#and really i just wanted to share like. all the intricate dynamics that live in my head.

[moe-broey]

AUTISM JUMPSCARE!!!!

I'm just feeling especially normal about the Askr siblings and I have one million notes on my cell phone that were never intended to see the light of day but. If you. Wanna indulge me.

^ snippets from a scrapped Hel Sharena AU, not really a fic just figuring out scenes (meant to be a comic). Context is a near death experience (she fucking kilt him almost) and girlbossery I guess (ready to kill her herself but also understanding of the self and the pain and various other horrors and ultimately finding a little kindness for yourself even just a smidge.)

^ Broken ass family.

^ Some misc ones.

There were two more I was gonna include but I felt they got too personal for me LMFAO, but the main takeaway from them is:

> Alfonse is a funny little man who's full of contradictions. Yeah yeah he's super cautious and has extreme difficulty letting people in. But he will speak freely and openly to anyone who will listen. He trusts his allies wholeheartedly (esp drives me insane How he does this, in a strictly practical way). He's just... so earnest. Try as he might to distance himself and remain guarded, his earnesty tends to seep through. (And hell if we're talking contradictions, not even mentioned in this particular note but about a thousand others of mine LMFAO I believe Alfonse is a very emotional character. Like. His emotions DO tend to be a driving force for him. Unfortunately he is also his father's son. Jokes aside though, he does naturally have a very pragmatic personality to him too!)

> Something something there's something uniquely isolating about being friends w your sibling's friends bc you know they would simply never know you otherwise were it not for your older sibling(s). Sharena is here because Alfonse is. I'm here because my sisters are. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, it just leads to some strange grey areas and never really knowing where you stand sometimes.

These two did go hand in hand, just. Removing the context makes them seem unrelated LMFAO oh well!!!!

Anyways. Autism moment over it's so fucking late dude. It's almost 4 I gotta be up by 8 LMFAOOOOOOO GIRL HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😔😔😔😔

[waitmyturtles]

I have a little mental battle going on right now, what with Only Friends meta brain rot and a very intense rewatching of Bad Buddy happening on my end for my Old GMMTV Challenge project. (LORDDDDD, to be thinking about OF and BBS at the same time, HAAAAAA.)

But anyway, yeah, going there, because I have Asian parents on the mind (honestly, when do I NOT have Asian parents on the mind). My late nights have been filled with utter disdain for Ming and Dissaya, but I'm also thinking about Mew's moms, who showed up in episode 9 of OF this past weekend.

@neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan and I talked a bit about the nature of that visit by Mew's moms. When they were in Mew's apartment, Mew's moms had called and called, and Mew didn't pick up. He was crashed on his couch, hungover, cigs on the table. He looked like a kid who didn't have it together -- red flags for any parent. He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

As they stand outside looking for a car to take them shopping, Top appears out of thin air -- put-together, handsome, clearly rich, confident, and ready to help. Mew is rolling his eyes and grimacing.... and Mew's moms are eating it up.

During the visit, Mew's moms express concern for him -- he's getting skinnier, he needs to eat more. They are doting moms, worried about Mew's health. Top is THERE, clearly ready to be assigned a caretaker role. And Mew's moms AND Top are all under the impression that Mew HAS to be taken care of by a third-party, because of the way he's presenting during this moment with his moms (tired, hungover, etc.). Mew's moms eat Top up for lunch.

I think it's really important to note what was going on in this parental dynamic between Mew and his moms. We might THINK -- we may ASSUME, watch ourselves -- that Mew's moms may be more attuned to Mew's non-verbal signals about his feelings about Top because his moms are women and lesbians. We might ASSUME that they can READ feelings better than, say, a heterosexual father.

What I thought was BEYOND BRILLIANT about this scene, something I shared with @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm, is that Jojo Tichakorn and the OF team turned these assumptions on their head.... and, holy shit, rendered Mew's moms into TYPICAL ASIAN PARENTS. GOD, BRILLIANCE.

Mew's moms were wowed by Top's wealth -- of course they wanted to ride in Mew's car! They invited him for lunch at their cafe. They implicitly trusted Top to take care of Mew, because clearly, to them, Mew can't take care of himself, and Top presents as totally together.

@neuroticbookworm pointed out in conversation that Asian parents so very often would rather trust anyone else than their own children on just about any topic -- the health of their children, the career success of their children. It's just BAKED into our Asian cultures that our parents are, and will be, the most critical people in the lives of us Asian children for the rest of our existences. NBW also brought up that Asian parents are so much more likely to be concerned about a child's future rather than their present. Which is why Mew's moms would be more clicked into setting up Top as a caretaker -- rather than checking in on Mew's feelings. Checking in on a child's feelings at any given point of time is MUCH MORE of a Western paradigm of parenting than in Asia.

As an Asian watching this episode, I felt very much at home watching Mew's moms essentially ignore his emotional state because, well, it reflected every facet of my childhood. I thought it was a sick and genius move of Jojo et al to turn the paradigm of any assumptions we may have about a set of lesbian moms being more emotionally clicked in -- and turning them into the typical Asian parents that we see in shows like BBS.

It was an utterly genius move, and it goes to show just how layered and intricate these commentaries are about the functionality of all aspects of society that Only Friends is skewering.

[arcadekitten]

hi ak!!! considering its cms anniversary i just wanted to wholeheartedly thank you for making and publishing it!!! ive only been into your games for a few months now i think but they genuinely changed something in my brain chemistry (/hj) and now i think about it constantly bc it just makes me so so happy!!!

the way you present stories and characters is honestly so incredibly amazing!! no matter what a game is about it pulls me in entirely every single time, even if im replaying it for the fifth time! you genuinely have a wonderful talent!!! i dont have the words to describe just how intricate everything is, especially psychologically, but god!!!! its all so good!!!! (its honestly a whole other thing to get into, but the mareggie layers in particular are everything to me, along with twyla and novas dynamic.. aughhhhh)

i mean it when i say ive fallen head over heels for most of your characters!!! each and every one of them is so unique and all of their designs are so gorgeous!!! as an autist myself im especially happy to see characters like mary and capella given important roles in a story!!!!

im using a LOT of exclamation marks but i just cannot contain my excitement when im talking about noisrev!!! i love drawing your characters and theorizing and whatnot!!! this became a bit longer than i thought itd be so. yes! thank you! from the bottom of my heart!!! youre changing lives and bringing so much happiness to others!!! ❤️

Cool I'm gonna go cry about this now!! (positive!)

No but for real like, I can't just get a sweet message like this and return it with nothing! Reading stuff like this feels like you reached through the screen, through my chest, and hugged my heart directly and it just makes me really emotional and happy.

Putting your art into the world is always really scary. Any time I release any project, I've always got such a tightness in my chest! Even when I know I am happy with what I made, I still hope that the people who have come to know my work are not disappointed with what I'm putting out. It's hard not to be at least a little worried! But time and time again I am told that the art I made is loved, and that feeling is the whole world to me!

When I receive messages like this (and no, you don't have to feel pressured to send me anything like this!) it really warms my heart. When I think about the games I make being someone's favorite, the characters I make being someone's favorites, I mean hell even just having them like it a lot! it really brings a tear to my eye if I think about it for too long.

I think about all the ways my favorite media pulled me out of dark places when I was younger and still do now, and I'm happy if I can impart that feeling onto others.

Thank YOU all for playing the games, engaging in them, and just being generally interested! Thank you for making me feel like my art is worth something to people who aren't me, for granting me the opportunities to keep making art, and for allowing me to experience a human connection I haven't been able to replicate in any way other than from sharing my art. Thank you for making me feel as though I made a good decision in making games.

I hope I can always make art and games you'll enjoy, and I mean that more and more every time I say it! Thank you for sticking around to see them ♡

[lumau]

I wanted to finish another drawing during @polyshipweek (inspired by various prompts, including Cinnamon Roll Protection Squad from Nozle's ship dynamics meme), but it didn't get past the sketch stage. I'll still share it, together with some hcs (slightly nsfw and kinky ones included) for an AU in which these five got entangled with each other in more ways than just crime solving.

Tang Fan:

Firmly believes that he is the littlest cinnamon roll of all cinnamon rolls and behaves accordingly. Would do anything for his friends. Now that he has more than one brat tamer at his disposal, it does not make him any less needy. The only one he is secretly afraid of is Ding Rong, knowledge that Wang Zhi is frequently using against him. With his dramatic antics he suffers the most prettily, so he is the most common to get wrecked (and makes it everyone's problem). Doesn't accept anything less than three bowls of noodles as aftercare.

Wang Zhi:

The actual cinnamon roll, but in denial (no one should dare to imply that towards him). It is not always easy to encompass the conflicting facts that he is both the youngest of the group and the 2nd most powerful man in the dynasty. Is making strides towards learning what he wants and deserves, but easily bristles when his inexperience becomes apparent. Has developed a habit of showing up at anyone's door at any time out of the blue and has no qualms to take up the most space in bed, even though he is by far the smallest. He has become the biggest flirt and the most touchy-feely once he learned how nice it is to have such a big, loving family.

Ding Rong:

Nobody really knows what he does most of the time. He is married to his job, aka Wang Zhi, a room full of meticulously sorted jars and 2 1/2 skeletons. Anyone who wants to get it on with Wang Zhi needs to get past Ding Rong's intense glare first. When they all get together, he is both the one who makes sure that everyone has all the oils, towels and implements they need, as well as the service top who is the last man standing at the end of a long night. He is also the kinkiest of the lot, his intricate knowledge of the human body combined with his sadistic tendencies make him light up as soon as any kind of edge play is mentioned. Might start to silently cry when held tightly for longer than 30 seconds.

Jia Kui:

After his retirement plan got forcefully cancelled, Jia Kui still doesn't quite know why he's here (tbh, same), but somehow, to his even greater bewilderment, everyone seems to love him (also same), even though he rarely talks and is mostly just there. He finds it kinda nice, though. Jia Kui gives the best of hugs and likes to join Sui Zhou in the kitchen, where they bond over cooking and military trauma.

Sui Zhou:

Similar to Jia Kui he isn't quite sure how he got roped into this new, big family life, but their community helps him to cope with his ptsd. It's hard to take his nightmares too seriously when burried amongst a heap of blissfully snooring men. He is appreciated by everyone for his cooking skills and his generosity, loyalty and his unobtrusive, pleasant company (as well as his great physique). He has learned that he does not mind sharing Tang Fan, in fact, it gives him fuzzy warm feels to know he is enjoying himself.

One would think that with five handsome guys there is a lot of action in the various bedrooms - however, given the stressful lives they lead, usually everyone just passes out as soon as they find a moment to lie down. With their youthful energy Tang Fan and Wang Zhi are the two most likely to initiate anything. The times when Sui Zhou and Jia Kui happen to get it on together are special highlights and have the others watching in awe (because clearly, they are a sight to behold!). In his efficiency Wang Zhi has tried to schedule regular sexy times, but after the third attempt failed due to some emergency or imperial affair getting in the way, he has now resolved to simply send out carriages to pull everyone away from whatever they are doing whenever he's in the mood. He has also now reserved a much bigger private suite at Huanyi Lou for such occasions.

[dustedmagazine]

R.E. Seraphin — Fool’s Mate (Take A Turn/Safe Suburban Home)

R.E. Seraphin said of his new album, Fool’s Mate, that “on the surface, they are love songs but there's a suggestion of something more ominous.” To set aside the ominous for a moment, you can get a lot out of the surface alone. It’s an immediate, intricate record that satisfies with or without a deep listen. Take, for instance, the streaming “Lips Like Sugar” grandeur on “Virtue Of Being Wrong,” the warbling bass and sunny trumpets on “Argument Stand,” or the shaggy, shimmering guitar solo on “Fall.” The band displays a sure-handed coherence and magnetism developed and then recorded live – with the exception of piano overdubs. The result is a set of dynamic, buoyant tracks that snap together a wide enough rock and roll tent to encompass Tom Petty, The Clean and a dash of Mark Lanegan Band, among others. Taken as a whole, Fool’s Mate is also reminiscent of Wilco’s Summerteeth, another bright, powerful album with lurid desperation creeping in from the edges.

Seraphin’s voice holds the center, bending lines into hooks. It’s a quality he shares with great power pop annunciators like Michael Stipe and Matthew Sweet, though, as a vocalist, he more so evokes the melodic hush of The Clientele’s Alasdair MacLean, Lloyd Cole’s breathy deadpan or, at times, the muted viciousness of The Jesus & Mary Chain’s Jim Reid. Like Yo La Tengo’s Georgia Hubley, too, Seraphin wrings a great deal of energy and melancholic drama out of his stage whisper. In contrast to the mix of 2022’s more blown-out Swingshift EP, Seraphin’s voice is given a great deal of room on Fool’s Mate. For all the robust buzz of music around him, here Seraphin’s lightly-fuzzed words always stand out. And it’s in both what he says and how that we return to the ominous something underlying everything.

It’s put most succinctly on “Clock Without Hands” (not a Nancy Griffith cover): “The sun is big and bright but the clouds keep on rolling in” —  just one example of a preoccupation with a gathering storm. If that observation is a good working hypothesis for how the stories on Fool’s Mate are likely to unfold, then it’s the album’s more macabre lyrics that provide the most convincing evidence of how innocent tips into sinister. On the pleading “End Of The Start,” Seraphin twists and abrades familiar moments of pop song romance to grotesque and captivating effect. Rather than get lost in someone’s eyes, the narrator’s love has “a smile [they] really want to eat” and skin that isn’t just perfect, a la Cole, but “glistening” and, further, glistening with a “dew” they “wanna feel.” Consuming, somatic details like these, conveyed by Seraphin’s earnest, stricken delivery, leap up through the album’s gleaming surface to show the human weirdness wriggling underneath, and hint at trouble to come. The brief, sparkling “Bound,” an album highlight, works against type from another direction. Rather than strain against entrapment, the line “no matter what you do to me/I will not be bound” sounds, coming from Seraphin, arch, flirtatious even, a protest that is itself bound to submit, and happily, given the interplay between the song’s characters. Here, for once, the foreboding is stalked by the joyful.

The album closes with a cover of Sinéad O’Connor’s “Jump In The River.” It trades some of the ragged, gleeful openness of the original for a focus and a steady rhythm, driven by a melodic bassline, that foreground the lyrics and, in doing so, create a different kind of intensity. You get the same sense of abandon to a bad idea that O’Connor delivers but from, perhaps, a more calculating place. In Seraphin’s hands, it feels somehow more intimate. Less a fight you’re overhearing than a conversation, or relationship, you might want to get out of. Put another way, “on the surface, [it’s a love song] but there's a suggestion of something more ominous.” In discussing the conception of Fool’s Mate, Seraphin also noted that the “sense of corporeality [was] intended to unsettle the listener.” As a coda, “Jump In The River” completes that welcome intention and bolsters what came before — it’s not hard to imagine “like the times we did it so hard/there was blood on the wall” being a line of Seraphin’s own — and works just as well as an introduction as Fool’s Mate starts over, pulling you back in.

Alex Johnson

[rockybloo]

I posted this over on Twitter but I feel like it's important for over here because I'mma shift my focus to sharing Beanstalked content for a bit. Not even in a brainrot way but in a "my brain is fizzing" way and I want to keep Twitter and Tumblr in the loop for why Glitter and Guilt stuff will slow down for a bit (in the public eye at least)

Aight lemme and copy and paste the reason why now:

"While I am on a Beanstalked high, I'm probably gonna draw some Glitter and Guilt stuff "on the low" since I feel like I'm off the track of where I initially wanted to be and how I originally wanted to focus the story when I just really wanted heroine x villain nonsense

I'm happy a lot of people enjoy it, it was just a lot of attention for a story (bc I mean-Magical girls) and I was SUPER new to it and I felt and still lowkey feel like I have to focus on so many other things than I initially wanted to when I thought up Sweetheart and Bitterbat

In the end, the story is about THEM and THEIR interactions.

Decking is a cool place and so are all the heroes and other relationship dynamics but OOF

It's ALMOST too much for my brain sometimes especially when I get passive comments wanting more than just licorice stuff

"Ok but what is Glitter and Guilt meant to be then Rocky???"

Slice of life episodic peeks into Sweetheart and Bitterbat's life as a hero and villain dating and living in a city that basically parodies Saturday morning action cartoons and anime and hero comics

"WHAT'S THE PURPOSE IN THE INTRICATE WORLDBUILDING AND INTERACTIONS THEN"

Most are so I can build up to funny little jokes involving Sweetheart and Bitterbat

Literally, the whole motivation for this story is that one Simpson's "Do it for her" meme but the pics are of licorice

I think this is also why my focus on Beanstalked is so exhilarating because it doesn't have nearly as many eyes and has been just me obsessing over specific interests of mine without any outside forces so I've been able to focus on whatever in story without needing to rush"

Aight there we go.

Don't take this as me not appreciating the love y'all have for the story or even me hating it now. This is actually so I can keep sharing it without feeling pressured and continue drawing out of a genuine love for it.

I won't stop stop y'all from sending in questions but I might hold onto some of them while answering about other stories so I can actually focus on giving a genuine response and not rush to share information.

I care a lot about GaG being an indulgent story down to the bones and I don't wanna falter on that. I WILL MAKE THAT GOOD HEROINE X VILLAIN FOOD I'VE ALWAYS WANTED-THAT'S THE GOAL!

[detnu-a-h]

[ Debriefing Objective Completed for: @cosmicacy ]

Kaylee and Atom: The Ill-Starred Spirits

The Cursed and The Weapon; an unlikely but dangerous duo, for sure.

I feel like maybe they can't really see eye to eye because of how inherently different they may seem at the start, but they share a more intricate connection than the both expect. Tossed into a fate the two cannot control, they are forced to destroy, to act by an instinct that was either programmed or ignited.

On Kaylee's side I wanted to highlight that connection of hers to her werewolf state, the purity and gentleness between her blood-drenched destiny. How she is still a soft human being who loves others and have grown to loathe this side of hers she's been cursed with. Despite that I also wanted to show that not only is her werewolf state fierce but also herself as a person, she can defend herself and others in and out of that state whether it is with words or actions. I also wanted to show how she'd probably be able to teach Atom how to appreciate the simple things of life, like being able to lay down and think of nothing in particular, the triviality in life, to live in the moment rather than wait for the next task to come. And how she herself has an appreciation for the simple things in life.

On Atom's side, I wanted to highlight his basic identification as a weapon, but also the method of communication he is most comfortable with, sign language, and how he uses it to open up with people slowly but surely. With Kaylee, I feel like he'd want to use this method of communication the more he interacts with her and finds himself having an innate desire to protect her from both herself and the perils of life. And thought this may look shippy (guilty as charged cause I am a shipping fiend, though this can also be interpreted as platonic), his treatment towards her after every outbreak of hers would be much more gentle than how he usually is. Hands on the side of her face to make sure he can ground her, bring her back to her senses and all of that.

I just think their dynamic is neat.

[deliciouskeys]

Yay! Lots of numbers below, feel free to pick and choose :)

16, 26, 39 (I think you *know* which particular scene I want a snippet of, but anything will do haha), 69, 76 for ZM

Thanks for the asks. I warn you, the following is verbose and references morally reprehensible fics. TW, lol.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

I have many if just vague ideas count! And I'm sure you'll be pleased that they all revolve around Homelander, one way or another lol. I hate "claiming" prompts on the Meow meow prompt jar because it feels like hogging it unless I'm going to be actively writing, but I did just sign up for your "fertility treatment" prompt. My brain is often eaten up by the idea of HL being happily pregnant, and really self-satisfied to the point of being annoying. Meanwhile Butcher's probably kind of worried-- not like HL's going to be able to get a C section, at least not through conventional means. HL's blithely all 'we'll cross that bridge when we get there.' He's just enthused about getting to use a breast pump in the near future, and probably the fact that the baby he has is going to adore him unconditionally.

Yes, I am gross.

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Hrm. Unfortunately the wildest ride is still probably the first fic I ever posted publicly. Originally on LJ. 51k words. 12 chapters. Of... me being a teenage edgelord and writing about Captain Hook privateprisoning a prepubertal boy, that's not ever going to grow up, as if the chanslash wasn't bad enough.

Anyway, I skimmed through this fic about a year ago just to recall what was in it again, and I had forgotten just how fucked that story is, beyond even the pairing premise itself. There's gangrape of a child, ye olde macabre medical horror, and severe emotional trauma and manipulation/gaslighting that leads to really inappropriate bonding. But it did have impressive levels of worldbuilding, and pretty intricate dynamics between the, um, leads, but also side characters. It was a very rich environment. I was "1 or 2 chapters away from finishing it" and then never did, because, damn that thing was hard to wrap up in a not-completely-disturbing ending. I still occasionally get requests to finish it and people are subscribed, but I would not be able to get back into whatever mindset I had at that age. "Wildest" ! = "good" lol, but I'd never delete it.

Don't judge me for what i was doing ~20 years ago D:

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

Heh, full disclosure I criiiinge posting snippets of my fics because they're so awkward out of context, it's like walking in in the middle of sex. But here you go, from a section you asked for. I wish I just had this done and posted to AO3 -__-

Homelander probably senses the hesitation and decides to get himself up to a kneeling position, tilting his face up, licking his lips invitingly, probably hoping to defuse and redirect the weird energy in the room into something sexual rather than violent.

"Oh no you don't." Instead of undoing his fly, Butcher hoists Homelander up to his feet and pulls him out of the cage and towards the breakfast nook. "Lie down across my lap," he commands once he's situated himself in a chair.

"Why did you--" Homelander's words catch in his throat as Butcher yanks him down to lie across his lap, not waiting for obedience. "…take Temp V?" He sounds worried, and tries to lift his head, only to get his shoulders shoved back down.

The first thwack across Homelander's ass sounds really loud, echoing off the walls of the living room. Butcher gave it his all, somewhat forgetting that his strength was amped up. His palm smarts and he can only guess what it feels like on the receiving end. Homelander doesn't make a sound, maybe too shocked. Butcher swats him again.

"Really? This is just childi—" Another thwack resounds across the room and Homelander breathes hard through his nose. "That hurts, you know," he hisses.

"Yeah, that's the general idea. I know no one probably ever punished you while you were growing up, so it must be a new concept…" Butcher trails off, suddenly recalling the photocopied lab notes from Vought and realizing what he's saying is uncharitable.

Homelander doesn't argue, just lets out a strained whimper when Butcher's next whack lands square on the place he hit the first time. Angry red splotches are forming on his skin, helpfully marking out where he's already been hit and where he hasn't.

69. What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

I'm not embarrassed per se, but I probably should be (if by nothing else than the sheer length of these three). Original dates, reposted to AO3 later.

2003- 51k chanslash mentioned in the previous question

2006 - 21k of working through some angst issues. Original work set in WWII Germany, also starts out underage although at least postpubertal,  problematic and historically inaccurate

2008- 59k of Pineapple Express mpreg, although I do recommend that movie to anyone who likes implied gayness in media and bizarre, funny dialogue which was a fun challenge to try to emulate in fic

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [ZM]?

I have generally managed to get everything into ZM that I wanted! One longish sequence I remember discarding (no mourning) was HL goading Billy to take Temp V with some form of misbehavior, and that being the thing that finally tips them into an overtly sexual, rather than a covertly-in-denial-kinky, relationship. It was violence that ended up as sex. But it was pretty rapey, and I didn't like it for this pairing. I prefer the version posted, where they're almost accidentally upping the ante, and kind of mutually sexually harassing each other, and it's about as consensual as it can be, at least within a private prison setting.

Plus Temp V does make an appearance towards the end of the fic, as you can tell from the WIP snippet lol.

[allyear-lff]

Joyland

I didn't realise that this was the first film ever from Pakistan in the Festival, so that was a surprise, the second surprise is that the production company was started by Malala (yes, the Malala) and she was there to introduce the film, getting an always deserved rapturous reception to a very insightful introduction.

So far, so interesting, but I've seen first in films before and it isn't always pretty.

But lo and behold, Joyland really delivers, the plot is quite intricate, it centers around a big family living in difficult conditions (5 adults, several children sharing 3 bedrooms), it is steered by the austere patriarch who oversees his two sons, their wives and the daughters of the eldest man, most of the heavy lifting in the film is done by portraying the relationship of the younger son, Haider, with his wife, Mumtaz and with a 3rd party which complicates the life of the whole family in many different ways, from the comical to the seriously dangerous.

This is not to say that the other characters are just part of the background, the older brother, Saleem, and his wife, Nucchi, suffer a major disappointment and channel their anger about it against the other couple, the patriarch is ageing, needs care, but is too stubborn to accept what he is given, Mumtaz has wishes of her own and Haider goes to places where many men don't dare to delve into.

So Haider is a stay at home uncle, he and Mumtaz have no children, he cooks, helps with his brother's children and leads a domestic life, not entirely by choice but because the only thing he knows how to do is acting and he can't get a job while his wife is the breadwinner and enamoured with her job as an aesthetician.

All this changes suddenly when Haider gets a very peculiar job with a very special boss, performer Bibba, which awakes the traditional conservative instincts of the other adults in the house now that he will earn a living, forcing a situation which will lead to very serious consequences towards the end of the film.

Haider starts to work and this will lead him to a path of self discovery of his abilities and resilience but also of traits of who he is and what he wants in life.

The drama is handled very well, there is a lot of tension in the film, there are many comic relief moments and it doesn't shy away from difficult topics, specially for a conservative society like the Pakistani, I was genuinely surprised by how daring the film is at some points and even more so to know that the film will be released commercially back home.

A lot of the film's dynamics are explained in a short flashback which leads towards an ambiguous ending, one of which any filmmaker would be proud of.

Rating: 4.5/5

Date: 6 October 2022

Venue: Curzon Soho

Film 3 out of 168

The list of films in the LFF 2022.

[rocorambles]

Mission: Seduce Kuroo Tetsurou

Pair: Kuroo x Reader

Genre: NSFW, Slight Angst, Fluff, Porn With Plot

Warnings: Degradation, Master/Pet Dynamics, Sex Toys, Overstimulation, Cum Play, Nipple Play

Prompt: "Guess I'll just have to cum inside you."

Summary: You really should have just spoken to Kuroo about your insecurities instead of letting everything spiral out of control. But that’s okay, your husband is more than happy to thoroughly remind you that you’re the only woman he’ll ever want.  

Author’s Note: This is my contribution for my HQ Discord Server’s NSFW collaboration. There are so many talented writers on the server and I highly encourage you to check out the collaboration masterlist here to see how everyone decided to run with this spicy prompt. (Masterlist goes live Monday 31st August 11:30pm U.K. time!) 

You stretch your arms over your head as a big yawn rumbles throughout your entire body. It’s too early for any sane person to be up, even the sun is barely creeping in through the windows of your apartment, but your husband has hardly been sane recently with the crazy amount of hours he’s been pouring into work. You’re lucky that you even woke up before he left and you smile as you hear your overgrown house cat rustle around your bathroom and bedroom, getting ready for the day. 

“Tetsurou, hurry up so you have time to eat at least a little breakfast before you head out! You’ve been skipping it too much recently. You wouldn’t want me to leave you for one of those pro-athletes you work so closely with when you become just stick and bones, would you?” 

You bite back a laugh when your husband’s messy bed hair peeks out from around the corner and hazel eyes narrow at you, but you’re not laughing when he finally saunters over to you in his suit and traps you against the kitchen counter between his long arms, leaning in so close your noses are brushing and just when you relax and close your eyes, waiting for him to kiss you, you rapidly blink your eyes open as he gives you a quick light peck before ambling off to pour himself a cup of the green tea you’d brewed. With a pout, you warm up the rice balls you’d bought last night and place them on the dining table, wrinkling your nose in displeasure at the smirk on Kuroo’s face, but it’s all forgotten as the two of you lightly chat over breakfast, Kuroo’s long legs spreading into your space across the table, your calves gently rubbing against each other as you laugh and eat. But all too soon it’s time for him to go and he gives you another loving peck before racing out the door and with a sigh, you wash the dishes before getting ready to leave for work yourself.

You love Kuroo with all your heart. Your feelings for him have only gotten stronger over the years and even after tying the knot with him, you can’t help the way your heart flutters and warmth fills your chest whenever the two of you lock eyes. But when your mind replays the teasing scene from this morning, your thighs clench and you bite your lips. Kuroo’s always been a tease and you love it as much as you hate it. No one knows how to rile you up like he does and he uses that to his advantage, rendering you a desperate, needy mess before finally making good on all his dirty promises. But lately, he hasn’t been following through. You can’t even remember the last time you’d done anything more than heatedly make out. 

At first, you had tried to be patient. You know far too well exactly why he hasn’t been in the mood recently. It’s so obvious to you. It’s obvious in the ever growing and darkening circles underneath his eyes. It’s obvious in the way he can barely stay awake when you do manage to spend some time together when he comes back home from work. It’s obvious in the way he immediately passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow. Hell, even his messy bed hair that usually defies gravity seems to slump more and more with every passing day. He’s exhausted. You’ve always loved how dedicated and hardworking Kuroo is. It’s one of the many reasons you’d fallen for him and you know how important his job is to him, but you wonder if it’s time to intervene as you watch your husband walk around your shared apartment like a zombie. Also, more selfishly, you have needs and it’s been months since you’ve been stuffed full by him and really, this is all Kuroo’s fault for training your body to constantly yearn for him after all the years he spent pleasuring you over and over again. With a determined glint in your eyes, you begin to scheme. Let Mission Seduce Kuroo Tetsurou begin.

You scan yourself in the mirror pleased with how you look in a strappy lingerie set you know drives Kuroo crazy. It’s a delicate and intricate creation of lace and ribbons that barely covers you, only accentuating the curves of your figure, but you know it’s the one strip of ribbon that travels in a single bold line between your breasts and leads up to a delicate lacy red collar wrapped around your neck that will specifically catch Kuroo’s eyes. Checking the time, you excitedly perch yourself on the bed, positioning yourself seductively, candles flickering and enhancing the mood as you wait for him, but a hour passes and you unwillingly succumb to sleep, ignorant of the way your phone buzzes with an apologetic text from Kuroo, letting you know he’d be home even later than usual. Blearily you open your eyes and wince as daylight sears your vision. Wait...daylight? You scramble to sit up and check your surroundings and your shoulders sag in frustration when you find yourself still in your lingerie set, but carefully tucked into bed, blankets wrapped around your body, Kuroo’s side of the bed empty and cold. You reach over to look at your phone, getting up to get dressed for work, when you see a new text from your husband. 

Sorry, kitten. You must have been waiting a long time for me last night. You looked absolutely beautiful. Look! I even took some pictures so I could remember. But maybe next time try not to fall asleep while the candles are still lit ^.^  

Your face heats up at the lewd pictures he’d taken of you while you were fast asleep and your heart warms at his compliment, but you stubbornly shake your head. There’s no time to be distracted. You’re still a woman on a mission. 

Attempt two takes place that weekend and you watch your husband from the shadows, lurking behind him before finally pouncing on him as he sits at his desk, answering a work phone call. You saucily wink at him as you saunter into his view and you smirk at the way he clears his throat and gulps at the sight of you dressed in nothing but his old Nekoma jersey and black thigh highs. And when you sink to your knees and arch your back just so, you almost snicker at the way he hisses when his jersey rides up and your bare ass is displayed. But he collects himself enough to firmly, but gently shove you away from him as you try to pull his boxers down and despite a few more attempts on your end, you instantly stop when he puts his phone on mute and sternly says your full name. 

But Kuroo’s always been weak against your puppy dog eyes and with a slight roll of his eyes, he beckons you to sit on his bare thigh and as he calmly and professionally continues his call, you heavily pant with your tongue lolling out, drool dripping from your mouth as you grind against his strong muscles like a bitch in heat, smearing your arousal everywhere until you’re almost sliding back and forth against the taut surface. And as he clenches his muscles and digs his leg further up into you, your body convulses and he barely has time to end the call before you loudly moan as you ride out your orgasm. He whispers filthy praises into your ear about what a good slut you are, what a desperate pet you are, what a mess you’ve made all over master’s leg, but when you finally exhaustedly slump onto his chest, he peppers butterfly kisses all over your face and holds you for a few minutes before carrying you to the bathroom and washing both of you off despite your protests that you still want to play more. 

He at least has the decency to apologetically kiss you for ending things so abruptly as he throws on slacks and a button-up before rushing off to work to take care of the emergency he had just been on a call about despite the fact that it’s a weekend, but you can’t help the growing insecurity that begins to eat at you as you spend the rest of that Saturday alone. Were you not as attractive as you used to be? Was Kuroo getting tired of you? Why does it feel like you’re trying so hard to get his attention? Does touching you feel like just a husbandly duty for him now? Thought after crippling thought sears through you and you have to hold back the tears that threaten to spill when Kuroo returns late that night and, thinking you’re already asleep, turns on his side with his back facing towards you and instantly falls asleep.        

You muster what little resolve you have left with the last few scraps of your self-confidence for a final attempt. Raking through your mind for memories of what would hopefully bring some passion back between the two of you, you perk up as your eyes scan a black box crammed underneath the bed. Kuroo hates it when you masturbate, when you touch yourself, when you make yourself cum without him being physically present or at least on a call with you to hear all the pretty sounds you make. Surely this would be enough to finally have him fuck you senseless like he always used to. But when you purposefully time everything so that Kuroo enters your bedroom and finds you stuffed full with your favorite dildo, a wand vibrator pressed against your clit, and your back arched as broken cries fill the room, he just gives you a tired smile and sits on the edge of the bed before helping you by thrusting the dildo in and out of your gushing cunt. And it feels so good, but when you see how dull and lifeless Kuroo’s sleep deprived eyes look despite the fact that you’re laid out in an erotic display of lust, you can’t stop the sobs you let out as you climax. 

Thinking you’re just crying from the overwhelming pleasure and too tired to dig further into it, Kuroo absentmindedly tosses the toys to the side and cradles you in his arms as he falls asleep, finding comfort in your familiar scent and figure, ignorant of the way your body continues to tremble as you cry yourself to sleep. And as you try to keep your sobs and sniffles as quiet as possible, you decide to abort this mission, deeming it a complete and utter failure and you struggle to fall asleep that night as self-deprecating thoughts claw at your insides. Of course Kuroo didn’t find you sexy anymore. Your body has changed a lot since your younger days. You should be grateful that you still have a loving husband, a husband who works tirelessly to help provide for the two of you, a husband who always takes care of you, a loyal and devoted husband. And despite the longing pang for something more, something primal, for your base desires to be filled, you tentatively turn in Kuroo’s arms until you're face to face and you nuzzle into his toned chest and finally find peace in the rhythmic rise and fall of his sleeping figure. 

Life goes on normally after that. At least for Kuroo. He's too distracted and exhausted to notice the way your smiles are a little more forced, the way you're more hesitant about touching him, the way you wear more clothes to cover your body as self-consciousness plagues your mind. So it's just business as usual for him to excitedly tell you about the Japan Volleyball Association's annual summer beach party, but he blinks in confusion when you don't return his enthusiasm, mumbling a feeble excuse about not having a swimsuit for the occasion. Brows furrowed, he digs through the drawers of your wardrobe and triumphantly holds up a black bikini set you still have, waving aside your worries that it won't fit and that it won't look good on you anymore and that's how you find yourself a few weeks later, exiting Kuroo's car and walking side by side with him in said bikini, feeling like an ugly troll next to your stunning husband whose lean and toned muscles are on full display with him just sporting a red pair of swim trunks. 

But your insecurities are pushed aside as a loud "hey, hey, hey" echoes even over the sound of the waves crashing on the beach and you can't help but grin as Bokuto runs over slapping Kuroo hard enough on the back to leave a red mark before picking you up and spinning you around as he hugs you. "Alright, that's enough, stop manhandling my wife, you big dumb owl!" Kuroo pretends to grumble at the two of you, but you can tell by the amused glint in his eyes as Bokuto finally lets you go and the reassuring hand he places on your lower back as the three of you mingle with everyone else that he doesn't really mind. But as soon as you reach the thickest part of the crowd, Kuroo quickly kisses your forehead before running off to network with some players and coworkers, leaving you alone with Bokuto. 

The two of you have fun. Bokuto has always been the life of the party and you laugh the hardest you've laughed in a long time. But many drinks later and unable to keep up with his crazy stamina, you excuse yourself and find a quiet corner, drinking a glass of cold water to cool down and sober up a bit. It's been hours and you still haven't seen Kuroo since he separated from you and you're so focused scanning the venue for him that you don't notice the person drawing near you until you feel movement right next to you. Surprised you turn around and are met with a vaguely familiar face. Blond dyed hair. An ever present smirk. You don't realize how long you've been staring, trying to remember where you recognize him from, until he snorts and waves a hand in your face. "I know I'm good looking, but don't you think it's a little rude to just stare at me silently?" 

You try to stutter out an apology as you finally come back to your senses, but he laughs it off and introduces himself. Atsumu. Yes, now you recognize him. Bokuto's teammate. You've seen tons of pictures of him on Bokuto's social media accounts. He's a little rough around the edges and you can feel your face heat up as he blatantly looks you up and down, eyes lingering a bit too long on the swell of your breasts, but you can feel your confidence growing, feeling truly desired for the first time in months. What's the harm in a little flirting? 

The two of you banter back and forth and maybe it's the heat of the sun mixed with the alcohol still running through your veins, but you don't notice the way Atsumu inches closer to you until your thighs are pressed tightly against each other or the way he rests one arm behind you, slyly pressing it against your upper back. And you definitely don't notice how he suddenly swoops in to crash his lips against yours and you move to shove him away from you only to be interrupted by a flurry of motions and you stare in shock at Atsumu sprawled out on the ground and your husband furiously glaring down at him, fists clenched so hard his knuckles are turning white. 

You react just in time to lunge at Kuroo and you tightly wrap your arms around his tense figure as he takes a step towards the blonde setter, holding him still as realization finally dawns on Atsumu when he spots your matching wedding bands and he scampers off with a rushed apology. But even when he’s long gone and nowhere in sight, you still clutch your husband, not letting go until you feel his muscles relax. You let him shake you off as he turns around to tower over you and you whimper at the fire burning in his eyes, hazel eyes almost glowing as they pin you down. You’re thankful for the loud music and lively atmosphere, ensuring no one’s paying any attention to the two of you as he tightly grips your chin and forces you to maintain eye contact. 

“Someone’s been a naughty kitten. I leave you alone for a few hours and you let some other man just place their dirty paws all over you? Let them taste your pretty little mouth? If I hadn’t stopped him, would you have let him fuck your tight cunt too? Mark you up inside and out?” 

You hate the way you grow wet at his words, trembling when Kuroo notices your growing arousal and narrows his eyes in disdain. But it’s the brief flicker of hurt in his eyes that finally has you digging your hands into his waist as denial and reassurances come pouring out of your mouth. 

“Tetsurou, I had no idea he was going to kiss me. It happened so fast. I’m so sorry. Of course I would have stopped him if you hadn’t stepped in! I love you. I only want you.” 

You stare intently into his eyes, trying to portray all your love for him through your gaze and you sigh in relief when his eyes soften at your words, but your breath catches in your throat when his eyes sharpen into a familiar gleam and a dark smirk curves onto his lips. He finally releases your chin and leans down until his hair brushes against the side of your face as he purrs into your ear. 

“Prove it to me.” 

Kuroo has a reputation to uphold and, not wanting to risk anyone seeing what’s about to happen, he grabs your hand and guides you through the dancing crowd, laughing and greeting a few tipsy faces he recognizes in passing, but not once does he stop leading you towards the exit and you’re quivering in anticipation by the time the two of you reach the parking lot and he roughly shoves you into the back of his car. The door has barely closed before he pulls your bottoms down, not even bothering to fully remove them as he also hastily shoves his boxers down just enough for his cock to swing out. And you almost moan at just the sight of what you’ve been lusting for all these months, a small part of you taking pride in the fact that he’s not as unaffected as he makes himself seem behind his angry facade as you unconsciously lick your lips at the sight of his already fully hard length. 

You attempt to sit up and move towards him, desperate for a taste of the pre-cum leaking out of his tip, but you yelp when you’re shoved back down by a hand on your chest and you whine, only for that to quickly turn into a wail as Kuroo slams two of his fingers inside of your throbbing cunt. He growls as he rapidly pistons his digits in and out of you and you should be embarrassed by the way your cries of ecstasy and the sound of your squelching wet pussy fill the car, but you can’t bring yourself to feel any shame as you lose yourself to the delirious pleasure of your husband’s long fingers filling you, stretching you, always sure to rub against that spongy spot inside of you that makes you see stars. But when your hand instinctively reaches down to rub your clit, you’re startled back to reality when it’s slapped away and his fingers are yanked out of you. 

He sneers down at you, a wicked smile twisting his face as he shoves his drenched fingers into your mouth and you obediently suck, making sure to clean every remaining drop of yourself that coats his skin. Satisfied, he finally removes his hand from your mouth and he quirks an eyebrow in amusement as you beg and plead for him to fuck you.

“Tetsurou, please. I need your cock inside of me. Please, I want it so badly. Please fuck me. Please please please. I miss it so much.” 

He mockingly coos down at you as desperate tears well in the corner of your eyes. “Aww is my little kitten crying for my cock? You’re such a fucking whore. You want my big fat cock inside of you so badly that you’d cry and beg for it like a desperate slut? You sure it’s my cock that you miss? I think you’d be happy with any cock fucking you. You’d let anyone stuff you full and moan like a whore, wouldn’t you?” 

And the tears finally fall as you sob and shake your head rapidly. “Only you, Tetsurou. Always only you. Please please please.” You’re still crying and incoherently babbling as he slams his entire shaft inside of you in one swift motion and Kuroo darkly smiles at the way your crying instantly turns to wanton moans at the sudden intrusion. But it’s been far too long since either of you have done this and both of you are so worked up that he knows he doesn’t have much time before you both reach your ends. And sure enough after just a few strokes he can feel your body begin to tighten and he grits his teeth at the sight of your eyes rolling into the back of your head, your head shaking back and forth, and your mouth wide open. But even as dazed as you are, when you feel the way your husband’s thrusts become uneven, you try to voice as much reason as you possibly can, fully aware of your husband’s tendency to paint your body with his fluids. 

“Tetsu-Tetsurou AH- Feels so good. Hngh D-don’t cum on me. Don’t have anything to- AHHH clean it up with and- OH we need to go back to the party.”

Kuroo grunts in displeasure at your words, but he knows you’re right and as much as he loves to see you covered in thick spurts of white, the thought of anyone else seeing that incites rage in him. You get ready for him to pull out and cum down your throat like you always do when you mess around in similarly inconvenient places, ready to swallow down any evidence of your sinful deeds, but you scream when his thrusts get even harder and faster. 

"Guess I'll just have to cum inside you."

And those words are the final shove you need to fall over the peak and Kuroo follows shortly after you as your pussy walls clench and milk his cock. He stays buried inside of you for a few more moments, wanting your tight walls to soak up as much of him as possible, but when he slides out of you, he quickly pulls your bottoms up, not letting a single drop escape, and you whimper as he purposefully tugs them up just a tad too tightly, teasingly wedging the fabric between your folds before finally having some mercy and letting you rearrange them. He opens the car door and steps out first, offering a hand down towards you and you grab it, gingerly standing up only to be pulled swiftly towards him and you stumble into his chest. But before you can fully find your balance, a large hand tugs your hair until you’re forced to stare up into cat-like eyes. 

“I want you to keep my cum inside of you for the rest of the party. I’m not anywhere near done with your punishment. I’ll be checking at home tonight to see if your pretty little pussy is still painted white.”       

The rest of the party is torturous. Kuroo doesn't let you step even a foot away from him as he continues mingling with the crowd and in any other scenario you'd love the attention he showers you with as he affectionately introduces you to countless faces, but not today. Not with your pussy desperately clenching in order not to spill a single drop of the white liquid coating your insides. Not with your touch starved body only yearning for more after getting a taste of what you've wanted all these months. And Kuroo only makes things worse with his subtle teasing. 

You know better than to think any of his touches are accidental or innocent and your body is so in tune with his that it reacts to every single bit of contact he dishes out. His arm grazes over your nipples as he reaches over to grab a drink. He leads you with a hand that just happens to slip from your lower back and land squarely on your ass. He wipes your mouth for you, claiming you have a piece of food on the corner of your mouth, but that doesn't really explain why his fingers briefly slip past your lips. But all hell breaks loose when he reapplies your sunscreen for you and his hands blatantly slip under your bikini set, teasingly close to where you want him most, but always just missing your clit and nipples and when he reaches your neck, a moan escapes you at the feeling of his hand subtly wrapping and tightening around your throat. 

"Tetsurou, stop teasing me! Can we go home? Please take me home. I need you inside of me again. I want you to ruin me." 

Kuroo's the one who's turned you into a needy slutty mess, but it's his turn to feel flushed at the sight of you lewdly begging him to do whatever he wants to you in broad daylight, in front of hundreds of people and finally losing his self-control, he brusquely grabs your hand and once again the two of you are leaving, but this time for good. The car ride is silent, the atmosphere thick and tense between the two of you as you clench your thighs together and Kuroo tries to ignore the growing bulge in his shorts. It's silent as both of you enter your apartment and Kuroo seats himself on your couch. But you break once you close and lock the front door and Kuroo impassively stares at you as you drop to your knees in front of him and beg him to fuck you again. You know you're barely making any sense, fueled only by your cock hungry thoughts, but you pause when Kuroo raises a hand to silence you. 

"Let's see if you were able to follow the one rule I gave you today, kitten." 

Eagerly you nod your head and you raise yourself on your knees, spreading your thighs apart before pulling your bikini bottom to the side and you think you could cum right there and then just from the way Kuroo unabashedly stares at the white trail dripping down your inner thigh as he pushes down his shorts enough to languidly stroke his cock. 

"Good girl. Did you like being my little cum bucket today? Did you like being filled by me? Bet if it were possible, you'd always want your little cunny to be drenched in my cum, right? Come sit on master's lap." 

Kuroo chuckles at the way you clumsily stumble in your haste to reach him as you blather affirmation after affirmation in response to his questions and he lowers his head to affectionately kiss you, lightly nipping your lower lip before he pulls back. He moves one hand to his cock to angle it as his other hand grabs your waist and urges you to move, but you hardly need any encouragement and you both groan as you sink down on his length until you're completely bottomed out and sitting in his lap once again. Immediately you try to bounce, but you whine when strong hands hold you still and you can feel tears of frustration forming as you pout at your husband's smirk. But any annoyance is forgotten when his hands fondle and pinch your nipples through the fabric of your top. 

"Look at you. I've barely done anything and you're already so worked up. Stop moving! Just sit there and take what I give you." You yelp when he roughly pinches your nipples and you cease your attempts to ride him, but you can't help the way your hips roll and grind as he continues. 

"Your nipples are already so hard, kitten. Look how obvious they are even beneath your swimsuit. Were they like this all day? Is that why Atsumu couldn't take his eyes off you? You think every player there saw how slutty your nipples are? Realized what a horny desperate whore you are? I bet they all wanted to get a taste." 

You wail when Kuroo shoves the fabric aside and latches a mouth onto one of your sensitive nubs, while experly flicking and rolling the other between his fingers. He alternates between the two sides and your frazzled mind can barely keep up with his actions as he switches up the motions of his fingers and mouth. He pulls off briefly and sharply tugs at your nipples. "Think you can cum just from your nipples?" You try to deny it, pleading for him to at least rub your clit, but your protests are ignored and you gasp when he dives back down and harshly sucks at one of your puffy nubs. Kuroo knows your body even better than you do and he continues to stimulate your nipples even when you topple over into an orgasm that takes you by surprise and you tightly clench around his cock as your back arches and only when you weakly paw at him to stop does he release your nipple with a lewd pop. 

You playfully smack him when he teases you about what a slut you must be to be able to get off from just your nipples and you hide your face in his neck as he shamelessly thinks out loud about all the nipple clamps, suctions, and vibrators he can use on you to train you even more. But you raise your head in alarm when you feel yourself being repositioned, Kuroo's erect cock still inside of you as he lays you on your back and hovers over you. 

"Tetsurou, st-stop NGH TOO SOON!"

"What did you say, kitten? Sorry, it's hard to understand you when you're moaning like a whore. Weren't you begging for this all day? Shouldn't you be thanking me?"

Kuroo thrusts sharply into you with every word and you can't think of anything other than how well he fills you, how perfectly he fits inside the cunt he's molded and shaped for himself after years of using it, how amazing the drag of his cock against your insides is. You babble thank you, thank you, thank you mindlessly over and over again, incapable of doing anything else as your breasts bounce and your body writhes underneath him. And when his hips finally stutter and he furiously rubs your clit as he adds to the mess inside of you, you break apart once again, your mind going blank as you feel the warmth of his cum sloshing inside of you.

But exhaustion slams into you as you come down from your climax, exhaustion from your third orgasm, exhaustion from being teased all day and all the barriers you’d put up finally come crashing down and Kuroo stares in horror as you sob, nothing like the pleasure filled sobs he usually wrings out of you. No, these are heartbreaking anguished cries for help and he immediately answers the call by tightly clutching you to his chest, your lower bodies still connected as he murmurs words of praise and love into your ear. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, sweetheart? I love you. You know that, right? I love you more than anything or anyone else in this entire world. I’m so lucky to be your husband. You’re so good to me, so loving, so supportive, so loyal, so beautiful.” 

The last word catches your attention and with a sniffle you hesitantly remove your head from his torso and look at him through watery lashes. 

“You think I’m beautiful?” 

Kuroo flounders for a second, disbelief choking the words in his throat, unable to understand how you could think otherwise. But when he sees the insecurity and doubt flooding your eyes he gently cradles your face in his calloused hands. 

“Of course I do. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out.” 

Your heart flutters at the sincerity you see in his eyes and that’s all it takes for you to break down in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck as you tuck your head under his chin, and he silently listens as you reveal all the internal suffering you’d put yourself through over the past months as you let your anxiety and worry mix with your doubts and insecurities, letting them fester and ferment into a self-destructive time bomb. A slow-moving process he’d been too daft to notice, that you’d been too scared to talk to him about for his sake, not wanting to be a bother or another item he needed to check off his to-do list. And while you continue shyly speaking, tears stream down Kuroo’s face and his heart clenches at the thought of how long you’d quietly suffered, putting on a happy facade for him, taking care of his every want and need during the few hours of the week he was home and awake. 

Surprised to feel liquid drops plop down on your face, you quirk your head upwards and panic when you see your husband’s teary eyes and the two of you become a blubbering mess as you both try to wipe each other’s tears and soothe each other. It’s so silly to see two adults trying to out comfort each other that you accidentally snort at the strange image the two of you must make and there’s a slight pause, but then your laughter is joined by Kuroo’s trademark cackle and before you know it, the two of you are wrapped in each other’s arms, feeling the rumble of each other’s laughter through your connected bodies. 

Yes, there’ll be serious conversations later about being more open and transparent with each other when something’s troubling either one of you and discussions on how you can both work on your communication. You’ll jokingly complain that Kuroo is hovering over you too much for weeks after this breakdown as he practically scrutinizes you with those perceptive eyes of his, always making sure you’re really fine. And he’ll never give you any more opportunities to doubt how much he loves every part of you when you’re screaming his name on every surface of your home. But for now, feeling infinitely lighter with all your burdens finally shoved off your shoulders with the help of your husband, you’re content to close your eyes and relish in the warmth of the lean body pressed against you.     

[astroyongie]

Hi! First of all, good day. I saw you mention Sakura and several reasons why you don’t do readings for her. I respect that, of course, and am sorry to ask about her like this when you aren’t comfortable with her energy, but I’d like to share my idea on why that may be the case, because she’s been a part of many J-idol fans’ lives including my own, so I didn’t want to just pass her name over. Now, I didn’t follow her to Korea, since I’m a fan of another member (the fan dynamic goes like that) and am not interested. I found your blog through SM groups. But 48 Group is a very difficult place to be in, as they’ve described themselves. It’s really foreign and Byzantine for those outside the culture, too. In their own intricate way, the atmosphere can be dark, competition is oxygen, and there was a lot of immaturity from the extremely young members among many things, which really needed super strong mentality. These are all from documentaries, interviews, common fan knowledge, etc. Sakura was a 1st generation member—which is always the hardest—of HKT, the sister group with the smallest age. They showed how seriously of a hard time it was for them, especially in the beginning before some AKB seniors joined, a few members went there themselves that made them learn a lot and become naturally brighter, and their bond became stronger and more true, but that also didn’t stop anything beyond. She got popular and was pushed in a national idol girl group that was more like a social phenomenon than a gg itself. Sakura knows too much, so add that to her 10 years as an idol and the even longer amount she’s been in the industry, I think most people who’ve been with her throughout the years would get what you mean somehow if this is really what it’s about. If it’s not, then that’s fine. I believe in her, so I just wanted to shed light on what I know. That being said, you don’t have to clarify further on this if you don’t want to. I apologize for the lengthy post. Thank you if you actually read down to here. All love! <3

Anwser :

Hey hun ! Firstly I want to thank you for sharing this with me because you have resumed a lot !

Of course, it’s not because I don’t like someone’s energy that this person is a bad person. Energies are complicated and people can just not get along with someone’s energy and still it doesn’t mean the other person is like a huge dickhead or other.

When it comes to Sakura, she worked her ass off to be were she is, and no one can take it away from her. Just like any idol, they work a lot, they go through things that are very hard physically and mentally and I am not even talking about the illegal and unmorally stuff some idols have to go through to reach their goals.

I agree with what you said. Of course her energy is filled with competitiveness, with a dark past and sweat that took her where she is. To clarify, the reason I don’t like her or her energy isn’t because of the competition she went through or even the fact that she is a very popular among most male idols for the wrong reasons. I simply don’t like her energy, it doesn’t match with mine due to her personality and of course interaction and thoughts that will influenced ones aura.

It’s totally okay not liking someone’s vibe as long as we keep respectful and don’t be hateful toward them, because after all they are still human

But again thank you so much for sharing this ! it was very constructive <3

[sitp-recs]

(Perfect artwork for Modern Love, by @cambiodipolvere)

Today is the day of one of my favorite people! And I totally resent @tackytigerfic and Starry for almost sharing the same birthday, god the STRESS 😂 Tacky is my first and closest fandom friend. We clicked together so fast and easy that sometimes it feels like I’ve known her all my life, like we’re two dog moms living in the same neighborhood who happen to read fic in their free time. Despite our conflicting time zones and crazy schedules we manage to chat every other day, tagging and sending each other all kinds of stuff, coming together to cry scream about a brilliant fic we’ve just read or shaking our heads in embarrassment at every other unnecessary bullshit post. Tacky’s bright and wise energy uplifts my spirit even on my moody days, and makes me grateful for her friendship and for this fandom life. Okay so this got long and I had to put the rest under the cut:

It’s such a lovely and precious thing, to have someone with whom you can share every single thought that crosses your mind, your scariest, most embarrassing, petty or disturbing idea, without fear of being shamed or judged by it. I trust Tacky with all my heart to hear me out, share a joke or a piece of advice, even on the (rare) occasions when we don’t get the same perspective - that doesn’t happen often when it comes to Drarry, as we are taste twins!

Tacky my darling, you’re such a good person, and such an incredible friend. Thank you for introducing me to this lovely community, for being my safe haven and your unique self, with so many qualities I admire and feel inspired by: kind, witty, earnest, wise, and so very human. I love your humour and empathy, and your chill yet no-nonsense personality; I love your talent and how articulated you are; I love your passion for Drarry, and how you let this emotion inform the way you navigate the fandom and create for it. And god, but you’ve been creating some of the most beautiful content I’ve seen in these recent years! I’m permanently in awe of your ability to write Drarry in any shape, format or length, transforming even the most ordinary moment into an extraordinary and meaningful piece of character or relationship development. You know how you mentioned yesterday that some authors change the way you feel about a ship in a deep, definitive way? Well, you are that author for me. Your works made me fall in love with M-rated contemplative romance, and also allowed me to fall in love with Harry in a way I never thought it was possible before.

Some people - myself included - got to know you through the fun and intriguing A Lick and a Promise, others through the atmospheric and sensitive Modern Love, others through your contemplative and heartbreaking short form. Each story has its merits and purpose, and all of them share a Tacky trademark: the heartkick factor! Your talent has no limits and goes across different genres and tropes, that you explore with a bold twist full of personality and heart. And even more impressive is your consistency at always raising the bar - every new fic of yours becomes an instant fave and makes me think “wow I thought Tacky couldn’t get better yet here we are”. Seeing how your writing evolves as you find your narrative voice is a beautiful and humbling experience, I feel so lucky!

I’m really grateful for being active in the fandom at this moment in time, because that allows me to read and engage with your brilliant work, and to have you as a dear friend. I can’t wait to see what comes out of your beautiful brain next. It was an impossible job choosing a single fic to rec today, so I decided to do a belated Tacky reclist! Naturally these are my personal and biased must-reads, and I urge everyone to go check these beauties right now. Feel free to include your own favorites too, and don’t forget to leave them some appreciation.

Happy happy birthday my darling Tacky! This fandom life wouldn’t be the same without you. I hope you have the amazing day you deserve!

Between the Power Lines (2020, M, 3.2k)

The road trip fic you didn’t know you needed. I got utterly immersed in the heartbreaking quietness of this, feeling like a witness to an ordinary yet poignant love story. Such tender intimacy, such character development, such lovely American aesthetics with barely any dialogue. This is, IMO, the fic that reveals Tacky’s triumph in storytelling.

Even the Night (2020, M, 3.4k)

This fic has a surreal atmosphere, those Midsummer vibes unbelievably sexy and intoxicating linked to the sensorial experience of fumbling together in the night. Masterclass in tension building, a silky and languid dream-like affair.

Aim for my Heart (2021, M, 3.4k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

One of the most sensitive and stunning portraits I’ve ever seen of a poly/triad relationship, this fic packs so much character and longing! It’s a privilege to watch Ron and Draco’s tentative dynamics through the smitten eyes of the one person that loves them like no one else: Harry.

The Long Fall (2021, M, 3.6k)

I can’t even write about this tender domesticity without getting a lump in my throat. Best opening scene I’ve read in years, and a refreshing way to approach both mpreg and parenthood, painfully honest and lovely. This became an immediate comfort read for me, and it’s probably one of the fics I revisit the most.

Mortal Frame (2021, M, 6.6k)

This thrilling, fast-paced spy story left me breathless since the first paragraph, gods what an immersive ride! I’m so here for Drarry on the run, sharp and urgent with danger but mellowed by the silent trust and tender intimacy only Tacky can master. Major bonus points for the brilliant take on the Horcrux hunt plot line!

Last Offices (2020, M, 6.7k)

Oh, this fic 💔 I tend to avoid MCD but there’s something so deeply fascinating about body washing rituals that I caught myself mesmerized by this. I just couldn’t put it down, so emotionally compromised I felt. There’s a sort of strange comfort in the heartbreak of doing one last act of service out of devotion to someone. This fic inspired so many difficult but lovely feelings in me, and one of them was hope. Only Tacky could possibly achieve that!

Our Little Life (2020, M, 7.2k)

Inventive and singular, this story hit me straight on the solar plexus and left me speechless as I saw the (clever, magical and bittersweet) plot unravel. Such a fabulous take on alternate universes and all the angst potential behind it. Come and bask in the yearning melancholia of a short yet intricate and perfectly executed plot.

And One to Play (2019, E, 21k)

What a fun and delightful fic, I can’t have enough of pining Harry losing all sense of propriety when faced with a hot, competent and pragmatic Draco. This has fab dynamics, unhinged protectiveness, even more unhinged attraction between two idiots who can’t keep their hands off each other. A must-read for any Auror partners fan!

A Lick and a Promise (2019, E, 55k)

Hot, BAMF Professors carefully balancing a fuck buddies situation while solving a Hogwarts mystery, do we need anything else? I certainly do not. This fic is so fun and intriguing and immersive, with amazing supportive cast and a delicious get together feat secret shagging and oblivious pining. Love it!

Modern Love (2020, E, 61k)

My favorite read of 2020, this fic is a love letter to Drarry and will always hold a piece of my soul. Sensitive, wistful, tenderly aching and so very romantic, this is a Muggle Draco triumph with a superb Harry, exquisite slow burn and a side of suds comfort. I promise it will be impossible to listen to Bowie again without thinking of this love story.

Bonus: five stunning drabbles!

Something in the Way (2021, T, 119 words)

“Up,” he said, and Draco, sick with love, raised his arms above his head and allowed Potter to slide the jumper on him, big hands stroking it flat over Draco’s stomach until they both shivered.

Stir-Up Sunday (2020, M, 300 words)

“I want you always,” he said, tugging again on the fine curling length of it. “Is it okay to say that?”

Whalebone Arch (2021, M, 722 words)

“Are you still not talking to me?” Draco steered Harry towards the crisps. “Do I have to suck you off in the loo to cheer you up?”

Semiplume (2021, T, 923 words)

“Did you know,” Harry murmured, and he put his arms around Draco, fearless. “I’d be your mate. If you needed a mate, I mean.”

Relic Radiation (2021, M, 927 words)

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

[baya-ni]

The Queer Appeal of Sk8

Recently @mulberrymelancholy reblogged a post of mine with a truly galaxy brain take about how Sk8 “is a show made for queer fans” and generally how sports anime often depicts love and relationships in a way that’s more accessible and relatable to ace/arospec people than other mainstream media does.

Just, *chef’s kiss* fucking brilliant. I urge you to read their post here (note I’m referring to the reblog not the actual post).

And basically, it got me thinking about this concept of Sk8 as a Queer Show, and the kinds of stories and dynamics that tend to attract queer audiences in droves, regardless of whether its queerness is made explicit or hell, whether that queerness was intended.

And that’s what I’ve been pondering: What are the cues, markers, or coding, in Sk8 that set off the community’s collective gaydar?

I obviously can’t speak for the community. So here’s what aspects of the show intrigued me and what, for me, marks Sk8 as a Queer Show beyond the subtextual queer romances: a punk/alternative aesthetic, Found Family, Shadow as a drag persona, and The Hands.

1.) The Punk Aesthetic

All three of the above screenshots are taken from Ep 1, and every single one of them depicts background characters. They’re nameless and ultimately unimportant characters, yet each of them designed so distinctly and so unique from one another, one could mistake each of them for the main character(s) of another story.

Of what little I know about Punk subculture, I do know this: that the ethos of Punk is heavily built around a celebration of individuality and non-conformity. Sk8 seems to have incorporated this ethos into the very fabric its worldbuilding, and the aesthetics and culture upon which it takes inspiration appeals specifically to a queer audience.

I don’t really need to explain why Punk has such deep ties with the queer community. For decades, queer people have found community and acceptance within punk spaces, and punk ideology is something that I think is just ingrained in the queer consciousness as both lived experience and a survival tactic.

Therefore, a show that adopts punk aesthetics is, by association, already paying homage to Queer culture, intentional or not.

Queer fans notice this- like recognizes like.

2.) Found Family

This also needs little explanation.

Too often, queer individuals cannot rely on their “born into” families for support and acceptance. Too often, we are abused, neglected, and abandoned by those who we were taught would “always be there for us.”

And so, a universal experience for queer people has been redefining the meaning of Family, having to build our families from scratch, finding brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers in people with whom we have no blood relation, and forming communities tied together by shared lived experience rather than shared genetics.

And this idea of Found Family is also built into Sk8′s narrative.

Like, for example, the way that Reki promises MIYA that he and Langa will “never disappear from [his] sight,” filling the void that MIYA felt after his friends abandoned him.

And in the way that JOE becomes a paternal figure for Reki, teaching him ways to improve in skateboarding, and ensuring that Reki doesn’t self isolate when he’s feeling insecure.

And in the whole Ep 6 business with Hiromi acting as babysitter to the Gang.

Hell, even ADAM (derogatory) is associated with this trope. Abused as a child, he finds solace in an underground skateboarding community and culture he helped create- his own found family (or some powertrippy version of it anyway).

Again, queer fans see themselves depicted in the show, but this time in the way that the show gives importance to Found Family relationships between its characters.

3.) Shadow and Drag

This is one that’s more of an association that I personally made. But I was intrigued by the way that Hiromi adopts his SHADOW persona. He wears SHADOW like a mask, and adopts a personality seemingly so opposite to his day-to-day behavior.

Further, the theatricality and general “gender fuckery” of his SHADOW persona, to me, just seemed so similar to a the characteristics of a drag persona (I don’t know a whole lot about drag but enough that I’m drawing superficial similarities).

There’s also this aspect of a “double life” that he, and actually all the other adult characters of the show, have to adopt, which is a way of living that I’m sure a lot of queer viewers see themselves reflected in.

4.) The Hands

Ohhhh the Hands.

One of the things I noticed very early on is the way the show constantly draws our attention to Reki’s hands, which I thought was a little strange for an anime about skating. After all, skating doesn’t really involve the hands, or at least the show doesn’t really draw attention to hands within the context of skating.

I count 3 times so far between Eps 1-9 in which hands are the focus of the frame.

First, when Reki teaches Langa how to fist pump after Langa lands his first ollie, second, when Reki and Langa make their Promise, and finally, when Langa saves Reki from falling off his board.

And you know what they say, twice is a coincidence but thrice is a motif (no one else actually says this I think I’m the only one who says this lol).

I’m not really certain why hands seem to be such a shared fixation among queer people (at least among those I interact with). All I know is that gay people are just fucking obsessed with them.

I have a Theory as to why, and at this point I’d love for other people to chime in and “compare notes” if you will, but I think it basically has to do with repression. And in the same way that queer people have had to redefine the meaning of family, we’ve also had to redefine intimacy.

Being overtly physically affectionate with someone of the same sex, even if they’re your significant other, or often specifically BECAUSE they’re your significant other, can still be dangerous, even now despite the “progression” of society. Queer people know this, this vigilant surveillance of our environment and ourselves, always asking ourselves, “Am I safe enough to be myself?”

Already, Western culture is pretty touch-averse. That is, it’s considered taboo to touch someone unless they’re a family member or a romantic partner. And to touch a person of the same sex in any way that could be misconstrued as romantic (which is most things tbh) is a big no no.

There’s just A Lot to unpack there.

But basically I think that queer people, by necessity, have had to learn to romanticize mundane or unconventional ways of being physically intimate so that we can continue to be romantic with one another without “being caught” so to speak.

Kissing and hugging is too obvious. But a handshake that lingers for just a second too long is much more likely to go unnoticed, braiding someone’s hair can easily be explained away as just lending a helping hand, touching palms to “compare hand sizes” is just good fun.

But for queer people, these brief and seemingly insignificant touches hold greater meaning, because it’s all we are allowed, and all we allow ourselves, to exchange with others.

God, I’ve gone off and rambled again. What’s my point? Basically that the way the show draws attention to Reki’s hands, and specifically how they’re so often framed with Langa’s hands, is one of the major reasons why I clocked Sk8 as a Queer. It’s just something that resonated with me and my own experience of queerness, and I know that I’m not the only one who noticed either.

~

So in conclusion, uhhhh yeah Sk8 the Infinity is just a super gay show, and it’s not even because of the homo-romantic subtext (that at this point is really just Text).

Because what’s important to understand is that Queerness isn’t just about same-sex romance.

Queer Love isn’t just shared between wives/girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends, and all their in-betweens. Queer Love can be two best friends who come out together, queer siblings who rely and support one another, a gay teacher who helps guide one of their questioning students, a queer community pitching in to help a struggling member.

And that all ties with another important thing to consider, that what we refer to as the “queer experience” or “queer culture” isn’t universal. In fact, it wrongly lumps together the unique experiences and struggles of queer BIPOC all under one umbrella that’s primary White and middle class.

So I think what drives a lot of my frustration about labeling a show like Sk8 as Queerbait is this very issue of considering queerness and queer representation within such narrow standards, and mandating that a show must pass a certain threshold of explicit queerness to be considered good representation.

I get that someone might only feel represented by an indisputable canonization of a same-sex couple. That’s fine. But labeling Sk8 as Queerbait for that reason alone ignores the vast array of other queer experiences.

The aspects of Sk8 that resonate most deeply with my own experiences of queerness is in the way that Reki and Langa share intimacy through skating (intricate rituals heyo). For me, them officially getting together ultimately doesn’t matter- I’ll consider Sk8 a Queer show regardless.

Similarly, @mulberrymelancholy​ finds ace/arospec representation in that very absence of an on-screen kiss. A bisexual man might find representation in Reki, not because he enters a canon relationship, but in the depiction of Reki’s coming of age, growing up and navigating adolescent relationships. A non-binary person might feel represented through CHERRY’s androgyny.

That’s the thing, I don’t know how this show will resonate with other members of the queer community, and it’d be wrong to make a judgement on Sk8′s queer representation based on my experiences alone.

That being said, Straight people definitely don’t get to judge Sk8 as Queerbait. Y’all can watch and enjoy the show, we WANT you to enjoy these kinds of shows, and we want you to share these shows and contribute to the normalization and celebration of these kinds of narratives.

But understand that you don’t have a right to tell us whether or not Sk8 has good or bad queer representation.

And even members of the queer community are on thin ice. Your experience of queerness is not universal. Listen to the other members of your community, and respect that what you might find lacking in this show may be the exact representation that someone else needs.

[hp-fanfic-archive]

an introductory rec list (that nobody asked for) for some of my favorite (platonic and/or romantic) pairings: severitus [2/10]

First fic I read for the pairing: Of Potions and Phobias by tt22123 [1k,G] Severitus story with nightmares [i stumbled on this fic on accident and it was short and sweet (and a little bittersweet at the end).]

Fic that really sold me on the pairing: Leo Inter Serpentes (Series) by Aeternum [746k,E,6 works] (WIP) Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same? [i will never not recommend this series: it’s amazing, it’s well-written, it’s true to all the characters and relationships and it feels more canon than canon (of course, it’s also significantly more gay than canon but i said what i said).]

Absolute favorite fic(s) for the pairing: Nobody Cared by etherian [360k,G] Harry is 11 years old and looking forward to attending Hogwarts. Why, then, does he miss the Welcoming Feast? (warnings for: child abuse, bullying, depictions of violence) [this fic is really well done (but has a lot of angst and definitely mind the warnings above (although the author doesn’t include warnings on the fic)).] Family Means More Than Blood by WingsOfADream [422k,M] A prophecy made in 1975 drastically changes the life of the boy who should have been known as Harry Potter. [this is yet another fic with a really well-written and fascinating plot with excellent characterizations and plot lines. i definitely would recommend it to someone with a lot of time on their hands.]

Most recent fic I’ve read for the pairing: Blackberry Tart by starknjarvis [33k,G] One year after Severus Snape offered to become Harry's legal guardian, Sirius Black shows up at Hogwarts. [the fic is a part of a well-written and pragmatic series and this fic also includes the development of a remus & severus and a sirius & severus friendship so that harry can have a larger and supportive family and i’m living for it (i believe the exact tag that the author used was “coparenting with your childhood nemesis” and i am living for it).]

Favorite AU(s) I’ve read for the pairing: Alternate Sorting AU (Slytherin!Harry): Malfoy Flavor by Vorabiza [199k,E] Harry’s ready to banish the Golden Boy image and take charge of his life. Unfortunately for him, or fortunately, there are surprises in store for him. [Slytherin!Harry but it’s not an entire canon rewrite like most of the alternate sorting fics i love so much, so that’s fun. also drarry and just the right amount of painful but realistic angst. oh and it has a delightfully fluffy little sequel.]

Favorite Series for the pairing: Forgiveness & Redemption by waitingondaisies [130k,T,2 works] Severus Snape was discovered as a spy mere days before the start of the school year. Thankfully, Albus had been working on a vague contingency plan for this possibility. It had been inspired by the question, “What would it take for Severus Snape to see that he was wrong about Harry Potter?” The answer? Force Severus to go undercover as Alfonse “Eli” Hopkirk, a sixth year Gryffindor. (that’s technically the summary for the first fic but i think it serves well enough in lieu of a series summary, which the author did not provide. also warnings for child abuse.) [this series is such an interesting concept and it feels very realistic in how it played out and i’m honestly here for it.] You're a Parent, Severus by acmparker [210k,G,6 works] (WIP) When Lily got home from her first year at Hogwarts, she found a new distance between herself and Petunia. As a result Severus and Lily became even closer to each other over that summer. The next year Lily found a book in the Hogwarts Library that describe an ancient ritual for creating a blood bond that would make two unrelated people kin. She convinces Severus to undergo the ritual with her and they become brother and sister. This means that when Lily dies there is another whose blood relationship with her is recognized by the blood ward Dumbledore places on Harry. To Severus Snape's chagrin he finds himself the last line of defense between Harry and the forces of the Dark Lord. (again, no series summary but i think this works well enough.) [i love a good remus and severus friendship plus severitus so this series really works for me. and it’s a canon rewrite (love those).] Bruised Words by starknjarvis [49k,G,2 works] (WIP) After Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides it's not safe for Harry to spend the rest of the summer at the Leaky Cauldron, and instead sends him to stay at Spinner’s End with Professor Snape. It's tense, awkward, and teeming with misunderstandings...but it might be the best thing that's happened to either of them. They're both been without a family for a very long time. (apparently all my favorite series aside from Leo Inter Serpentes, which i’ve already listed above, don’t have series descriptions, but the first work’s description seems to work well enough. also warnings for child abuse.) [this is the series that blackberry tart belongs to and may i just say: it’s excellent and well-written and pragmatic and i would recommend it.]

Longest fic I’ve read for the pairing: A Year Like None Other by aspeninthesunlight [789k,T] A letter from home? A letter from family? Well, Harry Potter knows he has neither, but all the same, it starts with a letter from Surrey. Whatever the Durleys have to say, it can't be anything good, so Harry's determined to ignore it. But then, his evil schoolmate rival spots the letter and his slimy excuse for a teacher intercepts it and forces him to read it. And that sends Harry down a path he'd never have walked on his own. It will be a year of big changes, a year of great pain, and a year of confronting worst fears. It will be a year of surprising discoveries, of finding true strength, of finding out that first impressions of a person's true colours do not always ring true. It will be a year of paradigm shifts. And from the most unexpected sources, Harry will have a chance to have that which he has never known: a home ... and a family. A sixth year fic, this story follows Order of the Phoenix and disregards any canon events that occur after Book 5. (warnings for: graphic depictions of violence, self-harm, severe medical trauma) [the fic has some really dark parts but the plot is so intricate and fascinating and the relationships and dynamics are excellently written and the characterizations are spot on and i would definitely recommend it to anyone with a lot of time on their hands.]

Fic(s) with some of my favorite tropes: Sickfic + Hurt/Comfort: When He Called Me Dad by MarauderChaos [31k,Not Rated] It was only however as the end of his second year did Severus collect enough evidence and enough of his own courage to step in. The boy looked as though the world was ending when Severus brought him to his private quarters to see Madam Bones, and for a moment Severus felt the world was ending when someone recommended him as guardian. But that was how it ended, with Harry Potter becoming the ward of the Potions Master. It was kept a secret from the press and the students of Hogwarts – even his own Godson didn’t know, mainly because Lucius was bound to hear of it if he did and Severus didn’t want to risk their lives. They had their ups and downs, screaming and shouting, hexes and slamming doors, crying and hugging, laughing and actually having fun. But there was one moment that Severus would always remember, with its own fair share of good and bad, was the time he called him Dad. [i’m a sucker for hurt/comfort and accidental revelation of feelings, which in this case is the strength of harry’s platonic feelings, and this fic has all that so… yeehaw.] Accidental Bonding (but make it platonic): Love is... (series) by atiaahmed [133k,G,4 works] (WIP) This series revolves around how Snape starts to care about Harry because of a charm put on him by Ron and Hermione. The first story "Love is a charm" explores how their relationship changes because of the charm and what happens when it expires at the end of the year The second story explores how their relationship develops after the events of "Love is a charm". In "Love is a haven" other paternal figures, namely Lupin and Black will threaten Severus position with Harry. [i kind of like the platonic severitus take on one of my favorite hp tropes tbh and i like the way that their relationship develops and the realistic trust issues and such.]

[piduai]

Interview with Noda Satoru from the Golden Kamuy fanbook

sharing anywhere is fine, but please credit me.

Q: Tell me how you feel about passing 6 years of serialization. Noda: I was already serializing at the time of my debut, so I guess I’d be able to give a summary when I’m finished. I don’t really think about how many years it’s been, it’s merely a checkpoint.

Q: What made you decide to become a mangaka? Noda: I feel like I wrote it down as my goal in my yearbook back in middle school. I also wanted to become a movie director, but as a mangaka you can create the entire thing by yourself. 

When Golden Kamuy just took off I was living in a tiny apartment and the postman, a young fellow and a reader of Young Jump, realized that I’m Noda Satoru. The magazine was sending me a lot of things, so it was rather obvious. “Are you the author of Golden Kamuy?”, he asked in a surprised tone while looking around the cramped entryway. I could feel feel his confusion regarding the fact that that vast Hokkaido world of the manga was being created in this modest apartment. Or maybe he just expected me to be making more money and afford a better place. Anyhow, I just thought again about how a manga can be created in even the smallest room in the universe.

Q: Who is your favorite character and why? Noda: As always, it’s Tanigaki. But well, I love all of them. I want to showcase only the best parts of them, and it hurts when I fail. For example I’m very happy that there’s a character who stirs the pot as well as Usami. He’d be Katsuo in the world of Sazae-san.  

Q: Which characters are the easiest to draw, and which ones are the most difficult? Noda: Characters like Shiraishi, Tsukishima and Nagakura, they don’t have a lot of hair and even if they turn out a little ugly their faces are well-defined so it’s easy to draw. In general faces that are strongly distorted and resemble caricatures are easy. Meanwhile Asirpa, Kiroranke and Inkarmat have neat facial structures on top of wearing Ainu clothing, so they are a very high-calorie effort for me. Ogata and Kikuta are difficult too. Their faces are distinctive and I have to make them look cool too, which is wearing me out the most.

Q: Have you decided on all 24 convicts at the very start of the story? Noda: Wouldn’t I sound like a badass if I said that that I have? Anyway. There were the ones that were based off real-life Meiji era criminals, such as Shiraishi, Kumagishi Chouan or the lightning couple, and of course there was Hijikata.

Q: Tell me of a funny thing from the manga that you are fond of. Noda: Gansoku’s “Hah! ☆”. And also when Koito Jr. Was flapping his arms and legs around trying to keep himself in mid-air.

Q: Why did you decide on Otaru as the starting point? Noda: I am from Hokkaido, so I’m familiar with Otaru and Sapporo. Otaru is close to both the mountains and the sea. Sapporo used to be a swampland, it’s wide and flat and there is no sea. Otaru is a place where foreigners come and go, there are many criminals roaming around creating danger, and money is found. There aren’t many big cities in Hokkaido. There were Ainu living in Otaru but sources are scarce, however Nakagawa-sensei, the supervisor over the Ainu language, told me not to worry too much about the difference of location, so I figured it would be best to make it Otaru.

Q: Was there any real life experience you had while growing up in Hokkaido that you turned into a scenario? Noda: When I was about 19 someone I knew told me that there is a locust graveyard on a nearby mountain, which sounded so ridiculous I had to laugh in their face. Turns out it indeed was a heap of locusts and their eggs left after a locust plague, that place was the Teineyamaguchi locust mound (a real historical site). I realized I ended up using this in my story. I owe that person an apology.

Q: Was there any scene that was particularly difficult to draw? Could you elaborate on it? Noda: The time Sugimoto went against Nihei and Tanigaki. It gave me a very hard time. Who goes where and does what, how does Nihei carry Asirpa, stuff like this. I had no time to waste either, I just remember that sequence overall driving me insane. 

There was also the sequence with Wilk, Sofia and Kiroranke being at Hasegawa’s photo studio. It’s really frustrating to draw something that you know will bore the readers, the story flow becomes less exciting too. I was praying for everyone to have a little more patience and keep reading, because the twist was so good.

Q: If you were to take part in the gold hunt, which group would you like to belong to? Noda: It seems that Hijikata’s group doesn’t have funding problems, and because Kadokura is there the atmosphere is relaxed too. I’d go there.

Q: If you were to find all that gold, how would you use it? Noda: No idea. Had a couple when I was younger, though.

Q: Were you planning to eventually transfer the action to Sakhalin from the very beginning of the series? Noda: Asirpa and Kiroranke have roots there, so I anticipated that the story will eventually move to Sakhalin. I also expected to have to travel to Amur river myself, but couldn’t go after all, only went as far as Khabarovsk. 

I was thinking of making Sugimoto eat permafrost mammoth. There was talk of a research team or an ivory excavation team’s dog eating mammoth. However there was no reason to make Sugimoto and Co go as up north as needed for permafrost, so I scrapped the idea.

Q: Tell me something about the hardships you experienced while doing research is Sakhalin. Noda: It was tough, but fun. I was only able to understand the clear differences between Nivkh and Orok people by going there; I couldn't by only looking at records and materials while in Japan. 

Complete unrelated, but I was surprised by how many stray dogs wander around there. One time my cameraman and I ended up being chased by one while looking for a factory and we had to run for it. The beast was big, about the size of a German Shepherd. The guide also warned us about junkies, it was really scary.

I also went to the Japanese military pillbox over 50th parallel north and prayed at a cenotaph deep in the mountains. I met a group of Japanese people in the hotel by the place where it's said you can still find remains of Japanese soldiers and their driver, a Russian, seemed to help with collection of the remains on the regular. He said that he's doing it out of reverence, even as a former enemy. As a Japanese, I felt gratitude. The 7th Division are villains in my story, but I don't have any personal bias against either side.

Q: What were the biggest differences between drawing Hokkaido and Sakhalin? Noda: Well... it's Russia. Even though Sakhalin is so close, it's already Europe. The structure of houses is strikingly different. There's also the differences between Hokkaido Ainu and Sakhalin Ainu, and differences between Orok and Nivkh people. There is no manga that will conveniently lay the differences of those down for you. 

It seems that the Orok and Nivkh's relation with Japan only got more difficult by the beginning of Showa era, there is only one person in the whole of Japan who can supervise on the Orok language. The professors in cultural studies I consult for Golden Kamuy are truly top-level; not only are they tremendously knowledgeable, they also understand how important to me is to stay impartial.

The wildlife, as well. There's a biogeographical boundary between Hokkaido and Sakhalin, observing animals I would never be able to see in Hokkaido was riveting. 

Q: Did Sugimoto really have a hidden plan during the whole stenka business? Noda: No idea. Even if he used it as a pretext to get everyone involved, though... cut him some slack. He's only a man. Sometimes he just wants to fight and win. Not for Ume-chan or Asirpa-san, just for the sake of proving to himself that he's strong.

Q: Your art is dynamic and detailed. I think your style changed quite a bit with time, though. How would you describe yourself as an artist? Noda: I want to preface this by saying that in no way do I think of myself as more skilled than other mangaka, but if you're drawing everyday for more than 10 hours you're going to improve a lot eventually, whether you want it or not. People who are able to keep the same style for years without change are the ones who are impressive, because it means that they achieved the peak of their potential. Ageing and health problems influence your art a lot, you know. I try to draw by observing. I use a lot of references. Drawing by memory alone is not a good thing.

Speaking of other artists, I once had one of the assistants I had working for me for years draw me a door knob from memory, and the result was a truncated cone resembling pre-packaged pudding. The actual shape of a door knob has an intricately angular circular shape. It's the result of being unobservant in everyday life. Good art requires constant observation.

Q: What was the foundation for your style? Is there an artist you were influenced or inspired by? Noda: Araki Hirohiko-sensei, for sure. During my time as an assistant, many authors told me to not even try to be original when it comes to battle abilities, it's already been done in JoJo, it has it all. He's kind of the Beatles of this industry, isn't he? 

By the way, I usually have no intention of parodying JoJo in Golden Kamuy, but my friends will tell me that they identified this or that reference from time to time. I read Part 1 about 30 years ago but I was obsessed, so maybe some things were just left in my subconscious. I only did one obvious parody, during the stenka fight. Funnily enough that trope started in Fist of the North Star, though, not JoJo.

Q: What's one thing that gives you the most motivation to write? Noda: Fan letters. I know how straining it is to write long and neat sentences by hand, and am thankful for them. I'm happy that people go that far to share their thoughts about my work with me. I'm really grateful to the people who keep reading and supporting Golden Kamuy.

Q: Did you have an interest in Ainu culture before starting the series? Noda: I did not. I'll be glad if my work makes people interested in the Ainu. Prejudice is born out of ignorance, so if you want to learn about the Ainu, don't limit yourself to Hokkaido only; there are museums all around Japan, and they have knowledgeable curators. It's important to remember to take into account the time period and the occupation of the person on which the research materials are based when you're trying to learn about the subject.

Q: You showed us a lot of aspects of life during Meiji and Taisho eras. Tell us about what surprised or impressed you in the process of research. Noda: It's not that I was particularly knowledgeable, so having to check every single thing was quite exhausting. The Ainu, the military, katanas - all of these needed research on my part. 

There are more regulations and rules set for things out there than one could assume, and mangaka who base their works on real life need to be especially careful about this. You have to take into account things like the size of the buttons on a military uniform, how a tea cup is held, and and how different people talk in different ways. For movies there's staff working on costumes and props, there's the cast, there are screenwriters, but in a manga you are the one responsible for every single detail. I wish I had a time machine and travel back to those eras. There are things I couldn't get right here and there that I keep having regrets about.

Q: Golden Kamuy was the main visual in the British Museum manga exhibition between May and August in 2019. I know you went there in person. How was it? Noda: The trip felt like a reward for all of my efforts. The exhibition is jam-packed by opening time, but I got special treatment and they let me inside early in the morning so I could walk around the vast British Museum in solitude. I also travelled between Jack the Ripper's crime scenes at night by taxi.

The driver in a taxi I caught by chance was wonderful, she looked up photos of the crime scenes and surroundings taken at the time of investigation on her smartphone and showed them to me one by one, saying things like "the third victim was found here!". 

I've always had a soft spot for Jack the Ripper, back in middle school I even wrote a screenplay for a school festival stage and played him in it myself. It was done in very poor taste, like that one scene in the Addams Family movie where there are arms blown away and fountains of blood gushing out. The audience loved it. 

Q: Please leave a message for the readers. Or maybe some advice for the troubled youth. Noda: I want people to say that everyone in Golden Kamuy had a satisfying ending, and I want that for everyone involved more than anything. As for advice for the troubled youth, there's none. Life is survival of the fittest. The weak ones get eaten.

[nibeul]

I know you're not some random white liberal and that's why I risked wasting my energy like this at all. I'm just tired of seeing people feel like they have to add "not that there's anything inherently wrong with it" in front of complaints about shipping characters of color with characters who literally own them but like they have to come after people who just don't want to deal with that shit. Maybe my observations of the number of white people is skewed because I usually avoid nsfw in general, I don't know. I'm just tired of this bc of personal experiences and tired in general. But I'm also just stumped at how you think enough people to fill a whole country, who are most of each other's role models and all of each other's peers is a model for a singular healthy family or the same as siblings separated at birth, and why you don't see the connection with other racist bullshit in that. It's not that I'm saying romantic relationships are the only important ones I'm saying that completely writing them out of an entire culture, especially in a way that implies those relationships must be inherently sexualized and perverted (and only for the entertainment of white people) if they exist at all, is fucked up in just as real of a way. Every single one of your other points I've agree with.

I mean, I’ve already stated my opinion on Clone/Jedi ships, maybe I’ll go into more depth in the future in ways that it might be “acceptable” though not at the current moment. The only reason I state that these ships aren’t inherently bad is because there is a lot of nuance to the relationship between Jedi + Clones and also how much will specific Jedi had in participating in the war (which in itself, is a touchy subject). However, since that isn’t the main point of this post specifically, I won’t drag on. 

I’m not really sure what you’re trying to get at with racism in.. calling literal brothers brothers? They’re made from the same DNA. They’re all related, that’s just how DNA works whether we like it or not. Regardless of how intricate their culture is, they’re still family!! And that’s ok. I don’t think there needs to be an added romantic aspect to it. They grow up together, raised as siblings, fight together, die together—it doesn’t have to be romantic. More often than not, siblings are a part of the same culture. Not having romantic relationships wouldn’t discredit that, and this is coming from someone who has a very, very large family. I have 30 cousins that I have met personally (on one side of the family, mind you!!). That’s maybe 30-40% of my living family on my umma’s side. Also, when I say “family” in regards to clones, that’s family through blood. In a lot of cases, we see that the clones have closer bonds with others, because they grew up together!! Some grew up as brothers both in blood and chosen, and I think that’s an interesting dynamic to explore. 

Also, I think you misunderstood when I said “perverted” because I was referring to how clonecest relationships are commonly perceived by the white people who create the most content for it. What they are, however, is incest. There isn’t really anything that can be changed about that, and yes, there might be other POC who latch onto these ships but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re incest. It also doesn’t change the fact that the majority of the people who ship/have popularized clonecest are white people who are doing so from a place of fetishization. Most of the content made for it that you might be consuming falls in line with that last bit. 

You have a culture made up of millions of identical siblings. You could do so much with that, like exploring familial bonds, how it feels to realize that there are millions of people who look exactly like you that you haven’t even met before. I think @yourbitchystudentartist put it really well: “there is SO much you could do with clones and their relationships because there is a very unique aspect to their existence. you're not gonna get along with everyone, but you're also family! and they all look like you and they all have a shared experience, but you are also an individual.”