#and it was consuming me a little

[dubioushonour]

Once, when I was in second grade, my whole group of friends deserted me for the entire month of October. They would completely ignore me if I approached them, or even worse, some of them would run screaming at the sight of me. This spread to kids in the rest of the class. I told a teacher, who scolded them, but it didn't do much.

I was a little too young to really understand the concept of "bullying". I just remember being confused, and hurt, and upset. I spent almost that entire month on the playground, alone.

Almost.

A girl from another class approached me in the sandbox during maybe the second week of October. She was new, she was in another class, and she was alone, too. I couldn't tell you her name anymore. It's just been too long. But I remember seeing her and my first thought being "pretty". I wouldn't learn the term "platinum blonde" until I was much older.

She asked if she could play with me in the sand, what I was doing, and why I was alone. I asked her about her old school, if my sister (who was in her class) was being kind to her.

We hung out the entirety of October. Sometimes in other parts of the playground, but we usually stayed in the sandbox because no one else went there. I found out we rode the same bus home. She lived just up the road from me. We started hanging out outside of school, too. We traded toys, and friendship bracelets, and secrets. She showed me an odd birthmark on her thigh, pure white, and said it was an angel's kiss. I showed her a scar on my arm from when I fell on a go-kart engine the year before.

It didn't matter that all of my other friends had abandoned me, because she was there.

The end of October rolls around on a Friday and my old friend group chases me into a bathroom stall, screaming at me and banging on the walls and doors with a fucking vigor. It's one of the scariest moments in my very short life. I go home crying. I am informed on Monday that the ring leader of the group convinced everyone that, since my birthday is on Halloween, I was possessed by a demon and I was going to hurt them if they didn't do something about it.

They apologized up and down, after the fact, but it was very hard to believe they were sorry.

My sandbox friend, who was not at school on Friday, has a birthday gift for me on Monday. It's a little pair of friendship bears filled with goo and glitter. It's not a hard choice to make. I spend all of November with her, instead, because I'm starting to realize that maybe those aren't the kind of people I want to be friends with. (and I was right, because they bullied me the entire rest of elementary school) (but that is besides the point).

The end of November rolls around.

My sandbox friend is moving out of state.

I spend all of the time we have left trying to make that time stretch. We both know that when she moves, we'll never see each other again. That's just how it was in 2003. On our final bus ride home, the last time I will ever see her, we trade toys one last time. She gave me a blue and white unicorn with a ribbon. I couldn't tell you what I gave her. It's been too long. (it might have been a stuffed dog?)

This pretty sandbox girl is not in our school yearbooks. Not even her name. She wasn't in our school for very long. My sister doesn't remember her being in her class, period, even if she remembers most everyone else. But she did exist. Even if just in my memories, and through an old, ragged unicorn, she existed.

I'm not going anywhere in particular with this. It's a stroll down memory lane. I saw a 2000s aesthetic post on here with those exact friendship bears on it and it threw me back in time pretty hard. I definitely don't have those bears anymore. I'm honestly pretty surprised how vividly I remember that one October when I was 7, turning 8, but I guess your friends trying to murder you in a bathroom is a fairly formative experience. I'm 27 now, turning 28. And it's impossible to think about all of that without also thinking about her, and how she made that entire experience something I can still look a little fondly back on.

Do you think she remembers me, as fondly? Or even at all? Did I make the same kind of impact? Did she keep the toy that I gave her? Or was I just another face for a girl who was in and out of schools faster than they could put her in a yearbook?

It doesn't matter, ultimately.

I hope, wherever she is, that pretty sandbox girl is thriving.

(this is not the exact plushie. I found this one on Google and it's very close. One of my younger nieces swiped the real deal a long time ago and I felt very bad trying to take it back...)

[bananonbinary]

for ages i thought i didnt like drag because of internalized homophobia but it turned out i just don't like bright lights and loud music and really visually complicated things

spd is homophobic i guess is what im saying

[maskerat]

yes, I've watched the video. now this man is my new hyperfixation. expect more art of him soon I suppose.

[wasyago]

the brainrot won

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

I love that neil is pure of heart, dumb of ass, and also deeply fucked up

He’s just a little guy! All his friends love him and want him to take care of himself! He’ll totally kill that guy for you though. He protects his friends by mouthing off to horrifically dangerous people. He can’t tell that he’s being flirted with. He always respects his boyfriend’s boundaries and is hyper-vigilant about consent. He also got too distracted listening to his worstie scream in pain after his bf broke the guy’s arm to pay attention to his team checking on him despite the fact that the aforementioned bitch nearly killed him on national TV. He got his bf to agree to stop protecting him so that andrew wouldn’t feel responsible when he was inevitably killed. He comforted himself while being held by the FBI by replaying his father’s execution in his mind over and over. His only regret was that his mom didn’t live long to see his dad dead. But! He’s also so sorry that he upset his boyfriend by getting kidnapped. He put a hit out on a rapist over lunch. He insults the FBI. He challenged the yakuza and won and watched his enemy get executed and then was so giddy over it that his team wanted to know what was up and he lied to them. He’s a fucked up little guy. A Creature even. Morbid as hell. Deeply unserious. Protective as fuck with a mean, vindictive streak a mile wide. Would do anything up to and including killing someone for his found family. What a guy. Damn.

[thelaurenshippen]

a remake of "you've got mail" called "you've got kudos" about two fic writers who make flirty comments on each other's fics, only to realize that they already know each other because they used to be on opposite sides of a fandom war when they were teenagers under different usernames

[youngmoviemaker]

It could be real . . . @bamsara

[fictiongods]

I just saw a someone say they like characters who’s philosophy is “If I cannot be wanted, I will be needed, and if I cannot be needed, let me be used until there's nothing left of me." and you guys I think we just found Spike’s entire understanding of (unrequited) love in a nutshell.

[fruitydiaz]

buck and tommy | risk

[benevolenterrancy]

May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN BIRTHDAY COUNTDOWN (2024): hyunjin in every letter... ↘ D-19 | LIVES

[gallners]

THE PASSENGER (2023) dir. Carter Smith (insp)

[tapakah0]

[ashipiko]

i am not immune to the niko beam

HE IS REAL. AND HE GRABBED ME BY THE NECK AND THREW ME INTO THE PAVEMENT.

[blee-bleep]

girls night out

ft. me trying coloring and lightings again

[feliformiaboy]

yaoi more toxic than the chernobyl elephant's foot