#and now moms found out her facebooks been hacked

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Tfw your the only one in the family whose facebook hasn't been hacked right now.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #296

“reality’s a plague; we’re the medication”

How are you doing in this time of COVID19? Do you personally know anyone who is not taking COVID19 seriously? Tired of it. Don’t see an end to it. I know a bunch of dumbasses who don’t take it seriously at all. What do you think of TikTok? Have you jumped on it yet? Why or why not? I don’t have an opinion on it. What hobby or interest of your significant other do you have ZERO interest in? What about something you actually think might be fun or something you actually picked up thanks to them? If you don’t have an SO, you can think of a relative or friend as an example instead. No s/o, sooo I’ll use best friend instead. Tbh I can’t say I have ZERO interest in anything she likes… If it makes her happy, I’m thankful for it. To answer the second half, she definitely got me into Wings of Fire. Have you ever felt affected by the death of a celebrity or public figure? If so, who? Do you remember when you found out and what was your reaction to it? Steve Irwin comes to mind very quickly. I remember exactly who told me and where I was. I was heartbroken. He was my childhood hero. Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank, bitch? I’ve been called a bitch. I remember one occasion as a kid where I was called fat for breaking a swing, even though I was a normal size. The swing was just old. It affected me though, for sure. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Ever slow danced with anyone? Yes. Who is the last person to send you a message on Facebook? The woman I took pictures for a few weeks back. She’s a sweetheart. Have you ever been given roses? Yeah. Ever been called babe/baby? Yeah. Who was the last person to smoke something other than a cigarette or weed in front of you? No one’s ever smoked anything else in my presence. Does anything on your body hurt? My knees. They pretty much always do. Who is your favorite family member on your mom’s side? My uncle Rob. Who was the last person you were under a blanket with? Sara. Which of your friends is the most likely to get pregnant right now? I feel like all of them that are “likely” literally are pregnant right now lmao. My Facebook is like a new pregnancy announcement once a week, it seems like. Have you ever been called prince/princess? Ew, no. Have you kissed anyone when you’re single? No. Have you ever kissed someone who was in a relationship? Nooo, I have no interest in being “that person.” What would you call your body type? Let’s not think about this. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Yeah. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? I don’t think I could. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? I don’t believe so. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? My parents fought all the time. Separated when I was… 17, I wanna say? Have you ever had any volunteer jobs? Ha. Attempts, anyway. Both were animal-related, and I was so excited to become a regular helper, but my weak-ass body couldn’t handle either. Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? I never actually thought of it this way, but yes. Flirting like that was absolutely cheating. Describe how you feel about your life in the past month using one word: Stuck. Are you feeling guilty about anything right now? I always have guilt nowadays. When was the last time you saw someone attractive? In person? Hm. I think a about a month back when I took family pictures for someone. The kids’ dad was pretty cute. Are you okay with the life you live? Nope. What other piercings would you get other than the ones you already have? Fuuuuck dude, I want a lot. Many more in my ears, dermals in my collarbones (the #1, ahhh, but I want to lose weight first so you can see the contrast), it’d be nice to have a nose ring that fucking stayed in, I would LOVE an undereye microdermal if I ever change to contacts again, sometimes I think about an eyebrow piercing if I kept my eyebrows thinner… man, there’s a lot. I just love body mod. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No. Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO. Is your present hair color natural? Sadly yes. Do you follow a certain religion? No. Do you listen to any country music? Noooo. It’s so weird remembering that I loved it as a kid. Have you ever lived on a farm? No. Do both of your parents have jobs? Dad does, but Mom is currently on disability due to recovering from cancer. What is something you’ve always wanted a boy to do for you? Ummm. I dunno. What do you wish you had more knowledge about? Politics. Is there anyone you’re not over and feel like you never will be? I doubt I’ll ever be fully over him. But I feel it’s understandable. When’s the last time you were really late to something? Hm. Dunno. Do you sing a lot? I sing veeery rarely. Do you think you have an addictive personality? I have a very addictive personality, yes. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon, easily. What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I don’t know. When was the last time someone took your picture? *shrugs* Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? I eat them with ketchup and mustard, not chili. Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? I’m unsure… but I lean towards no. Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Hell yeah. I’m so for platonic “I love you”s. What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? I'm not sure about "worst," honestly. I've mostly just heard mild inconvenience type things. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Actually, yes, by maybe my second psychiatrist. She was fucking looney; I could see ADD, but ADHD was ludicrous. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? I cut off connections with my dad for years after the divorce. Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? Yeesh, no. How many times have you been drunk in your life? None. Are you a happy person? Not really. Have you cried yourself to sleep? Oh yeah. Have you been in trouble with the law/jail time? No. At what age did you become sexually active? Maybe like, 16 1/2? Have you been in a loving relationship? Yes. Have you been in an abusive/bad relationship? No. Who would you die for? Quite a large handful of people, really. Have you ever been in a gang? Nooooo thanks. Who do you dream about most? Annoyingly, Jason. When are you happiest? When I'm hyperfixated on a new interest. Do you answer the phone by saying anything besides "hello?" Not unless it's family, really. Then I'll just be like "hey" or "what's up?", something along those lines. Do you get mad easily? No. What is your favorite song right now? I'm pretty hooked on "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli. Do you wear glasses or contacts? If you wear both, which do you prefer, and why? I wear glasses. I've worn contacts before, they're just too tedious for me. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Cremated, please. Ever done karaoke? Did you like it? No. Goriest movie you've ever seen? Probably some SAW film. Is anything in your room purposely hidden? No. Have you ever been pranked via hidden camera? No. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? No, anything with raisins is disgusting. What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? "It depends on the situation." <<<< This. Have you ever loved a boy who was dating some other girl? I certainly still loved Jason when he was with his girlfriend after me. Is your hair all the same color? Yeah, pretty much. When it was longer, I had natural highlights, but now that it's so short, ig it's hard for them to exist. Denim, leather or varsity jacket? I have desperately wanted a leather jacket since middle school. They're just expensive, at least the ones I like. Do you clean things that are already clean when you're bored? Ha, no. I'm not gonna clean without reason. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. What TV shows do you keep up with? None. Would you rather have a wiener dog or an Italian greyhound? Absolutely a greyhound, if I wanted a dog and had room for one of those. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? Most definitely not. I'm not even comfortable asking for things at my age. Have you ever tried to jump a fence? I have jumped fences, as a kid. Do you like the movie Zootopia? I do. Do you ever go on Pinterest? Rarely. What's the last kind of chocolate you ate? A sea salt dark chocolate w/ caramel filling Ghiradelli square from Christmas. Can you speak any unusual languages? No. Did you do gymnastics in elementary school? No. Have you ever performed in front of a large audience? Yeah; I was in dance classes for a long time, so we had recitals and went to competitions. I never did a solo, though. I was going to my senior year (senior solos are typical), but I got too nervous to continue with it. It was to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson. Do you like BBQ sauce? Ugh, I hate it. Last time you wore the opposite sex's clothing? Right now. I always wear men's pj pants. Are you currently fighting with someone? No. Have you ever kept anything wild as a pet? When I was little, I know my sisters and I kept a box turtle that wandered into our yard for a while. We eventually let it go. Then when I would go fishing with Dad, one of my absolute favorite things to do was try to catch the minnows and tadpoles in my hands, and so I had a fishbowl of those. Don't keep wild animals, please. Do you set good examples for little kids? Probably not. Does your house have a pool? No, but I REALLY want one. It would be so helpful in strengthening my legs without sweating my ass off and feeling like I'm going to collapse. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No, but I've actually had very short (I mean like, a second), sudden spasms when lying down that feel like what I assume a seizure to feel like. I think it's a side effect of my nightmare medication. What's the longest hotel stay you've ever had? Not long at all. Just a few days. Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Maybe? What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? Making dark/dangerous jokes. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? In middle school. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? My fat ass ain't getting in the top bunk. Are you close with your cousins? None, really. Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Also not really, but one of my mom's brothers is closest to that. Are you close to your grandparents? They're all dead, but I wasn't very close to any. I never really see my extended family. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Go swimming, if they had a pool. If they didn't or it just wasn't up, I liked playing two-player video games. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? Probably go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner and dessert with family and just chill at home for most of the day. What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? Peanut butter fudge, like holy shit. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. What is the best hairstyle you've ever had? What I have now. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? DYED. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Straight. Have you ever won a contest? Yes. How many drawers does your dresser have? Five. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? N/A What song hit you so hard that you remember where you were the first time you heard it? Oh man, what a question. Music can affect me very deeply, so honestly there's probably a number that fit this criteria if I thought for long enough, but I'm not gonna spend ten minutes trying to pick the best one. "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White will do, I guess because that was probably the most recent. I don't let myself listen to it, even though I love it. It'll only drag me into a trauma pit. What's your "brand" of fictional character, the type you always get attached to (ex., "perky girls with deep-seated mental health issues," "guys who you would want as an older brother," etc.)? Totally the sarcastic and usually well-composed villain. If you use Spotify, share your 2020 Wrapped! What are your overall feelings about it? Is it what you expected? I don't use it. If you’re a ~gamer~, what are your top 3 all-time favorite games? Silent Hill 2, Shadow of the Colossus, and Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. What’s the biggest red flag you’ve ever ignored? I dunno; I'm pretty good at listening to those. What’s something extremely bizarre you believed as a very young child? It's fucking embarrassing that I went through this many-years-long "I have animal powers given to me by a wolf I made up!!!" thing, holy god. Like, I thought I could "activate" traits of certain animals. Kids are fuckin wild, but I was exceptionally so. What is the biggest conflict in your life right now? With myself. Through a lot of digging with my therapist, she got me to realize that I don't feel that I'm rightfully lovable because I'm not "successful" and "going nowhere." It hit like a ton of fucking bricks when I understood the "why" of feeling like that. Like don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a bad person that is worthy of being hated, but totally deserving of pure love, no. So my therapist has me tell myself "I am lovable" in the mirror every morning, and I don't believe it. I'm trying to, but every time I'm just like "lol but are you really?" If you could change your current life schedule to incorporate more or less time for certain things, how would you do so? Do you feel like you have a well-structured and well-balanced schedule at the moment? My schedule is embarrassing, truly. I wake up, get on the computer, go to bed, and that's just about it, taking care of bodily needs being sprinkled in there throughout. I want to change it so, so badly, but I'm just... so set in my ways. I want to incorporate at least 30 minutes of daily reading, and I've yet to start my Wii Fit exercising because I'm waiting for Mom to move into her room (she stays and sleeps in the living room rn) because I do NOT like exercising in front of ANYBODY. I don't care if she gave birth to me. I also want to spend less time just hopping between websites on the laptop just because I can't find anything to do. It'd be nice to draw more, too... but for that, I really need to like the idea of what I'm drawing to stay even slightly motivated. There's probably more to this, but yeah, that's enough. What filler words do you find yourself using most often ("um," "you know," etc.)? "Um" or "uh," probably. I fumble over my words so much as well as just total derail on what I'm talking about that filler words are very, very common for me. When was the last time you felt let down? What were your expectations about the given situation that weren't met? Ugh, so apparently when my laptop was fixed, a lot of things were reset, and that included Lightroom, my primary photography editing software. I lost all my presets and I initially thought pictures too, but thank Christ I had a backup dialogue. I'm still pretty annoyed, because I can't find my favorite free LR download site. I didn't at all expect my laptop to be affected as heavily as it was, just getting a new DC port... If you enjoy taking and editing photos, how would you describe your editing style? This greatly depends on the subject matter and composition, but I feel a common theme is I enjoy vibrance. I war with myself a lot if I make them too saturated, but idk. Have you ever been inspired by a celebrity to change something about your appearance (your clothing style, hairstyle, etc.)? Is much of your taste/style inspired by celebrities? If not, what else serves as an inspiration for you? Ha! Guys, I'm not going to bullshit you, when I got into GMM, I loved Link's big, "nerdy" glasses so much that I became very curious as to how they'd look on me. Years later, I still kept the style and think they've looked best on me of all my glasses. I love them. For the second question, no, not really. My personal aesthetics dictate my style selections. When was the last time you felt a friendship was petering out? If a friendship seems to be fizzling, do you go out of your way to try to "save it," or do you accept that it may have just reached its natural conclusion? Ugh. This has happened in so very many of my friendships that I don't even like thinking about it. If we're talking the most recent time, I suppose with Alex. She just started talking to me less and less before vanishing (to clarify, she's an online friend). Considering just how poorly I handle loss, I'm the type to always try to save friendships I still cherish. Who is your favorite contemporary writer, author, poet, thinker? I don't know. What are your thoughts on body positivity vs. body neutrality? I believe in seeing your body and loving it for all it does, considering it's a masterpiece of biology, but, I also feel it is vital to consider its health. In other words, no, I do not think morbidly obese or emaciated individuals should think their body is... I can't think of the right word, really. "Ideal," I suppose? And keep in mind: this is coming from an obese person. I don't want someone to tell me "your body is perfectly fine!" or "you should just accept you the way you are!" when I spend almost every minute of every day thinking to some degree about how much I hate my fucking weight. No, I don't want to be convinced I should settle and neglect the wellbeing of the one body I have, but I in no way support bashing or being rude to people who are unhealthy, either. I feel like my stance on this is kinda hard to explain. Just respect your body as well as others' and their efforts to treat it the best they can. Do you enjoy keeping secrets from people, like having something about yourself that no one else knows? I mean, I don't enjoy it... I'd prefer to have none. If you play video games, what do you usually like to play? If you don't play video games, do you like watching others play? If so, what? I really like horror games, more than any. Fantasy ones with dragons and gods and the like are awesome, too. I don't enjoy a lot of games that are pretty much just movies with player decisions that barely affect the ending (I do like watching these, though), nor do sportsy or action things normally do it for me. It's by serious luck that I'm an avid World of Warcraft player, because I don't tend to like very grindy games, but I suppose WoW is an exception with the absolutely endless options of what you can do. Onto the second part of the question: totally. I wouldn't watch let's plays if I didn't, and I grew up loving to watch my dad and brother play. I'll watch an even wider variety of games than I play, but it more so depends on who the person is versus what they're playing, because whom I watch is controlled by whether or not/how much I enjoy the individual themselves. What are three things you like about nature? Just three? Damn... Well, the easiest I suppose can be summed up in a quote: "As above, so below." All is tied together. I could go on a romantic monologue about the beauty of our connection to the infinite stars we look upon and the ground we stand on, but I'll spare ya that poem. I love, love, love the sounds of nature: birds chirping, zephyrs through the trees, the crunching of fall leaves. All of it. Then, there's the power of nature! I live for those pictures of nature just taking the Earth back: desolate homes eaten by vines, all that. To call nature merely "spectacular" is truly an act of disrespect, pretty much. What do teenagers have right now that you wish you had when you were their age? Hm. I guess better phones.

[woodedcove]

Let Your Light So Shine!

I knew a young woman who had Muscular Dystrophy. At an early age, she had to have surgery to place a rod along the entire length of her spine to help her sit up straight. By the time I came to know her, she was completely confined to a wheelchair. Breathing was difficult for her and she would often take short breaths to finish a sentence. Reaching for things was impossible. She didn’t have the strength to hold her arms out in front of her. She had to have help getting in and out of her wheelchair. She needed help with the simple things we take for granted, like showering, putting a frozen dinner in the microwave, or getting in or out of a car. Her muscles were so weak that she couldn’t do just the basic things necessary to take care of herself.

And yet, she was a happy person. Bubbly and beautiful and full of life, she was a great listener and fun to be around. I’m sure she had her share of hard days. We all do and she was no different. But one thing she did that particularly impressed me was that she exercised. She knew that the best she could ever hope for was to slow the progression of the disease she suffered, yet she still tried. I found this to be one of the most amazing things about this young woman.  I was so impressed and inspired by her willingness to fight the uphill battle against her unbeatable foe.

We all have some battle we’re fighting, some relentless foe that hacks at us until we are down on our knees and desperate for help. We all have weaknesses to overcome or struggles that we’ve gone through again and again and again. None of us are perfect. That is the reason that we so desperately need our Savior, Jesus Christ. What I have told you here is just one small encapsulation of a wonderful young woman’s life. A short story that only a few people know but we're inspired by. I know she certainly inspired me.

Another person who has inspired me is my Mom. Mom was a very beautiful woman, but she had a very hard life. She suffered from depression along with other health problems. Our poverty didn’t help her situation. It can be very difficult to live with someone who has clinical depression and yet when I look back on what my Mom had to go through I am amazed. I know I could never go through the trials she faced. Her life was mostly devoid of hope. But there were things that she did that I will never forget. I remember a winter when migrant workers were harvesting oranges in the orchard surrounding our house. One of the young men working outside our hall window had no socks. Even though we had very little ourselves, Mom found a pair of socks and gave them to him. I remember her sewing clothes for my sister and me late into the night. She often gave up buying new clothes for herself to make sure my sister and I had something to wear. I remember her budgeting what money we had and making meals out of practically nothing. Mom also had an ulceration on her ankle for years that caused her a great deal of pain yet she still managed to smile and laugh and many times do things without a word of complaint. Mom’s willingness to press forward even with health issues and pain was an inspiration to me. This didn’t mean that all her days were bright and sunny. With depression, she had many dark days. She had a lot of struggles, but there are still many times when I can look to the memory of my mom and see things that are truly admirable and inspirational.

I know a lady from church who, as soon as Covid-19 emerged in the state of Virginia, started making masks to hand out to people in need. To date, she has made and handed out over 560 masks. How cool is that?!

I was reading a post written on Facebook by one of my former students. As I read the comments (Also from former students) on her post, I found myself yet again learning from them. I can’t tell you how many times I have learned more from my students than I could ever teach. They are an inspiration to me and I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to share in their lives even for just a little while. One student in particular who has shown stunning faith has inspired me to change my whole outlook in trusting the Lord to take care of me, for which I will be eternally grateful.

I

 have been writing some of my stories, things that I’ve gone through and the lessons I’ve learned because I hope that somehow they will inspire others. It isn’t because I’ve lived a perfect life or know what to do in every situation. I’ve done a lot of stupid things and participated in my fair share of rebelling against the light of God. I am not a saint and deserve no adulation. The dark days I write about are seen with the perspective of hindsight. During the times I was living them, I certainly didn’t see anything inspirational or admirable in my experience. The reason why I say this is because I want whoever is reading to know that you are writing your story right now. All the pain, suffering, or misfortune you go through are just plot points in a larger story. Whether the story ends as a tragedy or a triumph is still up to you. But the epiphanies, the things you learn that lead you towards our Heavenly Father, and our Savior, Jesus Christ, those things can be shining lights in an ever-darkening world. Be willing to share those insights, those lessons you've learned. We so badly need those lights shining on the hills to help others see their way. Don’t wait, thinking you’re not good enough or you have nothing to say. We have so much negative in the world today, so many angry posts, so much negative media about the things we feel need to be fixed in the world. Why not post something positive, something beautiful, something edifying and uplifting? You have the ability to do so. Go out and flood the internet with something good, unifying, peaceful, something that shows kindness, hope, and light. The Lord has told us to let our light shine. Let us trust Him and be the shining lights for all the world to see!

[marylorson-blog]

“Rolling Thunder”  excerpted from Signals: a performance memoir 

                                      Featured May 2020 on          Unfictional https://www.kcrw.com/culture/shows/unfictional

I wasn't a bastard but I still felt kind of illegitimate. Dad and Mom had eloped, three months after meeting. My sisters from Mom’s first marriage loved him like mad, but then one day Dad vanished, before I could form a single memory of him. 

I've always wondered why that day was the finale. How do you walk away from a beaming little two-year-old face, one that looks like you?   I was there, but unaware. I want the scene.   

My sisters say: Dad was great.  

Mom says: All you need to know is he walked away. 

Dad said: Mom kicked him out that day, that he crammed his suits and stereo into the Mustang  and rushed to the city for a meeting, paying a kid twenty bucks to guard the car, which was empty anyway when he came back out. 

Later, once I knew him, I asked: “Was there another woman?”  

His answer: “There must have been.”   

THEY BLAMED IT ALL ON ALCOHOL. 

Mom said: infidelity wasn't the only problem; unofficial-seeming “bill collectors” were showing up at the house.  

My sisters said: Dad made life fun, played the piano, adored Mom. But skillets and invectives would fly in the night...and then Dad went missing, with hundreds of thousands of some investor’s dollars. 

By the time my sisters were 8, 10 and 11, they had lost two fathers.    

Mom hadn’t worked since modeling before her first marriage. She borrowed tuition for a full-time secretarial course and sent me to stay with her brother, another charming alcoholic with money problems and a fed-up wife. Mom and the girls stayed behind, in the lovely house on Manor Lane. 

I rejoined them fifteen months and few blocks but a world away, in a garden apartment behind the Country Club. Mom kept the crystal chandelier and her gown from the Kennedy Inaugural, and a suite of heavy furniture that wasn’t made for small rooms. 

Sometime later, Dad called Mom for a friendly chat. He was glad to hear she was in love and admitted that he and his girlfriend had a baby. He asked her to sign some papers for a Tijuana divorce. Sure, Mom said, and I’ll take the trip too. She came back with castanets and a tan. I remember understanding that my parents would never get back together.

I had Dad's nose and hair and musicality, but couldn’t remember a thing about him. Mom said I was lucky I didn't know what I was missing. The older girls talked about their happy chapter with my dad all the time, but I’d wait alone out front for the Mustang that didn't come.  

One day, though, he showed, and this was my own first memory of Dad: Christmastime, Chinatown, and three wrapped presents: a Dancerina doll, a Polaroid Swinger, and a camel hair coat from Saks. The surviving Polaroids show a serious dad and a manically happy me.

Dad promised that now he was going to bring all his kids together regularly. He'd repeat this song on our scattershot dates over the years, but that visit WAS the beginning, of our intermittent, fond, indulgent, dishonest bond.  After that, I lived in obsessive anticipation of the next visit, never knowing when it would be. 

(Band in)

A Dancerina doll, a Polaroid Swinger, and a camel hair coat from Saks. Dad gave me these, and went back to wherever he went.

During Kindergarten: I roomed with Mom, but she was out most nights. The big girls had the other bedroom. I wasn’t allowed in, but from the other side of the door I’d smell and listen attentively. Incense, patchouli, cigarettes, maybe pot? Talking, laughing, singing Joni Mitchell, CSNY...yelling, hitting, screaming, cursing. I swear I could hear the brushing of their long tresses, the swinging of their unhindered double-D breasts...meanwhile people kept mistaking me for a boy.

“You have your father’s thin hair,” Mom complained, so she took me to the barber on the corner, who gave me a buzz cut... and rationalized it this way: “It don't matta if she looks bad now; it mattas what she looks like when she's 18.” Mom thought this was a riot. There was none of this “you're beautiful because you're you” bullshit with Mom. You either looked good, or you didn't. 

THERE IN THE CATHODE LIGHT, NOBODY BEAMED UP BRIGHT                      ENOUGH FOR HER TO LIKE  NOONE TO WALK BESIDE 

YEAH, YOU HARDLY KNEW US                                       

 THAT WAS JUST OUR LIFE/THAT WAS JUST OUR LIFE

Then, In first grade we moved to Carol Avenue, and I almost had another sister!

 Jeanne! Jeanne! Jeanne! Jeanne!....Jeanne!

We had a great time together.

MOM MET HER FATHER AT THE GIANT STEP

A PIANO BAR IN NEW ROCHELLE                                   

SHE'D GOT MY DEADBEAT DAD THE GIG, 

AND HE SHOWED  UP                                                           

WENT DOWN SO SHE COULD GRAB THE TIPS, 

AND LET ADMIRERS BUY HER DRINKS                                  

LED BY THE VERY HANDSOME ED DESONNE

Mom was passionate and needed a rescue; Ed DeSonne was a prosperous investment banker. Both were raising broods of four alone. Ed wasn’t divorced yet, but soon he and Mom got engaged, and we were going to be like the Brady Bunch, with martinis. In the meantime, he was paying the rent on our roomy townhouse on Carol Avenue...

YEAH, IT'S NEVER SIMPLE

BUT WE'LL GIVE IT A TRY; MAYBE BE ALRIGHT

Jeanne too was the youngest of four. She was fearless and funny, and once the parents were married, she would be my roommate. But until then, I had to spend a few more nights with one or another of my unwilling sisters.  One such Saturday, Knockout Diane was supposed to watch me while Shy Karen sister went to a party, but Diane sneaked out. Karen wailed, but Mom had plans with Ed, who arrived in a cloud of aftershave and tapped his shiny toe in the foyer. Mom appeared in glamorous good cheer and ordered me to kiss him. I didn't wanna. 

“Go ahead: give him a little kiss,” Mom said, and Ed reached out gamely, but I wound back and fired a fierce little first-grade kick right into his suited shin. 

Today we'd say I was “acting out.” But back then, everybody just yelled. Then the grownups... went out. And the television...went on.  And then: Ed DeSonne disappeared, changing the channel on a whole other level.

 ED, WE HARDLY KNEW YE…

In first grade you learn to add 2 plus 2. I overheard the word “funeral” and didn’t see Jeanne’s dad for a week; these factors equalled --to me-- that he was dead. When Mom announced it, the big girls wailed like the world was ending. But I just said: “I know.”

I wasn't glad Ed was dead, but I wasn't sad, either. I didn't know how much we lost.         

Mom told everyone the aneurysm happened while Ed was driving; years later she told me the rest of the story.  She also told me that, in her grief, she'd called MY DAD, as a friend, and that he'd sneaked away to be there with her at Ed's funeral.

In the instant it takes for a blood vessel to pop, Mom became bereft, unemployed, and homeless. And our family dispersed like seeds in the wind. 

Diane went to live with her father in the city. The rest of us were taken in by another divorcee with a sun-porch we shared for the nervous, chilly months it took Mom to save up a security deposit.  Karen cried endlessly,  Mom cooing in her ear and breaking Valiums in half.  Fightin’ Joni moved in with her best friend. I got caught standing on our hosts’ kitchen counter in my loafers, stealing cookies from their Charles Chips tin.

But worst of all, Jeanne was sent into foster care.   

I only saw her once again after that, but we’re Facebook friends now. 

While we were staying with the other family, Dad got tickets for the TV show "Wonderama", for me and our host's daughter, and she won the big prize! Our moms picked us up, tipsy on high heels, loading the prizes in the back of a Checker, ignoring candy-starved Moonies in white shirts and dark blazers who tried to sell us carnations.  

(BEAT, then energy back down)

Mom found an apartment. It was in Tuckahoe, so we switched schools. I was in 2nd grade; Joni, 7th; Karen, 9th. I got sent to the principal's office for wearing pants; he showed me a paddle, said next time he'd use it. But maybe it wasn't just the trousers. 

Men landed on the moon. “Evil Ways” was in heavy rotation. And “Spinning Wheel.” Our apartment sat at a dead end by a highway. At night the passing cars projected an abstract slide show on our bedroom wall. In the living room, Mom would light a candle and drink wine. The apartment often smelled of the burned bottom of a saucepan.

That Christmas Eve, Mom fell asleep and the candles burned all the way down, through the tablecloth, and into the nice oak table. I woke up when the fire department arrived. 

YEAH, WE HARDLY KNEW YOU//IT WAS JUST OUR LIFE/THAT WAS JUST OUR LIFE

Karen was 15 and wanted privacy; I was seven and wanted company. One day these opposing desires clashed at a bedroom door, both sides pushing until the big kid won, my middle finger slammed in the door jamb.

The top was hacked completely off. Mom raced me to New Rochelle Hospital, where the surgeon told her to retrieve the tip of my finger or I'd have a stump for the rest of my life. Meanwhile, back at the apartment, Karen tried to flush my finger, along with her shame and horror, down the toilet.

Thanks to low-rent plumbing, my fingertip didn't disappear, and the toilet water even kept it alive. Mom carried it in a baggie back to the surgeon, who successfully reattached it. (Now, there’s a parent's errand.) They kept me in the hospital for a week, because I was hyperactive and the doctor feared I'd bang the stitches open.

It's possible I was on painkillers, because when Dad appeared he was like a dream, swinging down the hall with his great suit and smiling blue eyes.  He'd stopped at the gift shop, and gotten me a dozen long stemmed American Beauty roses and a music box. When you opened it, a ballerina pirouetted to this song: 

OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING/ OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY/I'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL FEELING/EVERYTHING'S GOING MY WAY 

The roses died, of course. I kept that box, though, long after the ballerina broke off and the inside felt was smutty with lipgloss and melted JollyRanchers. Didn’t see Dad again for another 4 years..

[atomchois]

(hello it’s kit again with another bangtan boy. insert real application here when it’s posted bc i didn’t save it bc i’m garbage so rn just have the parts i can remember)

( kim seokjin, cismale, he/him. ) — ATOM CHOI  has lived at the L.A Coterie for SIX (??) MONTHS. They’re  TWENTY FIVE(??) years old, and working as a BUG BOUNTY HUNTER. Sometimes when you walk by their door, you can hear KEANU REEVES by LOGIC playing.

Atom was born in Los Angeles, California, his parents having immigrated only a few years before with his older sister. The move had been financially tough for the family, and it was something they never quite recovered from. Growing up Atom was taught to not ask for much, and to expect even less. He knew it wasn’t because his parents didn’t love him, they one thing they were in abundance of during his childhood was love. But it got to a point in his life where it felt like it wasn’t enough. Seeing kids at school with their amazing lunches and fancy clothes made Atom feel... Kind of worthless.

It was during high school that he started to lash out, it started with stealing small things and getting away with it, which then turned to stealing bigger things. There had been more than once Atom had to run away from cops, and for some reason he loved the adrenaline of the chase. He smoked, drank, and got into fights, and it was during this stage of his life that he met Carson. Atom had never met anyone like her before, and it wasn’t long before friendship turned into something more. They loved each other, but they were so bad for each other, egging each other on and provoking when maybe they shouldn’t be provoked. It was the two of them against the world, until Carson realized that the world had more in it than just them. Knowing she had to get her act together she broke up with Atom, leaving him devastated.

Atom couldn’t stand the thought of staying in California, so he packed his prized possessions, some clothes, and all the money he had in a bag, and hitch hiked. He didn’t know where he was going, and it took weeks for him to settle, couch surfing with strangers he met (most of which, also liked to party), until finally he settled in Vermont. One of the guys he’d met on the road had a room for rent, and he couldn’t turn it down. After Carson, Atom didn’t think he could fall in love again, not like that. That was until he met Alek.

As much as he should have seen the signs, Atom didn’t realize just how hard and fast he fell for the man a few years younger than him. It didn’t take long until they were spending more time with each other than without, always at each other’s houses, and by the end they were almost inseparable. Which, is what made it so hard to juggle time when Atom finally found a purpose in life. Through a friend of a friend, of an acquaintance of a friend, Atom was introduced into the cyber security world. Informally for those who don’t have government based jobs, this is simply hacking. It was the first thing in his life that Atom had been good at, and he became obsessed. The ninety five percent of his time he spent with Alek was slowly dropping lower and lower. Which very much was a problem as Atom convinced Alek to move to California with him due him wanting to both go to college, and his homesickness.

The move had been hard on Alek, having to leave his family, and his mom, and his everything. And Atom should definitely have been more attentive to him. However, it was the first time in his life he was good at something, and could really be great and apply himself while actually still enjoying the task. Over the months he paid less and less attention to his boyfriend, only crawling back to him late at night when it suited him most. Alek was growing to resent him, and Atom had no idea. They started to fight more and more until one day it was the last straw, and it was over. 

Now, you’ll find Atom in his room, engulfed in darkness except for the dim light spilling from his monitor, wrapped in a blanket with his earphones in playing his favorite music. He rarely leaves, concentrating hard on sorting through more and more layers of code, until he has something suitable to report to a company. Bug bounty hunting is huge if you know what you’re doing, especially if you can successfully find and properly report a bug within companies like Apple or even Facebook. While those are few and far between, there are other companies that offer good money, too. With the large payouts that Atom can get, let’s just say he doesn’t spend it wisely, often opting to flaunt it rather than save it. What else are you doing to do when you grew up poor?

Atom goes out to raging parties maybe once a month, spending hundreds upon hundreds on alcohol and drugs. 

He’s an actual goblin when he’s working, having stashes of food saved in his room so he rarely has to leave. It’s a problem. Please make him shower.

After his two very much failed relationships, he’s decided the whole love thing isn’t for him. However he rarely goes out to seek one night stands, only really taking people as they come.

When he is your friend, he’s boisterous and loud, an image of who he was before he started to rebel. 

With being boisterous and loud comes being dramatic AF. Death is solution to any minor inconvenience. 

[lysyuta]

;Truth or Dare (04)

dream (ft. lucas) halloween au

words — 3,889

warnings — cursing, spooky stuff

summary — you and your friends love a good spook, but when you all download an app that seems take over your life, you all get a little more spook then you were hoping for this halloween.

October 21st, 2:25 p.m.

It’s been 2 days and neither you, nor your friends could delete that damn app from your phone. You found yourself trying to delete it almost once every hour, but they all resulted in failed attempts.

You just wanted this thing to be gone already.

It was Sunday afternoon and you sat in your living room with your brother, a blanket wrapped around you. The two of you were watching a show on the television, and Jisung continuously comments on the show, trying to get you to make conversation with him. You had been pretty quiet since yesterday after Donghyuck left your house. You hadn’t been talking much to your parents, or your brother. You could safely say that you were still in shock from the events that happened only two days prior.

“Are you alright?” Jisung asks you, causing you to look at him. “I’ve been meaning to ask your earlier. You just look so depressed. And you barely talk to me or mom and dad.” He explains, hoping to get an honest answer from you.

“I’m okay, Ji—“ “Don’t lie.” He cuts off your sentence. “You’re not okay. You’re acting so different.” He sighs. “And you always have conversations with me when we watch shows like this. I’m not used to you being so...quiet.”

You didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t tell him about what happened. You couldn’t drag him into this.

“Did something happen?” Jisung asks after you hadn’t answered his previous questions.

You shook your head. “Nothing happened, Jisung. I’m okay, alright?” You responded, dismissing him by looking back towards the television.

“I know you’re lying.” He speaks, but you don’t look away from the show, even though you’re not really paying attention. When you hadn’t replied, Jisung picked up the TV remote, turning it off. You rolled your eyes, finally looking at him again.

“Why do you always do this?” He questions you. “You never tell me anything. Whenever you’re mad or upset and I come trying to help you, you just dismiss me and you don’t tell me anything.”

“It doesn’t concern you.”

“You’re my sister. If something’s wrong with you then I should know. I should be able to help you. But you’re not letting me!”

“Stop talking to me like I’m younger than you!” You tell. “I don’t tell you things because you’re too young and I don’t want you getting involved in everything! Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Without saying another word, Jisung got up from the couch and stomped upstairs to his room, visibly angry.

As you heard his bedroom do slam shut, you sighed, tightly wrapping your blanket around yourself.

You hated yelling at your brother like that, but it was the only way to stop him from prying. You didn’t want him to be a part of all of this. He couldn’t. It was too dangerous and too risky.

You sat there, too busy thinking about other things to remember that the television was off, and you were sitting in complete silence. You kept thinking. Although you had said you wouldn’t use that app anymore, why could it never leave your mind? Why were you constantly thinking about it?

You were instantly pulled out of your thoughts as your phone started ringing, causing you to jump slightly.

You picked up your phone, seeing that Haechan was requesting to video chat with you, joined by Jaemin and Renjun. You instantly picked up, not missing a chance to have some people to talk to.

When you answered, the screen on your phone split into 4 boxes. In one you saw Haechan, who was sat in front of his bed, with a game controller in his hands. The next one was Renjun who was also sat with a controller. The third one was Jaemin, who was sat by his computer. And the fourth one was you.

“Did you guys seriously call me, just to make me watch you play some game?” You asked your friends. “Oh? Did you think we were calling you to actually talk to you? Very funny.” Renjun jokes, causing you to roll your eyes.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to call you, just for you to watch them play video games. You didn’t hate it because they were doing something that was fun to them, but you didn’t particularly like it either.

After one of the rounds in their game had ended, Haechan looked at his phone before speaking. “Y/n, you look like you need some fun in your life.”

“And those bags under your eyes are big enough to carry groceries.” You retorted, causing the other two boys on the call to laugh.

“Y/n, tell Jisung to get online. I need him on my team so I can win.” Renjun says. “Hyuck is doing a terrible job. He keeps dying every ten seconds.”

“No way.” You tell him. “Me and Jisung just got into an argument and he’s really mad at me, so I’d rather not talk to him.”

“Oh god. What did you do now? Why are you always bothering him?” Haechan questions you.

You rolled your eyes. “Why do you just assume that I did something? What if it was him that did something to me?”

“Because Jisung rarely gets mad. It’s only when you bother him that he gets upset. What was it this time? Did you call him a little boy? You know he hates that.” The boy continues.

“What—That’s not true!” You defend yourself. “And no. It’s because he was upset that I’m always keeping things from him. But can you blame me? I didn’t want to tell him about what happened before because I don’t want him to get involved. This is some really scary shit, you know?” You explained.

“Understandable.” Renjun comments. “But, stop treating him like a ba—“

“I don’t treat him like a baby!” You speak over him before he could even finish. “Why does everyone always say that? Just because I don’t want him to do certain things doesn’t mean that I’m babying him.”

“Everyone always says that because you’re always babying him. He’s 16, y/n. He’s not a child.” Renjun points out. You groaned, not listening to him before getting up and going upstairs to your room.

“Renjun has a point.” Jaemin speaks up for the first time since you picked up the phone. “He’s not five years old, y/n.”

“I know he’s not. But—“

“Then stop treating him like he is. He’s only a year younger than us.”

“How can you blame me for not wanting him to be a part of all the stupid things we do? Was I supposed to tell him about how some demon thing is haunting all of our phones and mysteriously hurting people? I’m sure he’d completely understand.” You say sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

“Hey,” Haechan starts. “We starting doing stupid shit when we were like ten years old, and look at us. We’re fine. We’re smart.”

“Fine? Smart? If your definition of smart is being stupid enough to download a demon app, then sure. We’re super intelligent.” You speak, once again, sarcastically.

“Well, your protectiveness, or whatever you want to call it, has successfully gotten Jisung mad at you, once again. So it’s up to you to keep treating him the way you do, or stop being so uptight about things.”

“I am not uptight!” You defend yourself.

Before Haechan could speak again, Jaemin speaks. “Somi is requesting to join the call. I’ll add her.” He announces.

Jaemin clicks a button and a 5th box is added to your screen, this one having Somi inside of it.

“Hey So—“

“Y/n, what the fuck?” She immediately speaks. You could tell by the tone in her voice that she was angry.

“Woah. What did I do?” You asked.

“What did you do? Oh, I’m sure you know what you did, y/n. Delete it. Delete it right now.” She says.

What was she talking about?

“Delete what? Somi what are you talking about?” You questioned, genuinely confused.

“Don’t play innocent. It’s on your Facebook account, y/n. Stop being a bitch and delete it. Now.” She tells you. “Somi, what happened?” Jaemin asks. “Check y/n’s page.” She responds, causing all the boys to do what she says.

With utter confusion in your face, you put down your phone and pick up your laptop, opening Facebook so you could see what the hell Somi was talking about.

Clicking on your own profile to see your posts, you finally see what was on your page.

“Y/n...what the hell did you do?” You hear Renjun’s voice, not looking at your phone as you looked at the posts that were on your laptop screen.

Posted 5m ago:

Somi made out with Seungmin twice while she was dating Jaemin.

“What the hell?” You whispered. How did this get on your page? You didn’t post it. “Guys, I didn’t post this.” You say, picking up your phone.

“Stop lying! Who else could’ve posted it? It’s on your account. Now delete it.” Somi speaks, anger still apparent on her face. “Why would you even post that? Are you trying to make people hate me? Are you jealous of me because I can get guys? Is that it? I think it is.”

“Seriously. I didn’t post it!” You say. “I would never.”

“Then who did it?” She asks.

“Somi, trust me. I don’t know, but it wasn’t me.” You continued to defend yourself.

“Oh, save your lies y/n. You’re trying to get back at me because that stupid app said that I was the one who told Minho to break up with you. Was making out with my boyfriend not enough?” The girl accuses you. “You’re the only one besides Seungmin who knows. And I’m pretty sure he didn’t hack into your account and post it. So I know it’s you!”

“Wait—it’s true?” Jaemin asks, his eyes widening. “You made out with him? Twice?”

“Jaemin...baby…” She trails off. “I was drunk at a party. It was a mistake.”

“Twice, Somi? You just happened to be drunk at two parties and make out with Seungmin? While we were dating?” He asks. “And you couldn’t even tell me?”

“You didn’t tell me that you and y/n made out!  And you two weren’t even drunk then!” Somi defends herself.

“Don’t try to turn this on me! We weren’t dating when that happened. But we were dating when you made out with Seungmin, twice. That’s no mistake, Somi. You cheated on me.” Jaemin speaks. You could see how upset he was. You felt so bad.

“Guys. The post was made seven minutes ago.” Haechan starts, interrupting the couple’s argument. “Y/n has been on video chat with us for twenty minutes.”

“So what? She could’ve still posted it.”

“I couldn’t have. I was talking to them the whole time. And I just opened my laptop when you told me about it.” You explained.

“So it wasn’t y/n. She couldn’t have posted it.”

You deleted the post, hoping that not many people saw it when it was up.

“I’m gonna log off guys. I need to take a nap or something.” Jaemin speaks. He was so hurt.

“Bye Jaemin.” You all waved bye to him before he logged off the call, only 4 boxes on your screen now.

“I’m gonna go too. Bye guys.” Somi also logs off, leaving you, Renjun and Haechan.

“I can’t believe this.” You said, laying down on your bed while holding your phone up to your face. “This is ridiculous. So, someone hacked into my account and posted that?”

“It’s possible.”

“But who else knew? Somi only told me. And of course, Seungmin knows, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t him. So who did it?” You asked.

Before anyone could answer, your phone received a notification—from the Truth or Dare app.

Time to play. It’s Y/N’s turn.

“You guys got that too, right?” Renjun asks as both you and Haechan nodded.

“Ignore it. We can’t play that anymore.” You tell them. “We’re just going to leave it alone until it leaves us alone.”

You hoped it would leave you alone soon.

October 22nd, 5:41 p.m.

You sat in the pizza shop with both Donghyuck and Mark across from you. Donghyuck offered take you out for pizza in order to get your mind off of everything. You gladly accepted, hoping that it would distract you from the things that were going on.

“Would you shut up? I’m not a scaredy cat!” You defend yourself at the accusation that Mark threw your way.

“Are you kidding me? Remember that haunted house we went to two years ago? You held my arm the whole time and screamed until we got to the exit.” Mark chuckled.

Haechan’s eyes lit up, smiling. “I remember that!” He exclaims. “Y/n was about to pee her pants! She was so scared.”

“I was not!” You groaned, reaching across the table to hit your best friend on his shoulder as he recalled that embarrassing memory. “I was like twelve. Don’t blame me for being a little scared.”

“You were sixteen!” Haechan and Mark point out at the same time, both laughing as you hid your face in your hands. You couldn’t help but to laugh a little also.

“Sometimes I wonder how you and Jisung are even related. He’s so fearless while you’re literally scared of everything.” Mark says. “He was dared to eat like ten packets of extra hot, hot sauce last night and he took it like a champ. You should’ve seen his face. It was iconic.”

Wait...dared?

“He did what? How do you know?” You asked, your protectiveness kicking in.

“It was on Lucas’ snapchat story last night. Let me show you.” Mark fishes out his phone from his pocket and goes to show you the video. When he turned his phone towards you, you watched as your little brother downed all 10 packets of hot sauce, his face turning a bright shade of pink when he was done, before smiling and laughing along with the other people who were in the room.

You snatch Mark’s phone out of his hand, paying closer attention to the video. Looking at the time that it was posted, you saw that it was posted at 11:57 p.m.  

Did Jisung sneak out last night??

You watched the rest of Lucas’ snap, it being filled with him along with Jisung and two other people, doing crazy dares. Lucky for you, the dares weren’t extreme.

But one picture caught your eye. It was a picture of Jisung as one of his friends, who you remember by the name of Chenle, drew something on his face. Both boys were sat on a couch, with a coffee table in front of them. On the coffee table, you could see Jisung’s phone, which was open and on the home screen.

On his phone, you almost didn’t believe what you saw. One of the apps was...Truth or Dare.

The same app that you couldn’t delete from your phone. The same app that caused your friends to get hurt when they didn’t tell the truth. The same app that was currently making your life suck.

Why did Jisung have it on his phone?

You quickly showed the picture to Haechan and Mark before explaining to Mark everything that had happened to you all after you had downloaded the app.

You looked at the picture for a while. You almost couldn’t believe it. You hoped it wasn’t real.

What if the same things that were happening to you and you friends were happening to Jisung too? Did he and his friends play the game often?

You suddenly felt a wave of worry hit you. You were so worried for your little brother. What if the app was hurting him?

“Maybe you should call Jisung and make sure he’s okay. Where is he now?” Haechan asks you.

Your eyes widened as you remembered where you mom told you that your brother was going after school.

“He’s at Chenle’s house! Oh my god! What if they’re playing that game now? What if they’re getting hurt?” You asked, picking up your phone.

“Y/n, calm down. Think positively. He’s probably fine.” Mark tried to assure you as you dialed Jisung’s number, pressing your phone against your ear.

The phone rang a bunch of times, and you couldn’t help but worry more. “Answer. Please answer.” You whispered, hoping that your brother would pick up the phone.

But he didn’t. You just got his answering machine.

You called him a few more times, and he never answered.

Jisung always answered the phone, especially when it was you who was calling. So why wasn’t he answering now?

You couldn’t help but assume the worst.

“Mark, what time do you get off?”

The boy looks at his watch before speaking.

“Ten minutes. Why?”

“Drive me to Chenle’s house.”

October 22nd, 6:31 p.m.

You knocked on the door of Chenle’s house, knowing his address from all the times that you’ve come to pick up Jisung from here. When there wasn’t an answer at first, you knocked again.

You were about to knock for a third time, but the the door opened. Chenle stood in the doorway. He was a pale boy with his hair dyed a lime green color.

“Is Jisung here?” You asked the boy. “Uh—Yeah.” The boy speaks, visibly nervous.

“Can we come in?” You asked, referring to yourself and the two boys that stood behind you. “Um—I—uh—“ Chenle stutters.

“Stop being so nervous. We don’t bite.” Haechan speaks up from behind you. “I know. I just—“ Chenle starts, but you cut him off.

“Are your parents home?” The boy instantly shakes his head. “Jisung and I were just playing a game. We’re not doing anything weird.” Chenle defends himself.

“You sound guilty.” Haechan comments.

The younger boy sighs before opening his door wide enough for you all to come in. “Jisung! Your sister is here!” Chenle yells, closing the door as you all entered.

As you got inside, you looked in the living room to see your brother sitting on the floor with his phone in front of him. He looks up at you, raising his eyebrow.

“Y/n, what are you doing here? I told mom I’d be home by eight-thirty.” He asks as you step closer to him.

“You snuck out last night?” You asked, not answering his question. “And you didn’t let me know?”

“I didn’t—“

“Do you know what could’ve happened to you? You could’ve gotten hurt or something! What if you got kidnapped? Why wouldn’t you tell me that you were going to go somewhere?” You ask.

“You always sneak out with Haechan and the rest of your friends. And you never tell me.” Jisung points out, standing up from his spot on the floor.

“That’s because I’m older than you! I don’t need to tell you when I—“

“Stop using that against me! Are you happy that you’re old or something?” Your brother asks you, causing the boys behind you to chuckle, and you give them a death glare, shutting them up.

“I’m trying to look out for you!” You tell him.

“By being over protective and trying to stop me from having fun? That’s looking out for me?”

Your jaw dropped. Why was he talking to you like that? He never does.

You bent down, picking up his phone (which was unlocked), and looking at it.

“Why do you have this app?” You asked him, pointing at the Truth or Dare app.

“Are you kidding me y/n? You’re questioning me about an app? A game that I play with my friends? What? Am I not allowing to play games now?” He asks you.

“Jisung, if you’ve played this game then you need to tell me, right now.” You say before Jisung snatches his phone from your hands. “It’s just a game, y/n!”

“It’s not just a game, Jisung! You can’t have that app! It’s not safe.”

“Am I supposed to delete it, y/n? Well, I can’t. And neither can Chenle. And neither can Lucas or Jungwoo. We all downloaded it and now we can’t delete it. So, I guess your plan to protect me or whatever isn’t going to work.” Jisung explains.

It happened for him too. He couldn’t delete the app, just like you and your friends.

You turned around, looking at Chenle, who stood beside Haechan. “How many times have you guys played it?”

The boy shrugs before speaking. “I don’t know. Maybe five times? Or more?”

Your eyes widened. “Five times? Are you kidding?” And the boy shakes his head. “And what happens if you guys don’t tell the truth? Or if you don’t do the dare?”

Chenle stayed quiet, looking down at the floor. You looked at your brother, who also didn’t answer your question.

“One of you, answer.”

“If we don’t tell the truth then we get a shocked.” Chenle finally answers.

“That’s it?”

“Well, I told a lie earlier and…” he trailed off. “And?” You asked. The boy suddenly lifts up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing bandaid on his arm that had some blood showing through it. “The light went off, and when they turned back on, that was there. Something cut me.”

You turned to your brother, stepping closer to him. “Did anything happen to you?”

Lucky for you, he shakes his head. “I always told the truth.”

You sighed in relief.

“Both if you need to stop playing. And tell Lucas and Jungwoo to stop playing too.” You tell them.

“What? No!” Jisung retorts. “It’s fun! When we played at Lucas’ house last night, we got to do so many fun things. And plus, Lucas and Jungwoo are going to think that we’re losers if we stop playing!”

“Jisung, are you serious? You’d rather be at risk of getting hurt than being called a loser by someone like Lucas?” You asked.

“I’m with y/n on this one.” Haechan speaks. “It’s not safe. Especially not for you guys. Look at what happened the Chenle. Something worse could happen.”

“But—“

“But nothing.” You say. “Both of you, stop playing. I know you can’t delete it, so just don’t open the app anymore, okay? Promise me you won’t.”

“Fine. I promise.” Jisung says. “I promise too.” Chenle says.

“I’ll talk to Lucas and Jungwoo.” Mark says. “I’ll tell them about everything so they’ll stop playing too.”

You, Haechan and Mark had stayed with Chenle and Jisung until about 8 when Chenle’s parents had gotten home.

When you got home, Jisung greeted your parents before going into his room and closing the door.

You wanted to go into his room and talk to him about everything that was going on, but you didn’t know if he was mad at you or not, and you’d rather not find out at this moment.

Instead, you go into your room and rest, hoping to clear your head of all the bad things.

Before you could fall asleep, your phone buzzes with a notification.

Connection completed.

Park Jisung and Zhong Chenle have joined your game.

[leafie-draws]

update 4 I called the police and sent an officer went to her apartment. The officer was really polite and friendly and called me back to tell me she was alright. He did a throughrough check around the area and even checked all the cars in the parkinglot to make sure A wasn’t lurking outside. B really appreciated me doing that and asked me to come over asap because she needed me to see something. As soon as I got there she handed me her phone and it was.. her facebook. A managed to hack her facebook (something that should be nearly impossible to do ! ) and from our understanding, he hacked her account, deleted it, and made a NEW account AS HER. He even saved/uploaded all her photos and profile information and everything so it was identical to her old one.  But the creepiest part is that he is acting IN CHARACTER to the point where her actual friends comment/message him really thinking it’s her. He’s so obsessed with her that he has her words and mannerisms down perfectly, it’s fucking disturbing.

ugh. Her best friend from her hometown was actually the one who first found out about it and called B to tell her about it. And out of curiosity her friend texted him/fake B asking her how work’s been and when she was planning on making the trip back home to visit her. Him/fake B said work was slow and that he/she wasn’t sure when they’ll have time off.  But the real B does know and she had already scheduled time off work for the trip, this was something her friend and I both knew about- but he didn’t. So her friend basically caught him in the act and took a bunch of screenshots of their conversation. B’s other friends also contacted A (like the comment above says to do) and A would explain to them IN FULL DETAIL how easy it is to “counterhack” facebook and how he’s a good guy for trying to protect B from a hacker and save her profile. These conversations were also screenshot and sent to B to use as evidence. Basically me, B, and her mom sat on their livingroom floor all night watching anime and compiling an archive of screenshots and we printed off at least 5 pages (front and back) of all the harassment and shit he’s done. Including several screenshots from his personal snapchat saying that he wanted to kill himself.  In the last few texts she recieved from A on various accounts, he mentioned several times that he “just wanted to talk” and “don’t call the police.”  His conversations would consistantly loop back around to “I’ll leave you alone I just need to tell you one last thing in person” and “I’m not a bad guy I’d never hurt you or your friend I just wanna talk.”  NOPE B didn’t reply to any of these and took more screenshots lol. Basically me and her other best friend agree that he’s in the red zone level of psycho and that him wanting to “talk” means that he is planning on hurting her (and me if I “interfere” again) and possibly kill her and/or himself.  I also contacted my old manager and asked them if A still worked there and she said no and asked me why. I told her that A flipped his lid and might attempt to hurt B at work and to not allow him back into the restaurant.  As of right now, B and her mom are reporting him to the police and filing a case against him for harassment, stalking, hacking, and identity theft.  I’ll update with more information when it comes. 

[feministdragon]

Some things you can do to save democracy in the US

from Gaslit Nation   https://www.gaslitnationpod.com/action-guide

Democracy is a lifestyle:

Trump is a symptom of the corruption, institutional failure, and indifference that we can no longer tolerate. 

1. Get a Guide. Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story by Martin Luther King Jr. is an essential guide to self-management, managing others, and building teams. This inspirational case study of resistance, written by a young MLK after successfully leading the Montgomery Bus Boycott, shows how smart organization took on the authoritarianism of the Jim Crow South.  Never forget that MLK was considered a radical in his day even though there’s nothing radical about demanding human rights and dignity. Today, the same remains true: it’s not “radical” or “socialist” to demand that corporations stop polluting for profits and to call for an end to tax breaks, like for sending jobs overseas, that worsen the income inequality crisis.  To help communicate these urgent issues, another essential guide is The ALL NEW Don't Think of an Elephant!: Know Your Values and Frame the Debate by George Lakoff.

2. Focus on State Races. States decide key quality of life issues and local candidates help drive votes up ballot for federal races. Every District and Future Now are two excellent groups working to build a progressive infrastructure and turn states blue from the bottom up. Get involved by donating what you can and/or join or start your own group with their help in your state. Here are our interviews with Every District (full episode) and with Future Now (last ~20 minutes of the episode) for more background.

3. Join. Grassroots power is one of the strongest forms of power we have left in America, especially with Mitch McConnell and Trump packing the courts. Don’t succumb to savior syndrome by expecting Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez -- or whoever else you admire -- to do all the work. Representatives are human and need our help. Fulfill the far-right’s worst nightmare by creating generations of AOC’s by helping build a more progressive union. Join a local group from any of these great national organizations for important action-alerts like demonstrations and getting out the vote:  Indivisible, Swing Left, Sister District, MoveOn, Flippable.  

4. Fight Global Warming. Sunrise Movement is a grassroots organization demanding a Green New Deal. There are a lot of other groups working to adopt urgently needed green initiatives: C40 Cities connects cities around the world committed to taking climate action; 350.org helps activists rise to the challenge of the climate crisis; and here are more trusted organizations that need our support!

5. Unionize. In the age of Trump, there should be no more fear of starting or joining a union: just tell your boss that you saw how unions protected workers during the universally unpopular Trump shutdown. Fight for 15 and its local variants are also working to ensure a fair wage and strengthen unions in the service sector. Don’t know how to get started? Read Organizing to Win: New Research on Union Strategies and No Shortcuts: Organizing for Power in the New Gilded Age.

6. Run for Something. There are a lot of great groups out there that demystify the process of becoming a candidate and running a campaign. Run for Something is one of our favorites. There’s even a book to help get you started: Run for Something: A Real-Talk Guide to Fixing the System Yourself by Amanda Litman. If you believe in facts/science and are a compassionate human being, you need to run for something and recruit others to as well. Even if it’s a longshot, you can still create urgent conversations and treat your campaign like a platform for discussions you care about, helping bring together like minded people to work for change even long past the election. Just look at what a refreshing discovery “long shot” Mayor Pete has been and all the great work Andrew Gillum continues to do to register 1 million voters in Florida.

7. Protect the Vote. EveryDistrict Action Fund just launched a “report card” identifying states with enough progressive support in the local governments to push through important voting reforms like automatic registration and the abolishment of racist voter ID laws. Is your state on the list? If so, EveryDistrict Action Fund empowers you to help your state reach the gold standard of voting. Concerned about vote hacking and Ivanka Trump-branded voting machines? Secure Our Vote provides background info and other resources to take action. Other groups to check out are Spread the Vote, Let America Vote, and Project ID which help people get the information they need to register, vote, and get an ID.

8. Launch Ballot Initiatives and Laws. Why not launch a ballot initiative? Katie Fahey turned her Facebook post into the movement Voters Not Politicians to end gerrymandering in Michigan. It passed overwhelmingly. Read more on her story here! Or you could build a grassroots coalition to get a law passed in your state. In our episode on how to “Pass a Law,” Andrea interviewed her mother about how she, while pregnant with Andrea and a young mother without any political experience, mobilized a grassroots army to pass the child carseat law in California. Yes, it can be done!

9. End Terrorism in America. Moms Demand works to elect candidates and lobby for sensible legislation to stop the gun violence epidemic driven by the blood-money gun lobby, the NRA. Southern Poverty Law Center exposes white supremacy, a leading terrorist movement in America. To help immigrant communities deliberately terrorized by Trump’s cruel border policies, here’s a list of groups to support.

10. Make Art. To say that art cannot make a difference stems from a tone deaf attiude of privilege: Ukraine’s EuroMaidan revolution of 2013-2014 relied on art and artists of all kinds to sustain protesters living in arctic-cold temperatures and under the threat of government-sanctioned violence; North Korean dissident Yeonmi Park said that Orwell’s Animal Farm helped her heal after escaping the cult-like dictatorship; and in our episode “The Blue Wave Continues: Kansas Rising” we share Davis Hammet’s account of how painting a rainbow house created a ripple effect in Kansas, leading to major electoral victories. We need the artists and storytellers of all kinds more than ever.

This is not a comprehensive list of suggestions on how you can create a more progressive America and stop entrenched corruption. There are many paths you can take, and we encourage you to think for yourselves and work together. There is no one solution.  Whether you’re in a blue state or red state, these ideas apply to you — do not take any of the freedoms you have left for granted. Never underestimate the power of hard work.

It’s also essential to read widely to understand how we got here and the best ways to navigate the challenges of the 21st century. Check out our Reading Guide for some books that we have found helpful.

[witchyinthekitchen]

This is a Vent Post about my Mother, Please do not reblog

This post is probably gunna be all over the place/time with things that I can remember/recall so bear with me here.

-Being told to make my own food bc mom was too busy with brand new baby (I was between 5-6 so poptarts were about all i could manage. I'd asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) (my brother was a VERY finniky baby. If you weren't holding him he'd scream till his face went purple.))

-Tried to share interests in Anime/manga with her, when I asked her what she felt about it she said she couldn’t get into it and that it felt like a chore. (13-15 ish)

-Told her I needed therapy bc I was having suicidal thoughts. She took me, but then took me out once I started getting upset about the things i’d been talking about in therapy with my therapist because I'd come home in a bad mood.(15-16 ish)

-Went to Mother Daughter Group Therapy with her (there were other mother daughter combos) and she stormed out in the middle of it saying that we were only attacking her and not my dad too. (was 15-16 ish)

-Got into an argument about who i was voting for in the 2016 election while on vacation at Disney World (Hint it wasn't Trump like she wanted)(24 ish)

-Tried to gaslight me about trying to get everyone together to talk wedding stuff saying how she tried but that it all fell apart. (I have texts of her canceling it the day before we were all supposed to get together.)(26)

-Gets super defensive/upset any time I talk about “other mothers” in my life (MIL, BM)

-Has been super hot and cold with me during wedding planning and making passive aggressive comments about everything: Tell him to buy new pants for the engagement shoot 'bc I dont want him wearing baggy clothes -SO's Lost over 20lbs+ for the wedding and i'm so fuckin proud of him- “I don’t want to pay for hard alcohol for SO and his friends to drink at the wedding.” As if ½ the people invited weren’t all just her friends? ((All our friends live out of state/country so half the wedding is family and HER friends/neighbors.)) "I’m sure H*(SIL) and K*(MIL) have good counsel for you on _____," (Why would you say this when i'm asking for YOUR opinion? If i wanted their opinion i'd ask them.)

-4 months before the wedding she’s trying to talk me out of my venue saying we need to go look at the ones SO and MIL had suggested.

-Wants me to keep (BM)'s relation to me a secret even though i’m pretty sure 85% of the people who know me and are coming to my wedding know i'm adopted.

-Angry that I was moving out of the house at 21 with my SO she told his mother she hoped we’d fail. (In her defense she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'd done poorly in my last semester of college so parents thought it would be a good idea to take me out of college for a semester so i could live at home and basically be at my moms beck and call while also being expected to work 2 jobs (they'd told me the instant that the semester was over that i was expected to work 2 jobs) -That's at least how I was viewing that whole situation before I moved out- )

-As a kid I remember wanting to run away a lot. (Never away to a friends house but always to a park to live under a bridge like the goblin I am (lol)) (is it obvious I use self depreciating humor to get through things that I'm uncomfortable with? haha)

-I'd always hide things from her, even small things like a puzzle book i'd bought myself from the elementary school book fairs. i even began writing my diaries in code so she couldn't read them. Not that i ever caught her reading my diaries or what not but thats how afraid i was.

-The only things that stopped me from killing myself was the distressing thought that my mother would be more upset with blood on the floor than me being gone. (It was a constant worry of mine when I was having ideations.)

-When i was getting close to graduating high school the librarians told me they had a bunch of excess old books they were getting rid of and one of them happened to be the "Toxic Parents" book i've seen several other posts refer to. I took no other books besides that one. I hid that from her too. Looking back through it i remember there was a checklist in the book and i'd filled some of it out when i was younger. I most definitely am a people pleaser.

-We've never really been able to "talk" about things together like how my dad and i do and i think she's really jealous about it.

-The only way I feel comfortable talking to her is Via Email/Text because then that way i have a copy of all the things she's said. because i often forget things. (I honestly don't know how bad my memory is or if its gaslighting but i hope its just me being forgetful and not the latter...)

-I literally cannot let my SO do the dishes because my Mom would always do the dishes/clean when she was mad and bang pots around loudly and just even those sounds set me on edge.

-Her telling me that the careers i wanted to get into (IE: the Arts/Theater/Music) wouldn't make enough money and that they'd be fine as Hobbies but not as careers.

-She's continually trying to push me into a Customer Service Job because i'm so good at making other people happy. (talked to dad about this and he says i'm a very big people pleaser who doesn't like conflicts -cue nervous laughter about wedding planning-)

-Being around her for long periods of time is so physically/emotionally draining. I know that's probably a result of always being on edge with her and I always feel bad that I feel that way.

-Because she's said she hoped I'd fail (me and my So when I first moved out) I'm terrified of telling her anything personal going on in my life for fear that she'd take it out on me or use it against me (i got super anxious/scared when she came up to see me on my end of town once because we'd be stopping at the mall where i used to work and i hadn't yet told her that I'd quit that job.)

-I want to have a relationship with her. I want us to do fun Mom& Daughter things but at the same time I'm scared of letting her get too close to me again just to have it fall apart again.

-When I moved out (21) i went VLC with my whole family before i even knew what VLC was. I barely saw them (except for certain holidays/events.) I didn't talk to my dad for about 3 years because of this and am just now recovering that relationship with him (been 5 years now since I moved out)

-After I get married my plan is to move to CO. During that time i don't remember if my mom has mentioned if she'd miss me, but i do recall she has made multiple points to tell me that my dad says he would miss me.

-I had to beg for a 16th Birthday Party. She finally caved half a year later after I'd talked to my Therapist about it.

-pretty sure i'm the SG of the family (possibly Cousin 1 being the GC because she went to same University my mom did)

-Other family members on her side have stepped in to provide financial help to me on the promise that i wouldn't tell anyone. (probably to stop any gossip of favoritism)

I Don't know if she's an N or just really bad at expressing herself but her hot and cold attitude really sets off my anxiety that i've done something to piss her off and that she won't talk to me about it for a few weeks and then acts as though nothing is wrong/nothing happened. Planning my wedding is the MOST contact we've had in 5 years since i moved out and went VLC and i've been trying to use this as a way to bond with her better but anytime i think i'm getting somewhere Something happens and she's upset again. A phrase i've found myself come into saying recently is "I can't fix something that I don't know is wrong." So i've tried to take that approach when it comes to her. I know she's an adult and can choose for herself if she wants to talk about whats on her mind. I can't force her to talk if she doesn't want to but the anxiety it causes when she gets into these moods is really debilitating. I'm terrible at letting things go (especially if i think its my fault)

I'm Not Her Therapist, but if she has an issue with me I wish she'd just tell me instead of the Silent treatment for a week.

Trigger Topics that I've learned to Avoid at All Costs:

Anything about "Other Mothers" in my life.

Politics & Racism

Anything in the Past that happened.

My moving out

Anything that paints her as a "Bad Mother"(aka this whole post probably)

This post is a mess and I'm rambling. Thanks for sticking through this Brain Dump while I process. 

-Edit 2:

More things i'm recalling: For Christmas one year in front of my whole family (I was between 8-10 ish) she got me a set of underwear with the days of the week labeled on them and told me in front of everyone that "Maybe this would help me remember [to change my underwear daily]..."

One of my final years in high school I somehow managed to get a Cold Sore. My First Cold Sore ever and my lip where it broke out swelled up HUGE. I woke up the day it appeared ( a weekend thank the gods) and horrified went downstairs to tell my mom about it. I don't recall any words of sympathy other than "Cold Sores are caused by Herpes." I just remember breaking down into tears.

I mapped out a "Quiet Walking Path" that avoided all the creaky floorboards and steps in our house.

I get extremely anxious whenever I would hear my parents footsteps coming up the stairs. It got to the point that I could distinguish their steps on Carpet.

I jump/flinch (visibly) at loud noises, even if I know they are coming (movies songs ect.)

Routinely friended/unfriended me on Facebook before deleting it entirely (due to 2018 spying/hacking allegations)

I don't know if she means for these things to be hurtful but as someone who doesn't enjoy confrontation and is extremely sensitive to others feelings it just hurts y'know?

-edit 3: Attempted to talk to mom about her saying she hoped we'd fail via email. went about as well as expected. =Well, that clears a lot of things up. We only wanted you to be independent and happy, and it appears you are. End of story!

And for what it’s worth, I’ve said a LOT of things over the past 6 years that you didn’t hear about. And I’m not really sure where you heard “I hope they fail.” But I’m sure your source is 100%, and certainly not something you’d want to clarify with me.

I hope you got your apartment all squared away in Colorado. You should be under the 60-day notice by now! Woo hoo!

Let me know when you all are coming to get your stuff out of the house.

I’ll have it packed and ready for you.

-Mom

Am i reading into this too much? because it sounds like she's being hella passive aggressive about this.

-Edit 4: 7-19-18 Been venting about wedding planning being stressful on fb away from my mom since she doesn't have one anymore. I didn't realize she had fms reporting to her about my posts as she just randomly mentions via text that she wants to help me have fun while planning and that she wishes she could make it a happy time for me.

Edit 5: 9-26-18 Wedding is over finally. had our honeymoon and got moved out of our apartment back into my MIL's house. During the move we had to put all of our stuff into storage which includes Wedding gifts and thankyou notes. So Mom has been hounding me about getting them done and i've informed her several times that all of that is in storage and i havent been able to yet. She said not an excuse go buy more thankyou notes and write them all. I asked if Emailing a thank you would work, she says no must be hand written and mailed out (also who's paying for 100+ stamps: Me) Well Tonight she informs me that she's doing all the ones from her/my side and that she doesn't care if we do them for DH's side since SIL didn't send any thank you notes either. Cue big long talk with DH about all of this and he says not to worry about her being passive aggressive like this. Go and check my Email to find she sent an Email to me only with writing saying

"Dear all,

Thank you so much for attending --- wedding. Your presence was so important to me, and I know to the kids as well. Thank you also for the lovely wedding gifts you sent or brought. I know they are appreciated and will be enjoyed by the newlyweds. It was very kind and generous of you!

Unfortunately, --- is unable to send thank you notes, but I did want you to know that your gifts, and your presence at the celebration, were very important to all of us, and very much appreciated.

Fondly,

MOM"

currently I'm choosing not to respond and I wonder how our relationship is going to be going forward from all of this... I was so happy that the wedding was over so i wouldn't have to deal with this petty drama bullshit anymore but I guess thats just too much to ask for.

-She's also unfriended me on facebook again. I'm tempted to just block her to stop this wishy washy stuff from happening again.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #173

“i like the sound of the broken pieces.”

Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? No. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use that. When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? Maybe? Favorite farm animal? Pigs! Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yes. Have any of your friends ever cheated on somebody? *shrugs* Pin the tail on the donkey - fun or stupid? I loved it as a kid. Still would have fun. In your opinion what is one of the ugliest cars on the road? I'm not knowledgeable on car names, but those box-looking ones are definitely up there. Have you ever been on the very top floor of a skyscraper? NO. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah, I don't think it was too hard. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Three: Recorder, flute, guitar. Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? No. Have you ever had an ear infection? All the time as a kid until I had tubes put in, then I had one from Hell itself early this year because my former doctor was a fucking idiot. Do you own or rent your home? Rent. Are your parents in good health? No. Well maybe Dad is all right, but he doesn't look to be in great health. He's too skinny. Have you picked up any new hobbies in the past year? No. If you have a significant other, how old were you when you first met them? Like, ten. How old were they? Eight-ish. Is English your first language? If not, was it hard to learn? Yes. Have you ever worn a costume for any reason other than Halloween? Dance recitals/competitions. Is there anything you’re a snob about? I don't believe so. Are you open to trying new foods or would you prefer to stick to foods you love and have often? I'm hesitant to try new foods. Have you ever had a ‘summer fling’? If yes, did it continue when summer ended? No. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? No. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? No. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Are you a vegetarian? If yes, how long have you been a vegetarian for and what are your reasons for being one? If no, do you think you’d ever like to stop eating meat? Not anymore, but I was for a couple months. I wish I could be one permanently; the way animals are butchered is horrific, and I don't want to take any part in their consumption. I see their lives as equal to mine. I'm not anymore for two reasons: 1.) Willpower, and 2.) my diet without meat is too carb-focused as I couldn't dedicate myself to enough vegetables (especially) and fruit. If for some reason you were were unable to get to a supermarket for the weekend (let’s say you were snowed in or something) which item would be the worst for you to run out of - toilet paper or toothpaste? Toilet paper. I mean both would be gross, but. I'd be more disgusted if I couldn't clean myself after using the bathroom, especially if, y'know. I could at least use mouthwash for the latter. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) No, and yup. Jason broke up with me over Facebook Messenger after a serious three-and-a-half-year relationship. Yeah, pathetic. Does it irritate you when people are late for things, or do you not really care? Not really. But I guess it depends on the occasion. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No Have you ever burned yourself while taking something out of the oven? No. I don't mess around with the oven. Have you ever made out in your room? Last time? Not in my current room. Have you ever injured yourself while you were under the influence of alcohol? No. When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? Idk. What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven in a car? I guess on a highway maybe I accidentally approached 80 mph? Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair? I think so. Are you a fan of retro things? Y E A H Have you ever used pastels? Yeah, made a few things with them in high school art class. What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? Ohhhh idk... I'm a sucker for band tees especially. I suppose I'd be hesitant once it hits $40. Is it currently humid where you are? No. Who were the last people you hung out with? Just Mom. How many different colors have you dyed your hair? Black, red, purple. Do you feel safe where you live? Yeah. Where have you considered moving to? I'd like to move to the mountains once I'm independent. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Lol yup. Did you know I had ADHD? :^) Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Are you against abortion? Not in all cases. Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Not maliciously. Back when it was a "thing," Megan and I "hacked" into each other's YouTube accounts to write lovey-dovey shit in our descriptions. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad when he left. If you only mean romantically, everyone knows who. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Not to my knowledge. What’s the last song you danced to? No clue. Do you tend to be self-destructive? Eh, there's a moderate chance when something goes wrong. Self-bashing thoughts are easy to let in. What religion are you? Theist. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license. Have you ever been shot? No. What is the coolest thing you can do? I dunno. Do you have anything from past relationships? Yeah, just like, plushies. And a small jewelry box. Do you like coconut water? Never tried it, and I doubt I'd like it. I hate coconut. Do you have a Nintendo Switch? No. At what venue was the last concert you attended? Idr. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? YES. Are you scared of snakes? No. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No. I have my two bottom ones, but I was told there's enough room in my mouth for them to not be a big issue. X-rays show none on my top row. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? Soft. Has anyone ever asked for your phone number, and you refused to give it to them? I believe so. Are you ready for children? Never will be. Does it take you a while to actually get jokes? Occasionally. Have you ever bleached your hair? Yes, to get it dyed. Do you like jelly beans? Depends on the flavor. Who taught you how to apply make-up? Myself, I guess? Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? House. Do you prefer Small Business Saturday, Black Friday, or Cyber Monday? Cyber Monday, man. Which do you prefer: iPhones, Android, Blackberries, or something else? iPhone. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? No no no ew. Are there more photos or music files on your computer? Photos. Say something about the band/artist you’re listening to right now. I'm listening to "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way. I have no opinion on the band (this is the only song I know), but loooove me some Gerard. What is your favorite thing about the summer, besides the the no school thing? Just swimming. Are you similar to your sibling(s), personality-wise? How so? Nope. Well, my mom's eldest daughter is quite like me. We're both more quiet people that feel deeply and suffer from bipolarity. Do you watch amateur song covers on YouTube? No, but fun fact! I got into YT because Nicole wanted me to listen to "Before He Cheats" covers with her. I found the MM fandom, and it was all over. Which YouTuber have you learned the most from? About life and such, easily Mark. As far as obscure knowledge goes, Good Mythical Morning/Rhett and Link. What is your favorite type of church that you’ve visited? Visually, Catholic. What different types of churches have you visited? Catholic and Christian. What type of church do you hate or dislike? I don't *hate* or even "dislike" any just for their existence. Who would you want to be the flower girl at your wedding? My niece Aubree, buuut considering there's a 99% chance I'll be marrying a woman, her dad would never allow it. It might even be "too far" for Ash. What group are you most active in on Facebook? None. I pay most attention to the WoW ones I'm in, but I don't really take part, especially since I'm not currently playing. Are you ashamed of anything? Yes. What were your favorite Disney rides as a kid? I think it was called Splash Mountain? Have you read the entire Bible? No. How old were you when you first dyed your hair? Uhhh however old I was my freshman year of high school since middle didn't allow dyed hair. Do you dye your hair regularly? No, sadly. ;-; Can't afford to. What is the most comfortable type of pants, in your opinion? Pj pants, man. Do you think you have what it takes to make it big in the entertainment biz? HAHA NO. Do you have a job now? If so, what is it? No. Currently going through VR to hopefully change that. List 10 favorite girls’ names. Alessandra, Josephine, Evangeline, Chloe, Evelyn, Fallon, Heather, Amani, Violet, and Ellie. List 10 favorite boys’ names. Damien, Vincent, Victor, Luther, Severin, Alexander, Aiden, Jaxson, Shawn, and Jamie. Which stereotype do you fit the most? Uhhhh idk?? Geek??? Are you thankful for social media, or do you wish it didn’t exist? I'm thankful for it. Do you think social media is beneficial? Or is it destructive? It's perfectly capable of being either. Have you ever been socially awkward? Hi, I'm Brittany. How old were you when you started puberty? Around 11? Do you think of baby names you like often? No. What health issues do you have? B O I severe social and generalized anxiety, AvPD, chronic depression, bipolar 2, OCD, PTSD, I think ADD, vertigo, inactive MRSA, severe dry mouth, the humiliating excessive sweating, carpal tunnel in both wrists, we're tryna figure out the fuck's wrong with my knees, and moderate-severe tremors. Is that it???? What are some health problems you have had in the past? Insomnia seemed to fuck off thank Christ, ear infections. What are some of the best medications you’ve ever had? The medical combo that is partially responsible for saving my life is Latuda + Lamictal. What is your favorite pizza topping? It depends on the place that makes the pizza, but to be safe, I get pepperoni at most places. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Johny Paranormal is a sweetheart, but I don't watch him regularly. Most others I watch have at least/almost 1M subs, so I don't think you could call them "small." Have you ever made money off of YouTube? No. What was a video you watched over and over as a kid? Oh my GOD there was this guy who made a video to "Gasolina" by whoever-the-fuck and Nicole and I were obsessed with it??? Do you own a pair of fishnets? Gloves. Are you sore right now? No. Have you ever experienced depression as a side effect? Lol I'm diagnosed with it, so. Because I have bipolarity too though but was medicated for depression, my bipolar symptoms were worsened and thus sometimes depression. (Learned being on anti-depressants while simultaneously being bipolar is only destructive.) Have you ever been suicidal as a withdrawal symptom? I don't believe so. How old were you when you got braces? Idk, sometime in middle school? How old were you when you started wearing glasses (if applicable)? High school, I think?? Are you good at remembering names? NO. When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Few days back at the movie theater. A preview for a movie that took place in a psych hospital came on, so Mom grabbed my hand tight, knowing it gave me bad memories. I was all right, but. Woulda rather not have seen it. Movie looked stupid anyway. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. Block out sound and you hear everything so well. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I honestly feel I'm capable, but I won't. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker and a studded bracelet, but I think that's it rn. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Dead serious, I want to at some point get Darkiplier's first appearance/smile above/to the side of my left elbow by a really professional artist. I'll take my stanning behavior to the grave. Do you get exercise daily? No, but I really would like a treadmill. Something easy like that. Work my shit knees, too. Which emoji would you be most apt to dress up as? I don't????? know???????? Which do you think is better, DIY costume or storebought costumes? DIY!! You can get sooo creative. Do you stay out of stupid arguments online? I try to. I'll butt in though if I feel it necessary and/or beneficial. Do you want a new phone? Why or why not? More like I need one. Drops calls randomly, restarts at random, doesn't always do what I click. What book do you think should be made into a movie? Idk. Do you know anyone with a service dog? No. Do you like babies? Why or why not? Nooooo. Annoying as actual fuck, can't properly communicate with them, needy as hell, etc. etc. I'm not at all expecting anything more from them, they're babies, I personally just don't usually enjoy them. What is something most people don't know about you? I RP. Did you earn a title in the senior class polls? If so, what? No. How many teachers have bullied you? None. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No. Snickerdoodles or s'mores? S'mores! What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child? Webkinz. As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner? I don't believe so. Did you play with siblings, neighborhood kids, or by yourself? All of those. Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? YEAH. What's your opinion on online multiplayer games? Well, I went through a WoW addiction, so I obviously didn't hate it. I tend to enjoy single-player, though. Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)? Sara. Do you find it easy to make friends now? If not, what makes it difficult? NO BC I FEAR HUMAN INTERACTION AND JUDGMENT. If you live alone, what would be your criteria for a roommate? I don't live alone. But let's say I did: No drugs, no smoking, female, CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, and by this point, you'd probably have to be my s/o. I'm almost 23 so am more interested in working towards settling down in a place with her versus nightly sleepovers with a friend. How about criteria for a spouse, if you're single? Jfc a lot, I am PICKY. What is something you do every day without fail? Go to the bathroom when I wake up. What is your typical breakfast? Cereal or a meal supplement shake. Or nothing. Is there a TV show you watch habitually? No. Where do you usually spend most of your day? In my room. Do you usually have something playing in the background when you're home? Yup, either a let's play (only background /usually/ if I've already visually watched it and I'm just revisiting) or music. Where do you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. How about your favorite berry? ^ Which trait in a person do you find most appealing? Compassionate. Care for more than yourself. Which trait puts you instantly off? Cockiness. Who is an actor/actress who you dislike so much you can't watch them? No one. Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones? I can't currently as I don't have a source of income. If you have pets, are any of them rescues from shelters? No. Have you ever had to rely on other people's charity? When we got evicted, yes. Is there a charity you absolutely never ever will trust? There are some that I know are full of shit, but nothing's coming to mind at the moment. Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? No. Is there a book series you're currently collecting? No. Which website do you frequent the most? YouTube and KM. Do you judge people who have their phones out all the time? If so, why? Not really... It's where we are now. Technology is truly the dominant species. If your connection goes down, what do you do? Restart the router. Is there something you wish you could do online that isn't possible yet? Sure, like uh. Oh yeah lemme fucking hug YouTubers when they hug the camera and that sort'a shit. What was a website you used to frequent that doesn't exist anymore? Uhhh... I don't know about them no longer existing. Maybe this HUGE flash game site we used to go on. Do/Did you ever have your own website? For photography I do. Have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up? No. When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex? It's been quite a while, actually. Are you racist to any race? No. Can you break dance? No. Have you made out with anyone in the last 2 weeks? Yes. She was ready and it was the cutest shit on Earth because she'd never done so before and had no clue what to do so we were giggling uncontrollably. Literally one of the purest experiences in my life. Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? I haven't shaved my legs since like June. Have you ever been professionally waxed? How did you find it? If you haven’t, is it something you’d consider trying? Eyebrows, yeah. It's a better way than plucking. What do you think of very cheap airlines, such as Ryanair? Would you fly with them or would you rather pay more for better service? Biiiitch no, I wanna feel safe. Does your mom like the last person you kissed? She loves her. Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yes. Who last gave you their number? Uhhhh good question. Honestly, are you afraid to die? I mean I sure don't want to yet, but I'm not especially *afraid* of it. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, not a big fan. Did you get a car the minute you turned sixteen? Lol I still don't have one. What do you want to major in? Zoology. When was the last time you kissed someone who was younger than you? The 17th. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah.

[gordonwilliamsweb]

New Moms Latched On to Remote Breastfeeding Help. Will Demand Wane as Pandemic Fades?

Madison Cano knew she wanted to breastfeed her son, Theo. But breastfeeding was painful for her. The skin on her breasts was chafed and blistered last July when she returned home from the hospital. And Theo sometimes screamed during feedings.

Cano, 30, realized she needed help to get the short- and long-term health benefits of breastfeeding for moms and babies. New studies also have shown that covid-vaccinated mothers pass protective antibodies on to their newborns. However, Cano lives in Montrose in western Colorado, 60 miles away from her lactation counselor, Ali Reynolds, in Grand Junction — and it was during the thick of the pandemic.

She messaged Reynolds on Facebook and took photos and recorded videos of herself breastfeeding so Reynolds could offer advice and encouragement from afar. It worked. She no longer had pain. Cano is still breastfeeding Theo, who just turned 1.

“I don’t think I would have understood what was happening and been able to work through it without that resource,” said Cano.

Support for breastfeeding was upended last year, when it no longer seemed safe to take a baby class at the hospital or invite a nurse into one’s home. Hospitals, lactation counselors and support groups turned to virtual platforms like Zoom or phone calls. That made lactation support accessible to struggling families during the pandemic, said Danielle Harmon, executive director of the United States Lactation Consultant Association.

Today, although lactation specialists have more options to safely meet in person with families after their covid-19 vaccinations, many are choosing to continue virtual classes, keeping alive the online communities they created and relying on the technology that worked for many families. Virtual options especially help those in remote areas or those with limited transportation access, breastfeeding experts say.

Right before the pandemic, for example, Sandrine Druon typically had one or two moms attend in-person meetings she held for La Leche League of Longmont at the First Evangelical Lutheran Church or at a Ziggi’s Coffee shop. But because they could no longer meet in person, last June she launched two monthly virtual meetings. Now, an online meeting will typically include nine or 10 moms. She started an online Spanish-speaking meeting in May and parents joined from their homes in several states and even from other countries. She hopes eventually to have a mix of online and in-person meetings.

The virtual switch hasn’t worked for everyone. Harmon said the logistics of video support remain difficult, along with privacy concerns on platforms that could be hacked. Other lactation experts noted Black and Hispanic mothers are sometimes still left behind. So lactation specialists are trying to learn from the pandemic on what worked — and what didn’t — to reach all kinds of new parents.

Before the pandemic, 84% of U.S. mothers breastfed at least initially, according to 2019 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, while Colorado had a 93% rate.

The pandemic hasn’t seemed to change the picture, said Stacy Miller, Colorado’s breastfeeding coordinator for the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children, shorthanded as WIC. Citing state birth certificate data, Miller said preliminary breastfeeding rates among families discharged from Colorado hospitals remained similar in the first quarter of 2021 to rates from 2020 or 2019.

Throughout the pandemic, lactation specialists have tried to offer convenient options for parents. St. Joseph Hospital in Denver launched virtual breastfeeding support groups that still occur today, in addition to breastfeeding help during families’ hospital stays, said Katie Halverstadt, the hospital’s clinical nurse manager of lactation and family education.

Last year in North Carolina, experts adapted an in-person prenatal breastfeeding program to an interactive video platform in English and Spanish. A separate effort on New York’s Long Island successfully converted in-person breastfeeding support to phone and video calls in 2020.

To help support parents in Grand Junction, Colorado, Reynolds expanded her private practice, Valley Lactation, by offering virtual appointments while continuing to see some clients in their homes. That hybrid model continues today, although Reynolds said the demand for virtual or phone appointments has decreased lately as the country reopens.

Paying out-of-pocket for appointments is a hurdle her clients face, said Reynolds, but she encourages them to submit claims for telehealth or in-person visits to their health insurance companies for reimbursement. Early in the pandemic, telehealth rules were relaxed to encourage more telephone and virtual appointments — many of which have been covered by insurance.

But insurance coverage for lactation support will likely continue to be an issue independent of whether pandemic telehealth rules expire, USLCA’s Harmon said. While the Affordable Care Act mandates that insurance companies cover lactation support and supplies, such as breast pumps, Harmon said reimbursement is often spotty. Mirroring Medicaid, insurance providers often cover services only from licensed providers, she said, but just four states — Georgia, New Mexico, Oregon and Rhode Island — license lactation consultants.

Experts such as Jennifer Schindler-Ruwisch, an assistant professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found the pandemic may have exacerbated breastfeeding barriers for those without access to online technology or translation services, among other things. She published one of the first studies in the U.S. to examine covid’s effect on lactation services by collecting experiences from lactation support providers in Connecticut, including many working in WIC programs. For income-eligible WIC families, all breastfeeding classes, peer groups and one-on-one consultations are free.

Birdie Johnson, a doula who provides breastfeeding and other postpartum support to Black families as part of Sacred Seeds Black Doula Collective of Colorado, said virtual support groups during the pandemic also did not meet her clients’ needs for connection and interaction. Social media built communities online, particularly by normalizing breastfeeding struggles among Black parents, she said, but obstacles remained.

“Covid brought our community together and at the same time destroyed it,” Johnson said.

Black parents in the U.S. already had lower rates of breastfeeding than Asian or white parents, according to 2017 CDC data, and both Black and Hispanic parents have had lower rates of exclusively breastfeeding their babies at 6 months, which is what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends. Socioeconomics and lack of workplace support have been found to contribute to the gap. Research also has found Black mothers are more likely than white moms to be introduced to infant formula at hospitals.

A scarcity of Black health care providers in lactation, women’s health and pediatrics is a continuing concern, Johnson said. In Colorado last year, the Colorado Breastfeeding Coalition, the Center for African American Health, Elephant Circle and Families Forward Resource Center held three training sessions for people of color to become lactation specialists, said Halverstadt, who chairs the coalition.

Jefferson County, which encompasses much of Denver’s western suburbs, is now training at least a dozen Spanish-speaking community members for lactation certification. In addition to classes, the trainees log clinical hours in breastfeeding support, sometimes during virtual meetings of a Spanish-speaking support group called Cuenta Conmigo Lactancia.

“You are more confident and more at ease with someone who knows your language, your culture and who is part of the community,” said Brenda Rodriguez, a dietitian and certified lactation consultant for Jefferson County Public Health, which reaches roughly 400 breastfeeding families each month through its WIC programs.

Angelica Pereda, a maternal and child health registered nurse, is part of that training program. Pereda, who is Hispanic and bilingual, gave birth to son Ahmias in April 2020 and struggled with breastfeeding because he could not latch on to her breasts. A lactation consultant could not come into her home during the pandemic, and she was skeptical of virtual consultations because of privacy concerns. So she pumped her breast milk and bottle-fed it to her son.

Her experience gave her newfound empathy for families, and she wants to help other Spanish-speaking parents find solutions — whether in person or virtually.

“There is just not enough breastfeeding support in general, but especially when that support is in a different language,” said Pereda.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

New Moms Latched On to Remote Breastfeeding Help. Will Demand Wane as Pandemic Fades? published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[stephenmccull]

New Moms Latched On to Remote Breastfeeding Help. Will Demand Wane as Pandemic Fades?

Madison Cano knew she wanted to breastfeed her son, Theo. But breastfeeding was painful for her. The skin on her breasts was chafed and blistered last July when she returned home from the hospital. And Theo sometimes screamed during feedings.

Cano, 30, realized she needed help to get the short- and long-term health benefits of breastfeeding for moms and babies. New studies also have shown that covid-vaccinated mothers pass protective antibodies on to their newborns. However, Cano lives in Montrose in western Colorado, 60 miles away from her lactation counselor, Ali Reynolds, in Grand Junction — and it was during the thick of the pandemic.

She messaged Reynolds on Facebook and took photos and recorded videos of herself breastfeeding so Reynolds could offer advice and encouragement from afar. It worked. She no longer had pain. Cano is still breastfeeding Theo, who just turned 1.

“I don’t think I would have understood what was happening and been able to work through it without that resource,” said Cano.

Support for breastfeeding was upended last year, when it no longer seemed safe to take a baby class at the hospital or invite a nurse into one’s home. Hospitals, lactation counselors and support groups turned to virtual platforms like Zoom or phone calls. That made lactation support accessible to struggling families during the pandemic, said Danielle Harmon, executive director of the United States Lactation Consultant Association.

Today, although lactation specialists have more options to safely meet in person with families after their covid-19 vaccinations, many are choosing to continue virtual classes, keeping alive the online communities they created and relying on the technology that worked for many families. Virtual options especially help those in remote areas or those with limited transportation access, breastfeeding experts say.

Right before the pandemic, for example, Sandrine Druon typically had one or two moms attend in-person meetings she held for La Leche League of Longmont at the First Evangelical Lutheran Church or at a Ziggi’s Coffee shop. But because they could no longer meet in person, last June she launched two monthly virtual meetings. Now, an online meeting will typically include nine or 10 moms. She started an online Spanish-speaking meeting in May and parents joined from their homes in several states and even from other countries. She hopes eventually to have a mix of online and in-person meetings.

The virtual switch hasn’t worked for everyone. Harmon said the logistics of video support remain difficult, along with privacy concerns on platforms that could be hacked. Other lactation experts noted Black and Hispanic mothers are sometimes still left behind. So lactation specialists are trying to learn from the pandemic on what worked — and what didn’t — to reach all kinds of new parents.

Before the pandemic, 84% of U.S. mothers breastfed at least initially, according to 2019 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, while Colorado had a 93% rate.

The pandemic hasn’t seemed to change the picture, said Stacy Miller, Colorado’s breastfeeding coordinator for the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children, shorthanded as WIC. Citing state birth certificate data, Miller said preliminary breastfeeding rates among families discharged from Colorado hospitals remained similar in the first quarter of 2021 to rates from 2020 or 2019.

Throughout the pandemic, lactation specialists have tried to offer convenient options for parents. St. Joseph Hospital in Denver launched virtual breastfeeding support groups that still occur today, in addition to breastfeeding help during families’ hospital stays, said Katie Halverstadt, the hospital’s clinical nurse manager of lactation and family education.

Last year in North Carolina, experts adapted an in-person prenatal breastfeeding program to an interactive video platform in English and Spanish. A separate effort on New York’s Long Island successfully converted in-person breastfeeding support to phone and video calls in 2020.

To help support parents in Grand Junction, Colorado, Reynolds expanded her private practice, Valley Lactation, by offering virtual appointments while continuing to see some clients in their homes. That hybrid model continues today, although Reynolds said the demand for virtual or phone appointments has decreased lately as the country reopens.

Paying out-of-pocket for appointments is a hurdle her clients face, said Reynolds, but she encourages them to submit claims for telehealth or in-person visits to their health insurance companies for reimbursement. Early in the pandemic, telehealth rules were relaxed to encourage more telephone and virtual appointments — many of which have been covered by insurance.

But insurance coverage for lactation support will likely continue to be an issue independent of whether pandemic telehealth rules expire, USLCA’s Harmon said. While the Affordable Care Act mandates that insurance companies cover lactation support and supplies, such as breast pumps, Harmon said reimbursement is often spotty. Mirroring Medicaid, insurance providers often cover services only from licensed providers, she said, but just four states — Georgia, New Mexico, Oregon and Rhode Island — license lactation consultants.

Experts such as Jennifer Schindler-Ruwisch, an assistant professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found the pandemic may have exacerbated breastfeeding barriers for those without access to online technology or translation services, among other things. She published one of the first studies in the U.S. to examine covid’s effect on lactation services by collecting experiences from lactation support providers in Connecticut, including many working in WIC programs. For income-eligible WIC families, all breastfeeding classes, peer groups and one-on-one consultations are free.

Birdie Johnson, a doula who provides breastfeeding and other postpartum support to Black families as part of Sacred Seeds Black Doula Collective of Colorado, said virtual support groups during the pandemic also did not meet her clients’ needs for connection and interaction. Social media built communities online, particularly by normalizing breastfeeding struggles among Black parents, she said, but obstacles remained.

“Covid brought our community together and at the same time destroyed it,” Johnson said.

Black parents in the U.S. already had lower rates of breastfeeding than Asian or white parents, according to 2017 CDC data, and both Black and Hispanic parents have had lower rates of exclusively breastfeeding their babies at 6 months, which is what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends. Socioeconomics and lack of workplace support have been found to contribute to the gap. Research also has found Black mothers are more likely than white moms to be introduced to infant formula at hospitals.

A scarcity of Black health care providers in lactation, women’s health and pediatrics is a continuing concern, Johnson said. In Colorado last year, the Colorado Breastfeeding Coalition, the Center for African American Health, Elephant Circle and Families Forward Resource Center held three training sessions for people of color to become lactation specialists, said Halverstadt, who chairs the coalition.

Jefferson County, which encompasses much of Denver’s western suburbs, is now training at least a dozen Spanish-speaking community members for lactation certification. In addition to classes, the trainees log clinical hours in breastfeeding support, sometimes during virtual meetings of a Spanish-speaking support group called Cuenta Conmigo Lactancia.

“You are more confident and more at ease with someone who knows your language, your culture and who is part of the community,” said Brenda Rodriguez, a dietitian and certified lactation consultant for Jefferson County Public Health, which reaches roughly 400 breastfeeding families each month through its WIC programs.

Angelica Pereda, a maternal and child health registered nurse, is part of that training program. Pereda, who is Hispanic and bilingual, gave birth to son Ahmias in April 2020 and struggled with breastfeeding because he could not latch on to her breasts. A lactation consultant could not come into her home during the pandemic, and she was skeptical of virtual consultations because of privacy concerns. So she pumped her breast milk and bottle-fed it to her son.

Her experience gave her newfound empathy for families, and she wants to help other Spanish-speaking parents find solutions — whether in person or virtually.

“There is just not enough breastfeeding support in general, but especially when that support is in a different language,” said Pereda.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

New Moms Latched On to Remote Breastfeeding Help. Will Demand Wane as Pandemic Fades? published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[jessaadventures-blog]

Week Five: Craziness!

Sunset at the water tower!

Wow. SO much happened this week! It ended up being full of adventures and unexpected surprises!

P.S. I’m going to start posting on Mondays permanently because I rarely have time to write the post for Friday and we generally don’t have much wifi over the weekend! This post includes both last weekend and this past weekend.

The EcoHouse

Isa and I with our new sign!

We’ve had some more change over in the house this week! Isa left on Friday after being here for two months, and it’s definitely weird without her. She was my cooking buddy, so now I’ve gotta find a newbie to help me make food (or convince the guys to help me make their huge portions of food haha). Isa is off to Lima for a few days and then she’s heading to Cuzco and Machu Picchu before going home to her second year at Florida State. A pretty impressive trip for her first time out of the US!

Brady left this Sunday, and it’s weird without him here too. He was our funny southern fix-it guy and he definitely had a big presence in the house! He’s heading home to study for the LSAT and then (hopefully) heading to law school in Vermont. He’s a super intense skier and really wants to come ski at Mt. Baker, so maybe I’ll see him someday soon!

We also had two new arrivals this Saturday! Orianna goes to Northeastern and just finished her second year there in engineering. She’s going to be helping out with renewable energy and restarting an aeroponics project using solar panels to grow herbs super fast! She seems great, and we’ve already gone out surfing together, she seems like a go-getter.

Seth is from Indiana University and did his bachelor’s in environmental science and is doing his master’s in energy, so he’s also here for renewable energy (we have seven volunteers right now and six are here for renewable energy, so a lot of awesome energy stuff is going to be happening)! He’s starting a project called Hole in the Wall, where a computer is put in an outdoor wall in a public area and protected so the screen can’t be touched (basically cemented inside a concrete wall with a thick plastic barrier over it) and there is a keyboard stuck outside and the computer is given internet access and powered using solar panels and left there. Then the community (especially kids) can use the computer at any time to teach themselves various things, but they have to figure it out on their own. At other Hole in the Walls there’s apparently been a really impressive rate of learning by the kids that use the computer; they’ve taught themselves English and complicated science concepts and other cool things. We’re going to try to create Peru’s first Hole in the Wall!

We also have a volunteer coming today, Claudia, and I’m excited to meet her!

Other than the volunteer change overs, we had some good food again this week. We did our classic taco tuesday and made some vegan cookies for dessert, which we ate while playing Secret Hitler (our favorite board game) and drinking pisco sours. On Wednesday night Isa and I had a lasagna-off (we had a ton of lasagna noodles to use) and she made a non-vegan lasagna while I made a vegan one. Both turned out really good and not many people could tell that mine was vegan! I’m getting better at improvising recipes, and I really liked the way I made that lasagna (although I only had sweet soy milk to use, so it turned out a little sweet but it would be amazing with unsweetened almond milk). 

Isa and I also made her a crazy vegan going away cake that was pretty damn amazing (and super rich). It was two layers; the bottom layer was vanilla chocolate chunk (Andres found vegan chocolate in Talara) and the top layer was vanilla with strawberry puree. We made vegan chocolate ganache and put it between the layers with fresh strawberries and drizzled it on top as well. Everyone agreed that it was delicious! We also had a bunch of pears going bad, so Andres made a sugar-less pear crumble one morning that really didn’t need any sugar; it was really good!

Our yummy vegan layer cake :)

I also tried to make a lentil curry this weekend, which kind of worked but we didn’t have all the spices I needed so it mostly just tasted like slightly spicy lentils. I’ll try again soon and hopefully it’ll turn out better!

Work

An EcoTeam jumping selfie from our hike day! (See the adventure section)

Work this week was pretty chill, but we still got a lot done! We had friends join for planting day again, a guy named Connor from Ireland who is staying at La Casona came and helped out and there were some friends of one of the members of EcoSwell’s UK team that were visiting so they helped out as well! Our veggie garden is half planted and we transferred some seedlings and planted more seeds for germination! Most of planting day was spent removing invasive tree stumps from the front yard though. We hacked away at those things forever and ended up removing two huge stumps and a few little trees that were springing up. It was a fun planting day with some groovy music though!

As for the distiller, we painted it with wood primer because the water was starting to damage the window frame (it was nasty, sticky stuff that got in my hair and is still in my hair a week later…) and I fixed the door handle and we found some bigger water jugs to distill the water into. We’re getting more silicone today, so this week we have to seal up any little cracks and make the whole distiller as air-tight as possible to keep the heat and the water vapor in! We’re also working on some really cool components that should increase the efficiency even more, stay tuned! We tested the distiller again this week and got similar results (about 10 liters out when we put 40 liters in) so hopefully our next test, after all the improvements, will give us a higher yield!

On Thursday morning we all went hiking in Piedritas, a nearby town! See the adventure section for the story.

Other than that, I’ve been organizing social media posts three times a week and have finally started lining up facebook posts and instagram posts, so there’s been progress there! Isa and I also painted a cute sign for the EcoSwell entrance, because before you could only tell that this is the EcoSwell house coming from one direction. I think we did a pretty great job and it was a fun creative outlet!

Adventures

The interns grabbing a beer in Mancora!

There were a lot of adventures this past week! I’ll try to make this section short-ish, but there’s lots to tell :)

Last weekend was Peruvian Independence Day and, coincidentally, Brady’s birthday. All of the volunteers decided to go spend a night in the famous beach/party town of Mancora to celebrate! Mom and I had gone for a quick day trip the weekend before, so I was the only one that had  spent any time there (Isa had bussed through Mancora, but that was it). We headed out after an early lunch on Saturday, caught the combie to Talara and a van to Mancora and checked into our hostel, Palosanto Backpackers, as soon as we got there. There were seven of us, so we got a whole hostel dorm room to ourselves! The hostel had a bar, a pool, a restaurant, and a bunch of comfy hammocks. Once we were settled we headed to the beach to check out the town and the crowds (there were TONS of people ready to celebrate Peru’s independence). Music was blasting all along the beach, and we found a restaurant on the beach to grab a snack and a beer while we people watched. There were banana boats and crazy water hover boards speeding around just off the shore, and it was fun to watch some of the beginner surfers trying to stand up. After some yucca fries and our beers (have I mentioned that the beers here are 650 ml and about $2 USD and quite good?), we wandered around the booths for a bit before stopping at a convenience store to stock up for our party night. We got some Pisco, of course, because you have to drink Peru’s national liquor on their independence day! We weren’t allowed to bring the alcohol into the hostel, so we went back to the beach and hung out watching a soccer game and sipping our drinks. Isa and I bought a coconut to drink, in classic tourist fashion. The guy who sold us the coconut told us to make it a “CocoLoco” by adding some of our Pisco, which was a wonderful recommendation ;) Once the sun had set, we went and played some games in our room to pass the time and then went to find some veggie burgers for dinner. We ended up in a place that was only playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers and had a funny bartender in a big chef’s hat. The food was okay, and we wandered around afterwards trying to find the best place to celebrate. The beach was crazy, there were lights flashing and so many different bars playing different music and lots of drunk people taking pictures. There’s also a famous hostel called Loki that apparently has the craziest parties, but the line was huge so we ended up back at our hostel, which was also throwing a party. However, the party didn’t start until 1am and didn’t pick up until almost 3am, by which time most of us were fast asleep (we usually go to bed at 10 in the EcoHouse). Most of us made it until around 2 and got a bit of dancing in, but only Ale and Brady saw the true Mancora party scene, and they were out until 5am! In the morning we got our free breakfast at the hostel and hung out on the beach for a bit before gathering our things and grabbing lunch at the Black Sheep (the really yummy vegan restaurant that Mom and I went to the weekend before) and hopping on the Eppo bus home. Needless to say, the rest of that day was very chill and everyone went to bed early that night, but it was a fun adventure that brought us all closer together!

On Monday night we hiked up to the water tower for the sunset, which was nice but there was a marine layer blocking the lower part of the sunset that you could just tell was amazing! That night, a group of us had gotten back from dinner at Tranqui’s and were talking when Andres noticed a fire up the hill. A nearby house had caught fire (they figured out it was an electrical fire) and people were gathering trying to put it out (Lobitos doesn’t have a fire department). We ran to help out. It was pretty scary because this area is very dry, so the fire could have easily spread and destroyed much of Lobitos. Luckily, the community really rallied, bringing fire extinguishers and carrying buckets of water and shoveling dirt on the flames, and the fire was put out and no one was hurt. I was impressed and inspired by how many people drove from all corners of town to help fight the fire, it shows how close-knit the Lobitos community is. 

On Thursday the Directors decided to take us on a work outing to Piedritas, the little town between Lobitos and Talara, to show us the hiking trails that EcoSwell is trying to develop into an ecotourism and education destination. We spent four hours hiking the rough trails in the dry forest, spotting cool birds and other wildlife, identifying plants, jumping across a muddy stream or two, and admiring the view over the dry forest from the highest point on the trails. It was a really fun day and showed us the beauty and the potential of the area. The trail project is about to take off, so I may get to help a little with that before I leave! Maybe my trail work experience will come in handy :)

Heading out on the hike in Piedritas!

On Friday morning we had the opportunity to go jump off one of the abandoned offshore oil rigs, and most of the volunteers decided to go (including me)! Tullio, the same guy that took us fishing, loaded us and a bunch of other people from nearby hostels into his boat and we puttered off to the platform. When we got there there were two huge sea lions lying on the stairs, so we had to scare them off by yelling at them until they sleepily rolled off the platform. The oil platforms have three levels, one four meter (13 ft), one eight meter (26 ft), and one fourteen meter (46 ft). We got to choose which to jump off of, and almost everyone went off the tallest one. It was high!! But the adrenaline rush was great and no one was hurt worse than a couple of tight muscles and bruises from landing wrong (I landed well and was perfectly fine!). I’ve done a lot of cliff jumping, and it was different to jump into the big ocean waves but nice to not have to try to avoid rocks when I jumped. It was definitely an experience and took some nerve, but it was a lot of fun and now I can say that I’ve jumped off the top of an offshore oil rig! 

The oil rig we jumped off of (those stacks of tires at the bottom are about as tall as me, for reference).

I also went surfing twice in the past few days, and I’m determined to start going more often! It was a lot of fun, and both times I got up on the board at least four times. Also, the water has been really warm lately, so there’s no need for wetsuits! I’m ready to become a surfer girl :)

Finally, we went out to El Cuartel (a restaurant/hostel mom and I went to) for the first time with the EcoTeam for Isa’s last night and it was delicious! Most of the guys got veggie burgers (Ale is going vegetarian for August, yay!), I got a quinoa salad, and Isa got what looked like an amazing seafood risotto! On the way home it was pitch dark and everyone was admiring the milky way and the constellations. It was a fun night with everyone, and El Cuartel is becoming my favorite restaurant in Lobitos (though it is the furthest away from the house).

Phew! I think that covers all the adventures this week. This past weekend was really nice and chill; I spent most of the time reading (I’ve moved on to rereading the Harry Potter series), hanging out on the beach, surfing, and cooking. I’m looking forward to the next four weeks and what adventures they bring!

Looking out over the Piedritas dry forest :)

It’s been the craziest and most fun week yet, but I also have been missing home more than ever. When I can get online, the pictures of the mountains and green trees remind me of all the hikes I love in the summer and the mountain views that I love so much. I’m sad to be missing summer traditions, but this is truly an incredible experience and I’m trying my best to live in the moment! I’m sure I’ll have my fair share of mountains, trees, and views in my three weeks in Patagonia at the end of summer!

That’s all for now, miss and love you all! Look for another update next Monday :)

[mcjour]

so the other day was the anniversary of my friend’s death and i realized there was so much i didn’t process there like at all. 

i can barely even remember what our relationship was. he definitely wasn’t a close best friend or anything, at least. but the line between acquaintance and friend is blurred. like, i didn’t exactly hang out with him. but it’s not like i was really hanging out with anyone at that point lol.

so i see his closer friends (also my friends) post something on facebook sometimes and i am like huh am i entitled to that? was i close enough to him or would posting be attention seeking?

i mean there isn’t anything i need to post or anything but thought that was an interesting thought. especially knowing my friends who knew him really wouldn’t even be the type to gatekeep grief anyway but like i said just a thought

gosh i barely even remember him and that’s so awful. like the day i found out he died, we all posted about it and so my memories are only the ones i wrote down in that post. they were nice memories, but i hate that my brain has deleted so much of my life

anyway can’t believe it’s been 5 years!

i think about him a lot, actually. not all the time, but more than i would expect

one thing i thought about this week was how traumatizing finding out was. because we all found out through a mass email to the entire campus. heartbreaking, probably the worst way to find out. i don’t really blame the school for that or anything, it’s not like they have a roster of all your connections or anything lol. but that doesn’t make it any less sucky

i remember i was texting a friend and maybe she was the one to read the email first? but either way i remember us being like, hold on, are we reading this correctly? our friend had a decently common name, so on a large campus, could there have been someone else with his name? but no. he was ours.

i remember i was in the dining hall getting food right before work. i was in shock. i don’t remember if i cried then and there, but i definitely cried at work. i don’t really know why i didn;t just not go to work. probably i didn’t even know who i would talk to about it. besides, what else was i supposed to do? it’s not like there was a guide to how to react when you find out your friend is dead via campus email.

i remember walking to my dorm after my shift. for some reason i worked on the opposite side of campus than i lived lol. i was probably cold and tired and dirty and wet from working in the dish room. i was listening to music as i walked. as i walked up the steep hill (almost home!), the song lifegoeson by noah and the whale came on shuffle. there’s a verse about the singer’s “last night on earth” and having no regrets or something. and wow i think i probably just bawled right then and there knowing that it had literally been my friend’s last night on earth the night or 2 before. 

when you looked at his twitter, that night (or sometime in the days before), he had retweeted a bunch of tweets saying “i could really use a hug right now.” i don’t think i had seen it at the time, like i don’t think i used twitter every day or anything. but to look back at that is so stinging. like, one of those cliche moments wondering if you could go back into the past and change something. like if i had seen that and reached out to him, would he still be alive today? and really who knows. and who knows, maybe other friends DID see, and DID reach out. it’s not really something i spend a lot of time guilting over or anything. but it still is really something to look back at, the cries for help immortalized on the internet. 

his twitter account was later hacked and became like a porn bot account which was also just devastating. luckily i think those tweets got deleted, but the profile picture and the bio still remain. and his old tweets too, like i said. 

there’s also a message he sent me a few months before he died inviting me to a party, which was so kind. and literally the day before he died, he sent me a cat video. or maybe it was the night he died. the link is dead now, so i don’t remember what the video was. there’s no response. i don’t know if i ignored it or if i just didn’t check twitter. 

maybe he was trying to comfort us through his death. in retrospect, i guess i really was a friend if i was one of the people he reached out to in those final hours

his death was right before finals too. which meant we were all totally fucked, i was already tanking a lot of my classes as it already was. i ended up taking an incomplete in one and finishing the next semester. i am sure many of my friends were in similar boats. the friend who passed was actually about to graduate. he was 24. i must’ve been 19 at the time, almost 20. he seemed so much older. i am 24 now, so lol.

the reason i was struggling so much before this was that  my cat had died about a month prior. he was my entire world. 

i couldn’t imagine life without my cat. i can’t remember when i started feeling suicidal myself, but my friend’s death definitely exacerbated that feeling. i think i felt like he beat me to it. and i didn’t want people to think i was a copy cat either. but every time i cut through the fine arts center i’d stand and look over the edge and wonder if it was high enough. i really don’t think it was LOL. but i was in so much pain.

what helped was my advisor slash professor. i had emailed all my professors about the deaths just to give them a heads up if i was missing class or assignments or whatever. and i remember i typed something like sorry, i am just having a really shitty semester. and she replied and was like yeah no that’s an understatement. and she invited me to like hang out and chat and eat donuts and i felt super awkward and anxious about the whole thing but she was so kind and helped me get through some of the professor issues i was having. plus the donut. that ended up really jumpstarting our relationship and she was so important to my college career. 

i knew another person from that same group who also died. i was not as close to her, but was of course still sad to hear of her passing. and it really speaks to how trauma can kill you, i think. most college groups do not lose two people. while they are still in college. there’s a photo of us from a house party and it’s weird that there’s i don’t know 10, 15, 20 people in the photo and 2 of them are dead.

these are things that i haven’t told anybody. because who could i tell?

like i could talk about my friend with our mutual friends, and we did right after he passed and stuff but like at some point that ends. and then i’m not really in close contact with any of them anymore. i would be happy to talk to any of them, don’t get me wrong, but i’m not about to contact these people out of the blue.

and anyone who didn’t know him wouldn’t know

and my cat too. i feel like that’s not as shareable of a grief. like society says that’s just a cat. and it was only a month after losing him that i lost my friend, so i was still grieving my cat when it happened. but now my friends all had their own grief and i didn’t want to divert the focus on my friend to be like hi i also am sad about my cat? that seems weird. the word that came to mind was selfish, and i don’t think that’s the correct word in this context. but it does just feel inappropriate.

then to go home at the end of the semester to an unsupportive household while weighted down by two huge deaths. i think i told my mom i wasn’t going to talk to her about my friend (what could i really say anyway). idk she’s the last place i would go for comfort.

and she made grieving the cat horrible. i don’t remember but i think she made it all about her somehow. like how she found the body and bla bla bla. i don’t remember.

the grief of both of these deaths has been bottled for 5 years.

something else i remembered: they set up group counseling for me and my friends. and so i went. i wasn’t too keen on counseling, but i think i was just in shock still and figured it would be good for me. and good to be with friends, whether for my sake or theirs.

so it was run by this lady. this horrible lady. the lady who sent me to the hospital for no fucking reason. so i was like holy fucking shit!!! but once again i think i was kinda in shock, like wtf was i supposed to do, just walk out and make a scene? so i sat there. and she sucked lol. i smiled at one point. i have no idea why i smiled. it was unconcious. maybe i remembered a happy memory, maybe it was just a nervous response who fucking knows. either way she called me out on it and was like why are you smiling? now i think it is rude in general to just call someone out like that LOL but this just so happened to be a very specific trigger of mine from high school days. so i think i literally ran out of the room. one of my friends followed me and talked with me out in the staircase. i know i didn’t go back, but i can’t remember if my friend went back or not. i think i felt bad having her comfort me over some dumb thing, instead of getting counseling herself, but she was definitely like nah that lady sucks. someone i think said the lady made a comment about me leaving too. idk. anyway she’s an ass.

unrelated, kinda, this lady taught the intro to social work class which i really wanted to take but i was like hell NO. luckily one semester they got someone else to teach it. it sucked in a totally different way LOL. 

[kangseluigi]

I was tagged by @goddessofwasteland

Rules: answer 80-something questions and tag 20 people. Tagging: @citizen-er8sed @veidtsright @violace idk whoever wants to

last?

Drink: water

phone call: me mum

text message: from my bestie, checking in on me

time you cried: idk??? think like a month ago when I had a sudden down

kissed someone and regretted it: i do not kiss people 

been cheated on: ugh fucking sharon she ruined kpop for me

lost someone special: According to fb about 2 years ago my great-aunt died but like?? “Special”? Idk by the time I cut people out I’m 100000% done with them already so it doesn’t count and everyone else died 10+ years ago so 

been depressed: always tbh but see cried anser

gotten drunk and thrown up: NEVER I got a good liver and stomach and also don’t drink anymore

favourite colours? Purple! And yellow somtimes. Also Orange and certain blues

in the last year you have?

made new friends: I think not

fallen out of love: Nah

laughed until you cried: Probably! Think at Ali Wong’s netflix specials?

found out someone was talking behind your back: No one talk about me. Or to me…

met someone who changed your life: Uh…

found out who your true friends are: given that i only have like 5 friends i’m pretty sure i know them by now (gonna keep that one bc #mood)

general?

how many facebook friends do you have: I don’t know man

pets: MY BEAU! And his girlfriend half lives here now. Also a squirrel we found in the garden and helped get better, but he still visits us sometimes 

ever wanted to change your (birth)name: Always, have, even wanna change my changed name but idk to WHAT

what you did for your last birthday: Stayed home had cake my mom made for me, the usual but better! 

time you woke up today: once at 5-something AM and then again throughout the day until 2:20pm when I finally got my ass up. yesterday was exhausting ok

what you were doing at midnight last night: Getting ready for bed I think

what you can’t wait for: I…don’t know.

whatcha listening to: Nothing rn, Need me some silence

ever talked to a person named Tom: I don’t think so

something that gets on your nerves: What doesn’t tbh

most visited site: …tumblr? Facebook? Idk

hair colour: Brown that keeps getting darker for some reason. I used to be near-blonde 

long or short hair: dfghjklö don’t ask it’s 30°C I wish I could chop it off but I look dumb with short hair :(

crush: nah

what do you like about yourself: my eyebrows are on point! My hair is fab too

any piercings: nah gurl

blood type: fuck if i know. I wanted to know forever but it’s hard to find out, you can barely find donation places around her lmao

nicknames: Deano, Dino

relationship status: single

sign: Aries

pronouns: he/his but idec anymore, I’m so used to be misgendered even by ppl who know :))))))

favourite tele show: I don’t have one anymore

tattoos: noooo

left or right handed: right handed

have you ever had a surgery: small ones

do you want piercings: god no

Sport: I wanna pick up martial arts again. And maybe dance?? But I look dumb doing that. Otherwise biking is good

Favourite holiday: anywhere really

trainers: whatever is cheap my good bitch

more general?

favourite dish: anything I can eat

favourite drink: cokecokecokecokecoke

i’m about to watch: nothing? My cat???

what i’m waiting for: Nothing dude I live minute to minute

what i want: To get paid for my photography PLEASE

get married: Hell nah

career:  I wish lol

which is better?

hugs or kisses: Neither but hugs

lips or eyes: neither I’m too autistic for that shit

shorter or taller: idc? Like what for? Reaching shelves taller, being small enough to fit in shit being shorter duh

older or younger: Eh

arms or stomach: Tummyyyy

Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends??

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: nope

drank hard liquor: yeah lol I’m german

turned someone down: ugh creepy dudes everywhere

sex on a first date: lol no

broken someone’s heart: doubt it

had a heart broken: eh kinda?

been arrested: lmao no

cried when someone died: ye

fallen for a friend: maybe???

do you believe in?

yourself: it changes

miracles: Not really

Love at first sight: Attraction at first sight that becomes love

santa claus: no???

angels: Nah

misc?

eye colour: brown af

best friends name: Nina and Ellis, different kinds of besties

favourite movie: I don’t have one

favourite actor: ????? Tetsuji Hamayama atm? 

favourite cartoon/anime: Uh…Dbz? I’m old school fuck you

favourite teachers’ name: is this for hacking my account? It sounds like it is

[wobc-fm]

If Britney Can Make It Through 2007, I Can Make It Through Today

words by Emma Davey 

I’m going to say something controversial

Britney Spears shaving her head in 2007 was the single most punk thing that has ever happened.

No, it’s not GG Allin writhing around onstage in his own fecal matter. It’s not anything you might have seen in any of the three parts that make up The Decline of Western Civilization. It’s "Miss American Dream Since I Was Seventeen," princess of pop Britney Jean Spears hacking away at her own blonde locks.

I say this with the power vested in me as a member of the punk workgroup, though granted, I am probably the least knowledgeable member of the group.

“Emma,” you might be yelling at your computer screen “I get it - you love Britney. But how could you come to this conclusion?”

I’ll tell you how.

November 2006, not even 25 years old, Britney files for a divorce from then husband Kevin Federline. Married for a little over two years, Britney found herself as a mom of two young kids. An aunt with whom she was close passed away the following January. Relentlessly hounded by paparazzi, her every move being scrutinized by the tabloids, Britney needed a break. She had been in the public spotlight since she was a young girl and became a worldwide superstar just barely out of high school. As a young starlet, she had been both grilled about her virginal status, and criticized for her racy outfits. Shortly after checking herself out of rehab in February (less than 24 hours after she arrived), Britney and her entourage waltzed into Esther’s Hair Salon in California, after she complained that her hair extensions were too tight. Esther herself refused Britney’s request to shave off all her hair.

So Britney took the clippers and did it herself.

Acting as both a Samson and Delilah, Britney rid herself of a feminine signifier, and in a weird way, regained a sense of control.

The media read this as a cry for help, and I don’t totally disagree. Clearly, Britney was not in a completely cognizant state of mind. But I also think that after years of having managers and publicists telling her what to do, she was able to make a decision on her own. And not just a decision about what kind of toothpaste to use or what kind of product to sponsor, but a decision about one of the things that made her famous - her looks. With the exception of Sinead O’Connor (a different breed of singer anyway) female pop stars don’t have shaved heads. Shaving it all off was a big fuck-you to Eurocentric beauty standards. Pop stars are often meant to function as a paradigm of how we should all be looking - shiny hair, flat abs, nice clothes. And now Britney was freeing herself from that paradigm.

Punk is about rebellion and liberation. When Britney shaved her head, she did it against the advice of everyone in her life, against the beauty standards that had dictated her entire career. For a brief moment, she was able to live life on her own terms. Though a conventionally attractive blonde pop star might seem inherently un-punk, and Britney’s music certainly cannot be categorized within the genre, Britney’s head shave was just about all the media could talk about for days, if not weeks. Doing something outrageous to shift the narrative around you is incredibly punk.

Looking back years later, Britney herself admits the role that anxiety played in her public breakdown, how years of public scrutiny and lack of prioritizing her own mental health had finally took its toll. But instead of showing compassion to a recently divorced, young mother of two who was struggling with mental illness and addiction, we mocked her for it. Particularly ripe for the mocking was the viral video of the year, Chris Crocker’s infamous “Leave Britney Alone.” Eyes heavily lined and filled with tears, Crocker emphatically plead with society at large to, as the title suggested, leave Britney alone.

“She’s a human!” he sought to remind us.

When Katy Perry recently made an off-color remark about not yet having a mental breakdown involving shaving her head, many fans took to Twitter to call out her insensitivity toward what Britney went through. But that remark would have been par for the course ten years ago. Now, stars like Demi Lovato and Zayn Malik have gone public with their struggles with mental health and addiction, openly sharing when they check in to rehab or take time off for themselves. Fans can relate to what the stars they support go through, and having such high profile celebrities helps to destigmatize what it’s like to deal with mental illness. Society at large still is far from perfect, but we are now having conservations about the issue for which we are overdue. Unfortunately, Britney was not able to experience this newfound cultural sensitivity for herself.

Looking back on her annus horribilis in the 2008 MTV documentary “For the Record,” Britney herself had this to say:

“People thought that it was me going crazy and stuff like that, but people shave their heads all the time. I was going through a lot, but it was just kind of like me going through a little bit of rebellion, or feeling free, or shedding stuff that had happened, you know?”

Nowadays, Britney is stronger than ever (if you excuse the obvious reference). She was recently honored with the Vanguard Award at the GLAAD Awards for being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. She just finished up a highly successful Vegas residency and is now gearing up for another world tour. Funnily enough, when a satirical Facebook page published an infamous photo of 2007 Britney attacking a paparazzo’s car and pretended it was Emma Gonzalez, conservatives were outraged at liberals’ lack of common decency. The fact that the photo was really of Britney speaks for itself.

Times are tough, and I rely on Britney’s weekly Instagram fashion shows to get me through it all. In this these trying political times, I am of the same mindset as Chris Crocker when he appeared on “Maury”

“America, I want you to know that before I’m an American, I’m a Britney fan"

As the saying goes, if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through today.