#and suddenly i was popping zombie heads like grapes

[laliamluv]

School Brainrots <3

Was able to write stuff today

1 ❝ Dude a creeper exploded. ❞ 2 ❝ Oh… I died. ❞ 3 ❝ Choke me then.❞ 4 ❝ I hope you choke.❞

ONE

Building a house in Minecraft was one of the things you do when you're bored, and right now you are bored. You've been on a call with your online friends and spending 1 hour to build this house and suddenly a fucking creeper showed up. ❝ Dude the fuck? ❞ You say as you stop moving your character to just look at the ticking time bomb mob.

❝ Yo, sunshine, you good? ❞ Kabuto asks you as his character stares up to yours. ❝ The fucking creeper is so near my house. ❞ As soon as you said that Kabuto jumped and tried attacking the creeper but fails, causing it to explode. Killing Kabuto and blowing up a part of your house.

Soon Gogoru's character walks over to where Kabuto died and takes all his stuff. His character then looks at your now exploded part of the house and looks up to your character. ❝ Dude a creeper exploded. ❞ You make your character pull out a bow and shoot it to him. ❝ No shit Sherlock! ❞

TWO

❝ FUCK! GRAPE JUICE RES ME!  ❞ You shout to your mic as your character crawls near the dude named "Grape_Juic3". ❝ I don't have a med kit. ❞ He says, his mic was so smooth that it makes you wonder if this bitch is a streamer or just someone who spent lots a cash.

❝ JUST CLICK E! ❞

Grape_Juic3 just looks at you and clicks E. ❝ It doesn't work. ❞ You swore to God you wanted to punch and kill this guy if this damned game allowed it. ❝ Firstly. You're not close enough and–❞ before you can even finish the words he missed to shoot one zombie and his character in now in the ground with you. 

Soon then your screen starts turning black, signalling that your character is dying, and with that your character died. And so did Grape_Juic3's. ❝ Oh… I died. ❞ He says.

❝ Fuck you man and your streamer mic and hot voice. ❞ That was not a fun game. But you played with a hot guy.

THREE & FOUR

Sipping on your drink, chilling in the cafe with your friends, sounds like a good time right? Yeah sure, but stops when he pops up.

❝ Buddy! Would you smash or pass that dude? ❞ Ajax asks as he points to a dude with long white fluffy hair. ❝ Why? Just why? ❞ you asks him while sipping your drink, but hey! At least your friends didn't leave you with hi– oh wait. They already left you with this twink.❝ Because it's fun! Oh! Li hey! ❞ God bless your soul there's another one. ❝ Hello there Childe and company. ❞ the tall dude speaks. He deadass sounds like an old man, the fuck?? You look at him and nod your head before trying to leave. ❝ So uh, the two of you have fun I have to go– ❞ God must hate you because 3 more men came in. Oh wait there's also a woman, God loves you. ❝ Childe stop forcing the poor person to hang out with you when they obviously don't want to. ❞ Says a tall blondie that looked like Ajax but not with the Ed Sheeran virus. ❝ They like hanging out with me though… right Y/n? ❞ the sabon brand says. You just sigh and look at him with a deadpan face. ❝ I hope you choke. ❞ He looks at you with a smirk before showing his neck to you. ❝ Choke me then. ❞ the next thing he knew he was holding an ice to his cheek.

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i did this at school using google docs. Almost got caught <33

anyways! Have a nice day or night ya'll!! Btw the Welcome Home fanfic series will be updated on may 31 onwards!

[catgirltoofies]

if i were a magical girl, my weapon would be a crossbow. i would have three of them:

1. a small, extremely detailed and fine hand crossbow that could easily be used with just one hand, and easily drawn with the other. the magical bolts it fired would just be simple kinetic bolts, nothing special.

2. a more traditional, long two-hand crossbow with the foot hook that needs both hands to draw back. this one would be a little more simple compared to the hand crossbow, but still be very pretty to look at. simple beauty. this one could use variable bolts - kinetic shots with more punch, shots that split apart into flak, shots with magical fire, nets, the works.

3. a massive ballista that I'd have to magically amplify my strength to draw. it'd be my tiro finale - a single, massive bolt that would explode, demolishing anything it hit. the ballista would be the simplest design yet - only the bare minimum shapes, earthy colors (in contrast to my candy-pastels), etc.

i just really like crossbows

[sachertortes]

DARCY AND STEVE HARRINGTON OMG!!! 😍😍😍 College themed #9 with the spider or ridiculous first sentence #4 with the demons Our Steve love is on the level and I appreciate you.

@ragwitch YAAAS STEVE HARRINGTON! I had way too much fun writing this, and I hope you have fun, too!! You are wonderful

Prompt: #4, Ridiculous first sentences, “that is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit!”

Pairing: Steve Harrington (Stranger Things) x Darcy

Rating: T, for language

Notes: Spoilers for Season 2 of Stranger Things.

Steve Harrington’s Five Rules of Babysitting

1. SAFETY FIRST

Fine. Okay.

So he knows he shouldn’t be one to talk about safety when he let a bunch of kids drive then go exploring in what was basically a creepy tunnel in a field, but in his defense he’d been knocked out by some dickweed with a shitty mullet and was sort of loopy at the time.

But.

Safety first. Always.

Keep all doors and windows locked at all times.

Don’t let the kids choke on anything because maybe you don’t know CPR and you only know the Heimlich from the diagram you’ve glanced at while waiting for your order at the Dairy Queen.

Know where your weapons are.

(Example:

There’s a rifle is in the closet.

The box of bullets is on the highest shelf in the kitchen.

The kitchen drawer is full of knives.

Eleven is playing Connect Four with Max.

And…

“Lucas!” Steve bellows over his shoulder. “DON’T TOUCH THE DAMN BAT.”)

2. KEEP THE LITTLE SHITS OCCUPIED

Slightly related to Rule Number One, because if they’re playing their dorky boardgames, they aren’t out on their bikes trying to find interdimensional slugs to keep as pets.

When they get tired of boardgames (or when everyone gets tired of Max and Mike screaming at each other about whether a “Zoomer” is a thing), pop a movie into the VCR.

(Suggested Movies -

Ghostbusters (naturally)

Raiders of the Lost Ark (but tell the kids to cover their eyes when Indy does)

Star Wars

Movies That Do Not Go Over Well -

Alien

Firestarter

Howard the Duck)

3. A BALANCED MEAL IS IMPORTANT

“Listen, kid, you gotta eat something other than Eggos. You’ll get scoliosis.”

“Scurvy,” supplies Will.

“Whatever. Scurvy.”

4. KNOW YOUR EMERGENCY CONTACTS

In an emergency CALL:

911  

The Parents  

Joyce Byers.

Seriously, one time he saw Joyce look at some kid who called Will “Zombie Boy” with such cold, murderous rage that the kid apologized and ran away.

Joyce doesn’t fuck around.

Call.  Joyce.

5. NO VISITORS/OUTSIDERS

Listen. They’ve all seen some shit. They’ve been through a lot.

Like, a lot.

So their little circle is now them, Ms. Byers, the Sheriff and the doc from the lab. No one else could possibly know the shit they’ve been through. Hell, no one else would possibly believe them and it’s just easier to stick to their own small band of weirdos.

Makes it easier to keep an eye on them, too.

Outsiders are suspicious. After what Nancy and Jonathan told him, outsiders could be wearing wires and the next thing you know you’re held against you will in (another) government facility wondering if you’ll ever see daylight again.

So when there’s a knock at the door and Steve opens it to find a short brunette girl - a stranger, he’s understandably suspicious. She is not coming inside.

No way.

“You’re the babysitter?!” she laughs, eyebrows hiked up and hand on one hip.

Yeah. She is not allowed inside.

No matter how cute. No matter how shiny her cherry red lip gloss. She’s not coming in.

“Darcy!!” exclaims Dustin from behind him. “This is my cousin Darcy. Come in!”

Well, shit.

“Kiddo, your mom wants you home soon. And thanks for letting me in finally.” Darcy turns to him and rolls her eyes. “I thought you were gonna make me stand out there with the creepy noises forever.”

Fuck. His heart is doing some bizarre thing where it sinks and speeds up at the same time.

He should’ve known it wasn’t over, shit like this is never over.

Then just as suddenly he’s angry and tired.

Can he please make it to graduation without ending up in a body bag? Is that too much to ask?

“This is like, the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit,” Darcy declares, shrugging off her acid wash jean jacket and shoving it at him. She goes over to the couch, where Lucas hesitantly slides over a bit to let her sit.

He blinks, still holding the jacket. (It smells faintly like Love’s Baby Soft). “Wait. What?”

“…What.”

“You said demon summoning.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You thought those were demons?”

Lucas stops the movie. Everyone waits with bated breath.

“Well, yeah. At first, I called Fish and Wildlife and they said they were coyotes, but like, I actually saw one and have you ever seen a coyote with that many teeth? So. Small town plus weirdo animals plus that Department of Energy thing equals demon summoning. I saw it on Phil Donahue. Totally demons. Right?” She pushes a lock of hair behind her ear and eyes him expectantly.

He throws her jacket over an arm chair then motions for her to follow him to the kitchen. “Not..not quite. This is gonna sound crazy but you thought those were demons so…”

When Darcy promises not to laugh at them and call up the loony bin, Steve takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his hair. “Okay, so I guess it started with – “

Dustin walks in clutching a bag of Cheetos. “Ohh! Steve are you tellin’ her about the demodogs? Hey, everyone, we’re tellin’ Darce about the demodogs!!”

“Jesus Christ.”

STEVE HARRINGTON’S UNOFFICIAL SIXTH RULE OF BABYSITTING: TEAMWORK

Two adults (and he and Darcy are adults, damn it, they’re the only ones who can legally drive) are better than one, especially to corral six kids.

Ms. Byers and the Sheriff are on a capital D Date even if they insisted they weren’t. (Why go to Hawkins’ one Italian restaurant with actual table cloths if you weren’t on a date?).

And with a tiny pang in his chest that had really been getting tinier by the day, he notes that Nancy and Jonathan are hanging out together, too. (Probably riding around town together, listening to the sad wailings of British guys in black overcoats.)

Teamwork makes it easier to deal with the noises outside the house. The noises that are getting closer, softly clicking, chittering.

Mike and Lucas slide the sofa so it blocks the front door, and everyone else pulls the blinds down.

“This is my life now,” Darcy says, in disbelief and resignation as she pulls out the box of bullets from the kitchen cabinet.

She slams it on the counter, and the old toaster rattles a little.

“I’m sorry,” says Steve. “But I’ve been through this before. We’ll get through it again,” he promises.

Darcy takes a deep breath.

“Listen, I can’t even believe I’m doing this, but this is a very stressful situation,” she murmurs. She turns to him and presses her body along his front while the Byers’ plastic laminate counters dig into his back.

And oh wait, he can feel it, that…electricity, it’s like the air around is humming, colors sharper.

“I’m gonna need you to do a Thing, okay? Because you’re cute and y’know your hair is kinda cool – “

“Thanks,” he says, unable to help his smile. The hair. Always gets ‘em.

“Shut up, Steve, and just kiss me!” she hisses at him, pulling him towards her with two fistfuls of his Members Only jacket.

“Okay, yeah,” he manages to get out before he slants his mouth over hers and his entire world is alight with fireworks

He jolts when their lips finally meet. It’s clumsy at first, their teeth bumping together. But Darcy’s lips are silky and slippery with gloss. Her tongue slides over his insistently and she tastes faintly like grape BubbleYum. His hands are sliding just a little bit under that soft, pink sweater of hers and this is usually the part where the girl tells him to cool it but she doesn’t - her hands are tangled in his hair, nails grazing his scalp.

He cups her jaw, and he feels like he’ll vibrate right out of his own skin.

She pulls away with a smack. “Wow. Good kissing, babysitter.”

Her breath comes in quick pants when it fans across his face and when he looks at her she gives him a tiny lopsided smile.

“Seriously?!” a voice exclaims from behind them, high and outraged. “My cousin??!”

Darcy rolls her eyes and gently pushes Steve away. “What is it, Dustin.”

Dustin turns to him with a narrowed gaze. “You’ve got,” he gestures his hand vaguely over his mouth, “like all over you, man.” He shakes his head, mildly disgusted.

Steve runs the back of his hand over his lips and says, “Where are we on those-”

Something outside screeches warningly and the hairs on his arms stand on end. He grips his baseball bat tighter. He looks to his right and there’s a hard glint in Darcy’s eyes as she loads the rifle.

“Ready?” he asks her.

She turns to him and gives him a sharp nod. “Ready.”

They go to join everyone in the living room.

They wait.

They wait some more, with only the harsh puffs of their panicked breathing and the sound of the crickets outside.

“Are they…coming?” Darcy asks, shakily, after five agonizing minutes have passed.

“They’ll be here,” he says.

“They’re not…they’re not coming,” El says softly from behind him. Her voice is doing that slightly scary thing where it sounds too high and too far away.

“They went back?” Lucas asks.

“No. She means it’s not them,” Will says haltingly, scrunching his face.

“Well, what is it?!” demands Max, face flushed with annoyance. She begins striding to the door.

“Oh no you don’t.” Steve reaches down and yanks her back by her jacket collar.

“I’ll go,” offers Darcy and before he can forbid that, she’s crouching by the window and looking outside.

“Shit!” Darcy screams, and he’s over by her side in a second, his bat in position. But when he looks at her, she’s…smiling?

She pulls the curtain aside for him.

On the front porch, one of the tiny ragged things hisses at him, glaring at him with two shiny black eyes and he bursts out laughing, pure relief washing over him

“Possums!” he calls over his shoulder. “Just possums!”

Everyone groans.

He’s never been so glad to see those oversized rats ever in his life.

Afterwards, when the little assholes have mostly finished ragging on him for making them barricade the house against rodents, they put the couch back and sag onto various surfaces in the living room in front of the TV.

“God, that sucked. I need coffee,” Darcy grumps while she stomps to the kitchen. “And food.” She puts her hair up in a messy ponytail and begins rifling through the Byers’ pantry, setting a bag of flour and sugar on the counter.

She bends over to rummage through the fridge next and wow. God bless Jordache.

When she turns she’s got a carton of milk in one hand and is holding a box of eggs with the other.

“You guys like waffles, don’t you?”

El, by his side, is smiling up at him hopefully.

He sighs tiredly, makes his way to Darcy and takes the eggs from her hands. “Yeah. I’ll help.”

See?

Teamwork.

[still-toking-with]

Running on empty

THE TOKING DEAD

Chapter Five

Tobi began to stir as the sound of the shower radiated through the sleeping quarters. “Damn, I gotta take a piss.” he mumbled, slowly climbing out of bed letting out a loud yawn and a full body stretch. Still high as fuck from last night he made his way to the bathroom and began emptying his bladder, oblivious that Piper was in the shower. “Ummmm, excuse me Tobi.” Piper’s voice came from behind him. “What are you doing?” Tobi spins around to see Piper standing there in all her glory, his eyes wide and jaw hitting the floor. “Sorry Piper, I didn’t hear you in here.” She just smiles, “You may wanna put that thing away before you hurt yourself!” “It’s been over a week since this all started, my head just isn’t where it should be.” “Understandable, but if you wouldn’t mind could you at least hand me my towel?” She asks, reaching her arm out. Tobi tosses her a towel, still frozen in place, watching as she dries herself off and gets dressed. “You should pick your jaw up.” she says chuckling. “It’s just that you’re so beautiful.” “Well thank you.” tossing the towel at him, “here, wipe off your chin, or would you rather have a drool cup?” Tobi  chuckles, feeling a bit embarrassed. Returning to the sleeping area, Tobi grabs Red “You wanna hit this with me?” “Sure, sounds good.” After a couple of rips Tobi says “Hey Duke! You gonna get up and join us or what?” Turning towards Dukes bed, realizing Duke isn’t there. “Piper, have you seen Duke?”  “No, not since I got up to shower.” “Oh well, fuck em then.” Tobi snickers hitting the bong. Duke suddenly appears in the doorway. “Today is the day!” he exclaims, plopping down on his bed. “The day for what exactly?” Tobi asks. “The day we get the hell out of here and see what’s really going on out there. The gas cloud has been gone for a few days now so we should be ok.” “But what about the zombies?” Piper asks, brushing her still wet hair. “They shouldn’t be a problem, we’re faster and smarter.” he says laughing. “So what’s your plan?” Piper asks curiously. “The way I see it, your car is still sitting outside the loading dock doors, so that’s where we’re headed. Let’s grab some food and anything we might need and get a move on.” They gathered up some things and headed for the loading dock. When they reach the door to the parking area Duke turns and looks at them. “Are you two ready?” “ Yup”  “I think so” says Piper adds. “Ok, once we open the door head straight for Pipers car. You have the keys right?” “No, I was so shaken I left them in the car, they should still be there.” “Here we go.” Duke says, opening the door to the outside. Instantly, the three where blinded by the sun’s rays, Tobi blocking the sun with his hand looks around. “Looks to be all clear, let’s go.” They quickly scamper towards the car; Duke Jumps in the driver’s seat, Piper takes shotgun with Tobi in the back. “Keys please.” Duke says with an outstretched hand. “Ummmm, shithead, they’re in the ignition.” chuckles Piper. Duke turns the key and EErrrrrrrrr, nothing. “What the fuck! Come on baby.” Duke exclaims, turning the key again. VVVrrroommm, “ahhh, ya, we are outa here!” “Just in time I’d say.” shrieks Tobi , “Those things are headed this way.” Duke throws the car in drive and speeds down the parking lot towards the road. “Watch out!” Piper screams, seeing a mass of zombies in front them. “I see them” Duke says, pushing the accelerator to the floor. Thud, Thud, Thud The sound echoed through the car as Duke runs over zombie after zombie. “HaHaHa, it’s like playing pinball.” Duke says, a devilish grin on his face. Blood and guts now cover most of the windshield making it very hard to see. Rounding the dispensary, tires squealing, the car slides sideways on to the main drag. Duke see’s another small mass of zombies in front of them. “Outta my fucking way!” “We got this now.” Tobi says with a hint of excitement in his voice. Suddenly, the car spits and sputters, then stalls out; slowly rolling to a stop. “NO NO NO NO! What the fuck! Hollers Tobi. “Start the fucking car Duke!” added Piper. Duke, franticly trying to restart the car, wirr, wirr, wirr ”Come on you piece of shit, start.” “Any day now Duke, those things are heading straight for us.” “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, it won’t fucking start!” Tobi, looking over Dukes shoulder at the dashboard, “With the needle on E I don’t think it’s gonna start.” “Oh ya, I knew I forgot to do something on my way in that day, oopppssss”  “OOOOPPPSSS? Are you fucking kidding me? You could have mentioned that a little sooner.” Scowls Duke. “They’re getting closer!” cries Tobi. “Looks like we’ll have to fight our way back to the dispensary.” Piper says opening the glove box and grabbing her 38. “Now let’s go before they get here.” Duke pops the trunk, jumps from the car, and races towards the back. He grabs the tire iron and spins around ready for the small group that’s approaching. Tobi, jumping from the rear seat, grabs ole red and the weed. Piper hollers “Watch out!” pumping off three quick shots. BOOM BOOM BOOM, three of the oncoming zombies instantly drop, blood and brains splattered on the nearby wall. Damn, she’s beautiful and a badass Tobi thinks. They start heading towards the dispensary with haste. “Stay to the right side of them along the fence, at least our backs will be covered” directs Tobi. “Fuck you, you ugly mother fucker!” shouts Duke, smashing one in the head, popping it like a grape, and dropping it like a stone. They were able to fight their way past the small crowd and back into the parking lot. “We’re almost there, hurry up!” Tobi whips the loading dock door open as Duke rushes in. “Piper, where’s Piper?” Tobi asks looking all around. “She was right beside me.” “Get the fuck off of me you cocksucker!” Piper yells still out in the parking lot fighting with one of the zombies. Without hesitation, Tobi grabs the tire iron from Dukes hand and rushes to piper. She’s about 10’ from the door holding a zombie at bay. “Hold on Piper I’m coming!” Splat as he thrusts the tire iron into the side of the zombies head so hard he couldn’t pull it out, blood spurting all over them. “Come on Piper, we gotta go.” Tobi cried out grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the door. “My gun! Where’s my gun?” “I don’t know but we don’t have time to look for it, there are more of those fuckers coming from the back of the warehouse. “Move your fucking asses!” hollered Duke. Tobi, just about dragging Piper, is in a full sprint for the door. They dash inside as Duke slams the door shut and locks it. “Jesus Christ! That was a close one.” Tobi sputtered trying to catch his breath. Safe inside loading dock they hear moans and scratching at the door. “I still can’t believe you didn’t have any gas in your fucking car Piper, seriously, you could have mentioned that before we left.” Duke says. “Sorry, I forgot” she says, hanging her head. “But what the fuck are we gonna do now?” “Well, first I’m gonna change my boxers cause I’m pretty sure that scared the shit outa me. Then I’m gonna grab ole red and get blazed” Tobi says. “Really Tobi, Is that what I smell?” chuckles Duke. “Oh, and you were mister calm.” “Umm guys? That’s kinda fucked up. Question, how many exits are there out of here?” asked Piper. “Three total, four if you count the roof. Why?” “Because I’m guessing we’re down to one, unless of course you guys want to jump from the roof.” Duke walks over to the crates of edibles they had packed for Weed-B-Gone and opens a box. “Well, a few of these should help take the edge off.” he snickers, downing three edibles. “I’m gonna get so high that if one of those fuckers bites me it will be stoned for weeks.” “That’s about the smartest thing I’ve heard all day.” added Piper, joining Duke in having a few treats. The three sat in the loading dock, deep in conversation, having their fill of edibles, drinks and rips from Red to the point of passing out. Stay Tuned,More to come…