#and it wasn’t even one of Bookstore’s friends this time! aah! 😰 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notjanine · 2 years

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i’ll stop talking about this mf eventually but like okay. i hate being taken care of. 99% of the time, i HATE being taken care of. but i am also not naturally skilled at social stuff, like i’ve learned and i can do it and i’m good at it now, but—iiiii hate to admit it—but i’ve always wanted to be with someone who can like. take the driver’s seat, socially. and Bookstore just knows exactly how to shine the spotlight on me in a group setting. sometimes i get so overwhelmed taking everything in that i forget to talk even when i have relevant things to add! but they know just when to say Oh al said/did/made me watch/read/listen to xyz, and then give me the space to elaborate. or they’ll be more subtle and say like [Nearby person who likes something i like], have you seen/do you know about [specific thing they know i love] and it’s. gosh it’s really nice. also they are very big and warm. gosh

#ngl this was a pretty significant part of why it didn’t work with my ex and why i’d be hesitant to go aut4aut again #like i was just so much more socially competent than him i knew i would have to take the lead in most social settings and #the idea of that was just so exhausting #so to stumble into this…#also i think i mentioned before that Bookstore is like WEIRDLY… autism friendly??#we like them. they have a lot of us in their life in big and small ways #their best friend is one of us and apparently they told him that i’m autistic and he was just like Yeah that tracks for you.#and this started as a blind date!! wild. WILD. this shit weird. but good #very good #ANYWAY i didn’t die at the outdoor bar and i did have a very good time #but also this was the second time in a row i’ve gone to a social gathering where someone i met for the first time already knew who i was!#and it wasn’t even one of Bookstore’s friends this time! aah! 😰

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