#and i'm fine

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

There's something to be said about Nine and Twelve as parallels, about them being these seeming grumps with hearts of gold who must relearn optimism while being fundamentally kind at the end of the day, and Eleven and Thirteen as parallels, as these lonely tinkerers who travel with multiple companions at the same time but push people away before they get too close because they are creatures built on grief, and Ten alone, as something that is all and none of the above, who starts out as a creature born of love but who loses said love and is willing to die and must find grounding but loses said grounding and declares himself the Time Lord Victorious because if he cannot have love he has to have something, anything, he can call his own, and about how all five of them are shaped, fundamentally, by their grief and their guilt over the Time War and being the last of their kind and how every companion leaves them and they will always, always be the last one in the TARDIS, always be the last one surviving, no matter what, and yet all of them, at the end of the day, die to save someone. Die to be kind, just one more time. Because that is what ties them all together. That is what makes them the Doctor.

[soullikethesea]

Tw: mention of suicidal ideation

Feeling a bit melancholic. There is so much good around me and yet I find it so hard to be happy. **spoiled whining below**

It's a weird kind of flashback-like thing that's happening. Things felt disconnected with the friend who came to stay over and it was nice, but sometimes it just also felt really sad or annoying. Which makes something in me freak out, and then I feel like I should just end my life because I can't do normal people things and the loneliness will probably always be there.

It's very much black and white thinking.

I think my lack of happiness is also annoying to other people. I totally get that. It's just a bit unfair, I think, if I'd have to mask it further away than I already do automatically.

And this makes me feel spoiled as well... and it's also tied up with that feeling around people thinking I'm younger than I am. Like I'm inadequate and small and lost. Like I'm freezing in place and it makes people think that I can't do things or am not worth respecting.

I've been reading/watching more stories lately and I feel really drawn to the ones about witches and vampires - where they have to hide who they are and that is the central theme. I feel like I have to hide who I am, because I am simultaneously too much and not good enough.

Even though I turn 30 next year, it will probably take 10 more years before I'll actually look 30. And some people would see this as a blessing and laugh about it. It's just, it pairs with not receiving respect. It sucks that most advice to look older is "be very comfortable in your own skin and with taking up space". Great. The other advice is to dress up more, which clashes with Fox and Mae's wishes to be quite androgynous. Lucas is fine with it, which is interesting to me. He said: "I think wearing a skirt could be elegant and masculine, even though others may not perceive it that way."

At some point I showed my friend my full-make up face and asked if it helped, but he couldn't see a difference between that and my normal face. -_-" (Trust me, there is a difference). Putting on very bold make-up is not exactly helpful, I think. But apparently I need to go bolder - or it's really just hopeless. My face just looks so young & I'm short, athletic and androgynous, so my body looks that way too. I also need a lot of sleep every night and enjoy eating healthy foods. Never really smoked or drank, avoid the sun because it's sensory hell. And my mother and grandmother also always looked young, so it's definitely also genes.

One of those situations where I should just say fuck it, and not care so much. Enjoy the good things that are there. "Ring the bells that still can ring, there is a crack in every thing..."

I also contacted my old T and we'll meet up sometime in September. I'm not sure why I asked for that. Maybe it was just to test whether her promise that I could always come over for tea was an actual promise.

Current T made me think of her when she commented last time that when I write her emails, they are "fascinating" to read. (Gross). She said that when you are further removed from the pain and suffering - it gets fascinating. My old T also used to say things like that. It's weird to me. Current T said that it's also about *how* I write, that the style is very pleasant to read. Which makes it perhaps even weirder?

But that is somehow connected to this flashback with the suicidal ideation - one of the wishes has always been to write or draw a book (before being gone from this Earth). So strange how it's all connected in a weird web.

[brilliantsnafu]

Me every time I eat something past its "best by" date and I don't get sick

[imherefortheship]

You know that you are fucked when you use the Tim Drake method to stay up and finish something at the computer but you have insomnia and there isn't enough coffee in your cup.

[pangur-and-grim]

also I got a tattoo partially re-coloured today and they bandaged me in veterinary wrap like I'm a sick horse

[qiinamii]

one braincell transfer (divided by four)

[salamispots]

it got turned into a 17" x14" pillow instead haha

[foxrocket-freak]

neeed

[taffywabbit]

they should invent a new type of "staying in bed for 2-3 hours after you wake up repeatedly opening and closing apps on your phone" where it makes you feel awesome and energized and emotionally fulfilled

[paintedcrows]

*through tears* HER LITTLE POG CHAMP

[artistic-cocoon]

Saw someone on twt say they wanted to see Percy drawn like Yusuf Dikec and I couldn't help myself

[mofsblog]

"This is some gay shit" Good. Silly. Fair enough. Doesn't inherently invalidate other interpretations of the relationship. Honestly yeah, it is kind of gay regardless of their canonical relationship status

"There's literally no platonic explanation for th-" WRONG!! KILLING YOU WITH AMATANORMATIVITY KILLING LOBSTERS 🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞

[anarchopuppy]

I, a hearing person who likes subtitles just as a preference, shouldn't have to read a subtitle that's obvious nonsense, go back a couple seconds, and listen again in order to figure out what's going on. An accessibility feature should not be the most half-assed part of a professionally made production. Scripted media has absolutely no excuse for not having subtitles or having subtitles that aren't perfectly verbatim. Professional captioning services should be ashamed of the shoddy work that they put out. Captions should be treated as a part of the production, just like filming, editing, audio balancing, etc - and anything that releases with missing or bad captions should be seen as unfinished

[chronicowboy]

[seawaveleo]

A WILDCARD IS ACTIVE!

[marzimar]

I think it's a very complicated moment for her because she sees innies as subhuman. Yet, Helly is appreciated and respected and loved in a way that Helena never has been. And realizing that this character that you saw as, like a servant, might actually be living a richer life than you, I think that that really affects her. - Dan Erickson (S2, E2 : Goodbye , Mrs. Selvig, Behind the Scenes)