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suddenly devastated i never had a frankie doll tht came with watzit bc i jst had the genius idea to add pink watzit to the design
#and he’s hard to find … sigh#tbh i think i’ll decide if i wanna go the xtra mile with pink watzit once frankie’s rerooted and outfitted#which will take quite some time i imagine. it’s no small endeavour#and i think my ideas for this r quite ambitious .. but i wanna go as far as i can with it#i feel like pink frankie has truly kickstarted a motivation and inspiration i havnt had in so many years. i thought it was lost for good#but for the last two nights ive stayed up until sunrise drawing concepts for it#i havnt done that for so long a time#the hair is arriving today but we’re not starting on the reroot for a minute yet#i still want to go over her head and face with some acetone again jst to ensure no stains are left before the reroot#and for that i need a bottle of acetone …… we won’t go into that again#the outfit then can wait. i want to get it right so im gonna take my time finding the right fabrics and colours#ive a few ideas on how to make the boots .. but im not sure which to go with#the boots may be one of the harder parts tbh#jst bc of the nature of the outfit they may hav to be completely made frm scratch#unless i can find a pair of doll shoes with a big enough platform to work from#that would be the ideal scenario. but the only shoes i can think of that fit the requirements might be g3 core drac …#and that might present a problem#so at least right now it’s looking like they’ll need to be made completely frm scratch#aside from the boots i think accessories will be the hardest to make#but i also think they’ll be super fun to make#ooh isnt it all so exciting ?#plum.txt
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On a semi related note the more I am subjected to Microsoft products the more I become convinced that the reason so many people these days believe themselves to be “bad with computers” is that the programs they are forced to use in their professional life are utterly incomprehensible to ANY rational human being and they are (rightfully enough) extrapolating out that this is just how computers are. They aren't!!! In their quest to remove all the “scary” details from their poor fragile end users Microsoft have created an ecosystem that behaves completely erratically and unpredictably and is by definition unknowable. Things just happen. Then they stop happening. Nothing ever announces why or how. Just a thousand vague and useless popups that may or may not be there tomorrow. I PROMISE computers are actually extremely simple and logical beasts.
#brain.txt#the biggest barrier to widespread linux adoption is the fear of learning something new and i get it i really do#when youre at zero knowledge and dont even know where to begin its completely overwhelming and so much easier to stick with what you know#but the problem is no one ever really knows windows#youre sharing your room with a wild animal#you believe you know its mannerisms well enough to know when it is hungry and what it likes and dislikes but one day it might lash out#and there will be no way of ever knowing why#with open source software the only barrier to knowledge is how far you want your own curiosity to carry you at present#and yeah! ill readily admit!! theres plenty of components of my system i dont know too much about right now#but i feel inherently less lost and helpless knowing that the information is out there and i am actually capable of reading it#instead of someone actively obfuscating all possible attempts at understanding and also constantly changing everything from under me#(i have never owned a mac in my life so idk whats going on over there but my general impression seems to be that mac at least gets the whole#walled garden thing right in the sense that it is a cohesive and functional experience despite being extremely locked in. which i have more#respect for as a solution i am not interested in but i can see the appeal of rather than the FUCKING DISASTER microsoft has unleashed)
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The Hitler and KKK jokes were never funny tbh
#Like Reed I was with you until then lmao#This is like the craziest virtue signalling fandom ever#Idk why some can’t just call it what it is — classism and elitism#Why must you bring real life problems that have nothing to do with anything into this#In such a trivial and un-constructive way#You’re bloating the conversation so many people seemed like they were desperate to have considering many hate Cait because ‘ACAB’#Which. respect. but then there’s no substance behind any of that. People are just reiterating very progressive and leftist talking points#spearheaded by Black people (specifically Black women) that many people like to talk over may I add!!!#without any thought behind it. Liking or disliking a character should not be your daily dose of activism#again bloating a conversation with the hyper focus on an individual instead of the big picture of the narrative#and actively ignore the presentation of other characters of colour#ok I might as well just add my tags to a reblog lmao#but yeah idk I feel like people are just lying to my face about their leftism as they make kukluxkiramman and caitler jokes#youre not being funny or clever or really much at all. You’re just saying things out loud#Also super hypocritical since a solid (deffffff not all) of the fandom treat Mel so poorly#Ok I’m done#slay on the run#arcane#caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#this isn’t even a Caitlyn defence post lmao people are just annoying me#ALSO most of these jokes have been off Tumblr. I’ve blocked so many people I don’t see many of these but they’re apparently popular on twt
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so I finally downloaded mhui and as predicted I am sooo confused, however I did also immediately read this as Kurogiri serving 💁♀️ darkness
#'what do you do at the bar' 'i like… serve'#happy weekend i am lost#i don't know if this is typical for mobile games but there are so many numbers and icons on my screen#and i have no idea what any of them mean#what is going on with the gray and yellow numbers with the arrows#also what are guests. who are they. are they out there?#do they know they're accompanying me on these quests#… are they mad at me#if present mic had done the tutorial we wouldn't have this problem#sorry all might he's just better at explaining things that's why he's the narrator#also this is such a great kurogiri#mhui#kurogiri#liza blather#mha#bnha
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holding hands
#g/t#giant/tiny#gt#g/t oc#g/t art#mini giant#minigiant#my g/t art#g/t minigiant!jack au#they friends :) friend hand holding is so cute and sweet and warm... more ppl should do it#though in the case of one of the friends being a minigiant the smaller person's hand would be completely engulfed asdgk#and if you're walking while holding hands i can imagine the difference in limb length might present some problems too#but look how cute it is ! jack and hinata like doing this
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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today
#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple#and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry#because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out#I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out#but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this#I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is#rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers#what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha#(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present#and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special#the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim#good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something#honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick#'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon#that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round#rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution#('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar
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huh. hu
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my fem nyenrobert vision
#ranfren#present day problem takeuchi robert#nyen#nyen catman#nyenrobert#sickle art#i might try to finish this we'll see
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Man things have been depressing in my personal life lately
Idk why I had to fall for the most fucked over by the narrative characters ever that I’m completely unable to take comfort in when I need a form of escapism the most
#thinking about viren and allura and lotor rn#I have actually not seen any full fledged analyses anywhere on what went wrong with lotor’s story and that’s so unfortunate#it’s like this thing we’ve all passively agreed on didn’t go well but no one is willing to investigate why or how#and allura’s story is just so sad I don’t even think I need to elaborate more#would say aaravos but I’m actually quite pleased with the direction they’ve gone in with him#but I suppose I still have some salty feelings related to viravos that I haven’t felt comfortable vocalizing yet#but maybe later idk#sometimes I do actually feel like I’ve rationalized viren’s arc enough to actually start to understand and like it#only to have to see the way people respond to it in the fandom again and it sorta makes me lose all the respect I just gained for the show#I defend the show in so many ways and it is legitimately my most favorite series ever#but I just wish the things I’ve been complaining about (e.g. viren’s implied depression) would get addressed by the creators#at least I wish the fandom would be willing to have conversations about these things but they’re not cuz it’s considered commentary#and ppl in this fandom really don’t want to engage in that even when it’s not an inherently bad thing and does not need to end with the#conclusion that because of this critiques the show is bad cuz it’s not and that’s absolutely not the reason ppl present those points#so please stop trying to vilify them for just trying to start a discussion and hoping that the show they love can in some ways improve#regardless of if it’s already good as is#like it’s crazy cuz you have the subreddit and insta where just no one has any respect for the story whatsoever with no justification#and then on tumblr it’s like we have the opposite and it’s a toxic positivity problem lol#all the viren and virrow and viravos fans left#and I’m seeing more and more why that might be#it’s like not only being even remotely critical of the show is a problem but also liking the things about it that the fandom nor the show#itself does is also a problem for some reason
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"The King, so far as I see, is not only provoked at the said Bishop being made cardinal, but also at the bishop of Paris, in whom he had always had great confidence, because previous to this creation he was considered a bad Papist. He has also no great pleasure in the Auditor of the Chamber, and to soothe him the Lady lately made him a feast in a house of hers, where she got up several fine mummeries. She invited many, and the French ambassador was not pleased at being forgotten. The said Lady had so well banquetted and mummed, that, as the Princess has sent this day to inform me, the King dotes upon her more than ever; which increases greatly the fear of the said Princess [...]"
okay, i edited and added the relevant quote to the chapter notes, but i have GOT to say...i need to save this for posterity, because this is an insane quote??
#he really makes her sound like...circe or smth lmfafosoi#gaslight gatekeep girlboss a leo moon into falling back in love with you via blasting good girls go bad and dancing on tables#(actually...this might be too generous...but as it was based on weir's books....#and she probably does summarize this quote like this...i wonder if this is what inspired la volta scene in the tudors?)#anyway on a more serious note#notes...speaking of#NT notes#this is why i kind of ...eh? was unimpressed by that one recent chapuys defense#it's not that her argument was technically incorrect#-yes chapuys often is conflated with sander; and other later not-exactly-contemporary polemicists#and quotes are attributed to him that were not his own and that IS a problem~#HOWever....#the *reason* quotes are easily attributed to him#is that he set like...the groundwork#the groundwork! of presenting her as this salome that can seduce her husband into signing executions#which is the thread they simply followed and embroidered with#...which is why he is often confused with immediate contemporaries (ortiz) and not so immediate (harpsfield#sander; even the spanish chronicle author--- not him btw)#well. that AND laziness/incuriosity :p#again i agree with her that is a problem but idt#she has correctly identified WHY it is a problem#'it's all these dumb stannes polluting the waters' omhggg#he called her a SHE DEVIL#pls be SERIOUS#sorry we can READ
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me as a kid: i have all these problems
every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine
me as an adult: i still have all these problems
my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago
#problems i have finally gotten help for that i was told i was not old enough to know about:#AMPS (was told it was anxiety and then when i kept coming back they said it was fibro Quite Literally just to get me to shut up)#(like the doc i just saw literally said 'they diagnose fibromyalgia here when they dont know what the problem is but dont feel like testing)#multiple food allergies (was also told the stomach pain and vomiting was anxiety)#seborrheic dermatitis (i was told 'youre just stressed thats why you have a rash')#(which- if im so stressed my skin is literally dying MAYBE I STILL NEED HELP?????????)#autism and adhd (my father knew! but refused to get me assessed bc if i dont have a diagnosis theres no problem right :)#anxiety disorder (oh so when I'm in pain i DO have anxiety but when i say i have anxiety I'm overreacting okay)#dyscalculia and possibly dyslexia ('you just need to try harder' I've asked for a tutor five times)#some of my doctors don't actually believe me about some of these problems BECAUSE i have no records from when i was a kid#they're like 'it just popped up at 18? seems suspicious......' like I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S UNTIL THEN#there's definitely more but I'm still mad abt it#i might not be in a wheelchair Almost All The Time if i had gotten help BEFORE i lost half the feeling in my legs#i KNEW the fibro was a BS diagnosis#i tried to get assessed for autism at 16 and was told i have schizotypal personality disorder instead with literally zero testing#like my psych just refused to allow me to get tested for autism she was like 'no you have spd i Just Know'#same psych that said there was zero way i had anything like DID because my symptoms didn't present Exactly like the Only other#patient at the clinic with DID. i want to note that that was a 14 year old boy still being actively abused#and i was a 20 year old who was in a safe environment and had distanced myself from my abusers and stressors
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my latest new (possibly concerning??) behaviour is showering every time i'm upset even slightly. changes the thing i'm upset about and is semi-productive and is slightly calming
#thrilling words#thrilling posts#fandom: n/a#// i say possibly concerning cause while this is a semi-effective coping mechanism. like...#// the water bill bro... and it might make my ideas about cleanliness worse...#// still! it's like. easy. and it takes like 20-45 minutes (way less time than some other methods). and it works.#// one of the most effective of my coping mechanisms to be honest! fucks me up in different ways (body image problems)-#// but those are way easier to manage! Like i've been having body image issues nearly alllll my life 24/7. i deal with those easier.#// 'yuuki are you saying you actually are that easier distractable' sorta. my brain loves latching onto my body problems.#// presenting it with that will almost always lead it to focusing on that instead. it works. somehow.
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there's a self-help/mental health adjacent post that's going around and it seems to be really helpful for a lot of people which is very good. I also personally hate it with all my fucking heart
#it's the anhedonia one btw lmao#if i. have to be exposed to one more goddamn cbt-ass advice post in my life. I will start tearing throats out with my teeth#and I will have earned the right to because I've been through the fucking TRENCHES over the years man#I think it's the appeal to urgency at the end however ruefully humorously packaged that ohohoho. really grrrrinds my gears.#this is obviously not what the person is trying to do with that but the unavoidable implication that the reason you might still#be suffering is that you just haven't tried hard enough to change to like things to open your eyes... hey. respectfullly. fuck off#peak advice for mild to moderate symptoms of mental illness thoughtlessly presented as universally applicable#without any consideration for the deeper thing you're saying -- that if someone is in a real bad way and DOESN'T get better#it's their own responsibility and they just haven't tried hard enough. in trying to be kind you are being so desperately cruel#to the people who are struggling the most. bitch I am fucking GREAT at liking things! it's one of my best skills!! I'm generally curious!#my capacity for enthusiasm and intellectual joy over any old thing that strikes my fancy is legendary and often I suspect quite annoying!!!#so when anhedonia completely envelops me I know it's a sign of something else and bigger going on in the background#it's not a choice. the brain is not solely a cognitive machine!! you cannot fix everything that can go awry with it by Thinking Better!!!#cbt must be great for the people it's great for and I'm sincerely genuinely glad for it. less suffering in the world is great#but it is a way of thinking that is a hammer and you just have to hope like fuck your problem is a nail. because otherwise#you're bruised from being beaten with hammers and the additional shame of what's wrong with you that it's not helping#and again I recognize very keenly that this is not a space meant entirely for me. people sharing resources that amn are not about me#is not only fine it's good it's great! however. it'd also be nice to not get thrown under the fucking bus for once#because my presence fully expressed is an uncomfortable reminder of the things we *cannot* control about our own brains lmao#I'm lucky that I've been in the game long enough and have enough resources to start to smell the bullshit here but...#the pain 'losing years' induces in you when you don't have *a fucking choice* -- because it's not a matter of willpower#or positive thinking or changing your mindset. you're just sick. in a way medicine hasn't quite figured out how to help yet.#well. maybe. maybe don't put that on someone huh. maybe don't make their 'lost years' to depression and doomscrolling or whatever#'their own fault'. I kind of think that's possible to do without submitting to doomposting. is all.#(I feel the same about the 'resting vs. rotting' idea. well friend sometimes the best I can hope for is some gentle rotting#thanks for introducing this layer of disgust and condemnation to the general despair. it's added a patina)#this might actually be the first time I've managed to hold on to my own anger about this rather than it getting drowned out by shame tho#which as steps forward go. *sigh* it's not a moon landing is it. but a small step for man nevertheless I suppose
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The more I learn about medicine & biochemistry the more i get what inspired the TV show House to be the way that it is.
Like "everything in the body is so unbelievably finely tuned and so specific and exact. Often we can tell when a thing goes wrong because usually it goes wrong in a specific way because everything else is already still exactly how it was, so it has an expected effect. And those things going wrong can present in any one, several, or none of these huge list of common symptoms, and sometimes this shorter list of rarer + more mysterious symptoms but usually these 3 common symptoms happen and thats how we know what it is. Sometimes the opposite thing can cause the same symptoms, or a thing up or down the chain of the mechanism of action might be the ultimate cause of that thing, but we assume that's probably not happening. And we definitely assume nothing else is going wrong in the body at all"
"OK but what if it went wrong in a slightly different way and also one or more factors was also slightly different. Or like what if they just had the thing usual-style but by random chance had only the rare symptoms and none of the common ones. Or more than one unrelated problem at once"
"OK yeah that would be confusing. We wouldn't know what was happening At All"
#and on and on and on#like i feel like the show is unrealistic obvs#but i feel like the actual cases they get served might be. if a bit less dramatic in presentation. like things doctors see every day#but irl doctors just go Well That Shouldnt Happen So It Isnt. guess u have psychological problems disease. nurse. send this man home#which is House (the character)'s whole point most of the time#health anxiety -/ bc it really isnt this dire and i dont wanna spook ppl#but it is!!! a mess in there *gestures to all of me*
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(I don't have anything funny to say here so just take my art of Binary)
(oh btw if you don't know this, Binary is Plum/SMG10 after they leave the Mushroom Kingdom because they can't handle the pressure of being a meme guardian)
#smg4#void's art#avatar peach au#au#ocs#oc#i think this might be the first time I've posted Present Day Binary's design#whenever I draw her though she always changes#i am never happy with her outfits#hopefully this will be her final design for now#also#honestly I think Binary has so much wasted potential#like her existance was just made to make Pear suffer and feel sad#other than that I don't have much info about her#I mean yeah she works for Wario (and they have a father and child dynamic )#they are also a stand in for Waluigi#oh and she is completely unresponsible and avoidant of problems and issues#and is having the best time of their life avoiding their responsibility as a meme guardian and Peach's protector#but like other than that not much else is put into them#maybe I should revist that at some point#because they can't just be someone that Pear misses badly
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Russian Poetry!; Or, Birthday Gifts, Plus Some.
I studied Russian in college and, despite my Duolingo efforts, miss it, so I figured the most approachable way to Get Back Into That was to read dual-language poetry. Rationales: It's nice to have someone (read: the translator) hold your hand when you're out of practice; Poems Smaller than Novels or Short Stories and therefore bite-sized/less intimidating; I can do a couple poems a session without risking Losing The Plot like I might for fiction (and isn't that how you're supposed to enjoy poetry anyway??); I can take notes and jot down new vocab words in this handy little journal! (Do I read much poetry in English? No. Are we ignoring that? Very much yes, thanks.)
The three books on the top are Actually Dual Language, with Russian on one page and English facing. THIS IS US LOSING COUNT is contemporary, but Akhmatova and Tsvetaeva are decidedly not, so I'll be starting with LOSING COUNT.
The two on the bottom are English only, but the whopping 948-page complete Akhmatova as All Her Poems, plus context, which will definitely be helpful (the Selected Akhmatova above is a companion volume!), and the Parnok is a combination of context + translated poems and she was a lesbian, Harold.
I'm planning on making a year(s)-long (however long it takes!) study of this, and chipping at it regularly. Expect to see volumes pop up in my "Books of [Year]" posts intermittently!
#books#book photography#my photography#russian poetry#anna akhmatova#marina tsvetaeva#sophia parnok#this is us losing count#please know that the complete akhmatova came shrinkwrapped lmao#apparently 948 pages is SO Many that they wrap it separately prior to shipping haha#(selected did not have this problem)#i am excited for this! my grammar is shit and i know poetry is a fuzzy way to practice that buuuut#we'll see lmao#i want the language practice and i don't think apps are quite it for me#i mean they Help but they don't make me do deep focus#i miss the deep focus of hauling my russian copy of onegin into the library to read the nabokov translation side by side#so we'll replicate that in individual book form :)#i am gonna have to try to look up the parnok poems in russian though#i thought those were presented in this book too but i did some flipping and i think they might not be :(#will check the notes and see if i can find them online though!!
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