#and of course “good boy/girl/demon/pet” are required by law

[ineffable-rohese]

Look, I don't think canon!Aziraphale would constantly use increasingly sappy pet names for Crowley, but that isn't going to stop me from writing it anyway.

[preraphaelitepunk]

Fictober19 Day 30: Semantics

Prompt #30: I’m with you, you know that.

Fandom: Good Omens

Characters: Crowley, Aziraphale

Rating: Teen (bit of swearing)

Warnings: Mild description of recurring depression

On AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843936/chapters/50566493

“That ice cream man was definitely flirting with you, angel.”

“That is no excuse for melting that lolly all over his hand like that.” Aziraphale pulled the flake out of his ice cream and bit into it with rather more force than necessary. “And besides, he was simply being friendly.”

“Friendly? Hah. Wanted to climb you like a tree,” Crowley muttered.

Aziraphale gave him a severe look. “He was doing his job. People in service jobs are required to be friendly; they are not flirting, and you’re being unreasonable.”

“I know the difference, angel. That man was not just doing his job; he wanted to lick you like that Mister Whippy.”

“Really, Crowley, there is no need to be uncouth.” He was so cute when the tips of his ears went pink like that, and Crowley found it harder maintain a proper sulk when the angel looked like that.

They strolled in silence for a bit. Eventually, Crowley said, “‘Snot his fault, really, I guess. I mean, he has eyes, of course he’s going to go all mushy when he sees you. It just gets up my nose.”

Smiling, Aziraphale reached out for his hand, gave it a squeeze. “You old softie. I’m with you, you know that, and nothing will ever change that.”

“I know.” Even after all this time, it was hard to say the words; there was still a part of his brain that screamed he was unforgivable, he didn’t deserve such happiness and he certainly didn’t deserve Aziraphale, that it was all just temporary and his angel would soon realize how he’d been conned and disappear from Crowley’s life. He’d learned to ignore that part of him, fight it, smother it with a big pile of wonder and joy and contentment until its cries were muffled. He knew it lied. Most of the time, he knew. Today, at least, he knew, but it was always there, lurking.

He gave Aziraphale’s hand a return squeeze. Today, he knew. “It’s just that, after a certain point, I do get a little jealous. Not that I don’t trust you; ’smore that I don’t trust them.”

“I hardly think you need to worry about that, my dear. I can take care of myself. Oh, I admit that I enjoy it tremendously when you take care of me, but that’s a luxury, darling, not a necessity.”

“Not that way. ’Course you can take care of yourself; you’re the bloody Guardian of the Eastern Gate. It’s more,” he trailed off, thinking.

“More what?”

“Um. More that I don’t like them getting ideas, and thinking that’s all right. Them looking at you and going ‘ooh, he’s gorgeous, I like’ is fine; that’s just normal.” He ignored Aziraphale’s disparaging snort. “What I don’t like is them thinking you’re gorgeous and that they have a chance with you.”

“I am intimately familiar with that sensation,” Aziraphale said.

“What?”

“Oh, it happens all the time, darling. You ooze temptation, and the poor things can’t help themselves. That gaggle of girls at the coffee shop? Absolutely falling all over themselves to get your attention.”

“Naw. Really? Naw, that’s ridiculous. Wait, is that why you pinched my bum?”

Aziraphale pursed his lips primly. “That might have been part of the reason.”

“So, we both need a way to tell people to back off. They can look but don’t touch, get any funny ideas.”

“I believe the traditional human method, at least in England, is rings on the third finger of the left hand.”

“Marriage?” Crowley missed a step. “Is that something you’d want, angel?”

“Hmm. Not sure.” He saw Crowley’s face and added, “I’m sure about you, my love. I’m just not sure whether marriage is appropriate. It’s a very human institution, and we’re not technically human.”

“Nglh.”

“Besides, is it even necessary? The UK hasn’t recognized common-law marriage for a couple hundred years, but that’s just from a legal standpoint. Hardly relevant to us. From a cultural standpoint, we’ve been together for so long, most people would almost certainly consider us married already.”

“Er. Given this a lot of thought, have you?” Crowley tried to keep his voice casual.

“Certainly! I’ve been researching. It’s important that we know what to call each other.”

Crowley wrinkled his brow in thought. “Seems like you’ve mostly called me your boyfriend.”

“Well, yes. I didn’t want to introduce anything more serious without talking to you about it first.”

“So we’re talking now. Spill.”

“Well, first I researched various terms we could use. We’re not boys in any real sense, so boyfriend doesn’t feel quite right.”

“It’s great, but yeah: not a boy, either of us.”

“And then there’s lover, which is just a little too . . . sticky. Paramour is the same.”

“‘Hi, this is Aziraphale, my luvvah,’” Crowley said experimentally, and laughed. “Yeah, it’s a bit too squicky. Could be fun, though.”

“In certain contexts, perhaps.”

“Like if Gabriel ever shows up again?”

Aziraphale giggled. “Can you imagine his face? ‘My lover, Crowley. My demon lover.’ He’d spontaneously combust.”

“We definitely have to use that one on him.”

“Oh, I agree, but it’s not for general use.”

“So what is?”

“Well, I thought about historical terms. Leman, for instance.”

“You are not calling me your lemon, angel.”

“Spelled differently, darling. How about soulmate?”

“Definitely not!”

“Inamorato? Significant other? Partner?”

Crowley ticked off the options on his fingers. “First one, only if I can grow a handlebar mustache and twirl it like an old-timey villain in silent movies. Second one, blech. Third one, too ambiguous. We’re not business partners.”

“Beloved?”

“Huh.” Crowley tried this one out mentally. “Works for you referring to me, but. . . . ”

“‘This is Aziraphale, my beloved.’ Yes, I see your point; not really your style. More of a pet name.”

“Not that you aren’t. My beloved, that is. Just can’t see myself introducing you that way.”

Aziraphale gave him one of those sidelong glances that always sent Crowley’s heart skipping. “Then I suppose we’re left with husband. We can just omit the societal common-law part. Unless you want the ritual of an actual marriage?”

“Nah, not big on ritual, me. Unless you want it?”

“Not at all, poppet. The only important thing is how we feel, not some silly human ceremony.”

Crowley swung their hands a bit, musing. “Husbands. ‘My husband, Aziraphale.’ I like it.”

“So do I. We’ll have to look for rings, of course.”

“Yeah, a big ‘fuck off, I’m taken’ sign for both of us. Hey, you don’t wear your signet ring any more. That could do for mine.”

“If you like, but I’d rather get you one of your own. One with no bad memories attached. Would that be all right?”

“Anything you want, angel. Husband.”

Aziraphale moved closer, so their shoulders rubbed and bumped other as they walked. “I do like the sound of that.”

“So do I.” The back part of his brain, the part where all the self-loathing and despair lived, tried to warn him not to believe it, it was all an illusion and everything would fall apart because of his own innate and irreparable unworthiness, but he squashed it with an ease that startled him. It turned out that husband was the most effective serotonin booster he’d ever encountered. Who knew a little word like that would have so much power?

[loudlytransparenttrash]

Ello, friend! How're things? I kinda want your opinion on this, since you're my go-to political person. Where does the issue of single-parenthood rank on your list of current problems with the black community? And, how much (if at all) do you think the left's championing of things like social justice, and feminism, which basically seek to abolish the traditional family have contributed to the single parenthood issue? Thanks! Have a fantastical day, m8! Xoxo.

Hello! Thank you so much for the message! Things are quite well thank you :) It’s a huge problem. Broken families, the lack of black fathers and even black mothers is a disastrous epidemic and the attempts to legitimize it by the left and the demonization of the nuclear family and fathers coming from feminism is only worsening this sad reality. 

The U.S. has 25.8 percent of children being raised by a single parent, compared with an average of 14.9 percent across the other countries. Now consider 72 percent of black children are raised in a single parent household and 37 percent of these families live below the poverty line as there’s only one source of income, no balance or share of work and zero stability. Compare this to just the 8 percent of married black families who live in poverty which proves it’s not racism, it’s personal choices. Also consider black women terminate 450 babies for every 1000 born compared to white women terminate 121 for every 1000. How can you ever expect children to know the meaning of family and reap its benefits when black parents continue to shatter it, setting low standards and expectations. It proves if they held themselves to higher standards and accountability when choosing partners and creating children, things would be a lot different. 

One in every 10 black men in his thirties is in prison and black women are incarcerated at a rate four times higher, not because of racism but because they commit the large disproportionate amount of crime and murder which leads to kids growing up on the streets or searching for family structure within gangs. In 2012, white males were 38 percent of the population and committed 4,582 murders. That same year, black males were just 6.6 percent of the population but committed a staggering 5,531 murders. Every 6 months there are more blacks committing homicides than there were blacks lynched over the course of 80 years. The figures highlight a horrific truth that black racialists and white liberals routinely ignore: black Americans, young black males particularly, put themselves in close proximity to police officers by committing crime at rates sometimes five to 10 times higher than whites. This is a recipe for disaster. Black communities glorify and celebrate this thug and criminal culture so once again, if they held themselves to higher standards and accountability, things would be a lot different but no one wants to talk about this, it’s just easier to blame white people. 

The current welfare system discourages single mothers from establishing a stable two-parent household despite a portion of welfare funds allocated to promote this kind of family structure. This is because women who marry or maintain a home with the biological father of their children can face the reduction or loss of their benefits. In turn, children who grow up on welfare are more likely to grow up and be on welfare themselves, continuing the cycle. Daughters of single mothers are more likely to engage in early sexual behavior and become teen moms, which, in turn, makes them more likely to rely on welfare and their children less likely to grow up with their fathers.

Blacks see the nuclear family as a “white thing” and a broken family as a “black thing” so they fight against the nuclear family while trying to legitmize the broken family and feminism and the liberal left toe the line like good little pets. Look at BLM, even on their website, one of their official stated goals reads, “We are committed to disrupting the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement.” BLM fight against nuclear families as they see it as an oppressive white structure and then we have feminists fighting against nuclear families as they just hate their fathers (as well as wanting to get a pat on the head from minorities.)  

Feminists have sold us the idea that men are disposable and we’d be better off without them, women shouldn’t be enslaved to “the oppressive patriarchal norms of being mothers” when they could be having a lot more fun working 80 hours per week and going home to cats. They prevent father involvement  and father rights  because they can profit from it. There wouldn’t be the need of a vast network of charities, organizations, affirmative action and guaranteed paychecks if we were honest and stopped the ‘women have it worse off than men’ myth. 

Feminism needs gendered issues for their survival. Feminism doesn’t want you to know that women are about as likely to abuse their partner as men or that boys suffer similar rates of sexual abuse as girls (1 in 6 boys to 1 in 4 girls) or that thousands of men are being raped or that men are the greatest victims of violent crime because it would impact their funding. In order to maintain a steady flow of cash, they now seek to preserve their own existence by perpetuating myths and inventing problems instead of trying to solve the problems already existing, such as all of the above. Just like BLM and single black mothers, they along with feminism gain huge amounts of money and handouts from their “oppressors” by playing the victim card. 

Intact families, married mothers and especially stay-at-home-married-moms are feminism’s number one enemy. Feminism tells us that the differences between the sexes comes down to social conditioning but mother’s often laugh at this idea as they understand children better than bitter, childless, lonely morons. Psychologist Steven Pinker may have said it best: “It is said that there is a technical term for people who believe that little boys and little girls are born indistinguishable and are molded into their natures by parental socialization. The term is ‘childless.’” Married women also tend to vote conservative while unmarried women tend to vote liberal ( here and here). Liberal votes means more money for the feminist cause. And more feminism means more liberal votes. It’s not a coincidence that Obama created a White House Council on Women and Girls but refused to create a White House Council on Men and Boys. Also, married women are a lot happier. A recent survey revealed that unmarried and working mothers are less happy than married and non-working mothers and we all know feminism despises anything that makes us happy or anything that can be considered a “social norm.” 

Over the past few decades, feminism told women, “you can have it all,” emphasizing equal rights while minimizing equal responsibilities. Of course, no one can have it all, but “trade offs” doesn’t sell as well. And women can’t hear what men don’t say; men didn’t tell women that work is often mind-numbing and unfulfilling and they regret not being around for their wife and children but this is exactly what feminism strives for women. In order to dislodge homemaker wives from their families, feminism devalued their role (i.e. telling married women they’re half a person and they’re pathetic). Thinking men got the better deal, many stay-at-home moms were resentful, and divorce rates accelerated. Today, it’s women who ask for 7 out of 10 divorces (see here and here.) These moms then send inconsistent messages to their children; on the one hand they say they wouldn’t trade their kids for anything, but on the other hand they send the message that a career is more sustainable than having a family. The problem with these messages given to young children is that they erode the underlying beliefs necessary for a trusting and caring relationship to be built around, and just like the broken family in black communities, the cycle repeats and it will continue to repeat itself until we start to be honest. 

On the other side of this sad ledger are all the dads who have watched their marriages disintegrate into a series of alimony and child-support payments. In one long-term study, just 10 to 15 percent of men won in custody battles. The ones who win are usually the ones who can afford lawyers. Even then, many men end up feeling like they are spending their lives working for people who have turned against them and see him as nothing more than a cash machine. Some even go to prison for falling behind on child support payments . Feminists say to this, ‘Who cares? It’s men. Fuck them,’ all because they look at hot celeb moms being toted as “superwomen” who do it all and have it all so they try to be badass boss bitches, they sacrifice family for work because they are so desperate to be like men and it eventually leaves them feeling disappointed and depressed when they’re alone and tired and they realize they should have taken family more seriously. Feminism wants to be the new men of the world yet they don’t want any of the sacrifices, they don’t want to work hard or do the dirty and dangerous jobs and they don’t want to be challenged, they also don’t want to acknowledge the fact that being a man isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 

Thank god we have people who still value and appreciate the rewards of family, marriage, children and stability, as well as law, hard work and education. If feminism or the black community don’t want to take it seriously, we’ll continue to keep the world spinning for them while they continue to try to destroy it and hate us for it.