#and ive been loosing motivation for school and only scraping by because of that last minute doer part of me
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huh so math test this Fucking wednesday i forgot about huh ... huh....
#i literally want to not study at all and just fail this one#like i can retake it#daily dose of complaining but this fucking sucks#me ranting about everything below<3 god bles but ive gotta get it out somewhere#im realizing how much i rely on like. cheating? and stuff like that and im somehow afraid of going back to school because i wont be able to#do that anymore#and like today i cried again simply because ''things were happening too fast''#and my dad suggested i go to therapy over this kind of thing but at the same time i dont even know if ill be willing to work on it#and if i wont be willing to work on it then theres no use of me going anywhere#and like if i wanted to work on it id have to open up about the ed thoughts/tendencies and like thats not happening</3#partly because i dont want to be supervised partly because im afraid i will be told ''you dont have an ed because youre not deathly#underweight'' like that would only make everything worse#and ive been loosing motivation for school and only scraping by because of that last minute doer part of me#and ive been playing a lot of lol which ultimately makes me happy with lore and all but at the same time i feel bad? for it?#like somehow its a worse thing to procrastinate with video games than with drawing or podcasts#ok. ok. im about to get into a spiral time to try something else
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