#and in fact i have done that with japan and already feel more comfortable with navigating japanese cinema

[meowmeowirena]

i keep forgetting about this blog lol

anyway been watching a lot of romances lately because I'm making a silly little indulgent video featuring movies i think have the most impactful romances. and there are of course movies that affect others but not me. and im not sure whether to include really well known ones that other ppl love but which i dont?

like, ppl love carol but i feel nothing about the romance in it. or moulin rouge. considering im making it mainly for me, ill probably omit famous ones if i dont vibe with them

im also trying to expand beyond the us and europe. which is hard, like i can name many famous beloved american movies even if i havent seen them bc i grew up hearing about them. osmisis and all. but like bollywood movies for ex? i have no context for them and have to go by like letterboxd ratings or lists i find. it's kind of like how i feel about a lot of music, like im lacking a foundation to jump off of.

[brazilsho]

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ kenji sato x gn ! reader

summary ; little scenario on how's like to wake up besides your infamous boyfriend !

context ; just fluff , kenji being a little whiny and clingy , during the time kenji takes care of emi , reverse comfort mentions . no proofread . bad writing (tired asf) .

the morning Sun breezed through the streets, awaking the city of Japan with a warm embrace of warmth as the people around started to waken up to do their daily duty and day.

near the island way back from the city of Japan, the nice large house was shining bright through the reflection of the sun, a loud chirp could be heard from the basement of the house,

the giant kaiju baby, emi, awaking from her slumber, snuggled up against the car, her father given her, she tiredly looked through the room only to be met by the owners AI, Mina, who was responsible for watching over the kaiju.

“good morning little emi, have you slept well?” Mina asked gently the baby, in return getting a happy chirp from emi after recognizing the robot, Mina decided to turn on some music that emi likes and gave her her breakfast, wanting to make sure that the owners of the house can be able to wake up peacefully after a long while.

As a matter of fact, Mina started to sense the sunlight become stronger through the ocean water that was around the basement and knew that a certain male upstairs would be awaken because of it.

the certain male, kenji, was laying in bed, the sunlight shining through the curtains of the rooms making the light shine right into his mesmerizing face, but his eyes meeting the sunlight frustrated his well needed slumber.

Kenji squirmed around with a little whine, squinting his eyes closed to avoid the light in his eyes, turning around to face you so that his back where facing the curtains and him burring his face in the crook of your neck.

You, of course, didn't had a problem with the sunlight, kenji's boarded back covered the entire view in front of you and it also didn't surprised you when you felt him clinging onto you in your light sleepy state.

the warmth of kenji's pleasant made you snuggle against him a little, placing your head against his chest while your eyes started to open carefully, still being a little sensitive with the bright sunlight that appears in the room.

the same goes to kenji, he could feel you leaning against him closely, making him wrap his arms around you and carefully open his eyes to look down at you, only to be meet with you already looking through your lashes at him,

his eyes sparkling with the sunlight reflecting them, showing off every detail in his eyes, making him look even more beautiful in your eyes, a smile formed at the corner of his lips as he leaned down to kiss your forehead gently.

“Good morning my darling” Kenji said, his sleeping voice appearing and a honest soft looking smile became more visible on him, making you almost melt at the sight as a smothered look was shown in your face.

“Morning, able to got some hours of sleep?” You jokingly asked him, remembering how much of sleep he’s slacking because of emi. Kenji frowned a little which a whine as he tighten his hold on you as he threw his head back against the soft fabric of his pillow.

You let out a snicker and hugged kenji a little, only as much as possible, “Don't worry, I think emi is starting to get the scheduled of sleep, you've done enough for these couple of weeks for her.” You said, running your fingers across the soft skin of kenji’s chest in daydream.

Just as Kenji was about to be smuggled though, wanting to say that he wasn’t the only one but appreciated the words you given him, a loud cry was heard from the basement where emi still is, it seemed like that emi was getting bored of the music and wanted to see her parents.

All kenji could do was groan and turn around his head to burry it into his pillow as he lets out a scream in frustration, he loves emi yes, but he definitely is tired, especially from even the fact that he's not even close on being used to hearing a baby cry every minute it can get.

You though, didn't seem to have much problem with the giant baby, it felt like second nature to you but you yourself where a little frustrated to say the least, it's been a good while since you had some quality time with kenji,

not being able to get any time to just be in his company, it pained your delusional heart — and his too.

“I'll go to her, wake up whenever you want” You said, removing yourself from kenji's grasp which tighten the moment you said these words, him giving off a whine in desperate need of your company,

but you tapped his chest, asking to be removed from his warmth hold and with a little hesitation he allowed you to go, which you took as an opportunity to get out of his warmth, giving him a kiss on the lips which he definitely returned, before standing up and going to the elevator to the basement to calm down your girl.

Kenji just watched you, looking at you like you are the most precious piece of art in the world for him, he sat up and stretched before making his way to start off his day, thankful to have you with him.

© brazilsho ─ 2024. works i post are not allowed to be translated, stolen, copied, or reposted on other platforms.

[wttcsms]

"i (Nanami Kento) bet on losing dogs" x the losing dog (reader)

no other sadness in the world would do, kento nanami ;

pairing kento nanami x f!reader word count 1.5k synopsis a quiet and intimate examination of modern day suffering content contains implied abusive spouse (for reader), implied unrequited love (nanami has feelings for reader)

There is nothing in this world that Kento Nanami despises more than baseless loyalty. 

What a pathetic trait, he would think to himself. How could someone just blindly follow someone, constantly chasing after their shadow, only to be mistreated time and time again? It’s disgusting. Shameless. Weak.

He feels disgusting, shameless, weak. 

Powerless, too. That’s a new one. That’s how things usually go when it’s just the two of you; you start evoking all sorts of new emotions, like he’s a video game character and you’re helping him unlock upgrades to his character. It’s a bit disarming, really. Kento much prefers to remain as impassive as possible while in the office because unnecessarily giving up any pieces of himself to this skyscraper shithole feels like he’s letting his stupidly rich clients win. 

Kento likes routine, which is why he settles into one quickly and refuses to make adjustments unless absolutely necessary.

Login, watch the markets, log off. Nothing more, nothing less. 

And then you became his new desk partner, and his perfect, meticulous cycle is thrown off course.

Being observant does more harm than good. He notices the shiny ring on your finger and draws an invisible, never-to-be-passed boundary. He already has made up his mind on not engaging with any of his coworkers, female or male, married or otherwise, but with you, he makes the mental effort to visualize the line, the flashing red warning signs, the whole nine-yards. This is the first sign that you are going to fuck up his life. Already, you’re embedded in his insides, owning real estate in his subconscious long before he can even realize it.

At first, you don’t talk to him much; you don’t talk to most of the men working here, and Kento can’t fault you for that. Most of them are assholes, and all of them don’t have any morals. If this wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t be working here, after all.

Eventually, you start to withdraw, and Kento becomes the person you’re most comfortable with talking to. What you see is what you get with him. Kento refuses to be one of those people who are a waste of perfectly good oxygen, and he doesn’t speak unless it’s absolutely necessary. You’re in an industry where men purposely like to talk over women, just because they can get away with it. With Kento, you are given free rein of the conversation. It’s kismet, you and him.

He gets used to your constant conversation, never seeming to be put off by the fact that he doesn’t offer up his opinion unless explicitly asked. Kento normally doesn’t like it when people talk to him when he’s trying to get work done, but your voice is pleasant, your topics always interesting (“do you think there are different levels in Hell, or is a one-victim murderer being prodded by pitchforks right next to Hitler?”), and he finds that listening to you speak relaxes him somewhat. He doesn’t go home with a tightness in his shoulders and a persistent, throbbing ache in his head that aspirin can’t seem to fix. 

The first time Kento initiates conversation is when he sees you wearing a blazer during the sweltering heat of one of Japan’s most unforgiving summers. 

“A bit warm for all that,” he says, trying to adjust his tone and make it sound like a joke. Even if it did sound like a joke, he knows that your reaction would remain the same.

“Oh,” you give a nervous, insincere laugh, reflexively tugging on the sleeves even though your arms are still very much covered. “I get cold easily.”

That’s a lie. Kento knows because he knows you well enough to tell that you are the most genuine person he has ever interacted with. He doesn’t know how you ended up with this job when you’re much better suited for a career that actually helps people. He thinks back to when the office’s air conditioning went haywire and blasted the office with near-freezing temperatures. You had remained in your short-sleeved blouse, saying that you love the cold.

He doesn’t call you out on it, though. He just makes a noise from the back of his throat and turns back to his monitor. 

He can only pretend to ignore your erratic behavior for so long. You keep yourself covered to the point where you make a nun seem indecent. You withdraw from him, not initiating conversation unless Kento brings something up (he’s never been good at making small talk, and so more often than not, the conversation fizzles out quickly and awkwardly). And then you come to work with a black eye, and Kento refuses to let you suffer in silence any longer.

You break down and cry, feeling pathetic, feeling lost. You beg him not to say anything to anybody, that this is just a rough patch, that this’ll pass, and everything will be okay. Amidst your sobs, Kento finds himself wondering who you’re trying to convince right now. 

He holds you on the comedown. 

Now, there’s a new cycle. Things don’t get better for you; it doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure that one out. If a man lays his hands on you once, he’ll do it again. And again. And again. 

To take a life is a serious thing, but sometimes, there are worse ways to kill someone without ever murdering them. Your husband is killing you right now, a slow, soul-sucking type of death, and Kento would like to kill him. Some people are more curse than human. 

What did your husband do, Kento wonders, to make you fall in love with him? What can your husband do to make you finally wake up and realize that he is entirely undeserving of your love? 

Kento Nanami does not belong to any religion, does not attend church, does not even bother questioning the possibilities of a potential afterlife because his current life is already a bust as is. But after every late night he spends comforting and consoling you, holding you while you wet his button-down with your tears, he goes home and prays that you get the strength to fucking leave him. Pack your bags and get the hell out of Tokyo. Even if it means he’ll never see you again, the only person who makes this insufferable existence somewhat bearable. 

But the cycle doesn’t seem to ever break. He’s watching you fade away, and he decides that all the faith systems are fucked up for ignoring his pleas. 

“You should leave him.” He tells you, handing you a tissue. It’s technically a waste of breath; he tells you this shit all the time, and you never take his advice, but he says it anyway. Foolishly hoping that this time will be the time where you decide to listen to him. 

(And besides, he finds that anything he says to you could never be a waste.)

“But I love him.” You give him that same sad, watery smile, and Kento wants to pity you, but you wouldn’t accept it. Outwardly, he treats you the same as he used to, before he knew all that stuff that happens to you behind closed doors, because he knows what it’s like to be treated like you’re incapable of processing anything but kindness. The sweet, sugary kind of kindness, too — none of that blunt, pragmatic stuff. Kismet, he snorts. How fortunate that the kindness you need — re: blunt, pragmatic — is the only type he’s capable of giving to you.

Being treated like you’re surrounded by broken glass and everyone around you is trying desperately to avoid it makes people feel even worse. When Yu died, everyone acted like not being overly nice to Kento would somehow make him snap and go off the deep-end. The fact of the matter is, none of these people have ever been so overly cautious around him, and it actually made the pain of losing Yu somehow more unbearable. 

There are lots of replies that rest on the tip of his tongue. 

But does he love you? 

Why? 

Have some self respect, holy shit.

Your love is killing you from the inside out.

I could love you.

He tosses away your snotty tissues into the trash can, somehow not disgusted by you even though you think he should be. His grocery list now includes painkillers, band-aids, and bruise ointment. He thinks prayers are a waste of time, and before bed, he takes a shot in the dark and hopes some benevolent god is rooting for you like he is. There is nothing in the world that Kento Nanami despises more than baseless loyalty.

“I know.” And he leaves it at that.

[absolutebl]

Do you have any recent recommendations for JBL TaiwanBL and KBL? Been rewatching only bls from 2021 2022 and I feel like I'm out of the loop for the more recent ones.

Maybe something from this year or late last year?

Great JBL, TaBL, and KBL from 2023 & first half 2024

asker added:

Genre = mostly anything. But pls avoid homophobic trauma (like Jazz for Two).

Fair. Okay here we go!

2023 Recs!

I picked mostly 9s and 10s for you with a few 8s I felt specifically might suit your taste.

I Cannot Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

Japan Netflix

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen. Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way. This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen.

Our Dating Sim

Korea Viki

This is a perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy. I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent.

I don't hand out 10/10 often (over 700 BLs watched, stil don't hvae 10 10/10s yet), these both got that from me in 2023. I consider both of them perfect BLs.

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho

Japan Gaga

This style of live action yaoi really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but both are so repressed they actually don't realize they're in love. It's higher heat than we usually get from Japan's HEA stuff, and that part is also very well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" trope which is only exacerbated into undiluted frustration by the fact that they're already fucking. It's great, but watching requires more patience than usual, even for Japan.

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku

Japan Gaga

A lonely salaryman (+ talented cook) gets accidentally adopted by a college kid and his little brother. I was always gonna love this show if they stuck to the original yaoi (which is very dear to my heart). And they did! Paralleling it almost exactly. It’s a quiet & cozy little parable of found family alleviating loneliness. Possibly too slow for some but definitely high up there for me as the best of what Japan can do with softness (like Restart After Come Back Home). It’s only flaw (if I dare say such a thing) is that it is not really “romantic.” Lovely & sweet but the romance beats are being used to build a family relationship, not just couple intimacy, but that's OK with me. This is a very safe show for anyone to watch.

Jun and Jun

Korea Viki

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. Others boys are sniffing around too. Operative word being "sniffing" as much of this romance involves smell. With a snappy (sometimes even raunchy) script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and descent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching. With tons of rewatch potential (especially the last few eps), my only caution is this is for fans of the BL genre only, I don’t think it’ll work for anyone else.

Love Tractor

Korea iQIYI

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, just all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that. But (and you knew there was a “but” comg) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different and too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest.

The New Employee

Korea Viki

So good, SO QUEER, so soft, a near pitch perfect office BL with conflict derived from that setting. Also found family and a lesbian bestie. Sweet & innocent (and out) Seung Hyun scores the office internship of his dreams. On his first day at work he gets into it with his cool reserved (and also v gay) boss. As you do. Frankly? This is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Rainbow rice cakes forever! Directed by queer activist Kim Jho Gwang Soo (Just Friends?) partly set in the same neighbourhood as the To My Star house. Gotta love WATCHA (Semantic Error, Light on Me).

Unintentional Love Story

Korea iQIYI

OMG the plot, forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the eyes EMOTING at us in PAIN A boy who just lost his job due to faked corruption charges accidentally discovers his ex-boss's favorite artist, now a recluse. Evil manager offers him his job back if he can convince the artist to rejoin society. Instead, they fall in love. I found the artist a bit stiff and reserved but Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT - he carried this show (which I do not expect from the idol element). He was lumous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, just drown in the emoting abyss. The external conflict, social tension and pressure is complex and beautifully executed, plus Korea gave us legit side dishes (NOT a love triangle, hally-fucking-luya). I’m not sure on rewatchability, and it didn’t whip me into a verbal frenzy the way some KBLs do, but it still gets a solid 9/10 for those damn eyes alone.

A Breeze of Love

Korea iQIYI

Tsundere insomniac grump reunited with his sunshine jock ex (human sleeping pill) who now hates him. Basketball is also involved. While the simplicity of a reunion plot makes this more cohesive than most KBLs, it is a tad stiff and slow, never managing to lift itself out of "pretty and pretty enjoyable" - I liked it but I don’t think I’m going to remember much about it. 

Bon Appetit

Korea iQIYI

Romance between an office worker the man from his past next door who cooks well. It was very sweet and cute tale of food as love in the All the Liquors family of KBL. I’m not wild about it, I did enjoy it, I was happy to have it show up on my dash, but ultimately it will simply become one of the KBL crowd.

Why R U?

(Korean adaptation of Thai original) iQIYI

Korea decided to remake, of all possible Thai BLs, Why RU? And that is exactly what we got: a short form, clean & pretty, slightly confusing, uneven chemistry, all the same tropes KBL that kind of cliff-noted the original but with none of the heat or complex relationship dynamics. I just … what world is this? Because it is BOTH bizarro land, and EXACTLY what I expected. How do I rate it? In the end I have to go back to simple questions: did I like it, would I rewatch it, and would I recommend it? Yes. Probably. And probably not. What the actual hell?

It did, however win my best kiss of 2023 which is why it's on this list.

Stay By My Side

Taiwan Viki

I wanted to pick SOMETHING from Taiwan but my other two options both had lots of trauma in them. So I'm going with this one.

This show was an interesting take on the "ghost boyfriend" trope. About a boy who is tormented by hearing the dead, except when he is around one other boy - desperation+proximity = love. Unfortunately, the story was erratic and waffled about. While the leads turned in solid performances and the sappy domesticity was off the charts, it never really had the strength of the narrative convictions such a strong concept should have supplied. Highly rewatchable and enjoyable for that sappy domesticity but not a whole lot more. Still I always give extra credit for the diabetes-inducing sugar content and rewatch capacity.

And some suggestions from 2024

I'm only suggesting stuff that has finished it's run and isn't currently airing.

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

Japan Gaga

The promise of this show, younger cook courts older divorced office worker, should have been my catnip. I mean if someone pitched this to me in an elevator I would have downloaded it by the second storey. Unfortunately, it did not exactly fulfill that promise, not in the way I'd hoped. Did I still enjoy the ride, yes, but I feel just a little let down.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu

Japan Gaga

Kindly Ryota goes to uni and ends up rooming with his former childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend for, as it turns out, cute roommate reasons. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake, the framing is gorgeous and it is a stylish piece. As a friends to lovers cohabitation narrative this was a classic 2000s sweet yaoi. I enjoy that kind of tradition out of Japan even if it (and the characters) come off as a little slow as a result. Still, it's nice to get a traditional BL out of Japan that is satisfying, not slapstick, AND did not hurt us.

[essycogany]

Why I Ship Sonic The Hedgehog and Amy Rose?

Hi! I’ve been a Sonic fan since 2022 and wanted to give insight on a beloved pairing from someone who’s only FRESH in this fandom. So I could give a somewhat recent perspective on something others might’ve grown up with.

Disclaimer: This is just my merriment of cartoon madness. Done for fun. It has my everywhere all at once speculations, and opinions. Spat into one big MESS. No problem if you disagree. I wish you all the best in whatever you create with your preferred take on these characters.

I take 0 credit for anything displayed in visuals.

Now, let’s get started!

Reason 1: What Got Me Into Sonamy

I want to recommend people who not only helped me understand the dynamic better, but did so while giving good insight on Amy’s character. Which is one of the most inconsistent in the ENTIRE franchise. Here they are! In no particular order.

Why Amy is a “Strong Female Character” [Sonic The Hedgehog Video Essay]

Channel: Taro Marshmallow on YouTube.

She helped me understand Amy’s character as a whole. I believe it’s important for people to comprehend Amy’s character in order for them to understand or like Sonamy. No one has to, but it sure was eye-opening for me. So, do of it what you will. I advise people to give it a watch for the AMAZING character analysis alone.

Molinaskies: On Tumblr, this person goes into serious analysis on Sonic’s emotional characterization, and Sonamy too. Words can’t describe how much I appreciate this ship the more I read about their dynamic from someone I can tell has fun doing it.

Sherrydoodlez: This person is the reason I became a Sonic and Sonamy fan at the same time. Once I saw her videos, I was HOOKED. She makes cute, fun, and outstanding Sonamy content on her YouTube channel. It’s mostly Boom!Sonamy animations with voice actors on some occasions. She makes other random Sonic animations as well. It’s a feel good channel you can watch to calm yourself as you head into a romantic cafe of servings you never knew you needed. Give her content a watch. It’s a jolly ride.

IDW (Specifically Issue #2 Page 21): I believe this is the statement which changed Sonic’s view about Amy. At the beginning, the blue blur was still on the run when Amy came around. But after fighting robots together and helping the villagers, Sonic admitted having fun. It could mean he grew more comfortable. Or just loves to fight robots regardless of who’s joining him.

Afterwards, Amy realized their negotiation about Sonic coming back to the resistance was a loss. She happily accepted it and accepted Sonic for who he is. Which made the feelings mutual on Sonic’s part in my opinion. He was even bashful while offering her to join him. Showing he didn’t mind having Amy around a bit longer. I know someone else stated this better, but I hope you get the point.

Sonamy is also the one ship that gets the most hints and jokes. From official writers, voice actors, (ESPECIALLY in Japan. Sonic and Amy’s VAs literally sung a love song IN CHARACTER for crying out loud.) X, Boom, Prime, artist, some of the games, and Sega themselves with their marketing.

Fact check me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure in Japan, Amy’s been called Sonic’s “Girlfriend,” plenty of times and some even theorize they're already together in the Japanese version of Sonic Frontiers.

(Which I’m positive is very intentional)

Can’t forget the creator of the characters Naoto Oshima stated on twitter, “Sonic has the eternal heart of a boy, but were he to one day mature, he’d choose Amy.” I believe if any ship in this franchise at least makes the most since, it’s Sonamy. I’m only scratching the surface, but we’d be here forever if I continued.

Reason 2: The Dynamic

I believe Sonamy works romantically and platonically. Sonic and Amy are best friends so their bond is already close in that regard. I think in times of peace they hang out. Which has been shown in IDW in the retail incentive covers of issue 1, 5th Anniversary.

The reason I think Amy’s the best choice for Sonic is because she can always keep up with him. She understands him and reads him like a book.

(Sonic doesn’t express himself very well, so that’d be a huge benefit.)

She brings an array of emotion out of him, and accepts him for who he is.

Amy wouldn’t slow him down because they’re relationship wouldn’t change at all. She’s always just as down for going out and exploring as he is. Being a hot-head, she’s not adverse for a bit of head busting with her hammer. Amy allows Sonic for a chance at a relationship he couldn’t get inattentive or tired in.

They’d go on their usual adventurers and might only tell a few friends about their relationship.

(Or keep it a secret)

After that, they’d travel together or Amy would leave Sonic to whatever he needed to do. In Sonic’s case, he would appreciate Amy’s understanding and return the favor by giving her flowers. Maybe even show minimal affection.

Like in Sonic X when he gives Amy a rose in episode 52. X also had moments where Sonic constantly protects/holds onto her. Not to mention willingly laid on a pile of hey next to Amy. And kept the bracelet she made him in episode 9.

Sonic X isn’t canon, but IDW has moments of Sonic hanging out or fighting alongside Amy too. Point is, the couple would be an updated version of their friendship. A “POWER COUPLE,” to be specific.

Romance doesn’t always mean you have to be lovey-dovey. You can treat your partner like a best friend as well. Sonic and Amy have a unique relationship because they’re subtle about it.

Reason 3: Why?

I believe it’s important to get this out of the way since these are my weird BIGGIES when it comes to shipping. Why Sonic might have a crush on Amy and why Amy loves Sonic?

Sonic’s (Alleged) Reasons: Amy doesn’t want to change him. She can keep up with him. She’s super compassionate and energetic.

(Sonic stated she was “sweet’ before.)

He respects and might even values her ways of thinking. In TMOSTH, he said:

In Prime he admits she’s, “Pretty great.”

And, he said in IDW Issue #58:

These can be seen as platonic compliments, but it’s the “Accepting Sonic for who he is” thing that homes in the mutual romantic feelings head-canon.

I’d even argue ever since Unleashed/Black Night he had a little crush on her, but felt unsure of it. That is, until IDW. He might still have no clue what to do next.

Sonic lines in Frontiers : “Amy, I should’ve made up my mind sooner.” and “Wish we were sharing an umbrella, Amy.” are huge examples of that and his reciprocated feelings.

Fun Fact: Sharing an umbrella as a couple in Japan is considered a romantic expression, and teens often draw an umbrella with their name and the name of their crush, the way one would in a heart. A very old tradition.

Sharing an umbrella has been seen as a romantic thing in a few American movies as well.

Here’s another detail I find hilarious. I LOVE in instances like Amy being, “The Lady Of The Lake” in Black Night. The time she ran away from Sonic in Unleashed, and became split versions of herself in Prime. The blue buffoon acts as if he grew more fond and I’d even suggest “attracted” to her. He either flirts with her or gets disappointed. To me, it’s a check on the, “Bringing a wide range of emotion out of him,” point.

In issue #2 of IDW it’s similar. Sonic asked Amy to join him. Then she admits being away from the resistance for too long. I’d say it’s a weirdly consistent thing. The times Sonic acts ready to “open up,” he and Amy end up having to save the world and go off to do their own thing.

(That panel in The Metal Virus with Sonic reaching to Amy while she’s freaking out, still hurts.)

Is this a sign they may need to take their time? Fortunately, we have additional content with them interacting outside those situations. I guess the hedgies are allowing each other to be their own person before committing to anything.

Like a “when they know, they’ll know,” situation.

Last thing. Sonic hugs Amy in both IDW and Frontiers. Never happened in official canon before, so his feelings must’ve changed into something.

Amy’s Reasons: He’s her inspiration and motive for loving adventures. Sonic gives Amy an excuse to show off her skills. And she admires his personality.

By the way, can we just appreciate how Amy loves Sonic for the right reasons? Not looks, popularity, or fortune. He always and forever will be her number one.

Reason 4: Conclusion

This isn’t everything, but I’m sure new content will give me new reasons to love this pair. I just wanted to take MOST of what’s already established and use it for a basic understanding.

As basic as overwhelmingly extra can be.

I don’t know whether or not Sonamy will be canon and that’s fine. To me, it’s semi cannon already and there’s a bunch of talented people who create Sonamy stories.

In actual media, their relationships grows stronger and stronger. Which I’ll dub, “Untouched reciprocation,” which is common in videos game ships.

I see Amy and Sonic as best friends with crushes on each other and find that very fascinating. The hedgehogs can just be.

Though on twitter in February 2023, someone asked about Sonic and Amy’s relationship. Then Mario Kishimoto (The director of Sonic Frontiers ) answered, “Sonic is single. But what about a lover? What about Amy? I’m also looking forward to seeing what kind of love Sonic will have in the future.”

Doesn’t prove much, but it could mean Sonic Team is interested in developing this relationship more. Whatever that indicates, I’m intrigued.

All in all this is why I love Sonamy. Hope you enjoyed my over analyzed essay

Stay Creative! 💙💖

[lizardboy66]

im deeply bored so here are all of my gay 911 thoughts for your entertainment.

OKAY SO

Idk about 911 being queerbait guys...i dont think it ever was. I think we have entered a new era of fanservice. Usually with queerbait, the creators and people involved in the show are quite vicious to shippers and queer fans generally, and any easter egg or "moment" feels like crumbs to keep us hooked enough.

911 acknowledged the shipping very very early. Like second half of season 2, and there has never ONCE been a joke at the expense of the concept of being gay, or about buck or eddie being queer. It was simply a nod, like "hey, we get it, you want it, thats all good."

Its not 2010 anymore, gay people are accepted and visible in a way that has never been a reality in the past. In fact, gay people, especially gay men, have come to be understood as a fantastic marketing tool.

This is where i get jaded and cynical, but listen the outcome is the same so stick with me here. Gay pairings and relationships = money is not a groundbreaking concept. It's why they did queerbait. But with stuff like supernatural, it seemed like a far greater risk to make the repressed men kiss than to piss of the queer fanbase. But times have changed. But since the age of queerbait, there has been a rise in gay romance content being made, and being made FOR the fangirls, boys and theys. Think Red, White and Royal Blue, or Heartstopper, or Young Royals, or Our Flag Means Death, or Good Omens. Gay isn't a risk anymore, its a marketing category with a level of guaranteed success. And not just in the global north, Boys Love content has been booming in places like Japan, Thailand, Korea for decades, but never more than now. TV companies in these places figured out very quickly that producing fluffy, comforting gay love stories earns them billions, and have not hesitated to seize this opportunity. My point being, gay dudes sell as fuck.

911 got cancelled and had to move networks. The budget is too high and they need to pull viewership and quick. I think their answer is canonise that ship! I couldn't tell you if that was there original intent, but i do believe that it would be far less lucrative to fuck over their viewer base. I could be wrong, this could be a crazy long game to make the fans trust the show, then pull the rug from under them. But i truly think we are past that point with shows like this.

911 is pure fluff! No one ever dies, if someone is hurt they recover quickly and with no complications, conflict is tame and easily resolvable, and everyone is a sickeningly good person. And the show is also about family, found family, unconventional families. I think originally, the unconventionality of the eddie, buck and chris family dynamic was that it is two men who are not together or married raising a child as coparents and friends. Which is a great story, but even better fanfiction fodder.

I think they are going to do it like the fanfiction. It's the easiest way to bridge the epistemic gap between the current cannon and the reality of both buck and eddie being queer and having feelings for each other. they could try and explain it in their own way, but the fans have already done it, and have clearly agreed on some elements of how this love story plays out, so i think that will be the route they go down. Currently my evidence is that Buck is now canonically bisexual. For some reason a lot of the ships people have have one bisexual and one gay, so the trope is being realised. My next piece of evidence is the catholic thing for eddie. This has literally never come up, its a fan invention, and its in the show now. The eddie and marisol plot line is slightly bizzare, but i think the reason for that is that it is eddie making sense of why he struggles so much to commit to the women he dates. Or its just a bad storyline and isnt very coherent. I guess we will see. My next evidence is the whole set up of Tommy. He is so clearly a way to push eddie and buck together in my opinion. From his introduction, he acts as a wedge between the two that neither of them can make sense of. Very love triangle energy. And my last evidence is all of those goddamn interviews. It seems no one can shut up about these fire fighters getting it on with each other. I feel if they weren't doing it, there would be more effort to shut down the clowning gently, as they have done previously.

In conclusion, i too am a clown. My theory has rocky foundations, a rocky middle and an equally rocky conclusion. I am so tired and delulu right now. I'm with you girlies, this is stressful.

[elendsessor]

bonus headcanon/relationship study ramble since the brainrot is eating away still and bc i do really enjoy their dynamic

some general + canon of vengeance koshimizu hcs and relationship with the protag hcs ahead.

this does contain massive af spoilers for smtvv and can be potentially triggering since death and depression mentions.

-koshimizu has a dad bod sorry not sorry.

-in fact he’s a total goddamn dad. literally old fashioned. he also enjoys watching baseball and yes can work a grill.

-there’s a bethel japan facebook group (he didn’t start it one of the scientists did and made him create a facebook account) so yes he’s had the displeasure of boomer meme exposure. abdiel won’t stop sharing those ai generated jesus pics either.

-his luck with relationships is so bad. let’s ignore the whole in actual japanese mythology tsukuyomi got married to amaterasu (aka his damn sister) thing. he only pursued one due to seeing humans do that, and since he does have a lot of kinship with humanity, yeah he’s gonna mimic behavior. did hook up with abdiel out of some kind of obligation but had no actual romantic feelings. it was the worst year and a half of his life. they can’t stand one another.

-one of many hcs i displayed in a fic i wrote but basically he met yuzuru via the fact that he constantly had to take miyazu to the nearest hospital. he might’ve not allowed it except he did notice some kind of connection. didn’t realize yuzuru was his knowledge until much later yet tried his hardest to keep him out of the demon summoning business. didn’t work obviously, yet he appreciated yuzuru’s enthusiasm. does treat both atsuta siblings like family and adoption was something he thought about, but due to his position, work, etc., it never came to be.

-is overworked to hell and back. seems to be the last of the logistics type proto fiends anyways so yeah has a lot of pressure put on him. despite being the prime minister, he doesn’t actually do a lot of that stuff. mostly up to proper politicians. he’s kinda like a mouthpiece for them since he was made to be that way. is responsible for anything revolving around public safety. has and always will be his top priority.

-his relationship with vkun is absurdly rocky. it’s more than the whole different souls thing or the fact that they haven’t properly worked with one another. they struggle to communicate and function as a nahobino and he does blame himself for it. they’re doing it out of necessity. really if it were up to him especially after losing yuzuru he would’ve never partnered up with vkun. however, thanks to aogami, he does feel like he owes it to his brother to take care of him.

-it’s weird knowing he has basically a second brother nor fully knows how sibling relations work. yes, he cares deeply and does have that brotherly connection with vkun, but they can’t find common ground outside of wanting to avenge their original partners, and he’s sure that’s not something they should be bonding over (or he should be encouraging). he wants to comfort vkun, but doesn’t know how to. he’s made attempts, but can’t fully follow through with what he thinks he should be doing.

-i did notice (and might make a more in depth post about) how, while not the dominant one, koshimizu does occasionally take over more. for how i see it, due to studies done on aogami and vkun’s nahobino form, he thinks it best to let vkun be in control since it’s more familiar to him. combat types hadn’t had success with fusion, nor have any for that matter, but they were made with being an extension in mind. as such, while inherently compatible with vkun, his different functions plus vkun not being his knowledge makes their form unstable.

-has plenty of regrets, including his relationship with aogami. they already were distant in design and where they ended up, but i do think he felt like he was, in some ways, superior due to how he adopted human emotions and culture while aogami hadn’t. it wasn’t until the battle for the throne or aogami’s “death” that he realized how much he cared.

-while he does state mourning won’t bring his or vkun’s partner back, he does experience grief, but bottles his emotions up as much as possible. part of it is because he always had to once he first developed feelings. he’s still a demon/machine thing and as such believes he shouldn’t have them, especially since he was made with potentially dying in mind. though, this is also because he wants to stay strong for vkun, especially with how badly vkun takes it. koshimizu is a lot more calm and capable than his new partner. he knows that. all he can do is try to provide some support.

-that being said the one thing he did do was make a small grave for yuzuru exactly where he passed on. there was a chance it could be destroyed, there was no body left behind, etc., yet he did think it to be the right thing to do.

-had no idea how to tell miyazu. in fact, he wanted to avoid telling her altogether. with the end of the world coming up, he’d rather not give her more emotional baggage, plus it likely wouldn’t have mattered. word spreads quickly so she learned about her brother’s passing anyways. all the things she accused koshimizu of doing in that missable subquest? he took those to heart. even though he knew none of it was true, he still felt guilty.

-the other unstable part about the tsukuyomibino? one of them supposedly hates the other. vkun thinks his presence is an insult. they look too damn familiar, and koshimizu instinctively calls him “young man.” only aogami can call him that—he’s adamant about it. doesn’t like the idea of sharing a body with him, either. he wasn’t even going to take the throne, rather leaving it up to goddess tao and possibly goddess yoko to decide. both his and koshimizu’s plan was to take down tiamat and whatever else remained of the qadištu.

-whatever happens after that? vkun feels like he might as well die. his mental health declining rapidly was something koshimizu noticed right away and tried working with him on. they did end up bonding more through this. vkun says he hates him, but in reality, he truly doesn’t, and regrets giving koshimizu the cold shoulder. he did want to apologize and thank him, but after realizing he’d never get the chance to, he at least decided to visit any tsukuyomi-related shrines to properly mourn/pray for him (though this is only for the law route, in chaos, he more ends up writing poems n letters in his memory). of course koshimizu understands his frustration. if there’s an afterlife he’s in, he does wish he could tell him that it’s okay.

-their form’s stability improved over time but this couldn’t be said for koshimizu’s ability to fight. he wasn’t made for it nor has had any real combat experience. some dialogue from one of the researchers suggests that it is taking a toll on him. he was going to die one way or another and accepted his fate long ago. didn’t make pushing himself any less torturous.

[itsuki-minamy]

"SIDE GOLD"

CHAPTER 4: IKU AND THE BIRIBIRI GROUP (Part 1)

* List of Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Anno

"Homeless". A child who does not have parents or guardians and who has not settled. In Japan during World War II, there were many war orphans who lost family members in war fires and their homes burned down. Among them, most of the children who lost their place to go became homeless drifters. During and after the war, their lives were extremely difficult and many of them became involved in criminal activities.

The "Kagirohi Trade Association" market was bustling as if the commotion from a few days ago had been forgotten. On that isolated vacant lot, the "Yakumo" gambling hall is being rebuilt under the leadership of Tamataro Okuma.

"Bastards, I'll finish it before opening time!"

A loud cry that made even the thick billboards that were up tremble.

Although it is called a rebuild, it is not a complete creation. As long as there is enough space for people to gather, such as a game room, the deal is done. It was a random hasty construction to build a house that was as small as a shack. The new "Yakumo", which no one remembers what generation it is, has already completed the frame and is in the process of installing the roof and walls.

"I understand, big brother Okuma!"

"Thanks to the boss and sister, I am used to erecting pillars and thatched roofs!"

"Don't say that, if they listen to you, you'll have to start over."

Rude, hard-working people are inefficient and unpredictable despite their good humor, but their environment is cheerful. The reason why many of them don't feel terrified when witnessing mysterious monsters is because they feel comfortable living from day to day, and more than anything, they trust their boss, who has declared that he will defeat them next time.

From the ceiling to the front of the wall, work voices flew.

"Are the blue clothes still keeping watch in front of Yokocho's gate?"

"Ah, they still go back and forth with Danbira in hand."

According to what they heard from the older sister of the blues, the monster appeared because the powerful boss and the guy in the blue hat collided. So it seems that it will probably be safe if both sides back down after sharing the pain. As explained, the boss, who had turned off due to various incidents, simply withdrew, and the blue hat also turned its back and left. At the moment, it seemed unlikely that the blues would go in or out, or even encounter the monster. It seemed that peace had arrived.

Each person had a different way of perceiving such results.

"Heh, even though the monster has been quiet ever since, they've had difficulties every day."

"You better be careful. I'm sure you feel the same way about blue clothes."

"What? In front of you, you are not afraid, are you?"

"Oh? What is it?"

Not satisfied with the exchange of voices, he rolled up his sleeves and pressed their foreheads against each other.

"Who is scared... Ouch?!"

"Nga?!"

Okuma's fists attacked in quick succession. Blocking the sunlight with their thick bodies, the two of them crouched in the shade with their heads in their hands, and a loud voice fell over them.

"Move your hands instead of your mouth, layabouts."

"Hehe!"

"Sorry!"

Okuma looked at the two people who were scattered, and then looked at all the work.

(It should be back to normal before today's opening.)

After thinking about it, he felt a stab in his throat like a small bone.

(I wonder if it will really go back to normal.)

It's not just about conflicts with monsters and the blue clothes.

Okuma wasn't amused the fact that some kinds of "King" or imposed good manners are getting in the way with straightforward gait of his proud boss.

In the neighborhood where the sound of work can be heard, there is a Suwako canteen. This whimsical restaurant (the only sign is "meshi") has a reputation for being cheap and filling, but the taste is average. It is also known as the place where Unno Yutaka stays when his usual hideout, Yakumo, is destroyed, and is seen from the outside as one of Kagirohi-gumi's strategic bases.

Actually, it was just a place where Suwako let him eat free food and Unno would lie down in a small room in the back. For the former, it was an important space where they could recover the relationship they had when they met. But to the latter, that is unknown thing because he hadn't even hinted at it, let alone talked about it.

Now it's Suwako's turn to feed him free food. In the middle of the small shop, Unno is stuffing his mouth with okara sushi at the counter. As the name suggests, it is a dish that cannot be said to be a dish that only puts ingredients on a piece of okara, but it is a specialty of this restaurant.

The side that is allowed to eat is hated and slaps him in the mouth.

"Only the topping has improved."

* Okara Zushi; a type of sushi that used Okara(soy pulp) instead of rice, with topping a fish marinated in vinegar. It is local food in Chugoku-Shikoku region.

"Shut up and eat, you bastard."

The usual show of cutting rebukes from the feed side.

It was supposed to be usual for Suwako to rest her chin on the counter and look at the stubborn Unno, but since that night, she felt a bit strange.

"Yutaka-chan."

"What?"

With his mouth open, Unno replied.

Suwako lifted her chin and used the courage she had built up over the course of several days to ask.

"Are you ok?"

"......"

Unno munched his okara sushi in silence. Secretly thinking...

(I wonder if it came out on the complexion, it's gross.)

He still hasn't resolved his feelings about meeting another "King".

Of course he wasn't intimidated. It was uncomfortable knowing that the anger and desires that were supposed to be him were embedded in something else. Besides, not being able to sort out his feeling like that was very unpleasant. With holding such a stone weight, he couldn't laugh optimistically, or stop thinking and run.

Ignoring all of that, he might have been able to become stronger.

However, when he ate at that restaurant, he felt a little less competitive.

That's why the answer wasn't clear.

"How is?"

"Yutaka-chan, aside from me, that sort of thing... were you aware that there are some really cool psychics out there?"

Suwako isn't afraid to reach Unno's core when they are alone in this restaurant.

Unno also responded to Suwako, who did so as honestly as possible.

"As for the guy with the blue hat and Ootono-nii-san, I didn't know until I met them. But the other person..."

"Um, the monster with the gapped teeth?"

"No."

After a brief denial, Unno paused to put his feelings into words.

"I've felt many times that somewhere far away... well, deep..., there's a guy reaching into the river and trying to catch the current."

There was something that came to Suwako's mind.

"Even if that's the case, the guy with the blue hat said something like that when we parted ways..."

"......"

Unno didn't even hide his displeasure from her and remained silent.

After dismissing Thomas Colt, just before Kagiro-higumi and the Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau withdrew, the guy in the blue hat (the husband), the Blue King, pretended to make a casual postscript and offered some history.

"This is a test, but are you willing to meet the "Golden King" Daikaku Kokujoji?"

And of course Unno... "No."

He just returned a word over his back as he walked away.

(That's right, I can't stand doing what that bastard says.)

Thinking of that, Unno reached for the okara sushi again and saw that Suwako's face was filled with anxiety. Its meaning was easy to understand. Or rather, the kind he himself had.

There is something big that you don't understand.

It was the feeling of existence beyond the words "Slate" and "King" that Nazumi said.

It was a terrifying power that haunted him, that if he could feel it and touch it, it would be irreversible.

That's why Suwako is afraid from the bottom of her heart of him.

For Unno to meet the "Golden King".

Being carried away by something big and mysterious.

That's why Unno said it clearly.

"I do not go anywhere."

"Yes."

Suwako's face, who answered in a low voice, turned pale and bright.

Unno felt embarrassed by the situation and tossed the pickled okara sushi into his mouth. As he muttered and chewed, he opened a mouth again with hatred.

"You're not good at grabbing at all."

But he will never say that he like the taste. So that Suwako can see his feelings in his smile. Of course, the answer is short.

"Noisy bastard."

++++++++++

Daikaku Kokujoji, the "Golden King" who normally refrains from going out, sometimes makes exceptions.

That was the meeting with the president of the ruling party, who was escorted by him and "Tokijikuin", and this time it was a special trip. The destination is a villa in the suburbs owned by the governor.

In a large site in the mountains, it is commonly called "Oyashiki" witlessly. In part, it was a signal to avoid telling details, including the owner.

In a simple but elegant Japanese-style room facing the courtyard, the two faced each other over celebratory dinner with sake.

Kokujoji was wearing a suit and was sitting up straight like a statue.

The president was dressed in a kimono and sat loosely crosswise. That wasn't because he was arrogant, but because he received a gunshot wound from a thug during his time as a diplomat before the war, and couldn't sit on his knees for long periods of time.

The president said in a calm voice that he didn't seem like a tough face.

"I heard about that, Kokujoji-kun."

"Hah, it seems that he is the "Seventh Person". As a result of discussions with Director Nazumi, we have decided to call him "Colorless" for the time being."

Kokujoji responded with a mild explanation, but that is not the issue the president wanted to bring to the table. For him, "Slate" and "King" were things to talk about next to reality.

"I see."

After slightly nodding, the original topic was brought up.

"By the way, it seems that Nanakamado's work unit was present at that time."

"...That's how it is."

Kokujoji, who guessed, felt ashamed of his immaturity for misreading the focus.

Only the "King" and his empowered ministers could perceive the strangeness of the unexpected "Seventh" as an imminent threat. For ordinary people, it was natural that they had little knowledge or interest.

(At this rate, the way forward will be in jeopardy... study up and take heart.)

In today's reality, in other words, what is important to the president is the "political significance of Nanakamado, an intelligence agency, using force at his own trial.

"I heard, that they even fought a street battle against the "demon" in question."

"Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau arrived just in time and we were able to contain the turmoil within one area of the market. The workforce has also managed to capture almost everyone."

"A person seems to be sent back to them."

"Hah, an American commander. Director Nazumi will probably serve as a check or a warning to Nanakamado, but it will have little effect."

As expected, Kokujoji was surprised by the accuracy of the information he was given, even when he communicated without hesitation. In just a few days, from what source did he get the information? He has been swimming through the turbulent political world for nothing, and has reached the post of president. Kokujoji was impressed by his speech technique, which didn't make the other feel hard.

(This is the "Gold" that he himself have prepared and polished...)

The president is not a servant of "Tokijikuin", nor is he attracted to any talent.

Or rather, Kokujoji had yet to add to his vassals a single politician who had become his sympathizer. This is a measure to ensure that "Tokijikuin" gets involved in the political world from the point of view of a collaborator.

That "Slate", like it or not, creates a side to rule and a side to be ruled. Furthermore, instead of "mentally and physically acknowledging'' social status and biological abilities, it "gives structure to the functions of kings and ministers."

The EX-α individual and the β individual are not the same at all.

There was a huge difference in the functions and overall power of the two.

The problem is not how do they feel that, is the fact as that is.

In a post-war society where distrust and hatred of authority burn, and, moreover, in the ideal democracy that Headquarters tries to establish, this "structure" placed under others provokes resentment or even more indignation. Of course, it would be even more so if someone with high social status, such as a key politician or the head of a conglomerate, couldn't always get the talent he wanted.

The reason why Kokujoji keeps his former subordinates as comrades-in-arms and dedicates himself to behind-the-scenes work is to make them seem like a powerful but closed small professional group. (It is also based on the same reasoning that Nazumi established the "Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau'' as a department with a legal foundation.) Even if they were wrong, they should not have been made to think of themselves as beings privileged above people... as the "transcendent ruling race" that the German Third Reich dreamed of.

Still, ever since "Tokijikuin" rose to prominence despite being behind the scenes, sharp-nosed politicians, ex-servicemen, surviving liberal activist, and even charlatans of the like have contacted Kokujoji to become his vassals. There have been many attempts, even more cases of faster attacks and kidnappings to seize power from the "Slate" or "King".

Humans are creatures that greedily seek power.

Especially now, when society is full of gaps and opportunities.

These realities made Kokujoji well aware of the dangers of hastily introducing the deadly drug "King", which was in the midst of trial and error, now in post-war, here in Japan.

Therefore, while sympathizing with the regime, they did not merge, and while showing their intentions, they did not issue orders... This position was firmly held by the "Golden King" Daikaku Kokujoji and "Tokijikuin". And it was precisely because he continued to stand his ground that he was able to gain the trust of the political world.

At this time, he can even have a secret face-to-face conversation with the president of the ruling party, who is not even his vassal.

"I see."

The president gave a slight nod again and casually filled the cup with sake.

"I agree with you."

Kokujoji did the same and filled his own sake cup.

"What is the trial material?"

"Although it has some privileges and power, it still feels like an intelligence agency running too wild. I tried looking in various directions to see if there was a backup behind it."

After half, the president wiped his cup at once, perhaps to moisten his throat or to make a decision, began to speak in a calm voice to Kokujoji who was waiting for his words.

"They frequently communicate with Atsugi."

"Atsugi?"

Kokujoji felt suspicious.

In the city of Atsugi, Kanagawa Prefecture, there is a large airfield for the occupation forces requisitioned from the former Japanese army. Immediately after the war, many squadrons were deployed, but by the end of 1948, it had become a supply base for the occupation forces in the Kanto region, and no military forces were stationed there.

"That place is under the jurisdiction of none other than the Headquarters, and even if you say Occupation Army, it is just logistical support..."

As he answered, Kokujoji thought of something strange.

In Atsugi, there is a large-scale facility that doesn't look like a supply base.

It was a "radar site" radio detection facility for the detection of sword-shaped "Schwert" Kouki, which the occupation forces hastily set up for fear of a mass uprising by the Japanese people in response to the "Chofu Incident".

In reality, this facility was useless. He ended up showing that all the sword-shaped "Schwert" Kouki that appeared after Red, Blue, Green, and Gray did not show any reaction to the radar. The reason why the facility still stands is due to both the practical aspect that is useful for air traffic control of the Occupation Forces, and the psychological aspect that is a symbol of confrontation with the unknown.

Kokujoji had investigated these items as being related to the "King" of him, but from the conversation with the president, he suddenly began to worry about a certain item. Slowly he spoke.

"If I remember correctly, the electrical probes placed there were under the jurisdiction of the United States Department of Defense, not the Occupation Forces. Engineers sent from the country of origin are also managing maintenance."

"Yes. That is very important."

The president nodded three times like a professor giving a passing grade.

"It appears to have been removed from the Defense Department's Advanced Research Projects Agency "ARPA" in response to a request from Headquarters to send in the latest state-of-the-art equipment. It is the people there who are in charge of maintenance."

After a pause, his calm voice turned heavy and low.

"Officially, most of them were reorganized last year, and they are the intelligence officers of their home country."

Kokujoji was surprised and accidentally put down the cup.

"......! Are they from the CIA?"

In the era of its predecessor, the Strategic Intelligence Agency "OSS" (although it was only three years ago), the Central Intelligence Agency "CIA" began to fight with the Headquarters over the advance of their base of operations in Japan. a destiny whose activity was sealed.

Since then, the Commander-in-Chief, Admiral General, dislikes "rogue spies", and has not tried to interfere with Japan. It was supposed to be, but it was only on the surface.

His undiminished anti-communist sense of mission and desire to expand his power secretly spread the roots of the conspiracy to Atsugi's neighborhood, or even to Nanakamado's throat.

(Nazumi also reported that Nanakamado was "exporting" psychics for anti-communist spy warfare... certainly, the recipient could be no one other than the CIA.)

Kokujoji finally found the reason of unusually bullish attitude of Nanakamado.

"So Nanakamado is trying to survive after our country regains its sovereignty by communicating with the CIA in the United States and cooperating in the re-advancement?"

"Nanakamado's intentions are probably like this."

And then the president spoke calmly about the core of the crisis.

"The nature of this matter is much bigger and deeper. Most worrisome is that the Pentagon is involved in the camouflage operation. There is only one person in the world with power that can make them allies of the CIA."

"......!"

Kokujoji guessed with a shudder, but didn't mention the title.

With the president's understanding, he added the most alarming information he had collected.

"The Department of Defense is sending a light aircraft carrier to and from Yokosuka under the pretext of carrying materials to Atsugi. Half a year has passed. It seems that the overbuilt ships from the previous war are being used as transport ships."

The tone of voice that he did not believe on the surface of the information was the meaning of the information.

"When we bring in materials, we line up the cars to watch the roads where there are no attackers. For some reason, most of these staff members are Japanese. What do you think of this situation?"

"The convoy... is probably practicing marching along the way, disembarking and deploying to military installations."

Kokujoji first thought of a former soldier and then of a "King".

"Japanese pretending to be guards are believed to be people with 'exported' skills in the past."

"In other words, the CIA is preparing a unit of talented people in our country, separate from Nanakamado."

"The reason they are using the Japanese is that they are doing everything they can for the local powers, and they are sure to get rid of them."

The president was calm, Kokujoji was strict.

"Hm, it's a way of doing things, similar to an intelligence agency."

"Nanakamado's original plan was to secure a piece that would guarantee the superiority of Headquarters, in other words, to secure our "King"... or perhaps make him cooperate."

After a calm exchange without changing the tone of theirs voices...

"However, they, who should have sent out the elite soldiers, were completely defeated by the "King" and were not able to get his cooperation. Even so, there is another goal in daring to use a unit of talented people."

"If it's the second best measures, they won't hit the same enemy twice... then,"

After sharing and researching, checking and analyzing, the two of them naturally came to a solution.

Even with that conviction...

"The next best thing is a sudden armed rebellion..."

The president involuntarily smiled wryly at the eccentricity of the resulting solution.

"It's like a coup before the war."

"It doesn't matter if it's successful or not, the goal itself is to create a riot in Tokyo. It would be nice if it could be used as a basis for criticizing the Occupation Army's current occupational rule, especially its ability to maintain public order."

Kokujoji was able to see through the brutal fashion of the time, where politics was intertwined with conspiracies and tyranny.

The president also calmly pursues the dangers affecting Japan's national fortune.

"The continental United States is participating in this operation to strike a blow at Headquarters which is too arbitrary. The overall goal is to create an excuse to reduce the excessive authority given to Headquarters and push Japan back into an anti-communist bulwark."

The old politician smiled wrinkled when he realized that all the cards were in his hand.

"I see, it's a nice photo."

With a smile on his face, he became furious.

"But I won't forgive them."

"Yes."

Kokujoji is also short and sharp and he agreed.

An air of tension filled the air between the two of them.

Kokujoji was the one who moved the fastest and stood up without panicking.

"Please leave me your phone. I will urgently take countermeasures with the Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau."

"No, I'm the one who will call to."

The president, who took the thought of him one step further as a politician, stopped him. He explains before asking.

"An armed rebellion is different from a popular uprising that can only be stopped by dissipating the accumulated heat. It is an operation based on a political plan. Furthermore, both the initiative and the execution come from the intelligence agencies."

"Eh?"

Kokujoji, who couldn't understand the meaning of his explanation, took the form of an attentive listener.

The president admonished the young man who thinks he is fit about the dynamics of politics.

"In other words, if it turns out that he can't carry out his plan, it's the kind of thing that loses the foundation of the rebellion and puts an end to it."

"Do you have a measure to prevent the outbreak in the first place instead of suppressing it?"

"It's not as difficult as calling it a measure."

His smile, still filled with rage, glowed with murderous political maneuver.

"However, by making a proposal with the above reasoning, we can take away the bases to activate it."

"Proposal... what, where?"

The president, showed his "gold" to Kokujoji.

"Dismantle the intelligence agency, Nanakamado, to the commanding general of the occupation forces."

Saying so, he clapped his hands to call the butler.

In fact, a phone call was not enough. As soon as an appointment for negotiations was made at the Dai-ichi Seimei building in Yurakucho, Tokyo, where the general headquarters are located, the president returned to Tokyo in a safe driving car.

"Until I'm gone, give the quarterback time to reflect. A phone call is a message that says 'I'm going to make a proposal like this'', and it's a grace period to make a decision. I am a gentle man, so I will go home at a slow pace."

That's what it looked like.

Kokujoji did not accompany him, but according to the guards who were sent in his place, the negotiations in the commanding officer's office were completed in a very short time.

Then the next day at noon.

Immediately, Kokujoji received two notices. The first was a document from the Department of Public Health and Human Services containing the Directive of the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces (SCAP Index Number, or SCAPIN), as recommended by the Governor.

As written...

"Notice: 1. There is no intelligence agency under the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, Headquarters, which controls the Japanese people by any special means. 2. The Research Institute for Infectious Disease Control (at the Nanakamado City) will be decommissioned and withdrawn as of tomorrow in accordance with the achievement of its intended objectives. 3. Tasks 2 will be handled by the Metropolitan Police Reserve, US Army 1st Cavalry Division and the US Army's 97th Infantry Division."

It made no sense even to those who didn't know the circumstances, and it was extremely harsh for those who did.

In summary...

Nanakamado will be dismantled after its existence is officially denied.

The research institute where has been their base of operations will also be demolished, leaving no trace.

Not only the police but also the Occupation Army will be involved in the implementation.

That's what it meant.

You could see the marshal's anger as much as the president's, if not more.

(Not unreasonable.)

Kokujoji thought.

The United States has just forced Headquarters to change its policy of rebuilding Japan as an ideal democratic nation. It would be strange not to get angry if he knew that a conspiracy aimed at further reducing the authority of Headquarters was afoot at a time when the humiliation had not cooled. (As for the marshal personally, after the crushing defeat in the presidential election half a year ago, he was deeply involved in rebuilding Japan.)

The fact that the negotiations with the governor were brief also shows the extent of his anger.

Driven by ambition, the Nanakamado intelligence agency faced the end of punishment.

Regardless of what they thought, they were just an unofficial branch of the Occupation Forces, with all the authority given by the Headquarters. As long as their authority is revoked before the uprising, the intelligence agencies' ability to carry out their actions... in other words, the ability to force their way through the outside world will be gone, with one exception.

And due to the dissolution of the organization guided by the Japanese side, the troops prepared in Atsugi lost sight of the reason and the opportunity to move. If an armed rebellion is a political plot by an intelligence agency, it will be even more difficult to move lightly in uncertain circumstances. The prepared combat power became useless.

Above all, this order is also a signal to confront the home country that "Japanese Headquarters and the Japanese government have become aware of the plot". The situation has already moved to a phase where both parties are playing bargaining both implicitly and explicitly. Whether the result is a restoration of relations or an escalation of conflict, the turn of active force will not come for the moment.

The political apocalypse is coincidentally decisive.

Nanakamado's future was completely closed.

However, they are left with one more option that will not lead them into the future.

An act that is nothing more than a sterile and perverse struggle.

The option was to use the existing force to explode.

If they thought about it with calculations and reasoning, it was almost impossible to take such an action. There was no longer any prospect of reversing the situation, no matter how they used the forces they had, they could not expect the support of the CIA, and the credibility of the Headquarters had eroded.

Yet even so, for humans... especially for an organization that is entrenched in only one direction, impossible behavior often becomes a last hope. If violence is the only card left, the illusion is stronger.

In case Nanakamado did turn out to be like this, Headquarters prepared a second copy, a document from the Second General Staff Department (intelligence agency representative).

According to the document...

"Notice: 1. Request the Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau to supervise the dismantling and removal work of the Research Institute for Infectious Disease Control (in Nanakamado City). 2. The commands and orders for dealing with people with capacity to induce and maintain anomalous phenomena will be in charge of the director of the same office, and not of the National Public Safety Commission. 3. All responsibility for actions in accordance with the notification falls on this headquarters."

It was an official dispatch request to confront the psychics organization directly from the Occupation Forces Headquarters.

In other words...

"Fourth Legal Affairs Bureau" will be in charge of responding to the outbursts of people with capabilities.

They would not care about the higher ranking organization and would act according to the judgment of the Chief, Somei Nazumi.

Whatever happens, the Occupation Forces Headquarters will take responsibility.

That's what it meant.

This precedent will determine the position of the organization, such as the nature of the duties carried out by the Legislative Office of Legal Affairs, its superiority over other police organizations, and the maintenance of an independent chain of command.

Anyway, everything was ready.

Calling out will be tomorrow.

There was no time for political maneuvering.

Even setting up a counterattack would be dangerous.

The Metropolitan Police Reserve Corps (predecessor of the Metropolitan Riot Police) and the Occupation Army will be in charge of dismantling and removing the facility, and if a person with capabilities moves, the "Fourth Legal Affairs Office" will delete it. Atsugi's forces are politically neutralized and there is no threat of intervention.

"Everything, no omissions."

The president said by phone during the preliminary consultation.

Kokujoji thought so too, and actually responded in agreement.

But...

(Is that really so?)

Somewhere, he had the feeling that something was issuing a strong warning. Assuming it was the "Golden King's" intuition, he didn't know where or what made him feel that way.

If he dared to raise a concern, it would be the matter of "Colorless King", but if it weren't for the huge power clash between the "Kings", it should be nothing more than a threat from a street passerby.

Even if Nanakamado mobilizes all the remaining ability users and challenges in a battle, he doesn't think they'll be able to develop a fierce battle that would make "Blue King" Somei Nazumi manifest "Schwert" above his head.

(Someday, the power of the other "Kings" will have to unite to deal with the "Colorless", and they will have to take it seriously... but, in the morrow, there should be no curtain for that to happen.)

Faced with a fate that has yet to be understood, Kokujoji had no choice but to confirm the current situation.

The president will take measures to control the situation, the marshal will make the difficult decisions, and the "Blue King" will take over the actual work... these measures are being carried out without delay and without fail.

The situation was supposed to proceed as planned.

There is nothing to worry about, it is fair and safe.

Both the era and history march orderly on the basis of reason and rationality.

Until the arrival of the "King" of change, who destroys and disturbs all those inevitabilities.

The last day of December 1948.

A long day for everyone, the first difficult step of regeneration is approaching.

[dudadragneel]

Hello guys! It's me!

And I'm back with another request!

This one was by @seungminsheartxoxo !

I'm sorry if this is shorter than usual but I loved the scenario you asked for! It was different from what I've written so far 😁

I hope you'll enjoy it!

💜

This takes places during the time when Hyunjin hurt his hand because I’ve been dying for a comfort fic during that period of time. Okay so it starts off where Hyunjin’s hand is hurt and he’s in a lot of pain (like literally crying n stuff) so y/n decides to just go to the pharmacy and get him pain medication that was prescribed but it’s obviously really strong. He takes it anyways though and at first it’s tolerable but then him and y/n go to the grocery store or something and it starts making him feel really dizzy. So you finish shopping and you’re supposed to eat at a restaurant but he asks if you can eat in the car instead. Obviously y/n has to feed him because his hand is hurt, when suddenly he asks her to stop because he feels nauseous. And because he can’t cover his mouth to stop himself y/n uses her own hand to catch it before it gets all over the car.

CONSEQUENCES

World tours can prove to be really hard sometimes, even though the boys do have a lot of fun with it, as you can see backstage when you're able to attend the concerts.

It's a really hectic period of time, even more than comeback season, because they have back-to-back concerts, such as 3 days in a row, in different cities and countries, sometimes with very few days to rest in between. Because of that, their health can be jeopardized, with their immune system having a hard time fighting off simple colds and other conditions, as you had experienced with Hyunjin before.

Another thing that can happen is injuries, they can happen at any given time, anywhere, it can happen on stage or off stage during an activity or during rehearsal. And this time it was no different.

You managed to travel with them to a few of their concerts during their MANIAC world tour, and unfortunately, Hyunjin sustained a hand injury before taking the stage for their concert in Oakland.

You knew your boyfriend too well to know that even though the experts told him to limit his movements to not worsen the injury, he still wanted to take the stage. There was nothing you could do but watch him and hope that he would be careful with his hand, and your heart wrenched every time you saw him with a pained expression or wincing because of the movements.

He finished the concert with a smile but deep inside, it was taking everything in him to not scream in pain since the injury happened just a few hours ago.

As he came off stage you could see the color draining from his face, as if his body knew it could collapse now. The members noticed as well and were quick to catch him before he could actually faint.

- Hyunjin-ah!

You ran to his side and grabbed his hand as the boys called the staff over.

Hyunjin felt as if he was sinking into the ground, his vision was getting blurry and the voices calling out for him were getting muffled.

The medical staff took him and you to a nearby hospital where they put him on IV drips for a few hours since he had just performed for 3 hours straight, and pain medication.

When the IV drips were done the doctor came in and gave the prescription with all the medication he would need and one to make him sleep, since his body needed to rest well from the concert.

Getting back to the hotel, the staff helped Hyunjin up to your bedroom and set him on the bed. You gave him the medication and somehow, he was knocked out in minutes.

But not every day was easy, from then on, there were countless sleepless nights because of the pain and the fact that no position was actually comfortable for him to sleep in.

After their Anaheim concert, they had what you can call a little break before their Japan concerts. By that time Hyunjin was already in a cast and still in a lot of pain.

And yet he insisted on taking place during rehearsal and content recording.

Since he was on this little break you thought it would be best for him to stay with you for a little while, so that you could take care of him and also let him have some rest. You knew he loved his members but at the same time, he'd have a little more peace by staying with you.

You decided to pick him up at the company and go for a casual dinner before heading home.

Getting there you messaged him to meet you at the back of the building where you parked.

When he arrived at the car you noticed how he looked a little pale and sweaty, which means he was probably practicing.

- Hey babe.

You greeted him as he entered the car and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

- Hey.

He said, returning the kiss. He was too quiet for your liking. You knew something was wrong and you knew exactly what it was but you asked anyway.

- hey, honey, is everything okay?

He took a deep breath in before answering you.

- No...it hurts a lot.

He said breaking down in tears and painful sobs as if he had been holding on the entire day.

You hugged him to try to calm him down and provide some comfort.

- Oh honey. I'm sorry. Did you practice today?

- just a little, it started hurting really early so I didn't do much but it is so intense now.

- How does it feel?

- It's throbbing a lot. It feels like it throbs every time my heart beats. I just want it to stop.

He tilted his head back, still crying, trying to compose himself.

- How about we go to the pharmacy to buy the painkillers your doctor prescribed you?

- Okay.

You started the car and made your way to the pharmacy. The drive there was rather quiet, you put on some chill music so as not to bother Hyunjin and noticed how he kept his eyes closed the entire time with a pained expression on his face and he also winced a few times. Your heart wrenched seeing him like this, especially because you knew that there wasn't much you could do but give him painkillers and take care of him once you got home.

Thankfully the pharmacy you went to had everything Hyunjin needed so you wouldn't have to drive around searching for all the medication.

You knew they were really strong given the amount of pain he would be feeling for some time, as the doctor said.

- Babe, are you gonna take them now?

- Yeah...it's too painful...

- They are really strong, have you eaten anything? Otherwise, it can make you feel faint and even mess up your stomach. You know how these work.

- I did eat about an hour before you came to pick me up.

- Okay then. Here, take this.

You gave him a water bottle so he could take the pills and went back to the car. Since they were strong medications with quick effects, you waited a bit in the car to see how he would feel. You needed to go to the grocery store but you didn't know if he could handle that and you didn't want to leave him alone at your apartment.

About 25 minutes later you asked how he was feeling and he assured you that the pain was better and that he wasn't feeling bad from the painkillers.

- So, do you think we can go to the grocery store now? I really need to buy some stuff for our breakfast tomorrow.

- Yes.

- After we're finished we'll go have dinner at a nearby restaurant, okay? Just like we agreed early on.

- Not gonna lie, I'm a bit hungry.

The grocery store wasn't that far from where you guys were and the ride there felt a little better with Hyunjin actually interacting a bit with you and enjoying the music.

The road was practically empty and the night was beautiful, you could drive all night long with him and listen to music. But you knew everything Hyunjin wanted now was a good shower and a warm cozy bed.

The grocery store you liked to go to was rather big and had a variety of nice stuff to buy especially snacks.

You got a small cart just in case and started your shopping, Hyunjin glued on you the whole time.

You grabbed a few of his favorite snacks and yours as well, along with some other tasty things to make breakfast for the two of you. And also some Gatorade and some juice.

Everything was going smoothly and you couldn't wait to go get dinner but then, things started to go south.

Hyunjin started to feel the collateral effects of the painkillers, most likely because he hadn't actually eaten enough to handle such strong medications.

As you walked down one of the aisles, he started to feel really dizzy. He could feel the ground sinking beneath his feet and his vision was getting blurry and dark. He grabbed onto your hoodie halting midway.

- Hyunjin? What's wrong?

You said turning to him and grabbing his arms so you could support him as you noticed that his complexion was pale.

- I feel really dizzy...

- it's probably the medication. Can you keep walking?

- I'm afraid that I might pass out...

- Okay, come on.

You helped him sit down and kneeled beside him.

By now a few people at the store were stopping to look at the situation, and you could see that it was making Hyunjin start to feel nervous as his hands were shaking and his breathing was getting labored. The last thing you wanted now was for him to have an anxiety attack.

You grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly bringing his attention over to you and started to draw circles.

- Hey, hey, hey. Don't pay attention to anything other than me, ok? Focus on me. There's only you and me here, okay? Take deep breaths with me.

He followed your breathing pattern to calm himself down and kept looking at you, as you guided him through it.

Thankfully, a nice employee came to see what was happening and told the people to not surround him and give him some space. They also brought some salt and water for Hyunjin to see if it would help with his blood pressure which lowered due to the medication.

- Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

Hyunjin put some salt under his tongue and after a few minutes, he felt a little better.

- How do you feel?

- A little better...not as dizzy as before...

- Let's go.

You helped him up and he clung to you for support as he still felt lightheaded, even if it wasn't as strong as before.

You helped him walk to the cashier to pay for everything and you noticed he still looked pale and wobbly.

You told him to enter the car first while you put the groceries in the trunk. When you entered the car yourself, he looked half asleep.

- Babe, are you okay?

- Hm? Yeah...it's just the medication... I feel tired, weak...

- Why don't we go home then?

- No. Let's go have dinner, I'm hungry and so are you. It's okay.

- Sure?

- Yes.

You knew deep down he was saying that just to not let you down because you could see in his face that he looked unwell. You'd risk saying that the medication wasn't even working properly.

The restaurant you were going was a bit far away and halfway there the traffic-jammed a little. As you drove Hyunjin started to feel weird again.

He started to feel dizzy, even though he was sitting down, he felt as if there was some sort of pressure in between his eyes that wasn't making it possible for his vision to focus. He felt like his whole body was swaying and his vision was getting black spots.

He brought a hand to his face and pinched the area between his eyes in an attempt to get rid of that weird feeling and you noticed.

- Hyunjin, what's going on?

- it's just...my head feels weird...it feels light. It's like I still feel dizzy...

- Oh honey. That medication is really strong. After we eat something you'll feel better.

He just nodded and closed his eyes to try to rest a little and you placed your hand on his to reassure him he wasn't alone.

After about 30 minutes you arrived at the restaurant and found a nice spot to park the car. Thankfully this was one of the very few places you could go with him and not have to worry about paparazzi and stuff.

As you were getting your stuff to get out of the car, you noticed Hyunjin had gone quiet and was looking distressed.

- Honey? What is it?

You said putting a hand on his shoulder and gently caressing it.

- Can we eat here? I'm afraid of passing out if I stand up now...I feel weird...

- Sure. I'll go get out dinner and I'll be back soon.

You quickly went to the restaurant and ordered your food, you just wanted Hyunjin to eat something soon so that he could feel a little better from the effects of the painkillers.

A few minutes later you came back with the food and thankfully the car had enough space to place the drinks and eat comfortably.

Since he was in a cast, you had to help him eat, so you took turns between feeding him and eating.

The first few bites tasted heavenly for Hyunjin, given the fact that he ate very little and took strong painkillers. But then it started to taste weird.

His stomach started to feel heavy, stuffed as if he had eaten too much and that was obviously not the case. He was now having a hard time swallowing the food, he'd chew until it became tasteless, and yet he couldn't properly swallow.

- Babe, wait.

He said motioning for you to stop as he brought his good hand to his mouth, trying his best to swallow the food.

- What is it?

- I feel nauseous...

You dropped down the chopsticks and tugged his hair behind his ear to look at him. As if on cue, his stomach jumped and sent everything up without much warning and he couldn't cover his mouth in time.

You instinctively placed your hand under his mouth as he lurched forward, chunky vomit spilling out of his mouth and pooling in your hands.

- Oh my god, honey.

Thankfully he had enough time to breathe before another stream came out so you had to act quickly.

- Babe, try to grab a cloth inside the glove compartment.

He grabbed it and placed it underneath your hands so you could get rid of the vomit without soiling his clothes or the car. And then you quickly grabbed the plastic bag in which you brought the food and placed it underneath his mouth and held it for him.

- There. Just let everything out.

He didn't have much choice, he burped another thick wave of chunky vomit, so strong it came out of his nose as well. He gagged again and arched his back painfully as another thick wave ripped through his body.

You couldn't do much but watch and reassure him it was okay since you were holding the bag for him.

And because he had just eaten and not drunk anything, it kept coming out in thick waves, so it was straining him a lot. He coughed and gagged harshly, face getting red from the effort.

- Oh babe. Breathe.

He lifted his head and took deep breaths like you said and blew his nose.

- Are you done?

- I don't know...

- Okay. Let me get this away from your face for a while.

You took the bag away so that he wouldn't keep looking at or smelling it.

You helped him clean his mouth and proceeded to tie his hair since you couldn't do that a few minutes ago.

- How are you feeling?

- Awful...I still feel sick...

He brought a hand to his mouth to cover a burp and tilted his head back, leaning on the seat.

You opened his window to try to help him catch some fresh air and also to get rid of the vomit stench inside the car.

- Is this better?

- Yeah...

He had his eyes closed and took deep breaths and you saw that he kept swallowing, so you rubbed his hand reassuringly.

- Honey, it's okay if you need to be sick again. Don't hold it in, it'll only make you feel worse.

He just nodded, still with his eyes closed and head tilted back. He didn't want to be sick anymore, his hand hurt as if he had just injured himself and he was dying of embarrassment for vomiting in your hand.

But what he wanted was not what his body wanted, the medication was messing up with him and his stomach was in turmoil. Its contents were sloshing around, gurgling noises coming from it.

He squeezed his eyes in an attempt to ignore the growing awful feeling in his stomach, but it was determined to get out.

He felt hot liquid coming up his chest and hitting the back of his throat, he tried swallowing and managed for a brief moment. But then a wet burp brought everything up again, making him lurch forward on his seat.

You acted fast and quickly got the bag under his mouth as another strong wave of pale vomit poured out of his mouth mixing with what was already in the bag.

- Oh honey. My poor baby.

He was in so much pain from all the straining his body was making him go through he instinctively reached for your hands but since they were occupied he held onto your hoodie, he needed to feel your presence.

- I'm sorry I can't hold your hand now, but I'm right here, honey.

His grip tightened as a cough brought up a thin stream of watery vomit. He breathed a few times before another harsh gag brought up nothing but bile. After that, he just kept spitting out thick saliva.

- Babe, I think you're done. Lift your head up.

He did as you told him while you took the bag away one more time, and helped him clean his mouth and nose. He took a few deep breaths before he deemed it safe to open his mouth to talk.

- I don't feel sick anymore but my stomach still feels weird...

- I know babe, it's completely empty now. But you got everything you needed out of your system.

- Sorry for throwing up on your hands... I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize. I don't mind that at all, you know that.

- And you ended up just wasting your money...

- Don't say that! You didn't know it would happen. We'll come back here on another occasion. Let's go home, shall we?

- Yes...please...

- Okay. Let me just dispose of this.

You got out of the car and threw away the plastic bag. Before leaving, you gave him some water, you thankfully brought, so Hyunjin could rinse his mouth.

The ride home didn't have any further incidents, the traffic wasn't jammed so you got home quickly, and Hyunjin was so tired he dozed off the entire ride.

Getting home, you parked the car and saw the state Hyunjin was in. The boy was sweaty, still pale and shaking, you had to get him on a bed as soon as possible.

- Babe, we're here. Can you stand?

- Hm? I don't know...I feel light-headed

- I'll help you, come on.

You helped him out of the car, wrapped your hand around his waist while the other held his good hand over your shoulder. You carefully guided him to the elevator but to him, it seemed like it was miles away and he felt as if he was drunk.

Each step felt like his feet were sinking, he felt wobbly, his vision kept getting blurry and wavy, it felt like he kept coming in and out of consciousness as he walked, and it felt like he would just collapse at any given time.

But thankfully you got him to your apartment safely and as soon as he was in there he just pointed at the bathroom door and you understood what he meant.

Given his weak state you didn't want to have him kneel down and then stand back up so you guided him to the sink, at least there you could support his weight instead of having to find the strength to get him up from the ground.

You held his hair as he bent forward spatting out thick saliva and leaving his mouth open, waiting for the inevitable. After a few unproductive gags, a harsh cough brought up some bile and stomach juice.

You rubbed his back up and down to provide him some comfort that you couldn't do in the car.

- Oh honey. There's nothing left for you to throw up. You'll only hurt your throat if you keep doing this.

- It just feels like it won't stop...my stomach feels heavy like I'm full...

You helped him rinse his mouth by getting some water in your hands and bringing it to his mouth and helped him brush his teeth as well.

- Do you think you can take a shower? You're sweaty and I think it'll help you relax so you could try to sleep.

- I'm not sure...can you stay with me?

- of course. Get in the bathtub, it's safer.

He took off his clothes and got into the bathtub, the water was lukewarm, the perfect temperature. After he took most of his shower, you helped him wash his hair.

You kneeled down behind him and washed his hair, massaging his scalp and shoulders in the process. You could feel him relaxing under your touch and he felt safe with you, so much so he almost fell asleep right there.

After he got out, you helped him get dressed in some cozy clothes and then blow-dried his hair, which felt fluffy afterward.

- How are you feeling now, babe?

- Exhausted...

- And the pain?

- It hurts so much it's practically numb...

- Oh my poor thing. Do you wanna drink a smoothie and take the medication afterward?

- I'm afraid of vomiting again.

- You won't. You'll take nausea medication first. It'll help.

- Okay.

You gave him some dramin and went to the kitchen to make him a light smoothie.

Thankfully his stomach accepted, the dramin worked, and he managed to drink everything and take those godforsaken strong painkillers.

He cuddled with you, laying on your chest, a comfy blanket covering both of you. Within minutes he was fast asleep, while you kept stroking his hair.

You were glad that after so many days of constant pain and no rest from activities or because of the injury, he was finally able to sleep peacefully.

But that didn't mean you didn't want to scold him for taking part in dance practice today.

[the-brainrot-central]

Thoughts on Diavolo getting preg? :3

Anon you are wonderful omg. I feel like realistically he would probably get an abortion but for sake of fun I HAVE SOME HEADCANONS!!!

No more weed :((( he uses it occasionally for migraines and anxiety but now he’s gonna have to rawdog that shit. His pregnancy can be pretty tough sometimes, he has a few migraine episodes during this time

An absolute emotional MESS, his mood swings are all over the place and Kira has to talk him down from a ledge constantly. Mainly anxiety, anger, sadness and euphoria, just an alternating dial of those four with an occasional (rare) moment of peace

Craves lots of Italian food of course, especially stuff with a ton of carbs like pizzas, pastas, etc (I don’t know much about Italian food tbh). kira has to start learning to cook new dishes he’s never made before to fullfil his cravings, but he enjoys the challenge :) And seeing Diavolo smile when he eats his cooking is always worth it

He feels really guilty and starts ruminating on an existential level about his pregnancy—the fact that he’s hurt and killed so many people, and now thinks that he has the right/capacity to have a baby and love it. He feels lots of regret and guilt. He had some of these kinds of thoughts during Kira’s pregnancy, but they were much easier to ignore at that time—mainly because he wasn’t the one carrying. But now that he’s the pregnant one, it’s like a constant reminder of all these thoughts and what he’s done to people, which makes it hard to cope with.

Diavolo doesn’t like crying, as he finds it embarrassing, so usually doppio comes out to cry for him—he’s much more open about his feelings and okay with being vulnerable, especially in front of Kira.

His anger issues get particularly intense, so he starts going back to the gym again to vent his rage—beats the absolute shit out of the punching bag. He doesn’t want to subject Trish or Kira to his outbursts, he refuses to hurt them like that. Still, he does occasionally snap and yells at them over small things, but he always apologizes.

Kira, having extra empathy of what he’s going through, is super super thoughtful and doting on him bc he knows how hard it is sometimes, especially for someone like Diavolo whose too shy and stubborn to communicate his needs

While he doesn’t mind dressing femme, he thinks most maternity wear is tacky and ugly, so he mostly just buys plus size men’s and women’s clothes (which are frustratingly difficult to obtain, living in Japan; he’s already bigger and taller than most Japanese brands accommodate for, so being pregnant is even more of a struggle). Sometimes he borrows some of Kiras shirts he wore when he was pregnant (he kept some of them to use as nightshirts lol)

Doppio likes coming out more than Dia, he likes having a baby bump and is very lovey dovey about the baby, meanwhile Diavolo is generally kind of miserable and grouchy when he fronts, and very insecure with his body

⚠️NSFW⚠️ Diavolo is horny as FUCCKKJ and him and Kira get it on pretty often (when Trish isn’t around of course annsndn). He’s extra kinky while pregnant, likes to tie kira up and maybe spank him a bit 🤭🫣

But when his belly gets bigger, he gets really insecure in the bedroom and they don’t have sex for the rest of his pregnancy bc he just feels really unattractive in bed ☹️Refuses to even let Kira see him shirtless at all anymore he’s so insecure. Kira is upset about this (he wants to fuck jajsjdj and he also LOVES Dia’s pregnant body 🥺) but he understands and is willing to hold off until he feels comfortable again.

[thesketchyheartist]

03/26

Kersten- Neo-Nationalism and the "Liberal School of History"; Kobayashi- Sensoron

Today's post would not be an anime but a manga and scholarly article, focusing mostly on the manga.

Fun fact: our professor translated the original for this course because according to Wikipedia, official translations are not a priority. Considering how much early manga (ones that the average international manga reader probably never heard of) got translated about a decade ago, this says something. After reading this, I wonder if "no plans" means there was a plan to avoid translation, whatever that could mean.

The mangaka (is it even manga?) is the self-insert narrator who presents and argues why modern education on Japanese history, specifically from the wars and violence from the past 100 years is both inaccurate and detrimental to Japan's future. While the passion to argue and purpose to the argument is real, I am skeptical on the medium of choice.

Given the time this was written, I know the Internet and colored television should be relatively available. I don't know how scholarly articles were shared in the past, but I imagine books are timeless, and even argumentative essays are more sophisticated than manga. Not to slander manga, but the use of chibi style mixed with black and white photos does not feel like a good contrast to create a mood, rather I feel confused as to what I should consider.

Nevertheless, I can still see a long essay written into a book with the same pictures, and even the same emotional anecdote example to convey a point can still be effective in a book. I imagine the audience, and I believe Kobayashi mentioned it as well, was geared toward younger and a broader audience. Be that as it may, the photos are quite blurry, even for a manga. I know I should research the photos myself and not criticize them without consideration, but I don't think the author knows what he is talking about.

And if a word is mentioned more than three times, it's probably important: the uncomfortable issue of comfort women. Earlier in this course we read about how comfort women were implemented by the Japanese government to pacify the occupied American soldiers post-WWII. However, Kobayashi argues that such a concept does not exist and that women were already selling themselves, so there is no issue outside of their pre-existing presence in history. Of course, to win back the audience he assures the audience that there is sympathy needed given how feminism was not as strong as it is now, but I should say this was the rise, but not the boom, of the #metoo era. Getting back on track, he then goes on to say that by having people argue about the coercion and abuse these women faced, it distracts them from the "issue[s] at hand".

My main issue is really the logic. Say the Westerners want to practice imperialism on the Allies' powers post-WWII treaty; of course, any power dynamic that gives one entity the superior class and another the inferior class regardless of the benefits the inferior class can receive from giving power to the superior class, it still doesn't make it "right' because sooner or later, even a sliver of power imbalance will eventually give rise to the inferior receiving abuse and the superior receiving hate and prejudice.

But his approach to education is faulty. Where have people seen in history a country enforcing its power under the guise of justice and righteousness over another to ensure they will not repeat their sinful mistakes? I expect everyone to name at least a handful because thousands of years of human history have seen this everywhere, every time. And what has the "superior" empire (or its descendants) done? We sweep it under the carpet never to be seen again so as to not "horrify" the descendants' eyes of their cowardly ancestors, but we never see ourselves as "bad" citizens because of them. Ideally, we tell the truth: yes, your ancestors or founders committed an unforgivable sin against these people. You only live the luxuries you have because of that. But, we cannot wallow in guilt or else they will continue to live that way, nor can we ignore it because they will still live that way. We must learn and LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES.

Likewise the inferior class: it may be easier to play the blame game (it is being played, but that's why learners must seek truth from ALL sides UNbiased) without making themselves look like weak damsels that were "tricked by the conniving [insert superior's derogatory name]." Ideally, people learn not to hate each other for hurting or getting hurt (that easily) because the people who committed those sins are not you. We can only focus on who we are now. I don't know what is the best approach, but I'm glad I learned the one of billions of ways not to heal a generation.

It may be confusing what to do now. All my life I was only who I am because I grew up in where I was. Now I'm here in a place I do not know where. I'm expected to just be happy because I have grown from where I was. But where I was was home for as long as I know. This is not home. At least home was a place I could be, even if not myself. Look around you, you are free as you say you are to be. When you realize you are not, you are still free. Now go be free to make that new world the way you want. Ironically, parties are called "wings" but we are not birds, we are flightless mammals who must depend on others and our brains to survive.

Google had like max 20 photos of this manga, and I'm pretty sure one was from a blogger from this course that I refuse to use. Pretty sure kids would be censored from this stuff, but what do I know? I'm just The Sketchy Heartist.

-03/26/24

[hdmiru]

* ∙ ✰ ◞ ⤫ ( 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 ) miru's interview with jung hei-ran / 511 words

now, miru's done a few interviews back when she was a student athlete, but they usually lasted a few minutes after a game or, at the most, an hour if she was seated with the school newspaper. thus, this experience was new to her—as was everything that came with iaem's debut—but she wasn't too nervous.

of course, she'd have to construct her words carefully, but she was likeable enough, or so she thinks, that she wouldn't have to fake everything. the part she was most concerned about was the fashion aspect of it all. there was close to nothing she knew about fashion, and she was worried that it'd become evident. however, that could become a sort of catchphrase too, right? fashion worn and created by someone just like you. miru could see it catching on.

she's lost in her thoughts when jung hei-ran walks in, and miru could just feel her aura from the ways her stilettos clack on the ground. after a briefing of how the mock interview will go, the older individual goes straight in with the questions.

Please introduce yourself 

"i'm zoe," the name still feels a little awkward coming off her tongue, but she giggles at the mere fact she even has a stage name. "i was born in tokyo, japan. i used to play volleyball quite professionally before an injury stopped me from further pursuing a career. after that, i fell in love with dancing, which is how i ended up in korea and now here as an iaem member."

How do you handle working under pressure?

"i like to think i'm pretty good at it. with my background as an athlete, i'm used to intense situations and working under burdensome circumstances. sometimes i'd have to make quick decisions. however, i believe the right calls can be made even under pressure if an individual is prepared enough, and i'm always prepared."

Describe your brand in five words with simple reasoning.

"five words? hmm." she pauses for a moment before brushing a hand through her hair. "fun, casual, comfortable, for everyone. technically the last two aren't individual words, but it still makes up five, right?"

What makes you stand-out?

"i'm confident in what i do. i don't believe in regretting the decisions and thoughts i've made. if it's done, it's done. there's no point in going over the what if's and situational questions that may occur after the water has already been spilled. it'd be a lie to say that i don't worry as i am human, after all, but i believe i have a strong mentality and that shows up visually as well."

with that, jung hei-ran taps her pen on the table separating the two, and miru knows that's the signal that this is over. the woman doesn't share any more words and instead gives her a head nod before stepping out of the room. once she's gone, she feels like can breathe and lets out a huge breath miru didn't realize she was holding in.

well, at least that was over.

[myfairstarlight]

A Wish Across Oceans

AO3 Link.

Rating: G

Pairings: Susato Mikotoba/Haori Murasame (Rei Membami)

Written for Susahao Week 2022. Day 6: Goodbyes/Opposites

Word count: 1.5k

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

Great Britain.

As Susato sets foot in the Great British Empire’s heart again, it is still early in the morning. The sun is not even out yet, the moon shining still brilliantly in the dark sky of Great Britain. Unlike back at home, she could not see the stars under the smoke of the gloomy city. It has been weeks now and yet the thrill of standing at the defence bench as the acting defence is still making her heart race. The thrill of freeing her precious person from the vice of injustice is lingering and there is longing now, knowing she won’t ever feel that again. At least not for a while.

By the time she takes the train and gets to London, the sun should be out, at least. She decides to wait on a bench for the train, looking up at the glass ceiling of the train station, and here she can actually see a clearer night sky, surprisingly.

Her mind is brought back to a similar night when she arrived back in Japan a few months back now, Haori welcoming her back with a warm hug. Later that day, she learned her father had lied about his health to force her to come back home and in a fit of rage, Susato had left the house and headed straight for Haori’s instead, to calm down, lest she lost her temper in front of her father.

They lay down in Haori’s garden, looking up at the twinkling night sky.

“Was London really better than here?” Haori asked softly, hand in the air as she absentmindedly traced the constellations in the sky.

“It was dreadful, actually… but lively and exciting all at once,” Susato replied. “The people… are a mixed bag.”

Haori chuckled. “Natsume-san indeed had less than favourable words to say about British people, it certainly does not make me want to go there any time soon.”

Susato had hummed, mind still reeling and conflicting emotions battling inside her. She was glad to be home but she loathed the fact she left Naruhodo-san behind when he seemed to need her the most. Her thoughts only slowed down when Haori gently reached forward and held her hand as she started pointing at a constellation and explaining the story behind its name, even if Susato already knew them. That is one thing Susato has always loved about her friend, Haori always knew when she needed to rant, or when she needed a distraction and would always provide one so naturally.

On that night, she wished that through all the changes in life, she would always have Haori by her side. That through the craziness of life and the grief of losing loved ones, she would always have her comfort in Haori’s warmth and smile, if fate can spare her this little kindness.

The next day, she went back home and her father apologised, confessing that he had already lost Kazuma-sama — his son, he said with emphasis, because he never allowed himself to use such a term before — to that study tour, he did not want to risk losing his daughter as well. She may have cried a little, even if a part of her still doubted he was telling the whole truth.

The loud sound of the train’s horn brings her back to the present and she jumps on her feet.

“I cannot lie and say I am not saddened you are leaving so quickly,” Haori’s words echo back in her mind as she sits down in her designated seat. “I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you the best. If there is anything that seeing you in court made me realise is that you are meant for this, Susato, saving and changing lives as you have done mine and I will always be here, cheering you on!”

Susato smiles as she lets her head rest against the window with a wistful sigh. There was so much more she wanted to say, on that dock, perhaps a confession, but all she could muster at the time was a hug as words failed her. She simply wishes that her friend understood — no matter what, she will always come back to her.

Hours later, as she carefully steps down the train, she sees lovely little Iris waving wildly at her with a big smile on her lips in the distance, standing out with her bright hair and enthusiasm among the British somber crowd.

“Susie! Over here!” she calls, jumping on her feet and making her intricate braids bounce over her head. Susato chuckles, making her way towards the young girl and catching her in her arms when Iris jumps as soon as she is close enough. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“And so I, Iris,” Susato replies, squeezing the bundle of joy against her, eliciting a string of giggles from the pink-haired girl. “I hope you kept Naruhodo-san out of further trouble!” And Mr Sholmes too, actually… Oh dear, the poor girl must have been busy. “Speaking of which… why are you alone?”

“Oh! Runo has a trial and I didn’t tell him you would be returning today. I thought I could surprise him with you!” A pause. “And uh, he might need your help, I believe, this case is quite peculiar.”

“You helped him investigate?”

Iris nods. “I will tell you everything. Mr Reaper also has an apprentice now so you have a rival for the best assistant, Susie!”

“You did not mention that in your letters,” Susato points out, intrigued.

“Oh, we met him yesterday! A lot happened yesterday.”

Well, it does sound like a promising adventure ahead.

Wish me luck, Haori.

Japan.

By now, Susato should have reached Great Britain, Haori muses as she looks over the vast night sky, laid down in the garden behind her house.

Her empty, very lonely house.

She has grown used to the quiet and loneliness by now, but it does not mean it hurts any less to think about it. Even Professor Mikotoba had to leave along with Judge Jigoku roughly a few days after Susato departed so Haori does not even have any familiar faces around the university anymore.

It is a little pathetic, perhaps, the fact that outside of the Mikotobas, she never connected with anyone else, but she never felt like she needed to. Susato, Kazuma-sama, Professor Mikotoba, and Doctor Wilson were all the people she thought she needed — and now two are dead and two are away on the other side of the world where she could never reach them.

She sighs. Even if she tried making new friends, being accused of murder has put a serious warning sign above her head and although she has been acquitted, rumours and mean looks persist.

“Oh Haori, how hopeless you are,” she laments, hands held up high as if she could reach the stars. She curls a fist around the moon and brings it back against her chest.

She wishes she was with them… with her. She wishes she had been brave enough to jump on that boat as well and endeavour into that new territory, be by Susato’s side the way Susato had been by hers during her whole trial. Because… because the idea of losing Susato is unbearable especially if she could not do anything to protect her. Haori could not protect her mentor, she never got to say goodbye to Kazuma-kun and she failed to save Jezail Brett. And she failed to put aside her fears of the unknown so she could go support her friend in person. Such a failure on all accounts.

Ah, but Susato would hate hearing her say such things about herself. Haori could hear her voice chiding “how dare you insult my best friend of the sort!” The thought pulls a smile from her lips, despite the unshed tears now blurring her vision and stopping her from properly admiring the constellations above.

She recalls Susato’s face on that dock, full of hope and determination as she was heading towards her destiny. She is meant for this, she had thought and then said it out loud because it needed to be said. Susato needed to know how much Haori cares, just in case.

And yet, three little words still refused to spill out of her mouth. It was so peculiar, how much easier it was, to express her affection openly while Susato was disguised as Ryutaro. Perhaps it was the reassurance that Susato would not take them to heart and thus could not really reject her, or the fact no one would have judged her for confessing to who appeared to be a boy. Either way, Haori wishes she had been brave enough, all over again.

Above all, I wish she will come home safely.

Haori lets out another long, wistful sigh, then finally gets up.

It is time to go sleep — with Professor Mikotoba away, as his assistant and protégée, she is now responsible for the laboratory and their ongoing research studies, and oh will she need the rest and strength for such a task. Hopefully, the amount of work ahead will keep her distracted from worrying about her best friend overseas.

Best of luck, Susato, please come back to me when you’ve done changing the world.

-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-

[jordanprice]

June 8 - Last Day in Tokyo

I can’t believe it has already been two weeks since I’ve arrived in Japan. Tokyo has been a pretty great time and there have been so many cool things to do. One thing I keep talking with people about is that it doesn’t feel like we’re in Japan, then every once in a while we remember that fact. That’s how comfortable it is. The language barrier is honestly very navigable, and many things have English text as well. The metro is honestly so impressive as well. The trains are always on time and they can get you just about anywhere faster than by car and much cheaper as well. I’ve been thinking that I might want more time here as well, and may end up staying longer in Japan! Between temples, shrines, museums, parks, themed cafes, shopping, arcades, hiking, and more, there has been so much to do here and still so much I haven’t done.

So, the day started out with packing. One thing that was cool is that we were presented the option to ship luggage to Kyoto instead of having to take it on the train. There ended up being enough room in the budget for this, as the exchange rates are very beneficial for USD to yen at the moment. I ended up shipping two bags: my big suitcase and my duffel bag, which was mostly filled with Lauren’s stuff. She didn’t have enough room for everything so I offered it to her to use. Leina was kind enough to show up an hour earlier than planned so that people going to the studio ghibli museum could more easily turn in their bags to be shipped. She is such a W tour guide and everyone on the trip loves her. I’m happy she’s coming to Kyoto with us (because Riki as always abandoned us :( how rude of him).

I unfortunately did not have tickets for the ghibli museum, as they sell out fast and I wasn’t sure about going. However, I did get dragged along with guy Sam to go to a maid cafe. It was him, Bryan, Xander, Julie, and I. I can say with full confidence that it was definitely one of the meals I’ve had on this trip and that it was certainly an experience I had in Japan. It was honestly fairly uncomfortable, and the food wasn’t all that great, but I respect their commitment and the effort that goes into making the vibe of the place. It just wasn’t for me though, but at least I can say I went to one I guess. I do really appreciate the invite from Sam though, he’s a cool guy.

(Also, this photo of Sam actually goes so hard)

Later, Lauren, Bianca, Ana, and I went to the Cinnamaroll cafe. They were headed there from the ghibli museum and I was headed there from the hotel. We managed to get there roughly at the same time, but unfortunately I was late due to google maps lying to me. Once I got to the first station, it showed that the route I was going on no longer was an option, and that it would be an extra 18 mins to get there. I ended up rushing, and was only 10 or so minutes late to the cafe though. The cafe was cutely decorated and everything, but it was quite the let down that one they only had 5 food options, and two that only 2 of those options were actually available (the rest were sold out). I got a chocolate parfait and it was pretty decent. I just feel bad for Lauren because now that’s the second time that something she had been looking forward to and wanting to do didn’t exactly work out. First, Bar Lupin (a bar where famous authors used to hang out) didn’t have seating and turned us down, then Cinnamaroll cafe which had like no food. She apologized for dragging us around to these things, but it’s not like it’s her fault or anything, and I just feel bad that things she wanted to do didn’t work out.

Her and I then went and got food from and food court and it was alright. A couple interesting things happened there though. One is that they MADE ME order four toppings on the pizza I got. Like it said a pizza came with four toppings, and I only wanted two. But when I asked if I could only do two, the guy told me that I had to order four toppings. Also, the “bacon” was just straight up ham, which was a disappointment. The other interesting thing is that when I paid with a 2000¥ note, the cashier looked surprised/confused. One thing that I had heard people mention before on the trip, and that I had looked up, is that apparently 2000¥ notes are rare, having only been printed in the year 2000. Apparently they are mostly only available at currency exchange places. It was kinda funny to me that the cashier then picked up the coin tray in the register and placed the note under it, as there was no slot in the machine for those notes, and it was the only one in there.

(L-Breath lol, why isn’t this a breath mint brand??)

After that, I headed back to the hotel and finished packing (for the most part) to leave in the morning. I’m gonna miss Tokyo, but I look forward to Kyoto!

[anovel70]

January 2023 review

My life can now be summarized into work, Crossfit, and prostitution. I'm only enjoying one of the three.

Work is getting worse by the day. So much to do with no trainings on how to do it all.

I'm trying to get my PE for work so I can get another job, possibly in addition to the jobs I already have. I'm only working for the money and I don't care about company goals or values unless there's a benefit for me, such as business travel or opportunities to make more money.

It's frustrating because I messed up the relationship I had with my 2017 employer. I got fired just because I had one bad day. I was frustrated at the fact that I was almost two years out of college and still making $15/hour rather than a $60,000 salary. I realize that just because I have two jobs paying $80,000 now, that nothing could ever change the fact that no one wanted to hire me in the first place. I'm always the last pick. I should've had my PE done in 2020, not 2023. It just makes me really sad that I could've switched over to becoming an actuary much earlier if I had better social skills and luck.

I'm trying to build my body at Crossfit so at least I can say I tried to be what girls want me to be. I'd like to at least have another girlfriend before I turn 30, if not a wife. When I was little, I had a dream that I would end up married and have a few kids, because that's what was ingrained in my head. I didn't know that I was actually supposed to be attractive myself. If they told me it was this difficult, I wouldn't have lived for so long.

In February, I'd like to get more involved in stocks and study more on Exam 9. I might be taking Exam 6, just to try as well, since I'll have access to study materials for free. I'd like to get these two exams done in May, and Exam 8 and MAS II done in October, which leaves me with only Exam 7 to attempt, assuming I pass them all. I'm not planning on doing studying much longer since I want more money, which means more time with prostitutes.

For travelling out of the country, I'm thinking Japan and Europe in the same trip, then maybe Canada. In 2024, I'll do India and Europe, then maybe Mexico. Then in 2025, I'll use the first few weeks to travel to Canada or Mexico, any country close to the US, before my passport expires. Then that'll be it forever.

Because of my lack of social skills, it feels like gaming and writing down my feelings are the only things that comfort me. However, I'm not even good at either. It does seem like my life needs to end ASAP, but I want to experience prostitutes all over the world first. It's probably a waste of money, but it's the only thing that would make me happy in this world. No one wants to be my friend, no one wants to be my girlfriend. I'm not getting married. I have no future and I don't find anything in the world that's worth living for. I'm sure its been this way since 2008.

[peachysamu]

Home Will Follow

Summary: Osamu catches you when you fall and you vow to be his biggest fan.

Pairing: Miya Osamu x fem!reader

Word count: 5.3k

Genre: fluff; friends (idiots?) to lovers; slow burn (I truly do not know how to categorize my fics)

A/n: you know how social media still connects you to people that are irrelevant to your life now, but might have been prevalent years before? And you watch them grow into who they are, find themselves, and watch them succeed? Where once you were their biggest, upfront cheerleader, you are now a bystander. A cheerleader nonetheless, but a more silent one? That’s the feeling I’m trying to convey.

The monotonous droning of your teacher fills the bland four walls of the room. Tapping your pencil and finding the dull thump of the eraser against the thickness of your notebook comforting, a nasal hitch distracts you. Your body turns to your right to find your classmate and childhood friend asleep with his head bent backwards. It’s only the first day of second year and Suna Rintaro has already fallen asleep.

You shake your head, guessing he must have stayed up late playing a video game of some sort. Deft fingers find the edge of your notebook and you pinch them together to rip out a small piece of paper. Rolling it into a ball, tongue out and taking aim, you flick the makeshift ammo at him. It thwacks lifelessly against your friend’s uniform collar and falls sadly to the wooden floor. You’re determined now. You grab another piece and another until your sixth attempt lands successfully in your friend’s mouth.

Rin snorts and jolts in his seat, glassy eyes wide and confused as he scans his surroundings. Your quiet giggles give you away and he hardens his glare at you, keeping his gaze as he spits the paper ball into his hand.

You would have been scared had your attention not shifted to the snickering behind Rin. Grey eyes finds yours along with a grin full of mischief as he gives you a proud thumbs up.

That was the first day you met Miya Osamu. And it was the first time he ever supported you.

⸻

Hyogo seems fine, you decide. It’s still Japan, but people talk a bit differently than you’re used to. They’re also slightly more direct but that’s fine too. It’s livelier you feel. It’s always been just you and your mom so when Rin and his family left, the house felt emptier. The same way it felt when your dad died, it became shell of what it used to be. No longer a home, just a house with a room your mom once shared with her husband and a living room where you would fall asleep in your father’s lap. You understand why your mom was insistent on coming here, considering it was full of memories. She’d already lost enough. Hyogo is not bad. You learn to accept it, learn to take in the warmer weather.

Your foot lands on the last step and your senses are filled with yakisoba pan when you hear a call.

“Hey, slowpoke!” It’s not your name, but there’s no way you can ever mistake the affectionate nicknames your childhood friend gives you.

Increasing your pace, you walk to him and his other two friends. One you recognize is Osamu and the other you can almost correctly guess is his twin brother you’ve heard about, Atsumu.

“What took you so long?” Rin pokes at your forehead.

“The math club asked if I wanted to join as a tutor.” You swat his arm away. Rin comes back with a vengeance but he’s done this far too many times that you know a second attack could be coming in. You slap his forearm with a tongue sticking out that only makes him laugh. “I didn’t know you’d be waiting for me.”

“Don’t be a math tutor!” The words come from the less familiar twin. “Do volleyball instead.”

A quick glance at Osamu, and you find that he shares the same reaction as you. He mentioned it earlier walking down the halls.

I bet you one of the first words that come out of his mouth when you meet him has to do with volleyball.

The both of you share a glance. Yours is reminiscent of disbelief while he sports a haughty smirk that revels in the fact that he is right.

“What are you doing?!” Your eyes are back on Osamu’s louder counterpart but he’s already grabbed his twin by the collar, frantically flitting his gaze between you two.

“You guys shared a look!” Atsumu accuses. He takes his right hand to point at you and then decides to shake his twin for good measure. Osamu, on the other hand, looks unamused. Detached would be a better word to describe him and you figure, from his reaction alone, that these sort of shenanigans are normal. “He told you something, didn’t he?! What’d he say?”

You’re bewildered at this point, not used to their antics yet, but Osamu doesn’t miss a beat.

“Told her you were the uglier twin. The lesser twin.” Atsumu stops in shock with wide eyes gazing at his brother. “The more annoying one too.”

At the sound of insults, lies, and heresy, Atsumu throttles at his brother. The twins spend their time running around the courtyard without even so much of a second glance from bystanders. Rin pulls at your sleeve and nods his head towards the gate.

“Don’t mind them.” You fall in step, just like you had back in elementary and middle school. “Let’s go home.”

With the sun relentlessly beating down your neck and the sounds of chaos behind you, you come to a conclusion.

It is livelier here.

⸻

“You’re gonna fall.”

“Probably.”

“I’m not gonna catch you if you do.”

“That’s okay.”

Osamu shakes his head next to you but changes topic anyways, “So you moved to Hyogo because Rin lives here?”

“Yup.” You’re balancing yourself on the curb like a gymnast, specifically a five year old gymnast, with your hands outstretched. Your steps are calculated, but the way you wobble shows it takes a lot more focus than it should.

“It’s just me and my mom,” You explain before taking another lick of your popsicle. It’s a watermelon ice cream bar today, one of two flavors you usually choose between. Watermelon has slowly become one of your usuals and you think it has to do with how warm Hyogo makes you feel, like an everlasting summer. “Rin’s mom is my mom’s best friend so it was easy convincing her to move here.”

Osamu gives a thoughtful nod, mouth full from a bite of pastry and cream. Today he eats taiyaki ice cream. You like going to the konbini with Osamu, you realize. You, a creature of habit, are fascinated by his eyes that wander through the small corner store as if it were his first time walking in. Which, you know it’s not by the way the cashier greets him by name every time. “You like it here?”

The popsicle is lost to your side and leaves green drippings behind you as you carefully step over another pebble.

“I didn’t want to go. I know I’m going to move back to Tokyo for university but,” Then your gaze flutters back to Osamu again. A wondrous look faces yours, and for some reason, your heart hitches. “I’m glad I came. I’m glad I met you and get to see Rin every day too.”

“Yeah,” Osamu coughs into his elbow, “Where’s Rin anyway? Why isn’t he walking you home?”

“He said he was busy.” That’s not true at all. Rin offered to walk you home but you declined in hopes that Osamu would be free. “What about you? Where’s Atsumu?”

“Training. You know how crazy he is.” That’s not true either. Osamu didn’t even mention he was leaving on time to his twin. He figures you’re better company anyways.

When you two catch each other’s gaze again, you’re too busy trying to read between them that you miss a crack in the curb. Tripping over your feet, you brace yourself for the impact until a firm grip catches your wrist. Osamu realizes he’s now lied twice today as he watches you blink at the ground where your feet stay planted.

⸻

It’s lunch hour but for the first time ever, you see Osamu without food in front of his table. In its place is a piece of paper that he stares intently at. His friends pay him no mind, probably because he didn’t seem like proper company anyways. You, on the other hand, are reeled in by his solitude. Just as Osamu has always been there for you, you resolve to be there for him too.

He makes no move to acknowledge your existence when you take the seat next to him. Your shoulder brushes his, cotton uniforms coming in contact that it makes no sense to feel static at the touch. It’s all meaningless though when the words on the paper seize your attention.

“This is our paper for our career plan.” You state obviously.

He says nothing, continues to inflict the parchment with his glare and the silence lengthens. It rises in tension until you finally piece everything together.

“You don’t want to do volleyball after this.” His reticence is a finite enough response. “And you haven’t told Atsumu.”

You may not be his twin, but you know Osamu well enough to ascertain that this is true. Before his very eyes, on a blank, intimidating sheet, is the beginning of his future. It’s the one that resolutely separates him from Atsumu. He and his other half will no longer walk the same path.

All you can think is, “I support you.”

He picks up his gaze instantaneously and when you meet his eyes, you know this is exactly how you feel. All you want is the best for Osamu. It’s all he’s ever wanted for you.

“You’ll do great. I’ll be your biggest fan no matter what you do.”

⸻

“Samu!” The sound of your voice gets lost through the crowd. It’s a mess of volleyball players full of different colored tracksuits but you can clearly see the black mass among the rest.

“Samu!!” You continue calling because you know he’ll hear you. He’s never failed you before and you have absolute trust that your favored friend will come running to your call.

Jumping up and down to try and differentiate yourself from the mob, someone catches your wrist and when you look up, you’re greeted by your childhood friend bearing an arrogant smirk that is rightfully deserved.

“Rin!” When you go in for a hug, he simply pokes at your forehead, stopping you mid-action. The overjoy you had from their win had you unsuspecting of his juvenile habits. It shows with a pout across your features that Rin basks in before tugging you along to the rest of the team.

He pulls you before them, “Look who I found.”

You’re greeted with a triumphant group of boys, sweaty and clearly overworked, but radiating an undefeated air among them.

“Did you see my last service ace?!” Atsumu jumps in front of you to share the joy emanating from him.

You reciprocate the energy, just as euphoric because you know that a win against Karasuno has been all he’s talked about the last couple of months. “I did! I did!”

Osamu slaps his twin’s back in reprimand which you pay no mind to. “That was a lucky one.”

Instead, you beam up at him. “You did a good job out there too, Samu.”

“Only because we had our biggest fan cheering for us out there,” He smirks.

“Biggest fan?” You scrunch your nose, “Sure you mean it? There’s a whole cheer squad dedicated to you guys.”

“Well aren’t you?” He challenges.

While you look up at the three gazes that have made Hyogo home, you can’t help but agree.

⸻

“Yeah,” You play with the edge of the desk, careful of the splinters that show its age. “Rin told me that she said she doesn’t like me. She’s convinced I’m in love with you.”

Osamu’s reaction, or lack thereof, has you believing this is the first time he’s heard of the news. It is Osamu’s only way of hiding the fact that the topic has actually been chanted repeatedly for the past couple of days through petty remarks and in moments of frustration. You, a seemingly innocent bystander, are the catalyst to the many fights he and Rio have had recently.

“I don’t get it.” You say, “We’re just friends.”

You believe this, you truly do. This feeling, it doesn’t feel like love. Love sounds like an obsession, a hyper fixation on another being. At least, that’s what you gather from your friends who have supposedly been in love before. This feels like an earnest outpouring. It’s like a steady river of well wishes and big dreams. You want what’s best for him, because you know he deserves it and he wants the same of you.

It’s these naive feelings that have you failing to recognize the comfort that Osamu brings. In his presence, you are authentically you. It's not weird that you are sharing his desk and sitting backwards in your seat. Not only his desk, but the same pencils, pens, paper, and air. It wouldn’t make sense to turn your back on Osamu and do your work in your own chair. How would you be able to talk to him? How would you fail to notice the way his arm brushes against yours in the confined space of 60 cm by 46 cm?

“Yeah,” Osamu agrees, “we are just friends.”

Because he’s dating Rio, the one who confessed to him in the courtyard of Inarizaki High with two cups of pudding and chocolate lovingly made. It wasn’t the first confession he’s received, but Rio’s always been pretty. He thought that the pudding cups were a nice added touch, especially when she snarkily remarked how she heard Atsumu bragging that he ate his twin’s pudding for breakfast. Osamu felt giddy, but only for a moment.

He wonders why he has no courage yet to break up with her. He thinks this is one of those stupid things high school boys do.

Regardless, Osamu muses as you nod in accord, it’s not like he’s missing out on anyone else.

“Right!” You absolutely agree. “She has nothing to worry about.”

What Osamu doesn’t know is that there are still words lined behind your lips. Rin mentioned himself that he understands Rio’s perspective with the way you and Osamu act. His cryptic words left more questions than answers. The answer you know to be resolutely true is that you and Osamu are friends and that you want the best for him. If he thinks it’s Rio, then all you can do is support him.

⸻

It’s the night of graduation where you sit on a park bench in tears. You’ve already spent most of the day crying and reminiscing about the past two years, but the tears you shed now are for a different reason.

“It’s not like this is new, you know?” You’re crying into your palms and you don’t know what to make of yourself right now. “She’s known all this time that I’m going to Tokyo for university. I’ve never hidden it from her.”

Osamu doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t even move. All he does is provide comfort from him being present. It’s not much, but you think this is enough. It is ten at night and he ditched his own graduation party to listen to your sorrows.

“Now she’s accusing me of abandoning her.” Your sleeves catch every embarrassing bit your body manifests, the physical proofs of your sadness. “Doesn’t she realize how hurtful that is? She knows I want to go to the University of Tokyo because my dad went there too. I promised myself. I promised him, you know?”

“Do what you think is best.” Osamu says, “And I will be there for you.”

The balmy breeze of night mingles with the cherry blossoms in the air. Though spring has just arrived, summer is coming.

⸻

Despite Osamu’s promises, he does not see you off to Tokyo. He is in Osaka, helping Atsumu settle in upon signing a contract with MSBY.

Surrounding you is Rin, his family, and the sole member of your own. Your mother is crying, but you can visualize the resolve it takes to send your only family member off. It dawns on you now how selfish you’ve been, but despite your differences, your mother lets go. It makes you cry too.

“You might be moving, but home will always be with you.” She shares through tears and trembling fingers that smooth your hair. You think she does it to comfort herself more than you and the thought alone shakes you to your core. She holds a palm to your chest and you hope she cannot feel the rapid beating of your own heart. “If it matters enough, it will always be with you. You hold your father in your heart, and you will hold me too. Home will follow you.”

The embrace between you two lasts a lifetime. You never want to let it go, and you’re glad the moment is so eviscerating because it’s the memory that keeps you going on your loneliest nights. You hold your mother’s words true, because if she is one thing, it is that she is always right.

⸻

Your phone vibrates against the desk and it immediately catches your attention. Suddenly the lecture is white noise in the background with your sole focus on the case of your device. You flipped it over, knowing your bad habit of getting distracted too easily. Who could blame you though when social interaction sounds better than epidemiology terms? You should have known better that flipping it over wouldn’t be enough, that throwing it into the vast mess of crumpled notes and lecture handouts of your bag would have been more effective. But there is so much space along the wooden platform. The same size as the ones from high school, you spent two years sharing it and now it feels as though there is so much empty space to fill.

The device vibrates yet again and your fingers twitch. At the word popliteal do you turn the phone around to find an Instagram notification. It’s a new follower and the giddiness that follows is only because you’re hoping it’s someone you met from school.

There’s an unnerving edge to Tokyo. Upon moving to Hyogo, you dusted your memories of Tokyo full of rosy pink hues, but now that you’re here, everywhere you look is cold and distant. Buildings full of steel, it reminds you of someone, but the dullness is incomparable. Why is it when you look into a certain someone’s slate eyes, you feel warm? In Tokyo, all you feel is cold.

There’s disappointment across your features when you realize it’s a random business with no followers, probably a bot. You go to reject the request when a familiar name catches you. Onigiri Miya. There’s only one post, and it’s a hunched figure of what you assume is Osamu next to a ladder. You think this is it. The foundation of his new beginning and when you follow back, you see you’re his third follower. You can’t help but text him.

You: What?! You bought a place?!

Samu: Yup. It’s a fixer-upper but it’s all mine.

You: And I’m the first follower?!

Samu: 🤨 look again. You’re the third.

You: You and Atsumu don’t count.

Samu: Damn right I count! I own the place!

You: Heh. I really am your biggest fan.

Samu: Yeah, I guess you are.

⸻

Distance separates you, but, just as he promised, he’s there for you anyways. You find solace despite the lack of presence. Though he might not be there for you at every fall or every breakdown, he shares your successes and you share his. You send him every test score you receive, good or bad, and he keeps you updated on his prized project. You post a story of your loopy classmates literally rolling on the floor, laughing from sleep deprived loopiness. Without a beat, Osamu replies with “You’re outta your minds! Get some sleep!” Osamu updates his business page with the official signage out front. You’re the first person to comment, “Looking great! It’s all coming together <3” The years pass, and the two of you maintain contact, but life fails you physically.

Rather than visiting Hyogo, your mother visits you. You reserve days with her and your father. Each goodbye becomes easier than the last. You find no reason to go back to Hyogo aside from smoky eyes amidst mild weather so you miss the grand opening because of an exam you had the next day. He fails to go to your graduation because an employee of his called out sick. When you give the news to Osamu that you were accepted to a med school in the states and that you might never go back to Hyogo, he’s as encouraging as ever. There is a brief moment of pause, but as always, he tells you to do what’s best for you.

⸻

You trade an island for another island, one that actually has an unending summer. Just as your mother had said, home will always follow you. You’re grateful for the Japanese community in Hawaii. Directions and pamphlets are often also translated in Japanese and you take a liking to the odd renditions of your favorite foods. Onigiri might not be found in the corner store but spam musubi is. Tonight, as you scroll through social media before bed, your feed is adorned by a post from Osamu’s personal Instagram. He has his arms around people you’ve never met, but seem important to his life. He’s behind the bar of Onigiri Miya that you’re only familiar with through pictures. The caption underneath the photo says Happy two years to the Tokyo branch. Couldn’t have done it without them.

Your response is immediate and unabashed. You look so happy Osamu. I’m so happy for you. I need to visit soon!

Your heart feels so warm. It burns so bright for him because this is truly what he deserves. The boy, fearful of his future in the courtyard of Inarizaki High, is now an accomplished and successful man. He deserves everything the world has to offer, but what you don’t realize is, halfway across the world, when Osamu receives a ping from your comment, his own heart stings. It takes fifteen words from you to completely distract him, uproot him from his own celebration. He is happy. He’s so happy, but he knows he could be happier. Then another ping, and he sees it’s you in a video popping a confetti cannon with your friend and a text that says congrats. He thinks you look happy too.

So all he can do is banter. Still gotta visit the one in Hyogo first.

And delete the words that follow.

Come back. I miss you.

⸻

“What’s got you smiling like that?

You double tap the picture, not even trying to hide the smile upon your lips and begin typing out a comment.

Looking good! TFTI.

“Just some old high school friends.” You answer before turning your phone around. “These two are twins and this is my childhood friend. We grew up in the same neighborhood. These two were on the Japanese volleyball team for the Olympics.

“Wow.” The bulbous eyes of your friend proves she’s impressed. “I didn’t know you knew really famous people.”

You shrug, “I just grew up with them. I didn’t know them when they were famous.”

“What does he do?” She points at Osamu.

“He runs a successful chain of restaurants throughout japan.”

“Must be embarrassing huh? To be the twin of an Olympic athlete and that’s all you do?” She opens back up her textbook, done with the conversation and flings a wrist. “He is handsome though.”

At the audacity of her words, you can’t help but be passionate. There’s no way you’d let anyone talk down on Osamu like that. “No, he's doing what he loves! I’m really proud of them. All of them but especially him.”

“Oh?” A pair of eyebrows raise, as if she finally understands and just as usual, your dense brain never follows. “Is he your crush? Did you leave him behind in Japan and break his heart?”

“No! I— No!” It’s been a while since you’ve had to defend yourself like this. Osamu has always been just a friend. Taking account of your frantic reaction, you know you’re not doing yourself any favors. So you soften your voice and speak only honestly. “He was just always there for me. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for him. And it took a lot for him to be where he is now. So I’m just really happy.”

“You’ve totally got a crush!”

You don’t think it’s a crush. You think it’s nostalgia. You think it’s time and distance that amplifies this feeling of yearning. Because it’s been so long and you’ve missed out on so much. It’s never been love.

⸻

It’s one spring night in Tokyo, calm and breezy, akin to the last night Osamu saw you in tears back in Hyogo. Foreigners come into his restaurant. Osamu pays no mind. It is Tokyo afterall, and his place has been attracting more business. He places their order in front of them and makes a getaway back to the kitchen. At the sound of his name warped by English tongue, Osamu turns around. Their giddiness is off putting, but his curiosity is piqued anyways, proven by the rise of a brow.

One of the members of the group mentions your name, and through rugged Japanese, he finds that you’ve sent them here.

“She told us you make the best onigiris in Japan.”

“That’s funny,” Osamu bellows with a shake of the head, “Because she’s never been.”

Another one counters with a mouthful of rice, “Well, she’s not wrong.”

“She’s never wrong, is she?”

He thinks back to your words during lunchtime years ago. You’ll do great. And he thinks you’re right. The fear of failing, straying from the path he was almost convinced to take, was almost incapacitating. But then you came, sat next to him and brushed your cotton sleeve against his. The static shock restarted his heart and brought him back to life. It made him become the man he is today. You gave him the one last push. He may have walked his way to the cliff, but with his feet embedded into the ground in fear, you gave him the confidence to fly.

⸻

“Sorry I can’t pick you up Rin.” You quietly murmur as you munch on curry flavored senbei that Osamu had sent you via your friends. There are knockoff versions found in Hawaii but you’ve mentioned more than a couple times nothing beats a specific brand you’ve only seen in Japan. His care package comes in a timely manner because you’ve just finished the pack your mother had sent you.

You let the rice crackers soften along your tongue, afraid to make even more noise inside the library. “You caught me during a busy week.”

“It’s fine.” Your childhood friend all but shrugs you off, as if it hasn’t been years since he’s seen you. The last you saw of him was at the airport, rubbing your mother’s back in comfort. She didn’t cry that time, at least not in front of you. Instead, pride glittered in her eyes. You didn’t cry either, because in your departure, she already taught you that home would always follow.

Home finds you here, in your mother and childhood friend’s arms, outside a restaurant near Chinatown that they so desperately wanted to meet up at. Rin had been insistent despite you offering your apartment and a home cooked meal. You were frustrated because parking’s ridiculous and downtown is always so crowded, but the sight of two familiar faces make it all worth it for you.

“Okay, okay!” You push Rin away to swipe the tears that have fallen from your eyes. “Ma, we need to stop crying.”

You link your arm in hers and begin walking, “So what’s this place you guys wanted to eat at so bad? You guys really think I’m that awful of a cook?”

“It’s a chain from Japan,” Rin explains and gives your mother a sly look. “I think you’ll like it.”

“Sure,” you say. “Don’t let them fool you. It might have the same name from Japan, but it still tastes different.”

Your mother grips your arm tighter with a squeeze, “Let’s give it a try. They specialize in onigiri.”

At that, you scoff and give one last sniffle to stifle your runny nose. “Just like Onigiri Miya?”

“Yeah. Took you long enough to visit.”

Time and distance make the heart grow fond, but presence? Presence makes the heart yearn, relinquish, succumb. All you could do for the past eight years is miss him, but now with him in front of you, all you want is to be consumed by him, by everything that you’ve missed out on. Distance made you understand that he is an important part of your life, but with the appearance of Osamu right here in front of you, there is nowhere for your feelings to run. They are earnest, encompassing, eviscerating, and so very, very obvious. What was once a question of, “Do I love him?” is now a blatant statement.

I love him.

You think as you start walking towards him, ignoring the cheers of your friends (Is that Atsumu?) and the tears that form yet again in your eyes.

I love him.

You think when you start running, cursing your legs for being so short and unable to close the distance that has been between you two for so long.

I love him.

You think when Osamu smiles at you and opens his arms. It’s that smile that you’ve only been able to enjoy through pictures and videos. Through a screen, it could never catch the utter joy in those half-lidded eyes.

He catches you. And twirls you. And presses you against him. You try to reciprocate the strength you receive by squeezing him as much as the fibers of your being allow. Crying hot, wet tears, you relish in this embrace you haven’t felt for years. Despite him being broader and just a little bit taller, it provides the same balmy comfort that you attribute Hyogo to.

“I missed you.” Osamu whispers into your ear. It has you bawling even harder into his chest so he strokes the back of your head. “I opened up shop here because--”

“I love you.”

This isn’t how you imagined it. Actually, you never imagined this moment at all because you’re an idiot, but you wish you didn’t look like this. Snot running down your nose, black streaks painting your cheeks, and an absolute heaving mess, you wish this isn’t the way that Osamu would hear those words, but he smiles anyways.

You look up to catch Osamu’s handsome face gazing down at you. You’ve grown up with this face, watched the frustration cross whenever a spike of his was blocked, the way Atsumu would stun him through stupidity, the way it’d light up the moment a plate was set in front of him, and all the social media posts that have kept you updated since. You’ve known this face, admired it like a star in the distance, hoping for another year before fading out, but for the first time, he looks different. Instead of being the star, uplifted in the sky but so out of reach, he for once, feels like your world. In it you see the past, the present, and the future. In his arms you feel obsessed and encapsulated.

“Yeah,” He agrees, sporting the same smile as he did when he opened up Onigiri Miya. Proud, like he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted.

“Yeah,” he says one more time. The word tapers off with desire, “Because I love you.”