#and say goodbye to micro$hit forever

[frozenbassist]

Honestly, at this point you should consider switching to Linux (especially a user-friendly distro like Linux Mint, Kubuntu, or Pop!_OS). Linux is 100% free and open source, and gives you full control of your PC.

Then consider switching to free open-source software (FOSS). Use Firefox instead of Chrome, Thunderbird instead out MS Outlook, LibreOffice instead of MS Office, GIMP instead of Photoshop. There are many more examples of open-source software that replaces the commercial products. Open source software is usually developed by the community, and the source code is freely available to anyone, so you can audit it and see exactly what a program does. If you're technically inclined, you can even modify the software to fit your needs.

I don't know I'm not done talking about it. It's insane that I can't just uninstall Edge or Copilot. That websites require my phone number to sign up. That people share their contacts to find their friends on social media.

I wouldn't use an adblocker if ads were just banners on the side funding a website I enjoy using and want to support. Ads pop up invasively and fill my whole screen, I misclick and get warped away to another page just for trying to read an article or get a recipe.

Every app shouldn't be like every other app. Instagram didn't need reels and a shop. TikTok doesn't need a store. Instagram doesn't need to be connected to Facebook. I don't want my apps to do everything, I want a hub for a specific thing, and I'll go to that place accordingly.

I love discord, but so much information gets lost to it. I don't want to join to view things. I want to lurk on forums. I want to be a user who can log in and join a conversation by replying to a thread, even if that conversation was two days ago. I know discord has threads, it's not the same. I don't want to have to verify my account with a phone number. I understand safety and digital concerns, but I'm concerned about information like that with leaks everywhere, even with password managers.

I shouldn't have to pay subscriptions to use services and get locked out of old versions. My old disk copy of photoshop should work. I should want to upgrade eventually because I like photoshop and supporting the business. Adobe is a whole other can of worms here.

Streaming is so splintered across everything. Shows release so fast. Things don't get physical releases. I can't stream a movie I own digitally to friends because the share-screen blocks it, even though I own two digital copies, even though I own a physical copy.

I have an iPod, and I had to install a third party OS to easily put my music on it without having to tangle with iTunes. Spotify bricked hardware I purchased because they were unwillingly to upkeep it. They don't pay their artists. iTunes isn't even iTunes anymore and Apple struggles to upkeep it.

My TV shows me ads on the home screen. My dad lost access to eBook he purchased because they were digital and got revoked by the company distributing them. Hitman 1-3 only runs online most of the time. Flash died and is staying alive because people love it and made efforts to keep it up.

I have to click "not now" and can't click "no". I don't just get emails, they want to text me to purchase things online too. My windows start search bar searches online, not just my computer. Everything is blindly called an app now. Everything wants me to upload to the cloud. These are good tools! But why am I forced to use them! Why am I not allowed to own or control them?

No more!!!!! I love my iPod with so much storage and FLAC files. I love having all my fics on my harddrive. I love having USBs and backups. I love running scripts to gut suck stuff out of my Windows computer I don't want that spies on me. I love having forums. I love sending letters. I love neocities and webpages and webrings. I will not be scanning QR codes. Please hand me a physical menu. If I didn't need a smartphone for work I'd get a "dumb" phone so fast. I want things to have buttons. I want to use a mouse. I want replaceable batteries. I want the right to repair. I grew up online and I won't forget how it was!

[patheticpaprika]

Just found this completely written in my drafts from January cause I got incredibly annoyed at it and abandoned it, but feck it posting it anyways, why not. So you know how in wwdits when the credits hit in the cult episode (s3 ep8) this song comes on to punch you in the gut after everything you've just watched?

"Have you ever considered for one moment that I might be happy for the first time in decades?! DECADES!"

Nandor hates being a vampire. He sees it as constant sameness that weighs down on him and washes away any purpose or belonging. But Guillermo brings him back. To him, vampirism is nothing but a gift and a reason for respect.

Now imagine a future episode, after Guillermo has been turned by Dereck. He's returned to the house and refuses to play the familiar anymore. He refuses to be their inferior. He's determined to change the sameness. Yet Nandor is too busy being upset that he wasn't the one to turn him and fully expecting him to finally leave for good causing him to be extra prickly and dismissive. The others just treat him like he was still human. How can anything truly change if they refuse to acknowledge anything has?

"Nothing ever changes in this house. Nothing is ever going to change. Unless I change it."

He had already become stronger than them. He had already demanded respect before. He had grown confidence and strength in himself. He'd done this all before. Vampirism solved nothing because he wasn't the one that refused to change.

He'll never be enough for Nandor, will he? He was never inadequate, Guillermo had long since grown past that. He just had always believed he was.

He is finally done. He says his goodbyes and leaves to be his very cool vampirey self without them. He's left, and this time he has no reason to come back. Nandor believes Guillermo only stayed to be turned into a vampire. Nandor's worst fears have finally been "confirmed," although only caused by his own manifestation.

Guillermo was his catalyst. Without him, the sameness of forever bores down on him. Guillermo makes him happy. For so long he'd been searching for someone that would make him like eternity but he'd been there all along. Yet all he had been doing was expecting he'd leave. He craves change but is terrified of its uncertainty. He desperately seeks closeness but is too scared to believe he can ever have it. No one could ever see him in his entirety and ever want to stay. This was simply further proof. He loved and was loved back but he refused to accept the possibility and hid behind his wall of indifference.

Mr. Emotional-Inteligence-of-A-Brick finally does a little self-reflection and realizes he needs Guillermo there. He makes him happy. He tries to get Guillermo to come back, but it's too little too late.

"Have you ever considered my happiness, Nandor?! You say you need me there and then act like you don't care about me. I'm done being not enough for you. I'm far better than that." "I am sorry Guillermo... I did not realize I made you so unhappy." "Yes because you never realize! Why do you even try to act like you care?" "I do care!" "Oh you do? Then tell me why." "...I" "Goodbye Nandor."

Yet with all his sulking and frustrated (not to mention terrible) attempts from his housemates to talk to him and cheer him up, Mr. Emotional-Inteligence-of-A-Brick finally does some reflection. He finally asks himself (maybe with some prompting from someone else) why Guillermo leaving was his worst fear in the first place. Why does he even care? Cue:

B-roll footage of Nandor drifting around the house before cutting back to him just standing there staring at the floor with a 1000 micro-expressions fliting on his face. But before the chorus kicks in. The music stops just long enough for Nandor to look up to the camera, absolutely terrified. (He cares for him. He needs him. He loves him. But it's too late, isn't it?) The credits hit and the song continues. So, when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me? S.O.S The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S

[lovejustforaday]

Album Review - Citrus by Asobi Seksu

Citrus - Asobi Seksu

Main Genres: Shoegaze, Dream Pop, Indie Pop

A decent sampling of: Twee Pop, Neo-Psychedelia, Noise Pop

In the conversation of greatest shoegaze and dream pop bands of all time, you usually hear a lot of the same names: My Bloody Valentine, Cocteau Twins, Ride, Slowdive, Beach House, or maybe even Mazzy Star. But one name that doesn’t get mentioned nearly as often as it should is Asobi Seksu.

Asobi Seksu were an American indie rock band consisting of songwriting duo Yuki Chikudate on vocals and keyboards, and James Hanna as lead guitarist, with a rotating rhythm section that changed from LP to LP. Critics never really gave them a fair chance, but to me they are the finest band to lead the wave of “nu-gaze” that took place over the mid-to-late 2000s.

While a lot of new shoegaze bands today are made up of younger millennials and zoomers who are very traditionalist in recreating the sounds of the original scene, the 2000s “nu-gaze” “““revival””” saw a lot of bands who wanted to expand the genre’s scope. “Nu-Gaze” bands usually fell into one of two cluster groups:

Cluster A was made up of bands incorporating prominent electronic elements to expand on the soundscapes of the original scene. Cluster B bands were making riff-heavy alternative rock that blended shoegaze guitar tones and walls of sound with clearer vocals and more distinct melodic structures, building more on the foundations of bands like Ride or Lush than the likes of MBV.

Asobi Seksu’s self-titled debut falls into the latter category, with a college-radio-esque record of mostly no-nonsense shoegaze and indie pop. It’s a pretty great record itself, but it wasn’t exactly career defining, and if it had ended there, I would say they were another above-average shoegaze band that I listen to mostly just cause they happen to make my favourite subgenre of music.

Something truly brilliant came after though. The band decided to embrace the more immersive dream pop + heavy shoegaze hybrid sound that defined most of the greatest bands of the original movement. But beyond that, the band retained their indie pop melodies and developed a vivacious, sanguine, high-energy formula that set them apart from a scene that had always mostly been defined by subtlety, introspection, and bittersweetness. The resulting album was Citrus.

True to its name, Citrus is a viscous smoothie concoction of saccharine and tangy flavours, expressed in the form of Yuki Chikudate’s frolicking vocal melodies and bright keyboard notes mixed with James Hanna’s roaring walls of sound. True to its cover art, the sonic colours of this record consist of vibrant shades of vermilion, tangerine, and daffodil. This LP is the sonic equivalent of the feeling you get from that first refreshing taste of ice cream on a hot summer’s day. A magnificently vivid experience all around.

A lot of shoegaze bands stick to very strict conventional rock instrumentation - drumkit, bass, and lots of guitars. Maybe an added string section on a song here or there for dramatic effect. But on Citrus, I hear not only the addition of Yuki’s keyboard leads, but also organs, xylophones, sleigh bells, and even toy pianos.

Citrus fades into view with “Everything Is On”, a 17 second ambient intro that sounds something like an arcade submerged in a swimming pool. Normally, I’m not particularly drawn to the trend of albums opening with these odd micro-tracks. This one instance really works however, because it contrasts ever so nicely with the bright, jangly opening guitars of “Strawberries“, the album’s proper introduction.

Speaking of, “Strawberries” is the sound of summer in full bloom, with a splendid pseudo-call-and-response riff that bounces like a yo-yo in between several intermissions of crushed shoegaze drone that feel not unlike dunking your head in a bucket of ice water. I love hearing what sounds like a rotary organ buried deep into the mix of those intermissions. The track ends brilliantly with a major tempo and rhythm shift into a rampant breakdown of manic rock instruments and festive celebration.

“Thursday” is the single greatest song of the 2000s “nu-gaze” revival, and indeed one of the very greatest indie rock songs of all time. A brief ghostly prelude foreshadows a blurry four minute burst of love and ecstasy, with one of the most pleasing choruses I’ve ever heard where Yuki offers the kindest words of concern “it seems you’ve lost your way, you’ve let it all fall apart”. This is the feeling of waking up at the end of a depressive episode and crying tears of joy as you gaze up at the sunny sky and realize that you're happy just to be alive. By the end of "Thursday”, I am completely smitten with the very notion of life itself.

The gentle strums of “Strings” open up into a sun-soaked daydream. Like on several other tracks here, Yuki uses English and Japanese interchangeably, allowing the sounds of her syllables to convey the necessary emotional imagery to non-bilingual listeners as she practically skips and hops her way through the song in an impressive display of vocal gymnastics. The wall of sound orchestrated at the end of this track is one of my all time favourites in the history of shoegaze and noise pop, like an enormous heatwave that hits you all at once.

The glorious midpoint and climax of Citrus is the seven and a half minute wonder “Red Sea”, a vision of a world that lies beyond the horizon while surfing the waves of a vast and foamy ocean. This track reaches monumental heights that I find particularly hard to put into words. What I will say is that this is second place to “Thursday” only by a small fraction, and it contains around the three minute mark one of the most captivatingly nostalgic melodies I’ve ever heard.

“Goodbye” is the sole occasion of a mostly straightforward indie pop song on this record, and its one of the sweetest breakup songs you’ll probably ever hear. “Lions and Tigers” is a distant meadow of dream pop that makes me feel like I’m a kid and I’m hugging my friend one last time before they move to another city. “Nefi + Girly” is like a follow-up to “Strawberries”, with another playful lead guitar riff and a dreamy keyboard lead that sounds like its splattering an empty canvas of indie rock with lively paint colours.

“Exotic Animal Parade” slows the record down for a brief melancholy ballad before exploding in a dream like it never even existed. “Mizu Asobi” emerges from the aftermath to finish off the record with one last beam of radiant joy before the festivities end with a bang.

As a footnote, I would like to add that, although they never count towards my final rating of a record, the bonus tracks/b-sides/etc. from the Citrus era are some of the best deep cuts ever released. Likewise, here’s some quick thoughts on those:

The band recorded two covers of two mid-20th century classics during this album cycle, including a twinkling, wistful haze rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “All Through The Day” as well as a giddy, fleeting noise pop cover of The Crystal’s “Then He Kissed Me”. Both are excellent examples of how to expand on their respective originals, reviving vintage pop classics with gorgeous soundscapes. There’s also the stand alone single “Stay Awake”, a sweeping end-of-chapter moment with some of the most excellent indie rock dynamics I’ve ever heard.

Like most people these days, Loveless was my first shoegaze record and my formal introduction to one of indie rock’s most elusive subgenres. It was good enough at the time to make me listen to a few more shoegaze bands, but Citrus was the record that made me fall in love with the genre medium. It was Citrus that allowed me to go back and fully appreciate Loveless as the masterpiece that it is, and later fall in love with other brilliant shoegaze records like Souvlaki and Ceres & Calypso In The Deep Time.

This album was also the unofficial soundtrack to most of my time as an undergrad. It played on my bus rides into the city and during walks around campus downtown on those last few days of exams before the summer. It helped me more than any other record to get through the worst year of mental health in my life. I am endlessly fond of this beautiful work of art, and I am truly grateful for how Asobi Seksu managed to expand my horizons. This will forever be one of my favourite records. Happy 15th anniversary Citrus.

10/10

highlights: “Thursday”, “Red Sea”, “Strawberries”, “Lions and Tigers”, “Strings”, “Goodbye”, “Nefi + Girly”, “Mizu Asobi”, “New Years”, “Everything Is On”, “Exotic Animal Parade”

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 8 ~ the party...

A/N: im sorry for the chapter seeming very rushed and quick. i was mad at myself for taking forever of chapter 2 of positions but get ready for chapter after chapter coming up as a holiday gift :) also thank you guys so so so much for 400 followers and im sorry i’m saying my thanks now. it really means a lot to me :’) i hope u guys are still here and thank u for reading :)

Category: fluff

CW: cannabis use; consumption of alcohol; mentions of sex

Word Count: 2360

before you read | next chapter

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spencer's POV~

We had the whole weekend planned: go fishing, read by the lake, walk through the forest and appreciate nature in all its beauty. But in a bittersweet turn of events, it ended up raining the whole time. So we ended up spending our time inside, reading to y/n in the afternoon while she sipped on her coffee, going out to the balcony at night and look at the stars because that was when the clouds would pull apart until the day came where we woke up to the peaceful sound of rain hitting the windows and the roof. I rambled on and on with what I knew about space and constellations as she let the sensations of the blunt or joint she rolled up take over her body, relaxing her.

As the weekend went on, after the first night, I didn't know what I felt about her. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. The way she spoke was like poetry to my ears. When we smoked and just lay out on the couch, the way she would explain her thoughts gave me butterflies. This was all really new to me, falling for a girl and having some kind of a chance that it could happen. Was there a chance there? I'm a profiler and I can read people by their micro expressions, especially when someone's in love. But with her, I couldn't even read her micro expressions. It bugged the hell out of me, but I would let it out through cuddles that happened naturally and little kisses that'd happen out of nowhere.

On the last night, it was pouring down rain, harder than it would the last couple of nights where it would only sprinkle. We had made some popcorn and y/n thought of the idea to listen to old time radio ghost stories that were then put out on the internet as podcasts. While it was playing, she grabbed her grinder and looked inside. We had pretty much finished the last of our stash this morning for what she called a "wake'n'bake", which was definitely a great way to start the day. She quickly grabbed the bong from the kitchen counter and started packing it with what I thought was nothing.

"What are you doing, silly?" I asked.

"Just packing a kief bowl." She said, very nonchalant.

I gave a confused look, then she rolled her eyes and explained, bringing the grinder closer to me. "See all this? This has all the different strains we smoked. With all of this mixed together, we'll be really really gone."

She continued to pack the bowl as I sat there ready. She grabbed the lighter when she was done and explained how she'll smoke half and I'll take the other. I watched as she put the top around her mouth. A huge cloud exhaled out of her as she moved her head up to the ceiling, which then after started coughing up a storm. I offered her water but she pushed it away, trying to say she was fine.

We continued to smoke bowl after bowl a few more times until there was nothing left in grinder. Y/n nuzzled her head onto my chest as we lay on the couch, letting those tingles intensify our senses and our minds wonder. She was right, this was probably the most high I've felt before. Every movement we made was slowed down and I could see that my arm was as if it was split in two, but was transparent like a ghost. I could barely even move as the sensations were too overwhelming in the best way possible, let alone try to figure out if this was what being this high was like or really how the brain can do this, but I also wasn't really trying either and let the waves relax me.

As I played with her hair, I couldn't pay attention to the episode because all of my thoughts were of her. I wanted this all the time, the stillness and calmness that brought peace and happiness to the atmosphere-that she brought to our atmosphere. I wanted her to feel safe in my arms and never let go. Getting to know her like this on a deeper level ever since we first met made me fall in love with her everyday we were together bit by bit. I never want to let go of her.

"Do you ever have the fear of giving your heart to someone?"

Her question shocked me, breaking the process in my head. I didn't know what to say but, "What do you mean?"

"Have you ever given your heart to someone, doesn't even have to be romantically, giving them you're all and love and care, to then suddenly watch them break it bit by bit as if they're breaking down the wall that you had built for yourself, instead of you taking each brick off piece by piece and handing it to them?"

There was silence. No words that I could think of could answer a question like that.

"I've given my heart away to so many people, and I don't know why they break it every time." She moved to where she used her elbow for support in between me and the couch. "Spence, I wish we could stay like this forever. I have these feelings for you that I never really, or truly, felt for another person before. Even though we've only known each other for a short time, I think I'm in love with you. There's just something about you that makes me feel safe. For the first time, it's like all my walls fall when we're together, I have this feeling of giving you my all, my care and support, my love. All of it. I want you, Spencer. And, this feeling I have about all of my protection crumbling down, I'm only just a little bit scared of letting it break."

I pulled her in and kissed her. I let my lips do all the talking, telling her how much I loved her, too and now nothing was going to break her down. We pulled away and she gave me a look of confusion and happiness, as if she was scared to let the happiness show through.

"I feel the same way. Exactly, the same way," I said, "I'm in love with you, too, and it's all new to me also. You're like a beautifully written poem, y/n. I could listen to you day and night and never get tired of it. You have a beautiful mind that I want to explore each and every day. I never want to let you go. Will you stay...with me?"

This time she pulled me in after a moment of pause. Our lips crashed like fireworks, yet moved together in perfect tempo. Without breaking, she moved on top of me slowly. I let my hands wonder all over her body as she cupped my face. We were passionate. We were needy. We were in love. Everything was perfect, and everything felt right.

—

Y/n's POV~

You two had left pretty early in the morning for your adventure back to D.C. Somehow, both of you couldn't sleep at all, even though you were pretty well gone to the point of passing out, so you decided you’ll leave at 5am so then hopefully you’d get back in the afternoon. The whole ride, Spencer held your hand, no matter who was driving. I'm in love. You couldn't wrap your brain around it, but for the first time, it felt like your heart knew better than your head. Nothing about this felt wrong. You had found the one that you had been looking for my whole life. Nothing was going to pull you away from him, and you were not going to allow that in the slightest.

On your way back, Rossi called about meeting up tonight at the bar for drinks, which kind of ruined your plans to stay in and cuddle, but you both figured it'd be nice to see them again. You told him we'd be there and hung up. The rest of the ride was just you listening to Spencer ramble about books he's read in last month. You forgot this man can finish books in half an hour, so the fact that he read more books in a month than the average person was astonishing. He talked about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Oscar Wilde and their beautiful works of literature, and you never drifted off to sleep once, your mind didn't even wonder as his soothing voice was in the background. It's quite beautiful hearing someone talk about something they're passionate about.

When you got back to the city, you went to your place so you can grab my things. You told Seth that you’d be back officially tomorrow, gave goodbye kisses to your children, and went back to Spencer's, where you both freshened up and got ready for night. You had an adorable shower that turned just a bit quite naughty. You talked about how you both wanted to tell the others, and while you said you were fine if you told them now, Spencer's response was very well said. "They're very nosy, so I always thought I'd just keep it secret until I felt ready. But this is different. We're on vacation, so Hotch isn't going to have 'the talk' with us until we're back at work. It feels right, everything feels right with you."

Once you were done getting ready, you headed to the bar, where you were told specifically where to park (Garcia had texted saying that she's friends with the owner and that she'd make sure they were safe. She also mentioned that an uber was going to pick them up at around 1am to go back to her place to pass out. She was, for sure, the mom of the group. More than Jj was at that). Right away, you saw the gang sitting in a corner booth, and once they saw Spencer was holding your hand, they all either were speechless with their jaws sitting on the table or ran up to you and gave hugs and congrats. Morgan had to pull Garcia away from you so you could sit down, which thankfully for her, you ended up sitting right in between her and Spencer, so her arms went right back around you.

"How much has she had already?" You asked laughing.

"Well, she started with jager." said Morgan

"Jager?!" You was shocked. "Did she drink the whole bottle?"

"You'd think," said Rossi from the other side of the table. He sat in between Hotch and Emily, drinking his bourbon before continuing to speak, "she's only had two glasses."

"You guys definitely seem to be where the party's at then, huh?"

"You can never go wrong on us for a party." said Emily.

Spencer ordered you two some beers and a couple of vodka shots each. The music wasn't so loud to where you had to yell over one another, but the sound of classic rock filled the building top to bottom. You clanked your shot glasses together and took the shots before taking a sip of your beer as a chaser.

"Look at you, kiddo," Rossi said to Spencer, "where's the Spencer that would get an ice tea or a shirley temple instead of...a beer and shots?"

"Yeah, you can't tell me that all this of this started happening that night at Garcia's?" asked Jj.

The two of you made eye contact and were silent for a moment before bursting out laughing. "So it DID start at my place," said Garcia, "I knew it! I'm such a good cupid." She danced happily in her spot which made everyone giggle.

"You are magic, baby girl." said Morgan.

"So, how did it happen?" asked Hotch, "Don't worry, I'm not your boss tonight but we will have to discuss this once our vacation is over."

"Right," You said nervously, "Well, we hung out after that night after we woke up at Garcia's, and then the next day we went up to my family cabin in Michigan for the weekend, and...that's where we confessed."

"And the rest is history!" said Spencer, sounding like a little kid as he tried to hide the amount of excitement he had.

"Well, we're happy for the both of you," said Morgan as he got up from the table, "I think that calls for a round of celebratory shots, since pretty boy over here has proven in the past week that he can handle them."

When he came back with the shots, you all grabbed them from the tray that the bartender let him use and raised them high. "To having an uninterrupted vacation, and to y/n and Spencer!"

"Cheers!" You all said in unison before clanking them together and letting it go down the hatch. As the night went on, you drank and drank until you were all pretty drunk, even Rossi and Hotch, who you didn't think the whole team has ever seen them like before. When Garcia found out it was karaoke night, she grabbed a few of you, yourself and Spencer included, up to the stage where you sang-or slurred, really-changes by david bowie. Emily and Jj had their arms around each other to hold each other up, and Morgan and Garcia were hogging the mic from everyone, but the whole bar could still hear every one of you. You noticed Hotch in the crowd standing next to Rossi, his phone recording the moment so we wouldn't forget.

The last thing you remember was getting into the uber and Spencer being very touchy on the ride back, making sure that Emily, who sat in the passenger seat, didn't notice that anything was going on in the back. His fingers were ghosting your thighs as he whispered, 'The things I wish we could do right now' before his lips connected to neck.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1976

Under the cut.

Bay City Rollers – “Saturday Night” -- January 3, 1976

They prove they can spell Saturday a lot. Anyway, he's going out to dance with his girl on Saturday night. The song is bouncy to a fault -- I feel like the repetitive, samey beat is following one of those balls the mind-controlled kids bounced in A Wrinkle in Time. It sounds like a cheerleading chant. Something to do aerobics to, not to dance to.

C.W. McCall – “Convoy” -- January 10, 1976

So, besides the cb radio fad, 1976 was also the year of the OPEC oil crisis and basically, it seems the reason truckers became folk heroes evading The Man in popular consciousness had its roots in international relations. Anyway, it's a baritone story song, but about truckers instead of cowboys. I like the verse, "Well, we shot the line and we went for broke/ With a thousand screamin' trucks/ An' eleven long-haired Friends o' Jesus/ In a chartreuse micro-bus." It's a silly song with a lot of trucker lingo (or fake trucker lingo, idk), and I don't exactly dislike it, but I'm not gonna listen to it again either.

Barry Manilow – “I Write The Songs” -- January 17, 1976

It's obvious from the first lines "I've been alive forever/ And I wrote the very first songs" that Barry's not singing about himself. It turns out "music" wrote the all the songs. Except that's obnoxious too. People wrote the songs. Also possibly birds, but definitely people. And it's musical goo.

Diana Ross – “Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You’re Going To)” -- January 24, 1976

It's a song about regretting letting an ex go, and probably more. There's a ton of orchestration that sounds like it belongs in a lightweight movie, and Diana Ross doesn't put much emotion into it. It is a thoughtful song, rather than one calling for melodrama, but I would like to hear some emotion here, and I am not getting it. A trifle light as air.

Ohio Players – “Love Rollercoaster” -- January 31, 1976

It's a funk/disco thing. I've listened to it three times trying to get anything from it at all. The lyrics are dumb, asserting love is like this or that amusement park experience. I'd think "love rollercoaster" would be about how there are huge highs and terrifying lows, but it's not. It's horribly repetitive. I guess it's danceable. But I find it dull.

Paul Simon – “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” -- February 7, 1976

I love how pared down this song is. It's sort of funky, without all the funk orchestration. The simple drums are the main focus. The melody's also simple, without being dull. And the lyrics aren't complex; a woman is encouraging the narrator to leave his official lover for her. "Just get yourself free." But she's doing it so very nicely -- "I wish there were something I could do to make you smile again." Not that the song expects us to believe she or the narrator actually are nice. Or that it's really all that easy to leave your lover. But it doesn't tell you what to think about the situation either. An excellent song.

Rhythm Heritage – “Theme From S.W.A.T.“ -- February 28, 1976

Apparently, there was a TV show about S.W.A.T., and this was its instrumental theme song. Which is exactly what it sounds like. Not a good TV theme either. I looked up 1976 shows, and here are some shows with better TV themes from that year: Charlie's Angels, Alice, M*A*S*H, Happy Days (which surprisingly only hit #5), All in the Family, Barney Miller, Welcome Back Kotter (which hit #1 later), The Jeffersons (that Movin' On Up doesn't seem to have been a hit is shocking), The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Sanford and Son, The Bob Newhart Show... look, all of them. All shows in 1976 that I can find had better theme songs than S.W.A.T., often to a staggering degree. But songs don't reach #1 for being good. Still, usually I can hazard a reason for them. I can't for this one.

The Four Seasons – “December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)” -- March 13, 1976

It's about the narrator getting laid for the first time. He didn't even know the name of the woman, which completely undercuts anything happy or fun about this song for me, and makes it icky. At least it's not falsetto. I wasn't born when it came out, yet it was overplayed on the oldies stations in the 90s so much that I developed a deep and abiding hatred for it.

Johnnie Taylor – “Disco Lady” -- April 3, 1976

This is a song about disco that isn't a disco song. As such, it confuses me. It's kind of a mild funk/soul song, and it's about how turned on this guy is watching a woman disco. Johnnie Taylor can definitely sing, and I'd like to hear some more traditional soul/jazz stuff from him. This isn't doing it for me.

The Bellamy Brothers – “Let Your Love Flow” -- May 1, 1976

I saw the title and immediately the song shoved itself into my head. It's such a mellow song, but the hook is still monstrous. The song is about how it's the season for love, so grab your lover and "let your love flow." It's one of many 70s songs about sex that sounds like it could be a song about how pretty trees are. It kind of is about how pretty trees are too. I rather like it.

John Sebastian – ���Welcome Back” -- May 8, 1976

Welcome Back, Kotter was not on Nick at Nite or WGN or anything else that ran old TV shows when I was watching TV (rather than the internet), so I've never seen it. The theme song lays it all out -- someone moves back to his old neighborhood, where they need him. As TV theme songs go, it's fine. Just fine, though. When "Movin' On Up" and "Love Is All Around" were also theme songs for TV shows in 1976, why this one? The rewards of mediocrity I guess.

The Sylvers – “Boogie Fever” -- May 15, 1976

It's literal. You come in contact with someone who can't stop boogie-ing, and you will catch the Boogie Fever yourself. Listening to the song will certainly make you want to boogie, unless you are immune. A fun dance song, and I wouldn't be surprised if Tik-Tok made it a hit again in the next year.

Wings – “Silly Love Songs” -- May 22, 1976

"Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs / What’s wrong with that?" Nothing.  Paul even emphasizes something important in it: "Love isn't silly at all." Still, I can't say it's one of my favorites. I get tired of it about halfway through, and it's a long song. A silly love song shouldn't be nearly 6 minutes long.

Diana Ross – “Love Hangover” -- May 29, 1976

It starts with Diana Ross making sex sounds that I find embarrassing. Then she goes into singing about how she doesn't want to get over "the sweetest love hangover", and a minute and a half in it becomes a disco song. I find the entire thing irritating.

Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight” -- July 10, 1976

"Afternoon delight" is sex, but these doofuses may as well be singing about tea and scones for all the excitement this song has. It still doesn't deserve the hatred it's gotten. But it's not good either. The number of sexless sex songs in the 70s is just... ugh.

The Manhattans – “Kiss And Say Goodbye” -- July 24, 1976

He has to break up with the person he's been cheating with. It's an achingly sad Philly soul song. It also manages to be way sexier than the vast majority of 70s sex songs. Real emotion (or the ability to fake real emotion) does a lot, as does being able to sing like this. And beautiful backing music. It's so sad, and so good.

Elton John & Kiki Dee – “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” -- August 7, 1976

This song isn't mutual. Elton John's the one who sings "don't go breaking my heart," and Kiki Dee's the one singing "I won't go breaking your heart." It is all and entirely and completely about the male character's feelings. Of course it's an Elton John song so I wouldn't like it anyway, but I really don't like this one, especially because it still gets airplay.

Bee Gees – “You Should Be Dancing” -- September 4, 1976

I hate the Bee Gees. Not on a personal level -- as far as I know they're perfectly decent people -- but their music. And I have a particular hatred for Barry Gibb's voice. His horrible falsetto has caused me immense pain in my life. If I should be dancing, then they need to shut up and sit down and let a band that I can dance to take the stage. As it is, I feel like a dog during the 4th of July; I just want to hide under a bed.

KC & The Sunshine Band – “(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty” -- September 11, 1976

Here's a command to dance that I can get behind. Or that my behind can get behind. Again, a great song for dancing but not for listening to from KC & The Sunshine Band.

Wild Cherry – “Play That Funky Music” -- September 18, 1976

Good for both dancing and listening. How you can listen and not get into that funk groove even when sitting, though, I don't know. Play that funky music till you die.

Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band – “A Fifth Of Beethoven” -- October 9, 1976

This was the #1 hit the week I was born. It's a good one for me; it's by a guy who loved classical music enough to write contemporary music based on it. Whenever I'm faced with questions about what kind of music is my favorite, my answer is "the good kind." Anyway, this is a fun song.

Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots – “Disco Duck (Part 1)” -- October 16, 1976

Billboard used to base their hit songs on calling record stores and asking what was selling. I think that's how this stupid, stupid song reached number one. I think it was a prank by a bunch of stoned college kids who co-ordinated it over cb radio or something. It's about a duck. Who discos. With an obnoxious voice and obnoxious music. It's by a radio dj, and is as painfully unfunny as radio djs usually are.

Chicago – “If You Leave Me Now” -- October 23, 1976

This song makes me have a weird reaction. It gives me the warm, comfortable fuzzies, and makes me want to sleep. That last part might not be too surprising, as it is a soft song, but to me it is very much more than that. I have always had trouble sleeping at night, since birth. My parents hit on putting me into the car and driving around with soft music playing to get me to go lights out. I need to ask them if they played Chicago during that. I can't think of any other reason for my hindbrain association with this szzzzzzz....

Steve Miller Band – “Rock’n Me” -- November 6, 1976

Good bar rock, since it's the Steve Miller Band. Lyrically, it's also more complex than most of its genre. At first, he sings "I got to please my sweet baby, yeah." Then he starts singing about all the places he's been, including "Northern California where the girls are warm." And then "Babe, you know you are a friend of mine/ And you know that it's true/ That all the things that I do/ Are gonna come back to you in your sweet time." Well then. I can totally see @katatty's Duncan Huckleberry singing this song. And getting away with everything. It's a fun song, though (because?) the narrator is likely a dirtbag.

Rod Stewart – “Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)” -- November 13, 1976

It's a sex song, and it is hugely skeevy. "Don't deny your man's desire/ You’d be a fool to stop this tide / Spread your wings and let me come inside." No, asshole, cover it up if you want to come near. And how about if you want her, you care something about her desire? This was a huge hit from a huge star, but I have never heard it until now. Ugh. I need to shower, this is gross. Also I hope whoever he's singing to is packing mace.

BEST OF 1976 -- "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." I don't even think it's an amazing song, just a very good one, but the 1976 #1s don't leave me much to work with. Fleetwood Mac released some singles, but people wanted "Disco Duck" rather than "Over My Head." Tons of great music has survived from 1976, but most of it is not on this list. WORST OF 1976 -- "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright)". "Disco Duck" is stupid, but it doesn't make my skin crawl.

[nightgirl250]

Dude I’m Vegan

This is a request by @fandomnationwhore for How about the Cullens move to New York where they meet the reader who a avenger but like a vampire avenger and the volturi is scared of her cause her and her team could kill them, like everyone in the world knows a vampire but don’t know about much about her kind cause she’s the first open vampire

This will be my first avengers fanfic so let’s hope this goes well.

———————————————————————

It was 6 am when the rest of the team started to awake. I had already made them coffee. Each cup was fixed to perfection, meeting each of the other members needs. Since I never need sleep, I always prepare a breakfast for the team.

Dishing the last of the eggs onto Bruce’s plate. I place the frying pan and spatula into the sink and cut of the stoves fire.

Grabbing a small blood bag from the fridge. I give Natasha a silent nod as my fangs dig into the blood bag, letting the sweet red metallic liquid slip into my mouth.

Natasha sends me a quick smile but I saw her micro expression. Microexpressions : small and fast facial expressions that show a person true feelings and emotions. For human they last a fraction of a second, but vampires last for what feels like forever.

I knew the true distaste she had for me, especially for my diet. They didn’t know I only drink animal blood. That I am vegan or how my kind works. And I wasn’t sure if I should tell them.

One by one, my fellow avengers enter the kitchen. I give each of them a silent good morning as I finish my six blood bags.

Although, I tried my hardest to be human around the avengers. I wasn’t scared to show The who I am. I am a vampire, not a shapeshifter, werewolf, and most definitely not a human. I may not always agree with my kind, but I am proud to be a Vampire.

I drink straight from the blood bag, barely ever a cup or jar. Never need sleep with the heightend ability of all vampires.

Throwing the last of the blood bags into the trash. I felt right and ready. I could tell they each had thier eyes on me as they carried on the usual morning conversations.

Bucky wouldn’t stop staring, Steve would tell him to stop. Both would whisper about how it’s rude. Bruce would listen to Tony explain one of his latest inventions, while Thor would ask some question with Clint. And I would just simply listen in. As Natasha calmy eats her food.

Loving the noise and sound they would make. Leaning back into the counter top, I close my eyes and listen in.

Hearing the way Tony’s vocal cords would vibrate. How Clint’s leg would shake up and down rapidly. The way Bruce would slurp his coffee. Recording how Steve would try his best to stay quiet during his lecture to Bucky. Sensing the distaste and reluctance in Bucky and Natasha.

I continued to listen in until FRIDAY called my name.

“Yes FRIDAY?” I say politely.

“There seems to be a letter from the Olympic coven,” she says sending a little shiver down my spine.

I could feel every ones stares as I stand their silently. Wondering who these people are and why they sent me this letter. The rest of the avengers had met no other vampire than me, so they were more than nervous.

“The Olympic coven huh?”

“Yes ma’am,” says Friday “they are asking for temporary residency in New York,”

“So you move to New York. I didn’t think they want something like that. Especially in my territory,” I mumble to myself, earning more suspicious and fearful looks from my fellowship avengers.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I say “oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you guys. Don’t worry the Olympic coven won’t pose a threat and I will meet with them.” Even though the team is still nervous, they calm down slightly.

“So mind giving us some details, Sparkles?” say s Tony leaning back into his chair.

I roll my eyes at his comment and say “ okay. The Olympic Coven, is a vegan vampire coven that wants to come to New York. But, all of New York is my territory. Meaning I kinda own it, in the vampire community atleast

“So, due to this all vampires that wish to enter New York need my blessing. Especially since they want to enter my territory and live here. I need to meet the Cullens and make sure that are truly safe for the people of New York.”

Tony scoffs and shakes his head in denial, making me sigh. Every time, every time I explain this it goes wrong or they don’t or ignore the actual picture.

Sighing, I turn away from them. “Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle them. Simple and easy,” I say giving them a wave goodbye as I go to my room and prepare the letter for the Cullens.

After I send the letter to the Cullen in reply to the one they sent me. I walk over to the training area, needing to get out my own head for a while.

~The Cullens~

Carlisle brows furrowed as he looked at the bright blue envelope held in his hands. He stared darkly at his covens name written in a perfect cursive. Each letter holding its own weight and worry upon his shoulders.

He already knew who had sent it. The only avenger who was a vampire. The only vampire in the world that has come out.

He doesn’t bother even looking at the seal as his stomach drops.

Breaking the seal, Carlisle pulls out the hand written letter as Esme calls the rest of the Cullen family into the living room.

They wanted to move to New York, but, they would need the approval from the coven leader.

As Carlisle read the letter, drips and streaks of calm and ease washed over him. Yet, they were not enough to fully quench his worry.

Carlisle sighs as one by one the Cullen kids enter and fill the couches of the living room.

“Any reason why you needed all of us,” says Edward, already knowing the reason,while they rest were confused.

“The leader of the New York Coven would like to see us before she can consider allowing us to live in New York,” says Carlisle folding the letter.

“What? Why?” barks Emmett, making Rosalie to put a hand on his chest to calm. Emmett rolls his eyes and lets a deep growl before leaning into the couch.

“She can’t just expect us to be fine with everything she does,” starts Emmett, “Putting Vampire lives danger. Flaunting her power for the fun of it. Every time she tries to even explain vampires kind to humans it goes terribly,” Emmett scoffs and massages his temple while Alice steps in.

“ This years amount of hunters and shifters is double what it was six months ago cause of her. Most American covens have moved or been killed. And she acts like she doesn’t care!” Screams Alice

Esme gasps at Alice and Emmett’s outburst. And sends a glare at them making the two women sigh and calm down, not wanting to upset Esme.

“We are in no position to object or deny her request,” reasons Carlisle trying to calm Emmett.

“Fuck that,” says Alice crossing her arms, “no one knows anything about this chick other than she has put all of vampire kind in danger and runs with these... these walking disasters called The Avengers. It’s unnatural.”

Edward giggles a bit a her arguement. Earning a cold glare from them.

“I’m sorry,” he says trying to pull himself together, “ it’s just that’s calling this ‘unnatural’ seems kinda ridiculous. We’re Vampires for heaven sake. Let’s stop acting like children

“I don’t like this chick. I don’t know this chick. But we are going to move back to New York. Now stop acting up and relax,”

Edwards words hit every one hard. They needed to meet this chick wether we like it or not.

“She gave us a location she wants to meet at. The Calum, a club a little bit on the outskirts of her territory. It’s known for art galleries and lots of people. At 11pm. All of us.” says Carlisle.

“Good,”says Edward look at his uneasy family members, “we’ll talk and discuss matters with her when a time comes,” he finishes.

“Well since we will be surrounded by humans, I believe it would be best that we eat now. We don’t know what to expect to stay alive.

-The Avengers-

Y/n smiles seeing the rest of her team walk inside her club. For years she has invested in restaurants,clubs, and gyms. Helping owners financially through partnerships. But, ‘The Calum,’ was her personal heart and joy. What used to be a small grocery store, has now turned into a nightclub. One of the most safest in the city. No drugs allowed. All are snuffed out through some technology she developed with Tony.

The club had a variety of drinks, bartenders personally trained by her. She loved everything about her club. From the luxurious seats on the second level for the VIP area and artists who paint you to fill in with the glow in the dark scene. To how the dance floor and lights would fill the room.

Leaving the VIP area, she walked down the steps in her burgundy mid thigh length dress and black heels. It was very different from her usual outfit. But she didn’t need the Cullens to know this was her territory.

“Hey Guys,” She greets her fellow Avengers with a shot glass in hand.

“Hey Y/n,” says Natasha as Tony takes in the decor and aura of the place, “Nice place you invited us too.”

Y/n noticed each of her team mates reluctantance upon being in the club. “Yeah, it’s one of my....old friends favorite place to come to. So, I thought since we are all stressed. Let’s come here and relax.” She says looking at her teams mates.

Clint sighs while Steve and Bucky just rub the back of their necks. Tony, scoffs and rolls his eyes and Bruce sends her a small smile, while Natasha sends her a smile.

“Oh,” taking a step back, Y/n takes a deep breath. This building was the only thing that reminded her of when she was human. “You guys need a different scenery,” she mumbles. She hoped sharing this place with her would bring the team closer together. But it failed. Sighing Y/n takes a step back.

“Oh, no. It’s just we barely go out as a team, especially to this kind of place,” says Steve.

“Yeah,” says Tony shoving his hands in his pocket, “especially with a vampire.”

She wanted to talk more with her team mates, to bond with them, to be with them, to join their family. But she knew the bridge between Vampires and Humans needs time,material, and a good architect to build.

“Well then I guess I will leave you all for now,” she says turning around as her fellow teammates send a glare at Tony and try to follow her.

It was 11pm on the dot when she sensed the Cullens presence. Since her conversation with her team mates, three hours have passed. Bruce talked to her and kept her company as she worked. She helped a drunk Clint and Natasha to the car. And received apologetic looks from Steve and Bucky.

Walking away from Bruce, Y/n focuses her attention on the Cullens. Watching their movements and how they blend with the crowd. One of them covered their mouths as a human bumped into him.

*still learning control* she thought. Putting on her shades, Y/n saunters over to the Carlisle.

“Olympic Coven?” she says gathering their attention as they stand right next to the bar.

“Yes,” says Carlisle putting out his hand, “You must be the New York Coven leader,” he finishes.

Y/n takes Carlisle hand. So far she had found them acceptable. They didn’t look inhumane and each of them had yellow eyes. All requirements if they want to move to New York.

“That I am. Please, follow me to some where more quiet,” she says not letting go of Carlisle’s hand and gently leading the Cullens to a more quiet and less populated area of the club.

It was a small room, with soft red fur carpet and velvet and black couches. An Astoria Stovall executive desk and leather wheels chairs.

The walls were lined with extricate designs and artifacts.

“Please have a seat,” says Y/n letting go Carlisle’s hand and gesturing to the couches.

Yet, none of the Cullens sit as Y/n leans onto her desk.

“ I am Carlisle,” starts Carlisle and gestures to a woman with long dark brown hair, “ This is my wife, Esme,”

Y/n smiles and sends her hand out to Esme, “I look forward to seeing you more often Esme, if you all intend to stay in New York,”

Esme takes her hand gently. “Maybe we will,” she finishes. Slowly each Carlisle and Esme introduce Y/n to each of their children.

“It’s beautiful how you all are so close together,” says Y/n as Emmett and Rosalie share a look.

“Yes,” starts Carlisle, “but I believe we other matters to attend too,”

“aaahh yes,” Y/n starts pulling out Carlisle letter, “so you say you plan on staying for 30 years. This may prove difficult since you are from Forks.”

“How so?” Says Carlisle as Y/n leans on desk.

“New York isn’t like most spots on your history. That you have been too,” says Y/n.

Carlisle takes a deep breath and holds Esme’s hand while Jasper and Edward try to take a step forward, only to be stopped by Emmett.

“You’ve studied us. You know nearly everything about us,” says Edward making the family gasp.

“Well if your gonna move into my home. I better know everything about you,” says Y/n.

“Yet, we know nothing about you,” starts Emmett, “we don’t know where you’re from, how long you’ve been alive, what you do, or even how you eat,” he barks.

Y/n sighs and takes off her shades. “Dude, I’m vegan,” she says showing her golden eyes. “I am the only vampire of my coven. The rest were whiped out ages ago. I was nearly an immortal child. Which is why the Volturi do not trust me,” states Y/n, making Cullens tense up, each of them holding onto their significant other while glaring at Y/n.

Y/n sighs at their distasteful glares. Looking at her desk, she picks up a pen and twirls in her fingers a few times, before placing it back down.

Her arms fell to her sides as she said “ now do you want a territory in New York or no?”

She gave the Cullens a blank look as they stared at her weighing thier options. They needed somewhere new. Despite their differences, they liked New York.

Determined Carlisle nods his head and says yes. “Good,” says Y/n, “Now let’s make a deal.”

It took hours of negotiations and informing the Cullens before the treaty was completely drawn up.

In those hours, Y/n had since thrown away her shoes. As the Cullens had put theirs neatly in the corner. They told jokes and stories as discussed food supplies, hospitable locations, and laws.

Y/n smiled as Edward and handed them each a glass of animal blood. The Cullens look at the blood suspiciously, but then smell the non human scent on it. Making them smile and nods their at Y/n.

“The Unification of The New York and Olympic Covens,” say Y/n raising up her glass.

“To the Unification,” says the Cullens.

[gothify1]

While we’re still on the brink of spring, I’m mentally already fast-forwarding to summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love to layer up in coats and boots but I pretty much live for warm weather style, so summer is where my wardrobe really shines. After all, I grew up in Arizona and live in L.A., so feel like I’ve become somewhat of an expert when it comes to dressing for summer. So, which trends are on my radar and which pieces do I think will be huge in a few months? Looking to the runways and fashion insiders, it’s clear that there are a number of trends that will be big this summer. From tropical prints and bold colors to chain heels and exposed bras  (and plenty more), there are some major summer trends destined for all of our wardrobes once the warm weather hits. Ahead, see the 8 summer trends I’m predicting are about to blow up and shop my edit. With bold jungle prints spotted on the S/S 20 runways like Versace, the tropical prints are poised to be everywhere this summer. We'll be seeing it as a strong trend in swimwear, as well as vacation clothing. This is currently sitting in my shopping cart. Shop the matching Floral-Print Bikini Briefs ($135) Just buttoned at the middle—a great styling trick to copy. The perfect one-piece. Sure, aviator sunglasses have been around forever, but this summer we'll be seeing updated takes on the classic. Bottega Veneta's sleek hexagonal pair have already been popular with celebs like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, but we're also seeing other brands coming out with their own take on the reinvented aviator. We can thank Bottega Veneta for putting this trend on the map. This shape feels very forward. Perfection. We're already seeing bra tops emerge as a huge trend for 2020 but it will only be picking up steam as we get closer to summer. My favorite way to style them? Underneath a blazer as seen here from Staud. Pull this off for the evening with a satin set like this. A must-buy in my opinion. So good. Chain-embellished heels are the shoe trend that will dominate 2020. Last summer, everyone was pairing anklets with heels so think of this as a new way breathing life into that trend. Wow, these are truly a work of art. For a night out. Porte & Paire nails the latest trends at a great price point. Get ready for big punches of color with lots of hues that scream fun. I'm especially drawn to bold pinks as well as sunny shades like yellow and orange. This top is designed to look like there's a bikini top underneath. Very into yellow right now. Hunza G can do no wrong. Suiting is one of the biggest trends of 2020, period, so you better believe that there will be a way everyone will wear suits this summer. Look no further than the short suit. This summer, style yours with a bra top and chain heels. My mom had a set like this in the '90s and now I need it. Shop the matching Pleated Shorts ($210) I cannot get enough of Frankie Shop's perfectly-tailored pieces. Shop the matching Julie Shorts ($125) Styled to perfection. Shop the matching Praline Shorts ($675) Get ready to say goodbye to your ordinary tees and hello to padded shoulder versions. The rising micro-trend is already huge on the street style scene but will be everywhere by summer. This cult top keeps selling out. 100% of the profits from the sale of this T-shirt will go to Women for Women International. Kendall Jenner just wore this dress version. Raffia might be a summer staple but we'll be seeing it blow up this year. Look for the material in chic beach bags and hats. A cool take on the big bag trend. This visor is epic. I love the leather details. Next, see everything that just landed on my personal shopping list .

[fmservers]

The best and worst April Fools’ jokes from around the web

The tech world sure does love a good prank.

While some sat out on April Fools’, a number of big tech companies embraced the opportunity to waste time this way.

So without any further ado, here are the April Fools’ pranks from around the web:

The good

1) Google Tulip

Google Tulip, in my humble opinion, is Google’s best April Fools’ joke this year. It’s a product that lets you communicate with tulips (they’re making progress with cacti, which just want to be left alone, it would appear).

The premise itself is par for the course on April Fools’ day — the perfect mix of mildly plausible and “but why?” — but a few of the comedic touches on the video really make this prank shine.

If the bit at the :54 mark doesn’t tickle you, then I fully respect your opinion but we are very different people and I doubt we could ever be real friends.

  2) Shutterstock stock IRL

This happens to be one of my favorite April Fools’ jokes from a tech company this year. Shutterstock is unveiling ‘plans’ to build the world’s largest physical library, called stock IRL, which would host “shelves upon shelves upon shelves” of stock photos, watermarked videos and music tracks.

Best line: “Because sometimes innovation means moving backwards.”

Sometimes, the idea itself can be an obvious prank as long as it’s executed well. It doesn’t hurt that Shutterstock does a pretty solid job marketing its actual product here, either.

  3) Spotify Discocover Weekly

Spotify’s April fools prank is pretty good tho pic.twitter.com/yTSdvzJdtS

— Christopher Mims (@mims) April 1, 2019

This one is elegant and delightful. Spotify has transformed your Discover Weekly playlist to feature disco hits, or disco takes on non-disco hits. I’ve been listening to mine this morning and it’s solid. Oh, and the playlist is called Discocover Weekly.

Lovely.

  4) Duolingo Push

The best way to learn a language is to practice every day. So Duolingo is introducing a more effective way to remind you with Duolingo Push.

“We’re taking push notifications out of your phone and into the real world! Duo the Owl will literally show up to remind you to practice. It’s the green-glove treatment you’ve always wanted.”

  5) Google Maps Snake

If this is a prank, it’s an incredibly generous and sweet prank that never hurt anyone. Google has put the classic Snakes game into the Google Maps app, for both iOS and Android, as well as on a standalone site for folks who don’t have the app.

It’s fun and simple and makes me wonder why this nostalgic little Easter Egg can’t live in the Google Maps app forever and for always.

(I died for that ^^ screenshot. You’re welcome.)

  6) ProductHunt IPO

ProductHunt joked that it’s going public simply as a result of peer pressure. It also highlighted some of the April Fools’ pranks coming through on its own platform, including a SideDoor into college admission and a monstrous USB hub.

7) Waymo Pet

It’s exactly what you think it is. Waymo Pet is an autonomous car service exclusively for pets. The real beauty in this April Fools’ joke is in the details — the idea of Waymo employees overthinking the interior of a car based on the type of pet that may be riding in it is relatively humorous.

Best line: “Research shows us that cats love laser pointers.”

  The not so good

1) Adobe Capture

Adobe wonders what would happen if designers could spark a memory through the smell of a particular ad or logo. Heralding the arrival of this hellscape is Adobe Capture, which uses Adobe Scent-sei technology to give users the ability to capture scents in the real world (through the camera?) and preview scents via the phone’s charging port.

Don’t shoot the messenger. It gets both better and worse from here.

  2) General Cat-A-List

General Catalyst has spruced up their landing page with loads of cat gifs, powered by Giphy. Yes, General Catalyst is an investor in Giphy.

“We took this process seriously. To best convey that we sit at the cutting edge of all things new, bright and shiny, we spitballed our way through design-thinking sessions and administered Rorschach tests across the firm. We concluded that our brand should land at the intersection of tech + fun. What could illustrate tech-enabled fun better than the cat gif?”

  3) Google Files Screen Cleaner:

Google is adding a new Screen Cleaner feature to the Files app. To clean it from the inside out. According to the video, the features uses “a smudge detector API” to identify imperfections, along with” geometric dirt models” and a “haptic micromovement generator” to sh-sh-shake it off.

And because they already committed, the team at Google decided to double down and say that the Screen Cleaner also uses micro vibrations to create a non-stick shield around your phone. Cause why not?

    4) NVIDIA GeForce RTX R.O.N.

The NVIDIA GeForce RON AI personal assistant, as the name might suggest, is a classic case of too many pranky ideas coming to fruition at once.

The Echo-like device (but also with a holographic display, for some reason) offers in-game coaching (insults), a rage converter (which translates your screamed profanities into words of encouragement for your inept teammates), and the Troll Destroyer (using internet-sourced facts to take down trolls on forums). Those are just a few of the features of the RON AI personal assistant, which feels a bit too bonkers to be funny.

“A” for effort, though.

  5) 1Password

1Password just went for it today with the introduction of the 1Password Password Book, which is just a journal where you write down your passwords.

The landing page touts the book’s features, vacillating between pros and cons like “It’s Super Private” and “You can share your passwords.” Of course, analog password storage isn’t the worst way to store your passwords, especially if those passwords are strong in the first place and you’re keeping your Password Book in a safe place.

Alas, the Password Book is just a prank.

  6) OnePlus Warp Car

The OnePlus #WarpCar is coming. Are you ready to say goodbye to gasoline? #NeverSettle

— OnePlus (@oneplus) April 1, 2019

For years, rumors swirled that Apple might be working on a car. For April Fools’, the smartphone newcomer OnePlus teased an upcoming electric vehicle called the OnePlus Warp.

Shrug.

  7) Razr Ping

Gaming hardware company Razr took some inspiration from Apex Legends, the hottest new game on the market. Razr Ping hypothetically lets people ping real-world objects with their smartphone, similar to the non-verbal comms system in Apex Legends.

Low-key, though, that comms system may very well be the exemplar for other games and even non-gaming platforms. Just not in the way Razr imagines here, obviously.

  8) Roblox Console

I’m not entirely sure what Roblox is doing here with the introduction of the first Roblox gaming console, offering “a new way to make your dreams a reality in stunning, 8K ultra-high definition graphics and at greater than 120 frames per second.”

“Deep underground in a secret laboratory, our engineers developed a groundbreaking processor that could distill imagination into a concentrated source of infinite energy,” reads the blog post. “That energy is what fuels the unbelievable technology in Robox.”

If it’s supposed to be funny, I don’t get it.

9) Roku PressPaws Remote

According to Roku, 72 percent of their users said they thought their dogs would enjoy TV more if they could control what’s on. Thus, the PressPaws Remote.

“This paws-specific remote could be a huge untapped market for us,” says Lloyd Klarke, director of product management for the Roku Pet Division. The remote has shortcut buttons shaped like paws, because the buttons are the only real barrier between a dog’s ability to master the TV remote.

  10) SodastreamME

And then there’s such a thing as trying too hard. Sodastream presents the SodasteamME, which was built in partnership with astronaut Scott Kelly and allows folks to power their Sodastream with their own burps.

We may never know why.

  11) Stack Overflow

StackOverflow also went for a simple prank, taking the entire website back to the early days o the internet, complete with Comic Sans typeface. It’s jarring. You can check it out here.

12) Tinder Height Verification Badge

Introducing the thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted—Tinder Height Verification. Coming soon. Read more about it here: https://t.co/8MER0L1U6W pic.twitter.com/hZ507zSoic

— Tinder (@Tinder) March 29, 2019

It’s funny because it’s true? On March 29, Tinder teased a new Height Verification Badge (HVB), which would force users to verify their age by taking a photo of themselves standing next to any commercial building. Remember, this is three full days before April 1.

The blog post has at least one typo, and some questionable language. (Exhibit A: “Did it ever occur to you that honesty is what separates humans from sinister monsters? Of course not.”) There is also, however, some hint of truth. (Exhibit B: “Only 14.5% of the U.S. male population is actually 6’ and beyond. So, we’re expecting to see a huge decline in the 80% of males on Tinder who are claiming that they are well over 6 feet.”)

For a minute, we couldn’t decide if it was real or not. But Tinder has confirmed that this is an April Fools’ prank.

  13) T-Mobile Phone BoothE

If you’re still here, we’re done. T-Mobile’s sacrificial lamb in this blood bath of a ‘holiday’ is the T-Mobile Phone BoothE, which is a soundproof phone booth.

Of note: T-Mobile CEO John Legere was an active participant in this prank, which raises concerns, but then again that’s sort of his style.

Via Jordan Crook https://techcrunch.com

[toomanysinks]

The best and worst April Fools’ jokes from around the web

The tech world sure does love a good prank.

While some sat out on April Fools’, a number of big tech companies embraced the opportunity to waste time this way.

So without any further ado, here are the April Fools’ pranks from around the web:

The good

1) Google Tulip

Google Tulip, in my humble opinion, is Google’s best April Fools’ joke this year. It’s a product that lets you communicate with tulips (they’re making progress with cacti, which just want to be left alone, it would appear).

The premise itself is par for the course on April Fools’ day — the perfect mix of mildly plausible and “but why?” — but a few of the comedic touches on the video really make this prank shine.

If the bit at the :54 mark doesn’t tickle you, then I fully respect your opinion but we are very different people and I doubt we could ever be real friends.

  2) Shutterstock stock IRL

This happens to be one of my favorite April Fools’ jokes from a tech company this year. Shutterstock is unveiling ‘plans’ to build the world’s largest physical library, called stock IRL, which would host “shelves upon shelves upon shelves” of stock photos, watermarked videos and music tracks.

Best line: “Because sometimes innovation means moving backwards.”

Sometimes, the idea itself can be an obvious prank as long as it’s executed well. It doesn’t hurt that Shutterstock does a pretty solid job marketing its actual product here, either.

  3) Spotify Discocover Weekly

Spotify’s April fools prank is pretty good tho pic.twitter.com/yTSdvzJdtS

— Christopher Mims (@mims) April 1, 2019

This one is elegant and delightful. Spotify has transformed your Discover Weekly playlist to feature disco hits, or disco takes on non-disco hits. I’ve been listening to mine this morning and it’s solid. Oh, and the playlist is called Discocover Weekly.

Lovely.

  4) Duolingo Push

The best way to learn a language is to practice every day. So Duolingo is introducing a more effective way to remind you with Duolingo Push.

“We’re taking push notifications out of your phone and into the real world! Duo the Owl will literally show up to remind you to practice. It’s the green-glove treatment you’ve always wanted.”

  5) Google Maps Snake

If this is a prank, it’s an incredibly generous and sweet prank that never hurt anyone. Google has put the classic Snakes game into the Google Maps app, for both iOS and Android, as well as on a standalone site for folks who don’t have the app.

It’s fun and simple and makes me wonder why this nostalgic little Easter Egg can’t live in the Google Maps app forever and for always.

(I died for that ^^ screenshot. You’re welcome.)

  6) ProductHunt IPO

ProductHunt joked that it’s going public simply as a result of peer pressure. It also highlighted some of the April Fools’ pranks coming through on its own platform, including a SideDoor into college admission and a monstrous USB hub.

7) Waymo Pet

It’s exactly what you think it is. Waymo Pet is an autonomous car service exclusively for pets. The real beauty in this April Fools’ joke is in the details — the idea of Waymo employees overthinking the interior of a car based on the type of pet that may be riding in it is relatively humorous.

Best line: “Research shows us that cats love laser pointers.”

  The not so good

1) Adobe Capture

Adobe wonders what would happen if designers could spark a memory through the smell of a particular ad or logo. Heralding the arrival of this hellscape is Adobe Capture, which uses Adobe Scent-sei technology to give users the ability to capture scents in the real world (through the camera?) and preview scents via the phone’s charging port.

Don’t shoot the messenger. It gets both better and worse from here.

  2) General Cat-A-List

General Catalyst has spruced up their landing page with loads of cat gifs, powered by Giphy. Yes, General Catalyst is an investor in Giphy.

“We took this process seriously. To best convey that we sit at the cutting edge of all things new, bright and shiny, we spitballed our way through design-thinking sessions and administered Rorschach tests across the firm. We concluded that our brand should land at the intersection of tech + fun. What could illustrate tech-enabled fun better than the cat gif?”

  3) Google Files Screen Cleaner:

Google is adding a new Screen Cleaner feature to the Files app. To clean it from the inside out. According to the video, the features uses “a smudge detector API” to identify imperfections, along with” geometric dirt models” and a “haptic micromovement generator” to sh-sh-shake it off.

And because they already committed, the team at Google decided to double down and say that the Screen Cleaner also uses micro vibrations to create a non-stick shield around your phone. Cause why not?

    4) NVIDIA GeForce RTX R.O.N.

The NVIDIA GeForce RON AI personal assistant, as the name might suggest, is a classic case of too many pranky ideas coming to fruition at once.

The Echo-like device (but also with a holographic display, for some reason) offers in-game coaching (insults), a rage converter (which translates your screamed profanities into words of encouragement for your inept teammates), and the Troll Destroyer (using internet-sourced facts to take down trolls on forums). Those are just a few of the features of the RON AI personal assistant, which feels a bit too bonkers to be funny.

“A” for effort, though.

  5) 1Password

1Password just went for it today with the introduction of the 1Password Password Book, which is just a journal where you write down your passwords.

The landing page touts the book’s features, vacillating between pros and cons like “It’s Super Private” and “You can share your passwords.” Of course, analog password storage isn’t the worst way to store your passwords, especially if those passwords are strong in the first place and you’re keeping your Password Book in a safe place.

Alas, the Password Book is just a prank.

  6) OnePlus Warp Car

The OnePlus #WarpCar is coming. Are you ready to say goodbye to gasoline? #NeverSettle

— OnePlus (@oneplus) April 1, 2019

For years, rumors swirled that Apple might be working on a car. For April Fools’, the smartphone newcomer OnePlus teased an upcoming electric vehicle called the OnePlus Warp.

Shrug.

  7) Razr Ping

Gaming hardware company Razr took some inspiration from Apex Legends, the hottest new game on the market. Razr Ping hypothetically lets people ping real-world objects with their smartphone, similar to the non-verbal comms system in Apex Legends.

Low-key, though, that comms system may very well be the exemplar for other games and even non-gaming platforms. Just not in the way Razr imagines here, obviously.

  8) Roblox Console

I’m not entirely sure what Roblox is doing here with the introduction of the first Roblox gaming console, offering “a new way to make your dreams a reality in stunning, 8K ultra-high definition graphics and at greater than 120 frames per second.”

“Deep underground in a secret laboratory, our engineers developed a groundbreaking processor that could distill imagination into a concentrated source of infinite energy,” reads the blog post. “That energy is what fuels the unbelievable technology in Robox.”

If it’s supposed to be funny, I don’t get it.

9) Roku PressPaws Remote

According to Roku, 72 percent of their users said they thought their dogs would enjoy TV more if they could control what’s on. Thus, the PressPaws Remote.

“This paws-specific remote could be a huge untapped market for us,” says Lloyd Klarke, director of product management for the Roku Pet Division. The remote has shortcut buttons shaped like paws, because the buttons are the only real barrier between a dog’s ability to master the TV remote.

  10) SodastreamME

And then there’s such a thing as trying too hard. Sodastream presents the SodasteamME, which was built in partnership with astronaut Scott Kelly and allows folks to power their Sodastream with their own burps.

We may never know why.

  11) Stack Overflow

StackOverflow also went for a simple prank, taking the entire website back to the early days o the internet, complete with Comic Sans typeface. It’s jarring. You can check it out here.

12) Tinder Height Verification Badge

Introducing the thing you never asked for, but definitely always wanted—Tinder Height Verification. Coming soon. Read more about it here: https://t.co/8MER0L1U6W pic.twitter.com/hZ507zSoic

— Tinder (@Tinder) March 29, 2019

It’s funny because it’s true? On March 29, Tinder teased a new Height Verification Badge (HVB), which would force users to verify their age by taking a photo of themselves standing next to any commercial building. Remember, this is three full days before April 1.

The blog post has at least one typo, and some questionable language. (Exhibit A: “Did it ever occur to you that honesty is what separates humans from sinister monsters? Of course not.”) There is also, however, some hint of truth. (Exhibit B: “Only 14.5% of the U.S. male population is actually 6’ and beyond. So, we’re expecting to see a huge decline in the 80% of males on Tinder who are claiming that they are well over 6 feet.”)

For a minute, we couldn’t decide if it was real or not. But Tinder has confirmed that this is an April Fools’ prank.

  13) T-Mobile Phone BoothE

If you’re still here, we’re done. T-Mobile’s sacrificial lamb in this blood bath of a ‘holiday’ is the T-Mobile Phone BoothE, which is a soundproof phone booth.

Of note: T-Mobile CEO John Legere was an active participant in this prank, which raises concerns, but then again that’s sort of his style.

source https://techcrunch.com/2019/04/01/the-best-and-worst-april-fools-jokes-from-the-tech-world-2019/

[missenden]

1.7.12 8:05pm

Half the year has gone already ??? What ??? How ???

This has probably been the best few months I’ve had in a long while. Granted, they weren’t without their difficulty, but I think there were less meltdowns and bad periods than usual? It can be hard to tell in hindsight, but I’m happy anyway. It’s been a good time and I’m sad to see the semester end…

There are so many things to cover – gonna list them out here so I don’t forget to write about anything. Uni (academics and new friends), piano, fic, boxing, quitting SYO, what else? I think that’s it for now.

I haven’t updated for legit like 3 months so this is probably going to take fkn forever. But here goes. So uni has been a bit of a rollercoaster – my first midsems for econ (maths and micro) were god awful. I didn’t think it was possible to do as badly as I did in maths, a solid 4/25 and barely a pass in micro with 15/25. It hit me hard – I wasn’t super confident going into them, but no-one expects to do quite that badly, and to be honest I’m used to working hard and getting the results. I probably should’ve seen it coming. The practice tests weren’t going great and I was probably too confident going in. But yeah. It was a real reality check. Are you as smart as you think, Alyssa? Never. So after about a week of just crying and being real upset at Don (the shittiest lecturer I think I’ve ever had; he wouldn’t give me marks because he was ‘too annoyed’ that I’d gotten so many things wrong previously’, laughs at people in class, tells people to quit their jobs to study for maths…yeah. I know I’ll probably look back on this and laugh at how trivial it is, but man during semester it was annoying.) life had to move on and I had to move on with it. Julia came to Sydney in the midsemester break which was pretty great (it was real nice to hang out with her again and relax!) and then I began to work my ass off for my law assignments before starting to prep for the next econ midsems.

To be honest, I pretty much gave up 2-3 weeks of my life working for law and econ…but it’s not like I didn’t really enjoy it. I really enjoyed working with Tom and then eventually with Soo as well on the contracts assignment, even with the long hours cooped up in my room, poring over casebooks and PDF judgments online (control F has never been more useful I think). There was something about being so absorbed into the knowledge and being so dedicated to something that was just so great – most people would hate it, but I’m glad I don’t. Even working on CCP wasn’t terrible ! Those assignments worked out great; 25/30 for contracts (the top mark was 26), and 16.5/20 for CCP (I think I might have been close to topping!). I never thought I’d see the day where I did that well in law, and that those marks would ever be better than econ lol. But I was mostly glad that everything worked out the way it did – I think it would’ve killed me if I hadn’t done well after so much work. Anyway, hopefully those results can save me from the horror of exams…I’m glad I have at least something of a buffer.

And econ…econ was something special. I have never worked on anything as hard as I did for that maths exam, and to an extent the micro paper as well. All I did was eat, sleep, mandi and study for a two week period – I’m very lucky that I was living in college and that my friends were always around me, because otherwise I probably could’ve become a real hermit. I think it was about then that I really started to fall in love with the maths a little bit lol. There’s this satisfaction that I got out of it that I’d never gotten before. But yeah. After two crazy weeks, I did the papers and scored damn well – went from 16% in maths to 84%, and 60 in micro to 75. By some insane coincidence I’m now exactly on a pass for maths – hopefully it’s enough to carry me into honours next year. I was just so desperate to prove to myself and everyone around me that I could do this, and that I wasn’t an idiot. And I’m glad I did – it’s one hell of a story to tell at job interviews at any rate. But that feeling of success when I first got the maths mark back was absolutely phenomenal. I remember it really vividly – I was waiting out on the street waiting for uber eats when Connor texted the group chat saying that maths marks were up. My nerves were astronomical, but when I saw that number…man. That feeling was something else. All the hard work had been well worth it just for that moment. The feeling is absolutely amazing; I just hope that I’ll be able to experience it again when the exam marks come back.

So yeah – that’s the academics. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. Hopefully I can deliver in exams too, and get through with decent looking grades.

There was another great outcome of the second set of midsems – I met this amazing group of friends who do economics at uni. They’re all so welcoming and wonderful and genuine !! I just wish I could’ve met them sooner. For most of the semester since then, I’ve been seeing them every now and again which has been really great – hopefully I can get closer to them next sem. I even got invited to their end of semester stuff – Wednesday night was really great <3 They are all so great. Fingers crossed I can keep hanging out with them.

Along with this group has come some boy stuff lol. Which I’m just so bad at dealing with it’s almost funny. So basically, I think this guy is probably/maybe/I think keen, and I thought I was too, but honestly now I don’t know. Part of it is remnants of all the Lynden stuff – I can’t shake this feeling that getting into a relationship means giving up my independence and losing a part of myself. And then I think the other part is I don’t know if he’s quite the right guy – it sounds shallow, but appearance is definitely a factor, and then also idk I’m worried that if things go pear shaped I won’t be able to be friends with everyone anymore. Idk, I’m just not sure. Tom keeps laughing at my indecision but honestly it’s so bad lol. And I don’t know why I keep pushing people away – is it a self defence mechanism or something? It’s very unhelpful lol and only serves to make things difficult. I haven’t quite worked this one out, but hopefully I will at some point?

On to the next thing – piano. So I’ve been playing casually all semester and really enjoying it! I think not having the pressure to play super well all the time and to just have fun is really great, but is also a little restrictive in terms of progress. At the moment I’m playing a lot of music from the movie Amelie and also Goodbye Lenin, as well as some Studio Ghibli stuff. For some reason it feels a lot better than playing violin, which I haven’t been doing too much of lately – I think a break is probably a good thing, but it also feels sad to let it go. I haven’t even applied for AYO this year, which just feels so strange. Also, I quit SYO – weirdly they never emailed me back or anything, and that doesn’t feel great, but yeah. Idk. It feels like I’m just letting go of so many things in my life which is strange – I’m so used to being committed to a million and one things, and it’s weird to just enjoy doing stuff for the sake of it how most people do, in the way of hobbies. It’ll definitely take some time to adjust to it, but hopefully I’ll get there at some point.

But actually, one thing I have picked up this semester is boxing, and it’s been bloody great. I struggled so much last year to let go of karate and try something new, but somehow I’ve managed to do it this year and I honestly feel as if I’m learning so much. Learning boxing has been a radically different experience to karate – the environment is much more full on, fast paced and intense, which to be honest is a good thing for me I think. My fitness has improved markedly, I’m more toned and feel good. The only thing I wished was a bit better is that individuals don’t get all that much attention, but you can’t win everything I suppose. But hell, I’m really enjoying it – might even be doing a fight in October, though the prospect is a little nerve-wracking. Will probably be doing a kata competition in August as well for karate, so that’ll be interesting !

This semester has really been great. I feel so much more settled in Sydney, my friendships feel much more secure and I finally feel like things are falling into place. I know I take a long time to settle in to places, but I really didn’t anticipate it taking this long lol, but I’m glad that it’s happening at all. It’s nice to feel like some kind of equilibrium has been hit, and that it’s a bit different but a bit the same as what it is at home. Also, it’s great to not be constantly missing home all the time – of course I miss family, friends and Perth itself, but it’s no longer at the front of my mind constantly and stressing me out. Not really looking forward to all the changes that next semester will bring though; everyone is going on exchange and Hintze 3 is going to be weirdly different after the break. And man the bloody room drama – at least Jesse is moving up, but I wish Charlotte was too, but also there was the whole beef with Will and blergh it’s just been annoying.

Speaking of that drama – one of the changes this sem is that I’m not as close to Will as I was before. We kinda grew apart, in part from me getting tired of having him hover all the time wanting to talk about Perth and music, and I don’t think he’s all too happy about it – he apparently things ‘I’ve changed’. But like what else is to be expected? People change and grow up, and normally friendships change to reflect that…I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’m just glad that he won’t be moving to Hintze. The whole room drama just felt very childish…

I think that’s it from me for the moment – Jesse’s just wandered in asking me to chill. Kathryn’s leaving tomorrow so should probably go hang out – things are going to be so weird next sem without her and everyone else ! But yeah. Will try and update soon.