#sorry im getting a bit philosophical

[honnojis]

Random thought maybe, but I will always think and advocate for that culture and life should be celebrated no matter what. There's so many awful things happening all the time and so many reports about people being terrible that it's easy to lose sight of the positives and how beautiful our world and its people can be, and most importantly; how it's worth trying to preserve it.

"But this terrible thing is happening over there! Why would you be throwing a party now?!" Of course it's terrible that these things are happening, and I never said we should be dismissing those things! But world news can get overwhelming very quickly, and if we keep submerging ourselves in a constant stream of negativity, in the end everyone will just be utterly miserable. I genuinely do think it's good to turn to your direct environment instead of an internet bubble from time to time and simply focus on the environment and people you have in front of you. Or seek it out elsewhere if your environment can't provide it in some way; it's never truly far away.

Not only does celebrating culture help with bringing people together, it also helps bringing other people joy and sometimes a much-needed break from the aforementioned stream of negativity. With almost every news outlet and social media it's discourse and negative happenings that garner engagement; and that's what they'll almost always be reporting on. Drowning yourself in that stuff all the time just straight up isn't healthy! Sometimes you just need to have a day where you can forget about all of that and find a moment or reason to celebrate what we love to continue powering through everything life may throw at us otherwise.

And no, I don't wanna hear anything about "oh but this culture is bad for [THING] :/", that's not what this post is about. This is a post for the appreciation of the cultures that make the world so wonderfully diverse and happy in their own way. Culture in so many ways is a celebration of life and the world around us, and we need to have something that's worth keeping around, right?

[faaun]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

[always-a-joyful-note]

By the way, I love how everyone in Idolish7 is never just one thing. Yes, Iori has a cool aura and is very master-of-all-trades analytical...but he also is a guy who loves small and cute things and just kinda wants to support people he loves and also is asocial as one can be. Yes, Yamato is like the lazy but friendly older brother figure with dirty jokes...but he also has incredible trauma from secrets kept to him and wants to love his friends so much in the right way and also has a pet rover named Musashi. Yes, Yuki is the cool and distant playboy male lead trope....but he's also someone who tried so hard to stop that behaviour and is actually doing better in trying to communicate and value other people! Yeah, Tenn is a two-faced angel-demon who takes his work way too seriously and K.O.s people with one insult....but he's also way too self-sacrificing of his own good and values people so much to his own detriment. And Riku being the cute and oblivious airhead who is kinda spoiled....but also trying so hard to be more than the sheltered kid he was raised as, having so much talent, loving books a lot. It's just them being character archetypes from animanga, and the writers having fun with that, but also making them more without disparaging those stereotypes

[fleurhcss]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 - Seungmin x FEM!Reader

cw: some cunty and kinky shit, very hard sex, best friends to lovers, very possessive and hard dom seungmin with a sweet trait (im sorry i love my minnie), bratty reader, you are really a whore, stripper reader, mention of alchool and jealousy, handcuff

sw: hair pulling, pinv, cunnilingus, oral (M! receving), orgasm denial, multiple orgasm, scratching, biting, marking, bit of blood cuz seungmin is very kinky bastard MDNI!

wc: 7k

synopsis: Financially, you are not doing well. In addition to your part-time job, you attend some clubs in the evenings in order to earn a little more money. You do not mind showing off, as you love receiving compliments from men and finding new partners with whom to engage in sexual intercourse in order to satisfy your sexual frustrations. Your closest friend, Seungmin, is unaware of these circumstances. Given his protective nature, it is likely that he would take extreme measures to protect you. One unexpected outcome of the situation is that the individual in question has become a possessive dominant. He unintentionally discovers the extent of your job. This results in a particularly harsh fuck between the two, during which he is merciless. Your initial perception of him was that of a kind and gentle individual. However, upon further reflection, it becomes evident that he is, in fact, a complex and intriguing character. His actions and demeanor often elicit a strong emotional response, including feelings of intense arousal and even physical sensations such as bleeding.

a/n: hiii, I'm writing this since the chanel event! I'm sorry if i take request so sloowly but it's exam ses. now! Hope you will like this, i had fun writing it 🫶🏻🩷 made especially for this cutie @chrizzztopherbang . I opened a ko-fi account, i will post there some stories and drawings, if you want to support me i will be grateful to anyone who wants to give me tips, ITS NOT OBLIGATORY

[ SMUT ]

Another day at one of your many jobs. Lately you have been having financial problems. These included paying for university fees, rent, food, bills and other necessities. To supplement your income, you have been working four different jobs: bartending, librarian, after-school care every other day, and nightclub work every night. Your friends were unaware of this aspect of your life, as it caused you considerable embarrassment to discuss it. However, you did not feel uncomfortable about it. The practice of tipping for extra services was beneficial, although not all men were comfortable with it. Some men were able to satisfy the sexual frustrations of the women with whom they engaged in such activities. At this point, you were in the midst of a professional endeavour, helping high school students to improve their GPAs. It is remarkable that these students held you in such high esteem. Despite the exhaustion that inevitably accompanied the work, you found great satisfaction in your role. As you corrected the maths exercises of the esteemed Hana, an Anglo-Korean girl whom you held in high esteem and who always presented you with exquisite drawings, you contemplated the future once you had completed your current task.

At nine o'clock in the evening you were expected at one of the clubs in the city centre for your usual performance. In addition to the attractive salary, this job had another important advantage: you had always been passionate about dancing, and this was the closest thing you had to it. However, you had been forced to give up dancing for lack of time and money. After finishing the boys' homework and explaining some philosophical concepts and mathematical formulas, you retired to bed to get some rest. Fortunately, it was still six o'clock, allowing you to rest after an already exhausting day. You had studied in the morning, worked in the afternoon and now, in a few hours, you would resume your night work. The strange absence of your best friend's usual appearance or phone call had not yet occurred. At least he was fine. Seungmin was your best friend. He had two different personalities: during the day he was a polite and wealthy individual who showed considerable intelligence and respect; at night, when he was with his friends, he became a kind of Don Giovanni heartthrob. There is no denying that he had a certain appeal.

He was very protective of you and never allowed other men to interfere in your romantic life. As a result, he was the first to not know of your secret occupation. It is difficult to predict how he might have reacted, and it may have been for the best that he was not informed. If he ever discovered your secret, he would hunt down the men you were with one by one, and the outcome of that hunt was uncertain. He would then turn his attention to you, giving you a good-natured lecture and possibly resorting to other forms of intimidation. Your best friend was able to make him feel afraid, although you had learned this not from him but from Jisung, Seungmin's best friend, who had been caught having sex with his professor in Seungmin's car. You still remember his displeased behaviour and you were reluctant to provoke him further.

However, your premature declaration of triumph was premature, for he had not telephoned, but had arrived at your home just as you were about to fall into a deep sleep. The most disturbing aspect of the situation was the fact that you had given him the keys to your home, as he had been your closest friend for several years. So there was no need for you to get up and open the door for him, as he suddenly walked into your room in his gym clothes. This was somewhat unexpected, as he had previously expressed no interest in going to the gym. He himself noticed your puzzled expression at his unusual post-gym attire and appearance. "Good afternoon! Don't look at me with such disdain, Changbin Hyung is forcing Jisung, Felix and me to work out with him because he says we're too skinny," and you were overcome with laughter. The aforementioned were remarkably thin, consisting of two adorable little men with minimal musculature. They looked like little fairies, including Changbin, who seemed to have exaggerated musculature. Seungmin was considerably taller than the others and had broad shoulders. The image of him working out with them was quite funny.

"It's funny to consider the prospect of you working out with them. It is equally amusing to consider the prospect of you doing any kind of training at all, considering your past dislike of training," you concluded, making yourself comfortable and making room for your friend to sit next to you on the bed. He gave you a friendly pat on the arm and pouted in a way that was both endearing and characteristic of him. You had coined the term "Seungballons" to describe this particular pout, as it resembled a balloon. Furthermore, the addition of a pout in the form of a kiss would invariably render one unconscious. You found this behaviour endearing, and it prompted you to engage in a reciprocal act of affection by kissing him on the cheeks. "Ugh, in the end I have to admit that it is not without merit. It is a long-standing affair that is difficult to notice because of my tendency to wear baggy clothes. However, I have gained a considerable amount of muscle mass. Look." He said as he lifted the shirts he was wearing, causing you to be quite shocked because, yes, your friend had two pecs and a well-developed six-pack. His physical appearance provoked a strong emotional response, but he was your closest friend and you were unable to entertain such thoughts.

"You must tell Changbin that he has done an excellent job with you," you swallowed, made a feigned smile and drank some water, trying to erase the image of your best friend's partially naked body from your mind - although you did not mind. "I will, and I am grateful to you, my dear . Although we're going to a club tomorrow night; would you like to come?" he asked. You froze, considering the possibility of being caught. However, they did not usually frequent such places, so you had some protection if your luck did not turn against you. "I would like to tell you that I am unable to attend. I have a full day's work and then I have to prepare for an upcoming exam. Nevertheless, I would be interested to know where you are going, if I may ask." "I am not sure. Binnie Hyung informed us that he had discovered a new place and we were curious to know more about it," Seungmin said thoughtfully, and you felt a sense of relief that you still had the opportunity to withdraw.

But you were not convinced by your friend's desperate expression; you suspected he was hiding something. "Are you okay, Min?" you asked as you adjusted his bangs. "Yes, and I am worried about the taste of some of my hyungs, to be honest," he replied, leading you onto the bed and initiating a bout of tickling. That afternoon, your thoughts were not on the information your friend had given you. Instead, you found yourself contemplating his toned, naked chest. You had not anticipated his physical attractiveness, especially given his previous behaviour. You had grown accustomed to his puppy-dog appearance, with its endearingly youthful features.

So you did not consider the possibility that he might have been working out.

It was obvious that the ensemble suited him. Seungmin already had broad shoulders and one of your vices was to lean on them when watching a film or going out. It was a habit you had developed, but it was not a common occurrence. "Please don't change the subject. I'm curious about Changbin's tastes."

You giggled and pulled yourself together again. Seungmin was no innocent, so he blushed slightly.

His former partners had confirmed this to you, as they had discussed his sexual performance in great detail. However, he was ashamed to discuss certain topics in public or with you, as you were his best friend. He saw you as an innocent girl, which you were not. "Let's say he has a taste for strippers and nightclubs. That is all I am saying, and I am aware that it is a rather embarrassing subject".

He finished by running his hand over his face, making you chuckle.

"As if you had never seen a woman without her clothes on." You made the claim. In fact, he had observed numerous instances of female nudity, including those of his romantic partners.

"Yes, but I was with them. I am not like Hyung who has adventures with women who lap dance for him in night clubs". Had he been aware of this, he would have realised that this is exactly what you do for a living. "You have never considered fucking a woman you are not romantically involved with and who is not your girlfriend?" you inquired as you began to manipulate the fabric of his suit. "No, I'm... shy," he replied, biting his lip. He was looked at with a certain amount of disbelief.

" You! are shy?" you asked, looking at him with an expression that even he, as your closest friend, could not interpret. "Yes, I am," he replied, grimacing and then playfully pushing you. "You're really weird, Kim Seungmin," you pushed him back and then initiated a tickling session, blushing as you felt how well trained and sculpted he was under your touch. It was not the first time you had touched a well-trained chest, but Seungmin's did something to you. Maybe it was because he was your closest friend, or maybe it was because he was different from the others you had met, or maybe it was because you were used to seeing him consistently and exclusively as a thin individual with broad shoulders.

It can be argued that, without meaning to, you became preoccupied with fantasies about Seungmin to an extent that was inappropriate. Not only had you been friends for years, but he was one of your closest friends. Although you found it difficult to erase certain images of him from your mind, you felt guilty about thinking about him in a certain way. It is also worth noting that your nighttime occupation presented certain challenges. It would be highly undesirable for any of your friends, especially Seungmin, to become aware of your nighttime activities. On reflection, Seungmin had mentioned visiting a nightclub. If he were to find you on duty at one of the clubs where you were a regular, your situation would be untenable. It is unclear how Seungmin perceived you, but it is unlikely that he saw you as a dancer in one of the clubs that your best friend's best friend appreciated.

He suddenly asked what he should wear, causing you to look at him with a certain amount of concern. Your best friend was known for his occasional eccentricities. "Excuse me, but do I look like an expert on nightclubs to you?" you inquired, your tone betraying a certain concern. "No, but as a woman you might have the knowledge to dress me in a manner that would impress," he replied, almost shyly, though his demeanour betrayed his true feelings. "So my dear Min wants to impress a girl?" you inquired, playfully pinching his cheek as you laughed. He looked at you with a look of displeasure. "I am a man and I have not fucked for several months. I have certain... needs. By the way, it is undoubtedly a challenge for me to refrain from emotional connection during fucks. However, I cannot resist certain urges. Perhaps at the end of the night I can get a positive response from someone," he said in a low voice, his hands covering his face. "Are you really saying that you want to fuck while being all shy, Kim Seungmin?" You laughed in his face for the umpteenth time. "What do you want? It seems like you haven't fucked for a long time." He tousled your hair, but watching your expression closely, he returned it with a confused one, to say the least.

The problem was that you lacked the ability to lie effectively, especially in the context of deceiving him. As a result, you often displayed peculiar facial expressions that he was able to read with remarkable clarity. "Oh my God, fuck! You fucked with someone and didn't tell me?" he asked, his expression showing more anger than offence. "That is not true. You are imagining these events," you replied, trying to maintain a neutral expression. "Yes, you did. You fucked and did not tell me about it. You know you cannot lie to me, Y/N," he said, biting his lip with an expression that was both serious and intense. The atmosphere had become noticeably more intense, with a palpable sense of unease and tension. You were in a compromising situation and had placed yourself in a vulnerable position. You could have been sure that you felt the first drops of perspiration forming on your face. However, you were forced to end the discussion before it got to the heart of the matter. The most expedient course of action was to acknowledge that it had happened, even if in a limited way. "It happened on a few occasions when I was drunk, but it was not a regular occurrence," you said, trying to give a concise account. Nevertheless, he was not inclined to inquire about the incident in question.

"Only a few times when you were drunk? Are you crazy? What if something had happened to you?" There was the protective Seungmin you wanted to avoid. You were grateful for his concern and lack of complaints, but sometimes it became unbearable. "Still, it didn't happen. I am mature enough to understand the consequences of my actions, Seungmin," you said, pointing at him with your finger as if to admonish him. "Yes, I am aware of that, but I am concerned for your well-being," he said, grabbing your arm and then taking a bite. It could be described as a unique form of affection with which he expressed his apology to you. "I am aware, Seung, but don't worry, I am fully aware of my actions," you smiled at him, taking his face in your hand and planting a kiss on his forehead. "You should return home, as you are in a rather foul state, Mr Gym," you playfully admonished him, giving him a light tap on the shoulder before he left your domicile.

The working day was going to be quite long.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

You were deeply distressed and felt considerable discomfort throughout your body. At work the night before, you were forced to work an extended overtime shift (for which you were paid only half the normal rate). This resulted in a complex set of experiences, including physical pain and a significant financial reward. You were required to have sexual intercourse with two people, a task which you found unpleasant, particularly given the lack of arousal involved. However, the remuneration was satisfactory and you did not express any significant dissatisfaction. You were aware that the nature of the work was inequitable, but you found it necessary and occasionally used it as a means of satisfying certain desires. Fortunately, you had acquired the ability to fake an orgasm, which you used on some occasions, such as yesterday. At that time you were lying in bed, surrounded by books for your upcoming exam, and in a few hours you would have to go to work in the morning.

That night, despite your best efforts, you had to go to a club in the city centre. You had completely forgotten that Changbin was going to take Seungmin and the others to a club in the city centre, which could very well have been the one you were on duty at that night. However, you had not considered this possibility and your mind was so preoccupied that it kept slipping away. So you prepared discreetly for your exam, unaware that that night was the perfect opportunity for you to meet your closest friend, who was likely to be visibly distressed. You were due to perform your duties that afternoon and hoped that the number of customers would be relatively small, given your limited mobility.

The mere anticipation of returning to work that night caused a deep sense of anxiety. You hoped that no one would ask for private shows or other activities that you sometimes found unpleasant. The only desire was to rest and wake in a pool of wealth. You rose listlessly to prepare your lunch. It was not possible to combine work and rest in this way, so you had to take painkillers and vitamins.

You then found yourself preparing and serving smoothies and ice creams in your favourite café. Your day went on as usual. What you did not anticipate was the presence of your closest friend at the table you were to serve. One might ask whether you should not have been preparing for your evening activities. One is tempted to inquire about the nature of their joint venture in a café a few hours before their nightclubbing. They expressed their displeasure at the proprietor's suggestion that they should hurry to serve the aforementioned table, and furthermore, they could not avoid the situation, as Seungmin was aware that this was a table assigned to you, and sat there consistently with the intention of being served.

After a long period of contemplation, you approached them. "Good evening, shouldn't you be getting ready for your clubbing night?" you said, your tone sarcastic. Your friend smiled at you and pinched your side. You wanted to run away. "Jisung is unable to consume alcohol unless he has had a meal or smoothie beforehand," Felix informed him, drawing a scornful look from him. "It is not recommended to consume alcohol on an empty stomach." The boy explained that alcohol is absorbed more quickly into the bloodstream and the effects of intoxication are more pronounced. "Isn't that the point of going to nightclubs? And who told you this? Your respected professor?" the older boy asked jokingly. They looked at each other with a strange expression and Seungmin continued to explain the matter: Jisung had a somewhat unconventional relationship with one of his university professors, characterised by frequent flirting. "I have to respectfully disagree. Minho is a very good professor," he replied, blushing. Her expression was unmistakable. "You're calling him by his first name now, too," he observed, causing a general outburst of mirth, especially the adorable blush on Jisung's chubby cheeks.

"So what can I get for you?" you inquired, interrupting the conversation to take their orders and get out of your friend's company. You were particularly keen to avoid the question from your friend, who would undoubtedly invite you to the evening's event.

You had only been there a few minutes when you noticed Seungmin casting furtive glances in your direction and his friends teasing him about something you did not understand. Unbeknownst to you, they were teasing him about the fleeting glances he was sending your way. "Seungmin, did you notice that you are eating her with your eyes?" inquired Felix, appropriating the cherry from his milkshake. "That's not right," he replied, taking a sip from his glass. "Indeed it is. One might suggest that you ask her out," the blonde continued. "That would be an unusual and somewhat awkward situation, and then I believe she might be involved in a nocturnal affair, or perhaps even a series of them," he said, lowering his head. "And you are jealous! "Which leads to the question if this is what you want to do tonight," Changbin inquired. "Be silent. It is possible that I am indeed jealous. "

The observed behaviour was merely the incessant movement of lips in an attempt to escape the source of discomfort as quickly as possible. Fortunately, twenty minutes later the group left and Seungmin offered you a quick kiss on the cheek. This sparked further merriment among his small group of friends, causing you to become increasingly suspicious. Your only concern was to avoid running into them at the nightclub where you were working that night. This had been your intention since yesterday, since your closest friend had informed you of it. Your anxiety about this matter was greater than your concern about your inability to dance effectively due to the discomfort of the previous night.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

In the midst of your preparations for the upcoming show, you were forced to change your clothes in a hurry. Fortunately, you had already finished your make-up. The evening dress was of a revealing nature and the dancing was expected to be energetic. It was hoped that the wearer would not feel uncomfortable. Your colleague entered your dressing room and informed you that you were about to perform, so you began your usual stage performance for adolescent and middle-aged males.

The only people missing were those you expected to see at the club. The only discernible difference was that they were watching you, watching you with particular interest, especially your closest friend, who opened his eyes wide as he consumed no less than two shots in the space of three minutes. "What is she doing there?" he asked, clenching his fists as he fixed his gaze on you. "I'm sure there must be an explanation, and maybe she didn't tell you because she didn't want you to worry," Jisung said, grabbing his shoulders behind Changbin as Seungmin seemed on the verge of exploding. "She's undeniably attractive," the shorter one remarked, drawing a withering look from the younger one. "Hyung, I strongly recommend you not to make any advances towards her. It is already difficult enough for me not to pick her up from the stage, but I assure you that as soon as she goes to the dressing room, I will not let her get away from me." He downed another shot of vodka.

It is unfortunate that at the end of your nightly performance, another person followed you into the dressing room and you failed to notice the presence of Seungmin, who was standing directly behind you and had suddenly issued a silent threat. The incident was so severe that when you turned around you suffered a stroke and lost the ability to speak. Your situation was indeed very screwed up. "Seungmin, I can..." you were abruptly interrupted and led to your dressing room where he sat you down at your personal table. His gaze was one of intense desire, imbued with the combined effects of alcohol and rage. You had never seen him in such a state. "Explain? What exactly do you want to explain to me? Explain how you sold your body without ever telling me?" He said, grabbing your waist. That should not have aroused you.

"I have economic problems and this is the only job that offers a satisfactory salary," you said in your defence. "I am indifferent to the matter. I could have helped". You are my property, OK? No one is allowed to touch you, Y/N". He then kissed you with considerable passion and force. This was a source of considerable distress for you, as it was different from your expectations of the situation. Although you experienced a degree of pleasure, the situation remained somewhat unusual. His hands were of considerable size and appeared to be a suitable instrument for caressing. "Why not? Who decided that I belong to you?" you inquired in a teasing manner. At this point the situation became increasingly amusing for you as well. "I must now erase the memory of this unclean contact before I had the opportunity to do so," he whispered into your ear before reaching down into the hollow of your neck and allowing you to ingest the substance. "Seungmin, my legs are tired. I am unable to walk," you informed him, indicating your own limitations. "There are numerous other ways to satisfy our mutual desires, and we will address this particular issue at a later time." Furthermore, I am. While I wish to destroy you, I would never take advantage of a woman in this state. Remarkably, he remained in character as the usual Seungmin knight.

"What are you going to do in my dressing room?" you asked, watching as he bent down between your thighs and pulled off the suit you had worn for the evening. "I am not sure. I have a craving, if I may be so bold as to say." He smiled. This young man you had previously considered a potential threat to your sanity. He found your body aesthetically pleasing. He began another insatiable and passionate kiss. His hands descended in a sweeping motion, tracing a path down your body, cupping your thighs and gradually rising to your buttocks, which he gripped firmly in a vice-like grip. "Your beauty is such that it is unconscionable to wait any longer. I want you and I want to play a little," Seungmin said with a sneer in his voice. Then he moved you to the small sofa with the instruction to straddle his body. He proceeded to kiss your neck, leaving a series of marks. It was inevitable that he would bite you, it was apparently a habit of his. You had learnt it from his exes. He would bite you to let you know he owned you, bite you until you bled, and lick the mess he made. This aroused you considerably. He smiled, indicating that he understood. You were in a state where he could do as he pleased. No other person had ever made you feel such intense arousal.

"Look at you, you are ready for me to do anything I want to you." He was not aware of this either.

The young man moved closer to you, initiating another passionate kiss as he cupped your neck with one hand and used the other to caress your intimacy. The movements were slow at first, but soon accelerated as your best friend removed your panties and quickly stroked your clit. When he became tired, he began a long series of kisses on your inner thighs. He then grabbed your thighs and brought them up to his shoulders. He then began to leave kisses on your vagina. "Please don't wait any longer," you said and Seungmin laughed and then began to lick your cunt in a long slow motion. He cupped your ass as he massaged it. You had been waiting for this moment ever since he had put his thin, large hands on your waist the day before.

"Seungmin, please..." you almost begged him before arching your back in a series of involuntary gasps, clinging to the back of the sofa as best you could. You looked at him, pressing harder against his face, wanting more and more. He laughed as he watched the reactions he was provoking in you with each touch, which only served to increase his desire to possess you. He grinned as he continued what he had begun. His hands were firmly harpooned in your bottom and thanks to the pleasure you were experiencing, you had thrown your head back. He laughed again as his tongue continued its work. He found the taste of you on his taste buds particularly delicious, sending him into a state of intense pleasure. He was deeply and passionately in love with you, with every aspect of your being. His nose came into contact with your pubic hair as a result of the depth of penetration achieved with his tongue. He was enjoying himself to a considerable degree, as evidenced by your moans and the pulling of strands of his hair. Seungmin was not uncomfortable with this aspect of your behaviour, in fact he found it erotic in a special way. He smiled as his tongue explored your orifice in slow, circular movements designed to bring you to a state of ecstasy. Seungmin silently enjoyed the experience. His only goal was to ensure your pleasure. His hands moved to the sides of your thighs, which he slapped hard. He took pleasure in leaving his marks, but he would never do anything to harm you; he worshipped you.

Then his hands moved in a circular motion, grasping your thighs and placing them on your shoulders. His mouth, which had previously been in contact with your clit, moved to sink his teeth into your inner thigh. He took pleasure in leaving his marks on you. No one was allowed to touch his woman; you were his and his alone. You were his. A pocket knife emerged from his boot, the purpose of which was unclear. However, before this could be determined, he took your labia majora between his teeth and pulled them towards him, pressing them against his mouth in order to suck your clitoris. This was done in a manner reminiscent of sucking a straw. He then drew a thin line with the blade of the penknife, leaving a streak of blood, all the way to your mound. This brought you to a state of considerable arousal. He withdrew from your vulva, reached up to begin his work, and began to lick the warm, crimson liquid that was slowly oozing from the wound. In addition, the moans of pain and pleasure you gave him drove him to a state of unprecedented ecstasy. The sensation of your mouth alone was more fulfilling than any other experience. He continued to suck on the blood dripping from the wound, causing further lesions on his breasts, around his nipples, in his groin and near his navel. This only accelerated his orgasm. Furthermore, when he inserted two fingers into your mouth, which was already open, he continued to stimulate your tongue. "Look at you... my submissive slut," he said, smiling.

He sneered as he took your face between his fingers. The picture showed you in a blood-soaked state. After a short interval, he withdrew his fingers and proceeded to stimulate your orifice by alternately inserting and withdrawing his digit. This was done in such a way as to create a deep sense of arousal. Seungmin was fascinated by the prospect of fucking you at that moment. "What is your desire, my princess?" "Not that you can do much in this state," he said, laughing, referring to his fingers inside you. "I want to touch you," you whispered, your voice hoarse from the constant moaning. "You can do better than that," he winked, then pulled away and sat you down on your side, then stood up, took off his trousers and sat down beside you. You stood frozen for a moment at the sight of his length; he was tall and compact. You had never seen one like it before.

"I see you are happy with it, Princess," he said, bringing your face close to his. You had fully perceived what he was trying to achieve. You were fully aware of his intentions. You were incapable of uttering any further words, as if his imposing stature had put you in a state of trance. He then proceeded to rub the head of his member against your lips in what appeared to be a teasing manner. It was not difficult for you to open your lips and make contact with the glans. You then proceeded to suck on the tip and then ran your tongue along the entire circumference and veins. You stimulated the testicles with your hands, causing him to moan hoarsely. As you continued to insert him fully into your mouth until you reached the uvula, you let out a moan that caused his member to tremble. This elicited a high-pitched moan from him.

"Fuck, baby like that." He explained that by grabbing your hair and then fucking your mouth, you were sure that you would come again if he continued.Indeed, your assumption proved to be correct.

That is exactly what happened.

"Fuck Y/N, I'm coming, take it off," he said, removing his hand from your hair. But you had no intention of removing your mouth. You grabbed his thighs and thrust his member deep into your throat, causing him to release inside you with a long, audible moan. You swallowed, licked your lips and looked at him. "You are incomprehensibly unaware of the effect you have on me," he winked. "I can, however, inform you of the effect you have on me." You giggled, then reached up to his ear and planted a kiss beneath it. "You have brought me to another orgasm," you said with a hint of mockery.

"Now, if it pleases you, I would be grateful for a date and to clean you up," he smiled as he led you to your private bathroom. "I would be most honoured, sir," you replied, laughing. It was not the ending you had expected.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

The experience of being discovered by Seungmin during a night shift would not be on any normal person's bucket list. However, the incident led to a change in your life. Seungmin had persuaded you to quit your job at a nightclub because he was concerned about your welfare and did not want you to be used as a mere object by men. Among other things, he had offered to support you financially until you found suitable alternative employment. He helped you to find a job that offered a comparable income and was adamant that it did not involve the exploitation of your body for sexual gratification. Although you were initially reluctant, given your long-standing opposition to his financial support, you eventually agreed.

The unexpected meeting also took place. He had invited you shortly after your encounter in the dressing room while he was discreetly cleaning up the mess. To be honest, you had never considered Seungmin as a potential romantic partner. However, your perspective had gradually changed over time. Back then, his friends, who were also your friends, had informed you that he had been casting furtive glances at you and had developed an interest in you. This confused you at first, but you eventually got used to it. You also had to prepare mentally for the meeting.

You did not deny that you were a little apprehensive; you were unsure of the destination he had in mind for this evening. He had instructed you to dress in a way that was both comfortable and tasteful, but your anxiety was growing. After a long shower, you began to look through your wardrobe, but it was difficult to choose an outfit without knowing where you were going. In the end, however, you chose a relatively simple ensemble consisting of a black ruffled skirt, not too short, and a top of the same colour that left your shoulders bare and had a boat neckline. You wore your beloved wedges. If you had to choose between them and heels, based on what Seungmin had told you about elegance and comfort, you would have chosen the latter. Your make-up was minimal, your hair was wavy and fell to your shoulders, your necklace was tightly fastened around your neck and all your jewellery was in its proper place. You completed your ensemble with a fruity and very sugary perfume before heading into the living room to wait for your no longer best friend.

Seungmin arrived shortly afterwards with a large bouquet of roses, in keeping with his reputation as a gallant man. You smiled as you remembered that he had not been in bed with you, especially after the knife performance. He said, "For you, my princess," and then kissed you on the lips. The anticipation of the evening's events had been palpable, yet the simplicity of the act itself evoked a deep sense of emotional resonance. The culmination of this experience was the tender kiss beneath the earlobe, accompanied by the words, "I hope you are well prepared as we have a long night ahead of us".

It was your firm belief that if he had continued to talk to you like this throughout the evening, you would have been so aroused that you would have removed your underwear, even if there had been no physical contact. In fact, you sighed before placing the roses in a vase of water and accompanying him to the car. It was a revelation to you that the vehicle in question was of considerable size. It was also admitted that Seungmin looked particularly handsome that night. He was wearing a black tank top and loose black trousers. His appearance was complemented by a leather jacket and jewellery. His footwear consisted of half-heeled ankle boots, which were as black as the rest of his outfit. His hair was lightly gelled and curly. He was a man of considerable qualities and attributes. You licked your lips and he watched, giving you the opportunity to do so. It was inevitable that he would drive you out of your mind as soon as he could.

There was no denying that the car ride had contributed to the evening's events. He held your thigh firmly in his hand and massaged your skin, occasionally reaching under the fabric of your skirt. He was aware that this was having a positive effect on you and you were similarly pleased by the experience. He felt a sense of predatory intent, like a predator with a vulnerable prey in his grasp.

The evening was going well. He had taken you to a modest restaurant at an elevated location, and you had enjoyed a sumptuous meat dish accompanied by an excellent wine. It was obvious that he had not missed the opportunity to cast certain glances at you as he sipped the vin rouge in his glass. He continued to look at you in an increasingly intimidating manner. The conversation went well and you had always enjoyed his company. The topics were varied and engaging, even when a situation had developed between you that couldn't be defined with a specific term. However, it seemed that Seungmin had anticipated your thoughts, as he initiated a discussion on the matter. "Considering that this is a full-fledged date, I would like to suggest that we raise the status of our relationship to boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't think there's any need for a proper dating, as I'm aware of your preferences," he said, raising his eyebrows as he took another sip of wine. "I agree, except for one thing: you do not know me well enough to have discovered my clandestine activities." You provoked him, knowing how the subject would arouse his jealousy. "I did not expect you to go so far." "I have always thought of you as my princess and hoped that you would eventually ask for my help." He wrinkled his nose. "Minie, it is important for me to be able to support myself. I am grateful for your help, but once I have secured employment, I would prefer you to stop helping me, okay?" you smiled with a pout in response.

Perhaps I should pay and we could go to my place?" he asked, smiling, before wiping his lips and getting to his feet. You did the same, but were stopped by him. He took your hand and kissed it before leading you to the exit. "This dinner is a date, and I am paying as usual. You are my friend and I will treat you properly," he said, making you blush. The gentleman in question displayed admirable behaviour and etiquette when dealing with women. He knew how to treat women with the respect and consideration they deserved. It is worth noting that in addition to the bedroom activities mentioned above, you had also gained an understanding of his somewhat eccentric behaviour outside the bedroom. You then waited outside the restaurant for him to return. He reappeared shortly afterwards, accompanied by a second bottle of red wine. "It was an excellent meal, and I have a plan for tonight. You'll see what I'm capable of, my dear," he said with a chuckle, then led you to the car and drove you both to his home.

To say that he did not even allow you the opportunity to survey the surroundings, despite your intimate familiarity with the house, was an understatement.

He immediately picked you up and carried you to his bed.

He then disappeared, returning with two goblets of wine.That night will remain indelibly etched in your memory.You watched as Seungmin took off his jacket and black shirt, leaving the vision to his well defined abs and the glittering necklace he was wearing.As you watched him take a sip of wine after almost completely undressing, you had to admit that his actions made your entire body tremble. Your panties were now soaked. "Now, Princess, undress for me," he said, grinning and licking his lips.He then lay on the bed with one hand behind his head and the other holding the goblet.

By this time the positions had been reversed, with the man on the bed watching your every move while you knelt in front of him, removing each piece of clothing until you were completely naked in front of him.

"How beautiful, come closer," he murmured. You approached him on all fours, the naked intimacy of your body matching his, still fully clothed. He watched you for a long time, as if to etch your image into his memory. You smiled and shivered as he began a gentle caress of your form. He caressed your cheek, shoulder and breasts in that order. He then moved to the other breast with his free hand, having previously placed the cup on the table. He began to massage it at a slow and deliberate pace, appreciating the texture of your skin. He then teased your nipple with his fingers, before pouncing on it with his lips and doing the same to the other. One hand, which had previously been at the back of your neck, now moved to your waist, where it began to caress it. His touch was so seductively overpowering that it left you breathless. He applied pressure to your hip as his lips played with your breasts. He then moved to your shoulders, biting and branding them. Your hands were clenched in his shoulders, scratching them lightly as you rubbed your vulva against the covered flap of his trousers. "Wait a moment, I want to feel you on me," he whispered in your ear.

He separated your bodies for a brief moment, then proceeded to undress you completely, allowing your intimacies to collide. "How about riding me?" he asked, smiling and winking. Your lips parted in surprise at the mere suggestion. It was highly unlikely that you would have survived the night. Seungmin was like a mermaid whose enchanting song was meant to captivate and enchant. You swallowed and then nodded in agreement. You applied gentle pressure to the head of his penis between your labia, causing you to pant and eliciting a moan from the Major. He had brought one arm back behind your head while the other held you tightly against him, increasing the contact. You lowered yourself completely onto him, allowing him to enter and fuck you completely, which he did with considerable force. Your moans mingled, accompanied by a soft exclamation of "Fuck!" from him. "Your cunt is both tight and warm, which feels very good. You should start to move," he instructed, and you complied. Normally such an act would have been abhorrent to you, but with him it was all so natural.

As he stroked your hips, you had begun to move at a slower pace. It was a sensation you had never experienced with any other partner. It was as if Seungmin had an innate understanding of the exact places and techniques needed to touch you. Your movements became faster and faster and your nails were driven into his back. "Min, I'm coming. I can feel it. My thighs are burning. Please, speed up!" You were on the verge. "No, not yet," you grunted, then changed positions. You vocalised your displeasure as he withdrew from your embrace, feeling a sense of emptiness. At this point you were positioned beneath him as he continued to penetrate you, his imposing frame towering over you.

You were sure that an orgasm was imminent, given his position on top of you as he thrust vigorously into you. However, he seemed to disagree, indicating that he was not interested in facilitating an orgasm. He claimed that it was too early for such a reaction. So he withdrew from you, leaving you with an empty feeling. "Please, Seung, I can no longer stand it," you begged him. Only after he had pushed you with an animal force did he give you permission to come. "Your warmth and tightness are so arousing...come for me," he whispered, allowing you to release yourself around him. He informed you that they had not yet reached the end of the act. He then turned you over on your stomach and began to leave bites and marks on your back, tracing a trail of them all over your ass. He continued to lick and slap the area between your buttocks, causing you to moan. Despite this, you still had some residual sensitivity from the previous orgasm.

You were unable to speak as he sank back into you, twisting your hair in his grip and pulling it towards him as he thrust violently, abusing your cunt. You arched your back and rolled your eyes, no one had ever given you such intense pleasure. "Ah... Seungmin... please..." you moaned one last time before you came again. "Who gave you permission?" he demanded, thrusting at a surprisingly fast pace. It was relatively easy for you to reach your third orgasm in a row that night. "Seungmin, I'm about to..." The words were barely audible.

"Come with me," he groaned and then proceeded to ejaculate into you and you after him, now exhausted. "I will get you the necessary cleaning supplies," he murmured, then stroked your side and got a cloth soaked in warm, damp water to clean you. He then tied your hair into a braid and made you a cup of hot tea after dressing you in a pair of clean briefs and one of his shirts. "You look so lovely," you murmured, trying to relax on his chest. "It's the least I can do after making you come how many times?" he said, laughing as he pinched your side. "Three, but don't boast, sir," you gave him a tongue-lashing. "Do all gentlemen do it rough?" you burst out laughing.

TAGLIST 🎀 : @yongbokkiesworld @gloomy-k @raindropsondragons @linocvp1d @iiamthedramaa @snowyquokka @pynchkilledme @y4kie @ihrtlix @hyunjinnnsgirl @sugarsweetsugarsweet @reader1221 @bubblebisk @chrizzztopherbang @skzooluvr @yoontaethings @ovr9000

[miss-anachronism]

for requests. i need. valen x male magister merlin. im a sucker for this guy. anything really. thank you!

Ooh, I’ve never read an x reader/MC fic, let alone written one! New territory, as exciting as it is scary.

I’m not so sure I have a good grip on Valen’s character, but I tried to write it from his perspective. I hope this suits your needs! It gets a bit philosophical. And sorry if its OOC :,)

He isn’t sure what to think, really.

They’re sitting around a dying campfire, just outside the borders of the Dark Forest. Lorsan is pacing somewhere in the distance, muttering to himself, or to the wind, maybe. Trying to figure out what’s happened to his home. Korin leans against a tree, tending to his wounds- courtesy of Merlin. The magister himself is across from Valen, wrapping his own wound and chattering with his hamsters.

Logically, Valen knows that the lesson he should have taken from this scramble is a lot more profound than what’s been on his mind. He should be contemplating the Wilders, the forest, their next steps, how to protect the refugees. And he’s trying to, but it’s just that something- someone- keeps catching his attention.

He didn’t know Merlin could bleed.

It’s such a silly observation. But as Valen watches the angry red wound on Merlin’s forearm, his gut twists. It’s like seeing a god’s flesh tear, and seeing that its blood is the same bright red as his own.

Valen isn’t sure what exactly Merlin is. As far as he knows, no one does, not even Merlin himself. But to the average young Lightbearer, he’s a myth. A legendary figure that you might glimpse once in your life, but would never get to meet. Never speak with, let alone camp alongside. Fight alongside. Merlin throws his head back to laugh at something Chippy has said, and something stirs in Valen’s ribs, something he knows is dangerous.

All of this is dangerous. Merlin is not someone to be loved; Valen has seen what happened to Mirael. Forgotten about, left in the dust, accidentally as it was. The way she watches Merlin, her face made of mixed admiration, bitterness, and regret. He wonders if she would take it all back, if she could. Scariest of all, when she bid them farewell, the look in her eyes sent an ugly pain of jealousy through Valen’s chest. And he doesn’t want that to happen to him, selfish as that may be. Every time Merlin falls asleep, he risks waking up knowing nothing.

Besides, what is Valen to a hero of myth? His whole life has been barely a blink in Merlin’s. Whatever he is, there is no reasonable way Valen could ever mean something to Merlin the way that Merlin is beginning to mean something to him. Merlin will outlive him a thousand times over. And he’s probably met a thousand different people, fallen in love with quite a few of them. Someone who has experienced so much life, so much loss, can they still love? Could they ever?

And yet, he bleeds. It’s such a human weakness that it seems impossible. Valen knew heroes could bleed; he didn’t know gods could. Merlin does not go about the world serene and calculating, watching every moment with practiced ease. He stumbles, laughs, misses with his spells. He jostles Valen’s pauldron excitedly when they win a fight, he’s the last to flee when they lose, ensuring everyone else has disengaged safely. He has only one dimple, on his left cheek. Sometimes he speaks so fast his words blend together, and Hammie has to remind him to slow down. It’s endearing. It’s human. Valen doesn’t know what to do with it. Because it was so much easier, to write off affection as admiration. When the pieces had first clicked, he thought it all made sense. The natural pull that the magister gave off- yes, of course, it was just Merlin’s nature. But they’re a week into this camaraderie, and Valen keeps noticing things like the lick of hair on his neck that doesn’t sit flat.

Pretty fucking annoying, that’s what it is. Valen’s always prouded himself on his ability to swerve out of love’s path. He can flirt and charm all he wants, but at the end of the day all the love letters he receives are ink and paper, nothing more. Whenever someone seriously reciprocates- god forbid- he disengages as smoothly as he can, lest they get the wrong impression.

But Merlin has changed all that, somehow. Impossibly so. He supposes it’s in his nature, to take everything and turn it upside down. Valen doesn’t want to flirt with the Magister, to laugh as he flushes under his praise. Well, it would be nice, he always has liked the attention; but the thing is, that isn’t the point. With Merlin, he just wants to be. No performance, no elaborate courtship. Just… be. Together. All this, for someone who is more myth than man.

It seems like the scariest thing he’s ever faced.

“Valen?”

He jumps as the magister suddenly speaks, and realizes with mounting embarrassment that he’s been staring the whole time. Luckily, the magister grins good-naturedly- and ah, there’s that dimple again.

“Lost in thought?”

“You could say that.”

He leans back on his hands and forces his face into a smirk. It’s easier than he anticipated; despite everything, Merlin makes it simple to be around him.

“I’ve been meaning to say,” Merlin mirrors his position as Chippy and Hammie scuttle away, the former setting off on a quest to climb the nearest tree, “I really appreciate your help in all of this. Coming along, and aiding me- far past your assigned duties. It isn’t lost to me.”

Valen gives him a look. “Of course, magister. I’m not one to leave danger to fester; I’m sorry you ever had that impression of me.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s…” Merlin’s brow furrows as he collects his thoughts. “You know, you seem so… charmingly nonchalant. Like nothing bothers you. But that clearly isn’t true. You care a lot, Valen, and it’s really, really nice to see. You’re someone who is just… good, you know? And I appreciate it.” He grins sheepishly. “Sorry. Kinda cheesy compliment. I’ve lost all my memories, you know, but being around you- and Lorsan, Cassadee, Mirael- honestly, I don’t feel like I’m missing much of anything. Everything I need is right here.”

He shrugs and turns back to the fire, as if he has not sent Valen’s mind reeling. Functionally, Merlin has been aware for only a week- one week out of thousands of years. He’s wondered how he’s been so calm about the whole thing, and…

And it’s hard to believe, but it’s much harder to doubt what Merlin says, not as he stares into the fire with that soft smile. It dawns on Valen that he probably knows more about Merlin than Merlin does- all of the legends, at least. And yet, despite that insurmountable legacy, despite the name and title that bears unimaginable weight, Merlin is… content. Content in just moving forward, and hoping he’s doing the right thing.

And isn’t that all that Valen’s doing, as well? He doesn’t deserve all this praise; he always shies away from large displays of gratitude, loathing how awkward they make him feel. Because he’s just moving forward, and trying to do the right thing. It’s a simple motive, really. Faith, and what effort it takes to retain it. He always thought Merlin would have some deeper, existential knowledge of the world that would put all else to shame- access to the secrets of the universe, and what not. And, certainly, his magical capabilities are second to none- but his philosophy, the way he lives; it very well might be human after all.

Maybe the usual Merlin, the one with all his memories, is the knowledgeable, immovable sage that Valen grew to look up to. Maybe, once restored, Merlin will become that god-like fairytale hero, wisdom surpassing all others, power knowing no ends.

Selfishly, Valen hopes that never happens. That the Merlin in front of him stays the same, annoying dimple and all, and keeps looking at Valen like that. Like he sees something in him that Valen never knew was there. He hopes Merlin never raises above their quips, their banter.

He know’s it’s all in vain. But god, he hopes.

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading trigun 4 - i sniffed out the spirit of leiji matsumoto and his galaxy express 999

so this is. a bit of a doozy and a little detour i took...

first off, i thought it was really interesting that chapter 4 is titled Bang!Bang! in EN but ポポ popo in jp. popo is basically pop pop, but also if pitched down, would sound more like 'poooh poooh'. very similar to what sound a steam locomotive makes,

but not quite. the 'correct' one would be ボbo, not ポ po.

like the sound effect here:

sfx: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

there's no good way to translate this, to be clear. nightow seems to really like pulling off these weird little japanese wordplay here and there. theres one instance with the escorts trying to sleep with vash, but thats a lot of effort to explain a pun and its not very interesting so. uh. sorry. (these posts take very long to write bc im poopoo)

so. its CH 4: PoPo. 4 =Death? this feels deliberate.

the next chapter is CH 5: 強襲 / Assault. EN title is very accurate here so yippee. but wait.

that. dark contrast and a presence of a vaguely steam locomotive. the framing of the train itself being this romantic machine that was built to send people on their journeys to parts unknown. the presence of 4 = Death.

theres something about the following panel. and i know exactly what it is despite having never read or watched it bc of just how influential this particular work is.

so i went sniffing.

Galaxy Express 999.

and. uhm. i found a thread and a rabbit hole that links back to TriStamp again.

Galaxy Express 999 first ran as a manga in 1977- 1981. Made by the late Leiji Matsumoto (25th Jan 1938 - 2023) who passed away last year.

the gist of this story. we follow a boy named Tetsuro in the super far off future, who wants to obtain a mechanical body so he never again feels the inconvenience of a flesh one. and to also fulfill his promise to his mother who was hunted down in front of him and turned into a trophy by mechanized hunters. he meets a mysterious blonde woman named Maetel who gives him a pass to ride on the Galaxy Express 999, promising him one at the end of the journey, but there seems to be a catch.

the same themes of a train in the darkness, its window the main lightsource, but in GE999 theres the added planets and stars. GE999 is full of promotional material and artwork like this, its iconic

the story is very philosophical and full of questions about death, living, and the worth of a human life. theres a constant theming of the train bringing its passengers to a place unknown, and how its a departure from the base in which they start the further they go. like a wanderer. (something something blank ticket wink wink.)

but anyway. Chapter 2: The Red Wind Of Mars is the interesting one.

i strongly recommend reading this chapter at least, but ill summarize the interesting bits.

the cast arrives on Mars, a Red Planet thats constantly being buffeted by a Sandstorm. its said that the planet is pretty much in a state of poverty and is barren due to people turning themselves into machine bodies and having no need to care for the environment and nurture it.

also an american saloon on this red desert planet wowee--

testurou later gets jumped by a couple who basically wants to steal his pass to the GE999, but once they realize the boy has not been mechanized at all, the couple lets tetsurou kill them. they are then left in the desert to be eventually covered up by the red sand. and then, the final page has this fucking thing:

"They say that the sound of Mars' red wind comes from the wailing of people resting under its sand. This vermilion wind will continue to lament for the fate of those who couldn't make their dreams come true... That's why they say this planet will stay red forever..."

....studio orange. listen.

STUDIO ORANGE. PLEASE

ON WHAT LEVEL ARE YOU GUYS EVEN COOKING. stop sending me on these rabbit hole runs i swear to god ill never finish trigunbookclub at this rate GGGGGGGGGAAAAAH

anyway the sandsteamer arc in the original trigun seems to be a homage to Galaxy Express 999 in a way, and Studio Orange understood the assignment.

[loving-n0t-heyting]

Hi! So, seeing you in my notes reminded me that I meant to ask you about that Instrumentality poll. Being as I am tumblr user 人類補完計画, I have, asyoumightimagine, a lot of interest in the topic, and I'd be very curious to hear *your* thoughts on Shinji's choice - in part because you mentioned in the tags that you were wondering whether your take aligned with the consensus view, but also because I feel like you're among the most distinctive & intellectually honest philosophical voices I've encountered on here, and I do wonder how your faith, along with your overall view on things, influences your take(s) re:EoE.

I was going to wait until the poll finally closed but i think its been plateauing for a couple of days now anyway so i might as well. This is all going to be pretty vague and mysticism-y ofc, especially given the vagueness and mysticism of the source material itself, and im going off of memory on top of that (i am not putting myself thru the emotional hurdle of rewatching EoE just for a post, sorry)

So, first off, my interpretation of shinjis ultimate choice is to reject instrumentality for all of humanity, to retain our ATFs and our individuality. And i lean towards thinking this was a mistake, on his part. I sometimes see ppl suggest that he offered everyone a choice to either join or refuse instrumentality, but i tend to think this is just projection; idr anything in the text to clearly support this

Im not really sure how to go about arguing for this position directly, beyond rebutting objections. To the extent we are given a clear explanation of what an ATF is, it is smth like the secrecy of our own thoughts and desires and personality; ie, others ignorance of those things. Ignorance is a terrible thing, just generally, in itself! Like impotence. Its terrible in proportion to the importance/value of the things one is ignorant of, and ppl are about the most valuable things there are. Thats much of whats so bad about death, which is why it makes perfect sense the dead get to join in HI as well. So, putting it all together, the presence of ATFs is a terrible imposition, and their removal thru HI is a great blessing, maybe even the greatest possible blessing. And this shows itself in the end of strife and discord and the beginning of real unity of spirit and will, but its already present in the mere dissolution of interpersonal ignorance

The narrative itself frames this as an erasure of individuality, but im not sure how to understand this. Is the idea supposed to be that we would not survive the loss of our ATFs? Im not sure thats even intelligible: the loss of our ATFs is just the lifting of certain kinds of ignorance or, in other words, the instilling of certain kinds of knowledge. Knowledge in whom? In those undergoing human instrumentality. So clearly we survive HI, if it involves us coming into knowledge, and thus being around to know these things. Is this supposed to mean our distinctive contributions to the diversity of human experience etc would all be destroyed in favour of some uniform replacement? I dont see why that would be necessary; we can certainly imagine ways ppls varying idiosyncratic quirks can all "make it into" some sufficiently rich collaborative work. Why should HI not be the same? I suppose the fact it involves everyones bodies into a homogeneous sea of yellow goop speaks against this, but my inclination is to read this as a sort of pupal stage from which a mature instrumentalised humanity can emerge. Tho thats admittedly a bit of a reach

Theres yet another negative interpretation of the "destruction of individuality" i sometimes hear: that it would somehow rob us each of our agency and ability to shape the world in accord with our desires and beliefs. This goes along with a worry that the inauguration of HI would necessarily be a violation of consent and mental autonomy, which strikes me as misguided for much the same reason. Our ignorance of one another is not an individual condition of oneself in particular one can opt in or out of irrespective of the choices of others; if my not being able to retsin my ATF is a violation of my "autonomy", why is my retaining my ATF not in turn a violation of the autonomy of the others being thereby kept ignorant of my deepest self? Mutual ignorance of one anothers mental states (including that very ignorance) is in no interesting way reducible to the ignorant subjects each having certain "individual" or "intrinsic" or "internal" states that can individually and unilaterally be shifted without affecting those of the others; it is an "external" relation. So thinking about HI in terms of individual, unilaterally revocable consent is confused; the fact it is changing is irreducibly collective, and thus consent to it and only be given or refused collectively if at all. Hopefully thats not too opaque

This reply feeds into my answer to the worry about the dilution of ones agency and control over the world. This objection makes sense against a background view on which, for an agent A to control the answer to a question Q and a distinct agent A* to control the answer to a question Q*, Q and Q* must be modally independent: any answer to the latter must be compossible with any answer to the former. Or that, if this isnt true, this is bc As control over Q or A*s over Q* must be only "limited" or "partial" or w/e. My rejection of this assumption (which is i think what lies behind the last objection about autonomy) is probably my deepest, most abstract anti-liberal commitment. Its a conception of control or freedom that i think ultimately requires a debilitatingly narrow view of what full freedom could look like, or of what facts can amount to states of a person. (For example, i think it prolly requires you to say that knowing that the sun rises, a property entailing the "external" fact that the sun rises, is not actually a state of a person, in some important sense, rather than smth like a conjunction of a state of a person and a state of the horizon/sun.) But going all the way into this would probably take a lengthy book; mb i will try to work it out slightly more precisely at some point tho

You asked how my feeling about EoE connect with my faith, and broader view of the world. This illiberal assumption is close to the heart of it. I am always tempted in this context to quote marxs comments in the 1848 manuscripts about the whole of nature being the "inorganic body of man", and i dont think im alone in seeing connections between those passages and remarks like pauls about the mystical body of the church ("So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another." Now there is smth for mereologists to chew on!!) And this is a trend you see elsewhere in the Christian tradition, like dantes description of the celestial eagle in paradiso xviii-xx. I was surprised, when talking to an atheist friend about my tentative support for HI, that they said my christianity made sense of my disagreement with them about this point; not bc i dont think theres a connection but bc idt of these emphases on the unity of the mystical body as particularly prominent in outsiders impressions of Christian belief

Anyway, hopefully that was at least somewhat illuminating. Thx for the kind words ^^

[lotties-ashwagandha]

Can you please do Adult Lottie x fem reader and they both suffer from PTSD and Nightmares so they help each other to cope?

TERRORS OF WINTER, GONE

pairing: lottie matthews x fem!reader

word count: 801 (sorry it’s short i am so tired)

notes and warnings: tw for ptsd and nightmares but the nightmares are pretty vague. not proofread im too tired ahaha

You were there again. No escape, no help, the same feeling of the world as a mirage you couldn’t see through.

Silence, and then abruptly there it was, the thing that haunted you so terribly, perpetually, and you knew you could never escape, that there was not and would never be an end to the eternal torture that plagued you. The heavy weight of fear settled in your chest, and you could feel your throat closing, panic and tears ensuing.

You tried to look away, but it kept happening again, like you were walking through a hall of mirrors.

You closed your eyes, the silence like crickets in the night telling the story of your torture.

You jolted awake, reflexively sitting up in bed. Panicking, you threw the sheets off, it was too hot, you felt like you were boiling. Your sweaty palms passed over the other side of the bed, and you realized Lottie wasn’t beside you, and tears began to stream from your eyes, escaping.

It felt like you could hardly breathe — anxiety was around every corner, occupied every shadow of the night.

Slowly you got out of bed, taking a moment to catch your breath and collect yourself a bit before silently treading through the house. All you wanted was Lottie, to be in her arms, hear her tell you that you were safe and she loved you and all the millions of things she could say that would make all of it go away.

The house felt cold without her. Goosebumps prickled your skin, and even though a moment ago you’d felt like you were boiling now you felt the exact opposite, and she was your only escape, the only way forward.

When you entered the living room, you let out a breath of relief, leaning against the doorway for a moment. There she was, sitting cross legged on the couch with a cup of tea in her hands, staring out the living room window at the moon as clouds passed over it and disappeared, like a game of hide and seek only the two of them were invited to play. She was a goddess in the moonlight, eternal.

Approaching quietly so as not to startle or cause too much of a disturbance, you sat down next to her on the couch, sighing.

Almost immediately her arms wrapped around you, her cup of tea abandoned to the coffee table. You relaxed into her embrace, letting her warmth soothe and melt the ice in your veins. The terrors of winter disappear at the first sight of the sun.

“Couldn't sleep?” Lottie asked, voice slightly hoarse from sleep. You shook your head, and she pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. “Neither could I.”

The two of you were silent, your head resting in the crook of her neck as she held you. Mindlessly her thumb traced small circles on your waist, and it grounded you, allowing you to sink into the sureness of her touch, the only thing in the world.

“Nightmares again?” She asked.

“The same one as always,” you croaked. “You?”

“I hadn’t had a nightmare in months until tonight,” she confirmed, her voice soft — Woes buried deep in snow resurface again in spring. “I thought I was making progress.”

“You are. Sometimes things are just too strong to get rid of in one go.”

“When did you become so philosophical? I need to have you start teaching classes.”

You chuckled softly, and you knew that above you she was smiling ever so slightly. Winter disrupted by the sun, clouds parting ever so often for joy in the despair.

Again, a small silence, but this time it was comfortable. Still you were shaking, and leaving her arms posed the threat of what lay beyond, but for a moment there was peace breaking into the sadness.

“I love you,” she said suddenly, unprompted, and you nuzzled impossibly closer to her.

“I love you, too.”

“Do you want to go back to bed?”

You shook your head, tensing slightly. “I want to stay here. With you, like this… you make me feel safe.”

Bringing her hand up to your jaw, she tilted your head slightly, leaning down to kiss you, gentle, the sun rising out of eternal darkness. When the two of you pulled away, she met your gaze, the hand that had been at your jaw now cupping your cheek. “You’re always safe with me, my love. Always. I’ve got you.”

You allowed yourself to take in the comfort she so willingly gave, to absorb it like it was the only thing keeping you alive, and you knew she took the same satisfaction by having you in her arms.

Winter giving way to spring. Old woes forgotten, evaporating like winter snow in the heat of the sun.

[anthroposeen]

tmagp 14 relisten notes

(sorry this one is a bit late!!- spoilers under cut)

celia:

- says that sam can get intense, and seems to be down playing her feelings for sam (hesitation and lack of enthusiasm when telling alice the date went well)

- directly confronts alice about her relationship with sam, but with the intention of getting out of drama, not causing it. i think this goes to show she started this job with a mission, and isnt interested in anything that may derail it

- seems genuinely taken aback by alice flirting with her

alice:

- deflects when celia confronts her by flirting with her -> im a buzzkill, so i dont think this is a genuine act of affection on alice's part, though it does sound more nervous than usual. i think shes gotten worked up and its resulting in a change in her demeanor

- has a very awkward pause after celia says alice can "do better next time" (referencing her relationship with sam)

- says that when she first started the job, she also wondered about the cases legitimacy

sam:

- picked up on the letters of rejection from the institute, and was trying to talk himself out of drawing connections

- he grew frustrated with gwen, and got particularly agitated by her saying he wouldn't understand (rejection again) and that she doesnt have time for him

- this is the first time we've seen him drop the positive attitude he normally has with coworkers (other than alice), his walls are already coming down

gwen:

- very sullen, but still offers some minimal help to sam

- seems upset with lena (this checks out)

- shes exhibiting self isolation behaviors (not opening up about her problems or trying to get help from coworkers)

lena:

- looking for gwen, and not in a good mood (did gwen not follow up w the external she was supposed to email? was she actively on assignment?)

incident:

- jon chester narrating -> mentions an institute (hmmm i wonder what institute that may be) and is directed at sam. im not of the philosophical house that he's encouraging sam, i actually think hes using the incidents as a means of venting (bad computer pun) and warning sam, since the incidents are all about the doom of being involved with the institute

- incident occurs in 1995, 4 years before the institute burns down

- follow-up by the agency writing the report was post-poned due to the absence of the technician (assuming this is alyssa)

- the shop keeper was wary of a rat being in his shop and had various scratch and bite marks on his body-> interesting because he seems to have no issue with hygiene or contamination in the shop (and rats are commonly fed to pet snakes)

- the shop keeper had a "physical altercation" with the technician, and referred to "his burden" -> i can guarantee that this will be an important detail for future use, whether or not he becomes a reoccurring character, i expect that the "burden" will eventually be expanded on

- the description of the shop itself lists sickly traits: warm, likely has mosquitos, there is a sharp smell from the reptiles, there is old food left in the office space, strong smell from the bad food, ant infestation, squirrel droppings, and there was a hole in the wall

- the report ends in the midst of removing the squirrel, and resumes with the mention of waiting for police on scene

- the report becomes more of a personal log after this interruption, with alyssa speaking directly to her father. this is especially interesting since she says he will believe her, implying he has some paranormal experience

- the room shes locked in is a makeshift cctv room, which i find worth pointing out since it draws an obvious connection to the eye, though i dont think theres a real connection

- the shop keeper seems manic and aggressive, and wants to sell the snakes desperately

- the shop keeper began, well, Transformation (snake)-/-horde

- jane prenthiss

- the snakes seem to want to possess another person and wither their host, which is an interesting change to the themes of tma's corruption, which protected and embraced their host in most cases

- the shop keeper had pinned rejection letters from "an institute" (take a wild guess as to which one) to the wall -> this implies there have been others rejected from the institute even before sam, and that a rejection does not seem to be an indicator of inability to interact w the paranormal

glitches/lies:

- none

extra notes:

- colin hasnt been featured or mentioned by other characters in a while. i feel like this is particularly strange for alice, since we know they were the closest, but im assuming the characters are overlooking him because of their own distractions. but its still concerning

- i think this incident was chosen by chester specifically because of sam's rejection from the institute. ive interpreted it as a warning that continual obsession with the past (and the institute) will lead sam down a bad path. im also taking this as a potential foreshadowing to sam's arc, dealing with the shop keeper's burden/possession as a metaphor for what could happen to sam. the shop keeper eventually gets left by the snakes, allowing them to take up a new host, meaning these powers and horrors can be transmitted or given to others; so sam can just as easily turn into one of the monsters from an incident. he has to choose to stay away from this path

- im hesitant to draw connections between the fears of tma and whatever powers are at work in tmagp, since i believe theyre different (or, at least, theyre manifesting in new ways) but this was a garishly corruption-aligned incident. im unsure exactly what that implies, but im taking it as a hint that the tma fears are not entirely gone as we know them. (or this is a major red herring?)

[iameatingrocks]

you know I’m a very “fuck cringe culture” kind of person but at the same time I find myself participating in. whenever I realize I’m doing it I feel so bad but I know why I’m doing it now I think.

It’s the fucking autism.

Whenever I engage in cringe culture it’s a form of masking. I’m replicating behaviors that have been inflicted on me about my similar interests.

so in the spirit of fuck cringe culture, here are some things that cringe culture hates that I absolutely love:

-having toys as an adult. I fucking love toys. lps are the cutest motherfuckers ever (except gen4-6, they are so flimsy and poorly made. Not cringe culture just literally poor execution. gen 1-3 & 7 my beloved)

-wonderwall. That song is so fucking good. I don’t care if it’s overdone on guitar. If I learn guitar again I’m learning wonderwall

-twilight. they are not perfect books by any means but my fucking god are they good. I love my shitty romance novels

-enjoying the current and past trends. I don’t need to be quirky or different or a contrarian, I can just enjoy shit.

-Justin Bieber. HIS EARLIER STUFF IS SO GOOD. I just listen to Maria a couple days ago and I stg it’s so so good. He made some absolute BANGERS. Other stuff is not my cup of tea tbh

-boy bands. *stares at trolls 3* you did this to me. THANK YOU TROLLS 3

-speaking of trolls 3, trolls franchise. that shit is SO good. broppy is so fucking cute and branch’s growth is so similar to mine that it hurts a bit. It’s such a good and underrated franchise.

-pop music. ITS NOT AS BAD AS PEOPLE MAKE IT OUT TO BE. It’s fun, it’s catchy, and damnit I like a fun and catchy song

-horse girls. y’all are cool as fuck.

-being different than other people. yes I am not like other girls. and that’s good! Being different is being human, and it’s good to acknowledge your differences

-liking shopping or being pretty. I am hot and I am funny and goddamnit I like to get new clothes

-liking “cringy” artists. Oh nooooo I like this person’s music— oh they’re cringe? I am SOOOOO sorry girl. Womp womp suck it up

-talking about my autism or queerness often. It’s a part of me and I will not ignore it.

-using neopronouns. that shit is SO much fun and so gender affirming

-enjoying “cringy” media and/or fandoms. I need silly media to be able to enjoy life

-enjoying fucking romcoms? I guess? Angst is not epitome of art. It is the gentle mornings, the bright laughter it’s to chaos, its mystery, it’s the intrigue, it’s the pain, it’s the sorrow, and it is the recovery. The epitome of art is being human, and the epitome of being human is being art.

-being overdramatic, philosophical, or deep. I’m allowed to feel deeply and fully and if you can’t handle it then you have some work you need to do

-complimenting myself. I think I’m hot, and I’m funny, and I’m kind, and im smart, and I deserve good things

-more things I can’t think of

[phyrestartr]

sorry if this question is dumb but , im guessing the last parts were during the shibuya arc. did reader have no idea what was happening (or at least no detailed knowledge) or did he just want to help gojo and the students

Yo! Not a dumb question, it's pretty vague so I totally get it

(The Shibuya arc starts and ends on Halloween, which is why the seasons changing/October ending with thousands of lives was mentioned!! Ofc Shibuya happening during Halloween is literally the last thing anyone remembers so it's still not really informative but I wanted to be a subtle king about it KEKW. The last bit of the story is during the next arc, The Culling Games)

Reader kind of knew what was happening as per his discussion with Yuuji about Sukuna's return, but he more or less chose to not believe that his mans was out there wreaking havoc at the expense of the handful of sorcerers reader actually kinda liked. I also kinda decided that reader's existence kind of aligns with Hanami's in the sense that they are in sync with the earth and can hear it in pain. PLUS, if reader is indeed celestial, they can hear the prayers of people in the city. but who knows if they're actually celestial or not u7u

Reader wouldn't really go aid them or anything, but he definitely missed them and wanted them to come visit him as a cure for loneliness. He decided he wasn't meant to be in this time, so anything he did would go against fate and cause destruction (cough sukuna cough), so he let the world move around him instead of taking action. He's a mix of selfish and stubbornly philosophical

[kayzero]

By the way! I'm curious abt your thoughts on how ztd handled junepei. How would've you done it differently?

Sorry if im being annoying/overwhelming :( I just wanna hear your opinion Dyfdy

there’s a post about the Junpei body parts puzzle and how it was symbolic and cool and how it would have been psychologically devastating for Akane if it were an actual planned Thing instead of just Mira fucking around, which basically encapsulates all of my ztdpei feelings.

ZTD Junpei is not significantly different from 999 Junpei, even though the narrative tells the audience that he really really should be. He spent a year chasing after Akane, he found himself staring at the cesspit of crime, and he’s still sillygoofy, if not a bit dumber than he was in 999.

He’s snarkier and cattier but not actually angry or bitter or frustrated toward Akane—he doesn’t even question things most of the time. He finds himself in another death game and he falls into line. There’s no cynicism, no quiet moments of reflection to showcase inner turmoil and grief, no real edge. They just dressed him in black and painted a scowl over his dopey lovestruck smile.

What would I have done differently? You’ve already seen some of it. He’s philosophically combative, if not argumentative, he’s asking questions and refusing to do anything blind, he tries his best to get a word in during decision-making. He’s still Junpei, so he shouldn’t be a Red Hood vigilante edgelord shooting every problem in the skull, but he has seen the darker parts of humanity, and if there are no other options…

Basically, I wanted a bit more VLR Tenmyouji and a bit less 999 Jumpy, so I did that, and you’ve seen most of what he has to offer in ZWG.

In the last two fragments that have yet to be revealed, he plays more of a supporting role in one, where I can showcase how his character has evolved but not overly diverged from his portrayal in 999.

And then the other one is his Character Fragment.

[nicosraf]

i am sorry if this is stupid but lucifer “singing” in the church to god was not him singing right? I genuinely at first understood it as him singing and the first time I thought worship is used in any sexual context is with Michael later once lucifer starts to create sin, im sorry if this is dumb but this has been stuck on my mind trying to understand especially because i wont lie i went through some mental stuff seeing thats how others perceived it. if this is true i would love to hear (if you are open) then why you chose these sequences of events

Hello! You're not dumb!!! This isn't a stupid question!! It's actually one I've been expecting for a bit now aha, so thank you for having the bravery to ask.

I'm gonna discuss that scene and then get a little broader if that's okay.

CW: discussion of SA, including that in the Bible

It's interesting people have interpreted the cathedral scene that way. A while ago, I said I'm a "dead author" person, so I don't think my convoluted intentions matter. And I still think that! I wouldn't write so metaphorically and vaguely if I weren't okay with interpretations – (not that I look at reviews, but I follow the ABM tag on most social media and sometimes things find me.) So I've seen some people upset by this scene, and it doesn't really bother me (until they insist on it and assume my intentions and think badly of me as a person.)

But if you want to know what I intended – no, I didn't write God appearing in the cathedral and sexually assaulting Lucifer. It's Lucifer singing and God telling him to continue. That's what I wrote. But I know the language I used, and I know the parallels I was drawing.

Here's the thing – ABM follows Lucifer struggling to have some sort of autonomy over his body. In the cathedral, he's having it be violated. He wants to stop singing, God won't let him. Is this scene rape? I guess it depends on what your definition of what rape is. I don't want to be philosophical and annoying, but well, I'm serious. To me, the scene is about a will being imposed on Lucifer, about his body being used in a way he doesn't want.

(On that note, worship always had a sexuality to it. This doesn't mean worship was performing sexual favors, (definitely not what I intend to imply), but just that there's always been something sexual about the practice of complete submission and praise. I remember wondering what God derived from being worshipped all day by angels, as the Bible seems to say. Did he get pleasure from it? It almost felt fetishistic to me.)

And God does "actually" assault Lucifer, later. In Eden, the last sentences of Chapter 29. (I'll save the "what does sex even mean in this book" post for another day). A part of me wants to apologize because that's upsetting, but it's supposed to be upsetting. This book is supposed to be upsetting. And I'm not just saying that because it's my trauma dump book haha. Sometimes books are uncomfortable and ugly.

But why would I write something this awful and (allegedly) blasphemous? Maybe I'm trying to say something about authorities in the Church and impressionable young people, maybe I'm trying to say something about Christianity and bodily autonomy, maybe it's about me and conversion therapy. Who cares about my intentions.

But I want to share a Bible story that I discovered a little before I wrote ABM. I was reading Ezekiel 28, this passage a lot of Christians associate with Lucifer, the epigraph of ABM:

Your heart became proud     on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom     because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth;     I made a spectacle of you... Ezekiel 28:17 (NIV)

In Ezekiel 28, God addresses the fallen cherub angel, who had been in Eden, who had been adorned with every precious stone, who had been perfect in beauty and wisdom. He's angry the cherub became proud on account of his beauty.

I started reading the rest of Ezekiel, which I'd done before but never closely. I found Ezekiel 16.

In Ezekiel 16, God tells the story of Jerusalem, who is personified. First, he sees her as an infant, and, in God's own words: "I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked." He comes by her again, later, then decides she's "old enough for love" and clothes her. He adorns her, in jewelry. He says she becomes beautiful. He says, "And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect."

But then, God says, Jerusalem, "you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his." It doesn't say who his is. "You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. You went to him, and he possessed your beauty."

In punishment, God decides, "I will deliver you into the hands of your lovers, and they will tear down your mounds and destroy your lofty shrines. They will strip you of your clothes and take your fine jewelry and leave you stark naked. They will bring a mob against you, who will stone you and hack you to pieces with their swords."

(In ABM, God says "Shall I deliver you to the hands of the angels, so that they strip you of your clothes, jewelry, and leave you without flesh? Shall I command a mob against you, who will stone you and hack you to pieces with swords?”)

In Jeremiah 13, God addresses Jerusalem again. He says, first, "I will weep in secret because of your pride." Then, he gets angry and says: "Because you have forgotten me and trusted in false gods. I will pull up your skirts over your face–"

I remember being really fascinated by this Jerusalem, who God seemed to have groomed, who became proud on account of her beauty, who went on to love someone else, who God decided had to be hurt by everyone, who God eventually assaulted.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

thinking about The Resurrectionists minisode and how Aziraphale doesn't quite grasp the effects of poverty in societal power structures. thinking about heaven's rigid hierarchies and hell's looser ones. thinking about God as The King, The Ruler, The Good, The Light, and hell as The Evil.

thinking about how Aziraphale is going to try and change heaven from the top down. thinking about the roles Gabriel and Michael and Uriel had were as the arbiters of God's will. thinking about Muriel, and how lonely it is at the bottom of the ladder.

thinking about Job's children and Aziraphale lying to the Archangels.

thinking about ACAB. about how a cop trying to do good is still reinforcing unbalanced power dynamics. about heaven having no checks and balances, because you can't check the word of God.

thinking about how there is no direct comparison to real life, because heaven is Good, and hell is Evil, and there is no room for debate because you know who heaven has? God. and God is Good. and thinking about how close Aziraphale was to grasping that maybe God isn't always Good, but he still can't accept that. how he keeps trying to just explain why Job doesn't want new children and justifying why wee Morag should be healed and insisting to talk to God in s1 because if She just took his call, he could explain everything and She'd understand, obviously! because She is Good, even if the Archangels aren't always, so it must be a misunderstanding.

thinking about hell being understaffed. thinking about demons being mostly miserable. thinking about how Satan is superficially God's opposite, but not and never God's equal.

thinking, always thinking, always thinking, about The Resurrectionists minisode and how Aziraphale doesn't quite grasp the effects of poverty in societal power structures. thinking about Aziraphale's "but that's the good bit! the lower you start, the more opportunities you have," and Crowley's "that's lunacy," and Aziraphale's "no, that's ineffable." thinking about Aziraphale not immediately clocking just how embarrassed Maggie is to have the rent conversation, how she doesn't even try to argue, how she says she can be out asap, about his confusion why she'd even suggest that.

thinking about Crowley being a high-ranking angel of some kind before falling. thinking about Shax and Furfur just trying to get better lives via promotion. about just needing a cuppa to get through your shift. about angel-Crowley's dismissive nature, about how he remembers Aziraphale's and Shax's and Furfur's names now and didn't seem to bother with that before the Fall. about Crowley teaching Shax about sarcasm and humanity, even when she's threatening him. about power and losing it, about power and never having had it to begin with, and about God's power, who could unmake the universe in a heartbeat if She so desired.

there's something in here, but I can't stop thinking long enough to piece it all together. we need to know more about God in the GO universe and exactly what Her nature truly is. but it's all so unbalanced. truly, no angel other than the metatron could have convinced Aziraphale to come back to run heaven, because he's the voice of God, and even he only did so with some master manipulation.

(thinking about punching the metatron in his stupid face)

(and finally, thinking about how a cool flashback minisode for s3 could be the trial of King Charles I in 1649)

sorry this is long, and thanks for letting us all ramble to your inbox :) -💭💭

oh nonnie, you really are going through it ain't ya?✨💓 don't apologise for it being long, everyone is more than welcome to slide their ramblings into my inbox✨

fuck it im getting in the trenches with you, as long as noone minds it being pretentious philosophical crap, but ive had this knocking about for a couple of days, and after your ask i rewatched ep3 and found it was the perfect one to demonstrate what im trying to say!!!

"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players (ie. everyone), to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."

power is like a huge game of chess, manipulating pieces around the board and pushing forward your advantage pawns just as much as sacking your queen, even when it's the most compelling piece on the board, and still being able to pin your opponents king.

power is like a dance where one usually thinks that because they are following the steps they have control over where their foot will land, but not understanding that regardless of the steps, how you dance them is controlled by a tempo and a rhythm.

power is like when someone has ordered a meal based on a description, building a mental image in their head, and what you serve is something resembling the description close enough that they can't argue sufficiently to send it back because they got what was advertised.

power is control, and influence, the ability to bend and shape everything around you. power is not leaving anything to chance, or coincidence, because to assert power is to exact where the hammer falls. power is nothing other than control, and the absence of power is not only weakness; its mirror is also disorder. it's chaos, and anarchy.

there are, obviously, conflicting schools of thought on power. but im going to refer to nietzsche, as a fairly obvious example (and entirely just my interpretation), and his suggestion on power being in line with his thoughts on the "death of god". with this, we can infer that humanity would achieve true power through self-realisation, and not by conditioning their actions in response to a higher stake, such being god or the salvation of their soul; to act only in purpose to their own selves, and not a higher, deterministic influence.

i think this is exactly where the crux of aziraphale's response to power sits in ep3. he truly believes, thinking only on a base level, that the digging up of bodies is wrong; it's desecration, and, as he believes, intrinsically against the will of god. but crowley, as others have pointed out, rightly shows him that the duality of morality is seeped into everything and how you perceive morality entirely depends on your perspective, borne out of your experiences you have been dealt and gone through. digging up bodies is morally wrong on the surface, but it befits a higher, good purpose (education in medicine, precipitating the ability to help people and do further good). this, for a short while, truly shifts aziraphale's world view; we can see that.

so when morag is injured, he's prepared to exact his own power, and help and save her. he's hesitant, because it's not something he's entirely confident in doing, but he's willing and prepared. and then morag died. morag tripped over a wire, got blasted with a grave cannon, and died. but, from aziraphale's perspective, was this an accident? or was tripping the wire a divine intervention following the fact that aziraphale had had a shift in mentality with dalrymple? and morag dying - was it an assertion of power that was in direct retaliation of aziraphale daring to think he could exact his own power, his own control, by saving her? possibly, and would explain why he continues to be conflicted throughout his narrative; not only out of fear, potentially, but in surrender to the power of god.

when it comes to the apocalypse in s1, aziraphale and crowley directly contradict what they thought would be an assertion of absolute power and, especially in aziraphale's case, potentially realised that power may not be the core of god's agenda after all. averting armageddon might just have been part of the wider, ineffable plan. i think this is where aziraphale begins to shift his understanding of god; that through his own, free will and action, he can still do good, and still be of god, but he has power that is ultimately his to control.

the job storyline similarly parallels this whole thought process; that aziraphale felt immediately that he would be punished for asserting his own power in the situation with the children. he has a power over gabriel and the other angels by way of lying to them; in his mind his actions, his free will to lie, his power, directly contradicted god's power and will. but he (as far as we know by crowley's account, crowley was not there to drag aziraphale down to hell) was not cast out, and did not fall. so does that mean he did indeed do the right thing? or, if we understand god to be omniscient but benevolent, was this mercy? could aziraphale have interpreted his fear of falling as a warning, the first strike? it would make sense, given he chooses not to interfere with the heavenly policy on jesus' crucifixion, despite his evident hesitancy with it.

i think that aziraphale puts a lot of stock in ineffability because it's a comfort that power resides elsewhere, and all he has to be is a conduit. call it cowardice or pragmatism, i think sometimes to aziraphale that it's just semantics. in his mind, he is simply bowing to the power of god, out of faith and reverence and perhaps - yes - fear, and that's understandable. but i similarly think he starts to question ineffability in the context that when the power comes from an unknowable source, where the motive and agenda is completely unknowable to boot, the right thing to do is question that power. and this adds further context to why he chooses to rejoin heaven; that in taking control of the power that resides within him, he might be able to influence things for the better, because he's realised - or at least realising - that he is not simply a puppet for god to control (whether or not she did want to control him, or even intended to).

aziraphale was, once, an angel that went along with heaven as far as he could. but now? whilst i do think that the metatron obviously had some influence over aziraphale through manipulation, i think it's slightly depreciative of aziraphale's character development to remove his own agency from that decision - realising his own power through free will and action, and using this to potentially leave behind something better, and completely effable, and material. he has changed, he has developed, and whilst he may not be successful in his agenda to change heaven, and it might be dangerous, the fact that he felt he had the power to try speaks volumes to me✨

(i too would love to see a Charles I substory; however questionable his belief in divine power residing within himself, the narrative of governing and being accountable only to his own conscience - because he was the earthly representative of god, in his eyes - could be something really special to see in GO!)

[astradyke]

Let's talk about how phil has more of the "he would never cheat so im not really jealous" vibes, while dan is literally the "you know other men?" meme. They're so funny. Obviously I know Dan is joking in some of the clips but you SEE his initial reaction before the joke even forms in his mind. Like that moment in the video yeet it or keep it when phil says his sweater smells like another man. You can hear the '"excuse me" dan is actually shocked and slightly annoyed, obviously not really threatened and he then continues the joke that he's jealous but you can tell his initial reaction was genuine. The EYEROLL on the coincidence with sam the surfer bffr

not sam the surfer 💀 Dan and Phil lore is so crazy all the time

no but i kind of have a take on this bear with me kindly, but like. i actually really do not think Dan is as jealous as people take him for a lot of the time, not because Dan isn't jealous at all but because i think Dan is only jealous about some things.

this kind of flows into a very different discussion which is my own ambivalent feelings as to whether i think Dan and Phil are monogamous or not, but i actually feel like in a lot of sexual situations where Dan makes a reaction about something, it gets misread as jealousy when it's usually just him being shocked or making fun of Phil or something et cetera. my favorite example is the arching back builder tiktok because i MAINTAIN with my WHOLE HEART that they were having a SOCRATIC DISCUSSION ABOUT IT!!! THEY WERE THE PHILOSOPHERS MEME!!! these were two tops seeing a man with a damn good arched back and going wow... so true. but also obviously Dan was making fun of Phil because crazy ass thing to come up on tiktok lmfao

but like, a lot of things in that vein don't read to me as jealous. what i do think maybe elicits some like, jealous responses out of Dan, are things that are more like... not romantic but leaning that way? like the Sam the surfer thing because come on man hasn't everyone heard that only Dan and Phil have divine connections? that ancient Adam clip also comes to mind lmfao, and the radio thing about the woman wanting to move in? and like you said even though i think the clothing bit was A Bit i can see it slotting into this category i'm loosely laying out. like these things i DO see Dan being a bit jealous about; obviously not excessively especially as time has passed, it was probably worse when he was younger and is far less existent now, but he has self admitted to being a jealous person and i definitely think you can see that with more like romantic things. y'know?

anyway i don't mean to like contend with jokes because one thing about me is i am no.1 jokester at heart but sometimes i personally see posts and i'm like... i really just do not think Dan was being jealous with this one to be honest. i fear we (royal we) might not know what jealousy looks like. so sometimes i'm a little thrown off by interpretations that he is Very Jealous when i'm like... i DO think they communicate though. and that Phil obviously has other friends and has been found to be attractive by other people, Dan maybe just historically really doesn't love the idea of anyone else being in love with Phil or vise-versa. and i mean, handshake on that i so get it.

ANYWAY sorry to soapbox i can probably better explain my thoughts later but i fear your ask just activated this tangent in me because i'd been cooking on how to talk about it for a while. Phil definitely seems to be better at handling jealousy while Dan has a long standing issue with it but i think it's a lot less about Phil being with other men or having sex with them maybe and is a lot more about Dan being cynical towards Phil having like Destined Meetings with someone, or Phil having a person who replaces Dan's role in his life. like twink with the ass on tiktok isn't going to be a Dan but maybe Sam the Surfer will if it's like a bad day you know

[system-architect]

10, 13 and 15 (actually for all your Inquest rats if you feel like it, mainly 15 if I have to pick)

"am a tired dummy and forgot to say "for Plex" in the previous ask 👀💦" well no worries bc IM GOING TO ANSWER FOR ALL OF THEM📣

10. How do they feel towards Inquest leadership? (Optional: How do they feel towards Kudu and Kuda?

plex: not gonna lie plex thinks theyre scary and kinda nuts LMAO . he stays out of that shit!!! not keen to get vivisected!!!!!!! he DOES have a complex relationship with his overseer and director tho (hot and fresh off the presses: that is because, unknown to either of them until recently, director vahnn* is his.. DAD !!!)

*sasha's oc. i've drawn him twice or smth oop lmao. he's the scary undercut man here. this was b4 vahnn knew their relation.. :")

daizz: daizz Respects inquest leadership and views them as visionaries. generally. i think the only qualms he has with higher-ups tend to be things like allocation of funds (he always feels the enforcers are underfunded) and other somewhat inconsequential grievances.

daizz... i dont know how else to phrase this sorry. he has a bit of a hard-on for kudu. he's obsessed with the man. feels he was a visionary ahead of his time. he literally has framed kudu posters in his office. he got to witness kudu in person Once before kudu died and it was daizz's gay awakening probably (he isn't aware of this but i am.)

he actually has like.. strange.. respect-infused semi-familial feelings about kuda because daizz's mother, prova, is an exceptionally high ranking enforcer and works as one of kuda's personal guards! he's only glimpsed her maybe once or twice though, they've never hung out or anything crazy, but they're like one degree of separation lmao

kai: feels theyre all greedy bastards just looking out for their personal interests and he is correct. he has no particular loyalty or respect for higher ranking folks (except daizz). he'll still follow orders tho bc that is simply what he does

toza: she has a decent amount of respect for her immediate supervisors and bosses, she'll follow them without too much question, but has no particularly strong ties to leadership further up the ladder than that. i think she might have a weird fondness for kudu and kuda bc based on what she's heard about them, she feels like they have/had some traits in common with her/are the same 'type of person' as her (it's the desperate violent streaks)

13. What was their real motive for joining the Inquest? Whatever their job or area of research is, why is it that they feel they can't perform it within normal society-- why do something so extreme and push moral boundaries?

plex: going to be honest with you.. plex joined the inquest because he is stupid, basically. he wanted to figure out his father's whereabouts and he knows his father was associated with the inquest and just sort of.. went in that direction. he didnt think about how dumb this was until recently. unfortunately he's now entrenched and starting to Like It now that he's getting to perform some of his own research. inquest is family business for him now ig.

daizz: LOYALY.. HONOR.. VALOR.. ZEAL... VISION............. daizz is a Guardian with a capital g and he really truly Believes in the inquest and what they're doing. he's intensely religio-philosophical wrt the eternal alchemy, and he believes in the inquest's vision of the alchemy (minus the asuran dominion bit.. he dgaf about that). him and his mother were both originally peacemakers, her very high ranking, and she became disillusioned and he connected w/ her disillusionment, and so when she defected he followed

kai: kai wants money. kai is also kind of a rude mean violent person who, as gregarious and chatty and friendly and sociable as he can be, does not function fully well in normal society as a former ultrarich kid turned burnout gambler. he could've just as easily been a bounty hunter or a mercenary. the inquest is simply always hiring, is consistent with their delivery of paychecks, and was close by.

toza: sasha asked me this one specifically so it gets its own post in a hot minute ok

15. Were they involved with any of the canon GW2 events that involved the Inquest-- Thaumanova, Crucible of Eternity, Sorrow's Embrace, Rata Primus, etc? (Optional: How'd they escape when the Commander rolled in?)

plex:

daizz + kai: both daizz and kai were stationed in rata primus when it fell. this is where they met, actually-- kai was a fresh-faced enforcer recruit just shipped out from metrica, and daizz was the leader of the unit he was assigned to. kai is the sole survivor of daizz's unit, and they had to pry themselves out tooth and nail. daizz was able to find and retrieve kai halfway, and then after kuda was secured, she very gracefully allowed prova a brief leave to go find her son in the cube, so prova managed to track them down and help pry them out from there. they narrowly dodged the commander, it was just joko's forces they were fighting through

toza: