#and if interacting with this fandom continues to have a negative impact on your mental health then take a break

[wispscribbles]

hi i just discovered your beautiful art so i obviously needed to scroll down your whole blog to catch up on everything you posted haha

i just wanted to say that i got way too emotional after reading that post of yours regarding mw3 and your mental health… on one hand i’m so sorry that you felt that way, but on the other i feel it with my whole heart

ghoap content especially for me helped me these past few months with my mental health in ways i would never have expected, it was my solace and inspiration, i started working out too and got back into drawing, got a lot better at it as well!

but unfortunately i get way too fixated on fictional stuff and there comes a time that my brain switches up and connects the things i liked and comforted me with things that make me extremely uncomfortable and stressed out, especially if i fall down a fandom rabbit hole that i would never have searched up, beacuse i know myself, i know my limits and triggers but i feel like i’m not a part of the fandom if i don’t like and interact with every single headcanon, art and ship

these past days i was really down because of that, and the things i read (why did i do that???) and now when i think of ghoap i think of that stuff and im scared that i alienated myself from the one thing that made me happy

but discovering your art and with that your post reminded me that im not alone in these feelings, even if it’s not the same exactly, and i wanted to thank you, for sharing your thoughts that time i guess haha <33

((sorry for rambling))

Long reply under 'keep reading' !! CW: talk of triggers and MCD

Always feel free to ramble my way!!! How nice you could find some comfort in my art and ghoap stuff. Especially in my mw3 post. I've been considering deleting it a few times, but hearing it maybe helped to read in some way makes me happy I left it up.

I get where you're coming from - I very much use these fictional characters as a safe space, but ppl view them very differently. There's room for it all, "don't like, don't interact" is very much a policy I agree with. It's important to mute words and be aware of your own triggers as you browse stuff in this fandom, because there's such a wide variety of stuff out there. You do NOT have to interact and agree with every thought people have on this ship, that's impossible and super stressful. There's plenty of stuff and headcanons I don't vibe with. There are no 'requirements' that you have to meet in order to enjoy fiction.

It's part of why I enjoy ghoap - that their dynamic resonates and has sparked so much creativity and outlets for so many - but it also means there's gonna be a lot of stuff u don't necessarily agree with or feel comfortable with. For example, a lot of folks use the MCD in mw3 as a way to explore grief, which I think is really cool, but on a bad day that could potentially get my brain in a bad headspace, so I only check out that art and those fics when I feel okay. There's also a bunch of stuff I'd never want to interact with, and that’s fine !!

I'm personally quite vanilla and a sucker for exploring the softer, more domestic aspects of these characters. It's what brings me joy. I know there are parts of this fandom who don’t vibe with what I make at all, and would call it untrue to the characters. Some creators enjoy exploring the more violent or toxic sides to the source material. That's just how it is, we all need different things from fiction. As long as we're capable of chilling in our respective sandboxes, then all's good.

But if you're like me, and enjoy the softer things, then definitely be aware and careful while exploring this ship and fandom. I've seen takes on these characters that are so far removed from how I view them, that they're basically the complete opposite, and it can leave a very bad taste, especially if you're the type to hinge your safe space on fiction.

Just... be mindful of yourself and your potential triggers, be respectful and don't interact with things that make you uncomfortable to the point of feeling unsafe. Shape your own online experience to your best ability.

Hope you're doing okay and still find joy in ghoap <3

[gunsli-01]

You know I don't want to make it feel like certain people shouldn't be able to vote or make theories but-

Then don't it is entirely that easy to leave people alone whose actions are not negatively affecting you. It is immensely easier than pretending to wish to avoid conflict while directly walking into it. It is even easier to show empathy and create a welcoming fandom space for people regardless of how they choose to interact with the source material. There is an endless wealth of people who will share your views and the same number of people who will not. There are so many ways to illustrate a point without creating a strawman out of others who enjoy the same thing as you do but in a way you personally find objectionable.

There is no reason to create an us vs. them mentality over these things. It's contributing to a very polarizing and negative atmosphere, and I know half of the people in this fandom are fully capable of elaborating on their points and defending their favorites without partaking in this sort of extremist behavior. Everyone should be able to vote, make theories, and have their own opinions on what exactly is going on. Saying otherwise will just lead to people growing disdainful of something they used to enjoy. If you don't like how someone else enjoys a thing then it's far easier and more enriching to work on your own expression/vocalization of your enjoyment than cut others down and try to tell them how they should express themselves.

Since trial 4 started, the Milgram fandom has gotten incredibly oppressive. It's about time people took a step back and thought about how their actions and statements in the real-world impact real people instead of concerning themselves with the wellbeing of fictional characters.

Also, if anyone wants to come at me for bringing up racial aspects regarding Milgram before stating this as a source of polarization and discomfort. It's completely fair for those aspects to be uncomfortable for some to unpack. It's also uncomfortable for me to discuss and to see overtake a fandom space I was actually comfortable within. This ties in heavily to my think about how your wording affects real people because by displaying such behavior, even in a joking way, it shows that this community is an unsafe place for certain minorities.

It has led to me debating if Milgram is something I should continue to be interested in as someone who has to face many isms and phobias in their real life. It's a hassle to write up why that isn't okay and how off-putting it can come off as.

Especially when a good deal of the vocal individuals in this community will just go x prisoner is cute, which means nothing they do can be wrong ever and regardless of if I disagree with their actions, I'll vote them Innocent on that alone or worse defend the action all together. It's uncomfortable, it's gross, and it makes the Milgram fandom unsafe to interact with and a franchise I would sooner tell individuals with similar circumstances to mine to stay away from than to watch. It's not surprising given the history individuals of color, especially black/brown people have with fandom spaces. Not even delving into Asian media specifically, but it certainly doesn't get any less annoying to deal with or see.

If that's the type of atmosphere fans of this series wish to create which at this point seems to be the case, congrats. However, if not, some reevaluation may be necessary to avoid these issues continuing to crop up. It would also be very telling if Mu's case is the only one where this issue arises, and the rest of the cases are smooth sailing.

It's not difficult to take into consideration all the clearly race related things. The stop the woke left nonsense, jokes about doctoring tapes, head canons of Mu's victim being half black, discussions around Mu's victim deserving to get stabbed and theories that despite Mu's victim being killed outside the victim attacked Mu with a chair in the classroom all being attached to Mu's case and think man wonder how the writer will spin this one not well regardless of verdict more than likely.

[sweetescapeartist]

Update Again...

I'm getting my mind where it needs to be. Controlling my emotions of anger and sadness. Anger from my mistakes I made that I didn't realize were mistakes until years later. Sadness from realizing close friends were never my friends because they abandoned me when I needed them, but wanted me to be there for them. Anger from allowing myself to be manipulated into making decisions that ended up isolating myself which resulted in being abandoned by so-called friends of my past & so-called friends of my present. Dealing with the sadness of being alone with nobody who understands what I went through mentally nor emotionally. I've told some family and they can't really comprehend it. So I just navigate life mainly on my own to generate my own happiness. And I can do so at will. Just sometimes it takes more effort and time to give myself a natural high. Even with how I walk now, ppl tell me I walk like I own wherever I'm at. Its just confidence I can't contain. Not overconfidence. That opens you up for failure, and makes you too delusional to realize or admit it. It's worse than lacking confidence at times. Balanced confidence is the key. It keeps your mind & spirit at peace too.

But currently, I've gotten myself to a better place more often. So now I can focus more on my art. Drawing a few things for family and I plan to draw a family portrait of my dad & his siblings & their mother & her parents. I want to give them something to always remember.

After 2 projects for family are done, I will return to K18 art. Then I will start selling my merch in real life and set up that elusive Patreon for my DB fanart I keep talking about lol. I have a more focused mind after finding out I'm pretty much along and realizng that's not necessarily a bad thing. So with this mind that has more focus than before, I can build towards the potential I have. Potential to become an artist that is known in my area. And the many DB ideas I have that can impact the fandom in a positive way for use Krillin fans, K18 fans, & Earthling fans. I have real drive now. I just have to keep focused and keep fighting off these negative vibes that sneak up on me. I create my own barrier of positivity to counteract the negative energy of others. And with my positive energy as high as I have it, negative energy cannot bring me down like it used to & my energy can actually elevate others.

I also been working on fics, have recieved submissions that would like to remain anonymous, & so on. Those of you who are on the discord... sorry for my lack of interaction as I said to y'all there. But also thank you for continuing in my absence. You all have helped each other grow in positve ways from what I noticed. And like I said long ago, I just need to be a spark while others become flames. But I think its time I catch up to y'all and become a flame myself so we can refine an intelligent section of this fandom with our fire.

Thank y'all for putting up with me. Sorry for neglecting to respond. I've done that for a while these past 2 or 3 years because I've been going through stuff and going through changes. I've had to get myself more balanced so I can move forward at a steady pace. I'm not quite where I need to be, but I'm getting close.

[paopuofhearts]

@iwonderwh0 / @kamari2038

So first off, I think both of you have wonderful and amazing ideas, which makes it incredibly hard to not interact with those ideas.

For context, I am a middle aged adult that teaches middle school and high school literature and history (occassionally college students, when I do an off hand summer tutoring or summer seminar course). My job revolves around helping others socialize and communicate - so, doing the hardcore argumentative structure type things and things like how to properly convey positive feedback. This also requires me to tailor my responses by phrasing and tweaking my own thoughts and ideas to others to buffer the learning process.

Again, I think you are both people with awesome ideas, which is why I have interacted with your posts.

Here's the however:

However, the responses I've received in interacting with these posts have impacted me negatively because they are structured in a way that is far too similar to my work, despite best intentions and positive disclaimers.

Now, I could respond in a way where I try to engage anyway, but that requires getting into the same kind of headspace I have at my job. That was something I was willing to do for a little over a decade, and something I recently (as of two years ago, when I actually ditched this account and all my social media accounts for a while) decided I would no longer do when interacting in fandom. This is because it became too draining on me emotionally and mentally to do that as a full time job and within fandom spaces that I want to treat more as a hobby (where sometimes I'll throw things out in hopes of building ideas, but it's not something I necessarily want to invest in).

I appreciate your ideas, and I love them. That is one of the reasons why I ended up blocking both of you: I throw ideas out for lighthearted response (even when dealing with hefty concepts), whereas the responses I've gotten in return (again, despite best intentions and positive disclaimer) have been far more about critique and defending positions and dismissing tangents to focus on specific ideas.

And that's fine! That's a totally acceptable way to engage in fandom! Critique is great for delving into and better solidifying lenses, defending positions is a good way to clarify a perspective, and tangents do sometimes detract from a subject. Those are things I used to really enjoy about fandom, and things I also actively engaged in with fandom. These days, not so much.

But that's not how I personally want to engage in fandom, because that's what I do for my career. And I no longer want my career headspace to blend or overlap as much with my fandom headspace. It's too draining on me. This is not a reflection on either of you, but a way to remove myself from a position where I am not doing something productive for my well being.

So! I hope you both continue enjoying the fandom, because you are both contributing awesome things! I just don't want to interact with them (or be tempted to interact with them) because it's not how I want to engage in fandom, as it's not productive to my well being.

[thedrarrylibrarian]

Part of being The Drarry Librarian is making educational posts to help our fandom grow and thrive. Today I want to address a problem that isn’t specific to our fandom, but sadly to all fandoms: sending hatred and harassment, anonymously or not. I’m not naive enough to believe I can solve this problem with a post, but I certainly hope that it makes people think twice and provides some resources to anyone who has been harassed or received hate. 

Sending negative and hateful messages never accomplishes what the sender hopes. It’s just bullying, plain and simple. And just like real life bullying, online bullying negatively impacts both mental and physical health. It causes anxiety and depression, which can manifest into physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure and puts even young people at a higher risk for heart attacks and strokes. Especially in adolescents, cyberbullying directly contributes to self-harm and suicide ideation/attempts and even in some cases, suicide completion. 

I wish that making someone who sends hate aware of the hurt that they caused would solve the problem, but I also know that when the goal is to silence the recipient, people who send hate often don’t care about hurting others. I want these people to remember that nothing fandom related is worth this and that they are in charge of curating their own fandom experiences.

YOU have the power to unfollow, filter certain tags, or even block someone. It’s never acceptable to harass someone or send them hate over a difference of opinion though.

If you receive hate, please know that you’re not alone - this person has probably harassed other people too. It’s not your fault and you don’t deserve it. Reach out to a friend for support, because even if it isn’t bothering you in the moment, it might come back to bother you later. Document the harassment through a screenshot for reporting purposes, then block and report the sender. Delete the messages from the comments or your inbox so you don’t have to see them anymore. It’s tempting to respond, but most of the time it simply gives the person what they desire: attention and the knowledge that they upset you. If you continue to be harassed, you can change your tumblr and AO3 account settings so that only registered users can comment or interact.

Remember, you are so much more than what the hate says you are. Sending hate says far more about the person who sent it than it says about you. No one deserves hate, and everyone has worth.

We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on…that’s who we really are. • Sirius Black

Resources: 

The @wolfstarlibrarian’s Guides to Betaing and Commenting

International Suicide Hotlines

A special thank you to those who let me interview them in the process of making this post. I appreciated your time, insights, and perspectives and was honored that you trusted me with your stories.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

You can totally ignore this if you’re just feeling done with the situation (I’m thankful that you give anons a voice in your safe place but it is yours!). (Tw for brief mention of suicide).

I wanted to touch on people coming at others for “defending” Jensen and just say… whenever I see any kind of bullying or shitty rhetoric instead of intellectual discussion and conversation, I’m going to defend the person who is being attacked. (This might be my background coming into play because I work with offenders/in forensics). Someone doing or saying a bad thing doesn’t make them an evil, horrible person. If we look at all the evidence we have of Jensen, he’s a pretty solid guy. What he said wasn’t great… I cannot get over some people in the fandom talking about him sexualising a child/equating what he said to paedophilia. Jack never calls him dad and Jack became God, celestial wavelengths of intent don’t hold ages in the same way humans do? He was played by a 31 year old man? Etc etc etc etc. I think Jensen would be disgusted, and distraught at the thought of people thinking that of him - even in his own panel the audience sexualised an interaction with his children and he shot it down and acted angry “Arrow and JJ love them some daddy… come on THEY’RE MY KIDS!” he has boundaries on that which we saw him assert on the same day!).

When you create a hostile environment for people getting things wrong people will continue to get it wrong. Flatlined. It’s not about excusing him and babying him. It’s just general human decency… it’s about standing up for someone who is generally good and kind when they’re being vilified. Yes, he is a 41 year old man, he doesn’t need looking after or babying… but he’s a human being too and also he’s in the spotlight and has had a lot of shit thrown around about him in the last 24 hours and regardless of what he did, negativity online and trolls have a huge impact on someone’s sense of self and mental health, we see what he puts out there but we’ve no idea what his MH is like in response to social media platforms. My guess with him being so quiet and absent from them is that is does impact him. There is nuance and context to what was said at the con…. All words have an impact - his had an impact on us and our words towards him also have an impact on him whether we see it or not. It’s not an eye for an eye. That leads nowhere fast. There have been things said that are just not okay in retaliation. There have been many (tw) celebrity suicides and genera breakdowns because of trolling etc and life in the media in general is hard because you can never get it right. We can lose sight of celebrities as humans when they’re on our pedestals and then attack them when they don’t meet our expectations, that’s not okay. They’re human too and lead a life beyond us and don’t really owe us anything, people are acting like entitled privileged children right now who aren’t getting their own way (sorry I know this is a really strong statement to make).

E.g. imagine just asking him to explain more what he meant by his comments about Jack or the damage control he did for Jared… that creates space for him to think on what he’s said and then alter his perception or narrative or word things differently and explain. Going for his throat shuts that growth, conversation and development down. I imagine Jensen and Misha have had lengthy discussions around sexuality and Dean and Cas’ relationship and we know that Misha is a vehement believer in it and he has complete distance from Jared who is likely of a very different mindset and belief system but has said wonderful things about Jensen’s support.

I don’t know if any of this makes any sense but I just wanted to raise awareness that just as Jensen’s words have hurt people here, our words can also hurt him and it’s not an eye for an eye if we’re actually wanting him to grow and develop and change and feel able to speak on Destiel in the future. I can imagine the fandoms response to this will have completely turned him off, it has turned me off. That “sexy silence” will be back and it’s fandom created and not so sexy.

I am shaking your hand firmly and handing you flowers. ALL OF THIS. Read this y'all.

[trashahime]

Anon, sorry for taking so long and the length. There was a lot to address and I tend to ramble. Due to the length I am going to divide your ask in chunks and respond to each paragraph individually for clarity's sake.

I'm curious as to why you have addressed this to Sesskagu shippers both here and later. TBH, this alone will make many doubt that you are truly neutral because you seem to have fallen for the common but false claim that the anti sentiment has it's roots in bitterness over a lost ship war.

Those supporting the end are made up of a variety of people who are simply united in their dislike/disappointment. Among them are shippers and non-shippers, antis, neutrals and even some SR fans who are bothered by how their ship is portrayed.

Personally, I don't think it takes any kind of mental gymnastics to have a problem with how Sessrin is depicted in Yashahime. There are some antis who probably do purposely make the worst possible interpretations to fuel their disgust/anger. But most are being completely sincere in their belief that Rin was married and pregnant by the time she was 15. You have probably already seen and dismissed all the anti arguments to support this view so it would be pointless to rehash them. You can believe it's just about disliking Sessrin but there were many antis like myself who were willing to accept the relationship even if we found it distasteful had Sunrise gone about things differently.

Each "hater" has their own reason for continuing to watch the show and I can't speak for them. Or as a "hater" either as I enjoyed the show. But I also think it's a trainwreck with many issues and problematic portrayals.

If people are targeting individuals and maliciously interacting with their posts then that is definitely harassment. However, I suspect you also mean the general posts made by antis criticizing those who watch the show.

The belief that watching/supporting Yashahime equals supporting a p*dophilic portrayal of Sessrin and other unsavory stuff is an opinion I disagree with. But I also disagree that expressing that opinion is harassment.

I get why you find it to be extremely harsh and hurtful but I also think you are taking it very personally when you needn't.

Consider my position. I'm an anti that still enjoys Yashahime. Most of those posts are made by my moots, some of which I have very friendly interactions with. I have even more reason to feel personally attacked by them but I don't. Just because I respect someone's right to an opinion that doesn't mean I am obligated to agree with it and make it apply it to myself. Unless you agree that liking Yashahime means condoning p*dophilia, then I'd advise you to take the view that those posts don't pertain to you at all.

As for petitions, bad reviews, being glad Yashahime is almost over... Well that's some of the least offensive actions an anti can take. Two of the three are against corporations, not fellow fandom members and the other is just a celebration amongst themselves.

They don't affect anyone else unless the petitions and bad reviews are substantial enough to put the shows future in jeopardy. IMO, the correct counter action is good reviews and supportive petitions, not telling antis to stop. They have the right to express their opinions.

I have seen many grooming and csa survivors say they also don't view Sessrin as having those aspects. However, there are many survivors on the anti side that strongly disagree. While I think that the opinions of those who have endured similar circumstances have more weight, it also creates kind of a never ending tug of war situation where neither side can really "win" the argument because they are equally balanced. For every survivor saying it is, there is one saying it's not.

Generally, I choose not to use the words p*dophilia or grooming when describing the Sessrin relationship or say that everyone who likes the pairing is a P&G apologist.

Many antis don't agree on this, but I think it's possible to have headcanons and scenarios that result in a version of Sessrin in which those things are not present. Fanonwise anyway. To me, the canon situation can definitely be interpreted to believe that they are present.

Mostly, I tend not to use the terms because they have specific psychological and legal definitions. That makes it very easy for SR fans to completely dismiss the idea that they could apply to Sessrin because it's not a perfect fit. I think if it turns out to be part of actual canon or if it's just part of one's own headcanon that Sesshomaru was "waiting" for Rin to grow up and courting her with gifts like the kimonos then that means he had a romantic interest in her when she was too young for it to be acceptable.

He might not be a technical p*do in that he is attracted to children, but his thoughts and actions are of one with regards to Rin. I agree with those that say Sesshomaru would never intentionally manipulate or pressure Rin to be with him, thus not "technically" grooming.

However, informing her via courting that he wants to be with her when she is older does put a type of manipulative pressure on her. For years, she will have to live with the knowledge that her literal savior, the most important person to her in the world, someone she loves and doesn't want to disappoint, is waiting for her. It will absolutely influence her life choices and who she becomes.

No need to apologise, I don't mind being vented at and am clearly prone to long-ass messages myself.

I think you do have some valid frustrations but I don't think they all are.

It's often forgotten that antis are major fans too. Many wanted to love Yashahime but in their eyes Yashahime "bashes" the OG and it's characters. It's ruined something they held near and dear. And they are highly upset about it.

Think about it, that's probably why you and others are so angry at the criticism. It's bashing something you all enjoy or maybe even love and it's making you highly upset. You all are more alike then you realize.

You can let it all impact your fandom experience or realise there is very little you can do about it because that criticism, even if you find it unfounded, harsh or extreme has the right to exist provided it doesn't break the rules of the website. You won't be able to block it all away.

it's a tired old cliche but it's true that you can't control what others do, only your own reaction to it. And frankly I think some of your reactions are as extreme as to what you ascribe to antis. I mean, you want them to stop celebrating the end of Yashahime. How does that really personally affect you?

A change in perspective as I described earlier goes a long way in not taking anti criticism personally. It even works when you are being personally attacked. I have seen posts about me specifically saying I am a deluded and deranged individual with real life mental health issues just because I think Kagura is the mom. Those people don't know me and I know the truth about myself. So why let someone's unfounded false world view affect me or my fandom experience?

Anyway, you probably just wanted to rant and weren't expecting or wanting this massive response. I hope you find a way to deal with the negativity because it's not completely avoidable but it will die down eventually.

[bbysamu]

Response & thoughts on the recent discourse 

Warning: discourse; hateful languages / comments are shown; long post ahead

Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the discourse yesterday. 

I thought Ain’s response to the situation was extremely well-thought out and explained the whole thing perfectly, so I originally did not intend on coming out with my own comments. However, after turning anon back on for my dear 🍙 and for requests, I’ve still been receiving messages about the situation yesterday. So this is the last time I am going to address the discourse on my blog. All other asks / comments about it will be deleted / ignored. 

Yesterday, I suddenly received a random anon that turned out to be a hateful account claiming to “expose” those in the Haikyuu fandom. I was “exposed” because I supposedly plagiarized one of Ain’s TikTok headcanon. When there were clear evidence I didn’t, the blog started to target me based off similarities in text dividers and format. 

I logged off the site yesterday, only to come back and find out the blog had been promoting itself on my mutual’s pages as well as other HQ writers’ pages, trying to involve people into this very unnecessary discourse. 

There are three things I want to comment on: 

1) Plagiarism 

For those of us who take the time and effort to put our ideas into words, this is not only a very serious accusation, but a very hurtful one as well. Unless there are actual evidence, this is not just some word to throw around at people. Things like formatting, symbols or even color dividers as just ways of organization. By your logic, are people who write their paragraphs with a hanging indent plagiarizing then? Come on, it’s just a way to organize thoughts so they are easier for readers to digest. 

2) Fan behavior 

It is completely okay to admire and like someone for their work and personality. What’s not okay is when admiration becomes borderline obsession and you start to attack others with the intentions of doing it for the person you admire. It can be easy to forget the users you are sending hate to, either on or off anon, are people, flesh and blood, with real feelings behind screens. Your words can have very real impact and consequences on their day, mood and mental health.  Furthermore, why send hate to someone you don’t know very well? It’s important to remember a blog is only a small glimpse of the user’s personality. Unless you’re close mutuals or interact IRL, there’s no one you can really know what kind of person they are. So please think twice before you send any hateful messages.

3) The HQ fandom 

There’s a lot of negativity in the fandom as of late. I'm sure a lot of us come unto Tumblr because we want a safe place to express and share our thoughts about these volleyball boys. We’re literally just people who really enjoy this certain sports anime and want to come together to talk and write our own interpretations about different characters. If you don’t like it, don’t read it and don’t interact. It’s really that simple. There’s already a lot of hate in this world, a lot of discourse we can’t control. But we can control the discourse better in the digital world. So please, don’t go around spreading hate on the interweb.  

Response to @exposingcheatershq: 

I came back to tens of hateful comments from the same account + what I'm suspecting to be a second account of theirs. I’ve blocked them already, but in the case they come back to bother me, let me just respond to some of their comments below. 

Last but certainly not least: 

Thank you to everyone who supported both Ains and I during this very, very weird and stressful discussion. I am so sorry to see the user going on people’s blog to promote themselves and trying to involve those who weren’t even part of the discourse. 

I won’t tag everyone because there is literally just so many people to thank. I would be lying if I said I slept well last night. I even seriously considered deactivating my blog. But after coming back to so many positive messages and love, I will continue to run fushiguroll and will certainly continue to have fun with it and it’s all possible because of you! 

So to you: You know who you are. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for having my back and giving me so much love and comfort. 

P.S: I will be back on regular posting schedule tomorrow! 

[midgarsflorist]

hot take on season 4 stuff

I’ve seen a few posts circulating about season 4 of wtFOCK and the potential for a season 5. I put together this list in hopes that it will motivate people to continue their involvement in watching season 4.

1. Yasmina I shouldn’t have to say much more than this. Yasmina is an incredibly lovable character who we’ve had the delight of getting to know throughout the series. She is a solid landing place for Robbe, hinting his involvement in her season (aside from the parallels to the OG and other remakes).

Yasmina as a Muslim woman though, and as a main character, are big deals for marginalized groups that have never had that representation in a production before. The other seasons (primarily) highlighted how important this is and I’d like to stress the importance of this for Yasmina’s season as well. If we don’t support marginalized groups (women, poc, religious minorities, or any combination), it highlights our lack of interest to the entertainment world. Let’s not do that. For wtFOCK to end up in a large news paper, highlighting the 10 million views the show has gotten only for that to disappear when a Muslim woman becomes the main? That will send a message, intentional or not.

2. Potential for a Season 5

This is pretty basic. Interest in a show is one of the best ways to ensure that the show continues on in further seasons. I won’t explain more about this. That doesn’t necessarily mean being a tumblr blog dedicated to season 4 of wtFOCK but it does mean the engagement with social media and watching the show where you can. I don’t mean to say the online population is the primary source of hits for the show nor are we its target audience but there is some level of recognition that is garnered through social media. The producer has liked several posts about a Sander season 5. Does that mean anything? It may not, but why ruin our chances when it’s possible?

3. “But Season 3 was so stressful”

I have some basic things to say here. I’ve seen a number of people who said they were going to completely bow out of the fandom because of Season 3.

Unfollow people who have opinions that you simply don’t vibe with

Ignore or delete asks that complain about something you enjoyed

Don’t engage in discourse if it isn’t productive or meaningful to you

Block users that abuse the tag to spam their frustrations with the show especially if that negatively impacts you

Surround yourself with people who are respectful, thoughtful and reflective

Take frequent breaks from social media and especially the tag

This season was particularly stressful. There were moments of great writing and moments that have left us concerned or questioning. There were moments where a lot of viewers felt the writers were focused on shock value or cliffhangers instead of a full story.

While the season is not yet done and I can’t speak to those matters, I can say that I’ve enjoyed my experience by surrounding myself with people who communicate the way that I do. People who respect one anothers’ opinions, people who try to filter negativity out and only focus on the positives. 

Did I see complaints on my dash about “not enough Sander” and then posts responding that it’s not his season? Yeah. But if it went too far, I unfollowed. There were a lot of posts about mental illness discourse, some of which were quite frankly really toxic. I unfollowed. Even if the user themselves doesn’t have those opinions but is spamming your dash with the opinions of other people just so they can argue, you don’t have to follow that.

You are not obligated to follow someone that stresses you out. You are not obligated to engage with people who stress you out. You are not obligated to post asks/anonymous messages of people who stress you out. Your social media experience can 100% be determined by your choices and who you interact with.

If the fandom stressed you out, seek out those people that lived in the middle ground, that celebrated what you celebrated and spoke about matters that were important to you. Your mental health is important and this show, or a section of its community, should not be apart of that. 

so with this, I really hope to see active participation in season 4 of wtFOCK. I really hope that people were here for the story, the acting, the representation and I hope that they are not so caught up in Robbe and Sander that season 4 is not of interest to them.

I really hope that season 3′s success will only inspire further success for the next season which can create room for a fifth. I hope that next season, I don’t see people complaining “we had so much Zoenne in Robbe’s season, where are Robbe and Sander?” because it won’t be productive or conducive to conversations.

This is not, has not been, and will not be the Robbe and Sander show. Robbe lived with Zoe and Senne, making their interactions a pivotal part of his growth, relationships and every day life. Will Robbe and Sander be part of Yasmina’s life? Most likely but she will be the focus, just as Robbe was our focus now. 

If we ever want a Sander season, I suggest that we learn to love the main as we move forward and let the story be theirs. 

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[iamanartichoke]

Why do you feel that way about fandom? (In regards to your latest reblog)

Ah, I’m not sure if I know how to explain it, but I’ll try. (This got long, so I’m really sorry.)

The thing is, I first got into the Loki fandom early in 2018, so I’m coming up on about two years of being active here. That first year was so fun and exciting; I was elated to be able to discuss my Loki theories and meta with like-minded people, and I was so happy (and surprised!) at the attention my fic was getting.

I was also still at a point where I believed IW was going to blow our minds, so there was that extra kind of thrill of suspense (and a bit of fear but, when you believe in the MCU and haven’t yet lost faith in its writers/directors, the fear is surface-level and adds to the thrill - there’s not really the accompanying dread and despair). 

IW was a crushing blow to that, of course, but even though we were all devastated, we were all devastated as a fandom. We were still in it together; we had one another to vent to and cry with and share fic with. “Loki is alive bc reasons” became kind of an unwritten rule in most post-IW fics; we all agreed that Loki deserved better. 

In 2019, two things happened: one, I was underemployed and dragging my feet on finding better employment due to my mental health, which ruined my life for a little while. I had to move back in with my parents, which (I love them and am grateful they were willing to support me, but) was a toxic environment. I was too depressed to indulge in my escapism the same way (fic and fandom) and my progress on my stories slowed way down. I’ve never quite been able to get back the momentum I had when writing Sanctuary, but that’s another issue. 

The second thing that happened was, obviously, Endgame came out and whatever theories and hopes the fandom was collectively holding onto about Loki were crushed. Not only that, but the portrayal of Thor seemed to amplify the divide in the fandom between the pro/anti Ragnarok argument. 

It seems, to me, that what was a series of battles or skirmishes only became an all-out war after Endgame. That’s only my perception, of course, but I do feel that the latter part of 2019 saw the divide grow larger and larger. Everyone had opinions on what the “correct” portrayal of Thor was, and how it related to Loki, and whether fanon Thor and Loki’s relationship was founded in canon or not. Everyone was defensive of their own point of view; bullying and name-calling and anon hate became more widespread. 

Again, this is just my observation. Those who’ve been on the front lines since Ragnarok came out probably have a much different perspective; I’m only talking about what I observed bc it directly impacts how I feel about fandom these days. 

So here we are in 2020; like I said, I’ve been here about two years. I haven’t rewatched any of the Thor movies in ages (although @delyth88 and I are talking about it), because they make me so sad and also so angry. Sad for what we had, angry for what could have been. So much wasted potential. Loki’s horrific end hangs over everything, as does Thor’s radical character change, and I don’t have the same excited outlook about the characters and the meta potential anymore. 

Not having watched the movies in a long time, along with that feeling of “ugh” around them, impacts me creatively bc I’m not actively feeding my writing inspiration. For me, fanfic writing comes from being so full of feels about the source material that I just can’t get enough and I need more. I draw my inspiration from things like watching Loki’s facial expressions, catching subtle moments between Thor and Loki, analyzing the way they speak, thinking about the story choices happening, and so on, and so on. 

My source of inspiration has dried up, in other words, which has made it hard for me to keep a good writing momentum going. I was feeling great when I rewrote Sea, and then my inspiration kind of plummeted again - this time, bc I felt that I did such a good job rewriting and the response was so positive, I didn’t know if I could finish the rest of the story as well. Like I was already setting up the second half to fail, bc it would be much more “rough draft” than the first - revised and polished, yes, but not gone over with a fine-toothed comb the way the first part was. 

The truth is, I carry a lot of stress and anxiety around my writing. I am always incredibly anxious that no one actually likes my fic, that no one is reading my fic, that people think it’s stupid or pointless, that my quirky humorous touches are ooc, that my plotlines are convoluted and boring and my sex scenes awkward and non-existent. 

I’m having trouble with the Valki relationship bc I haven’t watched Ragnarok in so long, I’ve forgotten how much chemistry was between them and how it made me feel. I’ve forgotten why I chose to pair them up in this ‘verse in the first place. And I worry about that, too - that the people who read my stories for the Valki are walking away unsatisfied. 

So that’s where I am with fic writing - slow and steady, still trying to find my footing, still secretly assuming what I write is shit.

This is on top of feeling more and more isolated on tumblr, mostly because of the aforementioned tensions and overall negativity that’s erupted in the fandom. I have been unfollowed and blocked by people who were once mutuals; I have been blocked by people I’ve never spoken to before. 

There’s so much stress surrounding the things I post now - I’m constantly thinking, have I worded this correctly to convey my meaning without shitting on someone else’s opinion? Is this post going to be the one that makes this or that mutual unfollow me? Am I tagging correctly so my pro Ragnarok mutuals don’t see my criticism, and vice versa? Can I still post pictures of Chris Hemsworth, who is possibly the only man in the world I am definitely attracted to, which is a shame bc I agree that he’s kind of a douche now? But he’s so beautiful, but I have to disclaim that it’s just his face I’m attracted to? If I reblog this post about Loki that I think is hilarious, but is also founded on the flat stabby villain characterization, will I alienate my anti friends? Does it imply I don’t understand or appreciate Loki and that, by reblogging the thing, I’m endorsing a shitty characterization? 

And so on. It makes scrolling my dashboard uncomfortable and un-fun, bc I end up saving tons of posts to my drafts without reblogging them, and after awhile I am not enjoying myself, so I stop scrolling. 

But this means I miss tons of mutuals’ posts, and I was trying to check individual blogs for awhile but I kept falling further behind, and there were more and more posts I’d missed, and I’d get overwhelmed and then feel like they probably hated me anyway at this point for being a shit mutual, so I might as well just keep lurking on the dash for ten minutes and call it a day. 

On top of that, I haven’t read fic in awhile bc of this mindset, so I haven’t commented, and then when I don’t get comments it’s like, well, maybe the story’s not shitty but no one’s reading it bc what do I expect when I’m not reading theirs? You’re not special, Charlotte. 

The worst part about all of this is that none of it should diminish (and hasn’t diminished!) my love of Loki as a character. I am excited about the series, but I am also very anxious about it - about the story not being good, yes, but also about the inevitably divide that will further split the fandom. 

No matter how the story goes, someone’s going to be upset. You can’t please everyone, and trying only makes for worse storytelling. So the wank will continue. 

But I love Loki. I love everything about him. I am interested in writing about him and reading about him and thinking about him. I am invested in him and always will be. It’s just that, right now, I’m kind of falling further and further out of fandom and I find I have less to say. 

And so I either have to wait it out, or work on my own mindset, or keep on keeping on. I just don’t know how long that will take or if I’m even liked enough here to try to bother. 

tl;dr: Fandom has made me cynical and jaded, and it has dampened not my love of Loki, but my love of interacting with the Loki fandom.

(I know you didn’t ask for this hot garbage pile of my feelings, anon, so I’m sorry.) 

[dabistits]

You're well within your rights to dislike a ship, but don't say that the people who ship it deserve to die, even if you are joking. Please remember that these are real people with real feelings. Internet comments are suspected to be a big contributor to why the youtuber, Etika, committed suicide yesterday. The reasoning behind them was different, but the fact remains that comments like that have more direct negative real-world impact than any meta.

please don’t use the suicide of someone who was very mentally ill and deeply consumed by the ouroboros of influencer culture as a prop in this kind of argument. like. i’m sorry, but what the fuck about an internet personality struggling with all the combined forces of social media in addition to his own mental illness is at all comparable to me saying gross weirdos shipping their freak ships “can die” - not even to anyone specifically, just on my own damn blog! that no one has to read nor engage with!

it’s laughable that you think my comments like “go die” have more negative real world impact than a fan culture that continuously legitimizes shipping teenagers with adults, that repeatedly comes to the defense of abusive characters, and is in general much more concerned with protecting the sanctity of ‘fandom’ against criticism than actually grappling with the ways in which our fiction and the communities we create around fiction reproduce the real world conditions where young people are preyed upon and abused by their elders. let me remind you that while the characters we address may be fictional, the narratives we put forth and the values imbued within such narratives are absorbed by real people. are we really going to act so daft to think that a culture that shuts down any criticism of shipping and ‘stanning,’ including criticism of characters and ships that are frankly repulsive, won’t enable an encroachment of toxic behaviors at the least, and active predators at the most? do you not think that when the primary concern of a huge section of the fandom is to enforce ‘ship and let ship’ at the expense of addressing bad behavior exhibited by and bad opinions held by real people, that it doesn’t create an environment where we let people get away with more than they should?

show me where my behavior does any damage on this scale. i’m not going to pretend that i’m, like, nice about how i operate. i aim to be as hostile and uncomfortable as possible to people who hold those kinds of opinions, because i don’t want them here. i don’t want them to interact with me. i don’t want them to think i view them as anything but utterly brainless, spineless humans who can’t see further than the twenty seconds of their own self-gratification. if that makes them squirm, good! they can either work on themselves or leave, and if they leave, they will certainly be able to escape my brand of crassness, which is more than can be said of anyone else trying to escape a culture that routinely produces and sanctions predators and abusers.

[millennialzadr]

About Page!

Hello~! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! My name is Koya, I’m 25, I’m pansexual, my pronouns are she/her, and I’m a full time freelance artist! My main blog is @koyakyuuun, so I’ll be liking and following from there!

Below are some guidelines for those who are curious to know more about this blog and what to expect from it, as well as some general info and FAQs!

Content Guidelines!

The focus of this blog!

So this blog is a mish mash of a couple different themes, but above all it is an adult oriented Invader Zim fan blog!! I grew up with the show and and was a BIG fan during highschool, and after rediscovering it this year I have been DAZZLED and DELIGHTED by the fan content being produced today!! I have a deeply nostalgic yet completely new perspective on the show now that I’m in my 20s, so alongside of celebrating iz content and fan content in general, this blog will center around my niche fave: the iz cast + millennial culture! in other words, the characters depicted as if they lived in the real world and aged in real time! I loved and related to the characters as a kid, and I still love them dearly to this day, so to see people experiment with character interpretations and create adult versions of them means I can still relate to them even now, and even make my own versions! and as a queer neurodivergent millennial who loves niche culture, my favorite versions of the characters are queer neurodivergent millennials who love niche culture!! (and by niche culture I mean MEMES, AESTHETICS, BAD FASHION, GAY CULTURE, CRYPTID CULTURE, DARK CORNERS OF THE INTERNET, CREATIVELY WEIRD SELF EXPRESSION ETC!!)

And of course the other main theme which fits into the first: ZADR! while I don’t ship Zim and Dib as they’re canonically presented in the show, I DO adore the idea of the two growing up together, eventually becoming friends, and eventually falling in love. I’m a Big Gay and I love romance and lgbt content, and ZADR holds such a soft place in my heart 😭 I wrote a big post about why I love it so much which you can see here if you’re curious about my interpretation of the ship!

And now, some guidelines!!

Things I enjoy and will be posting/reblogging!

- general IZ content! because holy SHIT I love the show and ALL the content the fandom creates is awe inspiring and amazing!!!

- millennial culture/humor! I FUCKING LOVE IZ + 2019 POP CULTURE REFERENCES AND MEME CONTENT OKAY

- POSITIVE CONTENT! IZ is my comfort content and I deeply admire the positive impact the show has had on so many people. I also interpret Zim and Dib as having hard lives and mental problems but eventually recovering and finding happiness (and making each other happy!!). I do also love vent content and gritty/dark themes from an artistic standpoint (and of course comedic Depression™ memes) but I will be focusing much more on comforting and uplifting content!

- character development/relationships, fluff, comedy, domestic content, daily life, sci fi, conspiracy/cryptid content, fashion portraits and camp horror!! these are my favorite themes!!

- friendship, romance, and found family!! I adore the relationships between the characters and they ALL DESERVE LOVE!!!!! JHONEN CAN BITE MY ASS

- the IZ creators!! speaking of Jhonen LOL I LOVE seeing content about the creators themselves!! I genuinely have such affection and admiration for the wonderful people who brought and continue to bring the world of IZ to life, they are such amazing and inspiring human beings and I will be celebrating them alongside their creations!!

- IZ characters + aesthetics!! some of my MOST favorite IZ content depicts the characters being stylized with or sporting the fashion of vaporwave, goth, grunge, pastel, spacecore, cryptidcore, future funk, 90s disastercore and any and all things strange, niche, glittery and neon, and I FUCKING LOVE IT. GOD

- and lastly, I talk a fuck of a lot, as you can probably tell by this post lol. I’ll be screaming in the tags constantly and am liable to write the occasional super long text post! for those who are into that, I invite you to have discussions with me! and for those who aren’t, feel free to ignore them!

Things I will be staying away from!

- romantic content that depicts the characters as minors AKA underage zadr!! there will be no kid ships here! I’m an adult and only enjoy shipping adult versions of the characters! kid content will be either canon, wholesome, or friendship content! while I do find adult versions of the characters attractive since they have qualities I find attractive in real life, I see the adult versions as almost completely different people since they’re so far removed from the source content, and the love I feel for the canon kids is HIGHLY maternal and very nostalgia centric. this would probably be more clear if I didn’t lump the two types of content into the same blog, but I really do love both the adult fan interpreted IZ world and the canon IZ world in equal measure, just in different ways!

- content that fetishizes or ‘yaoi’-fies gay relationships! I am a queer person and I enjoy queer content made by queer people for queer people, you’re not gonna find any “B-BUT WE’RE BOTH BOYS!” shit here 😂

- content that depicts abuse between friends or partners!! while violence is an active theme in zim and dib’s canonical relationship, I very much dislike zadr content that depicts the two being aggressive or malicious towards each other while they’re supposedly in love. complex relationships are certainly interesting, but while toxic and abusive relationships are realistic, they’re not okay and should not be romanticized. I understand some people use that kind of content to cope, but for me it’s nothing but bad feelings. sparring and play fighting is fine and good, consensual violence could be interesting to explore, but hatred will stay separate from romance on this blog.

- discourse and long conversations about negative topics! I acknowledge the importance of discussing problems within the fandom, however I wish for this blog to be a positive and comforting place, since iz content in general is positive and comforting for me! there may be an occasional post that touches on real life negative topics but overall this will be kept to a minimum.

- explicit content!! while I DO both draw and consume nsfw adult zadr content, it will not be on this blog! since tumblr decided to be idiots and remove any way for minors and people who don’t wish to see nsfw content to hide it, this blog will remain pg-13. I will also not be providing any links to my other sites because of this (I am a nsfw artist and I sell porn commissions for a living, not trying to shove that in the faces of my minor, ace and sex repulsed followers, but by all means seek out my art if you DO wish to!). similarly, I will not be releasing my nsfw zadr art publicly anywhere, since aged up characters are controversial and my career, being online, could suffer if someone wanted to use that against me. HOWEVER, for fellow adult fans with extra cash who take a shine to my art, paid content could be a possibility in the future 👀

Interaction Guidelines!

Things I’m okay with!

- tagging my posts in any way you wish! kinning is fine! any ship interpretation is fine! any gender/orientation interpretation is fine! sharing your thoughts/opinions is fine!

- as long as you CREDIT me! using my art for icons/headers etc, drawing my iz designs, referencing my art, and reposting my art on other sites is all okay!

- asks or anons of any questions you might have about me or my content!

- asks or anons popping in to share thoughts, opinions and ideas! it’s always nice to hear from other fans!

- leaving comments in the tags/replies/reblogs of my posts makes me very happy!! tumblr is the only place I post my fanart and I love seeing what people think of it!

Things I’m not okay with!

- messages, reblogs, tags or asks that are blatantly rude or disrespectful! I really do not care what the subject or reason is, if you act like an asshole, I will not respond and will block you!

- asks or messages that say only ‘hi’ or ‘how are you?’ I have no problem with people trying to be friendly but I never have a single idea of how to reply to these kinds of messages, I’m so sorry 😂 please talk to me about fandom stuff though!!

- pressure to produce content! I like any other creator adore comments and compliments, but things like “DRAW MORE!!” “MORE ZADR!!” “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DRAW MORE!!” are not compliments!! it is in fact very off putting so please don’t do that! it will mess with my motivation! consider commissioning me if you want more content!

- if you are considering trying to be my friend, please be 20+!! I am not comfortable being friends with teens! nothing against my teen followers, I respect and appreciate you, but please understand I cannot relate to you on a personal level, and besides that, being friends with someone over 20 can be harmful and even dangerous for minors! I am an adult and only wish to have adult friends! please respect my wishes!

About my content!

So since what I like to draw is usually pretty different from the show, here are the basic headcanons for my interpretations of adult Zim and Dib~! Basically they’re queer 2019 millennials who are damaged but doing their best and enjoy niche interests and subcultures. Zim is the type who’s tough to handle but it’s worth it because he’s an amazing and colorful person underneath it all and only those he’s close to get to see that, and Dib is an eccentric but completely reliable, intelligent, passionate, and loyal friend whose company is a familiar comfort and a total safe space. They live together and are mutually beneficial allies to friends to lovers!

I HAVE A FIC, or at least an idea for one lol and when using my designs for the characters, my drawings will most likely be set in its context! Affectionately nicknamed the Soft AU, it’s centered around rest, recovery, affection, care and bonding… bc I’m SOFT OKAY 😂 You can read the full summary here, but here’s the gist!

A little over a decade after arriving on earth, Zim’s banishment is reinstated and as a result his entire base and all his equipment is confiscated, leaving him stranded on Earth with no way off the planet and in danger of being caught and killed by the humans. Dib offers him a deal that he’ll hide Zim instead of turning him in in exchange for letting him study Zim. They live together in Dib’s apartment and eventually get used to each other. Loneliness induced affection ensues. Hooray!!

And now for the boys themselves!

My Dib!

- 25, 6′2″, Mexican, cis boy, bisexual, bilingual

- is recovering from depression and anxiety and has ADD and insomnia, has had a nicotine addiction

- has a ton of ear piercings and a few facial piercings, as well as a few tattoos

- is still just as obsessive about his interests as he was as a kid, just with more curbed enthusiasm due to, yknow, depression. researching Zim however brings his enthusiasm back full force. he still sucks at taking care of himself when enthralled with his work but he’s getting there

- runs various blogs, forums, and youtube channels making content about cryptids and conspiracy theories, the ad revenue of which is his main source of income (he dislikes using his father’s money to support himself, but will dip into the family account occasionally)

- is very patient and can communicate and problem solve very well, and is skilled at handling various conflicts and mental issues

- still has his ‘I hate people’ attitude but is more open minded and understanding than he used to be, and more compassionate. he has difficulty trusting strangers but his friends and family are very important to him

- can be moody and dramatic but he’s a big sweetheart at his core

- being friends with Zim has made him more willing to enjoy acting like a huge dork and total weirdo, even in public

My Zim!

- young adult, 5′5″, androgynous presenting demi boy, panromantic demisexual

- has PTSD and anxiety, is recovering with help from Dib

- displays inhuman behavior such as hissing, growling, chirring, chirping, scratching/biting, screeching, territory guarding and dominance displays

- is a demi boy, meaning he identifies as mostly but not completely male, and is more nonbinary than cis, but he’s never given it too much thought because gender is stupid. he has little to no concept and zero regard for human gender roles

- is a SHIT who’s main entertainment is annoying Dib and ‘winning’ arguments, but Dib seems to get harder to piss off as time goes on, much to his confusion

- pitches a fit when he doesn’t agree with/doesn’t want to do something but can be swayed with rewards such as food, sweets, new clothes, video games etc

- rambunctious and high energy, he gets stir crazy often, but since he hates the city he and Dib often take car trips to more fun/nicer places outside the neighborhood

- moody and bratty with skewed logic but smart and more intuitive than he used to be, he’s more than a handful to deal with, but this also makes him the most entertaining person Dib knows

- after having the free time to discover the world of aesthetics, he becomes very much into clothes, make up, accessories etc (be they masculine or feminine) and enjoys making a hobby out of creating a unique self image using fashion (thus also subconsciously asserting his individuality)

- is much more dependent on Dib than he admits (or even realizes)

- his beliefs in nationalism, fascism and genocide are direct results of brainwashing and personality altering programs run by his PAK, and are not actually part of his core personality (these programs will be overridden and deleted eventually)

Side Note: I haven’t thought as far with the other characters but my Gaz and Tak are definitely lesbians 😂

And finally, my tag list!

#my art - things that I drew!

#my post - any post that I posted!

#asks - asks!

#text post - any text post longer than a couple lines!

#video - videos!

#audio - audios!

#canon - content from the show/comic/movie etc!

#creators - any content featuring the IZ cast or crew!

#memes - memes, shitposts, short comics, comedic posts etc!

#friends - friendship art between any characters!

#family - family bonding between the membranes/found family between any characters!

#ships - ship art between adult characters!

#suggestive - any content that could be considered sexual in nature!

#positive - fluff, friendship, wholesome content, uplifting content, characters being happy/cute/having fun etc!

#negative - angst, vent art, violence, mental illness, dark themes, characters fighting/being sad/getting hurt etc!

#kids - content depicting characters as kids/irkens as their canon designs!

#adults - content depicting characters as adults/irkens with noncanon designs!

#millennials - content depicting adult characters that includes any modern culture! (personal fave)

#aesthetic - highly stylized or surreal portraits centered around aesthetic themes!

ship tags!: zadr (zim and dib romance), tagr (tak and gaz romance), rapr (red and purple romance)

friendship tags!: zadf (zim and dib friendship), tagf (tak and gaz friendship), zatf (zim and tak friendship), tadf (tak and dib friendship), zagf (zim and gaz friendship), zag (zim and gir)

character tags!: zim, dib, gaz, tak, gir, red, purple, membrane, skoodge, gretchen, keef, spork, miyuki, recap kid, bg chars, ocs

[the-art-of-animated-gifs]

Interview with Miena

Miena is one of the more successful gif artists I have observed in my year of writing this blog and posting gif artists to Cross Connect, and so I asked them some in depth questions about life as a Gif Artst, and Miena was generous enough to respond with honest and in-depth answers.

Your work seems to be quite popular, and I see you take commissions.  Are you able to make a living doing that?

Thankfully I have been able to make an income by making illustrations and animated illustrations for others, but not quite yet as to completely make a living out of it. I would certainly love to, and I already feel so honoured and beyond blessed to be able to do what I love now, but I’m still relying on other things and other people to be able to do this, so this aspect of my journey is still a work in progress.

I think about a year ago you had a fairly small presence on Instagram, but now you seem to be doing quite well.  Was that a difficult transition?

It honestly was a tricky transition! I actually grew up using Tumblr - I’ve been using Tumblr since 2011/2012, and I have a few other blogs besides ‘mienar’ currently, and am in a fandom myself. I also don’t really use other social media as often as I have of Tumblr too, so having to learn and understand Instagram as a platform, learning about the community, and learning different ways to interact with others definitely took me way longer than I’d like to admit.

Do you display your work on just Tumblr and Instagram?

I display my works both only on Tumblr and Instagram, but some contents can be more or less suited in one platform than the other. For example, I find Tumblr to be more suitable for completed and polished artworks as well as finished commissioned artworks, while I’ve found Instagram to be more suitable of quick, regular paintings with the occasion of completed artworks.

What changes did you have to make to adjust to Instagram after being on Tumblr for a long time?

There are a few changes that I needed to make while adjusting to Instagram.

Technically speaking, the biggest change would have to be converting my animated GIFs into videos. Unfortunately, Instagram doesn’t give you the ability to just post GIFs, so my workflow now includes having to convert my animated GIF into video via a mobile app, add sounds and SFX (which is something that helped elevate my works actually), and sharpen my final artwork because my gifs tend to get blurry after all the final conversions and editing.

Another change is a mentality change, which was somewhat fascinating, though in a negative way, is how I’ve been treated by other people due to the number of followers that is displayed on my account. I didn’t really have to go through this problem on Tumblr since Tumblr never shows your follower count, unless you install a widget for it, and I was treated all the same from when I began up until now.

On Instagram though, I have been a target for some people to look down upon me and my worth due to my ‘smaller’ audience more times than I’d like to speak of, and when my audience grew, the same people have begun treating me ‘nicely’ and as ‘equals’. Fortunately, it’s not something I’m that fazed by nor that I care too much of, but it was certainly something unpleasant that I just had to get used to.

Did moving to Instagram really help you gain commissions and followers?

I do believe moving to Instagram has helped in gaining more commission requests, but not so much at a bombastic and drastic rate. It more so just felt like ‘a gradual and natural increase of commission requests as my audience base grew’ kind of thing.

Are your followers on Tumblr the same, or have you seen that drop off at all?

Admittedly, there actually has been a drop off, not in followers, but in activity and engagements.

Last year, Tumblr announced and made a huge and very drastic change in their policies and rules as a platform, which caused a lot of anger, discontentment and platform-migrations from so many of the Tumblr users. This has actually impacted my blog too - although the number of followers I have has maintained/increased, many of my older followers' blogs have been abandoned due to that outrage, which results to my posts not getting as much reach.

This has actually caused an internal turmoil if Tumblr was a strong enough platform for me to continue on (and this was also what led me to expand my Instagram in the first place). It was something that I had to debate internally for a really long time, but I came to the conclusion rather recently that although there aren’t as many people engaging in my posts, I realised that what matters most is that there are still people on Tumblr who are present, have chosen to stay and engage in the content I share, and I want to stay on Tumblr with them and for them.

What have you been trying to do as an artist to grow your gif work?

One of the things that has been really helping me a lot in terms of elevating my works, both in terms of illustrating it and animating it, is by watching more movies, TV shows and basically consume other forms of media. I know it sounds like an excuse for me to watch more movies and shows, but I promise you that most of it is for research purposes!

Through the consumption of different media, it actually helped me build newer and fresher understandings and ideas for lighting, colour schemes, different moods and atmospheres.

Besides that too, learning what techniques actors, directors, cinematographers, editors, etc. do and use to create a particular scene and what they’ve done to achieve a certain feeling helps me put more thought into what I do rather than just ‘hoping for the best’ or having to always rely on trial and error, like for most of my older works.

I’m not sure how prominent this new change has been translated through the final look of my recent art, but I know for sure it had helped me a lot in regards to the process and the behind-the-scenes upon making them.

Have you used the same tools?  Or have you tried new techniques?

The tools I use have still been the same from when I began ‘mienar’ until now. (Devices: Wacom Intuos Pro Medium and iPad Pro, Softwares: Photoshop CS6 Extended and Procreate.)

Though I have been using Procreate so much more now as I nowadays prefer to work directly on a screen tablet, but besides that, nothing has changed.

How do you feel about the future of gif work?  Are you confident moving forward that you will be able to keep making a living (if you are) or do you feel like you will need to expand into other areas?

I really can’t say much about the future of gif work and gif artists, as futures are really unpredictable in itself, but what I would like to say is that I’m always so amazed, and in a way, really touched, at the responses that gif artists get of their works, despite their works being intangible towards the viewers, especially of those who have chosen to get one of their own (via commissions).

I’m admittedly not the most confident that my gif work future, or just the future of gif works in general, will be solid or that there’s a guaranteed increase of works or engagement, but I want to hope so and I want to believe that it will be more recognised sooner or later, but I’ve also learned to just enjoy and experience as much as I can in the present, and also observe and learn as to why gif works are received in the way it does.

[mittensmorgul]

1) Is Dabb a Black Mirror fan? Cause 14x20 reminded me of "USS Callister" (4x01). It's about a gifted software developer (a "god" of programming) who takes DNA samples from his co-workers in order to insert himself and them as characters in a videogame he's created. In the videogame world he mistreats his co-workers (e.g forces one of the girls to kiss him repeatedly) and they desperately want to free themselves from his control. (+)

(2) In the end the characters find a way to communicate with their real-world counterparts, who finally manage to lock the programmer’s character in a loop of emptiness within the simulation, which he can’t escape since the co-workers left the programmer alone and motionless IRL, implying that he’ll eventually starve and die. If Dabb was inspired by this, I assume that TFW will follow the same narrative aka killing God for “free will” to triumph.

*****

Hi hello there! Yes, I know this has been sitting in my inbox since April. I’m trying to get better and replying to the insane backlog and picking random messages to reply to (my inbox crept over 900 messages recently and my guilt will not let that stand :’D).

Confession: I have not seen Black Mirror, so I’m just going by what you said about this episode of it. I only have a kind of vague idea what that show is about from a few posts I’ve seen cross my dash, so I can’t really speak to the comparison directly. But I can speak to the implications of what you’re suggesting in terms of the SPN universe situation.

And in a sense, yeah this is kinda along the lines of how I suspect this will be eventually resolved. For the sake of argument, though… Chuck is effectively immortal in the narrative. You can’t trap him in his own game and wait for him to starve to death. Because he won’t.

But also, we’re not talking about a mental construct within reality holding TFW captive like the game situation you described in Black Mirror. TFW doesn’t have “real world” counterparts to the characters we know. They ARE effectively in the real world (to them… *we the audience* know this is fiction, so on that level J2M are their real-world counterparts, in a sense? But I don’t think the show will end with us breaking the in-story universe that badly. I think Dabb really does want us to end the series believing that TFW will continue on, their universe finally saved from Chuck’s eternal manipulation in their lives). 

The situation in Supernatural is a bit different, though. For all he would like to, I don’t think it’s ever been implied that Chuck actively can control the individual members of TFW directly, you know? He can’t “force” them do do things directly, like puppets. What he CAN engineer are circumstances that back them into narrative corners and force them to react. But their reactions are their own. It’s a subtle difference, but a very important one.

Like Ruby told Sam way back in 4.22, in a smaller-scale version of Chuck’s manipulation of the overarching narrative:

Ruby: No. It wasn’t the blood. It was you… and your choices. I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time. You didn’t need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo! I know it’s hard to see it now… but this is a miracle. So long coming. Everything Azazel did, and Lilith did. Just to get you here. And you were the only one who could do it.

Sure, Dean killed her for it, but Chuck is just… on a cosmological scale, “Chuck” is literally just a manifestation of Creation itself. He’s not a guy, you know? This is where I start to sound like a lunatic, sorry. :P

For all his apparent power, for all the fact he is effectively “God,” he’s just as much a construct as creation itself. He’s the manifestation of Creation attempting to interact with itself, and he’s actively made himself into this personification, created this personality for himself. But it’s not what he is. He’s a sock puppet, and the sock needs unraveling.

Without unraveling all of creation in the process, because they are– at the most basic level– one and the same.

It always brings me back to the s11 finale, where the apparent solution to save the universe was attempting to “kill” the Darkness. But… you can’t actually do that, you know? Not without killing the Light as well. That’s just not how anything works. We always joked that Dean couldn’t kill Death, but then he did… except nothing changed… people kept dying and Billie ascended to become Death. It’s not a “person” but a mantle of power and an embodiment of the universal constant that whatever lives must eventually die. Whatever comes into creation must eventually leave it again. Whatever begins must eventually come to an end. That’s the whole “Alpha and Omega” of the entirety of creation.

And in 11.23, Dean achieved that balance by reuniting Chuck with Amara, or the concept of creation with destruction, light with dark. And he did it with words.

The “Chuck construct” needs to let go of his creation and allow it to truly be free. It’s not that he needs to die, though he might choose to disconnect himself from his creation or dissolve the Chuck Construct in order to allow the universe to truly have free will. It might not tell the story Chuck most wants to see (egotistically his own origin story narrative, played out in every level of the story of Supernatural through his favorite characters and chosen avatars), but human consciousness wants a chance to tell its own stories now.

And Chuck, in story as the avatar for the original creator of Supernatural– i.e. Kripke– being finally disconnected from the universe by the in story avatar of the final showrunner, Dabb– i.e. Billie as Death– I find that’s kind of poetic, yes? Knowing Billie has been plotting something in the background for a very, very long time speaks VOLUMES about how Dabb has seen his own role in bringing the series to an end since he took over as showrunner. Remember, Billie was his character first introduced in 11.02, in what’s functionally the second half of a two-part episode begun by Carver in 11.01. When I say it’s spirals all the way down, I really mean that on every imaginable level. This metas outward into the actual structure of the showrunning and writing here in the real world, too. Dabb… is on another level, tbh. :P

(eta2: not even mentioning that by mid s11 Dabb had effectively taken the reins, and penned the season finale literally called Alpha and Omega in which all of this came to pass in the narrative for the first time around...)

On the side of this with the broken fourth wall, it means being able to hand the narrative over to the fandom, for us to play in that universe in our own imaginations, with a closed canon we can return to again and again to tell our own stories. Fanfic ahoy! With the full blessing of the creators. :’)

And on every level, this is the philosophy Dabb has been putting forth since he took over as showrunner, and I can’t imagine he’d veer from that path now.

ETA: Because I got sidetracked with the Big Cosmology Stuff and forgot the other point I was gonna add here >.>

We did get a smaller-scale scenario where this sort of situation you’re describing played out EXACTLY as you described during s14– in 14.15, with Chip Harrington who’d been directly messing with everyone via the sort of mind control you’re describing in Black mirror keeping people trapped in his “game scenario” of the town of Charming Acres. Sunny had been bound to him by a promise to her dead mother to make sure her father would never be alone. She indulged his game, watching him manipulate and murder people in the name of keeping himself happy, but in the end she freed herself and everyone else from his tyrannical, self-described “god” level control of the town by using that same psychic power she’d inherited from him to trap him in his own version of happiness inside his own mind, where he could be happy without hurting anyone else.

He’s effectively trapped inside his own mind now, unaware of outward reality. In that state, what will actually happen to him? Will he be put on life support machines like Donatello was after Cas stripped his mind away? Will he slowly wither away and die? Will his own psychic power trapped in that reality– which we have been given leave by the show’s own cosmology is the equivalent of his “heaven,” or his spiritual happy place and theoretically his own afterlife (barring the distinct possibility that he’s destined for hell because of his actions and choices during life?). We just don’t know, but his removal from the town didn’t have the sort of negative impact over anyone else that removing the creator from all of creation would…

Chip didn’t (like Chuck) create the town of Charming Acres. He just controlled the people who lived there. Chuck, on the other hand, doesn’t control anyone… he just creates the universe and manipulates it to push people into confronting the choices he wants them to have to grapple with. Again, it’s a subtle distinction, but in the end, I think it’s a very important one.

Okay, now I’m done. :’D

[naruto-oc-reviews]

Can you do a pairing guide for Sasuke? I doing a fanfiction that is set in part 2 canon that builds up the foundation for a relationship for my oc and Sasuke and then make a sequel fic in the blank period where they actually fall in love because for me it's unrealistic for Sasuke to be with anyone in the canon story because he's so obsessed with revenge

Hi anon! So so sorry for the super long wait! We’ve got quite a long response, from multiple mods, to hopefully accommodate for the delay. Since the response got so lengthy, It’ll be under the cut:

Mod Hisui:

I think you seem to be aware of the biggest issues with pairing with Sasuke: he’s so obsessed with his revenge that romance is damn near impossible within the canon storyline. You’ve also already decided to have the romance happen during the blank period, which I think is a wise decision. You didn’t give a lot of details, so I’m wondering:

When did they meet? Where is your OC from? That would play a big part in their relationship, because of the context of the whole Uchiha clan massacre. How much do they know about him prior to actually meeting?

Once they’ve met, what exactly is their relationship? Do they only meet in passing every now and then coincidentally, or does your OC join up with him and Team Taka?

How romantic do you want them to end up being? Honestly I have a very difficult time seeing him in any romantic relationship at all, so if you want them to be very romantic, there should be a VERY gradual buildup.

A few things I would caution you against:

I don’t think it would be wise to go the route of your OC being one of Orochimaru’s experiments, unless they’re part of Team Taka. Even so, Sasuke gathered that team because he believed them to be useful to him in reaching his goal, and while he values them more than he would value an acquaintance, I don’t think he would see them in much of a romantic light due to how he’s assigned them somewhat of a professional role rather than one of friendship.

Don’t make your OC ignore his looks just for the sake of being “different from his crazy fangirls.” In context, he seems to be so handsome that it’s not really easy to ignore. Unless your OC is the type to not pay attention to physical attraction, of course, but it has to fit with their character. But still, I don’t think Sasuke would value your OC more for ignoring his looks. 

Sasuke would probably like someone who lets him be when he needs time alone. Clingy is NOT the way to go here. Conversely, someone who argues with or contradicts him would likely put him off too. The way I see it, the two would need to be able to peacefully coexist, and while precise communication is usually a vital part of a relationship, I think Sasuke would respond best to someone who understands him without him needing to explain himself. Trust him to do what he needs, but also have enough concern for him to not let him go COMPLETELY off the deep end.

Pairing with Sasuke WELL is extremely difficult. Your character will probably need to be very complex, and it’s definitely a good idea for them to have a motive of their own, rather than just aimlessly following him and what he wants. Don’t let your OC just be a follower, make sure that they’re equals, but your OC will have to earn his respect, which isn’t an easy feat.

Mod Nagi

I completely agree with you, pairing with Sasuke during the canon is extremely difficult since he’s so fixated on revenge. 

The period I recommend pairing with Sasuke is after post 4th Ninja War. I imagine that during Sasuke’s travels he could potentially meet your OC? Or if they’ve already encountered each other temporarily in part 2, then they can meet again several years later. It’s up to you as to how you want this relationship but I imagine Sasuke to be much different after the war. Regarding relationships, I still don’t see him craving a romantic relationship immediately but rather he would meet someone and develop a slow-burn trustworthy bond with him would be great and more realistic. You also have to keep in mind that he does want to keep the Uchiha legacy ongoing so he could potentially bring up the topic of children, but only if he’s able to see your OC as a life-long partner.

Mod Shin

In my honest opinion, Sasuke is the hardest character to pair with in the Naruto series. He is arguably one of the most complex, fleshed-out characters to have ever come from Kishimoto as much of Sasuke’s character is gathered through context. There is more to him than initially lead on to be, surprisingly. I know it can be hard to analyze Sasuke’s character as a whole since even Kishimoto/the anime at times will portray him as nothing more than an “emo asshole” whose desire for revenge clouds his better judgement, but this doesn’t explain who he is as a whole. While it is important to who he is as a person, I don’t believe this is the only defining feature of Sasuke. To effectively pair with Sasuke, and to honestly just understand his character in general, you have to look past him as a person and understand the entirety of his life. 

You need to have a clear understanding of the Uchiha clan, their history, their relationship with Konohagakure, and the events that lead up to the massacre. I know this is a lot, and I would very gladly go into detail about this for you, but this post is already incredibly long and we would honestly be here all day if I did that. So, I highly suggest looking at other analyses and think pieces that go into detail about all of the above in order to not only gain a better understanding of Sasuke but to also form your own opinion on how to effectively pair with him.

Since you didn’t give much detail about your character, and the other mods already gave very good feedback, I am going to try to keep this as broad as possible while also slightly touching on some of what they mentioned. Before I do that, though, I just want to say you’re already on the right track with pairing as I genuinely believe that the Blank Period is the only time in Sasuke’s life that it would be plausible to be shipped with. Now, onto some of my own cautions and advice when it comes to pairing with him:

Since you intend on writing fanfiction, I highly suggest making these pieces the slowest slow-burn fic the fandom has ever seen. I think it’s excellent that you chose to hold off on their romance until the Blank Period, but in all honesty, I think you should continue to hold off on it so you can keep building up their relationship. This is your story, so of course you can write it any way you want, but with the Blank Period essentially being the first time in his life he isn’t driven by revenge, it opens up many opportunities for your character react with him in ways not possible in Shippuden. I would say this is one of the best ways to help characterize Sasuke, as if you leap into their relationship too fast he’ll become incredibly out-of-character.

There are very few people that Sasuke has a genuine relationship with in his life, and even less so with those he can trust. Your character will have to not only prove themselves as worthy and reliable to him in Shippuden, but also as someone who Sasuke is able to trust. It will take time, and you will have to have legitimate reasonings for everything said above.

That being said, the few positive relationship that Sasuke does have are incredibly important to him. While your character doesn’t have to be on the same level as his relationship with Team Taka or Naruto, they will have to greatly impact his life in a way that makes him want to actually have a relationship with your character. Taking a look at his interactions and feelings towards Naruto, Team Taka, Itachi, Orochimaru, and whoever else is present in his life is a good way to judge how he’s going to treat your character based on their personality.

Sasuke, without a doubt, is a very traumatized individual, and it’s very clear that he has some form of PTSD. While I don’t suggest going into full detail on these things if you don’t have a clear, defined understanding of what they are, it should be prominent that Sasuke is heavily affected by everything that’s happened in his life. If you intend for him to fully open up to your character, they need to be someone who’s able to handle these negative emotions as well as someone who understands boundaries of when to comfort him or when to leave him be. You should only write about this when you feel that their relationship has reached a point where Sasuke can safely and assuredly express these negative feelings.

I know this last one is rather obvious, but i’ve seen a countless number of people characterize Sasuke as either of these two things, so I have to blatantly point out that Sasuke is neither emotionless nor emotional. It is going to take time for Sasuke to open up to your character, even after he trusts them, but that does not make him emotionless; likewise, when Sasuke does begin to open up to them, he is not going to let them know everything at once and will more than likely not have a mental breakdown about it, so he will not suddenly become over emotional. It can be difficult to write a character that isn’t one to show emotion often, so my best advice to you, especially as a writer, is to heavily rely on body language to portray Sasuke’s thoughts and feelings. While this is vital when writing every kind of character, I believe it’s the most important when writing about a character like Sasuke. This makes it so that Sasuke doesn’t seem emotionless, and it allows you to write how he’s feeling without him actually expressing them himself.

[head-and-heart]

The 100 Highlights - “Eden” (5x01)

Hey there fam! I’m starting this series in honour of the new season of The 100 that is now airing. Basically, it will function similar to review of the episode, except I will be pointing out the highlights of the episode - the things that I liked (not what I was critical of).

In light of 5x01 airing, it has become increasingly clear to me that - no matter how good an episode is - it is too easy for this fandom to get caught up on the negative aspects of it. (And yes, that includes myself sometimes.)

Being critical is good - it is a part of consuming fiction - but it is also important to recognize the positive aspects of literature as well. If not for anyone else, than for your own sanity. So that sparked the purpose of this series: for me to take a step back and think about what I enjoyed about the episode, and then share it to spread a little positivity in fandom. 

I intend to do this for every episode of Season 5, and possibly for later seasons as well (assuming we get renewed) depending on how it goes. 

So, for my first post, I will be talking about “Eden”. 

In no particular order:

The camera following the Ark and speeding down to Earth as the very first shot of the season was pretty cool and really captured the atmosphere of the episode as well as what the heart of the show seems to be: the connection among people even when they are apart, and the ways in which they fight to get back to each other.

Looking back, the cinematography of this episode was honestly stunning. The dull and bleached colour pallet of the scorched Earth versus the vibrancy of Eden is a shocking contrast and there were so many beautiful shots throughout the episode.

Loved the little callbacks to past places and characters - like the stones where they signalled to Luna, Jasper’s goggles, the stick from L.exa’s throne, Maya’s iPod, the rover, etc - it shows how all these people are still very present in Clarke’s mind (and how they are indirectly keeping her alive, keeping her centered).

The attention to detail was really strong in this episode (see above point) with all the props and the music choices (eg. playing the CL theme when Clarke finds L.exa’s throne). Due to this it ensured that, in spite of the time jump, the heart and history of The 100 remained present.

Seriously, there were sooo many cool shots. The shot of Clarke driving as the dust/lightning storm approaches was super neat. I loved how they depicted what life on Earth looks like after Praimfaya, the devastation of the planet. And also the shot of her staring into the flames as she burns the bodies of the villagers was stunning.

Having the entirety of the first 27 minutes following Clarke (and narrated almost solely by her) really nailed home the impact of her isolation and was, not to mention, a very bold storytelling decision

Music was used expertly in this episode. Tree Adams did such a great job at pinpointing when the music was needed, and when the episode was better served by using it liberally (and, on occasion, not at all). In the shot of Clarke sorting through Arkadia, the music is very light, the most prominent sound the whistling of the wind, as if to accentuate the fact that the world has gone completely silent following Praimfaya. It is also used as an homage to old characters who have passed, such as Maya, or L.exa, which I appreciated.

The scene where Clarke finds Jasper’s things was absolutely beautiful, and Eliza killed the scene with her acting. When I watched 4x13 last year I was disappointed to find that the scene where Clarke found Jasper’s suicide note was cut from the finale (it was in the leaked scripts) because I thought it meant Jasper’s memory would be forgotten. In retrospect, I’m happy that they did it this way instead, when Clarke is completely and utterly alone, and she can finally allow the emotions to hit her properly. There were so many amazing callbacks to characters from previous seasons who are no longer around anymore.

“Anyway ... in case this is the last time I get to do this, I just wanna say .. please don’t feel bad about leaving me here. You did what you had to do. I’m proud of you.” We’ve all had over a month to mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves for this line, since the trailer came out, but it remains just as beautiful as the first time.

There’s just something so badass about Clarke driving through an empty post-apocalyptic wasteland, listening to EDM on one of the last remaining pieces of tech on planet Earth. Clarke finding Maya’s iPod was the gift I didn’t know I needed.

Kudos to the makeup department for depicting their female lead realistically after almost dying of dehydration and radiation burns in the desert - sometimes this is not easy to find on a CW show.

Clarke’s frequent radio calls/narration offers up a fresh and interesting way of telling the story in this episode, revealing how Clarke has grown and reflected over the years.

There were soooo many parallels to previous episodes (eg. Clarke rising out of the water like Octavia in 1x01, the irradiated dining room in the village visually paralleling Mount Weather in 2x16, Clarke confronting her map like she did in the very first episode of the series, the shot of her face through the flames as she burns the bodies of the villagers is very reminiscent of 3x12, and everything to do with Madi and Clarke parallels the Blakes. And, of course, Charmaine’s “it means we’re not alone” is an obvious callback to Clarke’s words in the Pilot.)

No emotional beats are missed in 5x01. Clarke finding the child on the step outside the church is just one example of a gutwrenching moment in this episode that emotionally impacts us just in the way that all good media should.

“I’ve lost track of how many bodies we’ve burned since reaching the ground. God, this would be so much easier if I knew you were alive, if I knew I was going to see you again.” My Bellarke heart is singing!

Clarke gushing about berries. Enough said.

The filming of Clarke’s encounter of Madi pays homage to the horror genre, with her appearing suddenly in between the trees, or in the window frame. While not scary, it holds the same mood as 3x12 and 4x07 did - two episodes most strongly associated with typical horror films. I really enjoyed the mystery and intrigue associated with the way they approached Clarke meeting Madi.

By displaying Madi as fearful of flamekeepers, it demonstrates an alternative perspective to the Grounder faith that we haven’t gotten to see before: resistance. It also shines a light on the brutality of the conclave system in a way that is rarely addressed in the show (but perhaps should be).

Clarke performing surgery on herself? SO ! BAD ! ASS !

Clarke’s drawing of Madi was beautiful. And the little girl’s smile after seeing it? Precious.

Clarke spearing a fish? I’m turned on.

They did the absolute MOST gorgeous transition this show has ever done in this episode. And you all know which one I’m talking about. When Clarke is looking up at the stars and says, “What about them? Do you think they’ll come down too?” AND THEN IT SMOOTHLY SHIFTS TO THE ARK, BELLAMY STARING OUT THE WINDOW LOOKING DOWN AT HER AS SHE LOOKS UP AT HIM - BOTH UNKNOWINGLY. And the MUSIC. The music, oh god. Everything about it was stunning. The camerawork, the music, the thematic implications of it all. I just can’t be coherent about how amazing that transition was. Lemme go watch it another five times before I continue.

Raven beating Echo. Raven laughing. Raven. 

The dynamic among the space squad is really intriguing, and Jason Rothenberg communicated so much with so little. With just a few short scenes and lines of dialogue we can perfectly understand everyone’s role on the Ark, the tension between Bellamy and Raven, the uncertainty of Echo paired with the internal struggle of Monty, the way Emori has so seamlessly fitted herself into the group, and how Murphy has just as easily removed himself from it. It’s fascinating to me to watch how these characters interact with each other; how things have remained constant, and how they have shifted.

The fact that “Murphy” is considered one of their chores on the Ark will never not be funny (and equally heartbreaking???).

“Seconds?” “Yeah right, I choose Murphy.” I will never be over Monty’s poor, cute, little hopeful face here. It was adorable.

The Murphy and Bellamy fight scene was a blessing in every single way. First of all, Bellamy being cheeky is my lifeblood. Second of all, Murphy’s story this season is super intriguing to me. And third of all, Bellamy holding Murphy in a headlock as he forces him to admit he’s not worthless is a scene I never would have imagined I would need this much.

“You know what I think your problem is? You like being the hero; only up here, there are no heroes.” I LOVE this line because of how it delves into Murphy’s psyche and also displays him in a different way than Murphy typically is. It shows that, deep down, he really does care about more than himself. When he has so much time to wallow in his own self-loathing, he feels he needs to live up to his own expectations, and he acts out. If he can’t be a hero, then he’ll be what he knows he can be. A dick.

Also ... “there are no heroes” = “there are no good guys”. I love my otp

Bellamy is the biggest dad and I am LIVING for it.

“I’ll make sure it’s my only choice.” Cue Kate’s Bellarkean death.

“Non-violent offenders with me?” “Yeah, both of them.” Okay, I’m sorry but I’ll never stop laughing about this.

“Relax, McCreary. You’re still my favourite mass-murderer.” I loved this little exchange because it hints at the dynamic between all of the Eligius crew. Again, Jason does so much with so little words. It clearly indicates just how different these prisoners are from The 100 - how dangerous. Also ... is Zeke a mass murderer, then?

Monty and Harper’s scene together was enlightening. I’m so excited for Monty’s journey this season, and it makes complete sense for him to go in this direction. What’s intriguing is that him and Harper have almost shifted places from where they were in Season 4, where Harper wanted to give up and Monty was insistent on the need to keep fighting. He brings up a good point now: “No one should have to be that strong.” Because isn’t that the whole truth? I also really appreciated the callback to Monty’s mom, as well as Jasper, as there was a serious concern as to whether those deaths would just be swept under the rug because of the time jump. I’m happy to see that my concerns were for nothing.

Emori and Raven’s friendship is EVERYTHING. 

Nothing is brighter than Raven Reyes’ smile and that’s a fact.

Lindsey and Richard continue to have stunning chemistry and they both feed off each other so well, no matter how you see their relationship.

Ending the episode with the single shot of the fight ring in the bunker and Octavia (and her “royal guards”, so to speak) observing blankly from above was absolutely chilling. And the best possible way to lead into the next episode. 

Hope you enjoyed reading my highlights! Feel free to share some of your own. I’ll be back sometime next week following “Red Queen”.