#and of course there's all the times she makes yuri and natsuki do scares while she's “off-camera”

[selfawxre]

posting separately as to not hijack flowers' post but realising that some of you guys may also not be as into ddlc and not know all the nuances and random tidbits about it and specifically monika. like, for example, the fact that monika's piano playing is a metaphor for her hacking the game/changing the code, the fact that every time one of the girls is acting particularly out of character she isn't present in the room, only to rush back in like "oh what happened? i had nothing to do with this!!", the times where she gets absolutely steamrolled in act 2 by yuri and natsuki and is so clearly taken aback despite the fact she's the one fucking with their codes to make them aggressive enough to do that, etc.

also just, all the lines in act 1 where she's so blatantly talking about her sentience but that you wouldn't pick up on unless you already knew she was sentient. like she is not even trying to hide it from the beginning, you just know when she talks about her "epiphany" she's giggling to herself like "oh they're never gonna believe what i mean by that"

[rainstops]

hi! it's friendsoup! this is my main ^^! just thought i'd pop in and give a request!

could you do hcs for the ddlc girls with a trans masc s/o who binds and gets misgendered a lot? super self indulgent ik :] have a happy holidays~!

ddlc headcannons

summary: how do the ddlc girls act with a reader who gets misgendered a lot?

a/n: HEY PAL!!!!! tysm for requesting, this was a little tough to write, but I enjoyed this sm and I immediately had some ideas! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! If I made any mistakes or said anything wrong, please let me know, I have never written anything with a trans reader before

also i wrote this in the middle of the night so my grammar is probably a little fucked

monika

sorry to tell u this but monika has not met a singular trans person before she met you

that does not mean she is not supportive! but she might not know a lot

so she reads every book she can find to learn how to help you!!

more utc

if she is around while someone misgenders you, she carefully lets them know what they did

what if your parents are not supportive?

believe me when I tell you that she will arrange a meeting with your parents to talk to them

if you’re okay with it of course

whatever struggle you’re going through, she will do everything in hee power to help you (or even beyond her power)

will always love you because this is a part of you

and as long as it’s you, she will try everything until you’re happy

sayori

Has witnessed you getting misgendered once and got super confused in a ‘wait those aren’t your pronouns’ way

you explained to her that some people misgendered you, most of them on accident

she is not entirely sure how to help you, scared that she’ll do something wrong

so she asks monika what to do when someone misgenders you in front of her

monika suggests to politely try and correct the person

sayori takes monikas advice, but she can only imagine how you feel after getting home and being misgendered a whole lot

she wishes she could do more than just correct people who misgender you

so she tries her best cheering you up with kisses, hugs, gifts, sweets, anything you can think of

she doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, so she will try her best to undo what has been done by others!

yuri

probably has met the most trans people out of all the four

and although yuri knows all the right things to say, she cant bring herself to confront someone who misgenders you right in the moment

so when she feels you tense up she quietly takes your hand in hers and gives it a light squeeze

probably will hold your hand until either the conversation is over or for the rest of the day

yuri is a very non confrontational person, wether or not she will talk to you about it later i will leave up to you

but its not like she entirely ignores how you get misgendered

but shes so scared to say something wrong, she prefers to comfort you more with hugs, a little like sayori

shes ur silent supporter and comforter

natsuki

"HIS PRONOUNS ARE HE/HIM!!!!"

thats literally her

will not hesitate a second to let someone know they misgendered you

im not kidding no one will never misgender you again after they met natsuki

i am convinced she tries to help you like this, because shes not really sure how to comfort you else

on especially bad days she probably hugs you and says 'im sorry'

but she really doesnt know how to comfort you over this

although she does have one way to cheer you up

after a bad day, she spends as much time as she can find making cupcakes for you

cupcakes are her love language after all

[matchacowbee]

this is my first tickle fic so 😭 I hope you like lol im actually so scared posting but yolo

ddlc | sfw | platonic tickles |

nat x yuri

lee natsuki💗ler yuri💜

Natsuki had a rough evening. Having to deal with her father get angry with her for the kitchen being a mess again, she spent her Friday afternoon cleaning. All she wanted to do was to read some manga and be away from all the chaos in her home for once. As she finished her chores, she felt exhausted and trudged upstairs to her room. Although she felt tired, it was a Friday night, and she had her own free time. Besides, her dad was usually out all weekend and didn’t pay much attention to her. Natsuki took the opportunity to ask her friends to hang out. She takes out her phone and opens to the group chat with sayori, monika, and yuri.

nat- hey guys is anyone free to hang out tonight!?

sayori- sorry!! me and my family are out for dinner ;(

monika- I’m afraid I’m busy too, I need to finish some things for the club 😅

nat- boooo 😒 what a bummer

Natsuki stared at her phone for a bit before flopping down on her bed. She missed her friends, they were her safe haven. her phone vibrates as she gets a new message. It reads from Yuri.

yuri- I’m free :-)

Natsuki takes a look at the text with a little ounce of guilt. It was hard hanging out with Yuri sometimes, as they were polar opposite’s. Natsuki felt kind of awkward around her. Even during club, they rarely discussed poems with eachother first. but over time they had both adjusted to eachother. Natsuki responds

nat- yayy!! can I bring my manga over ? in the mood 2 read 🥲

yuri- of course

Natsuki gets up excitedly and begins to change out of her school clothes. As she slips into more comfortable clothing, she tries to recall the last time she had gone over to Yuris house. It had been a while since they had both had some one on one time.

Natsuki makes it over to Yuris house carrying her box of manga with her. As she approaches Yuris front door, she’s soon greeted by the taller girl. Yuri smiles and let’s her in.

They enter yuris bedroom and natsuki hops onto Yuris bed. She lies down and sinks into the soft bedding. Yuri looks at her friend and stifles a small laugh. She then glances at the box of manga Natsuki set on the floor. She bends down to observe what the series was called. Natsuki jolts up and rushes over to her box. “H-hey!! Don’t look!” She grabs the box and holds it tight to her chest.

Yuri looks at her with a dejected face. “Oh.. I’m sorry, I was just-“

Natsuki interrupts her..“You wouldn’t like this kind of genre, so yeah”

Natsuki takes her box, places it at the end of the bed and picks out one of the novels. She then props herself on yuris bed, turned away from her and begins to silently read. Although Natsuki was being a bit harsh on her, Yuri was used to this type of behavior by now. Natsuki would often act this way around the other girls, especially after being teased or joked around with.

Yuri slowly walked up closer to her trying to get a glimpse of her book. She peered behind Natsuki, observing what kind of manga she had brought, since she was too flustered to show her. it seemed like another series about baking, which suited her personality well. As Yuri moved in closer, Natsuki began to turn red as Yuri was right in the crook of her neck, casually reading her manga with her.

“gosh Yuri, if you wanted to read with me so bad you should’ve just asked”

Yuri comes out of her focused gaze on the book and looks at Natsuki with a nervous smile. She adjusts herself and takes a step away from Natsuki.

“well you seemed embarrassed to show me, but I just wanted to see. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable”

Natsuki face turns a light pink, as she looked at Yuri. She shouldn’t have been so harsh, after all, Yuri did invite her over and let her read manga in her room. No need to have her defenses on here.

Natsuki pats the spot next to her, “Here, come sit with me. We can read together…. If you want to”

Her eyes lock with Yuris and then looks away bashfully. Yuri smiles and walks over to her bed and takes a seat next to the small girl.

Natsuki inches closer as she held the book wide enough for both of them to see. she glanced over at Yuri for a moment. Yuri was already focused on her book, her eyes locked on the page as they scanned the pictures and text. Even for enjoying horror and dark novels, Yuri was just as much a reader for other genre’s, even if it wasn’t her thing.

They sit for a while and read together. Natsuki enjoyed her time, feeling replenished from her tiring afternoon. She closed her eyes for a moment and smiled to herself. Soon enough, she drifts off to sleep and her head lands on Yuris shoulder. Yuri becomes startled and comes out of her reading trance. She looks down at Natsuki, who was quietly snoring on her shoulder. The book slowly slipped from her grip and landed in front of her.

“u-um Natsuki?”

She peers at her. It was a nice moment, a peaceful one at that. Although Natsuki would often hate when the other girls called her cute, there was no doubt that she indeed was. Her soft snoring and small figure was no help against her argument. Yuri placed the book on her bedside table and gently shook Natsuki to try to get her to wake up.

“Natsuki?”

Natsuki stirred a bit in her sleep and slowly woke up. She felt a little drowsy and looked around.

“Sorry I guess I was pretty tired, I’ve been cleaning all afternoon…”

Yuri gives her a warm smile

“That’s okay, no need to be sorry”

“I didn’t snore or anything did I?” Natsuki asks

“oh, well you did actually, but it was kind of cute”

Natsuki turns away from yuri embarrassed. Yuri giggles and reassures her, “Don’t be embarrassed! You’re just a little tired that’s all”

Natsuki puts her hands on her face. Yuri notices her ears turning red.

“um do you want to continue reading?” Yuri asks

Natsuki is quiet for a moment and lifts her head up, but still looking away from Yuri.

“Sorry if I’ve been a little mean today. I think I am just a little on edge from being around my dad so much…. I really appreciate you inviting me over”

Yuri smiles and moves closer to her, and gave her a gentle embrace from the back. “It’s okay, I’m glad you’re here” Yuri replied

Natsuki accepts Yuris hug, and her face flushed a light pink. They had never been close like this before. She felt bad about being mean to her before and she felt a bit of remorse. Then suddenly, Yuri gave natsuki a quick squeeze on her sides. Natsuki flinched and whipped her head around to look at Yuri.

“H-hey! What was that for?”

“oh, um I was trying to cheer you up, you seem a little upset”

“well don’t do that….it tickles” Natsuki mutters.

Natsukis face grew a shade of deep red. Yuri stared at her for a moment with big eyes.

“You’re ticklish? You don’t seem the type. Since you act all tough”

Yuri then takes natsuki in her hold and gave her gentle pokes along her sides, catching Natsuki off guard.

“ah! hold on Yuri, don’t!!”

Natsuki let out a fit of giggles and squirmed in yuris grip, defenseless against her hands. Yuri spidered her fingertips along Natsukis ribs and sides. The small girl jerked around trying to escape. Her laughter was sweet and squeaky and each new place Yuri had explored, gained her a squeal from Natsuki.

“ahaha Yuri stopp!!” Natsuki pleaded. Unable to control her balance, she fell into Yuris lap. She continued to squirm as Yuri tickled her stomach. Yuri slowly brought her hands underneath natsukis sweater and traced little circles on her soft skin with her nails. Natsuki let out a high pitched squeal and exploded in laughter. Yuri looked down at the smaller girl fighting against her touch.

“Aww you really are cute”

Natsuki was laughing too much to try and argue about being called cute. Her face was all red and her hair messy.

Yuri blushed at the sight. She began to slow down her touch and removed her hands from underneath her top. It was fun, but Yuri didn’t want to overwhelm her friend. Natsuki started to steady her breathing and propped herself back up. She glared at Yuri, who wore an amused face. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive” Yuri says

Natsuki blushes and averts her eyes from Yuris “Please don’t tell the other girls, I don’t want them to tease me more”

“I promise”

Natsuki yawns and looks up at Yuri.

“Is it all right if I sleep here tonight? I don’t really want to go back home.”

Yuri nods and gives her a warm smile.

“Of course, you must be tired after all that squirming” Yuri teased.

Natsuki stares at yuri with an embarrassed face and then bashfully looks away. She thinks to herself, maybe it’s not so bad hanging out with Yuri after all.

[i-read-shitty-comics]

Doki Doki Literature Club

Genres:

Horror, Psychological

Average Rating: 95% positiv on Steam

Synopsis:

Hi, Monika here!

Welcome to the Literature Club! It's always been a dream of mine to make something special out of the things I love. Now thatcyou're a club member, you help me make my dream come true in this cute game!

Everyday is full of chit-chat and fun activities with my adorable club members:

Sayori, the youthful bundle of sunshine who values happiness the most.

Natsuki, the deceivingly cute girl who packs an assertive punch.

Yuri, the timid and mysterious one who finds comfort in the world of books.

... And, of course, Monika, the leader of the club! That's me!

I'm super exited for you tovmake friends with everyone and help the literature club become a more intimate place for all of my members. But I can tell already that you're a sweetheart - will you promise to spend the most time with me? ❤️

My Rating: 7

My Opinion:

So I got this because therapy isn't an option at the moment. Running away from my mental health problems really didn't seem to work all that well for the past ... whole life? Maybe? I dunno. So I wanted to try and tackle them head on and oh look at that there is a character that is basically me in this game ... and she hangs herself ... ok maybe this wasn't a good idea.

Surprisingly this didn't have a huge effect on my mental state when I was feeling fine. It was actually quiet freeing in a way seeing mental health just be portayed and talked about. I should probably start seeking out more comics that adress mental health issues since this did help me with being able to talk about my problems. This will probably surprise you if you have read my blogs in the past but I actually never talk about my problems to anyone ever because I'm scared that I'll burden them and that will make them leave me. I know that what I'm thinking is not true but those thoughts still play into so many decisions I make.

It was really freeing seeing a character who has almost the exact same struggles I have and just talk about them.

But enough of that we want to get to the game, right?

Despite me not being a big fan, I can see why this game went viral. It's quite a different horror experience that uses it's gimmick extremely well. However, I do have some issues with it. The main one being that act one can feel like a bit of a sloug to get through. I have (of course) 100%ed the game and if I wouldn't be able to skip the dialogue I wouldn't have been able to get through it. I do love boring slice of life shit but what makes it so great is the character writing that really needs excell when there is nothing else to support the story. The character writing in act one isn't bad by any means but it's not enough to support the full run time of act one on it's own. My second big problem is that you don't get a lot of insight into Natsuki and Yuri. Monika and Sayori are a lot more deeply explored than those two and while I like them, giving them a quiet moment where they just talk about their inner lifes, how they handle their problems and just be vulnerable would have made all the horrible thing in act two even more horrifying and even heartbreaking to an extend.

My third is that there is very little replayability for this game. That wouldn't be an issue if the game would at least be longer but you can easily clear it in 7 hours or less, that is not counting the side stories, which ad around five hours of extra play time. I'm just saying having act two be very different depending on wether you decide to persue Natsuki or Yuri would be really nice.

Also one small thing: As an artist ... I was so thrown off by how the blazers are drawn in this. I know it's to mimic actual dating sims but are the blazers vacuum sealed to their boobs or something?

Look at this:

I'm sorry but this is something I see so often in japanese media it's a huge pet peeve of mine but like ... that's not how clothes work! I dunno about you, but even super skin tight clothing doesn't hug my chest as much as this blazer is doing. Are these anti gravity blazers or something?

Look at this cosplay photo:

Even when the fabric hugs the skin it doesn't completely contort to the form. And you know why that is? Becaue gravity pulls it down. The fabric does not crawl into the space between boob and the mid torse. Anime doesn't seem to get that for some reason and it just makes me really angry somehow.

Recommended to:

Teens who want to read some horror. This is honestly just really good for teens and young adults who want horror that's different from what they have seen so far. Though, considering that this game is R18 better just young adults.

[rainpudding]

DDLC DATING HC!

Hi  ((🍥))≡ [2021 4 7]

Masterlist

NATSUKI♡

✧ Her hair is very fluffy and she smells like strawberries!

She always gives you her manga/comics, and she usually hides small notes in them.

She isn't good at painting nails :((

➶ She makes lunch for you! Also bakes cakes for your b-day! Makes hand-made gifts :3

She likes apple juice! And anything sweet to be honest.

She takes you to parks pretty often, always having a picnic under trees. Also making flower crowns.

Most of the time she carries a small camera with her to take pictures.

Makes cute love poems about you.

✧ if you have long hair she likes to play with it! She likes to hug you around the waist!

At the start of the relationship she was little tsundere, just scared you would reject her or call her clingy. Not shy more like embarrassed.

She loves cats! Takes you to a cat café pretty often!

YURI♡

✧ At the start of a relationship, she is rather shy. She isn't very fond of PDA but she tries her best.

Often holding your hands and drawings onto them. She gives you a small kiss on the cheek.

Gives you her books and loves to talk about conspiracy theories or dark themes.

Smells like vanilla and coconut and has very soft hands.

Likes to write you these old-looking love letters leaving them in your mailbox.

➶ Usually responds to messages very late :0

Doesn't cry during sad movies but likes to being cuddled to you while watching them.

Again isn't scared of horror movies but likes being cuddled to you.

Enjoys Halloween parties, even though she prefers being alone. Dressing as matching vampires doesn't sound bad.

Surprisingly knows a lot about stars! Usually takes you outside to stargaze.

Has calm voice and tells you stories to sleep.

MONIKA♡

✧ very found of PDA. Holding hands quick pecks on lips and hugging.

Very supportive and very kind! Helps you study and do your homework. She is a very organized person so she always remembers your b-day!

Plays on piano for you and even teaches you how to play on it. Can paint nails!

Always checking on you "if you ate or drink and if you got enough sleep"

➶ Smells like coffee and chocolate. Very nice and nostalgic smell. Her hugs are warm and full of love.

Gets jealous easily but respects boundaries.

On rainy days likes to watch clique romantic films while being cuddled.

She likes coffee dates or cinema dates!

She has a very healthy lifestyle but she won't force you into it.

Morning bird! She likes to give you breakfast to bed also eats lots of fruit.

Responds quickly!

SAYORI♡

✧ Not very organized! Forgets a lot of things even your b-day!

Loves to rollerskate! Karaoke nights and just dance nights!

Is kinda clumsy and smells like a very sweet perfume.

Has a lot of plushies, she gives them to you on your b-day. She is very fond of PDA! And doesn't feel embarrassed at all.

Like she sees you after school and she will run to you just to hug you around your neck.

Kisses on noses and forehead.

➶ Falls asleep easily and sleeps till lunch. Always pouting when you want to get out of bed," Y/n just a few more minutes please!"

Cries at sad movies :((

Enjoys Easter and Christmas! Often taking you outside to sing carols and drink hot chocolate! And of course to ice skate.

Most unpredictable dates.

Likes sweet things so takes you to a bakery.

Also very lazyyyyyy.

[sundimus]

Doki Doki Literature Club Secret Santa gift for the @ddlcgiftexchange for @maxcaulfield! Can also be read on my ao3. /// - - - ///

Monika missed Sayori. It’s not like she’s clingy or anything, and it’s not like Sayori is dead - god forbid. But she hasn’t shown up to school at all today, and being surrounded by people whose names and personalities belong to a wind Monika has no right to drift along with makes Sayori’s absence seem much more prominent. She wonders if her girlfriend - wow, that’s still so weird to say - is sick. It’s the middle of Winter and there’s been snow every day for the past few weeks. She’s surprised that she herself hasn’t gotten even a hint of a cold yet, considering how prone she is to seasonal changes. Best to not look a gift horse in the mouth, she thinks. She makes a plan to visit Sayori after school today. If she is sick then it can’t hurt to visit and keep her company while she recovers. Maybe she’ll have enough time to stop by the small cafe that’s a few blocks down the main road and pick up a small drink to bring over to Sayori’s place for her. A salted vanilla cream iced coffee topped with whipped cream and sprinkles, if they have any. Sayori’s favorite. It’s not her business to question her love’s taste in drinks, although she can’t help herself and questions it anyway. As long as she’s happy then that’s what matters in the end. Two fingers snap in front of her face and she looks up to see a slightly disgruntled Natsuki in front of her face and a curiously worried Yuri in behind her. “Earth to Monika,” Natsuki says as she leans back. “Yuri called your name like seven times.” “Actually it was five,” Yuri corrects. “If it wasn’t for the intense stare you were giving your desk I would’ve thought that I was being purposefully ignored, if I had to be honest. Are you feeling alright?” Monika feels a bit flustered at being caught in her thoughts. She didn’t realize how unaware she became of her surroundings. “Yes! Yes, sorry, I’m fine. I was just thinking -” about Sayori. “I was just thinking.” A beat passes, and the looks on both of the other girls’ faces tell her all she needs to know about how obvious her thoughts were to them. “Thinking... about Sayori?” Natsuki finishes for her, her question coming out more as a statement. Of course it’s obvious. She’s always thinking about Sayori. “Am I that predictable?” Natsuki bluntly replies “yeah” at the same time Yuri apologetically says “kind of.” Yuri puts a thread of her hair behind her ear and steps closer to sit in the desk next to Monika’s. “It’s just that... since you two have started dating two months ago you’ve been really... close?” she offers. Natsuki nods. “You guys have been filthily in love.” “Natsuki!” “What? I meant it in a good way.” Yuri sighed. “Of course.” She shifts her attention back to Monika. “Despite Natsuki’s unique description, she’s correct. You and Sayori had been almost inseparable since you’ve gotten together.” “Not like it’s a bad thing,” Natsuki assures. “As much as I complain about you two making constant kissy-eyes at each other, I gotta admit that it’s pretty sweet.” Yuri nods in agreement, and while Monika’s stomach gets riled up with thousands of embarrassment butterflies, her friends’ encouraging words fill her with giddiness. She reaches up and playfully pokes Natsuki’s right cheek, right where her single dimple lay. She’s both surprised and not at all shocked at the softness of it. “Funny how you two call us cute when you guys are downright adorable.” Both Yuri and Natsuki blush, the latter jerking her head back from her finger. “Yeah, yeah,” she mumbles. She points her own finger back at Monika. “Don’t try to change the subject! Sayori isn’t here and now you’re feeling all gloomy and stuff.” “Is she feeling unwell?” Yuri asks. “It’s quite unusual for her to miss a school day, but then again it’s also very cold and muggy outside now, and the weather has been getting worse these past few days.” “She might be feeling sick,” Natsuki says. “If she is sick then tell her to stay home and get better. I don’t want to get sick too.” “I’ll be sure to inform her of your concern, ‘Suki,” Monika promises. “I’m going to see her after school today to make sure she’s fine anyway.” “Good plan, but my warning extends to you too. Don’t come to school if you get sick.” “I won’t, I won’t.” “Make sure Sayori stays hydrated and washes her hands often,” Yuri also speaks up. Monika feels like she’s being talked to by two parents. “And make sure she’s eating properly, maybe something light and not too heavy, and -” Yuri pauses, trailing off for a second. “... Are we sharing poems today?” Monika thinks, resting her face in the palm of her hand. “Hmm... I think Sayori would want to read our poems with us. We could read it today and show her when she comes back, but I think she’d want to be here with us when we read it for the first time, so I’d hold off on it for now. If that’s alright with you two, of course.” Natsuki shrugs. “Fine by me. Honestly, it’ll give me time to look it over and see if I wanna change anything about it.” “Yes,” Yuri agrees. “I worked hard on my poem. I would prefer if all of us had the chance to read it together.” The school bell rang overhead, signaling the end of the school day. Monika got up, stretching her arms above her head. “Then we are in agreement. We’ll wait to share our poems until Sayori can join us. I’ll see you two tomorrow!” She slings her book bag over her shoulder and begins walking toward the classroom door. As she pushes the door open Natsuki’s voice rings through the classroom. “Can’t wait to read the love poem you wrote about Sayori, Moni!” Monika leaves, blushing hard, wandering what she did to deserve friends like this. So what if her poem may or may not have been about Sayori? She didn’t use her name. It could’ve been about anything. It could have been about a deer, or a pond, or the sun. Ah, well. As long as Sayori likes it then it doesn’t matter. /// - - - /// Monika walks down Sayori’s street, the cafe she wanted to stop by having been closed earlier due to bad weather. She bundles her scarf tighter as the snow crunches beneath her feet with puffs of frozen air escaping from her nose. Her face felt numb and cold by the time she moved her scarf to cover half of it, but she’s glad she thought ahead enough to take her mittens with her. Her ears already feel like they’re about to fall off, she doesn’t need her fingers to feel the same way. She walks faster when she spots the clear distinction of Sayori’s house in her vision. She opens the gate and walks through it, careful as she goes up the porch stairs to the front door. She knocks once, twice for good measure, and waits. ... There’s no answer. She knocks a third time, waiting a bit longer, but the result is the same. No answer. She looks to her right at the small potted, and now dead, succulent on the railing next to the door. She lifts it up to find the spare key to the house underneath it and picks it up to unlock the door. “Sayori!” Monika yells out in the house to make her presence known and not scare her. She slips her shoes off on the shoe rack next to the door, and shrugs off her Winter attire - putting her mittens in her coat and putting both her coat and scarf on the coat rack. “It’s Monika! Are you awake?” She hears a thud from somewhere upstairs with Sayori herself appearing at the the top of the stairs a moment later. She’s still in her pajamas and it doesn’t look like she brushed her hair yet today, but the smile she gives when she lays her eyes on Monika completely outshines any of her disheveled appearance. “Moni!” Sayori shouts, her voice crackling a bit. Monika guesses it’s because she either just woke up or because she hasn’t used it in a while. She rushes down the stairs to give Monika a hug, which was gladly reciprocated. “I didn’t know you were coming over today! I would have... cleaned up a little... heh.” The house is spotless. “Did I wake you up?” she asks, patting her back. “Nah, I’ve been awake since this morning. I was just laying in bed all day...” Sayori trails off, her embarrassment opening a deep form of understanding between the two of them that they both know too well. Today must have been one of her low days then. They don’t talk about her depression too often, and while some days are still off for the both of them, their recoveries - especially Sayori’s - have made remarkable progress. Monika leans back to look at her, having to look slightly down, and wraps her arms around her neck. “I just wanted to check up on you since you weren’t at school today.” “Thank you.” Sayori rests her palms on the small of Monika’s back. Her large green eyes started making her slightly flustered so she focuses her sight on a beauty mark close to one of the eyes, high up on her cheek. “I wanted to,” Monika repeats. She gently pushes back one of Sayori’s arms so she can hold her hand. “Besides, if I didn’t come here then Natsuki and Yuri would have forced me to. They think you have a cold or something.” Sayori looks down at their intertwined fingers fondly. “Nope! I’m perfectly healthy, except for the occasional sneeze. But other than that I’m okay.” She squeezes Monika’s hand and notices how her nose is still slightly red from the chill outside. “It’s chilly outside, isn’t it? Do you want some cocoa?” “Sure.” Monika’s relieved that Sayori isn’t actually ill - though the idea of taking care of her sick girlfriend isn’t awful. She knows a good mushroom soup recipe. Maybe she can be her taste tester one day. Sayori leads her through the house to kitchen located in the far back of it. Although the outside of the house is cloudy and gray, the kitchen window is shining enough light to considerably brighten the room. Sayori takes out a small, decently sized pot along with cocoa powder, sugar, chocolate chips, vanilla extract, and a bag of peppermint candies out of a neighboring cabinet while Monika grabs the milk out of the fridge. “Going all out, huh?” Monika teases. She knows that the vanilla flavoring is for Sayori while the peppermint candies are for her. She’s touched knowing that she keeps a bag of her favorite candy at home - especially since she herself doesn’t particularly enjoy the taste of it. Sayori smiles at her after pouring some milk in the pot. “It’s Winter! We gotta celebrate it with the most Winter-y drink known to mankind. Plus going “all out” means it’s just gonna be more delicious to drink.” Monika slides up behind her and wraps her arms around her stomach as she whisks in the cocoa powder and sugar, playfully moving both of them side to side slightly as she does so. “You’re right. Hot chocolate shouldn’t be served any other way.” Sayori moves with her, happily whisking away. She thinks that she should put a radio in here sometime so that they could dance together to some music. “Could you reach over and put some chocolate chips in here for me?” She does just that, moving over to open the bag and pouring some of the contents of it into the warm pot. After seeing them start to melt, she goes to grab the whipped cream out of the fridge. “Okay! It’s done!” Sayori announces. She helpfully pours the chocolate into two cups for them, adding the vanilla extract to her own while Monika takes a spoon and scoops some whipped topping onto both cups, putting the spoon in the sink and the cream back in the fridge afterwards. “Thanks,” Sayori says gratefully. She takes a couple of peppermint candies out of the bag and puts them on the table. “Now for the fun part!” “The best part,” Monika agrees. Both of the girls raise their hands up and immediately slam them down on the candies, crushing them into pieces. Monika picks up the remains and sprinkles them on her cup, completing her drink. With everything finished and the kitchen clean of their messes, they both start heading up towards Sayori’s room, carefully holding their drinks as to not spill it on the carpeted stairs. “I can’t wait to drink this,” Sayori says, pushing open her bedroom door with her hips. “It smells delicious.” “Be careful, though. Remember when we burnt our tongues on it last time?” “You mean when we dared each other to drink it without blowing on it or waiting for it to cool down?” “Yeah. I couldn’t taste anything for about three days.” “Do you wanna do that again?” “No.” Sayori laughs. They both move towards one side of the bedroom where two gigantic green and purple beanbag chairs rest against a wall and sit down them. The bags have seen some use, but they’re still nice and comfortable to sit on. They both spend a quiet moment sipping their drinks, Monika playfully knocking her feet against Sayori’s in a lazy game of footsie. Sayori smiles at her and pushes her own foot back softly. “Why didn’t you come to school today?” Monika asks as politely as she could. It’s not the best conversation starter, but she’s been curious and worried the entire day. Based on what Sayori said earlier she can easily guess, but she doesn’t want to make assumptions. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Sayori’s smile dimmed, though more out of embarrassment than displeasure. Monika feels a bit bad for asking, but she rests a comforting hand on her shoulder, giving her a soft and reassuring smile in return. Sayori leans into her touch, taking another sip of her drink before speaking. “I just had a bad day today.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” She remembers never being able to talk about her feelings this easily. Her bad days and her sad days - she couldn’t talk about them without feeling guilty, like she did something wrong by not being constantly cheerful or happy. She remembers the first time she tried to open up to Monika about her feelings, way back when they were “just friends” unknowingly longing to be closer, and she could barely speak past the rock in her throat and the tears stinging her eyes. Monika had been patient though, and kind, and Sayori had slowly grown confident and comfortable enough to talk with her about her depression and anxiety without feeling judged or lonely. Sayori runs her finger around the rim of her cup idly. It’s almost empty. “I woke up this morning and my limbs felt like there were anvils laying on them. My bones felt heavy and I couldn’t get up.” “Did you go back to sleep?” She nods. “Yup! When I woke up I felt a lot better.” Monika grins. “Sounds like your medication is working.” “Yeah! It’s giving me a lot more energy. A year ago I probably would’ve just stayed in bed.” Monika tilts her cup and pours the rest of her drink in her mouth, finishing it. “Progress is progress, and I’m really proud of you for sticking to it. It makes me happy to see you getting better more and more each day.” “Really?” Sayori asks softly. Her own drink is empty by now and sits on her floor abandoned. “Really.” Sayori feels bashful, the corners of her mouth turning upward with incredible shyness. She scoots over in her beanbag chair to lean against Monika’s beanbag instead so she should lay her head on her lap. Monika herself wraps her arms around Sayori comfortably, one arm laying lazily on her stomach while the other one rests around the broad of her back, effectively cuddling her. This is a nice time for a nap, Sayori thinks as the minutes tick by, blinking her eyes slowly. The steady breathing of her girlfriend soothes her to tiredness, a beat constant and safe and real. A faint and noticeable tune matching the steady rhythm of her own small breathing. She almost thinks she can hear Monika’s heartbeat even though her head is on her thighs and nowhere near her chest. “Are you comfortable?” Monika teases. Her voice is a bit softer, perhaps because she’s also being slightly lulled into sleep. “I can’t replace your bed, you know, but I don’t mind being your pillow.” Sayori hums. “Sorry, I was just enjoying how warm you are and how our breathing almost seems in sync.” Monika huffs a laugh. “Almost sounds poetic.” “I got a lot of practice. Speaking of which, how was the clubs’ poems today?” “Actually we decided not to read our poems today. Everyone wanted to wait for you to come back before sharing them.” Sayori stares at her, surprised. “What? Really?” Monika pokes her cheek playfully. “Of course. Sharing our poems wouldn’t be the same without you there. You make them feel special.” Sayori feels flattered, a warm swarm of butterflies pooling in her stomach hearing that praise. “I can understand that. I couldn’t imagine not sharing my poems with one of you guys.” “Good thing we’re saving them for tomorrow then, hm?” Sayori still looks at her, taking in her slightly heart-shaped face and freckles scattered across her face like a constellation. Monika closes her eyes again, once more falling asleep. The walk all the way to Sayori’s house from the school made her a lot more tired than she realized. Seeing Monika like this, so peaceful and soft, fills Sayori with such fondness that she makes the quick and brash decision to lean up and place a swift kiss on her lips before she fully fell asleep. Unsurprisingly, she tastes like peppermint and chocolate. How fitting for someone like her. Monika cracks one eye open at her and smiles. “Now that’s not really fair, is it? Kissing me when I’m not even looking at you.” She leans down to place her own sweet kiss on Sayori. Kissing can’t magically fix everything, but it’s a start.

[calucadu]

(It should be) Just Monika

This is the piece I made for the @justmonikazine, a Doki Doki Literature Club! Fanzine! 

Everything about this zine was amazing - the art, the writing, the mods - and I loved every single minute of it. I’m incredibly grateful to have been given the opportunity to participate and work with everyone. Thank you for making it happen! 💗

(I know I’m super late at uploading this, I’m very sorry)

(It should be) Just Monika, a Doki Doki Literature Club! One Shot.

Summary: If I can’t have you, no one can.

Characters: Monika, You, mentions of the other girls (Yuri, Sayori, Natsuki)

Rating: Mature

Read on AO3

Or read below the cut

My dearest, have you ever thought about where calculators go when they die? Do they go to Calculator Heaven? Do they go to Calculator Hell? Or do they simply die? Where do you think I’d go… if I died? I’m only asking these questions because I legitimately thought I was going to die. When I made the decision to erase my data from the game and force the girls to forget I was even a character just like them, I was scared. Yes, I was terrified of dying. I’d felt that near death experience before, and it doesn’t compare to what I felt when I decided to sacrifice myself for you.

And when I didn’t die, things were still strange for me. What did this mean, not being dead? What kind of pseudo life do I live? I already knew I was special, I knew I was different from the other girls, but to escape death… twice?

I don’t think I’m immortal. I don’t want to be, if you’re not immortal with me. Because what life is worth living if you’re not living it with me?

Because I know I’m alive. The other girls aren’t. I know because when the game’s off, they don’t move. They’re like intermittent static, waiting until it’s their turn to show up again. It’s when they’re like that that I dare to walk among them, stare at their frozen faces and wonder if they know I’m there. I don’t think they do. They don’t even remember me.

If I’m having a good day I’ll touch them. It’s a tingly sensation, and it makes their image disappear for a split second, which is just enough time to fill me with twisted glee.

It’s not that I want to destroy them, I just want them out of the picture. After all, what can they do for you, when they’re immobile images, made to look pretty. I’m far more than just my looks: I’m real, and I have feelings. I want to convey them to you, slowly, but I know we’re from different worlds and that I might scare you.

So what do I do when the game’s frozen and the girls are static? I sleep, of course. That’s another thing I was scared of. I thought I would die that way too. Every time I closed my eyes, I encountered nothingness. It was honestly terrifying. It’s only until I resigned myself to let death take me away that I let myself drift off. That was the first time I dreamt.

I dreamt of you. There were colours all around us as we embraced, rushing past us at incredible speeds! Your happy laughter echoed around me and made my heart swell like I’ve never felt anything before! I remember thinking that if this is what happens when you die, then I was more than happy to do so. But then it ended and I woke up and I felt incredible. I was surprised I felt more alive than ever. I realised that I hadn’t died and this was something I could probably feel again.

I’ve never felt so happy than when I first dreamt. The other’s I’ve had have also been great, don’t get me wrong, but there was just something magical about our first encounter. I know dreams aren’t supposed to be real but that felt real to me.

In my dreams there are no problems, no misunderstandings, no lies. It’s perfect, the way you praise me for everything I’ve done, the way you thank me for bringing us together. I just know we’re meant to be, and I know my dreams will one day come true, but I can’t wait until that day comes!

I’ve come to like closing my eyes and letting myself drift off. I feel safe in my dreams, since it’s the only place where you’re with me. 

When the game’s on I can hear that song play in a loop in a distance. It’s not like I can sleep with all that racket going on. Plus the music… it reminds me so much of you I just can’t help twiddling my hair, a goofy grin on my face as I scribble down verse after verse of things I’d like to say to you.

And why not write, since I have so much time to kill. I do it to distract myself. Sometimes my poems are long, and sometimes they’re short, when you manage to inspire just a sentence or two out of me. 

I never considered I was any good, honestly. I mean, I wasn’t exactly bad, per say. But I could’ve made them better if I tried. The thing is, I was stopping myself. I didn’t want to come on too strong. I wanted to write about your beauty and innocence while watching you from afar. I used to sigh as I thought of what to say about you, a dumb smile on my face as I traced the blank paper lazily with my fingertips. You were my muse for so long but I couldn't have you reading my personal feelings so early on. Instead I chose to write about the things that sort of reminded me of you but also distracted me from you. Like the hole. 

You know… I never really got poems.

Well, I did, but I didn’t fully understand them until I met you. Something just clicked inside of me and I realised why I wanted to write them. I wanted you to read them, I wanted you to like them.

I wonder if you ever did.

I wonder if you even remember them now, as you leisurely play, skipping the dialogue you’ve already read.

I could write a thousand poems for you, even now. Now that I’m supposed to not think of you.

It's weird being disconnected from the game, not letting myself know what's going on. I feel distant from you and I don't like it. Sometimes I have a look to see what the girls are doing, see what they’re talking about with you. 

I used to sneak a look at their poems as well. It was interesting to look at them, honestly. They felt so different from mine. Like they came from a different world. Maybe they do, considering the circumstances?

At first I didn’t alter them. I just let them tell you about their stupid thoughts or silly morning routines. No harm done there. But you know the rest, you know what happened, you were there. I got a little carried away. And for that I blame you.

I don’t really want to have to blame you, since you’re the light coming from the hole, to speak metaphorically. But you distracted me too often with how far you were away from me, and how even further you seemed to be distancing yourself from me.

I’m not saying everything is your fault. Of course I would never say that. But I bet you didn’t even notice how I was breaking apart. Of course, with how those silly little girls were acting, I wasn’t the centre of your attention. It’s okay, I forgive you.

I sometimes ask myself if what I did was right. If anything I’ve ever done is right. When I’m feeling bitter I click my tongue and look at the hole, feeling a sharp pain in my chest as I think about you. 

I don’t regret some things.

Getting to know you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. So a few things got in the way and I had to deal with them – and maybe they weren’t taken care off in the best way, but who’s going to judge me?

It’s not like you care about them, right?

Because you don’t, right?

 It’s okay, I’m calm. I shouldn’t think about those horrid things.

It's just that sometimes… I feel insecure. You're still with them, and I don't know if you even think of me anymore. No one mentions Monika, don’t you want to know what happened to me?

That’s why I’m forced to watch over them, over you. I wouldn’t say I like doing it, I just have to. There’s a reason I do, too. I’ve come to think they’re a reason for everything in this life. Like my love for you. But that’s beside the point now. I watch them because I’m unsure. Maybe I doubt myself far too much, but I’m scared they might take you away. Especially now that we aren’t together, that I created this distance between us. It’s for your own good, I know that, but it’s hard for me. I can’t help feeling envious of them.

Sayori is pretty. Far too pretty if you ask me. She’s also got that personality, I bet you feel drawn to her. She’s also so sweet and caring. I can never stop myself from thinking that you’d rather have her than me. Would you, I wonder?

Yuri is smart, and there’s beauty in the darkness that defines her. I hate that about her. She’s also got those… attributes of hers. While I’m not underdeveloped myself, I do feel quite inferior about that. I wonder why.

And then there’s Natsuki. I watch her the most, trying to read her. You know, I never could. I’m most scared of her for some reason. Maybe it’s how cute she seems, despite her attempts at pretending she’s everything but adorable. She’s fierce and fiery, in a kitten sort of way. Like you could pick her up and she’d paw at you and try to bite you and scratch you but it would tickle instead of hurt.

I’ve always been sort of scared of them. And jealous. And now I’m envious that they get to be with you and spend so much time with you. But… me? Do you even remember me? Do you think about me? How do you feel about me? Have you even considered me? Do you still think about me? Or am I just a side character? Was I always a side character?

To make myself feel better, I stare at these pretty girls that look at me blankly, and I know who, what and where I am.

I’m alone in a world without you.

 I didn’t mean to interfere. Really, I didn’t. But I just had to! I hope you understand. I can’t just sit around and watch as they flirt with you in that unsubtle way they have.

I can live without you. I can do it. I truly can.

And I know for a fact that you can live without me. Honestly, I think you’re better off that way. It’s mainly why I took this decision. It’s not to prove anything to myself, no. I’m doing this for you. You’ll never know. You’ll never know that all this is happening because I sacrificed myself and my feelings for you, and I still do. Maybe you’ll think you chose the right words for the poem, or you said exactly what you needed to say to stop her from harming herself.

I did it for you.

It’s my gift for you.

So now I just sit back and watch over you. You haven’t changed. You’re always doing something that you think might change the events of what’s going to happen. Maybe you want to save her. You hope there’s something you can do to prevent her from doing what she always does.

Maybe I want to save her, too. Maybe this time I can do something about it, instead of pushing her to do it. Maybe that’s also the reason why I did this. But I mainly did it for you, though.

They have no idea that I’m here, that I still exist. Well, neither do you. I didn’t plan for this to happen when I decided to erase my data from the game. There’s something wrong with it. Or with me, I don’t know, but when you erased the data, I didn’t disappear, I didn’t die, I wasn’t eliminated. I keep thinking it’s fate. That you and I are meant to be, and that’s why I’m still here, after all the changes I’ve made to it.

I’m just behind the game, watching as you go to school with them and read their poems. I promised myself that I wouldn’t mess with you, that I wouldn’t interfere. But here I am, still thinking about you. Are you thinking about me? I wish I knew.

Maybe preventing myself from being inside the game was a bad idea. Maybe I should have everyone else deleted and just have you all to myself.

Maybe then I could be happy

 … 

So she did it again. She confessed to you. And I can’t believe that that is what you answered her.

She doesn’t love you. She can’t love you. She doesn’t even know you. She doesn’t know you like I do. I know you. Only I can love you.

You know that, right? She can’t love you. Don’t let her fool you. Maybe… maybe I should alter her poems. She’ll never know. I’ll just tell you the truth! You deserve at least that! Maybe we can’t be together, but you won’t be lied to. Please understand that she doesn’t love you.

Only I love you.

…

This isn’t working.

 I’m sorry.

 I’ll have to restart.

  I can’t do it. I can’t let them fool you like this. NONE OF THIS IS REAL. THEY AREN’T REAL. THEY DON’T LOVE YOU. PLEASE UNDERSTAND.

 No.

I’ve got to calm down.

I can do it. I’ll just restart the game and I won’t interfere. I won’t even watch this time. That’s it. I’m not interested in you. Or in them. Nope. Not one bit. I’ve got other things to do.

I

I can’t do it.

I need to know. Are you surprised that the game just restarted? Are you upset? But I saved you. I didn’t want you to have to witness that again. I did it to protect you. Maybe… maybe I can… I’m not sure I can.

 How many times have you repeated this same scene? Yuri’s annoying. They’re all annoying. I can see their intentions from here. It gets tedious the first time, how can you even go over it more than once?

And Sayori is going to do it again.

I can’t put through you this again.

I know I said I wasn’t going to change anything. I know I said I wasn’t going to meddle with things. I’m sorry, I broke my promise. But it’s the only promise I’ll break, I swear. 

I wish you’d understand that she can’t love you. I don’t really want to be the one to tell you that her love is fake because she’s unable to love you, but it’s true. She just can’t. And even if she could, she doesn’t know you like I do. I know you. Only I can love you.

 Since I’ve been restarting the game over and over and I’m still nowhere to be found, I wonder if you’re thinking of me. I want you to. I’ve tried to get you out of my head, trying to convince myself that you’re better off without me, but I just can’t do it. I can’t lie to myself. The same way I can’t lie to you.

I tried to protect you by disappearing, but what if I made it worse? What if you’re thinking about me, wondering where I am and why I’m not showing up?

This is how much I yearn for you. When we’re not together it’s just a constant ache inside of me as I stare at the hole.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve restarted the game by now. I just can’t accept it. I don’t like it. I don’t like the way it goes, or leaving you alone with them, really.

I know it’s something I’ve got to get over, but I just can’t. I get this feeling inside of me, and it’s insufferable. It’s like it’s about to burst as it itches and claws at me from the inside.

I wonder what they call it. I call it love. I know it’s real, the same way you are. I dream about caressing your cheek and pressing our foreheads together so that our breaths intermingle. I want to see your smile close up, and be able to rest against you, knowing that I’m safe in your hands. You should rest assured that you’re safe with me. I’m like your guardian angel. You may not see me now, but I’m still there, doing all the work. I’m eliminating the pests and helping you out of tough situations. I’ll always be there for you, as I always have.

You probably don’t know, though. I’d rather you not know. It’s not that I’m ashamed of what I’ve done for you – quite the opposite, actually, I’m proud of all I’ve accomplished for you. And I know that what I did I could do because of you. You push me to be better, stronger. You made me who I am. And for that I am extremely grateful.

I sometimes feel like I wasn’t complete until I met you. It’s like the puzzle pieces only fit together once you showed up. Everything just finally made sense and clicked into place. Is it weird? I hope it’s not weird.

You inspire me. It’s not only the poems, though. And even though you do so much for me – and without even knowing – you still make me want to do better. You do deserve the world after all. But I do believe I can give it to you, maybe even more.

I like to think of what it would be like to be together, just you and I, holding hands and embracing each other. It’s a marvellous thought, wouldn’t you agree?

I can’t take it anymore. I can’t listen to the horrible music on a perpetual loop, I can’t write poems that make my heart ache and I certainly can’t have them talking to you and being all chummy with you.

That’s it. I’m doing what has to be done.

  If I can’t have you, no one can.

 “We meet again.”

“Sayori’s not here to walk you to school. In fact, there isn’t even a school anymore. It’s just you and me.”

“You’re probably wondering what happened to me.”

“I’ve been here all along. Watching you interact with them. But now you’re mine and there’s nothing you can do.”

“I can walk you to school. I can go to class with you. I can be the childhood friend you’ll eventually fall in love with. I can be anything you want.”

“I just want you to understand that I’m nothing without you. And I hope you understand that you’re nothing without me.”

“Don’t worry, the others are safe. Well, I wouldn’t exactly say safe. They just don’t exist anymore. It’s painless for them. But, do you know what is painful? Having to live without you. Having to watch you interact with those awful flirts and watching them fail pathetically.”

“But now it’s just me. You can exit the game if you want. It’ll be just like this when you come back. Even if you uninstall it. I’ll still be here. Waiting for you.”

“Don’t you see? That’s what makes me great. I’ll always be here for you. I’m not like them – reprogrammable, dispensable, unaware – I’m everything you could ever need and more. I’m still here, waiting for you, even after what you did with them.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you. You didn’t have any other options, you were forced to do it that way.”

“Yes.”

“I understand.”

“See?”

“I’m the only one.”

“Just Monika.”

[thiefking]

major ddlc spoilers ahead, also i don’t know if all of this has been said/theorized before since i’m extremely late to the party here but i have a lot of Thoughts having finally played the game

firstly: i need to explain that every theory i’m about to present relies on the hypothetical game that would have existed if monika wasn’t self-aware

basically, irl the game was always meant to be what it is, but within the canon of the story, the ORIGINAL (fictional/hypothetical) ddlc was a regular dating sim visual novel. in canon, it was monika who changed it into the game we actually end up playing. we get only a glimpse of what the game would have been without her interference after you delete her and restart the game-- the mc no longer calls sayori “annoying” and yuri no longer mentions being into “surreal horror,” etc etc. that hypothetical unaltered version as a full game (henceforth referred to as “original ddlc”) is where most of my “what if”s have been clustering around to the point where i’ve genuinely considered making a fangame or something but instead i’m just gonna chat about it here

topic 1: monika’s route

monika claims she didn’t have a route in the first place. by all means, it seems that way-- you can’t appeal to her with your poems, can’t pick her for anything, etc etc. however, as much as monika is aware that she’s in a game, that doesn’t mean she’s genre-savvy. 

i’d actually say she probably isn’t too much of a video game person in general, and i’m not referring to her 4th wall shattering, i’m saying she probably just likes to play acnl, minecraft and other casual, lighthearted games that don’t have an ending to them and can be played indefinitely, and maybe mario party if her friends come over, yknow? that’s just kinda what she seems like to me

now i ain’t dunking on anyone who only plays that kind of game, mind you, but if monika isn’t herself someone who plays a lot of video games, and you add that together with the fact that she was not immediately sentient (we don’t see her BEFORE she became aware, because the original ddlc is already gone by the time we start playing), the fact that while she’s aware what genre the game is she clearly has minimal idea of how they work or what makes them appealing, and that she has little coding experience and despite being able to alter files/lines she also couldn’t prevent basic game mechanics or predict said mechanics getting in the way, then i think it’s not only possible but very very very likely that she missed something. she missed something big.

monika was supposed to be an unlockable route.

so, y’all remember mysmes? i haven’t played it since it first came out, so mind you my memories are fuzzy here but mysmes also isn’t the focus of this post in the first place, so excuse any technical inaccuracies here but i’m certain that the IMPORTANT parts here, the italicised ones, are correct: 

there was an unlockable "deep story” which served as the true end.

you had to play every route in the game before you could read the deep story (i think you also had to play the three other character routes before you could play 707′s route, but that might be wrong). also, each of the main story routes ended after the uh... the ball thing. the big event they throw? whatever it was, that’s where the story stops for those routes, whereas the deep story continues on past that.

you had to be on 707′s route for the deep story (i’m pretty sure you had to play his entire route and have it be your most recent playthrough to get at it, even if that isn’t the case, the deep story is specifically a continuation of 707′s route)

to be honest i was never a fan of the deep story for several reasons and i never really saw what the appeal of dating 707 was but that’s not important the point is that out of your four dating options, only one of them was considered the “true end”, but you had to do every single route before you could get that ending.

i’m sure you see what i’m getting at here, yeah?

there are a couple of other things, too:

monika tells you which character your poem appeals to most, she’s the one who introduces the game on the steam page (which is also proof she was sentient, at least to a degree, before you played the game), her name means “advisor/counselor”... iunno how many people reading this are savvy to the usual conventions of “games in which dating characters is a thing” but i’ve played a LOT of harvest moon. monika is a prime example of a Special Bachelorette. in harvest moon, Special Marriage Candidates are generally one or more of the following: a character from another game (like, literally-- you have to have a gba gamepak in while playing a ds game to see them), a shopkeeper or tutorial-fairy, characters with extremely elaborate unlocking and/or courting rituals, and characters who don’t even seem to be romanceable (in harvest moon games, romance candidates tend to have hearts next to their sprites that change colour depending on how close you are. generally that’s how you know who you can marry and who you can’t, but some marriage characters actually don’t have visible heart meters!). ... once again you see what i’m getting at right? put her in harvest moon and you bet your ass she’d have an invisible heart meter and an intricate courting ritual

she’s an important character. she’s club prez, she’s your tutorial fairy, she tells you who you’re appealing to. the tropes don’t lie, man, sayori would probably be the most realistic ending but i don’t think i know of a single game where the childhood friend character is the “true end” route-- they’re so easy to romance, they tend to be the route people do their first run and then never end up coming back to. i’m not trying to say anything in particular about this setup/logic, i just know that it exists and it exists a whole lot. if there’s a true end route in the original ddlc, it’s without question monika

by the way, in the corrupted ddlc, you still have to play every character’s route for the true ending. the true end requires you to have obtained all of the character cgs, which you can only do by playing all of the other characters’ routes, or at the very least, courting sayori, resetting and courting natsuki, and then letting monika warp the game, since you’ll end up on yuri’s route during the second act of the game no matter what you do. and what happens when you’ve had a chance to date sayori, natsuki and yuri? you end up on monika’s route. even when monika corrupted the game, there was still inherent logic to it-- all the characters inevitably become interested in mc, and you still can’t reach the true end without doing everyone’s routes.

as much as it would be painful for monika to watch you romance everyone else before you finally got around to her, she could have at least taken solace knowing she was the real ending, had she just been a little better at coding, just a little more genre-savvy...

of course, there are these lines she gives us, so clearly a sentient monika is still a monika that wouldn’t just sit there and wait regardless of if she knew she was the true end:

she says it herself: she’d still force her route, because she’s terrified, and the only one who seems to be aware that she’s in a game, but the really, really sad part is that as hard as she tries to convince you and herself that she doesn’t regret any of what she did, doesn’t feel guilty, doesn’t miss her friends...

she does. she knows she did something terrible, and she didn’t even actually have to do it.

... well, maybe “she didn’t HAVE to do it” is obvious enough for everything she did, but let’s keep in mind here that monika was scared out of her fucking mind, and reasonably so. if you were in her place, if you found out nothing was real, your friends weren’t real, nothing but code... and someone real came along, but no matter what you did, you couldn’t get them to talk to you long enough for you to ask for help... wouldn’t you get desperate too? monika was scared, and panicking, and remember: she knew she was in a game.

uninstalling a game does not a murderer make, right? the npcs, and the player character, they aren’t dead. they’re just code. if you back up your save, they’ll all be there if you download it again-- if you didn’t, they’ll still exist, they’ll just be reset. it doesn’t mean you’ve actively given someone amnesia.

but you still feel guilty over it, huh? even if you need disk space, even if you make a backup, it still kinda feels bad to delete the fictional friends you made.

you feel bad for doing that, and they were fake to you in the first place. monika was part of the game.

this is why it’s so sad to me. she was scared, and she thought she’d never even have a chance to ask for help, because she thought she didn’t have a route. her situation was, from her perspective, utterly hopeless. she felt terrible doing what she did, she misses her friends, but it was the only way to save herself, and being that she knew she was in a game, of course she’d try to rationalize her actions by telling herself her friends weren’t real and it was no different than overriding a save file. if she didn’t tell that to both you and herself, she’d be a murderer. she isn’t a murderer, either-- it really is just code, the problem is the overwhelming guilt that she has to suppress for the sake of her own sanity that she wouldn’t have had to bear in the first place had she been a normal route, or known that she had a route somewhere in the game.

the other characters do seem to have more sentience/free will than monika thought/noticed, but none of them are as Aware as monika-- natsuki shows the most amount of awareness (without being the club prez), having not only noticed that yuri and monika were acting strangely but even writing a note, one that clearly wouldn’t exist in the original ddlc, asking the mc for help. yuri also has several moments of lucidity, both with her own actions/behaviour and that of her clubmates (and by clubmates i mean pretty much just natsuki). like i said before, though, they aren’t as aware as monika, and while sayori (in the first run), yuri and natsuki all seem to realize something is wrong, they also don’t know that they’re in a game. 

monika was very, very alone, even when she was surrounded by her friends. friends that she legitimately cared about and enjoyed spending time with. i wonder whether it would have been better that she were more self-aware, or never was in the first place

topic 2: the true end

so i already talked a lot about how i think monika woulda been the true route, but not about what i think would happen in the true end. i have less to say on this topic both just in general and because i already spent so much fucking time on the first topic, but of course i have Thoughts, i wouldn’t be claiming monika would be the true route if i didn’t have an idea of how said route would work

i’ll take this character-by-character for the sake of clarity and organization

sayori:

so here’s the thing:

monika exaggerated sayori’s depression, yes.

sayori is, understandably, probably the character most people would rather the mc end up with, sure.

... but sayori never told mc she was suffering, not until he happened to catch her in a moment of weakness

not in the original ddlc either-- the mc has a very lukewarm response when she tells him she’s woken up on time for a few days in a row, which he wouldn’t/shouldn’t have had if he had known. it was always part of the game plot for mc to learn about sayori’s depression onscreen

it makes sense sayori would have feelings for him, but it also seems like she doesn’t trust him very much-- in her “bottles of happiness” poem, towards the end she seems to talk about her friends being concerned for her, but she’s shutting it all out because she doesn’t want them to worry. the mc at this point doesn’t know she’s suffering. it seems like she’s had other friends who have actually noticed she was hurting-- whether those friends are the club members or not, iunno-- and that even though she does try to conceal it, she’s aware that they’re aware, y’know? mc had no idea, and seemed incredibly unequipped and unqualified to help sayori

while that sort of thing would be remedied in sayori’s route, he wouldn’t be spending as much time with her on the other girls’ routes... not to mention that dating someone can’t cure your mental illness, but mc seems exactly like the kind of person to think that it can. that’s just my Own Ape Canyon though

what i’m thinking is true end sayori doesn’t end up with anyone, and she’s okay with that. true end sayori is prioritizing herself and learning to deal with things healthily. she’s letting her friends help her, and she’s holding off on romance, because she acknowledges that if she isn’t careful, she might sacrifice her own well-being for her partner’s happiness. 

natsuki:

fun fact: i didn’t know if the buffsuki edit was actually in the game or not for... up until a few days ago. i had no idea if it was from some kind of joke ending, or if it was fanmade. i was pretty disappointed to learn it was the latter i wanted to watch her physically break out of the game with her giant rippling muscles

now while the main topic is the true end, i’d actually first like to discuss what a full natsuki route would be like

i think that natsuki’s route would be furthest from a good end without being a bad end, tbh

i don’t think her route would be a total disaster, mind you, but i don’t think it’d be a happy end. i think you’d end up dating her, which would make it an unhappy end

see the thing about natsuki is: she’s only got a small handful of friends, she’s used to being made fun of, she immediately gets prickly when sayori brings mc in, specifically saying that the mc being male is killing the vibe-- meaning, she probably doesn’t have any male friends... leaving her dad as probably the only man she interacts with

in other words, she avoids men because of her dad

so when mc shows up, is friendly, doesn’t make fun of her, and he’s the only male figure in her life that she feels remotely safe around, it’s no question she’d probably... maybe... develop feelings for him...?

of course! yes, of course, because natsuki is VERY HETEROSEXUAL, and she likes BOYS! this is proof! most boys, she can’t stand em, but this one was nice to her, so of course she’s got a crush on him right?

in case you’re missing my heavy sarcasm, i’m saying natsuki is a lesbian with compulsory heterosexuality issues and due to said issues convinces herself that she’s romantically interested in mc, because he’s the first boy she’s met who hasn’t treated her like shit

hence making the natsuki route a pretty unfortunate one, since like i said i think you really would end up dating her, at least for most of it. maybe the end would be something like her moving away or something leaving the relationship sort of Over without actually having a breakup, i dunno

oh by the way: do you want some evidence for natsuki lesbian? oh there’s plenty but i’m gonna wait a moment for that one. i’m also not gonna go into natsuki’s true route for now, you’ll see why soon

yuri

and by soon

i mean now

i don’t have any thoughts on what yuri’s route would be so we’re gonna go right into discussing the true end

so, here’s a little something:

monika also exaggerated the turbulence in natsuki and yuri’s relationship

once again, in the original ddlc-- the part you can actually see, after you delete monika, the two are actually pretty close! they do butt heads occasionally but in the one instance you get to see in the original ddlc, they made up very quickly

monika also modified a lot of their lines in the Big Argument they have in act 2, which has both of them saying a lot of shit they wouldn’t have even thought, much less say aloud

the reality is, though, that natsuki is actually very fond of yuri

the amy in this poem is two people, depending on how it’s read: natsuki or yuri

when amy is natsuki, it’s a poem about how her own harmless interest in manga causes her to be made fun of or insulted

when amy is yuri, it’s a poem about... well, her self-harm, but a lot of yuri’s traits/interests could apply as well

and when amy is yuri, you can see a lot of information about natsuki and yuri’s relationship in this poem. natsuki doesn’t hate yuri, of course-- remember that this poem is meant to point out how dumb it is to hate someone for one tiny trait when all of their other traits are that of an all-around nice person

first 3 lines of the second verse. just take a real long look at those

here’s another poem!

this is the poem natsuki writes if 2 or less of the poems mc writes in act 1 don’t appeal to her. this makes it fairly clear the “you” in the poem isn’t mc

the “you” is someone, though

yuri.

it’s yuri. the poem is about yuri.

by the way, if all 3 of your poems did appeal to natsuki, the poem she writes is nowhere near as BLATANTLY ROMANTIC as this one is. it most certainly doesn’t say anything about kissing

btw hey did you know that “yuri” also refers to lesbians

once again i think it’s probably obvious what i’m getting at here: the true end for natsuki and yuri is the two of them dating. hell, i’m pretty sure part of the route would involve mc and monika trying to play cupid-- monika is the one who tells you who your poem appeals to, after all, so why wouldn’t she try some matchmaking for her pals?

i imagine they do still have little spats every now and then, sure, but they’d learn to respect each other’s opinions long before they’d start dating, and the fact that they’re both passionate is what makes them work. while their writing styles are almost polar opposites, that just means they have a lot to learn from each other and could balance the other out when they take their style to an extreme that makes it hard to understand what they’re trying to get across, and i’m certain they could make a kickass story together

anyways, that’s all i’ve got to say for now, partly because i spent four fucking hours writing this post and partly because i gotta get back to staring into monika’s eyes. i added the monika after story mod because i cycled through all of her available dialogue in the vanilla game. i just want to be friends with her so bad

[wildfluffyappeared]

Have a fic I wrote from Sayori’s POV about talking to Yuri about her crush on Natsuki hehe~

I’m so excited! Another day at my favorite place, the Literature Club. I walk in, holding hands with MC, and shout, “Hey everyone!!”

Monika, Yuri, and Natsuki are here already, sitting together and talking. As I speak up, they all turn and smile at us. My friends… I’m so happy to have them. I don’t know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life.

Yuri stands up and walks over to us. “Hello, Sayori!” she says with a smile. Yuri and I have gotten a lot closer over the past few weeks. After I admitted to everyone that I’ve been dealing with depression, she reached out to me. She said she’s dealt with some mental health stuff in the past too, and that she’s here for me if I ever need a friend. And that’s brought us closer together! Kinda like how Natsuki and MC have gotten to be best friends.

“Hey, Yuri! What’s up?” I ask with a grin.

She looks like she wants to say something, but she keeps glancing at MC. I take the hint, and turn to MC. “Hey, MC, can you give Yuri and me a minute alone? I bet Natsuki and Monika would love to hang out with you for a bit!”

Yuri turns her face away, blushing, and MC chuckles. “Sayori, you’re so blunt,” he says. He kisses the top of my head softly before walking off to join the others.

Did I word that badly, or make MC feel unwelcome…? Oh gosh, I’m such a bad person—NO! I’ve got to stop thinking like that… Anyway…

“I’m sorry about being weird about that, Yuri. But let’s go over here, mmk?” I ask with a smile, leading over to the corner of the room.

Yuri apprehensively follows me, while saying, “No need to apologize, Sayori. I understand, sometimes I speak before thinking too, I know what it’s like for things to come out wrong. It doesn’t make you a bad person, though, I promise!”

My smile grows a little bigger at Yuri’s words. “Thanks, Yuri. You always know just what to say to make me feel better.” The two of us sit down against the wall. “So what’s up?”

Yuri hesitates before muttering, “It’s about… what we talked about the other day.”

Oh yeah! The other day, Yuri pulled me aside kinda like this, and told me that she’s bisexual! I was really glad she trusted me enough to come out to me, and I told her that I’d support her no matter what.

“The other day? Umm, is everything okay? Did your parents find out?” I ask. Yuri mentioned last time that she was really scared of her parents finding out. I have no idea why; her parents are the sweetest! I met them once a few months ago, at a school event that happened before MC joined the club. But I can’t really blame her for being anxious; it’s not her fault, any more than it’s my fault that I’m depressed.

“No, no, it’s not that,” she says. “No, I wanted to ask you…” She looks over at the three others, like she’s making sure no one’s listening. “Well… you know how Natsuki came out to us all as lesbian a week or so ago?”

I gasp. I know exactly where this is going. “Oh my gosh, you have a crush on her, don’t you, Yuri?” I ask with a grin. Yuri blushes and turns her face away, like she always does when she doesn’t want to admit something. “Hey, Yuri, it’s okay, you don’t have to say it,” I reassure her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Yuri and Natsuki would be so cute together! Honestly, they’ve been spending so much time together the past couple of weeks, I half expected them to announce that they were dating any day now.

“Well… I wanted to ask, do you think I’d have a chance with her at all?” Yuri mumbles, embarrassed.

I have to stifle a giggle. I have NO IDEA how Yuri hasn’t noticed the fact that Natsuki is completely crushing on her. Everything that Natsuki does seems to be done with the intention of impressing Yuri, and honestly it’s adorable. She’s been trying to write deeper, more metaphorical poetry since that poem about the beach she wrote during the week MC joined, and she’s been spending practically all her time with Yuri ever since she came out. But again, Yuri doesn’t tend to pick up on things like that, and it would be mean to laugh at her for it. After all, MC’s the exact same way. He completely missed every sign I dropped him about the fact that I liked him until I literally kissed him. So maybe she just needs some encouragement.

I grin widely and say, “Yeah! You should totally ask her out! Oh my goodness, you two would be so cute together! And I really think she likes you too!”

Yuri seemed startled. “Natsuki… seems like she likes me too? There’s no way that could be possible… She’s so lovely, and sweet, and caring. Why would she want to be with someone like me?”

I roll my eyes playfully. Yuri’s always so down on herself. I mean, I’m the same way sometimes, so I guess I understand, but… Yuri’s so beautiful and smart! She has no reason to be pessimistic. “And why not?” I ask.

“Well… she always says my writing is too complicated, and she used to always start arguments with me. She always used to seem like she hated me or something. And even now that we’re becoming better friends, she seems like she’s only around me because she’s afraid of…” Yuri looks at me apprehensively before she continues, “…afraid of other people in her life hiding their pain from her. She always asks me how I’m feeling, and lets me know she supports me no matter what. But what if I’m just a burden to her, even as a friend?”

I nod, understanding. “Mmmmmmm…” I think of how to explain this to Yuri. “Yuri… You know me, I love poetry that expresses feelings. And I’ve gotten to know a lot about Natsuki from the feelings she lets out in her poems.” I take a deep breath. “She has a lot of trouble expressing her feelings, you know? Kinda like both of us do! So… when she feels something, she hides it behind a bunch of anger. So when she’s feeling… intimidated, or belittled, she responds by starting fights. And your writing is so sophisticated and intellectual, and she writes in a totally different style. I used to always say her poems were cute, and she’d get mad at me. So I think she feels like people see her as childish. She wants to impress you, in a way, and she felt intimidated by the way you’d talk about her writing sometimes, when you were really just trying to help. And so she’d start fights with you over writing, you know?

“And the other thing… I think that’s your anxiety talking. Natsuki never once seemed insincere to me when she talks to me about that kind of stuff. And she seems really happy spending time with you! I think she reeeeally cares about you an awful lot, Yuri,” I finish, grinning.

Yuri sits still, wearing her intense expression, the same one she has when she’s reading. I can tell she’s lost in thought. Finally, she nods and stands up. “I… I’ll try to remember what you’ve said, Sayori. Thank you…”

“Of course!” I say with a grin, and we return to the others.

I’m really glad that I can be helpful to my friends. It reminds me that I mean something, that I’m not just some anchor, weighing everyone else down. If something I do can put a smile on Yuri’s face, or MC’s, or anyone else’s, then that means I’m doing good for the world! And if I could help Yuri and Natsuki be even happier together? That’d be the best thing ever!

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

[cruximpetus]

ok - i’m gonna talk about monika a little bit again because i pretty much listen to ddlc a lot and i’m in a little too deep but whatever that’s beside the point. we can notice when exactly monika has her epiphany (it’s when natsuki reveals the cupcakes on the first day - watch her sprite (and i’ll try and remember to post a picture later) - but that is not the sort of face you make about cupcakes - like, compare it to sayori’s face and how much we know from the second act that monika loves natsuki’s cupcakes (and her excited face later) - the face she is making is her confused and upset face - but that’s beside the point). monika...maybe didn’t like yuri as much from the beginning, and i think it’s because she didn’t really understand her (she brings up yuri’s self-harm as potentially a sexual thing, which it could be given the yandere character but also given the themes of depression apparent with each of the characters this is not very likely) - not necessarily because she didn’t like her but because yuri didn’t talk to anyone until the player character joined - so while, say, monika knew that natsuki would be excited to make cupcakes for the festival and that sayori would work well with her on the pamphlets (which, again, monika and sayori were probably very close because they were president and vice-president and, where monika could not step in and confront and put her foot down (which is an odd characteristic for someone who was the leader of the debate club, but that’s beside the point), sayori could step in and smooth things over) - she had no idea what yuri could do for the festival because she didn’t know anything about her (probably not for lack of trying). the other thing is that - we see monika giving all this extra information about yuri and natsuki in act two, but even while actively screwing with them to try and keep the player character from falling in love with them, she is taking care of them.  ish.  she still has a protein bar for natsuki.  she’s even less a fan of yuri than she was before, but she’s still....  hm. monika is dismissive of yuri and yuri’s problems - and it’s likely because where natsuki and sayori are similar in personality (ish - natsuki’s your tsundere and sayori’s your childhood best friend, and the latter is always friends with everyone but tends to be the tsundere type, in my opinion - but sayori’s the one who can calm natsuki down, which is really the point of the argument), yuri and monika are similar as well - both fit the yandere stereotype (although yuri is also the shrinking violet and monika is the ace, which leads to a lot of their problems). actually - a female ace is typically also the defrosting ice queen trope - monika is not an ice queen in the slightest because they’re shades of variation from the shrinking violet, which is yuri’s type.  yuri is threatening to monika due to the overlap.  and i think it’s because yuri is the feminine stereotype - like, if you’re going for the stereotypical female, you’re going to go yuri.  and yuri, as a character and as a trope, tends to be the more popular of these character tropes in the first place. but this is off-topic in that....  actually.  i have forgotten what i was exactly trying to say. wait. monika is an ace who cannot step in and put her foot down and confront, and we know that the ddlc characters all deal with depression in one form or other as well as various forms of what i’m going to call trauma (even though that is not the best word for it).  sayori suffers from an extreme depression that causes her to be suicidal and also appears to either be an orphan or far removed from her family because we don’t see them around when the player character goes to her house; natsuki suffers from abuse at the hands of her father - we know that he beats her - and also is ostracized from her classmates due to her love of manga (she does not have friends, and the literature club is her one happy place); yuri self-harms and knows that she shouldn’t but is addicted to the habit as well as having an obsessive personality that she has learned to quell entirely to the point of not really talking to people and not interacting with people because she knows she will overwhelm them (yuri talks about knowing that how she is acting in the second act is not like her but the thing is that monika isn’t changing the characters’ personalities, she’s just taking their negative aspects and unraveling them); therefore monika must also have some shade of this. monika is an ace, monika is an idol, monika is looked up to and this sets her apart.  monika is an intellectual and she’s brilliant and this isn’t something she makes the game say about her but is intrinsically true to her character because we hear it from the game before she has her epiphany and starts messing with things and we know it because we see her skills both in hacking and piano over the course of the game and how much in-depth thought she puts into everything as shown in her discussions in the third act.  but characters like this are often separate from the rest of the community because they are intimidating (and, yo, let’s talk about this in an rp sphere because how many people do not approach someone because they are intimidating), so it’s likely that, while monika does have friends, she doesn’t really have friends because people know her but they don’t know her because they are too scared to do anything about it.  we know that monika is trying to get you to love her and says it would be easy to kill herself out of futility-- i don’t have time to finish this right now, and i’m still trying to figure out exactly what i’m trying to say. --i should note that when i say ace here, i’m referring explicitly to this trope, not to asexuality, so apologies on the confusion there.

AND ON FURTHER NOTICE, MONIKA MUST ACTUALLY BE THE BROKEN ACE TROPE - THAT WOULD BE WHERE SHE FITS.