#and that I didn't do this therapy homework and most likely won't ever do it

[lizzieisright]

Trust exercises

Abby, your friend, helps you with some of your therapy homework (just fluff, no smut)

-/-/-/-/-/-

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes before your scheduled meetings (since two adults need to schedule hangouts) you go to therapy, which means you come to Abby's place after therapy.

Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're sad, sometimes you don't come at all, and Abby understands.

When she first met you, she thought you were the most kind, sunny human being - you were so nice to her, and Abby couldn't help but try to spend more time with you. You gladly let her and soon you two were practically inseparable - Abby trusted you, shared her worries and fears, even the stupid ones, and you supported her through it all. You were soft and kind to her, and you told her the stories of your past which made her cry. This is why Abby didn't notice that you didn't share anything from your present, not anything deeper than a complaint about work.

Abby knew you were in therapy - who wasn't in this economy? - and she thought you were so nice because you were healing. But during one of your shared evenings in Abby's apartment you both got drunk, very drunk, and you spilled something.

"Do you know why I'm in therapy?"

"Because your childhood sucked and your parents can eat shit for that?"

"Well, yeah." You laugh. "I have like, major trust issues."

"You?" Abby stared at you, even though she saw two of you by now. "Really?"

"Yeah." You nodded and even if Abby was super drunk, she noticed how your voice was strained.

"Fuck." Abby sighed, not really having a better response in this state of mind. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"So I can regret it later? No."

It stuck with Abby later, and she couldn't let it slide, so she talked to you about it. You were very reluctant about sharing what are your triggers, but the fact that you told her some things was already groundbreaking. (I won't ever ask for any help and I hate when people baby me, you told her, and it meant that when she bought you coffee you got literally offended - which led to another "you need to tell me if I hurt you because it's unfair" conversation, which led back to "If I could trust you, I would")

So Abby started getting more gentle with you - it rarely worked, but you always reassured her she wasn't the problem, which broke her heart even more.

But slowly, even through you shot her some weird looks when she took care of you in any way, you started to accept it. You started talking to her little by little, and Abby was happy - even if it was "holy fuck I cried me eyes out last night, kill me please" message. You shared some of your feelings, and Abby couldn't help the protectiveness she felt about you. You were so nice and kind to everyone and you were so lonely and broken inside it made Abby angry at anyone who made you feel like this. So she tried to give you everything she was able to.

One day you came from therapy, eyes red and puffy, your face empty and you just asked if Abby could cuddle you. Abby felt like she won life this day - won a glimpse of your trust.

So today you came after therapy as well, grumpy as fuck, which looked cute on you - Abby couldn't help her adoring gaze when she looked at you, even if you gave her a weird look now and then. It wasn't agressive, but Abby knew you struggled to accept she loved you for who you are, even though that was something you desperately needed.

"I have fucking homework." You told her and Abby laughed: you hated when your therapist gave you homework, since it was embarassing and you wanted to throw up.

"What is it?" Abby asked as she heated some food for you: which was also a struggle for you, accepting her care, but you were trying your best. These small things were just a trial before bigger things, and you promised to at least handle this for now.

"Fuckin' trust exercises." You sighed and rolled your eyes, but Abby saw through you: you wanted to do it, wanted to see there was someone you could trust. "You know this shit when you fall back and someone catches you? Disgusting."

Abby laughed and placed the plate in front of you, nodding when you said thank you.

"It's scary."

"It fuckin' is. And I don't want to do it." You grumped and Abby waited. "I mean I do, but I'll hate every second of it. Anyway, the point of this is, will you do it with me?"

Abby saw how it physically disgusted you to say it, and she knew it was your reaction to being vulnerable, so she just smiled: you hated being vulnerable, but she couldn't express how much it meant to her that you chose her to be vulnerable with.

"Of course."

"You don't have to, obviously-" Here you go again, Abby thought.

"I want to. I don't go to gym for nothing, I won't let you fall." Abby flexed her biceps and you got flustered.

You both knew you liked each other, and you flirted all the time, but Abby didn't rush you: you couldn't handle her heating the food for you, you were not ready to be in a relationship by any means. So Abby was waiting for you, calm and sure one day she will get to kiss you and you will accept her love.

"Thank you."

"And don't you fucking dare to do something nice for me in return, I'll kill you."

"...Fine."

You look so uncomfortable with the whole idea, but Abby knows you'll push through anyway - you are a masochist like that. So you stand in the middle of her living room, Abby is relaxed and just waits for you to go through your conflicting emotions.

"I'll catch you, I promise."

"I know that. It's not what worries me." You tell her as you fidget with your fingers. "It's so fucking scary."

"Well, you're not here alone. I'll hold you after."

You struggle again with accepting this, but you don't reject her - every time when this happens Abby feels proud and happy: you are trying to trust her.

"Okay, can we like. Start with smaller distance? I don't think I'll be able to do the whole metre."

"Of course."

You stand awkwardly with your back to Abby, barely twenty centimeters away from her - if Abby leans down, she will be able to put her head on your shoulder. So this is not even the fall exercise, you're going to lean on her.

"Holy fuck." You curse. "Okay."

You're so tense and anxious even like this, and Abby stretches her arms by your sides, letting you see she is supporting you. So you slowly lean back until you feel your back touch Abby's front. She is solid and warm, and she hugs you, holds you, and it's almost too much, and you want to cry. Abby is safe and Abby loves you and really, it's too much.

"I've got you." Abby tells somewhere in your hair and you break. You sob quietly and move away: it's unbearable. "Too much?"

You nod, not ready to talk and embarrass yourself.

"Do you want me to be quiet?"

You shake your hand yes and no, and Abby understands.

"Okay. Want to try again?"

You nod again and go a little further: if Abby doesn't catch you, you will fall, but not painfully. Again, her arms are stretched out and you take a deep breath before letting yourself fall back - the air gets stuck in your lungs from a millisecondary fear, but then you feel solid warm Abby who chuckles into your ear, but keeps quiet, even though she wants to tell you how proud of you she is - and you feel saved. It's strange, but the relief you feel is visceral and you want to cling to Abby's arms around you.

"Okay." You sigh, the anxiety leaves your body as adrenalin gets replaced with dopamin. "Okay, I get it."

"m?"

"Like. I'm so scared when I fall, but because you catch me, I instantly feel safe. What kind of pavlovian shit is this?"

"Are you suggesting we train you into trusting me by doing this every day?"

"It might work. I wanna do it again."

And then you get giddy and giggle when Abby catches you for the seventh time, the dopamin doing its job. Abby is happy to help, especially since she gets to hold you and be there for you and lets you see you are safe with her. It's a long way down the road, but eventually you'll get there, and you will trust her.

Abby can't wait.

[appleblueberry-pie]

Sweet Yandere Satoru Gojo Headcanons

I want to steer away from the regular Yandere Satoru Gojo for a second. I feel it is very common for us to believe that he is, in fact, deranged, selfish, hilarious, confident in his caretaking abilities, and nearly unbearable to be around.

But I also believe in Yandere Gojo Satoru, who almost seems like a sweet angel to you. I mostly want to pull this thought from when he was in high school so that you understand what I mean.

When you two first meet after the last class of the day, Shoko and Suguru already left him behind, not wanting to see him blend his possibilities of ever pulling a girl into a mango smoothie to be digested and never return.

You had your stuff packed and heaved your stuff onto one shoulder before you felt a soft tap on your other. You turn to face Gojo, your classmate you just met this morning and see how shy he looks. It feels like a thousand pounds weigh on his eyeballs to keep him from looking up at you. You're so beautiful, and he stared enough at you for this whole day. But for you two to link eyes??? He doesn't think he'd stand it. He's so scared to speak up.

"..........um......." His voice is soft and a little wobbly. He picks at his fingers. You tilt your head in concern, questioning his behavior. "Gojo?" God, he wants you to say his name again. He glances up at you, bringing his eyes back to the floor. But then immediately looks back up, linking eye contact. The tension in his face visibly disappears when he finally lifts his head to meet your gaze. His eyes are so pretty, you think to yourself. "Um.......oh...I-I just wanted to ask if we can be friends...? It's ok if not."

From then, a (slightly twisted) beautiful relationship bloomed. Gojo loved to watch you sleep. It was his form of therapy. Just watching you snore, vulnerable, and relaxed made him want to be with you. He wanted to breathe the air that you exhaled. He wanted to be in your skin forever to stay warm, in the comfort of your body for as long as he could.

He sighs longingly as he stares at you outside of your window. He looked very weird standing alone on the outskirts of the dorm rooms, peeking into a blocked window.

Everyone knew that he liked you. And everyone assumed that you knew that he liked you. It was hard not to see it. Every time you left, his eyes glossed over as if he were departing for college away from his parents for the first time. And when you came back, his grin held the shine of a thousand sun's, eyes twinkling in the sunlight.

He always bought and/or brought snacks for you, knowing you liked them. Whatever you wanted, he got for you, unless you gave him explicit directions not to. Chocolate? Chips? Gummie snacks? Cookies? Specific crackers? Seltzer water? What flavour?? He has 7 different kinds.

He learned to drive just to take you places. It felt like little dates, but you never thought too much about it. If you needed help with homework, he always knew exactly how to teach you how to do it. Need help with training? He'll spar you for as long as you like. Need a change of clothes? You can use his, and he'll take yours to wash them for you. No?? Too weird????? He'll apologize profusely, scared to death. He didn't want to ruin what you two had.

If anyone speaks about you in any way....platonically or romantically, he won't do anything in that moment. He'll pout. Hard. Keep silent and glare at whoever is talking. Will imagine killing them, but would never do so. He knows it would affect you and your relationship with said person, and the last thing he wants is to make you unhappy. The most he'll do is hack all of this person's personal accounts on their phone or computer or just delete everything they have in general. He'll be petty. He would probably get to harming people when he's in his mid-twenties. But we're not there.

You kind of like him, too. He's so bright, his energy is attractive, and he gives you so much attention and affection. It's hard to turn that down. You love how honest he is.

You try not to get lost in his eyes, knowing you'd never come back. His puppy eyes are so killer. You can never ever say no to him. No to cuddles?? "Pleeaaaasseee?" He'll softly say, a soft frown on his face, big big blue eyes distracting you from your homework. You turn away from him immediately to not fall in, but it's too late.

"Satoru...." You trail off. But then you sigh and get out of your seat, and he gives you that pretty smile once more.

You tell yourself that he's so cute more than you'd like to admit. You realized that you have a crush when he drove you out to the beach, burgers in hand while you sat on the warm sand. He turns to you with that nice smile once more and says how nice this is to be alone and spend time with you.

You turn to him and recognize his white eyelashes kissing his cheeks. His cheeks had a soft red blush to them when he realized you were staring. And his lips that you forced yourself to look away from. His white hair that framed his face, his eyes that made you smile whenever wrinkles showed at the corner. I think I love him, you say to yourself internally.

You look back down to your burger, quietly adjusting the tomatoes on there. "Yeah." This time, your eyes gloss over, and you keep silent. Satoru takes a bite of his burger, and the waves continue crashing.

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Letter to my future self Valparaíso September 8, 2023

Hello stranger. So long without talking to you. I know that time has passed and many things have happened to you that have changed you a lot, and perhaps, when you read this, you will no longer be in a good place, but I can assure you that it will not always be like this. You have learned to take care of yourself and worry about your well-being. When you didn't before. Because you've felt good before. Very good. So good that all your routines changed. All the dynamics you had before changed. You remember? Remember when you got so sick that you didn't feel well for days and nights in a row? Do you remember that your aunt and cousin were with you at that time, helping you when you needed it most? And you thought you would be alone in that, that you would have yourself and you would have to get out of the downturns on your own. But that was not so. They helped you a lot. Thanks to the help of your family, because yes woman, although sometimes you think it doesn't seem like it, they are your family and they know you. They know you better than that lady you walked away from for your own good, late, but you did it and that was the best thing you ever did. You have gotten rid of people who don't help you, who love you only when it suits them and if not, they forget you. So always remember this, you won't always be in a hole and if you are, it won't be forever. Hope lies in knowing that despite everything that may happen to you or the obstacles that come your way, you have always known how to get ahead. Have hope that you will be surrounded by people who will help you get out of any problem you have because YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Even if you were, you have yourself and that has always been your greatest strength. I hope you can read this in those moments of depression, those that this cyclical life puts on you where one time you are up and the next you are down and then you go up again. And learn it because I know very well that your mind always runs in the negative lane. You don't need to be all the time. Remember that there are also gray scales. I guess I'll get here for now. Maybe this task will encourage me to start a journal like I did before when I was little, I don't know. I miss writing, but that's a story for another day. Take care of yourself, stranger. Atte. Marite from the past

Psychological homework. A lot of things changed in my life this year. One of those is this. Thank you, therapy.

[redrockbutch]

The Group Therapy Debacle:

This was not my first group therapy rodeo. If you look back on my tumblr archive, you'll notice the singular 6mo absence where I was in residential treatment for Troubled Youths. On the scale of Troubled Youth Industry, I would say it was pretty low. It still wasn't great and there's a lot of stuff I'm still unpacking from that, but we slept indoors and they fed us 3x a day, so. Could've been way worse there.

It continually blows my mind that this group therapy experience, The Group Therapy Experience, was less helpful to my mental health than the one that happened when I was living with teens who had been kidnapped in the night and didn't want to be there.

My living situation at the time was really, really bad. I didn't have any relief from my mental or physical symptoms, or my [redacted]. I was begging anyone I talked to for tools to help process and guide what I was going through. With that in mind, my therapist at the time (also bad) managed to get me a spot in a Group Therapy Telehealth To Learn Skills. It was a specific program but I'm not gonna name it (iykyk) because I'm fairly sure my experience was unusually bad. I know there are much worse things to have happened to people, but when I was literally begging every single mental health professional I talked to to please point me in the right direction because I was terrified I was going to hurt myself, it was genuinely and truly infuriating. So much for "asking for help" and all of that!! I might be alive out of spite about this bullshit tbqh.

When I called to be admitted to the program, I asked the person on the phone for confirmation: this is just like a normal class, right? I won't be expected to interact with anyone else there. I've been in group therapy like that (Troubled Teen Therapy) and I didn't want my therapy to be held up by someone who didn't want to be there, particularly when I was paying a lot of money for it. They confirmed that in no way would I be required to interact with anyone else there. This was a complete and total lie :) Most of the therapy was either interacting with strangers or dissociating while they went over the homework with the group leaders. Everyone hated this. It was so fucking uncomfortable and useless, and I doubt I was the only one who avoided talking about my real problems in front of 7 random strangers who didn't want to hear about them.

Everyone in the program talked a big game about how if someone isn't learning something, the program is the issue and not the patient. When I expressed this to my individual therapist, she gave me the silent treatment until I apologized, and then told me to try being less negative about wasting 3 hours of my life per week and a lot of money on something that was not helping me

If someone didn't do the homework, nobody cared, but in the weirdest and most specific way. The homework was required for understanding what they were teaching, but "understanding what they were teaching and applying it to life" seemed to be pretty low on the priorities, since we never got through lessons at all. Nobody made sure you understood what was going on or asked if there was anything that would make the homework easier. They just publicly shamed you and demanded to know which of Your Issues made the homework impossible and how you're going to make sure that never ever happens again, bc this is your healing on the line!!! They did not seem to be aware of the fact that I cannot use the coping skills I've learned to help make sure I finish the homework when they haven't fully taught any coping skills :)

The group leaders had clear and obvious favorites. They would spend much more time with them talking about anything, and scold the rest of us if we ever piped up. One time I typed a joke in chat to be less disruptive (after several Favorites had been joking aloud and holding up the lesson) and was immediately told to pay attention and stop being disrespectful

I was mocked for not being able to drive as a disabled person. Most of the group laughed. Group leaders did nothing.

Same person frequently made connections between intelligence and straight As and was never corrected. It's honestly very sad to me, because there were times this person was clearly and obviously crying out for help and to view themselves as more than a Strong Academic; their grades had suffered in the wake of a traumatic incident and they now felt worthless. The group leaders encouraged them to stick to their standards of only viewing good students as humans worthy of love bc that was Their Viewpoint uwu

Several people passed through the program and finished it, and during their goodbyes all of them said they felt like they didn't know enough and weren't ready to leave bc they didn't really understand the skills. The group leaders went, "awww!" as though this was cute, and not someone saying to their faces that they were terrible at their job

Every example they had to teach the skills was the most namby pamby little oopsie. "Ohhh I wanted to go to work but there was an icky spider in my car! I don't have a phobia but I think they're kinda gross teehee. What could I have done in this impossible situation???" was literally one of the example situations used. I could never see how their examples of how to apply the skills could possibly apply to my life where I was battling PTSD, chronic pain, and [redacted]. They seemed shocked to hear that their teaching methods didn't really scale to severe traumas

When I wanted to get in touch w the group leaders to talk privately about some of my concerns as opposed to in the middle of group with people who had been ableist directly to my fucking face, I was treated like I was stalking them and this was dangerous and scary. When I was given their emails, it was stressed like 8 times that THEY DON'T USUALLY DO THIS!!! Weird that you don't usually allow people to discuss issues privately !

When I was able to find someone who did skills training individually as opposed to in a group (which was actually helpful and I loved her), I informed The Group of this and they told me they were going to keep charging the card on file even if I didn't show up. They called this a compromise.

When I finally fucking left forever I told them that I felt I had been taken advantage of financially, that them refusing to stop charging my card had made my life genuinely dangerous, and their services were far, far from financially accessible. In response, one of the group leaders told me I'd be welcome to rejoin the program if I wanted

And to cap it all off, I was told several times that this specific program/form of therapy was "the only hope I had"

I have since learned that this type of therapy is useless/possibly extra harmful when you are actively experiencing trauma, and yet none of the mental health professionals involved saw a problem w the stuff I described in my life. I truly feel like they scammed me, and given that I had no source of income at the time and was getting kicked out of my housing, personally I find that Genuinely Evil :)

[taechaos]

Your Boy, No?

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!Reader

genre: drabble, smut, college au

synopsis: You can't stand seeing Jungkook with another girl, so you give him a piece of your mind in a stranger's bedroom by becoming his outlet of sexual frustration.

warnings: losing virginity, riding, degradation

a/n: jungkook's character is not exactly submissive, so i added my own twists to this request. i hope you don't mind @madygswich c:

word count: 2.5k

You can't stop pouting. Holding back tears when seeing a woman perched up on Jungkook's lap while they make out has proven to be difficult, but you're trying. It hurts your heart; hell, you're aching everywhere. It doesn't take a genius to know he's doing it to get a reaction out of you when his eyes are throwing daggers at you with his tongue down another girl's throat.

Following Jungkook around like a lost puppy isn't ideal, especially at a frat party. He never gives you the time of the day if it's not out of menace, but you aren't willing to give up on him. It's just not possible when you are so in love with him, and so fucking jealous.

More than Jungkook, you're mad at the girl. You want to rip her heart out, make her suffer for ever touching the love of your life. You're becoming irrational, mentally cussing her out for being a whore while you stop yourself from breaking down in a house filled with horny young adults. You don't know a single person here, and you have to deal with your pent up emotions all by yourself.

You choke out a sob when Jungkook starts kneading the girl's ass shamelessly with her skirt hiked up to her back. They're being so inappropriate in the kitchen of a stranger's house, while you can't even take a sip from your spiked drink in the bustling living room. You abruptly stand up and throw away your plastic cup when Jungkook's hand disappears elsewhere, and you have an idea of what he's about to do. You march over to him, looking absolutely tiny next to the overbearing college students and you don't notice Jungkook's sinister smile as he watches you fume.

"Let go," you sound hoarse, and not at all intimidating when you push the girl off of his lap. She stumbles at the force, but you pay no mind to her confusion as you pull Jungkook up by his arm to drag him away. You think it's the anger and adrenaline giving you so much strength, but it's Jungkook amusing himself by allowing you to take him upstairs.

"This isn't a therapy session, little girl," he yells over the music, "I didn't come here to listen to you cry."

You huff and let a single tear slip before harshly wiping it away. When you reach the hallway, you enter the first bedroom you find. It's occupied by a foreplaying couple, but you're driven as you hiss, "Out!"

They leave at your demand, and you're confusing a lot of people tonight. Jungkook is surprised by your sudden aggression, but he doesn't stop with his remarks, "the chihuahua's gone mad."

"Shut up, Jungkook!" you whirl around angrily to face him. "How could you do that to me?!"

He quirks a brow. "Do what to you? I'm sorry, am I the one who forcefully brought you here? Am I tripping or are you?"

You push at his chest, "you're a fucking whore! Tonguing a girl in front of everyone, in front of me?"

His shoulders shake in silent laughter and you cross your arms when he starts cackling loudly. The music is drowned out and muffled behind the door, but it's nothing compared to how hysterically Jungkook is laughing.

"What's so funny?" you ask lamely. He throws his head back as he clutches his stomach, and you're starting to get annoyed. You push him on the bed, but he's still laughing. "Quit it already," your voice wavers, but you don't back down as you smack his chest. You place your knees on both sides of his hips to limit his movement and cover his mouth to shut him up.

His crescent eyes turn intense instantly as he glares at you under his hooded lids. He exerts only a tiny bit of his energy into pushing your hand away and you weakly collapse on him. It's foul play to compete with his muscles, and you realize he can snap you in half if he wanted to regardless of your rush of adrenaline.

You sit back up as he lowly speaks, "The fuck's it to you? I wanted to fuck her, and I was going to until you stepped in as if you're my girlfriend. Tell me why I shouldn't go back to her right now." He clasps his hands under his head, making himself comfortable with your weight pressing against his crotch.

"You know why," you huff with a frown, and you look so cute in the dim lighting with your baggy knitted sweater bunching up on the sleeves, sitting on his bulge with so much innocence in your expression. He's smitten, but it doesn't show in his cold stare. "I'm your girl, and I won't tolerate you messing around with other women. It's slutty!" You slightly bounce for emphasis, but your knee-length skirt hides your actions. Jungkook feels it with you, and his eyes trail down to your lower region.

"My girl?" he parrots with a raised brow. He gazes back into your eyes. "You do my homework."

"I don't care. I love you," you plead pathetically, "please say you love me back."

"Wasn't I a whore just a second ago?"

"You were! Apologize to me," you harshly yank his head back by his hair. He doesn't react in the slightest, so you softly add, "please."

"Oh little girl," he sighs, "are you really trying to dominate me right now?"

"I am dominating you. Promise me you won't kiss another girl like that again. I won't forgive you a second time."

"Yeah? What's my loss?"

"Well, you're lazy in school," you bluntly state, "and no one loves you like I do. No one would try to cater to you like I do. I'd do anything for you, Kookie." You tug down your skirt to take it off and plop back down on him before saying, "Including sex. You can only use me for your sexual needs."

He's enamored by your words, but he doesn't dare share it with you. Instead, he thrusts upwards and you yelp when you jump. "Go on then," he says nonchalantly. "Show me how much of a slut you are."

"U-Um, okay," you stutter and start unzipping his black denim jeans. You've seen a lot of porn videos to make sure you were prepared for the next step with Jungkook, but you have no experience with penetration.

And he realizes that rather quickly when you're so meek with your actions. With a groan, he asks, "You're not a fucking virgin, are you?"

"I've been saving it for the right guy," you answer with offence. This is a special occasion, and you want him to take it as seriously as you do. But it's definitely not a good idea to be snarky with him when you can barely remember the steps for safe sex. "Do you have a condom?"

"It's in my pocket," he grumbles and points at his front without taking it out himself. You're excited and nervous as you tear the wrapper and take out the preservative. You have no idea how to put it on, but you're topping so you clumsily push down his briefs. Jungkook is surprisingly throbbing under you, and you blush at the sight of his erection.

He stops himself from teasing you and saying that the girl from earlier gave him this boner, but he doesn't want to be cruel yet. It's your first time, and truthfully, he jacks off to thought of you too often anyway. He can handle being somewhat nice by staying quiet, but that doesn't mean he would teach you how to put on a condom.

You slip it on with little struggle, and don't waste any time in positioning his cock in your entrance. Before he can stop you, you sink down on his length with a painful moan. He wants to tell you that losing your virginity in this position is the most painful, but instead he groans, "Holy shit, how are you so fucking tight?"

It hurts so fucking bad. Your tear ducts are like clockwork as they water instantly, but you lower yourself down to the hilt anyway. You're quite literally sitting on his cock as you try to catch your breath because God, you're in so much pain.

"Fuck, are you okay?" he asks, but he's more worried about controlling himself from fucking into you before you can adjust. It's difficult, but he's trying.

"Jungkook," you whimper quietly with your eyes screwed shut, "it hurts."

"You're so fucking dumb for doing this, but you feel so fucking good," he pants as he holds your hips.

"Thank you," you muster out in a breath. A few seconds pass until the pain starts to numb, and you move against him very slowly. Your walls are stinging, but it feels like Heaven for Jungkook who you clench down on.

"Go up and down," he instructs with a bit lip. He tries to move your hips, but you're resisting in fear of another shock of pain. "Come on!"

"Can you wait?" you hiss through clenched teeth.

He's trying to rile you up when he says, "Sana wouldn't take this fucking long."

And it works, because you bounce once. "Don't say her name!"

He groans at your tightness, and he can't believe how wet you are. You're dripping on him, and he curses himself for holding back because of your hopeless romance. He can't entertain your conservative way of going on about this any longer, so he continues, "She would have made me cum by now, but this prissy princess can't even get a move on."

It's almost pathetic how one push from Jungkook makes you start moving, and it feels less uncomfortable to hop up and down against his pelvis. The filthy sound of slapping skin mixing with the generic radio music is making you feel so slutty because it's so stereotypical, but when Jungkook moans, it brings heat all over your body. You take your sweater off when sweat begins to cumulate on your temples, and he commands, "Take off your bra too."

He's thrusting into you as you unclasp the black material, freeing your breasts as he finds his new eyecandies. You are so pretty, your nipples are so hard, and your cunt sucks him in so perfectly. It almost upsets him when he realizes how much pleasure he's deprived himself of; the amount only you seem to be able to provide, because it's beyond physical intimacy.

"Good girl," he exhales and gently slams into you with his hands fondling your tits. You smile coyly through your tears, and he asks, "Does it still hurt?"

You contemplate for a second, because you don't feel the best yet, but you don't want to disappoint Jungkook either. "I-It doesn't," you lie.

Jungkook mentally rolls his eyes; he really wants to believe you so he can chase his high, but he sees right through you. He slaps your tit without mercy and chastises you, "don't lie. I thought this was your little moment of control."

"I'm sorry," you pout as you slowly ride him.

"Another lie," he slaps your other tit more harshly and you yelp.

"I'm not lying!" you plead and hasten your pace, desperate to sell your lie. It's working, because you're starting to feel a knot in your stomach the more you adjust.

He moans with you, and you lose yourself when he stills your hips and begins to fuck you himself. It's rough, loud, and the pain is your pleasure. His balls slap against your skin as he easily slides in and out of you with the help of your arousal. Your love dawns on him when you're so turned on for him without any foreplay, and he's on cloud nine because nothing can compare to being inside you.

The setting is so unlike you, fucking in someone's bedroom with a bunch of people behind the unlocked door who can barge in at any given moment, but he finds it so sexy. You only care about being with him, and you really do look like his slut now.

His hands start holding onto your ass, kneading it until it turns red with his fingerprints, and he demands you to kiss him. You're out of it, your ears are ringing and you can only moan out his name, but you can't bear to ignore him. Your lips fall on his, and the kiss is sloppy with his tongue all over your mouth. You can't keep up, but your chest swells with pride when you realize how needy he is for you. He goes as far as to spit in your mouth, and you swallow it without hesitation.

"You want me to play with your clit?" he murmurs against your lips, and his voice sounds so airy and melodic to your ears. "Hm? Want me to make you feel good, little slut?"

You whine without a clear response because his lips feel so soft and wet, and that's the only thing you can focus on. All you want to do is kiss him and he doesn't stop you from doing so, but you're even more overwhelmed when he starts touching you while penetrating you. "No," you whimper, "I'll cum."

"A slut can take it," he grunts and rubs your clit faster, and you come undone all too soon. You moan loudly as you tremble, shaking as he rides out your high with a pinch to your clit. You're numb when you collapse on top of him, but he's relentless with his thrusts. He's using your body as you intended, and he's vocal with his pleasure and teasing climax. It's remarkable how he holds you up when you've gone limp and still fucks you just as hard.

You want to record his voice when he starts to whine pathetically, but you have no energy left within. He's panting in your ear, and it's not long before his hips fall on the mattress with a sigh. He's surprised by how powerful his orgasm was, as he fills the condom with his release instantly. His cock is still nestled inside you as both of you recover from your climax.

"Get off," he taps your thigh, and he pushes you off when you don't obey immediately. Your spell has worn off as he starts to dress himself. "I'm going back to the dorms." You listen to him with your mind in a haze. "Unless you want to get raped on your way without me, get the fuck up now."

"Can you carry me please?"

He shrugs and swings your arm over his shoulder, picking up your body with ease. He collects your clothes in his hand, but doesn't hand them to you as he steps out of the room.

"W-Wait, Jungkook, I'm naked-"

"You're my girl, no? Be a good slut and shut the fuck up."

Dangling off his shoulder with your bare tits pressed against his back, you close your eyes and drift off on the way to campus.

Boyfriends typically drop their girlfriends off anyway, right?

[4rainynite]

Infinity Train Headcanons part 3

Hey, I'm back with more Infinity Train headcanons. Here are the links to the others: one and two. This one will be about the passengers' friends and family.

Megan and Andy Olsen

The two either met at college or at a Chicken Choice Judy concert (I believe the second part because of irony).

After the divorce Andy stayed with a friend who's still in a bachelor stage. The friend is still close to Megan and Tulip and invites them for dinners a lot.

Megan once begged Tulip to get a normal flavored cake for one of her birthdays instead of onion. Tulip agreed to get vanilla cake, but only if she got an onion one. Turns out everyone liked the onion one better, and Megan never told them the cake had onion in it.

The reason the Olsen house is so far away from any other house because Megan and Andy built it themselves. They were told it was going to be a neighborhood, but the company went into bankruptcy before other houses could be made. They didn't mind though.

Their happiest memories together was when they were on road trips with Tulip. They tried to get her into Chicken Choice Judy, but Tulip would only listen to 'Word Up' and songs from animated movies.

Mikayla

Mikayla is a music nerd: jazz, hip-hop, low-fi, classical, she loves them all. When Tulip gets back from the train she introduces her to Chicken Choice Judy. Tulip realizes after hearing 'Train to Nowhere' that they were passengers too.

Mikayla is the oldest of four siblings. Whenever Tulip visits her, it makes her both wish she had siblings and thankful that she’s an only child.

When Mikayla got the news of Tulip missing, she believed that by talking about Tulip's parents being divorce she caused her to run away. Mikayla blamed herself, but Tulip reassured her it wasn't her fault.

Mikayla is an outdoorsy kind of person and prefers going to parks, festivals, beaches- basically anything not indoors. Maybe that's why she hates video games because their almost always inside.

I see Mikayla as a hipster. But she won't like or dislike something because it's popular. She'll give things a chance before she decides she's not into it.

Nathan Cosay

After, witnessing Jesse going back on the train then returning Lake, Nate wonders if one day if he'll ever get on the train. Jesse and Lake do their best reassure him that the train is there to help passengers learn, secretly they hope it never happens.

Nate loves animals (mostly dogs from his t-shirt from the last episode). After, Jesse and Lake talk about Alan Dracula, Nate so wants to meet the magical deer.

Nate was inspired by Jesse to swim. Every chance they get the two use the lake to practice and goof off.

Lake has a stupidly large soft spot for Nate. She'll/They'll help him with homework and win bets against Jesse. Jesse doesn't blame Lake for it since Nate is a good kid.

I don't know why by I see him as a s'mores lover (maybe because I'm craving some right now). Like every campout with the family he eats the most s'mores and never gets sick!

Jesse's ex-friends

The group is most likely juniors as Jesse is a freshman.

Are the bullies at their school and nobody knows why a nice guy like Jesse would hang out with them?

When Jesse disappeared, they were blamed for it along with Nate's broken arm.

They're most likely to dropout or get kicked out of school.

I refuse to give them names because they are bullies.

Jesse and Nate's Parents

Their names are Alex and Madeline (based on the writers' names).

Have a love of the great outdoors and are glad Jesse and Nate (and Lake, Tulip, and Hazel) share in their love of nature.

The mom is a huge Chicken Choice Judy fan and got Jesse into them.

The Dad works at a sports store that sells a lot of camping equipment.

After, hearing how Jesse got on (and off) the train, they worry that the train will come back. So, they put Jesse, Nate, and Lake in therapy as a safety percussion.

Grace's Parents

Grace's mom grew up poor and as soon as she got married to Grace's father she never looked back. They did visit them during trips to England, but they were brief visits. Grace barely remembers them, but she misses her maternal grandparents.

Their names are Kirby (After Grace's voice actress) and Justin.

After, Grace went on the train, her parents realized they knew nothing about their daughter not even her favorite color. Grace's caretakers ended up giving more information to police than them.

Grace's father holds some sort of government position as seen in the 'Origami Car' episode they were having dinner with an ambassador.

I believe they came from loving families and as an ironic twist were neglectful towards Grace.

Simon's Parents

I think his family ran a funeral home and there were many deaths in his family.

Simon's mom has zero fashion sense due to the socks and sandals thing (ugh).

Not gonna lie this is all I have on Simon's family, since there wasn't much to go on from the beginning.

Apex Kids

Let's be honest the families of the Apex kids are going to hate Simon and Grace! Not only were the kids missing for years, but they were raised to be murderous cultist and abused! And no amount of tragic backstory is gonna make what happened okay.

Even after Grace leaves the train she will have zero contact with the former Apex members because she wants them to grow up and be better than her and like I said above the children's families hate her.

After, Lucy gets off the train her parents try to get her a glass eye or donor. Lucy refuses saying it's punishment and a reminder of the things she did on the train.

Because of the Apex some denizens are terrified of children passengers.

The first act of dismantling the Apex was them cleaning up the Mall Car.

Ryan and Min-Gi's Families

Min-Gi's mom is a nurse and his dad banker (which is why they wanted Min-Gi to go into finances). Ryan's mom is a daycare worker, and his dad is maybe a ferry worker (from the ferry joke he made in the Twin Tapes episode).

Ryan's siblings are named Allison (Oldest sister), Naia (older sister), Izaac (younger brother), and Nick (youngest brother). The names are based on their voice actors and writers. We know Ryan's mom's name is Yui, Min-Gi's mom's name is Niki (after her voice actress), I had no idea what to name the dad's since they share the same voice actor.

Ryan's siblings know about his magazines (check the deleted scene to understand) and find it hilarious that their parents thought the magazines were Min-Gi's.

Ryan's younger brother wears glasses when he's older making him and Ryan the only glasses wearers in their family.

Mrs. Park and Mr. Akagi are the cooks of their families.

Min-Gi's mom was the first one to know and accept Min-Gi's and Ryan's relationship. When the boys went missing it hit both families hard; so, Mrs. Park worked longer hours at the hospital to distract herself. Since season four takes place during the 80's and it was the time of the HIV/AIDS crisis the hospital would've been packed with patients, who Mrs. Park treated. One of them I'm gonna call Whizzer (Falsettos reference) ended up in Mrs.Park care and later befriending her. Whizzer reminded her of Min-Gi and Ryan and was around their age and became like another child to her. Over time Mrs. Park learns of Whizzer history about how his parents didn't support his dreams, was disowned and abandoned by so-called loved ones, and ended up with HIV; this makes Mrs. Park wonder if she was supporting Min-Gi on what he wanted to do with his life. Whizzer's condition worsens; Mrs. Park stayed with him until the end. The last things Whizzer told her was he wished to have met Min-Gi and Ryan and that he hoped they would find them soon. Later, -like a week or something- Min-Gi and Ryan return from the train, Mrs. Park accidently finds out about their relationship. When, the two leave to go to New York, she tells them she accepts them. At first, they thought she meant she accepted their dream of music (which she does), but she was accepting them as who they were. Every year on Whizzer's birthday Mrs.Park goes to his grave, and Min-Gi and Ryan go with her. WOW! I did not mean for this to be that long, now I need to write a fanfic of this.

Ryan's Ex-Girlfriends

Their names are Lindsay (Disco), Megan (Punk), and Sofia (Earthy). Again, their names are based off people who worked on the show.

Ryan also dated two guys while he was on the road who were a goth and a prep.

The Disco girl works at a roller-skating ring, Punk girl works at a tattoo parlor, and Earthy girl is either a florist or owns a fruit stall at a farmer's market.

Earthy girl tried to return the van after Ryan and Min-Gi returned from the train, but Ryan let her keep it. During the months the boys went missing Earthy girl befriended Ryan's sisters.

Ryan is still friends with his exes, the reason why is because Ryan was nice to them, and they had dated worse. They love telling Min-Gi embarrassing dating stories.

Jeremy Bradford

Jeremy was very close to mother and sister growing up, so their deaths deeply affected him. In fact, Morgan reminds him of his mother and Kez reminds him of his sister.

Probably opened up a hat store after getting off the train.

Jeremy befriends Min-Gi and Ryan, the three bond over how they miss Kez and Morgan.

After getting off the train the first person he contacted was his roommate Keith who missed him the most while he was on the train.

I don't know why, but I think he's British or maybe he's from Florida.

Cassette Girl

Can't decide to name her Kari or Annisa (named after voice actor and artist).

Works at a music studio as an intern and helped Chicken Choice Judy get their music out, and later became their manager.

She probably is a huge sushi and coffee fan. Every year on her birthday Min-Gi and Ryan take her to a new cafe or sushi place.

Is street and musical smart.

Ryan and Min-Gi tell her about Kez and the crazy adventures she got them into (not that she's a bell or the train part though). She finds Kez funny and wishes to meet her one day... She does.

Alrick

Alrick is allergic to nuts so he only eats jam.

As much as Alrick loves kids, he didn't want to be a dad. He was fine being a babysitter or uncle. Luckily, Amelia didn't care for kids.

From Amelia's memories Alrick and her loved trying new activates like: dancing, cooking, they might've even tried bungee jumping, as long as they were together.

Alrick was the cook of the two, except pancakes for some weird reason they'd come out burnt to a crisp or soupy on the inside. Amelia will always make the best pancakes.

The day Alrick died it was a rainy day when he was dirt-biking with his friends. When, it rained on his funeral it drove Amelia even more because both used to love rainy days.

Extras

Ryan befriended the lesbian couple at the party in 'The Twin Tapes'.

Jesse befriends everyone on his swim team and theatre club. It takes Lake awhile, but she/they do make their own friends.

Tulip befriends other ex-passengers at game design camp.

The girls in Grace's ballet class would later find out that Grace lied to them. But, by the time they do Grace dropped out of their class making them look like fools.

After, Amelia disappeared friends and relatives spent years trying to find her.

[doctorguilty]

It's funny I think, that being in a relationship with another borderline person has caused me make huge progress and even overcome a lot of my biggest emotional obstacles in relationships I struggled with my whole life and were damaging my relationships as recent as the one that ended before I met Gloomy. And while yes, over the course of the last several years as a got therapy and medication, and always been doing my homework to improve myself, I was really worried when we first started dating that my ongoing struggles would chase damage. I was out of therapy for a almost a year, and over the past 2 years since I've been in Oregon while I've had regular therapy, it's very very infrequent due to the pandemic and most of what I spend my sessions talking about is stuff related to that such as the exhaustion, depression, and isolation it causes. Not much at all, if ever, have have dedicated my short time to talking about my bpd symptoms like I would with previous therapists.

Yet.. this is the best I've ever been in a relationship. Granted like, my relationships were all kinda mutually dysfunctional for more reasons than just me, which would cause me to be more symptomatic, but still, I don't think it starts and ends at "this person isn't toxic". I think it's the level that gloomy understand me fully. I can describe to them the most niche, hyper specific bpd related feeling and they know it well. And I immediately feel less like I'm not just terrible scum unfit for love, because I know gloomy is so loveable, and yet they share the same symptoms and feelings. They also don't reprimand me for being open. I can share intrusive thoughts and urges and feelings that would sound absolutely toxic to other people, if they didn't understand the context about where it's coming from and that I'm being vulnerable because I don't want to feel that way. And they know those feelings well too. They 100% know the context.

I've never been with someone I could communicate ANYTHING without fear, and be recieved with empathy, affirmation I am doing the right thing by communicating and not keeping it bottled up, and the desire to comfort me, reassure me, and help me overcome what i struggle with.

I've never seen so much progress in myself so quickly.. many things that would regularly flare up all my life and did for a while in the beginning are practically gone. I've never felt so secure with someone. I've never felt less broken, and less alone. I guess I just never belonged with someone without the same personality disorder as me.... because that's really what it comes down to, my whole self is disordered, and it always will be a part of me, it is inseparable from who I am because that's just what it means to have a pd.

Gloomy has made everything so much better beyond words.. I've never felt so healthy with someone like this. I've never had a relationship so loving all the time and free from enormous emotional altercations. No, my "problems" end up being the most benign, easily resolved things like accidental hurt feelings. And even then I don't feel afraid of those things happening because I know I won't be reprimanded a million times for my mistakes.

It's unimportant now the whos or whys but honestly there were instances in the past where I would be gaslit into believing i was an unhinged abuser and my bpd symptoms were cited as the reason, even if all I did was casually express the feelings I was struggling with, like, just the fact that I had symptoms at all even if I didn't act on them or do absolutely anything was inherently abusive and I was a bad person. It was deliberate of course, y'know... but at the time I believed it, and at the beginning of my relationship with gloomy I can remember thinking... this will be over once they find out I'm a horrible person, all I can do is hide it for as long as I can and enjoy it while it lasts.

But no, here I am, being more loved by someone than I ever have been, and completely utterly naked with nothing I hide from them. It's so much easier to be healthy when I'm not trying to hide..

Anyway, yeah.. i love my bpd boyfriend so much

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

Sunday ask time!

What is your position on romance cliches? Do you think of yourself more as a realist or a romantic? Opinions on Valentine's day?

I know you are ace but I am obsessed with wnrs so here's stuff i have shamelessly stolen from that acc (answer all of them, some of them or none of them if you wish):

What story about love have you been telling yourself that no longer serves you? How would you like to change it?

What parts of yourself do you need to break up with?

Have you had your first love? If so how did you get over it?

How would you describe the feeling of being in love in one word?

What do you understand now about love that you didn't understand before?

If your last relationship was a Netflix series how would it be called?

If you're in love, complete the sentence: Loving them feels like _______

Name 3 things you love about yourself

thank you!!! i'm ace but i experience romantic attraction so this is totally fine :)

(I FORGOT ABOUT THE FIRST QUESTIONS AND I REMEMBERED ONLY AFTER POSTING THIS I'M SORRY)

i like romantic clichés, I think most or them are cute and do no harm.

in spirit i'm a romantic but i'm an incredibly rational person and i'm very realistic in the sense i believe i won't really ever find a romantic partner so that's that.

just as all the other USA-imported festivities, i hate the consumerist aspect of it, but in essence it's a cute day to celebrate love. i also understand not celebrating it, my parents never do as their wedding anniversary is exactly one month after st valentines, so i grew up with it not being super important.

1. for the longest time i believed on love at first sight, mainly because of media and the fact that this more or less happened to me with my high school crush (long story short, i was reading in the library, and she came with a friend asking me for help in some maths homework she had and i could barely speak after looking at her for the first time lmao). when i was researching asexuality and came into the different types of attractions, it all made more sense. i now believe that love takes time to cultivate, and that it's not a sudden thing but a progressive feeling that is built with time. i imagined what happened back in the day was that i was aesthetically attracted to her at first, she was the prettiest girl i had ever seen (she still is), and it wasn't until i started learning more and more about her than i started to fall for her. that's why i'm trying to remind myself that love takes time and comes progresively and in a multitude of ways, to maybe give me more confidence and hope for my own search of 'the one' (even if it will probably never happen)

2. probably my almost inexistent self-esteem and self-confidence, that's part of why i'm going to therapy so let's see how it goes. right now i truly believe i will never actually find a romantic partner, and that the solely idea of fantasizing about it is ridiculous cause it will only make me more miserable cause i'll never have that; i know it's a harmful way of thinking but in true honesty deep down i feel like that's the truth, even if people tell me otherwise. so yeah, it's all a bit complicated haha.

3. yes, as i told you i had a crush on high school. i want to say i'm over her but i'm not 100% sure? i think there's like this feeling that lingers no matter how much time passes and that it'll stay with me forever. like, i don't really think about her much but the few times i've seen her these past few years i've panicked a lot and when i see her in an insta post or something like that my heart races a bit, but that's it. as to how i got over her, i honestly don't know? i can only say it was a long and difficult process, that's for sure.

4. dreamlike

5. i think i kinda answered this one through questions 1 and 2 lmao.

6. i've never been in a relationship :)

i would love to read your answers!!