#and im in my last year of shs >:((( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daryldixonsjizzrag · 3 months

Text

.

#ive been so incredibly tired and depressed lately #ive fail the past three years in school. like how do you fuck up that bad #my mum is on constant calls to the psych ward trying to get me admitted #they wont take me though because im apparently not mentally ill enough #the only person i can really go to is my fucking maths teacher from last year #literally everyone in my class knows about my sh and mental issues its so embarrassing #i hate living like this #i wish i could end it but i care too much #:(

4 notes · View notes

subarashiihibi · 4 months

Text

artist on twitter posted art that made my dick spring up so fast i immediately raced to the notes app to write a fic off of it but unfortunately i havent even got past the beginning

#ive never written post ketsu 😭 and the last time i read the izaya novels was um...#years ago...#and i've never read sh so 🤭#narita please release thast shizuo novel you talked about so i can see my goat without the other stuff #but make sure shinra and celty are there a lot i want to see them too #sorry this is off topic anyways yeah i woke up to this art and i was jumping for joy #may 2024 be the yuear of more shizaya/izaya artists waking up and getting into peak amen...#(peak referring to a kink here im just being stupid and dramatic as usual)

2 notes · View notes

cherry-colored-petals · 1 year

Text

So for those who are curious, I have some news.

(this isn't an April fool's joke, this is actually serious and is a PSA)

So, to put this out of the way, I have something to inform everyone— mostly with some changes on this blog and my main (@.oletus-manor-logs).

As far as you guys are aware, this blog has been mostly a dump of my writing and self-indulgent shit of my anon sona, 🌸🍒. It's been really fun to have made this and interact with people, because there's a lot I wouldn't have known as friends in the space and I'm always grateful for it.

Though, I'll make this clear as it's a serious psa of mine.

So... I'll be getting to college (I'm on my graduating year for my 12th grade), and things are going to change for me. In this regard, I'd like to make it clear that I may end up having to post less on this blog to make way in case college comes.

This isn't to say I'll abandon my blogs. No, I won't unless I genuinely can't handle it anymore and need a break— but due to how shit is going, I'll need to adjust and that means having to adjust less on here and more on trying to get through college and get my degree.

In that regard, I'll be most likely posting less WHEN it comes (aka first day/week of college). So, priorities.. are most likely gonna be skewed on here, and I'll put my focus on my own shit irl.

When it comes, be aware that I'll most likely be posting sporadically when I have free time, but nonetheless will be absent if things get too much. It isn't to say I won't stop or anything, but as a heads up that when it comes (and I know it will if I get into the uni with the degree I can learn on), you guys will know.

This blog and my main had been a lot of fun to write and be on, but life goes on. I have to be prepared when it comes, and that means taking a huge step back on this place when it does.

I'm sorry if the announcement isn't what you expect. I really, really am. I'm not someone who gives up on shit for whatever reason, but this is serious, and I want to put my focus on something that can affect my life permanently than my own pleasures.

If anyone wants to hmu, I'm open for DMs in here, and to my moots, my discord is also open. I'll most likely be more active there till college hits me and I get news from the unis I've applied via college exams. Hopefully... Hopefully I get in.

In the meantime, expect random posts as usual till it comes. Thanks for reading lads.

— Navina

#🌸🍒 - navi speaks #🌸🍒 - navi's psa #🌸 - important!#;; i just want to make it clear because people may ask #;; so.. yeah #;; im hoping i can get in to the uni i chose.#;; and when the time comes and my uni years start. yall know.#;; its gonna be hard to manage at first and ik it will but... ill try.#;; ty for reading the psa if youve reached this far.#;; genuinely.#;; i want to get through my last year on shs and be able to get to college without trouble.#;; so i hope that i can make it happen even with my own restrictions.#;; ... i hope.

8 notes · View notes

trimisu · 7 months

Text

If somebody told me that applying school online would be a pain in the ass, I'm seriously listening to them

#trimisu #my current school is giving me a headache #i keep going to chat my previous teacher for my requirements #and im in my last year of shs >:(((#*/angrily spams keyboard #I JUST WANT TO GRADUATE????

2 notes · View notes

halinski · 1 year

Text

Trigger warning for sh topic in tags, just me rambling, dont read, if you do its at your own risk of wasting your time lol 🙈

#so when i met tyler last saturday i was like...#thinking about making it my goal to not sh for a year or smth #like make a big gesture of going clean #maybe like the next time i meet him i could have been like: i've been clean since you signed my arm!!#but oh boy #i knew in the back of my mind that night that that wouldnt be possible #i was like: well maybe maybe i can just not hurt myself in the primary qay #*way #i couldn't even promise no scars #couldn't promise no blood no bruises #i can't promise shit #and now i'm here like 3 days later already ready to give up #having clear goals makes me wanna go do the exact opposite #makes me want to go worse #not like /actually/ bc if i were to literally break my fingers i couldnt work and as soon as i could i would be working he phone #and nope nopidity nope #thats the last thing im gonna do #ignore me #the sh thoughts are never easy to deal with #tyler has no idea the impact he ever had on me that i actually made it 4 months clean before #that i ever tried #and managed to stay clean #like #i used to be so obsessed i would shake and be unabke to fall asleep and would literally panic that bad things would happen if i didnt sh #and it was through derek hale that i actually attempted to stop the first time #when i was 17 #lasted 2 weeks and that was 10 years ago and im not sure i can do 2 weeks anymore again #but it was huge #it's been 16-ish years since i've been clean of physical sh for longer than 4 months #a really bad habit

5 notes · View notes

bo0zey · 2 years

Text

boys be mad asl when i don’t giggle n tehe n show cute emotions like bitch my wounded inner child just got done drunk sniveling begging for daddy not to yell n hate her while her intoxicated narcissistic father screamed n gaslit her until she dissociated to euthymic plane 🙄🙄🙄

#‘trauma dumping’ eat my shorts loser assholss #so funny he said if my narcissistic sociopathic insane brother killed himself then it’s ‘goodbye to the rest of y’all too’#like ohhhhh so ur eldest daughter n youngest son don’t mean jack fuckjn shit to u right??? lmfao lolll #yeah just go rot with that selfish egotistic psycho while ur 15yr old son who lost his mom at 7yrs old #i want to strangle my fuckjgnf dad sometimes he’s so cruel n said so many mean things to me #he always has to defend my middle brother ‘he’s depressed what if he kms’ like???#my middle brother literally manipulates tf out of my dumbass emotionally unintelligent father he’s tearing this family apart #meanwhile i never planned on seeing 18 nor living past 22 n now i have to go exist n find a job when i never thought i’d have to do this sh #shit ever b. i was supposed to #be dead 4 years ago lololllll #god forbid i tell him that or my plan to kms at 27 lollll #so worried abt a fucking LOST SOCIOPATH SEFISH NARCISSITIC CAUSE ur gonna make me and my baby brother suffer?? as orphans ??#my dad n i used to get breakfast every sunday in middle school n talk abt life n drive around after n those days meant the world to me #i never realized how much i missed them. how much i looked forward to him saying he’d call me while i’m away at college #but my middle brother egosticizl fuck is like ‘lolyh i just nod n say what dad wants me to hear’ when my dad is trying so hard to save him f #my dad admitted to neglecting my lil bro lol it makes me so fkcing angry he doesn’t give af abt us #says ‘im worth more im the ground than i am alive’ n my inner teen bursts into tears bc she experienced that already #yeah moms life insurance money was so fun!! until it ran out bc of college n impulsive manic spending n the materialistic thrill never laste #i want to hate him but i can’t even deny i love him so much he hurts me and everyone i love and disappoints us all n we still care for him #he’s letting my brother fuckjgn kill him literlaly my dad is physically sick bc of my sociopath narcissistic bros drama #he blames me for not going to him n telling him abt my ‘’mental issues’ as if i didn’t have to grow up n become mom the day after my 16th #i am my mothers child he didn’t know anything abt our childhoods until she died and he had to step up n parent us himself #he doesn’t know what it means to be a parent he shouldn’t be a parent but oh fuckjgn well oh my god WE ARE YOUR KIDSMWE NEED YOU WH #WHY CANT YOU SHOW US YOU CARE WHEN WE ALL HAD TO LEARN ALL WE HAVE IS OURSELVES #i am so angry he tried to throw me under the bus abt not having a job as a new grad nurse instead of my brother for dropping out everything #ur son wants to drop his ap classes bc he procrastinated n doesn’t wNna do the work so now he’s manipulating u to let him quit #i am just not exiting the identity crisis coming to terms w the fact that i’m 22yrs old n alive n need to start living n working #tonight was a shitshow but the ending calmed down but i couldn’t stop crying sniveling whimpering when dad yelled #yelled n accused n attacked me n chose to defend my middle bro over me like..he’s trying to kill u n i freaked out bc stepmom said u cut #ramblings

7 notes · View notes

scarletcomet · 2 years

Text

my therapist literally always cancels on me when i need therapy the most

#maybe that's why im at a point where i think therapy is useless (my parents are making me and they pay my tuition)#canceled on my last semester when my friend died by suicide #now when my mental heath has not been great and i've been self harming #still have never processed that first thing as well as my own suicide attempt #so sometimes ill start thinking about that stuff like randomly throughout the day and have thoughts and feelings #i finally opened up to my therapist about sh but now im gonna go week(s) without talking to her when i need it most #like i know she has a life and stuff and it's not her fault lol #anyways im at a point right now where therapy is useless #i've tried multiple different anxiety meds in the last few weeks #and my dr says if this one doesn't work then there's not any other meds #im not suicidal or whatever but sometimes things just feel so hopeless and life feels like never ending torment #it's whatever. i'm fine. i have to be fine #even if i do get through this week then there's just gonna be another and another and another #shut up brain. these are the kinds of thoughts that remind me of when i was really suicidal and bring back bad feelings and memories #why am i like this #im so sick of years of mental illness ruining my life and it's only been like 7 years of this and i have to do like 60 more??#shut up brain #i can't let myself get suicidal. idk why but i just can't #my mood has been ok lately and my anxiety has been the problem so wtf is up with this?#tw self harm #tw: suicide

4 notes · View notes

heonie-ween · 2 years

Text

.

#mkayyyy so last spring and summer i was unhealthily obsessed with a colleague/neighbor #and i was immensely sad when he left his job and moved back to his hometown #one year later i realized that i didn't necessarily like him but i found myself always thinking about him because we had so much in common #so much #and we were both new and incredibly lonely in this city #and tbh we were each other's only resemblance of a support system in this really bizzare part of our country #but anways i ended up getting a job where he used to work #and my current coworkers ALWAYS talk about him #and apparently he told them EVERYTHING about me #and i found that incredibly shocking #AND HE TOLD THEM REALLY INTIMATE THINGS AND IM LIKE !!!!!#not intimate s*x details #but personal stuff #and he would tell them stuff like how i took him out on his bday and how i'd text him when he's lonely #or how we hung out and how we met etc #he told them a lot about me and what i did #and today the secretary was trying to differentiate me (kimi) and another person named kimi #and she called me 'so-and-so's kimi'#and she keeps telling me how thankful he was that he found me #and im like sh*t #i really did let this man get away #this is the super tall guy who whispered in my ear to meet him privately way back in like....may 2021??#ugh fu*k #i don't miss him #but i do miss what could have been #and i do look back and feel thankful we did have each other's support for the short time we had it #i very truly wish he is happy where ever he is #he's a good guy and deserves happiness #personal #extremely personal

2 notes · View notes

talkorsomething · 1 month

Text

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?