s water weight but is it really lol like .#im gonna get better and not hate myself and be skinny#but why is it so fucking miserable to be fat like lol like .#when i was 4 kgs lighter at my lw as a teenager#i wasnt this miserable#but 5 kgs ago i didnt feel different than i do now#so what are these additional kg going to do????#fucking hate this
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