#and maybe reimagining the other characters as horrors themselves? because I’m having a lot of fun with this

[chchanging]

Such a pretty Bug Boy

Saw this on Pinterest and got infected with roach brain rot so I had to make something for him lmfao

[positivexcellence]

After 15 years of 'Supernatural' demons, 'Walker' star Jared Padalecki ropes a 'very human' new role

As monster-hunting Sam Winchester on 15 seasons of “Supernatural,” Jared Padalecki had all manner of terrifying things happen to him on screen. In a pandemic world, however, having a ne’er-do-well spit in the face of the heroic new star of CW’s “Walker” – without a mask! – somehow seems more shocking than being possessed by a demon.

Don’t worry, members of the Padalecki faithful: It’s a special-effects loogie that flies in the actor’s face during the Thursday's premiere of the “Walker, Texas Ranger” reboot (8 EST/PST). “Believe me, there was a lengthy meeting about how to do the spitting,” says creator and executive producer Anna Fricke.

After more than a decade of being TV bros with Jensen Ackles, Padalecki gets the solo  spotlight with “Walker.” In the revamp of the 1993-2001 CBS show starring Chuck Norris and tons of martial arts, Padalecki stars as Cordell Walker, a Texas Ranger who has been away from his family for a while following the tragic, mysterious murder of his wife, Emily (Padalecki’s real-life spouse, Genevieve Padalecki). He returns to Austin to be father to his children – thoughtful son August (Kale Culley) and rebellious daughter Stella (Violet Brinson) – and partner to a new female Ranger, Micki (Lindsey Morgan).

“On ‘Supernatural,' we treated our world as reality. We were telling a science fiction thriller horror story,” Padalecki says. “So to go to a new show that's shot in a very real way, and we're not hunting God or Lucifer or angels or demons of any sort, has been a fun new world to immerse myself in."

“Walker” thus far has been a joy for Padalecki. He grew up in San Antonio and dreamed of living and working in Austin (where the show is also filmed), where he has lived for the past 10 years, and now he gets to do that “at the tender young age of 38.” He’s an executive producer on the show, though he’s used to living and breathing whatever series he’s on: “I don't feel right unless I do it with everything I’ve got.” And Padalecki can authentically channel a character who has spent important time away from his children after spending much of 15 years in Vancouver to film “Supernatural.”

“A lot of what Cordell goes through in the first couple of episodes is a lot of what Jared Padalecki went through,” he says. “I was off working a job that took a lot of my time and a lot of my bandwidth and a lot of my energy and focus.” He recalls being sent back to Austin last March because of  the COVID-19 pandemic before “Supernatural” had finished its final season, “and when I got home, Gen was sort of like, 'All right, well, pick up the garbage and make sure the kids don't kill each other.’ I was like: ‘Then what? What do I do with these things? They want to play with me, but it's hot outside.'

“Our reimagination of ‘Walker’ is a very human story about a person who maybe hid themselves in their work for a long time, because that was easier for them than dealing with the very human issues that affect us all.”

While Padalecki showed a lot of heart on “Supernatural,” “it was really important to Jared in this role to play a man,” Fricke says. “He had kind of grown up on that show." With the new series, "we wanted to show someone who was a little more war-torn. When we meet Walker, he is not in a great place, and it takes him a while to pull himself together."

In addition to drama, Padalecki gets to show off some of his horseback-riding skills: He has taken lessons, and he owned a horse with his wife when they lived in L.A. for a couple of years. “I had more experience on horseback going into ‘Walker’ than I had experience hunting demons going into ‘Supernatural,’ ” he quips.

But being able to rope bad guys on a TV show mid-ride is a new weapon in his holster. In fact, Padalecki keeps a few lassos around the house in case he needs to rope his kids for fun. “They're going, ‘Do me, do me!’ and so they would scooter by me and I'm just sitting there in the driveway roping them.”

Like the '90s show, the new "Walker" features plenty of action and a two-fisted nature. Old-school fans will recognize at least one face: Mitch Pileggi, who guest-starred in the original series, reappears as Padalecki’s onscreen dad. “We're very committed to letting the audience get a clear picture of what the show is going to be about,” Padalecki says, “but as we carry on, I'd love to have everybody (from the original cast) on the show.”

So who’s the likelier guest star: Karate icon Norris, or his former partner Ackles?

“Man, I've been blowing Jensen's phone up!” Padalecki says. His “Supernatural” co-star is soon traveling to Toronto to film scenes for the new season of Amazon’s “The Boys,” “but you'd better believe that as soon as he's back in Texas, I'll be knocking on his door and telling him we need somebody bowlegged to get up on a horse and ride next to me.”

X

[beautifulfearhorrorblog]

Top 10 Horror Movie Guilty Pleasures:

In no particular order.

1) Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers (1992) - Okay so maybe the graphics don’t quite hold up nowadays, but they’re still the perfect amount of cheesiness. Sleepwalkers follows the mother-son duo Mary and Charles Brady, who are the aforementioned Sleepwalkers, an ancient species who prey on virginal females, needing to consume their life force. There’s a lot of weird sexual energy between the two and there is incest abound. Charles sets his sights on Tanya, one of his classmates, and while he does charm her, he doesn’t count on her being a formidable foe to the two of them. If you love cats, I’d highly recommend this film, seeing as how the Sleepwalkers find themselves enemies in the furry little creatures. It’s also slammed full of fun cameos, including King himself, amongst others like: Tobe Hooper, Clive Barker, Mark Hamill, and more. 

2) Thirteen Ghosts AKA Thir13en Ghosts (2001)- How do you improve upon the gimmicky style of horror icon William Castle? Easy answer, you don’t. But that doesn’t mean that the remake to Castle’s 13 Ghosts (1960) is bad by any means. It’s one of my guiltiest pleasures. After a house fire takes the life of his wife, Arthur and his children are told by his late-uncle’s lawyer that he has inherited a beautiful house. The only problem? The house actually contains multiple spirits, spirits who, more often than not, are out for blood. Thirteen Ghosts is a fun reimagining, it even takes Castle’s original gimmick of Illusion-O (glasses that the audience could use, if they were brave enough to want to view the ghosts) and gives the glasses to the characters themselves, which honestly, is probably even more frightening for those poor souls. It’s the perfect amount of early 2000′s cheese and honestly, any movie starring Matthew Lillard is worth a view from me. 

3&4) The Mummy & The Mummy Returns (1999 & 2001) - While 1999’s The Mummy is technically a remake/reboot of 1932’s The Mummy, it is more of an action film, rather than the horror that is the 1932 version. There are many purists who insist that the original is the very best, but I’m here to just say, I absolutely love and cherish the ‘99 version and its sequel The Mummy Returns. The films follow Rick, Evelyn, Jonathan and an assortment of other characters as they accidentally resurrect ancient evils that they should’ve known better about. There are bits of horrific imagery scattered throughout the films and that’s enough for me to count them amongst some of my favorite horror films. Even with those though, they are light-hearted films with such interesting subject matter. 

5) Van Helsing (2004) - No one will claim Van Helsing is a masterpiece, and they aren’t wrong. But the movie is wonderful for what it is: an action-packed love letter to the horror monsters of our past. It’s no wonder that this movie holds a special place in my heart, it was directed by Stephen Sommers, the same man who directed both The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. It stars Hugh Jackman as the titular character, Abraham Van Helsing, as he hunts down Dracula. Along the way, Van Helsing comes across Mr. Hyde, Frankenstein’s Monster, and even a werewolf. The story is full of love for the characters and the Gothic aesthetic and, in my opinion, gives the monsters the respect they deserve. It is a must-watch for anyone who loves the monsters who came before us. 

6) Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005) -  Fun fact! Urban Legends: Bloody Mary was directed by Mary Lambert. Who’s Mary Lambert, you may ask? Only the director behind one of my favorite Stephen King adaptations, Pet Semetary (1989)! While this film does not have as much of a following, it still does right by me. The movie follows Sam and her brother David as they try to solve the mystery of Mary Banner, while the children of those responsible for Banner’s untimely death are killed off one-by-one. Being the third movie in the Urban Legend film series, this movie forgoes the slasher premise of the first two films, instead opting to go full supernatural. Some of the deaths have been used before in other films, but it doesn’t make them less effective, i.e; burning to death in a tanning bed will ALWAYS be terrifying. I also absolutely love the song heard throughout each death, “I Will Always Be There,’ performed to perfection by Niki Harris. It completely embodies the time period in which Mary’s innocence and life was lost, and it’s so bone-chillingly amazing. 

7) 5ive Girls (2006) - 5ive Girls is a lesser known supernatural horror film helming from Canada. The only actor in it that is particularly well known is Ron Perlman. For that to be the case honestly sucks, because the acting is so criminally underrated in this film. 5ive Girls takes place at an all-girls Catholic school and follows five different girls along as they all discover they are powered and then immediately begin being possessed. There’s even a sweet romance that buds between two of the girls, Mara and Alex, but seeing as this is a horror movie, long-lasting love is never a guarantee. The film is a neat hidden gem and deserves more praise for the acting of all the young women, who nailed all of their characters wholly. 

8) Stay Alive (2006) - A video game centered movie where if you die in the game, you die in real life? Sign me up. A movie loosely based upon one of the most prolific female serial killers ever known in history? Sign me up even more! Stay Alive never got the credit it deserved and to a degree that’s understandable; for a horror movie based around a group of gamers playing a game, none of them truly feel like they realistically game. The concept is there though and its villain is none other than the Blood Countess herself, Elizabeth Bathory, though her backstory was changed for the film. Bathory in real life was a Countess who was thought to have murdered up to 650 young girls to use their blood as a way of staying young, the movie sets her as a headmistress who murdered 30+ of her students for their youth. The change does not make much sense, but whatever works for the screenwriters works for me, because I still enjoy this movie so much. Sophia Bush’s, October, is a standout character in particular; she’s a take-no-crap type of woman who fights until her bitter end and she provides the rest of the characters with the keys in which to survive Bathory’s depraved game.   

9) Final Destination 3 (2006) - The Final Destination series had a good run, mostly producing great films. One stands above the rest though, and that is Final Destination 3. The plot follows the same layout as the rest of the films, hot young people cheating death and then immediately learning the hard way that death doesn’t allow that sort of nonsense. FD 3 centers around Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s character, Wendy, having the standard vision of a deadly accident, this one being a rollercoaster flying off of its tracks. Winstead portrays Wendy as a somewhat prissy character, but honestly, the girl is smart and does stave off death for quite a while. The DVD for the film also offers one of the coolest bonus features: Choose Your Fate, which allows the viewer to help save lives and in some cases, end the film almost as soon as it starts, allowing the main characters to survive unscathed, though their fates later on aren’t exactly desirable either.  

10) Beyond the Gates (2016) - An innovative and more recent horror film staring horror icon Barbara Crampton? Why isn’t this getting all of the praise it deserves? The film follows two brothers as they are clearing out their father’s video store, seeing as how he has been missing for over half a year. While there, they discover an old interactive VCR game entitled Beyond the Gates and are drawn to playing it. The game is more than it appears though and eventually the brothers find that it is much more than they bargained for. They must then go “beyond the gates” to save their father’s soul and themselves before it is too late. Crampton stars as the games guide, growing more menacing as the film progresses. The film is gorgeous with its retro aesthetic and fun neon colors. You’d be a fool to miss out on this piece.

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows Vol 2 #6-7 Thoughts

Previous thoughts here.

Okay I’ve finally caught up to where I left off with RYV in 2017 so these are my thoughts on the X-Men arc.

I have very mixed feeling about this arc depending upon what POV I look at it from.

As a general story unto itself and an instalment in this series it was pretty great.

However in the context of an AU series with a limited shelf-life as is and in a context when Spider-Man had so often been sharing the spotlight (and the Spider-Marriage hadn’t been seen) making what amounted to a standard paint by numbers X-Men story just from the Parker’s POV was very questionable even if I like the X-Men.

Finally from the POV of a guy who likes the X-Men but isn’t hardcore but is very much in love with 90s X-Men (which this version is based upon) my feelings are very mixed.

And that boils down to what I love about the X-Men and that era of the X-Men vs. how Conway apparently feels about them.

But let’s get general perennial opinions out the way. I’ve grown to begrudgingly accept the conceit of this series as a Spider Family book and a book where we are just going to ignore the child endangerment issues at play. But i’ve spoken about that before in my older coverage of issues #1-5. Similarly in those issues and it still holds true for this arc, Stegman is the goddam man when it comes to the artwork.

Whilst there was one panel in which he tried to draw MJ shocked and upset and it came off just goofy, over all the artwork in this arc was stunning and I genuinely said ‘wow’ out loud when I got to the splash page of Spider-Man and Wolverine.

Keeping on the visuals for a moment, I goddam love the costumes chosen for the characters here. Yes even the reimagined looks for Toad, Crucible and Mist Mistress.

Obviously I don’t talk X-Men here much but I adore the 1990s X-Men costumes from the 1992 cartoon, which originated under Jim Lee. And honestly they genuinely are among the most iconic and visually dynamic looks for the characters so it’s not purely personal preference. This is especially resonant for me with Wolverine. Spider-Man is my favourite (American comic book) character and following him are various Spider-Verse characters like MJ, Norman Osborn, Ben Reilly, Mayday, etc.

But outside of those Spider-Verse characters, Wolverine is my absolute fav Marvel character and it’s always annoyed me that Marvel were like embarrassed to put him in his classic Giant-Sized X-Men uniform once Whedon began writing X-Men.

That is THE iconic Wolverine look and in this story Stegman brought it back baby!

Similarly I appreciated that the Magneto of this story both looked and acted like classic Magneto. Not the aweful black and silver shit he was wearing around this time in the comics and I’ve never been fond of him as a good guy member of the X-Men.

Honestly, whilst I get it was well executed character development, Magneto is inherently more interesting as a morally grey antagonist for the X-Men than among their ranks. So much of the core premise of X-Men is built around the fundamental philosophical conflict between Magneto’s beliefs and Xaviers that you lose a not insignificant chunk of the essence of X-Men when you put them on the same side. Not to mention in a superhero story you want strong characters as antagonists and Magneto is arguably the best X-Men villain, scratch that best comic book villain, ever.

Okay now let’s chat story.

I wasn’t pleased with  the deaths in this. Banshee might be few people’s fav  but Beast was and in both cases their quick shock deaths were unearned and unworthy. Kind of overly dark to be honest with you given the nature of the RYV book and it gave the impression that Conway isn’t fond of either character.

But that sentiment shines through far more poignantly with Jubilee and Cyclops. Whilst Cyclops gets screwed over slightly less badly than he did in the X-Men movies, the same problems occur. He gets undermined in favour of Wolverine and so Logan and Jean can be shipped together. Which is only a different flavour of frustrating if you LIKE the Cyclops/Jean relationship as I do, than when Jean got screwed over so Scott and Emma could hook up. I still despise that.*

But at least this was kind of believable, at least to me. No X-Men expert so maybe their break up was OOC, but the idea that Cyclops and Jean broke up because Jean didn’t have faith in controlling her Godlike powers whilst Cyclops did is an interesting piece of relationship drama. And at least the characters in RYV didn’t get fucked as hard as they did in the 2000s.

Still you can kind of tell Conway isn’t a big fan of Cyclops (understandable he has his haters, I hate 2000s-2010s Cyclops) but you can equally tell he really doesn’t like Jubilee.

Again, not an X-Men expert here but I’m pretty sure Jubilee being a traitor to the X-Men and being disillusioned by Xavier’s methods is immensely OOC for her character.

Now that isn’t that big of a deal because this is an AU at the end of the day. But if you like Jubilee or just know her character then it will probably annoy you. Unfortunately for one reason or another Jubilee in my observations seems to get a lot of hate that Kitty Pryde and X-23 don’t and I do not understand why.

In the cases of both characters I could tell instantly that Conway was setting one of them up to be the traitor and honestly if you are doing an AU book, Cyclops is kind of the more interesting choice although I grant you maybe not in the context of 2010s Cyclops who already murdered Xavier in AvX and has been a douchebag for a long time. But in the context of this story and 1990s X-Men which this story is trading off of, it’s the more interesting choice. I will give it to Conway though for at least bothering to give us 2 suspects. These days most writers wouldn’t even bother with that and just think they were being subtle when they have Jubilee say shit like “Maybe your human friend wouldn’t like you if she knew you were a mutant!”

On some final notes about the X-Men themselves I feel like there was maybe something more interesting you could’ve done with Jean and Wolverine’s child than what we got with Shine. In her personality and powers she could be any one of the army of Summers/Grey children or any given generic mutant. There is no Wolverine in her to be seen.

That’s not me inherently hating her. She’s just more of a missed opportunity. She was adorable unto herself and even moreso in her relationship with Annie and I hope that gets revisited in consequent issues.

My final little note regarding the X-Men themselves was that I didn’t care for Magneto being mind controlled at the end or his over all plan.

Okay, it’s more like I felt his plan was underdeveloped. Because it’s not that it didn’t make sense because it was literally the same plan from X2: X-Men United. But Conway basically expected you to have just known  that because of the visuals and results of the plan. And for comic book and comic book movie fans like me, sure I know the shorthand but it’s not good storytelling. Similarly Emma Frost shows up at the end, barely talks but just kind of takes over as the main villain when Magneto had been the guy built up in the story and...he, he’s Magneto dude. That’s like having Puppet Master show up towards the end of a story where Doom’s been the main villain and take over.

Also doesn’t his helmet shield him from psychic control? I mean again it’s an AU and I feel like that wasn’t established until way later about Magneto but still.

I also wanna talk about how this arc more than anything else just blows up the continuity between RYV volume 1 and volume 2.

In RYV vol 1 #1 it was a big deal that the X-Men got wiped out by Regent and the implication was that the universe diverged in the early-mid 1990s.

In this arc though it’s made crystal clear that obviously the X-Men are fine and that in this universe (the dumpster fire clusterfuck that was) Civil War 2006 was avoided.

Which is again an example of Conway subtly saying screw you to stuff he doesn’t like but I don’t mind that because yeah screw Civil War it was hot trash. But it does make RYV volume 1 way more confusing in terms of continuity, especially since literally no other post-Secret Wars ongoing series (including X-Men ’92) seemed to radically alter their universe after the event like RYV did.

Honestly I think the only way to have it make sense is to just say RYV volume 2 is an alternate version of the RYV volume 1 characters and that prior to volume 2 a guy called the Regent showed up, stole some people’s powers then Spider-Man and his family stopped him. He didn’t kill anyone, he didn’t take over the world, he wasn’t trying to kill God Emperor Doom or whatever and the world didn’t know who Spider-Man was by the end of it.

This actually jives way better with what Houser would later establish in her run on RYV that Annie isn’t a daughter Peter and MJ had INSTEAD of Mayday, but in fact the daughter they would’ve had if OMD hadn’t fucked everything up. I guess in the RYV universe though Spider-Man never joined the Avengers and fashion was stuck in the 1990s even in the 2000s.

I’m not complaining I’m just trying to get all this stuff straight.

Okay let’s move onto the Parker family.

I loved the payoff to issue #2 with MJ planning a party and it turning out to be for Peter’s birthday. That was the best scene in the whole story. Normal life drama with supporting characters we know and love. This is the heart of Spider-Man! And it came with adorable scenes like Annie confronting the horror of gluten free desserts and acknowledgments of Aunt May and Aunt Anna’s deaths.

The heart of the story was the stuff related to whether Peter and MJ should make Annie stay at the Xavier school or not and the scenes exploring this were really good.

Spider-Man deal with relatively relatable everyday issues and failing that stuff that s clearly allegorical to said issues. In this case Annie’s powers are allegorical to a kid with a disability, special learning issues, or someone with a particular aptitude for learning that would make a normal school more challenging.

Special props goes to Peter relating to how he struggled in school and not wanting that for Annie. In MJ’s case though she wants to keep her daughter close. This makes sense retroactively when you consider she’s already lost one child and if you pretend RYV vol 1 happened then she spent years keeping Annie close out of fear that she died.

Putting those aside though it could be a commentary upon MJ’s own childhood growing up where she was constantly being uprooted and saw her family and her sister’s family fall apart. For MJ it’s likely very important that the family unit stay close together.

Conway’s writing shines because he organically (albeit not as subtly as he could) has them switch positions creating yet more potential conflict and makes sure Annie has her own view on the matter. She likes the school, she likes Shine but she doesn’t want things to change and justifies this in a childish way by making out a popular kid in her school is a bigger deal than she actually is.

My major point of condemnation though is that I feel way more could’ve been done with the premise (e.g. having MJ and Jean connect over super powered kids) than actually was because so much of the plot is dominated by villains invading the Xavier school for the umpteenth time.

Actually goes into two other problems with the arc. This is an incredibly generic X-Men storyline because obviously it’s from a Spider-Man perspective. Like if an X-Men story tried to present a window into the world of Spider-Man it’d be a typical thing about him making rent, working for Jameson and missing a date or whatever. It’s like default setting X-Men and whilst I like that because I miss those days before X-Men became a clusterfuck, it’s not the most compelling main plot in the world.

And honestly it wraps up too quickly and easily, MJ just decks Emma Frost and the story is done. Annie and Peter don’t get involved enough which is weird because isn’t this a team book? I mean as the story highlights it makes Mj look cool but I don’t like doing that at the expense of the other characters.

Now in fairness that might’ve been set up for the next arc, which I know is about MJ becoming Venom. The last page or two of the arc implies this because it features an overtly villainous Liz Allan.

At first I raised my eyebrow at this. Around that same time Liz had been presented as evil in the 616 books and I thought this might’ve been lame out of nowhere synergy.

But in thinking about it, if this really is a Liz Allan who is recently went through the stuff she dealt with in DeMatteis’ Harry Osborn arc from the 1990s (as is the implication) then Liz would be a darker person, would be more hard hearted to protect her son and she wasn’t the nicest person to the Parkers at that time.

Although issue #4 had MJ refer to Normie as creepy implying the Osborns and Parkers generally aren’t all that close in this universe.

Regardless Liz with the Venom symbiote targeting MJ and having the there be an explicit thematic connection between them via their shared motherhood was a darkly delicious moment.

As many mixed feelings as I have for this arc over all I give it a solid B.

*Hence I personally also loved Emma Frost just being a plain villain and getting decked by MJ because I goddam hate Emma Frost I really do.

[forest-of-stories]

The “Evolution” of a Problematic Shipper

[I’ve been working on this lengthy post, which is about my early adventures in X-Men: Evolution fanfiction, for a very long time.  So, here it is, friends.  Please note a content warning for some discussion of abuse, mostly in fiction.  Also, my individual recollections are my own, and extremely subjective; others might remember the fandom differently than I do.]

Quite a few years ago, I wrote about how X-Men: Evolution was “the first fandom in which I participated heavily: watching the show as it aired, obsessing with other fans about the stories and relationships within, and writing reams and reams of (mostly very bad) fic.”  I still think that this is somewhat true; XME certainly inspired me to do all of those things more publicly and enthusiastically than I ever had before, especially where my One True Pairing was concerned.

For those who don’t know, X-Men: Evolution, which ran from 2000 to 2003, was essentially an animated High School AU of the X-Men comics in which our heroes lived and trained at the Xavier Institute but attended classes at their local high school.  For the first couple of seasons, mutants weren’t public knowledge as they are in the comics or movies, so a few characters used their powers for the first time without understanding what was going on.

The second episode, “The X-Impulse,” introduced viewers to (this world’s version of) Kitty Pryde, a lonely, sheltered fifteen-year-old who was terrified of her newly awakened ability to walk through walls, and to Lance Alvers, a juvenile delinquent whose own powers caused him to make awkward faces and terrible puns (and also earthquakes, I guess).  When they met, Lance seemed happy and excited to meet someone else with super-powers, but he quickly developed a plan to manipulate Kitty into helping him in his criminal shenanigans.  He presented himself as helpful and supportive, gained her trust, and, when she refused him help him, became aggressive and violent toward her and her family.  The episode ended with Kitty recruited by the X-Men and Lance joining the bad guys, and the two of them spent the rest of the season as enemies.

Watching this episode for the first time as a teenager, I knew that Lance’s behavior toward Kitty was wrong and abusive.  And yet, there was something about their early interactions that captured my imagination.  Maybe it was the fact that, whatever else might have happened, he was the first person to show her how to find confidence and joy in her powers.  Maybe it was the hug that they shared, or his line, “Once you own it, nothing can own you,” or the possibility, thwarted though it might have been, that they could have formed an understanding despite very different backgrounds and attitudes.  I liked forbidden romances, and I liked flipping the script to make unquestioned heroes seem villainous and villains seem sympathetic, and I liked when characters rebelled against controlling authority figures and communities, which is how I reimagined the X-Men when I first started writing about them.  I’m not saying that I explored any of those ideas well, but they were what started me writing: at first in collaboration with a friend from summer camp, who still deserves a lot of the credit, and then on my own.  I posted my solo stories on Fanfiction.net, where this fandom would enjoy some remarkable popularity that I’m not sure has ever transferred to any other platform.

I wrote about Lance infiltrating the X-Men (with psychic shields in place), and having to choose between his original mission and his romance with Kitty, whose own commitment to her team and its mission was starting to waver.  I wrote about her trying to figure out her identity beyond her friends’ expectations of her, even as Lance tried to be a better and less destructive person.  I wrote about Charles Xavier mind-controlling Kitty into dismissing Lance and falling back into unquestioning loyalty, giving way to several well-received sequels in which some of the characters tried to free themselves and each other from Xavier’s telepathic chokehold.  I wrote without much direction or concern for established continuity and characterization, and assumed the whole time that the show would never explore what I saw as the unrecognized potential of my OTP.  When canon actually went there, I was as surprised as anybody.

--

After Lance had spent the entire premiere of Season 2, “Growing Pains,” acting like a complete jerk to Kitty and her friends, his destructiveness endangered her life, and he saved her.  They became romantically involved soon afterward, and he became noticeably less of a jerk toward her and slightly less of a jerk toward others.  The series of fics that I was working on had decisively departed from continuity by this point, but I still incorporated elements of the season premiere into the installment that I was posting at the time.  And my fellow Lance/Kitty shippers, believing that canon had vindicated us, were transported with joy.  

If XME were popular today, I believe that there would be a lot more pushback against Lance/Kitty, in both good and bad ways.  Even at the time, the pairing was not universally beloved.  There were probably those who thought that its dysfunctional beginnings outweighed any potential for functionality or sweetness, and there were definitely those who thought that both characters would be better off with someone else.  It’s tempting to rewrite history with claims that “in my day, we shipped and let ship,” and it’s true that yesterday’s shipping conflicts didn’t use all of the same weapons that today’s do, but the fandom was still full of snarky, self-important brats who, no matter which side of any given argument we were on, believed that only we understood these characters and this world.

I say “we,” because I was not exempt from these behaviors.  I’ve sometimes thought that participation in this fandom brought out some of my worst habits.  But a lot of positive things came out of it as well.  It gave me the inspiration and confidence to write more prolifically than I ever had before (or maybe even since), and a chance to explore ideas that became deeply important to me: perhaps most importantly, I don’t think I’d written so extensively or publicly about the horrors of mind control.  Mutual devotion to our show and its fandom, and mutual conviction that Lance and Kitty were meant to be, connected me with a number of friends with whom I started exchanging emails and IMs and LiveJournal comments, and I’ve kept in touch with a couple of them to this day.  And even though I didn’t always respond constructively to attention and validation, XME fandom gave me what I think fandom has given a lot of creative young people: a wider audience for my writing, and a community who cared about the lives and feelings of cartoon characters as much as I did, and in many of the same ways.  My experience in this fandom was as uneven and as flawed (dare one say… problematic?), and often as delightful, as the show that inspired it.

And, for me, it had all started with Lance and Kitty.   As the show progressed, and for years after it ended, I continued to write more canon-compliant one-shot stories about them: missing scenes or predictions for the future. Their relationship was a given in more or less everything I wrote, whether or not they were the focus, and even when I’d fallen deeply into other fandoms, I still regarded it with nostalgic fondness.

--

I think that a lot of us have faced an uncomfortable tension between our social consciences and our nostalgia for the uncomplicated adoration with which we viewed our “problematic faves” as children.  I can’t provide a one-size-fits-all solution for that conflict.  I don’t know if one exists.

“Although I'm not going to say that I never thought that I'd be engaging with XME again in any way,” I blogged in late 2013, as my local cartoon-watching group began the first season, “I was somewhat surprised that I had any feelings about this show left, or anything else to say.”  But I did, and I said a lot of it in short ficlets of less than 500 words, which - since I was in graduate school at the time - were usually all that my energy levels would allow.

At around the same time, I started reading fandom-related posts on Tumblr, including the ones that stated or implied that redemption arcs in fiction, and/or shipping characters with people who had mistreated them, were universally bad because they would increase the likelihood of real-life abuse.  It’s not like I had never thought about that aspect of Lance and Kitty’s relationship (I’d addressed it more than once in the intervening time), but something about phrasing of those posts - or maybe something about my own mental state when I saw them - sent me into a spiral of self-doubt.  I wondered I would have to publicly apologize for and cast aside my affection for a pairing and a narrative that had been so deeply formative for me.  I wondered if my friends would consider me an abuse apologist if I didn’t, or even whether I might secretly be one.  

One of the reasons why it took me a long time to write this retrospective is that I wanted to avoid too many lengthy tangents or blanket statements about critical consumption of media, the toxic elements of “anti-shipping,” and the relationship between fiction and reality.  I do believe that such a relationship exists, but it’s much more complicated than “impure fiction is dangerous, especially if people might be enjoying it in ways that are not politically conscious or wholesome enough.”  Anybody who reads my blog knows that I am intensely critical of purity culture, and I do not believe in being unkind to real people on behalf of fictional characters (and I say this as someone who used to do exactly that).  Also, if you were going to ask, “So you’re saying you support [taboo and/or illegal act]?” please don’t.  I am not saying that, and we are not having that conversation.  Not all “problematic” stories are interchangeable or should be talked about in the same way, and all of the issues that surround them are bigger and more complex than any individual character or romantic arc.

So I am not suggesting that Lance and Kitty’s own romantic arc should not have happened, or that people shouldn’t enjoy it, when I point out that was built on some incredibly inappropriate behavior that reflects toxic cultural attitudes  even if it doesn’t “normalize” or “promote” them, and I can understand why some people (including at least one of my Cartoon Night buddies) would see it as irresponsible storytelling.   In “Growing Pains,” Lance harassed Kitty despite her trying to tell him off, used his powers in publicly destructive ways in order to hold her attention, and tried to keep her from leaving school with her friends.  Even when his protective leap caused her to regard him as something besides an enemy, it seemed to be setting up an arc in which her love - or the possibility of her love - would make him a better person. 

In reality, of course, it’s unrealistic at best for anyone to expect that they can “change” or “improve” the morality of a partner who has treated them (or others) badly.  But it’s an enjoyable and compelling fantasy, as are the “opposites attract” and “forbidden love” aspects of the pairing, all of which we shippers ate up with a spoon.  It’s vital for shippers to recognize the difference between reality and fiction, but it is not my place to assume - based solely upon the nature of the fantasy - that they’re unable to do so.

And, in-universe, I can absolutely understand why sheltered, idealistic Kitty might have given in to this fantasy.  But it doesn’t play out in the way that she - or I - initially expected.

I’ve seen the Season 2 episode “Joyride” so many times that I didn’t have to rewatch it in order to write this essay.  That’s the one in which Lance briefly joined the X-Men, in order to be close to Kitty and, hopefully, to become the kind of person that she might admire.  The story was full of cute moments in which they flirted, bantered, and ultimately worked together to solve a crisis.  It also spotlighted one of the biggest obstacles to their relationship, and despite what a lot of fanfic - including my own - suggested, that did not come from their respective teams’ objections.  Professor Xavier even encouraged Lance’s potential for redemption (which didn’t stop me from reading, writing, and endorsing fic in which he regularly meddled in his students’ love lives), and the other characters reacted to the situation in a variety of understandable, if not always admirable, ways.  No, the telling moment occurred when the team was running through aquatic rescue scenarios, and Lance cheerfully broke rank and “drowned” two other people in order to pull Kitty out of the water.  Here was his entire approach to redemption and to their relationship, summed up in one gesture: he wanted to ensure her safety and well-being, but didn’t always care what or whom he knocked down in the process.  This became even clearer toward the end of the season, when he tried unsuccessfully to chase her (and only her) away from a fight between their two teams, although her friends would still be in danger. This tension exploded in the third episode of Season 3, when Lance and his friends once again attacked the X-Men on school grounds, and Kitty shouted, “This is the real you, isn’t it?” Lance responded, “That’s right! I’m never going to be good enough for you!” (I typed that out from memory, too.)

Naturally, my fellow shippers and I were devastated by this development, and I, for one, wrote lots of angsty fic (often interspersed with the lyrics to late 1990s/early 2000s pop music)  in which the former couple pined for each other despite having been Torn Apart By Circumstances.  Years later, however, I’m proud of Kitty, and of the writers, for drawing that line in the sand, and for realizing that - although, as Charles pointed out, it would have been a good start - it wasn’t enough for Lance to be good for her.  Whether or not this was an intentional writing choice, the later seasons reflected an awareness that he was primarily the one responsible for making himself a better person.  

Yes, after Lance and his comrades joined the climactic battle even though he’d insisted at first that he didn’t care, he and Kitty got back together in the series finale. There were probably viewers who thought their reconciliation hadn’t been earned, as well as those who thought it had been.  Obviously, eighteen-year-old Nevanna (by then in her first semester of college) was one of the latter.  But I appreciate the time that they spent apart, and the fact that it came at least as much from from internal motivations as from external pressure, far more as an adult than I did as a teenager.

To be clear: you don’t have to like Lance/Kitty or pairings like it.  When I say that I regard it differently now, I am not trying to assert that “my ship is Unproblematic after all, so there!” because it isn’t.  Nor am I trying to suggest, “It’s okay that I had a Bad Ship, because I regret it now, and the rest of you are filthy sinners who should do the same.” I don’t, and you’re not, and you shouldn’t.  Or, rather, how you feel about your past shipping, and what kind of person it makes you, is not for me to decide.

I loved and built upon this pairing both despite and because of its problems, and that is one of the reasons why I try not to condemn other people - as long as they maintain that all-important boundary between fantasy and reality - for loving and building upon stories that have similar problems, or different ones altogether.

--

I was sixteen when I first started writing XME fanfic.  I’m thirty-three now.  I can easily imagine some of you asking, “When are you going to get over these imaginary fake not-real cartoon characters and get a life, Nevanna?” That is, I hope that my friends, whom I love and who love me, aren’t thinking along those lines, but it’s certainly a question that I have asked myself more than once.

Even when I was cheerfully participating in fandom in my youth, I still feared that my obsessions with fictional characters were bad for me, a sign that I wasn’t equipped to deal with or care about “real life.” In one diary entry, I wrote with certainty that I would have to abandon my fannish interests entirely when I started college.  If a large contingent of fans had loudly insisted that my interests were not only bad for me but bad for the world, that I was actively hurting others simply by writing about my chosen subject matter, that I was likely to enable or engage in actual criminal activity… I’m not sure what I would have done, but it probably wouldn’t have been what they wanted me to do, and it likely would have made me an even more unpleasant person to be around.

I tried my best to balance academic obligations with fandom and creativity when I did enter college, and sometimes failed spectacularly, but that owed as much to anxiety and poor time management skills, both of which are still everyday challenges for me, as it did to caring “too much” about stories.  I eventually earned a master’s degree, and found a series of jobs, in a field that is just a bit concerned with making sure people get to read whatever they want.  If I’m still “getting a life,” which I believe is an ongoing process, then my fandoms are just one part of it.  And after all this time, X-Men: Evolution is still one of those fandoms.  I find it easy and comforting and fun to write about these characters, and the only person who gets to decide whether I’m “over” them is myself.  

The last time I wrote anything that focused specifically on Lance and Kitty was a little more than two years ago, and the fic didn’t shy away from the troubled history of their relationship.  I have a preference for stories that at least acknowledge that history and the tension that comes with it, but I would never barge in and assume that because a content creator doesn’t check those boxes, they support real-life abusive relationships.

Would I still ship Lance and Kitty if I encountered them for the first time today? It’s difficult to say. Many aspects of their relationship are still things that I enjoy in fiction.  But my early interest in them was based on a specific set of assumptions about the characters, their world, and even the purpose of fanfiction, as well as, yes, some amount of ignorance about how romance and attraction worked.  I don’t want to enjoy their story, or others, solely in the way that I did when I was younger.  Most of the time, I prefer the all the ways that I enjoy stories now.

As I said earlier, I’m not proud of some of my actions in the XME fandom.  I regret sneering at the fanbase for another popular pairing that had dysfunctional beginnings, as if my OTP didn’t.  (The two pairings didn’t even have any common characters, so it’s not as if they challenged each other as far as I know, not that my attitude would have been okay even if they had.  I think I partly just enjoyed hating what so many people liked.)  I regret participating in an LJ community that publicly mocked specific people’s writing.  I regret sticking my nose into people’s reviews just to beg them to read my latest chapter, but not as much as I regret leaving at least one hostile review, with a very thin veneer of playfulness, when half of my OTP hooked up with another character in the middle of a multi-chapter fic.   And, all of that aside, there is a much longer list of regrettable choices that I made as a writer.  But I don’t regret looking at Lance and Kitty in their introductory episode and thinking, “There’s a story there, and I want to find out where it might go.”

[nothingneverforever]

The Haunting of Hill House (2018)

I remember sitting through the first episode of this series with my mom, thinking that it wasn't the best option for us to commit to, worrying that it would be a waste of our precious mother-daughter bonding time. The pacing of the first/second episode was too.. American, the emotional expressions too unsubtle, leaving little room for my audience participation, the acting too stilted, and the actors behaving too much like stage thespians .. and because I'd chosen the series after seeing rave reviews online, I remember sitting through the first episode thinking, huh, this is the shit people been losing their minds over?

And then.... suddenly, quickly, it became one of the most deeply affecting and disturbing shows I'd experienced, and thus eventually, one of my favourites. I'm deciding to write this now, about 9 months after I finished the series, because I've just started on The Haunting of Bly Manor, which is described as a "follow-up" series to Hill House. The narratives are not connected, but much of the cast and crew are the same, which is nice because I was so so so so so impressed with the acting of these specific returning actors in Hill House, and after reading a little more into the production process, I've been allowed to understand that the crew is fucking epic and genius as fuck too. I love this series!!!!!

The title of a Youtube video that I love a great deal on this series, by one of my absolute favourite film analysis video essayists, Ladyknightthebrave, is: Stretching Genre - A Haunting of Hill House Video Essay. And maybe this is what I'll talk about first - genre. I've never particularly cared for 'horror' because I'd rather be able to engage with themes and tropes I can relate to in my own life, stories that resemble my own world from my own ever-romantic perspectives. I've always wanted to delve into horror, to appreciate the elaborately designed surfaces as well as be affected in whatever ways by any depth of conversation or concept, but I don't think I've ever been able to achieve any of this. I've tried to enjoy both superficially (i.e. entertainment value) and also more real-ly many horror productions, but always left with a deep sense of meh.  Crimson Peak (which I reviewed here back in 2016) might be the closest I've come to engaging genuinely with anything from this broad genre, but even then I think I liked it more for its kitsch value, its beautiful beautiful beautiful soundtrack, than for the genre-specific parts of the narrative. But I mean, everything makes a film right? The soundtrack and the costumes and the acting are the horror elements in themselves too, I know.

Even then, a lot of the simple reactions I've read for Hill House are ones of surprise, where audiences went in not realizing that a series with the words The Haunting of.. in its title would leave them feeling utterly heartbroken, distraught (sad), emotionally-invested as it were any other drama series. In that Ladyknightthebrave video I mentioned, at multiple points in her essay she says, simply, "hey,... I'm sad" when referencing a particular scene or conversation. And that was, too, my overwhelming reaction to the whole series.... I'm sad!!!!!

Perhaps I should describe the plot a little first.. so the Cranes are a family of 7, mother and father and 5 lovely children: in descending order of age, they are Steve, Shirley, Theo, and twins Luke and Eleanor (Nelly). Here is the official synopsis:

This modern reimagining of the Shirley Jackson novel follows siblings who, as children, grew up in what would go on to become the most famous haunted house in the country.. Now adults, they are forced back together in the face of tragedy and must finally confront the ghosts of their past. Some of those ghosts still lurk in their minds, while others may actually be stalking the shadows of Hill House.

And, from wikipedia, here are some of the notable reviews of the series:

Corrine Corrodus of The Telegraph graded the series with a 5/5 rating, calling it "the most complex and complete horror series of its time." Brian Tallerico of RogerEbert.com gave unanimous praise to the Netflix adaptation, describing it as "essential viewing," and stated that "[the show] contains some of the most unforgettable horror imagery in film or television in years." David Griffin of IGN gave the series a rating of 9.5 out of 10, calling it "a superb and terrifying family drama," and Paul Tassi of Forbes described it as "absolutely fantastic" and stated that "it may actually be Netflix's best original show ever."

Horror author Stephen King, who holds considerable admiration for Jackson's novel, tweeted about the series, "I don't usually care for this kind of revisionism, but this is great. Close to a work of genius, really. I think Shirley Jackson would approve, but who knows for sure."

Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino, in interview with The Jerusalem Post said, "My favorite Netflix series, with no competition, is The Haunting of Hill House."

Due to obvious reasons I give zero fucks about what either King or Tarantino might have to say about, uhh, anything on this planet, but YASSSS RETWEET everything above!!! It is essential viewing!!! Indeed the most complex and complete series of its time!!! Unforgettable imagery!!!

Okie so now on to my own original thots... 

My main learning was this: Horror, i.e. the presence of something horrific, for it's characters in the show/story, isn't about feeling frightened or them 'losing their minds' or being driven to questioning their own perceptions of reality or anything like what we've seen in the last 7 decades or so of seeing the genre develop and evolve. In Mike Flanagan's beautiful ode to Shirley Jackson's incredible story, we come to understand that horror is only ever about genuine trauma. I guess, like I talked about earlier, I never really understood what horror's raison d'etre was at all.. like... why?? What is the greater, lasting impact of having audiences shaking in their boots? What is intended by eliciting a gasp or a scream? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS?!

I asked, and I've been asking and asking for years, and finally Hill House provided: Horror is, in fact, about unspeakable pain.. Pain that has no outlet in a world that will only ever be skeptical of such experiences... it's about being genuinely haunted in such a way that you can never dream of stability in your life ever again; it's about developing into a closed-off, maladjusted adult, knowing that your experiences of early life cannot be related to anyone else's in any way, not even that of your siblings. I remember taking away this lesson very early on in the series, possibly midway through the second episode. Because the siblings (Steve, Shirley, Theo, Luke, Nelly) are all utterly flawed and thus 'real' characters, we're able to quickly why they are the ways they are. (Important note: the siblings are not flawed in ways that make them unlikable at all, or unrelatable, or downright unpleasant to watch - this is a flaw that other productions have definitely fallen prey to before in the name of achieving that 'realness' however Hill House judges things so perfectly that we are endeared to their flaws and never put off by them.) Their disparate experiences with Hill House growing up, their subsequent very personal meaning-making journeys (some looking more like denial, some resulting in substance dependency), their different levels of having access to the 'truths' about what went on in that cursed home, all of this meant that the siblings ended up, where we see them in 'current day', being broken adults with a lot of misplaced anger, unprocessed trauma, and resentment toward one another. It is the aloneness in all their experiences that is the true horror, and the horrors were a very personal, existential kind and so there was no room for mutual bonding and sharing until it was too late, until their babiest of baby sisters had lost herself to the pressures calling her ‘home’.

And suddenly, I realised: this is the true evil. Ghosts don't ruin lives by doing a good epic scare here and there or by turning your irises white by revealing some fucking scary shit: ghosts are seriously... so... fucking... evil because they ruin your whole entire lives..!!! Horrifying realities take the form of many different things, even if they all originate from one main source. The Crane siblings, as children, had to deal at once with their mother being predisposed to falling victim to the spirits of the house due to, as hinted, mental health conditions of her own, while also dealing with differently confusing aspects of a house and a home that taunted them by making them feel unsafe and secure all at once. Now I say all this from an.. artistic appreciation pov, because I am myself unconvinced that the 'supernatural' or anything of a spiritual realm influences our daily lives. Which is all the more significant, right? That a ""skeptic"" like myself (although I'm not an insensitive and stubborn over-rationalizing dumb male like Steve is in the show) could suddenly realise the tragic effects on many many vulnerable souls of a world that clutching on to its medical models and objective scientific truths.

From the series' wiki page: The Haunting of Hill House received critical acclaim, particularly for its acting, directing, and production values, with many calling it an "effective ghost story."

So yea... finally I know what that means. Finally I know what effect a ghost story can and should have. Finally I understand the potential of the genre!!! Sigh there is literally SO much I could say about how and why this is the best series in the world but maybe I'll stop here for now..? There would be no end if I were to discuss everything because it's one of those series that has 'easter eggs', in the form of hidden ghosts (visual) lurking in the dark or specific lines that foreshadow something else later on, but I've never really cared much to 'reveal' these things so yea, go forth and enjoy this best show everrrrr :-)

(For example there is a lot of discussion online about how each of the 5 siblings represent the 5 different stages of grief à la Kübler-Ross, with the eldest Steve being in complete denial that there was ever any supernatural presence to explain their experience, Shirley reacting with sheer anger to all around her, Theo bargaining her way through her own internal conflicts, Luke being surrounded by swirling depression fueling his drug dependency, and Nell eventually accepting the so-called inevitable, etc etc etc but this kinda analysis is a little too lowbrow and heavy-handed for me to get into so yea haha)

There is a specific dialogue that I want to reference however on my way out: when Nell's suicide/death is revealed early in the series, Shirley has the difficult talk with her young children about it. And these 2 simple lines umm basically summarize the entire plot:

Shirley's son: Why did she die? Shirley: I don't know.. I'm just so sad that she did

Everyone watching the show would relate to that immediately but also that sentiment rings more and more and more true as the episodes come to reveal what a painfully innocent and giving soul Nell was... :(

So sad !!!!!

----------

Edit: copying below my mom’s initial thoughts after I forced her to read this post hehe, because her words describe a lot of what I think and feel too, and because I want to remember our discussion and reflection forever!

Each of us -  lives scarred at some time – in some private way – religion drowns it, cosmetises – but horror – is the Couch of reflection, reliving and something of a letting it out.  Feeling again the horror/fear/anxiety/pain/aloneness of that  real trauma – but in an shared room, even if only shared with an older, saner, wiser, learning you.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

What are other books/series that you'd recommend that are in the same vein as Animorphs?

Honestly, your ask inspired me to get off my butt and finally compile a list of the books that I reference with my character names in Eleutherophobia, because in a lot of ways that’s my list of recommendations right there: I deliberately chose children’s and/or sci-fi stories that deal really well with death, war, dark humor, class divides, and/or social trauma for most of my character names.  I also tend to use allusions that either comment on Animorphs or on the source work in the way that the names come up.

That said, here are The Ten Greatest Animorphs-Adjacent Works of Literature According to Sol’s Totally Arbitrary Standards: 

1. A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L’Engle

This is a really good teen story that, in painfully accurate detail, captures exactly what it’s like to be too young to really understand death while forced to confront it anyway.  I read it at about the same age as the protagonist, not that long after having suffered the first major loss in my own life (a friend, also 14, killed by cancer).  It accomplished exactly what a really good novel should by putting words to the experiences that I couldn’t describe properly either then or now.  This isn’t a light read—its main plot is about terminal illness, and the story is bookended by two different unexpected deaths—but it is a powerful one. 

2. The One and Only Ivan, K.A. Applegate 

This prose novel (think an epic poem, sort of like The Iliad, only better) obviously has everything in it that makes K.A. Applegate one of the greatest children’s authors alive: heartbreaking tragedy, disturbing commentary on the human condition, unforgettably individuated narration, pop culture references, and poop jokes.  Although I’m mostly joking when I refer to Marco in my tags as “the one and only” (since this book is narrated by a gorilla), Ivan does remind me of Marco with his sometimes-toxic determination to see the best of every possible situation when grief and anger allow him no other outlet for his feelings and the terrifying lengths to which he will go in order to protect his found family.

3. My Teacher Flunked the Planet, Bruce Coville

Although the entire My Teacher is an Alien series is really well-written and powerful, this book is definitely my favorite because in many ways it’s sort of an anti-Animorphs.  Whereas Animorphs (at least in my opinion) is a story about the battle for personal freedom and privacy, with huge emphasis on one’s inner identity remaining the same even as one’s physical shape changes, My Teacher Flunked the Planet is about how maybe the answer to all our problems doesn’t come from violent struggle for personal freedoms, but from peaceful acceptance of common ground among all humans.  There’s a lot of intuitive appeal in reading about the protagonists of a war epic all shouting “Free or dead!” before going off to battle (#13) but this series actually deconstructs that message as blind and excessive, especially when options like “all you need is love” or “no man is an island” are still on the table.

4. Moon Called, Patricia Briggs

I think this book is the only piece of adult fiction on this whole list, and that’s no accident: the Mercy Thompson series is all about the process of adulthood and how that happens to interact with the presence of the supernatural in one’s life.  The last time I tried to make a list of my favorite fictional characters of all time, it ended up being about 75% Mercy Thompson series, 24% Animorphs, and the other 1% was Eugenides Attolis (who I’ll get back to in my rec for The Theif).  These books are about a VW mechanic, her security-administrator next door neighbor, her surgeon roommate, her retail-working best friend and his defense-lawyer boyfriend, and their cybersecurity frenemy.  The fact that half those characters are supernatural creatures only serves to inconvenience Mercy as she contemplates how she’s going to pay next month’s rent when a demon destroyed her trailer, whether to get married for the first time at age 38 when doing so would make her co-alpha of a werewolf pack, what to do about the vampires that keep asking for her mechanic services without paying, and how to be a good neighbor to the area ghosts that only she can see.  

5. The Thief, Megan Whalen Turner

This book (and its sequel A Conspiracy of Kings) are the ones that I return to every time I struggle with first-person writing and no Animorphs are at hand.  Turner does maybe the best of any author I’ve seen of having character-driven plots and plot-driven characters.  This book is the story of five individuals (with five slightly different agendas) traveling through an alternate version of ancient Greece and Turkey with a deceptively simple goal: they all want to work together to steal a magical stone from the gods.  However, the narrator especially is more complicated than he seems, which everyone else fails to realize at their own detriment. 

6. Homecoming, Cynthia Voight

Critics have compared this book to a modern, realistic reimagining of The Boxcar Children, which always made a lot of sense to me.  It’s the story of four children who must find their own way from relative to relative in an effort to find a permanent home, struggling every single day with the question of what they will eat and how they will find a safe place to sleep that night.  The main character herself is one of those unforgettable heroines that is easy to love even as she makes mistake after mistake as a 13-year-old who is forced to navigate the world of adult decisions, shouldering the burden of finding a home for her family because even though she doesn’t know what she’s doing, it’s not like she can ask an adult for help.  Too bad the Animorphs didn’t have Dicey Tillerman on the team, because this girl shepherds her family through an Odysseus-worthy journey on stubbornness alone.

7. High Wizardry, Diane Duane

The Young Wizards series has a lot of good books in it, but this one will forever be my favorite because it shows that weird, awkward, science- and sci-fi-loving girls can save the world just by being themselves.  Dairine Callahan was the first geek girl who ever taught me it’s not only okay to be a geek girl, but that there’s power in empiricism when properly applied.  In contrast to a lot of scientifically “smart” characters from sci-fi (who often use long words or good grades as a shorthand for conveying their expertise), Dairine applies the scientific method, programming theory, and a love of Star Wars to her problem-solving skills in a way that easily conveys that she—and Diane Duane, for that matter—love science for what it is: an adventurous way of taking apart the universe to find out how it works.  This is sci-fi at its best. 

8. Dr. Franklin’s Island, Gwyneth Jones

If you love Animorphs’ body horror, personal tragedy, and portrayal of teens struggling to cope with unimaginable circumstances, then this the book for you!  I’m only being about 80% facetious, because this story has all that and a huge dose of teen angst besides.  It’s a loose retelling of H.G. Wells’s classic The Island of Doctor Moreau, but really goes beyond that story by showing how the identity struggles of adolescence interact with the identity struggles of being kidnapped by a mad scientist and forcibly transformed into a different animal.  It’s a survival story with a huge dose of nightmare fuel (seriously: this book is not for the faint of heart, the weak of stomach, or anyone who skips the descriptions of skin melting and bones realigning in Animorphs) but it’s also one about how three kids with a ton of personal differences and no particular reason to like each other become fast friends over the process of surviving hell by relying on each other.  

9. Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar

Louis Sachar is the only author I’ve ever seen who can match K.A. Applegate for nihilistic humor and absurdist horror layered on top of an awesome story that’s actually fun for kids to read.  Where he beats K.A. Applegate out is in terms of his ability to generate dream-like surrealism in these short stories, each one of which starts out hilariously bizarre and gradually devolves into becoming nightmare-inducingly bizarre.  Generally, each one ends with an unsettling abruptness that never quite relieves the tension evoked by the horror of the previous pages, leaving the reader wondering what the hell just happened, and whether one just wet one’s pants from laughing too hard or from sheer existential terror.  The fact that so much of this effect is achieved through meta-humor and wordplay is, in my opinion, just a testament to Sachar’s huge skill as a writer. 

10. Magyk, Angie Sage

As I mentioned, the Septimus Heap series is probably the second most powerful portrayal of the effect of war on children that I’ve ever encountered; the fact that the books are so funny on top of their subtle horror is a huge bonus as well.  There are a lot of excellent moments throughout the series where the one protagonist’s history as a child soldier (throughout this novel he’s simply known as “Boy 412″) will interact with his stepsister’s (and co-protagonist’s) comparatively privileged upbringing.  Probably my favorite is the moment when the two main characters end up working together to kill a man in self-defense, and the girl raised as a princess makes the horrified comment that she never thought she’d actually have to kill someone, to which her stepbrother calmly responds that that’s a privilege he never had; the ensuing conversation strongly implies that his psyche has been permanently damaged by the fact that he was raised to kill pretty much from infancy, but all in a way that is both child-friendly and respectful of real trauma.  

[mermaidsirennikita]

October 2017 Book Roundup

As much as I tried to stick with ~spooky~ books, I found that a lot of the horror novels I looked at (especially those written by men, to be honest) seemed incredibly cliche or just... grimdark.  You have to have a good story, you know?  So I drifted into more familiar territory with fantasy quite often--though I did read one really good horror novel at the end of the month--and threw in a thriller.  But my favorite book of the month was An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson, a darkly whimsical, romantic fairy tale.  Another YA fantasy standout, if you’re looking for diverse reads written by Own Voices authors was Forest of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao, the origin story of Snow White’s evil queen with a dose of East Asian mythology.  But all in all, it was a good month, especially after a couple months with rather meh ratings.

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson.  5/5.  Isobel has built a reputation as a portrait painter of the fair folk.  Fairies from far and wide come to the town of Whimsy to have their portraits done by her, and so it’s no surprise that Rook, the autumn prince, wants the same.  But after Isobel paints mortal sorrow in Rook’s eyes, his authority is questioned and he spirits her away to stand trial for the crime--but their journey is treacherous, and even their attraction toward each other presents a challenge.  For if a fairy and a mortal fall in love, they break the Good Law--and are condemned to death.  Okay, so this is definitely a whimsical “girl gets whisked off to fairy land by hot fairy, romance ensues” story but a) what the fuck is wrong with that and b) I???  Loved???  It???  This is no Sarah J. Maas bullshit.  Rook is not only a bit scary but hilariously inhuman, making him a totally lovable character, not all rapey and weird like most hot dude fairies in recent YA.  His feelings for Isobel seem completely real, and aren’t presented in an over the top way.  The book maintains the sense of a fairy tale, but it’s also funny and Isobel has a sense of practicality that’s juxtaposed to the world she lives in.  If you want to get swept away, this is a book for you.

Hex by Thomas Olde Heuvelt.  1/5.  A small town is haunted by an actual witch (not the ghost of the witch, or at least not from what I could tell) who, after being unjustly executed centuries before, wanders about with her arms bound to her sides and her eyes and mouth sewn shut.  In order to keep everyone safe, the townspeople--who are unable to leave after moving there and encountering the witch--use surveillance systems to monitor the Black Rock Witch.  But, unable to abide by the strict regulations, teenagers make her presence go viral, causing a downward spiral in their society.  Basically, I wanted to read more horror this month and going onward, and this sounded cool...  It isn’t.  It’s basically a rundown of the various ways in which the Black Rock Witch and the other women of the town are lesser than the men, caricatures of themselves, or punching bags.  When teen boys started talking shit about the witch getting “wet” for them, I was... kind of getting over the book.  By the end, I was rolling my eyes.  And it is incredibly slow, so be warned--cool concept, shittiest of executions.

From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty.  4/5.  Progressive mortician and proponent of erasing the fear of death Caitlin Doughty traveled the world “in search of the good death”, observing various rituals surrounding death and grieving.  This is basically her memoir of that time, divided from place to place.  Caitlin also hosts the web series “Ask a Mortician” and wrote the great “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” about her time as a crematorium employee, and honestly... she seems like a super cool person, and it shows through her writing.  She’s frank without being unsympathetic, and even when she disagrees with people (she doesn’t only discuss cultures of whose practices she approves, which I appreciated) there’s a ton of respect and understanding on her end.  But she also expects respect in return, and is very frank regarding her own views.  The book is part death, part travel, and it’s also incredibly interesting and human.  The only critique I can make is that I wish Caitlin had been able to go to other countries just to cover even more, but I understand the limitations there.

I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh.  3/5.  Following the hit and run killing of five year old Jacob, Jenna Gray runs off a small Welsh town to hide from the death of her child and everything that preceded it.  As her story unfolds, the parallel narrative of the cops struggling to figure out what happened during that hit and run is detailed.  I was promised Gone Girl fuckery, but while this was a good and entertaining thriller, it wasn’t anywhere near as subversive as Gone Girl.  It’s not paint by numbers either, and is definitely interesting.  But don’t expect something out there.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik.  4/5.  In Agnieszka’s small village home, a girl is chosen every ten years by the Dragon, their wizard protector in the cursed Wood.  Agnieszka is sure that her best friend, the beautiful Kasia, will be the next girl chosen--so imagine her shock when the Dragon selects her.  This is one of those stories that feels very classically fairy tale-ish, with lovely writing and tons of magic.  It gets points for focusing on the friendship between Kasia and Agnieszka and going places I didn’t expect--but I do wish more page-time had been given to the romance.  It didn’t have to be central, but what we got was good and I wanted more.

Forest of A Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao.  4/5.  The beautiful and poor Xifeng lives in a small village, constantly tormented by her controlling aunt Guma while stealing away to meet her lover Wei in secret.  Guma has great plans for Xifeng, seeing the throne of Feng Lu in her future.  But there will also be a price to pay for that throne.  Running away with Wei, Xifeng arrives at the palace, only to find a caring empress--who she believes that she’s destined to replace--and enemies on every side.  This is a reimagining of Snow White’s Evil Queen, drawing from Chinese mythology.  It takes a while to get going, but once it grabbed my attention--specifically, when Xifeng arrived at the palace--I was gripped.  Xifeng is a compelling and ruthless protagonist, who I’d hesitate to call a heroine.  The book doesn’t have a lot of black and white good and evil.  A few characters fell somewhat flat, but as the book went along it became stronger and stronger, and by the end I was dying for the sequel.

Wild Beauty by Anna-Marie McLemore.  3/5.  For generations, the Nomeolvides women have been the caretakers of La Pradera, a famous garden estate.  But they have a secret: if a Nomeolvides woman falls in love, her lover will disappear.  Five girls of the current generation--cousins--are in love with the same girl, and terrified of her disappearing.  But suddenly a boy appears, rather than disappearing, and the girls are thrown into disarray, questioning his origins and what it means for their family.  McLemore is a beautiful writer; I’m so jealous of her ability to craft sentences.  This is a true magical realism book, which makes sense as McLemore is Latina, and the genre was crafted by Latinx writers (and thanks to a certain hugely popular white writer dabbling in magical realism lately, it’s been a hot topic).  I will say that for all that the book was beautifully written, I didn’t connect to the characters as I have with past books, and the plot was a little hard to grasp at times.  But it was still lovely.

The Last Days of Jack Sparks by Jason Arnopp.  4/5.  The book is set up as the final manuscript of Jack Sparks, annoying atheist and shock-value journalist.  The book was meant to be Sparks’s attempt to take down the supernatural, following his previous publishing success/personal disaster, in which he tried “every drug” and ended up with a cocaine addiction.  Sparks’s journey takes on exorcisms and combat magicians, and--as we know from the foreword by his brother--ends in his death.  But as for what happens between then and the beginning--that’s where things get interesting.  The book is creepy; actually, the creepiest parts are that Jack’s an unreliable narrator, and you’re never sure what is real, what his his intentional embellishment, and what is something he literally forgot due to the supernatural events occurring.  Jack is a dick, which is kind of good because the shit that happens to him happening to a good person would be hard to read.  But he’s a good character, and certainly grows and unveils his true self throughout the book.  It’s a super entertaining, sometimes spooky ride through a man’s descent into the paranormal, and maybe madness too.

[fantasyinvader]

Doomed Lord’s Passing

So, we’re here. The end of the saga. I’m going to have a lot to say about this one, and I just want to start by saying thank you to anyone who has bothered to read any of these.

I was really interested in checking out the Elric saga because of how influential it was to the fantasy genre despite how now it’s mostly forgotten. But it’s been a pretty entertaining ride for me. It really has this feeling that it’s the abridged version of some greater epic, like ASoIaF with a massively reduced word count, and while a lot of what it says may be cliche nowadays I feel Elric did these things better than some of those who followed it’s lead. Hell, when DnD based it’s alignment system on Elric they dumbed down what Law and Chaos meant to simply being how the character acts.

But anyway, let’s get on with the story.

Elric, Moonglum and his cousin are all that remains to oppose chaos, and are hiding on Melnibone. Chaos has nearly won, and now the sun is unmoving in the sky above. Everything has come back to where it started. Elric starts musing that because of everything he’s gone through he wishes he had been a typical Melnibonean. When he goes to sleep, he enters an astral plane where the Melniboneans of ages past reside with Melnibone in all it’s past glory. He meets his father who was always disappointed at him. The father wants to know what happened, since the astral plane will exist as long as Melnibone does and some of the ghosts have been disappearing into true death.

Elric can not answer him.

But Elric is found and taken to meet the White Lords in another plane. There, they talk about how they like Elric despite him be a creature of chaos and task him with one last quest before the final battle. Find the Horn of Fate in another realm. I find it interesting that Moorcock made the Lords of Law so perfect looking that they end up being hard to look at, and when Elric does he realizes that their perfection means they can’t grow further. Chaos may lead to stagnation, but Law unchecked leads to entrophy.

Elric has to take a leap of faith off of the highest tower of Melnibone, which he turned into a funeral pyre for Cymoril. From there, he enters another world where Law is stronger. It feels more defined and alien to Elric, and in the end Elric has to do battle with corpse of Roland of Charlemange fame. Yeah, the Horn of Fate is the horn from the The Song of Roland. Elric returns with the help of the Dwarf that acted as a guide to him.

The Horn of Fate requires Elric to sacrifice his own life energy to blow it, the opposite of Stormbringer giving him strength. The first blow awakens the dragons beneath Melnibone, which Elric takes into battle despite being weak. The resulting battle is 10/10 Metal as Fuck, where we learn Chaos calls Elric Godslayer as he fights Xiombarg who you might recall from me talking about the Corum Swords trilogy.

This gives Elric the strength to blow the horn a second time, bringing the Lords of Law to do battle with the Forces of Chaos. Elric’s cousin dies offscreen, his runesword missing. Elric goes off to fight Jagreen Lern, the theocrat of Pa Tang that led this war for Chaos and Elric’s rival for the events of Stormbringer.

It’s here we get a great irony. Elric is a Melnibonean who left his home wanting to learn from humans, a creature of chaos wanting to learn about stuff like justice from a Law-aligned race. Elric wants to bring Jagreen to justice, even if it is his own vengeance. Jagreen, a human, wanted to emulate Melnibone and in his words he did what he must. All the pain and suffering he caused were just him trying to follow in the example of Elric’s people who cared little for the lesser race of mankind in their pursuit of power.

In a sense, Elric has become human at this point fighting against a mockery of who he expected to be. Elric left Melnibone wanting to make it a force for good in the world, and while the current world is doomed he’s making a better one for the mankind that will someday come. In a sense, this is Elric having become the hero.

Granted, Elric is still cruel. Having Jagreen in his power, Elric spends a hour cutting him into tiny pieces before he died. And it only took that long because Moonglum begged Elric to make it quick. Elric also refuses to drink Jagreen’s soul, not wanting to be tainted by his essence and resisting Stormbringer for the first time.

The battle between the gods leaves the world formless, but Laws victory once again gives it strength. Elric needs to blow the horn for a third and final time in order for it to truly begin, but he lacks the strength. Elric meets the one who gave him these quests one last time.

Wondering if everything was worth it, it ultimately turns into a discussion if the gods themselves actually know if there is a greater plan or are they seeing what they believe to be patterns when in reality it is just random shapes. In essence, Elric’s original belief that things were simply chaos, chance and anarchy may actually be true and that the destiny crafted for him may in fact have been based on the gods thinking it’s what destiny was saying. It’s unknown if the new world will be better, or if it will simply repeat what has already happened in a cycle that will only end with the end of the universe. It’s kinda unsettling to think about.

Moonglum offers up his life so that Elric may blow the Horn the final time, and while he does so willingly (despite Elric’s protests, but Stormbringer was really happy to do so), he experiences horror in his final moments. Elric tosses Stormbringer aside to start the new world as he sees the Cosmic balance, finally evening out. Unsure if it’s real or his own imagination, Elric finds some peace.

Stormbringer then stabs Elric in the chest. It is at this moment that Elric realizes that Stormbringer was no mere living sword that sucked the souls of his foes. Instead, it was a demon in the shape of a sword and he will know no rest. For his soul is now part of Stormbringer, the last bit of Chaos in this world because there needs to be both Law and Chaos for a world to function. This is the end of his quest to bring about the world of Law, now his serves as part of what will bring Chaos. Elric dies with tears in his eyes, while Stormbringer takes it’s true form.

Before departing to spread it’s unholy joy to the universe, it says the following to Elric’s corpse.

FAREWELL FRIEND. I WAS A THOUSAND TIMES MORE EVIL THAN THOU!

The end. And really, it’s the perfect ending to the saga. Elric was the antithesis of your typical fantasy. It’s not ending on a happy note for it’s protagonist, where all the hardships they’ve went through is made up for with happily ever after with no thoughts about the aftermath of the conflict. That there are no consequences or repercussions of the ending. And, it really feels like Moorcock wanted to express that just because the new world will be more attuned to Law doesn’t mean it will be heaven on Earth. Hell, it’s implied that the world Elric made was our own.

But it still hurts to see Elric go out like that. Yes, it thematically fits with his story but you still wanted something good for the guy. I’d almost say the 10/10 Metal as Fuck battle gave way for some boarderline misery porn in it’s final pages. And the fact that his story is being told makes his wish that he and Melnibone be forgotten not come true... You know, maybe it was fitting that the saga did slip through the cracks of pop culture and my postings are against what Elric wanted. It was a story he never wanted to be told, one of tragedy and loss in the name of an uncertain future.

Now, this is just the stories that originally comprised the Saga as well as the Prequel. Together, I’d say they formed a pretty good arc for Elric’s journey but I never felt he was the boarderline villain protagonist some make him out to be. He has dark powers, but usually they were used paying evil onto evil. I’ve heard stuff about some other stories Moorcock used to flesh things out, the past adventures alluded to in this, so maybe it’s more there. After all, the Saga went from two books originally and was fleshed out into six main stories with others as well. Stuff like Elric travelling to other worlds. Hell, that archer Elric killed in the previous story is another incarnation of the Eternal Champion meaning he was another version of Elric.

If you’re interested, I would recommend starting with Elric of Melnibone, then if you can get the Fantasy Masterworks Elric collection. This volume contains the original 9 stories. The Michael Moorcock collection from Gollancz, are reasonably priced if you want to go through the extended version. There’s also comics from the 80′s which have collected volumes that go through the extended saga. The French comics from a couple years ago adapt Elric of Melnibone, but they reimagine him in such a way that it’s not true to Elric’s character in the books. Good for a read, as grimdark as people like to make Elric out as, but not a good substitute for the rest of the saga.

So, once again thanks to anyone who walked alongside me on this strange journey. Till we meet again.