#and i'm just like... that's EXACTLY why we /should/ be celebrating cultural events.

[honnojis]

Random thought maybe, but I will always think and advocate for that culture and life should be celebrated no matter what. There's so many awful things happening all the time and so many reports about people being terrible that it's easy to lose sight of the positives and how beautiful our world and its people can be, and most importantly; how it's worth trying to preserve it.

"But this terrible thing is happening over there! Why would you be throwing a party now?!" Of course it's terrible that these things are happening, and I never said we should be dismissing those things! But world news can get overwhelming very quickly, and if we keep submerging ourselves in a constant stream of negativity, in the end everyone will just be utterly miserable. I genuinely do think it's good to turn to your direct environment instead of an internet bubble from time to time and simply focus on the environment and people you have in front of you. Or seek it out elsewhere if your environment can't provide it in some way; it's never truly far away.

Not only does celebrating culture help with bringing people together, it also helps bringing other people joy and sometimes a much-needed break from the aforementioned stream of negativity. With almost every news outlet and social media it's discourse and negative happenings that garner engagement; and that's what they'll almost always be reporting on. Drowning yourself in that stuff all the time just straight up isn't healthy! Sometimes you just need to have a day where you can forget about all of that and find a moment or reason to celebrate what we love to continue powering through everything life may throw at us otherwise.

And no, I don't wanna hear anything about "oh but this culture is bad for [THING] :/", that's not what this post is about. This is a post for the appreciation of the cultures that make the world so wonderfully diverse and happy in their own way. Culture in so many ways is a celebration of life and the world around us, and we need to have something that's worth keeping around, right?

[digi-log-conversation]

Were you the person in the secret annex online rip?

For obvious reasons I don't want to be drawing attention to this video, so I will not be tagging this post with my usual tags for Q&A stuff, but it turns out I do have a lot to say.

Content warning for nazi stuff.

Yes, this was me! Let me tell you the full story of how this rip came to be:

At the time, backroom was trying to think of what to do for 4/20 the second time around, since we already celebrated weed the first time. 2017 was kind of the height of SiIva backroom considering "edgy" humour really really funny so it was quickly decided that we would be celebrating Adolf Hitler's birthday. The twist, however, was that only a small number of rips uploaded would be relevant at all, and that they would all be implicit references. AKA, you wouldn't think that these rips are connected to Hitler if not for the fact that they were all uploaded on his birthday. The only exception to this was to be the planned finale rip, a character-dedicated Snow halation rip featuring the tyrannical dictator himself. This ended up going up on Flustered Fernando, I believe, under the title "Mein Theme - World War II".

On the day itself, I happened to be on my way home from school, and we had some balloons there, I think leftover from someone's birthday the day before. It was then that I got the idea to make this video, since the Anne Frank house was pretty easy to reach. After checking whether there was some possible viable metadata I could upload it under, I wrote "HBD 4/20" on the balloon, walked next to the Anne Frank house and put it down on the ground, filming all of it. When I got home I quickly edited it all together and posted the video.

At the time, I don't think I was very worried about the way this video would be seen. I considered it to be pretty tame even for an offensive joke, because noone had even seen it happen. Nobody but me would know what was on that balloon or what it even meant, and I didn't take it very seriously, because in my eyes it wasn't.

But when it's uploaded to a YouTube channel with (at the time) 156 thousand subscribers, it sends a different message. A message saying "yes, we're okay with celebrating someone who represents the murder of 6 million jews," and "we're willing to take our jokes offline," which is a VERY dangerous message to send. I consider us lucky the video mostly went under the radar and didn't attract the kind of people who would be down with that to our community.

And that's where the video stayed for the next 3 years; under the radar. After I stopped caring about impressing my "edgy" friends, I wasn't very happy about the video staying up, but I didn't exactly want to draw attention to it by taking it down. A bit unreasonable, I really should have just taken it down at that point, even if that meant it would have turned into one of those notorious SiIva lost media cases. Anyway, I removed the video in 2020, and that's the end of the story.

While the contents of the video may have been fairly tame, only depicting minor criminal activity (at least, I don't think littering counts as a hate crime??), it was a lot more about the message it sent than the events it depicted, and I'm happy it's gone. I've been speaking pretty objectively and retrospectively about it up until now, but I feel it would be remiss of me not to say how I feel about it now: I'm sorry to anyone who saw this video, recognized the message it was sending, and felt any degree of uncomfortable. If this video or any of the culture surrounding it put you off SiIvaGunner or made you feel like you wouldn't belong in the community around the channel, I'm really sorry. I hope you'll give it a second chance. If you saw this video and wish SiIva would go back to its former "edgy" glory, kindly fuck off.

Lastly, a few closing remarks. You may be wondering why I even bothered answering this ask instead of just ignoring it and letting the video rest in obscurity. Well, I don't like shying away from or hiding parts of my past. I much prefer to acknowledge that it happened, what I learned from it and how I improved. However, please don't take this as an invitation to highlight this as one of my contributions on the SiIvaGunner Wiki. I'd rather not see my name in the little infobox on the article, so I guess consider the video disowned.

[a-student-out-of-time]

Oh my- HARUKI GET THE CAMERA! FAMILY DRAMA IS ABOUT TO OCCUR AND I'M NOT GOING TO MISS IT!.- Miru , a fan of Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Seriously...

I’m so sorry, I had no idea they’d be here.

You couldn’t know, don’t be hard on yourself.

We just have to make sure they fuck off.

Right.

*A short time later, a young woman walks up to their table*

Umm, excuse me? May I trouble you all for just a moment?

Yes?

This may seem like an odd question, but did a girl run by here?

About this tall, with a painter’s hat, my hair and eye color, my brother said she was holding a sketchbook?

Hmm...no, I don’t think so.

I think I heard that though. You may want to check somewhere on the other side of the room.

Yeah, my siblings are checking there right now.

I...I don’t mean to push, but are you certain you didn’t see her? She ran right down this aisle and I-

If I may ask, miss, who are you exactly?

Me?

I’m Nijiue Hitaru.

_________________________________________________

(Hitaru...?)

_________________________________________________

Judging by your name and what day it is, am I correct in assuming that you’re an artist as well?

I am, yes. I work in painting, sketching, sculpting, modeling, all sorts of visual arts. Since today’s Culture Day, my siblings and I came out to enjoy the celebration and to share some of our latest work.

Just your siblings? Not your parents?

Mother and Father don’t care much for it. They’re away right now, at an exhibit in Niigata.

I do love seeing what everyone puts together for these events.

Not to get too much into rumors, but I’ve heard that the Nijiue Family is very strict when it comes to artistic talent.

…They are. We all know that firsthand.

What’s this about? Do you-

You know what I think? I think, if someone grew up in a crappy household, they should have the right to leave. They shouldn’t be forced to stay there, especially not for some bullshit legacy.

Kids oughta be allowed to be kids, not objects for their families. You have any idea what that kind of life is like?!

…

…Yes. I do. And I...I understand why she left.

But there was...n-nothing any of us could do...no matter how much we wanted to. I’ve...I’ve thought about her every day for the last two years. And how much I wish I could apologize...

_________________________________________________

…

Big Sis...?

_________________________________________________

Listen, sometimes, when you mess up, you don’t get a second chance. I don’t know who you’re talking about, but if you were gonna find her again, it would’ve happened.

Yes...I suppose it would have, wouldn’t it?

Thank you all for your time. I’m sorry to bother you.

_________________________________________________

...

*Iroha climbs out from under the table*

Wh-What are you..?!

HITARU!

...

It’s...It’s me...I’m here.

See? Hehe...

Iroha...

You’re alive...

I...o-oh my god, I missed you so much!

I...I’m sorry....

*Sniff* Don’t be.

Just...c’mere.

*Iroha rushes over and hugs her older sister*

[alto-angel]

in this post, i would like to present my thesis on why the song metaphor by the crane wives belongs to goro akechi.

"i've gotten good at leaning on metaphors": goro's speech as the detective prince is very flowery, exaggerated, and calculated, in order to please the crowds of people with their eyes trained on him at all times. public appearances, television shows, and interviews are all very important for his image, and as such he's forced to adapt his speech and choose his wording carefully to appease those watching. robbie daymond especially does a very good job of vocally pushing the line of politeness into a tone that sounds just a bit too sugary to be genuine, but not something u would notice unless u were listening closely.

"i've gotten good at living on someone else's page": much like the first line, this one can also refer to goro's public image. because he's put an immense amount of work into his life as the detective prince, he aims to please. or at least, he needs to act as though he does. in order to keep up appearances, he needs to be able to get a read of those around him and keep himself on the same wavelength as them. this also applies to shido—not only does goro need to please his fans, but shido as well, in order to stay one step ahead of him. goro is purposefully putting himself on eggshells every day of his life, and in order to keep that up as well as keep himself safe, this is what he has to practice.

"i cut my teeth on secondhand sentiments": goro is often forced to follow a script, or at least an embellished, public-friendly version of his own thoughts. the things that he says when acting as the detective prince are rarely ever his own thoughts as they would be presented in normal conversation. goro has to hide his true opinion of the phantom thieves behind crowd pleasing buzzwords, keep up appearances by catering his opinions, and even quotes philosophers and other literature ("to paraphrase hegel"). the things that he says as detective prince goro akechi are rarely ever entirely his own, and he's gotten very good at tailoring his speech.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": this one, i think, is fairly self-explanatory. the "you" doesn't just apply to the phantom thieves, but to those goro works with as well. what is it he says to sae; "to trick your enemies, you must first trick your allies"? he uses deception to get what he wants, but his primary motivation for it is to move his plan forward, and to protect himself. obviously, if he were honest with shido, he would've been killed on the spot. goro's proficiency with lies isn't just a tool he uses, but a defense mechanism as well. bc of his fear of and difficulty grasping the concept of opening up to someone, through that skill, he is able to keep himself closed off and in control (that is, until he meets akira).

"i keep my closet free of skeletons": this one strikes me as irony, personally. goro's closet is so full of skeletons that it's practically bursting at the seams. but as the detective prince, something like that just isn't allowed. he needs to play the part, otherwise he pays the price. as himself, as goro akechi, he's got so many skeletons in his closet that he probably can't open the door anymore. but as the detective prince, he has to uphold an air of perfection that seems unattainable to others. goro as the detective prince is the epitome of the culture behind the idolization of celebrities, and the way others place and expect them on pedestals of something near godhood, far above the rest of the world.

"cause i'm much better at digging graves": well, goro akechi is certainly no stranger to the art of killing someone without a trace. we have no idea how many shutdowns or breakdowns he induced over the course of his professional relationship with shido. but i also think this lyric in tandem with the one right before it could relate to goro's tendencies towards repression; the idea that he cannot and should not have any "demons" or "skeletons"—such as past traumas, meaningful relationships, or feelings that he's jammed down and shut the closet doors on, if u will—bc since vengeance is his only objective, then digging graves is his primary task, or the only thing he's good for, in his mind. the word skeletons doesn't have to represent mistakes specifically, but could also refer to how goro views his own heart and how he deals with his emotions. something like, he feels he shouldn't deal with all that turbulence, bc he's far better at warping it into anger—something that he's used to dealing with, and can easily rationalize. the more complicated emotions, not so much.

"but i always dig up bones in your sympathy": this is where i start connecting things to goro and akira specifically. another definition of sympathy entails two people who share an understanding of each other. doesn't that sound like goro and akira to u? so, if u take these lyrics to be from goro to akira, it feels to me like this one could represent his regrets/desire to leave his situation. according to rank seven of his confidant in royal, we know that goro is practically screaming for help before the events of sae's palace. unfortunately, as the player, we are not able to save him. but i think this lyric could represent his desire to connect with akira despite his better judgement—"dig up bones," as in; i'll still arrive at the decision to bury them in the first place, but bc we have an understanding, i'll show u as well as i can that i do not want to be doing this. and that's exactly how rank seven with goro plays out, through the metaphor of a billiards game.

"i can't trust a single thing you say": this could refer to the fact that both goro and akira are withholding truths from each other throughout their relationship, and since they are of equal standing, the same deception that applies to goro would apply to akira as well, albiet in a far different way. however, i can also see it as an unwillingness on goro's part; he feels as though he cannot trust akira not bc akira is truly lying to him, but bc there's no other way for him to rationalize the fact that akira cares for him and wants to spend time with him. as goro akechi, not the detective prince. goro can't trust the kindness akira extends to him not only bc he's used to conditional love (shido, foster parents, etc.), but also bc he doesn't feel as though he deserves it. goro does not have a very high image of himself, as we see later on, and it's easy to see throughout his confidant that he cannot quite understand why someone would want to spend time with him, and not the perfectly crafted version of him that he presents to everyone else.

"don't look too hard, cause you won't like the scars he left in me": the "he" here refers to shido. shido is the sole reason for all of goro's trauma and hardships. he has scarred goro more than anyone else in his life. and goro's sharing of these traumas is very limited: he opens up seemingly out of nowhere, before immediately retreating under the guise of things like "oh, that isn't like me," or "oh, am i bothering u?" such as the scenes that take place in leblanc and the bathhouse. goro cannot fathom the fact that someone (akira) would wish to get to know him, as he is, so he assumes that a normal interaction between friends is somehow too much transparency, and keeps himself at a distance. he mistakes his feelings for akira as hatred, right? obviously, that's entirely the wrong word to describe them. but if goro himself believes that he hates akira, he would likely believe akira to hate him as well; as evidenced by the fact that the dialogue options which give u the most points are the ones where u mention ur "rivalry"—bc again, goro cannot rationalize his emotions as anything other than negative; anger, hatred, etc. it's far easier for goro to blurt out the words "i hate u" rather than "i love u," or "i care for u," isn't it? and this is how he keeps himself at enough of a distance, although simultaneously feels himself drawing closer. emotional closeness is not something goro is well versed in, and bc goro has built his image on being talented and skilled, he refuses to reveal his shortcomings.

"i've gotten good at making up metaphors": the words here are only slightly different than the ones at the beginning, which i think works for goro's further descent into his deal with shido, and subsequent difficulty. instead of "leaning" on metaphors, he's completely making them up. it's more drastic, which could represent a sort of desperation. almost as if he's losing his touch—which we do see after the events of sae's palace, during the tv interview where he monologues internally about his backstory, and we start to really see how damaged he is. goro is frazzled and distraught, enough for it to visibly show, something he prided himself on being able to avoid.

"i've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape": again, the same situation as before. similar to the beginning, with slightly harsher wording. the lies that goro is immersing himself in are getting more intense, and almost impossible to separate from. his "murder" of akira is a turning point, in a way; akira is the first and only character we see goro kill in what he believes to be outside of the metaverse. he's not only stretching the truth out of shape, but he himself is bent out of shape as well—this stuck out to me on my ng+ run; his sprites in the scene just after akira is reported to be dead from him to shido are very unsettling and absent, as if he's almost completely zoning out. it's a very jarring scene to watch, and i think at least part of that has to be due to the severity of his actions.

"and all these words are sweet and meaningless": this feels to me, if we're going by the timeline i've been suggesting throughout all this, like it's directed at shido. now that akira is dead and the phantom thieves are no longer a threat to goro's plan for revenge, he can focus his energy back on his original objective. goro lays it on incredibly thick in his scenes with shido, so much so that it sometime surprises me that he didn't realize shido was onto him. again with the more intense wording here, which fits with the events i'm corresponding it with.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": now this wording is exactly the same as the first time, but given the progression of everything i've talked about, i take this as a sort of last word to both shido and akira. goro intends to follow through with his vengeance no matter the cost, and this could read as a final nail in that coffin. the song repeats this lyric four times, as well. if i wanted to keep it up all the way up to the engine room scene, and go completely off the rails in the process, i could say that the first iteration of this line is an affirmation to both shido and akira that his revenge takes precedence, therefore it would be stupid to trust him. the second is an affirmation to himself that he is in fact doing the right thing, and everything will pay off in the end, that this is just the way things are supposed to be, as always. the third is a kind of plea, born from confusion, after he's defeated by the theives and they offer to bring him with them to take down shido, an offer he cannot fathom the reason for extending. a sort of "why would u trust me" in the form of "u shouldn't trust me." and the fourth would refer directly to goro speaking to his cognitive self; as he decieves the deciever, making it seem as though he is running back to shido only to close the bulkhead door and resign himself to his "noble" sacrifice.

i hope at least some of this makes any semblance of sense. put this song on ur goro playlists, goroboys.