#and my heart just aches so much for them

[linda-rose]

y'all. i'm so tired.

(vent in tags below no pressure to read I just needed to scream nonsense into the void before I went to bed lmao)

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

“hold on to your heart” // do me a favour live at forest hills stadium new york 08/09/23 ♡

[kaltacore]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

[ailendolin]

The ghosts gave up so much when they told Alison it was okay to leave.

They haven't just lost the Coopers that day - they've lost all the little things Alison (and Mike) have brought into their afterlives. There will be no more war documentaries for the Captain, no more football for Pat, no more Friends for Thomas. No one will lay out their favourite books for them and turn the pages every morning. No one will put on their favourite music, dance with them or set up the chess board. No one will time the Captain's morning run or decorate the Christmas tree just like Fanny likes it.

I know they still have Julian to turn on the TV or music but with the house being turned into a hotel, they can no longer indulge in these things like they used to, not with guests around. And those guests will be staying in their bedrooms, robbing them of what little privacy they have or perhaps forcing them to give up their rooms altogether. Given that none of them used Heather's bedroom when she was alive, I think it's safe to assume they wouldn't constantly want to share their rooms with the livings.

They've lost so much when they let Alison go, and they must have known they would before they talked to her. But they set her free anyway because that's what you do when you love someone: you have their best interests at heart, not your own.

And I think that, more than anything, shows how much they've grown since Alison came into their lives.

[donationwayne]

one of my favorite 911 things is how pleased buck is that chim is dating his sister like it’s so damn cute

he’s just like when are u getting married *puppy eyes*

He just always has a happy lil smile in the show whenever chim is taking care of his sister

[inkyboyo]

“my first year back into smosh, i was..so fucked up like i.. i guess it was to the point that like, on multiple occasions, people would just walk up to me and be like, ‘hey, are you okay?’”

“were you just dissociated?”

“yeah..”

WHAT IF I FUCKING CRIED AND SCREAMED AND PUT MYBHEAD THROUGH A WALL!!!!????

[tired-biscuit]

i feel like the inuzuka would deeply appreciate familial bonds, so i’m thinking about kid kiba having movie nights with his mom and big sister.

just the three of them on the couch, wearing comfortable clothes, their feet propped on the coffee table and their stomachs still full with dinner that they had earlier. all the puppies and the dogs are laying on the soft rug; paws stretched because it’s the middle of summer.

it’s warm, the light is golden and lazy as it seeps through the glass of the windows, you can see tiny specks of dust floating in the air. mom is finally off work and hana decided to stay at home instead of hanging out with her friends because sundays are meant for family time and they all try their best to abide by that unspoken rule.

and kiba, he’s just so small. his brown hair has gotten a smidge lighter during the summer months and he’s got freckles dusting his sun-kissed cheeks, as well as the bridge of his nose. he’s got his favourite t-shirt on; the one that’s practically see through from how thin it has become because of how many times he’s worn it. it has the logo of a faded rock band plastered on the front, a band which he thinks he likes ever since he’s found out it used to be his dad’s favourite one.

but his dad isn’t here. no, he left, left them all behind, and now it’s just the three of them. so kiba sits between his mother and big sister, trying to ignore the fact that the couch is suddenly way more spacious just like he tries to ignore the annoyingly taut feeling the new braces give him in his mouth.

he strokes akamaru’s soft fur absent-mindedly. the little puppy sits curled up on his lap because the other dogs are far too big for him for now and could outright trample him if he’s not careful. he’ll grow eventually; big and strong just like kiba will, but now is not that time.

so kiba sits there, between his mom and big sister. and despite his dad not being there anymore, he feels safe.

[sciderman]

i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone

damn son save some for the rest of us!!

[beesinspades]

[visibly holding back tears] the one thing....the one thing vash wanted for himself.....sharing his tomorrows with wolfwood.....begging a god he doesn't believe in for it.....he couldn't even get that.....he just loses and loses and loses

[madridismodelcorazon4ever]

Mo Ran's answer when asked why he was willing to take the Long Hatred Flower for Chu Wanning

[kooberryfields4ever]

missing jungkook hours cos why is he so silly just a silly guy who loves to hold ur hand and play with ur hair and hold u impossibly close and kiss u everywhere but he has no devious intentions he just wants to be close to u …. just such a cutieful cutieboy who randomly grabs ur cheeks and stares intensely into ur eyes with his brows furrowed and u just have to let him cos he’s silly like that and then he presses the hardest kiss to ur pouty lips and peppers wet kisses all over ur face cos hes just SO SILLY.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

accidentally just listened to perfect sense while writing and now i’m crying all over my notebook. how anyone survived hearing alex sing that live as the goodbye to the entire era of the car is absolutely beyond me oh my god

[caffeinatedopossum]

I am once again missing people so much that my heart aches

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

[kosmicfeelings]

I worry this wound will never close and will continue to bleed

[waitineedaname]

I am thinking about scar all the time but unfortunately I cannot transfer any of those thoughts into the intelligent and coherent analysis he deserves, so instead you guys get stuck with all my thoughts about idiots (greedling)