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#and plus can we stop acting like as soon as a character is gay (headcanon or not) thats ALL the character is
eddiethehunted · 7 years
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hmm
#salty tags ahead:#listen...... i love the gay!keith headcanon a lot like... usually i hc him as gay too#BUT#i hate seeing ‘hes too gay to function :3’ like#i know... often its like just a joke like i know i do it a lot ill be like wow im too FUCKING gay to do this#or see a cute girl and completely shut down#i just kinda hate seeing that with keith idk it just doesnt suit his character#and plus can we stop acting like as soon as a character is gay (headcanon or not) thats ALL the character is#i see a LOT of posts that are like#lance: breathes#keith: oml imtoo gay for this 😩 jesus take the wheel😩😛#which is like. all fun and games as a joke#but some ppl genuinely like. lmao believe that#and actively perpetuate it???#i just find it insulting to gay ppl or lgbt ppl in general#irl if you redhce someone to only their sexuality its ugly and uhhh extremely fucking rude lmao??#but as soon as its a character its okay?#like no its not lol#keith could be confirmed bi/gay/ pan whatever and a good potion of the fandom would reduce him entirely to tht#portion*#and thats jsut..... really gross and dehumanizing lmao#Some People in this fandom.. you know the ones... are rly guilty of this with. any chatacter they hc as lgbt its :///#like idk a lot of the time its like theyre hcing w character as lgbt just to look woke but then thy go and completely erase the character#‘s entire personality and suddenly all they are is Gay. or Trans. or Bi. they arent people theyre just the token lgbt™️ suddenly#and ofc theres nothing wrong wifh those headcanons ifs when ppl make jt out as if the characters ONLY trait is being lgbt#idk im just tired of seeing that. it makes me feel like. yall dont see us as people lmao#salt /
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kaypeace21 · 4 years
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i’m a survivor too, and i found that certain scenes/stuff will said just really struck me as ‘csa-survivor’-like? i felt a bit uncomfortable about headcanoning it happening to someone else, especially for a fandom as wild as this one, but your metas have really been a comfort to me because they’ve been able to pick out and explain things that i couldn’t necessarily find the words for myself.
and yeah, i would love to have a character like me that is powerful and who finds love and who gets a happy ending. the people who call the theory disgusting always kinda hit wrong with me because although csa is a difficult subject, we shouldn’t be ashamed about sharing it. they sound like they’re trying to say that it’s a bad topic to talk about and implying that it can’t happen to kids, which uhhhhh-
(i’m sure that’s not what they mean, precisely, but it’s still what they sound like, and i wish that they would stop implying that we can’t exist, especially in popular media. we do, and i’m not gonna pretend we don’t, and if they feel uncomfortable with the topic they can just use the block button. we deserve to have some well written representation just as much as anyone else. also, i really really hope that will gets a happy ending.)
anywayyyy i love your theories and i can see your post in the tag so i think you’re fine?? have a good day ❤️❤️❤️
SORRY, this ask took so long to respond to. It always warms my heart to hear other survivors speak and say they found comfort in my theory.
Yes, I think I and a lot of c*a/r*pe victims (subconscious or otherwise) were triggered by some of the symbolism/visuals in s1-3. And s3 made it hard for most of us to ignore the past imagery- since s3 wasn’t as subtle.
I get why people have reservations about the theory. But the debates to the contrary are usually just plain offensive. Or people trying to be respectful but being the opposite. There’s the obvious bad-apples . I got many anons after part 1 of my DID theory saying it “ruined/tainted byler”, and “if that happened to Will i’ll stop shipping byler” , or that it  “ruins the best gay character” ,  and to “remove the post immediately”. And this was when I was open about being a gay c*a victim. I obviously blocked them. Many survivors don’t come forward because they’re afraid people will see them as “tainted”, “ruined”, “ just their trauma”, or blame them for what happened. So yeah, it pisses me off when people say similar stuff about Will (and thus other c*a victims). Not even diving into the messed up psychology about byler/mileven shippers (knowing i was a lesbian c*a victim) but purposely spreading bs rumors about me being a p*do that was into Will/Noah-all because of the theory. -_-
Then there’s the people who try to be “respectful” but literally do the opposite.
I’ve heard numerous times it’s somehow “less offensive” to just use r*pe imagery to make monsters scary. Rather than have  the monsters have that imagery cause Will created the monsters from his memory/imagination-and st is a story of Will healing from that trauma. SORRY- I disagree. Using the worst experiences of peoples’ lives (and triggering their trauma) for no real purpose- except to make their monsters scarier to the normal/general audience who haven’t gone through it so won’t be triggered like us - is MORE OFFENSIVE to victims! NOT LESS! At least to me.
Then there’s the people who say “c*a should never be talked about (in stories).” Which I disagree with. V*ctims have already been told by ab*ser’s  and enablers of the ab*ser- to never talk about what happened to us  . So it rubs A LOT of us the wrong way when people say this.  Because (subconscious or not) you remind some of us of the people who used to hurt/silence us. People say this -simply for their convenience (like ab*sers) and cause deep down they’re uncomfortable with our existence and equate the despicable act to us the innocent v*ctim ...or just want to deny the horrible reality of the situation (like many enablers who deny the truth and hurt us because they don’t want to accept reality) . And 1) It brings us back to a time where they told us to NEVER talk about it- and makes us feel like we did something wrong when we didn’t! 2) Every psych professional says with-holding/keeping the ab*se a secret is detrimental to our mental health.
Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between sugarcoating/minimizing trauma or WORSE glamorizing, condoning, or romanticizing C*A in stories (ex: pretty little liars) VS showing how the action is wrong, causes trauma, but showing recovery and happiness is still possible for v*ctims.  if the story shows how accurately traumatizing it is (instead of minimizing/glamorizing it)- it’s incredibly rare for that character to get a happy ending. Having a story about recovering from that type of trauma and finding happiness despite such hardships would be amazing for US survivors! We rarely get stories with a happy ending-  it’s more harmful to us survivors to never see ourselves get happy endings in tv/film/books. How can some survivors (in a dark place) think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel- if it’s never shown?Also if Will has DID too- it’s good mental health rep, along with queer rep (and survivor’s rep.) All 3 groups rarely are treated well or get happy endings in media. A lot of people may feel more heard, seen, and a bit more hopeful for the future - If Will (and other characters) get a happy ending.
And even though st has many themes- like say homophobia. To try and hand-wave all the disturbing  r*pe imagery away  as ‘Will is just gay so the monsters are like that”. IS SOOOOOO offensive. Trigger warning for examples. I’m sorry what part of Max saying when Billy had c*nsensual s*x it’s “good screams” but when possessed by the mf he causes Heather to do “bad screams” read as gay???! Having the possessed ch*ke/dr*g people before throwing them in trunks (like it’s implied Lonnie did to Will -since Jonathan checked Lonnie’s trunk for Will in s1)?Tying their arms and legs up/ g*ging  them and  getting on top of them and saying “stay VERY still it’ll all be over soon”-before a monster shoves it’s tentacle into someone’s mouth and inserts a goo - just gay??? Similar to the sentient vine/shadow monster forcing itself down Will’s throat. Let alone Will saying things like “he made me do it”, “i felt it everywhere”, or being tied to a bed and screaming “help! stop! it hurts! let me go!” While Jonathan is the only one who’s visibly triggered by this and has to literally turn away and hug someone . Or barb, billy, and El spiting up a white liquid from their mouth (similar to will spitting up a slug and lying to his mother about it ).El/billy touching a suspicious looking slime with their hand and looking at the substance confused . El drawing Papa with 3 legs (the middle one being shorter) ,  trying to undress in front of the boys , and Benny saying “I think she’s been ab*sed or something”.The theme of ab*sive dads- brenner , Lonnie, and Neil . Even when the demogorgan (called in d&d the “deep father”/ in the show “a man without a face”) attacked Barb it’s chopped up with scenes of Nancy having c*nsensual sex (the monsters are doing the opposite symbolically). There’s way more examples but NO- to try and hand wave /equate ALL OF THIS to just “gay imagery” or an “a*ds metaphor” is WAY more problematic. And just offensive (specifically to gay people) than just admitting what it may actually represent. R*pe imagery and gay imagery is NOT THE SAME THING!
Also ST has never been a kid show- maybe rewatch the show and see the rating of tv-14 . Goodness sake- s1 has a st*ged su*icde, k*dnappings, m*rder, discussions of physics, h*mophobia, and s*x (with stancy in s1 & jancy in s2-s3). S2/3 discuss at their finalies recovering from tra*ma . S2 had gra*ic de*ths,  a man causing a women br*in damage/ and faking her m*scarriage, and a gang of vigalantes k*lling criminals. s3 had critiques on capitalism /media/s*xism, many d*eaths, and questionable imagery like the prior seasons. The Duffers constantly reference  movies & events from the 80s (capitalizing on 80s nostalgia /subverting 80s motifs that middle age people  from that time remember)! Those people were their intended age demographic . Most 80s centric refs go over most kids’ heads (heck a lot went over my head too since I wasn’t alive in the 80s XD).The Duffers even said in the book “worlds turned upsidedown”  “it’s not a kid’s show despite having kids”. And maybe it’s a coincidence but when Lucas in s3 hands Will the “devil’s baby” firework (a hint about Lonnie) he says “18 and over only.” Which idk is a weird/random af line unless it’s foreshadowing that the show will get darker about various themes- and maybe even change ratings.
I get people wishing nothing bad ever happened to Will or Jonathan. And being apprehensive and not trusting the Duffers to do such a story justice (cause it’s difficult to do). But personally i trust them to do so tastefully with tact and not be exp*itative, (overly gr*fic) or offensive to v*ctims. You can disagree and think the show is about something else (or not trust the Duffers)- but it’d be great if people could stop using these other messed up talking points. While trying to appear ‘(fake) woke’ and like they care for victims- cause we see through it that you really don’t.
Have a lovely day anon ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Update- I just really agreed with and appreciate the tags in this reblog
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less--beans · 4 years
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lihn asks: 2, 9, 14, 19, 20, 22, 27, 28, 39, 40, 47
2. Fav scenes?
can i just say the whole musical? i really want to just say the whole musical. i’ll not mention any scenes with songs, bc that’s a whole other thing, but i’ll pick a few (i said a few but it’s a lot more than that, i’m very sorry) top scenes. i’m pretty sure most ppl answer this with like 3 scenes but i’ve never been very good at picking so here, have 10. i’m going to make a list bc if i just put it all in a paragraph it would be way too long. 
-i love sheila and susannah’s first actual conversation. it’s funny how nervous and awkward susannah is, and how many questions she asks and weird things she says. i love how sheila just rolls with it, answering her questions and ignoring the weirdness. francis’ little interludes are funny and it makes my heart melt when sheila goes ‘but in the good way,’ especially after seeing that susannah believes francis and everyone else when they tell her she’s weird in the bad way, and i can’t help but die when i remember that sheila is probably the first person who saw how weird susannah was and didn’t insult her or act like it was a bad thing but instead just rolled with it. 
-it’s a short scene but i love when they’re teaching susannah how to smoke and she visualizes francis being torn apart. it’s the funniest thing. so short and yet so good. 
-another short yet awesome scene is right before the other one, when sheila spends a solid 20-30 seconds just staring at susannah and listening to her write songs. very gay. also, in the same scene, sheila listing what she likes and then adding that susannah’s interests weren’t too bad either. her acting like she usually does and just kind of putting down the other person’s interests a little before letting her walls drop and acknowledging susannah as a person was amazing. again with the walls dropped thing is her respecting susannah’s boundaries and not demanding to know who the letter was from. we love character growth. 
-yet another short scene is right before oh well when sheila’s kind of teasing her about the morse code thing and being like ‘you’re obsessed.’ it was hilarious. and then it kind of clicked in their heads with the nonsense syllables and the secret code and it was like they were finally on the same wave length. it was very very sweet. 
- i loved the scene where sheila got taken to solitary. phenomenal acting. my heart broke. i’ve watched it so many times and i love looking at various reactions of the girls (judith being victorious, sheila being hurt and scared and angry, dorothy in shock and still trying to comfort others, ya-ya collasping, kitty being angry and disappointed, rat just watching concerned and scared from the sidelines) as it all goes down. it’s painful and it was such a different ending to act 1 than i thought would happen just two minutes prior, and it’s a majorly emotional scene. 
-in the beginning of act 2, she’s like ‘no, this is my fault!’ and all the girls just agree with her, and then judith tells the history of harriet. i did not see her backstory coming at all. that part made me physically sick and very horrified. i didn’t necessarily like that scene, but i respect it bc of the acting, and the effect it had on me is proof that it was good. also, when kitty comes from judith and reveals that sheila took out her eye? that was the second huge revelation in the same scene and i had to pause it to process. plus, that was a sick burn. go kitty.
-the scene with kitty and susannah before masochist!! powerful, emotional, had me in tears. I adore kitty so much. some real stuff was said there, and i, as someone who is part of the lgbtq+ community, was really affected by that scene. also masochist, but again, we’re not going into songs right now. that’s a whole other thing. 
-i died when the music was building up and susannah was on the steps and she was giving her whole rousing speech and she finally admitted that she loved sheila. the music stopped, susannah stopped, my heart stopped, and the girls gave a wonderfully funny fake gasp. the girls’ reactions in that scene were impeccable and so hilarious to me, and there’s of course the fact that susannah, after stumbling over her words and feelings the entire show, finally admitted out loud that she loved sheila. not only that, but she did it in front of everyone. very big character growth, plus the growth of my heart as it swelled and burst in my chest. i loved it. 
-the transition of judith being like ‘there’s no way she just thinks the plumbing sucks’ to sheila loudly complaining about her hatred of the sucky plumbing was perfect. also, i can’t watch sheila’s slow realization of what’s happening without laughing. she’s such an idiot and i love her. her slamming her head into the pillow and slowly raising it up again as it sinks in? comedic genius. just the parallels of susannah being like ‘she’ll figure it out soon’ at the exact same moment sheila figures it out is amazing. judith going ‘i will happily eat my own sh-’ and then being cut off by sheila knocking back was hilarious, and kitty’s ‘do you want fries with that judith?’ was so iconic. 
-them being like ‘how are we going to do this??’ in the middle of the song and everything going dark and quiet for a few seconds other than that sign of ‘four minutes and 38 seconds later’ before going ‘that’s a great plan’ was so freaking funny. we’re going to skip the moment where sheila and susannah reunite for now bc i’m probably going to make another post about it and this post is already so long. also, i love how they outlined the plan as they put it into action. it was poetic cinema. perfect execution of one of my fav tropes and i really enjoyed it. 
9. Fav lighting moments?
I love the beginning transition where the lights flash and show the silhouettes of the girls, it’s so powerful. I also love the emphasis the lighting gives when it changes in the pre-reprise of teenage delinquent and also in susannah’s song reprise (basically whenever everything stops and susannah has a gay moment). the lights shining through the smoke to give the illusion of fire? amazing. that was exactly what the scene needed to take it from incredible to literal perfection. on that note, i liked the ghostly feel the lights gave as they shone through the windows once the girls were outside. lastly, i loved the lights in the end of teenage delinquent. that was a very emotional moment and the lights just added to it. 
14. A major(s) character you love?
I love sheila a lot. she’s so tough and yet so sweet. i first met her and i was kind of worried about if she was going to be one of the stereotypical mean tough girls, but she managed to be strong and kind, and it’s amazing. i love how she’s a little aloof and yet totally willing to take down anyone who hurts the people she cares about. she fights asp, buzz, and even judith, all bc they hurt her family. plus, that girl’s been through a lot. i’ve made a few other posts just based on what i got from the three failed escape attempts but i really feel sad for her and all that she’s been through. 
19. Fav (pre)reprise?
So we obviously have the oh well reprise when susannah is delivering the esp to sheila and that’s such an amazing one that always gets me. i’ve cried a lot at that scene. sheila smiling and trying to hide it while half-heartedly trying to get susannah to stop playing by warning her that she would get in trouble... ugh. my heart. another one that i really like, however, is when sheila and susannah first met. the pre-reprise of teenage delinquent gets me almost as much as the oh well reprise does. it’s so short, only a few lines, but we see susannah immediately fall for her. it’s so sweet and it sets everything up so perfectly, and i especially love the percussion. in the last line the drums kick in and crescendo and it’s just a masterpiece. 
20. Headcanon(s) for what happens before the show?
i’m very sorry to announce that i forgot who the creator of this (if anyone knows please message me!) but some created this amazing timeline. it’s phenomenal. i’ve pretty much accepted everything on that list as canon. 
22. Headcanon(s) for what happens between Teenage Delinquent and Finale?
judith definitely became a chill therapist. 100%. she keeps in touch with ya-ya and they try to arrange meetings every now and then. sometimes they see certain plays together. ya-ya went to hollywood with dorothy. she made it big in special effects, and dorothy prefers to act in smaller gigs in underground places. ya-ya helps out with dorothy’s plays sometimes. they share an apartment together. sometimes dorothy sees rat in the audience of her shows. she doesn’t question how rat knew where she’d be performing and she doesn’t question the money and cigarettes that are pushed into her hands after. she also doesn’t question it if rat ever shows up in need to stay for a few days. it happens every few months, and dorothy just makes sure there’s good food in the house and slips some money into rat’s things when she’s sleeping. kitty keeps in touch with susannah, and she attends all of susannah’s performances she can. susannah goes on tour with her band, and she could’ve sworn in their tour in hollywood she saw three familiar faces in the crowd. she’ll never know for sure though. sheila stays in mexico for a while before deciding to go back to the states. she doesn’t know what happened to francis. at the border she told him he was lucky she didn’t kill him and left on his bike, never to see him again. she traveled around the us with that bike, eventually deciding to visit hollywood. she saw a familiar name in an underground club and immediately went to the next showing available, watching with barely held back tears as dorothy starred in a play. she saw rat in the audience and ya-ya’s name credited in special effects, and she had to leave at intermission to keep herself together. she wasn’t sure how to approach them or what she would do or say, so she took off that night to keep the temptation away. she went all the way across the country to nyc, figuring it was about time she visited some old friends from mexico. she walked into a record shop to ask for directions and caught a thief stealing from the store a few minutes later. she walked in to return the record.
27. Teenage Delinquent or Revolution Song?
how am i supposed to choose?? from the moment i heard teenage delinquent pre-reprise i loved both versions. it’s such a pretty tune, and it’s so meaningful, and the emotion in it is so powerful. it makes me cry every time, and the end... wow. they’re gay and in love and i get very emotional about it. i absolutely love teenage delinquent. revolution song, however, was one of the first ones i ever heard and probably the one that made me watch the show. it’s so energetic and so great, and i cannot listen to it without wanting to start my own rebellion and take down some terrible patriarchal system. it’s constantly in my head and it’s so catchy and fun. plus, i love watching it in the show, and the girls throwing things and burning down the building is one of my fav things. i love both of these songs so much and i physically can’t choose which one is my favorite. 
28. Something you like/have noticed about the show that you haven’t seen anyone else mention yet?
both of these things are only briefly mentioned in the show but i’ve still never seen anyone talk about them. this show takes place over the span of only 17 days (excluding the finale, obviously). in the beginning, when susannah had just arrived, asp got the call about the interview and she mentioned it being in 17 days. a lot happened in 17 days, especially since they were locked up for 8 of them. all of the events of act 1 took place over 9 days at most, and probably less, bc we know sheila didn’t respond right away in solitary and we’re not sure of how much time passed until she did. that feels like such a short time span to me. another thing is that they’re on the fifth floor. i don’t know why this stood out to me, but it’s probably something to do with the fire. they would have lit the fire and gotten out really quickly. i feel like imagining them on the first or second floor is different than imagining them on the fifth floor for some reason, and i just felt like pointing it out. 
39. What got you interested in LIHN?
I was bored in between classes and so i watched a random youtube video of musical clips. there were three clips of lihn in there, and they interested me enough that i watched the entire musical a few days later. i immediately fell in love and i’ve watched it almost every day since. 
40. What does LIHN mean to you?
love in hate nation means so much to me. i absolutely love this show. there’s so much to think about and so much to build on. musicals are amazing bc there’s choreography and lighting and lyrics and sets and so many things with hundreds of little hidden messages, and deciphering potential meanings for those messages is so fun. this show is no different. there’s so many things to analyse, and it’s such a good show that i want to analyse everything about it. i can’t put into words how much i love this show. just know it’s a lot.
47. A single wish for the future of the show?
it says a single wish, but i have three, so i’m going to list them all. if i could only have one it would for sure be the first one. first and foremost, i want a cast album. goodness gracious, i want a cast album. so bad. second, i really want this to get to broadway. more people need to know about this show. it’s so good and it’s worth everything. i want this to get big. third, i believe joe posted something about a potential proshoot? i could be wrong but that would be amazing to have.
my grammar is terrible and this is so much longer than it should’ve been, so i’m sorry about that. thank you so much for asking!! it was really fun to answer these. if anyone wants to ask more questions, the link to the asks is here
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ca-3 · 5 years
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Just a random question but do you have any SakuMahi hc to maybe share?
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oh man, where do I even start…? I have so many random hcs and aus and all that. SakuMahi is my Special Interest™ 😂 But I’ll just go with the canonverse based ones!
HEADS UP I MIGHT BE PUTTING SOME MANGA SPOILERS HERE! 
So I think it’s a common belief with many SakuMahi fans that Sakuya developed feelings for Mahiru almost right away. You know, the whole “Just from that simple outstretched hand and his voice, I thought… ‘Oh, I want to be this guy’s friend.” But to me? I don’t think Sakuya truly realized his feelings for Mahiru until after the rooftop scene.
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The reason why I think that is all based on how Sakuya’s life has been up until now. We all know, Sakuya growing up in a abusive home and losing the last person he loved(his older sister) at a young age. Sakuya probably hasn’t known much love, care and especially trust for a very long time. (He has Tsubaki now yes. But like I said once before, Tsubaki may care about his subclass like his own family, it’s one of the things I like about Tsubaki. But he isn’t exactly the best role model for Sakuya either unfortunately….)
 It also doesn’t seem like Sakuya had many other friends growing up as far as we know. ;; (I imagined Sakuya was much more shyer and submissive as a human.)  So I think Sakuya didn’t actually truly understand his feelings until this point ^^^^^ Just seeing how much Mahiru would still call him a friend and even risk his life here, after all the horrible things he did and even said just to get Mahiru to hate him and so it would be easier to let him go. Like it’s no wonder he cried twice. It was probably the first time Sakuya has shown his vulnerable side to someone in a long time, at least that’s what I believe AAAAAAAAA
That whole wrist band scene? You know. The part they didn’t have to make super gay but they totally did lol 
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My headcanon for that is that Sakuya picked out the black and white one with stripes on purpose. Cause its similar to his striped shirts he wears almost all the time. So I bet he did that so Mahiru would think of him whenever he see it.❤ I know its cheesy but I like this one ahahaha
Many think Sakuya’s “class clown” personality was all fake or just solely made up because he was afraid Mahiru wouldn’t like his real personality… But honestly? I think Mahiru just naturally brings out that happy/goofy side in Sakuya!!! 💚💚💚 Cause there are quite a few times where Sakuya is shown to be that happy or goofy. Even if it’s only around Mahiru. Sakuya showed Mahiru his real smile already too. ;w; and Sakuya has shown that kind of smile and happiness just thinking about the mere memories of Mahiru. JUST THE WAY SAKUYA SMILES WITH MAHIRU. IT KILLS ME. Plus, the other many many official arts where Sakuya is only smiling cause he’s next to Mahiru? I don’t know I think Strike is trying to tell us something lol 
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also as for the acting silly thing it’s mostly in the bonuses, drama cds, and even OVAs but Sakuya is always grouchy or calm around most others but only as soon as Mahiru is around he’s talking and acting like this: WHICH IS MY FAVORITE THING. I JUST LOVE HOW HAPPY MAHIRU MAKES SAKUYA FEEL. KJKFJLASJAJKLSJFA 
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just ignores everyone else and Tsubaki yelling at him to run up to Mahiru. 😂 Also he basically asked Mahiru to run away with him here lolol
This scene also give me a slight hc that Sakuya likes to dance… or at least wishes to dance with Mahiru someday… but I guess in this case it was sing with Mahiru cause he thinks they should run off and start a band lmao 
This is more of a personal story thought rather than a total ship headcanon but it has to do with Sakuya and Mahiru. It’s about Sakuya’s conflicted loyalty between Tsubaki and Mahiru. I get why Sakuya is conflicted between the two but… it’s kind of ridiculous because of all obvious hints that Sakuyu favors Mahiru’s side. Sakuya has always been silently rooting for Mahiru to win. SAKUYA HAS STRAIGHT UP “BETRAYED” HIS OWN SIDE MULTIPLE TIMES FOR MAHIRU’S SAKE. 
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JUST. SAKUYA COME ON. I THINK WE KNOW WHAT SIDE OF THIS “WAR” YOU’RE ACTUALLY FAVORING HERE. I love Sakuya a lot, but so much of his character is indeed super frustrating for this reason.
Sakuya’s obvious choice should be Mahiru. In fact, Sakuya shouldn’t even have to feel like he has to choose? Because Mahiru’s goal isn’t to even kill Tsubaki, but rather stop him and talk to him to help fix the broken Servamp family. Tsubaki even said, that no matter who betrays him on Team Melancholy he wouldn’t betray them. 
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Honestly, I think if Tsubaki truly cared about his subclass… if he just saw how much Sakuya stood by Mahiru and how they both just want this to all stop… maybe it would help change Tsubaki’s mind? That’s a hope. But I think Sakuya has a hard time choosing because even he doesn’t know what Tsubaki is up to. “Tsubaki-san is searching, but he still doesn’t know what the key is. It might be revenge. It might be something even more terrifying.“, “The War is a way to find the key.” “…What is he looking for?” 
All Sakuya knows is that Tsubaki is “searching” for something and this war is just his round about way of finding it. I think… Sakuya is afraid of what the answer will be… or Sakuya might be worried that if he does join the side with Mahiru, it’ll put him in even more danger than he’s already in. He doesn’t know how Tsubaki would truly feel or react, or even worse the rest of Team Melancholy not taking too kindly to his decision either. 
 Tsubaki told his subclass to go free now. Why did Sakuya run away and follow Tsubaki? Could be because he’s too afraid to face Mahiru again after all that’s happened… or maybe he’s afraid of what Tsubaki is planning to do by himself.
Am I saying Sakuya might be doing that to indirectly protect Mahiru? I don’t know, it’s just a small maybe. But Sakuya also might just think he doesn’t deserve to be around Mahiru at all. ;w; So that’s why he continues to run. 
If Sakuya does ever join the Servamp Team, I’d like to imagine that he starts out just kinda always lingering around Mahiru the whole time. Mostly because he’s anti-social anyways 😂 and Mahiru is the only one he truly knows there. But also cause he feels like the others won’t accept him as easily. He did attack quite a few of them bother whether it was orders or not.  But I know for a fact Mahiru would encourage Sakuya to open up to others and make friends who aren’t just him. FFF Now Sakuya and Misono can be friends like Mahiru orignally wanted. “Now you can finally apologize to Misono!” “You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?” FFFFFFFFFFFF
For real, that’s part of the reason I love SakuMahi so much. Because of how good of an influence Mahiru would be on Sakuya. Doesn’t matter if it’s in a romantic or platonic sense for me. Mahiru wouldn’t let Sakuya be only attached to him. Mahiru would want Sakuya to learn to let others in. He would want Sakuya to know that him and Tsubaki are not all he has. That he can make his own decisions and that he is free now. He doesn’t have to worry about being hurt like that again…
Imagining them actually slowly getting into a relationship is really cute~ but I feel like Sakuya would be a nervous wreck all the time at first. Just “Oh god… this is actually happening now… what do I do?” Remembers the iconic “Sakkun” moment. If Sakuya can’t even handle Mahiru calling him a simple cute nickname how could Sakuya ever initiate a first kiss or anything like that? It would definitely take Sakuya some time to get used to being loved in such a way and being comfortable enough to even kiss Mahiru back. 😂 Mahiru being “well if you won’t do it I will!” probably 85% of the time.
hdhkasljdaf I could write so many more here but this post is long enough already. Maybe I’ll add more later. Or if anyone is ever curious again I’ll share more. lol 
Thanks for asking, I love asks about them~ 💚❤💚❤💚
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