#and she says something like ‘‘i accidentally cut it. y’know. when i stabbed that guy’’

[nbmahoushoujo]

i’ve decided it’s “characters who’d do literally anything to protect their little sibling” loving hour

​i see a single fanart of lana and ema and my brain turns to mush

[feralphoenix]

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

sup hollow knight fandom, i’m back with the picante takes again after having Noticed A Thing.

as with my previous essays i’ll put this guy up on dreamwidth later for accessibility purposes, since my layout text may be too small for high-res pc users. i will attach that in a reblog at a later point.

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay discusses canon-typical body horror and bodily boundary violations, with some side mentions of colonialism.

all game screencaps are mine. the screencap of the wiki is from the “developer notes” (style guide) section of the “cut content” page.

ALSO: if youre from a christian cultural upbringing (whether currently practicing, agnostic/secular, or atheist now), understand that some of what i’m discussing here may challenge you. if thinking thru the implications of this particular part of hollow knight worldbuilding/lore is distressing for you, PLEASE only approach this essay when youre in a safe mindset & open to listening, and ask the help of a therapist or anti-racism teacher/mentor to help you process your thoughts & feelings. just like keep in mind that youre listening to an ethnoreligiously marginalized person and please be respectful here or wherever else youre discussing this dang essay, ty

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

We understand more or less how the Pale King’s plan was supposed to work. Stuff Radiance into a no-thoughts-head-empty and silent Pure Vessel to trap, isolate, and silence her, both putting an end to the Infection and killing her for good. Stick that vessel in the Black Egg, which harnesses Void BS to both keep the vessel alive indefinitely and to cover Hallownest (and its neighbors) in a time-defying stasis so that the Pale King could successfully hoard his favorite shiny FOREVER, threatened by nothing. Then put a seal on the Black Egg to prevent anyone from getting inside and harming said vessel while it’s strung up and helpless. And THEN, put protective seals on the anchors (the Dreamers) to the Black Egg seal to protect them from any external harm: The stasis means the Dreamers won't die of old age or starvation.

All in all, a pretty foolproof plan!

...except that the Dreamers are still vulnerable to having their minds breached with the moths’ magic... and the Pale King failed to take into account that his Pure Vessel was a person actually and the amount of toxic stress his training/upbringing put on them made them REALLY POORLY SUITED FOR THEIR JOB... and also that killing 99% of his million children and turning the Abyss into a landfill for baby corpses would take enough of an emotional toll on his wife and #1 enabler the White Lady that she would walk out on him, ensuring he’d only ever have one shot at this whole deal...

Basically it’s the sort of plan that an emotionally constipated, low-empathy sort of guy who pours all his points into INT and has a big fat zero for WIS might think is foolproof. It has big holes in it that the Pale King did not consider to be big holes until he got owned by the various consequences of his actions and fell down said big holes, making the shocked pikachu face all the while. Rip in die, my guy.

Anyway, there’s a lot of incidental information scattered about the game that gives us more insight into the stages of TPK’s plan. Looking at Monomon’s notes in the Archive suggests that she was probably involved in designing the Black Egg; the hidden room in the Weavers’ den points to their being the ones to blueprint the Dreamer seal; the White Palace’s hidden rooms reveal both TPK’s morbid fascination with the Void and his mea culpa wrt his motives and the Path of Pain is certainly suggestive of a lot of things. The White Lady tells us straight out that she walked out on the Pale King because she wanted no part in a second vessel batch, but how TPK didn’t handle that is only revealed via map design and some incidental dialogue from the Old Stag.

This stuff presents us with, if not a full picture, then at least a decent connect-the-dots of certain aspects of crater politics and Pale Court drama at the time, and how exactly TPK’s plan came together.

But there is still one glaring question that these cookie crumbs do not provide us an answer to:

Who shall bell the cat?

How did TPK et al manage to stuff Radiance into Hollow in the first place?

This is the subject of a lot of memes and jokes within the fandom because it's so absurd. Radiance fuckin hates that dude! She’s probably gonna be pretty wary of him considering how he stole her people in the first place! And considering the anti-colonialism slant of the writing - beyond the general sympathetic view Team Cherry gives of each indigenous bug society, Seer makes it very clear that Radiance has very good reason to take violent action against Hallownest - the answer is probably not something like “she’s just that stupid” or “she rolled a crit fail”.

Well... I have an idea of how TPK managed to get Radiance in there. It raises about as many questions as it answers, mind, but it may be someplace to start.

[desc: the hollow knight's entry in the hunter’s journal. top text/ghost’s comment reads: “Fully grown Vessel, carrying the plague’s heart within its body.” bottom text/hunter’s comment says: “The old King of Hallownest... he must have been desperate to save his crumbling little world. The sacrifices he imposed on others... all for nothing.”]

Here we have Hollow’s bestiary entry. Most of what we’re concerned with here is the top text, which says the seal has literally trapped Radiance inside their body. (First of all, ew, TPK.)

We already knew Radiance is literally actually inside Hollow, though: The Infection is leaking out of their body, and to get to fight Radiance, Ghost has to go traipsing into their sibling’s mind. So what’s significant about that here?

[desc: screencap of the outside of the black egg temple, post-infected crossroads. there are large infection blobs in the foreground and background, connected to each other by veins that come from inside the temple.]

The infection blobs are weird and get weirder if you kill enough Lightseeds for the Hunter to tell you their origin story, i.e. that the literal actual sun has been having a very long bad day and cried a lot, and some of the liquid coalesced into living flesh, and some of that living flesh took on a mind of its own to become Lightseeds. (Hollow Knight is a WILD place.)

Lightseeds are Radiance’s accidental children and share a lot of her traits: They are harmless creatures that try to avoid conflict if possible but if pushed will get creative and find ways to fight regardless of their physical limitations. (For the Lightseeds this involves hiding inside Broken Vessel’s corpse and puppeting it around to try to stab you.) They even have her same distinctive yell. And according to the Hunter, they’re born from the infection blobs. These enemies only ever appear in the Ancient Basin, which both Radiance and the Void have ransacked, and in the Infected Crossroads.

The infection blobs are connected to and sort of a weird extension of Radiance because the Infection itself is sort of a weird extension of Radiance. In the game’s internal style guide Team Cherry explains that the Infection started as an accident, not her original intention but what happened when Hallownest tried to block her out.

[desc: screencap from the wiki of style notes attached to seer that describe a sketch of radiance’s finalized backstory. text reads: “The moth tribe were (perhaps) descended from Radiance. However, the King convinced them somehow to seal Radiance away. I guess so he could rule Hallownest with his singular vision, as a god/monarch with no other gods. The moths sealed Radiance away by forgetting about her. Hallownest was born and flourished. However, the memory of Radiance lingered (eg [sic] the statue at hallownest’s crown) and soon she began to reappear in dreams and starting [sic] exerting influence. The King and the bugs of Hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the Infection. Thus the first attempt to seal Radiance failed, and the King had to try another method - the Vessel.” emphasis mine.]

Some fans have posited the blobs as deposits of pupa juice, but given Team Cherry's description of the Infection’s origins I don’t know how likely that is. Since the Void also sticks its squamous tentacles into things via veiny looking things and the Nightmare’s Heart has similar veiny nonsense in the Nightmare Realm, I wonder if it isn’t just a Meddly God Shit thing in general.

Whatever the case, the blobs are very much connected to/a part of Radiance.

And when you’re hanging around them, you will notice two things: They pulse like they’re part of a circulatory system, and you can hear Radiance's heartbeat emanating from them.

[desc: screencap of the game’s title screen with the infected menu theme in use: a glowing orange ball at the center of a lot of black tendony webbing.]

Let’s also think of the Infected menu theme, which you unlock after getting either of the endings where Ghost takes over from Hollow and absorbs Radiance out of them. Ghost is infected and then sealed inside the Black Egg in Hollow's place. It’s suggested by the animation’s staging that Radiance briefly struggles to get out of Ghost after absorbed but is ultimately stuck in them, at which point the seal is reestablished.

If you haven’t used the Infected menu theme yourself, the... interesting thing about it is that it moves organically. The light ball expands and contracts - y’know, sort of like a living organ - and so does the black webby stuff around it.

Also, Radiance’s heartbeat is included in the theme's ambiance.

[desc: hollow’s bestiary entry again]

To cut to the chase, this part of Hollow’s bestiary entry that says “the plague’s heart”? I don’t think that’s just Ghost/Team Cherry being poetic. I think there’s a good chance it’s LITERAL.

I think TPK is the sort of person who could cram a native woman’s literal living beating heart inside his own child’s body so they can use it as... say, a focus to absorb and trap her mind/spirit inside their body, too. Mr. No Cost Too Great is capable of a lot in the name of keeping other people’s claws off his Big Shiny kingdom. This is kind of his whole brand.

But also, like, yuck.

This fits the worldbuilding too; generally speaking Hollow Knight is Body Horror City. Also there’s the case of Grimm: While he and Radiance are loose counterparts at best with WILDLY disparate outlooks and ethoses, his existence serves as precedent that a Higher Being’s heart specifically can be separate from the rest of them.

As I said before, though, this DOES raise as many questions as it answers. If this is another piece in the puzzle of how TPK belled the cat, we’re now left wondering how he got Radiance’s heart to use as Hollow's focus to begin with.

We know he has access to the Dream Realm because that’s ultimately where he hid when Hollow’s seal failed, but who did he send to do the stealing and how did they get away with it? (TPK certainly wouldn’t have gone; his own life’s the one cost too great for him to willingly pay.) Was Radiance’s heart separate from her like the Nightmare’s Heart, or was it a part of her body? (I think the latter is more likely just from her personality; Grimm’s hidden heart makes sense because of how he keeps even his own servants at arm’s length emotionally, whereas Radiance is all heart all the time. I think this makes more sense with their equal opposites schtick too. But this would make for a WAY riskier mission.)

I can imagine all kinds of possibilities. None of them are definitive, but the thing they have in common is that they are all Awful... and how on-brand that is for Hollow Knight as a whole is, maybe, the most persuasive argument for It’s Literally Actually Her Real Physical Heart there could be.

[recurring-polynya]

Does anyone in the world remember Heroes of the Hueco Mundo Invasion – In Love!!, a short and very strange piece of fiction I wrote while high on bad antidepressants because @unohanadaydreams​ told me to? Anyway, I wrote another chapter. I wrote this ages ago and never posted it because I was considering cutting the joke about the bowling shirts in favor of actually having them go bowling eventually. I still haven’t decided, but the bit about the bowling shirts is too good to cut. Why did I write this??? Anyway, it is transcendentally stupid and every single line of it is extremely hilarious to me. I just made a joke about Renji playing the tambourine and remembered this existed, so here you go. Happy Saturday.

🎨   🐱   👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

“Are you seeing this?” Ichigo exclaimed.

Rukia sighed, cradling her phone between her shoulder and her ear. “Yeah.”

“First of all, since when does Soul Society have YouTube?”

“I don’t know why you keep calling it that, it’s called SoulTube, and how else would we watch cat videos and skateboard tricks?”

“Since when do you have skateboards? And also, what the junk, Chad and Ishida?”

Rukia sighed as Matsumoto narrated the highlights of Chad and Uryuu’s Shinigami Women’s Association-sponsored date.

“Chad and Uryuu decided to each plan half the date to surprise the other!” Matsumoto was trilling. “Tell me, Uryuu, what did Mr. Tall, Dark and Silent have in store for you?”

“Well, the Karakura Art Museum was doing a tribute to Leonora Carrington, who is apparently one of Chad’s favorite artists. He was clearly nervous about it. I mean, her works are a little avant garde, but he said that he wanted to share something about himself and that he felt I would understand. I was honestly really touched by that. I wasn’t exactly surprised that Chad is into magical realism, we all know that 100 Years of Solitude is his favorite book.”

“Do we?” Ichigo echoed. “Do we all know that, Ishida?”

The camera panned to Chad standing in front of a large painting in which some plague doctors appeared to be spray-painting a flamingo. There was close to a minute of silence, punctuated by a bit of zooming in and out, before Chad rumbled “This one is my favorite.”

“For the second half of the date, Uryuu took a bit of a different tack!” Matsumoto explained.

Uryuu was back on camera again. “I mean, I tried to think of things Chad likes. I’m kinda boring, and I felt bad for making him do this. I know I went for the really obvious thing.”

The video switched to the interior of a kitten cafe. Chad was covered in kittens. There were two on his head, one on each shoulder, and at least seven cradled in his massive arms. His face was just one massive grin. It cut over to Uryuu, a single, tiny kitten cradled in the crook of his arm, sipping at a cup of tea, gazing at Chad mistily.

“Awwwww,” Rukia murmured. It was the sixth time she had watched this. It was the sixth time she had involuntarily murmured ‘awwwww’ at this part.

“I am so mad at him,” Ichigo grouched. “I thought Ishida would screw this up royally. I mean, we all knew Chad would do a good job, but look at this! How am I supposed to take Inoue on a date after this?! Why did I agree to this?!”

“Because you were high on painkillers,” Rukia pointed out for the sixth time, as, on her computer screen, Chad and Uryuu fed each other bites of pastry. “What are you all nervous about anyway? Orihime is the kindest person in existence and she thinks the world of you. Aside from accidentally stabbing her-- which, sometimes you do accidentally stab people, so try not to-- there’s really no way to mess this up. Besides, technically, didn’t she ask you out?”

Ichigo let out a big huff, which Rukia assumed was at her, and not at Hisagi’s surreptitious, long-range zoom shot of Uryuu and Chad having a very chaste good-night peck on the lips.

“Askin’ a girl out is very hard, Rukia, and I’ve got this opportunity, and I don’t wanna blow it! I know that Orihime will like anything, and that’s why it’s so hard to figure out the thing that will actually really make her happy!”

“You. She wants to go on a date with you, dude.”

“I mean, would she be impressed if I wore a suit? Or would I just look like a mortician? Maybe she’s into morticians. Should I ask my dad if I can borrow his leather jacket? I mean, it’s super cool, but it’s also my dad’s, so it comes with terrible vibes.”

“She will like whatever you are wearing because she likes you. She has sent me no less than 18 text messages on this topic.”

“And Nanao and Hisagi definitely do not know how human money works, they gave us way too much. Do you think I should take her someplace really upscale? I feel like that’s a dangerous move on my part.”

“You could honestly just walk around with her. She likes you disgustingly much.”

“Is there some ancient disgraced shinigami sealed in a cave we could… y’know… loosen the bindings on…? Orihime loves sealin’ up an undead evil.”

“Dude, you just said this was a big opportunity for you, and b) that’s what we’re doing next week so I can get out of my date.”

Ichigo snorted. “C’mon, you have it so easy. I wish I could go on a date with Renji.”

“Fine. Let’s swap then, and you can.”

“Nooooooooo, because then Orihime would like you better than me, I don’t want that! And besides, that’s not really what I meant.”

“What did you mean?” Rukia asked, her voice dropping down into Sode no Shirayuki territory.

“You guys go on dates all the time, even if you don’t call it that. Keigo was really confused when he found out you two weren’t married.”

“Keigo gets confused by vending machines. And I just take Renji to noble crap because Brother says he is ‘an acceptable escort’ and he’s really good at being tall and making growly faces at gross people who would otherwise be hitting on me.”

“You take him to noble stuff? I didn’t know you took him to noble stuff.”

“I mean, we go drinking, too, but everyone goes drinking, that’s not a date.”

“Sure, drinking in a large group is not a date.”

“It is also not a date to go drinking with just one other person. Sometimes you want to hear what the other person has to say, you know, or you just want to offload about your day with someone who understands you really well!”

“To be honest, Rukia, I was specifically referring to the time we went to karaoke and you two sang ‘The Chain’ by Fleetwood Mac together and maybe also the time we went bowling and you guys had matching shirts, but now that I have further information, I think he might actually be your boyfriend.”

“I sound exactly like Stevie Nicks when I sing!” Rukia protested. “And Brother bought us those shirts. He has one, too.” She sucked her teeth for a moment. “I’m pretty sure if he were my boyfriend, that would have required us to kiss at some point.”

“Oh.” There was a long silence at the other end of the line. “D’you want to? Kiss him, I mean.”

Rukia scratched her head, and backed up to the part where Chad was covered in kittens again. “I dunno. Do you want to kiss Orihime?”

“I kinda do, Rukia. Have you met her?”

“Fair. You should wear a suit and also sunglasses. Wear a tie, but loosen it a bunch and maybe halfway through the date, take it off and stick it in your pocket. Bring flowers. Lounge against a doorway and occasionally stare off into the middle distance before you say something. She’ll flip her shit. I promise.”

“Thanks, Rukia! You’re the best!”

“I’m not,” Rukia grumbled, squinting at the screen, trying to figure out who had initiated the Chad - Uryuu kiss.

“Renji’s pretty hot. I don’t judge you for wanting to kiss him.”

“I-- !” Rukia protested, then closed her mouth. “Thanks, Ichigo.”

“This could be a big opportunity for you, too, y’know.”

“Maybe,” Rukia agreed, and started typing “eye makeup tutorial not look like clown” into the SoulTube search bar.

  🎶   🍨   💖

Renji frowned at the bill of damages in front of him. Apparently, Harribel was in charge of Hueco Mundo now, and she had discovered paperwork. He was supposed to confirm all of the things that he, personally, had destroyed. He didn’t think he should be charged for destroying Rudabone’s skeletons, since the guy just made more of them. Also, 73 Menos Grande seemed excessive. He wondered if Queen Harribel was trying to have one over on them.

“Lieutenant Abarai,” Captain Kuchiki intoned. “I have seen the SoulTube video.”

Renji jumped a foot in the air. “Aw, jeez, Captain, you almost gave me a heart attack!” he gasped. “The one where me and Rikichi do sweet skateboard jumps? Or the one where Hisagi sings ‘Ship to Wreck’ and I play backup on the tambourine?”

His captain glared at him. “The one where the ryouka boys go on a romantic outing."

“Oh,” Renji replied. “Captain, I know what you’re thinking.”

“Do you?” Byakuya intoned, his voice dripping with skepticism.

“And I think a cat cafe could really take off in Soul Society, it would be a great investment opportunity! You should move quick, though, while this video is still so popular.”

“What I was referring to, Abarai,” Byakuya growled, “is that you are scheduled to take my beloved sister on a similar such outing, no?”

“Oh,” Renji said again. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?”

Renji hunched a little. “It’s not a big deal, sir. Hisagi’s really been blowing it all outta proportion. It’s just a cute thing for the newspaper, like the time they printed your recipe for Ambassador Seaweed taiyaki, remember that? You got dressed up in a little apron and hat and stuff and then you got all that fan mail?”

“This is not like that at all, Abarai,” Byakuya informed him. “I knew it would be thus. I shall call Lieutenant Hisagi and tell him to call this wretched exercise off immediately.”

“Uh… why, sir?” Renji asked, his eyes wide.

“You are not taking this seriously, Lieutenant. My sister is the most beautiful and charming woman in Soul Society, and I will not have her affections treated as a publicity stunt.”

“You underestimate me, sir!” Renji barked. “No one has more respect and sincere affection for your sister than me! I swear on my sword, I will show her A Real Good Time!”

Byakuya scrutinized his lieutenant. “You will select an activity that will be both surprising, yet enjoyable to her?”

“Yes, sir!”

“You will compliment her clothes and hairstyle, even if she insists on wearing those horrific Living World combat boots she owns?”

“For sure, sir!” Renji replied. He was a great fan of the combat boots.

“You will return her home by 9pm?”

“That’s a little early, sir, and also, there’s a nonlinear time gap between…”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. Renji’s numerous Senbonzakura scars were starting to itch.

“No later than 8:45, sir.”

Byakuya nodded. “I am going to trust you on this, Lieutenant, but I shall be waiting up with ice cream and hot fudge, should you disappoint my sister.”

“I thought you didn’t like sweet things,” Renji frowned.

“I make allowances where my sister’s heart is at stake.”

“Well, I’m gonna do my best, sir, and I know her pretty well, so I don’t think you’ll need it.” It occurred to Renji that over the years, Byakuya had turned out to be a pretty decent brother, after all, but he didn’t think it would be particularly helpful to point that out. “Uh, sir?”

“Yes, Abarai?”

“You got any policies on good-night kisses?”

“If I am shown a particularly nice time, I allow myself to be kissed at the end of a date.”

Renji blinked. “I meant, uh, vis-a-vis Rukia.”

“Ah.” Byakuya contemplated this for a moment. “Obviously, your own preferences carry some weight, but my sister is quite a catch. If Rukia wishes to kiss you, I think you should let her.”

Renji nodded curtly. “Will do, sir!”

[comradelup]

Fuck. Shit. Fuck shit ow. Fuck. Shit. Fuck shit ow. If Lucretia repeats this enough it starts to have a beat to it. That’s something she can focus on more than her thigh and the hand towel she has pressed into it.

Magnus is… a decent driver, usually. Mostly gets distracted by things on sidewalks. But on the ride to the emergency room he was scary good and scary fast. If she were more of a jokester she’d suggest he’s only doing this to keep her from staining his passenger seat.

He leads the way as she hobbles in, a hand still pressing the towel to her upper thigh. It doesn’t hurt to walk too much, but this repeated movement isn’t helping too much. He gets her to a seat near some other people and goes off to check her in. He’s nervous but smiles in a way that’s an attempt at reassuring before she watches his retreating back.

“Wow. You’d think he’s the hurt one,” a woman next to Lucretia says. She turns to look at her.

“You don’t even look that hurt compared to him freaking out,” she says. She’s holding an ice pack to her hairline, and her forehead, shirt, lower legs, and shoes have splatters of blood onto them. The woman looks utterly unbothered and even smiles at Lucretia.

“I could say the same to you,” Lucretia says, “Can I ask what happened?”

The woman nods across the room to a man, her twin by the looks of it, who’s filling out one of those forms. “My brother hit me with a club,” she says, then adds, “Not on purpose though. He just sucks at mini-golf.”

“How hard did he hit you?” Lucretia asks. That’s a lot of blood for that type of injury.

“Not hard at all! Head wounds just bleed a lot, y’know?” The woman shrugs. “Guess it’s the body’s way of saying ‘hey there’s an important organ in here!’”

The two of them laugh. Lucretia says, “You seem to know a lot about injuries.”

“Yeah, I was a rowdy kid, plus I do a lot of stupid shit that makes me get hurt. Like play mini-golf with my brother. What about you, though? Fuck up while workin’ out or something?”

“Uh, no. I accidentally stabbed myself with a pen.” The gash on the side of her thigh might have a little bit of ink mixed in, that can’t be good.

“Well I hope you wouldn’t stab yourself on purpose.”

They laugh again. “I’m Lucretia.”

“Lup.”

She smiles again, and Lucretia finds her heart fluttering. The two of them, bloodied and injured, laughing at the reasons they’re here. Not to mention that Lup is beautiful, even if covered in blood. That’s so unfair.

Lucretia just met her and is already catching feelings. She needs to sort her priorities.

Lup is about to say something when Magnus comes back, clipboard and pen in hand. He says, “I got this form thing we need to fill out then—” He cuts himself off as he looks at Lup. “Hey, aren’t you Lup?”

Lup flourishes her free hand as she theatrically bows her head. “The one and only.”

Magnus brightens. “I know Taako! Wait, why’re you here?”

“Mini-golf got intense,” Lup says, nodding to Taako across the waiting room again.

Magnus sees Taako and gasps excitedly, walking off to him.

“Wait, is that Magnus?” Lup asks Lucretia, who nods.

“I’ve heard so much about the guy! He and Taako are close. Same with Merle.”

“You know Merle too?” Lucretia asks.

Lup smiles brightly. “Yeah! Man, we should’ve been friends before now!”

Lup laughs and Lucretia laughs along. Lucretia says, “I’m sorry we met like this, though.”

“Oh don’t worry babe, it’s all cool,” Lup says, “After all this, we can hang out and you can tell me why you’d stab yourself with a pen.”

Lucretia chuckles. “Yeah, it’s kind of a story.” A story involving stress writing and venting to Magnus and attempting to slam her fist on a table.

“I’d love to hear it,” Lup says, then a nurse is walking into the room and calling her name. She stands and says, “Gotta go.” She gives Lucretia a wink as she walks off. “See ya, Lucy.”

“Bye,” Lucretia says dumbly, leaning against her seat as Lup leaves.

Taako sees Lup walking with the nurse and shoves past Magnus to follow, then Magnus is sitting in the now empty chair next to Lucretia and helping her fill out the form before a nurse is calling her as well.

Lucretia’s fine, just a few stitches. But she can’t bring herself to focus too much, just subconsciously squeezing Magnus’ hand whenever it hurts too much. (Honestly, Magnus is more worried than her. She’s only holding his hand because he insists it’ll help her.)

Her mind keeps stubbornly drifting back to Lup and her blood-stained face. She’ll have to have Magnus get her number from Taako once this is all over, if only so they can see each other outside of harsh hospital lighting. But either way, she guesses it doesn’t matter; they would meet again eventually. Destiny or something. It’s nice to think about.

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

Ninjago/Avatar au Pt6

The second half of Book 2 (hopefully)

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

So Garm finally reads the letter from Wu. It starts off as a normal pseudo-journal entry, but after it mentions finding the Garms old armor, but no body, it turns into more of a normal letter. Wu says that he’s missed his brother since he was banished, and that he hopes that they’ll be able to see eachother again soon if Garm is alive, and ends with Wu saying that he normally burns the letters he writes to Garm, so that no-one else finds them, but that he feels hopeful that this one could actually get to him. It’s touching stuff.

Lloyd picks up earthbending almost immediately, unlike Aang. The element Lloyd is going to struggle to learn is fire (if you don’t count his airbending being self-taught. He picked up airbending really, really fast, but bc he’s been making stuff up and trying to do what Maya did with her waterbending [Maya’s had decades to hone her style tho, not just three-ish years, but he’s like someone learning ballet only from YouTube, for only a couple of months] since there are no more airbenders [or so they think, bc none of them saw Morro airbend at the North Pole]), and I’ll get into why that is when it comes up. They haven’t had Garm start to teach Lloyd any firebending bc they’re trying to go in the order as much as they can, but Garm has finally convinced Kai to learn more than just the basics, and he picks it up really quickly.

Meanwhile, Morro is taking care of an injured Wu (and accidentally making him suffer through poorly-made tea). Now, Morro is onboard with Wu wanting to leave the Fire Nation behind; unlike Zuko, Morro isn’t trying to win back the favor of some distant parent, the only family he’s ever known is Wu, and he’s not about to abandon Wu for a bunch of people who would probably kill him as soon as they could no matter what he did for them, and Harumi made it clear that no-one in the Fire Nation is going to be extending them any mercy.

Once Wu wakes up, Morro does yell at him for doing something as stupid as taking a hit from a well-trained firebender to protect a stranger (Wu hadn’t gotten around to telling Morro ‘hey, you know that guy with the big burn scar who’s traveling with the Avatar? That’s my dead-but-not-really-dead older brother. Pls stop trying to stab him’, and Morro wasn’t there when Garm revealed his identity in the North Pole), until Wu tells him that Garm is his brother. This leads to Morro yelling out ‘You mean to tell me that the Avatar is my cousin?!?!’ And that how Wu learns that Lloyd is Garms son (’wait, what?’ ‘Have you really gone this long without noticing that the Avatar calls your brother his dad?’ ‘I’ve had a lot on my mind, give me a break!’), and now he thinks that Garm and Maya are married with three kids, one of whom is the Avatar.

They make their way to Ba Sing Se, with the help of the White Lotus. Wu isn’t the leader of them (he isn’t super old in this au, imagine what he looked like in S9, with the mustache), but he is a fairly respected member. I still haven’t come up with a Jet character who would work, and I am open to suggestions. If I do find a good character, they will definitely throw hands with Morro (mb Shade? Just cut out the romance subplot in S1 and pick a couple of EM’s to be the other freedom fighters?). And yes, Wu does get his tea shop in the upper ring (Steep Wisdom), and Morro tries to be happy and supportive, but even though he is fine leaving the Fire Nation with Wu, it does still feel like he wasted years of his life, both in chasing the Avatar and just trying to prove himself to everyone back in the Palace, so he’s pretty grumpy.

Now back to Team Avatar: at Maya and Garms insistence the kids have been picking out their little mini-vacations. They know that they only have a limited amount of time before the comet arrives, but Garm and Maya want these kids to be able to be, y’know, kids, at least a little bit, in spite of the fact that they’re growing up in a war-torn world. Kai want’s to check out that glacier-spring place by the desert, it’s kinda underwhelming, but they get fruity drinks out of it. This whole time Kai and Cole have been getting closer to each other. Kai feels a little guilty, like he’s betraying Zane’s memory, but talking to Maya and Garm about it does help him start to feel better, and it helps his over-protectiveness start to abate a little.

Jay wants to pick a really cool mini-vacation to impress Nya, and he asks the people who are in the glacier place if there’s any place around those parts, and ends up learning that about a year ago some lady showed up saying something about a huge spirit library in the desert that she was looking for. They never saw her again after that, and figure that she must have died out in the desert. When pressed (and payed) one of the artistically inclined staff members roughly recreated the sketch of the library, and vaguely remembered the area on the map she said she was going to search, and with that Jay has his mini-vacation picked out.

They set off and find the library. Cole chooses to stay outside with Ultra (who can’t fit inside) bc he thinks they’ll be safer if the only earthbender stays outside incase something goes wrong, and if they need to get out of there fast he’d only slow them down with his legs. Everybody else heads into the library and meet Wan Chi Tong (did I spell that right? I’m too lazy to check), who agrees to let them use the library if they 1) don’t intend to use the contents of the library against anyone else and 2) contribute something to his library.

Lloyd and Nya both use their wanted posters (they both thought they were awesome [Lloyd bc he’s 13 and Nya bc you can’t convince me that Nya wouldn’t be thrilled to have a wanted poster bc she’s been fucking with a tyrannical regime] and incredibly accurate considering the art had to have been done by someone using other people’s descriptions, and they totally intend on framing and hanging at least a few of their posters up in their rooms when all this is over), Kai has a copy of a poem that Zane wrote for him, Garm has his brothers letter (he doesn’t want to give it up, but he has nothing else), Jay has a blueprint from one of his inventions, and Maya has a copy of a story in a series that Koko had brought back to the South Pole over the years. Wan Chi Tong comments that about a year ago a researcher had arrived and had offered him another part of the the same series. He mentions that they should be careful, as she never left, and has been primarily researching the Avatar.

Everyone has an idea of who this mysterious researcher could be (except Jay), but they decide to be cautious all the same, just incase she isn’t who they think she is. They all start discreetly searching for anything that could be used to help them fight the Fire Nation, and they end up finding and empty placard saying something about ‘the Darkest Day in Fire Nation History’, but when they go to check part of the section on Fire Nation (that library was enormous, y’all cannot tell me that Zhao was able to destroy absolutely everything that the library had on the Fire Nation. It could only have been the last few decades/mb centuries of Fire Nation history), as well as a campsite that was full of scrolls having to do with the Avatar and different bending techniques (and a few misc scrolls about random things like cooking, engineering, etc). As they’re poking around the campsite, who else comes around the corner but Koko!

She has her nose buried in a scroll as she’s walking, so she doesn’t notice them all until Lloyd happily calls out ‘Mom!’, and goes in for a hug. Koko drops the scroll and has a happy reunion with her son and husband, as well as with Maya, Kai, and Nya, and she and Jay are introduced to each other. Koko explains that she’s been able to stay in the library so long was bc she managed to get the fox assistants to like her enough to start bringing her food and water. She also explains that she’s been doing nonstop research into the Avatar State, the Air Nomads and airbending, and the Fire Nation (though she’s really quiet about that part so they don’t catch Wan Chi Tongs attention and ire) and shows them that planetarium thing and that she discovered the eclipse. (How did she make it out to the library without a flying companion or something? SHe’s just that much of a badass.)

Koko had been saving up supplies and charting a course out of the desert, and planning to leave the library as soon as she could, but now that they’ve showed up with Ultra she can just grab her things and go. Someone, probably Jay, gets a little too vocal about how they have a chance to beat the Fire Nation, and cue Wan Chi Tong sinking the library and trying to add them to his ‘collection of specimen’. Garm and Koko are a dynamic duo, with Garm distraction the angry spirit while Koko gathers all of her scrolls and supplies together while Maya gets the kids to the exit.

Meanwhile, Cole is holding up the library, and trying to help Ultra fend off the sandbenders that showed up to capture and sell the dragon. Cole is able to put up a bit more of a fight than Toph was (meaning that he was able to get one or two good hits in) bc being in the desert doesn’t impair his vision (the sand does tank his mobility just as much as it would anyone with prosthetic legs tho), but he isn’t able to stop them or even hold them off long enough for everyone else to get out. Cole, despite being initially afraid of the large dragon, had quickly grown to be one of Ultras favorite people in their group (like, third favorite. Kai will never admit that he’s jealous), and is pretty upset that he wasn’t able to save him. More on Ultra later.

So Lloyd is really upset about losing his companion, just as much as Aang was. He doesn’t act out (for lack of a better word) as intensely as Aang, since Ultra wasn’t the last thing he had left of his people like Appa was for Aang, but Lloyd is still rightfully pissed off. He takes off shakily on his glider, leaving everyone behind before trying to search for Ultra and the sandbenders, ignoring his families protests. Koko starts working on getting them out of the desert using the route she had plotted out (using the sun and shadows to orient them and get started in the right direction), and starts planing out how long her food and water (she had the good sense to bring those from the library) will last between all of them. The answer is: not long enough.

Kai (and mb Jay too) is the one who has the bright idea to drink the cactus juice, bc while Kai, like Sokka, (and Jay tbh) is smart enough to know that drinking a strange liquid out of an unfamiliar plant is a bad idea,but the fact that it is a stupid idea doesn’t stop him. Wait, y’know what? Jay definitely tries the cactus juice, but instead of acting as out-of-it and inebriated as Kai does, he acts like he does in S9, weirdly chill and disconnected from reality. He’s still tripping balls, but he’s reacting to it differently from Kai. Cole just ends up carrying Kai piggy-back, even though the sand makes it harder for him to move (he’s crushing, and he’s the only one [adults included] whose physically strong enough to carry him for long periods of time) (also Kai awkwardly and drunkenly flirts with him. Everyone pretends not to notice for Coles sake) and everyone else takes turns holding onto Jays wrist and leading him through the desert or else he would have wandered off and died.

Lloyd gets back to them, landing hard in the sand, holding back tears bc even though he’s upset and could use a good cry he knows that they need to conserve as much water as they can. He’s got his family there to comfort him (even if Kai and Jay are kinda incapacitated atm), which does help him a bit, but he’s still rightfully upset. They find the abandoned sandbender skipper thing, find the vulturewasp hive, and come across the sandbenders. Cole is able to pinpoint the sandbender (no idea who this guy would be, Ninjago character wise) who lead the others to take Ultra via his voice bc Cole a) was trained in a myriad of performing arts thanks to his father, primarily singing b) has perfect pitch and c) never forgets a voice bc of that.

Lloyd goes full Avatar State, but is comforted and calmed down by his parents while everyone else books it. The sandbenders tell them that they sold Ultra to some guys who were going to take him to Ba Sing Se, and then they take them out of the desert (with the sandbenders getting the Death Glare from all of Team Avatar the whole way. Koko totally punches the sandbender who lead the others to steal Ultra once they’re out of the desert.)

They make their way to Ba Sing Se on foot, with Lloyd trying to get a handle on his emotions (and worrying everyone in the process), and they run into a family with an expecting mother/wife (I am also taking suggestions for who these characters could be. I’m pretty tired while typing this so I can’t think of anyone) and try and get on a ferry to Ba Sing Se. Cole, whose father is well known and wealthy, uses that fact, his double amputee status (he ‘accidentally’ slips out of one of his prosthetics. Kai catches him before he hits the ground), and his acting skills to get them tickets without passports.

And we get best girl Pixal back! She helps Team Avatar help the pregnant family go through the Serpents Pass, and it goes pretty similar to cannon, except instead of a situation where Sokka is overprotective of Suki, Jay picks up on how much Pixal likes Nya, and sees that Nya, his crush, reciprocates those feelings, and gets a bit passive-aggressive w/everyone, but Pixal especially. It doesn’t last long, bc Jay is a hormonal teenager who realizes he’s being a dick fairly quickly, but it does help fizzle his crush on Nya a bit (sorry again to any hardcore Jaya shippers who were hoping for that in this au, but it’s really not my cup of tea).

They also help deliver the couples baby, but Maya and Koko are the ones helping take care of that. Team Avatar get to the outer wall, just to see a huge Fire Nation drill heading closer and closer to the wall, ready to start tearing through it...

[the-mf-bread-babies]

29/5/20

– REBUILD III –

= RUNAWAY RENEGADES =

· COLLECTION I ·

“backstories”

– VOLUME ONE–

“Dennis, Aaron, Damon, Sawblade”

· PART TWO ·

———————————————————

“Hm? Yeah. Look at Twitter, dude, it's trending,” Damon replied casually as the two quickly pulled out their phones. “What? It's not– oh, it changed,” Aaron stated, “It was normal, then it refreshed, and now I have over twenty notifications and DMs. Sorry, Denny,” Dennis narrowed his eyes at his husband. “I literally gave you that raccoon video last night. I know you didn't look at it,” he pointed out, petty. “How was I supposed to kn–” he argued, before Damon cut it off.

“So are you guys having the apocalypse Twitter now or what?” he asked, interrupted their quarrel. “Oh, I never update mine so I can still have the square icons and stuff,” “I'm just getting normal stuff right now; cat videos, ads, recipe videos, the occasional out of context fandom drama and discourse. The usual,” Dennis confessed. “Like, ever? Never updated it? You don't have lights out mode?” Damon asked, trying to understand this man's level of dedication for square icons. “Yup. Minecraft's square, which is nice,” he replied, smiling honestly. “Okay…” Damon processed.

“Oh, like, she really stabbed him. Like, with a knife. Like, to death,” Aaron said, bringing them back to the current conversation about apocalypse Twitter. “Hm? Oh, yeah, that. The dude, like, died, and stuff; F,” Damon said respectfully. “Chrissy Teigen bought rights to a nuke…” Aaron added. “And Hatsune Miku is leading a protest. Good for her,” He scrolled through his timeline. Dennis made a sad face. “Why's my feed so boring…” “I'm getting hockey spoilers. HOCKEY,”

“Maybe if you had circle icons…” Damon suggested quietly. “SQUARE ICONS ARE GOOD, DUDE, AND I–” Dennis's passionate and tenacious yelling was suddenly interrupted by an inhuman growl. “Oh, stupid cannibal rats. This isn't New York, goddamn it,” Aaron grumbled as he grabbed a broom and walked angrily towards the noise. “This is why stray cats are important, you dumbass mayor,” “Just friggin’, spay and neuter ‘em if you hate them so much, clip their ears and shit…”

“So, about Borderlands. Which one’re you playing?” Dennis said as they both waited for Aaron to investigate. “TWO!! I'M PLAYING BORDERLANDS 2, ON MY THIRD ULTIMATE VAULT HUNTER MODE PLAYTHROUGH, AND ALSO THE PRE-SEQUEL, AND I'M PLANNING TO BUY BORDERLANDS 3 WHEN THERE'S A GOOD SALE LATER!!!! I LOVE BORDERLANDS!!!” Damon explained excitedly.

“I wanted to buy the legendary collection on my Switch, but I… panicked and bought Animal Crossing instead. I have Raymond on my island, by the way,” Dennis said sadly. “I built a cage around his house the other day,” Damon stared sadly at this man, understanding his complicated dilemma. “That's very nice,” he said, “how does your island look like?” Damon leaned against the wall, holding Sawblade, who was now sleeping. “Bad,” the man replied, looking down in shame.

Aaron, on the other hand, was whacking the living hell out of the ground, determined to find the creature. “Wait, I probably shouldn't scare it off or something,” He realized, calmly holding the broom. “C'mere, lil guy,” he repeated as he whistled. Another odd growl echoed in the alleyway, sounding much closer than the previous one. “Hm,” Aaron thought as he stopped walking for a bit, unsure whether to call the two over or to keep going alone. “DENNIS! DAMON!” he yelled, extremely scared of whatever monster was luring him over. “Yeah, I have Graham, he's just ok–” Dennis conversed. “Aaron?! Did you find it?” He shouted.

* CHAPTER TWO *

The Mystery

“COME OVER HERE!!” Aaron yelled back. “What about Sawblade?” Damon worriedly asked. “SAW– Uh, just– just put her in the back, there's some food, water, litter boxes, toys, treats, ghosts, cable,” Dennis listed down as he carefully took her from the boy and carried her to the back room. “Well, basically, it's for cats,” He said as he closed the door. “Alright, let's go,”

As Aaron was waiting patiently for the two to follow, he took out his phone and browsed through a shopping app. Unsurprisingly, this had also changed. The feed was filled with knives, jackets, concrete powder, more knives, advertisements for people looking for commissions, and… snacks. “Oh, apocalypse stuff, huh?” he mumbled as he eyed the “Food” tab, tapping it, eager to know what apocalypse snacks are like. Hopefully not like, chips made out of gasoline or something.

Wow.

WOW .

“Tubby custard, Cookie Monster cookies, Why Does Anime Food Look So Tasty, Hottie's Microwaved Chicken, Salad Fingers’ Salad Fingers, ACTUAL rice fried by chickens, Lembas bread, and–”

“Zeruel meat, $20”

Aaron hastily pressed the “Add to Cart” button, uncaring if it's a scam or not. He continued browsing all the snacks sold in this new world, forgetting what he was doing before until Dennis and Damon came running into the alley. “YOU OKAY?!” Dennis yelled, the surprise of it giving his husband a flinch. “Yeah, honey, do you want to drink the blue milk from Star Wars?” Aaron said calmly. “Is Aunt Beru there?” Dennis asked, casually placing his head on his husband's shoulder to look at the phone screen, his arms wrapped around his neck, but like, in a loving and non-strangling way, you know how, placing a kiss onto his cheek.

“Hey guys, I have bread at my house. It expires tomorrow, so I'd recommend eating it if you want :)” Damon suggested. However, his voice was too quiet for them to hear it and they continued doing gross couple stuff like holding hands and premarital eye contact. Ew. “Now about that cannibal rat…” Dennis retracted his arms from around Aaron's neck, his hand still lightly wrapped around the other’s shoulder. He placed himself in front of the shorter man, close enough for Aaron to smell his stinky-ass breath that reeked of ranch dressing. Dennis smiled softly, waiting for an answer. “cannibal what now” Damon asked to himself.

“That can wait,” Aaron replied, his arms slowly wrapping around Dennis. “I dunno, guys, what if you're kissing and stuff, and then we all die or something,” Damon interrupted the couple's flirting. “When the hell did you– Uh, yeah, okay, let's, um, take care of that first,” Aaron said, only now noticing the boy's presence. “Hell yeah! Let's kill some rats!” Dennis yelled exuberantly. “Capture, Denny, don't kill anything,” Aaron corrected. “That's literally the first thing I taught you about the pet shop thing, honey,” Dennis looked down in shame and disappointment.

The trio went further into the alleyway, staying close to each other in case anything happened. “Wouldn't it be funny as hell if, like, it turned out to be a fridge or something?” Damon asked. “And the fridge was full of killer snails,” Dennis added sarcastically. “Killer snails are scary, you guys don't understand,” Aaron said angrily, “Just imagine sitting at the beach and some bitch-ass cone snail runs straight at you and you die right there on the spot. That's scary as hell,” he explained. “Run. A snail. That would take five months,” Dennis questioned his co-worker, “Babe, for a vet, you have really weird and specific and unrealistic fears,”

“It's because–” Aaron argued back, his sentence cut off with another growl, this time coming from the wall on his left. “A fridge, guys, a fridge,” Damon assured. “Nah, it's a zombie bear,” Dennis said, smirking. Aaron looked around for a door, or a window, so he could investigate. “Aliens, guys, aliens,” he mumbled, finding a foggy window. “Aha!” Aaron yelled as he turned on the flashlight on his phone. “So, Damon says it's a fridge, Denny says it's killer snails and zombie bears, and I said it's an alien, right?” Aaron said smugly, knowing his vague theory is way more likely than their guesses.

He directed the light through the window, its light revealing the inside of the building. It was dusty and empty, probably built as a store room. Or a weird cult place. “Well, that's that,” Dennis said, disappointed in the truth. “Cobwebs, huh? We're all wrong, then,” Damon said sadly. “ALIEN cobwebs!! I'm right, suckers!” Aaron yelled enthusiastically.

“You sure about that? Could be normal ones. Only way to find out is to go in… ;)” Dennis said, taunting the others. “Really? We wanna know that? They're clearly aliens. Not fridges…” Damon asked, looking down. “Suuuure, man. But y’know, it could be zombie bear fridges in those cobwebs… We could be right, and Aaron's wrong…” Dennis suggested. “So, honey, if you wanna make sure you're right…” Aaron scrunched up his face in offence. “I am. Do zombie bear fridges not sound alien to you.”

“Yeah, but… Florida probably has that, yeah?” Dennis said, angering Aaron more. “You think I'm gonna rush in there to prove that I'm right? You think I'm that dumb. Den, babe, I won't go in there,” Aaron asserted. While the two was arguing, Damon, bored, just walked around them in circles. As he was dragging his feet blindly, he accidentally stepped on something hidden under dried leaves, sinking it down. “SECRET DOOR!” he yelled out excitedly.

Damon kicked apart the leaves from each other, uncovering the part of the ground. “Who the hell puts a button here?” he questioned. “Oh, what the–” the ground shook, a piece of it falling down, revealing a staircase. It was carved from stone and it looked straight out of a history book. “Uh… should we go back, or?” Dennis said, weirded out by it. “Homestuck says we shouldn't trust stairs, so,” he added. “Karkalicious, definition: Makes Terezi loco,” Damon sung. “She wants to taste something something photo, dyin’ just to know the flavour, I ain't doin’ HER NO FAVOURS, no reason just season fresh and comes and goes like seizures, I'm Karkalicious,” he mumbled. “What the fuck?” Aaron whispered.

The three stood in front of the staircase, unsure what to do. Aaron was gripping a broom, while Dennis and Damon considered making a quick pit stop at the pet shop.

* CHAPTER THREE *

The Pit Stop at the Pet Shop

Dennis had made the decision to go back to get some tools to help them, and Aaron and Damon waited in the alley.

“So, you wanna look at the stuff they're selling here?” Aaron asked, passing the time. “Sure, why not?” Damon agreed as he peeked at his new friend's phone. “Alright, what're we gonna browse? There's video games, food, clothes, weapons…” “VIDEO GAMES!!” he shouted happily. “Okay…” Aaron said as he clicked a tab.

“Doom Crossing: Eternal Horizon Solid III Dawn”

“Borderlands: The Pre-Threequel – Sir Hammerlock's Big Game Apology Video ft. Tiny Tina: The DLC”

“Overwatch 2: Please Buy This Game – $3 Super Duper Legendary Deluxe Origins Edition”

“Gun Shooting War Tanks Rockets Missiles VR Simulator 46”

“Low-Poly Art Game with Hidden Metaphors”

“Gritty Old White Men Who Are Detailed And Angry 3: This Time There's More Pores”

“Not-Subtle-At-All Metaphor for Society and Politics, As Told By A Cishet White Man, Ultra 4K HD”

“Racing But Very High Quality and Immersive and Also Like $80”

“Ah. This is basically the same.” Damon stated sadly. “Wait, what about this?” Aaron pointed to a familiar video game. “Angry Birds Seasons,” it read. They both began to cry out of nostalgia. “Maybe this world isn't so bad after all…” Damon said gratefully as Aaron downloaded the game.

Meanwhile, Dennis struggled to carry an assembled cat cage, a carrier, a bottle of water, a ball, dog toys, flea shampoo, gloves, cat and dog treats, cat and dog food, and a partridge in a pear tree at the same time. Somehow, he did, and he wobbled over to his husband and the kid, his vision completely blinded by everything he carried. “Man… Aaron's gonna be so… impressed when he sees this. I'm so friggin’… strong…” He whispered to himself as he panted.

“Holy shit, it's Angry Birds, dude,” Damon said happily. “Rock, paper, scissors, whoever wins plays,” Aaron suggested. “Nah, you go first. I'm not really sure if this is the Angry Birds Seasons normally in our world or if it's some weird clone of it.” Damon said, scratching his head. “Wonder what's Sawblade doing,”

As the sound of dry food rattling and a cat cage being dragged across the street grew louder, Aaron excitedly went to help his husband, who immediately fell on his back in tiredness at the sight of him. “Carry,” Dennis panted, closing his eyes and probably about to take a nap. “Why'd you bring toys and treats?” Aaron asked honestly. “Just in case the little guy's angry,” Dennis explained badly. “It could be a zombie or whatever, you know… I'm pretty sure that growl didn't come from an ‘angry little guy,’ dude,” Damon argued.

“Well, okay. Who's going down first?” Aaron asked, making a face that was a combination of scared and taunting. “Uh, I'm like, a minor, and could die, so it's kind of illegal if I go first. Like, I'm all endangered and stuff. Yeah,” Damon stated. “I have scoliosis,” Dennis blurted out, giving Aaron puppy dog eyes. “I could trip and fall and die,” he added, nodding slowly while still maintaining eye contact. “I ate a doughnut for breakfast today, so I'm pretty full; if I go first, I'll just slow you guys down,” Aaron said. “Wolves do that. The slowest and oldest ones go in front so they don't get left behind,” Dennis replied with a smile. “Uh, my leg hurts a lot, I can't go downstairs,” Aaron added. “How about you roll down? It's a much more fun solution :)” Damon replied back, really not wanting to be the first one.

“Fine, we'll do rock paper scissors, then,” Dennis suggested impatiently. “There's three of us, it'll probably take a long time,” Aaron said, tilting his head and looking away from his husband's demanding glare. “Oh, lat tali lat,” Damon said casually, confusing the two. “Huh?” “Shooooot. Um, well basically, where I'm from, there's this game where it's like rock paper scissors, but it's for more than two people,” Damon explained in a very complicated manner, clearly wanting the situation to drag on longer.

After explaining how the game works, the trio finally came to a conclusion on the sequence they enter in– first, Dennis, then Damon, and Aaron behind them. “Oh. So who's carrying the luggage?” Dennis asked to Damon and Aaron. “Do we really need to bring that big ass cage?” Aaron asked. “Like, how the hell are we supposed to bring it down there? Just kick it downstairs and run?” Dennis thought for a bit. “Um, yeah.” “Oh, good idea, you can check for traps and stuff,” Damon agreed.

“A: What about the food? What if this alien–”

“D: No one said it was an alien except for you.”

“A: Fine, this zombie bear–”

“d: – Killer snails in fridges,”

“A: THIS THING, THIS ALIEN THING,”

“D: Ok”

“A: You think it eats kibbles? Little seafood delight kibbles?”

“D: Uh…”

“A: Maybe some of those chicken flavored ones?”

“D: I guess…”

“A: Huh?”

“d: Yeah, why'd you bring dry food?”

“D: Because if I brought wet food, I'd have to bring a plate and stuff.”

“A: Or, you know, just serve it in the can it was in,”

“D: What if it hates the texture or whatever?”

“Aliens probably like crunchy food better.”

“I like crunchy food better than… like, mashed-up meat drenched in some weird liquid. Aliens are like that too.”

“d: Good point, dude,”

“A: Hm. Yeah, can't disagree with that, man.”

“D: See? This is because I was kin with Megamind back in middle school,”

“A: That– okay.”

“D: Yeah. Take that, bitch.”

“Hell yeah.”

“d: So Megamind likes catnip too? We're bringing catnip downstairs?”

“D: That's to make him all chill and stuff.”

“A: Chew toys? Bouncy balls?”

“D: That's if there's guard dogs.”

“d: Oh, and the crab treats are for Jessica, only child, Illinois, Chicago?”

“D: Yeah…”

“A: You really brought everything from the shop, huh?”

“D: Yup! Except cat beds, leashes, collars, custom collars, microchip trackers, heat lamps, cat litter, litter boxes…”

“A: Okay, well just enough for this, then,”

“D: Yeah!”

“d: What if they're lizards, and they're too cold?”

“D: … Shiiiit.”

“A: Aliens aren't– Oh damn, you're right,”

“d: Well, let's just hope I'm not,”

“I don't want them to shit everywhere or whatever, man.”

“D: What.”

“d: This one time in kindergarten, my teacher brought in her iguana and it was shitting all over my desk. My poor, poor, desk.”

“A: Um? How?”

“d: I dunno. Just did. Like, splat, bitch, fuck you,”

“Wait, oops, sorry,”

“D: That's very sad.”

“d: Yeah. Thanks,”

“…”

“d: So are we going in or what?”

“D: No”

“A: dennis.”

“D: do i still have to be first”

“d: DUH”

“D: FIIIIINE OKKKAAAAAY”

“D: this is like that one anime with the big guys”

“the one thats pretty racist”

The three finally went downstairs in the order they agreed upon, and their discovery will be told…

In the next part.

—

still reading this? loser

—

??????? go do smth else

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...

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helloooo get outtttt

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hey? you're reading this?

hisoillu is fucking canon

and Fuck parigings. if future me is reading this i really hope ur not pouring your heart out for the rat and the pig men. Really , Dude , Really .

nah jk if they g/y , they ok

unless its weird.

n e ways next part coming soon ,

uhhhh written by rocco wulfram cyaaaa