#and some are trying to justify his asshole qualities using that theory

[s0ckh3adstudios]

Can I just say the reception to episode 2 of The Amazing Digital Circus has been absurd and NOT in a good way.

[arcadiabaytornado]

I don’t get why people keep justifying David’s abusive behavior?

My reigning theory is that some people look as nuanced characters and decide that they couldn't have been that bad if they're a shade of grey instead of down right evil.

David is complicated. He clearly has mental health issues and does care about his family despite how terrible he is at being a good father or husband. Neither of those facts excuse his behavior, but they give us a glimpse into what he's thinking.

It's also worth noting that David isn't trying to be abusive. He doesn't wake up every morning giggling and kicking his feet over how excited he is to slap Chloe. In his mind, he's giving tough love and trying to set her down the right path.

That's not an excuse for David because that's how most abusive people are. Most of them don't realize how bad their behavior is for a multitude of reasons. I mean, have you ever heard a parent whose child has cut contact with them talk about it? A lot of them think the lack of contact is undeserved, even though that's hardly ever the truth.

So I think that some people see that David has character traits that aren't just "abusive" and also recognize that he wasn't trying to be an asshole and therefore give him a pass. However, someone with redeeming or complex qualities can still be an abuser. Someone not trying to be an abuser can still be an abuser.

David was an abuser to Chloe even if you don't let him hit her. He's emotionally abusive and puts Chloe down to everyone around her at every chance he gets. He puts a wedge between her and Joyce, and clearly thinks he needs to "fix" her by overstepping his boundaries. He's not a good Father at all, but since he's not downright evil I think some people are to quick to give him a pass. Especially since even he's acknowledge that he was a bad Father in Life Is Strange 2.

(Also, I think the fact that he's in a game with Mark Jefferson helps his character perception a bit. David's awful at being a Father but he's a patron saint when holding him up next to Jefferson. I almost think people would be more critical of him if the main antagonist wasn't such a demented freak.)

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ― 3x06 (Review)

The time has finally come for yet another review. I can’t believe we only have two more episodes and it will be the end of season 3. Seriously, Killing Eve should AT LEAST have 10 solid episodes per season as most of other shows do. It would be just enough content (more than we get now) and without having to stretch things out. Now, theres A LOT to talk about, so I’ll try my best to touch upon as many things and details as I can! So sit back, grab your tea/coffee and let’s get started!

Title cards

I covered this topic back in 3x04 review, but they did it again, and this time the title card game is somewhat different. It’s really apparent that they are experimenting with editing and trying new things and that’s good, because we know that not only they want characters to develop, but to improve and change the editing and production of the show itself.

It was a bit unusual when they swapped from location titles to character names back in 3x04, but this time it was actually fun. I mean “PISS OFF FOREVER?!” This cracked me up sooo bad, I had to rewatch it several times lmao!! And don’t even try to tell me that they left Niko alive for THIS. It’s not the first time he rejects Eve and wants to get away from her, so what is the point of that scene with him? We didn’t get any new information or knowledge. So... I’ll call that waste of precious screen time which, in this case, should be dedicated for Eve’s personal character story because hell, she’s the one who deserves it the most.

Then they did it again with CUBA/NOT CUBA and honestly it cracked me up, AGAIN! I actually loved they did something like this, even though it kind of gave this comedy type of feel knowing how dark and complicated this show actually is. And of course the “THIS IS BULLSHIT” was exactly what Oksana said at the meeting with Helene not so long ago, so them reflecting on that and showing the phrase as a title is so relatable and at the same time kind of expresses how Oksana feels and what she thinks. 

So far they haven’t really decided as to what kind of editing style they are going for, but I do hope that at the end of this season they realize how they will carry the show onwards starting with season 4, because them keeping this up and changing things constantly is not a good thing. Many people find it annoying and really, they aren’t used to any of that, so I hope season 4 will have a more consistent style when it comes to editing and carrying the main storylines, ect!

Niko (ft. Eve)

There isn’t really much to talk about here, other than... Niko being alive makes NO sense, whatsoever. I personally wasn’t expecting to see him being killed off or anything similar to that, but since they basically PITCHFORKED him, just let him die, okay? There is NO way he could’ve possibly survived something like this and that means they have to have a VERY big reason that would, you know, justify him surviving so fans can “ignore” the fact that it doesn’t make sense to begin with. So far, they didn’t provide any reason for that. Niko didn’t say anything useful to Eve... nor did Eve. She was just rejected again and had a confrontation with Niko’s uncle, I believe. Wow, someone of his family members don’t like Eve. What a shocker, right? 

One of the very few options that I could see happening and making sense is for Niko to be alive and for Eve to make a decision and choose Villanelle over him. Not because she lost everybody and she’s the only one she has left, but to be able to choose her because she WANTS to. Instead, what did we see? We saw a very desperate and determined Eve who’s willing to go that extra mile to find whoever hurt Niko. Despite everything, a part of her still has hope for them even now so maaybe, after those fancy “PISS OFF FOREVER” words, Eve will finally come to her senses? Even though most of following scenes had her feeling the same way. So I really have no idea what else to expect and why Niko is still there. 

There’s also a theory going around about how Eve should pull the plug and kill her husband lol. I mean, that way, their conversation from the very first episode about how Eve could kill Niko and that storyline could come full circle, but given what we saw of Eve and her values and mental state.. yeah I don’t see her doing that anytime soon, or ever, in fact. She’s still clinging to Niko somewhat and she must go REALLY wild and dark in order to do something like this. Though, I must admit... I kind of would love to see it as well! At the end of the day we all want dark!Eve to rise... and she is getting there, believe me!

Villanelle & Helene

I’m very conflicted about this duo. Especially after watching the promo/preview of upcoming episode. Yeah... I’m just going to throw it out there. I think Villanelle will end up killing Helene. The meeting wasn’t exactly successful, as Dasha of course lied to Villanelle about having all the control or probably, the description of a Keeper is quite different to Helene and Dasha than what Villanelle already knew about it thanks to Konstantin. So.. could it be that back in 1x07 Konstantin lied to her? Or that Dasha told Helene something different to get Villanelle in line and believing she is actually “moving up” in the world? Honestly, still much to think about.

I LOVED Villanelle’s, or should I say, Oksana’s outfit during the meeting and especially how big of a mess her hair was. I mean the hair perfectly reflects her inner state and yeah, she IS  a mess and she has every reason to be. Someone previously mentioned how Villanelle was the one who went to Russia, but it was Oksana who left it and now I’m starting to really see and feel just how true it is. I mean this episode was almost all Oksana, except a couple of moments where she tried her best to keep her defenses up, for instance being sarcastic with Helene. “Are you trying to seduce me?” I mean... I wouldn’t mind them getting some.. buut, it’s not going to happen. Still, those lines were hilarious as much as they were iconic and yeah, in that moment she was trying to play her main character, which is Villanelle but as soon as she spotted the post card it was over. Oksana took over and she freaked out. The bad thing about this is that she is very emotional and very vulnerable right now, her mind and emotions are all over the place and that could be why she didn’t really think about Dasha being the one who lied to her? Or maybe she did think about it but we aren’t aware of it yet? This can’t mean anything good and I am honestly concerned for her. 

What else I noticed from that scene is that Helene was quite open in terms of deciding to speak to her daughter I’m guessing, in front of Villanelle while not really you know, feeling like she could be in danger? Despite the fact that she is literally standing in front of a killer. I guess she is really used to that and her job is meeting a lot of assassins and other dangerous people? And then there is Villanelle who keeps asking her all kinds of questions, silly or not, she did ask whether Helene was her real name and yet she didn’t answer. In fact, she didn’t answer any of Villanelle’s questions and that is again, concerning. So maybe Helene isn’t her name, but that’s kind of ironic, knowing that Villanelle isn’t really her name either. So yeah, seeing Helene be so...cool around Villanelle especially while she was freaking the fuck out should say something and that probably means she knows exactly how to handle such people and situations like this. I’ll definitely keep my eyes on her from now on. 

Eve

Our precious Eve is finally getting some quality screen time. Not enough, but at least she’s getting some. What I absolutely LOVED about her in this episode is just how confident and sure she is about Villanelle not being the one who hurt Niko. Yeah, let’s remember that the last time she and Villanelle saw each other was on the damn bus where they had a major fight and a kiss. That was Villanelle and she was such a smug asshole there and everything and thinking about this now, it’s completely different person from who Oksana is and it’s mindblowing actually. So to think that Eve didn’t consider Villanelle being the one who hurt Niko, despite there not being ANY evidence that state that is just... their connection is simply incredible. No matter how many times Villanelle and Eve end up hurting each other, they STILL have this hidden trust within each other that I find extremely fascinating and then Eve gets the photos of Bertha Kruger and of course, that’s what Villanelle was doing while Eve was in Poland coming to visit Niko. I’m glad that there is this alibi in Villanelle’s defense to show that she was doing something else, KILLING someone else at the time and the fact that Eve thought that it was Villanelle who killed her, even if she did it in a “nice” way... is beyond me. There is really no one else who knows and understands Villanelle/Oksana better than Eve. Period. 

Another important aspect that is worth mentioning is the fact that the writers are kind of robbing Eve of screen time and character development. We haven’t seen her much this season and especially during the previous couple of episodes and even in this one it seems like Carolyn got more screen time than she did and Villanelle as well, who JUST had her solo episode, which is kind of unfair. However, I do think Villanelle deserved to have her own episode now since her character is going through such a huge change, meanwhile Eve is going through her thing, but it doesn’t feel like it’s as huge and as extreme as it is for Villanelle. At least that’s what they’re showing us. But yeah, I think season 2 was way more about exploring Eve’s inner darkness than this season, which is more about acceptance of her dark self and her feelings for Villanelle. Let’s just trust the writers and see how they will handle Eve’s character during the next remaining episodes and only then we can actually judge the crew and the lack of screen time Eve received, because really, what I noticed this season is that Suzanne really wanted to show EVERY character and so far she has been sucessful in that for the most part, with one flaw, that is the screen time management and yeah, we shall see how that aspect is handled in the next episodes!

Villanelle & Konstantin

So we got the hockey game scene. I’m glad to know that Konstantin didn’t set Oksana up by sending her to some strangers. One of the highlights of their conversation was Konstantin’s comment about Oksana’s mother who he thought was INSANE rather than evil and was hoping for Oksana to awknowledge it instead of killing her. Guess she didn’t really consider it as an option? But does that mean then that Oksana as just as insane and isn’t aware of it just like Tatiana wasn’t? At the same time we know that Oksana KNOWS there is something wrong with her, at least that’s what everybody else keeps telling her, so I wouldn’t call her insane. At the same time seeing that Konstantin wanted to give this chance for Oksana to get some kind of closure by being with her family and especially her mother does show just how much he cares about her. Until... their conversation shifts. Again.

So apparently Oksana knows about Konstantin’s plan to “get out” and she is suddenly interested in joining him. Now this part of the conversation PAINFULLY reminds me of their last interaction of season 2 finale. Especially the part where Konstantin chooses his family instead of Villanelle, who is ALSO his family, whether he admits it or not. They might not be related by blood, but he IS her father and seeing not only her own mother reject her but her father as well will do things to you. So again, Konstantin leaning towards choosing to leave with Irina and leaving Oksana behind only to promise her that he will come and get her is not enough. He betrayed her several times... he left her at the prison in season 1 even though he “tried” to get her out of it. He betrayed her at the end of season 2 by choosing his family over her, and now... now it feels like ANOTHER betrayal is coming and to be completely honest I don’t think Oksana can handle so much rejection at the moment. Of course, Konstantin can’t just pick Oksana over his own daughter, but it’s wrong to play with her like that. She killed her own mother and left her blood family in order to get back to her REAL family who is Konstantin and Irina and neither of them show enough of determination to bring her along which really saddens me. I mean Oksana went through enough as it is... I’m not sure how she will get through this if Konstantin will leave her again... and I won’t have it either. They better not do it again.

Villanelle & Irina (ft. Konstantin) 

I just love, love, LOOVE these two together. I mean 1x08 is one of the most iconic Killing Eve episodes and they are the biggest reason why. I’ve been waiting for them to get together again and those a couple of scenes they got to spend together didn’t disappoint. I LIVE for their interactions. I mean what can be better than two sisters bonding? Especially when it’s Vasiliev sisters. Them fighting like true siblings do, having fun while both of them having this insanely chaotic driving session and at the same time touching upon going to CUBA as well as finding out Irina’s feelings towards her own mom and her boyfriend, who Villanelle doesn’t see any reason NOT to encourage her to kill him lmao! I mean, first Irina sarcastically calls Villanelle a “real role model” and 15 seconds later she is literally driving over her step-father LOL! I mean... I am SO proud of her. She really did take her sisters advice on this without much of thinking and at the same time I am kind of concerned about her. We all saw Konstantin’s reaction to her driving over the guy and well... that’s not exactly the best thing to do.

In Oksana’s defense, I do think she was trying to be helpful in giving Irina this advice, since we all know that’s how she normally chooses to solve problems. By killing. Plus, I don’t think she actually expected Irina to take her advice either way. Let’s take Tatianas case for example. Yes, it’s a lot different because she was mentally abusing Oksana for years and there was lack of affection and all that, so Tatiana definitely deserved it. In Irina’s case... she’s just “disgusted” of seeing her mom with her boyfriend all the damn time and I don’t think she should’ve killed anyone for that. Besides, she was already preparing to leave with Konstantin so what’s the point? She wouldn’t have to put up with them anymore, yet she did it anyways. And what stands out for me about this is that we see Oksana not wanting to do any of that anymore, no more killing, just wanting to get out of this assassin thing meanwhile Irina just had her first kill. Kind of beautiful in a way, of having one of them ready to quit this way of life while having one of them indirectly influence and push the other into the beginning of such dangerous path. And from the looks of it, Irina didn’t seem to feel bad for driving over her step-father, like AT ALL. So I wouldn’t blame Oksana for the whole thing. Yes, she planted the idea in Irina’s head but it was her who actually did it and didn’t feel bad about it.

This whole dynamic just makes me want to remember the lunch scene in 1x08 where Villanelle asks Irina “Are you a bad person?” “I don’t know yet” well, guess now we are starting to see the person she is becoming and yeah I don’t think any of us saw this coming, that their previous conversation could be a foreshadowing in this way!. I’m VERY glad they decided to bring Yuli back this season since she is one of fan favorites and like I said, the dynamic between Villanelle and Irina is just great!

Konstantin, on the other hand... guy is in serious DEEP shit this season and now having to witness his actual daughter kill someone... yeah, I think having to handle Oksana is complicated enough and she alone manages to drive him mad so now the idea of having TWO mentally unstable daughters... yup, it’s time to do something about this. At the same time I kind of see the parallel between Oksana and Irina and how they could be reflecting one another. Tatiana wasn’t there for Oksana most of the time and didn’t show her any affection, ect. Konstantin is of course not as bad as Tatiana was, but the fact is, is that he is not really there for Irina. She’s not really getting as much of his attention and love as Oksana gets from him since she’s so demanding. So it makes sense for Irina to become more like Oksana, having them both be neglected by their parents in a way.

ALSO!!! Is it just me or is Konstantin the FATHER of the entire show lol?! A lot of people thought that he might be the one who killed Kenny. Now, all out of sudden he might actually be his father?! Yes, the thought did cross my mind but I never expected them to address it in that way. So... based on Carolyn’s forried look and silence that followed afterwards... this is the confirmation? Konstantin is Kenny’s dad then? Or maybe Carolyn isn’t sure of that either? Life is SO much more complicated in Killing Eve, I swear lol! Then there’s the thing with Geraldine... not sure where they are getting with this yet. Feels like we don’t really know anything about Geraldine just yet and really.. so far it just seems like she has daddy issues which could explain her amazing bond with her father and him not being there anymore. (I assume he died). Funny enough, we see Oksana having mommy issues. Yes. It is a thing now. And I’m not very excited to see where Konstantin/Geraldine thing is going... 

Carolyn (ft. Geraldine)

We finally get to see Carolyn uncovering more information about Kenny’s case and actually it brings more questions than answers if you think about it. Kenny calling Konstantin, him possibly being his father, Geraldine kissing Konstantin and so on. This is suuch a mess. 

The long awaited conversation with Geraldine gave us more insight as to why Carolyn is so cold towards her daughter and I get it. Really. What I don’t realy get is the fact that Geraldine decided to not mention Konstantin coming to visit her while insisting her mother to talk about Kenny. If she wants them to be truly open about things and just have a honest conversation, she has to open up about other things as well. That includes Konstantin. And gosh, she better tell the truth in the next episode because I’ve had enough with all the lies. Plus the season is almost over and we hardly know anything about her. Please, Suzanne, don’t let us down on this!

Eve & Dasha

I just love how easily Eve teleported to Barcelona lol! I’ve been also waiting for their face off and it happened. I was expecting something a lot more... crazier, physical, but all they did was basically annoy each other by fighting over VILLANELLE and their importance in her life while having this bowling match. The fact that Eve has NEVER done it before makes the whole winning aspect sooo much more delicious and come on, Eve just HAD to notice how Dasha missed one of her strikes as soon as she mentioned that Niko was still alive. Makes me wonder if its THAT easy for someone to throw Dasha off her game, yet she’s soo narcissistic and so ahead of herself. 

Eve’s trust in Villanelle continues to AMAZE me, like no matter what Dasha told her she STILL denied all of her bullshit as if it was nothing and that is coming from someone who had only met Villanelle a handful of times. This is such a nice parallel to season 2 finale where Carolyn told Eve that Villanelle wouldn’t do the same for her. Not only did Eve figure out who Dasha was and that Villanelle was working for her, but she actually went to Barcelona to confront Dasha like that and call her out without much of hesitation. Again, Dasha mentioned “killing” Eve and that is concerning. There is a reason Carolyn told Eve that Dasha ended up killing one of her own... and that, I feel, is huge foreshadowing for upcoming episodes. Dasha IS the problem and she will cause even more. Honestly, I’m afraid she might do something to Villanelle or Konstantin for that matter. After all, she DID kill one of her own to save her own ass and I bet she can and will try to do it again.

Villanelle/Oksana (ft. Dasha)

To put it lightly, Oksana is a mess. She is going through a LOT. We’ve never seen her this vulnerable and emotional before and she has EVERY reason to feel this way. Now, it is sad that people seem to be struggling to separate Villanelle from Oksana. Like I’ve mentioned in my previous post, this episode was almost 95% Oksana and the rest 5% of her trying her best to look somewhat like her old self mostly at the meeting with Helene and during her next kill. After killing her own mother, she doesn’t see or feel the same way about killing. At least not right now. It’s a lot more difficult for her to turn her emotions off now that they are so intense and she can’t focus clearly. She is becoming sloppy at her job and she doesn’t want to do any of it anymore. Now that I’m thinking about it, we’ve seen more of Villanelle so far than we have of Oksana. The previous two seasons we saw only this confident persona that Oksana has created with several occasions where her real self comes to surface. And this season it’s all about peeling those layers, of slowly peeling away Villanelle and getting to meet Oksana. So, we are sooo used to seeing Villanelle in action, her interact with people that we can’t see her being emotional, let alone crying. It’s not like her. Because it’s NOT her. It’s Oksana and don’t know her enough to know what she is like and what is in character for her. Truth is, she is vulnerable, hurt and in pain. She is going through the death of her mother, the loss of her family, the loss of control and being manipulated (again)  by others in doing something for them. It all was building up and now she can’t escape those feelings anymore and she wants to quit. 

I feel like this time she REALLY means it. She really wants to quit and she is willing to give away EVERYTHING. The apartment, the clothes.. and EVE. The first time I’ve watched the scene I got really concerned and scared... because that means Villanelle is willing to leave Eve like that. At the same time I started to realize that this is sooo much bigger than Eve or them being together. This is Oksana wanting to have a new life... and she wants it so bad, she is willing to leave Eve behind. This, right here.. it called CHARACTER GROWTH and I am soo proud of her for reaching this point, of wanting this life, wanting something for HERSELF even if it means giving away everything she loves. That’s when you know she is being serious about it. So maybe this will turn out to be a good thing... maybe when Eve will notice and find out about this... she will be even more willing to accept her feelings for Oksana and they might end up just running away together because they can and because both of them want for this bullshit to end.

Now, Konstantin told Villanelle to NOT tell anyone about their escape plan. She promised not to do it but then she had a breakdown and ended up telling it to Dasha.Such a BAD move. I mean.. Dasha is the last person she was supposed to tell this to... and I’m sure it will cause major problems. Dasha will get someone killed and I don’t blame Oksana. She’s not in the right state of mind and really, if she haven’t told it to Dasha, we probably wouldn’t have as much action and drama happening in the next remaining episodes. So will see. But I really do hope Dasha will fail at whatever she will try to do.

I’ve probably said it plenty of times but Jodie Comer’s acting STRIKES AGAIN! So many powerful performances delivered each single episode, I am speechless and I really don’t know what else to say. Just see it for yourselves. She deserves another Emmy and more! 

Villaneve screen time

This is not really a part of a specific episode review, but more like me wanting to point something out. It’s been 6 episodes already and we only got ONE Villaneve scene. The bus scene. The kiss scene. Yeah, it was mindblowing and amazing but that’s not enough. And something tells me they might not even meet in next episode.. only see each other at the very end of the episode and that’s on it’s own upsetting... I mean I dare to say, even season 1 had more Villaneve screen time than season 3 has. I’m not even talking about season 2, where literally they spend together half of a season together occasionally meeeting up. This show IS about them and their dynamic and how can we have it if they are not interacting together? I get that this season is more focused on character development and them evolving separatelly, but Villaneve still has to be a thing... and they better give us the entire finale filled with Villaneve quality content or else... after all, they ARE the main plot of the show for me and there’s that. 

Overall Thoughts

Another solid Killing Eve episode. Since they have only 8 episodes, they can allow themselves to make such rich, intense and filled with information/action type of episodes and it shows. There were a couple of weaker episodes, but overall this season is getting stronger with each episode and I am very nervous as I am scared and excited for the remaining two! 

As always guys, if you have any theories or thoughts about this episode, Killing Eve in general or anything else, feel free to jump in my ask box or message me directly, I’d love to chat!!

[osomagine-san]

How would the Matsu react if they eavesdropped on a conversation between one of their brother and s/o where the bro asked them what did they even find in their Matsu and s/o just slumps on the table defeatedly, like "Right?", but then starts listing so many reasons why they love him with all their heart as their tone grows more and more fond?

h I’m so sorry– I’m really bad at keeping a consistent schedule!!! Life gets in the way of so much I’d rather be doing. It’s all below the cut!! Also I took a few liberties with the prompt, hope that’s okay!! Thank you so much for waiting!!

Word count (overall): 5004

“I get the feeling you don’t like me very much.”

You and Osomatsu had been dating for a few years, now, and with every day, your relationship became more serious. You and him had rented an apartment two years ago, making him the third brother to move out of his parents’ house. Choromatsu, the “straight man”, was not one of the three.

You liked to hang out with the other brothers— you and Todomatsu got together once a month to catch up; you sent pictures of kittens from the local animal shelter you walked past to get to the train to Ichimatsu any time they got a new one; and Jyushimatsu regularly invited you to baseball games. But compared to that, you hardly spoke to the third-born.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, in a tone that confirmed your suspicion.

“I mean, you’ve gotta know that I talk to your brothers on the reg,” you respond. “But I don’t think I’ve had a full conversation with you since Oso first introduced us.”

“Huh, I guess not.”

He tries to walk past you, but you stop him with a rough hand to his shoulder.

“We need to talk,” you say. It’s not often you’re so serious, but you figure that bit of your personality will appeal more to him.

He’s a bit taken aback by this– the first time he met you, you and his brother had shown up drunk. He had his arm around your waist and was loudly proclaiming that he’d had a secret partner for three months (which no one believed at first), and that he needed everyone to leave because he was ready to graduate from being a virgin (which everyone believed immediately).

He sighs.

“You just get on my nerves,” he admits with a shrug. “It’s nothing complex.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

Unbeknownst to the both of you, Osomatsu had gotten bored of waiting for you outside. He was about to barge right into the room, but the conversation happening was… well, he wasn’t good with social cues, but he felt like maybe he should stay out of this one.

Choromatsu thought for a moment. He’d really just dismissed you immediately, since his first impression of you had been so bad.

“Oso talks about you a lot,” you continue in his silence. “I mean, he talks about all of you a lot– he wants to know how you’re all doing, but especially you. You were close when you were kids. I don’t… I don’t think I see an end to our relationship, and I don’t think he does, either, so we need to at least be able to tolerate each other, don’t’cha think?”

“Tsk.” Finally, Choromatsu came up with his reasoning. “Why would you even want to stay with him? He’s lazy, has no filter! He’d be happier to roll around in the filth and dirt on the ground than he would to get a job. I don’t understand why you want to stay with the worst of us.”

His brother’s words hurt. Osomatsu clenched a fist. He couldn’t see the shock on your face, nor the way your body flinched away from his younger brother. He reached a hand to open the door, but just as his hand settled in the handle, you continued:

“What, like you’re the best? You don’t understand why I’d want a ‘dirty’ man when here you are, so clean and poised and refined? Newsflash, asshole! It’s a little late for these thoughts! But look at this– I’ve been worried about your opinion of me since I first laid eyes on you, but Osomatsu’s is clear as day. It has been since the first words he said to me. And if Oso wanted to roll around in the dirt instead of go to work, then I’d be right there with him. He’s grown, he’s bigger than he used to be. You’d know that if you took the time to, but it’d kill you to have your shitty eldest outshine you, huh?”

Choromatsu opened his mouth to counter, but before he can defend himself, you turn around.

“Good talk,” you say, and open the door.

Osomatsu has a strange look on his face; one you don’t think you’ve seen on him before. But just as soon as you’ve registered it, it’s gone. He grins, and sniffs while he scratches beneath his nose. You give him a kiss on the cheek, then give Choromatsu one last glare.

“I love you so much, y’know that, babe?”

“Hey, pass the soy sauce, will ya?”

This wasn’t the first dinner you’d had with Karamatsu’s brothers, but it was certainly the most awkward. The seven of you sat at a round table, takeout served on plates in an attempt to impress you. The Matsuno sextuplets had pulled this move too many times on you for it to keep working.

You were thankful you got along so well with all of them. You didn’t know each other particularly well, but Todomatsu giving you his number after the first dinner seemed to be a good sign.

Beers were passed between you all, and while they’d gotten enough to split evenly, Osomatsu, ever the glutton, was hogging them. The more you went over, the more the brothers became comfortable with you, and the less they tried to hide their worse qualities. This was better in theory than in practice– Ichimatsu and Choromatsu were starting to gang up on him, and you could sense a fight coming. But these sextuplets were always fighting.

“Man, how disrespectful of us,” Todomatsu said to you. “So sorry about my older brothers.”

“It’s nothing,” you responded, kind of cheerily. More a customer service kind of cheery than anything else.

“Hm, since they’re distracted,” your boyfriend began, “we can be as romantic as we want, and none of them will notice a thing.” He held your hands up, and kissed both of them. You flushed, but smiled and leaned in nonetheless.

“We’re not all distracted,” Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu said in unison, the latter shouting it.

Karamatsu flirted more at you, and the youngest two glanced at each other, trying to figure out what it was that you liked. Was it the metaphors? The shitty English? Maybe you were mistaking the pain for pleasure. They didn’t seem to need to speak to theorize together.

Suddenly, the fight between the others ended. Choromatsu cleared his throat.

“So! [Y/N], you said that you and Karamatsu have some big news?” he asked. His nose was dripping with blood, and you could already see a black eye forming.

“Oh! Right!” you exclaimed. You hadn’t had much to drink, but what little you had seemed to be messing with your head already.

You and Karamatsu exchanged a bit of a look, and you both gestured for the other to say it at the same time. You giggled together– it was very exciting! You resolved to say it at the same time:

“My brothers… [Y/N] and I are moving in!”

“Karamatsu and I have decided to move in together!”

You wrap your arms around Karamatsu’s, smiles lighting up both of your faces.

The others went quiet for a moment, but gradually warmed up with grins and congratulations, questions about how long you’ve been thinking about this to where you’ll be located. Except for Osomatsu.

The eldest brother, drunk from stolen beers, crossed his arms and slurred, “Why does Kara-chan get the cute partner when I’m sittin’ right here?”

The table goes quiet for a moment. You open your mouth to say something, that it’s fine, that you’re sure Osomatsu is just concerned at best, and shitfaced at worst, but he continues:

“Like… I really don’t understand what you see in him at all, y’know? Choromatsu agrees, don’t’cha?”

“Don’t drag me into this!”

“He’s all… painful and shit. His English is terrible, and he only says certain phrases…! He’s dumb, and plus, I’m the oldest, so I should get first dibs on a partner, especially one as cute as you!”

You and Karamatsu are similar in a lot of ways, in that you try to see the best in everyone and you can try to justify their actions in any way you can. So you’re quiet for a moment, and you detach yourself from Karamatsu’s arm. Maybe you shouldn’t be there, maybe you were better off away from them…

But one look at Kara’s face says you’re wrong. It’s that pained grin you’ve come to recognize with ease— you know he loves his brothers so very much, and hearing them talk shit about him doesn’t feel good. It’s because of this that you’re able to say,

“That’s enough.”

The other brothers hadn’t been expected that from you, since all you’d done up until that point around them was flirt with Karamatsu, and eat their food. You seemed to be just as docile as he was, and maybe you were, but you found it hard to stand by while your man was being hurt like this by his only older brother.

“He’s the sweetest and most thoughtful man I’ve ever met!” you continue. Your voice raises not quite to a yell, but it’s loud. The other brothers don’t really know what to say. “You have no right to me— if you wanted me that badly, you should have been the first brother to meet me, and it should have been you that got down on one knee to offer a rose and invite me on a date, but you didn’t. He’s passionate about his love, and the only thing you’re passionate about is getting drunk and flirting with your brother’s partners, apparently.”

It’s quiet at the table for a moment.

“…So, for dessert, we have some little cakes,” Todomatsu says.

“Yeah, [Y/N], Karamatsu, you two should get first pick,” Choromatsu adds. “Congrats again, by the way.”

“They’re in the kitchen,” Ichimatsu says, waving a hand to dismiss you.

You look at Karamatsu. You think it’s a little ridiculous that they’re making you two get up after all of that, but you aren’t part of the sextuplet hivemind. Because as soon as Karamatsu assures you it’s fine, and you two get up and leave, you hear the four you left behind yell,

“Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?!”

“…Would it be alright if I asked you a question?”

“Hm? Yeah, sure, what’s up, Ichimatsu?”

It was the day you and Choromatsu were to start living together. He didn’t want to pack until he was absolutely certain the plans wouldn’t fall through, and you knew him well enough to know it was just his personality and not a real concern about the relationship.

It wasn’t like he had much to pack, though– mostly just a lot of Nyaa merch, which he had hidden away from his brothers, hence why you were working by yourself in that room. Ichimatsu just so happened to be sitting there, too.

Maybe he was just feeling self-conscious. That wouldn’t be such a surprise or a change, but he was also feeling confrontational, which was weird. Choromatsu would be the fourth brother to move out, leaving him and Jyushimatsu in a vicious competition not to be the last. He supposed he didn’t honestly expect the three of them to last together, especially not after Choromatsu finally landed that job…

He was silent for a while after he asked. You’d turned around and continued packing.

“You’re a college graduate, right?”

You didn’t turn around– you wanted to get this done as quickly as possible. You were so excited to unpack!

“Yeah, graduated two years ago,” you replied. “Why?”

“I don’t know what he’s told you, but he hasn’t done anything like that.” He hadn’t thought before he spoke, and kind of regretted it. But more than he regretted it, he absolutely did not.

Meanwhile, Choromatsu had just finished collecting all of his merch– it took three boxes!– and was going to let you know he was going to help you as soon as he put it all in the trunk, but froze when he heard Ichimatsu speak. He had a sinking feeling that his brother wasn’t just making small talk while you worked.

“I know that.” You didn’t know Ichimatsu very well, so while it seemed hostile, maybe he was just looking out for you…?

“Okay,” he said.

Ichimatsu was done with his confrontation for the day. He went back to slouching with his chin resting on his knees.

Choromatsu was about to keep going– maybe he’d ask you about this later, if he didn’t forget about it entirely– when you continued:

“Why do you bring it up?”

Ichimatsu looked at you. He racked his brain, trying to come up with a reason.

“…Dunno,” he finally answered. He took a deep breath, and leaned back against the wall, stretching his legs out. “Maybe a guy like me will never understand it… understand why you like someone like him. What’s he got that I don’t?”

You looked down at him, and he quickly turned away.

“Ichima-”

“Don’t say my name like that,” he said. “I can hear the pity… But seriously, all that guy does is jerk off. You know he once told me that he wanted to be an idol manager only to seduce his client? Don’t you find that disgusting? I would never do that…”

Choromatsu’s face heated up in shame. He was young when he’d said that; it was way before he knew someone like you existed. If he could take it back, he would. He wants to burst into the room and apologize– that was so stupid, it was shitty, it was-

“How good are you a person if you expect a reward for being good?”

Ichimatsu opened his mouth, but you cut him off.

“I didn’t know Choromatsu back then,” you continued, “and I don’t have the context, but yeah, it’s a disgusting way to think. But how long ago was it? Was it last week? A year ago? More? Because Choromatsu gets better every day, he works hard to be better. I know for a fact that he’d never say or even think that now. You bringing that up is childish, it’s immature, and it’s shitty in its own right. So, yeah, I’m going to ask Choromatsu about it, but don’t think one comment from a jealous younger brother is going to dampen our relationship whatsoever.”

The box now full, you closed it, and headed towards the door.

“Oh and, call me easy, but his rate of masturbating has gone way, way down.”

“Are you coming or not?!”

You were ready. It was just about time… the two of you were finally in good places, both of you having held a steady job for a good while. Yes, you were ready, and you were sure that he was, too. You were getting ready to propose to Ichimatsu.

You always thought the idea of a sort of scavenger hunt would be cute– taking him through all of the most important places you’d been to: dinner where you had your first date, the alley where he introduced you to his closest friends (all cats; he was happy they took to you so well), so on and so forth, until you ended the night in the place where the two of you had first met: the park.

You didn’t want him to suspect anything, so you brought Jyushimatsu with you under the guise of it being a bonding day. You didn’t talk to his brothers very often, but hey, it had been almost two years since you and Ichimatsu had first gotten together. Might as well try.

Or so was your reasoning.

You kept Jyushimatsu close, just in case the other brothers were following you, like they tended to.

Eventually, you’d made your way back to the park. Jyushimatsu wanted to head towards the baseball field, but you told him no.

“Okay,” he said.

Despite this, he headed towards the field.

“Hey, hey! Jyushimatsu!” you called after him. “No! I’m… looking for something.”

“What are you looking for?” he asked. He stopped once you caught up to him.

“…Something,” you responded. “None of your business.”

“Ah, got it,” he said.

He turned away from you and kept going.

“Wait!” you called. He kept going. “Dammit…”

You ran in front of him, and stretched your arms out to keep him from going around you. You took a deep breath before you continued:

“Jyushimatsu, the truth is…” You turned your head and looked around, making sure that none of the other sextuplets were hiding nearby.

Five brothers would have been easier to spot than one. So that one escaped your field of vision, hiding in a bush a few feet from where you were standing. He knew it was stupid, but he was well-practised from following his brothers and their partners on their dates. He didn’t like that he couldn’t hear what you whispered to Jyushimatsu…

“…I’m going to propose to Ichimatsu,” you finished in a whisper, close to his ear.

Jyushimatsu stands still. You don’t see his facial expression change. Maybe he’s just processing… you get anxious.

“Well, sa-”

“YOU’RE GOING T-”

“SHUT UP!” You shove your fists into his mouth. He bites you. “Shit!” You glare at him. “Was that necessary?!”

“Yes,” he responds.

“And the thing I’m looking for is the bench we first met on.” You rub your hands– you’re lucky you’re not bleeding. “So you can’t go anywhere, because as soon as I find it, we’re leaving, and I don��t have time to watch you swing a bat a million times.”

“Right, right,” he nods. 

The two of you keep walking. You’re a few paces ahead of him, but he’s got such a massive presence that you’d notice if he disappeared.

After a while, he speaks up:

“Why are you doing it?”

There’s a bit of a rustling in the bushes nearby.

“We’ve been dating for a while, and our lives are steady,” you respond. “We work… well together, and so it just makes sense.”

“I see.” He pauses. “So it’s not like you like him or anything.”

You look at him. You have a weird, unnerving stare, and Jyushimatsu regrets his words as soon as he says them.

“No,” you finally say. In this tense atmosphere, it sounds like a long sound. You pause.

Ichimatsu in the bushes kind of slinks into himself, sitting down.

“I love him. You know, you’re like a dog, and you have to know I’m not a dog person based on my choice in boyfriends. I would much rather have spent this afternoon out with him, because he wouldn’t need my attention every second. Not to mention that once we found the bench, I could run my hands through his hair without worrying about messing it up, and the man attracts cats like catnip– that would be one hell of an evening. Have you ever thought about toning it down? God, you got all the energy that Ichi didn’t, didn’t you? Well, all the better, because he’s cute and sleepy all the time.”

Ichimatsu doesn’t reveal himself, but hearing you say that makes him smile. It would have been much smaller if it was the day you first met– in fact, the praise might’ve made him uncomfortable. But he knows you mean every word of it. Satisfied, he creeps away from the two of you, and sprints home. Jyushimatsu pretends not to see him dart out behind you.

“So Jyushimatsu’s finally moving out, huh?”

You nod to Todomatsu’s question. It’s hard to date a sextuplet without being friends with the youngest. He makes jokes a lot about how his brothers were so defensive about his closeness with their partners, especially in the beginning stages of their relationship, but he admitted to you that he probably wouldn’t joke about Jyushimatsu. “I just don’t know how he’d react, you know?” was his explanation. You thought that was a huge part of Jyushimatsu’s charm.

“Yep!” you nod. “We’re both so excited!”

“We are too!” He takes a sip from his drink. “You know, we brothers were starting to worry that he never would.”

“I was kind of worried about that, too.” You sip in turn. You and Todomatsu just so happened to have the same favourite café, so you decided to go there to celebrate your announcement. “I mean, about myself. I’m still living with my parents, too, you know.”

“Mhmm, but your brother, Ichimatsu, didn’t move out and find a job before you.”

Well, technically, Ichimatsu did move out before you. But you understand what he means, given the whole hierarchy the sextuplets have.

“That’s true.” You laugh a bit to yourself. “What about you? You were the first to move out, weren’t you?”

“Ah, no, that was Karamatsu,” he replies. He’s a bit stiff as he says it– maybe it’s still embarrassing for him to think about. But c’mon, he’s an adult over thirty at this point.

“Right, right, right,” you nod. “Hey, at least he’s happy.”

Todomatsu nods.

There’s a bit of a silence that falls over the two of you. Not uncomfortable or awkward, really– you’d said what you needed to say. You lean out of your booth and turn around to look at the clock– 2:22 p.m… Jyushi is going to pick you up at three, and you’re going to your new apartment for one last look-around before it’s filled with furniture. That reminds you, actually–

“Say, you go to the gym, right?”

“Hey, can I ask you something personal?”

You laugh together.

“What were you saying?” Todomatsu asks.

“No, no, you first,” you insist. “I was going to ask you this, anyways.”

“Right, okay, well, I was just wondering if I could ask you a personal question,” he repeats.

“Sure,” you nod. You’re a little worried, right off the bat. That’s such an intense thing to say to someone.

“So, Jyushimatsu-niisan’s a bit of an idiot, right?”

“Uh… I guess…?”

“And he has a poor grasp on social cues.”

“Well, I mean, you could say that, I suppose.”

“And he talks a lot about baseball for someone who doesn’t really know the rules…”

“Hey, just spit it out. I’m not going to sit here and insult my boyfriend until he comes to get me.”

It’s a nice summer day– there are purple and yellow flowers blooming outside of the coffee shop. Jyushimatsu finished his practice early, and has decided to drop in on you and Totty. Why not, right? It’s his partner and his brother– they wouldn’t mind! They should be half-expecting it, honestly; it’s not the first time he’s done this. He remembers how much he’d made you laugh the last time he’d done that, and given the circumstances, he’s pretty sure he can one-up himself.

The bell rings when he enters, and he sits down at a table close to the booth you and Totty are sitting in, and looks at a menu while he waits to be noticed.

“Right, right, sorry!” Todomatsu’s voice gets quiet as he continues: “So, uh, what is it that you see in him?”

“Huh?” You’re thrown off by this question. You never thought you’d need to defend your relationship to one of his own brothers. “I mean, that is a good question…”

Jyushimatsu puts down the menu, in favour of staring at the two of you. But you’re facing away from him, and Todomatsu is distracted with how his drink swirls around while he stirs it with his straw.

You tap your fingers on the table– you’re really caught offguard with this question.

Todomatsu watches your facial expression change, as you figure out what to say. Is it that hard to pick something you like about him…? He’s a little worried about your relationship. To be honest, he wasn’t completely sure where the curiosity came from– maybe it was an old instinct to manipulate and destroy relationships.

Uh oh.

“Hey, [Y/N]…? Forget I asked- [Y/N]?!”

You suddenly slump over the table, now distracted by something completely unrelated to the topic at hand. When Todomatsu shouts your name, you sit up straight and you blurt out,

“Oh, his smile!” You clear your throat, and continue more quietly. “I like his smile.”

“Ah, well, that’s good,” Todomatsu says. “He does that a lot.”

“He sure does,” you agree. “And he’s spontaneous. I’m never, ever, ever bored around him. Or without him! Even just thinking about all the ways he might surprise me keeps me on my toes. With him, anything and everything becomes possible, you know?”

Todomatsu nods.

“Well, it’s good you know,” he says. “I was worried for a second, when you took so long to respond!”

“Ha! Well, don’t you ever worry again, because I love your brother even if it takes me a minute to come up with something more specific than ‘everything’.”

He claps his hands together, and leans his cheek against them.

“You two are so cute together!”

You look at the clock again, and this time finally notice Jyushimatsu. You grin brightly at your sunshine boy, and wave.

“Jyushi!” you call. “Come sit with us!”

He very happily makes his way over.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you guys later!”

The Matsuno brothers and their parents left yours and Todomatsu’s apartment in one big group. You waved to them, cheerily chorusing goodbyes while you held hands. The ring he’d given to you three nights ago was still heavy on your finger, reminding you it was there but only in the best possible way.

“Oh, Karamatsu, are you not heading out…?” you asked, in the most innocent voice you could muster. But you really were annoyed, not to mention tired. You’d hosted your immediate family the night before, and you had work tomorrow, too.

“After such an astounding meal, how could I just leave without helping clean up?” he replied.

“Very easily,” Todomatsu responded.

“You don’t live here, you know,” you added.

He chuckled.

You and Todomatsu glanced at each other. Clearly, Karamatsu intended to be stubborn. Totty looked like he was about three seconds from having a fit, so you sighed, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“You take a shower and meet me in the bedroom, okay? I’ll clean up.”

He relaxed.

“Really? Aw, thank you. You love me so much!”

You giggled. “Not as much as you love me.”

“Ahem.”

What a strange thing, to have a throat cleared at you when the other person is the one being rude. This was your home, after all, and everyone else was gone.

You squeezed your finacé’s hand.

“I’ll see you soon.”

You started gathering up the dishes, and Karamatsu followed suit. You didn’t have much to say to him.

Karamatsu spoke once you were both washing dishes. You were standing close enough to one another that you could elbow him by accident if you bent your arm a certain way, but you did your best not to bend your elbows at all for the specific purpose of not touching him. The only reason you were at all aware of the closeness was because he was not as courteous as you.

“So... when did you and my brother decide to get married?” he asked. He sounded one step away from being shy, but his general body language held up well.

“I mean, we’ve been talking about it for a few months,” you replied. “But he officiall-”

“A few months,” he repeated. 

“Yeah.” You handed Karamatsu a plate, and he dried it off. “You know, to make sure that we were on the same page about out relationship, and how serious we were about each other.”

He was quiet for a while after that.

You were kind of relieved to have a quiet atmosphere while you did the dishes. Karamatsu had always struck you as annoying, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that you’d never really seen him anywhere but with his brothers. Maybe he got riled up with them and acted more foolishly with that kind of back-and-forth... maybe all of them were like that. You tried to picture Jyushimatsu reading a book. You couldn’t-- it turned into Choromatsu.

“[Y/N]...” Karamatsu spoke as if he were going to continue. Even though you looked up, he didn’t.

A few seconds went by.

“Are you, uh, going to finish your thought?”

“What is it that you see in my dearest brother?” 

You tried your very best not to roll your eyes at his English. “Try” being a key word.

“What do you mean by that?” you replied flatly. You really weren’t in the mood for mind games.

“Is he sensitive, sweet?” he continued. “Does he make you smile? Does he make you swoon? Is he capable of lov-”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” you interrupted. You crossed your arms and leaned against the counter near the freshly-cleaned dishes. They were the nice sets, the kind you only used when you had company. “He’s all of that and good in bed. That’s a double-entendre, actually-- he’s fantastic at sex, and he’s warm and soft, perfect for cuddling with. He’s got a lot of friends, and we already know our wedding is going to be huge. I’m not going to say that he’s the perfect man, but you know what? He’s perfect for me. I’ve had this discussion with your other brothers when we first started getting serious, but it looks like you weren’t paying attention. Todomatsu is absolutely capable of love, and if you have, you know, eyes, you can see it everywhere.”

The kitchen went silent.

“I see...”

“Please don’t.”

“So you really do love my brother! Well, in that case, here is my sincerest welcome to the family!”

“Oh my god.”

Karamatsu left soon after that. He sighed to himself on the way home, frustrated that he never got the chance to ask for advice on how to make his own proposal.

[dumbhoe411]

I call this: I’m not relevant or knowledgeable enough to make posts but I just want everyone to treat each other with kindness

I’ve had to rewrite this because I accidentally deleted the first one... it’s probably for the best I got a little emotional.

Anywho I’m going to start this by saying I am in no way talking down on anyone I know people express themselves differently and A post like this can make it seem like I believe more highly of myself than others but I don’t, I’ve been that person who is a cynical asshole who makes everyone around them feel utterly miserable but I’ve learnt through people that I’ve met and things that I’ve seen that life is better when you’re kinder and happier and look for the best in situations. I’ve learnt from Harry himself a phrase that I’ll live by for the rest of my life, a phrase that has bettered my life overall and made me into a person that I’m happy with and I love myself a lot more than I used to. I’m only 18 and I have a lot to learn and experience but for now I’m content with myself.

This last week has really shown me an ugly side to people that Im honestly shocked by. It started with some things I saw on twitter regarding the Dolan twins fathers death, im not super into the Dolan twins I know who they are but I don’t watch their videos, however this is still utterly disturbing to me and it should be for any sane person. There were people who were making fun of it to promote their favourite kpop bands and that just left me feeling horrible and sad. Then came those people who were trying to attend the funeral itself like it was some opportunity to meet their idols and those people didn’t even see anything wrong with what they were doing. Disgusting.

Then came the babygate drama that we all know so well and we’re all sick of, I personally don’t beleive babygate I think it’s horrible and the people who think that babygate is best case scenario need to rethink their morals. It’s a horrible theory that, if it were real, has ruined so many people’s lives including the child itself. If babygate were real I most likely would stop actively supporting louis and his career because it’s such a scummy thing to do and be a part of. Just because you don’t like the idea of louis or Harry being with other people doesn’t mean you have to scare off every single person they get close to, it’s their business let them live. People would rather believe that louis’ own biological father is the actual father (yes this is something someone said) than believe that louis just got high, forgot to wrap it and trap it, and as a result accidentally conceived a child, this is someone that happens so often it’s not unheard but what is unheard of is a celebrity faking their own child for 3 years who coincidentally looks exactly like him. It really shows that people don’t tend to practice what they preach, there are people on this site who have “treat people with kindness” in their bio’s but as soon as someone disagrees with them they start throwing insults left right and centre. Recently there was someone with an apauling attitude I’m sure you all saw, they are a huge advocate for babygate and have made so many rediculous theories, which I don’t have a problem with we all make our own theories everything that has ever been said about Larry has been purely theories, but when you bring in the people in Harry and louis’ lives like their families and just insult them like you know more than they do, the people who actually know louis in real life and know his life, that’s when it becomes a problem. When you treat your theories like they are 100% the truth that’s when I have a problem, and then justifying your behaviour by saying it’s all public information that is already out there on the internet. That doesnt change the fact that it’s still rude and disrespect. Your maturity really shows when you counter and argument or criticism by insulting the person who criticised you and then turn the argument into them. I sent them a little message in hopes that they would read it and reflect on it and show some empathy or at the very least think about what I said. (However I recently found out they just blocked me and didn’t read it at all.) I’m going to post what I said here and kind of direct it in general to people who don’t see a problem with some of the gross things they post and people who chose to actively insult others online.

People sometimes forget that Harry and louis are real people. Some people treat them like they are characters in a movie who don’t have real feelings or real families, friends and loved ones. Larry to me is about celebrating a special love that is greater than any other, the fact that something that’s all about love has created some of the most hateful people is disappointing. I just wish that in the future we can realise that not everyone is going to have the same opinions but that is no reason to insult someone. I also hope that people start to actually treat people with kindness and practice what they preach. Sometimes people don’t meet people who can impact their life and bring out their best qualities but people in the 1d fandom don’t have that excuse, Harry styles is a wonderful role model who has pretty much shaped me as a person. He preaches and practices kindness and people admire and respect him for it and I hope that someone reads this one day and this can change them.

I’m aware that this is quite a pathetic thing to address, I’m an 18 year old who loves 1d an alarming amount and who is currently spending her free time (which is a lot as I’ve just finished school) talking about a relationship that may or may not be real and ranting about how gross the internet can be, but I just want everyone to see that kindness is a virtue, it’s something that people admire and find desirable in other people. So to the 4 people who may see this please, please please be kind and gentle with one another everyone deserves kindness. Treat people how you want to be treated and love one another. All the love - dumbhoe ✌️

[lexi-the-twilight-dragon]

Sooooo I said I'd write a fic regarding my dream ending to S17, so of course I had to finish it before S17 came out. Holy shit this fic turned out much longer than I expected, but I'm not sure an increase in length = a increase in quality? I did it tho, so here it is.

BROTHER TO BROTHER

That's when Grif notices something he never has before.

FANDOM: Red vs Blue. S16 spoilers. RATING: Angst/Fluff. WORDS: 1736 CHARACTERS: Grif, Doc (He got smashed into a wall and walked away from an explosion completely unharmed in S8, I think he can survive falling off an at most 442m building), O'Malley (mentioned?), Huggins (please tell me she's not permanently dead, RT), Deke Dufresne, OCs

~

To say the whole time-travel-fix-the-past-nearly-fuck-up-the-universe adventure was insane is a serious understatement. They were only trying to get some pizza for fuck's sake!

And honestly, when it's all over, Grif doesn't know what to do. How do you avoid getting dragged into other people's bullshit? He used to think he was good at that, but not so much anymore. (Pretty much since Wash showed up, huh.)

But it's over, it's finally fucking over, and for at least the next hour, they're safe. And yes, that's a "they". His friends are assholes, but that doesn't mean he wants to lose any of them. Not anymore.

That's when Grif notices something he never has before, and he knows full well what trouble his and the others' lack of notice caused.

He notices a distinct lack of a certain color that was here a few minutes ago.

Purple.

~

He catches the medic disappearing through the hills a little ways away.

"Hey Doc!"

Doc hesitates for a split-second, but doesn't stop walking.

"Doc, wait up!"

Doc starts walking faster. Grif nearly loses him again in the twists and turns of the landscape.

He wonders if this is what it looked like when he quit.

"Frank, stop!"

It's a name no one's used in fuck knows how long. Grif isn't sure he's ever used it. The medic has been 'Doc' to everyone for so long that Grif hasn't the faintest idea why he even remembers his real name at all. But he says it.

And Frank stops.

"Where the hell are you going?" He doesn't say it like an accusation, because it isn't one.

"What does it matter where I'm going?" Frank replies, barely even turning his head, "All that matters is that I'm away from you."

"... You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. As long as I'm far enough away from anyone I could endanger, I don't care what happens to me. Maybe I'll even find my own little dimension again. Anything to keep everyone safe."

"Doc- Frank, you can't blame yourse-"

"Yes I can!" Purple armor breaks the stillness to whirl around and face orange. "I can because it is my fault! I can't..."

His voice cracks, and the anger seeps out of him as he takes a breath.

"I can't control him anymore, Grif. Who knows how long it will be before he takes me over again. Before he uses me to hurt more people. To hurt, to kill, to destroy..."

His hand flies for his Magnum, and Grif grabs his rifle just as fast. He doesn't actually want to hurt Doc, but if O'Malley were to take control of him again...

The pistol skitters across the ground some feet away.

Frank's arm doesn't move from where he tossed it, his visor and likely gaze lowered to the ground, and when he speaks again the tears are audible.

"You can't... trust me anymore. I don't trust me anymore. I'm more monster than medic, now."

He raises his head, and sees the rifle still in Grif's hands. Grif instantly regrets his actions.

"Actually," Frank says, "yeah, that's a better idea."

He raises his hands a little over his head and faces Grif squarely.

"Can't hurt anyone if I'm dead."

Grif hates the tone in his voice. It's the tone of someone who has accepted, and embraced, the fact that he's going to die. He's heard it in Simmons' voice, in front of the firing squad. He's heard it in Sarge's, on the Staff of Charon. He's heard it in Bitters' more times than he'll ever be comfortable with.

He'll never forget hearing it in Private Mayhew's as she bled out in his arms after the colony massacre.

But acceptance and a request are very different things. Frank is asking for it, and he's asking Grif to be behind the trigger. His hands are shaking already.

In theory, it's to protect other, protect the others. And from how the purple-clad medic sounds, it's be a mercy kill, too. In reality...

"No," Grif says, reholstering his rifle, "I can't do that, Frank."

Grif doesn't need to see his face to see the crestfalled expression on it. "But... but Grif, I'm a danger to everyone, you have to-"

"I can't do it, man. I'm sorry."

"Please!"

Purple shin-plates hit the ground as their owner falls to his knees.

"Please.. I can't... take this anymore. Just... end it, please."

If there's a tone that Grif hates more that that of someone who's accepted death, it's that of someone begging for it.

He kneels in front of the medic and clasps onto his shoulders.

"Look, I don't know exactly what you've gone through. I haven't grappled an evil AI for nearly as long as you. I haven't been stuck in an alternate dimension. But I do know what it feels like when your worst enemy is in your own head. And you know that I know, because that's something else O'Malley did to you, isn't it? Forced memories of all the people it jumped through into your head? It's the only way you could have known what my childhood was like.

"You're not a monster, Frank. You're you. You're Doc. You're our dorky, health-obsessed, pacifistic medic. I can't kill a guy like you, split personality or not."

Frank's visor is locked with his for a grand total of two seconds after that before he wraps his arms around Grif's own shoulders and breaks down into sobs.

Grif doesn't know what'll happen from here. He doesn't know how or even if Doc can be helped at this point. But, also at this point, he can't bring himself to abandon the poor guy.

And maybe, it occurs to him as Huggins flies around the corner looking for them, maybe the past can be fixed after all.

~

Doc didn't know what to expect when the orange-clad soldier got up from their semi-hug to go whisper conspiratorially with the cosmic light-ball.

He knows even less what to expect when Grif goes and grabs the frickin' time gun O'Malley had betrayed him with earlier. Are they going to exile him after all, only in a different time period?

Grif wordlessly pulls the trigger, and gestures at Doc to follow him through.

Doc follows him through.

The first thing he notices is an astonishing amount of green. His entire view consists of trees, ferns and undergrowth that greatly mottles but doesn't completely obscure the sunshine. There's the constant chortle of birdsong and other animal noises that instantly tells him that this is Earth. And if he listens hard enough over it. he can hear the trickling sound of a river.

His blood runs cold when he recognizes exactly where and when Grif has brought him.

"Th-this is..."

His spluttering is cut off by a distant cry of "Deke!" and the sound of splashing.

Through the undergrowth, down on the river's edge, he can see them, see himself. Two coffee-skinned boys, brown hair plastered to their faces as the panicked elder drags the limp younger onto the bank.

"Deke! Deke, can you hear me? Please wake up!" Young Frank DuFresne is shouting, though his brother is held close to him. The boy didn't know what else to do.

He didn't know how to save him.

"What are you waiting for?" Grif's voice tears his gaze away.

"W-what?"

The orange soldier turns his head to look directly at him. "He needs a medic. Go."

Purple helmet looks to the riverbank, back to the orange, then is shoved into the other man's hands.

"Thank you."

He tears into a run, tossing aside all vegetation between him and the bank. Between him, himself, and his little brother.

"Hey!" He drops to his knees as the younger him looks up. He knows merely from memory that the river water dripping down his face is mixed with sting tears.

"I'm a medic. I can help. His name's Deke, right?"

Young Frank nods vigorously. "He's not breathing, what do I do?!"

Hearing himself the panicked, even in clearly justified circumstances, makes it hard to keep his own voice level.

"We need to get him up onto more solid ground, I can treat him there."

A further few feet gets them some firmer ground. Not by much, but Doc doesn't want to waste any precious time.

"Lay him down here."

His movements are calm and practiced as he placed one palm over Deke's chest. Call him an unqualified medic all you want, but he has never forgotten how to do CPR properly. And this right here is the exact reason why. Even if he's internally dealing with the whirlwind of emotions of reliving the worst day of his life. But he can change that.

He will change that.

Deke remains unresponsive after one, two, three, four rounds of compressions as Young Frank watches in wide-eyed concern. But after the fifth, Deke's eyes fly open, and Doc rolls him on his side so he can cough up the water dislodged from his lungs.

"Deke!" Young Frank looks ready to pounce atop his brother in delight, but the older one stops him.

"He needs an ambulance."

Young Frank nods, before scrambling off through the trees to what Doc knows is his childhood home, where his parents are probably sitting on the porch drinking tea and waiting for their boys to come back from playing in the forest. Funny how things seem from a different perspective.

~

It's decided that Meredith DuFresne should ride to the hospital with her son in the ambulance. Frederick and Frank will travel behind in the car. It may take some recovery, but the paramedics say he's likely to survive thanks to the timely response.

Deke will survive. It's a dream come true in so many ways.

"Hey, mister!"

Young Frank catches the man in purple as he walks away.

"What's your name?"

The man looks at oddly for a second, then smiles.

"My friends call me Doc. I'm... a travelling medic."

The boy smiles back, then wraps his arms around the man's purple armor.

"Thank you, Doc."

Doc ruffles his hair, "Just some simple CPR. Might be a good thing for you to learn, huh?"

Frank looks up at him. Funny, Doc looks a lot like his father. Maybe he's a cousin or something?

"I will. I promise."

He lets go, and the man in purple disappears back into the forest.

~

A/N: Guess who jumped head first onto the Doc-Love Train with the recent season? Not that I ever disliked Doc, but being brutally honest, he was never really around long enough for me to get as attached to him as I was to the other Blood Gulch Crew. Season 16 tho... my jaw nearly hit the floor with his backstory monologue. It puts everything about his character in a whole new light. Why is there hardly anything about it on the interned? There needs to be more about it on the internet. So here's my piece. Even if I'm not completely happy with it.

[torc87]

How I learned that Opera is not for me because fan fiction has spoiled me - An Essay.

So I went to a screening of Puccini's Turandot this evening. Metropolitan Opera so it was Beautifully performed, Beautifully sung, lovely costumes and stage settings ( ok, those lost out a bit from not being live but not by much) .... And I was Annoyed to Death by EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER.

Like, I genuinely wanted the main characters to be executed already annoyed.

And sure, watching requires some suspension of disbelief. Love at first sight, with someone who just ordered a man executed, ok. Fine. But...

So to start. The main male lead, the romantic prince risking his life to wed Turandot, is a Selfish freaking asshole. Like omg, he has No redeeming qualities.

First off, how selfish is it to abandon the father he Just found, the blind father that just minutes ago he was delighted to see alive, in order to risk his life on a bunch of riddles that dozens of other men failed to answer.

Like, I don't know if it's pure arrogance believing he alone can win, but it is flat out selfish of him to try when his father begs him to help him and stay with him. He very selfishly puts his filial responsibility of Liu, the slave who has taken care of his father till now. It's self centeredness of the highest order. From the moment he ignores not just the advisors telling him dozens of men have tried so he will be executed too, but also his father's begging? I have zero sympathy for him.

Next follows the three advisors scene. And that one...i am confused by. Like, how does that fit the rest of the Opera? What does the three advisors longing for home in the country have to do with Turandot's bloody challenge? Even if she wed someone, they would still be advisors and still reading their sacred texts in the capital instead of their house far away with a lake and a forest.

They annoy me both bc I don't see how their complaint has anything to do w Turandot's wedding and also bc...if you miss your house in the country, quit, resign and go. You arent slaves, you are civil servants in high positions. Ones I presume you worked for to get. Pretty sure you won't be executed for resigning or asking for a vacation. That scene just didn't fit at all.

Ok, next.

Turandot is admittedly horrible. Bc ok, having her suitors killed? Fine, she's justified. They knew the risks, knew she didn't want to marry them, they made the choice to pursue her against her will anyway.

( also how haven't all the countries whose princes were executed start a war yet? Good diplomacy this is not)

But ok, no sympathy for the suitors. She doesn't wish to wed or have sex with anyone. Fair enough, maybe she's gay or asexual or just doesn't want to go from princess to possession. Ignore that and try to coerce her with the challenge and you basically brought the consequences on yourself.

Calaf included in this by the way. He's an asshole to ignore that she doesn't want to be wed and just focus on his lust and how he desires to make her his. The main romantic hero is a Selfish asshole. Greaaat, pretty sure that's not what Puccini intended.

But then Turandot also orders the city not to sleep ( what is That meant to accomplish?) And has an old blind man and a servant girl tortured.

And yeaaah, at that point she stops being sympathetic. She is violent and cruel in her fear and hurts innocents. She must be doing more than executing her suitors bc the entire city is terrified of her and convinced she will have them tortured if they don't figure out Calaf's name. Great, so that's the main heroine who in theory should be getting a happy ending...and is a horrible human being.

Who do we have left?

Three advisors again. The scene where they offer Calaf women and jewels and power if he tells them his name. Um...do they think he forgot that if he gives them his name he will die at dawn? Not much use for those jewels if he is dead. Why not try bribing him to just go away? Pretty sure the princess will be delighted and will reward them if they manage it, name or no name.

So, advisors are annoying.

Emperor? Not annoying just kinda absent. Not really an active enough character to be annoying.

Liu and Timur.

So not much to say about Timur. He could probably try harder to keep Calaf from taking the challenge. And the stereotype of blindness as helplessness is...not great. Like, he was a king, deposed or not. What, nothing was left? It would be much more original to have him be an active strong character. Hell, have him kill himself instead of Liu, a noble sacrifice. Kingly. And ok, it's an 800 year old tale, have to let sone things go. Deep breath.

Then there's Liu. Noble, caring, self sacrificing Liu. Why is she annoying? Well first, bc she could have just lied and said that the stranger had helped her out when her master fell and didn't introduce himself. I know, suspension of disbelief. But it is annoying.

And second....Calaf does Not deserve that sort of devotion. The selfish son of a bitch watched his father be roughed up and Liu tortured in front of him. All he has to do to stop it was say 'i will leave and willingly refuse to marry you'. There, he lives, and torture stops.

That sort of suicidal devotion bc he was kind to her once...its annoying and to me felt very undeserved. More like self effacement than love.

So then Liu dies. And Calaf is intended and tells Turandot she is cruel and bloodthirsty. Like yeah, you only now got that? Not when she had a man executed in front of you when you first saw her?

But you still love her and want to marry her despite the bloodthirstyness? Greaaat. Love your morals Calaf.

So then Calaf metaphorically rapes her. Like, I know it's just a kiss but she is clearly unwilling and I'm pretty sure that kiss represents sexual congress with all the talk of stirring her desire.

And ugh, I hate 18th century 'forced kisses are romantic and she's sure to want more' thing. Modern perspective interferes a bit.

But then he gives her his name and puta his life in her hands and she agrees to marry him and it's all happy ending love won, right?

Um, did Calaf forget that his father and Liu just killed themselves not an hour before? That he promised revenge for it?

Real happy union that.

But yeah, both the prince and Turandot are horrible people who deserve each other.

And at first I wanted a fanfiction with a happy ending to fix it, maybe have the three of them end up together...but now I dont like any if the characters and want to rewrite the whole thing to Make them decent people w logical reasons for what they do...and THEN have the three of them end up together.

I've been spoiled with fanfiction usually easily available to fix crappy canon. Except I think this is crappy enough I want a bottom up type rewrite. And I doubt many people care enough about it to have written it so...guess I might have to try.

.

[springlock-bonnie]

Everyone leave Yukio alone.

....Just kidding, literally do the opposite. (see below)

Yukio’s always been going through shit, but the fandom tends to write him off as the “mean” character and leave it at that. Kato finally decides to drop the bass, and now we’ve collectively shifted over to “Yukio, what the fuck”, because now he’s being angry at characters other than me, now. This stupid (persuasive) essay’s gonna look at Yukio’s personality and troubles, a little deeper than “Yukio’s mean to Rin :(”. Also, I’m biased as fuck and have only good things to say about this boy. Let’s roll.

Let’s start from the beginning, what we all universally know about Yukio as a baby. Yukio started training to be an exorcist very fucking early. It’s partially due to schizophrenia, partially due to his desire to take (what’s that one meme right now) Direct Action to supposedly protect me from the outside world. His theory was basically if I’ve always been protecting him in the physical world, he had the upper hand in the… supernatural world? Sure, let’s call it that.

Yukio’s seven years old, deathly afraid of guns and loud noises, but continues along with dad to be the best fucking exorcist at an even younger age than Fujimoto, just for one little asshole that still throttles him on a regular basis. He wants to follow dad, because dad is literally the Paladin, and almost the first thing you learn is the True Cross Exorcist categories and stature. Yukio was lucky our dad was who he was, and took advantage of that.

Growing up, Yukio was only ever working. Think about it. Going to school like a good boy, doing his homework, constantly disappearing on exorcisms, and then doing that homework too. Because he’s so little, he has to be Great. He doesn’t have time to be The Little Boy Exorcist, he has to kick everyone’s ass (Shura included) so that they never think of him as too delicate or inferior. This is where when you guys go “he thinks he’s so important *eye roll*” I physically feel my toes catch on fire.

So his childhood was maturing too fast. Maturing too fast, no matter the reason, is never a good thing. It means something bad happened, or is happening. Yukio isn’t mature because he’s such a mentally healthy boy. The rod up his ass is there, but it’s caked with maturity way before his time (idk how to phrase that). Yukio was naturally very smart, but he was still a kid. But there’s no time to be afraid of butterflies. You have to follow dad, who everyone looks up to, including you. You need to be where dad is.

Dad is also… dad. You may not have seen much of Fujimoto, but from what you did see you can kind of see, he wasn’t very good at being “fatherly” because he never wanted/planned to be. Two baby demons were just sort of plopped in his arms. Bless his soul, but that man wasn’t what Yukio needed emotionally. Ever wonder why the poor boy misses a mother he never had? He knows mom equals soft. Mom equals comfort, affection, love… whatever you want to say, mom means something different from Fujimoto, in Yukio’s eyes.

Yukio clings to that because he lacks it. I’m not like that, dad wasn’t like that, and mom’s been dead since literally our birth. So forgive him for fantasizing about someone who’s maybe gentle with him, or stops and asks him genuinely how he’s doing. He’s feeling a lack of caring, whether he registers it or not. It’s not like he’s going to ask for it or anything, b-baka! We’ll come back to this in a few paragraphs.

Yukio needs to be the best. Not because he wants to be looked up to, not because he wants to feel superior, but because he’s always behind. Even ahead of everything, he needs to be the best at a constant. He’s working up the ranks, but he needs to be able to take on everything. Not only that, but meet everyone’s raising expectations. Yukio? The Yukio? Yukio Okumura? If they think he can shoot three hobgoblins dead in mid-flight, he has to be able to do that.

Yukio does not think he’s better. He thinks he needs to be better, and is willing to do whatever that takes. In fact, that sentence might as well be his motto. Now we’re at Yukio at 15, when dad dies. What does Yukio do immediately? Question dad on following him. “Dad, you just died, should I kill myself too?” Now, he’s lost. Now, dad isn’t his superior, he has to impress people on his own and make it on his own.

I’m not denying we had troubles. He blamed me for dad, I was fucking livid he lied to me for half our life. But he’s human. Ish. He’s a baby, and where we see his early maturity, we have to understand he literally mentally age regresses. Those little scenes in the anime with him suddenly crying as a child because he’s scared? How it’s in that blank room, and is usually directed somehow to dad? That’s his coping mechanism that he’s alone as an adult now, at 15. He has to be.

Everything he is doing, he is doing for me. Remember that. Remember that’s his sole purpose to being an exorcist, and the only reason he yells and hits and is a total ass. It’s because he can’t show weakness, not to anyone. Because if he’s even gentle to one person, everyone’s going to hear about it. Don’t break down, don’t break down. Keep your chin high and be the fucking best. Don’t slip up. Don’t make mistakes.

Remember when you were 15? You might be that age or younger right now, but someday you’ll realize 15 is very young. Dude, I’m 18, and 16 y/os give me a headache. Yukio is young. He’s not even close to hormone maturity, and he’s scared shitless, all the time. But he’s a prodigy, so at 15, he has to act 25. That’s what he’s doing.

Yukio puts others needs in front of his own. He always does, even if it comes off as “mean”. Alright yeah, I do joke about how in the movie he was like “exorcists don’t save people, we kill demons”. WhOoP dE dOo I jUsT LoVe ShOoTiNg a GoOd DeMoN nOw AnD aGaIn. What are we, the republican presidential candidate? But look at all he does. The only times you have to argue are in Kyoto, when he was like, “shit, I guess the Vatican’s going to kill my brother.” But are you really going to hold it against him? He’s not going to argue with the higher ups, and get himself killed, who is arguably the best chance they have at actually getting me out of there. Off what y’all have seen, I happen to know he’s argued mercilessly with them. So basically, when they said death to Rin, they were done with him arguing already and he wouldn’t be of help.

In example of selflessness, Shura’s little arc. It’s a terrible example, but Yukio wasn’t there to kill Hachiro. He was there to assist Shura. I mean, Tiny Boy was like “hey I’m legal I’ll give u a baby so u can be reborn” even though he didn’t want to. Then, he concocted that stupid plan of tricking Serpent Man just to 100% get Shura out of her contract for good. But you know, Yukio’s mean and thinks he’s most important.

Yukio desperately needs something like what he’s searching out for in the recent chapters. Look at how he pried around for mom, and then continued to. Look at how he reacted with Sheimi. He’s trying to reach out, but what’s that Marina and The Diamonds “Numb” quote? “I can’t open up and cry, because I’ve been silent all my life?” That’s my boy. He probably doesn’t even know how, anymore.

Yukio had the potential to grow up really soft and sensual, but lost that ability with his desire to protect. So now, we’ve got this outer shell we see, which is cold and stiff and doesn’t show a lot of emotion. It isn’t because he’s mean. I see a lot of jokes about Yukio not wanting to open up about his feelings. You’re very right, but the joke part of it is where you’re still on the wrong idea.

Right now, Yukio’s going through demon bullshit. Demon bullshit means even more intense emotions he’s not even used to showing in the first place. You know how he’s aggressive, attacks, and then suddenly turns around and apologizes? That apology is genuine. He doesn’t even know what’s going on with him. It’s scaring him, too. I’m not saying his actions are justified. I’m not defending the fact he’s threatened and hurt people.

AND HEY HOW ABOUT THAT CHAPTER 93. That suicide isn’t just, oh look at me, I might as well. And it isn’t a sudden thought. (Side effects may include) suicidal thoughts or actions aren’t spontaneous and not thought out. Yukio wasn’t like, hey turns out True Cross sucks, time to bippity bop the fuck right out. As far as canon material goes, Yukio’s considered death since dad died. But is it really that crazy of a stretch to deny that? Yukio’s never been mentally stable.

I think my main beef is the fact sometimes even folks who see all this, don’t care. “Yeah but he’s reacting inappropriately”. Ah yes, sorry Oliver, I’m sure you would behave so much better in that situation. It’s easy to demonize (Heheh) a character and forget everything human about them. Yukio is very easy with that. It’s so, so easy to look at his “mean”-ness and go “man that kids an asshole, fuck him”. I did it too. But you have to remember he is (part) human, and he has emotions.

And if you want to argue I’m looking too deep, go ahead. But Kato’s stories are the most beautiful things to analyze and I know for a fact she’s not just shitting out some asshole character with no other redeeming qualities. She’s too respectful of every single one of her characters for that. Especially not in comparison to Astronerd, where Yukio stems from. Let’s talk about that for a sec, shall we?

Astronerd, in short, is a story about a boy named Yoshio Fujiko who loves astronomy. But he’s finally decided he’s done with that, and doesn’t want to be viewed as a freak anymore. He briefly talks about his bullying with it. He talks about his crush, Tezuka. He discovers she likes astronomy, too! But it’s okay that she does, “because she’s cute.”

Aliens suddenly come down to destroy earth, and tell Yoshio he’s the subject they’re going to cryogenically freeze to set as an example to other planets to never be like earth. He asks why was he born (*cough*), and they joke and say if someone figured that out they’d get a medal and the aliens would put on a display of fireworks instead of blowing the world up. “But, an inferior life form like you has no chance!”

Yoshio’s about to sign, when he gets a text from Tezuka (who he was mean to), still believing in him! So he gets on his little scooter and races to the school to apologize. Suddenly, there’s a huge crater. Yoshio’s tired, and the aliens are like “what the fuck! You’re killing yourself over an apology?” and he goes “no, it’s not the apology anymore.”

And, my favorite fuckin quote via my mom ever,

“I really was a fool… and fools don’t change unless they die!”

ANYWAY HE FUCKING MAKES IT (Kato told a mildly happy story?!) LIKE SOME E.T. BULLSHIT (and then determines life is too precious) apologizes to Tezuka, and admits he’s an astronerd! He then realizes he was born for realizing that, at that moment. And the aliens are like “shit! Fuck! He’s right! We gotta keep our promise…!”

If I was to go deeper into the summary, you’d see that Yoshio in a sense is a very watered down Yukio as far as things go. He suddenly thinks his life his hopeless, but upon almost dying, he gets a second chance, and ends up literally saving the world and discovering who he is. I’m not saying aliens are going to descend from the heavens and tell Yukio he’s actually an angel (it’s implied), but I think Kato’s planning on… basically explaining that Yukio figures himself out, and it betters him as a person (go Kato, go!)

In conclusion, Yukio is a complicated perfect boy (perfect boy) who needs (and deserves) lots of attention and affection whether he thinks he wants it or not. He’s stiff and mature because he needs to be, and he does everything he does for a selfless reason. He doesn’t want to be the best exorcist to fuck with people. You just gotta remember his original reason.

JESUS FUCK THANKS FOR READING

[die-nachbarin]

“Now I’ve Got You, You SOB”

I was in a training class for work for the past few days, and the instructor mentioned Eric Berne’s book Games People Play, a psychology book about people playing dysfunctional games in their day-to-day interactions with each other. One of the “games” described in the book, that my teacher said was the most interesting to her, was called “Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch,” where someone with anger issues waits for you to make a mistake and then uses it as the jumping off point for blowing it up into a larger conflict where they can turn it to extensive personal criticisms of your whole mindset and way of life (here’s the original short description of the game from Eric Berne):

“White needed some plumbing fixtures installed, and he reviewed the costs very carefully with the plumber before giving him a go-ahead. The price was set, and it was agreed that there would be no extras. When the plumber submitted his bill, he included a few dollars extra for an unexpected valve that had to be installed – about four dollars on a four-hundred-dollar job. White became infuriated, called the plumber on the phone and demanded an explanation. The plumber would not back down. White wrote him a long letter criticizing his integrity and ethics and refused to pay the bill until the extra charge was withdrawn. The plumber finally gave in.

“It soon became obvious that both White and the plumber were playing games. … Since White had the plumber’s word, the plumber was clearly in the wrong. White now felt justified in venting almost unlimited rage against him. Instead of merely negotiating in a dignified way that befitted the Adult standards he set for himself, perhaps with a little innocent annoyance, White took the opportunity to make extensive criticisms of the plumber’s whole way of living… White was exploiting his trivial but socially defensible objection (position) to vent the pent-up furies of many years on his cozening opponent …”

I’ve known two people in my life who liked to play the “gotcha” game. One was a former boss. She was supposed to be a lead analyst, but it was clear that what she really wanted was to be an investigator, because instead of doing neutral, non-adversarial, information-gathering interviews like we were supposed to, instead she would ask interviewees a bunch of leading questions to try to catch them making minor mistakes and then ream them and their entire organization for it. Her favorite thing was to lead a campaign to try to get someone fired for whatever small mistakes she found, or harass them into quitting. Eventually she turned that behavior on me, and wound up getting fired herself for the abusive behavior.

The other person is a friend’s partner who appears to be very controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive. She posted online about how a contractor didn’t do a job the way she wanted, and then she was asking all her friends to help her start a campaign of vengeance where she would completely ruin the contractor’s reputation and destroy their ability to do any business in the future. Another time she was gleefully vaguebooking about how she was about to catch someone in a lie, and she loved to see people walk themselves into that trap with her (clearly, so she could get them at a moral disadvantage and then vent her rage on them). She did enough posts like that to make it clear this was a pattern with her. I think she also sets her partner up to deliberately put him in situations where he’ll make mistakes, so she can yell at him.

I think it’s a really common game for people with abusive personalities to play, because if they can find some minor error to latch onto, it makes them feel morally justified for their abusive behavior. This blog post also had a good explanation of how the game works:

Eric Berne, the great euhemerus of Transactional Analysis and originator of social game theory, observed that most people would not be able to tolerate continuous intimacy. Therefore, rituals, activities, pastimes, games, and even withdrawal serve a useful social purpose, at times. It is the addictive compulsion to rely upon the drama triangle of social games, due to an underdeveloped or damaged capacity for intimacy, which threatens the quality of our personal relationships, and it is the awareness of the existence of a choice that defines autonomy.

He identified somewhere around thirty different TA games in his famous book Games People Play, which he first published in 1964.  In the decades since Games was published, other TA specialists have identified many more. Yet to this day, two of the most widely-played games continue to be NIGYSOB (an acronym for “Now I’ve got you, you son of a bitch”), and Kick  Me.

NIGYSOB

NIGYSOB is perhaps the easier of the two games to spot. It is an entrapment game, played by people for whom anger is an important, recurring feeling. This anger may be demonstrated in obvious ways, or it may be submerged. It may build up slowly, or it may build up quickly and violently. But no matter what its depth, or how quickly it builds up, it is always released when a NIGYSOB player sets up other people to do something that enables him to justify yelling at them, and to thus relieve the anger that he has built up in himself (and to feel “better,” or less frustrated, as a result).

In business, NIGYSOB players tend to select people to play with who are in positions of lesser authority and who have little or no obvious interest in resisting entrapment. At home, the stronger of the two spouses usually chooses the weaker spouse to play NIGYSOB with, and mothers and fathers usually select their own sons and daughters.

Occasionally, the opening move in a game of NIGYSOB may be one of the traditional “Isn’t it true that…?” variety – the types of questions used so often by hostile lawyers, TV interviewers, and reporters to entrap their witnesses, guests, and the people who they are interviewing. But more often than not, the opening move in a game of NIGYSOB will be even less obvious – perhaps, for example, some innocuous-sounding statement of fact, like, “I thought you were going to…,” a statement that is equally, if not even more effective, in luring the other person into a trap when he responds “incorrectly.”

Every NIGYSOB player needs a person to play with, and most players need a person with enough skill and experience to help them maintain the forward momentum of the games that they play. Games are always preprogrammed. Each move is always followed by a expected response – a complementary, hoped-for response provided by the next player that challenges or answers the first player in a way that permits the first player to still remain in the game. Without this sort of unconscious help, the first player would often be at a loss as to what to say or do next …

Another model of NIGYSOB behavior to me is actually Jehovah, in the Hebrew Bible! Jehovah is basically an asshole. He sets up rules that people can never completely follow or live up to, and then sends down fire and brimstone on them when they fail. And all the while he gets to stay on the moral high ground, and portray himself as the long-suffering, ever-loving god-father who only wants to do good things for his children - if only they would obey him and be sufficiently loyal! Jehovah is basically the model of a controlling, dictatorial abuser …

Of course, the big question with a “Gotcha”-playing abusive personality is how to deal with them. My strategy with both the ones I’ve known has been just minimizing how much contact I had with them, once I got a sense of what their games were. As Berne says, “In everyday life, business dealings with NIGYSOB players are always calculated risks.” Translation: These people suck to deal with, so avoid dealing with them if you can. Other than that, all Berne suggests is basically that you try never to let these people catch you making a mistake if you have to deal with them. But good luck with that, since the abuser’s game revolves around catching you, and they will inevitably come up with something no matter how correct your behavior, or they’ll just store up extra anger over having failed to find a mistake and it’ll be all the worse the next time they find one …

[curb-stomp-for-charity]

tumblr mobile isn't allowing me to insert a read-more break but

i'm rethinking my feelings on this ambrose-rollins feud and here's why

so the trailer for the new Dean Ambrose documentary-style video covering his post-injury return came out today.

of course, everyone everywhere seems extremely excited and hype about this because, hey, it's (the guy who keeps his personal life private) Dean Ambrose!

but one twitter user got my mental gears going. this user commented that while they're excited about the video, they're confused by the wwe's timing. i read the discussion that followed with other fans, and everything they said made sense to me.

so the main point of confusion regarding the release is that features like these are usually geared towards enhancing public appeal of a figure. and not just any kind of public appeal, but positive public appeal. now we all know that Dean Ambrose is already wildly popular, but a feature like this, a chance to see the vulnerabilities and human qualities of the man behind the character, is guaranteed to increase not only admiration for an already-popular superstar, but respect for the athlete and entertainer who exists when the lights go out. in other words, this is an appeal-enhancing feature that would suit a face.

and to the chagrin of those twitter users, Dean Ambrose, at this current moment, is not a face. Dean Ambrose is currently being presented as the most selfish heel (according to the colour commentator) who isn't even "man enough" to properly relay his reasons for betraying his brother. the twitter users expressed that they are annoyed that the wwe can't seem to get that releasing this feature will only make us /like/ Dean Ambrose more. and that's not okay because Dean Ambrose is a heel, the bad guy you most definitely do not want to like. the guy they want the crowd to boo out of the building.

in short, releasing this now will probably only make people more likely to cheer for Ambrose and weaken the villainous air his character is currently swathed in.

so, of course, the users chalked this ostensibly poor timing up to the wwe's gross misunderstanding of their own product and not knowing what they want to achieve in their storylines and them not even knowing how to go about getting the responses they want.

while i was inclined to agree wholeheartedly with the thread of tweets, being the overthinking and zealous fan i am, i started wondering if maybe i've got this storyline a bit wrong.

until today, i assumed that the wwe wanted me to hate Dean Ambrose for what he did to Seth Rollins. i assumed that the wwe was just stringing its usual heel-face storyline and wanted me to boo Ambrose and cheer for Rollins. and while i have actually been more supportive of Ambrose since his turn(because Seth Rollins can be a dick and he hasn't handled this situation maturely AT ALL), i've accepted that Ambrose IS the bad guy in this storyline. i've accepted that creative wants me, as the viewer, to see Dean as an asshole who just wants to screw with someone who trusted him. and they've even got the crowd to start screaming at him that he "Sold Out" (to what, idk).

with that assumption, i have been trying my best to see what little good there is in Rollins' character (i love him, he's great, but as i said, he can be a Grade A asshole). and it's been hard to accept him as the face in this feud because Rollins has already guessed at Ambrose's reasons for actions, and they all include Seth Rollins' OWN past actions being at the centre of them. he stabbed his brothers in the back (VICIOUSLY, i might add), and unapologetically tormented them for MONTHS, cheating his way to the top of the company almost overnight. Seth Rollins tried to kill Dean Ambrose in their feud (that curbstomp through cement blocks???? no one can tell me permanent brain damage wasn't Rollins' aim. i hated that man for a solid month) and frequently made Roman Reigns' life a living hell (which he's now sworn to do to Ambrose, even while being a kayfabe face).

but if the wwe wants me to hate ambrose and love seth....why release a feature that will only enhance admiration and respect for the supposed "bad guy" you want me to boo? unless the video includes actual footage of Dean Ambrose being an insufferable asshole to everyone in his life (highly improbable), then like my fellow twitter users, i am utterly confused, and the point of the timing of this release eludes me.

Unless.

unless this storyline strays from the wwe's formulaic presentation of their characters as either "good" or "bad". i might be giving creative too much credit here....but maybe the wwe is using two of its most talented athletes to present a story that is so complex and layered that it is almost impossible to really frame their characters as we normally would. because maybe they understand that no one is truly "good" or truly "evil". everyone possesses good and bad traits. everyone is human. so maybe they understand that regardless of what Dean Ambrose has done, he's not a "bad" guy, and presenting this personal look at his recovery will make the audience understand how his experience has shaped him and his motivations. and how his struggles and successes have informed his decisions up to this point. so the aim may not be to make me like Dean Ambrose, but instead to present his character in such a way that his motivations are understood. and with that presentation, his heelish actions may seem more justified and make it harder to classify him as a heel. but he still can't be a face because the presentation of his character thus far has made it clear that in some ways the wwe wants us to be disappointed in Ambrose and his recent actions.

so if he's not a heel or a face, then what is he?

it's quite simple. he's human.

Dean Ambrose is human.

he was faced with challenges and overcame them. he struggled with feelings of abandonment in his absence (i mean, neither of his brothers really checked up on him? damn, i'd harbour feelings, too) and he seemed to try to work through those negative feelings. he supported those he loved even when they didn't support him as much as he wanted them to. he tried his absolute best to be there for his brothers and he was doing well.

but he faced an emotional stressor, that being roman vacating the title, that he couldn't seem to deal with healthily. so whether he just took the opportunity to lash out at seth and repay him for stabbing them in the back in 2014 because he couldn't deal with roman's absence, or he just didn't see the point of continuing the shield without roman and couldn't bear to pretend it was okay and so decided to end it himself, it doesn't matter. he didn't react healthily. but his response WAS human. because some people just aren't emotionally healthy. and that's okay, because that's only human.

with Seth Rollins, i don't know about anybody else, but i have had the hardest time convincing myself that Rollins is the face in this feud. and so with this theory, it's easier to accept him as neither a face nor a heel. he's just human. an extremely flawed human being who's done some fucked up shit in the past but who seems to want to move forward and do better. Rollins has spent the last two weeks basically condemning Dean Ambrose to hell; he's called him names (some of which are ableist) and has sworn to make Ambrose's life a living hell. now, that's not very becoming of a face. and maybe that's why he's been so insufferable these past 2 weeks; why he's been talking shit and not reeeallyy trying to listen to Ambrose, but instead just choosing to approach the situation aggressively which ANYONE can tell you is not the way to approach any situation with Dean Ambrose (like, has Rollins learned nothing from Roman Reigns?). i've just resigned myself to thinking that this guy is such a good heel that he's the most heelish face in this gotdamn company. but that's the BROKE speaking. the WOKE is saying to me that Seth Rollins is not the face. he's just a (sometimes selfish) human. and that's okay. he can scream and curse all he wants and i can try to understand his motivations and tolerate his behaviour but i don't have to automatically frame him as "the good guy" in this storyline. he's just a silly human facing silly human problems with another silly human also facing silly human problems, and together they are creating one of the most convincing storylines i've been blessed to witness.

i don't even know if anyone will read this but TL;DR i'm rethinking my feelings about this Ambrose-Rollins feud. Basically: maybe neither of them is a face or a heel, and they're just humans trying to deal with their problems. Reason for the rethink: the question of why the wwe is releasing this dean ambrose video feature which will probably just make people like him more even though he seems to be the heel in storyline. The conclusion: dean ambrose isn't a heel, he's just human. and the reason seth has been so insufferable and hard to like in storyline is because he's not a face, he's just human. and all of that is okay.