#crowley deserves to be loved so hard

[ineffable-rohese]

Look, I don't think canon!Aziraphale would constantly use increasingly sappy pet names for Crowley, but that isn't going to stop me from writing it anyway.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Dean being supportive of Sam/Lucifer because from the outside it seems like Sam is into it and Lucifer’s turning over a new leaf when it’s actually Lucifer digging his claws into Sam with every new deal they make (a kiss for some information on a case, an hour in Lucifer’s lap for a weapon to kill something, Lucifer joining him in the shower for someone healed) while Sam has no way out but to keep giving more of himself. And Dean (besties with Crowley) is going “Damn, glad he turned over a new leaf. You know, I’d kill him if he ever hurt you. :)”

[abzania]

I just want my boys to be happy

I want to punt Aziraphale against a wall

[brainwormcity]

It might be an unpopular view but I don't want Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship to have been part of the ineffable plan. I don't want their love for each other to have been just another chess piece on God's board, destined, since their creation to fall in love. They deserve better than that.

If anything, I want their love to be in spite of the plan. For, just like their sense of right and wrong, their emotional growth together to be hard fought and all their own. I love the idea that it flies in the face of what is expected from an angel and a demon.

I don't want them to love each other because they are supposed to. That would be so diminutive. I want Aziraphale to love Crowley because he's Crowley and Crowley to love Aziraphale because he's Aziraphale. Divine plans and prophecies be damned. Being part of the ineffable plan would erase the agency and beauty from it. Their love is theirs.

[actual-changeling]

i crave the emotional catharsis that would come with crowley taking care of his plans, in so much pain but swallowing it down and pretending it's not real, finally having the mental breakdown he deserves.

he's taking care of his plants, a detached look on his face, misting them and making sure they're all healthy and have enough space to grow. after he returned, he stopped talking to them for the most part. they welcomed him back, they had missed him—shax is not the nicest or most interesting company to keep—and now they're worried.

crowley sleeps, paces, mists his plants, gets drunk, and sleeps some more. everything to stop feeling. until he sees a leaf spot on one of them. a tiny imperfection, barely worth a shout, and yet.

a tremor works it way through him, his knees always giving out, and he presses one palm against the wall to keep himself upright. wave after wave of shame, bright and stabbing in the middle of his chest, reminds him why he left.

not good enough.

crowley had tried, someone knows he tried. it's hard to regain a soul, harder yet to shape it into something worth loving, someone worth living for, but he had tried.

his fingers curl around the pot and before he can stop himself he flings it across the room, listening to it shatter. can't even do that right, can he? can't raise fucking plans, can't keep his STUPID mouth shut, can't make him stay because who would want to be stuck with him forever? no one, that's who, and after six thousand years, aziraphale had seemingly reached his blessed limit and taken the first chance to leave.

another plant follows with a scream, dirt and broken stems covering the floor and staining the walls, and then another and another and another until he can fall to his knees amidst the ruins of his life.

clay shards are cutting his palms open as he doubles over, sobs wrecking through him like thunder, and his tears carve clean paths down his dirty hands.

"i tried," he whispers, voice hoarse from yelling, "i'm sorry, i tried."

crowley's wings unfurl with an almost silent gust of air, blacking out the sunlight streaming in. he drags himself to the nearest corner before wrapping his arms and wings around himself, and curling up as tightly as possible.

"i tried," he keeps breathing into feathers and fabric, "i tried, i tried, i tried."

over and over until his voice fails him and then some more. it is almost a lullaby, the words taking whatever is left of his heart and gently rocking it back and forth. crowley falls asleep like that, exhausted and broken and lonely. just as sleep pulls him under, he stops his repetition, his mouth shaping phrase after phrase.

for the very first time since his fall, crowley closes his eyes and prays.

[fellshish]

I understand that. Michael Sheen is attractive but the more I think about Aziraphale, the more he pisses me off because the worst thing he could have said was turning Crowley back into an angel. Crowley hates heaven and doesn’t wanna be an angel. Why does Aziraphale refuse to admit that both heaven and hell suck and why does he say that Crowley is a bad guy when he isn’t one?

Don’t worry, I didn’t think you were calling Michael Sheen unattractive :))

Ok, a lot to unpack here. But i love thinking about good omens so thank you for asking.

First of all, Aziraphale didn’t say Crowley is a bad guy. Crowley said that they asked him back to hell but he’s “not rejoining their team” and he said no. To that aziraphale replied “obviously you said no to hell, you’re the bad guys”. Not the most diplomatic way to say it, he should have said “they’re the bad guys”, but beneath the words is this: he thinks it’s logical crowley said no because he doesn’t think crowley is a right fit for hell. Because crowley is good.

Does he think crowley is right for heaven, then? Not as is — but perhaps as it could be. They could make it better, together. Crowley would be safe there: no longer hated and hunted by heaven or hell. Under aziraphale’s protection. The metatron made it very clear he knew what him and crowley had been up to for all those years, and there was a veiled threat in that, in my opinion.

Now aziraphale & heaven — it’s complicated. Aziraphale doesn’t like thinking about it. He likes living in blissful ignorance enjoying human delights such as books and theater. The last thing he wants to do is work. And over the past 6,000 years he has learned to see shades of grey but he’s also been unable to make real changes. And overall he considers heaven to be better than hell, still. There’s no real alternative.

His choice at the end of season 2, to me, makes a lot of sense. Let’s put it this way. Let’s say you’ve been working for a big charity for the longest time. There are flaws in the company: not everyone who deserves it, is getting help. The charity is being run really badly.

Then, they offer you a new position. You can run the charity. You can change it, but it’ll be hard and you’ll have to give up your current life. Your best friend says: we should just run off together and be happy together. Could you turn your back on the charity? Knowing you could’ve made a difference — or at least tried? That there are people who need help, that aren’t getting it, because you made a selfish choice?

Aziraphale and crowley both have their own flaws in their reasoning, their own motivations. I don’t think aziraphale is more wrong for choosing heaven than crowley is wrong for wanting to be cut off from everything.

The truth is this: the second coming is being put into motion. Aziraphale and crowley are humanity’s only hope.

Aziraphale thinks he can make a difference by influencing heaven. I don’t think he’s mean, or out of character, for that choice.

I do think he should tell crowley he loves him though.

[ineffablyruined]

Chekhov's Contract

Back again for Day 3 of the Nice and Accurate Prophecies event.

How Will Our Hero Cope?

Today, we let's talk about Crowley. Within the span of a few hours, Crowley has gone to Heaven and learned of another plotted End of the World, watched the closest thing he has to an archnemesis (Gabriel) run off with his demon love of a meager four years and suffer no consequences for it, and left his heart shattered on the floor of the bookshop as the love of his life chooses a job promotion over him. He's not doing great. So what is in store for Crowley in Season 3?

It's honestly hard to predict because there is just so much open space to play with. He could do anything and not one of us would be surprised.

Sleep for a century? There's precedent. Get extremely drunk for weeks on end? That's on brand. Go tit for tat and take a leadership position in Hell just to cancel out Aziraphale in Heaven? Seems unlikely, but I also wouldn't be surprised at that level of petty lashing out.

But I did find one thing. At least, I think I did.

There was, I have now convinced myself, a Chekhov's Gun in Season 2 that I haven't seen anyone talking about. (Apologies if you're out there screaming and I just haven't seen it. I did try searching!)

When Beelzebub kidnaps Crowley from the Bentley and takes him to Hell to discuss the Gabriel situation, they make an offer to Crowley that Crowley later accepts. And what is that?

Find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires.

And what does Crowley do in Episode 6? Finds the writing on the box that tells everyone Gabriel is in the fly. He finds Gabriel for Beelzebub.

Just to emphasize that again - Crowley fulfills his side of a verbal contract forged with the Grand Duke of Hell.

He's now owed whatever his heart desires. And as we've seen, Heaven and Hell operate like businesses. Contracts must be fulfilled. (Excuse me while my little lawyer-nerd heart sings over here.)

And we also know that he's aware that Heaven has plans for Armageddon 2.0.

Where he would absolutely deserve to wallow after all the utter bullshit drama he's gone through, I don't believe that's Crowley (no matter how much fun it makes to write in fanfiction). Crowley isn't just going to sit back and watch the world burn.

In the past, when Crowley has wanted to run away, it's only ever been with Aziraphale. Sure, he threatens he's going to head to Alpha Centauri even when Actually rejects the offer, but he doesn't do it.

And now? Running away with Aziraphale isn't an option because he's gone.

Crowley has nothing left to lose. So he's going to throw his entire self into saving the world, with reckless disregard for his own safety.

And he's going to have a blank check from Hell to do it.

[fireflysummers]

Good Omens S2

Okay so.

Excellent Job, Gaiman

Ouch???

I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life. My academic life is my professional life is my artist life. But my personal life? Not so much, outside of vignettes.

But for the past several months, I've been deconstructing a lot of personal baggage and trauma surrounding both family and religion, after leaving the cult I was raised in (mormonism).

It's terrifying to realize that the framework you built your entire self on is false. It's exhausting and painful to deconstruct that framework, to disentangle your identity in the way that won't destroy you.

And it's slow.

Nobody ever tells you how slow it is to heal. You can't control the rate you heal either. You just have to be patient with yourself, and give yourself an environment where that healing can occur safely and naturally.

Anyways.

Good Omens, and its weird tendency to be exactly what I need when I need it.

I first read Good Omens in high school. And honestly, I didn't quite get it, at the time. I only knew it was different from every other book I've ever read, one that didn't treat religion as stupid or trivial, but also one that called out the blatant hypocrisy and control tactics involved. It helped me safely challenge a status quo I hadn't even realized existed.

I first watched Good Omens partway into my Master's Degree. It was everything that I could've hoped for. I understood the book a lot better, but the TV adaptation captured my struggles with mental dissonance, trying to understand and accept the parts of my identity that I was taught God didn't want.

I watch S2 a year into my doctoral program. I'm out of the cult, and it's exhilarating and painful and scary and fun, but I can still feel the scars its hooks left when they were torn out.

I feel like S2 Aziraphale is in about the same place. He's exploring his freedom, but also trying to reorient himself. He's trying to let himself be. He's healing, but his boundaries got overridden due to circumstances out of his control (naked Gabriel). He's been pulled back into the gravity of the abusive system he tried to escape, given a carrot on a stick, and isn't yet healed or strong enough to resist.

On top of that, Aziraphale is still holding onto the hope that the problem was bad individuals, not a corrupted system. He thinks if the leadership is different, things can change. He thinks if he had more authority in the system, he could make things change. And... that's not how it works.

And Crowley. Dear Crowley.

He wants Aziraphale to be farther along in his healing than he is. Honestly, Aziraphale wants it too. But again, you cannot force this kind of healing, even when it results in a loved one making some truly stupid decisions.

Crowley sees the system for what it is. He's already deconstructed that part. But he hasn't really started addressing his own trauma. He's hinged his entire existence on Aziraphale, on being what Aziraphale needs, that he hasn't allowed himself to heal either. And Aziraphale, who is vulnerable and healing, is not able to provide the support that Crowley would need to recover safely.

Which is why them separating is probably the best thing for both of them.

It won't be permanent.

But they don't communicate, and their relationship while delightful and beautiful risks unhealthy codependency that prevents either from really growing or healing.

Anyways, what I really hope to see next season is Aziraphale's realization that the system never had his back. That the system is what's wrong, and that he can't win by playing at respectability politics or gaining a higher status within it.

I want Aziraphale to get angry.

He deserves it. He's tried so hard. He thinks he's lost Crowley over it.

I want him to feel the gut-wrenching despair of realizing how conditional and fleeting the system's version of love is, and I want it to turn into a rage.

But not a destructive rage--the sort of anger that Pratchett ascribes to himself and many of his works. The sort of anger that fueled Discworld and Good Omens. The sort that can be finessed into a weapon and a shield, that can be used to protect the people who truly love you.

For millennia we see Crowley fighting for Aziraphale.

For Season 3, I want to see Aziraphale fighting for his demon.

For him to apologize, without the expectation that Crowley will come back, but because he was wrong and Crowley needs to know it. To not expect forgiveness, not even think he deserves it.

And then for Crowley--who is trying to hide his heart eyes at seeing his avenging angel coming to save him for once, who he can tell immediately has changed, and is finally going Crowley's speed)--for Crowley to give that forgiveness, without strings attached.

[andromeda4004]

Come on, you know you want to find out what's going on here!

For the High Pollen Count! sex pollen themed fic event, I had the absolute pleasure of working with @illustrious-slimeman on a piece set in Kew Gardens' Orchid Festival. Please come feast your eyes on the sexiest, softest artwork, and my story to go with it.

The Flower Bed

(E, 12K) sample below the cut

The fever was forgotten now, drowned out by the absolute, physical, blood-rushing pleasure of fucking.  Love-making?  No, definitely fucking.  Crowley had always thought that, if he ever earned the honour of taking Aziraphale to bed, he would make love to him.  How could he not?  His angel deserved tenderness and rose petals and bubble baths and slow-building sensuality, but it seemed that what the angel wanted, right this moment, was to ride Crowley into the ground so hard they’d both end up with bruises.  What the angel wanted was to groan “harder!” when Crowley was already giving everything he could, and to scratch fingernails down his own chest when somehow they managed to go harder still.

[alle-ni]

My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

[jillianallen14]

Incredibly proud of Crowley and how strong/brave he is in the finale

This is gonna be really long, so if you’re in a rush, here’s a TLDR: Crowley is hella brave for confessing to Aziraphale even after Aziraphale spoke first, especially given Aziraphale’s track record of rejecting him, and I’m so proud of him. I’m also proud of him for standing his ground and not giving in because he usually always does whatever Aziraphale asks eventually. Crowley needs to learn to truly stand on his own two feet in order to have a successful relationship with Aziraphale, and Aziraphale needs to learn how to choose/put Crowley first just as much as Crowley chooses him and puts him first. Basically, in human terms, Crowley currently has an anxious attachment style and Aziraphale has an avoidant one, and they both need to get to healthy attachment styles in order for them to work.   

See how long that tldr was? That’s what you’re in for if you read this whole thing lol. 

Alright, here we go. 

Disclaimer: I love Aziraphale so much, but I think he has a lot of work to do before he’s ready to “deserve” the kind of love Crowley is offering him. I also think he is 100% going to put in that work, though. 

So Crowley’s tried to advance things forward with Aziraphale many times over their thousands of years together, and usually these advances are rejected, though sometimes Aziraphale does come around. He’s the one who suggests the Arrangement (and sort of gets rejected at first). He’s the one who is constantly pushing the idea that the two of them are on their own team. He makes grand gestures, rescues Aziraphale, and he makes a lot of sacrifices. In the 1960′s, he tells Aziraphale that he’ll take him anywhere he wants to go, just to be told, “You go too fast for me, Crowley.” I sort of count this as “run away together” offer #1 because I think that’s what Crowley is subtextually offering here. His second offer of running away together is also rejected during the almost-apocalypse. He suggests Aziraphale stay at his place when Aziraphale’s bookshop burned down and is once again rejected, though not as directly as some of the others. Aziraphale calls their friendship/partnership “fraternizing” in the 1800s. In the bandstand fight scene, Aziraphale tells Crowley, “We’re not friends” and “I don’t even like you.” 

Of course, we as viewers know that Aziraphale says and does most of these things because he’s constantly trying to protect Crowley from Hell’s punishments. We know that Crowley is what Aziraphale loves most in the world, and honestly, Crowley probably knows it, too. But I’m sure that doesn’t stop the constant onslaught of rejection from hurting and from discouraging him from ever really wanting to have The Big Conversation (the “what are we and what do you want us to be” conversation, as it were lol). 

Crowley has been relentlessly chasing Aziraphale for literal thousands of years, and Aziraphale never really gives all of himself to Crowley in return. That’s got to sting, and that’s got to be so disheartening, even though Crowley is definitely aware Aziraphale does love him/care about him. We all give Crowley shit about not communicating properly, but imagine how hard that would be when he gets that kind of a reaction whenever he does try to communicate? It would certainly not make it any easier. 

In addition to the chasing that Crowley does, he is also the one to almost always give in and apologize. We’ve established that Aziraphale says no to many of the requests Crowley makes of him. And yes, often Crowley says no the first time Aziraphale makes requests of him as well, but Crowley usually comes around. And Crowley always apologizes, even when he really shouldn’t have to because Aziraphale was also at fault or, at the very least, they should both be apologizing. We rarely ever see Aziraphale actually apologize for the hurtful shit he says and does to Crowley. Yes, we know from season 2 that Aziraphale has done the apology dance, so we can infer apologies do happen from time to time, but how often do we actually see this? Not often. 

I love Aziraphale to death, but he has a “my way or the highway” mentality, and Crowley gives in like every single time lol. (Because we know Crowley is so in love it’s not even funny and would do pretty much anything to keep Aziraphale around. #Aziraphale fell first but Crowley fell harder (or at least accepted it earlier) #I will die on this hill). 

So now we get to their fight in the finale of season 2. 

Crowley was so ready to confess. Our boy was prepared. He probably sat in that bookshop rehearsing what he was going to say over and over [just thinking about this hurts my heart lol, ouch]. Then Aziraphale comes in and Crowley literally asks Aziraphale if he [Crowley] can talk first, and Aziraphale still interrupts him (lol, Aziraphale, come on). [I really do wonder how that scene would have gone if Aziraphale had let Crowley speak first; fanfic writers, I’m looking at you]

Then Aziraphale proceeds to say Crowley’s worst nightmare lol. We can literally see on Crowley’s face that his heart is already breaking, and I’m sure he knows there’s a good chance he’s about to receive “let’s run off/be together” rejection #3. To be fair, Aziraphale is literally also telling Crowley he wants to be together, but all Crowley seems to be hearing is the “in heaven, as angels” part. So at this point, Crowley can be pretty sure the love of his eternal life is “choosing Heaven” over him once again [we, as viewers, know this isn’t really the case, but Crowley doesn’t]. 

Yet, he interrupts Aziraphale. He makes Aziraphale let him talk, he doesn’t just let himself be talked over or unheard this time, and Crowley proceeds to confess anyway and practically does the Good Omens equivalent of asking Aziraphale to marry him. Like holy shit, y’all. That takes some massive balls. 

Crowley is “rejected” (kinda-sorta; Aziraphale isn’t rejecting Crowley this time, just the “running off” bit, but Crowley sees it as a rejection of him). Fighting ensues. Aziraphale says accidentally hurtful things because he’s just as bad at communicating as Crowley is lol (ie “Nothing lasts forever” instead of saying, “You matter more to me than this bookshop,” which is what he meant). Crowley is literally beyond heartbroken, you can see it all over his face, especially when he puts the sunglasses back on. And yet he still has the courage to kiss Aziraphale? BRO. BROOOOO. I want what Crowley has lol because he’s certifiably insane for having the balls to do that. 

I’ve seen people say that the kiss was the wrong thing for Crowley to do in that moment, but I don’t agree. They were still talking past each other, and Crowley needed to do something to make sure Aziraphale knew exactly what he was offering (marriage). Crowley needed to do that because if he didn’t, there was still going to be ambiguity, which would make their eventual resolution harder in the end. I also think Crowley just wanted to kiss him out of desperation because he thought it would be his last chance and because he wanted to show Aziraphale exactly what he was saying no to, but that’s beside the point. And yes, the kiss broke Aziraphale’s heart, but I truly and genuinely think Aziraphale needed to have his heart broken this time in order for him to grow. 

Then Aziraphale once again says something incredibly hurtful and rejects him again. And what does Crowley do? He doesn’t run away this time, like he usually does. He goes out by the Bentley and stands there and watches Aziraphale. I think he did this partly out of the desire to give Aziraphale one last chance and partly out of a desire to make Aziraphale sit there and look at him as he chooses Heaven again. Balls, man, I tell you. 

And Crowley doesn’t go back to him, and he doesn’t beg him to stay. And he doesn’t give himself up completely to be with this person who can’t accept him as he is. He lets himself be known, and then he holds his ground. He doesn’t let someone fundamentally change him just for love. He doesn’t lose himself to love. 

And this leads me to my next point, which is that this fight needed to happen because both Crowley and Aziraphale have lessons to learn. 

Crowley’s lesson is that he needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet. He needs to learn how to put himself first sometimes so that he doesn’t completely lose himself to Aziraphale. He needs to learn how to say no, to really say no. He needs to learn how to hold his boundaries. He needs to develop an identity outside of Aziraphale and what Aziraphale wants/needs him to be, discover what he wants even when Aziraphale isn’t around. He also needs to learn how to clearly state and ask for what he wants and needs. I think him learning this lesson will also help with his anger issues because the kind of people-pleasing self-effacement that Crowley does for Aziraphale only breeds resentment, which comes out every time they get in an argument. 

And Aziraphale’s lesson is that he needs to learn how to really choose Crowley, not try to change him, not try to pretend he’s something he’s not. He needs to learn how to take Crowley exactly as he is. He needs to learn how to give Crowley as much as Crowley gives him so that their partnership is on more of an equal footing. Essentially, his lesson is the opposite of Crowley’s: where Crowley needs to learn how to not lose himself completely to Aziraphale, Aziraphale needs to learn how to lose himself a little bit to Crowley. I’m not saying Aziraphale is selfish because he’s absolutely not, but I am saying that his sense of individuality is a little too strong and that doesn’t exactly work when you’re trying to have a long-term, committed relationship/partnership with someone because yes, you’re still an individual, but you’re also now part of a unit. And that requires making decisions together and genuinely hearing the other person out. It requires compromising, which Aziraphale is not particularly good at. 

Crowley needs to let go a little bit and Aziraphale needs to hold on a little tighter so that they can meet in the middle. You can see this in almost all of their fights. When things don’t go Aziraphale’s way, he immediately resorts to telling Crowley he can leave. Think of this as the two of them holding on to opposite ends of a taut rope: Crowley pulls a little too hard, and Aziraphale lets the rope loosen, leaving Crowley to fall backwards on his own. Aziraphale needs to learn how to hold onto that rope just a little tighter so that him and Crowley are putting in equal amounts of effort.

And folks, they’re gonna do it. They’re gonna put in the work. They’re gonna learn their lessons. And then they’re going to kiss and make up (preferably with Aziraphale initiating the kissing this time lol, let’s give poor Crowley a rest and let him be chased for once). And then we’re going to get the most beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. But they just have to go through this first. It’ll make their resolution so much more satisfying. 

So Aziraphale, it’s time to do some chasing.  

[ominousflags]

Not to be the person that’s like “this piece of queer media is like x piece of queer media” but—more popular than Good Omens is the Heartstopper franchise, especially among young people. I think in terms of “who is worse: Crowley or Aziraphale” (which to me is a bonkers argument to even have) we can learn a bit from how social realist media (aka Heartstopper) portrays queer love facing barriers.

Part of Nick Nelson’s character development is his realization that even with the best intentions and his deep care for Charlie, he is inadvertently hurting him by keeping their relationship secret and not being ready to come out, which is *still* a valid need of Nick’s, as someone figuring out and coming to terms with his sexuality among an often hostile peer group.

He decides ultimately that whatever his own hang ups are, they aren’t worth the pain it was causing Charlie to be kept a secret. But crucially, the narrative never demonized Nick for having those difficulties in the first place even if his actions seemed from the outside quite uncaring and similar to Charlie’s former abusive relationship with Ben. The narrative allows them both the grace to take that next step together and places the blame not on Charlie for being too sensitive or on Nick for being hesitant to come out right away, but on the outside forces making it hard for them to be openly in love.

So I think the grace the reader and the narrative gave to Nick and Charlie is the same grace that Good Omens is trying to get us to feel for Crowley and Aziraphale. It doesn’t mean they don’t both say and do things that hurt the other, or that they are both perfect examples of emotional maturity (part of the comedy actually comes from how emotionally immature they each are), but that even they deserve the chance to figure it out. The blame shouldn’t be placed on Aziraphale as an abusive partner (because come on) or on Crowley for being a demon or too sensitive or a victim, but the entire show is about how the blame lies with the institutions of Heaven and Hell and how we can read those allegorically as a stand in for the same social barriers facing actual real queer humans today. Idk I’m just like I think it’s pointless to be waging a Crowley vs Aziraphale war when it comes to which character deserves our sympathy and grace because like, the entire point is that they both do. They both deserve the grace they each show humanity and that their respective “offices” never showed them.

[the-bi-fangirl-biatch]

GUYS GUYS I understand why we're angry at aziraphale for the ending ok? i get it, i've been humiliated like that before after baring my heart to someone. i understand that it was unfair to crowley, who risked everything so they could be together, who now has his walls built higher than ever. it hurts, i get it

but do NOT act as if he did it for no reason or that it was out of character.

in my interpretation, aziraphale was doing it to protect crowley. he thinks that if only they were on the "good" side, they'd be safe and have a peaceful existence. it wasn't just aziraphale betraying/leaving crowley solely for a promotion. with that promotion came benefits, and what was his main reason? so that he could make crowley an angel again. it could be because he still can't accept him being evil, but i saw it as him remembering how happy he was to create things. and he just wanted to be with him for all eternity, and in doing so he thinks this is the way to secure it

he is still very much traumatized by heaven. he's been talked down to, dismissed, and mistreated. it's like an abusive parent/partner who you still find yourself going back to no matter how hard it is to stay there. because it's familiar. because deep down, even if you want to run away from it, you still seek their approval. because no matter how much he loves crowley and how crowley loves him, it will not fix it! love does not undo abuse! it will still be there even if they run away together. aziraphale would still have half of his heart in heaven.

and finally: he is inherently good!! it is in his nature to seek the best in people, to love others and forgive despite being mistreated! that's why he still wanted to protect gabriel/jim even if he was mean to aziraphale. it's his fatal flaw, being kind, especially when people don't deserve it. so i can't blame him in trying to fix heaven. it's a rotten system, i get it, but he wanted to make a difference. and he knew that crowley could too, remember all the flashbacks where crowley actually did the right thing? he wants more angels to be like that!

i don't understand why people are saying it's out of character for him. it's completely in character! it's what he would do, especially when he's in this mindset of not being good enough for heaven and also wanting to protect crowley and be together for eternity. if you don't get that, then you don't understand his character at all.

tldr:

1) heaven was a way to protect himself and crowley forever,

2) his love for, and the love from, crowley isn't enought to undo abuse, and

3) he is the most human angel ever, ofc he wants to fix things.

it is totally in character for him. do not bully my baby anymore please and thank you

[aziraphales-library]

Hi, I appreciate all the time you put into this blog and everything that you do.

I was wondering if you had any fic recommendations where Aziraphale can't say "I love you"?

Like, after years of being afraid of Heaven finding out he just has a really hard time saying it? I know it’s oddly specific, but I figured I'd ask. Thank you so much for your time. Have a lovely day. <3

Hello! You can check our #denial of feelings tag for fics along these lines. Here are some where Aziraphale struggles to express his feelings for Crowley...

the one where aziraphale can't say I love you by assbuttsinlove (G)

aziraphale wants to say I love you but he can't. but he really really wants to. so crowley helps. first kisses and fluff. and a touch of angst.

E pesa come l'anima by D20Owlbear (G)

[3 + 2 +1] Three times Aziraphale never began the words, two times he fails to get them out, and one time he finally managed it. I love you hung heavy in Aziraphale's chest like an ornament on a too-small, too-barren tree, dragging down the branches with the weight and intensity of it until it nearly falls and shatters into pieces and rips itself from his lips. But instead he said, "Or I'll never speak to you again!" And that was almost the same, and he knew Crowley heard it too. That Crowley heard I'll never speak to you again and knew it meant I don't dare lose you, I love you. But then the world didn't end and he wasn't shipped off to his platoon and he was with Crowley still, his oldest and best friend in any world there might ever be and… he still couldn't say it. He's had thousands of years to practice beating it down, to keep it to himself, to only let Crowley know of his affection in the most roundabout of ways, and only a few months to unlearn it all. But, Crowley deserved more than that. Aziraphale deserved more than that too!

But The Smoke Clears When You're Around by midnightdragons (T)

“Mhm,” Crowley mumbled, before closing his eyes, curling back up around Aziraphale, and promptly falling back to sleep, one hand hooked loosely around the angel’s middle, his face pressed into his chest. Aziraphale looked down at him, his heart seizing in his chest, and gently hugged him close. “You are silly, my sweet boy,” he whispered breathlessly, sparing a single chaste kiss to the demon’s forehead. “And I . . .” Love you, he wanted to say. Wanted so badly to say it, to reveal it to the world, if only for a single moment.

After the Armageddon that wasn't, Crowley can't rid himself of the trauma caused by a certain event, and shields himself with defensive anger and a mask of irritation. Aziraphale convinces him that it's okay to rest and recover. (Alternatively: purely sleepy intimacy, comfort, and fluff, accompanied by the lingering scent of smoke in a bookshop.)

Definitions of Love by organizechaos (T)

Aziraphale thinks that all the abuse and trauma he endured in heaven is ‘love’. After being freed after the apocalypse, the angel is beyond happy. He wants nothing more than to spend eternity with Crowley but the demon is ready to put a name to their feelings. They both know that they care for each other deeply and when Crowley finally has the courage to put it in words (‘I love you’), it sends Aziraphale spiraling into believing Crowley will start treating him like heaven did. "We- we don't have to pretend anymore.” Crowley stuttered out, golden eyes looking frantically about the angel. His sunglasses were clutched tightly in the palm of his hand, “The apocalypse is over, it has been for years. Can't we- can't we say it now?" his voice wavered only slightly. "I don't love you, Crowley." Aziraphale emphasized each word to better help the demon understand. He had never truly loved something in all his years of existence, he didn’t think he was capable. To love another being — especially Crowley... "I could never love you."

An Angel and a Demon Dined at the Ritz (And Everything Went Downhill from There) by AshCommaMan (T)

Always offering. Always asking a question he must know will only ever get a “no” in response. And yet he asks anyway. “Anywhere you want to go.” You know I would do anything for you. “You go too fast for me, Crowley.” You deserve better than what I can give you. All that, and still, nothing has changed. In which Aziraphale must stop running from his feelings, or risk losing his best friend forever.

- Mod D

[the-fab-fox]

Lmao. Okay so this Twst!AU with @mellosdrawings is so fucking fun and lovely. (Y'all will probably see it some day but Mello is doing so much art—all the art with this and other au's and all da best shit posts—so no idea when the AU will get posted but...

Originally this lil guy, (art by @mellosdrawings)

[Quick OC Intro: Finley "Finn" Tod, 2nd Year Scarabia student, FTM Trans, he/him, fox beastman (cause I'm a fox furry so naturally I had to make him a fox beastman). Actually ray of sunshine who sometimes has cloudy days and is far too self-conscious and needs more confidence because he's actually super amazing and compassionate but to him he's just... him and not anything special unlike his bestie Yuu and their friends. Would give the shirt off his back if someone needed it and always has a kind word for everyone—except Crowley, though he does try to give him the benefit of the doubt but unfortunately the man proves time and time again to be highly incompetent so it's really hard. Plus he's so demanding of Yuu and that makes Finn very upset on Yuu's behalf. But that's a rant for later.]

Was only going to get one boyfriend during the AU. (It's Trey cause he's so in love with Trey it hurts. And Trey loves him back but they are so dumb with love the both of them.)

But anyway. So Mello made a list of all the other ships in the AU and I realized that all of them are ot3's and I was like.

Aww. Finn deserves another boyf too. But who...

Only one character came to mind. XD

Jade. Haha.

Poor Finn. (But also lucky Finn.)

Jade is the one who helps push them together (along with Yuu and the others) because once they are together he just manages to somehow merge his way into their relationship and it's so gradual and slow even Trey doesn't realize it's happened until they are all suddenly dating each other. XD [this is subject to change because Mello has my confidence and free creative liberty on how they get together, so the way Trey/Finn/Jade happens might change.]

Gah I love my OC so much and I love their relationship so much. So fun. But don't let Finn tell you otherwise. He definitely deserves two loving and attentive partners who do everything in their power to make certain Finn knows he's deserving of their love and affections.

Also he's got dark purple hair but his ears and tail are that of a red/orange fox. And ocean blue eyes like me. :D

Similar to my Twitch mascot:

He loves head pats. Especially from his partners, his bestie, and those he looks up to (i.e. Leona, Vil, Jamil if he was willing, Idia if he was willing, Rook, and Riddle. Malleus too.) If you give him head pats this will be him:

Anyway all this to say if you wanna ask me any questions about my OC or their relationship or anything, feel free to shoot me an ask. I'll be confering with Mello on some of them to not give away plot and such but will be so happy to answer what I can.

And if you wanna send in headpats for him, he'll be so pleased. Lol.

If anyone is interested in a full character bio/info sheet of him id be happy to get one written and posted. Just let me know.

But yes, please! My askbox is open! Send in everything you've got! (Pretty please? Don't make me beg. I'll cry.)

[avocado-writing]

i never see any crowley x reader fics where he’s a bottom 🥲🥲

could i request a crowley x reader fic where top!reader pegs crowley ?? it’s what he deserves

notes: sub!crowley like he deserves in this

pairing: crowley x reader

rating: E

“Colour?”

“Unffff— green…!”

“Good boy.”

Crowley likes to be fucked, this much you know to be true. If there were a dictionary definition of “pillow princess” his picture would be in the footnotes for it. He likes to be spread out on his back, slim thighs akimbo; bent over the nearest available surface; folded at the waist over your lap. Any way where he gets your full and undivided attention.

He will take any sample from the smorgasbord of pleasure you offer. His arse or his cock or his cunt, no matter what you touch he’ll get off. Right now he’s splayed out on the bed, practically coquettish in the way he moans and thrusts upwards into your touch, flushed such a deep red you think he might pop a blood vessel. You’re inching the silicone cock between your legs into him very slowly. It’s thick, you’ve had to work up to it over the evening: using bigger and bigger sizes to both prepare and tease him. His hole flowers open under your ministrations and you watch as his body swallows you.

“Fu-uu-ck,” you growl, thrusting forward a little so that your hips fit snugly against his. His mouth opens in a silent orgasmic scream and his cock floods out precome. He’s so hard that he’s bobbing against his own stomach, leaving pearly trails between his slit and the fine hair beneath his navel. 

“Look at that, Crowley. You open up so beautifully for me…”

“Aaah. Please. Please…” he doesn’t seem to know what he’s begging for but does so anyway. His hand reaches up for you and you clasp it in midair, threading your fingers through his and squeezing. Yes. You’re here. You’ll keep him anchored in the moment.

Slowly you begin to undulate your hips. The dildo makes a filthy noise where you’ve made sure it was suitably prepared to slide into him and Crowley chokes. After two thrusts he’s begging. After five he’s a whimpering mess, and after ten he’s totally lost the power of speech. All he can do is lie there and let you fuck him. But the whole time you talk him through it, your voice honeyed and thick, reassuring him you’ll give him exactly what he needs.

“That’s it, gorgeous. Relax. You know I’ll take care of you, don’t you? So fucking good for me, such a pretty little demon… so obedient…”

Crowley paws desperately at your chest, simply unable to vocalise what he wants from you. But you know him well enough now to sense it. You slow down your fucking to a more leisurely pace so that you can reach over, practically bending him in half, and press a kiss to him. His face is sweaty but his lips are needy and searching. He presses his tongue to yours submissively. He wants you to take whatever you want from him - and right now, that’s his third orgasm of the night.

You take his cock in your hand and it only takes a couple of pumps until he’s done, spilling all over himself with such force he splatters onto his chest. He collapses utterly boneless and thoroughly sated, you pull out of him with as much care as you did entering him. He moans and a little more cum dribbles from his softening cock. You unbuckle the strap as you head to the ensuite, grabbing a wet flannel and a glass of water for your lover.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

He manages to nod with enthusiasm, still not quite able to form words. He gulps down the water that you offer him though.

“There we go, handsome,” you mutter. He nuzzles into you affectionately, his breathing slowly stabilising as you clean up the mess.

“Fuck. Needed that,” he eventually croaks out. You chuckle and drop a kiss into his fiery hair.

“Any time you need it, gorgeous.”

“Love you,” as he says that he blushes brighter than when you were several inches inside him.  You hide your grin.

“I love you too.”

Taglist: Taglist: @angiestopit@dazed-soul@foolishprincipalitee@smile-eywa@staygoldsquatchling02@underratedboogeyman@specter-soltare@cool-ontherun-world@emilynissangtr@willbedecided@cool-iguana@this--is--music@ilyatan@lxsm2@clarina04@wtfhasmy-lifecometo@mrgatotortuga@wereallbrokenangels@night-affiliate@kimqueenofhell@chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t@am-i-obsessed---maybe@bakerstreethound@darktealrat@chaospossum@belilwen@rex-ray @hunterispunk