#we like them. they have a lot of us in their life in big and small ways

[lilifieldss]

ೀ The rising sign in the juno persona chart

In the juno pc, the rising sign can give us some clue about the situation of the first meeting with our future spouse, our destined lover, long-term partner. We can also get to know what our first impression of them will be like!

I had a love obsessive phase a while ago and I started researching my juno pc like crazy.. even tho I now became apathetic of the topic, I decided to share some of my finds, so please, enjoy!

disclaimer: these are my personal observations, nothing is set in stone! different planets, aspects can affect how things gonna play out! Entertainment purposes only, take it lightly!

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☁️ Aries 1°, 13°, 25°:

You will see in them someone who is youthful, energetic, adventurous and passionate! Someone who's independent, does not scare away from taking the lead, competitive. They're gonna appear strong, might look a bit tense, angry, impatient, gonna have a masculine energy. They're gonna be hot and not just because of their potentially hot headed nature, but because you probably gonna feel very attracted to them, like, you might even start sweating when around them because they're just so god them HOT!! They're gonna be direct, they could be the one who initiate the connection! You could meet them somewhere new ( for you ) where you haven't been before or where you start something new. Somewhere where is a lot of movment, activity, gym. Somewhere you have to defend yourself, fight for something, compete or at a point in life when you're the one who has to take the lead.

☁️ Taurus 2°, 14°, 26°:

They're gonna make you feel valued. You're first impression of them could be that they're someone down to earth, dependable, secure, very calm, might be stubborn, collected. They're not gonna rush things, and they will take their time, which will give you this feeling of reliability, you've being taken care of! They will pay much attention to you, not gonna be pushy just charming, sweet, romantic. Gonna be someone who looks well cared for, expensive even. They honestly gonna give teddy bear vibes. You gonna be comfortable with them around. You could meet them at somewhere beauty related, while shopping, they can provide you with a service, they can be a cashier, work at a bank, at a restaurant, spa, thrift store, antique shops, drug store, anywhere you can imagine that in some way connects to self care.

☁️ Gemini 3°, 15°, 27°:

A breathe of fresh air. A lot of giggles and an overall friendly atmosphere. You're mind is gonna be stimulated, you're gonna find you're partner someone who's very intelligent, flexible, curious, witty, a bit of a dork 🤓☝️ Either way, communication/ mental stimulation is something that it's very important here. They can appear to be a bit messy, in some cases you might find them pretty childish, a little bit too airy if that make sense. They could also be younger or atleast appear to be younger, so maybe that's another thing that you notice in them! You might have met them when YOU where younger, at school/highschool. You could meet them on a party, nothing serious going on, just something lighthearted. Online while learning about something, on a random course you take. Someone might introduce you to them, ( or vice versa ) they could be you're sibling's friend, while you take a small trip, they could be you're neighbors aswell at some point.

☁️ Cancer 4°, 16°, 28°:

They will feel like home, a nice big hug, a soft blanket and a mug of hot chocolate. They gonna put you at ease, relaxed, they will make you feel emotionally understood, seen. They're might heal your inner child with their words or with just their presence. You'll gonna see them someone who's emotionally mature, gentle, sensitive, welcoming. They could be shy at first, not so direct, they're not gonna jump at you and ask you out on a date right here and there ( not like aries ) They will need to feel secure enough with you to initiate. They can appear soft, feminine, protective, they gonna make you feel that everything is is gonna be all right. Tenderness is the vibe they're gonna give, in positive cases, in negative, they might appear a bit on guard yk, a hard cookie to get, like they're protecting themselves. You could meet them in a place where it's familiar. You could potentially meet them while you're at home, scrolling on tiktok or instagram. ( ha' who said that the only way you can meet the love of your life is to go outside and socialise? ) Somewhere, where you feel safe and relaxed, cozy. At the local market, garage sale or at a furniture store. Somewhere private and intimate.

☁️ Leo 5°, 17°, 29°

When I will tell you they're gonna be PRESENT. It's gonna be a lot of fun going on when you first encounter them, It could be at a party, a festival, somewhere loud and lively, a lot of excitement and creativity, where you can show of your talents or yourself. Somewhere public, lots of people can be present just having a good time. Could be at the cinema, theatre or somewhere relating to acting, watching a movie premier for example. Eye catching, magnetic, good sense of style. You gonna find your person very attractive and very sure of themself, they're gonna appear confident, authentic and charismatic. They're gonna know how to talk to the crowd and people will adore them, they might even be popular. You will see them as true performers, great storytellers, they will shine and take your breath away. They might also bring out you're inner child, so much joy will be felt. In negative cases, you might see them as an attention seeking peacock 😭 or like a bit dramatic for first, too much ego but later on its all smooths out, either way, It's gonna be memorable whatever you two will be doing or attending to.

☁️ Virgo 6°, 18°

You're gonna see them very organized, clean, handy, put together, detail oriented and well mannered. They will take their time to approach you romantically, will probably debate with themself. Because of that, they're might be reather distant. They sure gonna observe and analyse you a lot. They're gonna smell good, look perfect, they can look like a doll honestly. You can think they're younger or they might actually be younger then you. They're gonna be very helpful, they will pay a lot of attention to you and you're needs. There's a likelihood that you two will meet in a work space, office romance is possible, you two might be coworkers, work on something together. Other possible places you can meet them: literally everywhere lol while you mind your business, do you're daily routine, walk with you're dog at the park, while exercising, gym, grocery store, at the vet clinic or a pet shop, library, researching about something, showing up consistently at somewhere or in some way, while you better yourself health wise, gym, yoga, pilates ( they're lurking in the shadows waiting for the perfect time lol )

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☁️ Libra 7°, 19

You know when you look at a man and his not only handsome but just pretty. You will find them extremely gorgeous 100% no matter what gender they are. You're gonna like they're style,their aesthetic, vibe, like the way they're smile, the little shine in their eyes, they're gonna charm you with everything they got. There's definitely gonna be a flirty energy coming, depending on other aspects, it could be repressed ( still felt tho that something is going on ) will look at you, give you a cheeky smile and leave you with the "what are we now exactly?" feeling. You're first impression of them coul be that they're someone very charming, friendly, diplomatic, pleasant to be with, You gonna see them as fair, very romantic, cooperative, knows how to work as a team, someone who has good morals, well educated. In negative cases, you might think that they are a typical womanizer, might come off as a bit shallow, giving the vibe that they're only intrested in what's hiding in those underwear. You could meet them because of business, signing a contract, at court, in a art gallery, museum, library, somewhere fashion related, a fashion show, where creatives are gathering together or somewhere where you can do creative activities, pottery class or something. At a wedding, they might be in a relationship when you two first meet, or they can be your business partner aswell!

☁️ Scorpio 8°, 20°

You're not gonna understand what the hell is going on, but you just gonna feel this irresistible pull to them. They gonna leave you speechless, obsessed with the way they are. You're not gonna be able to get them out of your head once you meet them. They're gonna get you intrigued for sure, you will feel, that there's something so much deeper to them than what they show. They might appear to be closed off and cautious, quite, mysterious ( cough edgy cough who said that? ). They can also show to be sensitive, very intelligent, a bit of a sly, sneaky, overprotective, passionate, very seductive and an intense person in general. They will definitely observe you, try to figure your intentions out, pay close attention to every movment you take, you might start to feel like they're monitoring you. For the first time you two meet, it can be a taboo situation. You two could meet before/after a big change happening. Somewhere private, at the club, at night in the dark. It can be a private meeting, some type of money exchange could be possible, but also could be linked to the occult or spirituality. Somewhere spooky, can be at someone's funeral 😀 or in a life and death situation.

☁️ Sagittarius 9°, 21°

You could see them who's very optimistic, open to the world, curious, charismatic, funny, adventurous, almost like a teacher. You will definitely goof around with them, but at the same time, you gonna be able to talk about serious topic aswell. They can be very knowledgeable and intelligent, someone who has high morals, mature. You will feel abundant, extremely lucky that you have got the chance to meet them. Their smile gonna lighten up the room they step into, you will feel the urge to smile whenever they do. They could be different race or can come from a different ethnicity then you, or maybe they will just be different from you, the way you both grew up, the education and beliefs you were told can be opposite from one another. There's also a possibility that you might think that they're not available, like they're always growing and moving, it's hard to pin them down. You can meet them while traveling, exploring new cultures, while you're at uni, at campus, while looking for guidance, while studying something, at churches, temples, somewhere linked to religion.

☁️ Capricorn 10°, 22°

The first impression they will give to you is that they're someone respectful, serious, hard working, responsible, discipline, mature. They might keep you at arm's length when you first getting to know eachother, not gonna show much, could be because of the situation you two meet, got to keep it cool. It can be hard to see who they are with all those formalities, but the connection will become stronger and stronger as time passes by, and slowly, they will start to let their guards down and show how much they can actually feel ( this points for a delay of, not necessary meeting them but begin official dating, not every cases tho ofc.) They could be older then you or you two meet when the both of you have experienced life for a while now. They're gonna look like someone who commands respect, a boss. Speaking of boss, they might just be one! You could possibly meet them at work, even if they're not your boss directly, they could still be some type of authority. You could meet them at professional events, business meetings. Somewhere where's strick rules aply, at appointments, scheduled meeting.

☁️ Aquarius 11°, 23°

There's a big chance for you to meet them online, Someone could introduce you to them ( or vice versa ) a mutual friend, you could attend on an event, have a night out with friends, do charity work, be a part of a protest, movment, while fighting for humanitarian causes. You're union with them can be unexpected, weird timing. Friennnnnnnnndly energy, or very detached. It's definitely not gonna be a fast peaced relationship, you two will need to build a friendship first or atleast a decent amount of time must be spent together. There can be some type of frustration because of that ( especially if you're someone who likes to move fast ), like you or them ( or both ) could think "now, what the hell is going on, are we gonna get together or not??", and then out of the blue someone confesses ( always expect the unexpected with this one 😭 ) There's gonna be something unique about your destined one, something that might shock you. It could be the way they're dress, they way they're mind works, the way they are as a whole, like "wow, I have never met a person like them before" type of energy. You gonna see them as someone who's not afraid to dream big, to reach for the sky, not scared of standing out from the crowd, someone open, non-judgemental, rebellious and unusual, but in the best way possible. You're not gonna feel like you have to repress who you truly are when you're with them, just a pure feeling of freedom.

☁️ Pisces 12°, 24°

It's gonna feel fated that you two have crossed paths, like it was destiny, maybe you're subconscious will give signs before meeting them or you could have this feeling that they are the one when you first see eachother OR you will have absolutely no clue and everything just feels foggy lol. You probably gonna be on cloud 9 with them around. Your impression of them is like they're someone very creative, sensitive to the world around them, mesmerizing, a dreamer, they're might be always far away up in the clouds, not really present, hard to reach, might think that they're a bit too delulu? or like, very confusing. Highly intuitive and spiritual, you can even think that they're out of your league! You gonna feel like you're on another dimension with them around. You two can meet somewhere far away, in a magical place that almost feels otherworldly, where you can turn your focus what's inside, somewhere spiritual. While you just let yourself go with the flow, let your intuition to guide you ( like you book a flight to another country cus' you had a feeling to go there ), can be in a hospital or just somewhere where people go to heal and find inner peace.

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thank you for making this far, have a lovely day! 🤍

[aernx]

IT'S A WRAP ! ⌗ 이희승 ( oneshot ver. )

synopsis ⟢ wrapping is easy when it comes to dumplings. but when it comes to your feelings…not so much. after getting separated from your childhood nemesis, lee heeseung, you think your life will go smooth like butter (js like what BTS sang). but fate has other plans when he was forced to help around in your family’s dumpling restaurant.

◌ wordcount﹒ 13.1k

◌ pairing﹒ lee heeseung x fmr

◌ genre﹒ childhood enemies to lovers, hs au, takes place in their summer break, reader is taehyun’s (txt) older sister, tbh no srs hating js silly rivalry, crack , heeyn parents r silly

◌ featuring﹒ txt, chaewon lsrfm, enhypen, brief mentions of seventeen (ily joshua n hoshi)

◌ warnings﹒ profanities, harsh language, jealousy, heeyn hating eo, kissing, fluff, heeyn silly stuffs, denial, i think that's it, oh probably bad and inconsistent grammar at times, miscommunication (that shiii)

aerinotes ⟢ u guys don't know how much i giggled at the screen when i write this 😁 THIS FIC MEANS SOOO MUCH TO MEE I HOPE U GUYS GIVE IT SOME LOVE 💗💗💗 also MY FIRST EVER LONG FIC??? aerin long fic debut!!! so im sorry if there r lots of mistakes n it's kinda messyy n if the pacing is badd !! i'll improve next time guys TRUST‼️‼️

this was previously a smau but now the smau is discontinued. i can finally say goodbye peacefully to my heeyn 🙁 i’ll miss them <3 hope you guys enjoyed this! be sure to leave a like, comment n reblog to let me know watchu think abt it !! ENJOYYYY

"MOM YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT!?" It’s only been a week since you returned from your exchange student program in Japan yet your mom was quick to throw you a bucket of ice water on a hot summer evening.

“Which part of it is not clear, dear? Heeseung is going to start working in our dumpling shop this in this last month of summer and I want you to be his mentor tomorrow.” Excuse me what? Mentor?? “You know, teach him how to use the register, how to serve the customers, and later how to wrap the dumplings.”

No way there was no chance in hell that you were going to do this. Become Heeseung’s mentor? Hell no! You would rather give Taehyun your first born privileges.

Okay, maybe reasoning with her would opt her to change her decision. “Yes, I heard you for the first time but I can’t really place the reason why you want me to do this, mom. You know that we don’t…get along that well.”

Don’t get along that well? You scoffed internally at your choice of words, it was clearly an understatement, your mother knew that too.

You and Heeseung never got along. At all. Your mother and his mother were the best of friends so ultimately that means that he was there for good and you could not escape him. At first, mini-you was glad at the thought of having a childhood friend. Maybe you two could replicate the friendship of your mothers.

Yet at the age of five, where the two of you met for the first time and he stole your toy and decided to hide it from you, you knew from that moment that you would never get along. That first impression only triggered the competitiveness in you and it became a never ending game of chase. Of course, your mothers showed disappointment with the fact that their children did not enjoy each other’s presence, hoping that as they grow up, you and him would learn to overcome this little feud of yours.

Oh how they were wrong. Along the years that follow, your hatred towards each other only grew. Even though you both hated each other, he was still a big part of your childhood. And him being your neighbour didn't even help. You were so fucking bored of that face of his.

Eventually everyone got used to this relationship you shared with the boy and both parents didn’t try to do anything about it anymore. After all there was no point.

Although your feelings towards Heeseung were more on the negative side, you adored his parents, and your parents adored him too. Your families were close but you two weren’t. When you were younger, you would make it your life mission to get Heeseung to cry and he made it his to make you irritated. But as you both grew into adolescence your behaviour began shifting.

Now, instead of sitting by your side to provoke you, he would sit the farthest from you at the dinner table and you would do your best to ignore him at every family event. This never changed, even when you got into highschool. Both of you would try your hardest to let the other’s presence turn to ghosts, yet the tension around you remains haunting.

“Come on Yn, I know you don’t have the best relationship with Heeseung, as you guys are always fighting like cats and dogs,” Your mother muttered the last part quietly. “But I trust you with him, dear. Even though you both hate each other, you’re the one that knows him best there and I feel like he’ll focus more under your gaze instead of anyone else.”

Gosh why was your mother so persistent? “Mom, have you met us?” You can hear your mother’s snicker. “Then you should know that he won’t listen to me! There’s a reason why we don’t get along, mom. He’s gonna cause so much ruckus if I become his mentor. I find no problem with asking Taehyun to guide him instead.”

Your mother knew that you didn’t want to go forward with this. But it was really a last resort of sorts. And a little part of her wished that maybe this occasion would end your feud with him because she and Mrs. Lee always wanted their kids to get along well, just like them.

“Initially, I thought about that too. But Taehyun already has a lot of plans for tomorrow and you just went home like a week ago so you have lots of free time before your senior year starts.” She pointed out.

“Who knows maybe Heeseung changed these past six months without you. Maybe he even misses fighting with you everyday.” Chuckling, your mother gave you a knowing look as your face scrunched at the thought of that.

Hah! He? Missed you? There was no way. Heeseung was probably glad you were gone for six months. In fact he probably wished you were gone forever.

“Come on, my Yn. We’ll go shopping together with Aunty Lee and I’ll get you those concert tickets for that group you like so much. I’ll buy 4 for Chaewon, Yeonjun, and Soobin too. So you guys can watch it together.”

Your eyes lit up as her offer ringed your eardrums. One day of mentoring Heeseung for shopping sprees with your mom and Aunty Lee PLUS concert tickets for you and your friends?? Sounds like a fair deal.

“Ah…you know me so well, mother. You know I will never decline those.”

“You know it, darling.”

*

“You want me to-what?!” Disbelief, Heeseung stood from the couch and turned towards his mother who was currently sitting cross legged on her armchair.

“What did you expect?! I told you to stop sneaking around all the time and this is final! You are working in MANDU4U, Yn’s family dumpling shop tomorrow.”

Spending his summer break working? Are you fucking kidding?

“Bu-”

Mrs. Lee stood up from her chair, levelling her gaze with her son. “No buts! I already talked to your Aunty Kang and all you have to do is show your ass over there and work.” From the tone of her voice, Heeseung knew that he messed up. It was bad, like REAL bad. Maybe he should’ve listened to his friend's advice to NOT sneak out.

Mrs. Lee shrugged before continuing. “Think of this as a new experience. You’ll be learning new things and you’ll be earning money. I see nothing wrong with this. You don’t have any right to complain, young man.”

As much as Heeseung dreaded it, he knew no point in resisting. He was at fault and if it was in other circumstances he would stand his ground but he knew better. Oh well, at least she didn’t forbid him to hang with his boys.

And besides it’s not as if he’s going to meet her. He’s aware of the fact that she went back from that program a week ago. Of course he was, his family insisted that they also accompanied picking up Yn from the airport.

Did he come along? Yes. Did he have the option not to? Also yes. Did he know why he came along? Not really. Maybe he missed her and their fights just a little bit. Or maybe not. That question remained ominous as he himself didn’t even know the correct answer.

But was he glad with the fact that she was gone for the past six months? Of course he was! Well it was a bit more quiet than usual but hey! Quiet is good right? Yeah of course. Now that she’s back does he still hate her guts? For sure, yeah definitely.

“Also Yn will be your mentor and I want you to be on your BEST behaviour and do whatever she says.” Mrs.Lee abruptly added before striding out of the room trying her best to contain her smile.

“Mom WHAT?!”

*

You idly stood on the gazebo of your family’s shop, glancing back and forth towards your watch as the digital digits morphs into what seemed to be eight past twenty. Heeseung was supposed to be here at eight sharp but here you were, still waiting for his stupid ass to come.

It was only five minutes after that, the sight of Lee Heeseung appeared in your line of view. Fucking finally. “Heeseung, you’re late.” You aligned your body opposing his, blocking the entry of the door with your figure as he tried to brush himself through.

“Tch, it’s whatever. Let’s just get started.” His hand longed for the handles but you were quick to stop him. “Drop that attitude, Heeseung. I don’t want this as much as you do so you better not make this any harder on me.” Your grip on his hand opted him to fix his gaze with yours.

You tighten your grip on his wrist. Not caring whether it hurted him or not–which it probably didn’t. “Use that tone on me one more time and you’ll be scrubbing the bathroom floors instead of working behind the cash register.”

Heeseung clenched his fists in between your grasp on his wrist, a low attempt of wanting to break free. “You’re not my mother, you can’t tell me what to do.” He gritted as an annoyed expression washed over his features.

“You’re right, Seungie. I’m not. I’m your employer. And you-” Your point finger shoved his chest “-have to do exactly what I say."

*

Lee Heeseung hated it–hated this. That helpless feeling of not being in control. Especially when his arch enemy is the one stringing him like a puppet.

Kang Yn loved it–loved this. How couldn’t you when your arch nemesis had to grovel in submission for the sake of punishment from his mother. It’s fun really. It's like having a maid–you mean– personal assistant of your own.

“No Heeseung, that's not the right way!”

“Be more thorough when checking someone’s order!”

“Gosh this is tiring. Heeseung, get me a coffee.”

*

Ignoring some mistakes made, the first day of work went surprisingly fine. You taught him various things. Starting from how to work the register and basic manners to serve customers and he was actually going along with what you instructed. Gee, maybe your mom was right all along–you could be really intimidating sometimes.

“This is it for today.” You said, handing him a pen to sign his attendance. “Okay, Thanks.” He calmly received it before signing under his name. Along the string hours of work between you and Heeseung, the atmosphere remained tense. But much to your surprise (and a certain part-timer named Sunoo who went to your school) the both of you endured the entire shift without biting each other’s head off.

Sure there were some occasional fights here and there but the graph always dies down after, returning to its normal wavelength as the days progress. And you were quite happy with the outcome.

One; you did not let the intrusive thoughts win and slice his throat when he was on his break and two; you did not embarrass yourself in front of the customers by screaming frantically at him (although you did do it in private) You could say that this day was a success and you were proud of yourself. Ah you were finally free from him.

Or so you thought.

*

“So you’re telling me your mom told you that you’ll be mentoring Heeseung for the rest of the summer break?” Soobin questioned, making you groan against your pillows. You raised your head towards the window still, the sight of the moon greeted you in an instance, gracing your room with its incandescent glow.

"She made sure to leave that part the first time she mentioned, alright." You grumbled under your breath.

Chaewon patted your head as she noticed your current distress while Yeonjun and Soobin looked at you with sympathy laced upon their irises. It was currently near twilight in the nearing end of summer. From a distance, you can hear a few neighbours that stood up late making BBQ in their backyards, while some of the houses remained still and quiet.

The light on your window was like a singular lamp amidst a dark room to your unlit neighbourhood. It was summer break so your parents didn’t mind you staying up late. They even let your friends stay over with the exception of Soobin and Yeonjun sleeping on a spare mattress on the floor.

“Yn, I knew it was too suspicious that your mom was offering you THAT much just for one day of mentoring!” Yeonjun pointed out from his mattress below before joining everyone on your bed.

“At least you’re getting money out of this, am I right?” Chaewon said after smacking the poor boy with her elbows, triggering a laugh from Soobin as he saw Yeonjun’s current state.

“-Ouch! Gosh Chae that hurt!” He threw her a nasty glare and Chaewon stuck her tongue out in response. “Plus the fact that Mama Kang AND Mama Lee promised to take you shopping makes it too good to be true to just make that a one time thing.” Yeonjun shrugged before dodging another hit from Chaewon.

“Ugh I hate it when you’re smart sometimes, Junnie.”

“Don’t forget the fact that your mom promised to buy us all concert tickets!” Soobin reminded. “Work your ass off Ms.Kang. We would be thanking you for your services!” He stood from the bed, bowing 90 degrees to you causing the room to erupt in laughter.

“You all better be thanking me for this! I don’t know how I'm going to handle him for the rest of the summer! He’s literally my neighbour! I see him everyday. I can even see him across my window!” Once more, you buried your head on the pillows, gaze unconsciously averting to the blinds covering the glass panels.

“But you hadn’t seen him nor contacted him for six months right? Surely he changed.” Chaewon pondered earning a scoff from you. “Girl let me tell you, he did not.” You answered, emphasising the “not”.

Yeonjun laughed at your misery, opting you to throw a pillow at his face. The room had gone through its nth time of laughing fit before you all started to calm down.

As the room went down from its climax, Soobin’s question seemed to pique everyone's interest. “By the way if it’s okay to ask, how did you and heeseung hate each other like this? I mean the two of you never got along. Everyone knows that but like you both definitely seem more intense now like ever since you got offered to join the exchange student program.”

You sighed before answering. “Well it’s a long story but-”

*

“-I was supposed to get the offer to join the exchange student program.” Just a few meters from where you and your friend gathered, Heeseung and his friends were doing the exact same thing you were doing.

They all gathered on his mattress, sharing stories as the moon reaches its peak of serenity. “Ohh i get it, so from your point of view, it seemed as if she “stole” your future.” Jay nodded at his friend as the room was filled with collected hums and a few shocked faces.

“No lie I would’ve hated them too if someone did that to me.” Jake added, agreeing to his friend’s current situation."

Heeseung only shrugged and buried himself in the comfort of his pillows. “So what are you gonna do now, hyung?” The youngest of them questioned. “I don’t know. I mean there’s no point in defying my mom when she’s persistent. So I guess I’ll just go with it.”

“Do you still hate Yn because of it now? I mean it’s been six months.” Jungwon tilted his head, curious. “I…I don’t know. We’ve never gotten along since we were five so I don’t think our relationship changed a lot.” Heeseung raised himself from his pillows, now sitting upright.

“But it's not entirely her fault, is it? If you had been a better option for the program you would still be chosen regardless.” Jay knocked some sense into his friend.

“I guess I just blamed her for being better.” A strain smile settled on his lips.

“But to be honest I don’t really care about it anymore, you know? If i really did get that exchange student program, I would've missed so many moments with you guys, including how Niki literally got a girlfriend?? Earlier than me??” Their hearts warmed to Heeseung’s statement before laughing at his last.

The night on both sides of the window ended after crescent smiles and glee surrounding the atmosphere as the sun began to rise causing them to go to a much needed slumber.

*

“Hey, Noona. Looks like you're in a good mood.” You entered the shop with a smile as you greeted the smiling Sunoo. “Yes because you're the first person I see here, and not that brat.” You whispered the last part.

“Quite the charmer you are, Yn.” A familiar voice rang your eardrums. Speak of the devil. “Right, I was praying you would forget this whole thing and just go sulk in your room all summer.” You grumbled, not bothering to avert your gaze to align with your nemesis behind you.

You feel his presence drawing closer and closer before halting just a few inches from your back. Sunoo is long gone now, opting to prepare some stuff in the storage room.

“And make you look good, whereas I look like the rebel child? Keep dreaming, Kang.” He whispered, voice dripping with mirth.

You scoffed rolled your eyes in response, moving forward towards the register, leaving Heeseung to fend for himself at that moment.

This is going to be a long day.

*

One week has passed and you are now used to seeing Heeseung lurk around the area. Now that he’s already familiar with the register and serving people you have to go to the next step: teach him how to make dumplings.

At first, you were against the idea. But your mom insisted that Mrs.Lee wanted Heeseung to be more adapt than any other employee. Hence why he needed to master more than one skill to manage. So, you gave in.

Heeseung was ready to start his new routine. Coming to the shop everyday (excluding Sundays and Saturdays) at 8am and start preparing the register and other things before opening at 9am. He’ll be honest, the first few days, he was dreading it. But eventually, being surrounded with the busy yet calming atmosphere of the shop feels so comfortable? Or maybe because he was spending his summer productively.

But yesterday, Yn had messaged him to arrive at the shop an hour earlier than usual. Seven am?! That’s basically dawn in Summer! Heeseung dragged his feet towards the welcoming door, the sun greeted him with a morning glow as he slowly entered his demise.

“Morning, sunshine. Are you awake?” Sitting in one of the chairs, you chuckled, amused at his hunched silhouette.

“You’re crazy for forcing me to work this early on. This is basically child labor!” He sat opposing you, hands folded above the table as he buried his head in between his arms.

“Well your mother consented to this. Get up.” Your request was left hanging as Heeseung replied an audible “no”, prompting you to leave the boy behind.

Droplets of water trickled to the back of his neck, stirring him awake before he-hold on why was he wet? His fingers touched the source of coldness, his head jolted up meeting your gaze. ”You’re fucking crazy!”

“Thanks, baby. Awake now?” The smirk on your lips is evident and Heeseung swore that he was going to rip your face off.

*

“What are we doing?” Instead of answering, you hand a slightly-damp Heeseung an apron and ushered him to wash his hands before starting. “Just go wash your hands first.” He rolled his eyes before complying to your demands.

After finishing with such tasks he returned to his position beforehand. “All clean now.” He dangled his palms to align with your vision. Now that the two of you are clean it's time to start this mission. Wrapping dumplings.

Heeseung eyes lingered on the swift movement of your fingers. Quick hands easily wrap the ball of meat between a thin layer of dough. He shifted his attention elsewhere for a second and when he returned, you were already done with the process. The perfectly wrapped mandu sat in the heart of your palms, sitting proudly before him.

“That doesn’t look hard, let me do it.” The boy shrugged, earning an amused scoff from you. He took the initiative to try it for himself, but before he could reach the layers of thin dough, he felt a slight sting lingering on his arm. “Gosh! What was that for?!”

“Do you ever pay attention? Lace your hands with some flour before taking the dough so it’s not sticky, bambi.”

Bambi? Did you just refer to him as a Disney cartoon animal?! Well sucks to be you at least he was a Disney character. Not some meaningless being.

“Crazy bitch.”

“What did you say?!”

“I said I got the hitch!” Was hitch even a word? Probably. Or not. Heeseung grudgingly dipped his fingers into the bowl of flour before spreading a light amount in his palms. He then took a thin layer of dough and a little ball of minced meat mixed with onions and other dumpling stuffings(?). He placed the ball in the center of the surface before…before…uhm what was the next step again?

His hands froze mid air for a second. Should he ask for help? Oh and get roasted for not paying attention again? No thanks, his ego was too big for that. Right he’ll figure this out. This is Lee Heeseung we’re talking about. Lee Heeseung vs dumpling, let’s see who’ll win this game.

The tall boy recalled your hand movements, trying hard to remember the steps you did. Right it was uhm….take the left corner, then the right, unite them to the center? Yeah that right. Next is…squish the edges! He’s too smart and talented for this. Heeseung 1, dumpling 0.

The satisfied smile he wore was so apparent. The tips of his finger lightly pressed onto the dough in an attempt to link them together. Except it was not sticking. He kept on applying pressure, more and more as the seconds tick. Once he thought that it would hold, he settled the…ill-shaped dumpling on the table. With his hands on his hips, he turned to face your observing stance. Not bad for his first try. Or so he thought.

Five seconds of victory was cut short when the dumpling slowly–but surely–unwrapped itself from the shape Heeseung molded it to. Heeseung 0, dumpling 1.

The guise of his face showed it all–his mouth hung open, eyes deadpanning the dumpling like it was his sworn enemy–it was so hard not to erupt in laughter. You covered your mouth to contain your glee. This was too funny.

Your oddly timed coughing shifted Heeseung’s gaze to yours. At first the look in his eyes reeks of annoyance but the sound of your echoing laugh was enough to leave a ghost of a smile on his face. You didn’t get angry, that was a first.

Heeseung was shocked to see how calm you were after witnessing his failure. (except for the laughing part) “I would be a hypocrite if I got angry at you.” You started. “The first time mom taught me how to wrap these, I would always rip the dough.”

“Oh.”

“Right.” You cleared your throat. “Let me repeat the steps again, slowly this time.”

The clueless boy watched your movements distinctly. He noticed how eased you were as you did the task at hand, focused yet you were doing it so effortlessly. He also noticed how you poke your tongue slightly when your fingers pinched the perfectly folded dumplings’ little details, and the little specks of flour that landed on the tip of your nose. There was something about you today that he couldn’t ignore.

Heeseung looked at your current expression, and suddenly you both were five again. You were sitting in his living room with a crayon tucked in between your fingers, your tongue slightly stuck out as you avert your attention to your drawing as your mothers chatter dissipates in the back.

Twelve years have passed yet you still look the same to him. The first girl that entered his life other than his mother, the first girl he fought with, and the first girl he ever loved. Not that he was ever going to admit that. But perhaps just for today, he would forget your fuse with him and pretend that everything is okay

“That’s how you make a perfect dumpling.” The curve of your lips was so warm and inviting and he felt a suspiciously warm feeling slowly settling on his chest. Well that was new. Maybe because it was too early in the morning that’s why Heeseung felt so out of it today. “Ehem, okay. I should be able to do it now.”

*

“Mom, I’m back!” You enter the living room, goals set to lay comfortably down at the soft cushions of your couch. “In the kitchen, sweetie! Come Yn, Aunty Lee is here.”

The smell of homemade cooking dragged you to your mother. “Hi mom, hi Auntie Lee.” Eyes crinkled as you smiled widely at the two most important figures in your life.

“Hey, honey. Hope Hee hasn't given you a hard time.” Mrs. Lee softly smiled. “Do you really need to ask that to know, Auntie?” Your joke (not) prompts the two middle aged women to laugh. “Jokes aside, I guess he's tolerable when he shuts up.”

“Yn!”

“Kidding, mom!” Not really.

“Anyways, we owe you a shopping spree. Let's go this weekend. Your shift ends at noon right, darling? What do you say?” Your eyes lit up at the offer.

Who were you to refuse?

*

Smell of dumplings and busy chatters crowded the shop, sunlight beaming through glass tinted windows as customers took over the vacant seats available. “Here’s your freshly steamed mandu, Auntie Park.” Mrs. Park was a regular, don’t get me wrong, she was lovely, but she could be a little…nosy.

“You’ve gotten much more beautiful since coming home from Japan.” She smiled knowingly. “Tell me, have you found any Japanese boyfriend, dear?”

Your eyes widened–not expecting her direct question. “ I can assure you, auntie. No boyfriends here.” The curve of your mouth formed upwards. “Is that so?” She squinted her eyes in suspicion, eyes darting to follow Heeseung’s moving figure a few feet away. “I see that Ha-eun’s boy is here helping. Is that one your boyfriend?”

Heeseung? You boyfriend? You grimaced at the thought. You would rather eat a raw dumpling.

“Oh auntie, literally anyone but him. Besides, I’m too busy studying and helping with the shop while dad is busy planning on opening other branches.” You chuckled, denying her assumption.

“What a perfect daughter you are! I bet Ha-yoon and Ji-woo are proud to have you as their daughter.” You were about to leave before hearing her continue. “You know, I have a son your age. You should know him, he goes to Decelis too. Park Jeongsong, are you familiar? Maybe I should set you guys up.”

She lifted her point finger to her chin. “I think you guys are compatible, he's mature….”

Park Jeongsong. Of course you were familiar. He’s one of Heeseung’s close friends and the only one that you tolerate. To be honest you were quite tempted at her offer. Jay’s got it all. Perfect looks, ridiculously sharp jawline, and most importantly manners (one that Heeseung lacked for sure). You scoffed mentally at the thought. But unfortunately, you were not looking for anyone to date for the time being.

“I’m sure he’s great, auntie. I’m just focusing on myself right now.” You politely turned her down. “Enjoy your dumplings, please tell me if you need any assistance.”

“Yes, thank you dear. I hope I wasn’t being too nosy. I’m still working on that.”

“Don’t worry about it, auntie.”

*

Mrs. Lee and your mother promised to pick you up right after your shift ends. It’s been two weeks since Heeseung’s arrival and you notice that he’s becoming accustomed to the work before him. Given so, this was your first time leaving him alone in the shop. Even though there were other workers, you still hadn’t completely trusted the boy.

“Double check the orders, got it.”

“-And shut the blinds when closing.” He repeated after you.

“Honestly, why are you so anxious? I’m not going to bomb this place when you leave, Yn.” Heeseung crossed his arms. “Don’t trust me enough, flower?” His glint is mischievous, teasing apparent in his tone.

“First of all, don’t call me that.” You shudder at the nickname. “Second of all, no I don’t trust you. What if this place turns to ashes when I return.”

“Okay, flower.” He was playing with you, you knew that. “I’m not even in charge of the kitchens, I promise I won’t blow this place down.”

“Hmm, okay.” Your pupils shifted left and right–as if you were looking for someone. “Sunoo, watch over him for me when I’m gone.” You untie your apron from the nape of your neck before nearing the exit earning a nod from the young boy.

*

The shopping spree was fruitful, they really went all out on this one. Insisting on buying you dresses, cute tops, pants, shoes, as well as a few accessories. You were grateful–of course–but you would be lying if you said it wasn’t tiring. Though as tiring as it can be, you were having fun.

You entered your house with shopping bags occupying your upper limbs, the weight heavy on your arms. Your mother had a few of her own too and you wonder how she was carrying them with grace. You both dropped the bags on the floor before entering the empty living room. “Huh, I guess Tae and your father have gone to sleep.”

To be honest, any sane person would. It was almost twilight. The three of you found a night market on your way back, compelled by the mannequins and price tags, the two women dragged you out of the car to have a look around.

“So, Yn, now that we’re alone.” Your mother settled on the couch. “Tell me-”

*

“-how’s everything going on in the shop?” Lee Hae-in met her son still sitting in the lounge room upon her return, his eyes glued to the show on tv. But now, the dark screen reflected two figures sitting on the cushions, a mother with the son she grounded.

“It’s not that bad, I guess.” Heeseung started. “At first it was-”

*

“-dreadful. I hated mentoring him. He did everything wrong and would make annoying expressions everytime I corrected him. I felt like I wanted to pull his hair out!” Your hands went up to your head in frustration triggering a laugh from your mom.

“Is that so? Now that we’re basically halfway there,-

*

“-How do you think about her now? About all this, I mean.” The Lee woman questioned, ears perked as she listened contently to her son before her. “Uhm, I guess we’re getting along more? I mean we don’t fight that often anymore. A few insults are thrown now and then but that’s just how we always are at each other.”

“That’s good to hear.” A satisfied smile graced the older Lee. “How about the shop? Are you doing your tasks well, dear?”

“Yeah, I think I’m getting the hang of it now.”

The two older women were happy at their children’s answers. Just two more weeks or so and maybe just maybe this will mark the end of awkward dinners and uneasy tension.

“Heeseung, honey, I know you were upset with Yn after she won the exchange program instead of you. However, you’re almost an adult now. I think this is bothering her as well, why don’t you two take some time to talk about it?”

Heeseung pondered before answering his mother. Even though the tension has resided between you two for the time being, it was mostly due to professionalism to maintain poise in front of other employees and customers. If he wanted this to remain forever (or at least longer than the summer break) he would have to clear the air.

“I’ll think about it, mom.”

*

“Heeseug, I told you to be gentle with that!”

“Yn, I’m doing it exactly like what you told me!”

Shuffling noise and exclamation marks were the first thing Taehyun heard as he entered the shop at the break of dawn. “Gosh it's six am, they better not be fucking.” He grumbled under his breath before going into the kitchen.

“What are you guys doing?” Body leaned at the doorway, Kang Taehyun watched his hyung and noona–who claimed they hated each other–wrapping dumplings (more like wrapping each other) in a very close proximity.

Ha! Two weeks in, and they’re already getting closer. He was right. Now mom and Auntie Lee owe him so much cash for this.

You were quick to add some space in between you. The blood rushed to your face resulting to a pinkish hue. “We’re just preparing the mandus for today.”

“Riight. I’ll be at the register if you need me. Which you probably won’t.” He turned his back from the seniors behind him, the smirk on his face widened as he imagined how much money he’ll receive upon winning the bet with his mom and Heeseung’s.

flashback (few weeks ago)

Rays of sunlight occupied each corner of the living room as the songbird sang its morning praises. It was a perfect day to relax. Lee Hae-in and Kang Ha-yoon sat amidst thick cushions as they waited for their steamed milk buns to cook.

“You know, that was cheeky of you when you suggested this summer activity for Heeseung.” Ha-yoon started earning a light giggle from her dearest friend. “I have the biggest opportunity laid bare in front of me! I couldn't resist even if I could help it.”

“How long will it take for them to warm up to each other?”

“Two weeks.”

A familiar voice urged them to snap their heads in its direction, only to find the youngest Kang standing with his hand crossed over his chest.

“How are you so sure, Taehyunnie?” His mother questioned. The Lee woman also looked reluctant. “They've been hating each other for years, Tae. I don't think they will get along in two weeks.”

“Are you willing to bet on it, Auntie Lee, Mom?” His challenging tone was inviting. Who were they to deny a bet? Without a second doubt, the two women nodded their heads and smirked. “You're so on.”

*

With a final click!, the shop was officially closed for the day. Heeseung handed the key to you before taking something from his bag. “Yn, hold on.” His hand is placed on your shoulder, urging you to turn towards his direction.

“Hm? What’s wrong? You tilted your head, confusion written all over your face. The boy released the light grip he had on you before lifting up his free hand and unfolding his wrapped fingers.

A gasp escaped your lips at the item he held before you. There it was, a small lego figurine sitting on the center of his palm. And it was not just any figurine, but it was your favorite back when you were five. Your eyes wander into his own, the small smile adorning his face along with the swirl of emotion pooling in his vision.

You remember the day you lost it. How the world seemed to crumple beneath your feet as you lost–no–Heeseung stole the main character of your ultimate favourite lego friends set.

“Missed her?” He nudged the figurine towards you, a sign for you to take it and you did just so. “So you did steal her, huh. You denied it so much back then, I still remember.” You bite your lip in effort to suppress the curve that was slowly creeping in, but seemingly failed as you examined the small toy in your hands.

The plastic was old and details were worn out due to aging but aside from that, all the parts remained intact and well kept. Heeseung did not break it nor ruined it like you thought he would. Instead he took great care of it. Why?

“I recall, it was the first time we met. We were at my housewarming party and I really wanted you to play with me and Tae, but you didn’t.” The raven haired boy reminisced, the smile still etched on his face. “You kept playing with this lego set without any bother in the world. I really wanted to play with you but all you do is ignore me.”

“So you stole the figurine to get my attention?” You raised your left eyebrow, an attempt to guess where he was going. A small chuckle rang through your ears. “Well, it worked I guess but not in the way that I hoped. After that I just–I don’t know–kept annoying you because that’s the only way you’ll ever pay attention.”

His words settled heavily on your heart. All this time, your feud growing up was just a matter of attention. Guilt crawled from the depths, slowly leaking through your eyes. Heeseung was quick to notice. “Yn, that was so long ago, no need to be guilty.” His hands went back to your shoulders. Somehow, the warmth radiating from him felt nice–comforting.

“We could’ve been those childhood friends.” You whispered, rewriting memories inside your head. Echoing a “what if” scenario if you got along from the beginning.

“We could be now, if you want.” Dozens of stars are reflected in the dark pupils of Heeseung’s doe eyes and you can’t bring yourself to look away, not even if you tried. Your gaze shifted to his lingering hand on your scapula before urging closer in his embrace. Arms wrapped itself around his body, your movement slow and careful, giving him space to walk away. But he didn’t. He enveloped you further into himself. Your face is pressed against his chest, eyes closed. No words are spoken but the gesture speaks volumes.

“I’m sorry, Yn.” Heeseung broke the silence between you. “For everything I did to you since we were five.” He whispered, fingers trailing the strands of your hair. “And more importantly, for taking out my anger on you when you got accepted to the exchange program instead of me.”

“I’m sorry too.” You replied, head turning up to meet his waiting gaze. “I joined the program to spite you. Didn’t think I would get it, but I somehow did and made everything worse.” You unwrap each other from the embrace, solemn looks embroidered on your faces. A gulf of harsh wind swept through you, your body shivered slightly at the impact, instantly missing the warmth from the previous action.

“You deserve it, Yn. I was jealous, I could admit that now. If I had been the better choice, I would still be chosen regardless.”

“Oh, Heeseung.” Your frown is evident, denting your features and the boy before you feels the urge to wipe it off so badly as if it had no right to tarnish your perfect face.

“It's all in the past now, flower. We're good now, right?” Heeseung smiled and after, you feel a hand slip itself into your own, relinquishing the comfort from the hug. You looked at your entwined hands before offering a small nod.

“It’s getting late. Let's walk home together, yeah?”

*

A week has gone by in a blur of routine. Summer break is ending and no amount of complaints is going to stop the time from running. Heeseung now stands right in front of your door, heart palpitating and hands sweaty. It's been 5 minutes now and he's still contemplating whether he should knock on your door or just leave at this point.

After that night, your relationship with him began to shift. As you arrive at your designated homes, you two meet again across the windows of your rooms. Exchanging waves and passing short notes through the glass barrier before bidding good night. It was like straight out of a Taylor Swift music video.

Heeseung caught a smile corrupting his features before closing his mouth in shock. Did he just smile at the memory of you?? What. The. Fuck. He shook his head abruptly from side to side, almost as if he had a goal to remove something from his mind.

Just as he was doing so, the door suddenly swung open. “Heeseung?” A voice called out, confusion lacing her tone. “Auntie Kang, Hi!” The boy offered a flashy smile, almost blinding the middle aged woman. “What are you doing here, Hee?” The woman smiled at the sight of him and raised her eyebrow in amusement at his…enthusiasm?

Heeseung was happy in the early morning. This was a first.

“Are you okay? Why do you seem so happy? Too happy maybe.” Her eyes squinted in suspicion. “Whaaat? Nothing, Auntie! Just excited because dad said I could use his motorcycle today.”

Your mother hummed in understanding. Muttering how kids these days are so funny before asking the bambi-eyed boy, “What are you doing here thou-”

“Hee, you're here!” An excited voice called out, prompting the two figures on the doorway to look your way.

So this is what it's about. Mrs.Kang bit her bottom lip to contain the smile from seeping through. Noting the interaction in her mind to tell Heeseung’s mother for their planned brunch in a few hours.

Your mother wasn't oblivious, something clearly changed between you too. Gone were the two kids that used to chase each other in the courtyard, sabotaging each other’s items for revenge. You’re all grown up now and Kang Hayoon almost felt a tear drop from her left eye.

Call her dramatic but hey, Heeseung is as much like her child as you are. Just like you are a daughter to the Lees. And these two children used to be muttering curse words why chasing each other.

Kang Hayoon felt a wave of surging proudness. While your father is busy taking care of building another branch for the restaurant, you offered to manage the current one for the summer so your mom could rest. Even with your position as Heeseung’s mentor, you still insist doing so with the excuse that Heeseung is already well adapted with everything now.

You reached the door, giving your mom a quick kiss on the cheek and a goodbye before leaving with the boy. “Bye mom, it’s almost eight. We’re going to the restaurant now!” You greeted her from the motorcycle seat. “Bye, Auntie! We’ll be careful, don't worry!” He smiled once more and with a final wave, the two sped away from the driveway leaving the smiling woman on her porch.

“Hae-in needs to hear about this.” Your mother giggled before calling Heeseung’s mom on dial and closing the door as she decided that she could not wait for brunch to tell her.

*

To say Sunoo was shocked was an understatement. He stood behind the register, preparing the cash for change as he was met with his boss (you) and the intern (heeseung) got out of a motorbike together. His eyes were like saucers and his jaw was wide open. He’s so used to seeing you both fight in the mornings that it felt so…weird seeing the two of you all smiley.

“Fuck, I owe Taehyun 5 bucks now.” He whispered lowly, silently cursing at the bet he lost. The boy smiled and greeted you as well as Heeseung before returning to his current task, not forgetting to make those classic Sunoo bewildered faces behind the register and away from your prying eyes.

Taehyun arrives later with some special premade dumplings made by your mother. Passing by Sunoo as he received the cash with a swift motion in triumph. You and Heeseung are both too easy. He thought, suppressing the singular curve forming on his lips.

*

The restaurant thrives under your management. You silently thank your dad for teaching you these skills since you were little. Heeseung is currently working as a waiter (because you think he is still wonky at wrapping dumplings), busy tending to curious aunties with his charm. After your little heart to heart, you start to see him in a different light. The way his smile deepens as he is asked about his interests, the politeness seeping through his crinkled eyes when he excused himself and moved closer to you-wait what??

“You think I wouldn't notice you staring, flower?” You grimaced at the decor beside you, finding any mistake palpable in your surroundings, and ignoring the way your stomach fluttered at the nickname he just called you. Heeseung chuckled at your antics, finding you adorable.

“Staring? Hah! You’re so full of yourself, Heeseung.” Your false laughter echoed through the restaurant, turning a few heads from other workers before you threw them a glare to go back to work. “That was Jay and Jake’s moms. They were wondering how I’m doing.” You scrunch your eyebrows at his explanation. “Okay? I didn’t ask what you were doing, Lee.”

“Back to last name basis? You wound me, baby.” The bambi-eyed boy placed his hand on his chest, feigning a hurt look on his face. You rolled your eyes at him (and that ridiculous petname) before shoving him lightly. “Go back to work, employee.”

“On it, boss.” He replied, not forgetting to throw a wink at you before opting back to work. Fuck, what was he doing to you?

*

You’re pacing back and forth across your room, hands on your hips, and hair all disheveled. Chaewon laid comfortable on your mattress, elbows supporting her upper body as she watched your distressed state with amusement. “Yn, you’re going crazy.”

Tonight was an overdue girls night, meaning Chae is over at your house for the weekend. This day also marks the second last week of summer. That means one more week ‘till you are back to textbooks and exams. You groaned at the thought (and at Chaewon) before inching towards the window. Your eyes subconsciously reached the house across yours, revealing your beloved neighbor–shirtless–his ridiculously sculpted figure standing there on the other side of his window for the whole world (you) to see as he held what looked like shirts on his left hand and his phone on the right pressed on his ear as if he was calling someone.

“Uhm Yn, you’re gawking.” Your best friend peered behind you. Her hands on your shoulders as she took a peek of the sight before you. You hurriedly closed the blinds in reflex. “Damn okay, you don’t want me looking at your man. I’ll be respectful.” A sheepish smile kissed Chaewon’s face before turning her back on you and jumping back into bed.

“Chae, something is wrong with me.” You fall face flat to your bed, right beside your girlfriend. “Everytime I see him, I feel this weird feeling in my chest–and no it’s not the urge to pull out his hair.” You murmured, flipping your body to align with the ceiling before continuing. “Which is really weird because I used to always feel that way.” You pointed out, index finger up to enhance your stance. “But now everytime I see his face I just want to-want to-”

“Kiss him?” Chaewon’s smirk is glowing in her features, fully dripping with mischief. You sat up at her reply before turning your head towards your best friend, your expression shaped in disbelief. “Chaewon, what the hell.” You grab your nearest plushie–one that you stole from Taehyun’s best friend, HeuningKai–before (affectionately) beating the brown-eyed girl with it.

The sound of laughter filled the room like oxygen. “Yn, you can hit me all you want but you can’t deny it.” The raven haired girl said between her fits of giggle. “After that little apology session, you just want to kiss him pretty.” The wiggle of Chae’s brows urged you to throw the plushie right at her face. Your friend groaned at the impact before recovering as if it was nothing.

Suddenly, everything comes crashing down like an airplane with a failing engine. You paused abruptly, a huge thought bubble forming above your head. Fuck did you like him? Like, like–like him?? No, you can’t. You can’t be catching feelings with the boy you just made amends with a week ago. The boy you swore to hate since you were toddlers.

Chaewon read the expression on your face like an openbook before opting to sit across from you. “Yn, for what’s worth, he’s a really nice person. And he’s practically already family.” Her hands made their way to your shoulders. The feeling is familiar but different. Chaewon’s arms are lighter and more poised in contrast to Heeseung’s warm touch. Your head darted to your covered window, curiosity pooling in your heart at what he was doing and what he would think of this–of you.

“Imagine telling your family that you and Heeseung are a thing.” Your best friend started. “Auntie Lee and Auntie Kang are going to start jumping in glee and start preparing for your wedding with an eight week honeymoon plan to the Bahamas.” You rolled your eyes at Chae’s daydream. Though deep down, your heart swelled at the thought, offering a silent prayer as hope for the future.

“Ever since that day, he’s been, I don’t know, different.” Distress is evident in your sigh, storms of doubt clouding your thoughts. “Maybe I’m getting attached to him, I’m not sure. Maybe I’m spending too much time with that guy.” You place two hands on Chaewon’s shoulders before shaking her. “Chae, baby, loml, cleanse me, like right now.” Chaewon nodded at the request like a diligent soldier before shaking you with much more intensity.

“All cleansed now?” She asked, before stopping the vast movement. Your head is spinning, figuratively and literally, and you raised both of your thumbs toward the raven haired girl. “Fuck, I like him. I like Lee Heeseung.” You confessed against a pillow you found beside you, banging your head at the soft cushion before muffling your exasperated scream as Chaewon sat behind and patted your back in reassurance.

What a way to start girls' night.

*

Heeseung thinks you’re acting weird. You’ve been avoiding him lately–more than usual. Was it because he’s not improving with his dumpling wrapping skills? Or was it because that stunt Jake convinced him to pull, ending with him shirtless before his opened window across your own as he pretended to call someone, looking all important, while it was Jake on the other end, fully assuring him that this plan is foolproof. That it will make you go all drooling on him and finally fall in love.

The bambi-eyed boy mentally cursed at Jake. His plan definitely made you think Heeseung was some weirdo. Fuck, he just ruined all his chances with you and it’s all because of that stupid Austrilian.

Heeseung came true to his feelings one random night in the middle of a night ride with you. You both just finished closing up the shop, bidding farewell to your other workers before logging off for the night.

The boy noticed your tired demeanor, immediately slipping your hand in his before leading you to his bike. “What's the hurry, Hee?” You giggled softly at his antics, the sound speeding his drumming heart ever so slightly.

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” He unclasped your joint hand, and the warmth soon returned as he fixed your helmet on your head before adjusting his own.

Heeseung drives at a medium pace. Not too slow to bore you but also not too fast to risk your lives. The bambi-eyed boy passed your houses, earning a curious look from you. You watch as you exit the suburbs to a little road near the highway. The view from above was breathtaking, city lights cover the vast land like pieces of your lego city collection. You gasped at the beauty ahead of you. The dark haired boy stopped at the hook of the road, taking off his helmet and yours as his steps started inching towards the railings of the empty road.

You follow closely behind, basking on the beauty of the night. The city is still lively–it always is. A contrast to the sleeping stars that hung on the horizon, blinking in haze as humans are left to wonder from below.

Your hand is placed beside his on the railing. Gentle wind kissed the tip of your nose with grace, prompting you to close your eyes to enjoy the serene moment. “This is nice.” You whispered, releasing all the stress harboring on your shoulders and Heeseung hummed in agreement, his head turning in your direction.

The boy watched the sight before him with much intent. His focus shifted to the details of your skin, blurring the busy city’s whispers. Remnants of neon lights were reflected on your face below the moonlight. He noticed your lids fluttering before gazing at the stars above. “What a pretty view.”

Heeseung’s eyes remained on you, the city and sky distorted as he pinned his vision on you. “Yeah, it’s breathtaking.”

The two of you went home in comfortable silence. Your head slowly drowsing on his back before you fix your position to sit upright. Heeseung chuckled at your sleepy state before muttering, “You can sleep, flower. We’ll be home in no time.” His tone is soft on your ears and you hummed at him–too sleepy to voice a proper reply. And before you know it, two arms wrapped itself around Heeseung’s waist, prompting his heart to stop for a second before running at a faster pace. You settle comfortably behind him, your cheek pressed on his back as he drives with such carefulness and grace to your homes.

After returning to his own room, we wasted no time to call his closest friends, confiding to them about his newfound realization. He was in love with you, so badly.

*

Today was the day. The day where Heeseung is going to confront you. He’s tired of having to walk around eggshells around you, he wants to make things right, clear out any misunderstandings (and maybe confess if it all goes right). You texted him yesterday that you won't be needing a ride from him as you had to tend to other matters earlier than usual. As much as it disappointed him, he had no choice but to comply, not wanting to push past the boundaries you built.

Heeseung arrived at the restaurant much earlier than usual. He glanced at his watch, the time read 7:30. Seven fucking thirty. Gosh it was dawn for holiday mood Heeseung (even though it was 30 minutes earlier than his usual routine, BUT that was 30 minutes of sleeping wasted) The things he’d do for you. The boy sighed, fumbling with a copy of the key you gave him before.

He inserted the key towards the hole, turning it to the left in an attempt to unlock the door but failed in doing so. Heeseung paused before examining the handle, confusion glazing his features as his hand grabbed the knob before slowly pulling it down and opening the door with success.

What? Did you forget to lock the door before closing yesterday? No, he was sure you didn't. You were never that irresponsible. In fact you were probably never irresponsible at all. Did someone break in? There were no signs of force breaking in so that was not possible.

An echo of laughter rang through his ears, stopping Heeseung from his tracks. He peered his eyes at the sound that seemed to be coming from the kitchen. Slowly, the boy made his way towards the source, curiosity tugging his heart.

The kitchen light was on and through the window, Heeseung could perfectly see two people standing at the dumpling-making-table-thingy. His eyes widened at the revelation, there was you talking to another man beside you. He's seen him before, but he just can't quite place who. It’s one of those boys you hang around with. Soobin and Yeongjum? Whatever it was.

The boy squinted his eyes, trying to make out who exactly was this person beside you. A distraction to suppress the gnawing feeling pooling in his chest as another line of laughter escaped your lips.

His heart ached when your laugh settled on his mind. A pang of jealousy hit him across the face. You never laughed that much with him. Well maybe it was due to your past rivalry, but it's all gone now, right?

Well maybe he was wrong because your words proved him otherwise.

“By the way, Yn.” The man before you called out, prompting you to hum in reply. “How's everything, you know? With the Heeseung thing and all.”

“It's been really tiring. With school coming soon and everything, ugh.” You sighed, the crease in your eyebrows deepening and Heeseung felt the urge to kiss it away. Though he grounded himself at his position, still behind the walls as he listened to your conversation.

“I’ve been avoiding him lately, Junnie.” His ear perked up at your confession, subconsciously leaning in to hear you more clearly. Ah yeah, Yeonjun. That was his name.

“Why?” Yeonjun asked, confusion wrapping his tone as his hands skillfully wrapped the dumpling before him. Your lack of answer shifted Heeseung's focus to the ridiculously perfect dumpling sitting proudly on Yeonjun’s hand and how quickly he moves on to the next one, wrapping with such professionalism as if he's been folding dumplings since he was born.

Heeseung’s annoyance was cut short as he heard your answer. “I don't know. I just…don't want him to get the wrong idea.” Your voice is small, barely heard, but Heeseung could hear the words clearly.

You didn't want him to get the wrong idea. That was it, that was basically a rejection. You don't feel the same. The bambi eyed boy felt his heart sinking in his chest. The same organ weighs fifty thousand pounds heavier than it usually was, dragging him down with it.

“Anyway, you're driving to the concert, right?” You questioned, tone picking up ever so slightly.

Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows. Concert?

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He heard Yeonjun reply. “You've worked so hard to earn these tickets, we’ll have the best time there together, Ynnie.”

The boy behind the kitchen window resisted the urge to scoff. So that's it? You agreed to mentor him for a stupid concert date? Jealousy was a drug and Heeseung dwelled in it with no hesitation. He ignored the way his heart clenched at the thought of losing you. Well, you were never his in the first place.

They boy left the restaurant in the same manner he went in but with more passive aggression. Taking the keys with him before driving off back to his house. Fuck this stupid mentoring shit and Fuck these stupid frelings.

You remained unaware of the tragedy that happened outside as you continued to focus on preparing the delicacy. “Yn, you have to tell him.” Yeonjun’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You still, knowing exactly what he meant, while hands are still moving–folding the dough as if it ran an automatic program. “I don't know, Junnie. What if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings?”

“He would be stupid not to.”

*

Yeonjun was right, you had to be true to your feelings. Your friend left after he finished helping you with the dumplings, leaving you alone amidst your thoughts as the workers arrived one by one. You watch by the front door carefully, eyes focused to find a certain bambi-eyed boy. Concern clouded your mind, the clock strikes nine and Heeseung has yet to make his appearance.

This was weird, he was never late (save the first day). Well maybe because you’ve been going here together for the past few days, but he was never late even at the beginning. Did something happen to him? “Sunoo, have you seen Heeseung?” You turned your head towards Sunoo behind the register, eyebrows furrowed in question. The boy shook his head in response and you ignored the way your heart sank.

You grab your phone from your pocket, muscle memory automatically hovering towards his contact. These past few days you and Heeseung’s been texting more often, and though you hate to admit it, the feeling made you giddy to the heart. Your fingers typed on the keypad in a swift move, texting a quick “where r u it’s late” and a “r u okay?” right after.

The boy in question was laid in his bed. Back against the mattress as he wallows in heartbreak songs all morning. The ping from his phone urged him to open the screen, his chest heaved heavily upon seeing your messages. Why do you care? He scoffed after reading the message mentally. Just let that Yeonjun replace him or something. Heeseung suppressed his impulsive thought to type that in and settled with a lame excuse instead. “not feeling well, won’t come today. sry." Before turning up the volume as Mr. Loverman comes to play.

You frowned at his reply, a worried expression taking over your features. “oh no :( get well soon hee.” Your fingers moved before you could control them. “rest up. I’ll come over after my shift.”

Heeseung widened his eyes as he read your reply, clearly not expecting your last statement. He quickly sat up, thinking of yet another lame excuse to avoid you seeing him. Fuck this was bad, his plan surely backfired on him. “U CANT! Uhm it’s infectious, don’t come near me or u’ll get sick.”

Infectious? What? Is Heeseung okay? You spent the whole week maybe even month with him lately, and whatever it is he caught, there’s probably a big change you’ve caught it too. “Did u get covid or smthn?” You typed in, concerned for yourself too slowly creeping in. It’s been years since the pandemic, you were even surprised it was still a thing. “does it mean I cld have it too? Shld i get tested? Yk what imma get tested rn.”

“It’s not covid!” His reply made you pause on your tracks. “It’s nthn srs, u don’t have to come. Js focus on the shop.”

“Will u return tmrw?” You questioned, no effort in containing your curiosity. “Idk, we’ll see.”

Yeah right, “we’ll see.” Heeseeung scoffed at his own text. He’ll see if he recovered from heartbreak enough to be able to see your stupidly beautiful face. The boy locked his phone before opting to throw it to his bed as he continued to blast to a thousand more sad songs. Fuck you and your perfect self. Why don’t you just go take care of Yeonjun when he’s sick of something.

*

Friday comes in a flash. The sun has set twice since Heeseung’s disappearance and he thinks two days are enough time to sulk and return to his current summer disposition. It was his last day here anyways. After this, school will return and you both will just pretend the other doesn't exist as usual.

He makes his way past the front doors, mind unfocused as he ventures inside the restaurant. His tired eyes met yours, and for one second Heeseung forgets everything he eavesdropped that morning. “Heeseung.” You called out, surprise laced on your tone, clearly not expecting his return after disappearing from the face of earth. The boy resisted the desire in his heart to just run and hug you until you suffocate. But the remnants of your voice that haunted him till this day pulled him back. “I’ve been avoiding him, Junnie. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”

Right, you don’t like him that way. He has to remind himself of that and drill it onto his brain. “Heeseung?” You draw closer at his silence. Your hand slowly made its way to his arm, touching the skin slightly before the boy nudged back, avoiding your grasp.

Oh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, whatever. I’ll just go to work now.”

You don’t know what’s going on, you don’t know what’s wrong. His tone is indifferent, cold, and weaved with a harsh emotion you can’t quite place. The boy passed by you, accidentally bumping your shoulder before starting his usual routine. You could almost hear your heart breaking in your chest, the feeling dragging you down as rain started to pour, the clouds diminishing the ray of sunlight left in your eyes and the sky.

*

The rest of the day is filled with awkward tension and forced professionalism. Heeseung is aware of his status in the restaurant so he maintained his poise. Though he can’t help but steal glances of you, managing the schedule and tending the customers with such light in your eyes, contrast to his gloomy vision. The pain in his heart is subduable but he hates it. It was stupid of him to fall for you in the first place. You were always there, not even 200 meters away from him everyday, yet why do you still remain so out of reach?

Yellow hue dissipates into serene blue, the stars finally waking up to light the dark night. Heeseung waits behind, leaning on his motorcycle as you close up for the day. This was it, his last shift and probably his last one-on-one interaction with you.

As much as Heeseung wants to avoid you right now, he doesn’t have the heart to make you walk back alone. After all the past two days has been enough.

The ride back home was quiet, awkward silence cut through the tension like knife slicing though a piece of room temperature butter. The boy stops in front of your driveway, waiting for you to remove your helmet before parking the bike in his garage.

“Thank you.” Your whisper graced his ear, your gaze finding him like a pirate longing for her lost treasure. “For the ride…and for everything.” Was what you said before turning your back on him and reaching towards your front door.

Heeseung was quick to return home, not forgetting to wipe the strain tear that escaped his right eye as he reached the comfort of his room. Gosh was he stupid.

*

“Babe, do you think Hoshi is going to notice me if I use this top or the other?” Chaewon stands in front of the full length mirror, opting two tops each on her left and right hand. The question rang pass through your ears, your focus all poured towards your window, gaze stuck on the glass panels across your own, his midnight blue curtains covering the interior, screaming at you like it held a “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS” sign right on your face.

Your best friend turned her head towards you at your lack of reply, eyebrows furrowed as she noticed your current predicament. She was quick to move towards your window and closed the blinds, bursting the rain cloud forming above your head. “Yn, spill the beans.” Chaewon’s voice is serious and compelling, and just like that, words start spilling from your mouth. You told how gentle and considerate he’s become for the past week, the occasional night rides, the conversation that continued till midnight, the little notes you passed from your window, and the fact that he suddenly started to act cold and weird on you since Wednesday.

Chaewon listened with much intent, her hands moved quickly to wipe your damp cheeks as the tears fell without any warning. Well good thing you haven’t started your makeup. “You have to talk to him, baby.” She started, hands gentle on the crown of your head. “I’m going to beat him up for making you cry.” She whispered lowly, triggering a chuckle from your throat.

“How? All he does is avoid me. I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

The raven-haired girl hummed in response, the gears of her brain spinning. “Don't your families have a joint dinner together every last Sunday of the month?” You nodded slowly at her question, mind deliberately following where she was going. “That’s tomorrow, you’ll talk to him then. Steal him away after dinner or something.” She lifted up her arms to your shoulders before shaking them hard. “Let me cleanse you. For now, let's have fun, look at hot men dancing and doing fanservice. Forget ALL the drama.”

A chuckle escaped your lips as the light made its way back to your eyes. She’s right. Today you’re going to forget about Heeseung and that stupidly pretty face of his. Tonight you’re going to go to that SEVENTEEN concert and occupy your mind with Joshua Hong.

*

Family dinner is awkward as usual. Well for you and Heeseung, not for your parents and brother. Taehyun talking about something with your parents as you sat across the boy that’s been avoiding you. You dismissed the desire to look at his face because right now you are stuck in a perplexity. You don’t know if you want to punch him or you want to kiss him. Well you do know that you want to do it hard, either of the options doesn’t matter.

Your mothers left the dining room to prepare dessert and Heeseung excused himself to go to take something from his room. You took this as an opportunity, muttering “I need to go to the bathroom real quick.” before exiting the space to follow after him. Missing the way Taehun spoke to your dad and Heeseung’s. “50 bucks say that they’ll make out in his room.”

You sped towards the hall, taking his hand as you pulled him into his chambers. The bambi eyed boy felt like an intruder at his own living quarters, his eyes widened in shock, not expecting your actions. “Heeseung, let’s talk.” You start, voice sturdy and serious, cornering the boy before you with an arm beside his shoulder to block any escape route, his back pressing against the wooden door.

“What…what do you mean? Th-there’s nothing to talk about.” The boy grumbled, trying his best to not fluster under your gaze. Gosh why were you so close? Heeseung’s breath became shallow and quicker, the tips of his ears morphed into a crimson shade as he noticed your proximity.

Your eyes squinted at his sheepish reply. “Don’t act stupid, Lee. You’ve been avoiding me all of a sudden with like absolutely no reason!” A polished finger made its way to the dark-haired boy’s chest before he felt a light pressure at the contact. “You disappeared from the shop for two days–you’re welcome by the way for not telling our parents–and started acting like I don’t deserve your time or something.” You shove repeatedly at the same point, frustration swallowing you entirely and Heeseung? He just braced the impact like it was nothing to him.

Heeseung stilled as he waited for you to calm yourself, his gaze tenderly settled on you, in contrast to the emergency sirens that’s swarming his head like a busy ER hospital. Fuck, what was he gonna tell you? That he overheard you and Yeonjun and that he avoided you because he can’t handle a little jealousy and perhaps competition? Were you and Yeonjun even a thing? His mind is in scrambles and he can’t seem to get anything out.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to hurt you like that.” You peer towards the floorboards, features flushing scarlet as guilt wraps the previous emotion away. Your finger is still on his chest and before you can lower it down, a warm hand enveloped your knuckles. Chocolate colored iris melt into your own letting a thousand emotions seeping through like an overflowing glass of water akin to an eternal fountain. “Yn, let me explain everything.”

So he did and you let him. Heart echoing in sync against your ribcage, his hand not leaving yours anytime soon as he rubs soft circles. You almost melt in his touch. Keyword: almost. Gosh Yn were you that touch starved? Or did you really miss him that badly?

“I overheard your conversation with Yeonjun last Wednesday morning.” He confessed, thumb caressing your skin in a gentle motion. You can hear the gears of your brain spinning before wondering, “Last Wednesday…Yeonjun…What? It was like half past seven, how were you there? You said you were sick.”

“Yeah, let me continue first.” You nodded at his statement. “I wanted to, uhm I don’t know, like surprise you by going there early?” Heeseung paused, silently questioning his past self. “Oh, I also got curious why you didn’t want to ride together that morning.” The boy spontaneously added. “First when I entered I was confused why was the door unlocked but then I heard laughs–your laugh from the inside and I guess I wanted to know who made you laugh like that.”

You soaked his words like a sponge’s first contact with running water. The pattern of his thumb movements is still softly caressing your epidermis, offering you a peace of mind as you sink in his explanation. “Then I saw you with Yeonjun all comfortable and I got jealous. I realise you never smiled at me like that or laughed that much with me around. I got so jealous that I just couldn’t see you or I’ll burst in frustration.”

He stopped stroking your palm and instead squeezed it firmly before fidgeting it with both hands. “I also heard about the concert date. So I found out you mentored me for a month to get a concert date with another man. He must be pretty special, huh.” His movements went to halt and you hate how your heart seemed to ache for more–more of his touch.

“Yeonjun and I are just friends.” Your whisper is gentle upon his ears, the implication of another statement relieved his whole body. You’re still single. “He was helping out because he lost a bet and well he was damn good at wrapping dumplings too.” You chuckled, mind drifting to that particular moment and as if on cue, Junnie’s wise words echoed through your mind. You have to tell him how you feel, Yn.

“Yn I-”

“Heeseung-”

You both started simultaneously startling each other with the synchronisation. “You go first, Hee.”

“Are you sure? You can go-”

“You look like you need to get something out that badly.” You attempted to joke, lifting up the heavy mood that surrounds you like a thick fog.

Heeseung took a deep breath as he stepped closer towards you. His back is not leaned against the door anymore and his gaze is stuck on yours. “Yn I…I like you. Fuck, I love you, even, probably, I don’t know.” The boy pulled your still joint hands, lifting it up before kissing the skin in a gentle manner, one that leaves you yearning for more.

“But I want to…figure it out. With you, if you don’t mind.” Your connecting gaze doesn’t break. You breathe in his confession like a drug, addicted to the true sound of his heart. The light in his eyes dimmed at your lack of reply. But before he could turn away, a force pulled him down from the nape of his neck as warm lips pressed against his own, soft but also fierce, not lacking of passion. Almost as if you’ve been waiting to do this.

The boy doesn’t wait to reciprocate, one of his hands slithered on your waist like it was meant to be there as the other cups your cheek, angling it sideways to deepen the kiss. You could feel it, all the raw emotion rushing through the action. And right now, this is all that matters. His lips are gentle on yours, moving with such care like you were the most precious thing in his possession. Years of tension and harbored feelings melted into the kiss, you pulled him even closer to you, like you can’t handle any remaining distance between you.

Heavy breaths echoed across the room as your faces deepened into five shades of maroon, your past actions finally settling into you. You couldn’t believe it. You just kissed Lee Heeseung. And he kissed you back. If you were to tell this moment to your five year old self, you swore she was gonna punch you in the face for having Heeseung’s cooties.

“So…uhm, I like you too?” You sheepishly smiled, still enveloped in his embrace. The warmth excluding him started to feel like home.

The boy before you mirrored your smile before quickly pecking your lips. You both laughed at the carefree moment. Finally after a decade and two years of constant fighting and suppressed feelings, you both came true to another.

“Come and give me another kiss, girlfriend.” Heeseung felt the corner of his mouth curling up, eyeing his love. The newfound status rolled out of his tongue like it was second nature, like he had practiced it a couple hundred times before.

The butterflies swarming your stomach still continued to linger and even increased tenfold. The tips of your ears showcasing the color of your favorite fruit–strawberries. But instead of melting into a mush (like you would prefer to tbh), you hummed in thought, leaning backwards with his hands wrapped on your waist supporting your back before replying, “Girlfriend?” Your eyebrow shot up. “Maybe after one date, then I’ll consider.”

Heeseung harbored no other emotion in his gaze rather than one reeking of amusement and love as he kissed the tip of your nose, amplifying the crimson shade of your facade.

"Okay, next Saturday, 7pm. Wear something nice, baby."

BONUS:

You and Heeseung made your way back to the dining table with flustered faces, (slightly) swollen lips, and a suspiciously good mood. Taehyun raised his eyebrows at the two older people before him, his gaze later shifted to the side, making eye contact with your dad and Hee’s before receiving two fifty bucks under the table.

Ah, what a good day. Now he just needs to collect the remaining money from Auntie Lee and your mom’s bet.

Kang Ha-yoon and Lee Hae-in watched as their children exchanged sheepish glances instead of muttering curses at the other, a surging proudness fills the air like oxygen, letting the two woman finally breathe in the air with no cut throat tension radiating from you and Heeseung.

They might’ve lost a hundred bucks and may or may not owe Taehyun a new PS5, but as awkward dinners turn into lively conversations (without any passive aggression lacing in your tones) the two women send knowing smiles to each other.

It seemed as if their plan had worked. A little too well maybe but hey, maybe they'll officially be family if this continues. After all, your mothers have always secretly fantasised about yours and Heeseung’s wedding without any knowledge that there is a bigger chance of it coming true.

The private pinterest board rotting in your mother’s account may be for good use after all.

Fin.

TAGLIST -> @jiwuu @xylatox @ttulixia @iboughtnjz @bubblytaetae @wintereals @manuosorioh @ddolleri

AERNX 2025

[tucsonhorse]

The preference of forest over desert, I think, has to do with people thinking of desert as desolate and dead, devoid of life. Really a desert has *lots* of life and variety, it's just that those of us who are unfamiliar with it don't recognize it because we don't know what to look for. (I recognize some of it from excursions into the Sonoran desert with my grandparents as a kid, but nowhere near what it deserves)

I have a soft spot in my heart for the beauty of the desert because it's often overlooked for the same reason that the beauty of the prairie is and I love prairie-lands. The thing with desert is that looks can be deceiving. Something may look like a big flat plain, but there's actually multiple deep stream channels you won't see until you stumble over them unless you know what you're looking for. A cactus may look like just a green tube with spines but there are actually birds and bugs living inside. Many things in the desert live underground during the day, or under rocks or inside trees and cacti. More things come out at night, or dash through sunlight to reach patches of shade, and if you know what to look for you can find just as much life and as many surprises as you can in the forest.

As for the joy of exploring wild places, it's not about finding things that are unexpected, it's about it being impossible to know exact configurations of things before you see it. So like if you're walking through a forest, you don't know if there is a clearing past the next tree, but there could be one. Or there could be a fallen log, or a hollow, or a different kind of tree, or the same kind of tree. So when you get there, it's a surprise that it is there.

Or a field of wildflowers. Even if you know that you are going to a field it could have flowers or not. If it does have flowers, it could be one of many kinds, or a variety of kinds all at once (which is much more common). If you were just at that same field the week or the day before, there is no guarantee that the flowers will still be there because nature changes constantly.

And once you've seen that field of flowers, you still haven't seen everything in it. There are probably small animals running around out of sight, or maybe a deer will come through. There are hundreds of bugs buzzing around, or maybe there's an unusual flower (even one you haven't seen before) that isn't immediately visible but you can find by looking. And no matter what is there, you can't just open a map or pull out a picture on your phone to tell you exactly what you'll find, where, and when, so it can still feel like exploring, to those so inclined.

Enjoying and exploring nature doesn't appeal to everyone and that's okay. It's not (usually) so much about action and adventure, but more about enjoying small surprises and the beauty of what is there.

Think of it like the difference between a photograph and a video. There are many details and a story to find in a photograph, if you want to find them, but at a single glance it appears more boring and flatter than video. A video has more action and movement to make the story and the interest points are more obvious.

There was this one incident on our trip to America that really helped illustrate the difference between how me and my partner regard rural living and spending time in nature. We were driving through Arizona with my publisher, and took a break to have a walk around and pee on the side of the road. It was desert, in the middle of absolute nowhere - nothing but sand and rocks and a few cacti as far as eye could see to every direction. Empty cloudless sky above you and empty rocky field below you, both carrying on to infinity. That, and the road crossing through it, the only "something" in an infinite nothing.

My boyfriend remarked about how bleak and depressing the place looked, and I was baffled - wasn't this exactly what he wanted? A place like this, completely out of reach of any signs of human life, where he could be at peace and never be seen or heard of again? And he looked at me like what I had said was insane. Of course not. He wanted to build a house in the middle of nowhere in a forest, not in a desert. And that just kind of made it click to me how differently we see things. To me, all nature is nature, and any nowhere is just as much nowhere. How is it any different to live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nothing but trees, than it would be to live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nothing but rocks?

[thewayilikemycookie]

🤞🏻┆April fools .ᐟ

Spencer Agnew x gn!reader

Summary: You and Spencer planned a prank on your coworkers, but as it turns out, your feelings are more complicated than just a joke.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: none!

Ever since starting your new job as a cast member for Smosh, your life did a complete 180. You went from having a relatively calm life, booking acting and comedy gigs every once in a while, maintaining a stable job at a chain restaurant to working for Smosh full time, being casted in videos for all their channels and helping with writing when you’re not on camera. It’s incredible how much someone’s life can change in such a short amount of time.

You became friends with the cast very quickly, they were all friendly, of course, but in the spam of a few months you felt like you truly belonged. You usually had lunch with Amanda, Tommy, Arasha and Angela or with the games crew and a lot of your afternoons -whenever you were off camera- were spent in the writing pods with Erin, Courtney and the other writers. But the person you got really close to was Spencer. You and the director of Smosh games tended to watch many shoots together, your laughter sometimes was caught by the mics and oftentimes fans would drop comments about it. You’ve never felt more like yourself in a job before.

Though, there is one big part of Smosh you would’ve never expected before working there.

From Arasha’s “I lied” prank, to bit city’s “rib cam”, the pranks they pulled on camera were something the viewers seemed to love, but you would never expect it to go beyond that, just funny content.

In reality, there wasn’t a full week that went by without a prank being pulled on someone behind the scenes, whether it was cast or crew, it didn’t matter, as long as it ended with laughs - and as long as it caused no harm, a rule established by Ian the moment he noticed the mischief going around in the office.

So, really, they should’ve seen this coming.

It was the middle of March and you were sick and tired of Courtney Miller.

The woman in question was now laughing her ass off in the kitchen, pointing at you, who had your whole face covered in whipped cream “DID YOU DO THIS?” You screamed, half shocked half laughing.

“NO I SWEAR IT WASN’T ME!!” Courtney shouted back, still laughing.

Chanse, who was unfortunately close to you when the prank happened, also got some of the whipped cream in his hair and was now in the same state of outrage as you “COURTNEY MILLER I SWEAR TO GOD”

He began chasing her around the kitchen and you were more lost than a fish out of water. To put you out of your misery, you heard Alex Aguilar calling places for a bit city shoot, and you were immediately on your feet (after quickly grabbing a towel to wipe the mess on your face).

You headed towards the games studio to look for Spencer, but he was already waiting for you at the door “what happened to your hair?” He smiled at you

“Whipped cream,” You answered, trying your best to clean the white spot on your hair “don’t ask”

You both entered the set and made yourselves comfortable behind the camera. This episode’s theme was lies, you watched Angela pull a prank on Arasha, Tommy falling for said prank as well and Amanda’s hilarious performance as Bill Clinton, until it was time for Arasha to come on as a guest, and she revealed a scheme she had been working on for 4 months.

The scheme itself was that she pretended to get married to her current boyfriend, only to reveal it was all a prank. She was getting into the details of the whole thing when you heard Spencer’s low voice coming from your left “I have an idea”

“What is it?” You looked at him, noticing the mischievous smirk on his face.

“April fools is coming up,” he whispered, now looking right back at you “and you know how Arasha pranked them- or all of us, I guess, by not actually getting married?”

“Yes…?” You wondered where he was going with this

“What if we prank them by pretending we’re dating?”

Spencer’s idea surprised you to say the least. You were used to reading comments shipping you two and listening to your coworkers quick remarks about your closeness, but you would’ve never expected to hear anything of the kind from him.

You thought about it. The idea of you two dating wasn’t something completely impossible, it could happen. They can definitely make it believable for a day, just to surprise them.

“Okay, I’m in” you said, turning to look at him again, only to find he was already looking at you, his smirk growing bigger.

And if his smile made your stomach twist and turn a little, that was your business.

The morning of April fools, you drove to the Smosh building with no music on, just thinking about the day’s events.

You and Spencer had started scheming the moment you left the bit city set that day. You planned everything, from the moment you entered the building to the moment you left, little moments in between shoots and interactions during lunch.

It all made you a little nervous, what would everyone’s reactions be? Will they believe it? And a question that you promised yourself to bury deep in your head: would it feel a little too real?

Needless to say you were scared.

The moment you walked through the door you felt the buzz, the emotion the day promised.

He saw you immediately, truth to be told he was waiting for you.

You smiled secretively at each other and when you walked over he gave you a side hug and nodded at you. You nodded back, not pulling away completely. The action at the same time calmed you a little and sparked something inside.

Damien, who was having a conversation with Spencer before you joined, paused for a second and gave you a wondering look. “R-Right, so then they….” he continued.

When it was time to part ways, Spencer squeezed your hand a little and waved. You started to make your way to the writing pod, not forgetting to check if Damien showed some type of reaction. He shot you a glance and a curious smile.

In the writing pod, you, Courtney, Erin and Tommy worked together. You were writing a sketch for bit city, a romantic comedy turned horror starring Arasha and Shayne. Courtney was helping you with the structure when Spencer approached flashing a hesitant smile.

“Hi” he stood by the entrance awkwardly

“Hey Spence, come in!” You turned away from the computer and Courtney mirrored your greeting

“I- um.. I actually got you something” He walked up to your chair and handed you a small box, you recognized it immediately “I- You told me you started collecting them”

The box had “sonny angels” written on it on cute colors. It was the dinosaur line, which made it even more adorable. You don’t remember this being on the plan, but nevertheless, you jumped up out of your seat to hug him. He hugged you back tightly “Spencer!!! Thank you so much, oh my god!”

“Awww how cute!” Courtney cooed at them as they pulled away from each others arms, remembering where they were.

“Hey, careful, it’s April fools day” Tommy warned you, for a second you thought he caught you on your prank, but his tone said otherwise “he might be pranking you with that box”

“oh he wouldn’t,” you played into it “right Spence? You would never do such a thing” you glanced at him while you started to open the tiny box

“noo, never.” He said in a joking tone

you opened the box to reveal the expected small plastic bag “so far so good” you smiled and opened the bag to reveal a Triceratops sonny angel. You looked at him with what could only be described as a love stare “thank you” It was all a performance, of course, only to watch their friend’s reactions. Though they found it unexpectedly hard to look away from each others eyes.

“I- uh, I have a games video to um- shoot” he started to walk back “I’ll see you during lunch though” you found his flustered smile adorable

“Okay, I’ll see you during lunch” you smiled back

After he left, leaving you with a big smile on your face and small figurine in hand, you looked back at your fellow coworkers, who now had a confused expression on their faces. Tommy and Erin both had matching furrowed eyebrows and a smile, while Courtney fully stared with an open mouth and a funny expression

“What?” You asked, with fake confusion. You truly deserved an Oscar for this, you thought.

“What was that?” Erin asked, headphones down by this point

“What was what?” You answered, looking back at your laptop

“That.” Tommy said “that whole thing”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you pretended to go back into work, your mind racing through a million thoughts

“I mean, we knew you two were very close but this is-” Courtney began speaking

“HEY, what do you think about this dialogue?”you cut her off before having to answer any hard questions. Your friends seemed to understand the signal, but that didn’t stop them from sharing knowing looks.

After lunch you and Spencer walked over to the games stage together, your arms purposefully bumping on the way. You probably caught some looks, but maybe you were too caught up in the conversation - or the way Spencer looked at you - to notice them.

The crew was setting up to play Moose Master with some characters - right after lunch, so you know its about to be chaotic -, your conversation with Spencer continued until it was time to start the shoot, he needed to give some notes before they initiated, so you started to move to the back, looking for a spot to sit down.

“Hey, where are you going?” You heard Spencer’s voice coming from behind you

“Oh, I’ll just go sit down on the couch” you turned around to face him

“You can take my chair,” Spencer moved immediately, taking his things from his chair “we rarely sit down for these videos, you know”

“The director’s chair? You sure?” You asked jokingly, a little flustered

“Yeah,” He slowly took your hand, his warm touch making you even more flustered, leading you to the chair “of course”

“Thank you Spence” you smiled sweetly at him as he turned to the cast, starting to go over some notes.

He stayed right by your side the whole time. Whenever you laughed you would lean a bit into each other. At some point he rested his elbow on the arm of the chair, which naturally led you to rest your head on his shoulder, of course. You didn’t notice the looks from Alex Tran or the rest of the crew.

“Cut! That was great everyone! Good job” Spencer moved away from you to wrap up the shoot, but he kept his hand on the arm of the chair “no notes whatsoever”

Some people stayed behind to take down the equipment, so you and Spencer decided to help. After staying back, you continued your conversation until everyone else left the set

“Bye Alexcina!” Spencer said as the woman left set, leaving the two of you alone

“I’d say that was a victory” You smiled at him

“Yeah,” he agreed, choosing a strand of your hair to play with, occasionally his hand would graze your cheek “People were talking about it during lunch”

“Really? I didn’t even notice” you analyzed his face, he looked calm, but happy. In that moment you realized what was happening “Spence…. we’re alone”

“Oh….” he started to pull away from you “You’re right, sorry”

“No, don’t” you retrieved his hand and placed it back in your hair. Slowly, he started to play with it again. A million questions raced though your head as you finally faced your feelings. Maybe you do like Spencer, and there’s a small possibility that maybe he likes you back.

He paused for a few seconds “Do you wanna come over today? We can watch a movie…” Spencer’s voice was intense and he looked nervous, it was a little adorable honestly

“And get some take out?” he nodded back “Okay, deal.”

You shared a smile, realizing that you wouldn’t have to follow up with tomorrow’s plan for the big reveal.

A.n: I watched so many compilations of Smosh vs. Dread while writing this so you can probably predict what’s coming next

Hope you liked it, requests are open!!

[the-daughter-of-a-wolf]

THE OLD GUARD 2 THOUGHTS AS I AM HAVING THEM AAAA

LITERALLY NOTHING BUT SPOILERS PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!

I have never been more anxious about hitting play on a movie in my life

I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH AWOOOOO

the violence feels a lot more cartoony than in the first one

like sure, there were gratuitous gore shots in that one as well, but they feel... idk, more goofy and over the top here

also I get starting on an action sequence, but the extreme violence against a horde of random guards feels a lot harder to justify when you don't really know the stakes. like yeah sure guns bad, but so bad that you have to very violently murder this many people over it?? maybe I've just gotten soft in my old age

man I am worried about the Uma Thurman plot. I am very anti-adding new (old) immortals at this point, but I hope they explain it in a satisfying way later on

QUYNH AAAA OOOOWWWW WAUGHH

me chanting to myself with tears in my eyes when Joe asks for some space: "I WANT THEM TO HAVE ARCS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! I WANT THEM TO HAVE ARCS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!"

OMGGGG OKAY THAT'S A GOOD DEVELOPMENT. OUCH. AWOO. YES.

like okay yay Tuah I don't mind him, but how are you just rewriting the immortals lore now?? also why would Copley's discoveries change Andy's mind if Tuah was already doing the same thing??? raaahhhh!!!!

also you'd think this whole Discord situation would've come up in conversation between Tuah and Andy before now like hello???? something you might need to know?!

Godddd Andy and Nile make me feral!!! Also if they don't acknowledge Andy and Quynh romantically I'm throwing my laptop off the balcony

OOHHHH that glimpse of historical Nicky and Joe has me screamingggg

I'm actually really happy so far with how Andy and Quynh's reunion is being handled!

ohhh how I wish I gave a shit about the Discord plotline. but alas. I really don't

NOOOO YOU'RE KIDDING ME. please don't explain the becoming mortal thing. please don't. that's so fucking stupid. also how convenient that there are these very specific legends about this very secret thing that only applies to a very few specific humans and that almost no one knows about! this is the lamest shit I've ever heard

oh Booker my sweet baby angel ;___;

Booker trying to wingman Andy into fixing things with Quynh HEEEELLLL YEAH.

OH SHIT THIS IS JUICY!!! Booker using Nile to try to become mortal???? OUGH OW OUCH WAUGH OWWW. I mean that sucks and is so cruel to Nile, but. JUICY. (also unrelatedly, goddd Nile is so fucking hot!!!)

J U I C Y !!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!

FUCK ME UP NICKY ALRIGHT 😭😭😭😭

THIS IMMORTALITY TRANSFER IS THE STUPIDEST SHIT I'VE HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! SO NOW IT'S A GAME OF HOT POTATO????? jesus christ

ALSO DOES THIS NOT NEGATE THE WHOLE DISCUSSION THEY HAD ABOUT STUFF MEANING MORE WHEN YOU ONLY HAVE LIMITED TIME????

Oh I am BIG MAD about Booker's death. That's a real mean stunt to pull on Andy.

Also can we talk about how this is a giant retcon??? ANDY HEALED FROM WHEN NILE STABBED HER, DIDN'T SHE? Like, the first time she noticed her wound not healing was after the church fight? she would've noticed much sooner if Nile's stab wound hadn't healed. so it wasn't a case of "the first wound inflicted by the newest mortal takes away the healing", right? or am I tripping. but either way that's so fucking stupid.

it would've been much much juicier for Quynh to realise Andy's not immortal than the other way around.

god Andy is hot in this movie. the lesbian mullet. awooga awooga.

dude as anyone who knows anything about consent can tell you, consent given under torture is not consent! it's never going to be "fReELy gIVeN" if you torture them to do it! dumbass.

WHAT THE

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEE?????????

THAT'S WHERE IT ENDS???

I'M SORRY?????

dude you're lying to me

THAT'S...

I'm legit speechless.

THAT'S NOT EVEN SEQUEL BAIT, THAT'S AN UNFINISHED MOVIE! WHERE'S THE FUCKING REST OF IT?!?!?!?!

IT TOOK YOU FIVE YEARS TO GET THIS SEQUEL OUT AND YOU DECIDED TO LEAVE THE CONCLUSION TO THE NEXT MOVIE???? WHAT IS HAPPENING??? YOU'RE NOT GETTING A THIRD MOVIE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!! SO THIS IS WHERE IT ENDS????

I am gobsmacked.

did not see that coming

0/10. fuck you.

(EDIT: okay I hit "post" the second I was done so that ended a bit harshly so I will amend that there was a lot to like about this, as I hopefully brought up in my notes! I loved all the interactions between the main crew, most of the Booker stuff was handled really nicely, and I liked a lot of the things they did with Quynh's return. but that final curveball really shat on my enjoyment of this movie big time. so it's not actually a flat 0/10, but my god it sure was not a well-made movie, was it. OOF.)

[clit-licker420]

@tetsubinfog thought i’d reply here as it was too long to type in the replies

the CHLCA (chimpanzee human last common ancestor) is probably not the most reliably way to determining anything about early homo sapiens.

firstly because we diverged about ~10 million years ago and a homo sapiens evolved 300-200 thousand years ago, and “behavioural modernity’ (when humans started thinking like humans: art religion etc) is thought to be as reason as 41 thousand years old (though that’s dependant on artefact survival and not certain). lot of evolution can happen in that time wrt physiology and social behaviour.

secondly because i don’t think chimps are as useful a model as people like to believe. we are as closely related to bonobos as we are chimps whose societies are incredibly different, could be described as matriarchal, and they’re all fucking each other all the time. they are both fundamentally different animals with their own evolutionsry niches. but it’s unlikely that early human society resembles chimps for one very important reason:

human childbirth and child rearing is by far the most difficult among all the great apes, and one of the most difficult of all MAMMALS (not number one tho. hyenas, iykyk) a big core of this is that human hips got smaller to support bipedalism, and our heads got bigger to accommodate more brains and higher intelligence. and even if mother and baby both survive birth, human children are some of the most expensive kids in the animal kingdom because it takes us so long to get big enough, strong enough, and smart enough to fend for and feed ourselves. in a nomadic population, a baby hampers a woman’s ability to feed herself for YEARS, even discounting death in childbirth and post partum complications.

while it’s technically possible for a human woman to give birth alone and both survive, it’s too difficult to have been widespread practise. there’s too high a risk of losing both mother and baby every time. without a strong system of care from your tribe, you were going to die. it makes the most sense to have close female relationships within the tribe to assist in childbirth and the post birth recovery. these ties are strongest in matrilineal societies (where daughters stay with their birth families) because if you have known a girl every day of her entire life, you will care more about her survival.

i do concede that there was likely a huge variation in different early human groups, just as there are great cultural differences today. i also concede that there probably was some transactional sex going on. but if you, as a hunter forager, are by nature surrounded by food all the time, it isn’t a matter of survival, like it does become when prostitution enters the historical record. what’s he going to do, hide all the plants??? in my opinion it was probably more like a guy that’s just alright made you a pretty shell necklace or sang a nice song so what the hell, sure. but thats also a pretty standard courtship ritual in animals from birds to spiders.

when we talk about pre agricultural humans, we’re trying to build a full jigsaw with 4 pieces and a pen. there’s no conclusive evidence for or against it. but i think my most fundamental argument is that if patriarchy is natural, if it was part of human instinct down to our biological nature and dna, why do women hate it? women have been complaining about their positions in society, using whatever available means to extend beyond what is assigned to them, at every turn in the historical record. as soon as the economic and legal enforcers of patriarchy began to fall during the first two waves of western feminism, the vast majority of women abandon the patrilineal housewife lifestyle. if patriarchy is natural, why is it so brutally enforced? why does it vary so much from culture to culture? why do women resist it?

professions older than prostitution because i’m so tired of hearing that misogynistic talking point created by a british imperialist witnessing impoverished women in india

1. hunter

2. forager

3. midwife

4. babysitter

5. weaver

6 doctor/healer

7. shaman

8. fisher

9. stonemason

10. navigator

11. sentry

12. butcher

13. cook

14. storyteller

15. woodcarver

16. food tester

17. builder

18. tanner/leatherworker

19. scout

20. fire tender

there is no evidence of prostitution’s existence until the neolithic agricultural revolution, stemming from an unequal resource distribution and the rise of female oppression. for reference, the start of agriculture until now comprises less than 5% of homo sapien history. do not let men tell you misogyny is a natural part of life. it’s not.

[fandomsmadness]

TBHX episode 13 rant

Raving reviews this week, the return of the groan-worthy action cliffhangers, and a lot of appreciation for feminist themes.

Almost missed the title card in this one because I've gotten used to them being front and center. Anyway, spoilers below cut

Firstly, let me go and find my humble cap because after spending so long (along with most of the fandom) groaning and laughing in equal measure at a "loli" hero, now I feel like a goddamned jerk who really should've known better. This episode properly owned me and I will take that well deserved kick in the butt and apologize to Loli for every time I looked at that character PV and thought "huh she seems kinda shallow."

This theme has grabbed me by the hair and is refusing to let go. Such a strong hero motivation too. As someone who wasn't really expecting much out of the Loli arc, this hit me like a sledgehammer. So much to unpack, but in as brief terms as possible, two aspects I really love about how this theme relates to other worldbuilding aspects:

Queen and how she's serving as inspiration to all girls out there. This is why representation of any and all kinds matter

Trust value and how people's perceptions of you influence your own abilites, regardless of how skilled or strong you actually are (are we projecting into real life? Oh definitely)

But also, massive props to Luo Li for deciding to become a hero in her own (very cute very girly) terms and not deciding to be hyper macho when it was clear it's not her style, just because other people want to. This theme of people's perception of you affecting how they treat you? Personal attacks all around, I haven't felt this called out in ages.

It's also very telling, and again reflective of real life, that Luo Li needed to find another girl to really understand her because all the men (by which I mean, that one guy) want her help fulfilling their own visions. Side note: Men suck.

The only guy here who was not warranting my wrath was professor Luo, but even he is shown (like a lot of Asian men, tbh) to be very caring, engaged in, and involved at work while neglecting his own family. Still, at least he didn't grind Luo Li's dreams to the ground, I suppose.

I could gush about the patriarchy and feminist themes in this episode forever, but we move on, before this turns into an academic essay.

Second highlight: Creepy guy aka Ghostblade-is-that-you???

Ngl my first reaction was "Spiderman Noir? What are you doing here?"

Somehow, LHO made a creep look socially-awkward-in-a-kinda-cute-way and I am having mixed reactions to the fact that I'm even thinking this is kinda cute. Is it just me?

Anyway, if this is Ghostblade (and I really hope it is) then what is he doing? Watching over Nuonuo? Is this the daughter? Or is he protecting her for some reason because he knew about the DJ whoever and his musical atrocities?

Speaking of DJ Shindig (can I send flowers to whoever came up with that name) is this a hero gone rogue? I thought only Zero did that. Is this guy allied with Aether Labs/Spotlight org/fear?

Someone somewhere mentioned that despite the English sub (as usual) not being accurate, the Chinese names for Glimmer lab and Aether labs are the same, so.... the rise of Spotlight?

Overall, a fantastic episode because it was heavy on the worldbuilding and related themes, gave us a lot to think about in terms of Luo Li, feminism, timeline, trust value, and most importantly Spotlight, but also is a great introduction to her arc as a whole. And hey, it's still June, so happy pride again to all the lesbians who are screaming out there.

Also, she's so small. Not even 20? Adorable.

Other minor things:

Is it a sub issue or is this ep more heavy on the wording? Like I swear the language didn't get this flowery until now-

This suit cool. That's all

Lastly, fuck you guys

And three more weeks until we circle back to exactly what Big Johnnie was pissed off about over here, lest we forget

[livingfiction]

SINNERS CHARACTER REVIEW (ALL PARTS)

I originally posted all parts separate because I kept getting an error msg saying my post was to long but I think I see the issue (I need to separate my paragraphs better) so lets try this again shall we---I have added some extra thoughts in certain sections (originally I had to remove them because my post was too long)

4th times the charm…My sinners Character’s Review

~~~MY ORIGINAL INTRO~~~ So, I have been trying to write this review for damn near a week! And now that I’ve seen the movie for the 4th and probably final time (I think it will be leaving theaters after this week) I can. I have never gone, or even felt the need to go see a movie FOUR times. I knew this movie held a special place in my heart when after debating with myself I decided I had to go again because I may never get to experience this film on the big screen ever again and I would regret not taking this opportunity. I’m going to do an overall review, but I want to discuss some characters individually, things I noticed and also address some…issues. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP AROUND SECTIONS

SAMMIE:

I loved Sammie! He really was my baby!!! I’ve mentioned this before, but I loved how strong willed and determined he was. He even stood his ground against smoke when he threatened him to try to keep him out of Juke joints. And the thing is I know he was intimidated and afraid, but still he spoke up for himself, including when Smoke was going to shoot Pearline for not eating the garlic. And despite his young age (and I’m assuming maybe even inexperience) he shameless pursued a married older woman and even had the gall to ask her if she was happily married. He was so confident and audacious. I was so proud of him for choosing his music and for choosing not to believe that his gift was evil. When it comes to black people in the entertainment industry, any time an artist gets too successful, they are immediately labeled as devil worshippers and claims arise that they sold their sold for success. It doesn’t matter how talented they are or how much work they’ve put in. And these accusations are usually lobbied by the black community. It’s like black people REFUSE to believe that black people can be successful through the grace and blessings of God (which is a whole other topic).

But you see that with Sammie. His father and even smoke only see his talent as good/useful if its being used in a less flamboyant and bold way. We see Sammie recite the bible from heart early in the movie and we know that his father is a deeply religious preacher. He has been raised in the church and with a certain set of standards for how one should live and with him being so young it takes a lot of courage and confidence to go against a lifetime of conditioning. You could tell that Pearline and Delta Slim had a profound impact on his life despite only knowing them for less than a day. When he’s recounting that day at the end, I noticed those are the two people that he thinks of first. He even named his club after Pearline.  At the end of the movie, he says that before the sun went down that day at the Juke was the best day of his life. And that really broke my heart. For Sammie to have lived for 60 yrs (SIXTY!!!)   after that day and to clearly have achieved a great level of success (he has his own club and has been able to tour, perform, and record albums), for him to have had a LIFETIME of experiences and live out his wildest dreams and that day is the greatest to him. And then the movie closing with’ The Last Time’ playing while he, smoke, and stack ride down the rode in 1932 brings me to tears EVERY time.

DELTA SLIM:

Slim was such a multi-faceted and powerful character. I noticed that at the end when he sacrificed himself for the others after he took a swig of the beer he said “it’s still nasty”. When Stack was bribing him with the alcohol, it seemed like he liked it when he took a drink, but now I think that’s not the case. Him saying its STILL nasty at the end implies that he thought it was nasty when he first tried it. Stack clearly knew Slim very well and you could tell they go back and it was more than them knowing each other in passing kind of way. Slim was clearly territorial over the strip (as many performers are cause that’s their money of course) he worked and told Stack that if Sammie wasn’t his cousin specifically, he’d cut him (and a drunk or not I believe him).  Stack grabbed a single beer from the truck when he left with Sammie and you could see the “gotcha” look on his face when slim asked him what he had. Stack knew he would need something to draw Slim in as even money wasn’t enough, but I don’t think Delta Slim joined them for the money or even the liquor. I genuinely believe he was lonely and looking for true community with people he knew not just people he performed for. He told Stack he didn’t think he even had 10 more years left on this earth (eerie foreshadowing because he didn’t even have another day). He’s an old man and of course as you get older more and more people die. He more than likely doesn’t have a lot of friends or family left---I’m sure the alcoholism didn’t help his personal relationships either.

I also believe he sensed, not only Sammie’s talent before he even played, but the way his very soul was tied to his music. It was Sammie’s lifeline just like it was Delta’s. I saw some people say alcoholism saved his life, but it’s deeper than that. Music and alcohol saved Delta’s sanity. Yes, he drank and joked a lot, but he was in his right state of mind and had sense. He only told one tragic story, but it was enough, and I know as black man living in Jim Crow south (not to mention Delta had to have been born in the late 1800’s-proabley a little after slavery ended if not a little before) he probably had plenty more. I mean he and his friend were literally kidnapped by cops and taken to a home and forced to perform like show animals for white people. Before he sacrificed himself, he gave Sammie his guitar and told him to remember what he told him. To remember that they make magic with their music and that its apart of their very being because black people brought it from “home”. And for one day and part of the night he was a man with a home for what was probably the first time in a long time.

PEARLINE:

Sammie only knew her for one night but she had a profound impact on the rest of his life. I know Pearline wasn’t a major character. But I adored her all the same! I saw someone else say this and I agree, I love that they didn’t make her character out to be a jezebel who led Sammie astray and “got what she deserved” for committing adultery.  I don’t even think people realize that it was ALSO her who saved Sammie’s life. When Remmick came through the Mill doors after they went up the stairs, Smoke was fighting against Stack, and Remmick had damn near bit Sammie before Pearline stabbed him. She basically sacrificed herself and told Sammie to go after she was bitten. Sammie literally named a club after her and the fact that its her along with Delta Slim that he thinks of first speak volumes. In a lot of ways she was his first taste of freedom, along with playing in the juke. Both Pearline and Sammie threw caution, morals, and the world's restrictions to the wind that night and were just free. And he never forgot that. Also, Jayme was so beautiful and she really made this character shine. 

SMOKE:

Never saw him smile once. Not one time. I think that comes with putting the world on your shoulders all the time and I believe that’s what Smoke did, from an early age. He killed and buried his own father after he beat Stack to bad. It may seem like a no brainer to kill an abuser, but to kill your own flesh and father takes a different kind of person. I don’t mean different in a bad way but different in a you have to be strong as hell mentally to make that decision and have to carry that for the rest of your life. Because I don’t believe it was something he did purely out of anger or in the spur of the moment. There's always a straw that breaks the camels back, but I truly think that when he killed his father he had clarity. It wasn't done SOLEY out of emotion.

Smoke is shown to be very calculated, practical, assertive, harsh, and stern. That was established several times over, but he is also shown to be caring, fair, supportive, thoughtful and even gentle. I feel like he asked Sammie if his father was putting his hands on him just to be sure that his uncle hadn’t gone down the path of his father even though he thought him to be a good man. I have no doubt he would’ve handled it if so. He could have of easily intimidated that young girl into watching his truck, hell even full-grown men were afraid of him. But he offered her money and even took time to teach her how to negotiate and not just accept anything. After he shot the two men, he paid to have them patched up. He didn’t show up empty handed for Annie or his child. I noticed how he gently observed the man that had got sliced across the face’s injuries before telling him he would need stitches.

Someone mentioned this and it makes so much sense, but Smoke taking off the mojo bag Annie gave him at the end wasn’t because he didn’t believe, but because he had nothing left to live for with Annie gone and he didn’t want to be protected. I don’t think he was necessarily going on a suicide mission when he faced off against the Klan, like I don’t think he was TRYING to die at THEIR hands specifically, but he knew it was a good chance he would and he was ready. Because in my opinion if he simply wanted to die, he could’ve just waited around for them to show up and let them kill him. And honestly, I don’t think he would have given them the satisfaction.

One thing that I really do wonder is what Smoke said to Stack to make him stop trying turn him to a vampire. Like I know Stack said he was the one person he couldn’t kill and he overpowered him at the end, and we know he made him promise to stay away from Sammie, but Stack was serious about Smoke being with him for eternity. He said he wasn’t doing this shit without him and he meant that. It’s the whole reason he bit Annie. I know people speculated on it being something more but that was literally it-he thought turning Annie would automatically guarantee smoke would join him. And honestly that would have worked if Annie hadn’t made Smoke promise to free her. Cause Smoke wouldn't have been able to stay separated from the other half of his soul, which is exactly what Stack was.

STACK:

He always had a smile on his face. It was clear he was charismatic, charming, humorous, and compassionate. We even see his playful side with him shadow boxing with Sammie, his pitch to the people at the train station, him being the only one outside of cornbread to nod along with the creepy ‘Pick Poor Robin Clean’ song, and him bowing to Annie when he helped her out the truck like a gentleman (which we know he really isn’t).  I noticed that after Sammie asked him if his daddy used to beat them and said “Mostly me, but he ain’t mean it” Even after being viciously beaten by his own father, to the point where Smoke felt like he had to kill him, he still didn’t believe his father was being malicious. When the old man couldn’t pay at the bar, he was the one explaining to Smoke that the people in the Juke had worked their asses off and they needed this. They needed that moment of freedom.

Smoke is the man with the plan, but Stack is the man with the idea. Remember when he said “no vision” after Smoke closed the door. It was funny, but he actually meant that. He IS the visionary. When smoke was telling the story to Sammie about how he wanted to simply go to the next plantation over, but Stack wanted to go to Mount Bayou (I think thats what they called it). He didn’t want to go live the same kind of life under the oppressive rule of white plantation owners, he wanted to go beyond and somewhere better. Stack is not a man that's afraid of change or the unknown. And when Cornbread told him he didn’t have time for Stack’s schemes. So yeah, he is clearly always plotting, which is why he bit Annie. I know people wanted him biting her to be something more romantic or sensual (which there was a sensual feel but honestly that’s just Michel and Wunmi’s electric chemistry---it was the wrong twin but they couldn’t rein it in) but honestly that was all for Smoke. A display of dominance and a “gotcha” moment. He KNEW that the easiest way to get Smoke was to get Annie first. He really did plan on them all being a family forever. Because family is everything to him. I truly believe that even with Remmick gone he would’ve still turned Sammie if not for his promise to Smoke.

He still remained a supporter of his younger cousin and kept tabs on him over the course of sixty years. He still loved Sammie and he was also his last human connection to when stack himself was human. Through Mary, you see how selfless Smoke is. Because its obvious he really was in love with her, but he loved her enough to let her go to keep her safe. And in turn keep himself and his brother safe because he was willing to kill anybody that hurt her. It takes a lot of selflessness to separate from someone for THEIR own good and wellbeing.

ANNIE: If Remmick was the villain in this story, then Annie is the Hero. She was a strong, yet gentle voice of reason and a woman of action. She wasn’t boastful or loud but she was confident in herself and her abilities. And that couldn’t have been easy. Hell, black people were thought to be devilish just for being talented musicians (Sammie), so I know Annie must have gotten her fair share of flack as a conjure woman, especially as a transplant from LA to MS, where Hoodoo was probably more normalized. She never let anyone make her believe for one second that the root work she was doing was in vain, not even Smoke. She advised Smoke right along with Stack, that he had to make people feel wanted for the Juke to work and when Remmick asked why Mary was allowed in the Juke, she immediately defended her and said that she was family. She’s also has high morals as she wouldn’t accept Smoke’s money as it was “blood” money. She truly was doing her hoodoo work to help the community and not for profit.

Annie is also shown to have the courage to do the hard things. She was the one to tell Smoke that they needed to move Stack’s body. Outside of his brother, I’m sure no one knew Smoke better, so she KNEW that he had just had his soul ripped from his body. But she also knew that they HAD to do this for their safety and protection. I don’t think anyone else would have dared mentioned moving his brother. She was the one that caught on to Cornbread’s change and didn’t back down when he tried to make her seem like a crazy witch talking nonsense. Cause to be honest who else would have the nerves to tell a person that’s walking and talking and looking completely normal that they are really dead or that they’re some kind of monster? It was Annie’s quick thinking that deterred Stack when he first woke up and she was the one that informed them that the ones outside were vampires and how to defend against them. She predicted her fate and prepared smoke and made him promise because she wanted to be with her child. If she hadn’t done that, hadn’t reminded him that they both had someone waiting on the other side, he probably wouldn’t have freed her. She was really the light in the darkness.

MARY: Now what I’m about to say may ruffle some feathers, but people were really dragging it with the Mary criticism. Mary wasn’t my favorite character by far, but the vitriol for her is unwarranted. I understand why people may find her annoying (most self-imposing white people are) but it’s gotten a little ridiculous now. Like I recently saw somebody say that she looked ridiculous at the end of the movie because of her styling, and they had to be told that it was the 90’s and then it was like “oh I forgot, well that makes sense” and it’s like DAMN you hate her so much you ignoring movie facts (I’ll touch on that more later).

But ANYWAYS….I need to declare that for all intents and purposes that Mary is white. I’ve seen her be described as white passing, biracial, mixed raced and so on but baby she is a white woman. She ain’t even a 25% cause that’s what her mama would be as her daddy (Mary’s GRANDFATHER), was HALF black. NOT even full but HALF black. And I know they had the one drop rule, and also back in 1932 having a grandfather that was half black was as good as being a n*gger to white people in Jim Crow south. HOWEVER, in my OPINION, Mary is for all intents and purposes a white woman, but I get why there was so much conflict about her race in the movie given the time period.

One thing I noticed was that when Mary told stack “I was young enough to believe that you were coming back, but I’m grown now” and Cornbread called her “little Mary” when he saw her at the door. But she also referred to Sammie as “little Sammie” in the movie. I think Mary was younger than Stack, Smoke, and Annie, but older than Sammie. I would say Smoke and Stack are in their 30’s, so Mary is probably mid 20’s somewhere. She spoke about her mother saving stack when he got stuck inside their mother during birth and how her mother took care of them growing up (more than likely how she met Stack) Annie refers to her as family, and Cornbread clearly has seen her in childhood and knew her family. Mary has grown up around black people her whole life. She mentions how her father raised her mother to keep the klan from killing her. Despite being white (you can say mixed raced or white passing if you please I’m just gonna say white) it seems she was very immersed or even raised in and around the black community. Also, given her heritage I don’t think she’s ever really seen herself as white. I feel like Stack taught her to use it to her advantage or rather forced her to use it to her advantage (set her up with a rich white husband), but she hadn’t really wrapped her mind around it or accepted it, because she was never really in the white community like that. She even said she didn’t want to marry a white man and she didn’t want to be white. The way she marched up to Stack at the train station was dangerous. To any passerby it would just look like a white woman arguing with a black man. Notice how Stack told Sammie not to her look at her and he also told her to keep her voice down. I don’t think he told her that out of embarrassment, but out of concern for both of their safety. The same way he told her was all it took for the wrong person to see her in the Juke and for word to get back and white people would try to kill her.

Mary is like a lot of white people that have always been around black people. They think they’re the same because they’ve had similar experiences of hardships, but they fail to account for how race actually does affect the outcome of people’s lives. They know what racism is, and they understand it on the base level, but they start to think they’re “one of us” (a lot of times they are claimed as one of us by the black community) and in that “oneness” race disappears, except it never does. NEVER. Now all of this brings me to the next discussion of relationships

SMOKE & ANNIE/ STACK & MARY:

A lot has been said about Smoke and Annie’s love and I have to say they really were refreshing to see. I distinctly remember the way she looked at Smoke after he hit Sammie in the nose for trying to intervene when he told Pearline he would shoot her if she didn’t eat the garlic. It wasn’t a look of gratitude but more a look of awe. It was so soft and so brief but it spoke volumes to me. Eating the garlic was Annie’s idea and Smoke was enforcing her plan. He was supporting her and standing ten toes behind her and taking her serious even though Pearline, and maybe even some of the others, felt it was ridiculous. That look was said wow I love this man. Because mind you Smoke was not a real believer of hoodoo but he laid his life and his very soul in Annie’s hands. He believed in her and if she said something …ANYTHING…. then that was enough. That’s all he needed. When Delta was having a bad reaction to the garlic, Annie immediately ran behind Smoke and he got in a defensive stance in front of her. Despite Annie being the most knowledgeable and about vampires (also shown to be the best at staking them cause it seems like no one else was) and thus the most prepared to defend against them, she was afraid in that moment and she ran to her protector. Smoke and Annie obviously have different views of the world, with Smoke being more pessimistic, but they understand each other intimately. They understand the WHY and love each other despite those stark differences. I think Annie, not Stack was the balance in Smoke’s life. The calm to his storm. She was the one that really made him consider the world in a different light. She made life worth living to him. And at the end of Smoke's life we saw that she made death beautiful.

NOW

I’m sorry to say this and I know a few (or a lot) people won’t like this but STACK WAS IN LOVE WITH MARY. I’ve seen it be said across multiple platforms that he didn’t care about her and he was annoyed with her and so on and I’m trying to figure out if we all watched the same move. Like I think the dislike for Mary really made people a little delusional. Like people are in denial about their relationship. Because let’s be honest, we saw more Stack and Mary than we saw Smoke and Annie.  Like I love Smoke and Annie, but they are fawned over like there were no flaws. He left that woman for SEVEN YEARS. SEVEN. Damn near a decade because he was too hurt to come back. Which hurt or not that’s extreme! And it’s crazy to think that they were apart for 7 years and neither one of them “interacted” with another person. And from the way Annie talked, saying the last she “heard” they were northern men, she and Smoke weren’t writing letters or visiting. Like let’s be frrl!

Honestly, I feel like people’s sensitivity over Smoke and Annie (to the point where apparently, Smoke can’t even be written with another woman in FANFICTION) comes from the anger over the promo where Annie wasn’t shown with Smoke and the disrespect towards Annie with people thinking she was his mother (which was crazy). AND I SWEAR TO GOD, I GET IT AS A BLACK WOMAN! I UNDERSTAND 1000%! Because now a days if I see a show or movie that has the one token black male character that’s in an interracial relationship I don’t even watch. I don’t care how much people talk about it or love it; it’s an automatic no for me (that’s a whole other topic).  Personally, I feel like Ryan should have had more of a hand in promotion, even though he is a director. Because we know that in REAL LIFE plus sized dark-skinned women are loved and desired but Hollywood has always had a beauty standard and Wunmi isn’t it. They promoted Stack and Mary’s romance because pretty slender white women have more sex appeal in their eyes. White women in general do, which is why it’s so few mono racial (especially dark skinned) black women cast as love interests. Also, during the press tour, we saw Hailee and Michael were paired together all the time. If you didn’t know any better you would think she was the only love interest. They really pushed Mary and Stack, and I think it led to a lot of disdain for Mary’s character as it felt like Annie (and Wunmi) were getting pushed to the side. But none of that changes what I (ME, MYSELF, AND I) believe the actual FILM portrayed.

Stack loved Mary so much he let her go so she could live an easy life. That man said out of his own mouth that if anybody touched Mary, if anybody put, they hand on her, that he AND his brother were going to KILL them all. And whether people like to admit it or not Mary was family and she was loved by them. Annie literally said it. Plus, Mary was more distraught than Stack when Smoke killed Annie. She really wanted them all to be a family just like Stack. And notice the first thing Stack did after Smoke killed Annie? He grabbed Mary and got her to safety because he knew she was in danger because if smoke would stake her he would stake anybody.

It was clear he and Mary really KNEW each other; it was more than just a fling and she was more than an obsessive ex-lover (refer to the "if anybody put, they hand on you me and my brother gone kill them all). When smoke and stack were arguing about “the trunk” (before we even knew what that was) and Mary said “you don’t need the trunk there was just 3 of them”. Stack has let her in on the intimate details of their life. I’m sure he and smoke don’t just run around telling any and everybody about their kill trunk. And before she went outside to go check out Remmick she turned around and she said “come on” and Stack slipped his gun into her garter (stocking?). She didn’t have to elaborate or specify, so this is clearly something they’ve done several times before.

He taught Mary to fight and he also in his own words “taught her to walk away when the money was up”.  Stack taught Mary how to take care of herself and be independent. I think in a lot of ways he was preparing her for when he was not around. Him telling her to stay away was for her own good and he actually had a valid reason to leave her. Mary implied she was believed he was coming back because she was too young to know better, but I also think she was too young to really grasp why. They have a bonnie and clyde/ ride or die type ( Mary was DEFINITELY assisting Stack with his schemes) of relationship, so she simply thought they would fight to be together no matter what. But Stack, being older and more experienced, knew that eventually she or he and in turn his brother was going to get hurt and possibly killed. It was inevitable. My THEORY (pure speculation) is that he set her up with a rich white man to marry and told her it was scheme to get his money and that he would return for her later and they could run off together. Cause Mary specifically said Stack set it up, so he would’ve had to have done that before leaving her. So, Mary must’ve gone to Arkansas with Stack.

I saw someone say that Mary was the ass he was selling in Arkansas and first off ain’t no black man pimping out no white woman in the Jim Crow south in 1932, plus he was not letting anyone touch her. Also made me think this was probably why Annie and Smoke split. Smoke wanted to leave but remember Annie told him she wasn’t going anywhere else when he told her that her money wouldn’t spend. Like I said earlier Annie has high morale. She’s sensible. She wasn’t going to leave her home and work to tag along with Smoke and Stack while they did illegal activities that she didn’t approve of. Annie was older and more grounded than Mary. She had a purpose and knew who she was. Mary didn’t have that yet. But Stack literally looked that woman in her eyes and the same way Smoke told Annie “You really going to make me say it, that it still hurts coming back here but I love you and I miss you” Stack told Mary “What do you want me to say?  I love you. I think about you every day. I just wanted to keep you some place safe. And that was never gone be here. And that was never gone be with me. “Also let’s not forget that they were literally still together SIXTY years later. Like I know people do some crazy things, but staying with someone that you don’t really care about for sixty years is insanity. And also, very uncharacteristic for Stack. Plus, when they were in the bar you could still see the affection and love between them. The way they held each other when Sammie played and smiled at one another.

 I SAY ALL OF THIS TO SAY…. you don’t have to like Mary, you can view her character however you want, you can write her however you want in your fanfiction, but in regards to the ACTUAL FILM to say that Stack didn’t love her even care about her makes no sense. And I’m sorry I’m honestly not trying to be shady or rude, and this isn’t directed at any one individual or group because like I said I’ve seen this be said across multiple platforms and it just makes me want to ask did we all watch the same movie? Because I’m not going to lie people (across the internet) have been just making shit up in regards to this movie. And that’s like a pet peeve of mine with cinema. No like I literally saw someone say that the reason Pearline didn’t want Sammie to eat her out was because her husband had came in her earlier that day and they said the evidence of that was that she said she had to wash up and I was like BITCH! She literally said she walked there. It was 1932 MS. She was sweaty and hot. That’s it!

All in all there were some really beautiful characters in this film. Ryan really made a work of art that will live on forever. I'm so happy I was alive to see it in person.

[backonmybullship]

Right if they're taking rapists off the street great I don't want them here. They took my local flower guy who sells flowers at the freeway exit and they took him incredibly violently without reading him his rights or identifying themselves as ICE and without letting him have a lawyer.

It would be one thing if they were taking people who weren't here legally, like a normal proper arrest but they're not.

Rapist and murderers are getting treated better in actual long-term prison than these guys are getting treated in the detention centers they get sent to.

Being in the US illegally is a civil offense. It's not even a misdemeanor or a felony. Also these people are paying taxes, buying things at local stores, doing jobs that we cannot get Americans to do like picking strawberries in a field in the hot California heat.

They CANNOT and ARE NOT receiving things like snap or social security or Medicaid or Medicare because they are not citizens so they are funding these things with their tax money but they are not eligible for these programs.

I live in a city where a good I think 30% is immigrants. A lot of them are undocumented. They do not affect my life negatively whatsoever. I've only ever been affected in a positive way by these people. They pick the food that I buy at the grocery store. They make excellent tacos that I buy late night in some parking lot. They're building the houses in my community. They spend their money in my community. Their kids are my friends.

If you come here on documented and commit a bunch of crimes you know what yep get rid of them. Send them back I don't want that going on in my community. That's what Trump said he was doing. But these guys are going after the tamale lady who has never even had a parking ticket. They're going after the guy who has two active military sons who joined to get their dad his papers.

They're going after the people at their immigration court hearings. People who are trying to do it the legal way. They're going after single parents whose kids come home to nobody.

My whole city is terrified that masked men are going to jump out of an SUV, handcuff a guy without reading him his rights, don't give him his phone call don't let him call a lawyer etc.

They're picking up actual citizens too. People who have actually come back and describe the conditions of the detention centers they were in.

Illegal immigrants are not one of the biggest problems in the country actually, it's not even a problem at all. What is a problem is that the Senate is going to pass that Big Beautiful Bill and cut Medicaid to millions and ironically some of the states with the highest percentage of people on Medicaid are red states. That's actually a big problem in the country right now.

I would like to remind all you leftists crying about the mass deportations and how “families are being torn apart” and “children detained” that this is all your fault.

You actively supported illegal immigration knowing full well what the consequences were. You wholeheartedly supported it and pushed for it at the expense of the children and drugs that were trafficked across the border. You let them in at the expense of American citizens who were raped and murdered by those same illegal immigrants because letting people in unfiltered with no rules is “the nice thing do to.”

You kept voting people into office who refused to enforce immigration rules and let illegals in by the millions until it was one of the biggest problems in the country.

And now we have someone in office who is going to enforce the rules and it’s going to be ugly because of you. You allowed for and voted for the rules to be broken for too long and this is what it looks like when we have to clean up your messes.

If you had allowed immigration rules to be followed and ICE to do their job all along this would not be happening on this large a scale. You let it go too long until there was a record number of illegal immigrants and it was an emergency for our country.

So if you hate what’s going on right now you have no one to blame but yourself.

[meanderfall]

i will never be over the perfect slow burn of leonardo's deteriorating mental health from s1 to s3 in tmnt 2003

he's a pretty reserved and quiet guy but we still get to see him be a dork in s1 and act like a typical teenager!!! having fun riding his scooter during the blackout with his brothers, getting SO excited over perfecting his split kick, and the background stuff too, like reading a book (and getting interrupted by the battle shell almost running him over in "fallen angel" rip), and eating junk food with his brothers.

but you get further into the series, and a lot of that stuff just kinda... fades away. he'll still mess around and play with his brothers sometimes before the plot starts, but the more obvious dorky teenage stuff sort of stops, and 99% of the time in the background shots in the set-up to the plot, he's training. And it's not even the fun, "i REALLY want to get this move right, hey look guys i did it!!! :3", kind of training like with the split kicks. he's taking it 100% serious, like it's life or death. And well..... I think for him, it definitely feels that way.

I mean, Tales of Leo pretty much shows us what is most important to him. (and i always go kind of bonkers over just how explicit they are in laying out just who exactly Leonardo is and what makes him tick in that single episode. Obviously the show does it at least once for the others too bc it's a kid's show, but once they give us the basics of personality early on, they let the characterization come through more subtly. In comparison, this episode comes late into the season and it kind of feels like them grabbing us and going "are you paying attention? this is important. it will be important.")

we get to see how focused he is, how he's been there to save his brothers when they get into trouble, how they trust him and his judgment, and most importantly from splinter's tale, protecting his family will always outweigh any fear he has. Leonardo is at his bravest when his family needs him. and we get proof of this moments later when he wakes up from his coma ("Leonardo, my son, you must gather all your strength and confront your fear"), he wakes up because he heard his family tell him they needed him.

and I think, pre-series, this protective drive, this responsibility he has gladly put on his shoulders, wouldn't be that much of an issue. Obviously, there were dangers but. Intermittent ones. Ones any of them were fully capable of handling on their own and as kids.

But then the show starts happening and their adventures get more dangerous, more lethal. And the stakes keep getting higher and higher.

And Leo feels this change the most keenly because he feels so responsible for the lives of his family. And, unintentionally, his family ends up reinforcing this belief, inadvertently places expectations on his shoulders, because at least once per season there's some big high stakes fight and everyone looks to Leonardo to pull through and finish things.

And obviously if they knew, if they realized how this might be affecting him, they would say something, do something, but Leo would never tell. He wants to protect them. He's probably happy and proud that they rely on him.

And so the series goes on, with his family none the wiser of what's happening, but, imo, you can see the cracks in the façade.

We know from Return to New York with the way he freezes and has a flashback when fighting the Elite that he most definitely has a little trauma from the Shredder Strikes Back. That he was afraid during that fight, even if he didn't show it. That he might've been scared during other moments in the show but didn't show it because his family needed him.

When he makes a mistake, he's so harsh with himself. In s3, Hunted, Leo steps on a mine and he immediately goes "stupid, stupid, stupid!" at himself. In the recap episode of s2, Raph points out that Leo isn't so perfect considering how he almost believed the Shredder when he tried to get Leo to join him. And unlike in the first episode of s1 where Leo pushes back against Raph's taunts, he just full-on agrees with Raph here. Splinter tries to let him know it's not his fault but he brushes off any comfort or reassurance, because in his mind, he should have been better.

All of his spare time now seems to be spent on training, because he needs to be ready for anything. And on that point, his hypervigilance is through the roof. If there's someone in the shadows, some quiet sound hinting at an attack, it's almost always Leo that notices. I think constantly of the moment in Hunted when Mikey would have been sniped if Leo hadn't noticed the glint of the rifle and got him out of the way. I'm sure what could have been haunts Leo. And it's those small moments, where Leo needed to be ready and able that keeps reinforcing Leo's belief that he has to be on the look-out, has to protect his family, because if he isn't, they will die.

And it just builds and builds and by the time you get to season 4, where Leo is spiraling and isolating himself and lashing out, it feels like it's been a long time coming.

[linkons-most-wanted]

While my friend and I were talking about Sylus and MCs' moral (and legal) leanings, it came up that while Sylus isn't necessarily 'good' by the standard definition, he certainly is honorable, and then it devolved into what 'honor' is for someone like Sylus. It's interesting how that works out for both his job (mostly illegal and morally grey) and his relationship with MC. Your thoughts?

(We'd rejoice if there's going to be a meta about this 😇)

Oooh yes I love this question! And it's your lucky day, 'cause this one got long! 🤣 here we go...

Subjective morals

I have sort of a funny relationship with the term "morally grey" because a lot of the time, in my personal morals, I interpret their actions as morally good but technically illegal. 🤣 A lot of laws are actually pretty cruel and unfair, and that's part of what can make morally grey characters so appealing. I think it is morally right to subvert and break laws that are unjust. (But not everybody does.)

For example, consider safe injection site programs. These provide fresh needles and safe areas to addicts in order to reduce the chances of them ODing, contracting disease, or otherwise dying. A lot of people "morally" believe these sites are bad because they "encourage" drug use. In reality, these sites make people more likely to quit because they're able to get the rest of their life stabilized and then access addiction resources.

If your morals say that helping people recover is most important, safe injection sites are morally good! If your morals say that all "crimes" must be "punished", then you'll think they're morally bad.

Morals get messy and morally grey characters point a big blinking arrow at this.

Honor among thieves.

"Honor among thieves" is a beloved trope because it allows us to feel safe (this person DOES have boundaries, there ARE lines they won't cross) at the same time as getting to see them break rules (which feels thrilling and freeing).

Society tends to condition femmes and women into compliance even far beyond the law, to the point that even saying something "rude" feels forbidden. (I put "rude" in quotes because often, something as simple as stating that you don't want to do something is considered "rude".)

I am not nice

Which leads to a second key aspect of the morally grey archetype, which is that while they may be compassionate they are not nice. They get to tell people to fuck off. They get to assert themselves. They get to do/be a lot of the things that society does not allow women to do/be.

One of my fave dark romance authors (Nenia Campbell) talks about how liberating compliments and kindness from "mean" men can be, because you know they're not just doing it to be nice or avoid hurting your feelings. You can believe them because you know they wouldn't say it unless they thought it.

This hints at how here's a fundamental honestly to moral grayness. Everybody wants something they "shouldn't", but only some people are honest about it. This is an explicit theme in Sylus's content, especially in Beyond Cloudfall when he and MC talk about how following their true desires makes them the only two of their kind.

Boundaries

Anyway, what honor ultimately comes back to is boundaries. What are the lines you won't cross? When a character crosses lines others don't (such as being unhesitating in killing people who threaten them) the lines they don't cross are given even more weight and meaning. It's a really interesting way to bring extra attention to those boundaries.

I feel like it's worth mentioning Ned Stark in Game of Thrones as a contrast. Here's a character that is fully committed to a certain code of honor, and it ends up fucking over his whole family. Honor can't magically protect you, and morally grey characters know that.

In fact, it can be really refreshing to see a morally grey character refuse to cross a line even when they know it's going to hurt them. It makes those lines seem way more important.

We see this from Sylus when he agrees to leave MC alone in Razor's Dance. He's willing to kill, but he's not willing to force his presence on someone who genuinely doesn't want it. That screams loud and clear to the audience, "what you want REALLY matters. it is ACTUALLY very important."

Ego and motivation

We hear from Sylus repeatedly, "violence must be used strategically." It's a little tongue in cheek at times, but ultimately he holds to it. He doesn't cut someone down at the slightest insult--but he also doesn't hesitate if they're threatening someone he cares about.

He also specifically says--and consistently demonstrates--that he doesn't like picking on the weak. There's no challenge in that, no interest. It proves nothing. So there's no point, unless you're sadistic. (And not that Sylus doesn't have a sadistic streak, he'd just rather explore that in a much more fun way. 😏)

I think we see a lot of his honor in things like Radiant Brilliance, where he craves a fair challenge. He's willing to set aside parts of his power and lose because it's interesting. It makes him stronger in more ways. He doesn't over-rely on any one skill--he's interested in getting better at whatever he can get better at.

What goodness remains?

For me, what these juxtapositions point at is that people are fundamentally cooperative, and that the "true" villains are the ones that repeatedly betray this cooperation. (Ever, capitalist ghouls, etc.) Even a crime family naturally values things like trust, mutual support, loyalty, togetherness. You can have extremely toxic families, for sure, but a lot of fictional crime families are actually pretty wholesome.

We can look at Luke and Kieran and see that Sylus's actions towards them are very caring, even if he's stoic about it. It's a refreshing contrast to many "good" people who make lots of promises but then don't follow through on them. (Consider the popular politician who's secretly taking bribes and cheating on his wife.)

It's interesting to ask, why NOT kill anyone who looks at you funny? Well, it'd kind of suck. Life is made fuller by our bonds and our friendships. Even when you're doing whatever it takes to survive in a cruel world, what's the point if you don't have people you can trust? Morally grey characters point us towards those questions.

They also point at choice. This person isn't kind to me because they know it will look bad if they aren't. They don't care what it looks like. (Sylus carrying MC through the mall 🥹) They are doing it because they want to.

If you're someone who does a lot out of obligation, it's easy to fear that others are only kind to you out of obligation. Morally grey characters subvert this fear.

Autonomy as sacred

Sylus does what he wants--which includes both ignoring laws that he thinks are dumb, and also pursuing meaningful, deep relationships. Humans contain both great selfishness and great selflessness. To get a little Jungian about it, we could see Sylus as a character who represents the "shadow" or "id"--all the desires that the "Ego" (which is calibrated by society, how we were raised, etc) deem dangerous and not-allowed. This is all but explicit in his characterization.

The thing is, the desires of the id aren't actually inherently bad. Take wanting attention, for example. "Oh you're just doing X for attention." Well, attention is a fundamental human need. Babies understand that if they're not getting attention, their lives are literally at risk. That can stick with us for a long time. Morally grey characters invite us to ask, is that really bad? Is that really something we should be avoiding?

Obviously, killing anyone who gets in your way doesn't make sense in the real world--the N109 zone is specifically set up to offer this exaggerated environment where the stakes are life and death.

But I can say from experience, just saying "no" to something you feel obligated to do can feel as bad as murder. (And I was literally raised to believe that it IS--the whole thing that "all sins are equal" is often used to shame people for completely normal and even healthy reactions!)

So part of what is so refreshing about Sylus's willingness to murder under certain circumstances is it symbolically represents the freedom of living boldly--of being honest about what you do and don't want, of exercising your autonomy.

And what a romance tells is us that doing these things can bring you closer to the people who matter, even if other people shun you. Our nervous systems deeply fear shunning because it's not so long ago that being shunned likely meant starving to death. And that's why found family is SO important to these stories.

Cruelty and mercy

I think for Sylus, the most explicit he gets in talking about his honor code is when he shares bits of his thoughts on cruelty and mercy. A quick death can be merciful--and, as he and Sorceress MC not in Beyond Cloudfall, the best way to make someone suffer is to keep them alive.

As I type this, I have the app open and Sylus just said his bit about how humans are fascinating because their capacity for cruelty far surpasses that of animals.

When animals fight to survive, they aren't cruel. They don't take extra joy in the suffering of others. A cat may play with its food, but it's because it doesn't really understand what it's doing.

Sylus is often compared to a wild animal--powerful, primal, but not cruel. Interestingly, when he offers in Beyond Cloudfall to raise the dead for Sorceress MC, we learn that he could have done this for his own satisfaction. He could have raised and then tormented the people who trapped him in the abyss. But he didn't. They were dead, and therefore not a threat, and therefore not worth spending energy on.

Humans, with our capacity for self-awareness and complex social dynamics, are able to be truly cruel--to inflict suffering for suffering's sake. Even this I don't think is "evil" in and of itself (there are no thought crimes) when someone is aware of the impulse and channels it in a way that it doesn't do harm to others (such as through kink).

So, while I think it would be perhaps missing the point to say that Sylus never has cruel desires, his actions are never cruel.

In conclusion

So, this ended up kind of being about honor, kind of not! 🤣 I think that's because focusing too much on an honor-code sort of misses the point of these characters--which is to break away from black-and-white definitions of right and wrong. We could imagine Sylus admitting that he's overreacted at times. He might not lose sleep over it, but he'd likely be more patient the next time, because ultimately he still cares about building trust with the people important to him.

Morally grey characters challenge strictly held beliefs about "right" and "wrong", inviting us into greater nuance. Maybe it depends on the context of the crime. Maybe it WAS a mistake but there's redemption. Maybe fiction is a way to let yourself want the "bad" thing without doing it IRL and dealing with the consequences, adding another meta layer to everything. (Sylus and blowing up buildings, lmao.)

Maybe protecting your family is more important than following unjust laws. Maybe honesty is more important than being liked by other people. Maybe it's better to make a mistake and then apologize than to suffocate yourself pursuing perfection. Maybe we don't have to be selfless all the time--maybe generosity and greed can exist in balance and tension with each other.

Maybe moral goodness is a lot less important than closeness, connection, trust, self-honesty, growth, loyalty, forgiveness, acceptance, and love.

[not-quite-normal]

Hii! First of all, how are you? I would like to ask you what path you took to get to where you are now: working in the world of animation for big production houses. I’m very curious! Thank you so much if you will answer! 🙏🏻

hi, thanks! currently enjoying my canada day off from work weirdly in the middle of the week (had to work yesterday haha)

i feel like i've talked about my career journey before but i can't find it in my animation question tag, so sure! i'll start by saying that no one's path is the same; everyone that i've ever talked to has a different journey so best not to compare yourself to others and instead focus on being the best you that you can be.

for school, i went to capilano university's two year 2D animation program. when i graduated in 2010, the industry was in a big lull (similar to now) with not many jobs available. a few months passed without being able to find any work, when i got an offer from one of my previous teachers for a job a 3D show at bardel, a studio in vancouver that he worked at. i went to school for 2D so i didn't really know how to use maya haha (i had dabbled with it a bit in high school) but i went for it anyway. they let me learn in the office on my own time with help from a couple of the leads there and it was very overwhelming!! i was having severe doubts, that i was in over my head, i didn't know what i was doing, etc. but once i got into production, i had the most patient lead that helped me through my shots and i eventually made it to the end of the show. they kept me on for the next show as an anim revisionist, and then the next show after that was TMNT 2012! i didn't think they'd want to keep me on for such a cool show because i was still so inexperienced but i understand now it's because i was cheap labour lol (i think i was earning something around $600 a week at this point).

i worked on TMNT for about 5 years. working on a show like that for so long really let me do a lot of growing. every episode was a chance to look back and go 'okay, what can i do better this time? how can i set shots up to make my life easier when i animate them? how do i set this up in case i get notes about the action here? which shots can i choose to spend a bit more polish time on and which ones are more filler shots?' as with anything, getting good at stuff just requires a lot of practice! and TMNT gave me a loooooot of practice haha.

during my last year of TMNT i wanted to get more into feature animation so i took an iAnimate online course where i learned a lot about acting, working from reference, and developing an eye for more feature level polish.

from there i moved on to work at a couple of other tv studios in vancouver while i worked on my reel, but i ended up back at bardel for dragon prince. i only worked on a couple episodes of that before getting into sony though. i've never wanted to leave vancouver and i didn't want to work in vfx, so sony was really the only goal for me, even though at the time the most recent movie that sony did was the emoji movie ahaha, at that point i would have been stoked to be hired for emoji! i kind of lucked out that we ended up doing all these amazing and groundbreaking projects. i was hired to work on smallfoot, which was being done alongside the first spiderverse so the world didn't really know what imageworks was cookin at that point.

i was happy to just be an animator and had no ambitions of a leadership role. i ended up being pushed into it even though it was outside of my comfort zone, but as with my very first job, that feeling of being overwhelmed went away with practice and i love it now 8)

[lilbuckaroo52]

HOW I LOST MY MANHOOD PART ELEVEN...

Yes I know .. I skipped a few chapters and yes ill be revising those soon.. But I have to journal what happened this weekend.. OMG..

Anywho, mommys been talking about a certain friend of hers alot lately.. I thought it was her.. "work husband bestie ".. but i was wrong.. it was her boss ..Wendy.. so yesterday .. me, mommy, momma sister went out to break break and mommy told me when she was dressing me that morning that she needed me to be a big boy and wear training pants instead of a diaper and my reward was I got to pick out one of my favorite football jerseys from my big boy closet.. so I picked out 32.. Jim Brown from Cleveland and I was feeling tall... well at breakfast momma boss showed up and introductions were fun.. and the flirting began.. got all hopped up on coffee and sugar and the invite happened to retire at the ranch with mommys boss Wendy.. she followed us home and I sat up front.. not in the car seat.. I felt so tuff and grown up.. we sat at the dining table and no high chair .. even though it was in the corner of the kitchen.. Wendy commented on my Good manners and boom.. it began.. she knew.. ugh mommy started her banter on how I was a big boy today.. but nap time was closely approaching.. mommy asked her boss with she was ready to get her drink on.. and the comment of can keep a good Marine down.. I knew I was in trouble.. she went to the kitchen and the wine started pouring.. I ask if I could have a drink and mommy said of course.. iam making it right now.. and there it was.. a huge chocolate milk baba.. her boss said out loud.. would u like to help me put him down for a nap.. I really want to see this play room you've been talking about.. I was handed my baba and there we went.. WOW.. all I heard for about 3 minutes.. wow this..wow that.. that playpen is huge.. mommy said, hop up on your table.. let's get you ready.. so defeated I listened and just kept my mouth shut.. Wendy dear.. will you pick out a diaper out of one of those stackers.. mommy organized my diapers by old school diaper stackers.. and each one is different she walk over to the blue one.. with Ragidy Ann and Andy.. and she grabbed a Lil Kings.. this looks like a huge Huggies.. my kids wore Huggies she said.. iam not a fan of Huggies.. more of a Pampers Boy.. any who.. mommy said.. do you feel comfortable diapering Jimmy?? Of course.. I wipe men's asses all day at work.. you know this.. they both laughed ..

My jeans went.. then my training pant.. and of course they commented on my stickies.. cause iam a little pre jac.. she grabbed my ankles.. crossed them and lifted me up with one hand.. holy shit.. she's ripped.. threw the Lil king under my bald naked ass and BOOM.. she started wiping me down.. cleaning my baby juice of my hard Lil wood button.. mommy commented to her as she was powdering me.. Jimmy your balls dropped again.. she looked at Wendy and said.. Lil man excited.. and walked over to one of my vintage pampers boxes.. where my chastity cages are kept in.. she grabbed one and locked up like the lil criminal iam.. Wendy was impressed and was given permission to tape me up.. she then asked where my outfits were?? And before I knew it.. I was in my Duckie jammies.. mommy barked.. ok crawl into your playpen.. I did.. was handed my baba again.. the shades where drawn and crib lights turned on.. and was told to make lots of me mes.. Wendy kissed me on the top of the head and told me to be a good boy.. her and mommy will be in the next room.. the lights went out.. door was shut.. and the laughing began.. for hours.. I have no clue what happened only 15 feet away.. but I never felt so little in my life like a 18 month year old toddler.. like I did right now..

[satinsnout]

embodying felinity

some discussion of body modifications, health, and lifestyle changes that i plan to take in order to become more feline-like.

note: recommended 18+ viewership. this post contains discussion some may find uncomfortable regarding hunting, bdsm, and body modification. if you are inspired by what i am talking about here, be sure to do research of your own- i am not an expert.

body modification

-body mods: i plan to get a full body sleeve (in between my existing tattoos) of spots and/or stripes. i am also looking to tattoo paw pads on the tops of my feet & the palms of my hands. while vertical paired upper lip and labret piercings may simulate the look of fangs, they're personally not for me. i have 20mm stretched ears & a few other piercings that are affirming, though. i'm looking into large gauge genital piercings too. i am into a lot of mods but not for species reasons (thumb spines, subdermal implants, split tongue).

-dental: i am also not interested in cosmetic dental procedures (they cost too much imo + i am not the best at oral hygiene), but they are an option. i am, however, interested in custom fangsmithing.

-surgery: although i am a female of my species, i got top surgery a few years ago and that was more for species reasons than gender reasons. i don't want to do much else in this category, but i have considered metoidioplasty and/or a hysterectomy.

health

-increasing hydration: cats are prone to dehydration & instinctually i neglect this need too. however, dehydration comes with consequences that i would like to avoid.

-vitamin intake: ensuring i get enough vitamin c, d, omega 3s, and collagen/biotin is very important. felids typically produce their own vitamin c, but my body cannot so i need to make sure i supplement that. vitamin d is needed for calcium absorption & bone health. because i have been on testosterone, and have long term depression, i take this anyway. i cannot do the movement activities listed earlier if i do not keep my bones healthy. collagen/biotin are for nail and hair health. omega 3 supplementation is necessary because my diet is currently lacking them. one day i hope to obtain most of this through diet, but some supplementation will always be necessary. i am researching tongkat ali as well.

lifestyle

-voice training: i have an advantage here in that i have been on hrt, so hitting a low snarl is pretty easy. but i have been working on projecting my speaking voice and my confidence. i want to maintain the ability to make higher pitched noises as well, so im not just focusing on low pitch.

-working on/maintaining my flexibility and introducing more movement to my day to day: living an anthro life means that my body gets very stiff, and it will continue to stiffen as i age.. unless i work on it! i'm working on a daily morning stretching plan as well as finding additional activities, like dance or swimming.

-similarly, strength and endurance: us big cats are intended to take down prey & we are ambush predators! we also have large territories to walk. i walk a lot already as a college student, but i am hoping to find a new favorite trail to hike! i used to rock climb and i hope to get back into that.

-posture: my body holds positions it does not like to hold. this lifestyle change and those mentioned above involve a bit of research on my end about the muscular and skeletal structure of my 'type and humans. doing this research will show me what is going to be more comfortable for my body.

-allocating more time to rest: so far i've talked about "im going to x im going to z" but i also need to give myself more time to decompress. i'm guilty of disrespecting the human needs of mine, but even more so my felid need for downtime.

-forming a social group of animalfolks: although i lean more towards solitary felids, i do think emulating animal social structures would be beneficial to me. additionally, i plan on telling the important humans in my life that i'm an animal.

-sourcing my own food: i come from a family that hunts, and plan to get my small game & fishing license. my partner and i are also about to garden. get your hands dirty when it comes to food! it is affirming (and a variable diet including wild foods is better for you from an evolutionary standpoint)

-incorporate my animality into my kink & bdsm life: i’ll keep this part brief here (i’ll expand elsewhere), but i need to accept all parts of my animality. i’ve been working on this one for quite some time now.

-nudity: i hope to find more avenues to wear less clothing. around my apartment & appropriate settings. i’d also love to find somewhere to swim nude.

[centrally-unplanned]

I think this makes sense! It isn't so neat in practice of course - there are positive externalities from economy-wide efficiency gains and you don't want to disincentivize those at the same time, and a lot of the "actuality" of policies to do this create structural inefficiencies - like the distinction between full time and part time staff, in places like France companies move mountains to not hire any full time people because the obligations to them are so onerous, and in particular start-ups often can't afford to exist. But that doesn't remove the correct point that companies are not life, fired individuals suffer in ways totally out-of-proportion to the price of widgets, and mass layoffs like in recessions have multiplicative damage on health, happiness, long-term earnings, and such.

My big point would be that today, most developed countries already do try to internalize these externalities a good deal! Unemployment benefits in the US totally do this, companies pay into them and then have to pay out to anyone they fire - but not anyone who quits (or in some places fired "with cause", etc, it is complicated ofc). European systems have generally even more expansive policies to make companies pay for those they laid off. In fact if you ask me, we tip too far on this right now - during COVID we gave all these loans to companies to "keep people on the books", and it was a corrupt disaster - we could have helped people better by just giving them money directly, and the economy transformed so dramatically after COVID due to real changes that many of those jobs churned over anyway.

So if I was designing a welfare system from scratch I would totally agree with you - but in Present Day Present Time imo we actually do too much of this. Society writ large should internalize this externality, and pay people more who are unemployed for any reason, to allow for fairer redistribution and more flexible labor markets.

Discussions on private equity are weird, because it's like having concerns about natural gas electric generators, and seeing that 90% of discussions discuss them as if they purely exist to pump out CO2 and smog.

[soupfic]

Homesteading (782 words)

Buddie, 9-1-1, G

Summary:

Eddie invites Buck out to Texas to help him fix up the house. They have a conversation.

Just a little drabble. Read on AO3

“This is nice,” Eddie says, tightened a screw on the cabinet above the microwave on the counter.

Buck squints up from the floor where he is tightening the hinge on the hinge under the sink.

“Buck, I want to do this,” Eddie says, looking around his home that he’s put a lot of work into fixing over the last few weeks.

“Yeah, Eddie. I know. You’re doing this for Chris,” Buck says, shooting for encouraging like he has been this whole time despite the pain that lances through him over it.

“No, Buck. I mean, I want to buy a house and fix it up.”

“You’re literally already doing that?” Now Buck is confused, pausing his screwdriver.

Eddie laughs. “I want to do it with you. I want us to get a house together and fix it up.”

“You’re looking for free labor?” Buck tries to make a joke, pushing away his unease.

“No. I want to make a home with you, Buck.”

Buck swallows nervously. “Oh?” What?

“In LA. You, me, and Chris.”

“LA?” Buck gulps, a pit forming in his stomach.

“I want to sell this place, start all over. Get a house with you, a big kitchen, space to garden, everything. And I want it to be a fixer-upper so we can do it together.”

“Eddie, I don’t think you know what you’re saying. The Texas heat must be frying your brain,” Buck makes a feeble attempt at another joke, to try to dislodge the lump in his throat.

“No, it hasn’t. I want to homestead with you.”

“Eddie, that’s something you do with romantic partners. Life partners. We’re just friends…”

“Are we?” And Eddie’s face is inscrutable when Buck looks up at him. What is he suggesting here?

“I don’t, I uh, what?” Buck stammers.

Eddie stops what he’s doing, finally, and plops down on the ground right next to Buck.

“I don’t think we’re just friends, Buck. I don’t think this,” he gestures between them, “is normal. You dropped everything to fly out here just because I asked you to help me do some things around the house. Hen wouldn’t do that for me.”

“Hen has a family…”

“And so do you. With Chris and me.”

“Eddie,” Buck swallows for what feels like the millionth time, everything in him still as taut as a hangman’s noose, “I don’t think you know what you’re doing to me, here. I…you can’t be fucking with me.”

Eddie’s hand finds Buck’s shoulder, like it always does; his favorite grounding technique. And it works. Buck’s eyes automatically snap up to Eddie’s beautiful brown eyes, earnest in the sunlight pouring in through the window over the sink.

“I’m not fucking with you. Buck,” he takes a deep breath, Buck watching his chest expand and fall with it, “I love you. I think you love me, too. I’m telling you I want a life with you.”

“‘Homesteading,’” Buck parrots back softly.

“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles, “homesteading. I want to do that. With you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.”

At that, Buck’s hands move of their own accord, fingers scrabbling at Eddie’s loose t-shirt and pulling him in. He crashes his lips against Eddie’s, bumping their noses a little painfully, but pressing forward anyway.

“So, I take that as a yes?” Eddie smiles, full teeth.

“But what about this house? What are you going to do?”

“Like I said, I think if we put enough work into it, we can sell it pretty quickly and then use that money to buy a place in LA?”

“What about Chris?” Buck asks, almost looking to poke holes in Eddie’s plan, a reason this can’t work.

Eddie’s smile gets impossibly wider. “He told me last week he’s ready to come home.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buck feels almost hurt, but the other emotions swirling around are bigger and overpower that small stab of betrayal.

“I wanted to surprise you! I thought I would tell you in person and then I invited you out here and I knew you would come because I asked you to. So, here we are.” Eddie shrugs.

“Here we are,” Buck mutters back. “Wow, uh. Yeah, I want to ‘homestead’ with you too, Eddie. I guess. Though, can we not call it homesteading? Makes me think of trad wives who don’t have their own bank accounts.”

Eddie grimaces at that. “Right, yeah. We can just say…make a home?”

“Yeah, I like that,” Buck agrees. “I want to make a home with you and Chris.”

Then, Eddie leans in to kiss Buck again.

“Oh, also, I do, by the way. Love you, too, I mean.”

Eddie laughs. “I know.”