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fafulous · 6 years

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New Orleans’ Auror (TOxHP) Chapter 12

Co-Author: @sweetpea-cc

Chapter 1 | Chapter 11

"Okay," whispered Willow to herself as she folded the letter. Elijah's eyes swayed from the letters to her nonplussed face, "Sir Carlisle, you do realize it's just-"

"A MINISTRY INSPECTION! Oh, goodness do you not understand the seriousness of the issue? What are they going to think of us? I told you not to get involved with these unmindful vampires-"

"CARLISLE!" Willow's eyes bulged out, as she had caught Carlisle's attention, eyeing the man beside her in hopes of making him understand that he was a vampire.

"Is that- you have brought that Mikaelson to this house?"

Elijah coughed as he saw Willow stand up, her eyes rolling in irritation. "Okay, that's enough Carlisle! It's not as severe as you think it is."

"Is that so my lady? The Minister for Magic, the Head of Auror Office and the Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement are visiting us for an official inspection!-"

"-Which is Kingsley Shacklebolt, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger respectively, who were part of the Order and my good friends!"

Immediately Elijah stood up, realizing it was ill-mannered of him to sit down while an argument was in smoothly undergoing.

"I don't know what you heard back at their offices, but they've mentioned it's an informal visit to check up on the weird happenings around here before they bring in the MACUSA," Willow paused as she looked up to Elijah who was standing beside her, sensing his discomfort, "Elijah, I am so sorry-"

"Should I go? It seems like I have interrupted something important."

"No no!" Willow said in a higher tone, grabbing his hand spontaneously, gesturing him not to leave, "I am going to wrap this up right away."

Willow glared at Sir Carlisle, "However, they have not mentioned when they are visiting. I suppose they will be dropping in tonight deciphering from your demeanor-"

"Uh," he stammered as he adjusted his Monocle looking at a white piece of paper, "they're visiting tomorrow at Three Post Meridian, American Timing."

Willow raised her eyebrow, heaving a sigh. "You were panicking about a ministry inspection, that was scheduled for tomorrow?"

"Why wouldn't I Willow?" asserted Carlisle, anxiety filling his face, "I know they are your good companions but look at your current situation. You're in a spot because of your interference with them and depressive too. I have never seen you like this ever since-"

"Shh Carlisle!" she hushed him quickly before he could spill any more beans.

"What?" questioned Elijah, dramatically turning his direction to Willow, his hands still being held onto by her, "Depressive?"

Willow side glanced at him and gave him a weak smile. It was true, the dreams have been nothing but depressive. But she did not want to talk about it now, not when Elijah was here.

"Carlisle. Thank you for your concern, but you see everything is going to be just fine. They will come tomorrow and I will talk about every single incident that took place BUT-" she interjected before Carlisle was about to interrupt her, "as they have mentioned here, you will not tell anyone in the ministry about the existence of the Mikaelsons unless and until I ask you to do so. Do you get that? Now, let us be please."

Carlisle nodded as he placed his monocle back into his pocket. Willow realized she was still holding Elijah's hand, as they both simultaneously looked down at their arms. She quickly removed them to reduce the awkwardness that was soon about to circle them.

"The possibilities are very high but are you in trouble because of us?" questioned Elijah.

"It is nothing really-"

"No," he almost closed the gap between the two and she had to look up at him, which slightly hurt her neck, "My family has a way of bringing people into problems where they shouldn't have been in the first place. So I am urging you to confide in me as much as you can." He was so assertive that there was no way of escaping his questions. Carlisle was still there in his portrait, making Willow not want to talk in front of him.

Willow turned around and walked to her yard, with Elijah following her behind. She stopped at the stairs which led to the beautiful greenhouse that Willow had just finished building. Inside she could hear Lucy arranging and moving things around. She noticed Elijah was now standing beside her, inhaling a particular cologne she realized that was unique to him alone. It stirred her heart with feelings she has never felt before and indeed, she was good at hiding those feelings.

"This is extraordinary. Is that your own Greenhouse?"

"Yes, it is. Would you like to take a look at it? I just finished it today."

"Gladly," he said, "Is that why you have a small mud stain on your the collar of your robe?

"Oh-" muttered Willow, not knowing that the collar of her robe was indeed dabbed with little, wet mud, "-I um must have missed that." She cursed herself, knowing that her clothes were soiled the whole time with Elijah.

Looking up at him, he handed over a pristine, white handkerchief to her. She thankfully took the piece of cloth and wiped her collars and her neck with it. Willow was too self-conscious, she didn't notice Elijah's eyes raking over her neck.

"I will return this to you once I clean this," her eyes twinkled, as she got down the stairs, leading Elijah to the greenhouse.

From the look on his face, Willow could pinpoint that he was extremely fascinated with the greenhouse. He tenderly placed his hands on a few of the plants he had never seen before and was surprised when they reacted gently to his touch.

"Will you ever cease to surprise me Willow?" he asked her, lifting his eyebrow at her. She responded with a chuckle that dulled her tired features.

"Never."

Elijah walked over to where Willow was standing, where she held a can of water. As she began to water her plants, she decided to talk noticing that he was right beside her, feeling the gentle brush of his suit.

"You must be knowing by now after meeting me that there are different magical worlds in every corner of this world," she stopped midway, putting her burgundy hair into a bun, which Elijah looked at keenly, "and each magical or wizarding world as we call it has a specific trace of magic. I think you can understand where I am going with this."

"There are traces of your world's magic in our world."

"Precisely!" she exclaimed. "Its common occurrence of it is bothering me and it is not supposed to happen."

"Common? It was just once, wasn't it? The night of Marcellus' party?"

It occurred to her that she hadn't mentioned Aurora to the Mikaelsons at all. She stopped walking, placing the water can near the Aconites.

"Elijah there is something you need to know," hesitated, Willow. His facial expressions did not change, piercing his eyes onto hers, "Lucy had found traces of our magic on Aurora."

"That's not possible," argued plainly Elijah, getting tensed, "she was bound to a sleeping curse that was of complex nature. So Klaus and I were assuming that if she has woken up, it must've been because of one of the coven witches."

Willow tensed, sensing him tense up too. "She was given a potion known to wake wizards and any kind of creatures from the deepest nights of sleep. Wiggenweld Potion."

Silence prevailed for a minute, Elijah being lost in thoughts about what she just said.

"I won't be surprised if you suspect me. Ever since I came here to this beautiful city all these things have been-"

"Nonsense," he furrowed his eyebrows, shooting a look at her "Do you think that low of me?"

"Not really," she said looking at him dreamily, "I just put myself in the shoes of a thousand-year-old vampire who cares about his family."

Willow resumed watering her plants, while Elijah was looking at her, speechless. He did not expect her to say that statement and frankly, he wondered if it had hurt her feelings when she said that. Centuries he has seen witches who would firstly defend themselves when found tangled in problems with the Mikaelsons. And here she was-

"I fear only one thing, Elijah. Someone or something out there is targeting your family. And as an Auror, I cannot and would never let anything happen to your family because of some lunatic who has no idea who he or she is messing with."

And here she was, an acquainted woman, who Elijah knew not less than a month worrying about his family just like he always does. He gave a small laugh at her statement, looking at her as she watered her plants again. There was something different about her. Something that drew Elijah to her all the time.

"How is Kol?"

He came out of his reverie as quickly as possible, "Kol? Oh yes, my brother doing well. However, he was genuinely worried about your absence. He even came to visit you, but it appeared as though-"

"Is he mad at me?"

"Mad at you? It would be insane of my brother to be mad at the woman who is the reason for him to stay with us." As Elijah said this, he may have felt a spark of envy at Willow's concerns for her younger brother. At a glance, they were invested in each other platonically, but luck was hard, especially for Elijah.

"Oh Elijah," she kept the can down again, "he came to visit me just like you did today. But I didn't invite him. I just wasn't in my normal state- OW YOU SON OF A-!"

Willow rapidly shook her fingers from the sting she received on her palm on which her scar stood proudly. Elijah didn't know to what to react - the fact that the woman he was subtly attracted to, though he was in utter denial, was on the verge of swearing or the fact that she was hurt.

"I'm still not familiar with the placements of these plants. If I am not wrong these must be the Nettles," she went on breathlessly looking at her wound, "they have stinging hairs that can really be a pain in the-"

She felt two large, rough palms cup her own. "The propensity for you to jabber is very high in the slightest of injuries is it?" His eyes twinkled at her, as he wrapped her palms completely in his, directing her outside the greenhouse.

"You could say that," smiled Willow, as she sat down at the bench right outside the greenhouse. In correlation, the small bench had the green tint similar to her greenhouse and right before it was a round table stand that conveniently had her wand placed on top of it.

He gently opened her palms, the sting which was now the size of a small lemon. Reaching out for her wand with her left arm with discomfort, her body inadvertently brushed Elijah, making her face completely a red color fruit. She heard him clear his throat as well, as she now held the hand with which she could never write with.

"Are you going to perform any spell?"

"Yes. It's a small one," she said, her hand shivering from the unfamiliar grip of her left hand. "Episkey!"

With a small wince, the inflammation decreased second by second. Elijah withdrew his grip as she flexed her fingers inwards and outwards making sure her hands worked the way they were supposed to, her eyes fixated on her scar, rekindling her memories.

"Are you alright?"

She looked at him instantly, "Y-yes, its healed so nothing to worry about."

Elijah stood up, startling Willow as she recalled her conversation to see if she had offended him in any way, just to see him removing his coat. "I'm not addressing to your physical wounds per se. The respectable person in that portrait mentioned something about you being depressive?"

Willow took in a deep breath and sighed. It appeared as though he was never going to leave the topic. It was an alien activity for Willow to confide in her personal happenings to anyone, especially to an acquaintance like Elijah.

Reading her expressions, Elijah spoke the words as he folded his coat and placed it neatly over the table.

"Unfortunately, I have not been my true self with you today, being inappropriately meddlesome with the questions. Please do pardon me."

But she wanted to tell him.

"No not at all, it's just- I find this too petty to be shared with a thousand-year-old vampire who probably has seen much more drastic stages of emotions. I have heard from Kol that emotions are heightened with Vampires. Isn't that correct?

He grinned and looked at Willow with warmth radiating from him, "A person's feelings are never petty, regardless of the magnanimity of the situation. And as far as the thousand-year-old vampire with heightened emotion goes, you wouldn't believe the slim similarity between us."

Willow gave a half-hearted smile at Elijah and turned her body fully towards him, her knees stuck together. "Elijah, since the night when we walked back home after the party, I have been having these dreams."

She looked at him, trying to decipher his reaction from her statement as he shifted his body towards her even more, his forehead wrinkling from the rapt attention he was giving her.

"They're not the ordinary dreams you see. I'm dreaming about certain episodes from my past that I have buried long ago. I feel so-"

"Trapped?" he interrupted as Elijah leaned back to the bench he was sitting on, looking at her with empathy. Willow would not know, but Elijah knew exactly how it felt to be caught in one's despised memories, all thanks to his mother's wrongdoings.

"Yes," Willow said slowly, "trapped."

Both of them didn't speak to each other for a minute, lost in their own world of thoughts. Willow zoned back to one of the nights held as a hostage with a group of ill-mannered wizards who misbehaved with her in ways she didn't even want to think of-

"Willow?" Elijah began to shake her, bringing himself closer to her as she pulled herself out of her trance as they both stared into each other's eyes, "your heart is beating at a rapid rate."

"You can hear the sound of my heart?" asked Willow, surprised by his skills even after the long conversations with Kol, but was thankful for him to bring her out of her thoughts.

"Yes," he responded gently nodding his head, hearing her heart beat against her scar studded chest. "What you're going through Willow is something I similarly more or less went through-"

Elijah who found himself unexpectedly opening up to her about something he never wanted to talk about was interrupted by a phone buzz that startled Willow even more.

"Who's there?" she shouted, grabbing her wand, standing up in a defensive stance. Looking around frantically she turned down to Elijah, realizing the incessant buzzing was coming from his hand, holding a black, shiny object.

"Nothing to worry, it's my phone," said Elijah, who was looking at this object that Willow was not familiar with initially. His eyes moved across the screen from left to right, reading words that appeared on that small screen.

"Is that a muggle device for communication?"

Elijah looked at her in fascination, almost about to break into a small laugh from the way she described a mere mobile, "Yes it is," he smiled, looking back at the phone.

"Oh," she whispered to herself slowly in thought, "The last time I used one, there were these really small buttons for each numeral. It was a terrible experience,"

Elijah left out a loud chuckle as he stood up, Willow curious as to why he was laughing.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just that my brothers need me," he heaved a sigh, "I have the tendency to forget that we come from different worlds with different perspectives,"

"But didn't you just say that there is that slim similarity between us? I'd like to begin from there."

Willow was so coy, she hadn't realized what she had said until she looked at him, giving her the look that melted her every time.

"I would like to begin from there too," he whispered, coming closer to her, "I think it's better you come out, explore the city instead of confining yourself to this house, no matter how exquisite it may be," earning a heartwarming smile from Willow from his flattering comment.

"I would really love that Elijah," she blushed, her cheeks flushing red. Honoring her last name, her cheeks became even redder when he lifted her palm and left a soft kiss to the back of her hand. He probably heard her heart zoom fast as a Firebolt.

"Until next time, Willow. Do write to me if you must."

Before she could say anything to him in a blink of her eye, he was out of her sight. All these 15 years of work made Willow a busy woman, as she rose to her successful position. The chances of her ending up with someone was always so thin, she would say to herself. But now it didn't look like it.

She took out Elijah's handkerchief out of her small pocket in her robe and looked at it. She held on to it firmly. Her day was made. Nothing from her past could ever bother her. Or so she wondered.

The next day arrived quicker than ever. The afternoon brunch was avoided, so used to controlling their bloodlust. Somehow, none of them didn't want to use their vampire speed. They didn't forget about it, it never just occurred to them.

"Nik! Stop!"

Klaus turned around looking at Rebekah and Elijah furiously. Somehow him being in threat was something that he expected his siblings to take in with seriousness.

"Don't you even think about it. Nothing can stop me."

Taking long striding steps, not caring about the muck around this filthy area of New Orleans, he reached the creaking porch, knocking the door furiously.

"I'm not going to fall for your tricks little witch, OPEN THE DOOR!"

Even after all that incessant banging of the door, Klaus was surprised by the fact that the door didn't break, despite the fact that it appeared to be old and splintered.

As though no one was banging her door as if their life depended on it, a calm Willow opened the door. She gave them a warm smile, as though expecting them to be there on her porch.

Taking a quick glance at Kol, Rebekah, and Elijah and nodding at each one with a smile, her gaze finally focussed on the one who was in front of them, trying his level best to enter the house.

"Klaus Mikaelson, why am I not surprised that it was you among the four who was banging my poor door?" she said, crossing her arms.

"Charmed. But you should know, I finally learned your tricks. I know why you're here and what you've come here for. I may have received some inside information from a passerby,"

"Oh?" she cocked her head, "Is that so? You told him about the meeting I suppose, Elijah?"

"Willow. I-"

"Don't worry, it was not only him," Klaus snarked, "If you're really not hiding anything from us, then let us in. I know we're two hours early, but we are patient."

"And why should I?" she asked, still calm and composed.

"Because I learned that this so-called meeting of yours is about us and the fact that the concerned party is not called really bothers me."

"This is absolutely insane" hissed Kol, looking apologetically at Willow.

"Actually. Guess what?" Willow's eyes twinkling, as she looked inside for a conspicuous amount of time and looked back at them, "You're not the only one who said that you should all have been called for this discussion.

"My friend Harry believes that too."

---

Chapter 13

Taglist: @sweetpea-cc @poemfreak306 @ranger-treaty @spunky-89 @kickasskittie23 @theroyalbrownbarbie @shanty-lol @bluetink2002 @henrietteoaks @leximarie66 @literally-anythin @naomi02hook @evyiione @heythereelejah @wolf-lover-bookdragon (Taglist is always open)

A/N: Y'ALL ENJOYING THIS I HOPE. IF YOU AREN'T THEN IM SORRY :(

ALSO, life's been a little busy so yeah the updates are a tad bit late these days :/

Have a good day my lil ones :) WHO IS EXICTED TO SEE HARRY?

#The originals #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson imagines #elijah mikaelson x reader #harry potter #klaus mikaelson #kol mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson #hope mikaelson #the originals imagine #mikaelson #daniel gillies #elijah mikaelson x oc #the vampire diaries #tvd #the originals season 3 #fanfic #fanfiction #harry potter crossover

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ghoultyrant · 7 years

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Madoka: Rebellion

So I finally watched Madoka: Rebellion because some people insisted I would actually like it and have my concerns about its awfulness addressed if I watched it.

These people were badly mistaken.

Massive spoilers, of course.

As with my FoZ notes, [bracketed text] is notes I added in after the original writing, taking into account information from later in the movie.

---------------------

So wait, in Fixed-Verse, anyone can Witch out? (Yes I know they're called 'Nightmares' now. You know what I see? SUPER WITCHES) WHAT THE FUCK MADOKA. [We’re not actually seeing fixed-verse, so it’s not as dumb as I thought]

It took more than fifteen minutes for the plot to start going anywhere.

What is Kyoko doing in the same school in the same year as Madoka and Sayaka? She's more Mami's peer, so even if she was going to the same school she should be in a year above. THIS IS NOT HOW CAUSALITY FUCKERY WORKS. [”But Ghoul Tyrant!” I hear you say. “It’s supposed to be wrong like that because It’s All Just A Dream!” Sure. Fine. And Kyoko is still in their school in their year at the end of the movie because?...]

Oh: and of course we have 'fanservice'. Kill me. [It’s far, far more common than these notes might lead you to believe, as I was not going to note down every goddamn individual instance]

… why are the transformations in the Witch art style? (With a million panty shots fuck everything forever) I note we get a split-second Witch-word cut during Sayaka's one. Then Homura's did a Witch-word cut with, like, silent film surroundingness. Twice. [Taking into account later events, this is actually somewhat competent foreshadowing]

… they call themselves the 'holy quintet'? Really?

THE WITCH IS EL KABONG I INSTANTLY FORGIVE... some... of the horribleness.

Why are we doing the Cake Song. [Knowing what’s actually going on doesn’t make this any more sensical] Why are we 25 minutes in and I still have no clue what's going on?

It took thirty minutes for Kyoko to actually eat and talk at the same time. Kill her now, Homura, she's clearly a pod person!

“I came, I saw, Mitakihara”. Cute.

FINALLY, not quite 40 minutes in we get Homura going “I remember the past, no one else does”. No, sorry, the scenery porn wasn't interesting enough to hold me for the first third of the movie.

I keep wondering if the extreme closeups on Homura are supposed to look like Witch art style as a hint or if it's a coincidence they failed to notice. [At this point I’m pretty sure it’s an ill-thought-out coincidence, as they also do it with Madoka’s eyes at times]

Goddammit, no, punching a button in timestop shouldn't un-timestop the windows. And what kind of lunatic would design windows so high up to open like that at the push of a button anyway? [Answer: Homura, apparently]

The thing that's crazy-making about Fake Mitakihara City is that the real thing is such an insane collage of nonsensical and/or improbable architecture that what parts are “crazy because Labyrinth” and what parts are “crazy because Mitakihara City” is difficult to parse. So when weirdness is supposed to be a hint... er... how am I supposed to tell?

Okay, so I thought Mami and Homura's mega fight sequence was pretty dumb when I happened to watch it in isolation on Youtube, but now I know how it starts, and it goes from “dumb” to 'Dumb with a side helping of the Idiot Version of Just As Keikaku.” [Why did Mami have an invisible ribbon on Homura when she timestopped? What made her that paranoid about Homura? Oh, you wanted your story to make basic sense? You poor fool, you’re watching Rebellion. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here, because there’s no fucking quality or sense here. Ever]

Wait, why did I just hear a Pokeball release sound? [Charlotte made it]

Let me expand on this fight sequence being dumb: I thought it was... like, occurring in a post-apocalyptic town or something, when I watched it on Youtube. Okay, sure, now I know Homura thinks everything is fake so WHOO COLLATERAL DAMAGE GO! So... why's Mami recklessly tearing apart everything, beyond “it looks cool shut the fuck up and enjoy our five billion yen lightshow”? Also, why did Homura re-initiate timestop, given it does nothing to help her in this (utterly retarded) fight? And frankly the choreography is awful, as you spend the first half with no way to get a coherent idea of what's actually happening beyond that they're Shooting At Each Other A Lot. The second half is easier to follow, but makes even less sense as a fight scene, with the bit where they keep trying and failing to shoot each other in the head from point-blank being probably the best example of how Cool But Nonsensical Shit is happening because fuck you enjoy the spectacle!

It was neat to break up the monotony the first... five or so times we were viewing people through reflections or whatever. At this point I'm starting to think whoever headed the art of this movie had an actual psychological problem, though.

I would like for events to at some point progress because the characters make some kind of sense and are working toward actual goals, rather than spouting cryptic nonsense or fighting or whatever because lol. Kyoko and Homura trying to leave the city and it failing is so far the only time anybody has done anything that really made sense.

Dog drug reinforcement? The fuck, crazyland DDR?

Okay, I'll admit, the bus slamming into the ground out of the sky got a laugh out of me. Good on you Rebellion. I legitimately liked... a 0.5 second sequence. I'm over an hour in. Congrats.

No, I'm sorry. This “Isolation Field” bullshit doesn't explain jack. It's a copout. “We're supersciencers, ergo we can make a field that blocks out what amounts to a god and/or law of physics.” No. A million trillion times no. This isn't even a lampshade, as the movie clearly intends for me to take this nonsense seriously.

Oh, and it's one-way! Except when it isn't! Hold up, stop, even if I accept this utter and total bullshit, it fails under the weight of its own bad writing anyway. Who would Homura invite in first? Madoka, you utterly godawful writer. Who is 'the Law of Cycles'? Fucking Madoka. Fail. Terrible. Nonsense. I don't have words for how much I hate this crap.

No, saying “well, you see, Madoka could only come in as a victim and not as the semi-omnipotent Law of Cycles” via Kyubey is not an explanation. Kyubey doesn't know shit. He knows he doesn't know shit, or else he wouldn't be doing the fucking experiment! So having him make random baseless assertions the audience is supposed to accept without question doesn't fucking work because we know he doesn't know that for a fact. In the anime, we could accept that he was an authority figure/expert because he was talking about shit that had been occurring for thousands of years, and it only really broke down once Madoka made her wish and Kyubey was suddenly just the writer talking directly to Homura/the audience, at which point I could basically pretend he's just the most convenient voice actor to play the role or some such vaguely reasonable crap.

Here though, we have several essential plotpoints simultaneously hinging on “I am ignorant! SCIENCE TIME!” that are then being explained by him with “I know everything. Trust me.”

No. This is like the definition of bad writing, and nothing prior to this point has gotten me invested enough in the story to overlook what a colossal fail this is on every level.

One hour and fifteen minutes in, with 40 minutes left to go. The remaining 40 minutes better be the best shit I have ever seen. [Spoiler: Not even slightly]

THIS IS NOT HOW SCIENCE WORKS ON ANY LEVEL. “We don't know this thing exists. It has clearly observable effects, which we know for sure are happening, albeit we don't know its actual mechanism” is what Kyubey should be saying. Not “Oh man this 'law of cycles' thing is a mere hypothesis with no evidence!” I hate this movie.

Kyubey: “Gosh darn all you illogical people.” ← the most illogical being in the universe in this movie.

Now, I'd like to like that we're watching a Witch attacking someone with the Witch as the protagonist, except so far it's been lame and primarily been an excuse to draw Weird Symbolic Shit. There's bits that I like... but only bits. And what the hell is with Kyubey just reappearing somewhere nearby each time he 'dies'?

Okay, I like Kyubey being freaked out by Sayaktavia. Congrats, two times I've actually liked a tiny fraction of the movie.

Sidenote: imagine that every third line or so I instead said SUICIDE METAPHOR INTENSIFIES. Yes, really. [The original anime was kind of bad about its suicide metaphor subtext not being very sub. The movie is far, far more blatant]

GAME OVER. RETURN OF GANON RISE OF HOMURA

So why exactly is the movie condemning Homura rewriting reality to... do... something... vs praising Madoka for rewriting reality to do away with Witches? What has Homura even done that is so contemptible? Why am I supposed to agree with this awful narrative? Oh no, her wish was ‘selfish’ vs Madoka heroically sacrificing herself for the benefit of everyone. And? Has anyone actually had their life made worse? What has she even done, beyond bring Madoka back into humanity and rewrite history to flip some things around? I mean, she even says she intends to destroy all the Wraiths! She’s doing something noble, for sure, so, again: why am I supposed to conflate her with Satan?

And why am I supposed to care, given nothing at any point made even dreamlogic sense?

Also, Kyoko is still in their goddamn class in the 'real world'.

This movie is dumb. This movie is just “look, a bunch of artists were given billions of yen to draw whatever they wanted, and then I guess some writer tried to pretend it made sense?” If you want to watch visually interesting stuff and never, ever have it make any kind of sense -okay, occasionally make some symbolic sense- then okay cool this is a decent movie.

Otherwise?

What the fuck this movie is awful.

Okay: the stinger ending having Homura dancing to Kyubey's corpse? Made me laugh. Seeing Kyubey horrified? Also made me laugh. CONGRATS FOUR WHOLE MOMENTS I KIND OF ENJOYED IN THIS HOUR AND FIFTY-EIGHT MINUTES.

THAT'S LIKE MORE THAN A MOMENT OF NOT-AWFUL EVERY THIRTY MINUTES.

--------------------------

Having slept on it, I've realized I have still more criticisms.

Audio: Back in the anime, I wasn't necessarily a fan of how any given episode used the music available to it, but the music was fantastic on average. I actually had one of the credits/Witch battle tunes as my background music for reading for a while there, that's how good they were on their own. Rebellion continues the trend of putting its music to questionable use, only now the music itself is fairly forgettable and boring. The best stuff tends to be riffing on established 'Madoka music', and even then it's merely okay, not actually engaging in its own right.

I touched upon this indirectly when covering the Mami/Homura fight, but the choreography is weaker in general. The anime had its weak moments, but it also had some great moments, like how it handled Homura's “teleportation”. Rebellion is just... weak, other than it's occasional questionable 'gotcha' moments.

After the Mami/Homura fight, Sayaka swoops in to save Homura and jabber at her a bunch. This is not any kind of natural flow of events, it just sort of happens without an actual explanation. I didn't like the scene when I was watching the movie, but I was sort of half-expecting it to make sense somewhere down the line, particularly with Sayaka indicating she's more in the know than she 'should' be, but no, it just... is a thing that happens, because.

Similarly, why is Charlotte Bebe the only Witch to act as Goddoka's right-hand woman aside from the bizarre case of Sayaka apparently being able to... tap her Witch powers?... even though Madoka's wish prevented Witches from occurring in the first place? What is any of this crap?

Why was Homura able to entrap a 'piece' of Goddoka at all?

If the Incubator's retarded Isolation Field blocked out all outside forces, why does gravity apply? Why does light apply? Why does, you know, myriad physics apply? Oh right I'm applying critical thinking to a retarded plot device. How foolish of me to expect the story to make even the slightest bit of sense. I might then be able to derive some enjoyment from the movie, and that would clearly be a mission fail.

I just. I have no idea why there are people who watched this movie and went “This is a good movie and I enjoyed it” instead of “This is a terrible movie on pretty much every level and I will make sure everyone everywhere forever knows it isn't worth watching even if you're a fan of Madoka.”

I have difficulty imagining it even if I turned my brain off and just took in the wacky art. I have difficulty imagining anyone, anywhere, deriving any enjoyment from it at all in any manner ever.

But people have, somehow.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

#PMMM #Madoka #Argh #Hate

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